#this is for a depressed loser who has terrible taste

[wuffgang-ameowdeus-moozart]

Prompt: Eddie realizing he has a big, fat crush on Steve before the upside down. Eddie swooning about his character development.

(decided to put the two together and created this atrocity)

Eddie Munson trying not to be a basic fucking bitch (and failing spectacularly)

aka

5 times Eddie denies having a crush on King Steve and + 1 time he can't anymore

Ao3

1.

Eddie Munson is a lot of things. If you ask most people in Hawkins, the first answer that comes (comes haha) to their mind will probably be "freak". Maybe "the dude who repeated the same year like 5 times" if they are feeling a bit more creative WHICH HE ALWAYS FINDS A BIT IRONIC BECAUSE IT WAS ONLY TWO TIMES AND MATHS IS ACTUALLY HIS BEST SUBJECT SO FUCK YOU TOO. Mayhaps even "satanic cult leader" if you go to the right places and the hypothetical person you are asking is particularly depressed over the knowledge that they will forever be stuck in this piece of shit that is more commonly known as Hawkins that day.

That is all to say that he is not "normal" or "boring" or god forbids "pleasant". In case you haven't noticed, Eddie Munson is weird. He is a weirdo. He doesn't fit in and, most importantly, he doesn't want to fit in. Have you ever seen him without badass eyeliner and rings (even including a replica of the ring)?! No. He can assure you that you haven't, because he'd rather hang himself on one of his guitar strings than allow that to happen. That's weird. So when he first notices your highness King Steve, he simply...doesn't.

His teachers always tell him that he is "so terribly obtuse" and "just refuses to know the simplest things"?! Well, jokes on you Angela, because he will be using this "stupidity" to its fullest potential now. Fuck you too.

No, his eyes do not automatically focus on popular jock Steve Harrington when he walks down the halls like every other girl in his vicinity because he is the self-proclaimed Hawkins freak, which means that he can't have the same taste as a fucking cheerleader. No, he does not care that Steve's hair looks ridiculously fluffy and he does not want to run his fingers through it and he does not give a fuck about his stupid perfect skin and even stupider stupid moles. If he needs forever to choose his outfit when he is going to the Harrington's in the weekend it is only because a rich clientele requires a little more effort, and if he very obviously stares when it is Steve's turn on the keg stand and beer is dripping down his body and his shirt rides up revealing a sliver of toned skin it is only because there is nothing else interesting to look at. Really, it's like watching a dissection - nothing other than vague curiosity and scientific detachment.

It is quite simple, actually. As long as he doesn't acknowledge that it is happening, it isn't. He is like Gandalf, but instead of smiting Balrogs he can keep living in a comfortable world where everything keeps it's natural order and the freak does not have a fucking embarrassing crush on stupid hot royalty.

2.

Sometimes Eddie really wishes his body was more into personality. Because having Steve spray paint "NANCY THE SLUT WHEELER" on the cinema should not fulfill all his bad boy fantasies (and it DOESN'T FUCK YOU HE IS GANDALF THE WHITE AND LIFE IS HIS CAMPAIGN SO IF HE SAYS THAT STEVE HARRINGTON ISN'T HOT HE FUCKING ISN'T)

He even considers inviting Nancy to Hellfire Club so he can pretend the heat that fills his body is righteous anger and not...something else. But she is a prissy and is probably going to be the valedictorian when she graduates without repeating even once - which is basically one of the unsaid prerequisites to join his awesome club and truly it's those losers that waste their time actually studying that are really missing out and he feels sorry for them - so he doesn't.

(But he did consider it for a second, which is a thought that is scary enough on its own. So maybe the BBEG in his next campaign is an obnoxious Type-A Half-Goblin who always carries stupidly thick books around to seem smarter than she really is. He never said he wasn't petty.)

3.

This is a grandiose occasion. An event he didn't think he'd ever have the joy to see in his lifetime. A major shift in the world as everyone thought to know it. A-

"Don't you think you are exaggerating a bit?", Gareth The Traitor whose paladin will definitely be dying in the next campaign interrupts his riveting speech. Eddie jumps onto the table and leans forward until they are almost nose to nose. "Exaggerating? EXAGGERATING?! Gareth, bless your innocent little soul, JUST TAKE A FUCKING LOOK AT HIM"

The "him" in question is Steve "The Hair" Harrington. Although, if things continue the way they are he might have to change his moniker to "pathetic" or "Lucifer" (it has double meaning: one because he is one of the hellish dukes that do their best to turn this already shitty place into actual purgatory, and two: because he just had a very dramatic fall from grace of epic proportions - see he can do religious bullshit, he just refuses to parrot the homophobic nonsense his teachers keep spewing.)

He sees the jock table leer at its previously adored ruler in the least covert way possible and laugh in an obnoxiously fake fashion. They also seem a bit more pathetic, he thinks, without a king to guide them, someone to gravitate towards.

Steve "Lucifer" Harrington (no the name has nothing to do with the fact that Lucifer was supposedly one of the most beautiful angels fuck you fuck you fuck you) is - and Eddie can't believe he is currently saying this - a truly pathetic sight. The most pathetic wet little kitten to ever pathetic. If said kitten had also gotten his ass kicked by an even tinier kitten, which really only adds to the whole "pathetic" thing he's got going. The pitiful sight becomes even worse when Nancy fucking Wheeler (aka Nancillot the Odious) and that weird Byers kid she's started dragging around everywhere (who coincidentally is also the one who punched the fallen angel in the fucking face) arrive and Steve's eyes light the fuck up as if she hung not only the moon but also the sun and the stars and the whole fucking world while she was at it to boot.

(His smile is different. Less harsh and sharp and more genuine. It makes his face look... softer, even with the bruises that are still healing aAND HE DID NOT JUST THINK THAT NO NO SOMEONE IS MIND CONTROLLING HIM OR SOMETHING EVIL THOUGHTS I BANISH THEE BACK TO WHERE TOU CAME FROM)

"You are blushing", Gareth lies like a fucking liar, and Eddie is already looking forward to their next D&D session.

4.

He hates to admit it when he is wrong, but maybe Gareth was right. Maybe he was truly exaggerating a tiny bit the previous year, because it looks like a small stumble in comparison to whatever the fuck is going on now. It is the same image as last year, except so much fucking worse.

Whoever he pissed off this time makes what Byers did to him seem like a tender caress. He is still hanging out with Nancy (except that she is now his ex-girlfriend who cheated on him but he is obviously still in love with) and Jonathan Byers (except that he is the guy his ex-girlfriend cheated on him with and now her current new boyfriend). The jocks are still being obnoxious, but his throne has officially been taken over by a cruel new emperor who makes Steve look like an adorable yapping little puppy in comparison. Not that that is an especially challenging achievement at the moment.

Luckily he has Gareth, his trusted right hand man, to stop him from straying from the right path. Every time he catches him staring at the fallen god (which he only does out of schadenfreude and pity, of course) the other elbow checks him so hard he almost falls out from his chair. Gareth also looks very judgemental when he presents his new NPC, Sir Stefano the Great, the next campaign. But everyone else loves him so fuck Gareth.

(4.5

There is no 4.5 because Steve Harrington working in his slutty little sailor outfit simply does not exist. Steve Harrington? Disappeared from his mind as soon as he graduated. Sailors? Never heard of them, definitely doesn't sound kinky or anything. A sudden obsession with scoops ahoy? It is very hot and US Butterscotch is just very....delicious. (Steve Harrington in a slutty sailor uniform does not exist. Steve Harrington in as lutty sailor uniform can't hurt you)

It is worth every single overpriced dollar)

5.

Eddie really thought he had escaped him. The Hair graduated from Highschool and the mall where he worked burnt down and any Steve Harrington-related thoughts were extinguished with it.

Or that is what should have happened, if it wasn't for fucking Henderson. The first day of the year he looks at those sad-looking little faces and already knows that he will be guiding them through a-many adventures (while having a grand old time mercilessly murdering their characters.) The little shits are actually smart and will probably never have to repeat a single year, and even worse, one of them is a fucking basketball player. But they have a meeting about it and Eddie is systematically and democratically outvoted (which he takes in stride, he isn't a tyrannical ruler like some others. Fuck respect for the dead or whatever) and so they are allowed to join even though they break TWO of the unspoken rules.

And that would've been fine.

EXCEPT FOR THE PART WHERE THEY FORGOT TO MENTION THAT THEY ARE SOMEHOW FRIENDS WITH FUCKING STEVE THE KING HARRINGTON.

This mind-blowing fact is soon followed by the even more shocking revelation that a) King Steve apparently BABYSITS (don't think about that one too hard don't think about that one too hard) and b) the kids worship the fucking ground he walks on.

He would've thrown them out again for this heinous crime alone, but Henderson somehow has managed to crawl his way into the black rotten hole he calls his heart and the way the Wheeler kid keeps obviously trying to copy him is admittedly very flattering, so he doesn't (he is glad to see that that particular bloodline still has some hope.)

(No, Gareth, the reason has nothing to do with how 'he would have to kick himself from his own club' or some bullshit shut your lying little mouth. And yes, the fact that his sudden fascination with movies coincides with the day he found out Harrington is now working on Family Video is absolutely a mere coincidence. Fuck you. Better start working on a new character.)

+1

He was trying really fucking hard ok?!

Eddie Munson's list of achievements is laughably short in comparison to his failures, but if there is one thing he is proud of is that he is into boys but somehow managed to dodge the bullet that is having a crush on fucking Steve Harrington

(okay, maybe the bullet grazed him a little bit. Whatever. It barely counts.)

The worst part of this whole thing isn't being called a mass murderer. Or the way Chrissy's body twisted in ways it should not be able to before she died in his trailer. Or even the fucking monsters from another dimension that would love nothing more than take a bite out of him like some particularly gangly snack (something he would be very onboard with in most other situations) No, the actual worst thing is that Dustin is fucking right.

Steve does deserve to have the ground kissed he walked on - and he doesn't even need to take off his shirt for that (although it doesn't hurt.)

Before the bat he can still somehow talk himself out of it. So what if he ogles a bit when Steve takes off his shirt? It's not a fucking crime to have EYES, is it?! So what if he is in awe when Steve doesn't even hesitate before jumping into the same lake where a boy just died hours ago? He can admire another man's virtues without being in love with him or something. (Oh God please don't let him be in love with Steve fucking Harrison, he will never live this down.)

When they arrive in the Upside Down, Steve is dying. There are so many bats crowding around his body the boy himself is barely visible, and it is in that moment that he admits it.

He imagines a world where he doesn't try to catch a glimpse of that stupid floofy hair whenever he picks up the kids to drive them home. He imagines a forced customer-service smile instead of a flirty wink that gives way to an embarrassed apology when Steve realizes that long hair does not equal girl. He imagines barely having time to get to know the real Steve before he is just gone and is surprised at how much the thought hurts. 

It also helps when he BITES OFF THE BAT'S FUCKING HEAD LIKE OZZY OSBOURNE OR SOMETHING AND WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK THAT WAS SO METAL?!?!?!?!?!?! AND WHY THE FUCK DID HE THINK THAT A DIRTY SHIRTLESS STEVE WOULD SOMEHOW BE LESS WORSE THAN A DIRTY SHIRTLESS STEVE WEARING HIS BATTLE VEST?!

So yeah, he can finally admit it now. He is a fucking basic bitch and he does have a crush on Steve Harrington like everyone else who lives in Hawkins and is into boys and maybe Gareth was right and he has been into him for years. Fucking sue him.

#stranger things fic #steddie #steddie fic #eddie munson #steve harrington #steve x eddie fanfic #steve x eddie #5 + 1 fic #pen.

[mysterycharacterbracket]

Round L4, Poll #17

Remember, this is the losers bracket. We are matching up the winners of round L3. The winner of this poll will move on to round L5 against a loser from round W2, and the loser will be revealed.

Character 299: he’s first introduced as the man with a scar. he’s canonically gay but the worst at relationships. he accidentally slept with the prime suspect for the case he’s supposed to be working on. he’s a cop but it’s the cold case unit so it’s probably fine. he’s looking into his dad’s suicide because he thinks he was murdered. his brother used to take child him to drug dens because he wanted to get high and didn’t particularly care about his kid brother. he keeps adopting kids and they keep betraying him. he’s been helping one of the constables to rise through the police force and she calls him sarge and helps bring him back to the world of not being stupid. his godmother is high up in the police force and he aggressively refuses to be part of nepotism and then later on she gets kidnapped. his life is terrible and he gets attached to crime scenes. he received the scar on his face from another member of the police force. he’s insane. i love him

he keeps getting info from the guy in charge of the mob. his friends keep turning out to be serial killers. he & one other police guy keep attacking police corruption but nobody likes them so it’s pretty slow. he has the worst taste in men. he straight up asked one guy “did you kill my dad?” and he once managed to break through a wall in a house on fire by scraping the slightly wet cement out from between the bricks and then running at the wall really hard. he’s literally a lunatic. i love this guy so much

Character 200: depressed cat enjoyer who went to prison but then got kidnapped from prison

#mystery character bracket #polls #round L4 #batch L4.3

[seadeepywrites]

bleeding from the storm

Character: Haven Vasselon Words: 6139 tw: death, depression, fantasy violence

1. like an ambulance that's turning on the sirens

"I can fix this," Haven says. In panic, she says it a few more times. "I can fix this! I can fix this."

There's nobody to hear her babbling except the dead — the truly dead, like Siggi, who lies motionless on the bloodstained deck, and the undead, who crowd in around Haven and Siggi with gaunt, grasping hands. The possessed navy crewmates have a terrible slackness to their faces, eyes rolled so far back in their heads that only the whites are showing, but Haven's attention remains on the gatekeeper. It is something that should not exist, something Haven had not prepared for, and there is a very real possibility that she is about to die alongside Siggi.

The gatekeeper says nothing as the echoes of its Toll the Dead spell vibrate through the floorboards. It only stands before her implacably, its scythe glinting in the darkness and its withered face obscured under the deep cowl of its tattered cloak. 

Haven licks her lips, noticing absently how dry and cracked they are. She can taste blood beading up on them, then hardening almost immediately into a grainy crust. She feels cold, all the way to her core.

She has to leave. Now, while she still can.

"I can fix this," she says, more faintly this time.

She leans on her Staff of Power for support, bends down to touch Siggi, and tries not to lose her balance as her vision swims and tilts with the motion. Gripping Siggi's collar in her fist, she mumbles a few arcane words. She steps backwards, away from the gatekeeper, and through the gleaming golden outline of a door that has opened behind her.

She sags almost immediately upon emerging, sinking to the deck in exhaustion, but her Dimension Door sent them where she intended — strong hands support her as she falls. Haven knows those hands intimately, very literally. Even as she blinks to stay conscious, she gestures towards Siggi.

"I'm fine," she wheezes, which isn't actually true. "But Siggi, he's..."

Whisper eases Haven to the deck, sparing half a second to brush one hand against Haven's cheek, then nods and reaches for Siggi. She pulls a small pouch from her belt, empties it over his body. Diamond dust spills downward like a waterfall, glittering in the lanternlight.

Haven relaxes, closing her eyes. The Nightweaver still lurks, less than five hundred feet away — Haven can be sure of that distance, considering her Dimension Door — but she got them out.

Whisper can do the rest.

~

2. like a loser that's betting on his last dime

Haven's nerves haven't settled since the gatekeeper fight. Even after the Magic Missiles hissed outward from her Staff of Power and shattered the gatekeeper's final ward, and even after Jaeldirra, tears streaming down their face, summoned shadowy spider legs to cram Whisper's soul back into her body. Even after Haven held tight to Whisper, touching her face, her shoulders, her hands, over and over — reassured herself that Whisper was alive again, was still here.

Haven kneels on the deck of the Abyssal Gaze, hand in hand with Whisper, and wonders why she can't quite manage to catch her breath.

It takes her ten minutes to identify the anxiety that buzzes inside her like an unquiet hive of bees. The telepathic bond has faded, its hour elapsed, and one of the last messages exchanged through it was a hazy reassurance from Klaus that he was conscious and swimming to the Munafik with the Kraken. So Haven knows Klaus is still alive, but knowing that intellectually doesn't settle the discomfort, the occasional little sparks of adrenaline.

Haven, it would appear, cannot trust the fight is over until she sees Klaus with her own two eyes. His stealth and his alacrity and his caution mean that by the time she's realized there's a threat, he's already vanished, and the devastating barrage of his black-feathered arrows is sometimes her first clue there's anything wrong around her. Conversely, she relies far more on his ability to sense danger than her own, and she knows he never appears back on deck until he's confident that all the enemy combatants have been dealt with.

But here, in the exhaustion after a fight that claimed the life of two crewmates, Klaus is absent. He's on board another ship, tending the Kraken's wounds, which were moderately serious — as well as his own, which were significantly worse than anything he usually suffers. There's no particular reason Haven needs him here, no practical justification she can find to demand his presence. She just cannot relax, cannot make herself believe this horror-filled night is over yet.

As it turns out, she is entirely correct. Even Haven can recognize the percussive roar of cannon-fire when she hears it. There's an awful crunching, splintering noise. The entire ship lurches suddenly, and chips of wood begin to rain down from above as the canvas of the sails folds and crumples. A few seconds later, another impact, and the deck begins to list beneath her.

Haven jumps like a startled cat. Looks around wildly, struggles to her feet. Her heart is in her throat, but she still does not understand what's happening. She saw the conjured crew of the Abyssal Gaze using crane equipment to move the Nightweaver's cannons across to their ship, so where is this damage coming from?

"Under attack," Whisper signs. And when Haven stares at her uncomprehendingly, she just points — across the dark, storm-tossed waters, through the drifting snow.

Towards the Kraken's ship, where its sails paint a blood-red pattern against the night.

Haven understands then, as Siggi begins barking orders to the crew and Nitha yells something about the Haste spell and a bottle. But her heart trips and stutters, one question swelling up to eclipse the rest. The details of why the Kraken betrayed them, and why now — they aren't important.

What she needs to know, so desperately that it feels like the question is carving its way out of her chest, is whether Klaus knew about it.

~

3. like a junkie tying off for the last time

Haven has cried so much in the last twenty-four hours that her eyes are sticky, her throat is parched, and she cannot breathe through her nose. Every time she thinks there are no tears left inside her, she thinks of something new the shipwreck has cost them, and her eyes well up again.

But before breakfast, before the seafloor search for their various possessions, Haven attends to the most important item that's missing — the former captain of the Abyssal Gaze.

From the unfamiliar surroundings of a cabin on the Nightweaver, she casts Sending, picturing Slark in her mind. His mottled skin, his webbed fin-like ears. The glittering diamond scars surrounding where his eyes once were, and the starry black orbs that replaced them.

The relief Haven feels when the Sending connects is like a rope snapping, tension evaporating into mist. She mumbles the words aloud as she thinks them.

"Are you okay?" she asks. "It's Haven. We couldn't find you."

The surge of distress at the memory scrambles her concentration, and she finds herself repeating, "Are you okay?"

It's all she can think to ask. If Slark's in trouble, he can tell her where he is and they can come find him. They can save him. She waits for a few seconds, then finishes with, "Love, Haven."

At least with Sending, the response is almost immediate. Slark's voice, nasal and as rapid-fire as his pistols, rings out inside her head.

"I'm okay! It seemed like things are getting pretty dangerous with you guys, so I think I'm gonna leave. Good luck with everything."

And that's it. Haven blinks a few times, lips parted in shock. It shouldn't surprise her — the day she met Slark, he told her that he was in Savnaer because, faced with a difficult conversation, he'd simply leapt off a pier and started swimming. He's even more flighty than Klaus, frequently choosing to vanish into the walls of the ship when combat erupts rather than stay and lend his gunfire to the fight. The idea that the Abyssal Gaze sinking — and therefore severing Slark's bond to the Shiplactery for good in the process — would cause Slark to panic and leave them is, unfortunately, wholly in-character for him.

It hurts anyway. Haven has known Slark for over a year, and shared a room with him for half that time. He was her first friend on Savnaer. She saved him from aliens, then debated a gatekeeper to call his soul back from beyond the Shell. They've faced Trihorn Behemoths and hyenas and aliens together, and Haven thought—

Haven thought he might have said goodbye. To her, if to nobody else. She'd thought their friendship was worth enough to him for that, at least, but it turns out she was wrong.

She's crying again, stomach muscles shuddering and shoulders shaking, but there are barely any tears to accompany the sobs. She just has nothing left to give.

~

4. like a child looking off on the horizon

The Nightweaver flees the harbor at full speed, sails snapping in the wind. Behind them, only half-visible behind the dark silhouette of the peninsula, the Disciple burns.

Haven watches from the sterncastle of the Nightweaver, clutching her Staff of Power close, because it seems like the right thing to do. Nothing else about what they've done to Bless and her crewmates felt right, and this is the best she can offer. To witness the destruction, to acknowledge it.

Haven only manages this vigil for a few moments, however, because Siggi quickly calls her over to the sails. She remembers why they came back to Farwater in the first place — they don't even have enough crew for her to remain at the railing and protect them. Setting her staff aside and shaking out her fingers, she stretches sore muscles and trips over to take her place on deck with the other Corsairs. Her arms and back haven't stopped hurting in the week and a half since the conjured crew liquefied into seawater. Keeping the Nightweaver moving requires everyone to pitch in, even pink tieflings who can barely hold a line taut without trembling.

The work is physically demanding, but only in intervals. Haven has altogether too much time to huddle on deck and be buffeted by the wind and the wet, driving rain, which combine to leave her freezing cold and even more thoroughly miserable. She can't stop replaying it all in her mind: the blue and red lanterns signaling for the Nightweaver to slow, the flurry of action to hide the illegal goods, the hasty conversation to agree on a story to tell.

They all knew why the Peaceguard was waiting at the mouth of the harbor, after all. The crew of the Nightweaver were returning to Farwater to reap the rewards of a sin they'd already committed weeks ago. They just hadn't counted on Bless and the other residents of Farwater putting the pieces together so quickly.

Haven hopes she never has to experience that awful feeling again — standing in front of Bless, drenched in sweat, stomach twisting with fear and guilt. Fever-hot tides of nausea and vertigo, piling up on top of each other and then crashing like waves on the shore. An echo of the feeling passes through her even remembering the moment, aftershocks following an earthquake, and she clenches her teeth until her jaw protests.

She couldn't lie to Bless, when the time came. Bless looked at her with those luminous green eyes and just — asked.

Haven, do you know what happened to Bessie?

Yeah, Haven said, shutting her eyes tight. I do.

At the time, Haven was solely concerned with getting Bless off the deck of the Nightweaver. Haven pleaded with her to stop, to let them leave, to stay away so Haven wouldn't have to hurt her. Yet no matter how many times Haven shoved her back onto the Disciple with Bigby's Hand, Bless kept leaping the gap and re-entering the fray, bruised and bleeding and relentless.

Haven was wholly focused on the delicate maneuver of keeping Bless alive. It would have been far easier to blow them all to hell with her magic, but that's always been true, hasn't it? Haven's an abjuration specialist for a reason — she flatly refuses to enact the indiscriminate violence that comes so easily to most wizards. Not against sentient creatures, and certainly not against someone she considered a friend. Bless was trying to die for Farwater, and Haven was just as incapable of allowing that as the day that they met.

But in that single-minded state, Haven didn't notice Nitha stealing the diamonds — or didn't realize the consequences. Haven torched the sails of the Disciple to stop pursuit, but never thought what that might mean for a port town already missing their monstrous defender.

It's far from the first time that Haven's been sideswiped by the unforeseen impact of her actions, but rarely has the impact been so widespread or so universally harmful. And she has never, not once, heard the kind of hatred that burns like wildfire through the Greater Sending that she establishes with Bless on the evening following the confrontation.

It was a mistake to befriend you, Bless says through the Sending, and I don't trust your word, or your crew.

Haven can't find the words to refute her. She isn't even sure that Bless is wrong.

We've made the decision to abandon Farwater, Bless says.

There are a thousand excuses and apologies that seethe on Haven's tongue, but in the end she shares none of them. She has already witnessed the tempered-steel strength of Bless' convictions.

What has been broken is already damaged beyond repair.

~

5. like a son that was raised without a father

Haven's conversation with Bless hurts worse than the time Haven got chewed up by giant hyenas, but when it's over, she swallows the heartache and casts Greater Sending again. She reaches out one golden thread of magic, seeking the brightest soul she's ever encountered. She holds his image in her mind's eye — his poncho from Pentibor, the shaggy mop of his hair growing too long, and that faint blush that always seems to dust his cheekbones.

Haven is seeking answers — she can rationalize Slark's abrupt departure, as painful as it has been for her, but Zeremy? He started teaching her Celestial only a few days ago, and he wants to explore the world. The garbled explanation that Nitha gave the crew on his behalf just doesn't make sense. There must be something that Haven is missing.

This conversation lasts twice as long as the one with Bless did — Haven has to burn through the entire day's reserve of her high-level magic to keep fueling the spell that connects them. And Zeremy assures her that he doesn't hate her or the crew, which should comfort her, but it doesn't.

Zeremy, formerly the Zenith of Tillnette Isle, still beloved of Vrent, cares most of all about the truth. And he tells Haven in no uncertain terms that the truth and the Corsairs are incompatible.

