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#this is fucking hilarious
wooteena · 3 months ago
the whore of edinburgh is dead
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thebay-babe · 4 years ago
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@hazstylestrash you’ve fOOLED THEM ALL 
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tinkdw · 3 years ago
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bamf-jaskier · a year ago
I wanted to tell you one story. Uh. This is the story of the best meal I’ve ever had in my life, okay. Happened when I was twenty years old in Cintra. I walk into the tavern one day, and they had a bard there, okay? Obviously not me, I’m eating! But also not a bloated troubadour such as Valdo Marx. An okay bard. A bard that will play whatever you want him to play for 10 ducats. So I give the bard 210 ducats and tell him to play Toss a Coin 21 times. And then I ordered and waited.
Here’s the thing about when, uh, Toss a Coin plays over and over and over and over and over again. The second time it plays, your immediate thought is not ‘hey someone’s playing Toss a Coin again.’ It’s ‘Toss a Coin is a lot longer than I first thought. The third time it plays you’re thinking maybe someone’s playing Toss a Coin again. The fourth time it plays you’re either thinking ‘whoa someone just played Toss a Coin FOUR TIMES or at least someone played it twice, and it’s a really long song.’ So the fifth time is the kicker, alright?
Now, I’m watching the entire tavern at this point, alright? I’m staring at my best friend Geralt, who has no idea what I did he’s like staring at his ale like this, and he’s been onto me since the beginning. And he’s sitting there, and his hand is shaking, and he had this look on his face like, aw, like he had just gotten his thirty day chip from anger management. And he’s staring like this, and the fourth song fades out. It’s dead quiet. Then, I don’t know if you know this, but the song begins very quietly…
WHEN A HUMBLE BARD blares out and he goes GOD DAMN IT and pounds on the table, dishes flies everywhere, and it was fantastic. But a word about what a genius I was because when I first walked into the tavern, okay? When I first got there and I’m telling the bard to play Toss a Coin, alright? I tell the bard that after seven plays of Toss a Coin, I want you to play just one Fishmonger’s Daughter. 
Oh yes. That is when the afternoon went from good to great. After seven Toss a Coins. In a row - It played seven times. Suddenly - Dum da dum, OH FISHMONGER-OH and the sigh of relief that swept through the diner. People were so happy. It was like the liberation of Hochebuz and if you want to know if you can make women weep tears of joy by playing Fishmonger’s Daughter the answer is yes you can. Provided that it is preceded by seven Toss a Coins. It’s true. Dead honest.
And on the other hand. When we went back. Holy shit. Fishmonger’s Daughter fade out. It’s dead quiet. WHEN A HUMBLE BARD....people went insane. People went out of their minds. No one could handle it. No one could handle it. 
Least of all my friend Geralt. He knew it was me, he had know it was me the whole time. He lunged for me, lunged right at me I tell you, across the table and for a moment I feared for my life.
They stopped the bard after eleven plays. And that was the best meal I ever had.
Jaskier as John Mulaney part 1/?
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bastardbvby · 3 months ago
quotes from another one of ranboo’s unhinged late night streams
i’ve decided that i wanna go on my angry at everything arc, i wanna be just straight up mad at absolutely everything just for no reason
i’m just going to start putting signs that are vague threats all around the server 
he told bad and skeppy that they should’ve been labeled clingy duo i- 
dono: your gen z traits are showing! // oh boy oh boy do i have something to tell you guys ding ding ding ding!!!! that’s right maybe the reason i act so much like someone in gen z is cause i literally am  
im gonna go stab some people i feel like a good stab right now :]
hhhhr capitalism 
i’m like the gingerbread man you can’t catch me cause i’m made of candy!
they’re calling me toxic?? aw cute <3
dono: you and your lore don’t scare me. *menacing laugh* oh it will :)
*insert horrified screaming as chat thirsts over animated characters - mostly the dragon from shrek*
you know what *spray bottles chat with lore screen* pss bad chat psps 
a good scream is helpful every once in a now. AHHHHHH
*dono says mufasa is hot* it’s one hundred dollars. but it’s talking about the lion king. but it’s one hundred dollars
that’s right God himself just said you need to use your twitch primes
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goodomensblog · 2 years ago
Honestly there are so many good “heaven and Hell finding out about Crowley and Aziraphale” ideas that are super angsty and dramatic and great but all I can think of is Gabriel saying “Aziraphale you ignorant slut”
i would give up my first born child to see fan art of this exchange
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remotepunch · 5 months ago
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New hunter x hunter game. Hands on game you can play at home. Advanance by watching videos and gaining information on their dedicated site to liken the trial at trick tower
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sprousehart-x · 2 years ago
Cole Sprouse was there and he's a photographer so he decided to bring his camera and they're very strict about not having any light producing technology, like you can't have a phone or camera. No light in restaurant. But Cole was feeling.. he was up to no good and really shocked us because we weren't expecting it, it we were all just eating thirty minutes in and all of a sudden this huge flash goes off and everyones just like and we're all blinking light for a while because it's so shocking and he really had no idea what he was taking a photo of but all of a sudden and this girl goes 'Hey whats the point of eating in a dark restuarant if you're gonna bring your phone?'  and then the whole room was quiet and all of a sudden she goes 'Boooo' and everyone starts going along with her but they don't even know who they're booing at because you cant see. So naturally our table just started booing along
Camila on Cole at a dark restaurant.
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babetexts-blog · 5 years ago
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yasferatu · 5 months ago
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lowsyjets · 10 months ago
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a series of fortunate events???
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justalittlebluetiefling · 8 months ago
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TFW you can’t be normal around your crush for more than 10 minutes at a time and you, once again, ended the conversation in the dorkiest way possible when you were trying to be cute
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sexysilverstrider · 3 years ago
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all the single ladies
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narramin · 2 years ago
I need to tell you about my One Piece hc, where 90% of all pirates think that the Strawhats are immortal because they WON'T DIE. Like, they keep fighting Monster Crew after Monster Crew, and keep making it out with zero casualties and zero life-altering wounds. They fought the Big Mom Pirates, and of the people who entered on the Sunny, all of those people left alive.
holy shit you’re so right!! imagine the hiarity. I bet the marines lowkey unwillingly helped to spread this rumor, with reports like like “I saw Roronoa in Alabasta, with my own two eyes, drenced with blood and with a deadly wound, and he was still carrying their navigator!!” and “I know Mugiwara was thrown into the Aqua Laguna by our agents, yet he rose from the water and took revenge!!”
also Brook joining the crew doesn’t help either, so I bet the somewhere in the Marine Strawhat files there’s a “possible necromancy devil fruit???” note somehwere. maybe they suspect Nami, bc of her already uncanny weather abilites? 
anyway there’s a standing order for the less well supplied marine basis that goes something like “DO NOT attemp to kill the Strawhats, it’s just a waste of ammuniton” so this is why at some point they just quit shooting at them. Luffy’s unhappy bc he can’t flex with ricocheting the bullets back now. 
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poltoncarayko · 4 years ago
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superjunior15only · 3 years ago
Super Junior SNL - 3 Minute Boyfriends
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