#this is a 2020 mood piece for sure

[lookwhatitcost]

How can you love me? Chapter 1 (part two.): Should I regret it?

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x !OFC

Warnings!: Drinking, Swearing, let me know if I need to add more!

Dividers by: @saradika-graphics

Part 1.

Noah and Adriana both rockstar's, both caring, both don't really believe in love.

They met as children in a park in Richmond, since Noah helped Adriana with a scrape on her knee that day, they'd been inseparable. Even though they do live together and have known each other for almost 20 years they've never even had the thought of being each others other, being their partner, loving each other unconditionally, except as friends of course. Even though they were each others first everything, first friend, first kiss, first time, first home, they would never admit their love for each other because it would ruin their friendship, and especially not now that Adriana is not looking for love and, Noah is in love with his girlfriend Chelsea, right?

Will they let each other break their glass houses or will they stay eternally quiet?

May 13 2020. Noah's POV. (scene from last chapter.)

"Yeah sure but, I could try to get here before dinner so we can all eat togeth-"

"Noah." I cut him off

"Yeah?"

"Shut up and go visit your girlfriend."

"Ok"

I was driving to Chelsea's place while listening to music and thinking 'finally gonna see her, I can just picture her on her knees suc-'

Ring ring ring.

"hello?"

"Hi baby, how are you?" Chelsea said in an almost whisper tone

"Oh hi babe, um I'm good, just driving to your place."

"Okay, do you know how long you're gonna take?" She said in a worrying tone.

"Um maybe in like 5 minutes, baby?" I said wondering why she sounded so worried. "yeah?" She shortly answered. "are you okay?"

"Oh-uh, yeah I'm fine, um Noah I'm gonna have to let you go, I'm getting a call from my mom."

"yeah that's fine, well baby I can't wait to see you and I definitely can't wait for something else." I said insinuating. "Cool, bye babe." Then she hung up on me.

Weird, she would usually respond to the dirty shit I said to her, anyway.

I knocked on her front door, waiting for her to open it. I don't know what, but something felt off about her, but maybe she could just be in a bad mood. The door swung open revealing Chelsea in a two piece pink silk pajama set, with her hair in a half up half down style. She looked beautiful.

"Hi baby" she said in a soft tone. "Hi" I said leaning in to give her a kiss. "Come in noah." She said as she pulled away, not kissing me.

What the hell is going on with her?

"Noah can we talk?" She said. "Yeah okay." I said worrying about what's to come. we sat down on her couch, she grabbed a pillow putting in up to her chest.

"Noah, I have to tell you something." She said looking at me, I could see the tears forming in her eyes. "Look noah, I love you, but... We need to break up."

"What?" I said whispering.

My heart shattered in that moment, I felt the blood drain from my body, I didn't know whether to cry, ask her why she wanted to, or just leave without saying anything. I opted for the last one.

I got up from the couch and made my way to the door, I hesitated leaving and not asking her why but I decided it was best for me.

"Noah wait!" I heard Chelsea cry after me as I walked to my car.

"Noah I'm sorry, but I have to do this, for you, for me, for us."

I briefly looked at her and told her, "after 2 fucking years there is no us anymore." I got in to my car, trying to keep it all in, and drove, and drove, and drove away, until I stopped in the back of a gas station just to sit there in silence.

Maybe she was over thinking.

Maybe she just was drunk or something.

No. Chelsea can't be over thinking she always knows what she wants, and she can't be drunk, she doesn't drink often.

I decided in my mind that she did actually want to break up, and that's when I thought.

I only have two options.

Either I, break down into tears and tell the one person I can count on, which is adri about this so she can help me, or, I drown my sorrows with alcohol. After little to no thinking I decided the second one would be best.

Chelsea's POV

What the fuck did I just do?

I just broke up with noah, and I think I'll regret it for the rest of my life well that and the other thing... He was so loving and caring, and especially he was faithful towards me all the time and I had to go fuck it up by doing that.

At home...

I need tequila. I need to get my mind off of her.

I walked into the house feeling I don't know how many emotions inside of me, I knew I was probably going to get interrogated by the guys right when they saw my eyes, so I had a plan, a simple plan, but a plan, this plan was just walk in get the bottle and walk to my room and lock the door for the rest of the night. I walked into the kitchen expecting it to be empty but there were two people standing there, Adriana and Jesse. I just wanted to avoid them asking anything so I just said.

"If Chelsea calls any of you and asks for me, don't tell her anything. Got it?" I said making my way to get the alcohol. I rushed out of the kitchen and on my way I heard Jesse scream something that I couldn't hear because I was just stuck in my thoughts.

I walked into my room and slammed the door, I immediately just sat on my bed and started drinking. When I was sitting I heard the door open and close softly. Fuck, I didn't lock it.

"Noah what the fuck was that out there?" Adri said slightly suprised, slightly pissed. "Nothing, why?" I said trying to not make the emotions sound. "You want some?" I offered her the tequila.

"No, Noah what happened with Chelsea? Did you guys fight? Or was it something else?"

I decided, fuck it, I'll just tell her. "She broke up with me."

"Noah what do you mean?"

"No, I got to her place and when I said hi to her she asked me if we could talk, when we sat down she just said it, no sugarcoats, she just said, I wanna break up."

"well maybe she was just confused, I mean, you guys have been together for 2 years, that's a lot of commitment and maybe she was just nervous."

Yeah sure, and you're in love with me.

"nah, its fine she's just like any other girl who's dated me, they spend time making me fall in love just so then they can throw me away like some type of garbage."

"Noah, please don't say that, look lets do this, you stop drinking so the hangover isn't as bad in the morning, I will try and call Chelsea tonight and if she doesn't pick up I'll call her tomorrow, and you can get some rest in the meantime ok?" She took the bottle from my hands, and I was about to protest against her but I know she wouldn't stop until she got her way.

"I guess, sure."

Okay, well goodnight Noah I'll tell you if anything happens tomorrow."

Then she kissed my forehead softly, and I muttered a quite thank you, but I wasn't just saying thank you for her helping me with this, I was saying thank you for everything, for the love she's given me since childhood, for all the times she put up with me even when I was being a dick, for all the times she helped me when I wanted to cry, when I needed advice, when I wanted to kill myself, whenever I desperately needed her.

Noah's POV.

I kinda fucked up.

An hour after Adriana left I went to get more alcohol, I couldn't handle it so by 3AM I was really really fucking drunk. After that point I don't remember anything except me waking up to get water and in my dream I kissed a girl, who was this girl? I have no idea.

Okay sooooo its out!

This one was shorter just because I wanted to give you guys his POV in the story but the official second chapter will be out soon. And that one will have smut. The next chapter (2) will have more drama filled stuff, remember this is supposed to be a slow burn.

Tags: @xxkittenkissesxx @laurpartyprogram @starsomens

#noah sebastian #bad omens cult #bad omens band #bad omens fanfiction #noahsebastian #noah sebastian x reader

[buckysgrace]

31. Smoke & a Light

Final part of Every Little Thing! Thank you so much for reading <3

2020

Life was hard without Gator.

They made it with many visits, phone calls and the video chats that they got. He wasn’t in jail too far away, but it still took a few hours to get back and forth. She wondered where they would go when he got released from prison. 

It had been hard moving back in with her parents at first, but she was grateful for the help. Ruby was always good with the kids and things got to stay semi-normal as Daphne did more around the ranch. Birdie was comfortable here, as was Gator’s snake.

She moved back into her old room, while they spruced Noelle’s old room up for Maude and Jessica. She moved Piper and Knox’s nursery into Oliver’s old room, deciding that there wasn’t any rush to move them apart for now. 

Moving didn’t seem like a bad idea at all, but she wouldn’t do it until she had Gator’s support. The small town that they lived in had turned brutal. Everyone spread rumors anyways, but she had heard some fairly cruel things about how it was impossible for her to not have been involved, or she was just downright dumb to not notice what was happening underneath her nose.

She knew she shouldn’t listen to any of them because they really didn’t know what she’d gone through, but it still bothered her. She should’ve been more aware, she knew that. There was no changing it now. She just hoped that it could all be left in the past. 

Piper and Knox had the hardest time adjusting in her opinion. There was no way to really explain where Gator had gone and they had clearly taken notice of his absence. They cried and whined for days, weeks until they eventually died down. She almost thought that was the worst part, she was afraid that the twins would forget who he was. 

In April they had a small party for the twins, to celebrate their birthday. Daphne had saved a piece of the Winnie the Pooh cake that she had baked for them. She hoped that she’d be able to bring it in for Gator. She took plenty of pictures, hoping that he’d be able to look at them when the time came. 

She worked on slowly scrubbing Knox’s face clean, sighing as she realized the blue icing was completely in his hair. She shook her head, wondering how someone so small could be so messy. 

“When will Gator be back?” Maude whined as she held onto Daphne’s arm, swaying back and forth as she tried to get her attention. It had been a struggle to pay attention to both sets of twins. She knew Maude and Jessica missed their parents, but she was struggling to care for them. They often didn’t like to listen to her. She felt bad, but many times she found herself pushing them off towards Ruby. 

“Soon,” Daphne answered gently, “He’ll be back before you know it.” She tried to give her a gentle smile, but she was worried about Gator. His moods seemed to change every time she visited, but it wasn’t because he was doing it on purpose. He was going through a lot too. 

“What about my mommy and daddy?” Maude blinked up at her curiously, her eyes mirrored behind thick eyelashes as her expression slightly fell. Daphne paused, parting her lips as she dropped her hands away from Knox. 

“I don’t know,” Daphne answered honestly. Karen’s sentence had been a lot longer and she was sure that Roy’s escape would only occur when he finally passed, “Do you want to write to them again?” She asked softly. Karen answered as frequently as she could, but Roy had yet to answer one letter from the girls. She suspected that he wouldn’t either. 

She’d been working on teaching them all braille despite Gator getting so offended over it. She thought that he was getting upset over nothing. Even if his eyesight was coming back, it wouldn’t be a bad thing to know. She had plans on all of them writing a letter once they got a little better. 

“Dada,” Piper babbled out, leaning over Daphne’s knees to poke at her baby bump, “Dada.” She proclaimed proudly, her brown eyes shining as she exposed her little teeth. Daphne grinned to wipe the drool from the corner of her lips.

The twins had yet to see Gator in prison, but that mainly had to do with the drive. Daphne and Gator had both agreed it would be safer for them to visit once the new baby was born, just in case she went into labor early again. 

“That’s the baby,” Daphne grinned, watching as Piper continued to poke at her, “Can you say baby?” She drew the syllables out slowly, watching the way Piper watched her in interest. Knox waddled over at that, squeaking loudly as he barreled his way past Piper to drag himself up onto Daphne’s lap.

“Daphne,” Ruby’s voice was soft as she approached, “You have a letter.” She said slowly, sounding hesitant as she spoke. Daphne sighed as she pulled a whining Piper onto her lap next, balancing her and Knox on her knees. 

“From who?” She asked curiously, knitting her eyebrows together as she wondered who would be writing to her. Gator couldn’t, not unless he had asked someone to do so. He wouldn’t do that though. He was too proud to ask for help. 

“Roy.” Ruby said at last, staring back down at the envelope. Daphne felt her pulse quicken just a little bit as she thought about him. He hadn’t been kind during the trial. Not to Gator, her or her family. They were all dead to him, that much was certain. 

“Oh,” Daphne paused, not knowing what to say, “You’re sure it’s from him?” She held a hand out, keeping the twins from smashing their heads together as they started to squirm around on her lap. 

“Yeah,” Ruby replied as she tilted the envelope in her fingers again, “Maybe we should just get rid of it.” She suggested a second later, making Daphne nod in agreement. She didn’t need the added stress right now. Not with her due date approaching.

“I’m sure it was something clever,” She said with a shake of her head, “It doesn’t matter anyways. If he’s not writing to his daughters he shouldn’t be writing to me.” She brushed it off, though she had a gnawing feeling that it was something bad. At least insulting. She didn’t want to see it right now. 

“You shouldn’t worry about it,” Ruby agreed as she put the letter up on the mantle of the chimney, “When do you go to see Gator again?” She asked as she took a seat at the opposite side of the couch, grinning as Piper’s face burst into joy.

“Dada!” She exclaimed happily, her brown eyes flashing as she looked around. Daphne pressed her lips together, thinking that her actions were cute but feeling bad at the same time. She brushed her fingers across Piper’s small back as she bounced her. 

“In the next few days,” Daphne told her honestly, “Dad is trying to see if he can be there for the delivery.” She mused gently, still desperately hoping that Gator would be able to come. It wouldn’t feel right without him being there. He deserved to meet his child right away. 

Things just didn’t seem to be working in her favor. All the meetings with the lawyers and officers seemed pointless, even meeting with her dad at times. He was this supposed great lawyer, but he was still unable to get these small strings pulled. She really thought he might be able to do so, considering how bad her last delivery went. 

“There’s nothing you can do?” She asked Bruce again, feeling defeated as she stared down at the papers in front of her. Knox wiggled around in her arms, more attached to her than usual. She supposed that he was soaking in his last few months of being the baby. 

“No,” Bruce sighed softly, “I’m sorry, but that’s out of my hands.” He tapped his fingers against his desk, looking rather stern about his answer. She was still curious about her father, wondering how he hadn’t gone down with the whole ordeal. Apparently he only stuck to the legal part of it and refused any and all true information about what Roy did. 

“He deserves to meet his child.” Daphne took a deep breath, trying to keep her bottom lip from wobbling as she pressed a quick kiss to the top of Knox’s head. He looked up at her curious, his brown eyes wide and reminding her of Gator’s. She missed looking at Gator. 

“He also has to do his time, just like everyone else. He can’t always get special treatment.” Bruce pointed out what she already knew. She felt guilty about thinking that his punishment should be less, but she also couldn’t help it. She cared about him. There was a difference. 

“I need him there.” She told Bruce softly, knowing that he had no idea of what she had gone through. Ruby’s pregnancies and deliveries had been easy and painless, in her own words. Daphne didn’t know what she would do if she was as weak as last time. She looked at Knox again, wondering if she’d even be able to hold him by the time she had the new baby. 

“Your mother will be there,” Bruce said dismissively, “I’m still working on a conjugal visit.” He said with a nod of his head, acting like it was supposed to make everything better. She paused, figuring that it might work more in their favor. Especially if she got to bring the kids. 

“Even if we’re not married?” She asked him nervously, knowing that the rules were strict. Technically, their state didn’t even allow conjugal visits but they were still trying. 

“We’ll try and work around it,” He replied a second later, “You might be looking at a shotgun wedding though.” He chuckled, looking amused as she shook her head at his words. Marriage was the least of her worries at the moment. 

“Great,” She muttered underneath her breath, “That’s just what I wanted to hear.” She replied slowly, giving Knox another quick squeeze as she tried no to stress over everything that was happening. She reminded herself that things were hard now, but it would be easier soon. Once she had Gator back. Everything would fall back into place.

///////////////////////////////////////////

“Should you be here?” Gator questioned her, touching the side of his glasses as she took her usual seat. She had to slightly straddle it, her protruding belly too large to sit facing the table. 