I realized, he says, that I had to choose between my god and my friends.

Bless' hostility has scorched Haven, has left her raw and open and stinging with humiliation. Zeremy's disapproval passes through her flesh entirely, exposing the darkest parts of her to an unflinching, unforgiving radiance. And even as she burns, Haven finds herself sick with jealousy. She wishes she possessed even a shred of Zeremy's confidence, or at least his conviction in the path forward.

What does it mean if someone that holy can't stay with this ship, despite knowing their mission and how little time is left to accomplish it? Haven has convinced herself so many times that she needs these people with her to save the world — that despite their lies and thousand little cruelties, she is stronger when she is with them. She loves her friends, even knowing how much blood is on their hands. Even when traveling with them bloodies her hands too, more vivid and indelible with every day that passes.

In the last minute that the Greater Sending grants her, Haven whispers to Zeremy her hopes for his happiness. Doubt in her own decisions mantles darkly above her like dragon wings, like thunder. There is silence in the room after the Sending, and she stares unseeingly into the corners without any expectation that the shadows will yield the solace she seeks.

She knows what she could have done differently — has scrawled it in ink-splattered words across countless pages of her notebook as some form of self-punishment, as if repetition alone can atone for her mistakes. The past cannot be altered, but that doesn't blunt the sharp edge to her sorrow, or season the bitterness that fills her mouth like blood.

Later, on the map in the captain's quarters, Haven traces a line from Coalition Cove to Tillnette Isle, from Tillnette to Veville, and from Veville to Farwater. Her fingers are shaking, but the path of destruction is all too clear. When she closes her eyes, she can see the scenes overlapping on the canvas of her eyelids.

The fleet burning in Coalition Cove, masts and sails ablaze as Peaceguard and priests lie slaughtered on the shore nearby.

An airship and its crew consumed in an explosion of blue light, all because Haven agreed to lend her magic to someone she should have known better than to trust.

A child kidnapped from Tillnette Isle, an entire community left in darkness without its sun-blessed figurehead.

The rumors of a prison break in Veville, gang violence surging and civilians caught in the deadly crossfire.

Most recently, Farwater. Families scraping together their possessions and leaving behind what they cannot carry. Bless, teeth bared and shield gleaming, leading them into the wilds of Benatia.

There is good that Haven has done — she can even call to mind some of the details, like the defeat of Xatroch in the Shadowfell and the exorcism of her brother. But right now, the rest of it eats at her with serrated teeth, and Zeremy's departure is one more loss piling up. One more crack widening in Haven's fractured heart.

The Corsairs might have kidnapped Zeremy, but it also brought him the freedom he'd only dreamed of. They gave him a new name and brought him to new continents, but it seems that wasn't enough.

Haven isn't enough.

~

6. like a mother barely keeping it together

Magical Darkness boils up from beneath the deck, and from the shadow-smothered hatch in the floor emerges a midnight-blue tiefling. Haven's first instinct is relief, but her stomach plummets a second later as she remembers Whisper's warning. She curls her fingers tighter around her Staff of Power, breathing shallowly.

Haven wishes she could be unilaterally glad to see Siggi, because it's only Haven and Whisper on deck right now — Klaus is entirely absent, in a way that actually concerns her, and after a few minutes of muffled screaming from beneath the floorboards, it seems Nitha's voice has given out entirely. Jaeldirra is working against the crew, possessed by a rabid fervency that is not their own, and Haven and Whisper by themselves may not be enough. 

The howling void that parts the stars above the ship has broken the minds of the crew as easily as it broke the Shell itself. And Haven was slow to acknowledge the spreading fissures through her own her heart, her trust, her hope in the world. But she has learned her lesson by now. So she doesn't step towards Siggi, doesn't smile. Doesn't take her eyes off of him, even as Jaeldirra gurgles something incoherent from the ocean on the starboard side of the ship.

Siggi waves one hand in a lazy gesture, banishing the Darkness, and climbs out onto the deck. His ascent is hampered by the sword in his hand, which gleams like glass and measures easily six feet long.

The sight of it confirms all of Haven's worst suspicions. She asks anyway.

"Siggi, what did you do?"

Siggi smiles, looking down at the blade. Haven's not good at reading people, but something in Siggi's expression makes her skin crawl. It's not as obviously, abhorrently wrong as Jaeldirra's current insanity, but it's terrifying nevertheless.

"I have this now," Siggi says slowly. He looks at her, his gaze curiously vacant. His tone is all vague surprise on the surface, but there's an undercurrent of satisfaction running beneath it.

"Where's Lastiar?" Haven asks. She asks it slowly, nausea already roiling in her gut because she knows the answer to this question too.

"Downstairs," Siggi says.

His reply is smooth and instantaneous — simple enough when it reveals nothing important. The cuffs of his shirt are dyed crimson, but his gait is loose and even as he strolls across the deck towards Haven. He is casual, uninjured and intact. That's what fills in the remaining details for Haven — those stains on Siggi's shirt aren't his own blood.

Even as Haven processes this, Whisper has already taken a step, placing herself between Haven and Siggi as he approaches. Whatever Whisper has already seen belowdecks was enough for her to condemn Siggi, it would appear. Haven recognizes the iron hardness in Whisper's posture — instant and unyielding protective instinct. A choice to defend. It is the way Whisper faces her enemies.

Haven looks away. Moves to the railing again, even though each step feels like wading through mud. She is so tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally.

Jaeldirra is swimming back towards the Nightweaver, if it can be called swimming — an odd, disconnected movement that involves flickering closer by several feet at a time, disappearing between one clumsy stroke and the next.

Whisper's hand closes on Haven's elbow. A surge of warmth, of healing and strength. Something unspoken must pass between Whisper and Siggi behind Haven's back, because Siggi speaks again.

"I love Haven," Siggi says, higher-pitched. True surprise in his voice. "I would never hurt her."

Haven curls her hand into a fist, summoning Bigby's Hand to smack Jaeldirra, and wishes she could still believe him. He hasn't attacked her yet, though, so she says, "I can stop JD. I just need someone to hold them still."

"On it," Siggi says promptly. He takes a few quick steps to the railing and dives overboard in one graceful motion. He disappears into the dark waters with barely a ripple, resurfacing only to strike out towards Jaeldirra with Presvyre, and Haven has just enough time to think — wait, isn't Jaeldirra an elf? Won't Presvyre object?

A wave submerges both of them before Haven can judge the result. She blinks and squints against the salt-spray, lifting her hand in preparation for another push with Bigby's Hand. It is only Jaeldirra who comes back up, and it sends a shock of terror twisting through her throat, so she responds with a shock of her own — golden lightning crackling out from her staff, racing across the water towards them.

It's not the first time Haven's caught Siggi in one of her Lightning Bolts — it's not even the third or fourth time — but she worries anyway as the seconds pass and there's still no sign of Siggi. He has disappeared into the depths, and she and Whisper are alone again against Jaeldirra.

Except — there's someone else behind her on the deck, dripping seawater. Haven spins around, fearing another threat, and cannot quite bring herself to relax when she meets a familiar set of lime-green eyes.

"What now?" she asks, heavy with dread.

Klaus looks down, nocking an arrow to his bowstring with slow, methodical precision. "The sky," he says after a moment, "is really scary."

Well, Haven can't argue with that. Klaus does look afraid, wild-eyed with some emotion that seems different than his usual paranoia. It is less controlled, more unsettling — but it isn't that different. He is here with Haven. He vanished, but he came back, like he always does. Haven almost smiles.

But then Klaus stiffens, staring hard at the weather-scarred boards of the deck. "They're belowdecks," he says, low and urgent. "Heading for the stairs."

Haven calls her Hand to her side. It swivels to place itself in between her and the stairs, coloring her vision in a shimmering, translucent pink. When she looks up again, Klaus is gone, but that doesn't surprise her. Hopefully he is hiding away to help her, not merely to hide, but she'll find out soon enough.

It ends like this: 

Jaeldirra slithers up the stairs and pushes through Bigby's Hand, which shouldn't be possible. Then they phase partially into Haven, which really shouldn't be possible, and tangle their grasping fingers into her hair. They force her head back, even as she gasps and struggles, and the sight of the sky above drills into her. Encompasses her. Obliterates her entire being. 

Haven gapes as the stars dance above her. Only for a few seconds, before she wrenches herself back to reality, but it is enough. Jaeldirra passes a hand through her flesh again, and Haven's knees give out.

As she crumples, she summons her Hellish Rebuke — a last act of futile desperation, because her tiefling flames have never burned very bright, but it's all she can think of. The fire is only a few flickers of gold in the darkness. Not enough. 

Her staff clanks to the deck, rolling away as she loses control of her limbs.

The last thing Haven remembers is the hiss of an arrow above her head, passing directly between the prongs of her antlers. A masterful shot, but Haven would expect nothing less.

She sinks into unconsciousness hoping Klaus can finish what she could not. 

~

7. like a soldier coming home for the first time

Haven comes to in the medical bay of the Nightweaver, splayed out on one of the cots. She keeps her eyes closed for a few minutes after she wakes, in a meager attempt to ward off the headache that has her skull in a vice grip, but eventually she acknowledges the futility of the act. She rolls over, opens her eyes, faces the world.

The world turns out to be Whisper, Nitha and Klaus at the moment. Whisper is lying motionless on the cot next to Haven, and she waits for a few trembling seconds — but yes, Whisper is still breathing. Nitha huddles on a stool in the corner, resembling nothing so much as a ragged bundle of red and white feathers. Her good eye tracks Haven as Haven sits up, but when she cracks her jaw open, only a wheezing rasp comes out. 

It takes another few moments to find Klaus — even in this small, crowded room, Haven’s attention skips right over him at first. He is making no effort to hide, but he simply blends in with the teetering piles of supplies in his corner, possibly by pure instinct. He has something in his hands that he is fiddling with, fingers moving rapidly.

“How are you feeling?” Klaus asks without looking up.

Haven considers the question for longer than it truly merits. She presses the heels of her palms against her eyes, applying grinding pressure until her vision bursts with sparkling swirls of colored light.

"My head hurts," is all that she says out loud.

It is hardly the only part of her that is wounded. Whatever Jaeldirra did to her left deep bruises that throb with pain, and they are layered over several weeks' worth of other combat injuries. Her heart keeps its unsteady rhythm in her chest, but even that is conditional, held captive by the amulet around her neck. Any other words she might say have withered in her throat, stifled by her deepening misery.

Klaus doesn't reply, though, and Nitha still cannot speak, so they sit in silence for a minute or two — just the three of them and an unconscious Whisper. Haven dredges up a flickering wisp of curiosity, some fading echo of a sense of responsibility.

“How long have I been out?” she asks.

Klaus does meet her eyes now, gaze steady. “About an hour.”

Glancing at Whisper, Haven recovers a blurry memory of Jaeldirra attacking Whisper the same way they attacked Haven. Of Whisper hitting the deck shortly before Haven did. And if the ship’s only cleric is still unconscious, then that means…

Haven swallows, hard, and forces out the next question. “Where’s everyone else?”

“Jaeldirra left. Siggi hasn’t come back. Lastiar’s dead.”

Klaus sounds so calm about it, so matter-of-fact. Even about Jaeldirra, whom Haven thought he genuinely liked. Haven buries her face in her hands again. Quite independent of her intentions, her brain whirs into motion again, churning out her usual iterative lists of options: spells to cast that might help, clarifying questions to ask, people to check up on after the immediate crises are resolved one way or another.

She doesn’t reach for her notebook, though, or a scrap of parchment. She just lets the thoughts ricochet off the inside of her battered skull, splintering into pieces and disappearing again when she does not focus on them or transcribe them as is her usual habit. She’ll reach for them later, and probably only be able to come up with half the checklist, and hate herself a little for being unable to remember.

Instead, Haven thinks: there have always been words clouding the air between herself and Jaeldirra. It is rare that Haven finds herself so frustrated by language, because it’s usually one of her greatest tools. But the slippery consonants of Undercommon continue to elude her, and she never found a way in any language to reassure Jaeldirra, despite her repeated attempts.

When the Abyssal Gaze first sets sail from Veville, even Haven could see Jaeldirra's misery. And she wanted to help, of course, if she could. They were both children of Povrunei, though Haven was raised on the sunny surface and Jaeldirra in the unforgiving depths of the Underdark. So Haven shared some of the convoluted tangle of logic and emotions she has constructed through intense consideration over the past couple years. Magic and its morality are topics she ponders frequently — which is apparently unusual behavior for a wizard, but that's not the point. 

The point, which she tried somewhat incoherently to explain to Jaeldirra, is that power on its own isn't inherently evil. That using magic to save people isn't wrong just because other people have used that same magic to cause harm. Jaeldirra listened to her explanation, watching her in thoughtful silence, but Haven doesn't think she made them feel any better.

Later, she offered to teach Jaeldirra arcane magic, which they refused — of course they did. Haven only wanted to offer another option, one that didn't require worshipping a god of deception and pain, but it was probably tactless. Another clumsy reminder of Jaeldirra's rejection from the Unwoven.

Haven's request, then, to learn Undercommon from Jaeldirra, was made as politely and unobtrusively as she could manage. She tried her hardest to adhere to to Jaeldirra's rigid curriculum and strict lecturing style — Jaeldirra, normally level-headed and almost as quiet as Whisper, was brisk and unforgiving as a teacher, right up until Haven broke down crying during one of their lessons. After several earnest apologies on both sides, the two of them reached a workable compromise. Haven was making rapid progress, too, and estimated she'd only need a few more weeks to attain reasonable fluency. She planned to have another conversation with Jaeldirra about magic, maybe in Undercommon this time, when—

The sky split open.

Something monstrous took up residence in Jaeldirra's body.

The rest of the Corsairs also descended into various levels of insanity, and Haven was left standing alone on deck, trying to stop Jaeldirra's rampage without killing them.

Haven wishes now, here in the medbay, that she had been more ruthless. The crew could have brought Jaeldirra back from death, but cannot rescue them from the all-devouring obliteration that awaits them beyond the Shell. In trying to save Jaeldirra, she has damned them to a fate that is even worse.

Despite all that time Haven spent with Jaeldirra, she never really connected with them. It was only Klaus who seemed to see the world in a way they understood, who could speak to that restless uncertainty at the core of them.

Haven chooses her third question carefully. She’s watching Klaus’ expression, but she also knows he could easily hide his emotions from her even if he did feel something.

“What do you mean by ‘left,’ exactly?”

Klaus blinks. His voice is very level when he says, “They sort of… turned into spaghetti. And went up into the sky.”

“Oh,” Haven says. “Um.”

She thinks about that — what kind of spell it might have been, and how it correlates with the rest of the strange new abilities Jaeldirra developed in the short minutes before their ascension. It explains why Klaus couldn’t stop them, at least — he can obliterate any mage that sticks around long enough to fight him, but his arrows can’t counter teleportation spells. Only Haven or Siggi can do that, and they had both already been eliminated from the fight.

“They said something about Sty’ryk,” Klaus adds, helpfully. “That they were returning to it.”

Haven scours her memory. The word doesn’t spark any kind of recognition, but maybe there’s something in her notes. Then again, since it’s probably a place or entity beyond the Shell, her chances aren’t good.

From the hammock, Nitha makes a kind of creaking noise. Her eye is wide, but her voice is still too ruined to form words. Maybe she knows more than Haven does — it will have to wait until she’s recovered from the special brand of insanity the sky awarded her.

Haven makes ready to stand up, reaching out with one hand. She hesitates.

One last question, then — an important one. “Where’s my staff?”

The silence stretches a little too long before Klaus replies. Haven’s already sinking back to the cot, strength draining from her limbs, as Klaus says, “JD took it with them. As a gift.”

She doesn’t cry. She can feel her dismay in her chest and throat, thick as smoke and sharp as broken glass, but it only gathers there, dense and aching, without breaking open or spilling out.

“I can cast Gentle Repose on Lastiar’s body,” Haven says dully, falling back on those mental lists. “And, um, I’ll Send to Siggi, I guess. To see if he’s okay.” After a moment, she glances at Klaus, then Nitha. “Are you guys okay?”

Nitha can’t answer, and settles for an eloquent shrug. Klaus looks away. There is a strange sadness in his expression, a vulnerability that looks entirely unfamiliar on him.

“I want to go home,” he says softly, “but I don’t know where home is.”

Haven doesn’t know what to say to that — she can count the number of times on one hand that she's tried to offer advice to Klaus, rather than the other way around. It is a conversation that will have to wait for later.

Instead of speaking, she unwinds what's left of her bun, yanking her wand from the tangled mess. Her hair tumbles down around her and spills across her shoulders, down her back. She stares at the wand, readjusting to the feel of its wood in her hand, and bites her lip as she fights again against the burgeoning cascade of tears.

The Staff of Power was more than a lucky find — it was a trophy she and her friends had to defend over and over again, at the cost of two of their lives. Haven only took it originally because she wanted to keep it from Ally, but it has become her most powerful tool to keep them all safe. Not that Haven's done a very good job of that, recently. But now it is gone, along with Jaeldirra, to a place Haven could not follow even with twice the power she currently wields.

Haven tries to summon up optimism from a well that is rapidly running dry. There is no way to make this latest crisis more bearable, but the rest of it — she can still try. She has to, or risk losing her mind completely.

Half of her friends might have left her, but at least most of them are still on this plane of existence. And healthy and safe, as far as she knows. Klaus is still here with the Corsairs, and not with the Kraken, despite the memories that haunt him on the Nightweaver long after the more literal ghosts have been vanquished. And at least the Corsairs recovered most of their possessions from the wreck of the Abyssal Gaze, and were able to commandeer the Nightweaver.

At least they have a ship, and some of their crew.

But as Haven looks around this small, cluttered room, it all seems like slim comfort indeed.

#work title and part titles from 'Still Breathing' by Green Day #god that song slaps... anyway #Haven #corsairs campaign #Haven is having a BAD TIME

[soperatic]

seven minutes (in hell) with you

chapter one

Over the course of his life, Jeongguk has come to the conclusion that people overhype the whole college experience. That they make it out to be this life-changing, philosophical-reawakening, coming-of-age movie that shapes you as a person and molds you into an adult ready for the real world by introducing you to all walks of people and eye-opening experiences that you will never forget. 

But in reality, it’s nothing special.  It’s just something that many people do or are forced to do. 

Or maybe it just feels that way for Jeongguk. 

He’s entering his 3rd year of college and so far, it just feels like a more intense version of high school. Classes are harder, people are smarter and better, and Jeongguk feels that all-encompassing pressure to keep up with those people who seem to vibrate at a different frequency than him, thus resulting in him questioning if he really belongs here in the first place or if he just got lucky. 

Well, he’s here because of recruitment for the swimming team so it might not be complete luck but his imposter syndrome still rears its ugly head every now and then. Reminding him that he could be doing more and improving faster with all the time he’s got on his hands. 

And he’s never felt worse until now, sitting on a couch at a party that he truly has no business being at. 

Truth be told, Jeongguk would rather eat straight up garbage than watch Hoseok and Seokjin manage to be completely oblivious to each other’s obvious feelings despite shamelessly flirting in a setting filled with drunk and coked-out college students screaming the lyrics to popular songs off-key before throwing up during the chorus, but the two forced him here and it is fucking impossible to say no to Hoseok sometimes. 

Cause he whines and drags on and brings up momentary times he helped Jeongguk with things when he could’ve been doing something else, which is manipulative as shit, and then Jeongguk feels bad and well, here we fucking are. Drinking beer that tastes like sewer water and suffering from an olfactory felony committed by whatever loser who decided to bathe in Drakkar Noir cologne instead of showering.  

“Look,” Hoseok offers, nudging Jeongguk’s shoulder with his bony one, “instead of sitting in your bed and being miserable about Jae while sober, how about you be miserable about Jae and shitfaced at the same time?” His voice perks up with a smile.

Jeongguk rolls his eyes. He feels the rim of the red solo cup pressing into his sternum, brown liquid sloshing around, smelling terribly familiar. Jeongguk’s done enough depressed drinking this summer. He just wants to be alone right now. 

“And what if I see him here?” He pushes the cup away gently. 

“Then his jaw will drop because of your glow-up and he’ll come back to you and it’s happy ever after. Done.” 

Glow-up, Jeongguk thinks. Yeah right. Nothing has changed about him. He dresses the same, acts the same, and he’s still the same guy. Growing his hair out and adding some new piercings won’t change anything. Jae ended it for a reason. A reason that Jeongguk doesn’t know but it’s all over now and he’d be a pathetic fool to beg for another chance by flaunting around some new look when it’s obviously clear that it’s over. The new look was simply a form of distraction, a way to channel his anger and hurt into something productive.

He isn’t stupid. He didn’t think that they’d last forever but Jeongguk never thought that their relationship would end the way it did. At the very least, he thought Jae cared enough to break up with him like an adult. 

Apparently not.  

“Speaking of Jae,” Hoseok slips into the spot next to him on the couch, mirroring Jeongguk’s position and crossing a leg over, “what are you going to do about the whole roommate thing? There’s no way the admin will let you keep the apartment. Especially if it's in Paradise.” 

Fuck. Jeongguk doesn’t even want to think about that right now. 

Housing at their university is scarce. Wait no, good housing at their university is scarce. Instead of focusing their government resources on adequate funding for updating apartments or studios for students to live in, the administration board spends it on the most useless shit possible. 

Like no, the statue of the mascot did not need a new name plaque. The old one was just fine. 

But somewhere along the line, the board grew a few brain cells and decided to revamp a group of dilapidated housing buildings for upperclassmen. New appliances, fully furnished, spacious parking lot and not too far from the center of campus. It was the ideal spot to live since the only other option for on campus housing were the dorms and trust, they are horrendous. But there wasn’t “enough funding” assigned to build more apartment buildings so that more students could snag a place. So people went feral over a spot. Some predicted that a few might even lose their lives in the fierce competition.

The exclusivity and beauty of such apartments earned it the name: Paradise.  

Jeongguk, eager to move in with his boyfriend and take their relationship to the next level, camped on the enrollment site for over two hours with his information pre-loaded, hunched over his laptop in the early hours of the morning until the portal opened and luckily, he got in. He intends on keeping his housing but with Jae leaving him and also opting out of the lease, there’s a vacancy at his place which is something that the administration does not like dealing with. Especially when the waiting list is so astronomically high. 

He sighs, already stressed out about this. “They told me that I have until week 2 of the first semester to send in my new roommate application. If I don’t get one in time, I lose my apartment and they’ll move me to the dorms.” He turns to look at Hoseok just as he winces. 

Hoseok and Seokjin are lucky. Their parents got them studios nearby so that they could just commute from school since Gangnam was on the other side of the city. So no worrying about campus housing for them.

Jeongguk begged his parents to do the same but his father raved about how he loved living on campus back when he was a student and pushed for Jeongguk to give it one more shot, so he was left to fend for himself. 

He was so happy when he got a spot in Paradise and now he might fucking lose it all thanks to his stupid ex.

“Can’t you get one randomly assigned to you from the waiting list?” Seokjin leans in from his seat on the other side of Jeongguk’s body, turning red from all the alcohol. 

Jeongguk looks around, judges his fellow classmates as they do keg stands, body shots off one another, snort cocaine off fine china trays and behave like neanderthals because they have the freedom of school and no parental pressure to dictate their every move. He takes note of the clear abandonment and dismissal of normality. How they throw cups and cans and miss without another thought. How some of them track mud and dirt from outside and don’t even care. If he were to go into the bathroom, it would probably be a damn biohazard. These boys are disgusting. And don’t even get him started on how they look they haven’t showered for days. He’s sensitive to smell and he doesn’t want his nose hair to burn up every time he passes by his roommate. Half of these losers use 2-in-1 and don’t know what fabric softener is. A hard no.

And Jeongguk knows he just can’t live with anyone. Especially not these types of guys. He isn’t a neat freak, he just grew up with an older sister so he has some semblance of decorum. 

“I’ve heard enough horror stories from my sister to know that isn’t a good idea.” 

“You’re right. Remember my roommate from freshman year? Pretty sure that guy is an actual criminal now.” 

“Didn’t he collect all of his hair that fell out and sealed it in ziploc bags?” Jeongguk laughs at the end of his question. 

Ah the fond memories of his first year when all he did was go to practice, listen to Hobi and Seokjin rant about whatever silly antics they got into together and then pine after Jae until the guy finally gave him a chance after catching sight of him in Intro to General Chemistry. 

It terrifies him to think that was almost two years ago. 

There was a time when he was madly in love with someone, when he thought about them constantly, when he was so content with his life because he got to come home to someone who made him feel like the king of the world. Jeongguk was going to travel with that person this summer, take him to meet his grandmother, and truly invite him into his family. But now that chapter is closed. 

Instead, Jeongguk spent the entire summer under his bed, pathetically watching rom-coms and K-dramas about true, unconditional love until his sister yanked him out and told him to get his shit together which he sort of did but only on the outside. Jeongguk is still very very sad on the inside. 

He blinks down at the amber-colored liquid. “This shit isn’t doing anything. I feel the same,” Jeongguk pouts. All he’s doing is thinking about Jae and that wasn’t on Hoseok’s itinerary for the night. 

