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cursedwriter · 3 years

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Dancing with your Ghost - Fushiguro Megumi

Jujutsu Kaisen Masterlist

Warnings: Deals with death, Megumi has various breakdowns, it’s just really sad over all... sorry for making you cry in advance!

Words: 4.9k

Author’s Note: Kind of inspired by this song: Dancing with your Ghost - Sasha Sloan // Also, when they dance, I kinda imagined them to dance to this: Technicolour Beat - Oh Wonder

“Is he still in there?” Yuji pointed at the door by the end of the hallway. Gojo was walking in his direction, his expression unreadable.

“No matter what I tell him, he won’t come out.” His voice sounded tired, almost worn out. The sight must’ve been hard for him to bear. Itadori gulped. He wasn’t sure if he could take it. “You should try talking to him. Maybe he will listen to you. We both know he would regret it if he missed the ceremony.” Gojo patted Yuji on the shoulder, hand lingering for a few additional seconds in silent comfort.

“I’ll try my best,” Itadori nodded, though, he sounded more hopeful than he was. This was going to be rough.

Soon after, Gojo disappeared behind the corner and out of sight. His shoulders were slouching and his head was hanging low as if he couldn’t walk upright. This was hard on everyone. But the person who had it the worst of all was…

“Fushiguro, can I come in?” Yuji knocked on the door three times. No answer. He tried again. This time more forceful. “Hey, Megumi! It’s me, Yuji! Do you mind if I come in?” Still no answer. Itadori sighed, but he pushed the door open anyways, peering into the dimly lit library of the Jujutsu Tech High school. Admittedly, he’s never been in here before. Yuji wasn’t really the non-fiction reader… or anything that wasn’t manga, really. But upon entering the room, he couldn’t help but gawk. The shelves were stacked to the max, piling up above his head in a seemingly endless supply of books. There were books everywhere. The amount of knowledge that was stored in here was immense. And all about curses and jujutsu? Incredible! Maybe he should’ve come here sooner. He bet that there had to be at least a dozen books about Sukuna here somewhere.

“It doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t make any sense.” Itadori was pulled out of his thoughts by the repetitive mantra that was coming from somewhere behind a shelf. He followed the sound that was mingled with quiet sobs and he had to force himself to keep walking. This was more terrifying than facing all the curses of this world together.

“Megumi?” He peered around the shelf, finding his friend sitting on the old wooden floor, frantically flipping through a book with yellowed pages that seemed to be falling apart at the seams. It must’ve been ancient.

“No sense, no sense, no sense,” he repeated over and over again as if that phrase was the only thing keeping him sane.

“Megumi?” Itadori tried again and finally Megumi’s head snapped up and he looked at Itadori like a deer caught in headlights… only way worse. His eyes were bloodshot with dark purple circles underneath them. A stark contrast to his sickly pale skin. Briefly, Yuji wondered if Megumi had slept at all since it happened. Tears were streaming down his face and it felt like they would never stop. An endless river of sorrow and despair. Yuji was sure he heard his own heart shatter in his chest as he looked at his best friend. He wished he could take some of the pain away. Even if it was just a little, but of course that was impossible. “The ceremony will start soon and-“

“That’s stupid!” Fushiguro cut him off harshly, his voice hoarse and quieter than usual. “Why would there be a freaking ceremony when she’s coming back?!”

“Megumi, she-“

“No! Stop it!” He yelled, throwing the book he was reading against the opposite wall. “Stop it! Shut up!” He pressed his palms against his temples as if he wanted to crush his own skull. “I’ll do it, you’ll see! All of you! You’ll see! I’ll bring her back! I’ll bring her back, okay?! I will – I will!” He repeated it over and over again and it was apparent that he wanted to proof himself right more than anything else. Maybe making him believe would help ease his pain? Should he encourage him? No. Despite wishing that he could provide some words of comfort right now, Itadori knew that false hope would be the cruelest thing he could offer. No matter how much it hurt, but Megumi couldn’t go on like this… searching for something that wasn’t real.

“Megumi, please. You’ll regret it if you don’t come,” Itadori tried again, picking up the book that Megumi had thrown away. He flipped through the first pages and he could already tell that the answers Megumi was searching for weren’t in this book. It was mostly about how sorcerers could reincarnate as curses if their dead bodies weren’t handled properly. If they died you had to make sure that the last hit was infused with cursed energy. Usually, that took care of things. However, if they died of natural causes, diseases or accidents there was a special ritual, a ceremony that made sure their bodies were put to rest accordingly. Kind of like a funeral, but then again, not quite. This was the ceremony Fushiguro refused to attend, even though it was highly valued among sorcerers. It was a way to pay your last respects, value their accomplishments and thank them for their sacrifice. He probably refused to go because that would make her death final and he would be forced to move on, no matter how hard it would be… and it was going to be very hard.

“SHE’S COMING BACK, DAMMIT!” Megumi yelled at him, reaching for another book that was stocked in a pile he’d built himself. The tower crumbled with the way he yanked it out, dozen books falling to the ground, scattering to their feet. It was eerily quiet for a second, Yuji didn’t dare to speak. The atmosphere so thick, he doubted even Maki’s demon blade could cut through it. And then, right when he wanted to say something, anything really to get rid of the suffocating silence in the room, Megumi started sobbing. Not like before. Impossibly, it was even worse. His whole body shook with the action, hands that were clinging onto the book were trembling and despite him hanging his head low, Yuji could see the frequent tears that were hitting the old worn out pages of the book, blurring the ink further, making it almost unreadable.

Hesitantly, he took a step forward, but he wasn’t quite sure what to do. Should he hug him? What could he even say? Should he call for someone? Gojo-sensei? Would he know what to do? Or Nobara? Or, wait! Y/N always knew what to do when it came to him… Oh, right…

Yuji slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand. How could he forget?! It really didn’t feel real yet, huh? Itadori tried to swallow the big lump in his throat as he crouched down and gently took the book out of Fushiguro’s shaking hands. He looked so fragile, as if a single slap to the wrist could break his arm.

“I just don’t get it,” Megumi whispered. His voice sounded far away, as if he was underwater or as if Yuji had cotton in his ears, muffling his voice to a point where it was almost incomprehensible. “It’s just so unfair.”

Yuji placed the book on the ground beside him, skipping over the title “Resurrection and the balance of the world”, it read. He gulped again. Could it be possible?

“I know it is.” He laid a comforting hand on his shoulder and another muffled cry escaped Megumi’s mouth. Yuji had seen a lot over the course of just one year, but not once has he witnessed such utter despair. The sight pulled on his heart strings in ways he couldn’t even explain.

“She fought against the most heinous creatures every day and you’re telling me she died because some fucking asshole thought it was a good idea to drive while being absolutely shit faced?!” Some of his words were swallowed by his sobs, but Itadori understood him well enough. “I refuse to believe that! I refuse to accept that!”

Momentarily Itadori was thrown back to the moment they got the call, he remembered it all too vividly. The shock, the confusion and his scream…

“I’m sorry for your loss,” the nurse led them into the room. The air was chilly and it smelled like disinfectant. The stench so unbelievably strong, Megumi thought he might throw up. It burned in his eyes and nose and he distantly felt his cheeks getting wet. He couldn’t tell if it was because of the smell or of what was to come… at this point, it still felt like a sick joke, some twisted game or prank. Just not real, like a dream, a nightmare he would wake up from any second.

There was a single bed in the middle of the room, the body underneath covered by a white cloth. Gojo, Nobara and Yuji gathered around it, hands clutched together in front of them as if they were silently praying. Megumi hesitated. He stood in the doorframe, looking at the scene in front of him and nothing seemed to make sense anymore. Everyone was crying. Even Gojo seemed more tense than usual and he was sure he saw a stray tear slip from underneath his sunglasses.

The room was silent, except for the door falling shut behind him as the nurse left them to mourn in peace. This was a dream, right? A nightmare? How could it be anything else?

Megumi’s footsteps echoed off the walls as he hesitantly approached the bed covered in white sheets.

This is just a dream. This is a nightmare. You’re going to wake up any second now. Just wake up. Wake up! Wake up, dammit!

But he didn’t wake up. Not even as he reached for the white cloth. And he didn’t wake up as he slowly lifted it up. He didn’t wake up when everyone sucked in a sharp breath. And he didn’t wake up as Nobara’s knees buckled and she fell to the ground sobbing. He didn’t wake up as he laid his eyes on your peaceful but lifeless face.

Megumi didn’t wake up. But God did he wish he did.

He stood there for what felt like an eternity. Studying your features. How your hair was softly flowing on the pillow, how your lips were slightly parted as if you would wake up at any given moment and tell him something important. But he also noticed that your cheeks lacked their signature pinkish tint and your lips were more blue than their usual vibrant red.

His hand inched closer to your face, connecting to your cheeks and adoringly caressing it. It was cold underneath his touch. Your skin feeling more like wax than it felt alive.

No one said anything, the only sound was Nobara’s quiet sobs that she tried to stiffle to the best of her abilities. Everyone watched Megumi and no one knew what to do. Neither of them has ever felt so helpless. Even Gojo was rendered speechless at the heartbreaking sight in front of him.

And then, everything slowly started to sink in…

She’s gone. She’s gone. She’s really gone! You’re not waking up! Why aren’t you waking up?! Wake up!! No, no, no. This can’t happen. This can’t happen. This isn’t happening! Tell me this isn’t happening?!

Didn’t I just talk to her this morning? Didn’t we talk about going to the beach as soon as it got warmer? Didn’t we make dinner plans? Didn’t she boast about a new recipe she wanted to try? Didn’t this just happen? And you’re telling me that all of that is just… gone? Just like that? In a moments notice… poof?! Evaporated into thin air? You’re telling me that?

“Wake up, dammit! Wake up, dammit! WAKE UP!”

Everyone stared helplessly at Fushiguro. At first no one knew if he was talking to himself or you, but then he started desperately shaking your shoulders, repeating the words over and over again. “We wanted to go to the beach, remember? You told me you couldn’t wait! Come back, and I’ll drive us right now! Come back! Come back to me, please! Please!”

Gojo couldn’t bear the sight anymore. The way he shook your body as if that would change anything. With a few long strides he closed the distance between him and Megumi and pulled him away from the bed. He was thrashing at him, screaming in his face to let him go, but Gojo didn’t listen. He gladly took a hit or two if that meant Fushiguro could get at least some of his frustration out of his body. To Gojo, the room itself was a hard place to be in – for obvious reasons. The energy here made him feel uneasy and on edge. The amount of cursed energy gushing out of Megumi was immense and almost unbearable. He had to get his emotions in check or else…

Megumi continued to yell and thrash. “Let me go, you bastard! Let me go! I need to see her! I need to see her!”

“I understand that this is hard for you, but you need to calm down!” Gojo’s voice was stern. This was probably the first time ever that he actually put on the façade of a responsible adult. Nobara and Yuji watched the two with wide eyes, but didn’t interfere otherwise. “If you keep this up, you might end up cursing her! Do you want that?!”

“Let me go! Let me go!” Megumi wasn’t listening.

“Megumi, snap out of it!” Gojo’s palm connected to Megumi’s cheek, his flesh burning hot where it had connected. For a moment, the room was silent again. Only Megumi’s labored breaths broke through the thick tension.

“You bastard!” Megumi launched himself at Gojo with all his strength, but that was exactly what Gojo intended. It was better if he directed all his energy towards him than having it leak out of him uncontrollably. Otherwise he had the potential of manifesting a new special grade curse that neither one of them wanted to deal with, especially if you were to be reborn as said curse.

Megumi stopped his relentless attacks, knees buckling under his weight as a single agony filled screamed echoed off the walls…

Megumi slowly opened his eyes. His head was aching, blood soaring in his ears. What happened? He looked around himself. The room was dark, only illuminated by the moon light that peered through his partially closed blinds. He was laying in his bed, the room a mess just like he remembered. That was unlike him. Well, ever since that day he hasn’t been himself at all. Now, he more or less felt like an empty shell, existing but not alive.

He groaned, sitting up while he rubbed his temples, hoping to get the relentless throbbing to stop. Ah, that’s right. A few flashes of the previous events reminded him of what had happened. Megumi’s frustration and anger had gotten the best of him and he started throwing books, ripping them out of their shelves and even tearing some of them apart when he couldn’t find the answers he was looking for. Yuji had to call for Gojo and he in turn had knocked him unconscious.

Megumi huffed. Great. Now he was probably not permitted to go to the library again. He should really start thinking before lashing out like this. No, matter, though. If push comes to shove he’d find a way in and if it’s the last thing he did. He didn’t really care anymore anyways. What’s the worst that could happen? Expulsion? That was nothing.

He peeled the covers back, his shirt sticking to his body uncomfortably. Maybe he should take a shower before he went back again.

Reluctantly, he got up and walked towards his bathroom, mindful not to trip on anything that was scattered on his floor.

Once he was there, he turned the shower faucet on, letting the water heat up while he stripped out of his clothes. His head was still killing him and his whole body ached. He shivered, even as he got into the shower and the hot water burned his skin. He was still cold. For some reason he didn’t seem to be able to get warm anymore, as if you took all of his warmth with you, when you left him.

“Ew, stop doing that,” you laughed wholeheartedly as Megumi shook his wet hair in your face after coming out of the shower. “Seriously, are you a dog?”

“No, but I love hearing you laugh.” Megumi wrapped his arms around you, pressing your back against his naked chest as you both watched your reflection in the mirror. “I really love you, Y/N. So much,” he whispered in your ear, not taking his eyes off the mirror. He could see the faint blush on your cheeks and he placed a soft kiss to the nape of your neck to emphasize his words.

