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#this is a better uncharted movie than uncharted could ever aspire to be
topherfoxtrot · 3 years
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The Vault (2021) dir.: Jaume Balagueró 
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moviepower · 4 years
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Why do people criticize Jojo Rabbit?
We'd say that this is uncharted territory for distributor Disney, but the company did previously give us their futures face. Hmm. I saw Jojo Rabbit in the best place I could for movies, in my opinion.
For this list, we're looking at why Tyco ITTS 2019 black comedy has proven. So polarizing for critics just to clarify the critical reception thus far has been mostly positive and even watch mojo gave the film a rave review following its TIFF premiere.
Nevertheless, we can definitely see why a movie like this. Wouldn't win audiences over everywhere. Hey Joe, Joe, my old friend. Hi adults. Number 10, the controversial premise. I don't think I can do this last. Of course you can simply by reading it synopsis, you can tell why Jojo rabbit has stirred up so much controversy.
In the midst of world war II, a young German boy named Joe Joe dreams of becoming a Nazi upon learning that his mother has been harboring a Jewish girl in the attic though, Jo Jo begins to reevaluate his outlook on life. I tell them you will be in big trouble throughout this coming of age journey. Our titular character is guided by his imaginary friend.
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Is it worth to watch Jojo Rabbit full movie
Who just so happens to be a flamboyantly incompetent, Adolf Hitler, as inventive as the premises, it was guaranteed to ignite passionate feelings. Critics are unsurprisingly split as to whether the film's premise is inspired or irresponsible. I wish more of our young boys had your blind fanaticism. Okay.
Number nine, how it stacks up to other satires and this world is ruined for everyone and the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone. The way of life can be free and beautiful, but we have lost the way Jojo rabbit. Isn't the first film to satirize Hitler or Nazis 1940 twos to be, or not to be was criticized upon release for its farcical, spin of Nazi occupied Poland.
But today is viewed as a comedy classic. I know you're quite famous in London kernel. They call you concentration camp Earhart. Yes. Yes, we do the concentrating and the poles do the camping Hitler. Technically isn't the protagonist and the great dictator. It's obvious who Charlie Chaplin was parodying. We can learn more about actress playing mother Jojo on Wikipedia.
Arguably the most famous sendup of Nazi Germany is Mel Brooks. The producers. In which two con men put on an intentionally horrible musical entitled springtime for Hitler. Practically a love letter to this own run a week week. Are you kidding display? It's got the close on page four. Some critics are ready to place Jojo rabbit alongside these revolutionary respected comedy.
What do critics write in reviews about Jojo Rabbit?
Others, however, would claim that the film has more in common with the bridge sit-com Hile, honey I'm home, which was so misguided and tasteless that it only lasted one episode. Oh 10 night. You will make an schnitzel. What a joke. You must be real mad at me, honey. I'm a very, very bad Hitler. Number eight, what's going on in the real world right now?
Fuck man. The house, although world war II is in the past. The same, unfortunately can not be said about bigotry. Nowhere was this more apparent than at the 2017 unite the right rally in Charlottesville, which attracted several hate groups, including neo-Nazis. Since prejudice and discrimination remain prevalent in today's world.
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It's obvious why various critics would object to a film that makes light of Nazi Germany. Nevertheless, satire can reflect modern times as well as history in ways that straightforward drama can't. Some might argue that now isn't the right time for a Nazi satire, but others would debate that society needs a movie like Jojo rabbit. A great story about the Irishman is here.
Now more than ever, you're not to nuts. Jojo, tenue kids likes dressing up in front of you. If somebody wants to be part of a club. Number seven, the humor, the best weekend ever.
Soundtrack in the highest level of production
Wow. Your enjoyment of Jojo rabbit will hinder on how hard you laugh. Or of course, if you laugh, the film didn't tickle. Roger Freedman. Funnybone who wrote in his showbiz four one, one review Jojo rabbit is actually borderline antisemitic offensive on many levels and not even funny. Sam Adams of slate couldn't have disagreed more proclaiming for Jojo rabbit comedy.
