#this is just a way to cope up before exams lmao

[chelseachilly]

tired of loving from afar

pairing: mason mount x reader warnings: none, mostly fluff with a tiny bit of angst! word count: 5.3k

a/n: not me writing for someone other than ben lmao?? been really in my mase feels lately so here's a fluffy little long distance relationship fic (also was very happy to read this morning that he's likely going to be back after the international break! my heart has been hurting for him this season 🥺) have a great weekend loves 💓

-

Of the three years you’ve been with Mason, the past six months have been the hardest by far. 

You’d overcome other hurdles in your relationship, like adjusting to the exposure and demanding schedule of a professional footballer, learning to cope with your life being somewhat public and thousands of girls being in love with your boyfriend. None of this was nearly as challenging as having to adjust to him living 200 miles away from you. 

His move to Manchester was bittersweet - you were so proud of him for getting a spot at such a massive club and finally receiving the appreciation and recognition he deserves. You knew he was happy to have a fresh start and a chance to prove himself as a player. 

At the same time, it was incredibly emotional for him to leave his boyhood club, his friends, his family, and you all at the same time. You would’ve given anything to go with him, even if it meant leaving your own friends and family in London, but you were about to start your final year of uni there. You couldn’t just pack up and go, no matter how much you wanted to do so.

You’re passionate about your studies, and you knew it would all be worth it when you graduate and get a job in your chosen field - and in the same city as the man you love. You knew it was only a year.

That didn’t make it any easier to say goodbye.

You’ve both made a massive effort to see each other as much as humanly possible, going up to Manchester every time you have a break from classes or a weekend without an exam or assignment due. Mason has also come back to London any time he gets the chance, sometimes flying out just to see you for the day. You’ve been making it work, but it’s not nearly the same as living in the same house as him. Even when you were both super busy, you at least got to see each other when you woke up and before bed, and now all you have are texts and FaceTime calls. 

On a night like tonight, when you’re exhausted from the week and you just want to be wrapped in his arms watching a film, FaceTime really feels like a poor replacement for the real thing. 

“Hi, gorgeous,” Mason says, a sleepy smile on his face as he answers your call. “How was your day?”

“Hey, Mase,” you say, curling up with a blanket and admiring his face in the soft glow of his bedroom lamp. Judging by the fact that he’s in bed by quarter to nine, you figure he’s as worn out as you are. “It was okay, felt long. I finally turned in my essay, though.”

“Good work, babe, I’m sure you aced it like always.” 

You blush a little, never growing tired of how he takes every opportunity to praise your intelligence. Any time someone asks about your studies, he does a full spiel about how smart you are.

“We’ll see,” you say. “How was your day, love? Any updates at physio?”

The way his smile instantly fades makes your heart drop to your stomach, fearing the worst.

“Yeah, um-it’s looking like a bit longer,” Mason says, and you can tell he’s trying to keep his voice steady so you don’t worry too much. “Maybe another few weeks. They’re not sure.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” you sigh. “I’m sorry. I know how frustrating this is.”

The hardest part about being away from Mason has unquestionably been watching him struggle from afar without being able to properly support him. From the rocky start to the season, to being out due to injuries basically ever since, it’s been torture not being there for him. 

You went up straight away when he first injured his calf in November, needing to both emotionally and physically care for him, but you couldn’t stay long before your exams started. Since then, you’ve done your best to help from London - sending him care packages, calling him as much as your schedule allows, asking Luke and Anouska to keep an eye on him and let you know how he’s holding up. 

In moments like these, though, what you really need is to hug him and tell him everything is going to be alright. 

“Yeah, it’s a bit tough,” Mason admits, fiddling with his hoodie string. “But at least I’m back in partial training, it could be worse. I could’ve done my ACL or something, you know? I’ve been pretty lucky in my career so far.”

One of the many things you love about him is his infectious optimism, how he always sees the best in situations and in people. 

Right now, though, you’re not sure you fully believe the words leaving his mouth. He looks so disheartened and downtrodden. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” you ask, frowning. “I know it’s not the news you’re expecting, you’re allowed to be disappointed.”

“I’ll be fine, angel, don’t worry about me,” Mason reassures you. “Just missing you a little extra today.” 

“Me too,” you murmur, touching the screen and wishing it were his face. “I’m sorry I can’t make it up this weekend, but this group assignment-“

“Don’t apologize, baby, I know how busy you are this term,” Mason cuts you off, just as he always does when you try to apologize for being so far away. 

You do the same to him when he tries to say he’s sorry for uprooting your life together, for not being there when you’re stressed about school or just having a bad day. Truthfully, neither of you are at fault, it’s just life. But it still sucks sometimes. 

“We’ll see each other in a few weeks when I have my reading break,” you remind him. “Just a while longer.”

“I know, I’m counting down the minutes,” Mason smiles. 

You talk for a little while longer before you reluctantly have to go so you can get ready for bed, and you promise to call him again tomorrow night. 

The sad look on his face when you say goodnight lingers in your mind as you shower and do your skincare routine, and by the time you climb into bed, you’ve made a decision.