“I love you, too.” The smile on your lips and the way your eyes sparkled with joy, filled his heart with warmth and light. He could bask in it for all eternity and he would never get tired of it.

Megumi turned the water off, still shivering. It was to no use. His skin was burning red, though, and the whole room was filled with steam and yet, he had goosebumps all over his body. His teeth started clattering as he dried himself and he put on new clothes.

The clock on his bedside table told him that it was three in the morning. He felt like he forgot about something… something important. What was it again?

And then his eyes widened in shock. No, no, no.

“Hey, look!” Megumi felt your slender fingers wrap around his wrist, your warmth immediately warming his cold skin. You tugged him gently and he followed you. It didn’t take long for you to reach your desired destination and you stopped, eyes shining with awe in them as you watched over the city, lights sparkling and illuminating the darkness. Megumi couldn’t deny that the view was breathtaking, but he couldn’t keep his eyes from constantly looking at you instead. The way your face lit up, the way the lights danced on your face and how your cheeks were always tinted in their usual pinkish color, made him fall for you all over again. His heart hammered in his chest and his pulse picked up. Butterflies assaulting his stomach in the best way imaginable and he felt like he was floating above ground. Never has he felt so happy. “There! It’s starting!” You beamed at him as the first flash of light painted the night sky in a bright blue color, then it changed to red and then green. The sound of other fireworks being set off rang through the otherwise silent night. Here, on top of the mountain away from anyone, it was the most peaceful place he could imagine. But he wasn’t sure if it was only because of the view and the fact that no one was around or if it was because you were here. Whatever it was, he didn’t dream to fight it. The feeling so foreign yet so welcomed.

Suddenly your hand appeared in his line of vision and he didn’t hesitate to take it. What he didn’t expect was you starting to spin around. It took him a moment to catch up. “C’mon, Megumi, what are you doing? Don’t just stand there so stiffly! Dance with me!” You urged him on and Megumi felt his cheeks heating up in embarrassment. He could only hope that you couldn’t see it.

“There’s no music, though,” he said, trying to find an excuse to not make a complete fool out of himself. You see, Megumi wasn’t a dancer. Give him a choreographed fighting formation and he could do that no problem, but moving his feet to the rhythm of a song? Nope. That was sure to end in him tripping over his own feet and in the worst case break his leg or arm.

You rolled your eyes at him, but instead of saying anything, you reached into your back pocket to get a hold of your phone. It didn’t take long and the sound of the fireworks was mixed with the soft tune of a song that he didn’t know. “Better?”

Well, not really… Megumi scratched the back of his head, unsure. Better to come clean, I guess. “You see… I can’t really dance… like at all,” Megumi stammered.

“So what? I can’t dance either,” you laughed, spinning around and jumping up and down like it was the most normal thing to do. The smile on your face never faltered and you did another spin, throwing your hands up in the air, moving them around awkwardly. Megumi couldn’t help but laugh at your awkward movements. You looked so silly, it was hilarious. “See? Now it’s only fair that you make a fool out of yourself, too. You can’t leave me hanging like this!”

What the hell, right? Megumi started moving his feet, still super stiffly and anything but graceful, but he did it. He looked at you, following your movements and it didn’t take him long to get the hang of it… well, somewhat at least. He still looked really awkward and helpless, so you reached both your hands out for him again and he grabbed them without hesitation, just like before. You started spinning both of you in circles, giggling at the way his face lit up slightly. He joined your laughter, looking at you with the most adoring smile in the world. It felt… so easy. Everything with you felt so easy.

So now it was just the both of you, spinning around in fast circles, laughing at the night sky filled with stars while in the distance the sound of fireworks slowly died down. The music playing softly in the background, but you didn’t even care that the rhythm of the song didn’t match with your movements at all. Nothing mattered in that moment. Just the two of you. Together. Forever.

“Ah, I was wondering when you’d show up.” Gojo scratched the back of his neck, smiling apologetically. “Maybe I was a bit too rough, when I knocked you out. Sorry about that.”

Megumi stared at him sitting in the front row of lined up chairs. The room was only dimly lit by the candles at the other end. The soft light they cast illuminated a picture of you in a black frame. It was the same one he had saved as his phone background. Megumi gulped, feet moving on their own as he approached Gojo, though, he felt his knees wobble unsteadily. The air became thicker and thicker with every other step he took. It felt excruciatingly hard to breathe. It was suffocating.

Megumi sat down on a chair next to Gojo, forcing himself to tear his eyes off the framed picture in front of him. If he didn’t he was afraid he might break down again. So he shifted his attention to the man in the chair next to him. He was already looking at him, his eyes hidden behind his sunglasses, as usual. There was a slight frown in his features, though, and his mouth was pressed into a thin line, a stark contrast to his normally giddy self. So Gojo could be serious, huh? Who would’ve thought? Bet you would’ve loved to see him like that…

“Megumi,” Gojo broke the silence first, his tone soft, but there was a certain sternness behind it that Megumi didn’t know he had until now. It left no room for interpretation. This was going to be a serious talk and Fushiguro didn’t know if he was ready for that yet. “I know that losing someone you care about is not easy and I’m not trying to pretend that I know exactly what you’re going through right now, but I’m telling you as your sensei and as a friend… you have to move on. And that means you have to stop looking for ways to bring her back.”

Megumi opened his mouth to tell him off, but Gojo just held a finger up to show him he wasn’t done yet. The crease between Megumi’s brows deepened, but he kept his mouth shut regardless. “The world works under a few distinct principles. Rules that cannot be broken, if you will. Like we know that after the sun sets, dawn will come. With darkness, there is light and no matter how harsh a winter might be, spring will always come next. And the pinnacle of those rules will always be that with life there comes death. We don’t get to choose when this’ll be or how it’ll happen, but from the moment we’re born we know without a doubt that we’ll have to leave this place at some point. Death is certain. It’s but one part of life and disrupting that cycle, breaking one of the unbreakable rules, would cause the whole system to fall apart. It would level the ground for mayhem and destruction, nothing would make sense anymore. The world would crumble. As sorcerers you know that we protect the ones who cannot protect themselves, but we also maintain balance and Megumi… while I do understand your desire to see her again, I have to warn you… even if there is a chance, I won’t let you do it at the expense of everyone else’s life.”

Silence fell between them again. Megumi had a hard time believing that these words really just came out of Gojo’s mouth. Deep down, he knew he was right. He knew it was a futile plan to bring you back. It was selfish and irresponsible, but he was so… desperate. So desperate to hear your voice again, so desperate to listen to you laugh or complain, so desperate to feel your delicate and warm touch on his cold skin. He was so desperate for these things; he couldn’t think straight. His mind felt foreign to him without you there. He didn’t know who he was, who he would be without you by his side. He didn’t know if he wanted to be in this world anymore with his source of warmth and comfort gone. They said, time healed all wounds but as of now that seemed impossible. Just a thing people told themselves to keep moving forward. A lie that was supposed to protect oneself from the cruel and harsh truth that the world didn’t stop spinning, that time passed by and that dawn always came… no matter what. The world moved forward regardless if you were here or not and it felt like a cruel joke to him. Nothing seemed the same. He didn’t recognize anything, looking at the world with different eyes. How could there be a world without you in it? Why was everyone moving forward while he was left behind? And how could they? How could they move on? Why didn’t the world stop spinning? It should. Because nothing felt right. Nothing was the same. And yet… that only held true for him.

Megumi wiped away his silent tears with the sleeve of his shirt. “But I didn’t even get to say goodbye,” he croaked out. It was the first thing that came to his mind. He replayed the morning with you over and over again and he couldn’t remember if he said goodbye to you when you left that fateful day. Did he? Did he not? In any case, he would’ve never thought how final of a farewell it would’ve been in the end. “I don’t even remember the last thing I said to her,” he sobbed.

He felt beyond guilty for not being able to recall it clearly. Did he say ‘I love you’? Did you say it back? He wanted to believe he did, but he just wasn’t sure and it drove him insane.

“She knew that you loved her very much, Megumi. I’m sure she knew until the very end.” Gojo patted his shoulder a few times, before he got up. “Take all the time you need.” He left the room, closing the door behind him, but not before he turned around one last time, looking at Megumi with worried eyes. “But remember, Megumi… You have to move on eventually, no matter how hard it is. For her sake and your own… Just know that you have people in your life that you can rely on any time, okay?”

Megumi nodded and Gojo let the door fall shut behind him. The silence that ensued was almost deafening. Finally, Megumi let his tears fall freely, sobbing like a child and sucking in air after shallow breaths.

Everything hurt with you gone. How could he ever move on? How could he ever love again? Megumi was scared he might break in half. How much pain could someone even bear? Though, deep down he knew that he didn’t have a choice… He had to try. And he would try his hardest to keep moving forward, holding on to that tiny glimpse of hope that one day he’d see you again. And when he did, he swore to himself to never stop telling you how much he loved you. Always and forever.

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rw47vr-key · 2 years

Text

Doll without a key to its heart

Thank you so much for the request dear anon!!❤️(I'm still waiting for your reply :D) Sorry it took this much time D:,I hope I won't disappoint you with this.🙃This went very very long than I expected 😅😂,so find a comfy seat✨ before reading this silly drabble of mine��💕

It's Episode 9 spoiler free!

And these two unique masterpiece songs inspired me,( I mentioned few lines)

Sweet Little Lies- Bülow

Dancing With Your Ghost-Sasha Alex Sloan

It's not necessary to listen to them to read this fic ;but go and check it out if you like!!💕✨

Sorry If there's any mistakes,and Let me know what you think about this!💕

Warning: angst,hurt, happy ending (?)

Important A/N in the end! (General, you'll understand after reading this)

The chirruping birds, descending sun whose orange-yellowish light fell on those recently wet green leaves;You rest yourself in a bench found before a shop,take up all wonders of nature to your tired soul and gaze at those majestic trees in duskwood forest.

(I don't own the gif)

It seemed strange that there was no raven cry heard there."After all that happened to me,this place is no longer scary.Or it never had been that way.It appeared to be because of the people around here",you mutter and close your eyes unable to resist the calming atmosphere adding to the sudden chill blow of the wind.

***

"You always here bad things about Duskwood.But there are lot of pleasant ones you'll surely enjoy", Jessy's chat text crossed your mind.

It has been a year since Hannah was found, thanks to your help and the hacker.You were really glad that you saved a life, though yours was just a random number that the serial killer known as the "Man without a face" sent to Thomas to direct the investigation on you.

It made you very upset,you cried and yelped for days alone, because you've gone through so much suffering and nearly lost your job due to Lilly's video. Things turned out well and everyone of those duskwood friends thanked and invited you to celebrated a party.That was a week after Hannah and Richy was found.Richy was injured badly and was in a coma for a few days.Thankfully,Jessy was there for him.

You were from a city which was near to the bustling, industrious city, Colville.So you didn't visit them after that. Yet you kept texting and calling them often.

The case was over soon because the police finally solved it with your warrant.Everyone thought it'd have been better if they've left the investigation to the police initially.Thats why their relationship with you went a little crass and gradually they stopped responding back.Only you know that Jake did a master plan by providing clues anonymously to the police, because all they tried to do was 'close the case faster for the sake of their popularity'

Even Jessy, the best friend you considered as, didn't talk to you,she was upset with you, she slightly blamed you for not immediately helping her brother who was in prison, and also after what happened to Richy .Well,the latter one is atleast something you blamed yourself,but it was not entirely your fault.

****

Flashback

Tell me all your sweet, sweet little lies;All about the dark places you hide

Tell me all your problems, make them mine;Tell me all your sweet, sweet little lies

"Hey could you help me with this?.I will also help you with anything if you need,you can ask me,I promise,ok?",a friend of you asks.

You nod and say,"Ah,of-of course.I will."

"Ok thanks!"

Later on someday....

*You approach hesitantly* well, I need your help with something.I already asked you ....But Can..."

"Oh? You mean that? I can't now,See you later".

And you were never helped after making such promise.

You can list out a lot of such incidents in your life.You don't need anything big in return from them.A simple thank you, means a lot enough to you.But avoiding you for nothing and seeking you only for their own benefit,that's really difficult to accept.

It happened again in a different angle,with a little crime involved.

***

As time changes, people do change ,you can't do anything about it.All their attention soon turned to Hannah ever since she survived. You don't mean that they are not grateful to you,but you felt a little left out of their space.

The usual cheerful approach they had,when the case was being investigated vanished into thin air.Your heart sank into the same numb feeling you get as if you were just a ploy for their game.

You are the 'key' to find Hannah.How many times you must have heard that? Now,you are just a frivolous doll without the key to open your already crushed heart.

I can shake it off, chloroform peace and rest;But you know all I ever really wanted was a friend

People may say it's because "you're jealous".No, it's actually not.You were forgotten like you didn't exist, didn't mean anything to them,like you were an invisible being,that hit you so hard,just because you were a "Stranger".

But what hurted you the most is the message you received from your dearest hacker.

Yelling at the sky;Screaming at the world

Baby, why'd you go away?;I'm still your girl

'Nothing will work out between you and me?' It sounded very strange coming from a person you've never dated for real.The scar he left in your heart,is still wounding you more and more.

Every night,when looking at those stars 'Will he be sleeping now?" ,When there is heavy rain, 'What if he gets sick ,not caring about his health and running from his persuers?',when you get any call from an unknown number,you attend it with the hope you'd hear it from Jake,or atleast the distorted voice of him.You can't erase him from your memory,for all those almost 365 days.Love can indeed make you blind,trusting an unknown man foolishly.