Isn't a means to minimize, but to analyze wise, to pry at the way, hateful ideologies can be embraced as a comfort and how beneath their promise to. Blame how the world really works is an understanding no more sophisticated than a child's it's time to buy some books. Since humor is subjective, we guess there isn't always going to be a clear line between what's offensively funny and what's just plain offensive.
Oh God. Number six. Jewish jokes. Did you know, Jews can Z to each other's mind. So tell us, you know, who saw one? They could look just like us of Tyco. ITT satire is clearly the Nazis. However, the director who's of Jewish and Maori heritage also pokes fun at Judaism. Hi, well, the real Jordan Rumi was horrified by the audience's reception at the screening he attended.
Writing, you have no idea how it is to be surrounded by thousands of people laughing at jokes, specifically directed at Jews. That being said, Rumi seemed to be in the minority of a group that found the film. Hilarious. As with Borat and South park, many would argue that the humor and Jojo rabbit isn't intended to mock the Jewish faith, but to criticize how ignorant and Semites are a cute number five, the life is beautiful comparison, right?
Jojo Rabbit's reaction to mom's death
Yeah. Critics have stocked a Jojo rabbit up against numerous other films. But life is beautiful. Seems to be the one that's invited the most comparisons this 1997, Italian dromedy also presented world war II through a lighthearted lens, centering on a Jewish man who uses humor and imagination to shield his son from the horrors of the Holocaust. It's interesting what they write about this movie on Amazon.
Well, the film won an Academy award for best foreign language film, and even got nominated for best picture. There were those who found the movies comedic tone, inappropriate. Over two decades later, we will continue to debate if the movie is a life affirming fable or a dated misfire. It's actually eerie how much these two films have in common, especially since both one TIFs peoples choice award.
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That is the strongest thing in the world. Number four, is it shocking enough? I was your age. I had an imaginary friend come in so much stuff even before the first trailer dropped Jojo rabbit was being built up as one of 20 nineteens most controversial movies. Weirdly enough though, some critics have expressed disappointment that the film isn't more shocking.
Well, audiences have arguably gotten more sensitive with time. There are still patrons who crave comedy that pushes the envelope to its limits. It's time to burn some books. Brian Talarico of the Chicago sun times felt Jojo rabbit played it too safe. Writing the final scenes of Jojo rabbit are too easy for a film that needs to be dangerous and daring. 
Are the best scenes already included in the trailer?
Even if the film doesn't go all out with its edgy concept. Seeing Tyco, ITT dresses, Adolf Hitler will be more than enough to make a few jobs drop. What am I going to do? No idea. Going down the house in Glen Winston church one, negotiate number three. It's depiction of Nazis. The playlist Charles romesco took issue with the films, humanization of antisemites writing.
YTT concedes that a good percentage of Nazis really do hold hate in their heart. But maintains that at least some of them aren't you two seem to be getting on. Well, it doesn't seem like a bad cost. How much pain and suffering the Nazis caused many audiences will understandably struggle with this message.
However, if Ron Jones proved anything with his third wave social experiment in 1967, it's that even ordinary people can get swept up in the dangerous ideals of fascism. Likewise, Jojo rabbit poses, a challenging question. If we're not willing to acknowledge the bad and the good in people, how can we ever rid ourselves of prejudice?
Nothing makes sense anymore. Yeah, I know. It's definitely not a good time to be a Nazi. Number two it's message. And mother took me. She's kind me like a person, whatever your thoughts on Jojo rabbit, Tyco ITT clearly wanted to spread an anti hate message. YTT also claims that he started writing the screenplay before Nazis regained relevance in the media.
There's little doubt that why TTS intent was noble, whether or not the final product successfully gets his message across is where critics are split. A doubt of the a V club felt that making fun of Nazi Germany had been done before. Thus taking away from the movies, broader anti hate theme. Peter Howell begged to differ in his Toronto star review writing Taika YTT knocks it out of deer park with the meaningful lunacy of his anti hate satire, which is equal parts.
Adolf Hitler's thread in the movie
Mel Brooks, West Henderson, and  own whimsical brilliance growing up too fast. Ten-year-olds and the celebrating war and talking politics. Before we continue, be sure to subscribe to our channel and ring the bell to get notified a better latest videos. You'll have the option to be notified for occasional videos or all of them.