What even was in the itinerary? Ah, it goes as follows. 

Pick out a super slay outfit. 

Get shitfaced as fast as possible.

Sober up

 Find some hottie to make out with.

Go home.

Yeah, the first part was easy. Hoseok raided Jeongguk’s closet for the perfect items and he doesn’t think he looks bad at all. The guy is a fashion major for a reason. If it were up to Jeongguk, he’d be wearing a hoodie and jeans but instead, a leather jacket layered over a flannel and a plain black t-shirt sits comfortably on him along with terribly distressed jeans and his Doc Martens boots. 

“Well, that’s because you aren’t drinking fast enough.” Seokjin nods to the cup in Jeongguk’s hand, gathering his full attention for a brief second which to Seokjin, is a win. He misses the noises behind him. “Chug that, take a few shots, maybe play a game of beer pong or two and I promise you’ll be–”

Hoseok interrupts him with a hand on his shoulder. “Fuck shut up, Jae’s here.” 

And all of Jeongguk’s attention shifts. He feels his blood run cold as he turns to the front entrance which has a perfect view of the living room. He nearly drops the cup of beer in his hand, all over his expensive jeans but he wouldn’t even care. 

Because right there, a few feet away from him, is the man who shattered his heart. 

Jeongguk feels a tug in his stomach when Jae slinks in. All the noise around him muffles out until all his senses have focused on that one person. He looks like he always does in his plain black shirt and blue jeans with beat-up converse, the ones he got from a second hand seller online and convinced Jeongguk that they were better than his Pradas. His eyes dart around and of course no one greets him. He blends in effortlessly and he used to hate it whenever Jeongguk brought him along to places. 

He’s never invited to these things. He might be a jock but he isn’t part of the crowd like everyone here and Jeongguk always loved that about him. 

Jae was something different. 

Unlike Jeongguk and his friends, he didn’t grow up surrounded by wealth with the promise of the entire world with just a snap of their fingertips, which gave him some humility. His family is middle class and he’s here on a sports scholarship too. Not like Jeongguk is some over-privileged brat but most of the guys he’s met are like that, so it was refreshing to see someone treat waitstaff with respect and hold the door open for others. 

Jae was sweet and giving and Jeongguk was so terribly in love with him. For fucks sake, maybe he still is. He doesn’t know. 

Hoseok seethes. “How the fuck did he get an invite?” He sits up and his demeanor switches like anything. 

Jeongguk barely listens. Time seems to have paused everything and anyone else as his eyes fixate on the other’s every move. How his hair is longer on the sides, the way his knees move through his jeans when he walks, and the noticeable curve of his cheeks when he smiles. 

“I don’t know. The venue for these parties changes all the time.” Seokjin’s eyes roll. “Probably stole someone’s phone to find out–” he doesn’t finish the rest of his line but Jeongguk knows what he’s implying and he doesn’t believe it. 

That he came here to get back together but Jeongguk is sick and tired of keeping his hopes up. 

He did just that for two whole months and it got him nowhere. Just left him crying under his covers while his older sister promised him that one day he’d find someone even better than Jae. 

Will that day ever come? Who fucking knows at this point. 

He almost tears his gaze away from the front door to seem less inconspicuous when someone follows Jae in. Another guy, one Jeongguk doesn’t recognize at all, but he seems younger, clearly not from their year. He’s tall but thin, almost lithe. His hair is a chocolate brown and he dresses nothing like Jae as Jeongguk can recognize that Versace logo from a mile away. 

What? Bagged yourself another rich boy to get you into all the cool parties, then? God, this is fucking painful. 

I thought you hated these things anyways. 

The new guy wraps his arm around Jae’s waist and tugs him close to him as they walk into the living room to get to the kitchen where all of the refreshments might be. He whispers something in Jae’s ear and he laughs, soft with his head thrown back like Jeongguk used to make him laugh. 

It’s physically impossible for him to tear his eyes away, his ass is cemented to this goddamn saggy couch. The sheer sight of him punched him straight in the gut and despite the hurt that swirls in his belly and fogs up his brain to the point where he might burst into tears. Jeongguk can’t look away. It’s sickening, he thinks as his eyes glue to the way Jae places a kiss on the guy’s cheek. 

How his mind will fixate on the thing that he wants to run away from the most. Break him apart bit by bit on the inside and not let him look away because he’s clinging onto this pitiful desire that Jae will turn back to him and erase all of the bad feelings he’s been experiencing since the day everything turned wrong. 

Jeongguk wishes he didn’t care. He wishes that he was stronger and he could drink with his friends without a care but he simply cannot. He’s still so weak and deplorably in love with his ex. 

And then, Jae looks at him.

 Months of slight progress fall down the drain. Jeongguk wants to get up, stalk over to him and ask to explain himself. For hurting him so much that he could barely breathe. But a small part of him wants to scoop him up in his arms and show him just how he missed him and another small part of him wants to run away and pretend that they never locked eyes. 

His emotions overwhelm him. Jeongguk isn’t ready to face his ex just yet. Parts of his body still react when he sees him. His brain still turns into incoherent mush. 

“Babe, let’s go get a drink,” the other guy tugs at Jae’s waist once, he doesn’t budge and then once more until they’re walking together like before. His eyes still trail after Jeongguk on the couch while he stumbles away until he is completely out of reach. 

Fuck. 

“Fuck,” Jeongguk echoes. His back slumps against the couch like a wilted flower. He feels like all of the air has been punched out of him while his heart thumps like crazy. “What is he doing here? A-and who the fuck was that?” 

Has he moved on already? Jeongguk hasn’t even deleted his number yet. 

Hoseok wraps an arm around him. “I don’t know but I can ask Sunghoon to kick them out. He knows you and sent you an invite. Jae and his little friend didn’t.”

Right because Jeongguk is part of this community and Jae, despite talking shit about his world, will never be inside. No matter who he dates or who comes in on his arm or how he climbs the social ladder. He’s always going to be on the outside looking in. 

It’s ironic. He always said he didn’t care and that going to these parties was of no interest to him. But here he is. For some guy he knows less than two months. Some guy that already gets to call him babe.

“No, it’s fine,” Jeongguk waves it off. He stares down at his beer, barely done, and he decides to down it in a few gulps. Bitter notes fill his taste buds. It’s a cheap beer and he’s used to better ones but this will do. 

If Jae wants to prance around in a new relationship then he can. Jeongguk isn’t going to stand in the way of whatever the fuck those two have going on like some pathetic loser who is desperate to go back to the way things used to be. He can be better than that one day but as of right now, he just wants to forget he even made eye contact with Jae and move on with his night. 

Alcohol is great for avoiding your emotions after all!

“Let’s do some fucking shots.” 

⍟⍟⍟

People knew that if Taehyung was invited to the function, it was going to be a great time and right now is no exception. 

The basement of the house party is where the beer pong table is situated and where Taehyung is currently watching Jimin and Yoongi beat the pants off some random guy on the golf team who has some nice shoulders and an even nicer face to stare at. Hoards of people crowd around, mostly to watch someone get obliterated at beer pong but also to see if Taehyung will give them the time of day or not. 

“Jeez,” Taehyung scoffs when Jimin lands the fourth ball in the other side’s cup with ease, “those guys fucking suck at this,” he says. He barely drank from any cup on his side  meanwhile the other guy is stumbling from all of the bitter beer dripping down his shirt. 

“Y-you have to be cheating.” His forearm comes up to wipe at his chin, throwing the red solo cup behind him. 

Yoongi’s eyes roll. “How? Is there a beer pong ref to check if this table fits regulations?” He gets a snide chuckle from the blonde next to him and his lips quirk up for a second. “Your skill is almost as shit as your alcohol tolerance.”

The crowd breaks out into Ooohhs at the bite they knew was coming. The satisfaction of watching Jimin, Yoongi and Taehyung absolutely demolish someone’s confidence in a manner of seconds is like no other. 

This was always Taehyung’s thing. This is where he thrived. 

Not at beer pong but at parties. 

He’s what one might call the ideal party guest. 

At first, he would come to these parties to get a little buzzed, eat chips, talk with his friends and eventually find some random person that might satisfy him for the night. Maybe come back to have a few more drinks before heading on home, then rinse and repeat. But after a few run-ins with the press and a few modeling gigs thanks to his mom, he became everyone’s favorite. Everyone wanted to be his best friend and he had wormed his way to the top by becoming one of the most popular people here. Just by being his usual charming pretty self.

It doesn’t help that he knows 90% of the people here. Not super closely but he’s aware of their existence and their family while his entire life is blasted on every magazine possible. 

You see, everyone in this house is rich. 

Not like BMW parked in their driveway and one Louis Vuitton bag rich. These folks are private jets to Paris, high fashion brands down to their fucking shoes, multi-story penthouses in Gangnam type of rich. The cream of the crop rich. The top 10%. One could say, the elite of Korea. 

It takes a certain tax bracket to make it in this world, to thrive in this community, and if you weren’t in, then there was no other way you could ever get in. 

But what makes it even more elite is that most of them were jocks. 

Because what better activity exists to fuel all the rage these kids have from their inattentive parents and overly-lavish lifestyle than smacking a ball really far and hoping it abides by some arbitrary rules made up by some dead guy?  They had the budget for it and well, it looked good on those college applications so it was a win-win. Besides, some of them were actually good at it. 

Taehyung’s two best friends, Min Yoongi and Park Jimin trained with recruits for the Olympic basketball team when they were in high school. 

His cousin, Kim Namjoon, spent six summers at workshops and camps with Korea’s League 1 football team in Sao Paulo. He’s been the captain of their school’s soccer team for two years now and for damn good reason too. 

All of these people are the best, they come from the best and they get the best. This university is the top-performing one for a good reason, right?

And like most people in this circle, Taehyung got glares from other people. Jealous people who wanted in or wanted to sleep with whoever he was sleeping with or wanted his clothes or Instagram following or simply wanted to be him but couldn’t. Taehyung didn’t love that but he was aware that it was just one of the many downsides of being one of the It-Boys of this school. Even if there are thousands of people that adore this image of him, there are thousands of people that want to see him crash and burn. 

He didn’t really care. Taehyung knows how lucky he is to be flying first-class and having the privilege he does but he is also well aware that it’s not always fucking easy. 

But let's save that rant for another day, shall we? 

“The enemy is giving you sex eyes, Tae,” Jimin mumbles. 

He gives Taehyung that look. You know, the one that screams “I wanna take you to the back room and do [redacted] and [redacted] your [redacted].” Eyes lidded low, lips perked up suggestively. He’s sort of cute, and tall, which is nice, has his hair done like literally every male K-pop idol at the moment but that’s okay. 

Had this been last year, Taehyung would’ve flirted back, walked up to this guy and strike up a conversation but right now, he couldn’t be less interested. 

He sighs. “Hard pass.” Taehyung directs his eyes away from the wannabe boy group guy and runs a hand through his hair. 

“Seriously? He’s your usual go at these things.”

“I’m just not feeling it,” Taehyung excuses. He hasn’t been feeling it for a while now.  

Remember that coveted reputation and its downsides? Yeah, here is the main one: being called a whore 24/7. Especially when you don’t do what people want you to do. Being sexually active has painted him to be an easy lay and sometimes, Taehyung doesn’t want to deal with it. But he’s always put in a bad light when he sticks up for himself as if he owes these people anything. 

It got worse this summer so when the school year started, Taehyung decided to pace himself. Considering it’s been a day on campus and he’s barely touched another person since walking in here, he’s doing a pretty good job. 

Jimin gives him a look while Yoongi clears the last cup for the opposing team, ignoring the cries of agony as the losers chug every last bit of beer. “You didn’t get into a relationship or anything, right?” His voice lilts in slight disbelief. 

“Be so serious, why the fuck would I be in a relationship?” Taehyung chuckles. “My reasoning is rather simple. I don’t find any of these losers attractive and the first fuck of the year has to be someone hot. You know, for good luck and all,” he winks. 

The blonde snorts and his normal smile returns to his face. “Right, good luck, sure. Well, Kim Taehyung, I solemnly support whatever cock-based decision you make,” he bows. “Best of luck to thee, sire.” 

Taehyung giggles. His body feels lighter when Jimin and Yoongi are around him. They’re calming presences, bright sunlight after a dark rainstorm, and his closest friends. The perfect way to start off the new year.

For a solid two seconds, Taehyung thinks he can let loose and actually have fun at this party until he feels his phone vibrate in his back pocket.  He reaches back and pulls the thin device out and sees the notification on his lock screen. 

And then his smile drops. 

doeun

i heard you were here

can i come see you? 

Fuck, how did he find him? Taehyung thought he hated these big parties. That’s what he told him over the summer at least? 

taehyung

no

doeun

🙁

i could just ask around for you

taehyung

don’t you have anything better to do?

we literally just spoke last night

An awkward exchange in the asshole’s car. Taehyung felt like he was committing a crime with a baseball cap tugged low on his face and a dark sweatshirt on when all they were doing was talking at his tacky penthouse apartment. Then again, things with Doeun always feel wrong, no matter what. 

doeun

that wasn’t enough for meeee

taehyung

i don’t care

eun, seriously, can you leave me alone for one day?

doeun

…..

someone said you’re in the basement. 

i’ll be down there soon. 

Fuck. fuck. Fuck, he thinks as he glares at his phone

Taehyung has to get out of here. If someone sees him and Doeun together, talking, they’ll start spreading rumors about them and he really, really, really does not need that happening. 

“You good, Tae?” Yoongi asks, hand on his shoulder. 

He’s standing weirdly in the middle of the basement with a panicked look on his face. Taehyung shakes his head like he was in a trance and forces a wide smile on his face. 

“Y-yeah,” he sees the pre-rolled joints in a tin in Yoongi’s hand and plucks one out of the case. “I’m gonna go for a smoke upstairs.” The basement door opens and he can hear a set of footsteps come down the stairs, increasing his panic. 

“Be careful,” Yoongi warns. He plops onto one of the couches lined up on the wall and throws an arm over Jimin’s shoulders. “If Coach decides to randomly do physicals and drug tests you’re fucked.”  

Taehyung waves it off. He smokes weed on occasion so it’ll leave his system in a few days. Besides, Coach can’t let his captain go. Not when Taehyung helped the team to victory multiple times. 

There’s another set of stairs that leads up to the backyard and Taehyung can re-enter the party that way. He grabs a lighter and jogs over to the set of stairs but not before peeking over to see who was coming down. 

It’s gonna be him. 

Kang Doeun. The little fucker. 

He stands there on the final step of the stairs and looks around. His Versace shirt looks corny as fuck in that gold pattern with torn black skinny jeans and his hair styled like every fuck-boy in this country. 

Taehyung decides not to push it. He climbs up the stairs, skipping two steps at a time to get away from Doeun and his annoying manipulation tactics for the rest of the day. His hands reach the door handle and push on it with all his might. 

The chilly summer evening air hits his open skin, a shock from the warmth inside, and Taehyung exhales in relief.

Bullet. Dodged. 

⍟⍟⍟

Jeongguk sits in the kitchen and attempts to make himself a margarita. He knows nothing about mixology or how to really make any drink but he does his best with the mixer and vodka to make a decent Moscow mule. There are crowds of people around him, talking, smoking, snorting, and kissing, and it feels like Jeongguk is the only one who isn’t having fun so he throws all of his attention on crafting his drink. 

He tends to get like this whenever he does something. His mind zeros in on doing his absolute best and getting as close to perfection as possible. He gets so focused that most of the time, he’s completely unaware of his surroundings. 

Seokjin jokes that a literal riot could be happening around him and he wouldn’t even notice but he refuses to believe that. 

The red solo cup, which was once filled with frothy beer, is now empty and Jeongguk pours mostly club soda inside, some Moscow mule syrup and then contemplates how much alcohol he wants. 

He is sort of a lightweight, two beers and he’s done, so he opts for half of a shot, barely glugging in the alcohol into the cup and setting the bottle back down on the counter next to a million others. 

This is a college house party but there are bartenders everywhere. Jeongguk could easily just ask but he believes there is a certain pride that comes with concocting your own extremely shitty drink and chugging it away. 

“Ain’t no way, bro,” Hoseok cringes. He’s already pretty tipsy. “You need like four times that.” And you can tell when he’s drunk because his voice mellows out completely. 

Jeongguk gives him a look. “You say this knowing full well how much of a bitch I turn into when I have a hangover.” 

Also, tomorrow they have class. Not like Jeongguk cares about school at all but there are few things worse than sitting in a classroom that is completely illuminated by lights when having alcohol-induced light sensitivity. 

“Be honest, do you feel any better by being sober?” 

No, he thinks. I feel like there’s a pit in my stomach every morning. I feel like I’m just living to go back to bed and to eat and I hate it. 

Jeongguk just shakes his head. “But I don’t wanna drink my feelings away either,” his lips purse a little in a way that always gets the older of the trio to ruffle his hair and coddle him. “I just wanna be better.” He wants to get to that level where Jae could strike up a conversation with him and Jeongguk would feel nothing. In fact, he’d be able to converse normally because he doesn’t love him anymore and the mere sight of his ex doesn’t regurgitate an avalanche of feelings inside him 

And he knows reaching that level of no-fucks-given takes a lot of time and patience and self-growth but Jeongguk wants to be there already. 

What doesn’t help is that he can never just detach himself from people. Jeongguk is a softie and he sometimes struggles to see the bad in the people who hurt him. Always trying to find a reason that he fucked up when it’s not always his fault. 

It’s been extremely difficult with Jae and no matter how many times Jeongguk works out or reads his dead DMs from random people who are somehow interested in him, his chest aches like anything. 

“I don’t think this is working, guys.” Jeongguk looks down at the cup and swirls it around. At the very least, maybe it’ll taste good. The cubes of ice slosh against the plastic while an Akon song that he knows all of the words to blares from the loudspeakers. 

Seokjin places a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him again, but Jeongguk leans back and begins gulping his drink furiously. Just to get it over with so he can leave this stupid party faster. 

It catches more attention than he would’ve liked.

“Ayy, buddy!” 

“Chug it!” 

“Let’s get him to do a keg stand next.” 

“No fuck that, handle pulls. We have Belvedere by the box here.” 

He was right, there was barely any alcohol in there, so Jeongguk doesn’t feel that bitter twinge and heat running down his throat and into his stomach when he’s done drinking. It’s more like drinking a slightly spiked soda. But when he pulls back, there are hoards of people cheering him on, clapping his shoulders and patting him despite barely knowing he exists and Jeongguk wants to die now. 

Some 2nd year, who belongs to the frat, hands Jeongguk a can of beer and it’s so wet from condensation that the thing nearly slips from his fingers. 

“Drink up. You need your nutrients,” the guy cheeses and his eyes linger on Jeongguk’s body for longer than he’d like. 

Fuck off, you look like a tiktok e-boy gone rogue. 

Jeongguk takes the can and hands it to Seokjin as the crowd disperses. He’s going to go home, no he wants to go home right now. 

He tried being a party animal and it simply didn’t work. Now it’s time to rewatch Strong Girl Bong-soon for the millionth time and cry into a bowl of nachos. 

“Hey guys, I’m gonna-”

Then he sees him. 

Seokjin, who was just playing with Hoseok’s fingers, follows Jeongguk’s wide-eyed gaze to see the one and only Jae entering the open kitchen and family room with a confused look on his face. 

Jeongguk swears all of the blood in his body stops running. He’s rendered into an ice statue; unable to think, move, breathe, exist. Thankfully the can isn’t in his grip anymore because he would’ve dropped it and the can would explode over everyone. 

It’s like getting killed in a game. You don’t expect it yet some asshole comes from behind and shoots you. 

That’s what it feels like to see Jae right now. 

He’s looking around for something and his hands do that thing that Jeongguk used to find so endearing where his fingers twist around at the base of his stomach, nails dancing over each digit while in deep thought. His hair has grown out and his ears no longer have the single diamond studs that Jeongguk got him for his birthday. He feels a punch in his gut, almost knocking him down to the floor with its strength. 

Why is he at this party? Who was that who came with him? How long have they been dating? How could he get over him so fast?

Jeongguk has so many questions and he almost musters up the courage to walk up to Jae and ask him, maybe tell him to fuck off to Antartica while he’s at it, but then they make eye contact. 

And all of that momentary bravado melts like ice in the microwave. 

Jeongguk panics and Jae steps forward. There is a ton of space between them, enough for an entire person to lie down on the ground but it feels like that space is closing in and there must be distance for Jeongguk to even acknowledge him properly.

His brain flashes the images of their texts, how it felt crying into his pillow while his sister soothingly rubbed his back, and how, to this day, he still has no idea what the fuck he did wrong. 

“Jeongguk,” Jae tries. 

He shakes his head. No. Too much, too soon. Jeongguk turns around and pushes people out of his way, ignoring their drunken complaints. He has to leave. He’ll hide in the damn air vents if he has to. His legs take him far, using long strides as panic rises up in his throat, making it impossible to form a single coherent thought. 

“Jeongguk wait,” Jae calls. He doesn’t pay him attention. 

The frat house is huge and Jeongguk has not been here enough times to understand the layout. He goes to the front entrance and sees the stairs right across from the front door. He could either run into the night and order an Uber back or he could go upstairs. One gets him home and the other leaves him stuck at this stupid party. 

On the other hand, Seokjin’s driver is around the corner and he could drop them off whenever. It would just take a simple phone call and two minutes of waiting. Then it’s under the covers with food and a good show for the rest of the night while he forgets whatever the fuck just happened. Sounds so good.

Jeongguk looks back and he sees crowds of people parting, making way for someone to run through. 

Fuck, upstairs it is. 

He climbs up two steps at a time, bumping into people making out against the wall and passing little baggies of colored pills to each other. Jeongguk mutters half-assed apologies until he reaches the top step and looks at his two options. The 2nd floor is expansive. There is a loft with a large couch and a TV where people are playing Mario Kart but that isn’t an option so he looks to the other side of the hallway. 

There are doors on either side. 

Jeongguk is momentarily overwhelmed. He’s on a time crunch and he doesn’t know which door is which and Jae is looking for him. The probability that he’ll open the door to a full-on orgy is dangerously high. 

He scrambles and turns left to the hallway of doors. The music quiets down exponentially and if Jeongguk pays close attention, he can hear what goes on behind some of these doors. He presses his ear to the cold wood of the first one on his right, hears loud moaning and immediately bolts. 

On the other wall, there’s a bathroom and it–well, it smells like vomit and shit. No fucking thanks. 

The next door is the only one on either side of the wall. Jeongguk listens in and he doesn’t hear a thing. So he deems it safe and pulls the door back quickly, expecting a bedroom. 

Instead, he finds an impressively large storage closet. 

Jeongguk shuts the door behind him quietly. He doesn’t turn the light on and presses to the back shelf, feeling hardwood and cardboard corners dig into his skin. 

He pats around for his phone in his pockets and pulls it out, turning down the brightness and sound before sending a quick text in the group chat he has with Hoseok and Seokjin. 

the lightning mcqueers

jung+cook 

i’m hiding upstairs

if you guys want, you can go back home

i’ll just uber back 

hoe+seok

you’re hiding??!?

girl, pls explain

seok + gin

it’s p simple actually

guk’s shithead ex showed up and now he’s hiding

jung+cook 

yup 

hoe+seok

please stay safe

and let us know if you need anything!! 

we’ll be here until you leave

jung+cook 

okay mom

Hoseok responds with a middle finger emoji. Jeongguk stifles a laugh and shoves his phone into his pocket when he hears footsteps on the hardwood floor. He gets closer to the door and presses his hand to the wood to listen in. 

The steps go forward to the end of the hallway and stop, then come back, knocking on various doors in a soft voice going: “Jeongguk?” 

His heart rises to his throat, stomach twisting and turning like he’s got an exam in two minutes. Sweat beads form in Jeongguk’s hairline and all the alcohol sloshing around in his stomach doesn’t help. The closet is small and tiny and he’s producing so much body heat from panicking that it practically turns into a sauna. 

“Fuck,” Jeongguk whispers. 

Why does Jae want to talk now? Why now? 

He couldn’t have responded to the million texts Jeongguk sent him? Or the voicemails? He didn’t have the balls then to give him an answer? 

What’s so special about today? He could’ve come to Jeongguk’s house and spoken face to face if that’s what he wanted. Jae lives in Seoul and Jeongguk’s family just bought a house outside the city. What is the point of all of this? 

“Did you guys see anyone come up here?” It seems Jae is asking the people playing in the loft. 

Jeongguk listens close enough to hear the guy on the couch go. “Wait, do you even go to this school?” 

A moment passes. He considers parting the door just a bit to see if Jae has left. Then Jeongguk hears a loud scoff and the sound of steps stomping down the stairs. 

Phew. Crisis averted. 

Jeongguk steps away from the door and lets out a heavy sigh of relief. Hopefully, Jae thinks he’s left the party or he learns to take a fucking hint and walks away from him as soon as possible. He whips his phone out again and texts the others. 

jung+cook 

can you do me a favor and tell me when jae goes down to the basement or something? 

i wanna leave when he isn’t around to see us

Seokjin sends a thumbs up. Jeongguk sets his phone down, realizing he is in complete darkness, which doesn’t freak him out but ideally, he’d like to think that he isn’t surrounded by anything gross like sex toys or old cleaning supplies. He pats around the walls around the door in search of a light switch, a closet this big would need one. 