***

You flinch and get up from your nap and breathe heavily.You get this dream of Jake's last chat over and over again.You twist your bracelet frantically,you do it everytime if you're depressed or angry.

"Is this what I deserve,huh?",you let out a bitter laugh, wipe your tears,hold the small gift box and decide to go to the destination you need to be; A hotel venue in duskwood .

You tap on a small button in your smart bracelet and hold it closer to your mouth so that you can speak to the bot "What's the weather like here today,JD?"

"...."

"No connection??",you bit your lower lip, annoyed by the series of disappointments.

****

Today is the wedding ceremony of Hannah and Thomas.

They didn't invite you.It was actually Dan.One change that you never thought of ,the always grumpy guy, offended on behalf of you to his other friends ,really was unexpected.

*In group chat*

Dan: "Why do you all act weird to our hacker's girl?A stranger?, that's the reason?"

But all remained silent as if they agree to it.

Dan: if MC thought we were all strangers,Han..

You: No! Stop it dan please!

Dan made a huge fuss about it in the group chat once, but then he knew he can't do anything about it.You told him it was fine .You left the group chat , questioning and blaming yourself whether it was right or wrong,you couldn't endure thd fact that you were a nobody.'Letting go of some people is fine,move on' said your head,but how so? asked your heart.

*Private chat*

Dan: Sorry, MC

You: it's ok Dan.But thank you🙂

Dan: I'm still pissed off

You: "Pff,I agree you are a gentleman.But let me know if you or they need any help,ok?"

Dan: "Arrgh MC! You're still the same after everything happened??"

You: "I don't need to change myself for others, right? Don't you always go by that law?.And I'm the same😉

Dan: "Fine,fine"

***

Now...

*In the wedding ceremony*

You couldn't stop feeling delighted after entering that vibrant and festive hall.You looked around to find Dan,but he wasn't there.Then reality strike your mind,it ached your heart,that you felt alone even in that large crowd.

Dan insisted not to push yourself by coming here,but you do want to congratulate them.They were indeed your friends.Holding a grudge won't leave you anywhere.

You were anxious to approach the couples at the beautifully decorated altar .Though your heart raced faster,giving you chills to approach them, you overcomed it and congratulated.Other friends weren't there.Initially Hannah and Thomas were quite shocked to see you.They received your gift ,thanked and responded with a smile but were ashamed after what they did to you.

"MC, I'm sorr-"

You interrupt Hannah, shook your head and silently replied,"it's okay"

You return a smile , went and stood in a corner.You saw Jessy,Cleo and Lilly running here and there , making the preparations; and Richy,Dan and even Phil joking around and greeting the other people. You imagined yourself being there along with them,laughing aloud, and teasing.

I love the picture in my head;But I know that it's not real

I leave a picture in my head;Cause I like how it makes me feel

'You were okay?How could you lie to others and to yourself too? Fabricating your real thoughts with fake ones, struggling all alone ,but showing a fixed bright smile,while deep inside you know you're obscure and gloomy, like those rainy dark clouds ready to pour up anytime.'

"I- I amm not okay" ,you choke up, whisper to yourself and you weep with your face half covered with your palm.You walk hastily towards the entrance, you brush off someone's shoulder but you continued pacing your steps till you reached the walking pavement on the road.

***

Jake's POV

Jake's devices weren't working properly due to the poor network availability near the woods.

"Is this the right area?",Jake wearing a newly brought black tuxedo,a milk white shirt,a bow tie not properly worn,and in a black mask ,he stared at the surroundings.He widened his eyes, finally spotting the ceremony's welcome sign "Thomas weds Hannah" in a vivid display board adorned with beautiful flowers.He paced his steps and timidly entered the hall.

Seeing his sisters was a new feeling,and especially one of them in a wedding dress, brought tears in his eyes.He just wanted to observe and walk away like nothing happened. The main reason he came here,was to see you, who made him scared and go crazy because of the selfless love you showed him ever since your first message.

How much he yearned to hold your hands, vowing to each other to be together for eternity and kiss you like there's no tomorrow,living a normal life beside you,he picturised this every single day and now it crossed again in his mind,when he saw Hannah and Thomas,visualing you and himself in their place.

He knew what you went through all this one year,He felt guilty for that and was very annoyed at your friends including his sisters. He was there with you all that time,close yet far away,but you didn't know that.

***

A while after cutting contact with you

"You are a hacker?!"

"You know what,I like you"

"We are an awesome team🤭"

"Is everything ok with you?"

"Of course I was worried🙁"

"You kiss,and the world around us disappear"

"I will be waiting for you"

"Your happiness is more important than mine"

Jake wakes up from his nightmare,his chest rising up and down with rapid breaths.He leans forward from his seat,with his hands on his face ,he wails silently and whimpering now and then, trying to catch some air. You haven't met him and so does he.But all he thinks about is you,everytime he dreams about your chats,he sees a snippet of you ,mouthing it in reality and expressing your concern for a loner like him.

/Is it a coincidence you both dream about the tragic final messages?/

Running from the government and fighting the devil within himself,he thought it'd be best to forget you,it was a bad choice,it is definitely not easy for him,since it was the first time in his life,someone showed him what's love,how nice it'd be to have a family,and to be together through thick and thin.

"I will be waiting for you"

,his heart sank and he trembled whenever he thought those words from you.'Why does she trust me so much? I'm a fool, for leaving her alone' ,he runs his fingers through his hair in frustration and suddenly, something strikes his mind.

He rushes out to buy some requirements and returns to his hiding place, starts activating a new program named "techbracelet-MC-Jake"

.....After 2/3 days...

At night time

Jake walks restlessly from one end to other in his small messy room and waits anxiously, gripping his bracelet worn in his hand.

*A GREEN LIGHT TINGS in that bracelet*

*Welcome Jake,please wait for the system to process*

*PROGRAM ACTIVATED*

*Linked user : MC*

HEART RATE: |normal|

OXYGEN LEVEL: 101

CURRENT FEELING: *loading* sad? Weary?

*unable to detect⚠️*

LISTENING TO MUSIC : ✔️<.....>

ALARM SET AT : yy:yy am

It will help him know atleast how you are doing.First,he felt really bad to invade your privacy.But this way,he hoped he could feel your illusioned presence,your rhythm of heart beat and your emotions,a greedy decision to feel closer to you.

He finally feels relieved after seeing his smart bracelet being connected with yours.He sighed in dismay but then giggled accepting the fact that "feelings can't be detected digitally".Still he was contented.

***

You got this bracelet ,that was similar to a smart watch,as a bonus gift along with other stuff you ordered online,so you didn't quite speculate about it.You listened to songs at night in that smart bracelet and there was a speaking bot too.There were many other features,you wondered how much costly it'd be.

Though you'd be crying by hugging your pillow at night,you sensed a warm hand holding yours because of that tiny bracelet, which was also made in your favourite colour.

"A bot that can respond?" ,You widen your eyes in excitement and mutter softly by pressing a small button, "Hello there bot".

***

Part 2.....(there was a problem while editing this,and I exceeded the limit 😅😂)

#duskwood #duskwood fandom #duskwood fanfiction #anon ask #duskwood fanfic #jake x mc #duskwood everbyte #mc duskwood #jake duskwood #writings☆

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secondhandnewsradio · 3 years

Text

SHN INTERVIEW: Rachel Bochner

by Claire Silverman

Rachel Bochner is a singer/songwriter based in New York City. Her career in the music industry began with an A&R internship at a record label, and it was there that she realized her true passion for creating and sharing her own music. Her passion lies in making pop music that resonates with people through the good, the bad, the lighthearted, and the heavy.

CS: Congrats on the release of your song “hating myself in the summer!”

RB: Thank you so much!

CS: The song feels like a song that so many people, especially young girls, can relate to a lot. What initially prompted you to write this song?

RB: I actually started writing this song back in October, so it wasn't written in the summertime. But the phrase in the chorus “I'm tired of hitting myself in the summer” is kind of what sparked the song as a whole. And like you said, it's something that a lot of people, especially young women can relate to. I think it's just something that I have always struggled with for as long as I can remember. There are periods in my life where I noticed, at events or seasons, that I'm feeling particularly self-conscious, and summer is definitely one of those times. There’s this push and pull of “I want to be enjoying myself, and I just want to exist and not be worrying about this,” but there's also a pressure that “okay, my friends are all going to the beach, and I don't love how I'm looking in this bathing suit, and now that's consuming my mind,” and it's a really exhausting thing to worry about. Also as I've gotten older, it’s become so much more apparent that it's not something that actually matters, and it's not something that I should be basing my worth on. So the song is about coming to that realization.

CS: One thing I like about this song is that it's you and yourself, but also it’s you speaking to a lot of people. I appreciate that this song is a pop song, and it's a really good pop song, but it's not about a love story, which is something I really like. I've noticed this type of theme in some of your other songs too. Could you tell me a bit about what kind of messages are you interested in writing about, and what's important to you and your songwriting overall?

RB: It's funny that you say that because this song is on a project that is a collection of songs that are all not love songs. I think, for this project, I wanted it to be exactly that — my thought process and things that I'm feeling and what I'm going through but not really about another person. I do love a love song, and I love the last EP that I put out that had this story of one relationship not working out and like coming into a new one that feels better and more authentic. So I felt like I got that off my chest for a bit. I started with “how am I feeling?: And “what are the things that I am struggling with?” And what are things that I think that other people who are around my age, so high school through mid to late 20s, can relate to? I love being able to write something that feels really personal to me, but when someone listens to it, they might have a completely different life experience and still be able to place themselves in that song.

photo: Sasha Bellentine

CS: Who are the artists that you feel have really influenced you and your songwriting?

RB: I am definitely influenced by a lot of different artists. Some longer-term inspirations for me are Julia Michaels, Maggie Rogers, and Lana Del Rey. I think Julia Michaels’ writing is the kind of pop music that I am really drawn to, where sonically it’s a bop, but lyrically, you can read into it and it’s a thought-provoking song. Recently I've really been loving Conan Gray. Also, Sasha Sloane is great. I always feel overwhelmed when I'm asked this question because I feel like I need to list everyone. And I also love Taylor Swift. She consistently blows my mind.

CS: I love that. One of the coolest things that I’ve noticed from speaking with female artists around our age is that literally almost every single one of them has been deeply influenced by Taylor Swift. She has really helped create this next generation of songwriters. It's so cool.

RB: And I also love Lorde so much, but I feel like people always kind of name Lorde as their inspiration.

photo: Alex Lyon

CS: So how did you get started in the industry? What made you realize that music was what you wanted to pursue?

RB: I have always loved music. I've always been a singer, for as long as I can remember. But I didn't really start writing and working on my own music until later on. I think part of that was being a little bit afraid of failure. The part of me that wanted to do that got overshadowed by the part of me that was afraid of being bad at it. But I actually started seriously writing during the summer of 2018, which is weirdly recent. For a while, I thought I wanted to work at a label, so I interned at a record label that summer of 2018. I was doing A&R and was listening to new music every single day and looking for new artists. That’s when it clicked for me that I loved writing and I wanted to be sharing my own music. From that point on, I've been focusing on finding my network of people to be making music.

CS: As I was getting ready for this interview, I was listening to your EP 2 AM again, and I wanted to ask you about that EP as well, specifically, your song Ultraviolet. What was the story behind that song?

RB: Ultraviolet was written at the end of last summer, so we were deep in COVID times. From not being able to see people and just having so much time to sit with my own thoughts, I started to understand things about myself that I hadn't previously ever even thought about. I needed an outlet for thinking about that and processing the questions and realizations I was having about my sexuality. Naturally, I wrote a song about it. It created this space for me to explore everything that I was thinking about given the circumstances.

CS: You mentioned earlier with that EP that there was a big emphasis on the storytelling aspect of your songs. Can you talk a little bit about that, and, and the process of that EP, and putting out an EP in a time where playing concerts can’t be a part of a release.

RB: Since I started releasing music right before COVID, I’ve never really lived in a world where playing shows is a part of the release strategy. I'm excited for that to be a thing. In terms of the storytelling, the songs on the EP weren't actually written in the order that they appear on the tracklist. Afterwards, I figured out how they made sense to me, which was fun. Something I like to do in my writing is pull from experiences and emotions that I have personally felt, but also using fiction and applying an emotion that I have actually experienced and I can speak to, but in a different situation. I think as a songwriter it is really important to be able to open yourself up beyond what you've experienced firsthand, and still be able to make it sound genuine and have it resonate with people.

CS: Do you have any news you can share with us? Any exciting things coming up in the future?

RB: Definitely. I have new music on the way [Rachel’s new single “ghosted my therapist” is out now]. I won't say too much, but there's a little easter egg in the music video for “hating myself in the summer.” It's cryptic, but it'll make sense eventually.

CS: Is this the Taylor Swift fan in you putting easter eggs in your videos?

RB: Oh 100% yes.

CS: Can you give us a few recommendations to end with? What are the songs you've been listening to recently?

RB: Conan Gray recently put out a song called “People Watching” and it's so good, it was co-written by Julia Michaels as well, and she’s one of my favorites. There's a song that I literally cannot stop playing and it destroys me emotionally but I am obsessed with it. It's called “I Can't Wait to Be British” by Carol Ades. If you're looking for a song to cry to, that's a really good one. I’ve also been listening to a lot of JP Saxe lately. I'm actively not sad, but I love listening to sad music right now.

CS: It was really nice to meet you, and I'm looking forward to hearing your new music!

RB: Thank you!