“What do you mean?” She asked him curiously, pressing her bangs out of her face before she rested her palm against her belly. The baby was moving, alert and kicking as she suddenly had a strong urge to pee again. That was the worst part about the drive here. 

“You’re just so close to being due,” Gator spit out quickly, “I don’t want something happening. Especially here.” He glanced around, looking like something bad would happen. She shook her head, pausing before she reached forward to take his hands gently in hers.

He was paler than usual and his hair was longer, shaggier despite her asking them to give him a haircut the previous week she had been here. She wondered if he had refused, or if they had just simply chosen not to do it.

He was getting around better with his walking stick, which she was glad about. She was thinking about suggesting a dog once he was free from jail, but she wasn’t yet sure how he’d feel about that. 

“Maybe it should happen here,” She teased, “You could cut the cord.” She told him, thinking that he’d at least be able to hold their baby right away. It killed her to think that he wouldn’t get the skin to skin contact that he had really loved with the twins. 

“With my teeth or-?” Gator asked her, mocking in return as he referenced the lack of sharp tools near them. She grinned, glad that he was doing well enough to keep his humor. She supposed that was a good sign. 

“If that works,” She laughed as she moved his hands around in hers, “I wanted to see you before that. Are you excited?” She asked him, hoping that he would be excited. She watched the way his features remained the same, stoic. She wondered if he was doing that on purpose, just trying to hide himself away so she couldn’t tell how he was feeling. 

“I am,” He told her gently, “I wish I could be there.” He sounded solemn that time but kept his gaze pointed towards the table. He had told her that he was seeing better out of one eye, but still saw nothing out of the other. She still wanted to know why he wouldn’t reveal who had done it. 

“Me too,” She responded, “But my mom will be there. Dad is gonna watch the kids with the help of Noelle and August.” She listed off the plan, hoping that things would go smoothly. All three of them were good with the kids, but they usually had Ruby or herself there to help. They’d be on their own that night. 

“God be with them.” Gator teased, his lips pulling into a smile as he turned in her direction. She stared at the slight stubble on his skin, how he had a fair mustache beginning to show. 

“Yeah,” She grinned in agreement, “I think I’m having a boy.” She said at last as she rubbed her hands over her stomach. Gator reached forward, dragging his palm across the table until he found her baby bump. 

“How do you know?” He asked curiously, tilting his head as he continued to drag his palm across her tummy. She grinned at the sensation, enjoying the way their baby fluttered about inside of her. 

“I don’t know,” She said softly, “Just a feeling.” She told him honestly. She didn’t know how to explain it. Her bump looked similar to last time, but she couldn’t base the way she carried the twins then to the baby now. It would be a surprise and she was fine with that. 

“As long as they’re healthy,” He replied gently, smiling at the way the baby kicked against his palm. She wrinkled up her nose, swearing the baby was purposely kicking at her bladder, “Just promise me you’ll be safe.” He said worriedly as he tilted his chin up towards her.

“I will,” She told him, knowing that there were a lot of things that could break that promise, “You be safe too. You’re going to have your hands full when you get out.” She reminded him, then pondered on it for a moment. They would have five kids to watch over soon. 

As June crept around she grew more and more nervous. She wasn’t sure she was ready for another baby, but it was too late to fret about that now. She was really scared about the delivery process. She didn’t know what to do if things went bad again. 

Her contractions didn’t seem as sudden, nor as painful as what she remembered them to be the first time around. Her water broke early in the morning, before anyone got too busy working on the ranch. It was hard leaving Piper and Knox behind for so long, but she knew she’d be back soon. She kept reminding herself that everything would be fine. She needed things to be fine.

“Another boy,” Ruby repeated with a smile, “Oh he’s so sweet. He looks like Knox did.” She was bent over the bed, looking down at the little baby in Daphne’s arms. He did look a lot like Knox. He had a full head of hair, darker like Piper’s. Although, Daphne was almost sure that his eyes were blue. 

“Gator liked the name Noah,” Daphne sniffled as she held her baby close to her chest, “He should be named Noah.” She decided at last, nodding her head as she slowly traced her finger across his little cheeks. 

Her next visit she brought Noah with her, but wasn’t able to tug around the twins with her. She decided she’d bring them on the next visit. It was too hard for her to tug around all three of them at once. Not to mention that Knox and Piper had been a little jealous of the new baby. Gator was also only allowed three visitors at once, no exceptions. She’d work around it somehow. 

“Hi,” Daphne spoke softly, trying to keep herself together as she carried Noah in his car seat, “He’s so excited to see you.” She told him, unable to hide her excitement as she set the little area up. 

“Yeah?” Gator turned up towards her, not quite in her direction but close enough, “How was it? How are you?” She moved close to him, not caring if the guards said anything as she quickly wrapped her arms around him. She squeezed him tightly, thinking about how desperately she missed him.

“Good. It all went well. No issues this time around. I delivered naturally too.” She replied, repeating what she had already told him earlier in the week on the phone. She kissed the top of her head, missing the smell of him. 

“That’s good,” He nodded as he held onto her, inhaling deeply. His voice sounded raw, “I missed you so much.” He mumbled into her chest, sounding just as beat up about the whole ordeal as she did. She felt the same way. 

“I missed you too,” She rubbed her nose against his cheek, sniffling as she pulled away, “Come on. I want you to meet him. He’s a big boy, just like Knox was.” She wiped at her eyes, trying to keep herself from falling apart as she looked back down at the sleepy infant. 

“How big?” Gator asked in excitement, moving around in his chair to better position himself. She paused for a moment, watching the way the guard flinched as if he was expecting Gator to do something bad. 

“Seven pounds, eight ounces,” She grinned as she gently unstrapped Noah from his car seat, “He’s a hungry one too. He latches well.” She grinned as she picked him up, watching the way he scrunched his body into a ball before she handed him gently to Gator. 

“Wow,” She watched, observing the way Gator’s features lit up as he held Noah close, “He is a big guy, isn’t he?” He stared down at him, moving his free hand to push his glasses up onto his long and unruly hair. He looked down at him, squinting his eyes like he was trying really hard to see him. 

“He sleeps really well,” She told him truthfully, “And he doesn’t cry a lot either. He’s a good baby.” She smiled, watching the way Gator blinked a few times as Noah snuggled deeper against his chest. 

“Wow,” Gator brushed his fingers across Noah’s features gently, making the infant’s lips curl into a soft smile, “He has my nose.” He observed, glancing up towards her direction as she nodded her head in agreement. She suddenly felt overfilled with emotions. 

“Yeah,” She covered her mouth, hoping he couldn’t see how she was struggling to keep it together, “Another little Knox. You guys could be triplets.” She laughed, more to herself as she thought about it. They could all dress up together one day. She thought that would be nice. 

“I can’t wait to see him,” He replied, then paused for a moment, “Like really see him.” He mumbled as he continued to trace his fingers across Noah’s features. Daphne thought it must’ve felt good, because Noah let out a little squeak and his lips curled up into a smile again. 

“You are,” She reassured him, sitting closer as he continued to snuggle Noah to his chest, “You picked out a really good name for him.” She told him seriously, liking the way Noah had fitted in. Even if the twins were a little jealous. She thought that they’d warm up soon enough. Especially with them all being so close in age. 

“I thought you picked the boy names?” He teased her softly, still looking content as he rocked Noah in his arms. Daphne paused as she held her phone up, taking a quick picture so she could print it out later. 

“This one felt right,” She said truthfully, “Besides I decided on the middle name. Alexander. Noah Alexander.” She grinned, liking that it matched with Knox’s name. She wasn’t sure if any other kids were in their future, but if there were she’d want to continue the trend. 

“Fits perfectly with Knox Andrew and Piper Sue.” Gator told her, speaking her thoughts as she pressed her palm against her cheek. She leaned forward, touching the tip of her finger against Noah’s long hair. 

“Piper Sue is really cute,” Daphne giggled as she stroked their baby’s forehead, “I’m glad you got to meet him.” 

2021

“Dada!” Piper proclaimed happily, wiggling closer so that she nearly crawled up onto the table. Daphne smiled apologetically as she held onto her, hating that there was a glass wall separating them this time.

Gator’s features still broke into a grin as he leaned forward, pressing his palm flat against the glass as Piper nearly thunked her head against it. Daphne held her back just a bit, then released her once she was safe.

“Hey guys,” Gator’s eyes were hidden behind his sunglasses as he spoke, though she could hear the emotion in his voice, “I missed you both so much.” He cooed, tilting his head against the phone as Piper leaned her face against the glass.

“Kiss.” Piper demanded, her eyebrows knitting together as she roughly pressed her pointer finger against the glass. Daphne sighed as she balanced Knox on her leg. He continued to cling to her, looking a little overwhelmed at the whole visit. 

“Not today, baby,” She apologized gently, “There’s glass here. Daddy can’t get the kiss right now, but it’ll be okay.” She used her free hand to rub Piper’s back, watching the angry look that stayed plastered on the toddler’s features. 

“No.” She said quickly, in the same manner she used when she got peas on her plate. Daphne rubbed at her back, knowing that this would be hard for them to understand.

“She sounds like you.” Gator teased, speaking up as he continued to leave his hand in the same spot. Piper kept poking at it intently, as if it might make the glass disappear. 

“Oh no,” She grinned as she bounced Knox on her knee, earning a little giggle from him as she kissed his cheek, “They have their daddy’s attitude.” She told him as she pushed the hair from Knox’s forehead.

“Hi,” Knox finally spoke up, his voice soft and quiet as he looked at Gator, “Daddy?” He turned his attention up towards Daphne, his brown eyes wide and filled with curiosity. She nodded her head reassuringly.

“Yeah, that’s daddy,” She smiled as she pointed towards Gator again, “Doesn’t he have the coolest shades?” She laughed as she held Knox up, letting him get a better view. He was a little longer than Piper and still heavier, but out of all of the kids he was the one who wanted to cuddle the most. She was sad that Gator was missing that. 

“Yeah,” Knox giggled as he balanced himself on Daphne’s thigh, “Want.” He grinned excitedly, turning his attention towards Piper who had begun to squeal in delight. She was in her own world, trying to match her little hand up with Gator’s. 

“You want them?” Gator grinned widely, “I’ll get you a pair when I get out.” He promised softly, looking relaxed and more calm as the time went by. Daphne smiled in agreement, excited that there was only one more year. They could get through it. 

“Did you enjoy the cake you got?” She asked him, wiggling her face between the two toddlers as they were both sitting up near the glass now. Knox had started to poke his finger against the exposed parts of Gator’s hand, as Piper now had two palms up against his. 

“I did,” Gator agreed, looking amused as he turned his attention towards them. He could see fairly clearly out of one eye now. The last time she came in he had moved in close, pointing out the freckles on her cheek. He wasn’t completely blind out of the other, but he could only make out various shadows and colors. Sometimes he could make out shapes, “It was really delicious.” He added, continuing to wiggle his fingers to get the twins to squeal.

“Good,” She said softly, wishing that there wasn’t a piece of glass between them. She wished that she could pack him up and take him home, “What have you been doing? Are the lessons going any better?” She asked, glad that he had finally taken up to learning braille. He still insisted that he didn’t need it, but she thought it would be helpful. She was trying to get the twins to learn as well.

She listened as he spoke, her heart hammering gently in her chest as she continued to think of how desperately she missed him. She kept reminding herself that it would be soon, but it didn’t make the time tick by any faster. She felt guilty on the days that seemed to feel like months, like she was missing out on how fast the twins were growing. On how Noah was growing. It was all hard.

That Halloween had been particularly hard to find something that everyone would like. Maude and Jessica finally settled on Elsa and Anna after a long battle of who would be who, leaving Daphne to decide that Noah would be a fairly good Olaf. Piper and Knox had grown obsessed with Mickey Mouse, so she felt like it would be a good idea to dress them as Minnie and Mickey. Only Noah had grown fascinated with their ears and kept trying to eat them. 

Hiding the Halloween candy had been even harder. Noah was now at the age where he was wobbling around so whenever Piper or Knox got into something, he wasn’t far behind. His eyes had changed since he was an infant, now matching the same hazel as the other two.

Peeling off the costumes had been another story. She nearly bought a whole other set, just to try and get Piper out of hers. She liked her polka dotted dress, her soft heels and mouse ears. There had been more than one morning that a tantrum had been thrown, just because she wanted a mouse nose and whiskers drawn onto her. 

“Oh,” Daphne paused as she leaned against the door, “Hi.” She blinked in confusion, wrapping her cardigan around her tightly as the brisk November air swept in. Nadine stood in front of her, all bundled up with a child that seemed a little older than Maude and Jessica. 

“Hi,” Nadine answered with a smile, “We brought cookies. Can we come in?” She asked kindly, looking unsure as if she wasn’t really sure why she’d come either. Daphne knew that she had been visiting Gator in jail, but she hadn’t expected her to come here. 

“Um, yeah,” Daphne nodded her head quickly as she moved out of the way, “Sorry about the mess.” She apologized quickly, looking at the scattered toys that lingered about. Ruby and Bruce had a cattle show this weekend. They had been kind enough to take Maude and Jessica with them. Daphne was sure she couldn’t handle the five on her own. Her three kids were ornery enough. 

“It’s okay,” Nadine replied gently, holding onto whom Daphne assumed was her daughter as she walked inside, “I’ve heard that you have your hands full.” She said with a laugh, glancing over as Piper took off chasing after Birdie. Daphne sighed gently.

“Gator?” She asked, locking the door behind her. She shivered as she adjusted to the warm air once again. Noah came forth, apparently deciding that he no longer needed his shirt. 

“Yeah,” She smiled as she nodded her head, “We saw him last week, didn’t we Scotty?” She handed the box of cookies to Daphne before she gave her daughter a soft squeeze. Scotty. Daphne liked that. 

“We did,” Scotty replied in agreement, “I told him about the different types of alligators.” She replied with a shy smile, glancing down as Noah began to tug at Daphne’s pants. She picked him up quickly, then reached for the discarded pacifier he’d thrown earlier. 

“Oh neat,” Daphne said with a smile, “Snakes are his favorite animal.” She told her gently, hoping that would give her some more ideas about what to speak to Gator about. She knew that he enjoyed the company. She wished she could be with him all the time. 

“Cool,” Scotty replied, “Are these my cousins then?” She looked at Noah eagerly, having the same look in her eye that everyone else did when they wanted to hold him. Noah was a nice mixture of Knox and Piper. He didn’t mind being held by others, but he still preferred to be held by someone that he knew. 

“Yeah,” Nadine nodded her head, “Looks like you have a bunch.” She laughed, moving out of the way as Piper came into the room once again. She was holding Birdie gently, triumphantly as the large cat seemed to have just given up. Daphne ensured that he wasn’t actually bothered before she let Piper get too far. 

“Three of them,” Daphne smiled, “Do you want to hold him?” She asked, motioning Noah out towards Scotty. 

“Can I?” She grinned in excitement, looking at Daphne and then back to her mother. Daphne nodded her head, smiling as she slowly passed the chunky baby off towards Scotty. 

“Sure,” She said gently, “He’s learning how to move, so he’s a little wiggly.” She warned her, knowing that Noah wouldn’t stay long before he had to be on the move again. 

