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#this is a rant

I just want to listen to one fucking asmr roleplay where the character doesn’t fucking die at the end. Every fucking time I click one I have to check the end of the damn thing to see if I can watch it and be able to relax. Like, whatever, make whatever shit you want, but at least give a fucking warning about what happens in the video, especially if it’s something like that.

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That thing where you write a scene and it flowed in exactly the best way and you finish your chapter and then your brain just starts telling you that it’s a bad scene and now your anxiety is making you question whether not just that scene, but a whole character, is a bad thing and it reminds you why you don’t write certain things because the last time you tried you got ripped a new one by the person you asked an opinion of instead of getting help or suggestions to fix the issues and now you have hit the moment of paralysis that makes you wonder if there’s any point in writing the story.

Fuck my brain is terrible.

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I literally have no words and I know no one is going to read this but I need to vent so.

I discovered supernatural when I was 14, I was depressed, and I was having the worst year of my life. I can’t even begin to describe how much this show means to me.

From the characters to the storyline and the cast and the fandom itself, I know I wouldn’t be alive today if it wasn’t for this show. I’ve been rewatching since for four years, and everytime I just felt like having a good time I would put on the show.

It has taught me so many things, it has made me feel so many things. I’ve met incredible people because of our love for this show, and I’ve got so many things to be grateful for.

I am sad, I’m going to admit that. My mantra has always been “I know life sucks, but at least you have supernatural.” And I know I have to keep fighting, I have to carry on, but it still sucks to say goodbye to such a big part of my life.

Thank you Eric Kripke, for creating the show that ended up saving my life.

Thank you Jared, Jensen and Misha, for being there when I had no one else, for giving me hope and a reason to smile and a reason to live.

Thank you Dean, Castiel, Sam, Charlie, Crowley, Jack, Rowena, Joddy, Donna, Claire, Garth, Kevin and every single one of the characters that have embed so much into my life that I know I wouldn’t be the person I am today without them.

I’ll always be here, and even if the show is ending, my love for it never will. Thank you to the fandom, to the spn family, for being there for me in my darkest times, for allowing me to make awesome friends, for allowing me to have a reason, for keeping me from doing awful things.

It is because of this show that I am alive, it is because of this show that I have a reason to smile, it is because of this show that me and my girlfriend started dating, it is because of this show that I’m the person I am today.

Sorry for this long rant.

Thank you, Supernatural, for keeping me alive. I’ll try my best to carry on.

Fight on.

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So, tagging.  It’s amazing, it’s the best.  I’m saying that seriously.  Tagging is your best friend as a content creator and as a content consumer.  And there’s a lot of stuff going around about how minors need to learn to be responsible for themselves and their experience online.  Which is true!  If something is tagged for adults only, or for something that makes you uncomfortable, and you click on it, it’s on you.  You knowingly interacted with it.

That learned responsibility should not go away the second you turn 18.  If you’re an adult and see content that makes you uncomfortable, don’t interact with it.  If you’ve just turned 18 and feel like smut still makes you uncomfortable, don’t interact with it.

Being an adult does not entitle you to decide what other adults are creating.  And if you come into a space that is created by and for adults and start preaching about what should and shouldn’t be written because that kind of material makes you feel icky, then maybe you shouldn’t be in that space.

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So I FORGOT about the episode where they do the doomed mission simulation in Young Justice. So I didn’t realize the first time through how specifically traumatic it would’ve been for all of the adult heroes to disappear/go rogue in the finale. It isn’t the same thing, but it’s still the kids having to step up and take over in order to save the day. And I just wonder how many of them have that in their minds as they’re fighting back and how hard it is to push through that fear. Also, that’s behind their anxieties about being just as good as, if not better than, the people they are eventually going to replace. As that is the essential function of a sidekick. Yeah, they draw fire (Titans) and sure they might not want to specifically Be their respective hero (literally any Robin) but they still have a certain Legacy to uphold. And eventually all heroes, even the almighty Batman, will die.

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Okay, tumblr. I’d like to have a word with y'all ‘cause I’m mad about this rn.

So, bear with me while I rant.

Whenever you are looking at any form of art, do NOT send the creator hate for it. Or send the creator “constructive criticism” unless they explicitly asked you to critique their work. And even then, be polite.

When you’re visiting a museum, do you spit on, or spoil any work of art just because you don’t like it? Or just because you don’t understand it?

No.

If you think somebody’s hard work is stupid because your dumb ass cannot understand it, GO YEET YOURSELF DOWN THE COMMODE. NOBODY IS FUCKING ASKING FOR YOUR OPINION, ANYWAY.

And if you’re one of those ppl who do hate on someone for their grammar, or the way they draw someone’s hair wrong, this is for you: SOD OFF.

In conclusion, TREAT TUMBLR LIKE A MUSEUM. Treasure the art that is created on this platform, and if you can’t, at least don’t hate someone who has the guts to create something new.

Okay.

That’s all.

Thank you for your time.

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Okay so medical post because I’m in a lot of pain.

Backstory: I’ve been burping for about two years straight now. Not hiccups or anything, actual burps, I’ve had a case of the hiccups in the past 2 years of constant burping and they are not the same. I’ve gone to two ERs and three doctors. I’ve been told it’s a case of hiccups and then I was told it was a stomach ulcer and given pills that did absolutely nothing and then told it was just hiccups again. Decided I could live with it.


Now I don’t know if this is related but for the past two months I’ve had irregular bowel movements, and the occasional stomach pain. But this is the second time in those two months that my entire torso cramped up to the point where I couldn’t even breathe.

