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#this is fucking hilarious
I literally love this.
I couldn't stop laughing for 20 minutes.
No joke.
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sallysalmonkin · 22 days ago
You’re laughing. Veteran’s day is trending number 2 on Tumblr and the top 3 posts are about famous Minecraft Youtuber Dreamwastaken making fun of the us military. And you’re laughing
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wooteena · 7 months ago
the whore of edinburgh is dead
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skellizo · a month ago
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yayay123 · 13 days ago
📸 Sam Staab’s Instagram story
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bastardbvby · 7 months ago
quotes from another one of ranboo’s unhinged late night streams
i’ve decided that i wanna go on my angry at everything arc, i wanna be just straight up mad at absolutely everything just for no reason
i’m just going to start putting signs that are vague threats all around the server 
he told bad and skeppy that they should’ve been labeled clingy duo i- 
dono: your gen z traits are showing! // oh boy oh boy do i have something to tell you guys ding ding ding ding!!!! that’s right maybe the reason i act so much like someone in gen z is cause i literally am  
im gonna go stab some people i feel like a good stab right now :]
hhhhr capitalism 
i’m like the gingerbread man you can’t catch me cause i’m made of candy!
they’re calling me toxic?? aw cute <3
dono: you and your lore don’t scare me. *menacing laugh* oh it will :)
*insert horrified screaming as chat thirsts over animated characters - mostly the dragon from shrek*
you know what *spray bottles chat with lore screen* pss bad chat psps 
a good scream is helpful every once in a now. AHHHHHH
*dono says mufasa is hot* it’s one hundred dollars. but it’s talking about the lion king. but it’s one hundred dollars
that’s right God himself just said you need to use your twitch primes
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shipwreckedshadows · 9 days ago
You’re laughing? The Spamton specil fun pak sold out in under an hour and you’re laughing?
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remotepunch · 9 months ago
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New hunter x hunter game. Hands on game you can play at home. Advanance by watching videos and gaining information on their dedicated site to liken the trial at trick tower
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yasferatu · 10 months ago
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unohanadaydreams · 3 months ago
Can I have a Byakuya Kuchiki and Unohana headcanon about having the same crush? I'm very curious about the ending! 🤭
Anon, this is SO funny. Like….your mind. Amazing. Obviously this is crack but omfg. PvP dating among the captains….I love it so much.
Byakuya Kuchiki & Retsu Unohana Having The Same Crush:
They do have some shared hobbies. They both share that same patient(…ish), refined aura, as well. It’s a large coincidence to be sure, but them attracting and reciprocating the crush of the same person isn’t impossible.
Of course they’re both perceptive and pick up on the competition that’s happening after a few too many run ins.
Unohana is a master of barbed politeness and often tries to discourage Byakuya from mingling with her crush any further.
When Byakuya tries to invite you for a walk after Unohana’s flower arranging club concludes “I admire your deep respect for your elders, Kuchiki. But I’m not so busy that I would turn down fresh air in good company.”
He finds his sparring time is less sacred than it used to be. “Ah, Kuchiki, how wonderful to see such dedication towards self-improvement. Perhaps I could be of use?”
And there are those infuriating reminders that you are not his alone to woo. “We had the most wonderful time exploring the human ‘zoo’. Isane was so kind as to take pictures. Here—doesn’t it look as though we’ve all known each other forever?”
Byakuya, on the other hand, becomes more daring in the face of competition. Maybe even brash, if looked at from an aristocratic angle.
The moment he senses Unohana’s spiritual pressure approaching for the Kuchiki hosted calligraphy club, his arm is around your shoulders with only an “excuse me” to warn you. He shunpo’s far enough to satisfy, his arm having lowered to your waist as he leaped across buildings. “Apologies. I thought perhaps we’d make use of an old calligraphy studio I enjoy. Shall we?”
He grits his teeth and contacts Yoruichi, requesting an interruption to one of your outings with Unohana in the human world. At great personal cost. (A letter that says ‘Yoruichi Sensei is better than all the Kuchikis combined, nya’.)
Unohana finds that she has become quit the popular doctor to nobility, all of them suddenly unsatisfied with their family healers at Byakuya’s suggestion. Obviously, a lot of her personal time is sapped by the new duty.
In the end, the victor is the one you choose. They can compete forever but you’re the one who decides who to pursue back, you know?
If Unohana wins, the gloating is swift. Byakuya gets a Christmas card with you two under mistletoe. Her present to him is a book on ‘Duty & Dating: A Shinigami Guide To Making Love Work’. She tells Genrei all about your first official dates and he make small talk of it with his grandson.