“What’s his name?” Nadine asked, glancing down as Scotty balanced him in her arms. He had his eyebrows raised, his eyes glued to her as he appeared to be unimpressed. Like he was trying to decide if he liked them or not. 

“Noah,” Daphne smiled, “And this one is Piper and this is Knox.” She responded as she touched each of their hands. Knox jolted, looking surprised as he looked at the two strangers. 

“Hi.” Piper waved, grinning from ear to ear as she held up her little shaker toy. Knox wobbled away, whining as he gripped a hold of Daphne’s knee this time.

“He’s not very talkative,” She apologized, wincing as she bent over to pick Knox up, “That’s okay though, isn’t it?” She asked him as she kissed his cheek. He did like to talk, but only when he felt comfortable enough to do so. Knox nodded as he touched his sticky hands to her face. 

“He looks like Gator,” Nadine piped up, slowly holding out a finger until Knox worked up the courage to hold onto her and shake it, “He’s very strong. That’s good.” Knox giggled as he quickly pulled away, hiding his face in the crook of Daphne’s neck. 

“How have you been?” Daphne asked her, feeling odd to speak to her at all. It had been so long and she never really knew Nadine that well either. She rocked Knox back and forth as Scotty got dragged away by Piper, apparently becoming part of some sort of new game. 

“I’ve been really good,” Nadine answered with a smile, “And I go by Dorothy now. Or Dot. I think it suits me a lot better.” She told her as she played with the hem of her jacket. 

“Dot,” Daphne nodded her head in agreement, “That’s a really pretty name.” She told her truthfully, pulling out a seat so they could both sit down. Knox sighed dramatically as he dropped his head to her chest, signaling her that he was getting tired. 

“Your mom used to put on The Wizard of Oz all the time,” Dot replied slowly, “I guess I owe her for making me fall in love with the movie.” She said with a soft laugh, although Daphne didn’t think she owed them anything. She wished they could’ve done more to prevent her situation. Especially her parents. 

“She’s very particular about her tastes,” Daphne agreed with a smile, “Is there something I could help you with?” She asked a second later, sure that Dot had come here for some reason. 

“I just wanted to say thank you,” Dot said as she played with the sleeves on her cardigan, “Gator said you tipped the cops off.” Daphne blinked in surprise, feeling like she hadn’t done nearly enough. She had been so panicked about what happened to Gator that day that she had barely thought about anyone else.

“I tried,” She replied gently, “I didn’t know what else to do. I wish I had done more but he went missing and well-, it sort’ve took up everything else.” She did her best to explain, feeling guilty all over again. 

“I understand,” Dot nodded her head, “I would’ve been the same way if it was my Wayne. I’m glad you two got together. It’s sweet.” She smiled genuinely, making Daphne flush as she thought about how jealous she’d been of Dot’s relationship with Gator at one point. That had been such a long time ago. 

“Me too,” Daphne replied gently, “He’s doing a lot better you know? Now that his dad isn’t around.” She nodded her head, hoping that it would stay that way. Roy was like poison. Even though he was locked away, Gator did seem a lot more content. 

“He seems a lot happier,” Dot drew out softly, “You know if you need somewhere to live after, my neighborhood is super safe. Well, usually.” She added, then quickly shook her head like Daphne wouldn’t understand. 

“Yeah?” Daphne asked her softly, “I haven’t even thought about where we’d go yet.” She was a little surprised, sure that Dot was asking them to move nearby. That would be nice. Different. The fresh start that they probably needed. 

“We could be neighbors, all of us,” Dot suggested with a smile, “You know, I bet Wayne could even get Gator a job. He’s a car salesman.” She continued on, beginning to paint a nice picture in Daphne’s mind. She glanced at the kids, thinking that they would like that. 

“That would be something,” Daphne replied, feeling a little less lost about their future, “Thank you.” 

2022

“Okay,” Daphne checked over the twins again, ensuring that they were both clean and put together before they walked inside, “Do you remember the rules?” She asked them seriously, nearly wishing that she had gotten the backpacks with the leashes. She balanced Noah in her arms, although he was clearly wanting to get down and wiggle too. 

“No.” Piper said, grinning widely as she rocked from foot to foot. Knox turned his attention, his brown eyes wide like this was the first time Daphne had spoken to them. 

“The rules were to stay next to me,” Daphne repeated gently, “And to use our inside voices. Does that ring a bell?” She asked them, waiting until she had three little heads nodding back at her. 

“Uh huh.” Noah answered as he looked down at his siblings. More often than not, people mistook the kids as triplets. Sometimes they assumed that the twins were Knox and Noah and that Piper was the younger one. 

“Are you ready to see daddy?” She smiled at them as they waited at the door. It had been a long time coming, “He’s going to be so happy to see you.” She told them, thinking that he would be so excited to finally get his arms around them. 

“I miss him.” Knox answered as he pouted his little lips out. She had styled his hair back today, matching Noah once again. She thought that Gator would like it if they all mirrored him. 

“He missed you three too,” Daphne reassured as she held onto them, “Now daddy might be tired, okay? But that’s fine. We’re going to take him home.” She nodded her head again, but it was no use. They had all lost track of what she was saying.

They all snapped their heads up in unison at the sound of the door opening, then at the way the walking stick tapped against the floor. Daphne felt her heart race, her cheeks flush as she immediately moved forward. She could touch him, could hug him and hold him for as long as she wanted. 

“Daddy,” Piper’s little voice rang out, her voice chipper as she waddled her way forward, “Hi!” She exclaimed, beating everyone else as she threw her hands up dramatically. Noah wiggled down next, wobbling behind as Daphne realized for the first time that his shoes and socks were gone. 

“Hey,” He grinned from ear to ear, squatting down as he held his arms out towards them, “Oh wow. Look at how big you’ve gotten!” He squeezed both of them into a giant hug, rocking them back and forth for the longest time.

Noah began to babble about something, speaking faster than anyone could understand as Piper did her best to talk over him. Daphne nudged Knox along slowly, noticing the shy expression on his features. It had been some time since Gator had been able to really hold him. 

“Hewwo,” Knox breathed out shyly as he pulled his thumb from his mouth, “I miss you.” He kept his head down for a moment before he moved forward, only to be swept up by Gator as well.

“Look at all of you,” Gator mused as he held them tightly, giving each of them a forehead kiss, “I missed you all so much.” His voice rattled a bit as he spoke. His eyes were covered with the new pair of shades that they had gotten for him on his last visit. 

“Go home!” Piper exclaimed happily, slightly muffled by where she had her face buried into the crook of his neck. Daphne admired him for a moment, trying to decide the best way to wiggle her way into the hug.

His hair was longer than usual, floppy and grown out from the usual way he’d preferred it to be shaved. He claimed that they didn’t do it right in prison, but she had been wondering if he was enjoying the different way it felt. Especially since Roy couldn’t call him any names for having longer hair now.

“Of course,” Gator grinned as he stood, setting them down for a moment so he could grasp Daphne, “I missed you most.” He mumbled as he brushed his lips against hers. She clung to him for just a moment, her heart aching at how desperately she’d missed him too. It was fleeting as six little hands began to tug on them, forcing them apart. Daphne savored his warmth all the same, knowing she’d get him on her own later.

“I parked towards the front,” She responded as she picked Noah up, trusting him the least, “Do you have everything?” She asked him, glancing at the little clear bag he had on his side. Noah pressed his palms against Daphne’s shoulder, trying to get her attention as he babbled about something. 

“Right here,” He responded as he folded his walking stick up and took Piper in one hand and Knox in the other, “I’m ready.” Piper stared at where he put the stick, looking like she was plotting on how to get her hands on it later. 

As always, getting them into their car seats was a fight. Knox was always the most easy going about it, meanwhile Noah clashed and whined and kicked his feet the whole time. He did not

“Daddy, hold me.” Piper squeaked out once Daphne got into the driver's seat, her hair messy and nerves a little shot. She stared up into the rearview mirror, sure that she had heard wrong. 

“He can’t baby,” Daphne replied as she looked back at where Piper was struggling to break free, “You need to sit in your big girl seat.” Daphne explained, watching as Piper’s face began to grow red in frustration. She continued to whine, squirming about.

“Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad?” Gator questioned, “Just for today.” He said slowly, almost like he was regretting speaking up. She nodded her head quickly, not even thinking about how he probably did want to hold them. 

“Okay,” She agreed softly, “Just this one time.” She told her, reaching back expertly to get her unhooked and moved onto Gator’s lap. She melted against him, beaming happily as she moved her little arms around his bicep. 

“Me too mommy.” Knox said so sweetly, flashing his big brown eyes as he held his hands out expectantly. Daphne shook her head gently as she got him unhooked, smiling at the way his face lit up as well. 

“You too,” She agreed as she moved Knox onto Gator’s lap next, “Just no fighting.” She told them seriously, watching the way Gator moved his gaze down to them. 

“You two don’t fight, do you?” He wrinkled his eyebrows, looking at them expectantly like there was no way they’d do such a thing. Knox grinned as he pulled his hand up to cover his lips, having the decency to at least look bashful. 

“No,” Piper giggled, smiling brightly to herself, “Not evew.” She said as she rested her head against Gator’s chest. He leaned down, holding onto them both tightly before rocking them back and forth. Daphne supposed it wasn’t a complete lie. Piper and Knox really didn’t fight. It was Noah and Piper that she had to keep her eyes on at all times. 

“Good,” Gator smiled as he rested his forehead against theirs, earning another round of giggles from them, “You’ve been really good for mama then?” He questioned them seriously this time, a small smile fluttering to his lips at their back and forth banter. 

“Always,” Knox piped up, a shy smile forming on his lips as he rested his cheek against Gator’s chest, “Mama good.” He said with a nod of his head. Daphne knew it wasn’t always good. Even trying to leave with them this morning had been rough. But suddenly she felt like it didn’t matter. 

“Me!” Noah whined, “Me! Me!” Daphne shook her head, not phased by him wanting to follow along with his older siblings at all. She pulled him free next, holding onto him carefully as he wriggled in her arms. Gator took him gently, then balanced him on his lap with Piper. Noah’s face scrunched up in delight, his eyes shining with joy.

“And you too, big guy,” Gator teased as he brushed his fingers against Noah’s exposed toes, “You’re huge too.” He commented, looking pleased at the way Noah giggled in response. 

“Fat.”

“Piper,” Daphne looked down at them quickly, “Don’t call your brother fat.” She told her quickly, pausing before she began to reverse out of the spot. Piper and Noah certainly had a harder time getting along. 

“It twue.” Piper replied in a matter-of-fact way, her top lip puckered up and her eyebrows raised as she looked at Daphne. Daphne sighed as she turned away, knowing that Piper could argue for hours. 

“That’s all you.” Gator commented, looking amused as he glanced towards her. He moved a hand between the two toddlers, trying to keep Noah from poking at Piper. Knox sat on his own, watching the other two in exasperation. 

“Yeah,” Daphne muttered as Piper continued to give her the same look, “I know.” She replied, turning her attention back to the road as Noah started to babble once again. He spoke fast, his words blending together as he gestured his arms about. Piper swatted at him, looking irritated once again. 

“You’re all perfect,” Gator grinned as he kissed their cheeks, pulling them close so they’d all likely forget their annoyances with the other, “I don’t ever want to let you go.” He inhaled deeply as he held onto them, making some of them squeal from his firm grip. 

“Okay,” Knox giggled as he snuggled closer, never one to deny cuddles, “I like that.” He proclaimed with a smile. Daphne watched them for a moment, shaking her head as she increased the volume on the stereo.

“I hope you like baby music,” She told Gator seriously as the song began to play, instantly gaining a chorus of cheers from the toddlers, “You’ll get used to it.” She grinned at his raised eyebrow, knowing that it would take some getting used to. She was fairly certain she listened to music for the kids, more than she listened to her own at this point. 

The drive seemed to be a lot shorter than before, which was more than fine with her. She was excited to bring Gator back, even if they no longer had their own home. They could figure that out later. 

Piper and Knox fell asleep on the way back, but Noah stayed wide awake and continued to coo and chatter about whatever was on his mind. Daphne knew that he was fighting sleep, doing whatever he could to avoid naps. He hated them, unlike the other two.

“Here,” Daphne paused as she picked up Knox, balancing him awkwardly in one hand before she reached for Piper next. The house wasn’t that far away. She was fairly certain she could carry them inside without dropping them, “I’ve got them.” She reassured him, although she could feel her arms struggling under their weight. She’d never fully felt like she got her strength back.

She only held them for a second before Gator took Knox from her arms. Noah had wiggled down, determined to move on his own as he waddled towards the front door. Gator grinned as he peered down at her, making her heart hammer roughly inside of her chest. She couldn’t believe it’d been so long since they’d been this close. 

She linked their fingers together, holding onto him tightly as they followed behind Noah. He was banging his fists on the door, glancing towards them in confusion like he didn’t fully understand why it wouldn’t open. Gator hesitated as he opened the door, looking like he was unsure about being back before he walked inside. Daphne followed closely behind, but made a beeline for the

“Hi, Gator,” Ruby greeted as she kissed both of his cheeks, “Oh, I’m so glad that you’re back.” She held onto him gently, smiling brightly as Noah zigzagged between all of their legs. 

“Me too.” He mused softly, still looking a little worried. He paused, crouching down low to greet Birdie who had slowly approached. He rubbed his head against Gator’s palm, purring at the attention. 

“Good to see you, son,” Bruce waved as he lazily handed Noah one of the discarded toys, “When are you going to propose to my daughter?” He asked, making Daphne’s features drop as she snapped her head towards him in horror. 

“Dad!” Daphne whined, face flushing as she shook her head, “Ignore him. There’s no rush.” She squeaked out, noticing that Gator’s face looked just as red as hers felt. 

“Three kids,” Bruce mumbled, “You’re not getting any younger.” He shook his head, looking like he didn’t know what the big deal was as he flicked his eyes back down to the book he was reading. 

“Bruce,” Ruby replied next, “You can’t just rush these things.” She shook her head, looking just as dismissive. Daphne balanced Piper in her arms again, hoping that this wouldn’t lead to another conversation about Hugh. She’d heard it all recently. 

“They rushed everything else,” He continued to mumble underneath his breath, “But what do I know.” Gator turned towards Daphne sheepishly, looking like he was about to say something before Noah began to tug at his left arm. He flinched, not expecting the movement.

“Ball.” Noah grinned happily, excited with his find as he held up the toy. Gator turned a little to better look at him, mirroring his smile as he took it in his free hand.

“Oh wow,” He drew out dramatically, “This is so cool, buddy.” He brushed his fingers through Noah’s hair, making him giggle before he took the ball from Gator’s hands once again. 

“Do you want to see the rooms?” Daphne asked him instead, hoping to make his transition a little easier. She didn’t want Bruce to badger Gator. She was sure he felt awkward enough. Gator nodded his head, using his free hand to take Noah’s as they headed towards the stairs. 

“Maude and Jessica will be home from school soon,” Ruby spoke up, “They’re excited to see you too.” She told him and Daphne nodded along quickly, knowing that they had missed him a lot too.