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ladyautie · 4 years

Text

get to know me more!

@funyasm tagged me and I’m bored after writing my chapter, so here it is!

✨ what do you prefer to be called name wise?

My name’s Sophie. My friends call me Spencou or Spence. We met on a Role-Playing game forum where I played a character named Spencer. We’re used to call each other by our characters’ names and nicknames, most of the time. My brother calls me Sis’.

✨ when is your birthday?

15th november 1993.

✨ where do you live?

Paris, France.

✨ three things you are doing right now?

I’m watching an episode of AT4W on youtube, scrolling on Tumblr and I’m drinking a coffee.

✨ four fandoms that have piqued your interest right now?

Definitely It and especially Eddie Kaspbrak and the ship Reddie. I’m kinda obsessed right now, writing fanfic, reading fanfic, daydreaming about it and all.

I just played the Last of Us 2 and I’m currently watching a let’s play from my favorite youtubers, Mari and Stacy from Geek Remix. I’ll probably read a few fics as well.

The tv show Barry (HBO) is a definite special interest for me. I’m probably going to watch it all once again real soon and I’m planning on writing a fanfic or two in the future. I’m dying for the third season to come.

Finally, I’m probably going to be super into The Umbrella Academy once again, when the second season will be released. I’m just really into Vanya, Klaus and Allison and I can’t wait to see more of them.

✨ how is the pandemic treating you?

None of the people I know have been contaminated, so I’m lucky about that. I’m not quarantined anymore, back to work, and the transition is not easy.

I feel like I’m more openly autistic than I used to be and that I can’t stand the rest of the world for a long period of time. I’ve experienced multiple meltdowns and shutdowns and I have real difficulties to socialize with most people or to focus on my work.

I feel incredibly naked and vulnerable whenever I’m leaving my flat without my mask on, so I think that’s definitely something I’m gonna have to work on in the future.

Leaving Paris and meeting my folks for my mother’s wedding, I found myself surrounded by people who mostly didn’t care about the virus, kissing each other on the cheek in true french fashion to say hello, hugging, not wearing a mask, not respecting any kind of social distance.

I was quickly overwhelmed by all of that, plus the noise, and I had to isolate myself in my parents’ car, sobbing hysterically and willing to suffer in a overheated car if it meant having a bit of peace.

There are definitely going to be long-term consequences. I can only hope that my physical health will remain okay, though.

✨ song you can’t stop listening right now?

Keep On by Sasha Sloan. I just really love the lyrics and the message.

✨ recommend a movie.

Whenever I have to think of a movie to recommend, Frank by Lenny Abrahamson is the first one that comes to my mind. This movie is an obsession for me since the first time I watched it and I often find myself watching it again and again. Despite its heavy subjects, it’s definitely a comfort movie for me.

Too often, movies featuring mentally ill characters will aim for the characters to “get better”, which doesn’t mean for them to find healthy ways to cope with their issues, but usually for them to look more “neurotypical-like”, if you know what I mean. Frank doesn’t go that way at all. On the contrary, it pushes the viewer to empathize with the main characters and to understand their point of view, their way of being.

It’s so incredibly comforting to watch a movie featuring mental illness realistic and not romanticized and to have the movie say “you’re different and you have issues, but you’ll find your tribe someday and be able to find your own happiness, even if it’s unconventional by society’s standards”.

I don’t know, I just have so much feelings about this movie. Plus the music slaps, the humor is hilarious (kudos to the random French guy who can perfectly understand English but refuses to utter a single word if it’s not in French) and the actors are truly on point (I can only salute Domnhall Gleeson, among everyone else who is also worthy of praise, because he definitely managed to make me hate his character in a way I almost never hated a character before).

Watch it!

✨ how old are you?

I’m 26 years old.

✨ school, university, occupation, other?

I used to be a librarian, but I couldn’t find a stable job in this field, so I passed an entrance examination and I’m now working in the tax administration. Yeah, not really glamorous, but it pays the bills and I’m accommodated for my disability, so it helps.

✨ do you prefer hot or cold?

Definitely cold. When I was a kid, I used to swim in mountain lakes, at temperatures close to 13° celsius, and I still take my showers mostly cold. I can’t stand heat, I get headaches very easily when it’s sunny and I’m getting confused easily whenever it’s too hot. I recently had a nosebleed at work so intense that I found myself spitting blood (it went better once I got a fan, making the temperature bearable).

✨ name one fact others may not know about you.

I used to be allergic to my own sweat when I was around 18, until my early twenties. Whenever I was doing a mild physical effort or getting stressed out, I would get hives and itchy skin rash all over my whole freaking body, which was so exhausting that I would fall asleep immediately as soon as the rash was gone.

It disappeared as suddenly as it appeared, without me ever doing something about it. I still don’t know why I experienced that and if I’m going to experience that ever again. I hope not.

✨ are you shy?

My autism makes social interactions complicated, but I’d say I’m mostly impaired by my social anxiety and the various traumas I’m dealing with daily.

Traumas I got after having been bullied pretty badly by kids and teachers during my school years, my stepfather being borderline abusive and different traumatic experiences, including my childhood crush dying from a ski accident when I was 15 or so (and me never being able to tell him that I loved him) and people betraying me so many times that I can’t even recall every little thing.

As a result, I find myself doubting constantly that I’m worthy of love, affection and respect and I often wonder when I’ll do or say the “wrong” thing that will cause me to lose everyone I care about. I also have a hard time knowing who I am and, as a result, allowing everyone to know who I am as well.

I often don’t know what to say and will find myself keeping my mouth shut, even on topics I’m knowledgeable about, because I’m scared of people shutting me down, among other things. My friends make it easier for me to talk about things I like and all, but I’m still heavily doubting myself.

I try to challenge myself regularly. I’ll force myself to take part in events that are taxing or that are forcing me to perform in front of people. That’s how I found myself taking part in the casting part of the french equivalent of “American Idol” (I merely met the pre-judges, but I did manage to sing my whole song in front of them). I needed to prove to myself that I could do it.

✨ do you have any preferred pronouns?

I’m using she/her, but I don’t mind people using they/them to talk about me if they don’t want to be gender-specific.

✨ any pet peeves?

I hate how people can freely and openly be homophobic, racist, ableist, transphobic, sexist and so on, but as soon as I open my mouth to let them know that what they said/did wasn’t appropriate, I’m labelled as one of those “hysterical feminists” or a “party pooper”. s/ Sorry if your antisemitic joke isn’t making me laugh, my “dear” colleague... /s I hate whenever people infantilize me, especially my mom. She’s still keeping an eye on my bank account, despite me telling her that I didn’t want her to do so again and again. I don’t dare to block her out, because I’m scared of her emotional reaction. I hate the ugliest parts of fandom, notably the obsession with “who’s topping / who’s bottoming” whenever there’s a gay pairing or the racism / ableism / transphobia / homophobia I’ve witnessed again and again.

I don’t dare to engage in the Last of Us 2 fandom because of that and the way some people describe the character of Abby (a very muscular woman), focusing on her physical appearance and calling her awful names (being downright transphobic when they thought that she was the transgender character that Naughty Dog announced there would be in their game).

✨ what’s your favorite “dere” type?

I had to google it, because aside from Yandere and Tsundere, I didn’t know a thing about it. I guess you could say I’m a Dandere (someone who is quiet and asocial. They are afraid to talk, fearing that what they say will get them in trouble.).

My favorite type is Kuudere though, when it comes to anime in particular (someone who is calm and collected on the outside, and never panics. They show little emotion, and in extreme cases are completely emotionless, but may be hiding their true emotions. They tend to be leaders who are always in charge of a situation.).

My favorite anime character, Kiyotaka Ayanokōji from the anime Classroom of the elite, is the most extreme case I can think about. He’s completely expressionless for most of the anime, talks with a very dull voice and it’s impossible to know what he’s thinking about at all times or what’s his overall plan. His hidden depth makes him all the more fascinating. He managed to keep me interested in a mostly meh anime.

✨ rate your life 1-10. 1 being really crappy and 10 being the best you could ever be.

It’s a bit hard, but somewhere around 5 or 6? I went through tons of crap in my life but I’m still here and able to live on my own, even if my quality of life isn’t all that good. I live with nearly daily suicidal thoughts since I was a teenager and have to compose with my meltdowns and anxiety attacks as well. I feel “other” most of the time and I can’t relate to most people I’m meeting and interacting with, which can sometimes feel very lonely.

On the other hand, I have wonderful friends who are willing to put up with my trauma crap and are overall amazing to talk to and be around. I have a cat I love dearly. They’re the reason why I’m still alive to this day, giving me a reason to say fuck off to my suicidal thoughts.

✨ what’s your main blog?

My main blog is Ladyautie and is about autism. I have another blog, reddie-4-more, focusing on the It movies and Eddie Kaspbrak and Richie Tozier.

✨ is there anything you think people need to know about you before becoming friends with you?

So, uh, don’t be weirded out by the kind of things I can tell you about my past. Even if it seems a lot, all of it is definitely true.

For example, I was almost kidnapped when I was around 8 or 9 by a random guy, while I was camping with my father.

My father and my paternal grandmother actually kidnapped me and my brother when I was around two and I stayed with him until the social workers determined that my mother had to raise us again because our well-being and overall life were threatened.

Lots of events of my life seem far-fetched or out of a movie / a book or something and I had people telling me that I must be lying or that I’m over-exaggerating, something that always hurts deeply.

I’m terribly awkward and more or less openly autistic, so you’re definitely going to notice something different about me. I can’t change for you and I’m not willing to hide my traits only to make you feel more comfortable about frequenting me, so if you can’t handle my socially anxious and disabled ass, then just leave.

I need people to actually tell me what they think or feel. I’m very “first degree” and I’m pretty bad at guessing what people are thinking about. Don’t be afraid to be frank.

Finally, never, and I mean never, infantilize me. I’m a 26 years old woman. I’m not a kid.I’m fine with my friends offering to help or making sure that I’m okay or so, but never assume that I don’t understand something and don’t force your help on me if I say that I’m okay.

That’s it, those who want to take part in this exercise, don’t hesitate!

#tag game #not entirely autism related #suicide mention

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loulicate-recs · 3 years

Note

Day 6 of secret santa heheheh!!! With the end of the year approaching, what are some of your ~favorites~ of the year? lets start with ALBUMS!

aaahhh hii i love this question! okay so the first one is of course! Walls by louis. i’m not even speaking in term of favouritism or wtv but i really, really fell in LOVE with this album the first time i listened to it and never got tired of it. i can confirm that even if louis wasn’t my favourite person, i’d find every song in Walls are so pleasing to listen and i wouldn’t hesitate to add the album into my personal playlist :D also bonus dlibyh is literally my comfort song and without her idk if i could go through my bad days or not 😞💞

the second one is Folklore by taylor. this one’s absolutely her peak serenity era and i could tear up just thinking about it. though, there are certain songs that show her rebellious side — mad woman, tlgad (ahem) that add spice into the album and oh do we have time to talk about how much i admire that personality of her 😼❤️

NEXT, i really love SAWAYAMA by rina sawayama! the main focus of her album is to uplift social issues and rina herself has said that she’s been through a lot and that she wants to channel all of her frustration through music. and that’s what she did in sawayama, in a way so beautiful and i could feel my blood boils everytime i listen to songs like XS - a song about capitalism and STFU - this song is so 🥵 basically tells -men and privileged people- to stop telling her what to do and how to feel >:(( and OH another comfort song - The Chosen Family is so special to me bc it helps me to feel at ease whenever i get worried over things regarding my sexuality :) ❤️

i also LOVE Future Nostalgia by dua lipa because all of the songs are basically great! especially in term of melody like almost EVERY songs are bops. however, i don’t go that deep into the lyrics for this one

nexttttt, yungblud recently dropped a new album, weird! and i AM SO GONE for this one and if you haven’t listened to it yet, i BEG on my knees to please do so especially if you enjoy listening to alt rock + punk pop. as lots of people know yungblud is known with his ‘lunatic’ behaviour and i am very satisfied with the personality gleam that he included in this album. but what i do LOVE the most about weird! is that every song has their own stories and aaah i can go on for days talking about how special each of these stories are 😞💞 this one is highly recommended and my favs from this are.... i can’t choose bc tbh i LOVE all of them 😭 but for now i’ll proceed with mars - eventhough the story behind this song isn’t related to me at all but it makes me realize that not everyone is lucky and i should be grateful for what i have and bear in mind that i need to always, always not to assume people’s life stories.

i also enjoy listening to some songs from Manic by halsey, Only Child by sasha sloan and i think that’s all 🥺✋ sorry for the long rambling skjhdsh i enjoy talking about music tbh i can go longer but i have to stop now 😞✋

#secret santa

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ellagracehargreeves · 4 years

Text

“The Spark” Music Playlist.

Here’s the Playlist on Youtube! The songs are also individually linked below!

I don’t have spotify or any of the other music things because I don’t listen to much music and I am BROKE!

(PLEASE GOD DON’T MAKE FUN OF MY VIDEOS IF YOU LOOK, I WAS A SMOL DUMBASS CHILD I SWEAR I’M LESS CRINGY NOW OK, I PROMISE.)

Love y’all. And I love these songs, Here’s why:

Lean on me - Bill Withers : Ella’s lullaby. Vanya started singing it to her around the age of 1 when she heard it on the radio at the 7/11 while she was trying to calm a fussy Ella. She began singing along with the song as a last ditch attempt, and it surprisingly worked like a charm. Ever since then, Cara and Vanya, mostly Vanya, sing it to Ella sometimes at bedtime, substituting the words with “Mother” and “daughter” when needed. It always calms Ella down.