First, you message your group for the assignment you’re working on and ask if you can push your planned meeting to Monday rather than Saturday. Next, you text Luke and ask him to make sure Mason doesn’t have plans tomorrow night.

Lastly, you book a train to Manchester, because you’ll be damned if you don’t go cheer up your man when he needs you.

-

The moment you arrive at the train station in Manchester the next day, you hop in an Uber and make your way straight to Mason’s.

You know that he’s still at training and will be for at least another hour or so, as you’ve been texting Luke for updates so Mason doesn’t get suspicious. It’s not unusual for you to ask how his day is going, but you don’t typically ask for the exact time he plans on leaving Carrington or instruct him to go straight home after training.

Using the key that Mason gave you when he moved in, insisting that it was still your home even if you don’t live there the majority of the time, you let yourself into his house.

You drop your bags and immediately get to work on creating the perfect cozy, romantic Friday night in.

By the time you get the text from Luke that he’s on his way back with Mason, having devised a fake plan of coming over to play FIFA after training to ensure Mason didn’t make other plans, you’re just finishing up.

You’ve successfully transformed his house, which he bought furnished and has put very little effort into making homey, into a much more welcoming environment. 

You ordered flowers for the kitchen table, as well as enough groceries to make dinner for him tonight and to replenish his far too empty fridge. You did a bit of tidying, deciding to do a few loads of laundry for him when you noticed there was quite a pile forming, and it must have been a week or so since the cleaning service he pays for came. 

You put some soft music on his speakers and lit a few candles in the kitchen as well, popping a bottle of white wine into the fridge so it’s ready for your dinner. 

You’ve just started chopping a few veggies to get a head start on dinner when you hear the sound of the front door opening followed by distant voices, one of which you immediately recognize as Mason.

“Do you hear that music?” 

The sound of your boyfriend’s voice after weeks apart fills your stomach with butterflies - you’re just as giddy to see him as you were in your early days of dating. 

“Probably the neighbours, mate,” Luke responds, still playing along with your ruse. 

“I don’t think-“

Finally, the guys turn the corner into the kitchen, and you see Mason come into view with Luke trailing behind him. His eyes widen in surprise for a moment, slightly startled by there being someone in his house, and then he realizes it’s you and his mouth falls open in shock.

“Surprise,” you say shyly, while Mason is still at a loss for words. 

He immediately drops his training bag to the floor and makes a beeline for you, pulling you into a tight hug and lifting you off your feet before you can even hug him back properly. 

You relax into his arms right away, squeezing him just as tightly as he’s squeezing you and breathing in the familiar scent of his soap and aftershave, freshly showered after training. It’s the same scent that lingers on the t-shirts and hoodies that you steal from him every time you come up, wearing them until you regrettably have to put them through the wash. 

“Baby,” Mason mumbles into your neck, pressing little kisses there. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

“I’m here,” you confirm, wrapping your legs around his waist as he refuses to set you down or let you go. “I missed you way too much to wait another three weeks.”

He pulls back far enough to capture your lips in a sweet kiss, his hands sliding down to your thighs to support your weight as you kiss him back. You can feel the pieces of your world shifting back into place, your heart settling in your chest as you sink into his warmth.

Mason presses a few more quick pecks to your lips before reluctantly setting you down, arms still wrapped around you. It’s only then that you realize Luke is still here, shuffling awkwardly in the corner. 

“Thanks for your help, Luke,” you say with a shy smile, moving to Mason’s side. 

“Of course, the man never shuts up about how much he misses you, so it’s really a favour for me as well,” Luke jokes. “I’ll leave you guys. Enjoy your evening.”

“Thanks, mate,” Mason says with an eye roll and a grin before turning his attention back to you, pressing kisses to your head. 

“Night, Luke! Give my love to Anouska and the kids,” you call out, though you’ve also turned back to face Mason and bury your face in his chest. 

You remain in each other’s arms, just holding one another and breathing in and out for a minute or two. 

You knew you missed him, but you don’t think you realized quite how much until right now. It’s taken such a toll on both of you being apart for so long.

“How long are you staying?” Mason asks quietly, almost like he’s afraid of the answer, as he lightly rubs your lower back. 

“Until Monday morning,” you say. You wish it were longer, but three nights together is the best you’ve gotten in a long time. 

“Really?” Mason asks, pulling back and looking at you with bright eyes. “I thought you had to do your group assignment tomorrow?” 

“I pushed it to Monday, I had to come see you after we spoke last night.”

You reach up to cup Mason’s face with one hand, gently stroking his cheek with your thumb. Judging by the way he’s avoiding eye contact with you, you know you were right to come. He’s obviously been struggling with the disappointment of the never-ending injuries, all the uncertainty it’s brought. 

“I’m okay,” he says softly, turning his face to press a kiss to your palm. “Now that you’re here, everything’s okay.”

You melt at his gentle words, but they don’t do much to ease your worries about his emotional wellbeing. 

Mason gives you a quick peck on the forehead before looking around the room, noticing the food you’re preparing and the cozy, romantic vibe you created for your evening. 

“What’s all this?” he asks, a small smile on his face. 