“They sleep down here,” Daphne pointed out, taking her time to show everything to him, “Piper has her own room at the moment. I moved the boys in together.” She pulled Piper’s door open, showing off the Tinker Bell themed room before she let Piper relax in her bed. 

“Yeah?” Gator grinned, watching as Noah rushed forward into his shared room, “Wow. This is where you live?” He teased him, still holding onto Knox as he looked around. The boys had agreed upon staying with the farm theme, although they were all currently obsessed with Bluey. 

“Mhm,” Noah smiled as he moved towards the bookshelf, “Mama, mama.” He whined as he pointed, standing on the tips of his toes as if he could grow and reach it. He furrowed his eyebrows together tightly and pouted out his bottom lip. 

She walked forward, picking up the toy car he was wanting. His little brown eyes lit up in joy as he held it to his chest, doing his best to mimic the sound of the engine roaring as he looked up at her.

“Thank you.” He told her, the th sound making an f instead. He waddled back towards Gator, grinning happily. Gator paused as he set Knox down into one of the beds. He looked at the car Noah was holding, grinning as he roughly clawed at his pants.

“Is that your favorite toy?” Gator asked as he picked him up. He smiled as he kissed the side of Noah’s cheek, while Noah showed the little red car off.

“Mhm, no,” Noah answered thoughtfully as he stared down at the car, twisting it between his chunky fingers, “I like.” He nodded his head, looking proud of his answer as Gator bounced him in his arms again.

“He’s a silly one,” Daphne smiled as she brushed her fingers across Noah’s exposed toes, “He still hates naps and bananas.” She pointed out, thinking that it was funny that the twins enjoyed the other two things quite a bit.

“Well how about that,” Gator grinned, watching as Noah intensely began to drive the car against his shoulder, “So, are you going to show me your room or do I have to work for it?” He asked, his lips curling into a smirk as Daphne felt herself flush once again.

“Mhm, I guess,” She grinned playfully as she stood on her tippy toes to kiss his cheek, “Not much changed, not really. I kept a lot of things from our room.” She told him honestly. Her former childhood room now reflected the room that they’d built together. She liked it.

“Did you go through my things?” He asked hesitantly as he looked around the room. She rested her hands on her hips as she shook her head.

“We just tried to quickly move it all without unpacking,” She told him as she glanced around, “I tried to keep up with washing most of them, but then it started to not smell like you.” She replied honestly, smiling sheepishly as she dragged her fingertips against his dresser. 

“Cheesy,” He smiled softly as he watched her, “I really thought you’d kick me out.” He said a little softer as he turned his attention back to Noah, who had started making car noises again.

“That’s stupid,” She said with a laugh as she held onto his waist, “I love you too much for that. Besides, I spent way too many years pining over you. You’re stuck with me.” She nodded her head, liking the way his cheeks turned pink. Just a little bit.

Noah crashed not long after that, the events of the day finally catching up to him as he drooled and slumbered into the crook of Gator’s shoulder. Daphne didn’t protest as Gator held him the whole time, knowing that he was more worried about bonding with him since he didn’t get the same amount of time with him. 

“So we can look at different areas to live,” She started to explain, pulling up the tablet at the different places she’d been living at, “We can get you on for disability, then we can find-,” 

“I don’t need that.” Gator interjected as he sat up a little bit from his position. Noah barely stirred, but Knox and Piper both turned towards him in interest. They were like little ducklings, just a few steps behind him no matter where he went.

They had retired to their room to rest before dinner. She had brought the twins along once they had woken up as they were still excited about Gator being back home. They had a million questions and both of them had to show off their favorite toys, blankets and stuffed animals before Gator had been allowed to sit down. 

“Huh?” She looked at him curiously, “It’s nothing bad. It would just be to help.” She told him seriously, 

“I can see from this eye,” He told her seriously, “My bad one I can make out certain shapes and colors. It’s not that bad.” He shrugged his shoulders, almost irritated that she had even suggested that. She watched him for a moment, knowing at the moment that neither of them had any sort of income. 

“It would just be for support,” She told him gently, “We could use the money.” She added a second later, hoping that he might not be so stubborn about it. She didn’t know what places would really hire him. Not because of his sight, but because of his past. 

“I don’t want it as long as I can work.” He replied, smiling brightly as Piper passed him a fake tea cup. He held up his pinky finger as he pretended to drink it, earning a giggle from her. 

“Okay,” She told him gently, “So what would you be doing?” She asked him, knitting her eyebrows together as she tried to get a sense of what his plan was. She hadn’t spent the past few years completely out of work. She’d tried a few different places, but each time it seemed that she got shooed away because of what Gator had been involved in. This town didn’t want them. They just needed out. 

“Maybe I could do something with welding,” He replied gently, “Or truck driving. If they let me do that.” He mused off, making her shake her head as she continued to scroll on her tablet, glancing at the houses that were listed. Bismarck wasn’t too far away. 

“You’re funny,” She smiled as she curled up to his side, “Especially if you think you can go anywhere without me again.” She told him seriously. She didn’t want to lose him ever again. 

“I’d pack you all up into the truck,” He teased, “It’d be a little tight.” He said with a laugh, making her grin as she thought about it. She was sure that the kids would find a way to be pleased. “Just a bit,” She agreed with a smile, “Wayne said you always have a place to start with him.” She suggested slowly, wondering if Dot had said anything else about it to him. She thought that it sounded fun. Her parents had even said they’d move too, just for the extra support. 

“I don’t want to rely on him.” Gator brushed her off as he began to thread his fingers through Noah’s hair. The youngest boy sighed, stretching out a little bit before he curled back up into Gator’s chest. 

“You wouldn’t be,” She told him as she sat up to look at him better, “You’d be working underneath him. And the guy is super nice.” She told him, knowing that Wayne wouldn’t think that at all. She’d met him now a few times. 

“I’m nice.” Gator said as he furrowed his eyebrows together, smiling as the twins started to clamber over towards him. Piper stalled, pouting as she realized that Knox was currently blocking her way.

“The nicest,” Daphne corrected with a smile, “And we’re so lucky to have you.” She told him truthfully, feeling like her world was slowly coming back into place. 

///////////////////////////////////////////////

Dinner was a mess of pasta sauce and thrown noodles, plenty of leftovers for Birdie to munch up off of the floor. He was good at grabbing it, no matter how hard Daphne tried to keep the kids from feeding him. They always found a way.

Gator seemed to enjoy bath time, even when Noah started to whine and cry about having to actually get into the water. Although he quickly grew fascinated by the rubber duck that Gator kept booping against his nose. The bubbles from the tub seemed never ending by the time it came to dry them off.

She let him take the reins in laying them down, enjoying the tight way he held onto them and the gentle way he kissed their foreheads. She wondered if he knew just how good of a dad he was. He was much better than his father. Then even hers. She was proud of him. 

She liked that Gator was able to bond with their children again, but she was even happier once they were asleep and she got him all to her own. She curled up behind him on the bed, threading her fingers through his chest hair as she buried her smile into his skin. 

She brushed her lips against his gently, thinking of how desperately she had missed him. She moved her fingers across his shoulders, soaking in the feeling of his warmth as she deepened the kiss. 

She slid her tongue against his slowly, pressing the tips of their tongues together. He sighed against her mouth as he brushed his fingers across the curve of her cheek, slowly turning so he could face her better. 

He still tasted the same, still melted in a similar manner against her mouth. She cupped the side of his cheek, lightly pressing her thumb into his flesh. His tongue continued to swirl against hers, dragging slowly before he flicked it against the roof of her mouth. 

He dragged his palms against her sides, touching her gently as she pulled him closer to her. She pressed her lips against the corner of his mouth, then traveled further down his neck as the moans from his lips grew louder.

He sat up a bit, molding his mouth against hers once again as she dragged her fingers against the hem of his pajama pants. She could feel his cock hardening against her hip, making her smirk as she slowly began to grind her hips down against him.

“Fuck,” He hissed out as he brought his palms against her waist, “Missed you.” He mumbled again as she peered down at him, grinning at the longing look he held. She crawled on top of him slowly, bringing his hands to her hips as she slowly pulled his pants down.

“Missed you too,” She told him softly, biting down on her bottom lip as she wrapped her fingers around his thick cock. She stroked him slowly, feeling her own desire burning between her legs as she watched the way he rocked his hips forward, “Thought about you so much.” She admitted, rolling her hips forward as she continued to drag her hand up and down the length of his cock.

“Yeah?” He whispered out huskily, his lips parted and cheeks pink as he continued to stare up at her, “Did your pretty tang miss me?” He teased, making her eyelashes flutter as he began to rub his thumb against her throbbing clit.

“Wanna feel for yourself?” She giggled softly, her body alighting into sparks as she pulled her panties aside slowly. She brought his long fingers against her wet folds. She whined at the feeling, grinding herself against his digits as a hazy expression grew over his features.

“Little slut,” He teased, his voice raspy as he continued to press his fingers against her slick pussy. He chewed on his bottom lip as he stared up at her, “Wanna ride my cock?” He questioned, looking a little desperate as he wiggled himself back onto the bed.

She grinned, enjoying the way his eyes stayed locked onto her as she slowly pressed his pink tip against her fluttering hole. She gaped at the feeling, rolling her hips forward so his cock slowly slid inside of her.

She moaned at the feeling, completely in awe at the sensation of being filled by him once again. Her walls slightly burned at the intrusion before she quickly welcomed him, sinking down on him slowly as the pleasure shot through her body.

“Daphne,” He groaned as he took a hold of her hips, his fingers digging into her flesh as he slowly lifted her an inch forward before he pressed her roughly back down. She whimpered in awe of being filled full of him, “Jesus, fuck.” 

She pressed her hands against the side of his face, gently holding him as she raised his head slowly. She brushed her lips against his gently, savoring the taste of his groans against her mouth as she adjusted to the stretch of his cock. 

“Feels good,” She whimpered as she slowly began to gain a rhythm, her mind fuzzy and eyes closing as she held onto him. She felt a cry leave her lips at the sensation of his cock pressing against her bundle of nerves, sending tingles of pleasure all through her body, “Gator! Oh God.” She whined, unsure of how someone could make her feel so good.

His fingertips continued to dig into her skin as he ghosted a series of kisses along her mouth, slowly thrusting his hips up with her movements as she moved her palms to his shoulders. She held onto him tightly, feeling her own moans rolling off of her tongue as she continued to rock herself along the length of his cock. 

She savored the drag of his cock, the way he curved and throbbed inside of her spongy walls. Her palms grew warm against his skin and her hips ached from how tightly he was gripping her. She didn’t push him away, rather encouraged him as she pressed herself down harder against his thick cock.

“You’re so pretty,” He mumbled as he brought his hands up to her tits, squeezing them in his hands as she continued to rock against him, “So fucking beautiful.” He grunted, his eyebrows furrowing together as he began to thrust up into her harder. She whined, enjoying the growing sound of their bodies meeting as it filled the room.

She found it hard to answer, her pussy clamping down around him as she felt another rush of pleasure rush through her body as he began to roll her nipples between his thick fingers. Her body felt on fire as his hands continued to wander over the curve of her body, like he was memorizing her. 

“You’re pretty,” She whispered softly between her gasps, enjoying the way his eyes widened and a fresh flush spread over his skin. She leaned down again, switching her position just a bit as she pressed a sloppy kiss against his parted lips. He groaned, moving his hands to her backside as he rutted up into her lazily, “Oh, fuck.” She whined, clinging to him as she felt her orgasm approaching. 

He held onto her tightly, rocking his cock deep inside of her as she came with a cry. She whined as her forehead fell against his, her moans loud as her walls fluttered around his thick girth. She clung to him, her skin sweaty and breathing labored as she felt her strength slipping away.

“Fuck, fuck,” Gator cursed against the side of her cheek, sending shivers down her ear as he thrusted up roughly. His movements began to stall, his sounds more desperate as he bottomed out inside of her, “Jesus, fuck.” He cursed, his cock throbbing as he came inside of her.

She whimpered, clearly knowing that they should be safer but for the time being she didn’t care. She had missed him too much to bother being worried about it at the moment. She rested against him, her body shaking as he began to brush his lips against the side of her neck. 

She panted softly, enjoying the sensation of him breathing against her skin as they both came down from their high. She brushed her fingers through his long locks, thinking about how lucky she was to have him. Even through their mistakes and hardships. They were meant to be.

Life was good.

#gator tillman #gator tillman smut #Gator tillman fluff #gator tillman angst #gator tillman x oc #Gator TIllman x original character #Gator Tillman x fem!oc #Gator Tillman x female!original character #Dad!Gator Tillman #Daphne x Gator #Gator x Daphne

[deaths]

hello everybody! i am back with the census data for the self shipping community

first off, i want to give everyone who responded a thank you. in a day i have gotten 460 responses, which i think is amazing! secondly, thank you everyone who gave me contact information, i am planning to in the future write a piece on the subculture and community that is self shipping.

a small disclaimer: this census data is only reflective of the community on tumblr, which leans heavily lgbtqia+ and neurodivergent, and may not be reflective of every person that self ships. form was not posted to any social media sites.

now, into the data! :D

ages:

the self shipping community on average is made up of mostly young adults (18-25), taking up 65.6% of people responding. the other two major percents being 25-30, taking up 16.8% of respondents, and under 18 taking 15.8%. only 6 people (1.3%) responded as being 31-35 years old, and only 2 people (0.4%) said they are 36+.

gender identity:

the self shipping community on average is made up mostly of people who are not cisgender. with 84.1% of respondents identifying as not cisgender. 38.6% of respondents are non-binary, 23.5% are transgender males, 12.4% are other, and 9.4% are gender nonconforming. 6 people (1.3%) responded they are cis male. only 1 person (0.2%) responded they are a transgender female.

sexuality:

the self shipping community is very lgb+ in nature as well, with only 22 people (4.8%) saying they are heterosexual. bisexuality dominates in this community, with 34% of respondents being bi. asexuals take up 17.6% of the community, gays 15%, queer 11.1%, other 7.4%, lesbians 5.9%, and pansexuals 4.1%.

romantic orientation:

with romantic orientation, we see a similar trend of biromantics at 35.5%. aromantics at 15.5%, gays at 15.5%, panromantics at 10.4%, queers at 8%, heteroromantics at 7.6%, and lesbians at 7.6%.

disclaimer: this option was added later into the poll after 200 respondents after being mentioned by @/goldenworldsabound (thank you!)

neurodivergency:

i think this is very interesting. 81.4% of respondents fall under the neurodivergent umbrella, 16% saying not sure, and 12 people (2.6%) saying they do not.

after looking over the fill in question if you answered yes, the word autism/autistic are used 256 times (73.14%) out of 350 people who responded. adhd is mentioned 190 times (45.71%).

when did you start self shipping?

a large majority of self shippers have always been self shipping at 38.9%. with early childhood at 20.2%, tween at 17.8%, teen at 17.4%, early adulthood at 4.2%, and adulthood at 1.3%.

one person voted 2020's before i changed the vote from years to age groups.

do you feel self shipping as helped your mental state and general mood?

with a overwhelming majority (82.8%), people said yes. with 16.1% saying maybe, and only 5 (1.1%) of people saying no.

how many fictional others do you have?

this is very interesting to me as well, with 28.5% saying over 20, and 27.8% saying 5-10. 10.8% having 11-16, 8.3% having 1, 8.1% having 3, 5.8% having 4, 5.6% having 2, and 5.2% having 16-19.

do you have platonic or familial fictional others?

a majority have platonic or familial fictional others, at 83.7%. 16.3% saying they do not.

do people in your offline life know you self ship?

while 49.9% of people say people in their offline life don't know they self ship, interestingly 50.1% say at least some person in their life know they self ship. with 41.1% saying close friends/family, 9% saying people know.

do you personally identify as fictosexual/fictoromantic? (i.e. a person who is sexually or romantically attracted to a fictional character.)

a majority (76.5%) of people are not fictosexual/fictoromantic in the self ship community, while 23.5% identify as fictosexual/fictoromantic.

for fun, the average person in the self ship community is between 18-24 years old, non-binary, bisexual and biromantic. falls somewhere on the neurodivergent umbrella, likely with autism. has always self shipped. feels self shipping as improved their mood. has 20% fictional others. has platonic or familial fictional others. only self ships online. and does not identify as fictosexual/fictoromantic.