Tonight I went to the bathroom, stood up and my entire torso tightened so bad that I ended up on the ground. I had to stay down for 15 minutes until the cramps passed enough that I could stand. I’ve taken menstrual pain relief, ibuprofen, and peptobismal this and last time. I’ve had a heating pad/hot rag. Doesn’t help. Here’s the real kicker, everytime I burp, which is constantly, it triples in pain.

Also, my friends are telling me to go to the hospital. But I know damn well what they’ll say to me. “Is it your period?” “It’s probably period cramps.” Like I don’t know what my period is like or when it’s due? And then they’ll throw away all my other concerns and I honestly might hurt somebody at this point because I’m annoyed and in pain and fucking pissed.

I don’t know why you need this information but like yeah, I’m in pain and trying to divert my anger. Also my cat keeps steping on my because I’m crying and she’s trained to cuddle when I’m upset, but like it hurts worse when I put weight on it. So I don’t want to yell at her.

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Idk if I have the energy to gush about Dahee x Jaeseok today because I’m just. so mad for Gahee. 

Like let’s just take just take Hyoshin out of the equation for a quick second. Eventually, because he is pure B A S U R A, gahee’s ex was gonna see her and Jihun being happy and successful without him and coming crawling back with all of the bullsht he’s been bringing lately. Today, he managed to fcking PEAK and manipulated Jihun, asking him “Don’t you want to live with both your parents again?” knowing DAMN WELL jihun doesn’t know the extent to why they divorced. Jihun, who is a child, would of course want his family to be together. And Basura knows that Gahee would do anything for her child, even that means sacrificing her happiness, and twisted that weakness to his benefit. He needs to be taken care of expeditiously. 

Another thing that someone brought up that’s making me even more upset is how alone Gahee feels in all of this. When Junseon was going through his thing with Hyun Gyung, Gahee was right there helping him look after his children. When Ok Boon was suspecting Young Dal of cheating, Gahee helped her do recon. When she found out that Dahee was cheated on, she helped deal with dahee’s ex; when those random guys were talking crap about Nahee, she was ready to fight them. And I understand that all of that falls under her being the older sister out of the three but she’s dealing with Basura, trying to start a relationship with Hyoshin, supporting her child and trying to manage a business, and no one???? not one person outside of Hyoshin (and that’s cuz he’s in love with her) thinks to check in on her or support her the way she’s supported them. Even when she was busy with her own stuff she made time for them and it’s not being reciprocated at all. What’s the point of having a big family if you can’t rely on them? Honestly. 

She’s just…*sigh* such a giver and she’s surrounded by takers and I want better for her. 

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On Racism

Humans make mistakes, and hopefully we all understand that. But what sets us apart is coming to terms with them, acknowledging them, and learning from them. If you’ve said, done, written, thought, etc something racist and you are just now realizing it, come to terms with it. Absorb it, stew in it, learn from it. Apologize for it. Let Black voices rise above yours. Let BIPOC voices rise above yours. Be an ally to them. Help be an impetus for change. But for the love of God do not make it about yourself.

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I really really hate how easily people can make fun of Christians and use them as an emotional punching bag or satirical prop, going as far as mocking our God, our beliefs, and our practices in their words, their stories, their jokes, but when you do the same for other religions, it’s culturally insensitive, racist, and downright bad and a lot of people will start mobs just to go after you  or talk crap about you for making fun of them (even if they have zero connection to the religion or culture in question).

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not here asking for a free pass to crap on other religions. That’s not what I’m saying here. In the end, I don’t even know who to blame for society’s treatment of us anymore. The people who mock us nonstop? Or the people who touted our faith and weaponized it as a tool for oppression, colonialism and abuse, thus marking us for I-don’t-know-how-long once others started catching on to the inconsistency in behavior.

It hurts you know? It hurts when I see people, sometimes people I care about, use or talk about our faith so flippantly as if we don’t matter, our way of life doesn’t matter, and our beliefs are ripe for easy picking. And then they go about assuming our beliefs are somehow inherently oppressive, violent, etc etc. 

Bruh, you have no idea what you’re saying. Maybe you were hurt by some folks who called themselves Christians (understatement of the millennium probably) I get it and I absolutely empathize with you, but don’t throw the entire faith under the bus because of sucky people. Yeah, I get that history doesn’t do Christians any favors either, but you know that? That just proves a great lesson of Christianity: People are inherently sucky, no matter what worldview they ascribe to. That’s why the Gospel is so powerful.

Somehow, when it comes to other religions, it looks much easier for people to separate a person from their ascribed religion. If there’s a bad Muslim, that’s ok. Islam is still valid and ought to be respected. If there’s a bad Hindu, that’s fine, the person is bad, we continue to respect Hinduism. But when it comes to Christians, “Nope. Christians will always be inherently bad and any example of bad Christians proves that point, so let’s just mock them cuz they deserve it anyway. But let’s be kind to the Christian individuals who agree with our beliefs about certain topics but insult those that don’t because they’re immediately oppressive and hurtful and harmful by believing differently.”

And you know what? They’re half-right in that a lot of us probably deserve the mockery! At least from the Western point of view, which makes this even more painful to think about. Cuz those who truly understand what Christianity is about and trying their very best to be ambassadors of Christ and be obedient to God out of love for Him, find themselves caught in the fray. They’re the baby that gets thrown out with the bathwater.

We’ve become a scapegoat for society (then again, we probably always were) and a part of me wishes something was done about it already.

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