You’re not keen to drop the subject, but you don’t want to ruin your rare weekend together by bombarding him with questions either. You know he’ll talk about it when he’s ready. 

“I just ordered some food for dinner and restocked your fridge a bit,” you explain. “I figured you would be happy to stay in tonight, so I got stuff to make your favourite pasta.”

Before he can respond, the dryer beeps, signalling that the load is done. He raises an eyebrow at you.

“Are you doing laundry?”

“I just threw a couple loads of your clothes in, I noticed you were running behind,” you shrug. 

Mason looks at you with complete awe, shaking his head in disbelief.

“You didn’t have to do all this,” he says softly. “You being here is enough. It’s more than enough.”

You smile, wrapping your arms around his neck once more. 

“I know, but I wanted tonight to be perfect and relaxing,” you explain, pecking his lips. “No stressing about football or school or anything else. Just you and me.”

“You’re amazing, Y/N,” Mason sighs, squeezing your waist. “Can I help you cook?”

“No, but you can pour us both a glass of wine from the bottle in the fridge and sit down and tell me about your day,” you smile, kissing him one more time before pulling away to return to your meal preparations. 

Mason does as told, sneaking another few kisses when he brings you over your glass, then sitting at one of the stools at the kitchen island.

You treasure this domesticity more than almost anything with him - the simple act of chatting about your days while making dinner is something you’ve missed terribly.

When the pasta is ready, you dish it out into two bowls and bring them over to the table. 

“God, I missed your cooking,” Mason grins as he dives into his portion, obviously starving after a day of training. “It’s delicious, babe.”

“Thanks, Mase,” you reply, pouring yourself a little bit more wine. “You want some more?”

“Might as well, it’s not like I’m playing tomorrow,” Mason says, the offhand comment hurting your heart much more than he intended. 

He’s still smiling at you as you pour his drink, but you don’t believe for a second that it’s real. 

“Do you want to go tomorrow?” you ask after a minute of silence while you both eat. “I know you usually go to the home games, right?”

Mason shrugs. “Yeah, we can if you want.”

Once again, you don’t press him further, listening as he changes the subject and starts updating you on Ben’s latest girl troubles. 

After you’ve finished and cleaned up, you head into the living room to catch up on the new episodes of Drive to Survive. You always save your favourite shows for when you’re together, sometimes dodging spoilers for weeks just so you can enjoy it properly with Mason.

The moment you sit down on the couch, Mason pulls you into his arms for the first real cuddle you’ve had in weeks. You very contently lean into him, resting your head on his chest and humming in delight as Mason slides his hand under your hoodie and begins to gently stroke your lower back. It’s not with the intention of anything sexual, though you’re sure that will come later, it’s just an innate need to be as close to you as possible. 

It’s the most relaxed you’ve felt since he left your flat in London three weeks ago, your body and mind decompressing with every moment spent in his arms. 

A few hours pass, and you can feel yourself growing tired, but you’re enjoying Mason’s commentary on the Alpine rivalry far too much to interrupt and suggest you go to bed. Your yawns are betraying you, though, and Mason begins to gently run his hand through your hair.

“You ready for bed, sweetheart?” he asks softly, kissing your forehead. 

“It’s so early,” you murmur as you glance at the time on your phone, barely past 9PM, yet you can’t contain another small yawn which makes Mason chuckle. “Sorry, I guess I’m tired out from the week.”

“No worries, we have the whole weekend,” Mason smiles. “Honestly, I’m a bit worn out too. Wanna go upstairs and I’ll get us some water?”

You nod as he stands and helps you to your feet, pressing one more gentle kiss to your forehead before heading into the kitchen. You make your way up the stairs to his bedroom and head into his ensuite bathroom. 

It occurs to you as you’re flicking the light on that you forgot to grab your toiletry bag from your suitcase in his room, and you’re just about to turn back for it when something catches your eye. On one of the shelves above the toilet, there’s an array of products that wasn’t here last time you visited. More specifically, there’s a version of just about every hair and skincare product you use on a regular basis, and you really doubt that Mason has taken up doing hair treatments or using Drunk Elephant serums.

Maybe it shouldn’t mean as much to you as it does - he’s always been thoughtful, and you know the expense of buying all this is nothing to him - but for some reason, the simple gesture nearly brings you to tears. 

Mason appears in the doorway a moment later, smiling softly at you.

“You okay, love?” 

“When did you buy all this stuff?” you ask, gesturing to the shelf. 

“Oh, uh, a couple days after the last time I came to London,” Mason says casually. “I took pictures of everything in your bathroom to make sure I got the right stuff, I just wanted to make it easier for you when you visit.”

As you look into his soft, sincere gaze, your love for him feels more overwhelming than ever. 

Which means your guilt does, too. 

“Mase, I’m so sorry I haven’t been up to visit more lately,” you say, your voice unsteady. “I know you’ve been struggling, and I know you’ve been keeping a lot of it from me because I’m busy with uni, but you’re my priority and I should’ve-“

“Hey,” Mason says gently, interrupting you with a hand reaching up to cup your cheek. “Don’t ever apologize for focusing on your studies. I know how hard you’ve been working, and I’m so proud of you. You don’t need to worry about me, I’m gonna be fine.”