When his fingers finally close around one and flick it on, he looks around cautiously. There are just storage boxes of papers, old dartboards and board games. 

One more sigh of relief escapes Jeongguk’s lips. 

⍟⍟⍟

For Taehyung, this feels like a sadistic game of cat and mouse. 

Everywhere he goes, Doeun seems to find him. He’s in the backyard, in the garage, in the basement, out front, in the living room. It’s as if he’s placed a tracker and is following Taehyung in hopes of getting him to do whatever he wants. 

Well, he’s had it.

The crowds are bigger in the rooms on the 1st floor. The kitchen, living and family room are where people do body shots, snort coke off an antique silver tray, play various drinking games and socialize so it’s easier for Doeun to get lost. 

Taehyung evades him like a slinky fish. He’s stolen some random person’s baseball cap and feels like he’s Joe from You with the way he’s lurking around and watching everyone carefully. 

Doeun eventually gets caught by an irritated Jae who rants about everyone here being pompous assholes who are too coked-up to realize the fucked up reality that they live in like circus freaks. Taehyung bites back a retort. 

Why did you even come then? 

He always thought Jae was like Jeongguk. Party scenes just aren’t for them. Taehyung always found Jeongguk hiding in corners or sitting out alone when the overbearing guests got too much for them. So why is Jae here?

Maybe they’re in on something together. What was that thing Jae was always going on about? People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones? If he hates it so much the door is right fucking there. 

But Taehyung doesn’t check to see if he does. Doeun is still searching around the crowd for him so he slips out the back and walks through to the front where the stairs are. People wave at him, bat their eyelashes, offer joints or whatever they’ve got in their hands in hopes that he’ll stay but Taehyung just waves them off. 

He takes note of the group gaming without a care, not talking to anyone but themselves, no demands, just fun, and then takes the left side of the hallway. 

There’s a closet down this way that’s big enough for him to hide and have enough space to breathe. Taehyung knows this house a little too well and he’d rather bore himself to death in a storage closet than touch any of the furniture in the bedrooms. 

Frat boys are notoriously disgusting for a reason. 

Without a second thought, Taehyung places one of the hair ties from his wrist on the doorknob so no one will come in, thinking that it’s occupied, and pulls the door back, expecting the thing to be completely empty. 

And not at all expecting to find Jeon Jeongguk of all people standing there like a deer in headlights. 

“What the fuck?” He jumps back like Taehyung is going to strike at him like a cobra. That’s my line. 

Jeon Jeongguk, star swimmer, every parent’s dream, resident Golden Boy and once upon a time, Taehyung’s closest friend, gives him a gentle glare with his lips set in a line and his arms crossed defensively over his chest. 

Taehyung leans against the door frame. “What are you doing here?” He asks and his tone drips with contempt. 

“I could ask you the same thing.” 

“Well, I asked first.” The light from outside highlights Jeongguk’s features. His big eyes and his round nose. His cheeks have definitely slimmed down with time and his hair is curly and fluffy. He looks different in some way, and Taehyung can’t put a finger on it. “Jae’s out there, you know, hanging around someone else. Shirking the boyfriend duties already?” 

Jeongguk breaks their eye contact and focuses on a corner of the closet, curling his hands along the shelf of the unit behind him as he leans back. Taehyung’s chin pulls back at the hesitation. 

“Shut up,” is all he gets in response, which is totally not at all what Taehyung wanted. So he tries once more to get him. 

His head cocks to the side. “You know, I can just text him to come up her–”

Jeongguk’s glare is immediate and his arms flex across his chest rather scarily. “I’ll kill you,” he threatens  and there, that is exactly what Taehyung was looking for (minus the scary look). He wanted to get Jeongguk angry. 

He doesn’t know why. It was always fun to tease and poke at him as a kid. Call it parapraxis or subconscious behavior. 

Taehyung smirks in response, shutting the door behind him and pressing his back against it. “Always such a pleasure talking to you, Jeon,” he pretends to coo. 

“Yeah and you’re such a pocketful of sunshine, aren’t you?” He retorts back, slouching into himself some more like he’s trying to hide his body. “Wait, what are you doing here? Won’t the party collapse without your presence?” Jeongguk puts on a fake-concerned voice, one Taehyung used to find hilarious but now his lips turn down in annoyance. 

“That’s not important. What I wanna know is why you’re hiding from Jae.” Taehyung’s brow raises in defiance. “You two were attached at the hip all of last year. I literally vomited in my mouth every time I saw you. So what the fuck happened?” 

Jeongguk doesn’t say anything for a moment. His eyes are casted down to his shoes, blinking repeatedly as if the answers are written on the canvas above his toes. His chest rises and the ruffled shirt reveals a sliver of skin moving with the action. He chews on his bottom lip in thought, an action Taehyung recognizes even to this day. 

“We aren’t together anymore,” he mumbles. 

That’s actually a shock. Jeongguk, from the way he would drag Jae along to parties thrown by people who don't know that he exists and only talk to him, Hoseok and Seokjin, always painted it as a solid, stable, long-lasting relationship. Taehyung didn’t care for them dating but it was obvious that there was something real and strong there. 

The closet feels a little cramped with both of them shoved in, being tall and all of that but Taehyung leans back against the door to give Jeongguk as much space as he can. 

“I asked because I wanted to know if you were playing seven minutes or something.” Jeongguk still doesn’t give him his eyes and it reminds Taehyung so much of how they were as kids. “I didn’t want to interrupt.” 

“Seven minutes?”

“Uh yeah,” Taehyung scoffs. “This closet is used exclusively for seven minutes in heaven.” He would know, he’s played in here many times. “So, am I interrupting?” 

Taehyung wouldn’t take Jeongguk for someone to play such a game. It’s terribly childish and hormone driven and Jeongguk was always someone who valued romance. From his memory, he’d gush over shojo manga and all of the movies his mother collected over the years. And considering the way he was brought up, with his lovey-dovey parents, it makes sense. Jeongguk always loved love. 

Seven minutes in heaven is one of those games that you play when you get the urge to just touch someone or when you have a crush and your friends want you to take it to the next step. It can be sweet but it’s usually raunchy. 

Most of the time, the people in here end up moving to a room and fucking or going home together. That’s how it’s played in college at least.

Jeongguk shakes his head like Taehyung knew he would. Then he sniffs once, twice, and his nose scrunches up in distaste. 

“You smell like weed.” 

Yes but unfortunately, Taehyung got all of the downs of smoking and none of the perks, like being high. Doeun walked into the backyard by the time the joint pass was making it to Taehyung and he had to dip. But he still smells like he was hotboxing in a car. 

“I was in the backyard.” The air feels awkward and thick and hot. They haven’t sat down and talked for years now, always avoiding each other at parties and luncheons simply because it hurt too much, and Taehyung never really internalized it until now. “Does it seriously bother you that much?” 

“It’s a gross smell.” Jeongguk’s tone begins to dip into the defensive. 

Oh right, because you’re so fucking perfect all the time. 

Taehyung’s eyes roll. “Grow up. Then again, you’re hiding from your ex in a closet instead of having the balls to own up to whatever you did wrong so what’s the point in telling you that?” 

Jeongguk’s reaction is immediate. “You don’t even know the full story so shut the fuck up.”

“Okay, alright,” Taehyung throws his hands up in defeat. “Whatever floats your boat.” The cold wood presses against his hands and the air is filled with the scent of dust and a little bit of weed. “Did Jae come in with someone?” 

There’s no way he could come in all by himself. These parties are so exclusive that you have to be inside the crowd to even know about the party happening. 

“Yeah,” he nods, bitterly. “I don’t know his name or anything but he’s wearing this hideous Versace shirt,”  Jeongguk stresses the word as if the piece of clothing disgusts him to that extent

Taehyung bites back a smile. It truly is a hideous shirt. “His name is Doeun. He tried out for the tennis team but we didn’t let him in.” His hands go to the pockets of his ironed slacks, linen blend so he can breathe in them with the Seoul heat. 

Doeun didn’t have what it takes, which is what Taehyung told his team. Little did he know it was going to bite him in the ass months later. 

“Jae probably disagreed with you,” Jeongguk scoffs. His shoes press into the carpeted floors. “He’s always loved an underdog.” 

And he always loved being against anything Taehyung was arguing for. 

Taehyung rolls his eyes again. Fucking Jae and his fucking morals and his fucking holier-than-thou attitude drive him up the wall. He has no idea how Jeongguk could tolerate it for two years and did not want to scream his lungs out from frustration at all times because sometimes he makes Taehyung violently angry. Because of course, he had to save the poor little 1st year who couldn’t get onto the tennis team despite the value that comes with his family name. Righteous Jae just couldn’t leave him alone. 

This year is going to be hell on earth if he doesn’t figure something out and judging by the way Jeongguk looks right now, he might be joining Taehyung on the suffering train. 

His face isn’t very expressive but Taehyung can still read him like a book. His bottom lip pushes out and his eyes never meet his own and he’s all curled in on himself. Jeongguk is sad. He teeters on his feet. A restless type of energy emanates from him, like he’s holding onto something that he just can’t seem to let go of. 

He used to sulk in his room, hugging that green dinosaur plushie of his forever until he and Taehyung were forced to apologize to each other by their parents. 

It’s painful how much he hasn’t changed.

Taehyung pipes up. “You’ll heal.” His voice is grainy and rough, gaining the other’s attention with a quirked brow. “From this breakup. It probably stings like shit right now but soon you won’t have to hide from him.”

Whatever happened, it can be built upon. You can go back to the way things were. 

Jeongguk doesn’t say anything for a moment. He just blinks at Taehyung, his chest rising in a black shirt and leather jacket with the flannel peeking out while the older looks so different in his billowy tops and pressed slacks. His eyes are soft for once and Taehyung looks a lot like he used to, the version that Jeongguk was once so used to. 

Then he looks away and crosses a leg over the other, deep in thought. 

“It doesn’t feel like I will.” His fingers begin fiddling with the loose strings in the pockets of his jeans. Jeongguk has talked about what happened so many times; to his sister, his parents, his two friends, and his dog. At this point, he feels like a broken record but seeing Jae today awoke all of these thoughts in his mind and he needs to get them out and if Kim Taehyung is the person who he confides in, so be it. “We were fine during the 2nd semester,” he starts. 

Taehyung’s eyes flash up to him, filled with surprise. 

“Like we were talking about getting an apartment at Paradise and I was gonna invite him to come to Busan over the summer with my parents,” he lists on, head tilting to each side, “and I was just so ready to have him involved in more parts of my life.” 

They’d been dating for two years and Jeongguk thought they were ready, simple as that. 

“After school ended, Jae started pulling away from me. I could feel it. He wasn’t answering my texts or calls as much and then, earlier this year he went on about how he could barely afford tennis camp and when I asked him about it, he gave me like three sentences in response. Then two weeks into summer break, he’d ghosted me.” 

Taehyung inhales sharply, the bottom row of teeth showing for a second. 

Jeongguk’s hair shakes as he speaks. “I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what I had done wrong. Jihyo told me to just give him space so I did. I trained, I worked out, I tried not to think about him too much but it didn’t work.” Jeongguk can never just let go. “I was just so fucking miserable the entire break,” he pauses, rubbing his palm over his face. 

He looks as exhausted as he sounds, cheeks sunken and eyes unfocused. Taehyung sees his shoulders droop and feels his heart hurt a little for him.

“So that’s why you didn’t come to any of Yoongi or Jimin’s parties over the summer then?” Taehyung nods like he’s piecing the puzzle together. 

Tennis camp is only two weeks long and it’s in the first month of the three-month summer break. Between then and the return to school, these rich jocks have loads of free time, which means parties after parties. 

Now, Jeongguk avoided about 80% of these parties since they weren’t his scene but if certain people, like Jimin and Yoongi were throwing it, sometimes he’d pop his head in just so that his parents would stop nagging him. 

Taehyung always saw him there, talking to Kim Seokjin and Jung Hoseok and then leaving with them earlier than everyone else. It was weird to see the trio dwindle down to a sad duo. 

His head nods, even though he’s a bit surprised that Taehyung noticed his absence. “I could barely leave my room half the time. I just wanted to talk to him. I missed him so much.” Jeongguk swallows heavily and it takes him a few seconds to get the confidence to speak. “Then I get this pathetic fucking text from Jae saying that he wants to break up and then fucking blocks me. On everything.” 

Taehyung’s jaw doesn’t drop but his eyes widen in surprise. Okay, he was not expecting that. Most of him wanted to believe Jeongguk fucked up but this? This is just unfair to him. 

“Has he spoken to you since?” Taehyung asks. His voice betrays him by revealing a layer of pity he is unsure Jeongguk wants right now. 

“No,” a sad broken laugh leaves him. “This is the first time I see him and– and he’s with some guy dressed like a gambler in some tacky crime movie from the 80s.” Jeongguk looks back up at Taehyung, eyes a little wet. “It’s driving me crazy.”

Taehyung agrees. “That’s fucked up.” He means that genuinely.. Jae seems to think so highly of himself as if he could never do anything wrong, as if he was the golden thread among strands of gray. 

He’s a piece of shit and he’s always been a piece of shit. 

“But the worst part is that I might lose my apartment at Paradise if I don’t find a new roommate. Since my old one dumped me, I’m panicking.” 

“You got an apartment in Paradise?” He asks incredulously. His head pulls back. “I don’t know if I should be jealous or angry right now.” Does he know not how coveted those apartments are? “I might have to stay in the dorms again this year.” 

The housing at this university is asscheeks. 

Jeongguk almost laughs at him. It’s small and meaningless in reality but at that moment, Taehyung feels a stroke of warmth for getting him to stop frowning. 

“Look, Jeon,” he calls, determined to bring him out of his sad stupor “Two things, 1. Find a roommate, for your own sake and 2. Jae can fuck right off.” And he’s only saying that because Taehyung has always hated Jae, since before he and Jeongguk started dating, since his first year. “He should be hiding from you. He’s in the wrong,” Taehyung presses. 

The small smile remains on his face at Taehyung’s determination and he opens his mouth to say something when his phone vibrates loudly. Jeongguk whips his cracked phone out to read his texts and his eyebrows scrunch. 

“What?”

“Jae and that guy left. Hobi just told me.” He pockets the phone quickly and readjusts his leather jacket that sits snugly on his shoulders. “How long have we been here?” 

Taehyung doesn’t give it much thought. “Probably seven minutes.” Ironic as it is. “You’re gonna leave me without a single kiss?” He feigns grief while the younger just rolls his eyes. “Asshole.” 

“You wish.” Jeongguk walks forward like he’s going to reach for the doorknob which would get him a lot closer to Taehyung, till they breathe the same air, and he thinks fast by wrapping his slender fingers around the cold metal himself. Jeongguk stops moving. 

They might’ve had their first long (and civil) conversation in years but they are not there yet. They might never be there for the rest of their lives.

Taehyung gets off the door and parts it, causing bright light to seep into the closet. Jeongguk’s skin appears brighter and his lips look shinier and plumper, and Taehyung loses himself in the gleam for a moment 

“Thanks for listening,” Jeongguk mumbles and it might be a trick of the light because his cheeks look a little rosy. 

He wants to tease him about it. It’s Taehyung’s second nature when it comes to Jeongguk as bittersweet hazy memories flood him of Jeongguk’s house on Gardenia Street with the flower pots on the front porch and the swing in his backyard. How his mom used to actually bake them cookies and ask Taehyung about school and his interests. His sister would put clips in their hair and put on Barbie movies. If Taehyung tried hard enough, he could smell that cottony scent that seemed to be omnipresent in that house. His childhood is filled with little snapshots of their friendship and every time Taehyung gets the slightest bit closer to Jeongguk again, he slips. 

Things are different now. They will always be different and he seriously needs to get that through his thick skull. 

“N-no problem.” Taehyung clears his throat. Now that Doeun is gone, he can take another smoke break and actually enjoy this party. He parts the door completely and they walk out. 

Not at the same time of course. Jeongguk goes first and Taehyung follows, then he shuts the doors behind him and removes his hair tie from the door knob so that someone else could make use of this large closet if needed. 

“Why the hair band?” 

Taehyung fixes it back on his wrist. “So people think something is happening behind the door and they won’t disturb us.” His head motions to the few doors with scrunchies or bracelets on the knob. 

Jeongguk’s eyebrows furrow. “Won’t people get the wrong idea about us then?” 

The rumor might be short-lived since everyone knows they don’t get along but who knows, people can twist stories into something completely different given the right tools. 

Taehyung brushes it off. “Don’t even worry about it. Just go home and be a hermit.” He takes off faster, eager to get back to the party while Jeongguk meets his two friends at the end of the stairs to go home. 

With their backs turned to the end of the hall, neither of them knew what was going to cook up with a simple secret photo taken of them leaving the same closet together.

#bts #taekook #kimtaehyung #jeonjungkook #taekookfanfic #childhoodfriendstoenemiestolovers #mutual pining #angst #smut

[anime-dub-transcripts]

Hetalia: The World Twinkle Episode #1: Nekotalia Once Again Transcript

This episode has Nekotalia, where the nations are cats.

Italy-cat [talking to the audience]: Ahahahwameow…ciao, friends!

(Ciao: Hello → Italian)

Italy-cat [talking to the audience]: Just call me Italy-cat. What? Sí, I’m a real cat.

(Sí: Yes → Italian)

Italy-cat [talking to the audience]: A real cat who loves girls that are cute, pasta that is al dente, napping that is in the sun, and singing that is like so. 🎵Meow! Meow meow meow meow meow! Meow meow!🎵 Basically, I am one of the friendliest kitty-cats. All I want are snuggles from ladies and, well, how should I put this exactly?

{Caption: Ta-da!}

Italy-cat, Italy [talking to the audience]: I’m just like this guy!

Italy: Ah-choo!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Italy-cat [talking to the audience]: This is my best friend in the whole world who lives next door: Germany-cat!

Germany-cat: Hm?

Italy-cat: Hey, Germany, these are our new friends who can see us even though we can’t see them; you should join us, amico!

(Amico: (Male) friend → Italian)

Germany-cat: Your words are nonsense to me once again, but I will humor you.

{Caption: Smirk}

Greece-cat: Smirk!

Italy [talking to the audience]: Germany-cat is the facilitator of many Euro-cats such as myself, Greece-cat, Spain-cat, and we all trust him so much!

Germany-cat: Hm. That is not true.

Italy-cat [talking to the audience]: Why, if Germany-cat were to get sick or something, we’d all get sick too!

Germany-cat: That is too much responsibility!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Germany-cat: Hetalia!

(Japan-cat: Meow!)

(Italy-cat: Ah!)

Narrator: Including the ones we don’t care about, there are almost 200 wondrous nation-cats, the most popular of which decided to form the G8, or G7, depending upon Russia’s attitude. They discuss household policies as well as arranged canned cat food trade agreements. Sometimes Italy-cat forgets to use its inside voice when saying the American president’s name.

Cat #1: Why does he have to shout?

Cats: Hm…

(Cat #2: I don’t know)

Narrator: These meetings are held once a year by the following kitties.

America-cat: America-cat!

Britain-cat: Britain-cat!

France-cat: Français chat.

(Français chat: French cat → French )

Germany-cat: Germany-cat!

Italy-cat: Italy-cat!

Canada-cat: Canada-cat.

Japan-cat: Japan-cat!

Russia-cat: Russia-cat.

Narrator: These are the G8 pussies.

Cats: Meow meow meow meow meow meow…

(Germany-cat: Siean meow)

(Siean: You → German)

Russia-cat: Yeah.

(Cats: Meow meow meow meow meow meow)

Germany-cat: Meow!

(Cats: Meow meow meow meow meow meow)

Russia-cat: Yeah.

(Cats: Meow meow meow meow meow meow)

Seychelles: I wonder if they have any food.

(Germany-cat: Meow)

(Cats: Meow meow meow meow meow meow)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

America-cat, Britain-cat, France-cat, China-cat, Russia-cat, Canada-cat: Hetalia!

France-cat: Euh…I smell something unpleasant coming from your house.

America-cat: Nah, dude, I’m so over all that “Le-meow Brothers” dead business. Everything’s fine. Probably.

Britain-cat: THAT IS HARDLY CONVINCING!

France-cat: The owners of us Euro-cats had their income cut, which means tragically, so has our food.

Britain-cat: Terribly depressing, isn’t it?

{Caption: Gloomy}

Cats: Meow…

(Germany-cat: Hmpf!)

Germany-cat: Then we need to come up with ein solution.

(Ein: A → German)

Germany-cat: Hm?

Italy-cat: But we can’t do anything special! We’re just little kitty-cats, you know?

Russia-cat: It’s true.

Germany-cat: You losers ARE DUMMKOPFS!

(DUMMKOPFS!: IDIOTS!/FOOLS! → German)

Japan-cat: Oh?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spain-cat, Romano-cat, Prussia-cat, Austria-cat, Hungary-cat: Hetalia!

France-cat: Ohhonhonhonhon!

Narrator: Mr. France-cat loves to arrange the interior of his house based on his so-called taste. Never one to sharpen claws on his own furniture, he’s careful with his home.

France-cat [talking to the audience]: That being said, houses in Paris are old. They haven’t been kept as nice as my house; just look! This house used to be très bien, but now see how vulgar it is.

(Très bien: Very good → French)

France-cat [talking to the audience]: My sense of beauty cannot allow such atrocities! Oh, how I wish a special fairy would appear and restore it while I’m taking one of my many catnaps.

Spain-cat: Time for me to show my skills!

France-cat: Hm?

Spain-cat: I can do it!

France-cat: Actually, it will be fine; don’t do anything!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finland-cat, Norway-cat, Denmark-cat, Iceland-cat, Sweden-cat: Hetalia!

China-cat: America! I think you might be my friend, is that right?

America-cat: Duh, I’m your friend; I’m friends with, like, the whole world, dude.

China-cat: Hong Kong-cat hasn’t been coming home lately. Do you know why?

America-cat: Negative.

China-cat: I’m so lonely now; I just want anyone to pet me and rub my belly. I honestly don’t care who it is.

America-cat: Try this. Tuna cures everything, even loneliness and lack of likeability.

China-cat: Oh, xièxiè, my friend America!

(Xièxiè: Thank you → Chinese)

China-cat: Em! Now hold on a second! Are you trying to feed me tuna made in China?

America-cat: Well, I would be if you’d open the can and start eating already.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Greece-cat, Turkey-cat: Hetalia!

Italy-cat: Japan-cat, Japan-cat, ciao!

(Ciao!: Hello! → Italian)

Italy-cat: Have you heard the rumor that’s been going around?

Japan-cat: Could you be more specific, please?

Italy-cat: I’m talking about your fancy ebenomonics.

Japan-cat: Abe.

Italy-cat: Teach me about it because I don’t understand how ebenomics works. Come on, tell me about the ebenomics!

Japan-cat: It’s abe!

Italy-cat: Oh no, I’ve been saying ebenomics wrong!

(Japan-cat: Huoh…)

Italy-cat: What other word do you have for the economics at your place?

Japan-cat: Oh…

Italy-cat: Ebenomics, ebenomics, ebenomics, ebepasta, ebenomics!

(Japan-cat: Abe, abe, abe, abe, abe)

#anime #anime transcripts #anime dub transcripts #hetalia #hetalia dub transcripts

[superrman]

— Jasmine Warga, My heart and other Black Holes

#jasonvtodd #marveledit #fuckyeahtonystark #dailymarvel #tonystarkedit #do not ever expect more tony content from me #this is for a depressed loser who has terrible taste #my edit #she was really depressed in my defense #anyways here you are

[vvanini]

whats your favorite obscure hc about each of the losers?

Fucking perfect thank you

1- Mike he reads books or articles like “how to understand woman”, “why women like jerks”, not because he wants to woo woman or is a nice guy or anything but just because he thinks it’s interesting

I don’t think he’d date anyone

Gives great dating advice tho

Reads manga Likes Junji Ito

“The manga/book was better” kind of guy

I don’t know why but I feel like he’d be this ENTP-ish dude who likes to gather information about a lot of useless things and likes to debate He likes film and game theories Watches MatPat for sure

Also he likes The Walking Dead and… zombies in general

Also I’m sorry but he likes Quentin Tarantino and Wes Anderson

He likes grindhouse movies and appreciates the gory details but is chill about it Likes cinematography in general

Watches video essays about movies

2- Richie

Unlike Mike, Richie isn’t chill about gory details and whenever someone gags while watching a movie he goes “You think that’s disgusting??? Lmaoooo that’s nothing.”

