#this is SO specific and im not burning shit and i havent TECHNICALLY been abandoned but. hm.

[asianjeremyheere]

oh boy really feeling those 1.0 pre-pants song vibes in here today

#dont rb and like. eberythings in the tags and its a lpt so dont. read them if u dont want to. #delete later probably #this is SO specific and im not burning shit and i havent TECHNICALLY been abandoned but. hm. #turns out my friends all keep planning shit without me!! and like i wouldnt be mad if it was certain people because like yeah we're not that #close but others it kind of feels like a punch in the gut! huh! is this what michael mell felt like #qnd the only reason i KNOW is because ive got one (1) friend who like. tells me shit. invites me places. except to the fair apparently #because i asked about that before i got told about the plans #deadass asked yesterday who was going and who wanted to meet up and got 'i think so' and 'i cant' from 2 out of like six people? #and now apparently theres plans basically set in stone not including me? huh funny... wow..... real strange how that happened...... #told my mom about it and shes rightfully kind of pissed off and like. of the three who r going that i got 'invited' to go with i expected it #from maybe one of them? but the others? feels. shitty. #and like i love my friends. i really do. most of them at least. but like. ig there was a reason that i only ever did stuff with #two of them and i thought it was just bc everyone else was still in class when we finished our exams and had free time #but like maybe its because theyre the only ones who invite me to stuff! except like i think one of them also doesnt get invited to things so #hashtag solidarity i guess?? except i tjink shes going to the fair with friends from her old school and my other go-do-stuff-with friend is #still on vacation halfway across the world so im. a little stuck #and like i really really appreciate that my best friend is TRYING to include me in stuff. shes trying and she tells me about things and she #initiates plans to hang out and i really am grateful for that because she used to be the only person i ever hung out with outside of school #up until literally like. december this year. but like i worry sometimes that i rely too much on her? always thought of her as like. the #michael/christine to my jeremy and maybe its the other way around because i get. weirdly bitter when she makes plans without me??? but also #i know a lot of it is like. jealousy of one specific person because i dont like her and shes always squeezing herself into conversations and #making me feel pushed aside and thats part of it and i know thats like. dumb. but sometimes i just want to hang out with my best friend #without feeling sidelined and shes got so many friends that its nearly impossible to do unless ive got someone else im close to #nearby which again ever since last year i HAVE and im getting closer to other people but both of those people r not involved in these #plans yo go to the fair and its so DUMB because its just a fair its nbd except like. its an annual thing and a big deal in our tiny ass town #and the past few years my best friend just hasnt. gone even thoufh i deadass always invite her and now she IS going and i. wasnt invited #until i asked if she wanted to meet up? #anyway im. feeling some shit tonight but alsp kinda hollow which is nice! /sarcasm