“It’s not fine,” you shake your head, tears now streaming down your face. “You’ve always been there for me, and now you’re in a new city and a new club and you’ve been dealing with injuries and I’m all the way across the country.”

“Y/N, we knew this would be hard, and I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t,” Mason says, wiping your tears away with his thumbs. “But it’s not your fault I moved clubs while you still had a degree to finish, or that I’ve had a tough season. Some things are out of our control.”

You know he’s right, but it doesn’t make it any easier. Hearing his sad, defeated voice on the phone after a disappointing medical assessment or bad game and not being able to hold him has been one of the hardest things you’ve ever done.

“I just worry about you being here all alone,” you say quietly. “I know you have your teammates and you spend a lot of time with Luke, but in London you had me and all your friends and your family was closer and - I just hate that I’m not with you.”

“You’re here right now,” Mason says, pressing his forehead to yours for a moment. “You dropped everything to come see me today, babe. You have no idea how much that meant.”

“I would do it every weekend if I could.”

“I know,” he says with a sad smile. “And I would leave all of this and spend my time helping you study and supporting you if I could, but this is our reality for a little while longer, angel.”

You sigh, nodding in agreement and staring into his big brown eyes that bring you so much comfort. 

“I’ve just missed you so much,” you murmur, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him in for a tight hug. 

His own arms circle your waist and tug you impossibly closer, his nose buried in your hair so he can breathe you in.

“I know, baby, I’ve missed you too,” he exhales. “So, so much.”

You hold him for a while longer, cherishing every brush of his hand against your back and every kiss he presses to your temple. You want to memorize the feeling of his touch, so when you’re back in your bed in London a few days from now you can close your eyes and try to imagine you’re still in his arms.

After a few minutes, you break apart to finish preparing for bed. You brush your teeth together then go through your skincare routine while Mason watches fondly, letting you put some moisturizer on him when you’re done with it. Then he strips down to just his boxers, teasing you lovingly when you obviously check him out, and passes you a comfy t-shirt from his drawer to change into. You make a mental note to fill up your suitcase with a few of his hoodies before you leave - the ones you have at home no longer smell like him. 

You climb into the bed together, noticing that the side you usually sleep on has all of its pillows in place and that the nightstand is almost empty except for the glass of water he set down for you. Like he’s still been leaving that space for you even when you’re not there to fill it. 

“C’mere,” Mason says immediately, tugging you into his chest. 

You relax against him, laying your head over his heartbeat and tracing his tattoos with your finger.

“Will you tell me how you’ve really been feeling lately?” you ask in a gentle voice. He immediately tenses, and you know he still doesn’t want to discuss it, but you’re not leaving Manchester without talking to him about this. “I saw the look on your face when I asked about the game tomorrow, babe. Please just talk to me.” 

“I don’t want to burden you with all this,” Mason says, refusing to meet your gaze. “I know how busy you are-“

“I told you, you’re my priority, Mase,” you insist. “And it’s actually more concerning when I don’t know what’s going on with you. If you talk to me, then maybe I can help.”

Mason sighs and moves into a more upright position, still holding your hand and playing with your fingers as a way of grounding himself as he gathers his thoughts. 

“I just never thought it would be like this, you know?” he mutters. “I thought that coming here would solve everything I was going through at Chelsea, but in a lot of ways it’s been even harder.”

You nod for him to continue, gently squeezing his hand.

“I thought when all the contract stuff was resolved and I was at a new club everything would be fine, but then it’s just been constant injuries and trying to adjust to a whole new life without actually being able to do the thing I love most,” he goes on, making your heart splinter even more. “Fifty-five million pounds and I don’t have a single goal to show for it.”

“You can’t help that you’ve been injured, baby,” you say softly, though you know he already knows that. “If you were in top form, you’d be scoring goals all over the place. I know it.”

He smiles slightly, always grateful for your neverending confidence in him. You’ve been his biggest fan from the moment you met, cheering him on through every high and low of his career. 

“Maybe, but I haven’t had the chance to try,” he mutters. “I’m just stuck here, being useless to the club and hours away from you. I basically upended our lives just to end up not playing for months.”

“Mase, if I’m not allowed to feel guilty for us being apart, neither are you,” you say firmly. “Coming to United was the right decision. It may not feel like it now, but I promise it will in the long run. And if not, we’ll find a new place for you to show everyone how amazing of a footballer you are. Even if it’s in a different city or another country, we’ll figure it out.”

“Babe, I feel bad enough that you’re moving away from London to be here next year, I’m not gonna ask you to move again,” Mason says, still fiddling with your fingers. “I have to make it work here.”

“And I’m sure you will as soon as you’re better,” you tell him, bringing your joined hands to your lips. “But if it ends up not being a good fit, I will happily follow you anywhere you want to go.”

“Even the States?” Mason jokes, making you roll your eyes and poke him the ribs. “It would be cool to play with Messi.”

“You are not going to the MLS any time soon,” you reprimand him. “But yes, I would go to Florida for you, babe. That is how much I love you.”

Mason laughs, moving your joined hands so it’s his turn to lay kisses on your knuckles.