#self ship #self shipping #self shipping census #self shipping community #f/o #fictional other

[gerbiloftriumph]

Floating Castle Liveblog (third read)

In 2020, I read the first king's quest adaptation novel. Again. Because 2020 was awful.

August 22, 2020 –

page 0

I'm not going to read this aga--oh wait no who am I kidding I'm trapped at work for another four hours and it's *not* a good day and I just want my tea drinking wizard tree and frog prince and mcguffin king and headless ghosts and the soft delights of smarmy sassy villains. (also the kq series is the only series i have easy access to rn so shhh)

page 3

"Castles do not fly." The title of the book says otherwise, sir.

page 10

Gotta admit, Telgrin's perpetual single thundercloud over his castle still gives me ridiculous amounts of joy. I'm sitting here grinning honestly for the first time all day. I love my melodramatic sassmaster.

page 14

I comment on it every single time I read this (yes this IS the third time I've read this in three years, leave me alone), but I seriously love watching Graham being an actual king. I love adventures, and I love royals, and I love adventuring royals, but I also really like the sturdy basis of kindness and clarity Graham just has as a leader. It's really pleasant.

page 20

IT HIM. Heeeeeeere's Telgrin! Do you think Telgrin spent hours shuffling around trying to perfect that gliding walk? Stars, I hope he did. I mean in any other villain it would just be natural but with my emo goth drama king who tries too hard, everything is carefully plotted for maximum visual aesthetic.

page 22

Totally seriously, though, the contrast between Graham's tightly contained fury and balance of how he's been treating the assembly and Telgin's wide swept theatrics and overblown personality is SO good. This sort of subtle contrast really does raise this book from generic game adaptation to surprisingly pleasant fantasy. It's still genre light, but it has confidence and solid bone work.

page 23

"The news reached me that you were gathering all your knights here today, Graham, so it seemed a convenient time." Because Telgrin won't do anything without an audience to oooh and ahhh over his antics.

page 30

"Everything seemed muted, vague, unreal." Oh, did you mean my life right now? No? Close enough.

page 33

"and a small pear." Yes, a crucial thing to make sure you pack on your voyage. Good call.

page 38

TREE WIZARD oh stars my whole heart is happyyyyy. What a mood improvement.

page 40

"So, that castle belongs to this guy named Telgrin." "Oh yeah, Telgrin. He's evil. Don't mess with him." "You know him?" "I know his reputation." Stars, Telgrin would be SO PLEASED to know his reputation precedes him now. I hope he started some of those rumors himself.

page 40

I still can't handle the density of this conversation. "Telgrin is a stealer of souls." "A stealer of souls? What's that?" Alexander. Alexander, pleaaaase think about what you just said. Please. I love you, but seriously.

page 45

Even when you are a tree wizard, that is, a wizard slowly and literally turning into a tree, it's still important that you get your morning cup of tea. Morowyn knows it. So should you.

page 47

In other words, Alexander, you're just a glorified babysitter. You could have asked Big Knight Brian Blessed to be your partner in crime on this heist and gotten a better result. (i'm kidding of course I love Cyril to absolute pieces, look at this farmboy wizard lad he's so squishy and blond and round and I love him.)

page 54

heist heist heist heIST let's plan a HEIST.

page 58

The moat monsters also have a taste for the finer things in life. Like feather-capped adventurers. Castle Daventry is literally the most perfect fantasy castle there is. It even has a hoard of moat monsters. Like, you can't get more Fantasy Castle than this place. Telgrin only wishes his castle was that cool. He just has to make do with personal thunderclouds.

page 63

A small thing, but I super love Mills's emphasis on color. From the rain slanting golden in the yellow torchlight, to the hills here slowly changing from an angry maroon to a deep indigo with a band of yellow slowly disappearing as the sun sets...it's heavily visual, like he's literally painting a screen from the games, and I find it rather peaceful, somehow.

page 64

Literally just the ringwraith scene from Fellowship of the Ring, but with King's Quest protagonists instead of Frodo and friends. The audacity of this book. I love it.

page 69

Mills was absolutely just rereading Fellowship of the Ring when he was asked to write this book. It's not even subtle at this point. .........and I super love every single reference with all my silly fantasy heart.

page 89

I can't think of a single other fantasy in which the protagonist lassos a kelpie and attempts to ride it. I can't imagine why not. It's a flawless plan.

page 96

I feel like that's just magic homemade whiskey. Getting the prince drunk might not be in everyone's best interest.

page 97

Alexander, you gotta stop calling people "ho." You're gonna offend someone. (I'm kidding, of course. "Ho there" is as traditionally delightful as "Who goes there," and highly welcome to behold.)

page 99

platform boots

page 100

I'm sorry, I know I commented on this when I read this last year, but...again. Telgrin has One Single Lone Stupid Thundercloud, which "hovered over a high central tower. From time to time, this cloud would light with an internal fire, and a low, menacing rumble would break across the land." It's like the Winnie the Pooh raincloud, with ambient sound effects. The audacious aesthetic of this guy is a DELIGHT to behold.

page 107

Aaah yes the Road to El Dorado sequence. Truly, this book is nothing but the best hits of adventure tropes crammed into a book 300 pages long.

page 108

Does this mean that Telgrin has also been to Narnia? Oh dear.

page 112

Again. "The cloud." Not many clouds. Just the one. A single, lone, silly, thundercloud.

August 24, 2020 –

page 114

Wait, what came first, this book or the Muppet Christmas Carol movie? Because all I can picture is Scrooge's Statler-shaped Muppet door knocker, but with extra teeth, shrieking.

page 117

Is Alexander is the only person in the series to ever have a proper sword fight? I mean, not counting....uhhhh is it Owen in KQ8? (Super didn't play KQ8, everyone said it wasn't worth the effort.)

page 123

Like, I gotta say: binding souls to armor, cool. Great scheme, very evil. Making it so that just knocking the helmet off releases the soul into the night forever? ...nooooot the most ideal.

page 126

You know in Princess Bride, when Westley tries to wrestle Fezzik, and just kinda runs at him and squeezes him and absolutely nothing happens? Alexander, right here, vs the black knight.

page 131

A barikar is not a real fantasy monster--the only google result that comes up is that, yes, Telgrin owns one. But it's a huge rabbit with a rat nose, dog fangs, fish scales instead of fur, and human like hands with claws. It sees about as well as a human, but it can hear well, thanks to the rabbit ears. It's absolutely ridiculous. I love it. I wonder if I can convince my dm to make it a fight in our campaign.

page 133

My sweet babiiiiies. Alexander making Cyril stand behind him to protect him and Cyril absolutely refusing and taking the front anyway. I love these kids. I say, fully recognizing that they're semi-close to my age and know how to handle swords and magic.

page 133

Oh, no, excuse me, the Bariker doesn't have rabbit ears--it has bat ears. Which just kind of further emphasizes how much I want this thing in a campaign. It's so ridiculous.

page 139

Where was he? Yes. Who was this beside him? Yes. How long had he been asleep? No way of knowing. Alexander, those are not answers to questions, except maybe the last one. You've answered nothing. Alexander, please.

page 141

headless ghost headless ghost headless ghoooost i can't stop smiling he's holding it like a football it's amazing

August 25, 2020 –

page 142

Lydia's mom caught Anime Mom Protagonist Disease. It's a tragic illness. No hope of recovery.

page 142

"Owen took a brief pause, while Alexander reflected on the fact that he was getting used to carrying on a conversation with a beheaded man. It was starting to seem almost normal. Almost." How is this a real book. I love this book.

page 143

tragic telgrin backsto--oh wait it's not tragic at all he's just always been a brat.

page 144

"Somehow a beheaded man on his feet was infinitely more alarming than a beheaded man quietly seated." o rly?

page 145

Look, it is a *little* creepy that he would install magic mirrors of spying in his daughter's bedroom without her knowledge, but considering Owen admitted to teaching Telgrin everything he knows, including presumably soul torturing magic, we can kind of assume Owen isn't actually that good a guy after all.

page 149

Glowing moss in fantasy must be the most useful plant ever cultivated.

page 155

Obviously, there's nothing wrong with describing Alexander's haunches, but it's also just a little weird. It's not...a word I hear often, especially in reference to humans.

page 156

I like a good wizard who knows that a cup of tea soothes most ills. A man after my own heart.

page 156

"After allowing himself to wallow in depression for a short while, he pushed his mood aside with a firm effort, squared, his shoulders, and said, 'Well, the sooner we get going, the sooner you'll get your bath and your tea.'" Ah, yes, of course, just push aside your wallowing. Why didn't I realize it was that easy?

page 158

"A few wary, rather mincing steps, brought him to the vestibule." Alexander, your author is making fun of you. Just a bit.

page 161

The book is very, very clear that it's just Graham's face floating in the soul-capture orb. The book is very, very wrong. It's a tiny Graham floating around in there. Like, full body, but like two inches high. This is fact, and better than a disembodied Wizard of Oz-style face. I'm just letting you all know that the book is misprinted. Every copy. It's a full body'd Graham. Just smol.

page 162

YEAH BOI PUNCH AN UNDEAD KNIGHT...oh no, your arm, why did you just literally punch a suit of armor, you donut, you know better than that

August 26, 2020 –

page 167

To be fair, the door is now open. As is the floor, and the wall, and...well, the room, to the sky. Definitely very open.

August 27, 2020 –

page 169

It's turned into Dragon's Lair instead of King's Quest, for this scene. Super into it. Wouldn't want to play it as a video game, though--the amounts of game overs....

August 31, 2020 –

page 169

"But this insignificant event raised within him an unexpected fury. He cursed the poor root to withering, black perdition, cursed it deeply and sincerely, cursed it with all his soul." Gods, Alexander, I get it. Man, do I ever get it. I'm so tired.

page 177

"This was it, the nadir. It could not get any worse than this." You sure about that, kid? I think we've got one more scrape at the bottom of the barrel we can squeeze into."

page 181

Alexander is thiiiiiiiis close to snapping. Kid, I understand you. Critically and crucially, I understand.

page 183

FROG PRINCE. I told you there was one more level we could reach. The royal family gets transformed into animals rather frequently. At least this time he's not a snail, poor kid.

page 183

"With a sense of profound shock, he realized that he had been transformed into a frog--a rather large and handsome frog, it's true, but still a frog." You can't make this stuff up. This book is perfect. The ideal. The author is calling Alexander a handsome frog. He's a frog, but a good looking one. I can't handle this.

page 185

"Did you speak, Sir Frog?" "That's Prince Frog, to you." Alexander, be nice. Don't pull rank. I don't think you have rank to pull anymore. Smelly swamp rank, at best.

page 186

I like to think that was just Alexander swearing, but it was masked as a ribbit.

page 187

To be fully fair, Alex, you do kind of need him to reattach Graham's soul, so maybe it's for the best that he doesn't go far.

page 189

If I were a soul-armor, and this frog decided to enter the castle, to be honest, I think I would probably just let it. Because it's a frog.

page 194

There's fanart of this scene too because it's hilarious. She kisses a frog, he becomes a man hanging half over the rim of a fountain, and all she can say is "Goodness! But...you're beautiful." Ridiculous.

page 194

HA and then she tries to recover saying, "I haven't seen that many men in my life. Hardly any, actually. I'm sure that you're really very ordinary." Kid. Please, stop insulting him, you're going to make him sad(der than he already is)

page 198

It's at this point that Alexander just sort of gives in to the sass and the snark and starts leaning into the nonsense. "Creature?" "She's not entirely human." "Uh, in what way is she not human?" "To begin with, she has two heads, no hair, only three fingers on each hand, and is fully seven feet tall." "You're right. That doesn't sound entirely human." Pleeaaaaase this book is a deliiight.

page 200

That twilight area between wakefulness and sleep, with thoughts centered on nothing at all? my brain, today. fully. I've got nothing left to offer anyone, except not-very-funny remarks on this book.

page 202

Nothing Telgrin does is ever common. Overblown and ludicrous, maybe, but never ever common.

September 1, 2020 –

page 209

When the two headed guard calls to the intruding man like a person tempting a kitty cat. "Come here, man, pspspsps. Man, man, maaaan." Instead of catnip, she can bring tacos.

page 211

Again, I just gotta let you all know that the books have been misprinted. It's not a disembodied head floating in the orb, even if it's probably supposed to be an Owen's decapitated head parallel, because that's dumb. It's a tiny two-inch tall Graham floating in the orb, not just his face. I don't know how all the copies got misprinted like that, but they did. It's really a tiny Graham. Cute. Okay? Okay. Onward.

page 212

I love One Stubborn King.

page 216

I can't actually make snide jokes about the text when I'm actually just outright enjoying it. The sheer blissy silly triumph of Telgrin, the stubbornness and sharp agony of my dear sweet Graham, Alexander standing there ruminating on what loyalty means--this is exactly my flavor of fantasy jam.