If you're on your phone, make sure you go into your settings and switch on notifications. Number one it's depiction of Hitler. Well, they call me a scared rabbits. Okay. Let's address the giant rabbit in the room. Tyco YTT spends most of his screen time prancing around in a Nazi uniform and toothbrush mustache. If you want, you can read here about preparations for making a movie and other curiosities.
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Without a doubt, YTT, didn't set out to deliver a serious or dignified portrayal of Hitler. Rather YTT aspired to make the fewer look as goofy and idiotic as possible. Oh, . Just painting Hitler as a wacky, even likable buffoon desensitized us to the atrocities. He committed though. Some may say yes while others may argue that it leaves audiences more informed and open-minded.
At the end of the day, everyone is going to have a different opinion of Jojo. Let them say whatever they want. People used to say a lot of nasty things about me. Oh, this guy's a lunatic. Oh, look at that psycho. He's going to get us all killed. Do you agree with our picks, check out this other recent clip from watch mojo and be sure to subscribe and ring the bell to be notified about our latest videos.
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richincolor · 5 years
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With 2018 coming to a close, it’s time to kick off our end of the year lists! Here are eight of Audrey’s favorite books that came out this year (in no particular order):
Undead Girl Gang by Lily Anderson Razorbill || Audrey’s Review
Mila Flores and her best friend Riley have always been inseparable. There’s not much excitement in their small town of Cross Creek, so Mila and Riley make their own fun, devoting most of their time to Riley’s favorite activity: amateur witchcraft.
So when Riley and two Fairmont Academy mean girls die under suspicious circumstances, Mila refuses to believe everyone’s explanation that her BFF was involved in a suicide pact. Instead, armed with a tube of lip gloss and an ancient grimoire, Mila does the unthinkable to uncover the truth: she brings the girls back to life.
Unfortunately, Riley, June, and Dayton have no recollection of their murders, but they do have unfinished business to attend to. Now, with only seven days until the spell wears off and the girls return to their graves, Mila must wrangle the distracted group of undead teens and work fast to discover their murderer…before the killer strikes again.
Dread Nation by Justina Ireland Balzer + Bray || Group Discussion
Jane McKeene was born two days before the dead began to walk the battlefields of Gettysburg and Chancellorsville—derailing the War Between the States and changing America forever. In this new nation, safety for all depends on the work of a few, and laws like the Native and Negro Reeducation Act require certain children attend combat schools to learn to put down the dead. But there are also opportunities—and Jane is studying to become an Attendant, trained in both weaponry and etiquette to protect the well-to-do. It’s a chance for a better life for Negro girls like Jane. After all, not even being the daughter of a wealthy white Southern woman could save her from society’s expectations.
But that’s not a life Jane wants. Almost finished with her education at Miss Preston’s School of Combat in Baltimore, Jane is set on returning to her Kentucky home and doesn’t pay much mind to the politics of the eastern cities, with their talk of returning America to the glory of its days before the dead rose. But when families around Baltimore County begin to go missing, Jane is caught in the middle of a conspiracy, one that finds her in a desperate fight for her life against some powerful enemies. And the restless dead, it would seem, are the least of her problems.
From Twinkle, with Love by Sandhya Menon Simon Pulse || Audrey’s Review
Aspiring filmmaker and wallflower Twinkle Mehra has stories she wants to tell and universes she wants to explore, if only the world would listen. So when fellow film geek Sahil Roy approaches her to direct a movie for the upcoming Summer Festival, Twinkle is all over it. The chance to publicly showcase her voice as a director? Dream come true. The fact that it gets her closer to her longtime crush, Neil Roy—a.k.a. Sahil’s twin brother? Dream come true x 2.
When mystery man “N” begins emailing her, Twinkle is sure it’s Neil, finally ready to begin their happily-ever-after. The only slightly inconvenient problem is that, in the course of movie-making, she’s fallen madly in love with the irresistibly adorkable Sahil.
