#this is a joke and not a very good one! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

inkskinned · 1 year

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probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

#this is true #writeblr #warm up #relatedly for some reason one of our Favorite Jokes #amongst the Siblings #is like - ''this is so good u will love it''#while we are reacting to something we OBVIOUSLY find viscerally disgusting #like we will be actively retching and be like ''nooooo it's so good''#to the point that i sometimes get nervous if someone outside my family is like oh u should try it its good #(obvi we never force each other to eat anything. we are all just curious birds and #like. we're GONNA try the new thing.)#edit to answer why we had so much vanilla:#my mom is a very good cook and we LOVE to bake. so she just had a lot of staples in the house.#it's one of those things that's like. have u ever continuously thought ''ah i should get butter im probably out''#even tho u are not out of butter. so u end up with like 5 years of butter.#my mom would do that in a costco but like with vanilla extract #to be fair we WERE always using WAY TOO MUCH bc we were kids #so like she was right to stock up #ps. yes we were VERY sick after this lol i just didn't want to include it in the post in case ppl had an ick about that #u can tell it's real bc we knew "oh no we fucked up that's too much vanilla to waste'' but our reaction was to just. keep drinking it #> sibling understanding that vanilla extract isn't free > knowledge mother doesnt mind if we use it for milkshakes #> sibling choice to maybe get in a loophole of ''not wasting it'' if we drink it bc that's the same as using it (not throwing it out)#listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9 #when my mom discovered this we. got in. A LOT. of trouble. a lot of it. a LOT of it.#3rd edit bc i guess it isn't clear - i am 1 of my brother's 2 little sisters #i am the middle child #out of all the ways i have had to explain a post before being like ''did u forget a middle child can happen'' is my favorite

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nelkcats · 8 months

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Empath

Jason Todd is an empath, something that probably no one would believe if they were told the story of Red Hood. It's not an ability he likes to brag about either, honestly, Jason hates it, as much as he hates being back from the dead, it makes him feel different, it makes him feel like he doesn't fit in.

It starts small, with a boy who feels his mother's pain and his father's rage. With a child who sees Batman and instead of a big scary bat feels layers and layers of sadness. It starts with Robin, feeling too much and wanting to change everything for the better.

He never tells Bruce, what good would it do? It's not a useful skill, sensing the Joker's madness didn't help to prevent his death. Feeling Bruce's despair wasn't enough to keep his eyes open.

It ends too quickly, too soon. Maybe for that reason he was given a second chance. One that Jason didn't want. Pit madness feels a thousand times stronger than it should, it pollutes his mind, it seeps into his heart and Jason hates it a little more every day.

Then, he meets Danny in a bar, full of smiles and biting comments but so so scared. He hears his silent pleas, his regrets, his desire to belong, to not be hated. And for the first time in a long time, Jason's heart breaks a little.

For the first time in a long time, the pits fall silent and give way to the confused feelings of the boy beside him.

Danny becomes part of the routine, Jason doesn't quite know how but the boy refuses to leave. He never asks about Red Hood, though the small flicker of doubt every time Jason leaves the apartment confirms that he knows. He never stops him, he just smiles and waits for him with a first aid kit under his arm, bandages his wounds and sleeps beside him.

Jason knows he is dangerous but can't help but love him as much as he can't help but feel the pain that accompanies the boy.

Then, his little home life is invaded by Bruce (worried, always worried, overly cautious), he warns him that Danny is a dangerous creature, warns him that he will hurt him. Jason can't help but snort.

Jason knows Danny isn't human, it's not something his ability tells him, it's just easy to deduce. But when Danny confesses it to him (scared, so so scared), he downplays it, tells him it's okay and he can go back to sleep. Danny doesn't fit into what's normal, but that's okay, he doesn't either.

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thatswhatsushesaid · 2 months

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psa that the day there are no jgy stans left on tumblr dot com is the day i am dead

but rest assured i'll go to my grave exactly as i lived: obnoxiously proclaiming to everyone within earshot how great lianfang-zun is. narratively, metaphorically, spiritually. sexually, too, like why limit myself. i like to keep my options open