I’d like to think she even flashed her fingers in a V under her tongue just for good measure. She still cuts quick and her demure nature needn’t apply to those things she loves. Romance is good a battle as any.
If Kuchiki wins, he approaches his victory laps with more tact, even if just barely. He holds his body behind yours, guiding your kata forms, when she’s due to visit his grandfather—making eye contact as she passes. He accepts an interview slot in the Seireitei Bulletin to proclaim the rumors are true; you’re his fiancé hopeful.
She’s invited to several parties under the guise of her being your friend (to be fair, this is true for you), forced to watch you be led on Byakuya’s arm, to see you two share…looks. What’s the point of being nobility if you can’t show off?
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dykesymmetry · 6 months ago
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insomniziam · 7 months ago
They did it again, except this time it's worse 🤦‍♀️
You guys remember last year G posted photos of her birthday party and none of them contained Zayn and everyone was questioning it so she posted this weird gif with someone they tried to play off as Zayn but looked nothing like him?
A creepy refresher just in case:
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There was so much wrong with it, the weird blur of his tattoos in his neck and hand, the difference in height and the face looking nothing like him 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
Well there's a video circulating on Instagram of a guy that's supposed to be Zayn bringing G her cake. There's just one issue:
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His tattoos are completely nonexistent 🤣
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I guess Shyan forgot to put on the sticker tattoos, and whoever posted it wasn't actually supposed to (the original video was apparently taken down). 😆👌
If you ever needed definitive proof that they're using a double this is it.
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strabius-berry · 2 months ago
Diavolo really went
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bamf-jaskier · a year ago
I wanted to tell you one story. Uh. This is the story of the best meal I’ve ever had in my life, okay. Happened when I was twenty years old in Cintra. I walk into the tavern one day, and they had a bard there, okay? Obviously not me, I’m eating! But also not a bloated troubadour such as Valdo Marx. An okay bard. A bard that will play whatever you want him to play for 10 ducats. So I give the bard 210 ducats and tell him to play Toss a Coin 21 times. And then I ordered and waited.
Here’s the thing about when, uh, Toss a Coin plays over and over and over and over and over again. The second time it plays, your immediate thought is not ‘hey someone’s playing Toss a Coin again.’ It’s ‘Toss a Coin is a lot longer than I first thought. The third time it plays you’re thinking maybe someone’s playing Toss a Coin again. The fourth time it plays you’re either thinking ‘whoa someone just played Toss a Coin FOUR TIMES or at least someone played it twice, and it’s a really long song.’ So the fifth time is the kicker, alright?
Now, I’m watching the entire tavern at this point, alright? I’m staring at my best friend Geralt, who has no idea what I did he’s like staring at his ale like this, and he’s been onto me since the beginning. And he’s sitting there, and his hand is shaking, and he had this look on his face like, aw, like he had just gotten his thirty day chip from anger management. And he’s staring like this, and the fourth song fades out. It’s dead quiet. Then, I don’t know if you know this, but the song begins very quietly…
WHEN A HUMBLE BARD blares out and he goes GOD DAMN IT and pounds on the table, dishes flies everywhere, and it was fantastic. But a word about what a genius I was because when I first walked into the tavern, okay? When I first got there and I’m telling the bard to play Toss a Coin, alright? I tell the bard that after seven plays of Toss a Coin, I want you to play just one Fishmonger’s Daughter. 
Oh yes. That is when the afternoon went from good to great. After seven Toss a Coins. In a row - It played seven times. Suddenly - Dum da dum, OH FISHMONGER-OH and the sigh of relief that swept through the diner. People were so happy. It was like the liberation of Hochebuz and if you want to know if you can make women weep tears of joy by playing Fishmonger’s Daughter the answer is yes you can. Provided that it is preceded by seven Toss a Coins. It’s true. Dead honest.
And on the other hand. When we went back. Holy shit. Fishmonger’s Daughter fade out. It’s dead quiet. WHEN A HUMBLE BARD....people went insane. People went out of their minds. No one could handle it. No one could handle it. 
Least of all my friend Geralt. He knew it was me, he had know it was me the whole time. He lunged for me, lunged right at me I tell you, across the table and for a moment I feared for my life.
They stopped the bard after eleven plays. And that was the best meal I ever had.
Jaskier as John Mulaney part 1/?
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blockofbones · 6 months ago
How is dream team being simultaneously toxic as hell and endearing as hell.
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