Twinkle soon realizes that resistance is futile: The romance she’s got is not the one she’s scripted. But will it be enough?
Told through the letters Twinkle writes to her favorite female filmmakers, From Twinkle, with Love navigates big truths about friendship, family, and the unexpected places love can find you.
Isle of Blood and Stone by Makiia Lucier Houghton Mifflin Harcourt || K. Imani’s Review
Ulises asked, “How can I look at these maps, see this riddle, and do nothing? They are my brothers.”
Elias reached across the table and flicked aside two shells with a fingertip. The map curled into itself. “It’s bound to be a goose chase. You know that?”
“Or a treasure hunt,” Ulises countered, “and you’ve always been good at those.”
Nineteen-year-old Elias is a royal explorer, a skilled mapmaker, and the new king of del Mar’s oldest friend. Soon he will embark on the adventure of a lifetime, an expedition past the Strait of Cain and into uncharted waters. Nothing stands in his way…until a long-ago tragedy creeps back into the light, threatening all he holds dear.
The people of St. John del Mar have never recovered from the loss of their boy princes, kidnapped eighteen years ago, both presumed dead. But when two maps surface, each bearing the same hidden riddle, troubling questions arise. What really happened to the young heirs? And why do the maps appear to be drawn by Lord Antoni, Elias’s father, who vanished on that same fateful day? With the king’s beautiful cousin by his side—whether he wants her there or not—Elias will race to solve the riddle of the princes. He will have to use his wits and guard his back. Because some truths are better left buried…and an unknown enemy stalks his every turn.
The Poet X by Elizabeth Acevedo HarperTeen || Audrey’s Review
A young girl in Harlem discovers slam poetry as a way to understand her mother’s religion and her own relationship to the world. Debut novel of renowned slam poet Elizabeth Acevedo.
Xiomara Batista feels unheard and unable to hide in her Harlem neighborhood. Ever since her body grew into curves, she has learned to let her fists and her fierceness do the talking.
But Xiomara has plenty she wants to say, and she pours all her frustration and passion onto the pages of a leather notebook, reciting the words to herself like prayers—especially after she catches feelings for a boy in her bio class named Aman, who her family can never know about. With Mami’s determination to force her daughter to obey the laws of the church, Xiomara understands that her thoughts are best kept to herself.
So when she is invited to join her school’s slam poetry club, she doesn’t know how she could ever attend without her mami finding out, much less speak her words out loud. But still, she can’t stop thinking about performing her poems.
Because in the face of a world that may not want to hear her, Xiomara refuses to be silent.
Let’s Talk About Love by Claire Kann Swoon Reads || Audrey’s Review
Alice had her whole summer planned. Non-stop all-you-can-eat buffets while marathoning her favorite TV shows (best friends totally included) with the smallest dash of adulting–working at the library to pay her share of the rent. The only thing missing from her perfect plan? Her girlfriend (who ended things when Alice confessed she’s asexual). Alice is done with dating–no thank you, do not pass go, stick a fork in her, done.
But then Alice meets Takumi and she can’t stop thinking about him or the rom com-grade romance feels she did not ask for (uncertainty, butterflies, and swoons, oh my!).
When her blissful summer takes an unexpected turn, and Takumi becomes her knight with a shiny library employee badge (close enough), Alice has to decide if she’s willing to risk their friendship for a love that might not be reciprocated—or understood.
Blanca & Roja by Anna-Marie McLemore Feiwel & Friends || Group Discussion
The biggest lie of all is the story you think you already know.
The del Cisne girls have never just been sisters; they’re also rivals, Blanca as obedient and graceful as Roja is vicious and manipulative. They know that, because of a generations-old spell, their family is bound to a bevy of swans deep in the woods. They know that, one day, the swans will pull them into a dangerous game that will leave one of them a girl, and trap the other in the body of a swan.
But when two local boys become drawn into the game, the swans’ spell intertwines with the strange and unpredictable magic lacing the woods, and all four of their fates depend on facing truths that could either save or destroy them. Blanca & Roja is the captivating story of sisters, friendship, love, hatred, and the price we pay to protect our hearts.
