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the-crooked-library · 11 months

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something something the symmetry of horror and seeing yourself in the abyss reflected

#this is crack #but only somewhat #i could be more serious abt this i Could write a full essay #but at the moment i don't have the time and idk if anyone wants to read it #dracula daily #dracula #jonathan harker #mina harker #lucy westenra #dracula daily round 2

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thedrunknextdoor · 2 years

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titans tower au where when jason reveals himself he lets it slip that he’s been alive for years and tim just gets fucking pissed

Tim: Are you telling me that i became batman’s therapist for NOTHING????

Jason, mid monologue: what

Tim: *rips mask and cape off* DO U KNOW HOW HARD I WORKED TO KEEP THAT MAN FROM SELF-DESTRUCTING??? AND U WERE ALIVE THE WHOLE GODDAMN TIME????

Jason: uhm-

Tim: no FUCK U! take robin im going to take a fucking nap

#this came about bc comic tim is constantly calling bruce out on his bs and mother henning him #‘no u cant get out of bed injured wats wrong w u’#batman #batfam #jason todd #tim drake #red hood #red robin #bruce wayne #titans tower au #this is crack

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hisbucky · 1 month

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Athena: With all the things that keep happening to us on this ship, you'd think Buck had come tagging along with us on the cruise. Bobby, chuckles awkwardly: Hah, yeah. Wouldn't it be funny if he was somewhere around here? Athena: ... Bobby: ... Athena: Bobby, did you sneak Buck on the ship? Bobby: I plead the fifth.

#911 spoilers #sort of #911 on abc #incorrect 911 quotes #incorrect quotes #bathena #athena grant #bobby nash #grant nash family #what if #buck was on the ship the entire time #this is crack #obviously #911 show

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lemonomelette · 9 months

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Crack idea where Pharma, through his medical genius somehow shrinks Tarn into the size of an action figure and Tarn now has to seduce Pharma into turning him back but Pharma keeps bullying him bc karma.

#transformers #tarnma #transformers tarn #transformers pharma #pharma probably feels bad eventually #and tarn learns not to be a murderer #probably not #my art #this is crack

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epitome-of-an-openbook · 7 months

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Tsuyu: Do you guys have any idea why Mina keeps putting Bakugo and Iida next to each other kero?

Uraraka: Hmm, I don't know for sure, but it started almost immediately after we had that lesson about complimentary colors in Ms. Midnight's class.

Jiro: Yeah, I overheard her saying we were only one couple away from having them all, whatever that means.

Uraraka: *looks to the left where Todoroki and Midoriya are, looks to the right where Kaminari and Shinsou are* Ooh, I think I get it... poor Iida.

*explosions and lecturing in background*

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not-me-underc0ver · 1 year

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Tony and Peter walking.

Tony: OH MY GOD

Peter panicked: What?!

Tony pointing at something: THERE HE IS! THAT'S THE FUCKIN GUY

Peter: ?

Tony still pointing: That's the fucking guy behind all my problems!

Peter: Tony, you're pointing at your reflection.

#peter parker #tony stark #irondad #iron dad #peter and tony #spider son #the world is built for two #mcu fanfiction #funny #incorrect irondad quotes #this is crack #dont take me seriously

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slutforsilverfoxes · 7 months

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This song came on my shuffle while I was cleaning so therefore I am not responsible for this heinous crack 🙃 But also, sorry in advance 💀

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x gn!BAU!reader established relationship (+ a feature by two of the BAU hooligans)

__________

“We really couldn’t fly into a closer airport?” you grumble under your breath, forehead pressed against the cool window of the Tahoe as a seemingly endless expanse of cornfield flies by in a blur.

Hotch uses the rearview mirror to glance at your sour face, raising a single eyebrow in challenge. “And where, pray tell, is this closer airport you speak of? Hiding amongst the corn?”

“Hiding amongst the corn?” you mimic in a childish tone, and he grunts in response although the corner of his mouth twitches with mirth.

“It was almost better when you two were keeping things under wraps,” Derek chimes in from the passenger seat. His long legs allowed him to claim shotgun while you and Emily were relegated to the back. Dave, JJ, Garcia, and Spence were in the vehicle behind you, much to Penelope’s chagrin about being thwarted from “napping on my sturdy hunk of Derek,” as she had so eloquently put it.

“To be fair, you chose to ride with us,” Aaron comes to your defense, and you pipe up with a vindicated, “Yeah! Thanks, babe.” You lean forward to press a kiss to his cheek and he frowns at you, pulling a pouty, “What?” from you in return.