He’d be the type of guy who brags about being immune to disturbing shit

Google searches include “top ten disturbing movies of all time” “scariest movies ever” “movies worse than a serbian film”

Still likes pink guy and thinks Joji is a genius

Unironically loves the song “I Love Sex” by Pink Guy and listens to it at least once everyday

Uses Discord a lot

Always starts studying on the last day

I think he’d like history

Not like Mike tho, he just likes textbook history and world wars etc

Plays Hearts of Iron and League of Legends

Also :) he likes to code

he is a Linux >>>>>>>>>> Windows kinda guy

Likes breaking bad

And Rick and Morty

Understands politics really well

His music taste is… anime opening songs

Evangelion especially

Likes science fiction books

Pretends to be a flat-earther/conservative/anti-vax for the meme

3- Ben

LIKES BACKSTREET BOYS

and boy bands in general

he is old school and still carries an mp3 around

Doesn’t use spotify, he illegally downloads songs like a champ :D

Likes story rich games

Especially RPG’s. He really likes Planescape Torment and Baldur’s Gate

Kinda lame about women, like he hears Jordan Peterson say something like “the eternal image of the divine feminine” or some shit like that and he goes “wow poetic. agreed”

Doesn’t read “How to woo women” books like Mike but thinks about it a lot that’s for sure

Likes Audrey Hepburn

And Steinbeck

Saves different versions of the same song to his mp3. “The Less I Know The Better but you’re crying in a bathroom” “The Less I Know The Better Slowed & Reverb Listen With Headphones” “The Less I Know The Better Nightcore”

Shares playlists with Eddie

ALWAYS. ALWAYS waits for the person who’s tying their shoes

He notices if someone is walking behind the group alone and walks back to accompany them

If no one laughs at your joke, he does

Bleached his hair once and regretted it immediately Writes poetry in his free time and makes Stan proofread it

Into psychology

Hands always in pockets

Probably owned lots of lego sets as a kid

People go to him for dating advice because he is seen as this “romantic guy”, I mean he is but he gives terrible dating advice

4-Stan

He likes geography

Literally knows all the flags in the world and all the capitals

Blindfold him and give him a country name, he can show you exactly where it is on the map

Also he plays those google earth games where you get a random location and try to find out which country you’re in/ or try to find the nearest airport

Also I feel like he’d like planes a lot

Idk he just likes things that fly lol. Birds, planes etc.

Likes to read classics

LOVES H. P. Lovecraft

carries little poetry books with him everywhere and reads them he’s so cute

Dark academia is his aesthetic

Can play the piano

Likes to read Ben’s poetry :D

Dark humor

His ringtone is Le Festin :)

Has an instagram account but never posts, just watches people’s stories

Very photogenic tho.

He’s a man of culture. He likes visiting aquariums and museums

Hates zoos tho, thinks it’s evil to cage animals

Also I don’t know how to explain it but… He just likes to decorate his place? Like to the clubhouse he’ll bring stuff he likes and just quietly claims a corner as his own and make it as comfortable as he can

Has...beautiful hands

you know how some people cut the cothing labels because it irritates the back of their neck? Stan does that with everything he buys

5- Eddie

Likes Backstreet Boys because of Ben

Replies to texts immediately. Communication and social interaction gives him serotonin

I have no idea why but I feel like he’d have an obsession with Tekken and his favourite character is Ling Xiayou

Big fan of classic playstation games. Loves Spyro, Crash Bandicoot and Ratchet and Clank

He likes wearing long sleeves under t shirts

Listens to emo music, stares out the window and imagines scenarios matching the song he’s listening to

He considers MCR to be emo btw. Loves G note memes

Likes astrology

Can’t watch horror movies, and gets teased by Richie about it

However he likes media that is presented as funky/funny/happy but is actually depressing/disturbing

He likes courtroom dramas

Wears sunglasses indoors for no reason

Probably likes fallout and metro games

Has a collection of finger skateboards

#weirdcore #oddcore #nostalgia #grunge

buys and wears random college sweatshirts

Hates and loves study groups, hates it in the sense that he can’t focus on anything and just wants to hang out and talk, loves it in the sense that he CAN hang out with his friends and talk

Romanticizes everything

6- Bill

Has lots of taurus energy and is sleepy all the time

Has major Leonardo DiCaprio in The Basketball Diaries vibes

Dresses effortlessly

And likes basketball lol.

He just has… boy energy. If that makes sense. Boy next door

Likes to draw his friends

posts his drawings on Instagram

Has lots of OC’s but doesn’t know they’re called OC’s, just refers to them as “this character I created”

He likes being praised a lot ngl

His taste in memes is very similar to Richie’s

You know how they put a random word on top of a random image and it doesn’t make sense at all. He laughs at things like that. Like Richie sends him something like this:

ME WHEN I WHEN

[image of monkey]

BOTTOM TEXT

and he thinks it’s funny and loses his shit im sorry

Like someone sends a picture of Keanu Reeves to the groupchat and texts “g” and he thinks it’s funny???? He sees a picture of a cow in the backrooms and starts choking

He memorized every line in Boneless Pizza and can quote it wihtout stuttering. Like he would be sitting alone talking to himself saying shit like “ya pizza. Watchu want. 2 liter machine broke we got one liter tho. fuck you mean B.”

Never answers calls? Doesn’t like talking on the phone. He just has “Don’t fucking call me when you can text!!” energy

phone is always on silent mode

doesn’t do anything but attracts people anyway

7- Bev

Likes musicals

Theatre kid

Chews gum a lot

And swallows them :(

Likes cottagecore

Buys notebooks with cute covers but can never fill them so she just gives them to bill who turns them into sketchbooks

I think she’d give advice or reaussure people in a way that sounds kinda rude but isn’t really? Like she tells it like it is. Blunt

Likes Avatar The Last Airbender

Sense of humor is:

[Picutre of the fox from Zootopia]

why is he hot help 😭😭😭

wears baggy clothing + long skirts

#headcanon #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #mike hanlon #beverly marsh #bill denbrough #ben hanscom #stan uris #stanley uris #hcs #ask

[lloydskywalkers]

hey idk if you’re doing requests but if you are can you give us the fluffy kai and lloyd sibling content we deserve?? like ummm maybe kai helping lloyd to do homework or something even tho they don’t go to school lmao 😂 i just need something pure :)

i am so very behind on replies but!! in my defense, i started a response for this, got about 10K words in, then realized i needed to give it an actual structure. this is not the 10K words one, but it is, technically, fluffy Kai and Lloyd sibling content? i hope it’s something along the lines of what you wanted :’D

Lloyd decides he wants his ear pierced at three forty-five in the debatable hours of the morning, which isn’t the oddest thing Lloyd has ever decided he desires at that time. But it isn’t usual, either, so Kai decides he probably does, at least, need to ask what brought this on as he begins superheating the edge of the needle so neither of them end up with tetanus, or something.

He’s a responsible brother, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to tell Lloyd no. That would require Kai pretending his own piercing never existed, which is impossible, since Lloyd was the one to help him out back when it got infected and Kai almost lost his entire upper ear.

“It wasn’t that bad,” Lloyd rolls his eyes. “You were just being a baby about it.”

“Oh yeah?” Kai shoots back. “Look who’s talking. I haven’t even touched your ear yet and you’re already wincing.”

“You’re taking forever,” Lloyd says testily. “Why can’t you just pierce it already?”

“Excuse me for trying to make it look good,” Kai says. “But if you really want an off-center piercing, be my guest.”

“No, no, make it look good,” Lloyd protests, straightening where he’s sitting across the bedroom floor from Kai.

Fortunately, they’re in the monastery tonight, otherwise they’d be crammed into the bathroom, or wherever else in the Bounty they wouldn’t wake everyone up. They’ve stashed away in Lloyd’s room, since he’s the furthest from Zane and therefore the least likely to be caught, if something goes wrong. Not that anything’s going to go wrong, of course, but you can never be sure, with them.

“Where’d you want it, again?” Kai asks, as he squints at the tiny earring stud they scavenged from Nya’s bag. He figures she’d support this as a worthy cause enough not to mind. Hopefully.

“On the right side?” Lloyd drums his fingers on the edge of his knee, a bit anxiously. “I sleep on my left more often, so yeah, the right. Just — just the normal ear piercing, for now.”

“For now, huh,” Kai mutters, carefully measuring out rubbing alcohol over the earring, before deciding to drown it in the bottle, for good measure.

“Well, I might decide I want another,” Lloyd crosses his arms. He winces. “Unless Sensei or the others kill me for this, first.”

“Lloyd, if piercing your ear is the worst thing you ever do as a teen, I’ll give you all the piercings you want myself,” Kai says. “And if anybody gives you trouble about it, just make some snarky comment, like, ah—”

“An earring is better to be stabbed with than a knife?”

“…FSM’s sake,” Kai sighs, staring at the bottle of rubbing alcohol and briefly entertaining how it’d taste. “Sure. Why not.”

Lloyd doesn’t look entirely reassured, even with his fun little jokes. “It is better than being stabbed with a knife, right?” he asks. “Like, I can do knife-stab pain, but I was kinda hoping it wouldn’t hurt that bad, you know…?”

Kai rolls his eyes. “It’ll hardly hurt at all,” he assures him, as he reaches for the little cotton balls and soaking one in alcohol. “I promise. You’re a ninja. With the pain tolerance you have, you’re probably not even gonna feel it.”

“Uh-huh, if you say — hey!” Lloyd flinches back from his hand, eyes wide in betrayal.

“Would you relax, it’s just the alcohol,” Kai frowns, going for his ear with the cotton ball again.

Lloyd makes a face, but lets him dab the alcohol on this time. “It’s cold,” he complains.

“Keep whining about it and we’re going back to the clip-on earring plan.”

“No, no, I want them pierced,” Lloyd says quickly. Kai smothers a laugh at how he attempts to appear relaxed, swiping the cotton ball over his earlobe once more for good measure. Satisfied that Lloyd, at least, won’t suffer any immediate crippling infections, Kai grabs for the needle they’re using, soaking the tip in alcohol.

“You…you know what you’re doing, right?” Lloyd asks, suddenly apprehensive now that the needle’s come into play.

“Of course I do, who do you think I am?” Kai says. “I pierced Nya’s ears when she was younger. I would’ve pierced Jay’s the first week we met, but he chickened out last minute.”

Lloyd presses his lips together, hiding a laugh. “If you’d come up to me with a needle the first week we met, I probably would’ve booked it, too.”

“I wasn’t bad,” Kai huffs, kneeing him in the side.

Lloyd runs a hand through his hair, spiking the edges up as he scowls, pitching his voice deeper. “I’m gonna be the green ninja, and none of you losers better get in the way—”

“I never said that!” Kai exclaims, swatting Lloyd across the head as he cackles. “You watch it, or I might slip up with the needle.”

“Sounds like something a green gi-stealer would say.”

“You’re such a brat,” Kai grumbles, hiding the heat rising in his cheeks by busying himself with the earring packaging. “I never sounded like that. And you’re one to talk, with that squeaky little evil laugh you used to do.”

“Alright, I’m dropping it, I’m dropping it,” Lloyd says hastily, his teasing faltering at the threat of turning the tables.

Kai smirks, shaking his head. “Alright,” he says, flexing his wrist once. “I’m gonna ice your ear so it’s numb, then do the actual piercing. You want a count down?”

“Surprise me,” Lloyd says, his hands fisting anxiously in the edges of his sweatshirt.

“Sure thing,” Kai nods absently. “So,” he starts conversationally, as he presses the ice to the back of Lloyd’s ear. “What did bring this on? And don’t give me the teen rebellion thing — seriously, this time.”

Lloyd hesitates, then sighs. He bites his lip, his eyes staring somewhere beyond the ceiling. “I dunno,” he mutters. “I just remembered, the other day, that I’d thought they were super cool as a kid.”

Kai stifles the urge to remind him that he’s still a kid, and continues to listen instead, nodding at him to go on.

Lloyd makes a face. “I don’t know. The mission today was — it was dumb, and I didn’t like how I felt afterwards, so I guess I wanted to do something stupid.”

“Ah,” Kai exhales quietly. He’d had a feeling it was about the mission, but he couldn’t be sure. It hadn’t even been that bad, on the whole, but the sound of Cole’s head cracking against the floor was enough to escalate it right into terrible territory.

Kai’s still thanking his stars that Cole’s got such a thick head. Concussions aren’t fun, even when they do have the chance to treat them immediately.

“I just…I thought maybe it’d be nice to mess up on purpose, for once,” Lloyd continues, his voice quiet. “When I wasn’t trying not to.”

Kai’s frown deepens at that one, his hand hovering where he’s caught the edge of Lloyd’s ear, his thumb pressed against the end of the needle. His sudden concerns over Lloyd’s potentially earring-destroying, Oni/dragon blood are swept away by the plaintively depressing tone Lloyd’s using. He opens his mouth, then shuts it, hesitating.  

He understands the sentiment, of course — probably too well to really put into words. Kai’s not exactly a stranger to messing up. He’s definitely not a stranger to beating yourself up after you mess up, either. He also understands, too well, how it can all build up sometimes — the constant fear of failure, the pressure not to mess up.

Sometimes you’re just struck with the irrational desire to mess up on purpose out of pure spite. Kai gets that. And Lloyd’s at least rational enough to pick something that won’t hurt anyone, and is more likely to get a laugh out of them all, if anything. Kai tries not to roll his eyes fondly.

Plus, Kai would be lying if he said it doesn’t warm his heart that Lloyd’s come to him for it. Which he should, of course, Kai’d better have first dibs on Lloyd’s first piercing, but still. The sentiment, and all.

“Well,” Kai finally says, realizing he’s left Lloyd hanging. “I don’t know about messing up, because this looks pretty rad. But it was definitely your call, so remember to tell Sensei that when he sees it.”

“Yeah, sure.” Lloyd takes a breath, squeezing his eyes shut. “Okay, I’m ready. Stab my ear, Kai.”

“I already did, moron. Did you miss what I just said?”

Lloyd’s eyes pop open, and he blinks. “Huh? For real?”

“Told you,” Kai snorts. “Ninja pain tolerance. Ear piercing’s got nothing on Cole when he scores a hit on you in practice.”

Lloyd’s frozen for a moment, then he scurries over to the mirror, brushing his lengthening hair away so he can get a proper look at it. Kai hovers behind him, suddenly slightly anxious.

“Do you, um, do you like it? You can always take it out, if you don’t. It’ll close over on its own, and you can like, get an actual professional to do it—”

“Shut up, Kai, I love it,” Lloyd beams, tracing his finger over the little silver stud. “I look cool.”

Kai lets out a tiny breath of relief, smirking in satisfaction instead. “As close to cool as you can get, beansprout.”

“Whatever,” Lloyd rolls his eyes, before returning to admiring himself in the mirror. “You’re just jealous I have a super cool piercing, and you don’t.”

“Hey, I gave you that piercing,” Kai scowls. “Just wait until my ear finally heals, I’ll show you cool.”

“Gee, yeah, I can’t wait to see what cheap skull earring you infect yourself with this time.”

“Alright buddy, you’re toeing it dangerously close to the line,” Kai grabs Lloyd in a headlock, digging his knuckles into Lloyd’s thick hair as he yelps, struggling to pull himself free.

“Ow, hey, Kai, watch my ear—”

“Little jerk,” Kai finally releases him with a huff.

“Too bad you’re stuck with me forever,” Lloyd replies, making a face as he brushes his hair back into place.

“Plenty of time to watch you make more mistakes, then,” Kai replies, easily.

Lloyd briefly tenses up, his expression working. Kai slings an arm around his shoulder, briefly squeezing.

“It wasn’t your fault, Lloyd,” he says, gently. “Cole’s gonna tell you the same thing, ten times over.”

“Y-yeah, okay,” Lloyd murmurs, staring at the rug. “I got it.”

Kai eyes him for a brief moment, then shakes his head, carefully flicking the edge of his ear. “This, however? Is definitely your fault. So don’t go selling me out when Sensei bites your head off for it.”

“I’m not a sellout,” Lloyd huffs. “This’ll be nothing. Wait ’til you see what he says about my tattoo, that’ll be the real meltdown.”

Kai barks a laugh out at that, sweeping the cotton balls back into the bag. He then pauses, Lloyd’s word choice hitting him.

“Hey, what do you mean, your tattoo.”

“Oh, would you look at the time—”

“Lloyd, I swear to FSM, if you went and got a tattoo without me—”

#answered #ninjago #lloyd garmadon #kai smith #tumblr pleASE format this right for once #my fic #bees-go-buzz

[whitherliliesbloom]

You follow the scent trail of sweet flowers...until you bump into a mysterious bijou girl with starspun hair and lustrous lavender eyes. Mysterious girl far from home: “O-oh- I’m sorry... The way you’re looking at me as if you want to d-duel... W-well, i-if you in-insist..”

@windupnamazu​‘s Pokemon!AU Illya headcanons under the cut! It’s very long, so hang tight! Note the headcanons may be subject to change or updates in the future ;w; Drawings and designs of Illya’s outfits by @rosepinkwol​.

Illya’s personality is about similar with her ffxiv canon verse. Shy, reserved, very sweet and gentle. But she’s considerably more cheerful in her pokemon au form and less emotionally volatile / depressed. She still does have some lingering emotional and mental health issues though, which will be covered later. 

She became a pokemon trainer primarily to explore the world and meet more pokemon. Dueling and beating others isn’t a real priority for her, though she still does it to earn money. 

While Illya bets pokemon dollars in normal battles with trainers she is unfamiliar with or in official tournaments, she doesn’t like gambling real money when battling with friends. Instead, she’d often suggest that the loser has to treat the winner to a meal.

Extremely good cook. You’ll never go hungry or be unsatisfied in the tummy if you go camping with her. Just don’t mention that you like spicy foods or she’ll almost always assume that you’d be able to handle the same level of spice as she does (pro-tip: you probably can’t). 

She smells like the most gorgeous mix of flowers - no thanks to her Comfey often playing with her hair and wrapping flowers around her. 

She takes pokemon welfare very seriously due to her upbringing and background. She thus has a habit of releasing pokemon she captured that she feels would either be happier out in the wild or are showing signs of stress in her care. That seldom happens though, due to how loving and caring she is towards all her pokemon - most of them end up becoming very attached and even protective of her.

In the same way, she never forces a pokemon to battle, evolve or do anything they don’t want to, even if they are strong. 

Illya knows a lot about pokemon care and the likes / dislikes / proper way to take care of different types of pokemon. Thus, she makes friends with pokemon a lot easier than she does humans.

The very definition of ‘gotta catch em all!’..... but only if the pokemon wants to be with her. She loves all pokemon, regardless of her personal tastes and will treat any pokemon she comes across with respect and care as long as they mean no harm to her. 

Knows basic first aid for both humans and pokemon. And much like in canon, her pain tolerance is incredibly high.

She’s very particular about money. Short-change her, and she’ll be very very cross. After all, less money means less treats she can buy for her pokemon. 

In general, she’s dainty and graceful... however she is a tad more clumsy in her pokemon au form compared to canon. 

Illya is the definition of gap moe: her sweet, cute and angelic demeanor causes a lot of people to underestimate her. When they challenge her to a battle, they are later shocked by just how ferocious and skilled she is as a trainer. 

Illya has become quite famous everywhere she travels - owing to her infectiously sweet, genuine and kind nature contrasting her ferocity and skill in pokemon battles. 

She’s extremely intelligent, observant and intuitive. She often stays on the defensive for long periods of time before she works out a strategy or her opponent pokemon’s weak points before going in for the (metaphorical) kill. Reckless trainers who don’t plan accordingly are the quickest to lose to her. 

She WILL order her pokemon to use stun debuffs on your pokemon (sleep, charm etc). And she won’t apologize for it.... until the battle is over. 

As stated, since Illya doesn’t especially care about dueling or becoming known as the best pokemon trainer, she often doesn’t see the need to challenge gym leaders to duels unless her friends urge her to, or if beating a gym leader is required for her to be able to advance in her journey. 

Illya’s an extremely good sport. She’ll congratulate you wholeheartedly if you defeat her, and will also wish you��‘good fight!’ if she beats you.

Gives the best hugs - especially to her pokemon. It’s not uncommon for people to see her giving group hugs to her pokemon after a particularly tough or difficult duel.  

Illya actually has a lot of pokemon, many captured but also many that she befriended and didn’t officially ‘catch’ until they decided to follow her home. She carries a fair bunch around with her, but also left a good number of her pokemon at home to live peacefull with her father. Of course, she only enters battle with 6 pokemon at maximum, as per usual pokemon battle rules. Relationships with her main pokemon team and other notable pokemon detailed below!

While Illya is generally not one to fuss too much about her appearance or fashion, she does care about making presentable. As such, she has a more colorful and varied self-made wardrobe in her pokemon au form than she does in canon. She does however, have a favorite outfit that has become trademark to her:

A loose cloak that is fastened either with a pin or buckle, and a long flowing scarf that sways freely in the wind as she walks. Underneath her cloak, she wears a knee-length dress with a sailor collar and elbow-length sleeves and black fingerless gloves. She often switches between various hair accessories such as flower corsages, ribbons and pins. However, her brightly colored hairbands are perhaps the most well remembered to those who meet her.

Some people speculate that her scarves were sewn from the fur that was shed from her Cinccino, hence how warm and fluffy that look. Her hip length pure white hair is wrapped against her neck when she wears her scarf. 

Illya’s trademark outfit in the pokemon au has two different versions: one that she wears in the spring and summer, while the other is worn in autumn and winter. 

Her spring / summer attire is lighter- both in color and fabric. Her baby pink cloak is fastened with a flower pin atop her pink and purple dress. Intricate flower patterns adorns her skirt, and she wears ankle-length socks and purple flats. She also wears flower earrings 

Her autumn / winter attire is made of thicker, warmer material - specifically her purple cloak which has a star print and is fastened with a buckle. Her dress is a darker blue in color, with constellation and star patterning around the edge of her skirt. There are rumors that the underside of her skirt shimmers like a starry night sky... but you’d have to be out of your mind to want to look up it to confirm said rumor. Instead of socks, she wears white tights and dark blue shoes. She also wears a star hairclip and earrings to go with her blue hairband. 

Illya does not like feeling cold, and thus usually travels around wearing her cloak and scarf... however, she will on occasion take them off indoors out of respect - such as when she’s eating a meal at somebody’s house as a guest. 

Illya was born to two loving parents - Cocona, a lalafellin woman who worked as a nurse at the nearest pokemon center to their home in a small, quaint town and Lachlan, an ex-pokemon trainer who retired shortly after having his name entered into the hall of fame, now settled down to live with his wife and daughter.

Cocona’s job as a nurse gave her a lot of knowledge on how to take care of pokemon, and together with her husband set up a daycare / nursery for both young and old pokemon alike, where they spent their days taking care of many different species of pokemom. 

Born under those circumstances, Illya was exposed to pokemon since a very young age, and began playing with and interacting with pokemon as a toddler. She also quickly learned to help around the daycare, learning more about each different type of pokemon and how to best take care of each of their needs. 

At age 9, her mother fell ill with a life-threatening disease, and in order to allow his wife to see the world before she passed on, Lachlan took Cocona away on a one year journey outside their hometown, leaving Illya alone with her aunt (Cocona’s younger sister) to take care of the pokemon daycare in their absence. Unfortunately, Illya’s aunt had a somewhat sour relationship with her sister, and was neglectful towards Illya, often leaving her unattended for extended periods of time.

Illya sought refuge and comfort from the pokemon she was tasked to take of, and for a long time, they were the only ones Illya talked to. She’d take the pokemon out flower picking, stargazing. She ate with them, slept with them and vowed to take care of them to the best of her abilities for the sake of her parents.

On a particularly terrible stormy night, the land surrounding her home became flooded with rainwater and seeped into her house. While Illya scrambled to keep the water out, her pokemon were thrown into a panic, and eventually one of the baby pidoves flew out and away from her home. Illya chased after the pidove into the woods despite the rain, the wind so strong that it caused her umbrella to be carried away into the wind. 

As she ran after the pidove, she slipped and tumbled down a hill, breaking her leg. Now injured, scared and alone in the middle of the forest, the young Illya cried for help, but her voice was drowned out by the sound of the pouring rain and thunder. With nothing but the darkness of the night staring back at her and fearing that a wild animal or hostile pokemon may be lurking about and attack her, Illya attempted to crawl her way back home, but the pain from attempting to stand up only causes her to collapse once more.

It felt like the entire world had abandoned her, and just as she heard a strange noise from the shadows and feared the worse, a mimikyu approaches her from the dark and sat by her, watching over her and shielding her with its appendages, as if to reassure her that it won’t let any harm come to her. 

She was found later in the morning by the people from the nearest town, who had gone over to her house to check on her only to find she wasn’t in, her pokemon panicking and gesturing towards the forest for the townspeople to look for her. The pidove was hold safely afterwards too, trembling as it took shelter in a tree. 

The incident left Illya well traumatized, and stemmed her own growing self-hatred and anxiety which would only grow worse as she grew to become a teenager. 

She doesn’t like talking much about what happened to her as a child, and she only ever mentions the incident to people she truly cares about and trusts. And if anybody were to ever upset her by being pushy and asking her about it when she doesn’t want to share, her Mimikyu would be the first to smack the offender in the head. 

Her main pokemon team underwent a few changes over the years, but for the most part now, it’s fixed and she rarely switches members of her party out for another pokemon unless she thinks it’s really necessary.

One of the first and oldest member of her current pokemon party. Illya and her Mimikyu are inseparable. 