Shadow of the Fox by Julie Kagawa Harlequin Teen || Audrey’s Review
One thousand years ago, the great Kami Dragon was summoned to grant a single terrible wish—and the land of Iwagoto was plunged into an age of darkness and chaos.
Now, for whoever holds the Scroll of a Thousand Prayers, a new wish will be granted. A new age is about to dawn.
Raised by monks in the isolated Silent Winds temple, Yumeko has trained all her life to hide her yokai nature. Half kitsune, half human, her skill with illusion is matched only by her penchant for mischief. Until the day her home is burned to the ground, her adoptive family is brutally slain and she is forced to flee for her life with the temple’s greatest treasure—one part of the ancient scroll.
There are many who would claim the dragon’s wish for their own. Kage Tatsumi, a mysterious samurai of the Shadow Clan, is one such hunter, under orders to retrieve the scroll…at any cost. Fate brings Kage and Yumeko together. With a promise to lead him to the scroll, an uneasy alliance is formed, offering Yumeko her best hope for survival. But he seeks what she has hidden away, and her deception could ultimately tear them both apart.
With an army of demons at her heels and the unlikeliest of allies at her side, Yumeko’s secrets are more than a matter of life or death. They are the key to the fate of the world itself.
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Wandering Thoughts
I pressed my feet more firmly into the soil as the sun began to sink further toward the horizon. From a distance, you could barley make out the words “APPALACHIAN TRAIL” on the wooden post now behind us, but as we raced the setting sun I imagined I was stepping on the same stones and twigs as Bill Bryson and Jennifer Davis, who found themselves hidden somewhere in these same woods. As I shifted the oversized backpack around my waist and shoulders I smiled, picturing the callused shoulders of Cheryl Strayed (who hiked the AT’s cousin, the PCT), imaging my own skin growing thick and tough if I were to do this day in and day out, as so many others on this trail had. But we were only here to tonight. And we were still racing the sun. The trail would become a different place at night, I was sure, these steep  uphill climbs would feel more mountainous and our feet would feel less steady beneath the weight on our backs as we continued on this unfamiliar ground. I was determined to make it to the Jumpoff before dark.
Heatherly breathed heavily behind me, which I hoped masked the sound of my own labored breathes, as we hiked the 3.5 miles up the mountain we planned to spend the night on. As runners, we overestimated the ease in which we’d make this trip, quickly to be humbled by the steep elevation and thin air of the smokies. None the less, we resonated with Christopher McCandless’ words, “the very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventures”, which has somehow led our weary, longing souls, to spend a week in the same places where bears slept. I wonder if Bill Bryson and Jennifer ever thought they were crazy.
I willed my racing heart to slow itself as we hiked on. As we went further into the woods, I was surprised by how lush and lime green the ground and canopy around us was. I didn't remember ever seeing that color of green before--- unfaded, glowing--- I looked away, struck by the absurd notion that even just my gaze would fade its hue. I was lost in these thoughts when I nearly stumbled over an older man sitting on the side of the narrow trail. I quickly took in that he was out here alone and had already set up his eno and tarp for the night, choosing shelter in the thick of the forest instead of the more open and visible edge of the cliffs, as we had preferred. I shrugged to myself--- if he wanted to be confused with bear food, it was his choice. As I nodded a passing hello, he quickly asked “do you have a flashlight?” It was presumptuous of me, but I couldn't help but wonder if this question, on the AT, was the equivalent of a homeless mans question for money on a crowded city street. I smiled and asked if he needed one and stared nearly transfixed into his eyes---one was blue and one was brown--- as he replied “No, just making sure you had one. It gets hard to see at night.”
Noted.
but his casual response seemed to remind us of our quickly fading daylight, and our careful steps seemed a little more hurried as we climbed the remainder of the mountain.