“Sit back and put your seatbelt on,” he chides gruffly, and you can hear the unspoken brat that would’ve been sure to follow if you were alone.

“Fine,” you huff in feigned annoyance, settling into your seat and clicking your seatbelt in place.

The car is silent for a few minutes save from the wind whipping past, then you lean towards the center console and ask, “Can we at least listen to music?”

Emily perks up at that, pulling her head from the case file in her lap. “Music would be good.”

“Here, Derek,” you offer, sliding your phone towards him. “It’s unlocked so you can queue songs. But if I see you swiping anywhere else, I swear to god-”

“Chill, Y/N,” he laughs out. “Ain’t no way I’m risking burning my retinas with a nude from our boss man.”

“Morgan,” your boyfriend sighs like an exasperated parent while you tease, “Only cause he’s too hot to look at.”

“Please just put some music on,” Aaron groans after your comment, and you can see the back of his neck flushed red through the gap between the seat and headrest.

“Alright, alright,” Derek finally relents, plugging in your phone and then turning to smile at you when he spots a playlist titled AH🖤. “Now that’s pretty cute,” he admits, and you return his grin with a bashful one of your own.

Then your smile morphs into a horrified gasp when his thumb hovers over the playlist, the world seeming to move in slow motion as his finger makes contact with the screen.

Corpse’s gravelly voice instructing the listener to Choke me like you hate me, but you love me blares through the speakers as you shriek in surprise. Hotch jams his palm into the volume knob, mercifully cutting off the music before the next line can assault everyone’s ears.

The car is plunged into silence once more as your face flushes under the delighted scrutiny of one Derek Morgan. Emily, to her credit, remains unfazed (mostly because she’s the recipient of your lascivious texts about Aaron).

“We’re never talking about this again,” you whisper, mortified, unwilling to meet Aaron’s gaze in the rearview mirror. You’re so paying for this when you get to the hotel tonight.

“On the contrary,” Derek counters in an almost giddy fashion, “I just figured out how we’re going to pass the time until we reach the precinct. So, Y/N, are you the choker or the chokee?”

You collapse on yourself, head in your hands as you wail, “I wanna die,” while your boyfriend quietly mumbles, “I’m resigning when we get back to Quantico.”

—————

A/N: For those of you wondering… yes, this song is on my Hotch playlist 🥵

AH tags 🖤 @gothwifehotchner @iyv-ray24 @mrs-ssa-hotch @criminalskies

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otp-holic · 10 months

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The Big Dude-Bro aka Marvel keeps watching and erasing Steve and Bucky's relationship, their history, moments... and even Bucky himself.

Don't let them win and SPEAK STUCKY: Create content, reblog content, read fic, read meta, look at old interviews, or show creators some love... but don't let them think we're not here till the end of the line. We are.

#stucky #marvel critic #steve rogers #bucky barnes #anti marvel #i'm tired of reading abour more places where they erase them #that's why i did this silly manip #big brother is watching and rewriting history #dont let them #manip by yours truly #painfully created by me #this is crack #but also true #anty peggy carter

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vineofroses · 27 days

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Lone Star prompt

TK buys Carlos new pajamas (or vice versa)

GO!

Carlos wishes he never came across it.

He wishes a lot of things were different.

Like, why was he such a good person?

Why was he such a good husband? A good friend? A good partner?

These questions only haunt him after he's made the purchase. He didn't even think twice about it. He saw them, thought, "well, how many times do you actually come across the greatest gift you've ever seen?" And then just submitted the order, like he didn't just sign his own death sentence.

And, the logistics. He forgot about the logistics.

And now he's faced with a logistical nightmare of his own making.

"Please, I'm begging you. Just, don't move. This will be painless, I promise." He holds up the little garment like it was going to illicit an actual response.

Instead, Lou II blinks at him and turns his head away like Carlos isn't even there. What a bastard.

"Okay ... okay," Carlos says, mostly to himself. Pep talk of the year.

"I'm just going to ... pick you up." Carlos gulps, then reaches into Lou II's tank and pulls him out. Fortunately, Lou II doesn't seem to mind. Carlos minds, for sure. But, he's made it this far, he can't back out now.

"Okay, buddy. I'm going to put this on you. And you can't get mad at me because this is for your father, okay? Please don't get mad at me."

Carlos slips the yellow piece of clothing over Lou II's head. He seems okay after that, so Carlos carefully maneuvers Lou II's little arms into the sleeves. This is the part he was really hesitant about; Lou II's arms are so tiny and Carlos fingers are so close to biting distance.