#the spirit of su minshan possessed me for a minute there but like. i'm fine with it #jin guangyao #he did crimes??? good for him 😌#editing this post to add that while the tone here is clearly joking #i really am fundamentally still engaged with this fandom #and with this book #almost exlcusively because of my enjoyment of jgy #even xiyao is secondary for me like i love it and i'm ride or die for it obvs #but jgy as a character is the main draw for me. and he would have me by the throat even if there was no zewu-jun #(tho i think jgy's life would be more depressing for his absence obviously)#but he is just. /clenches my fists!!!#THE most compelling character in the story and i cannot stop thinking about him!! cannot will not!!#who else in this book has his range? who else can be the doe-eyed idealist AND the spy with blood on his hands who ends a war?#who else is two different greek tragedies and at least two separate shakespearean tragedies rolled into one antagonist #an antagonist who but for the POV of the novel could very easily have been the protagonist #whose moral event horizon is so deeply entwined with his own trauma and abuse that there is no way to meaningfully separate #the violence he does to others from the systemic violence that was done to him for his whole life?#who else in this book manages to get five separate sect leaders utterly obsessed with him no matter how you choose #to interpret that obsession?#no one!!! that's who!!#ain't no one else in the jianghu doing it like lianfang-zun and that's just a goddamn fact

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forgettable-au · 4 months

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Do you think, at first, people would call Papyrus's name and he wouldn't respond. After all, its his name but it isn't his name, so it would take some getting used to hearing associated with him (even if there's no other alternative he knows about)

Oh YES

That happened a lot at the beginning, JUST after the incident, during the first Papyrus days

I'm planning to expand on that a LOT more on the comic but here is something in the meantime

I forgot to write things on the list, but it's too late now

-

#GOOOOOOD THE ART ON THE FIRST PAGE TURNED OUT SOOOOOO PRETTY I CAN'T #AAAAAA #Ah yes #Papyrus never takes off those gloves #or the other ones he has or the others #or the long ones #first time doing a sans joke I don't think it's good I agree with papyrus #trying to write sans I realized I'm not very funny and can't make puns lmao but I'll try for him #forgettable-au #answered ask #undertale au #papyrus!gaster #papyrus #papyrus is gaster #undertale #sans #undertale comic #undertale fanart #sans undertale

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 11 months

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Remembrance and Forgetfulness

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #I originally debated whether or not to have lwj in the first panel because the implications #that wwx spawned a bunch of kids and lwj assumes its from whatever the hell happened last night #is a bit buckwild. but the more I think about it that actually one of the funniest jokes I could accidently make. So it stays #I don't think wwx and lwj would thrive with their own children but they would be very good mentors #The cool uncles if you will. They let you have some fun. Unlike JC who is the uncle that thinks your parenting is too soft.#Speaking of chilren...my *god* the extra with wwx playing with the kids is *so good*#probably my favourite so far. I keep going back to relisten to it #The kids!!! The mini versions of conflicts between them that mirror the truth yet are distorted by rumours!!#Mwah - Chef's kiss. Go listen to S1 Extra ''Director''.#“op what about the second panel?” Fine. WWX is alternating between noodling around and remixing wangxian.#lwj is experiencing the non-flutist jealousy of having an instrument that is not easily played as you walk. The most painful jealousy.

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 9 months

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context <3

#THE FUCKING SOUND I MADE READING THAT REPLY #poppy: this is a genuinely good option <3 #sally: ...we're literally 28 #and then wally slams his head into one of sally's points. Instantly lobotomizing himself #jokes aside this is just. its so funny #theyre too short....#they need the high chairs....#but how are they gonna get into them... too tall... poppy has to pick them up and put them in...#except i doubt either of them would allow that #wally would probs be like 'no thank you' while walking away while sally suggests 20 alternatives #'why dont we sit on the floor? or go to my place? or do literally anything else?'#scribble salad #on an entirely different note:#AHA! I HAVE PUZZLED OUT HOW TO DO SALLYS POINTS!!#i have never been good at drawing stars but!!! i have cracked the code with her!!!#im so happy.... tonight is a night of Figuring Essentially Useless Stuff Out but being very pleased about it Anyway!!!!

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aroaceleovaldez · 3 months

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im really not a fan of Rick's recent trend of recycling bits of his writing that got a good reaction the first time and acting as if that's a valid substitute for. actually bothering to write something original a second time around. It's clearly just there as a callback and nothing more.