Mimikyu had in truth been watching her since she was but a child, enviously admiring how happy her family and her pokemon in their daycare had been together. He had, on multiple occasions, attempted to show himself in order to be part of their family, but was always too cowardly to do so. He would always scurry away whenever Illya or her parents would approach, hiding in the shadows and only ever watching from a distance. He watched her even as she was left alone, and on the fateful night of that storm where Illya would find herself lost and injured in the forest, Mimikyu folllowed her.

Watching Illya cry alone in the rain, he felt a surge of protectiveness and compelled him to finally step out of the shadow to comfort and protect her through the night. Perhaps in that instance, he saw himself in Illya, someone who was scared, alone and just wanted to be loved. He could relate to Illya’s loneliness, and loved her for the way she would love and accept any pokemon, regardless of their appearance or strength.

Since that day, Mimikyu hasn’t left Illya’s side and is one of the most protective pokemon of her. 

Mimikyu can often be found sitting on Illya’s head when he’s out of his pokeball and traveling around with her. He will extend his appendage out to grab any food that she offers him, or even to swat away anyone who gets too close to Illya.

Compared to other Mimikyu, Illya’s Mimikyu isn’t at all aggressive towards Pikachu. It is however, very shy and embarrassed and will attempt to hide if it spots one. 

As Mimikyu only really cares about what Illya thinks, he won’t attack anyone who catches a glimpse of him under his disguise. But he will be very, very grouchy.

He gets along decently well with all her other pokemon, though it is sometimes jealous of how big and strong Corviknight is.

From a distance or as a shadow, Illya’s scarf often resembles the appendage Mimikyu extends out. Once, while the pair were out in the woods and Mimikyu was sitting on Illya’s head, it extended its appendage to grab hold of a treat Illya was offering it. A distant passerby who could not see clearly in the dark of the night mistook their silhouetted figure as being a monster - or a near and frightening mythical pokemon. The myth is still circulating to this day, and Illya has no idea that it had been caused by her and her Mimikyu.  

Mimikyu doesn’t like going inside his pokeball - not that Illya would force him to. He’d of course, prefer to spend time outside with Illya. He especially never leaves her sight while she sleeps, often snuggling up to her beneath the covers or otherwise making himself comfortable in her scarf that she set aside. 

He’s surprisingly, and scarily very physically strong - able to grab hold of other pokemon and even other people several hundred times larger than itself. He uses this to his advantage by grabbing people who get too close to Illya and shoving them away - and he’s not at all gentle about it. 

Comfey shares Illya’s love and passion for flowers and it’s not uncommon to see her Comfey drifting around her, weaving flowers into her hair as she walked. The scent of the flower crowns Comfey weaves makes people who wear them feel relaxed, so she often wraps Illya in flowers whenever the girl is feeling particularly stressed or uncomfortable. 

Comfey loves decorating hotel rooms and campsites with flowers she picks from the wild, and she seems to be particularly generous when it comes to giving out her flowers to others. Friendly, sweet and kind - it’s almost as if Comfey was an extension of Illya herself sometimes. 

Comfey is the resident healer of Illya’s pokemon roster, able to not only heal the ailments of humans but also the other pokemon. She is especially active when Illya is helping out at pokemon centers or giving first aid to others. When Illya is in pain, Comfey often goes into a tearful panic. 

Corviknight’s appearance almost always gives other people a heart attack. Nobody ever expects someone as small, cute and demure as Illya to have such an intimidating looking pokemon. But she does, and she is just as affectionate to him as she is with her other pokemon. Strangely, Corviknight seems to be very uncooperative to everyone except her.

Once lacking a flying type pokemon, Illya almost fell to her death after being pushed off a cliff. Corviknight caught her in midair and hid her under his wings after he landed, guarding her with a ferocious glare even as other humans attempted to check on her. Ever since, he’s ever a watchful guardian to her, glaring from behind her back even as she smiles sweetly at others. 

Corviknight also serves as Illya’s main mode of transportation when she isn’t able to walk herself. As Illya loves taking her time to explore on her own two feet, she tries to not overly rely on Corviknight... sometimes, it can’t be helped however - such as when she needs to cross large bodies of water.

Interestingly, Corviknight bears a striking resemblance in both his aesthetic and personality to a hyuran pokemon trainer of dark skin and black hair who has secret romantic feelings for Illya. 

Bellossom met Illya while the girl was traveling through a tropical area that has been haunted by rain clouds and dark skies for the past several days. Illya was first attracted to bellossom because of the flowers on her head, and had watched as the Bellossom danced and chanted, mesmerized when the rainclouds pulled apart and sunlight began to shine through.

The two quickly bonded, with Bellossom teaching Illya her sun summoning dance before finally, she decided to join Illya together on her journey.

She wasn’t exactly meant to be a part of Illya’s team, and for a while, she was but a mere travel companion. However, Illya noticed just how active and enthusiastic Bellossom was to battle - or perhaps she saw it as an opportunity to show off her dance to more people. Regardless, bellossom hence became a new member of Illya’s pokemon team replacing Cincinno. 

If it wasn’t obvious enough, Bellossom loves to dance. She is rarely ever seen not at least swaying to its own beat while she’s outside her pokeball, and she becomes very eager when other pokemon or humans show an interest in learning her dance. 

Evolved from an eevee that Illya had taken care of since she was a child, it alongside Mimikyu are the two most senior members of her current pokemon team and also the longest to have known her. 

Sylveon is a free spirit, much like he had been when he was still a baby eevee. He enjoys roaming about a fair bit, though he takes care to not stray too far from Illya. 

He’s very attached to Illya and much like other sylveons, understands his trainer’s emotional state well by wrapping his feelers around her hand while walking with her. Whenever Illya gets sad or upset, he often likes sitting in her lap, purring and nuzzling himself against her in an attempt to make her feel better. He also wraps his feelers around her in an attempt to soothe and calm her down whenever she cries.

Despite his adorable appearance, he’s actually very daring and fearless, never once backing down from a confrontation or fight with other pokemon even if they are multiple times his size or even if they are a type that holds an advantage against him. 

Illya’s Sylveon is also very attached to Alphinaud’s Espeon, nuzzling himself to espeon whenever Alphinaud has it out. 

Gardevoir was one of the latest pokemon to have joined Illya’s team. She is an extremely elegant, regal but also stoic member of the party. 

Like other Gardevoir, she is able to read the future - and it was through her prediction that she foresaw her meeting with Illya and prematurely approached her. She is also able to distort dimensions and create black holes, though she rarely ever does the latter. 

Much like Mimikyu and Corviknight, Gardevoir is extremely protective of Illya despite not having known her for as long as the others have and would not hesitate to expand her own psychic powers to her fullest if she feels like Illya may be in any sort of danger.

Though powerful, she doesn’t tend to like roaming about much and mostly stays within her pokeball unless Illya calls her out for food or battle. 

Gardevoir’s demeanor and headstrong personality reminds Illya a lot of her late mother, and perhaps there is some deeper reason for why Gardevoir herself feels such a strong need to protect Illya as if she were her own kin. 

Some of her pokemon are carried around with her as travel companions, only occasionally taking part in battles, while others are left at home to be cared for by her father.

TRAVEL COMPANIONS [to be updated as au is expanded on]

Vulpix: A male vulpix that Illya carries around and cuddles with during the winter or when she’s traveling through locations with colder climates. Out of all her pokemon who are not part of her main party of 6, vulpix is probably one of the most active and frequently called forth in battles that aren’t official tournament leagues or competitions. Illya also calls her vulpix out whenever fire is needed. He is brave and enthusiastic and hopes to one day evolve himself into Ninetales. 

Dragonair: A gentle male dragonair that Illya caught near a lake one day during clear skies. It had dragged her into the sky and allowed her to ride on his back, soaring high into the clouds before dipping back down towards the waters. However, Illya lost her balance and fell into the water. He still feels bad about it to this day. He likes to curl around her to sleep.

Cinccino: A playful female cinccino who evolved from one of Illya’s minccino that she has been caring for as a child. She was once an active member of Illya’s party, but now is more of a travel companion who rarely ever battles now. Some people believe that Illya used the fur shed from Cinccino’s scarf to sew her own trademark scarf that she’s seen traveling around with now. 

Rowlet: Though Illya gets along with many pokemon in general, birds in particular seem to be very fond of her. This male rowlet followed Illya as she was traveling through the woods and eventually became a part of travel party. He doesn’t see very many fights but he does love to cuddle and is very affectionate towards not just Illya but other pokemon and trainers.

Alcremie: A shy female Alcremie who offers sweets to new friends she meets. Illya often has reservations about eating the cream and berries secreted from her, but after being assured that it doesn’t at all hurt her Alcremie and that it’s offering of sweets is a sign of affection, Illya has started learning to indulge more in sweet foods more and more. Illya doesn’t have the heart to tell Alcremie she prefers spicy food, though. 

Trevenant: A female trevenant that attacked a woodcutter that Illya saved while traversing through the forest. Convinced at first that Illya intended on harming the forest, it proceeded to trap her in a cage of trees until she was finally convinced to release Illya after witnessing the way Illya refused to let her vulpix burn the trees down just to escape. She follows Illya around and holds a lot of respect for the way Illya cared for nature and the environment. 

Hatterene: A reclusive Hatterene Illya met during her travel. She once hated Illya, chasing her by emiting a strong psychic aura much like she does with other strangers. Upon sensing Illya’s lack of hostility and own gentle soul however, she eventually calmed down enough to allow Illya to approach. She is very moody and temperamental.

NOTABLE POKEMONS AT HOME [not including pokemon that belong to Lachlan or pokemon that belong to other people being taken care of]. List is NOT exhaustive!

Cleffa: A female cleffa born from Cocona’s retired Clefairy. As Cocona passed away shortly before cleffa was hatched, Illya became her owner / trainer instead. Though cleffa wishes to someday be a part of Illya’s team, grow stronger and evolve herself, Illya hasn’t quite allowed herself to let go of her mother’s death, and hence prefers to keep cleffa safe at home. It’s one of the rare instances where Illya has explicitly gone against a pokemon’s wishes, even if out of a genuine love and protectiveness of it.

Musharna: A female Musharna that eats the nightmares of Lachlan and any guests who come to stay over at their house. She sleeps a lot and frankly cannot care any less about battling. 

Chimecho: A male Chimecho that Illya caught and took along with her on her journey for a while, before leaving him at home with Lachlan. He likes hanging himself to the roof of the house and swinging in the breeze. Not hearing chimecho’s wind chimes tells Lachlan and Illya that something is wrong. 

Azurill: A male baby Azurill that Illya rescued. He is very timid and lacks a lot of confidence. He wants to get better at doing battle, but still has a lot of training to do before it can get to that point. 

Beedrill: A male beedrill that was evolved from a weedle - the very first pokemon Illya ever caught in the wild on her own. She’s trained him personally as she grew up, and he saw many of her clumsy behavior and less experienced days. He’s sort of retired now, spending his days keeping the more rowdy pokemon in the daycare in check. 

Theme songs

If pokemon au illya were to have a theme / ost track, it’d be this lovely re-orchestrated track of the Lacunosa Town Theme! It’s soft, peaceful and has a touch of melancholy which suits her perfectly. This, this and this remix also fits her and may double as her battle theme?

Illyanaud track mayyyybe? 

Legendaries / Mythicals??

I didn’t include any legendaries or mythical pokemons into her roster because lore regarding those are that they’re very very rare BUT if Illya were allowed to have a legendary and a mythical pokemon, she’d probably own a Cresselia and a Celebi! 

Cresselia, the Lunar Pokémon. Shiny particles are released from its wings like a veil. It is said to represent the crescent moon. On nights around the quarter moon, the aurora from its tail extends and undulates beautifully.

Celebi, the Time Travel Pokémon. This Pokémon wanders across time. Grass and trees flourish in the forests in which it has appeared. When Celebi disappears deep in a forest, it is said to leave behind an egg it brought from the future.

Shout out to Diancie, who is a close second choice solely based on the fact it’s design looks like what Illya would be if she herself were a pokemon. 

Relationships with other OCs / NPCs

To be added!

#ffxiv #final fantasy xiv #illya skawi #headcanons #mine #the greatest treasures #pokemon au #ffxiv art #i looked over this post maybe more than fifty times now and #one half of my brain says this is long enough and nobody's gonna care to read it all #the other half is saying i should write more #THANK YOU SO MUCH KAI FOR THE ILLYA DRAWINGS #HONESTLY YOU'RE SUCH A SWEETHEART FOR MAKING MY IFFY DESIGN REQUESTS INTO A REALITY #i already have alphinaud's team planned out and what some of the extra pokemon he owns will be but #i don't have the strength...to edit graphics for him....

[yanderecandystore]

may i please get a small fic about the loveshrooms?

I didn't expect anyone to like the idea, but I'm so glad you did!

I was going to bring a Yan Bakugou into the mix but- I felt like I could end up disappointing you in a way so I'll just leave it as a ambiguous character, what do you think?

Also, love shrooms is actually a really good name lol!

TW/Tags: loss of sanity and mentions of depressive thoughts // fungal contamination and mentions of diseases (and quarantine) // none gender specific (neither the reader or the character mentioned have their gender assigned) // touch starving // victim blaming mentality.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

In need of help [Yandere!Virus/Fungus x Reader - Short Fanfiction]:

They were laying in their bed, wondering what the hell was happening with their body. It's been a week since they started to feel this way, endless headaches, hot burning skin temperature yet a feeling of always being cold dominated them, as if they were naked in the middle of a blizzard.

One day they started feeling dizzy while they were at work, so their boss has told them to go back home and rest, and they haven't gone back to their jobs in a full week because of some random sickness they got!

That's what they thought back then, they thought that this was all just a little flu that had ruined their days, but no, it turned out to be something completely more different than that.

They have heard about some sort of disease outbreak happening in their town, something that was still fairly new and mysterious to even the highest of doctors and world leaders. It was so sudden, out of nowhere people started to show symptoms of some sort of new illness, something that develops slowly yet quietly.

The contaminated would feel all that they were feeling right now, if not worse, since a lot of contaminated have shown some weird aggressive behavior randomly. Those that were contaminated were told to limit their contact with other people, some were privileged enough to be able to stay in hospitals receiving professional care, but they couldn't do that, they didn't want to believe that they were contaminated by some stupid looking fungus.

They just… Really, really didn't want to see a doctor, even if the symptoms are getting worse and worse, something forced them to keep their mouth shut. They didn't want to go to a hospital, they didn't want any doctors or scientists experimenting on them, they didn't want to be trapped inside that pearly white hell.

They heard rumours about servers experiments being done inside each hospital available, which caused the contaminated to get even more desperate to get out of there.

The thing is, no one knows if the contaminated were the ones who had decided that they didn't want to stay there, or if something else was dictating that decision.

Apparently, the cause of such distress was a little mushroom species that have only been discovered after the first incident happened. An incident where the first contaminated to fully develop the parasite had attacked someone in the streets (well, allegedly attacked, since there is no proof of the guy actually hurting someone, but it doesn't matter now since he was eliminated before he could attack someone). After that the contamination had spread wildly, it was as if the existence of such a dangerous thing had just been announced and out of nowhere, the damn thing had taken a hold of people's lives.

In one second everything was fine, and then in the next they were stuck at home, feeling hopeless. At least they don't have to be the lab rat of some crazy doctor and scientist. Until now, it has been pretty easy to hide the fact they were contaminated, key words being "until now", guess what happened?

"- Fucking- itchy fungus." They yelled as they continued to scratch their itchy arms, there were visible pink and red blotches around them, and on top of that they were now hurting because of how much force they were using on their itchy arms.

They have learned that it takes too many weeks for it to develop marks around the contaminated bodies, and that the mushrooms spread and thrive in cold habitats.

And guess who was the idiot that has come back from hiking in a snowy forest about two weeks ago? Yeah that 's right! This imbecile right here!

"- Ugh, what the hell do you want from me?" It's been three days since they started talking with the fungus growing inside them, since they noticed that indeed, the fucking thing comprehends human communication somehow.

Or maybe they were just insane.

This was basically an everyday routine, the mushroom would get agitated, they would ask it what it wanted, and in a brilliant moment of concentration they would remember exactly what the mushroom wanted.

"- Pizza again? Come on, you're going to make me spend all of my savings on some lackluster pizza?" They said while looking at their colorful arms, they needed to cover them if they wanted to see anyone else soon.

You see, ever since they started to stay inside their house to not spread the contamination, they have been ordering pizza at a very terrible place that sold only the most boring pizza they could have ever eaten. No flavor at a cheap prize!

It seemed like the stupid fungus had taken a liking to the terrible taste of nothingness, so they had decided to obliged with the fungus wishes.

"- Stupid parasite, you're lucky I can't beat you for making me waste so much in daily deliveries." They continued to be grumpy about it as they put some clothes on, normally they love to spend their time alone naked, and apparently the fungus also agreed with the decision. What? It's their apartment, they can be naked if they want.

They took their phone and typed the number to the pizzeria, well, at least they never take too long to deliver their mediocre pizza.

"- Hi, it's Anthony's Pizzeria, how can I help you?" They heard a familiar voice come from the other side of the call.

Oh.

"- What-!" They yelped, almost causing the call to accidentally end right there and then.

It's you, it's your voice! They know it it's, they are sure of it!

"- … Uhn, hey, are you okay-"

"- I'm f-fine, sorry!" They have interrupted your question, they were so caught up about your voice that they forgot to order the pizza.

Oh but your voice! Your voice was so different in the call than in real life, it's so… Interesting! Yeah, that's surely the word they were looking for!

They have called so many times yet this was the first time you were the one to pick up! They guess that because of the contamination and quarantine stuff going on, they were low on staff and you were the one receiving the orders.

After all, you were the only person that worked there that would deliver their pizza every single time. It became such a normal thing that you two even know each other's names!

[Y/N], it's such a beautiful name, it fits the owner. Although they think you're pretty unlucky to have to work at a terrible place and also do deliveries to an unwelcoming neighborhood.

That's the reason why you're the one to always bring their pizza, it's because you're the only worker that they are willing to risk in such a terrible place. Fortunately, their only client around this area is them.

When they were about to finish their order, they asked if you were the one that was going to bring the pizza.

"- Yeah, it is me. You know, low on staff and all, why do you ask?" You ask them with that welcoming voice of yours. A hint of happiness graced your tone, you were happy that it was them ordering again.

Although you still think that their obsession with mediocre pizza is a little concerning, you ended up forming some sort of friendship with them. An odd one for sure, but you're still happy about it.

When you first met them, they would always give you some really scary vibes. They were so, well, cold and closed off. Never smiling, never giving tips, always in a terrible mood, etc.

But recently, they started to treat you with so much respect, even joking about your job with you. The first time you saw them smile, you thought you were seeing a completely different person.

You're still glad you found this new version of them. They look happier and you felt good for them. Maybe they have found their own happiness.

To hear your confirmation was the most exciting thing they could have heard all day! They were sulking in this disgusting room all day, yet hearing that you're coming makes them feel alive!

They can't even hide their excitement, you can hear them being happy and giggly over the idea of you coming over. Even if technically you're only coming there to deliver them their order and all.

When the call ends, they soon are brought back to reality. When they were talking to you, they felt like they were in the best place on Earth, yet when they looked around their apartment they could only observe the clues of a disgusting creature living in this dirty ass place without ever cleaning it, not even once.

It's a depressing sight, yet they have learned to deal with it. It was normal for them to be lazy and an absolute pig, although they are aware that even pigs are a lot cleaner than them.

They should at least take a shower before you come in.

And just as the idea of you being anywhere near them came into their mind, their personality had switched again, from a grumpy depressed loser to… to…

To whatever the hell they are right now!

Seriously, they were feeling like shit all day, yet at the moment the opportunity to see you comes up, they feel like their day it's already 100 times better!

They feel their heart pounding at an incredible passing, the water of the shower hitting their skin helping their temperature to cook down. They don't even feel so cold anymore, they feel- Powerful!

They feel better than the last time they saw you, which was yesterday, so it doesn't even make sense for them to miss your presence the way that they do, but still!

Apparently even the fungus seemed to be happier about this situation, as their arms weren't itchy at all and the headache they were feeling seemed to have stopped.

They thought the thing was only awaiting its meal, as all living creatures do when faced with the opportunity to get food without any efforts put into it.

It was as if the motive to actually fix a little bit of this place had suddenly appeared at the mention of your arrival! It was uncommon for them to do such a thing, even for a guest, and their neighbors can testify.

Not that they would want to be involved in their life either way, their neighbors know how unpleasant they can be, even to those that live near them.

To think your presence has such an impact on them and their life, even though they never experienced anything like this before, their sudden change in mood never really crossed their minds as being bad or unconventional. It just… Happens.

And- It doesn't feel bad at all.

Maybe this lonely loser is finally understanding the importance of healthy social interactions! Good for them?!

After getting out of the shower and putting their clothes back on, they straight up jump out of the bathroom to complete their next task, which was making their apartment seem a little more *pleasant", at least for someone that was looking at it from the other side of their door.

But before they could do much, their apartment bell rang and you called them from the other side of the door. You did something, however, that would soon be proven to be a bad decision.

You have decided to call them by their name instead of the usual "your pizza is here" or whatever the hell you used to scream so the customers could hear. You thought that you had spent enough time with them to be able to use their name in a friendly manner, which was nothing wrong with that, dearest! Is just that-

They haven't been able to hear people say their name in such a friendly way in a long, long time. It's both refreshing and terrifying how they craved that form of attention.

And what is just as terrifying is how fast they throw their body towards the door, like a desperate addicted trying to reach their dose of dopamine. But that comparison it's absurd, right? It has nothing to do with the current situation.

Oh no, wait-

"- [Y-Y/N]!? You came in e-earlier than I thought! How is everything going??" They would welcome you in, but the truth is that they haven't been able to finish all of the cleaning. Basically, they took all of the garbage that was in front of the door's view and put it deeper in their apartment.

Just like sweeping dirt under the rug, you were only able to see a moderately good looking apartment behind them, yet in reality, all of the dirty dishes and clothes that were previously laying around there, were now shoved under some tables in a desperate need to impress you.

Even if a little bit.

Because of how suddenly they opened the door and came into view, you got yourself a little spooked by the taller figure in front of you. They always looked pretty scary in your eyes, yet recently you started to notice that they have a softer side.

You can't help but associate them with big scary dogs, you guess that they only put some sort of facade to keep themselves appearing to be tough and strong and "scary". You can't lie that they got you pretty good the first time you met.

You answer them, telling how hard it has been to work in an awful pizzeria while the world is burning and a weird disease suddenly has been discovered out of nowhere. They tried their best to continue the small talk, yet it seemed like they didn't need to do much because soon enough you were babbling about your life.

They loved it, you were always so talkative, even to a complete stranger. They wanted to pay close attention to you and what you were saying yet they simply couldn't! Your presence was so overbearingly sweet that they thought they would have a heart attack!

I'm being serious though, their heart started to accelerate out of nowhere and a weird feeling started to arise inside their hearts. They felt so weird and uncomfortable because of the sudden sensations yet- It felt so good in a way.

They felt alive for once, they felt- They felt like they were capable of anything!

Yet they still felt like they needed something more than just… This, whatever the hell is giving them such a wonderful feeling. Could it really be you, the cause of such wonderful emotions to bloom?

Your skin looked so soft, your smile was so gentle even when you were focused on giving them their order, you looked like you cared for them so much that when you noticed their odd behavior you put your hand in their shoulder.

This one, simple little contact managed to get a hold of them and their thoughts, their breathing now way faster and frantic than before.

How long have they been without a human touch? They are pretty sure it wasn't long, yet they still feel… Shamefully needy.

They can't tell what's worse, trying to convince you that they were okay, or trying to convince themselves to not do something stupid. They didn't know what it was, but there was a suspicious feeling crawling up their spine, the feeling that if they didn't control themselves something bad could happen.

They lied of course, saying they were just- Dizzy and a little tired, that they were doing everything on auto pilot, and even if you end up believing them, the moment you take your hand away us the moment they regret not giving in to whatever odd urge they were having a couple of seconds ago.

You were soon about to leave, they didn't even notice that they were holding the pizza box and almost let it fall from their loose grip.

"- H-Hey, wait! [Y/N] I-" they sounded absolutely pathetic, they sounded desperate for your attention but at least it seemed like you didn't mind or simply didn't notice their tone of voice.

You were causing so much frustration yet you remained oblivious to their suffering.

"- Do you… Perhaps, want to hangout later? I-If you're not busy, of course…." They sounded like a teenager who just confessed their crush on someone, well, if they were trying in that situation, normally the other person would at least be aware of their feelings.

But no, of course they aren't and of course you only see their offer as a way to call you for a friendly date.

People sweet and naive like you used to get on their nerves, they used to ignore your type of person yet-

Here they are! Being pathetic and stuttering, the only good thing to come out of this interaction was that you accepted their offer.

At least you're kind enough to accept to meet this poor thing again in a more private scenario. Not in your daily "customer and worker" type of interaction.

And as your form goes away at each step you take, the intrusive thoughts start to come in again. Those thoughts, those pains from earlier, everything was starting to get back.