At one point, we wondered if were lost. The trail appeared less visible than usual and the forest seemed to growing thicker around us instead of thinning out of a cliff as we hoped. Worried, but deciding we had no time to around back and find out, we continued on. And then suddenly sunlight cut through the thick of the trees. And, as if someone had simply taken a huge knife and cut through the rock of the mountain in front of us, we stepped out onto the ledge. Suddenly the world opened up around us, and all we could see were mountain tops looking like oversized ant hills with trees like blades of grass on their shoulders--- there was too much for my small eyes to take in. I laughed to myself as my knees became weak beneath me, increasingly aware of our high altitude now that I could see clouds beneath me. Heatherly checked the compass and read our elevation- 6180 ft. It seemed 25 degrees colder up here than it was in the small town of Cherokee somewhere below us. We would definitely our blankets tonight.
Wordlessly, Heatherly and I began setting up camp in the routine we had become accustomed to. I adjusted the tarp over our enos as she gathered wood for the fire, separated the twigs into size by width. I smiled as the sun finally sank beneath the horizon just as we had everything finished. We both sat by the fire I coaxed back to life after the damp wood from the well covered  forest threatened not to burn. We both sat there silently close to the flames for awhile, allowing the heat to dry the sweat that clung to our clothes, now causing us to be cold.
As I looked at my friend next to me, I smiled, remembering that one of the lessons Chris McCandless learned on his ventures was a regret I would choose not to make, “happiness is only real when shared”. It was one of the last things he wrote in his journal before dying of starvation alone on an abandoned bus is the Alaskan wilderness. Ever since reading a book and seeing a movie in honor of him, I was inspired by his passion for living freely and fearlessly. Much of my desire for wandering seemed to stem from the sense that  a longing in my spirit resonated with a longing in his--- I was determined to aspire to living up to his ideals without making the same tragic mistake that ultimately led to his demise--- doing it alone. 
As the mountains faded into looming silhouettes around us, my heart slowed within my chest and the thin air made me feel almost weightless beneath the stars. I remember once a friend suggested that some types of music echo the natural rhythms  of our bodies--- the chambers of our hearts faultlessly opening and closing and the swell of our lungs taking air in and forcing it out as neurotransmitters raced down our nerves and blood swept through our veins in this constant, repeating motion that caused us to resonate with the undertones we hear in music. And as I contemplated this, I couldn't help but wonder if those same undertones could be found in nature. It sure felt like it, on that mountain.
The stunning silence of the life all around us felt like a buzz of quiet motion that vibrated the ground below me, coursing its way up through my feet and into my head so that when I held my breath, it felt as if the whole mountain held its breath with me. And that's when I realized that yes, we were in the mountains, but the mountains were in us too.    Mounds of wordless emotion and feeling, inexpressible thoughts and hopes, dreams and longings that excelled far past the elevation we sat at now. And our souls also mirrored the valleys beneath those peaks, deepening into the dark chasms of our fears and lonely memories. All the “what ifs” and broken promises resided there. Yes, I realized, many  things of nature echo deeper parts of our souls than even music does. Maybe that's part of the key to understanding the unquenchable thirst for new horizons and unfamiliar grounds that I have--- maybe its the mask that my desire to explore the uncharted waters of my soul wears. Maybe its just a longing to better understand myself and those around me. And maybe that's the greatest adventure of them all.
Yes, maybe nature makes visible the intangible parts of ourselves that we dont understand. Maybe it whispers truths to us that seem new to our ears at first, but then settle into our bones with the feeling that somewhere, somehow we’ve known them all along. Maybe the wild is just singing back to us the song its heard us singing in the depths of our beings--- the same song we sing to eachother as we fall in love--- the melody the Creator uttered as he sang the world into motion.
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gyrlversion · 5 years
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You magazine’s ELIZABETH DAY reveals painful truth of ‘gilded life’
There’s a scene that has become something of a movie cliche. It’s the one where a married couple has split up and the woman (it is almost always the woman) will throw armfuls of the faithless husband’s clothes out of the bedroom window and then go through their joint photo albums, ripping his head out of every happy, smiling shot.
I was reminded of this when I found myself sitting on the sofa in my flat one evening, flicking through my phone and cropping not my ex-partner’s head, but my own out of a series of wedding photographs.
It was a fairly surreal experience and not something I had ever anticipated, because you don’t think about divorce when you’re walking down the aisle. You don’t imagine it will happen to you.
