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#this is how my family talks.

“We met in Tokyo. I was working as a gift shop cashier on the same base he was stationed at. Neither one of us spoke the other’s language when we first started dating; he would take night lessons at the base while my sister helped me learn English at home. A year into our relationship, he was called back to America. My mother told me to forget about him but I continued to write him while he was away. During our correspondence I grew incredibly ill and thought I would never see him again. But by fate I managed to recover around the time he returned to Japan. We made plans to get married in America so that I could apply for citizenship. Before I left home, my mother gave me the equivalent of 100 dollars in secret. ‘Just in case,’ she said to me ‘so you can return home if it doesn’t workout’.

 I did return home a few years later, as a married woman and mother to your father. We stayed for two years before moving to California and I haven’t been back since. My sister pasted away first. Then my mother. Then my father. My brother last year. All that is left is my other sister and I… I do not regret my choices, but I miss my home.”

My Grandparent’s Love Story

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I’m like real heated about this all of a sudden I’m not a tool to get you free shit! you cannot just know one artist and have them be interchangeable for any other art in the world you might want! If you want something from me it’s gonna be my unique work! I’m my own person you’re gonna get a Connor original! You should want that more than some soulless copy of someone else’s work! I’m offended on behalf of this other artist AND myself. I’m a unique individual, I’m your nephew, why wouldn’t you want something special and unique that only I can give you? Because you’re family and I care enough to make you something from the heart? What the fuck bro

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#avpswjy#idk how to talk abt Any of this properly so time to just b vague i guess#but im Frustrated and tired#i just want to not be expected to be certain ways#its frustrating living w someone who has a very different mindset than you about certain things#and you know you cant really talk about your side or theyll be upset or think smths wrong with you#and like#both povs are valid in their own way?#but i feel forced into a box a lot of the time and its rly frustrating to me#i just want to move out and live somewhere far away where i only need to interact with people that i actually care about and not go to like#family gatherings with people that are exhausting to be around#mums fine most of the time but she Does force me to go to these things and i just want to die#'its important to this person that you go' oh this person that hasnt tried to talk to me in months? hm#i dont mind doing things i dislike when its important to someone#but when i only get that information secondhand i begin to wonder how important it really is to them#i just want to live on my own and have no obligations other than the ones i want to hold#i want to be entirely myself and not worry about what people will think#because its easy to say 'just dont care' but sometimes you just dont want to make the tone of your house Awful#so you just stay quiet#like okay!!! maybe im hypersensitive to conflict#but i dont want to deal with that anyway#this probably doesnt even make sense but its ok im just angy#someone steal me for a while#i cant work rn but ill live under your bed and you just have to slide a sandwich under there every so often#if only there wasnt a pandemic :^)))))) then id actually visit friends or have them over
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Learning that the wiccan girl i used to work with is currently spouting qanon bullshit doesn’t even surprise me. 

It all started with her coming up to me immediately recognizing the fact that I’m highly empathic and then proceeding to try to convince me that im one of the select few with special abilities and whatever. (i mean my mom says the same. i just pass off as a damn fae creature at this point) Then once we were friends, there was her trying to convince me to go to a ritual at the beach on the full moon to drink menstrual blood. 
Well i didn’t do any of that. I just kinda backed away at that point but she was friends with literally All of my work friends so i was stuck with her even after she lost the job. I still see her around somehow and its been like 3 years so yeah. 

#starting to wonder what kind of people i wouldve met if i didnt move to fl rn#because holy fuck theyre really showing their crazy around here#the only good thing she did was talk me down from a panic attack at work by using a damn healing crystal#how it worked idk#but it did#i keep amethyst and citrine around now#but then again my mom also supports the healing crystal stuff and got me a nice set of stones last year#that girl also shamed me for not dating the guy i was sleeping with when we had first met#she even once did it while i was not in a good mindset which sent me into a SPIRAL#the spiral somehow pushed me towards the guy and we somehow never even dated but we still talk a lot and are close friends#so maybe she was right about how sex makes you spiritual level because we're still on the same wavelength#then again we might just be compatible people sooo#if i meet another dang wiccan who thinks im a wiccan im gonna scream tho#im not i swear#i was just raised by a pagan woman who genuinely thinks im a fae#i also found a book of healing spells in my late grandmothers stuff while living with my granddad#i kept that book#is all this because of the pagans in my family and how i might spiritually be at these people's levels#possibly yes#do i understand any of this stuff#no not at all#but do i keep getting gifted healing crystals and white sage?#oh yeah ive got a lot of pretty rocks now#and sage that i will never burn most likely#but yeah today is just me looking over the local people ik and wondering what the fuck theyre thinking#because i dont think they think#most of them are just showing their evil sides lately and im getting nervous#fl locals are damn wild my dudes#i wonder if theres a spell in that book for these sorts of situations#beavers speaks
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It’s so strange to see sea shanties making a comeback because it’s so close and so far away from the stuff I grew up listening to? Like, I’m from the maritimes so I grew up listening to Great Big Sea. But the stuff they do isn’t really sea shanties most of the time, it’s a blend of sea shanty inspired music and Irish drinking songs and their own stuff.

So to me, sea shanties and songs about the ocean are completely intertwined with old Irish drinking songs, haha. I can’t think of Barrett’s Privateers without also thinking of Wave over Wave (general song about the ocean and sailing) and the night Pat Murphy died or Finnigan’s Wake (Irish drinking songs), for example.

The funniest part of all of this is that I don’t actually drink and I never have. But I grew up listening to this stuff so it’s still culturally important to me I guess. And I do mean grew up - there’s a video of me when I’m maybe 10 singing Patty Murphy to my parents and grandparents.

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