It really does seem like you're the cause for their problems. Their headaches, their low self-esteem thoughts, the stupid fungus itching their skin, all of that was your fault… Somehow.

In someway or another you were the one that would always show up in their dreams, in their intrusive thoughts. They closed the door to their apartment while slowly placing the pizza on their coffee table, since now their mind was starting to come up with the solution to their daily pains.

This is not about pizza, this is about you! About how you consume their mind, even when you aren't present.

Although, every time you're near them, they feel so much better, like all of their issues have gone away.

That 's it! You're not only the source of their problems, but also the solution! Oh, that 's perfect! They know exactly what they need to do to make sure you cure them.

Yeah… YEAH! YES! They won't need to suffer every day waiting for the next time to see you, they can simply have you by their side, right??!

Please, please tell them, please tell this mad person that you'll cure them of the same thing you contaminated them with!!

Please… They feel so, so cold and lonely. Their only company is a parasite who seems to agree with this person's mad, delusional thoughts.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

#yandere #sheep stuff #sheep's stuff #yandere x reader #yandere fanfics #yandere fanfic #yandere short fanfiction #yandere virus #yandere mushroom #yandere zombie #special delivery request #special delivery short fanfiction

[bloodyspade0000]

30-day knb challenge: Day 1- Favorite Male character

↳ Haizaki Shougo

I am not justifying Haizaki's behaviour. I think he needs a tall glass of respect woman juice and therapy. This is just meant to explain why he is my favourite character and help you better understand him as a character. Do not send hate or take my words out of context. You will be reported, deleted and cancelled. Thank you and enjoy. :)

My favourite character is Haizaki Shougo *dodges tomatoes* a lot of people in the fandom hate this guy for many reasons. It's kind of funny how many people hate him and the amount of hate he gets just for existing. Like bruh; he's sixteen, leave him alone. 😂

His whole existence is just sad. He was literally created to be hated.

Like straight up, Tadatoshi Fujimaki even admitted that he hated Haizaki. Haizaki's sole purpose of existing is to make the Generation of Miracles look better even though they’re just as problematic as he. No one is fucking perfect and is about time people woke the fuck up and realized it. Your faves are problematic move the fuck on.

Yes, the Miracles are redeemable but so is Haizaki. Yet, unlike the Miracles, he does not get redeemable. No, he disappears and is never seen again. Like bitch, what the fuck!? if you’re gonna introduce a character to only have them disappear for a long time and either have them show up again or just never mention them again. Wasting the potential they had to be a very good character or not having them redeem themselves while the other characters who were just as fucking problematic get a fucking redemption arc because they’re fucking main characters!? What’s the point of that character even existing in the first place? What kind of bullshit is that? Just to have them exist to make the main characters look good? How the fuck does that make sense? Like where is my Haizaki redemption arc? Do I have to write it on my own? I will write it. I am writing one.

Haizaki is the only character I could relate to. Being second best, struggling to find somewhere to fit in and overshadowed and replaced by someone everyone thinks is better than you. It's fucking depressing, okay? You spend your whole life thinking you’re not good enough, and it hurts. I don't feel like going too deep into it because I don't owe you a detailed explanation of my trauma, okay?. So I'll save that for my fics where I self-project half of it onto Haizaki. It’s a coping mechanism, okay? Therapy is fucking expensive.

The anime ruined his whole character, got rid of his whole arc and shorted it down, and made him worse than he really is.

A post explaining how the anime did him dirty and goes more in-depth about his character

I am not trying to justify his actions, i.e. him manhandling Alex and beating Himura up. He does terrible shit. We all do lousy shit sometimes, but that doesn't make us bad people. Making mistakes is a part of being human, and we're supposed to hold people accountable for their actions and help them realize what they’re doing is wrong, allowing them to grow and change. Not condemn them and ostracize them, which leads to isolation and a lot of psychological trauma and self-hatred, and as someone who has dealt with—is still dealing with all three. It is not fun. It makes living painful. Highly unrecommended.

Haizaki does not have a positive role model in his life nor anybody he can turn to, everyone has already given up on him. Even Nijimura and Kuroko didn’t even try to help him, being more focused on the Miracles. (Yes, I know kuroko tried to stop him from throwing his basketball shoes away, but that doesn’t fucking count because after that Kuroko just gave up on Haiazki too). Haizaki has probably grown grew up knowing only violence and not a single ounce of kindness, turning him into the bitter and angry little boy he is.

Haizaki had so much potential. But instead of making him a great villain that potential was WASTED on fucking Kise.

Also, the Kaijo vs Seirin match in the winter cup was completely useless because Kise already got redeemed and he literally got no character development from it.

And Seirin was gonna fucking win anyways because duh thier the main characters. 🙄

Now some headcanons I think about a lot:

1. He gets abused. Some psychological behavioural consequences of child abuse are unhealthy sexual practices and juvenile delinquency, and Haizaki exhibits all three which are some external behaviours of most (NOT ALL) male abuse victims. Haizaki's a womanizer, aggressive, hostile and violent. Yet, he backs down when someone stronger than him comes around and puts him in his place i.e. Aomine and Nijimura.

a factsheet explaining the long term consequences of child abuse and neglect

How to help a friend dealing with family abuse or neglect

How to Handle Abuse

2. He's a victim. And when you're a victim, you either become angry and cynical with everything and everyone around you, swearing never to be a victim again and struggle with gaining back control of your life. Not wanting anyone to see you being vulnerable because being vulnerable makes you weak. Being weak makes you shatter. You always shatter like glass, cutting yourself every time you pick up broken pieces, watching as blood trickles through your fingers.

Your body is constantly on high alert. The default is flight or fight—survival to the fittest.

Or you bite your lip and keep your head down, bottling everything inside and looking for escapes or seeking validation. You want to be wanted and loved because you struggle with loving and accepting yourself. There's always a voice in the back of your head telling you, you're not good enough or that it's your fault. That everything is your fault. Self-hatred and self-doubt are your tormentors.

Or it's a combination between both—a constant struggle.

And I believe Haizaki portrays both from the way he acts and presents himself. Especially since his motto is literally "Survival of the fittest,” and he had once told Kuroko, " there are bad guys and then the really scary people," or something along those lines, which I believe he is talking from experience. You learn from your experiences. They either make you or break you.

3. He's touch-starved.

What Does It Mean to Be Touch Starved?

4. He's bisexual and has a lot of internalized homophobia. I can just feel his internalized homophobia rolling off of him. Bruh, I just know cuz I am bisexual, and I have struggled with internalized homophobia and still sadly struggle with it cuz I grew up surrounded by homophobic people.

I still live with them. 😭

Also, we live in a society that thinks straight is the default.

What internalized homophobia is.

5. His sexual awakening was probably Aomine or Kise. Could be both 😂?

6. He cries himself to sleep every night.

7. He's observant and a great judge of character. It's a fact. This guy literally predicted the downfall of the Miracles. Straight up warned Kuroko too. Too bad Kuroko didn't listen to him.

8. He's hilarious. When he first appeared in the manga, he literally called Himura a loser, lol. XD

9. He's a closeted softie and a total tsundere.

10. doesn't know how to react to kindness and will think you're threatening him or will feel really awkward and uncomfortable but will cover it up with his scowl, or he'll have a breakdown.

11. needs a lot of reassurance and head pats

12. swears a lot. Has no filter.

13. His bother is in the yakuza or some high position of power, and he feels inferior to him. It also explains why Haizaki gets away with things because he would have been kicked out of school if his bother wasn't either-or. I'm talking about his bother being in the yakuza, lol. XD

14. He and Momoi dated for a while but broke up on a mutual understanding that thier relationship just didn't work out. They're best friends and hang out sometimes.

15. Haizaki's good with kids and just genuinely likes them. He would be a great father and try his best to raise his kids right.

16. He gets sick really easily

17. He's clingy

18. He has no friends, mainly because he doesn't want people to get close to him because he's afraid of getting hurt again. Also, everyone in knb hates him.

19. He watches cartoons cuz he was never allowed to watch them when he was a kid. His childhood is trash, okay?

20. He hides in the closet because that's where he feels safe the most—rhetorically and literally.

21. Sleep-deprived and only runs on caffeine and spite.

List of fics that portray Haizaki better than the anime:

Heavy is the head by extrastellar

Idle Hands by DarkWoods

Another Chance by regretting my username_ (777imou_offline367)

What Matters is that We're Together by StrawFairy

06:00:00 of Haizaki Shougo (4) by ReiClien

This Is Happening by SharkGirl

What is Love by voices_in_my_head

A completely uncalled catharsis by oddball

One-shots

intertwined, under a spell by kornevable

ԼƠƔƐ & ӇΛƬƐ by Arthuria_PenDragon

delirium by extrastellar

me with you by doublejoint

Turn My Camera On by wordsliketeeth

At Summer's End by doublejoint

Taste by Hibari1_san

I Can't Get Enough of You by HisDarkSecret

I don't care if it hurts by llowsywriter

Ashes by doublejoint

broken things by lowsywriter

Series:

Finally found each other by suzakukills

This Is Happening Universe by SharkGirl

DNA by flowerway

My WIPS:

Isn’t it lovely?

Broken Crown

Love me, Love me, Love me

Grey skies

Rabbit hole

A playlist of songs that I believe fit Haizaki

Kuroko’s basketball’s manga

In conclusion, You can hate Haizaki as much as you want. But just keep it to yourself. Haizaki is my baby and I will protect him with my life.

#kuroko no basket #knb #haizaki shougo #long post #rant #favorite character #knb 30 day challenge #favourite male character #headcanons #one shots #fanfiction #rec list #manga #tw swearing #tw mentions of abuse

[grump-the-deer]

stuff about HDM ep 8 + overall season thoughts

in other words.....

FINALE TIME BITCHES

this episode was INCREDIBLE. A+++, perfection.

this is what I expected from the get-go, and what I got a lot of the time.

we got some great exposition + bonding double time with Asriel, some excellent portrayal of Asriel and Marisa’s relationship, plenty of dæmons being cool and adorable respectively (Pan and Salcilia running around playing anyone???), some STUNNING visuals, an epic little fight scene with the fire-hurlers and the zeppelins, some great culmination for Iorek and Lyra’s relationship, good ol’ Thorold development, some more Lyra & Roger development (ESPECIALLY the tent and end scenes - Roger’s death KILLED ME OH MY GOD) - just the perfect fuckin meal.

this was exceptional. round of applause for HDM.

(except the Will being 15 thing. what? why is he so old? he could pass for a tall 13- or 14-year-old. that makes it a little weird. I hope Lyra is supposed to be like 13 now then, idk. that’s still a pretty big difference at that age.)

I really have to wonder though - if they show they can do the above stuff perfectly, why didn’t they do it before???

the Bolvangar episode still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. this episode proves that they can make intercision horrific and emotional, and make it mean something with the dæmons interacting. Salcilia and Roger had good reactions - hell, Lyra reacting to remembering almost being separated from Pan was more emotional than the actual scene itself!! Roger’s death was HEARTBREAKING, thanks to his and his dæmon’s reactions!

they put the dæmons in enough, especially in speaking roles, that even when they weren’t around you didn’t really forget about them. I could always do with more background dæmons, but I can absolutely understand budget restraints - so long as you put them in enough. we need to feel they have an emotional impact on the characters. we need to feel like they ARE characters. not accessories.

Pan was a character in this episode. the things he says and do make an impact on the story. he was not a character in the Bolvangar episode, despite the fact that that was the MOST IMPORTANT episode for him to be around and active in.

they can do it right, but they didn’t. this series would be wonderful if they cut out that episode and reshot it and replaced it with a better take. hell, even just the intercision scene. it wouldn’t be perfect, but it would work.

so, overall:

HDM season 1 was a spectacular ride. the dæmons and bears look fantastic (when they’re actually in the shots), the voices are spot-on, the actors do a phenomenal job, and the writers actually added some interesting extra material and development.

some highlights for me are:

- Iorek and Lyra’s relationship. they got it absolutely perfect, if not better than the original. Iorek is perfectly stoic and bearlike and resolute, but Lyra earns his respect and even adoration, as best a bear can. it feels organic and has plenty of development scenes. just heartwarming.

- Lord Asriel all around. really awesome take on him, James MacAvoy loves him to pieces I can tell. he’s way better than the original, and that’s saying something. he’s got a lot more heart and I feel more connected to him despite him being a complete mad genius.

- Mrs. Coulter, for the most part. she’s got a bit of shaky characterization with Lyra towards the end - I’m not really certain of her motivations at the end - but generally she’s fascinating to watch on screen and absolutely horrible. I love her and I love Ruth Wilson as her. she’s positively uhinged. they did some really bold stuff with her character and her relationship with Lyra and I enjoyed every minute of it.

- Farder Coram ended up being great. he and Lyra are always a pleasure to watch interact. he really grew on me as soon as he started getting characterization, particularly with Serafina and the story of his son.

- the cinematography, lighting, set design, and graphics. I couldn’t ask for anything more. they went above and beyond and the framing and this world and its creatures look AMAZING. 10/10. hats off to the animation team in particular, of course.

- the acting. the acting is absolutely brilliant. particular standouts include Dafne Keen as Lyra, of course, James MacAvoy as Lord Asriel, Ruth Wilson as Mrs. Coulter, the voice of Iofur Raknison, and Farder Coram. honorable mention for Will, because he gets the character down so incredibly well.

- the respect for the source material. we’ve seen it blow up once with the Golden Compass movie, but this production obviously has every ounce of loyalty to the original. well, almost every ounce. the stuff they added ended up working very well and feeling organic to the original, and the stuff they kept, especially the verbatim lines, was delivered exceptionally. it’s clear they really care about the story they’re giving us.

- the opening credits are the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. a beautiful tribute to the magic of this series’ themes and world.

and some notably bad stuff, a couple that almost come close to ruining it for me:

- Lee Scoresby. an absolute mess. one moment he’s true to the original character and being sarcastic and selfish, and the next he’s stealing pocketwatches for funsies, yelling out his dangerous motivations in the middle of a town infested with armed Magisterium soldiers, and cooing over Lyra like she’s his flesh and blood and he got injected with Mother Hen Juice. he’s genuinely stupid. his characterization is all over the place. his “development” with Lyra is either nonexistent or rushed, and the only thing he actually does for the plot is fly the damn balloon for about 5 minutes tops. Hester is his only saving grace, and even she can’t do it all. I’m sorry Lin, I really love your work in Hamilton, but this was really disappointing. and I have to blame the writing mainly. they wouldn’t let Lin act a character, they had to shape the character around him. and the whole thing suffered for it.

- the intercision, and dæmon relationships. the Bolvangar episode wasn’t terrible overall, but it did not build up well to the intercision scene, and the episodes around it didn’t help either - especially the previous one. Billy’s death was not sad for me, because the middle of the show did not utilize dæmon relationships with their humans and dæmons as actual characters. we didn’t see them interacting enough with their people to matter consistently to us. the first couple of episodes did this bonding beautifully, even with budget restraints to how many dæmons could be in a shot, and how frequently they could come up. they showed us just enough for us to care about them and what they mean to their humans, particularly Pan and Lyra, and conveniently kept them out of frame when they weren’t necessary to the dialogue between humans.

they can do it properly, but they chose to let it fall by the wayside towards the middle, and it really shot the show in the foot. almost irreparably, I’d wager. Bolvangar, for all its masterful horror trope usage and suspense, was not nearly horrific enough nor emotional at all, thanks to the lack of buildup. we did not care about dæmons and their humans beyond knowing the humans are basically dead without them. there was no feeling behind the threat of Lyra and Pan getting split apart, other than Lyra becoming a shell. the focus was on Lyra and Mrs. Coulter’s relationship, which I don’t have a problem with - but not at the cost of Lyra and her dæmon. you know, the very FIRST line of the books? the main theme of the entire book? arguably the whole SERIES? dæmons as souls, as a person’s sense of free will and consciousness? kind of important to develop an emotional attachment to, don’t you think?

- the Gyptian leads (sans Farder Coram). Ma Costa was passable. she did a lot of crying and a lot of being desperate and pining for her son, and not a lot of kicking ass, proportionally. she didn’t come off as a strong boat mother at the center of her family with sway in her community. she came off as a wiry and lost soul who is somewhat capable but more interested in being depressed and worried. she did get to shine when she killed the Bolvangar doctor, but that wasn’t enough for me.

John Faa was boring. he was a hardass and only every so often came across as the original jovial, caring, but no-nonsense King of the Gyptians. most of the time he was just telling someone not to do something or insisting someone do something. no real personality other than being serious.

Billy Costa had no real character. a waste, considering we’re supposed to care about his death.

Tony Costa was alright. he was kind of a loser, which I guess is okay. I liked capable Tony and his gobbler-fightin’ gang from the books better though. he had a couple good moments with Lyra, and Benjamin was a good addition.

- the themes of belonging. I don’t like how they changed the message about Lyra belonging in different groups. the point isn’t that she can “be anyone she wants to be” - that’s not how real life works, or should work. she can live with the gyptians and like them, but Ma Costa in the books asserts that she can’t be a gyptian, because she’s not part of their ethnic group. a similar message was overlooked with the bears - Iorek gave her the name Silvertongue because of his deep respect for her and what she had done for him, not because she was “one of us bears” now. she isn’t a bear, she’s a human.

the point is that she doesn’t have to be something to find an emotional home with the people themselves. it’s about what she builds, surpassing what she is - which is a product of two twisted, misguided people - taking what’s given to her and making it into something beautiful of her own volition. it’s a very nuanced theme and it’s basically thrown aside in this adaptation in favor of pseudo-colorblindness theory that origins don’t matter and you can stuff yourself anywhere you please. it’s not a deal-breaking point and most people probably won’t pay attention to it, but it’s worth mentioning anyway.

-

so overall, the show was really really spectacular. a ton of fun, beautifully crafted, with a few hiccups and one major major issue. the dæmon thing gouged out a good chunk of the enjoyment for me, and the integrity of the actual story too. a huge huge blunder on Jack Thorne’s part. I’d like to say they recovered from it, because they did do a pretty great job wrapping things up, but it still lingers in the back of my mind as a big blemish on an otherwise incredible work.

I have high hopes for the future seasons though, when dæmons aren’t around as frequently and less characters are on screen, so there will be more time and budget available to be devoted to them, particularly Pan as a character. they’ve shown they can handle this material skillfully, and I have a good amount of faith in them. I can’t wait to see what else they do with the concepts I’ve come to adore so much.

#hdm #hdm spoilers #his dark materials

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2004

15 to 16 years old. A chaotic year for sure, but with a high quality soundtrack. So here’s a top ten list in which, as usual for that decade, several painful cuts had to be made.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

To provide the usual personal context, that year, being that-weirdo-in-the-back-of-the-class suddenly became great when OTHER people were also considered weirdos-in-the-back-of-the-class, and together, with a guy who kept falling asleep in class because he had insomnia, another guy who had elocution problems, and a girl who arrived directly from Cameroun in the middle of winter and was kinda depressed, we formed some sort of losers club and suddenly things weren’t so bad anymore. Unfortunately I completely lost contact with these people after highschool and that’s one of the biggest regrets of my life.

And then in September I once again ended in a completely different class in Terminale (equivalent of Senior Year in the US unless I’m mistaken) and made another great friend. So while life at home was still pretty bad, at least it was much better at school.

At this point my parents also stopped checking what kind of singles I was buying, which means that instead of this madness from 2003 where I had to hide some purchases with other ones...

...I only bought this in 2004 and the rest were actual albums.

Also, I found some old tapes and oh my goodness look at the label on this one. Late 2002/early 2003 at its finest right there. Kyo written with a typo, next to Eminem, next to Mylène Farmer. Love it.

With all of that out of the way, here’s a list of honorable mentions first. A very, very long list.

Yeah (Usher feat Lil Jon & Ludacris) - Thank goodness I thought this song was pretty cool, otherwise I’d have been miserable while listening to the radio in 2004.

Milkshake (Kelis) - Ooooooh daaaaangerously close to the So Bad It’s Good category.

Let’s Get It Started (Black Eyed Peas) - Don’t have anything to say, it’s a lot of fun.

Dragosta Din Tei (O-Zone) - This took like four more years to chart in the US but we heard it all summer here. And it wasn’t unpleasant at all to be honest?

Heaven (remix) (DJ Sammy) - Hang on, wasn’t this on the 2002 honorable mentions? Yeah but it took two years to chart here so it was elligible for 2004 as well.

Turn Me On (Kevin Lyttle) - A quality earworm that somehow isn’t annoying? Sign me up.

Call On Me (Eric Prydz) - Hey, look, another repetitive dance track in my collection of repetitive dance tracks!

What You Waiting For? (Gwen Stefani) - I think this is the only Gwen Stefani song that never made me turn the radio off after a minute. Pretty good.

It’s My Life (No Doubt) - Love the original. This version, not so much.

Parce Qu’on Vient de Loin (Corneille) - Favorite artist of my best friend that year. That song was so moving and well-written. Never got tired of it but never actively listened to it either. If I had better taste it would probably make the list.

The Reason (Hoobastank) - I thought this was ok and pretty nice if a bit bland, and didn’t deserve the success nor the hatred it got. However, thanks to the rock journal I was buying at the time which was like “hey, please listen to the album itself, it’s great!”, I followed that advice, listened to the album at the cd store and bought it instantly. If you dislike this song, please listen to the rest of the album, I swear you’ll enjoy it. Here’s the first track, Same Direction, to get a general idea!

Don’t Tell Me (Avril Lavigne) - Her second album was very good, wasn’t it? What happened to her in recent years?

Je Saigne Encore (Kyo) - This was the last cut (HA, get it? cut?? ok sorry that was terrible) from the list. While I loved it back in the day and while I’m willing to ignore how cringy some stuff I loved as a teenager can be now, I'm not willing to ignore how this is basically a song about a white boy being dumped for the first time and hurting himself because he can’t deal with the mere concept of jealousy. And I’m like “holy shit calm down dude and please drop that knife”.

And now, the actual list.

10 - Hey Ya! (Outkast)

US: #8 / FR: #41

Who’s surprised. Come on. Everyone loved it. I even bought the single! And to think I almost considered leaving it out of the top 10 to put friggin Kyo on it, of all things. The indignity. But yeah, I genuinely loved this. The only thing I can say against it is that it’s a bit too exhausting to be listened to on a loop.

9 - 100 Years (Five For Fighting)

US: #77 / FR: Not on the list

I only heard this a couple of times that year and never paid much attention.

Then I heard it again in 2018 right in the middle of a very, very bad year, after losing my grandfather, and it absolutely destroyed me.

It’s very, very good.

8 - Face à la Mer (Passy & Calogero)

US: Not on the list / FR: #11

Very overplayed that year. A delight every single time it was on the radio, though. Don’t have anything else to say about it.

7 - Modern Times (J-Five)

US: Not on the list / FR: #26

A hiphop song sampling a scene from Modern Times with Charlie Chaplin. It peaked at number 1 here! Not kidding! I bought the single after hearing it exactly once. It’s fantastic and I’m really sad time buried it like it did. If you’ve forgotten about it or simply never heard it before, please give it a listen, it needs more love.

6 - Hit My Heart (Benassi Bros)

US: Not on the list / FR: #74

Remember last time when I said I was a major sucker for Benassi Bros? Well this isn’t an exception. That is a killer drop right there. It looks great and dark and glittery all at once and, by the way, the sunny and summer-y music video completely contradicted how the song looked like in my ears, haha.

5 - My Happy Ending (Avril Lavigne)

US: #54 / FR: Not on the list

I’m not entirely sure what went wrong and when in Avril Lavigne’s career the shift happened, but a couple of years after that song her music got a lot less interesting. I may have enjoyed her first album Let Go a lot, but this song might just be her best one ever.

The sudden shift from “YOU WERE everything” to “HE WAS everything” near the end, in particular, is great writing. Love that.

4 - Left Outside Alone (Anastacia)

US: Not on the list / FR: #76

Usually, voices, good or bad, have zero impact on me except when they border on unlistenable, or when they are physically painful to hear/look at. The guy from Muse for example has a voice that looks like the equivalent of a flashlight in the dark and it hurts, and I’m like dude. Can you please tune that down a little bit. Please.

This lady’s voice right there is fascinating though. Her voice is green and dark and it’s such a strange, rare voice I’m charmed whenever I hear it, and in this song in particular. This was on SO MANY of my tapes it’s not even funny. And the chorus is fantastic and a joy to sing along with even if you don’t have a good voice yourself.

3 - Orchestra (The Servant)

US: Not on the list / FR: #97

So we were on vacation, and they were giving away free cds at one stop. And I put the one I got in my portable cd player, and wasn’t that excited by the first tracks.

And then the fifth one started. And I was instantly captivated.

You already know I absolutely adored Placebo at the time (sadly, Protect Me isn’t elligible here either), and that guy from The Servant had a similar voice and the song was roughly in the same ballpark, and the lyrics were so, so weird.

There's an orchestra in me, Playing endlessly I even hear it now They play in the devil's key, An endless symphony I even hear it now And I listen to the music, Beautiful music Yes I listen to the music, Beautiful music

And, again, I’m terrible at describing sounds but the colors are so disquieting and there’s an unpleasant vibe except the song itself isn’t unpleasant? It’s so damn weird. And that band never struck gold again after that.