What had gone wrong in the six years since I’d made all sorts of promises in front of our friends and family? How had I failed at the one relationship I had been so convinced was going to work?
There is no doubt that I loved my ex-husband. I loved him in a different way from any of the other boyfriends who had come before. I remember a friend once asking me what it was about him that made me feel this way and I replied, ‘I just want to hear what he thinks, about everything’.
‘What had gone wrong in the six years since I’d made all sorts of promises in front of our friends and family? How had I failed at the one relationship I had been so convinced was going to work?’ says You Magazine columnist Elizabeth Day
But I’m not sure I loved myself. In truth, I’m not sure that I really knew myself, having spent all my formative years in a succession of romantic relationships where I tried ever harder to please. I forgot, in the rush to appear flawless and irreproachable, that it was far more important to be real than to be perfect.
Like many women I know, I thought marriage would firm up my shaky sense of self. If I placed no demands on my spouse, the internal reasoning went, if I did everything right, then there would be no excuse not to love me. It’s a terrible foundation for a marriage and, inevitably, things fell apart. I folded myself into ever-smaller squares, diminishing myself to such an extent that I would have no needs to place on the person I was meant to be sharing everything with. I lost my capacity to express how I was feeling. At some points, I didn’t even know what I was feeling.
In many ways, it was easy for me to feel I had to subdue my own aspirations. My husband was 11 years older than me and had two children from a previous marriage. He had an important and high-pressure job. In my mind, all I did was write.
From my perspective, it made sense to me that I should be the one to take care of him when I often worked from home. It made sense to me that, as he earned more, he should have more of a say over where we lived and how we spent our holidays.
It made sense to me that any time I wanted his attention, I should not believe it was my due; that I should exist low down a list of priorities that – rightly – had his children at the top. It made sense to me, but perhaps it shouldn’t have done. Perhaps, at least, I should have questioned it.
It was only when I tried to have a child of my own that it came to a head. I could convince myself that most of the things I desired, I did not actually deserve. But there had always been one stable, deep-rooted certainty in the middle of this swaying forest: I wanted to be a mother.
I was the one who pushed for a child, not my ex. He already had his children and I don’t think he wanted more (although he said otherwise) but I found that this was the first time I couldn’t subsume my desire.
It was a desire that grew stronger and transmuted itself into yearning. It would not be quelled or ignored or wrapped up tightly and left in the back of a drawer somewhere. It got bigger, until it was difficult to spend a single second not thinking of it.
When I eventually found my voice, it was not just my own; it was my future child’s, too, fighting for the right to be heard. For the right to exist. The best way I can describe what happened next is this: when my marriage came to an end, it was in slow motion. There was no sudden explosion, no screeching of car tyres as I drove off into the night in a fury. There was, instead, a period of gradual erosion, months and months of what my friend Emma described as seeing me disappear behind a screen.
She said that communicating with me during that time was like knocking on perspex and trying to get to the real person she knew existed beneath the numbness.
Motherhood didn’t happen for me, for reasons I will go into next week, and this was a difficult thing to come to terms with. It took its toll. At night, instead of getting the Tube home, I would walk long distances in the dark. I wanted to feel cold, so that my body was more fully in tune with the internal pain I couldn’t yet process.
I would let my hair get wet and the rain would mix in with the tears and I would feel that this was as it should be: that I didn’t deserve shelter. I, who had failed at motherhood. I, who was failing at marriage.
Day runs the podcast How To Fail With Elizabeth Day, in which she discusses personal failures of an interviewee and how to succeed better. She is pictured with guest Alastair Campbell
I have some photos of me from back then. They were photos taken on superficially happy occasions – weddings, Christmas celebrations, drinks with friends – and what strikes me in all of them is the mask of my face. The smile never quite reaches my eyes. I look sad. Pale. Shrunken.
I remember the last New Year’s Eve my ex-husband and I had together, when we went to the countryside and stayed with friends. When we arrived it was night-time and a heavy fog shrouded the house. The next morning, the skies were clear but the fog seemed to have slunk its way into my head.