September 17, 2020 –

page 225

I still kind of sort of love that Telgrin apparently decided that the best way to use the magic staff was to make it respond to wishes. "I wish for a giant fireball." And thus, one appears. It just...speaks to some strange childishness that I find totally hilarious in this big bad villain.

page 230

Again, the book is misprinted. I'm not about these weird Wizard of Oz style floating faces. They're weird. It's a fully bodied apparition of Telgrin yelling at Alexander, hands on hips, just as it's a tiny full bodied shape of Graham in the orb. My version is better.

page 231

"I could kill you now, if I wanted." "I don't think so," Alexander said defiantly. "Is *everyone* in Daventry this obstinate?" Sir. My dude. My man. Palberto. You messed with the wrong royal family, and they come from knight stock, not actually blue blood at all. They're going to *wreck* you.

page 232

"I'll live, I think." Alexander, your ability to comfort others leaves a little bit to be desired.

page 234

I'm not actually kidding. If Mills hadn't read Fellowship of the Ring at least a week or two before writing this, I will eat my whole entire adventuring cap. That's the Watcher in the Water, as there was literally lembas bread earlier and a ringwraith before that. Fantasy tropes or not, this is just sneaking Tolkien references in because Mills is a fanboy (I mean, obviously: he's writing company-approved fanfic).

page 237

Again, Alexander, realize this: Telgrin learned everything he knows from Owen. One might assume, especially knowing how dark those mirrors felt, that Owen himself is *not actually a very good guy.*

page 241

It's kind of like cheerfully presenting Sweeney Todd with his shaving tools. "At last, I am complete again!" Not.....super great, I feel.

page 242

I love that it's not actually magic keeping the castle moored, but a big ol' safety pin. That's not even actually much of an exaggeration. "At the bottom of that well you will find a large golden pin embedded in the paving stone. You are to remove this pin. It may not be easy, but you must do it. It will set the castle free from the moorings of the earth."

page 248

The fact that Telgrin now has to wear an eyepatch is great enough. The fact that he took the time to make sure it perched on "his bald head at a jaunty angle" is almost too much to bear. I hope he stood in front of his cracked and smoking mirror adjusting it just so before coming down for this final confrontation.

page 248

"I'll probably never see out of this eye again, I hope you're happy with yourself." "I mean...you *were* trying to kill me." "Irrelevant." Boys, please, there are serious issues at hand.

page 250

"All I've ever asked in return is that you marry me, and that you not burden me with your opinions." Telgrin, the ultimate flirt. Magnificent.

page 251

Telgrin's snarky sassy meltdown is the greatest. "She's now willing to marry me, merely to save your worthless life! Willingly! Well, I won't have it, I tell you. She shall marry me unwillingly, or not at all!" Telgrin, you are absolutely bonkers and you're my favorite villain in any piece of media ever, full stop. The sheer ridiculousness of *you* with your wish-magic and bloviating and grandiose posturing....divine.

page 253

Telgrin's pasty complexion is enough to "make a marble statue appear dark by comparison." If this were a modern AU, Telgrin would be that emo kid hunched over twitter mansplaining at everyone, while listening to the rainy mood app constantly. He's an absolute delight from start to finish, especially because he *is* a threat and he *could* win if he wasn't so obsessed with the *aesthetic* and the need to show off.

page 255

Ahh one of my favorite lines in the whole book: "It's blame-everything-on-Telgrin time, is it?" What villain talks like this?? Who does this?!! No one but Telgrin, author Craig Mills, and this goofy novelisation of the very sassy, very cliche, very delightful, King's Quest series. Fantasy tropes, sass, snark, and everything. This book is nothing but pure sugared joy for me.

page 266

No more than two feet of earth held the entire castle in place, and now they're floating away again like the house in Up. Delightful.

page 270

Telgrin, you can't behead someone who has already been beheaded. Be sensible.

page 273

"Can you think of any way for us to get down from [this steadily rising floating castle]?" "I could attempt to fly you down!" All in all, Alexander thought he would rather just jump. Boys, please.

page 288

A Valanice story, I think, would have been very welcome. I'm glad for the trilogy we got, but I really would have enjoyed an official novel from her perspective. This lonely image of her standing alone before the throne, with her husband dying in the next room and her son gone for at least a week to face an unknown villain alone, while her kingdom is ravaged by evil knights....it feels worth exploring.

page 291

I absolutely one thousand million percent love this strobing effect of two Grahams floating together, his transparent and delicate soul settling down into his body again. It's delightful.

page 292

Pleaaase Graham, say "A heart is a heavy burden." I know this book came out like a decade before the Howl's Moving Castle (the movie at least, I don't know the book's publication date), but pleaaaase. I know you won't, but I want you to.

page 293

SHRIEKING. I don't ever ship things, but this is my otp for liiiiiife look at these two precious beans together I'm just THRILLED the smile on my face is enormous ahhhh Valanice and Graham have hardly anything going for them in the original games since they hardly ever interact on screen but this book and this scene is just DELIGHTFUL.

September 17, 2020 – Finished Reading

Again, five stars out of five stars

#king's quest novels #king's quest #kings quest #cyril (king's quest) #alexander (king's quest) #theoretically i'm reading it for a 4th time this year but i haven't actually gone past page six so that's it for liveblogs of book one #for now anyway #maybe i'll add book 2 and book 3 too #i haven't read them nearly as many times they've never captured my attention like this one did #but they are still fun and it might be good to have everything contained here anyway

[qualitystart]

so you have any crash course information on them so I'm not totally lost please? if not it's ok!

okay so. the starting point, if you have the time, is the utterly phenomenal Dorktown History of the Seattle Mariners. that'll take you through 2020. the extremely excellent mariners blog Lookout Landing also has some great history posts.

but you don't just want history, I assume - you want to know about the Mariners now. I'll try to cover as many of them as I can below the cut.

there's Julio, who took the world by storm as a rookie last year. here's a great piece on him from last fall - spoiler alert, they did end the drought. he also vlogs!

J.P. - heart and soul, o captain my captain. here's a great LL piece on him.

and his parter in crime, Ty, golden retriever in human form. you gotta see their dynamic in action: In-N-Out Burger trip, Starbucks adventure

Geno (of Casey's url fame) - "good vibes only," making Gold Glove plays every day, and an important leader

Jarred - in the words of @eugeniosuarez, "gifted child syndrome and a mood disorder but he loves his friends." currently on the IL because he kicked a water cooler after a frustrating strikeout. (he was gutted, and crying in his media availability. he cares about this team so fucking much.) his face when he's happy lights up the world.

Cal (a.k.a Big Dumper) - our incredible, talented, big-assed young catcher who rakes and works SO hard every day

Logan - very good pitcher, shaped like an inflatable tube man, undrafted out of high school and made himself a first-rounder anyway

Logan and Cal came up together and are rich with narratives, which I have detailed here.

Cabby - will annoy the SHIT out of the other team. uses the pitch clock to his advantage like no one else. in the words of the poet:

our other catcher is Murph - got a bit of the crazy eyes, we love him, he even can cartwheel!

the bullpen! here's a great LL piece - Gott has since been traded to the Mets, but he lives on in our hearts and Sauce pours one out for him before every game

and our de facto closers:

Matt Brash, who's got some nasty stuff, and Andrés Muñoz, who is very baby and throws gas

(previously we had Paul Sewald, who was traded at the deadline - good baseball move, but tough to see him go)

I am gettin sleepy and I haven't even covered most of the rotation - 2023 All Stars George Kirby and Luis Castillo, rookies Bryce Miller and Bryan Woo, plus we've got Robbie Ray and Marco on the IL (both out for the year) - so I may come back to edit this later, I'll rb it if I do.

feel free to hit me up with more questions any time, and I'm sure @eugeniosuarez and @jockcoded would be happy to answer some too - we all love telling people about the Mariners

#asks #Anonymous #mariners #*baseball

[shakibone]

okay so writing all that made me realize some of my musical tastes are really weird lol. would you have any recs?

Weird? I guess, but they slap

Bill Wurtz is always fantastic, and Snail House is so vibes~!

Never heard of Heaven Pierce Her before but dagnabbit this slaps. Order is on my Starred playlist now. War Without Reason also slaps, shocking no one.

Ooooh, Tooboe is an interesting introduction to me. I'm jamming to this alright, it's good stuff! Not sure what this genre's called, but I like it a lot.

NOW TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION!

My music tastes are a wild mix. People used to ask me what music I like and I'd just be like "...all? Depends on my mood I guess...?" Se here in no particular order are some faves or recs:

Louie Zong is a big fave of mine. He covers many genres, but my favourites are "I Sing Your Song" feat. Hatsune Miku, and his Mario disco-funk remix album "Let's-a Go!", his soundtrack to a videogame that doesn't exist "Levels", and most favouritest his album "Cozy" which will put me to restful sleep when the anxieties are biting my brain.

Following on from there, I enjoy Hatsune Miku a bunch! My favourite musicians to work with her are Wowaka (who among other songs did "Rollin' Girl", a mood piece about the pressures felt by creatives), and Mitchie M (whose songs include "News-39" a cheerful bop about propaganda, "Ohedo Julia-Night" a pop-disco ballad to the prosperous Ohedo era in Japanese history, "Cutie Angels" an homage to pro wrestling).

Speaking of pro-wrestling! The Mountain Goats album "Beat the Champ" hits hard for me, particularly "The Legend of Chavo Guerrero", which is both a tribute to legendary luchador Chavo Guerrero and insight into singer/songwriter John Darnielle's childhood and his relationship with his abusive stepfather. The Mountain Goats also made the song to get me through 2020! That being "This Year", a ballad of defiance in the face of a cruel world.

What else...

Carly Rae Jepsen! Her album Emotion has a bunch of bangers, but my favourites are "Boy Problems" about a friend who realises she's a bad friend for always venting to her friend about her boy problems without ever listening to said friend, or her album Dedicated which has my favourite of hers "Want You In My Room" which is a blatantly horny and cheerful song.

I have

more. But I'll stop here for now.

#Shakibone rambles #music #MUSIC! #i like so many of it

[practically-an-x-man]

🍣🍡🍙🍲 for fic writer asks :)

Thank you!!

Answers under the cut :)

Fic Writer Asks

🍣 What helps you focus or get in the mood to write?

Focus comes and goes, I really can't pin it down, but I do write best when it's late at night and I can be alone with my thoughts.

🍡 Which of your fics was the most emotionally difficult to write?

I'm actually gonna go with one of my shortfics, Mama (an emotional angst piece I wrote with my OC Jasper). It was kind of cathartic to write, but it also hurt to write in this really deep and personal way for me, since my mom does a lot of the same things as Jasper's in the fic. I think it's a good fic, well-written and all, but I definitely put more of my heart on the page than I meant to.

🍙 Is there a fic you wish had gotten more attention?

Taking Flight, for sure. I understand why it hasn't gotten much attention, since it's in an absolutely tiny fandom (Fablehaven, which was a series of obscure youth fantasy books), but I really do think it's some of my highest-quality writing and is one of my most interesting fics overall.

🍲 When did you start writing and why?

I've been writing stories since I was a kid, but I really got into fanfic around 2020-2021, as another hobby to fill the time during the pandemic (my other projects were painting a mural on my bedroom wall and learning how to play guitar). As for why... my head always gets super cluttered with stories and creative ideas, and writing is one of the ways I can give those ideas life so they don't just keep bouncing around in my brain.

#my friends!!! #answered asks #ask game #my writing

[cqtlatte]

hi! dunno if this has been answered before or if youre in the mood to get interviewed, but im sososo in love with your art - im esp fascinated by the different textures n how you color. everything about your art scratches my brain just right!! im rlly interested in your process. are you more intuitive with a piece, or do you usually map out a pretty clear outline/palette beforehand? what's your fav/least fav part of your process? would you ever post timelapses or maybe no bc of ai?

heyo anon, thanks a bunch !! <33

I have talked about my process here and there but I'm generally all over the place about it KFHDSJGJDJSD

I used to plan out my color palettes back in 2020 since I wasn't that great at coloring (it was pretty painful for me..!! lots of my work looked bland bc of it) and I didn't really know how to draw backgrounds either so they were always an afterthought.

I blabbed a bit about how I learned how to jump over that hurdle in another ask!

Usually I have a hard time visualizing what I want to draw in my head, so unless I have a clear picture in mind, my sketches are definitely where I begin forming my ideas.

At this point in my art journey, I plan both the background and the character together so the finished piece looks more cohesive. Most of my coloring process by now is pretty intuitive since I can generally feel what colors work together and what doesn't, and I also edit my pieces with tone curve,gradient maps, and color balance if needed.

this was from an ask I got on twitter, but I think it's super relevant and the best explanation I was able to put into words, so I want to reshare here⤵️

"Generally when in the early stages of a piece, I start off with some limited and often very light pastel-like colors. I also keep shapes simple, just for the sake of planning my composition's direction.

As I render in details, I gradually bring in my more darker + saturated colors. I like to check the piece in black and white often to make sure there's a full range of values. This also helps to verify if the composition itself is clear and understandable even without the help of colors. Usually this is why many artists start in black and white and then bring in their colors, since it saves time in that area."

My least favorite part of my process??? I'd say the sketch 😭😭😭😭😭 sometimes its fun though,,,,?

The feeling of knowing what you want to draw but not being able to put it down on paper is so... RAGHHH. OR that moment where the sketch looks better than the finished product.

Actually I noticed this more while doing commissions, since I become more hyper aware to meet the client's request.

I have posted timelapses before!!! Ta daaa

I haven't recorded more because clip studio used to lag a lot with the timelapse feature on, but I recently got more ram so maybe I'll give it another shot eventually?

#asks #hope you'll enjoy my blabbing T_T <3 thanks again!

[lorwolf-salt]

Regarding the AI art issue

Hii guys I’m Jay (#287), some of you might have seen me from time to time on the apparel discord. I just saw this whole thing about R using AI art, and I’m willing to risk putting my name here to help clear their name, that they are not using AI art at all. If you trace back their art from their DA, you’ll see pieces from 2020 and 2021 that are in a similar style to the backgrounds, and they are all 100% surely drawn by them, as AI still wasn’t a popular thing back then.Actually, one of the pieces used to “prove” they are using AI, was also done on 2021, and therefore, its actually not an AI piece. The whole style they are using is about drawing loosely and doing low detailing, which is a common style for concept art. And that style leaves ground for some weird things like trees growing from rocks. The weird birds repeating on their paintings is also proof these arent in fact AI art, it’s highly unlikely an AI was repeating the same patterns on multiple pieces, They are probably a bird brush R used.

If you want more details, feel free to send me a DM on discord, I know another person who draws on the same concept art style and they are taking their time to clear R’s name as well. if this whole thing about Rai takes off, other artists like them are in danger of being accused of crimes they did not commit.

Here is a bit of what my friend, who is also a concept artist, and has done commissions for me before, has to say about it.

“The short of it is I traced R’s art back almost four years and all of it is that style. That style is not AI style, it’s called Concept Art Illustration, and variations of it, that AI has unfortunately stolen and tries to mimic, but it can’t mimic genuine concept artist pieces that well and its very clear R’s are genuine. I even traced their skill increase each year they meticiulously practiced the style and there certainly weren’t AI in 2020 that could replicate R’s stylethat well.

The fire reflection? I have made those mistakes too.

Rocks growing out of trees? In concept art we don’t care about the logistics, the idea is to paint out a piece as quickly as possible, which means trees look a bit sketchy and so forth. The concept art style goes back to the 1800’s so its not new either and some people think it goes back further. Its a style that involves using impressions to convey an environment instead of actually painting the details. The most famous example is Claude Monet’s much loved Water Lilies series. If you walk up to this piece the whole thing falls apart into scribbles.

This style was recently slightly changed and adapted for the film and game industry where artists had to paint very fast and very quickly so they could develop films, make sets or pitch ideas to potential sponsors. It isn’t meant to be nice, artists aren’t thinking about river currents when they do it. The only thing they are thinking is ‘how do I convey the mood and feel of this scene as quickly as possible.”