Hazy Shade of Winter - Gerard Way (feat. Ray Toro) : …. Duh. Plus this gets me hype for Ella being powerful and happily violent and just being a part of the Hargreeves clusterfuck. ….This just slaps.

Cold Blooded - Khalid (slowed) : So this doesn’t fit entirely, but basically to me this feels like what Vanya feels when she’s empty, sad, and just blank, but then she sees her daughter being happy. It doesn’t erase the deep sadness within her, but it strengthens the resolve that she has. She will give everything she has for her daughter, just to make sure she’s warm and happy. Also this song makes me think of Ella forcibly cuddling Vanya on the couch when she is having a bad day.

(Slowed Down) Elastic Heart - Sia : Just…. V a n y a.

Dancing with your Ghost- Sasha Sloan : This song makes me think of Vanya and Ella and Cara, being happy and dancing together and making memories, but at the same time Vanya struggles with her guilt involving her siblings. She can see them sometimes within her girl, she can see them as she makes the memories. She feels like she doesn’t deserve to be happy, because she never has. She struggles with that feeling when she feels so happy her heart could burst. This song also makes me think of the relationship between Cara and Vanya, it just makes me think of Vanya trying not to cry over something but then Cara pulls her head down to her lap and runs her fingers gently through her hair and Vanya can finally let it out and it’s peaceful and happy.

(Slowed down) I found - Amber Run : Vanya…… If the commission wins.

(Her mouth is open in a silent scream as she cradles the small body towards her, this can’t be happening, no no no nonononono not her baby-

Why aren’t they helping her- Please, she’s hurt, can’t you see-?- She can’t tell the difference between her tears and those of the heavens, between the tears on her face and the blood on her hands-)

(She is no longer herself, she is a steadily growing drum-beat of pure pain and grief and power and she is not thinking but the very earth shall pay for the blood that has spilled, HER FLESH AND BLOOD-)

Somebody That I Used To Know (slowed down) - Gotye (ft. Kimbra) : The Hargreeves siblings and Vanya, after her betrayal is revealed. They feel like they should’ve been told about Ella, even if they weren’t close to Vanya at all, which is valid. But Vanya remembers them as being cold and shitty to her and tbh she’s only telling them for Ella’s sake. Plus this song is just melodramatic and I feel like it would fit the Hargreeves in any situation. Like, I can see Klaus or Diego stubbing their toe and then having this song playing in their head. They’re all extra as hell and this song works for any betrayal.

( slowed down ) lovely - Billie Eilish (ft. Khalid) : This is honestly one of my favorite songs, especially slowed down. I just listen to it while writing because it’s beautiful. But it also kinda reminds me of Vanya and her glass wall, constantly struggling with the feeling of being trapped and being stuck within her childhood abuse. She fights against it for Ella, her beautiful Ella, who gives her hope no matter how trapped she feels. This song is just a sad bop tho. Good shit.

Night Bus (Slowed) - Gabrielle Aplin : A happier sounding bop, but still slow and chill. I know it’s about lovers, but we ain't gonna take it that way okay.

“I’m on my way home to you for the last time” obviously doesn’t fit, because Vanya wouldn’t leave her daughter alone, ever, but this song kinda makes me think of Vanya gradually letting Ella go and letting her be her own person. Like, she’s still her mom, and this song also makes me think of the love between them. It makes me imagine Vanya watching Ella play in the park, or maybe watching her interact with the other girls at Gym, and thinking to herself “She’s got this. She’ll be okay. I don’t have to stay so close, she’ll still come back to me in the end even if I let her go.”

Also, this song is calming but happy, instead of most of these which are calming and sad. I needed a happier song, one that made me think of hugs and playing outside and having snowball fights and happy squeals and playing tag with wide involuntary smiles and flushed cheeks. In short: ‘Tis a bop. A happy bop. Happy times.

revenge (slowed & reverb) - xxxTentacion : Makes me think of Vanya, disillusioned, believing that her siblings have known about her powers this entire time. Makes me think about her thirst for revenge, to make them feel the soul-deep infraction against her. Makes me think of Vanya being torn between keeping her daughter safe, keeping her terrified daughter comforted, and her revenge. Torn between holding the one she loves most and punishing those who were supposed to love her. It makes me think of agonizing indecision.

IMPORTANT NOTE: I don’t know if this scenario will happen in the fic! I’m not sure how things will go down, and how Vanya will find out and react to her powers. I’m making this shit up as I go! But this song made me think, “What if?”

Dollar For Your Sadness - Unlike Pluto : (They hurt her daughter, her world, her Ella, She will DESTROY them, ALL OF THEM-)

JOLT - Unlike Pluto : The lyrics perfectly describe Vanya’s eternally growing resentment, her struggle of trying to forget her childhood, her trauma, her siblings, while raising her daughter. Trying to leave the past behind so she can move on with her Ella and Cara, her real family. They’re all she has now. Aren’t they?

(Also, Jolt. Electricity. Sparks. Heh heh heh. I’m so clever.)

Villain of My Own Story - Unlike Pluto : I’m unsure of this one, not sure if it fits. Vanya getting fed up with her siblings’ muttered remarks and snide comments? (*unconvincing cough* Diego and possibly Luther) Her just going “yknow what fuck all y’all you can suck a cattapilla dick” and being angery and pissed off? Tbh I just put this song in here because I discovered Unlike Pluto yesterday and went feral.

Maybe Vanya during the explanation, or her when she snapped at Diego? (The first time) or maybe it’s just her feeling so put down and invalidated and such a failure that she just goes “fuck this.” Vanya when Ella got bullied? It makes me think of the moments where she’s ticked off and her powers show up but just barely bc she eventually calms herself.

It makes me envision a young girl, possibly Vanya, idk, in tattered, dirty clothes, running down an alleyway in slow motion, and all I can see is the back of her hair flowing in the wind as she runs, the bottoms of her feet as she takes another step. I can see her checking behind her to see if she’s being followed, her hair whipping on her face so she can hardly see. It makes me think of frustrated anger, just an overall feeling of “FUCK THIS SHIT.”

Whatever. I listen to it when I write. It’s in the playlist.

Stay and Decay - Unlike Pluto : (Cartoon masks and gunshots. Flashing lights, ears covered tight, eyes squeezed shut, tears staining her cheeks, fear-)

(Mommy? Mommy! Mommy, no, nonono-)

(There’s dark blood staining her small, small hands- they hurt Mommy, they hurt her, she’ll hurt them- Mommy’s blood dripping- spilling, flowing- onto the wood floor and why won’t it stop-)

(-MommyMommyMommy- Please Mommy, I’m scared-!)

(She’s running after them, her feet hitting the ground, her mother’s blood splattering behind her, Mommy yelling garbled, broken protests- ringing ears, pounding heart, eyes sparking green, r a g e- )

(-she’ll get them, she’ll hurt them, she has to, THEY HURT HER MOTHER-)

Rocky Mountain High - John Denver : :) this is Cara’s favorite song, and my mother likes it as well :) Cara hums it a lot, and sometimes she sings it to Ella. Vanya’s not approving of it, because the song is about WEED, but she doesn’t do anything to stop it. Cara finds the hidden meaning hilarious when she sings it to the child.

everything i wanted (slowed + reverb) - Billie Eilish : Vanya has everything she needs, but she’s still drowning inside herself. Vanya has everything, yet she still feels so so dead. But Cara holds her, smelling like forest leaves, and Ella smiles at her, looking like beautiful starlight, and they make it better. They will always make it better, and she loves them.

The Phoenix - Lindsey Sterling : Ella. Ella, dancing in the air. Ella, hugging her mother tightly. Ella, sweet, gentle Ella- bright as the sun itself, Ella, powerful Ella. Ella, her happy light infecting everyone she meets, Ella, her excitement emerging in response to every new thing she encounters. Beautiful, beautiful, chaotic Ella- adjusting reality with a twitch of her finger. Ella, summoning a tornado full of destructive everyday things with a single tantrum. Ethereal Ella, dancing and laughing and smiling and hugging and throwing and yanking and crushing and destroying Ella. Just… Ella. Loving, Obliterating Ella.

That’s all I have for now! I gotta admit, writing all that out kind of drained me. I might reblog this with additions as I add them, if you guys want! Thanks for checking out this glance inside my process.

#music #writing music #writing #writing post #The Spark #The Umbrella Academy #Umbrella Academy #the umbrella academy fanfiction #vanya hargreeves #vanya hargreeves fanfiction #original character #original child character #ella hargreeves #ella grace hargreeves #playlist #fanfiction #fanfiction playlist

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zitrolena · 5 years

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I’m happy you’re doing better... you deserve to feel amazing cause you seem like a nice person. I’m doing good, started rewatching Escape The Night, so that’s fun. If it’s not too much to ask, can you recommend me some music to listen to. I’m going on a long drive soon and would love some new music. I hope you have a marvellous day!

Aww that's so sweet of you, you seem really nice as well!!😊

And yeah sure I can! I love recommending music eventhough I'm excited to find out if it's also your type of music... Btw some of them are not that happy so tell me what kind of music you want to listen to and I'll recommend you songs that are more fitting :)

So first of all I had a happy breakdown a couple minutes ago because I started listening to Sasha Sloan again and I'M IN LOVE WITH HER MUSIC so I'll definitely recommend her. I love every song of her but especially Normal, Ready yet, Thoughts, Older, Faking it, The Only and Runaway because they sometimes describe my feelings better than I do.

Other artists & songs would be

Jeremy Zucker!!!! My bae next to Sasha Sloan.. I'd definitely recommend comethru but I seriously love almost every song and especially the new album with Chelsea Cutler (I listen to it on repeat)

Joji..He has many really good songs so I'd just check him out (I'm especially in love with attention and slow dancing in the dark)

Summer time high time - Cuco

Connection - One Republic

If you want love - NF

Sigrid... I love her but her music is not everyone's still I'd really recommend trying it

Not another song about love - Hollywood Ending

Old town road (remix) - Lil Nas X

I am going home - Roseaux (probably my favourite song atm)

I don't belong in this club - why don't we

King of everything - Dominic Fine (Also my favourite)

Just the same - Bruno Major (for crying, so probably not that great while driving)

Entertain us - Benny Cassette

I'd love to hear from you again and you can also write me privately if you want to, but don't feel pressured to! I'd just really love to hear if you liked my recommendations :)

Have fun on your drive and I wish you an amazing day🙈

#ask #music recommendations

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onestowatch · 6 years

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Q&A: Nina Nesbitt Might Be The Britney Spears of our Generation

Already off to an impressive start to 2018, which includes numerous sold-out tour dates and amassing upwards of 100 million streams to date, Scottish singer-songwriter Nina Nesbitt is just getting started. Nesbitt’s vibrant voice is derived from her musical influences Britney Spears and Whitney Houston, and her rapid growth as an artist only further contributes to her confident classic pop style. Her flair for catchy pop and R&B blended with her own confessional songwriting has gathered fans such as Chloe Grace Moretz and Taylor Swift, who included ‘The Best You Had’ on her “Favorite Songs Playlist.”

Earlier this year, Nina Nesbitt partnered with Spotify for their Louder Together program to record the first ever collaborative Spotify Single Original called “Psychopath” with fellow Ones To Watch Sasha Sloan and Charlotte Lawrence.

Fresh off her summer tour supporting Jesse McCartney, Nina released a brand new single, “Loyal To Me,” which was inspired by the “independent-women spirit of the 90s and is a self-help to dating.” She plans on releasing a full-length album in early 2019.

Ones to Watch recently chatted with Nina Nesbitt to chat about her musical journey, Spotify’s Louder Together program, post-tour plans, and more. Read more below and be sure to catch the rising songstress on her upcoming fall tour with MAX:

10/4, Neumos, Seattle, WA 10/5, Fortune Sound Club, Vancouver, BC 10/6, Hawthorne Theater, Portland, OR 10/9, Holy Diver, Sacramento, CA 10/10, Slim’s, San Francisco, CA 10/11, Voodoo Room @ House of Blues, San Diego, CA 10/12, The Observatory, Santa Ana, CA 10/13, El Rey Theatre, Los Angeles, CA 10/16, The Crescent Ballroom, Phoenix, AZ 10/17, Sunshine Theater, Albuquerque, NM 10/19, The Complex, Salt Lake City, UT 10/20, Bluebird Theater, Denver, CO 10/23, Scoot Inn, Austin, TX 10/24, Bronze Peacock @ House of Blues, Houston, TX 10/25, Cambridge Room @ House of Blues, Dallas, TX 10/26, Voodoo Lounge @ Harrah’s Kansas City, Kansas City, MO 10/27, Delmar Hall, St. Louis, MO

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OTW: Let’s start from the very beginning. Why music? What made you realize music was path you wanted to pursue?

NN: It’s something I have loved doing ever since I was a kid. I was the only child--I had a lot of spare time by myself, and so my parents often times encouraged me to do something that I enjoy and that is creative. I did a lot of art, story writing, and music. Music was my favorite thing out of all the creative arts. Eventually, I put my stories into music and so I started songwriting. It’s something I never thought I could do as a career but I really enjoyed it. Suddenly, one day, I ended up doing it as a career I guess and earning a living from it, and it kind of just stuck.

OTW: How have you grown musically and personally since you’ve released your first EP “Live Take” in 2011?