"What are you doing?"

Carlos jumps, almost losing Lou II from his grip. "Jesus, TK!"

"Are you holding Lou II?" TK asks, and Carlos really tries to not be offended by the incredulity he hears in his husband's voice.

"Um, yeah — "

"Is he okay?!"

Carlos thinks he himself is more at risk of not being okay, but whatever, it's fine.

"Yes, yeah, of course!"

"Okay ... so what's going on?" TK starts walking toward Carlos to presumably get a better look at Lou II but Carlos can't have that. He's so close to pulling this surprise off, it can't have been for nothing. "No, don't come over here!"

TK stops in his tracks, eyeing the way Carlos is halfway turned toward TK but keeping Lou II out of his sight. He raises an amused eyebrow.

Carlos sighs. "Just, open that first." He nods to a gift bag on the dining room table.

TK's eyes sparkle. "Oh, baby. You didn't have to get me anything."

"Trust me, I'm kinda wishing I hadn't," Carlos murmurs to himself.

"What was that?" TK asks, but he's already tearing into the gift bag so Carlos doesn't answer him.

TK pulls out a yellow silk pajama set that has white buttons up the front of the shirt.

"Wow, these are beautiful," TK says. "Thank you, Carlos. But —"

"Ok, now the next part," Carlos says.

"There's parts — ?" TK says but stops as soon as Carlos turns around with Lou II in his hand, wearing the exact same yellow silk pajama shirt that TK just pulled the larger version of out of his gift bag.

"Oh. My. God."

"Tada," Carlos says with as much cheer as he can muster. This was his idea but he's ready to be out of ideas and never follow through on them ever again.

TK reaches for Lou II and Carlos is happy to hand him over.

"Aw, who's a handsome little boy?" TK coos at Lou II.

And okay, Carlos has never seen anything cuter. TK, not Lou II. Does he wish that his husband was cuddling his face against a dog instead of a lizard? Yes. But he's adorable nonetheless.

When TK looks up again, there's tears in his eyes.

"Marry me."

Carlos rolls his eyes. "TK, we're already married." Chuckling, he wanders back into the kitchen for the next surprise.

"I know, I know. I just can't believe you did this. You hate Lou II."

"I don't hate Lou II. I bought him pajamas."

"Yeah, you did," TK sighs happily. "Why did you do that again?"

"Oh, you know ... just wanted to do something nice for you, is all."

"Oh?"

Carlos hums an affirmative. He used the last of the tissue paper for the first gift bag, so he grabs the remnants of it from the floor where TK had tossed it in his haste to open the gift.

"Carlos."

"Alright, fine. I ... sawanadonfacebook," he mumbles, stuffing the next bag with the already crumpled tissue paper.

"What was that?" TK asks, but he knows what Carlos said because TK knows him, which is very unfortunate. He's never living this down.

"I saw the add on the Facebook, okay? It got me."

TK chuckles, still cradling Lou II like he's a baby. The pajamas don't help shatter the illusion.

"Here ya go." Carlos hands TK the second gift bag.

"Another one? Carlos, you should really ignore the ads, they're just there to collect your data." But TK's doesn't really seem to care about that because he immediately opens this second bag.

What he pulls out shuts him up entirely.

It's another matching set.

"This is a —"

"Yeah, it is," Carlos finishes for him when TK seems to lose the words.

There's a beat of silence.

Then,

"This is the single best thing you've ever done." TK sounds so serious.

"I've literally solved so many cases, saved a lot of lives," Carlos counters.

"Sure, yeah," TK says.

"And, I married you."

"Mmhmm."

"I hunted down that obscure vintage painting for you."

"You did."

"And, this is the best thing I've ever done?"

"100 percent."

#911 lone star #carlos reyes #tk strand #lou ii #this is crack #someone draw lou ii in pajamas please

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halfagone · 6 months

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So I remember we once had a conversation about Danny radiating protagonist vibes, so my prompt is having one of this friends telling him something to that effect? I feel like if anyone could pick up on his main character vibes, it’d be one if his friends, lol.

In one of the chapters of Insomniacs Anonymous, I did have Danny remark how he would be a 'background character' to Marinette and Tim's detective show (albeit a beloved background character, in his own words) but for someone else to mention to him how much of a protagonist vibe he got... I can kinda picture it going somewhere like Hleb's piece of fanart where Tucker wonders if the Fenton parents could be considered mad scientists/supervillains... and Danny has a bit of an existential crisis over it.