R is just…that good, they are an amazing painter and can paint concept art with a maestry you don’t usually see on petsites. I understand why this made a few of you cautious, but accusing them without proof could damage their reputation and even make them lose their job, and I do believe they work on the art industry.

sorry for the long post, I hope this can clear some misconceptions

#submission #lw customs

[sheriffofwestwood]

Habsburgs Coupled Daughters (2020) Part 1

Guess who's back? *uncovers some old dust*

Get in fashion lovers, a documentary with dropped on Netflix about the daughters of the House of Habsburg. And they have played out scenes.

Keep in mind that documentaries have small budget. On the other hand, documentaries try to teach us history, shouldn't they be held to a higher standard than entertainment?

Anyway, buckle up your shoes and tighten your corsets as we take a look at this piece of work.

Part 1: setting the mood

While setting the mood of the documentary we are presented with this scene of young girls having fun. From the set, the hair and the vibe I would say somewhere in the 18th century. While the girls on the left looks a bit too much of middle class for a court setting the right one looks good. Bonus points for hiding behind the champagne.

But in the loving fuck is Little Miss Habsburg wearing? (by my best guess it's Marie Antoinette?)

Like these sleeves? What are they? There were sleeves like this but not certainly not with those straps. With the bodice it gives me 19th century fancy dress vibes. The bodice is completely unadorned. Why.

Bonus points for back-lacing though. I'll refer to it as Blue Fancy Dress.

And then we also get the Sad Brown Sack dress.

It's just an ill-fitting Regency dress? Something its off. The waist line? The neck line? The weird necklace under the dress?

Switching to two woman standing close together in 19th century clothing. Not sure who they are and what they are hiding.

And then we get a close up top this dress:

I'll call it the Fancy Golden Carpet Dress. Not sure which century if any at all.

Part 2: Archduchess Maria Carolina of Austria

Ohh we do love a dressing scene? Where do we start? The ill-fitting and wrongly shaped maid on the left? Carolina's missing chemise under her corset? That the wedding dress is white?

What are they doing?

WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HER HAIR?? A GIANT ASS HAIR CLIP?

The final dress looks atrocious. Ugly. White all white wedding dresses weren't even a thing yet. Where's the gold? The silver? The pearls? The Shiny Rich People stuff? Not even the back-lacing can save us.

What what year have we? 1768 you said? You mean a dress like this?

(Actual Maria Carolina from 1768)

But we have a pink dress at home:

THE HAIR CLIP AGAIN. AHHHHHH. THAT NECKLACE.

Modern wedding hairdo spotted. Who needs powdered hair?

A decent Robe á la Francaise spotted underneath the cloak. Why are you hiding the sleeves? What am I not suppose to see?

Too bad she's not her sister Marie Antoinette and it's not a little bit later.

Ahhhh, these sleeves. Ugly! No! Suddenly we are a century behind with the off-the-shoulder-look. Why. Why is the bodice in such a weird shape?

Part 3: Archduchess Marie Antoinette of Austria

Blue Dress girl confirmed to be Marie Antoinette.

What are they hiding under the cloak? Why is this dress oddly shaped? Do I want to know?

Buckle up. It's 1770!

(That's Marie Antoinette in 1769)

Marie Antoinette is famous that she had to change her complete dress at the French border. You know what that means?

Dress changing scene! Into the Blue Fancy Dress!

WHAT IS THIS?

IT WAS A JOKE WHEN I SAID 19TH CENTURY FANCY DRESS.

MARIE ANTOINETTE WAS A FASHION ICON.

BUT THIS IS A FULL BLOWN LATE 19TH CENTURY BUSTLE GOWN.

AHHHHHHH.

(Still like the hair. Better than her sister's modern wedding hair.)

Nevermind, she gets her wedding hair as well.

Part 3: Anne of Austria (1601 - 1666)

What we expect:

What we get:

You didn't even try at all. That looks maybe mid-19th century. If I'm really generous.

We jump to the Golden Carpet Dress.

What is this bodice shape????

The front looks kinds okay. We just ignore the sad droopy Stuart Collar and the sleeves. All hopes lost for the hair.

Ouch. :(

Part 4: Margaret of Austria

I can't. Just can't.

This is Margarete at the age of 10 in 1490.

We are talking early Tudor fashion.

What we get:

Assignment? Failed.

Undone uncovered hair. French Hood hair band. Female Da Vinci cosplay.

Continues in Part 2 because I reached an image limit.

#historical fashion check #Habsburgs Coupled Daughters #Habsburgs verkuppelte Töchter

[damnslippyplanet]

@leupagus requested, and her wish is my command. At least on a Monday morning when I'd rather be thinking about fic than my weekend email backlog. So:

List five of your least-popular fics, as well as when/why you wrote them.

the green place, Word of Honor modern AU, YeXie, 2021

This was a little string of YeXie Week ficlets based on word prompts. Friend Ritualist* and I had been batting around some ideas for a Plant Witch Xie'er fic in the DMs and I thought I'd use YeXie week to play around with the character voices/world a little and see how I liked writing those two. I had a lovely time writing it, but semi-connected short ficlets where the rimming is (just barely) off-screen are a hard sell. Also I left it marked incomplete for a long time thinking I might go back and finish out the week's prompts, so I'm sure it got passed over by the very wise people who don't read WIPs. No regrets, I like knowing Plant Witch Xier'er is out there even if he'll probably never really get written.

*babe, I'm blanking out and can only think of your pro author tumblr name and not your fandom one, if you're seeing this and wanna be linked, drop your fandom url in the comments and I'll link you up

The Desert Dreams of a River, Darkangel Trilogy, Aeriel/Irrylath, Erin/OFC, 2019.

Yuletide fic! With the hit count you expect for a Yuletide genfic based on one of your formative pieces of circa-1982 fiction about a girl trying to reform a vampire while they live on the terraformed moon. Written in a frantic haze just short of deadline, if I recall, as I'd started a different angle on it that didn't quite work. I'm not saying this story was just an excuse to get Erin a wife, but it was sort of that, since the prompt didn't really allow for Erin to wife Aeriel. (But she SHOULD HAVE. Let Aeriel Have A Husband And A Wife.) I loved these books so much. Unfortunately something must be really fucked with the licensing because only the third of the trilogy was available as an ebook at the time and that doesn't seem to have changed? Pick up a hard copy of the first book if you ever see one, though.

every word is nonsense, Only Friends, Ray&Sand, 2023

Another little tidbit of a fic as an exercise in character voice again and also how much I liked how much the show likes their smoking scenes. Look. I'm a person of a certain age who smoked like a chimney as a teenager and into my early twenties, and I can't help the programming that got into my bones about the inherent eroticism of sharing a cigarette. (lolsob, high five to my fellow Thai BL nerds, how are we all doing this week with the one-two- punch of the DFF shotgunning scene and the new 4 minutes teaser? it's fine, i'm fine.) I wrote this thinking that next I would write some RaySand smut and then didn't because the whirl of Thai BL fandom pulled me on to something else, but at some point I want to rewatch this show and may still write it then because it fed my FirstKhao shipper heart so well.

dizzy in your wake, Nirvana in Fire, Changsu/Jingyan, 2020?

I'm not the one who said "what if Mei Changsu were a were-octopus," that was a series of amazing twitter threads by @astronicht. But people just KEPT sending it to me because I am known to think octopus content is very cool and also to be a Mei Changsu Girlie, and eventually a couple of friends shook me until 600 words of ridiculousness came out. What surprises me is not that this one has few kudos, but that it has >10 kudos at all. I would say this is the most niche and silly thing I've written except I've also written MDZS/Jupiter Ascending fusion fic, so let's not pretend I have any dignity left. Written in 2020 but it didn't get posted until later because I don't usually post things this short. At some point I was in one of those "it's an ARCHIVE, we should put ALL THE THINGS THERE" moods and slapped a few NiF ficlets written for the group chat up there.

A Second Dose, Hannibal, Bev/Freddie, 2016

This was the thing where you write an odd little rarepair and it's so much fun you come back and do a sequel you hadn't meant to write. I'd written Bev/Freddie before and then when a Hannibal rarepair fest came around I was like, hey, what if I did that again. Possibly I just wanted to revisit the cat named after Rosalind Franklin that I'd made up for Bev.

#slippy writes things

[twstwonderlandstuff]

ITS SUMMERTIME!

warning: it's going to be a very long post, since it's a little annoying for me to break it off into different posts and link them & stuff.

about me & the blog:

call me Cherry AND AM HAPPILY MARRIED TO SILVER (silussy) AND SEBEK, MY BELOVEDS! I use she/her pronouns, and am a reblogging, writing, art and OC blog all at once!

I mainly reblog twisted wonderland, but genshin impact ,obey me , mystic messenger and ikemen prince make their rounds too.

as for my writing content, requests are currently [CLOSED] for twisted wonderland!

have an archive blog called @ramblings-of-an-internet-person for my old stuff, but that I believe tumblr shadowbanned that, or something.

as for the recent and upcoming stuff, I write it here! I have my rules written under the cut, so be sure to read carefully~!

art is something I do casually, and I'm a little over a year old to it, I still have much to learn! it's usually of my OC's or twisted wonderland.

speaking of my OC's, I have three of them! my most beloved people- I cherish them very much, so please don't be afraid to ask about them. my inbox is always open for them!

writing rules: [REQUESTS ARE CLOSED!]

🍉 I have the rights to reject any requests I don't vibe with~

🍉 If a rule is broken, I will attempt to work around it, but if I can't, then I can't.

🍉 None of my works are proofread, so sorry in advance for typos!

🍉 I'm not going to write ALL the boys, so the ones I CAN are listed as follows:

Riddle Rosehearts

Deuce Spade

Ace Trappola

Jack Howl

Ruggie Bucchi

Jade Leech

Floyd Leech

Azul Ashengrotto

Kalim Al-Asim

Epel Felmier

Malleus Draconia

Lilia Vanrouge

Silver

Sebek Zigvolt

Grim

🍉 and these are the boys I CAN'T write:

Trey Clover

Cater Diamond

Leona Kingscholar

Jamil Viper

Vil Schoenheit

Rook Hunt

Idia Shroud

Ortho Shroud

Staff (Dire Crowley, Ashton Vargas, Divus Crewel, Sam and Mozus Train)

Cheka Kingscholar

RSA (Neige Le'blanche, Chenya, Ambrose the 63rd)

🍉 I repeat, these are the boys I CANNOT and WILL NOT write.

🍉 I am open to write headcannons and short scenarios! How long/short these pieces are and their style depends on me and my mood~

🍉 You can and are encouraged to request more than once!

🍉 The limit is 4 characters for headcannons and 1 character for scenarios. The exception to this rule are the first years (Ace, Deuce, Epel, Jack and Sebek)

I can do:

Soft yandere (devotedness and love sickness)

Fem! Reader and GN! Reader (P.S.: if your request has no specified gender, I will automatically write them as gender neutral)

Suggestive content

Romantic

Platonic

Fluff

I cannot do:

NSFW

Male! Reader

Character x Character [but feel free to talk to me about them!]

Triggering content (non-con, incest, character death, the usual)

Angst (like, even the slightest pinch of angst. angst to comfort? NO, I cry)

Adult x Child

Things regarding mental illnesses

Song fics

AU's

taglist:

my tags aren't very organized because I started organizing them in 2020, stopped in 2021, then continued the process in 2022. I won't be retagging my stuff from 2021, so... 👍

writing tag:

#stuff hits the fan - my own writing that aren't from requests!

#cherry picking - 500 followers event writing tag!

#sugar rush - requests writing tag

other tags:

#news - either donation posts or actual news

#etc. - the dumpster fire that is tumblr or stuff I don’t have a tag for

#my art - my art. sometimes I forget to tag, but its either filled with my OCs or twisted wonderland.

#weddings!! - the recent trend of people coming to my blog for blessings on their weddings on various twst boys!!

oc tags:

#valencia karasu - my OC for twisted wonderland; my version of yuu a.k.a the main protagonist!

#vivica karasu - my OC for obey me! shall we date; my version of yuki a.k.a the main protagonist!

#himawari nikko - my OC for twisted wonderland; a side character for twisted wonderland!

for reblogging, the character tags are just their names. for example, #twst silver for silver from twst, or #sebek zigvolt for sebek from twst. #mammon is mammon from obey me!, and #gorou is gorou from genshin impact. I don't have the patience to customize my tags m'kay?

I guess that's it...? Be sure to stick around, cuz' I make some pretty cool stuff!

#twisted wonderland #twst #yandere twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #ace trappola #deuce spade #riddle rosehearts #ruggie bucchi #jack howl #azul ashengrotto #jade leech #floyd leech #kalim al asim #epel felmier #malleus draconia #lilia vanrouge #twst silver #sebek zigvolt #twst grim #human grim #PLZ give me your attention 🙏

[savvathun]

You’re right, I DO wanna ask you about your songs :P 1, 23, and 30?

how did i know :3 thank you, cap, i appreciate you asking 🫡

1. three songs that come up when you put your phone on shuffle

i also have your tag game in my drafts actually! but some more shuffles for you :)

something - hater the opening 20 seconds of this song rules

hot pink - let's eat grandma ough this song was produced by sophie. i miss her so much :((

no mind no money - beach baby

23. three songs that never fail to get you pumped up

syakunetsuno honoo - yugo kano actually just every jojo song in existence really. but this is avdol's theme that gets used like twice? in the anime. and it's hype as fuck. avdol deserved more!

wretches and kings - linkin park

i've seen footage - death grips a second death grips answer in one day? it's more likely than you'd think

(also honorary mention to basically every song from dmc and mgr:r, i didn't want these all to be ost but c'mon, they're hypest songs known to man)

30. three songs you really want your followers to know (for reasons other than all those above)

what a high-pressure category!

pink ocean - the voidz historically one of my favorite songs ever. literally impossible to be in a bad mood when i listen to it. maybe not my favorite anymore, but it's still the first song that comes to mind when anyone asks.

stillbirth - alice glass as a warning, this song is very loud and abrasive, but it's the ultimate catharsis song. if you're familiar with her story, then i'm sure you can piece it together. it really helps sometimes.

your love (déjà vu) - glass animals i know many of my mutuals are already on the glass animals wave so the propaganda is unnecessary, but this song is like my last pre-pandemic happy memory lmao. i was so hyped for this song to drop, i literally sat outside the class i was supposed to be in listening to it over and over until the radio station that debuted it moved onto another song. that was february 2020 🥴

#asks

[ashxketchum]

Mayblade 2023 - Day 4

Note: This is technically my submission for the prompt Sci-fi, you’ll find that word in there somewhere. Though I started writing it in 2020 or early 2021, when I received a dancing prompt request which eventually resulted in Chapter 8 and this piece being shoved into the WIP folder, until today! I read Chapters 2&4 of Life in Colour by @azikarue and felt very inspired to pick this piece up again, remember to check out this lovely fic as well 💗

[post divider by @/cafekitsune]

“Nice of you to finally show your face around here Tyson!”

The whole gymnasium paused and turned their heads to look at Tyson, and while usually, he didn’t mind being the centre of attention, right now the collective gaze of his classmates did make him feel embarrassed. But his annoyance with Chief’s tone and volume seemed to win over the former, sure Chief often scolded him during training and matches but this time the superiority in his voice coupled with the effect from the megaphone seemed to irk Tyson a little too much. Instead of responding with words, Tyson just faced him with a stoic look and it seemed to do the trick because a minute later Chief was hastily climbing down his makeshift throne and making his way to where Tyson and Hilary stood near the entrance.