NN: I’m from a little small village in Scotland, which is very far from the music industry and anything else, so the only opportunity I had was to buy an acoustic guitar and put my music out that way. There were no studios or really any other artists that I could work with. I really liked acoustic music and once I got signed, I moved to London. I feel like the move was key to my sound and style changing and just overall growing as a person. Coming from a small place to one of the biggest cities in the world is a culture shock. You have to grow up. You get to know a lot of different characters as people, and you figure out how things work a bit more. I think that’s what personally matured me. And musically, I had the chance to collaborate with so many amazing people like writers and other artists that have influenced my music. I have a studio set up as well where I produced “The Moment I’m Missing.” I wrote all of the new album there.

OTW: Which of your songs took the longest to write and why?

NN: “The Best You Had.” I had the lyrics, “It’s crazy that you’re moving on so fast but baby it’s okay if I am still the best you had,” in my notebook for a good six months. I was really pleased with that line but kept trying to get it into a song. It means a lot to me. Those lyrics have been in about five different songs that never came out. I kept persevering with it and one day, I was in the studio with my friend Jordan, who I write quite a lot with, and we played these chords, and the song literally wrote itself within twenty minutes. I’m glad I kept trying to better it because I wasn’t happy with it before. It was a nightmare to write but in the end, it was actually one of the easiest songs.

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OTW: What has it been like supporting the Jesse McCartney tour?

NN: Great! So many different audiences from what I’m used to playing to. I wasn’t familiar with his music until before the tour. All my friends absolutely love him, but I never had Nickelodeon as a kid so I never knew about him. He’s great. He knows how to work the stage. He’s so lovely.

OTW: Do you have any traditions you like to do pre-show/on tour?

NN: I try to stay healthy but in America, it’s impossible because you have so much space here. Like sometimes the drive is 10 hours some days and the only thing available is fast food, so I’m just enjoying being unhealthy. My tour ritual for this tour is to enjoy food and eat as much as I can.

OTW: Most memorable moment from your music career so far?

NN: There’s quite a lot of different memorable moments especially because I’ve been doing this for about six to seven years. I would have to say playing to ten thousand people at festivals -- that’s something I’ll never forget. “The Best You Had” got over 30 million streams, which is a really crazy number to me. It was so unexpected. I signed an independent deal with a label, a very casual record deal, just to put out songs that I like, and then suddenly I had over 30 million streams, I’m on a billboard in Times Square with Spotify, and all these things just happened so fast which I’m so grateful for. I feel like a lot of times you only get one shot as an artist and so I feel blessed.

OTW: What’s a city you’d like to someday perform in?

NN: Tokyo. I’m obsessed with Japan and I’ve never been. I’ve been to Hong Kong. I’m really obsessed with Asian culture because it’s so different from British culture. I’ve heard from other artists that go there just have the most amazing time.

OTW: We love your recent release “The Sun Will Come Up, The Seasons Will Change.” What does that song mean to you?

NN: That song was released because it was on a TV show, Life Sentence. That one is part of a collection of songs and represent a journey from start to finish. For example, “The Moments I’m Missing” is the intro track, and it’s about losing yourself and feeling lost. The middle point is “Somebody Special” because you feel like you’ve found your worth again and remember who you are. The last one is “Sun Will Come up, The Seasons Will Change,” and it sums up the whole album for me as a concept and represents the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m hoping people listen to it and take what they want from it. It’s also the message I keep with me in life. Nothing is permanent. Whatever you’re going through whether it’s really shit or really great, don’t take anything for granted. Don’t think your life will be like this forever. If you’re having a bad day, just remember things keep changing all the time.

OTW: What is the first thing you’re going to do once you return home post-tour?

NN: Give my dog a big hug. I’m also shooting a new music video the day I get back.

OTW: Wow! Can you tell us about that?

NN: Yes! I’m really excited for the video I’m shooting because I think it’s going to be something people won’t expect.

OTW: We can’t wait to see it. “Psychopath” was the first ever collaborative single from Spotify’s ‘Louder Together’ program. What was it like being a part of that with Sasha Sloan and Charlotte Lawrence?

NN: It was great! I’ve never actually collaborated with other female artists before and I think like for so long, we’ve been conditioned to think that other females are competition -- don’t work with them, don’t support them. And it’s like come on, we can all have space here to put out music. I think Spotify has done given girls a platform, especially girls in pop. They put you on so many playlists to get your streams up, which means more people come to the gigs, and it really helps. This collaboration was really cool because I’m a big fan of both of them and Sasha is an amazing song writer and Charlotte is an amazing new artist. It’s cool to get in a room with like-minded females that also do pop and understand what we do on a daily basis.

OTW: Who are some of your Ones to Watch artists?

NN: So later this summer, I will be touring with Lewis Capaldi, who I think is amazing. He’s Scottish. He’s great. I think he’s going to do really well and everyone should check him out.

#interview #nina nesbitt #pop #lewis capaldi #sasha sloan #charlotte lawrence

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mikaelamagbanua · 3 years

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My Go-to Songs when I need Motivation

I have always been the kind of person who loves music especially when it hits on something that is so close to my heart. For the past months, it has really been so hard for me because I was falling apart.

And since I love listening to music when I am sad, there are a lot of times that I would feel that the song is speaking to me. It's like I was meant to hear the lyrics and feel the music then all of a sudden I would feel that I am a fighter and I should not give up.

Here are some of my favorites songs that I really love to listen to when I need some words of encouragement. These are the kind of songs that I would want to sing in front of the mirror and see the person that I want to listen to this songs and just feel that she is not alone and all the troubles shall pass...

1. Don't Give Up On me by Andy Grammer

When I first heard this song, it sounded familiar to me. Then I realized it was the song used in Five Feet Apart which is a romantic drama film but hearing the song at that time gave a different interpretation which is that it can be a song just for yourself too. While listening to the song, I felt like the lyrics are the same exact words that I wanna tell to myself.

I really felt that the song means that I should not lose the hope in me, that I only have myself and I better not lose it in the process. Just like how it is said in the chorus " Even when nobody else believes, I'm not goin' down that easily so don't give up on me ", it really reminds me that even if the world turns their back on me, the only person I need to get through this fight is myself and I may take a break for being drained and tired but in the end I should never ever give up.

2. Keep on by Sasha Sloan

Now this song, I only heard it for the first time while I was on shuffle mode listening to a certain playlist just this month. And grabe IT REALLY HIT ME :((( I knew this is my song that every time I'm gonna hear it playing, I'm gonna vibe and sing to it. I really love the message of the song it actually made me cry the first time I heard it.

This song is really full of feels for me. I relate to every part of it. The first verse of the song, I have been in that kind of situations a lot of times. As I've said I became so emotional and vulnerable that sometimes I get annoyed easily or suddenly I would have thoughts telling me that I cannot be happy because I have failed everyone around me. There are times also that I have thought that I wanna disappear and just be gone or be in another place far from everyone.

It was really painful and hard but I am happy that now I have found the right ways to deal with it. I have discovered how I can make myself feel that I should be calm and I should not let those negative thoughts ruin the progress I am making each day. That's when I tell myself that I should keep on going for the people I love and also for myself. Even when it is tough and seems so hopeless, I should think of what could be waiting for me on the other side. That everything is gonna be okay as long as I keep on going and trying to be better each day because eventually I will be where I am supposed to be.

3. Who says by Selena Gomez & The Scene

Who doesn't feel motivated listening to this song since 2011? I really love how everyone feels so empowered and worthy after listening to this song. It feels good singing and dancing to this song when you wanna feel confident about yourself.

It reminds me that the opinion of other people does not matter. I do not need to impress them or beg for their attention. If I wanna be better, then I should do it for myself because I wan it and not because they told me so. If there is something that I want to do, I should work hard to do it and focus on myself. No matter how others try to put me down and make me feel that I will never reach my goals, I should not pay attention to them. It is my life, I can do what I want, I do not live to meet the expectations they have for me because my happiness is not determined by what they say or think but it relies on what my heart truly desires.

#motivation #song #inspiration #music #song recommendation #confidence #self love

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bthenoise · 4 years

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Q&A: Telle Smith Talks The Changing Landscape Of The Word Alive & How ‘Monomania’ Is Leading The Charge

No matter how much some of us might dislike it, change is inevitable. In order to grow, adjustments must be made.

Now does that mean forgetting your past and creating something entirely different? Of course not. But in order to become better, you can't be afraid to challenge your former self.

Taking this way of thinking and applying it to their music is Arizona act The Word Alive. Giving their previous metalcore-laden sound a 2020 makeover, the Fearless Records outfit has returned better than ever with their new melodic twelve-track effort Monomania.

Detailing this concept of change and pursuing pure authenticity, frontman Telle Smith opened up about his band’s writing process saying, “This definitely is the most The Word Alive record we've ever made because this one is the closest to who we all actually are versus what I think people's perceived idea of what we should be.”

Smith added, “And I know that doesn't always leave every listener happy, but ultimately, if we're not happy with what we're doing and creating and feel like it's pushing ourselves and our story forward then there wouldn't be a point of us being a band.”

For more behind-the-scenes chit-chat on Monomania plus what fans can expect from The Word Alive’s upcoming Noise Presents tour with Falling In Reverse and Escape The Fate, be sure to read our in-depth interview with Smith below. Afterward, make sure to not only pre-order Monomania before it hits stores February 21st but also grab tickets to see The Word Alive out on tour here.

What does the title Monomania mean to you? Is there a specific thing that inspired the title for this record?

So kind of an overall theme throughout the record is really just a loss of perspective. You know, when you fixate on the wrong thing or the wrong things, that's all you can see. You don't see the good, you don't see the positive, you can't find the silver lining. When you feel like your life is falling apart and that's all you're focusing on, you're not going to really do much to change that course. So for me, that was kind of where I was a few years ago and it really took the last three years to get to a really good place. I had just pushed so many things, so many experiences, a lot of pain, different traumas -- I mean, throughout my life, I'd always done that -- but especially in my adult life, I had really not dealt with a lot of things and I was starting to kind of just lose who I was. And you know, I didn't even realize it because when you are fixating on things and you lose your perspective, it changes you. It definitely changed me and I was able to still quote-unquote “be enough of myself” to not alarm most people in my life but there were some people who recognized it and said things about it. I kind of either brushed it off or dismissed it or I was even defensive at times about it.

So to me, a lot of the songs are just the story of how far away I got from myself and how I kind of had to destroy that part of me to get back to myself. So a lot of it has to do with that. Not every song. But you know, like “Burning Your World Down” does, “Monomania” does. “No Way Out” is literally about the worst day of my entire life. So there's a lot of really personal songs on the record. Not every song is [though]. “Another Year In The Shadows” is not about me. There are a few songs here and there that aren't. But for the majority, the whole record is kind of just about that place because I think a lot of people get stuck and they don't find their way out. And this is kind of my reflection on that time, how I was feeling some of the things I was going through that I didn't talk about ever. And, you know, I hope that it can be something that people can be like, “Oh shit, that's how I feel” or “That's what I'm going through.” And hopefully, they can see where I'm at now and use that as a little bit of motivation to maybe face some things in their lives that might be painful and uncomfortable but ultimately it's the right thing to do.

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So do you think writing this record was pretty therapeutic for you to get out of that negative space?

Yeah, I felt like I had this baggage that even though I had overcome it in a lot of ways, I definitely feel like I was still carrying it because I felt like I wasn't sharing really where I've been. Some people had noticed I was either different or I was falling into mental or emotional traps or things like negative coping mechanisms that were pulling me away. But for the most part, no one really knew. And so this is kind of my like, you know, “Hey, I'm sorry for the way I may have been towards certain people. This is me taking responsibility for it.” But it's also me trying to say like, “Hey, this is a chapter in my life. I can't change it but I can acknowledge that it's there.” Like, I don't want to ever forget about it. I don't want to act like it didn't happen. That's not my goal. My goal is to just have it there and acknowledge that this is what happens if you don't make the right choices and you don't chase what's best for you which is trying to be the best version of yourself every day. So this record is going to be a huge reminder of a turning point in my life and hopefully also the band's career at the same time.

It's great that you're being so open and honest about all of this, especially since a lot of your fans use your music to help them get through their own dark times and negative spaces. What kind of music do you usually find yourself listening to when you get into that kind of headspace?

It's funny because, for me, I listen to a completely different style of music. When I'm feeling a little bit down, I listen to a lot of like Tycho, Explosions In The Sky. I listen to artists like Sasha Sloane, Alec Benjamin and people who do a really good job of writing about their emotions and what they're going through or gone through or just like music that kind of carries the mood. So that's more where I lean when I'm trying to relate emotion to a sound because you know, a lot of people associate hard rock and heavy music with anger. And sometimes, obviously, that's the case. I think when I was younger, I was more angry and just kind of had so much to prove and I think that showed in our music and our lyrics. But now it's a lot more being reflective. I think some people, you know, they hear music and it makes them feel something and sometimes our music is what people use to go to the gym. Sometimes it's going to be what they use to get over a breakup to not feel alone if maybe they don't have the best home life or they're struggling with depression and anxiety. And then for some people, it's like their driving music, it's their get-ready-to-go-out-and-have-a-good-time music. Music is whatever language that person needs it to be and it just depends on your mood and kind of where your thought process is at the time.

Those artists that you listed, do you think any of those influences carried over into this new record?