I smiled and made conversation and we went on a long clifftop walk and all the time I was wondering if this was just what life felt like, whether the fault was mine for expecting myself to feel something different.
After the walk, we ate dinner and drank strong cocktails and I kept drinking, because then I could kid myself that what I was feeling was a product of drunkenness when in fact, I remained stoutly sober.
A month after that, I got to a point where I could no longer ignore what was happening or keep up the pretence to myself. The perspex screen shattered. And so, one black February evening just before Valentine’s Day, I found myself sitting on the stairs of our terraced house, drinking neat vodka to stop the pounding of my blood, waiting for my husband to walk through the front door so I could tell him I had to leave. That if I stayed, I would drown.
I walked out of the marital home and got the bus to my mother’s. I stayed there for three weeks, in a state of shock.
The end of my marriage ended other things, too. It ended the story I had written myself since childhood that centred around the neat symmetry of wife, husband and two children of my own.
It ended whatever faith I thought I had in my own judgment, which would take years to build back up. It ended my hopes of being a mother in my 30s, although I didn’t know that then. It ended my frenetic attempts at perfectionism. When you fail so conspicuously, there is no pretending.
I was forced to confront myself as I was. There were aspects of myself that I didn’t much like. My inability to express myself, for one. If you don’t say what you need, it’s much harder for people to give it to you.
And when you’re trying to be perfect, you’re not being truthful about your own imperfections. I had to cope with the knowledge that there were people who actively disliked me.
My ex-husband’s friends, for instance, who did not understand what I had done, some of whom wrote me appalled letters and emails. I had to let that go, to understand my own reasons and to know that what really counted was what my former partner and I thought and what we communicated to each other and what had happened between us. I learned that no one else will ever know the truth of your life, just as you will never fully grasp the truth of theirs.
The divorce catapulted me into a different sort of life from the one I had imagined. Here I was, in my late 30s, single, without children, and navigating uncharted waters. If motherhood wasn’t going to be part of the future I had always imagined for myself, where else would I find fulfilment?
Life crises have a way of doing that: they strip you of your old certainties and throw you into chaos. The only way to survive is to surrender to the process. When you emerge, blinking, into the light, you have to rebuild what you thought you knew about yourself.
It dawned on me that I had my work and my friends and family, from whom I got a great deal of love and compassion.
And, actually, if I looked at the failure in a different way, it could also double up as an opportunity: I was free of responsibility.
If I wanted to move to Los Angeles for three months, then I could – and I did. It was in Los Angeles that the fog finally cleared. When I first got there in August 2015, a year after my marriage ended, I knew no one other than my cousin, Andrea.
Over those first 12 weeks, I often felt like a small boat, tossed on the currents. Andrea was the anchor that held me steady.
On Sunday evenings, I’d go round to hers with a bag full of laundry and we’d order take-out and watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians on her sofa.
I made wonderful friends while I was in LA. They ranged in age from four to 80 and were a mixture of nationalities and professions. But if I had to think about it, they had one thing in common: they were all living different kinds of lives.
There was the civil rights lawyer married to a wonderfully glamorous screenwriter whose love for each other was pure and joyful despite not having children.
There were couples who seemed more relaxed around their children than those in London because they viewed parenthood as simply part of a wider life.
And there were women in exactly my situation: single, childless, in their late 30s and coping with all that entailed while pursuing professional success.
It was perfect. I got better in LA. In fact – to use the appropriate Californian language – I healed. My heart was patched up and returned to the beating world. I was accepted by my new friends for who I was right then, as opposed to being known as someone’s wife.
I learned that if your life is not how you want it to be, then it is never too late to change that life. You just have to be brave enough to take the leap over the side.
It will panic you, and make you scared, but once you allow those feelings to subside and once the vortex calms, you will rediscover yourself and find that the world is large and beautiful and offers an endless opportunity to do different things. 
How To Fail, by Elizabeth Day, is published by Fourth Estate on April 4, priced £12.99. Offer price £10.39 (20 per cent discount) until March 31.
Pre-order at mailshop.co.uk/books or call 0844 571 0640; p&p is free on orders over £15. Spend £30 on books and get free premium delivery.
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