I still don’t know what happened or how all of this works. It’s a mystery. A very beautiful and curious mystery. This would have had a good shot at winning the #1 spot if it hadn’t been for [shakes fist] these other guys.

2 - Breaking the Habit (Linkin Park)

US: #79 / FR: #89

Only #2? Does... does that mean Linkin Park isn’t going to top my lists three years in a row? Holy shit, dodged a bullet there.

Should I really repeat my whole speech about Meteora. Should I really. Come on. It starts with the sound of a closing door, then broken glass, and then guitars explode in your face. The first line of the album is “sometimes I need to remember just to breathe”! Somewhere I Belong is one of my favorite songs from the band! I was trying to match the flow of Faint even if my English was still extremely shaky and my accent terrible!

And then there’s Breaking the Habit, which sounds almost pleasant compared to the levels of aggression displayed by the other songs. But it’s weirdly tense and stressful for that exact reason, because this relative calm sounds like a menace.

It works even better out of the context of the album, where it sounded a tad more aggressive than the average pop song, but still tense and stressful. And the music video is fantastic. I had it on a giant poster. I know I’ve kept it folded somewhere. If I only knew where it was, I’d show it to you. Covering up the (bright pink) walls in my room back then was a lot of work.

Edit: Nevermind. Found it:

Gotta say one thing though. At least they aren’t #1 for the third year in a row. What’s left of my dignity has been saved.

1 - Enjoy the Silence 2004 (Depeche Mode, Mike Shinoda remix)

US: Not on the list / FR: #89

Waiiiit a second. This was remixed by Mike Shinoda, wasn’t it. Mike Shinoda. From Linkin Park.

I guess Linkin Park IS topping my lists three years in a row in the end sdfghjhgfdfghjkjhg end me

But yeah. So. Enjoy the Silence tops a second list of mine, then. 14 years after the first one. I’m not gonna repeat what I’ve already said about that song. It simply got a brand new coat of paint, but still, even if it’s basically street art painted over a framed painting, what a masterpiece. Was genuinely gawking the first time I heard it on the radio.

And then Depeche Mode released one of their best albums ever the very next year, and it was the album of the year for me, and I became a big fan. So yeah, thanks for introducing me to their music, Mike Shinoda.

Bonus: I noticed my trusty old radio/cd player was in the background of a pic my brother took around that time! I miss that radio. It was pearl-colored and I had added stickers of birds and insects on it. So everytime I say “on the radio” in these posts, just picture this round little thing which was at the center of my universe back then.

Next up: Not the best song of the decade but pretty close

#Johannes’ bad not good pretty terrible music lists #music #long post #eye contact tw

[widziadelko]

Avengers: Endgame - the end of the era (SPOILERS)

Hello, beautiful people! 

If you haven’t watched movie yet, please, ignore it. Just go away and live your life. You really don’t want to read that.

But if you are bored and you have nothing to do with your day - I am oficially inviting you to discussion. 

Warning: This is gonna be long + I’m not a native speak, so forgive me every crime I’ve commited on this beautiful language, I will fix them and learn something. 

Okay! So I’ve seen Endgame a few days ago, I was thinking about what happened and I still don’t know how I feel about this movie. Really, I have totally no idea.

I'm fan of Marvel, GoT and Supernatural - this is a painful year for me. I’m a mess. Have mercy.

First things first, I gave up a long time ago to look at MCU movies (especially the ones that are called ‘Avengers’) the same way I look at other productions. This is not something you can rate at an angle of film purely, because:

1) Those films are parts of a really long series and looking at them just like we looked at trylogies or single movies would make a big mess. We would start seeing many mistakes, things that don’t work and everyone would end up with one big mind fuck and a bitter taste on their tongues. Because, theoretically, there are a lot of things that shouldn’t have place, but doing it differently would made everything lost its sense.

2) Infinity War was made to explain things to new audience who hasn’t seen previous movies. For example at the beginning Dr. Strange explains what infinity stones are and with that he lets people, who have no idea what the fuss is about, understand. And characters who have no idea what is going one, finds out by talking to other characters. Therefore, we as losers who are devoted to Marvel get our summary and people, who still have light in their lives, know that the shit is real. 

But that’s IW, in Endgame no one cares about it and everything just happens (I feel sorry for everyone who had never seen Marvel movie before and had to face the whole new level of “What the fuck”). Action is fast, characters are fast, everything is fast, we are out of time. That’s the big plus, because during IW I felt that things were slow and they were jumping from one scene to another, because they needed to show something to this person, explained things to this one and it had a lot slower pace to me. Also I love that Endgame is movie for fans, because there  are enough of us to make film that only people who know the whole series would understand and still have money. Who would know ten years ago that we end up like this, right?

I very liked first 15 minutes of film, because Russo brothers let fans believed that they were right and then, boom!, *5 years later*, our theories can go and fuck themselves.

I'm gonna focus on a few things that a lot of fans are talking about. . . and mostly complaining:

1) Thor

I don't entirely like what they did to him in Endgame, but also I don't entirely despise it. I think I know what they were trying to do, but they didn't show it in a good way.

It's easy to notice that Endgame Thor isn't Thor from. . . Thor and previous films about Avengers. He's not a god, he's not shown as one, he looks and is portayed like human, like mortal. By making him look and behave like a mundane, they were trying to make him closer to us.

He lost everything: his family, his best friend, his planet, half of his people - it must've been a terrible experience. Thor is a strong character and probably this is a problem. After losing with Thanos others had their break downs, tried to lived their lives, yet weren't able to move on, but they still had this thought "Okay, we lost, we fought with someone stronger than us and we lost". But not Thor! He's a god, he's powerful, he was the leader, he should be able to protect the ones he loved and he wasn't! If anyone was able to fight Thanos, that was Thor. And he couldn't do that, no, he could do that but didn't, because he didn't attack the head. The whole thing wouldn't have happen if he had killed that big, humanoid bunch of grapes.

Showing his trauma and his depression was a good idea. Showing that he's not always mighty god and he has to work for that was a good idea. Keeping him fat and not making him loose it in a mere second because he ran three times around the globe was a good idea. Let him has a break down in Asgard and talk to his mother was a great idea.

But! Covering his trauma and ignoring his depression by using it as a gag was a terrible idea. Using his mental state as something that lasts only a moment totally forgeting that reversing what Thanos did wouldn't bring back his loved one was a bad idea. Making fun of Thor being fat was the worst idea they could have. And caling him out because of him crying and using it as a joke was a terrible idea!

Remember that he's the only one that will NOT get his brother, best friend and half of his people back, because they were killed by Thanos himself. Not by the glove, but by the powerful Gummiberry Juice!

About fat jokes - I thought we grew up, I thought we have evolved, yes. . . Yes, I thought that we are over it and I was wrong. I feel incredibly disappointet. One comment is okay, it wasn't that bad, but making it a joke in a whole movie? I beg you pardon?

So, I uderstand Thor, but I hate how he was portrayed. The ending, quitting his "job" as a king and going with guardians made me kinda. . . Angry? It's like a big regress to his character. (Even if you don't like Taika Watiti's Thor the same way as me, he still showed him as a king who is ready to take responsibility for his people.)

2) Loki

Of course, we had a speech about Thor, now time for our favourite God of Mischief. I'm gonna get this straight, I love him. And I love Tom Hiddlestone. This is not surprising. I feel very bad what MCU did to both of them: to Loki as a character who should be like a snake, smarter than most of people, powerful god and to Tom who really cared about him and was trying to portray him the best he can. If not Loki, at least Tom needs some justice. Please, somewhere in alternative universe. This man is a gift from gods.

The big plus is that Loki 2012 ran away with Tesseract. I saw this scene and I was like "Oooh, okay, that's how they will have him alive in a tv series!". He is alive somewhere and I live for it!

And right, if you are wondering why Thor hasn't spoken once Lokis' name - remember that he was his brother? He loved and still loves him? They just made up and then Loki was killed! Thor can't say this name out loud, it would break him to pieces completely.

(That is something I want to believe in. It’s better than - Marvel just doesn’t want Loki anymore.)

3) Hulk - Banner

There is not many things I can say about it, but: I kinda feel like it was stupid idea, but okay. I'd prefer them to be separate beings, but have an agreement, how they are going to do things or something. Whatever!

I felt like Bruce we got in Endgame wasn't Bruce we know and love. Some of you can say that he changed, because he didn't treat Hulk as an ilness anymore and I get it,  but still. . . Something was off for me. 

I liked that he brought some humor too, but have you ever seen what predispositions Mark Ruffalo has to play dramatic scenes? HAVE YOU?! You know how great he could play after finding out Natasha's dead? This is probably the biggest dissapointment I have, that they didn't use his acting skills in this scene. I will never forgive for such a waste.

4) Natasha

I am a fan of Scarlett and Black Widow (in MCU and comics) and do you want to tell me, that she didn't even get a funeral? You're gonna tell me, that her friends didn't care enough to say goodbye to her this last time? Especially, when she sacrificed herself for the entire world? Yes, not only Tony, but Natasha too!

I am sad and angry about that. Burton, at least you. . . Their fight hit me right in the guts, I loved this duo.

And right, what was going on with Hawkeye? I mean, he was killing people, he was like "I've gone crazy", then Natasha came, said that they can fix that and he's immedietaly like "Okay, I'm back, but with the new haircut"?

5) Steve (and Sam. . . and Bucky)

Steve being worthy? I'm here for it! Steve using lightnings? I'm ace, please, don't fuck with me.

It was a moment in my theater when everyone gasped and one guy shouted "OH SHIT, HE FUCKING DID IT!" (but in my language it sounded harder, more harsh and was totally not for children's ears). Someone who hasn't watched Age of Ultron or doesn't know the Thor franchise, may think "Okay, lifting hammers had to be very difficult thing for this handsome man in riding-breeches", but it was something, rigtht? Everyone's heart started beating faster.

But why Steve fucking Roger was able to use Thor's power? I need to know, because it doesn't make any sense to me, especially when it was clearly said that the power is inside of Thor, not in the hammer.

Sam being new Captain? I have nothing against Sam, but. . . we don't know him very much. He was a sidekick we saw just few times. For me, Rhodey could dissapear in IW instead of Sam and then we'd get something more about him. He could do something heroic. But like that? I don't buy it. 

And are you gonna tell me that Steve left Bucky like that? He was ready to do everything for that guy, yet he left him alone and didn't even say proper goodbye. Was that the end of the line? (’Bros befores hoes’ doesn’t work the same way anymore? Sorry, I love Peggy, but I had to.) And don't even let me start on the fact that Avengers have just lost Natasha and Tony. Really, Steve?

It doesn't mean I don't like his ending, it was a perfect one for him. He finally found some peace with a woman he loved and I'm proud of our boy.

I'm proud of both of them: Tony and Steve. Because this movie was a great ending for these two. We have been watching Tony's character development since 2008, his way was long and hard; he became a loving husband and father; he finally learned to do things for others not only for himself.

Steve on the other hand was closed in a 'perfect hero' box. He was trying to be good and he was forgetting about himself in the process. Finally, he thought about himself and made a choice that was only for his own good. I haven't cried. Not at all. Not once. 

I love them both 3000 and I'm gonna miss them so much it totally doesn't hurt.

6) Girls heroes posing

Before I start shitting about it - I'm a girl. Let's go.

I don't care about that scene. I don't like it. I don't hate it. I didn't feel any kind of power from it. Nothing. (For the first time I missed it and I feel bad about it.)

You know why? Carol is powerful enough to take them down by herself and she doesn't need help. Letting all of these females be together was used just for one thing - showing that MCU has women. It was a shoutout to us: "SEE? WE HAVE THEM TOO! WE HAVE POWERFUL WOMEN! ARE YOU HAPPY? LOOK HOW FEMINIST WE ARE!"

As a girl and as a feminist. No.

Better learn how to write and show female characters properly than throw them in our faces. Better let women write female characters.

Although I’m glad that something like that was included,

7) Captain Marvel

I like her. She is the one I needed in the MCU. (Well, we have Natasha, Maria, Shuri and Wanda, but they don't have a solo movie. . . yet.) But making the whole Endgame aroung her would be ridicoulus. Directors didn't know how people are going to react on Carol, a big part of the audience didn't know about her. It would be a dangerous move. (But still, why didn't they call after here earlier. . .)

Still I love her, she’s powerful and beautiful! 

(My brother’s and cousin’s reaction was the purest: “She seems so awesome! Girl is gonna kick some asses!”)

AND NOW SOME GOOD SHIT (I mean, those above were good too for me... most of it):

1) Dr. Strange

It was probably the whole fucking cosmos for Benedtic Cumberbatch! I mean, what did he do in this movie? He said like three sentences, showed one finger and held water. Playing this role was probably just a big mood, I mean, you have no idea what you are doing, you are just moving weirdly your hands, hoping it makes sense!

Also, using Strange in a fight would mean that the whole shit ended quickly. So what he had to do?

Held water.

"Wait guys, I can't fight now, I'm holding the water!"

(Hold the door!)

2) Peter Parker

Just.

There is nothing more to say.

He makes everything better.

3) I love you 3000 and cheeseburgers

Do you know what is the perfect way to make a young ‘I don’t cry on movies’ woman cry on movie? That's the way.

4) AVENGERS ASSEMBLE

I screamed.

5) Guardians of the Galaxy and their small interactions with one other

6) Ant-Man

I have a soft spot in my heart for that man and his role in this movie was great.

7) Time travelling

If you want to complain, remember, Endgame is not a movie about time travelling. It is a movie that has time travelling in it. I like their solution, especially that this is a very difficult topic and can be very easly destroyed (you can see it in DC serial's like "The Flash" - sorry fans, I like this show, but the time travelling is just a nope for me, it doesn't make sense in the latest seasons even more). Using this way was kinda smart, at least it was something different.

8) HAIL HYDRA

My whole theatre cheered and started clapping.

9) The final battle

It is something to make a battle that is not boring and it is well known what is happening during it.

10) INTRODUCTION TO MULTIVERSE

Generally it was a good movie and it made a small progress. I had a big fun during it! I loved every blink to that part of the audience, which knows these movies and heroes like mothers know their children. I'm gonna miss Cap, Tony and Nat.

And guys. . . This is the end of the era. The very great era I'm grateful to be part of.

I feel like I'm gonna cry now. While I was writing this, the thought it is the end of something just hit me so hard I have tears in my eyes.

The best eleven years of my life. Let's see what comes next.

PS What do you think about Peter coming back to school? I mean, it looked like every person was erased, because what. . . If Ned disappeared too, it means that him and Peter don’t see each other only for a moment and they greeted like it was a really long time! Even if only Peter was gone, Ned would be an adult already. He’d graduated school a few years earlier. Just imagine this mess when everyone came back.

BLESS YOU ALL!

#avengers #endgame spoilers #avengers endgame #endgame #marvel endgame #tony stark #peter parker #thor odinson #thor #loki laufeyson #loki #natasha romanoff #black widow #steve rogers #captain marvel #captain america #bucky barnes #tom hiddleston #marvel #hulk #antman #wanda maximoff #dr strange #thanos #gamora #nebula #infinity war #infinity stones #mcu #marvel mcu

[shortmania]

Thank you for answering my last two asks! I really appreciate how detailed your responses are. You have a real understanding of these characters. I've been wanting to ask you more questions, but you strike me as a very busy person. Another question of mine: Would you say that Olga has strong intuition? I feel like she has more understanding of her life than we realize. I'm actually incredibly interested in Olga, even though a lot of people hate her.

Aw, thank you for understanding! I have been sorta busy, but tbh one of the main reasons it takes me so long to answer questions is because I… really don’t remember what my opinions are sometimes, lmao. I have to routinely rewatch episodes and squint into the nether to formulate responses to these things. I’ve loved HA! for ten years and it’s still my baby, make no mistake, but I don’t think about it a whole lot anymore. So that’s my terrible truth. I’m glad you like what I have to say anyway. I really be trying, lol.

As for Olga, mmm… No, I don’t think she’s especially intuitive, specifically. She may have a functional equivalent that masquerades itself as intuition, but intuition itself is like… animal instinct, pattern recognition, almost mystical-like, an innate muscle that starts out sturdy in those lucky enough to possess it (Arnold, Helga) and grows stronger with practice. I don’t think Olga was born with strong intuition, if she has any, and I also don’t think she’s had much room to develop it (I don’t think she got out much as a kid). But then maybe she’s just too self-absorbed to recognize things, or too idealistic. Maybe if she was a little healthier, psychologically, it’d be revealed she is fairly intuitive, but as it is, I haven’t seen a lot of evidence to support that. Doug was really… something.

That said, I agree! I do think she understands how fucky her life is a bit better than most people want to acknowledge. But you have to be careful with this understanding of her. I’ve seen people watching “Olga Comes Home” and getting very angry, because it does reveal this deeper side to Olga that says things like, “You’re lucky they ignore you” and “I feel like a windup doll,” and if Olga understands what her presence does to Helga – how miserable and lonely she is – why does she continue to act like that? Why doesn’t she try to fix things? And I never know how to respond, because it’s like… they’re her parents, too. Which situation would you rather be in? The one where your parents are nice to you sometimes but mostly neglect you, or the one where your parents bathe you in praise but their affection hinges entirely upon how hard you work getting perfect grades at a prestigious university, winning awards, and doing extra extra credit even though you don’t need it, and even then, with all that, they still ignore you sometimes? 

The thing that’s always amazed me about this interaction is that Olga almost seems to envy Helga. Like she’s thought about which scenario is better before, and more than once, she’s decided she’d rather they didn’t know she existed. That’s incredible. She knows Helga resents her, but Helga has a lot of things Olga never had–room to breathe, freedom to choose, friends and hobbies outside of school and state-wide competitions. It’s easy to feel bad for Helga because we’re given her perspective all the time. We only ever get snippets of Olga’s, so it’s a little more difficult to empathize with her, but the pieces are there for those of us who care enough to put them together. 

I don’t want to defend Olga too much. My argument has always been that Olga isn’t perfect–she’s human. She’s self-centered and dense and depressed and childish and obnoxiously loving and awful and precious. That’s why I like her so much. There’s something very honest about her, in that she’s so bad at being dishonest. She sees how their parents affect Helga and makes a point of aiming extra attention at her when she comes over. She crouches down to her level and tells her she’s a beautiful young lady and kisses her cheeks. She gives her things to do on holidays so she feels included. She transferred from the illustrious Wellington College in England to Bennington in Vermont to be closer to Helga. She tries to make up for their parents where she can, and she doesn’t try to get their parents to pick up the slack because she doesn’t think their parents paying more attention to Helga would necessarily be a good thing, because look what it’s done to her. It’s a bit narrow of her, all of it, but it is well-meaning.

So I rambled a bit there, but tldr; Olga is a very interesting and intelligent character and eVERYONE SHOULD  L O V E  HER, but I wouldn’t necessarily call her intuitive. I don’t think she was socialized enough to develop those kinds of instincts. If they exist in any capacity, they’re shriveled up raisins buried deep in her subconscious. You can tell from episodes like “Little Sis” and “Student Teacher,” Olga’s fine when she’s interacting with teachers and kids, but with people outside of those two very specific categories, she’s downright… God, she’s just plain bashful? And it’s so funny? Because Lila’s there like “Oooh, adults are being super nice to me? Of course adults are being super nice to me, adults always are because I’m a cute little girl!” but Olga’s floundering. She’s not used to getting something for nothing and it’s so funny and sad to watch. She just scrunches in on herself and looks so confused and out of sorts. I hate it. I hate everything. End my life.

You might point out that Olga goes to fraternity mixers and dates multiple guys simultaneously, but I think those are things that came waaay later in life, and if “Olga Gets Engaged” is any indication, she doesn’t really have any close friends. Dumbass taste in men, no bridesmaids, gets calls from women with pretentious bitch names like “Price LaBlanc” with messages about how they found her “unforgettable” (interesting word choice). Look, I don’t wanna say Olga’s a loser and an idiot, but… Olga’s a loser and an idiot and I would die for her, goodnight.

Idk if this was helpful at all, I don’t feel like I answered your question very well, but I gave what I had. I hope you got something out of it. Have a good. 

#Anonymous #asks #hey arnold #HEY ARNOLD! #olga #jazzing #ldnglgnd hodbgdogb kgfgn lgnldn kdgnl #olga pataki #lawful dumbass #tw cursing #i am....... tired

[miichanniie]

Vices (Hyungwon x Reader)

Monsta X Fanfic - Angst & Fluff

Warnings: mental health, substance use, cussing, anxiety, depression

————————————————————-

It was a slow night at the club. I had been DJing for the past five hours, and it just seemed to be never ending until my co-worker tapped my shoulder. “You can take off now, Y/N,” they told me and suddenly I was brought back into reality. The sweaty, hyped atmosphere of the club has allowed me to not think about how shit things were with college lately. Even though it helped, all I wanted was to be back home. “I miss my fucking bed,” I thought wistfully. I said night to them all and transferred the controls to the next person who would take over the 3am shift.

Walking down the streets from the club allowed me to think more about what had been going on lately. I’d been bombarded with assignments, and my mother’s health was still in turmoil. I still felt the stress weighing me down that I’d started my bad habit of smoking again. I pulled out the cigarette and lit it up, took a deep inhale of the tobacco and instantly felt the regret pang in my chest. I coughed a bit and thought of how disappointed my boyfriend would be to see me doing this again. I’d been hiding my situation from him as best I could these past few months, but tonight just seemed to be pulling me down. So far down the rabbit hole that I decided to stop by an old friend’s house for an even worse taste of smoke.

~

After leaving Changkyun’s place, it was already 4am and I was hazy. The new smoke had an effect on me immediately since I hadn’t hit it for awhile. Dazed and still feeling down about my situation, I absentmindedly began to open my front door. After struggling with the keys a bit, I throw my bag down and let out a deep sigh. “Ah shit,” I mumbled, “I left my phone at his house.” It was dark and I didn’t even notice the shadowy figure in the corner until he spoke.

“Y/N, you reek, what happened?” he questioned me with a deadly stare. I felt like a mouse caught in a trap. All the feelings of guilt, sadness, and anxiety washed over me instantly. The regret about making a stop at Changkyun’s place hit me full speed since my boyfriend was looking at me with this sense of dread.

I sucked it up and responded with something I didn’t even expect, “It’s none of your business.” I managed to look to the side instead of head on. He came up to me, “Look at me, Y/N. You’ve been out of it for months and now you come home with this scent on you. I’ve been trying to let you figure it out, and tell me yourself, but it’s been hard.” He scrunched up his face, and even in my toxic state I could tell that I had caused him pain too. He had noticed this whole time and was just letting me have my space. “So much for this space that I needed,” I thought, “It’s only brought us both pain.”

The tears began to well up in my eyes, and I just looked at my feet. He noticed the sniffles, “Hey, hey it’s okay. I’m not mad, I just wish you would talk to me about it instead of taking to your vices again.” He cups my face and looks at me with the most sympathetic eyes. “Hyungwon, how can you stand me still? I shut you out for months, and come home high with no explanation. Yet,” I stop between sniffs, “Yet... you’re still here. I would’ve just left a loser like me by now.”

I’m taken by surprise by how he wraps his arms around me, and pulls me in for the biggest hug. My state of mind just said fuck it then and there and began to cry. I cried and cried into his shoulder while he kept comforting me. The pats on my back continued, until he picked me up and carried me to the bed. He helped me change into a baggy T-shirt of his and a pair of night shorts. He was already in his nightwear, so we went under the sheets together.

He pulled me close and tucked my head under his chin and began to speak softly. “I’m still here because I love you,” he said, “I love you so much and I know that you are only human and are bound to trip up every now and then.” I closed my eyes and snuggled closer to him. “It’s okay, we all have our off moments, Y/N. I just want you to know that I am here for you, and i hope that next time you’ll come to me instead of choosing to smoke your stress away, okay?” He lifted my chin and our eyes met. I still had some tears left to shed apparently, but he wiped them away. I managed to croak out to him, “I love you too... thank you. Thank you for loving my sorry ass, and I’m sorry for not talking it out before things got this bad. I’ve just had shit going on and I’m not used to being able to share it with someone. I’m still getting used to it, you know?” I cracked a crooked smile at him, “Getting used to us.” He smiled down at me and the way his eyes crinkled let me know that we were okay. I was okay. I leaned in and kissed him. He met me with those plush lips that ooze sweetness. We kept this going for a few minutes until he wrapped his arms around me and whispered, “All is forgiven, my love, now sleep.” And with that I was off in dreamland.

~

helloooo! I haven’t written fan fiction in FOREVER. So I’m sorry if this is absolutely terrible. I’ve just been feeling some kind of way lately, and haven’t found any fics that fit this kind of mood so I thought I’d try writing one myself. I’m gonna just be randomly writing stuff whenever I feel like it, but requests are taken as well ♥︎♥︎

- c

#monsta x #hyungwon #chae hyungwon #mx fanfiction #fanfiction #hyungwon x reader #hyungwon boyfriend #monsta x boyfriend #angst #mx angst #mx fluff #hyungwon fluff #hyungwon angst #my fic #miichanniie #romance #mx romance