I think so. I think because of me listening to so much music that isn't in our genre or our relative genre even, I think the way that I went about melody on this album was completely different. I know this is the most that I've felt like myself vocally. [Producer] Eric Ron did a great job of capturing everything I wanted to have in my voice. Like, this is how I've wanted my voice to sound for years. With our early recordings, it was like 18 layers of screaming -- not actually 18 -- but it was a lot and you can't possibly sound like that. And a lot of the times, it was more than one person screaming and with singing, it was just, you know, whether it was tuned, polished or they would just have me sing the notes like straight on, that was what was popular for that style of music at the time but it wasn't me. And for the first time ever, someone let me just be myself. So everything you hear on this record is how I wanted to sound. It's how I would sing something naturally. When I scream, there's not a ton of layers. I scream stuff like a few times and then that was that. I wanted it to feel very raw. I wanted it to feel more like how it is in a live setting because I look back and say like, Deceiver, Life Cycles, Real -- those records, in particular, I barely even recognize that voice. It's not because I don't understand how it came to be but it's not an actual person. Like, I don't actually sound like that. So for me, it would be like someone playing back your voice and you not recognizing it all versus like now I'm like, “Yeah, this is how I feel I sound in my head.” So I love the way that not having genre restrictions melodically -- like, the guys were just totally open to me doing whatever I wanted or felt was right. I feel like there's a lot more variety in the style of vocals from singing soft or aggressively, whether I'm singing in a lower register to the highest. I just feel like I could do whatever felt right to me. And I feel like that just makes the vocal performance way more authentic.

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Coming into this record, was the idea of authenticity and trying new styles where you guys wanted to go initially?

Yeah, I think where everyone has been we understand how we started, but ultimately, when we started The Word Alive and for the first several years, none of us really knew who we were individually -- let alone who the band was or what we wanted the band to be. Fortunately enough, we made enough songs people loved and it resonated with them so it carried us past 10 years to where we weren't just kids anymore. We're adults now who have enough life experience to truly make decisions that are made not just where we've been, where we are but where we want to go.

So for us, this definitely is the most The Word Alive record we've ever made because this one is the closest to who we all actually are versus what I think people's perceived idea of what we should be. And I know that doesn't always leave every listener happy, but ultimately, if we're not happy with what we're doing and creating and feel like it’s pushing ourselves and our story forward then there wouldn't be a point of us being a band. So there are times on this record where there are no guitars at all -- which, going back to our beginning, that would have never happened. But now, we're more about the overall song, the mood, what is this song about, what are we trying to convey, what emotional journey are we trying to take someone on in this... And if that means no guitars or if that means what you hear on some of the songs -- like “Numb Love” has one of the craziest guitar parts we've ever done, “I'm Sorry You're Sorry Now" has one of I think the best and most beautiful guitar solos we've ever done. So we have those elements. Even the last track, I think there are parts that are just so amazing and so much more thought out than just how fast can we play. I think everything carries a weight of the emotion of the song. And everything is very calculated. Everyone wanted to fill the space that was needed, not just fill space to be there. I'm really proud of how the record turned out. I'm very conscious of the fact that everyone in the band just did what was best for the song at any given time. Sometimes that's me doing less, sometimes it's guitars or sometimes that's programming or drums and then everyone still has their time to shine and really show what everyone can do. So it was a really fun process this time around.

Are you surprised it's taken five records for you guys to come to this space collectively? You know, where you're doing things how you want to do it instead of following the trends of the scene?

You know, I am and I'm not. I know we started feeling this way when we started making Dark Matter and that's when you can tell a sonic shift in our sound really was the most obvious because the sample size for the songs prior to it like on Real -- like if you have a song like “Collapsing” or Life Cycles’ “Astral Plane.” They're not metal songs, they're not metalcore songs, they're not necessarily anything that has a small box name to go with it. We felt like certain songs we were doing had a motion to them and then some songs were like, “Alright, here's the chorus, then we're going to do a build-up, then we're gonna do a breakdown and we're going to do this. And we have to have this in the song, we have to have that in the song.” And it used to be so calculated in a like “pleasing someone” way. And now it's calculated in what is best for this song and what is the story that we're telling. I just think it's a lot deeper now. But am I surprised it took us this long? Yes and no. Yes because, say you hit like 25 [years old] and you're like, “Alright, I got it. I know who I am.” Well, we didn't know shit. And then it's like, we all hit 30 and we're like, “You know, we got it all figured out. Not in the way that we thought we did at 25. Now we know that we have it all figured out to here, like up to this point.” And we know that we're just constantly growing and evolving, changing, learning, experiencing new things. And that's going to shift the way we think, the way we feel, the way we emote. So, I'm not surprised because now looking back, I'm like, “Yeah, that's a natural thing people go through. It takes time.” I'm surprised that it took us this long just because we started feeling this way so much sooner than when I feel like we actually got to display it. But thankfully, our fans let us experiment. We had to put out the records we put out to get to this point. If it took five albums to get this record, I can't imagine what it's going to be like for the next five.

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In today's day and age with fan interaction being so direct and immediate with Twitter or YouTube comments, do you find that it's more challenging to be authentic and really put your full self out there?

Well, it's funny because I was being as open as I knew how along the way but there were several years where -- I'd say probably like 2014 to 2018, maybe even 2019, almost half of our whole career -- I really struggled with the concept of separating how I feel and how proud I am of the music compared to the way the world is changing with social media. And yeah, seeing people berate you online is never going to make you feel good by any means. But I just didn't have the mental and emotional strength at that point in my life to really deal with it in the best way. Like now, it's not that I don't care at all -- I would love if people liked our music, of course -- but I don't mind if someone doesn't. I just understand that our music is being pushed out to potentially millions of people around the world. I would be insane to think that it's going to connect and resonate with every single person. And I had to get to a certain point in my life where I realized that some people, because of the way the world is, they feel the need to let you know they don't like it or they don't resonate with it or they might say that with lot harsher set of words. But for me, I just understand that it doesn't say anything about me. That doesn't speak to my musical tastes or ability. It doesn't make me or my band any less talented. It's just how they feel about the music and that's fine because there's something that they will love. I do wish that people would focus more on what they love then what they hate. But I think people who are enjoying things are just busy enjoying it. Whereas that person that seems so loud on the internet, that's what gives them a rush in their day or something. I don't know what it is exactly because I'm not like that, I don't relate to it but I wish those people the best and I'm just thankful that I'm at a point now in my life where I make the music I want to make. I love what it is. I love playing shows, I love meeting our fans. I love sharing stories and I'm going to do it until the day I die regardless of if some people don't like it. I mean, that is kind of inconsequential to my life at this point.

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That's a great way to look at it. Hopefully, people take away some of the positives you pointed out and apply it to their own lives. It's too bad there isn't a study on why people have to talk shit on social media. Maybe people tend to stick together more with negative things than positive things?

I think it's just as harmful for the person doing it as the person receiving the negativity or the backlash. Habits have a way of forming and pulling you away from your true self and who you want to be in life. And, you know, someone might say, “Well, I just go on the internet and I do this and then I go about my day.” But there's a pull. They get some sort of satisfaction from it otherwise they wouldn't keep doing it. And when you get satisfaction from ultimately hurting someone or attempting to, I can't imagine that's a very fulfilling way to live. And I think a lot of people confuse hate with criticism. You know, it's totally fine to be critical and ask questions and wonder what could be at times. But, you know, when it goes much deeper and it's personal and you feel the need to attack someone, I just don't feel like that's a healthy way to live your life in any way. I mean, can you imagine only going places with the intention of hoping you don't like it so you can leave a bad Yelp review? You're not going to enjoy things. And also, if I had a dollar for every person who's written me over the years who maybe hated a song or album that we put out then months or years later wrote me and was like, “You know what, I listened to it a few more times and I actually like it now or I love it” or like, “Man, I just went through this in my life and now this song means everything to me” then maybe people could actually call me a sellout because I'd have a lot of money.

[Laughs] Going from negative to positive, another exciting thing you guys have going is the tour you’re about to start with Falling In Reverse and Escape The Fate. You've been friends with those guys for a really long time. What's it going to be like for all of you to play shows together?

I think it's gonna be a lot of fun. Like you said, we've all been friends. I've been friends with Ronnie [Radke] for 10 years now and Craig [Mabbitt] for 12 years now because we were friends before The Word Alive was even a thing and then obviously had a little hiccup for about six months. But we've been friends for a long time. All that old drama and what people think is a big deal, like all of us, we're older. Those dudes have kids now. I don't have any offspring but we're all just adults now that can look back on those things and laugh. Half the time, antagonizing situations on the internet are just things we can laugh at it. So it's gonna be a lot of fun. The shows are selling extremely well. And it's what fans wanted. That's why we did this tour. I mean, the first time I started talking to Ronnie about doing this was almost a year ago. So it just took a lot of schedules shifting and trying to find the time to do it. Once we found out this was going to be the best time, we were like, “You know what, let's do this.” This is going to be something that all of our fans, especially the old school fans, are going to really enjoy. But obviously, we're all doing new things now. So I think for us, it's going to be a great opportunity to showcase what we've become over that time.

Yeah, it should be cool for some fans who haven't seen you guys play in a few years to see how you all have grown and progressed.

Yeah, and we're doing something special. We're playing a song that no one thought we would ever play that we've never played live. We're going to play "Heartless" for the very first time.

Wow!

It's funny because we retired Deceiver but we didn't say the deluxe edition so we felt like this tour was the perfect tour to play it for the first and probably last time. We might play it on a headliner depending on how well it goes over, which I'm assuming it's going to go over well. But yeah, we haven't forgotten our fans at all and we want to do something fun for them, especially on this tour. So I'm looking forward to trying not to botch all of those crazy lyrics.

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#The Word Alive #Monomania #Fearless Records #Telle Smith #interview

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toogoodmusic · 5 years

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TOO GOOD TUESDAY INTERVIEW: JOHN.k

Signing to one of Sony Music’s flagship labels, Epic Records and immediately releasing his debut EP, if we never met, singer and songwriter JOHN.k has had a busy and exciting couple of weeks. The pop-soul artist who hails from Orlando, FL has a sound that is both captivating as it is original and this debut EP shows just that – which also marks the first release of his since his early 2018 single, “Best Of Me.” The artist may be best known for his viral 2017 hit, “OT” but this EP shows that he’s just getting started. Luckily for Too Good Music, JOHN.k took some time away from his busy life (and his dog Lily!) to answer some questions about the new music, signing with Epic, how he got started in music and so much more. Check out the full interview below!

TOO GOOD MUSIC: Starting from the beginning, what inspired you to get into music and when did you know music is what you wanted to do?

JOHN.k: Music was introduced to me at a very early time in my life. I wasn’t handed an instrument or put into lessons or anything, but music was just everywhere around me. My dad is an amazing self-taught guitarist. He plays by ear and was just always with a guitar in his hand. My great grandfather was a jazz trumpeter named John Poulson, and I’m named after him. It was just all music, all the time in the best way. When I was 16 my grandma gave me a voice recorder and told me to record myself, listen back, and critique. That’s how I learned to sing and what my voice could really do.

TGM: And now you’re signed to Epic Records – congrats by the way! How did you decide Epic was the right home for you career?

J.k: Thanks man! When we were in talks with different labels, there was a lot to consider. I’m the kind of guy that tries to go by what I feel and Epic always felt like home. They are a powerhouse label and I have to pinch myself sometimes when I remember who I’m working with— major, major names in the industry— but even with all that, they made our team feel like we were home from day 1. They completely embraced that JOHN.k is a team effort, a group of best friends who love making music about real stuff, and because of that I never doubted that Epic was the label for us.

TGM: Congrats are also in order for the release of your debut EP, if we never met. What was the process like for putting that together? Were you sitting on some of these songs for a while?

J.k: Man, it feels like some of these songs have been around forever. But I love how much time and attention to detail we put into this release. We are a team of perfectionists and wanted to be sure that everything was right. The songs we chose for the EP are each special in their own way and tell a different story that at least one of us was going through.

Source: Epic Records

TGM: And so what’s the story behind the EP title, if we never met?

J.k: “if we never met” is a song very close to my heart. Obviously it stems from a story of someone special to me but also has a deeper meaning than that. Its real. It’s my personal experience, but also the story of how me and my team got together. You need good people in your life to challenge you to bring out the best in each other. I can’t think of a better way to thank everyone in my life right now than with this song.

TGM: I mean, who wouldn’t want a song about them. Every song on the EP is a jam but I think “1999” is my favorite – what’s the story behind that one?

J.k: This was honestly one of the most fun I’ve ever had in a write! We had a jam-packed schedule on a quick trip to LA. My manager Rob and I literally had 3 or 4 hours to sit in a session with Kid Froopy and Anna Prokhorova and on the way over I told Rob I wanted to have fun with this and not overthink it. We threw on some old school hip-hop on the drive there and it inspired the entire song.

TGM: And what’s your favorite song on the EP?

J.k: “if we never met”.

TGM: In the opening line for “Rum n Tequila” you have the lyrics, “I was on my late shift listening to Tay Swift.” What is your favorite Taylor Swift song?

J.k: “I Did Something Bad.” The production on that one is sick.

Source: Epic Records / Credit: Jabari Jacobs

TGM: I actually was able to catch you perform at The Peppermint Club in Los Angeles at the Kick Kick Snare showcase in 2017. You were great but I’m sure your live show has developed since then. How would you describe a JOHN.k live show nowadays?

J.k: Thanks again man. That’s awesome that you were there! We love playing at Peppermint.

Since then we have really added to the live show. We’re building the show around moments. I do a lot of organic production to keep the show very raw, honest and real. The goal is to keep the integrity of those moments while also incorporating a very full sound. My co-writer Donte Blaise knows the songs better than anyone and really acts as the MD up there. The show has come a long way.

TGM: Can’t wait to make it to another one! Looking at your Twitter I saw on that you have a dog – what’s their name and how long have you had ‘em? What’d they think of the EP?