“Wouldn’t be so bad. The weather’s good, and we could hang out with the Beckhams,” he says, smiling against your skin. “We could take our kids to the beach-“

“Oh, our kids, huh?” you remark, raising an eyebrow. 

“Well, by the time I’m actually ready to play in the MLS…” 

“Alright, we’ll move to Florida with our hypothetical children in ten years,” you say decisively. “Then you can retire and stay home with them while I work.”

“I could take them to Disney World every day,” Mason sighs happily. “Oh, and the Harry Potter thing! Our kids would love that.” 

As much as you’re both joking, the thought of a time in the future when you’re settled with a family and not having to deal with all the separation and uncertainty makes your heart feel warm and fuzzy. You can’t wait to have a family with him someday. 

“In all seriousness, babe, you’ve already accomplished so much in your career and I know you’re going to do so many more amazing things,” you tell him, reaching out to cup his cheek. “And even more importantly, you are such an incredible person off the pitch.“

Mason blushes, leaning into your palm and holding it to his face so you don’t withdraw your touch. You know he struggles to take compliments sometimes, but you also know that this is something he needs to hear. 

“Which is why I refuse to listen to you call yourself useless when you do so much for your family, the community, for me - you make everything better, Mase,” you say softly. “That’s why are so loved. It’s why I fell in love with you, not because of your job.”

He takes a moment to soak up what you’re saying, still holding your hand to his face and pressing a few kisses to your palm. 

“You mean you’re not in it for the money?” he says after a minute, eliciting an eye roll from you. 

“It’s mostly for the money, but the abs don’t hurt either,” you tease, poking his stomach and making him laugh out loud for the first time in as long as you can remember. 

Mason pulls you into his arms again, leaning back and tucking you into his chest so your nose is pressed to his neck. You give him another tight squeeze, unable to get enough of his cuddles.

“Thank you so much, baby,” he mumbles into your hair as he slowly rubs his hand over your back. “For coming and for making me talk about this stuff. You always know exactly what I need.”

“Of course, my love,” you murmur. “Just promise me you’ll keep talking to me, okay? I don’t care how busy I am, I want to know what’s going on with you.”

“I promise,” Mason swears, squeezing your hand that rests over his heart. “And the same goes for you. I know how stressful this term has been, but I’m always here even if I can’t physically be there to help.”

“I know you are,” you smile. “And I know you’re the reason Ben or Woody brought me dinner or care packages before every midterm. They wouldn’t admit it, but I suspected they were under orders to check in on me.”

Mason chuckles. “Yeah, well, gotta send in the subs when I can’t do it myself.”

You hug him even tighter, throwing a leg over his and letting him shift you back into a more comfortable position for sleep. You’re yawning again, the exhaustion finally catching up to you now that the worry gnawing at your mind over Mason has been relieved.

“So, for tomorrow,” you say, your voice lower now that you’re both getting sleepy. “I think we should go to the game with Luke and Anouska, she already texted me and asked us to come over for dinner afterward. That way you and Luke can show your faces at Old Trafford and we can spend some time with them and the kids. Then, you and I can come back home and have a bit of a romantic night in.”

Mason doesn’t respond right away, and you give him a moment before you look up at him to see if something’s wrong. But when you do, you see only an adoring gaze and gentle smile on his face.

“Is that plan good with you?” you ask, “we don’t have to do any of it, I just thought-“

“No, no, it sounds perfect,” Mason cuts you off. “You’re perfect. I was just thinking about how much I love you.”

Your heart melts even more for him, if that’s possible, and you can’t resist leaning in to press another lingering kiss to his lips.

“I love you too,” you say, pressing a few more kisses to his cheeks and nose for good measure. “Now, let’s get a good night’s sleep so I can show you how much I love you in the morning, yeah?”

Mason nods with childlike enthusiasm, making you giggle again as you lay your head back on his chest. 

You can’t wait for the time to come that all of your nights end like this, curled up next to the love of your life, but for now, you’re grateful for this one.

No matter how many miles are between you, your heart is always gonna be wherever Mason is. He’s your home, whether you’re on opposite ends of the globe or in the same bed. 

You sleep better than you have in months.

please leave me a comment if you enjoyed this or send me an ask just to chat, love hearing from all of you xx

#mason mount x reader #mason mount x y/n #mason mount imagine #mason mount #manchester united imagine #my fics

[midnightsun-if]

the reactions of the ros to the scenario of mc forgetting to smooch them were so good, all of them ugh <3 Sloane had me laughing the most to myself... they're so dramatic and sulky PLS LMAO the wet dog energy is so real, Sloane deserves all the smooches in the world.

If you could, would it be possible for you to give us the reactions of the ros that didn't take the initiate to get their smooch if mc suddenly barged in the room minutes later to kiss them and be like "I almost forgot, have a good day <3" before leaving once more.

We need justice for Sloane, C and Caden especially ("the absence of your presence, of the kiss that you always bestowed onto them, more stifling than they’d ever believed it could be" was beautifully written but it had me sad AAAA)

Sloane absolutely does have wet dog energy. They’re an angry individual because of various things that’ve happened to them, and it being one of the only ways they were able to express themself, but they always predominantly get more angry at themself than they do other people. It’s something that’ll they will try to work on and slowly begin to cope with— a journey that I’m excited to start.