“What I meant was, I’m so happy to finally have you be a part of our production.” Chief let out a nervous chuckle, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly in hopes that Tyson wouldn’t get too mad at him for his outburst earlier.

“Can’t say the same for myself,” Tyson muttered under his breath but Hilary caught on to it and narrowed her eyes at him.

“Anyway, the point is he’s here now,” she said as she turned to face Chief, speaking in her usual bossy tone that Chief had trouble talking back against, “and he has agreed to play the other lead. So, all our problems are solved.”

“Tyson will play the male lead?” Chief almost shrieked in surprise, turning the heads of many of their classmates, who worried that the director’s mood getting worse couldn’t bode well for any of them.

“Ouch.” Tyson raised his eyebrows, not that he was expecting his friend to be all gung-ho about his participation but the reaction was a little over the top even by his standards.

“No I mean, it’s great that you’ve shown interest in our efforts.” Chief retraced his words yet again, “But I’m not sure about casting you in a lead role at such short notice.”

Tyson wanted to tell Chief that their only audience was supposed to be a bunch of bored teachers and even more disinterested parents and students, that his production wasn’t going to be screened at Cannes or be eligible for an Oscar, but in much more colourful words, however, Hilary beat him to it.

“Oh for god’s sake, it’s just a school play.” She rolled her eyes at the hurtful look that settled on Chief’s face, “And it’s not like you have a whole pool of established actors to choose from.”

“Even if it’s just a school play, I have certain standards I like to follow.” Chief adjusted his glasses, his voice and hands both shaking out of the fear of talking back to the brunette, “And this isn’t Beyblading where Tyson can just waltz to the top without any effo-”

“Hils, I’d like to speak to Chief alone for a minute.” Tyson passed a steely smile in her direction as he grabbed the ambitious director by his shirt collar and dragged him out of the gymnasium with much ease, not waiting for Hilary to respond, he shut the doors and pushed his pipsqueak of a friend against them.

“Okay, now here’s what going to happen,” Tyson began in a low, threatening tone as Chief cowered slightly under his glare, “we’re going to stay here for about ten minutes, keep an eye on your watch.” Chief nodded in acknowledgement, so he continued, “Then we’re going to go back inside and you’ll tell Hilary how convinced you are by my acting skills and now love the idea of me being the lead.”

#mayblade 2023 #mayblade #takao kinomiya #hiromi tachibana #kyouju / manabu #bakuten shoot beyblade #beyblade #tyson granger #hilary tachibana #tyhil #chief / kenny #beyblade fanfiction #writealot #wasn't gonna write anything this time around but here we are

[schismusic]

Tom Waits and the art of believing

Somewhere in Simon Critchley's book on David Bowie he has an anecdote about Bowie redoing a vocal part a billion times because it's not authentic enough and — hold up, let me get the book:

"If Bowie’s art is inauthentic, if it is F for Fake, as Orson Welles might have put it, then is it also F for Falsehood? I remember reading an interview many years ago with Robert Fripp where he talked about watching Bowie in the studio in the late 1970s. Bowie was listening to a track or a tape loop and was very carefully, repeatedly, quite deliberately, and for the longest time, trying to generate the right emotion in his voice. What could be more contrived and fake than that? Shouldn’t true music come straight out of the heart, up through the vocal cords, and into our waiting, shell-like ears? Yet, as others have observed, Bowie’s genius lies in the meticulous matching of mood with music through the medium of the voice." (Bowie, Simon Critchley, p. 37)

— so yeah, if you've ever listened to so much as a smidge of Tom Waits this should be a pretty obvious connection to make.

It gets even better when you realize that Waits's inauthenticity is actually kind of the point. It's really hard to pinpoint where Thomas Alan Waits ends and Tom Waits begins, or more accurately the other way around - which makes what Tom Waits says immensely compelling, in that you never know for sure whether it's the cookie-monster-demon-thing talking or the man behind the legend poking his nose into the words. So this necessarily makes for a number of different possible listening experiences. This one time I was playing D&D with my old party and as we were playing my DM needed to introduce the Skaven — it was a Warhammer 40K type thing, I have never played any Warhammer 40K, whatever, that's besides the point — and he was like "all of a sudden, from the underground, you hear that song from Robots" and everybody was like "ooh yeah I know that!" and I was like "holy shit you mean Tom Waits?".

This kind of threw many of the people around the table for a loop and the night ended with me lending my Bone Machine CD to the home owner. He promptly returned it a while later and I suspect he didn't get to the end of it. More Tom Waits for me I suppose. When I first got that exact copy of Bone Machine (spoken like someone who has more than one copy of Bone Machine, whereas this is very much not the case, it's still the same one, bought used in January 2020: I was dating a girl and it lasted for like thirty seconds flat but luckily our relations are still very much positive, we got to base one and then dipped, then we lost track and exchanged like holiday wishes or birthday wishes if we got lucky, then all of a sudden I meet her again downtown last November — what happened is she apparently takes dance classes in town and has to spend like two hours on the train everyday just to train, pun not necessarily unintended but also definitely not intended entirely — and we have this wonderful little chat and then we're both like "actually let's stay in touch I'd love to get coffee at one point" and then sometimes we have short conversations and honestly I might just actually ask her for this coffee thing, have a more relaxed conversation and all, she's a nice person you know, she has her own way of dealing with the cards she gets dealt, a slanted skewered sense of irony about herself and everyone else that's very Southern-Italy-expat-into-the-North most likely mutuated from her parents and perhaps even derived from a sense of inadequacy of sorts, there's a lot to unpack I think, meanwhile I at the time — January 2020, that is — was still trying to process the previous relationship, which I might or might not have mentioned in the Godflesh piece, which actually might have become the veritable centerpiece of most of the stuff I write on here, and damn this sentence is really long, you guys are enjoying the ride I hope, I mean you must, after all this is the name of the game on here, don't I usually just run around in circles until all of a sudden you look the other way or roll your eyes in immense frustration and/or inveterate anger and while you're not looking I get to the point and the story ends?), it was January 2020 and I was on lunch break from studying. I was getting ready for a Linear Algebra exam. Linear Algebra is pretty cool but it doesn't leave much room for emotion, necessarily — it has its reasons of which the heart knows nothing. So here I was, this girl I was dating on her first relationship, me with one relationship too many, as young as I was. And at one point it entered my mind that maybe, just maybe, to stop being a crybaby I probably just needed to get into different music. Potentially music that had mystified me in the past. And nothing had mystified me like this one 128kbps CD dump of Tom Waits's Rain Dogs had, uploaded on a USB drive for me by a friend's father. So obviously I picked up Bone Machine. And I pop it in the stereo that night and this shit hits me right on the temple.

Imagine my shock when I realize that all of a sudden you don't need to be Godspeed You! Black Emperor to sound like the end of the world. Even crazier to me that the apocalypse could sound so flawlessly and tastefully arranged and yet so tangible and even brutal, and that there was basically no divide between the two. Which obviously prompted me to ask "how does this even work?" and to keep listening. So maybe all I needed to do was approach this with a musician's mentality, which is what I still do and it genuinely helps me a lot when talking Tom Waits. At the same time I wouldn't argue Tom Waits is a musician's musician, so to speak. He's also a writer's musician, crucially. Bones Howe defined his work on Nighthawks at the Diner as "Allen Ginsberg with a really, really good band" (I'm linking it here in full so you can check it out on your own time, which I highly recommend you do), and while I feel like Waits's work on average is a bit more humorous, which is kind of why even among the Island era works Bone Machine is the only one that actually does that homicidal maniac thing where everything, and I mean everything spectacularly ties into that general sense of apocalyptic abandon. The more personal numbers relate excellently to that, better than they ever have — and this is from that same guy who wrote, I don't know, Time. This one time, right before the pandemic hit, I was invited to a birthday party and as many things did back at the time it spiralled into a lot of heavy feelings being spilled onto absolute strangers. I had this CD in the car and I felt like I had to put this track on, I just knew it, don't ask me why. So I did:

And then a while later I found myself toying around a lot with this other track, called I Don't Wanna Grow Up (music video courtesy of Jim Jarmusch, by the way). Obviously 2020 wasn't the best time for many people. I was trapped with five other people — two of which had COVID — in a house meant for four, I seemed unable to hold one person down for long enough to actually become friends and my academic career, if there even was one, was very clearly dead in the water. And let's be clear here: would you wanna grow up in that context? God knows I didn't. And I guess it makes it even funnier when it's a guy who has very much grown up already telling you that he doesn't wanna grow up — and that you find yourself believing him. Because ultimately Tom Waits, as opposed to Thomas Alan Waits, does not in fact grow up. He is born fully formed and trudges through life in eternal decay, he faces memories of his past haunting him and turning ever less beatnik and ever more hallucinatory and modernist and distorted. His blues become his decomposing greys/greens, they become toxic miasmas that end up deforming and corroding the songs. And even icons of religious salvation turn into broken contract killers — the sole ones capable of providing a truly beautiful death. "Some say he killed a man with a guitar string… some say under his coat there are wings." Fitting that the music should turn a slow country instrumental into a metaphysical number, chilling and perfectly inexplicable precisely in direct proportion to how close it is to the reach of sheer intuition.

But what originally got me into the record was Waits's balladry, as funny as it may seem. You don't usually listen to Tom Waits for the ballads, mostly because lately (that is, from 1983 onwards, at least) that's very much not what he's remembered for. And yet not many people can just as easily write Goin' Out West — a track that goes so hard it's been covered, basically unaltered, by Queens of the Stone Age — as he does Whistle Down the Wind — a track that's so touching it's been covered, with very different instrumentation and vocal interpretation, by Joan Baez — on the same record, no less. The one that got me at first was A Little Rain, a murder ballad so brutally honest it doesn't even have to say it out loud: a sixteen-year-old leaves her small hometown to see the world. "I love you mom, and a little rain never hurt no one" are the words she leaves her mother with. To the cost of sounding redundant, it probably wasn't the rain that hurt her. You are left with a profound sense of evil that, unsurprisingly, pops up in a track like Springsteen's Nebraska — "well, I guess there's just a meanness to this world".

But the one that speaks to me, fellow imposter syndrome having asshole, the most is Who Are You, more eloquently (perhaps a bit too eloquently) titled Who Are You This Time on some live albums of Waits's. It's very easy to construe yourself as a suicidal buttfuck-insane maudit rat bastard, but most other people see right through it when you're twenty. My obsession at the time was to be taken seriously, to be taken as a ticking time bomb, to be taken as a menace even. I don't think it was necessarily a form of posturing; it could more appropriately be interpreted as me trying to get people to notice how fucked I felt this shit to be. Unfortunately it gets old fast. I guess Tom Waits, or likely Thomas Alan Waits, kind of saw it too. It's reasonable to interpret this track as a song against itself, or rather a song against whoever is singing it, or rather a song about whoever is singing it pretends to be in front of an audience, which necessarily entails some interesting reflections on identity and artistic integrity and the understanding that who says the thing is just as important as the thing being said. I am making no sense because it's almost 2am. I don't give a fuck. Here's a song that makes me cry:

#schismusic #music #writing #long form #tom waits #bone machine #Youtube

[once-upon-a-stolas]

CONTENT WARNING: This post discusses alcohol and rape pretty heavily.

So. It’s been a while, and a lot of things have happened.

To make a long and short of it, Vivzie did something that all available evidence leads me to believe was both extremely premeditated and astonishingly cruel. I can no longer in good conscience support her, don’t really believe anyone else should, and seriously debated whether to continue this blog at all. I still don’t know that doing so is the right thing, but at the end of the day, I don’t believe I can say a proper goodbye to my time in Hazbin without first saying a proper goodbye to Stolas. 

So, that in mind, we’re not going to talk about Vivzie as a person or her crew or Taft-Hartley orders. We’re going to talk about July 4th, 2020.

July 4th begins on a light note, a Friday night, with Blitzo dressed up in fishnets and tight pants and ready to party. Stolas, who’s in an amorous mood, makes zero effort to hide how much he approves of this, inviting him over to discuss some “personal business”, which Blitzo doesn’t reply to. 

Things take a rapid turn, however, when Blitzo’s date for the night bails on him because he’s taking too long to get to “the good stuff”, which one can assume to mean sex. The comments seem concerned about Blitzo’s eye makeup and wonder if he’s been crying, but Blitzo mentions his date snapping his picture and the picture shows him in the process of holding up a drawing of what looks like Spirit, so I think the implication is that Blitzo was drunk and talking about/drawing his favorite horse movie when all his date wanted was to finish their meal of not-Wendy’s and for Blitzo to put out. He takes off, Blitzo’s upset, and Stolas pounces, actually overstepping his bounds by inviting himself over to Blitzo’s place.

Now, mind you...this could have gone very badly. Blitzo doesn’t seem receptive at all, and Stolas goes to his house, breaks out the rose petals and candles, and parks himself naked in Blitzo’s bathtub. This is actually kind of not okay. But in the end, narratively, it breaks even due to what happens next.

Blitzo bursts in and throws up “everywhere.” Stolas carries him to bed, tucks him in with some aspirin and water, gently tells him to rest, very possibly cleans up -- or magics away -- his puke, and then goes home. “Da_fan_boi”’s comments have since been deleted, but if memory serves, they said something to the effect of Stolas topping heavily drunk Blitzo -- in other words, raping him -- and how does Stolas respond?

By getting frostier than we’ve ever seen him up until this point.  

He’s absolutely not having this. He resents the very suggestion that he would do this. Blitzo, for his part, chimes in to make sure this person knows that Blitzo is the one who doms Stolas (which also seems contrary to his usual insistence that they’ve only ever hooked up once) and that da_fan_boi is a dumbass.

I don’t know how present day Stolas would have responded in this situation. Maybe it’s a scenario that will show up in canon someday and he’ll make the same choice his predecessor does here. Right now, however, given how many times Blitzo has given Stolas a hard no and how consistently Stolas has ignored him? I don’t think a lucid, but heavily inebriated Blitzo would have been safe with that Stolas. I definitely don’t think for a single moment that the Stolas of Murder Family would have put Blitzo to bed with water and aspirin.

On July 4th 2020, Stolas began his Friday evening already aching for Blitzo. Blitzo was scantily clad and gorgeous, and smarting after being rejected by someone who wasn’t willing to put up with his horse infodumping and only wanted to fuck him. Stolas went too far in swooping in to pick up the pieces, but the moment it became clear that Blitzo wasn’t in his right mind, Blitzo’s well-being came dead first. Before!Stolas was flawed, but what he did wasn’t just gentle, as one commenter suggests...it was the right thing to do. It was human and decent. It was the only thing.

So whatever you think of Vivziepop as a writer, or a person -- whatever you think regarding the choices she’s made, or will make -- I think it’s important that once upon a time, someone on the oftentimes mysterious Instagram team made the decision to portray Stolas as someone who would make this kind of a choice. I think it’s important to remember that character, as brief lived as he was. 

And that’s why I’m going to keep doing this. 

#Stolas #Helluva Boss #Blitzo #viviziepop critical