J.k: Favorite question ever. Her name is Lily. She’s 5 now and I’ve had her since she was 10 months old. She loves the EP; she opens the studio door and let’s herself in and tilts her head when I sing in falsetto. She’s probably sick of these songs by now, but she likes all the new ones.

Source: Twitter

TGM: Ha! I’m sure she’s your #1 fan. I also saw on Twitter someone saying that Selena Gomez should’ve jumped on “if we never met” which I agree would be incredible. Who else would be a dream of yours to collaborate with?

J.k: Selena is incredibly talented, that would be an honor. I would love to collab with Sasha Sloan or Khalid. And my ultimate dream is Paul McCartney.

Source: Twitter

TGM: When you’re not working on music what do you like to do in your spare time?

J.k: Hangs with my girl Lily. I love being with my family too. I travel a lot so down time with them is a blessing. I also just bought and renovated a home, so lots of house projects keeping me busy right now. During the renovation I lived with Rob and Donte, so not being roommates anymore is weird and we always end up hanging out on our off days and probably ordering wings.

TGM: If you could only listen to (5) artists for the rest of your life, who would they be?

J.k: The Beatles, Bruno Mars, John Mayer, Maroon 5 and Drake

TGM: And last but not least what’s the rest of 2019 look like for you?

J.k: The best thing about releasing this EP is that we already have so much more on the way. In the very near future you’ll be hearing another single or two, and I would really love to release an album.

Source: Facebook

A big THANK YOU to JOHN.k for taking time among the EP release to answer some questions from Too Good Music and the team over at Epic Records for coordinating. Keep up with JOHN.k by following along with the links below and don’t sleep on this impressive debut EP, if we never met.

Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

#music #interview #interviews #john.k #alternative #pop #alt #if we never met #debut #ep #epic #too good tuesday #singer #songwriter #florida #artist #selena gomez #bruno mars #drake #epic records

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girlsbtrs · 5 years

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12 Year Old Powerhouse Releases Riveting Cover Of "Without Me" By Halsey

Emerging in 2019 as a true artist to watch in the dark/sad music space, 12-year old singer/songwriter, Cloe, is a force to be reckoned with. Armed with incredibly powerful songwriting skills, in addition to a voice beyond her years, she crafts melancholic, yet fiercely relatable songs that touch the deepest parts of the human psyche. Championing the concept of accepting one's mental health issues, pushing for equality, and embracing imperfection, she is light years beyond the typical young musician.

Cloe will be releasing original music, and covers, over the span of the upcoming year that are guaranteed to comfort listeners through their varied emotions, to allow them to feel the intensity of their deepest thoughts, and to display that Cloe does not have the edge of a sword, but instead, like a rose with thorns.

Released on 1/29, she premiered a music video for her beautiful and riveting rendition of Halsey’s “Without Me”. Sultry and powerful, Cloe is emerging in 2019 as a true artist to watch in the dark/sad music space. We reached out to Cloe to see where her inspiration comes from and what she has planned for the remainder of 2019.

Who have been some of you main influences as an artist?

When I first listened to Lana Del Rey, I actually felt her music. It crawled into my head, and it hasn’t left me ever since “Video Games”. She’s definitely one of my most major musical inspirations. I don’t know what it is about her music, but it just took me to a different place. The way she executes sadness, pain, and romance at the same time amazes me. I love Billie Eilish too, her music haunts me, and every song makes me feel like I’m a different person. Halsey tells stories with her albums, and creates these human beings through art. I just fell in love with the way she presents her music. In each album, there’s something about them that makes them beautifully broken. You can hear the pain, and you can understand the sadness, but the way it’s presented is almost magic. Sasha Sloan would also have to be a major inspiration for me. Her EP, “sad girl”, felt like it was made for me. It was one of those things that came at the perfect time in my life, where my whole mindset was pretty “sad girl”- like.

What drew you to covering “Without Me” by Halsey?

Halsey’s music has always been a part of my music career, even before it was actually a career. I’ve been drawn to her ability to take topics like depression and demons, and turn them into such a new form of art - that’s how I want to shape my own music, but I’d just never heard anything like her. To develop an emotional connection with what I’m singing, there already has to be some sort of lyrical connection for me. If I can’t relate to, or feel the lyrics, the outcome isn’t the same. “Without Me” is a song that I related to. It talks about sacrificing and losing yourself - all over someone who leaves you. It wasn’t necessarily a connection to the actual concept of the song, but just the type of person being created. I felt like I was that person. Giving so much, ending up where you put yourself over someone else’s life, and then watching them end up where you put them - yet, you still lose them.

What do you hope your music can evoke in people?

I want my music to get people familiar with the emotions they’ve hidden from themselves - the emotions that they fear. We all have that darkness, and it’s mentally exhausting to contain it in our heads. I want my music to be a place where that can come alive. My music isn’t a person, it isn’t a conversation, it’s art. I’m ready to bring that darkness that I believe everyone needs. It can be expressed in the form of a person, a relationship, an escape, and so many other things. My mind creates stories off of emotions, and emotions off of stories. People are sad, and people have that part of themselves that they are confused by. My music has a relatable sense to it, where people can lose themselves.

Where do you pull the most inspiration for your original music?

I’m young, but I’ve never felt that away. I feel as though I’ve lived several lives, and that my heart has been broken several times. I have these experiences in my mind, but I have no idea where they came from, but my music is where I put them. Heartbreak and betrayal are somehow things that I feel familiar with, so I write about them. My music comes from my mind, my emotions - no matter how dark they are or how fearing I am of them. I can turn a feeling into music.

What are you most looking forward to accomplishing in 2019?

2019 is the year that I actually get to live a life surrounded by art, even though I already feel that way. I get to write, record, and release. More covers will be uploaded, and original music will be coming out soon. I think that this is the year I can really start creatively figuring things out. I have an amazing team, and we have a lot planned for this year - it’s going to be pretty insane, but I can’t wait.

You can follow her on Instagram/Twitter (@cloewilder) and YouTube Check out the music video for her cover of "Without Me" below!

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- interview conducted by Sam Reed

#featured artist #artist interview #sam reed

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onestowatch · 6 years

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Q&A: Jess Kent Defies Societal and Artistic Expectations

Jess Kent is an artist on a mission to subvert expectations. The England-born, Australia-raised artist first made her mark with an aptly titled introductory EP, 2016’s My Name Is Jess Kent, as well as supporting the likes of Coldplay, Troye Sivan, and Years & Years on tour.

For Kent, the past two years have seen her move to Los Angeles and hone her sound. Returning with a double-sided release, “Bass Bumps” and the Wes Period-assisted “No Love Songs,” Kent sways between the sounds of Australia’s and England’s vivid club scenes to a smoldering and vulnerable R&B number with ease. Yet, it’s her most recent release “Girl” that speaks volumes towards her skill as an artist.

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A veritable pop anthem that tackles the expectations society at large places on women from birth, “Girl” is an earworm for a woke audience. Currently working towards a long-awaited debut album with enthralling single after single, the hype surrounding the future of Kent is very much real. We sat down with the artist on the rise to get to know the person behind some of our recent favorite tracks.

OTW: How long have you been in Los Angeles for?

Jess: I actually didn’t realize that I have been gone from home-home for like a year and a half now, which is crazy.

OTW: How does it feel being in sunny Los Angeles?

Jess: Some of that has been touring, so I haven’t realized that time going. I have been in and out of here and we dipped in to make a whole record. So, it’s gone by fast.

OTW: What can you tell us about the upcoming record? Is there are overarching narrative?

Jess: Yeah, there is in a sense that they are all stories. It’s kind of been like a process of figuring out how to keep all the stuff that was in the first EP or my first demos that are just like me and figuring out how to make it the next incarnation of that. So, it is not the same, because then that would mean I haven’t grown or learned anything new. It is just an evolution from that.

OTW: How do you go from busking to basically opening up for Coldplay?

Jess: *laughter* Just like that! I guess I was playing because I loved it genuinely, and busking for me was the quickest and easiest way of plating, especially when I was underage and couldn’t get into clubs, or I didn’t know producers to make demos. I could just go on the street and connect to hundreds and hundreds of people all in just one day and kind of construct my own show without needing a venue or anything like that. When we started putting out original music, it made it almost easier to be like, I’m used to performing when people don’t have to stop and listen if they don’t want to. They don’t give a shit really. In comparison, it just seemed easier, well not easier but it was just exciting because these people actually love music and are here to see that and have a good time, so let’s go and have a good time.

OTW: You were born in England then later moved to Australia. How did that shift influence you as an artist?

Jess: I was born in England, and I moved to Australia, going to Adelaide. So, that’s where I started busking. There wasn’t really a music scene there. A lot of my early influences were English kind of bands like Blondie, The Beatles, Oasis, that kind of thing. Then I moved to Sydney just ‘cause that’s where I had one or two friends. To me, it just seemed like there was such a cool music scene, and I just wanted to know what it was about. People are just like DJing and producing and playing guitar and like Tame Impala is playing in a band. Flume is doing all of these sets and then there’s Alice in Wonderland with all these crazy people. So I just packed a suitcase, a guitar, $200 and found somewhere to live. That’s how I started actually.

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OTW: Your music delves mostly into pop, but also soul and R&B. The duality of your double release “Bass Bumps” and “ No Love Songs” was a superb showing of that versatility. The former sounds like a straight Mura Masa produced south UK vibe, while the latter is a very moving R&B number.

Jess: Aw, thank you. Yeah, I think the record is sort of delving more deeply into those aspects, which is kind of why we chose them as the first two singles. Like with “Bass Bumps,” I basically wrote it about Sydney—when we used to go the raves and listen to Mura Masa and Danny Brown. Shout out Danny Brown! Just like straight up techno and acid house. Just having a good time basically. And what also kind of weaved into that commentary is also a bit of this underlying… I guess it’s just that this subculture is all so fun. Like the opening line is, “Hype’s a beast that we all feed,” and I still want it to have that element of being a social commentary and to still have smart lyrics that I would happily discuss and start a conversation about, and I would hope other people would too. And “No Love Songs;” I don’t think I really delved into that in the EP—like just being super vulnerable and being open with my fans it that way. So that’s probably one of the biggest things in this record that wasn’t in the EP, is that it's super honest. Literally whatever was going down was what I was writing about, and there was a lot of crazy shit happening this past year. Everything from traveling, the stadium run, and going into the studio. Then like the transition from the current administration, going from Australia to here, and all these cultural differences and like four of those months I was in Asia. It was just a whirlwind of stuff.

OTW: Going through all of that and being in Asia for four months. What was that sense of disconnection like?

Jess: I think it kind of opened a different chapter of writing from an observational perspective. But like, it sounds dramatic, writing a lot on planes and what I want to get out of it. There are a lot of people in the world, and there’s a lot of good stuff and bad stuff going on. What do I really want to say that is going to matter? What can I do as a person with a microphone and feelings, and it spurred a lot of that on for me.

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OTW: So, do you think that artists have a certain responsibility to speak out when they have a platform?

Jess: I think people with public profiles can choose to use it however they want. I think some people are more outspoken about things, different things in the world or they want to get political or whatever. I don’t think there should be a pressure to be like that, because like at the end of the day I write songs, and that’s what my job is. But at the same time as a songwriter, I do think it is important to speak my truth and to be honest ‘cause that’s just the type of connection I want with fans. So, yeah, I feel that pressure, like sometimes I don’t want to admit how I am feeling today in the studio, and I just want to write a party song, but deep down I am burning about something. Hopefully, in the lyrics, there are more direct on-the-nose meanings and then some read between the lines lyrics.

OTW: As a semi-recent Los Angeles convert, is the party scene way better in Australia? Be honest.

Jess: I mean I had a good run of the festivals, playing my shows around that, and sideshows. I think there is definitely a culture around music and art and making that fun. The time I was there it was really exciting because everyone was doing the fashion and like the parties. Like everything would coexist together and all these subcultures would overlap, and all these genres would overlap. Yeah so, it’s pretty fun. I also have a super chill element as well. I actually don’t party that much. There is definitely that scene, but a lot of what I listen to is either like rap or hip hop or something more chill. I am definitely an introverted nerd at times, like get some really good headphones and sit and put on an album from start to finish and be like drawing and shit. I am like that as well.

OTW: Oh, so you draw as well?

Jess: Not well. I have piles and piles of notebooks, and I just write down little lyrics and poems and just like sketches. Or like Pinterest. I am just a Pinterest hoarder of subphotos and subphotos.

OTW: What is your Pinterest aesthetic?

Jess: That would be giving away some album tea. It is funny because all the songs have different photos and stuff. But then overall they all look like they are from the same album which is crazy. I am like a color freak as well.

OTW: What color is it right now?

Jess: Right now, it’s yellow. Yeah but then the overall thing is like a palette. As soon as the love heart emoji changes color, then it is time for a different phase.

OTW: What is the backstory for your latest single, “Girl”?

Jess: I think it kind of sums up what I have been trying to articulate for a really long time. And I never thought I’d be the one to write this particular song, but it is a song I had always wish existed. And that is all I’ll say.

OTW: Who are your Ones To Watch? Jess: I think it is a really exciting time for pop in general and obviously hip hop. The new Robyn song I fuck with really hard. New artists: Sasha Sloan, Charlotte Lawrence. Pink Sweats literally has two songs out right now, and I’m obsessed with them.

OTW: Last question: If you could say something directly to your fans, what would it be?

Jess: Thank you for believing in songwriters and female songwriters. And being a “day one.” I welcome you to my world!

#interview #jess kent #pop #R&B #soul

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