Follow up to this ask.

Koda:

At the smile you offer him return, a weight is lifted from his chest. He wasn’t sure if his return kiss plan would work out, even his most simplest of plans never did, but the sight of your joy more than made up for all his failures in the past.

“Thank you, Koda.” In return you press a brief kiss to his lips, warmed by his unceasing care for you. “I appreciate it. I’m sorry that I forgot, I’m just running late in meeting Blake.”

Koda beams down at you, nose nuzzling against yours. “That’s alright, Anon. It just means I’ll have to kiss you more every time you forget.”

Scarlett:

At your continued silence, a saccharine smile flits across her lips, emerald eyes flashing merrily in a way that’d spell for trouble for anyone that wasn’t you. With natural born grace, Scarlett easily maneuvers to her feet to make her way closer to you. “Playing coy now, sweet thing?” She tsks, brow furrowed disapprovingly. “Tell me, my beloved, what did you forget that’s so important.”

Your head tilts, eyes watching the subtle movements of her body. “Your kiss?”

Scarlett hums. “And I had such fun things planned for later.” Taking your chin between two fingers, the phantom press of her lips against yours being all that’s offered before she vanishes from your presence altogether. You’re only able to blink owlishly, the sight of your girlfriend once again reclined elegantly, being all that fills your vision. “Run along now, my beloved. You clearly have a busy day to get to, I won’t keep you any longer. Though, make no mistake, tonight you’re mine.”

Cyrus/Cyra:

Looking at the facts, as it turned out, didn’t help in the slightest, not when their feelings for you were so astronomically out of the realm of possibility, something that could never truly be understood or properly identified due to how large it was. They tried to hold onto the simple fact that it hadn’t happened with malicious intent, that everyone was allowed an off day, but that didn’t stop their inner self, their Phoenix, from squawking in protest at not being able to feel their mate.

So when you return, slightly out of breath, they try to pretend like everything’s fine, that their heart hadn’t leapt at the sight of your return, but they couldn’t deny that their inner flame roared back to life at the feel of your lips pressed to theirs; the whispered apology you offer once pulling back being lost in the white noise it causes.

Their reaction may not have been within the realm of reason, at least not when it comes to their usual ones, but when had love ever been?

Quinn:

They huff to themself, looking back down at their haul. It had been a surprise they wanted to gift to you, knowing how stressed you had been with your exams coming up, even fighting down the urge to gag when they bought fresh blood suckers, because you needed something to settle yourself with.

“Oh well,” they mutter, shoulders slightly slumped. “I’ll just put these in their room and hope they’ll be back to enjoy them soon.”

As if summoning you with their mind, you’re suddenly right in front of them, bringing an immediate smile to their lips, before your own cover them. “I’m sorry,” you murmur, pressing another fleeting kiss to their lips. “I’ve been in such a hurry I forgot to give you this.”

The arm around your waist tightens. “It’s well worth the wait.”

Caden:

Like a beacon of light and warmth, you suddenly reappear once more, fighting against the darkness, and the coldness it brings, as you come closer. The apologetic look on your face tells them all they need to know as why you returned and, for the briefest of moments, they feel guilt well within their gut. Had you somehow understood their mood? Were you going to be late now because of them? They’d never wish for you to get in trouble because of them.

However, the moment your lips press gently to their own, those thoughts and feelings slip from their mind completely, only being able to focus on you. At the feeling of completion they now felt slotting into place within their unbeating heart— a feeling that almost made them feel like they were alive once more.

Sloane:

“I completely spaced,” you say, rushing back into the room towards Sloane, eyes wide in apology. “I was in such a rush I forgot to give you a kiss.”

Sloane, for their part, is completely floored that you remembered, that you’d care enough to turn back and rectify a wrong that shouldn’t even be as big of a deal that it was. Of course they would. I’m important to them, it wasn’t done maliciously, you overgrown fur-bag. They barely respond when you place a delicate kiss to their lips, still too embroiled in their thoughts, but their arms flex instinctively when you try to pull away. Just wanting to hold you for a second longer. And, for the moment, they’re able to forget the demons that lurk in the shadows of their mind, not think about them, when in the face of your beautiful light.

Blake:

“I actually forgot to give you a kiss?”

The apologetic look and tone brings a tender smile to Blake’s lips, one finger gently running a path down your cheek. “A mistake I was certain was just that. I mean look at me.” They playfully wriggle their brows, tongue peeking out from between their teeth. “How could you not want to kiss this?”

At your playful eye roll, and exasperated huff, a weight is lifted from their shoulders, even if they’d never showcase it. Good, they think. I don’t like it when you’re sad, and you wouldn’t be. Not if I ever have anything to say about.

Reginald/Regina:

“I’m so sorry.”

Your sudden reappearance near them, after the relative silence that had settled over the dorm, almost causes them to fling their book into the air, a surprised yelp just barely stifled in the back of their throat. At your apologetic gaze, they’re suddenly reminded of what exactly had been forgotten— by the both of you it seems. And, due to that, they lean forward just as you do. Trying to, without words, show how sorry they were for forgetting something so important, something that made them feel a bit more at home in a world that wanted to be anything but.