Just like:

"This isn't an anime," Danny remarked doubtfully, giving his friends his best skeptical look. Inwardly, however, he's sweating like he'd just been yeeted into the sun. "I do not give off protagonist vibes and- no, no! Sam, I do not-" Except the more he insisted the more Sam seem to think about it, and Danny could already tell he's lost her to Tucker's argument.

"I mean... You've already got the Sailor Moon magical girl transformation going for you," Sam reminded him with an apologetic look.

"I was thinking more Boku no Hero Academia, but that works better," Tucker replied thoughtfully, nodding. As if that made everything alright.

"I am not a protagonist, anime or otherwise," Danny told them through clenched teeth.

"You are totally a protagonist, you've got all the vibes for it," Sam laughed at his expense. And quite gleefully at that. "I bet you'd have a wicked theme song and everything."

"Yo, Danny Fenton he was just 14 when his parents built a very strange machine-" Tucker started spitting lyrics as if he'd been born to do it. Sam hollered like a professional hype-man, adding acoustics to his beat.

Danny slammed his hands over his ears and screamed. It was a miracle he didn't accidentally Ghostly Wail on them both.

#halfagone replies #danny phantom #this is crack #and i love it dearly #CAUSE HE'S A PHANTOM #shjgrhfjkhg

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hotcheetohatredwastaken · 5 months

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They made fun of Bonnie in the FNAF movie, but Twilight did it first 🥲

#lu #linked universe #lu twilight #this is crack #saw someone else’s post about Warrior and Sky’s interactions over the course of the comic #and pattern recognition kicked in #so there ya go #fnaf #fnaf movie #should I be tagging this as fnaf? they definitely aren’t getting this meme #oh well #linkeduniverse

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crimsonlovebartylus · 5 months

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I started to write this? I don't even know what the fuck this is... but i'm laughing sm LMAOOOO

#sirius black #regulus black #bellatrix black #keeping up with the blacks #the marauders #harry potter #THIS IS CRACK #also the ships if I would to finish and post are:#wolfstar #bartylus #quillkiller #tedromeda #rosebones #jily #narcissa im still deciding if i want her with alice #or amelia bones or lucius idk yet

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hisbucky · 28 days

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Buck: I think something's wrong with me, I've just been getting so nauseous lately... Chimney: Maybe you're pregnant. Buck: ... Chimney: ... Hen, sighs: Buck, he was just joking - Buck, abruptly gets up: Sorry, can't talk! I've gotta tell Eddie the good news! Hen: Wha - Buck, no...! Chim! Chimney: What? I wouldn't even be surprised if it did turn out to be true knowing how Buck is. More importantly, did you hear the other part? Hen: ...Okay, fine. Now let's see who had pregnancy announcement in the betting pool.

#911 show #911 on abc #buddie #incorrect 911 quotes #incorrect quotes #evan buckley #chimney han #hen wilson #longer ones #this is crack #obviously #could be part of #trans!buck #au

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fluffy-rulos · 2 years

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What if

Worm on a string au

THIS IS A JOKE BTW, i just saw some black and white ones and just- imagined them with the hats on. This was mostly all an accident that i did not plan at all sjxjfjd.

I hope someone else finds it funny, as well.

Also, Gouache is great to make fur-like texture!!

#submas #ingo #pokemon #emmet #Kudari #Nobori #worms on a string #i guess #THIS IS CRACK #full on dumbassery #my art #traditional art #subway boss emmet #subway boss ingo #i love how pink emmet turned out i find it very cute

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nemo-me-impune · 2 months

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Ghosts Modern Au/Yonderland fusion where Thomas is the Bird and Pat is the Bee and Cap is Thomas's unimpressed father

#bbc ghosts #yonderland #fic ideas #this is crack #I was just thinking about a superhero au and was like oh wait they did that

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not-me-underc0ver · 5 months

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Peter: Tony, I need you to listen to me when I say this.

Tony:

Peter: There is not a single person or thing in this universe that can make you happy; only you can do that.

Tony:

Peter: Happiness must come from within. If not even you can make yourself happy, how could anyone else?

Tony: Peter, I just wanted to know if you wanted to get Taco Bell or Burger King.

Peter: Can I get both? That would make me so happy-

#peter parker #tony stark #irondad #iron dad #peter and tony #spider son #the world is built for two #funny #incorrect irondad quotes #this is crack #please don't take this seriously

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