It's "Nico's rage exploded" and "Percy's rage exploded" with the exact same paragraph formatting. It's CoTG having titles like "My Singing Makes Things Worse, and Everyone Is Totally Shocked" (reference to TLO, when Percy says he thinks his singing would cause an avalanche) or "Pretty Much the Best Good-Night Kiss Ever" (reference to TLO "Pretty much the best underwater kiss of all time") or any other number of near word-for-word references to the first series. It's Nico calling Percy "seaweed brain" in Un Natale Mezzosangue (when Percy says in TTC that anybody but Annabeth calling him that is a major offense). It's Nico and Will falling into Tartarus in TSATS word-for-word referencing Percy and Annabeth in House of Hades, despite it not making any sense for their characters (and otherwise being written as Percabeth 2™). It's the show making huge changes but keeping random "fan-favorite references" (mostly overusing "seaweed brain" and "wise girl" and emphasizing percabeth) only because they're popular in-jokes and considering that a faithful enough adaptation to market it heavily as such. It's lazy writing.

And it's a disservice to the series and to the audience, because it clearly shows Rick doesn't have original ideas anymore (though given all his writing is heavily derivative to begin with, it begs the question how much was original in the first place and how much he has difficulty when he doesn't have a structured mythological plot to work from) and that there is an expectation that the audience will just sit down and accept that behavior hook-line-and-sinker. Everything recently is clearly such lip-service to the audience, either in retcons that are overt speaking-to-camera acknowledgements of things he's been criticized on or wink-wink-nudge-nudges of community in-jokes that have no business in the actual text (see: over-use of ship names in canon). Especially since Rick tends to be about 5 years behind on the fandom uptake. It's just so disappointing to see.

#pjo #riordanverse #tsats crit #pjo tv crit #rr crit #< OH BOY A TRIPLE #MCGA's reference to Jason's concussions in the chapter titles is on thin ice but can stay for now #callbacks can work! in-jokes and references can work! see: Percy's dam joke in Son of Neptune #or Percy in the musical making the joke about his singing causing an avalanche as a reference to TLO #or any other number of references in the musical #but you need to know when they belong and when they ABSOLUTELY DO NOT #and when it's a fun nod and when it just feels like you're copying your own homework #a great example actually - i was recently reading an *excellent* fic by @vivitalks #and in it Jason uses the phrase ''you knock me out'' as a fun nod to Jason's ''you're a knock-out'' in TLH #that's a good little reference! that's how you do it!#a character who has already used one phrase uses a similar phrase. because theyre the type of person to say that phrase.#that's already been established. and it highlights something about their character that they return to that phrase #in that fic it highlights that Jason is a total dork especially when it comes to romance #Percy's ''dam'' joke reference in SoN works because it's only used once very briefly and it's very quickly brushed by #and it's literally Percy making a reference to his own past and acknowledging that he's doing that. it's his own in-joke! that's reasonable #it's not reasonable to expect FOUR DIFFERENT PEOPLE to have the EXACT SAME REACTION to FALLING INTO SUPERHELL #especially when they're established to all be EXTREMELY DIFFERENT CHARACTERS with DIFFERENT DYNAMICS #long post //

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1941-crowley-slut · 7 months

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You know what I'm gonna say it, drunk Crowley in season 1 was the best ADHD representation. You know how many times I've started to say something just to finally get to "My point is..." and have literally no idea how and why I even started to talk about this topic? What was my point?

So, my point is also dolphins. yes.

#good omens #crowley #good omens 1 #adhd #this is a joke and i wasnt even really sure how to articulate it #still dont know if it makes sense #very specific target audience for this one

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flowersforvax · 4 months

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Justin: fungalore dot fun is... available for five dollars

Griffin: That's a palindrome.

Justin [doubtful]: ye- is it?

Travis: yeah.

[crosstalk]

Travis: ...it's a slant palindrome

#that one almost snuck past me so i had to preserve it #dw travis i heard your very good joke calling back to griffin talking about slant rhymes #am i.... part of travnation?#mbmbam #mbmbam 692 #the mcelroys

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larkthorne · 9 months

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my biggest complaint about aziraphale this season is, the joke shouldn't be that he can speak every language but doesn't know French because he tried to learn it for real and is too stupid to have done a good job, the joke should be that he can speak every language but doesn't know French because he's English and can't be arsed (tm) to deal with The French and wants them to know it

#good omens #the larger issue is that he is put in the role of 'the dumb one' and in fact he's very intelligent and that is maddening #but also within that this joke specifically could have been funnier!