Something that finally made them feel like they belonged.

#midnight sun #asks #ro: koda kingston #ro: caden randall #ro: blake herrera #ro: quinn grant #ro: r presley #ro: sloane addams #ro: c aurelia #ro: scarlett voltaire #scenario asks

[taeyamayang]

hahah yeap everyday unfortunately. on good days though it only takes about an hour 20 or an hour & a half so i cross my fingers & hope for the best each time lol 😄. it ends in August which seems long to me but i'm hoping these months will pass by in a flash 😆. other than the travel time, the work culture & environment is not so bad so i guess that's a plus, but, you never really know what life has in store for you ╮(︶︿︶)╭

i'm in mech engineering! it does include math but if im being honest not much of it is being used rn 😬🫣

congrats on graduating omg!! idk why but that is so you to be studying even after graduating and going to grad school. i wish you all the best and good vibes in your exams~

ahhh i took japanese lessons too! didn't get to finish it bc the classes were always full (╥_╥) i rmb getting excited every lesson bc it was a chance for me to show off my verymediocreveryelementarylearntfromanime pronounciation skills to my sensei ＼(＾▽＾)／ (yeah it nvr went well but she'll always say i did a great job👍😭). i hope you have fun learning the language as much as i did and maybe if i find the courage to pick up my notes again we'll be able to talk in 日本語 . . .(・・ ) ?. jokes aside, what's your favourite part about learning this language so far?

i've heard sooo many people talking about genshin lately. i'm not a big fan of rpgs (actually very bad at them) so i tend to observe from the side. what do you like the most about the game? and ofc i have to ask this, who's your favourite character?

as for me, i'm currently in love with yakuza 0! its my first of the series and i'm enjoying it to the fullest. i've been playing on the weekends to release some stress & it's the perfect antidote for me. i mean come on, it even has a karaoke and disco dancing minigame!

anyways, take care my love. remember to drink water and take your vitamins. you are loved <3

🌻 (p.s missed you too lol)

lmao its so funny that i was so shocked of your travel time when i suddenly remember that during my senior year i used to inter for a company outside the city so i literally have to cross borders before the crack of dawn which was wild bc how did i survive that?? anyway, it was just a month a half or two so it wasn't much. the job was okay too so fatigue all came from the commute (tho reading a book durinf a long ride kept me company, maybe you should try it to!) i'm glad that the work didn't add to your problems tho i'm sure you can handle anything thrown at you ;) and yes i agree, nature has its way of rocking our steady boats but im sure youll be able to cope and overcome it (if it gets too tough always rmbr that my asks is always open for rants!)

really?? i have this belief that engr have to solve math problems their entire lives and i just 😭 (i have math traumas, its speaking loudly rn lol) idk why too but "studying after uni and going to grad school is so you" makes me feel happy lmaooo. well, you are right that is so me ig i love keeping myself busy plus idk it may should rlly weird coming from me but... learning can be fun too 😭 i lit sound nerdy rn but who cares 😭

OMG REALLY! THATS SOOO FUN japanese people are very respectful so ig thats why your sensei always praises you or perhaps you were good. contrary, my sensei was sassy 🥶 lmaooo he points out mistakes and is very particular with pronunciation and clarity of words so when we recite in class it always gives me the nervesss. the only time i was able to connect my classes to anime is through the characters names like yuki means snow and yuki from fruits basket has gray-white hair and is deemed cold or yoru means night asa means morning and that shows the duality of yoru and asa in chainsaw man lol smth like that. WE SHOULD! lmaoooo tho i am not fluent in N5 i got to warn you ahead of time!! im not sure about my favorite part bc i enjoyed it sm lol i love learning languages, to begin with, so altho it gave me a high blood pressure whenever were to recite in class i enjoyed it sm heh how about you? あなたは 日本語 べんきょう たのしいですか。lololol

if you ever pick up genshin or smth YOU GOTTA TELL ME alright? cause im willing to guide you all the way and share the obsession lmaoo my fave characters... god theres A LOT but i mainly played genshin for zhongli and venti and later on liked itto tighnari and kaveh. you dont have to be good at rpgs bc coming from a no brainer in games, dude im surviving lol wait wait so yakuza 0 is a game? where do you play it? karaoke and mini dance games oooo that sounds interesting. tell me more about it and u might find a buddy

you are always so sweet. i hope the same and more for you too sunflower anon :)

take care! love seeing u here :D

#anon.🌻 #pea.asks

[delicatedandelion]

I have been feeling like absolute crap ngl. Mostly because depression has been hitting harder and harder and my family is just asfhdjafdlmafdlab.

I finished my exams home cause my dad was like “oh why stay at uni’s dorms when you can finish up home since they are online” which fair point cause -> no useless money spendings in a pretty expensive city like the one my Uni is.