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originalaccountname · 6 months

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putting my hands on your shoulders looking directly into your eyes why are you so insistent that Dazai is faking every emotion every second of every day except when he's acting mean or evil why do you think his dark side is more true than his happier or sillier sides

do you not also have multiple facets you show different people? are we not all beautiful multifaceted individuals? are your actions and reactions not influenced by your emotions and state of mind?

can't he laugh at his own jokes? can't he fondly think of the Agency? can't he be dramatic because he wants to? can't he be surprised by something suddenly happening, even if he knew it would happen? do you not jump when the jack in the box gets out even if you were the one working the mechanism?

why would the mean persona be more real? why would any and all joy be faked? why are you only allowing him misery?

#sorry i saw one too many posts talking about dazai's ''masks'' and how he hides his true self from the ada #and what of it if he still has the potential to hurt others? what of it if he's good at hurting? every day he chooses not to lean into it #not too far at the very least.#isn't kyouk.a skilled at killing? did she not choose not to do it?#i'm not saying dazai's never acting (because it does happen) i'm saying too many people are too quick to brush off-#every non-serious non-mean emotion as ''playing an act''#why would the mean persona not be a fake?? you thought about that??? what biases are you holding here #he makes jokes. he acts silly. he's a drama queen. he loves it.#you know what IS tiring? having to look evil and untouchable and impassive in front of a whole organization every day as a teenager #as soon as he gets to lupin with od.a and ang.o he goes silly mode. heck- when he *met* ang.o it was because he went silly mode.#as soon as chuuy.a is in proximity he starts yelling children's insults and starts stupid competitions #his silly mode is just as integrated into his personality as the capacity to be the scariest most evil person you've seen #they are not mutually exclusive and having the capacity for either does not mean acting on them #as asagiri said in an interview: bsd isn't about change it's about adaptation. kyouk.a has the talent to kill. she just chooses not to.#dazai has the skills to be evil. he just chooses good.#that got long in the tags sorry #apparently i talk sometimes

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qkmlh · 3 months

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Still ducking hilarious to me that Zoro & Sanji began their beef because they thought the other was misogynistic and it came to a head of no return when Zoro felt his title of ‘Luffy’s specialest boi’ threatened by Sanji’s comment

#MY DUDES PLEASE YOU’VE BOTH GOT THAT FEMINIST JUICE FLOWING YES THESE TWO THINGS IDEAS CAN BE TRUE AND EXIST BUT THEN!! BUT THEN!!!!#Zoro takes Sanji’s WE + NEED + HIM (Luffy) SO DUCKING P E R S O NA. L DEADASS STRUCK THE LOUDEST DAMN CORE IN ALL OF ZORO AND RAISED EVERY #DAMN ALARM POSSIBLE #Aaaaaand ‘You just got here /you/ don’t know what Luffy needs’ MY GOOD FIRST MATE OF A MAN C A L M D O W N N N IT IS /NOT/ THAT DEEP #‘I know he needs my cooking’ SANJII NOOOOO DON’T FALL FOR IT #‘Like what putting two slices of bread together’ Oh god. oh no. we are never coming back from this (pure hilarious joyous disaster) Ever!#Roronoa Zoro #Black Leg Sanji #Monkey D. Luffy #One Piece Live Action #OPLA #One Piece #All jokes aside tho Zoro was right to make sure they didn’t go inside to aid their captain #They would’ve been more of a distraction than help because Luffy wouldn’t have been able to let loose as much as he did #Zoro’s a good first mate but also buddy my guy my dude Sanji does NOT want your job bud ain’t nobody want your job especially when Luffy #made it very clear /you/ are worth more to him than /food/#Somebody should tell Zoro that tho man could use the affirmation #But also…my guy…what were you so jealous so hissy so darn quick to b!tch for helpp ☕️🤧💀#Zolu #Ani Rambles #Luzo

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kaftan · 5 months

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not to get lost in the amy dallon racial coding sauce again but I keep thinking about her hair being specifically described as “frizzy;” I highly doubt much consideration went into that word choice (if I was being uncharitable I’d say I think maybe the wrong kind of consideration went into it) but it immediately strikes me as a signifier of another site of alienation for her: of course the lily-white dallons had no idea what to do with her curly hair, of course carol in particular never bothered to learn how to style it, and amy probably grew up doing the same things to it that victoria did and wondering why it worked so awfully on her. frizz being what happens when you neglect curly hair or treat it like straight hair. nothing like a physical reminder that you Will Never Belong

#wormblogging #I was going to put a joke in the tags about giving amy some good curly hair shampoo+conditioner but the 1st one I thought of made me scream #carol’s daughter. I shit you not the brand is called carol’s daughter. it’s very well known. god. anyway

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selcouth-vast-poet · 11 months

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