Now that I came home I feel like a burden constantly cause it’s like he LOOKS annoyed with my existence here. He wanted me to apply for my driver’s license but I didn’t because well…depresso. So if I wouldn’t have failed and taken the test, I would’ve probably had another meltdown and take the car and crash by impulse. Getting very CONSCIOUS about that thing, I decided not to apply

My relatives raised my anxiety levels to the moon. I’m 21 and next year finishing my Master’s and my fam acts like I am 40 living out of my dad’s salary in the house basement. I started getting a lot of white hairs cause of the stress and anxiety they are causing -besides ofc the way it affects my sleep and everything else- but at least I’m blond now so not as easily noticeable as before lmao. And like…I tried to find jobs but it’s a lil hard when it takes you 6h just to convince yourself to get out of bed to brush your teeth 😅 but ig those are just excuses so yeah…it’s fine and it’s my fault and like…ik that but do they really have to remind me daily tho…? Haha…

I wanted to quit smoking cause like…I’m stressed and anxious enough but with how it’s been going? Honestly cigs pretty much the only ones to keep me sane. And it’s either those or sh so yeah. I literally don’t have any other coping mechanisms. Except for maybe alcohol but I’m not going back to my teens nah ah. So probs will go this friday and buy some cigs

I either don’t eat or b/p or just eat a lot. But I have 0 energy to move whatsoever. And I mean…I actually tried. I put on my workout clothes and that in itself felt like it needed a 12h nap afterwards. I tried to workout but I end up either collapsing on the mat or just unable to move cause my body refuses and my brain dissociates. I feel drained of energy for any task mostly. I’m also afraid my fam will end up doing something stupid and take my books or something because honestly reading or mindless tiktok scrolling have been the only thing I am able to do lately. (1) to stay away and out of people’s business cause if I just don’t talk or do anything they won’t be mad at me and tell me cruel things on and on and (2) I won’t mess anything up like I usually do haha. They keep telling me how annoying I am basically and how I ‘need to be shaken up cause you live in another reality!!!’ and that I’m nothing and will do nothing and am too spoiled and don’t have any idea what life is and stuff like that and I think it’s a bit hypocritical to be told that from them who like…go on vacations abroad when they get bored or feel ‘under the weather’ 😅

I kinda gave up ngl. Just existing, sit there and smile and try to stay away, say the right things and one day…yeah

[saqui]

Oscar: so, is my character arc ready?

CRWBY, hiding torture hooks: yes........ :heart:

Oscar who actually saw it:

CRWBY: :heart:

Oscar: no.

CRWBY: .....yes :heart:

#Oscar Pine #CRWBY #RWBY8 #rwby 8 oscar #:heart: #sorry i kept making these stuff #this is just a way to cope up before exams lmao

[bokuroar]

haikyuu!! characters when you’re stressed in uni

characters: m. osamu, k. kenma, b. kōtarō, k. tetsurō x gn!reader (separate)

song suggestions: 1 2 3 4

❀ OSAMU is the one that keeps you sane. he gives you the personal space you need to be able to work but he checks up on you at least once every hour. if he’s at home, he’d always sneak in a cup of cold water before leaving a kiss on your forehead and a “you’ve got this, baby.” if he’s at work, he sends in texts from time to time remind you that it’s lunchtime and it’s time to eat the food he has already prepared in the morning when he found out it’s going to be a busy day for you. osamu makes sure you never skip on healthy meals and you get enough sleep to function well. sometimes, it boils down to osamu carrying you from your desk to trap cuddle you in bed so you could lie down and relax. for him, taking care of you and your needs is the least he could do while you chase your dreams.

❀ staying up until the wee hours of daylight is less lonelier with a company like KENMA. discord is the third party in your relationship and you have no idea how many screenshots kenma has on his computer from your calls. since high school, he has grown accustomed to pulling an all nighter albeit for non-academic reasons. he doesn’t mind staying up for games before but now there’s you, he actually began to love it. there’s just a comfort and a sense of security in knowing that you are both awake at the same time. hearing kenma’s soft hums to familiar tunes and the random conversations during your short breaks are the absolute best breathers you can ask for. as the world succumbs to slumber, you are shaken awake by love in the form of quality time with kenma.

❀ TETSURŌ goes out of his way to give his support. even before getting together, he has always been your go-to for academic advices because he is as huge of a nerd as he is an athlete; he makes learning fun more than it really is. from color-coded reviewers to flash cards that will earn you a kiss when you get an answer right which escalates into more sometimes, kuroo just never just runs out of ideas. and he always has time for you, too. once kuroo figures out you need extra help, he’d drop everything and rush to you. you are his priority. you don’t have just a boyfriend, what you got is a partner who inspires and helps you to be the best version of yourself, all while holding your hand.

❀ you could always count on KŌTARŌ to be your sunshine. you don’t know how he does it but a bad day is no match for bokuto’s smiles. failure is inevitable, you both know that much—him on his games, yours on your exams. although failing doesn’t completely hinder success, it hurts just the same, a familar feeling to bokuto hence he knows just what to say and what to do. the last thing you see before you leave the house is his encouraging smile and two thumbs up cheering you on. as you get home, the second he sees your tired face, he pulls you into a hug without saying a word, gently swaying you and rubbing your back, easing all the burden you feel on your shoulders. there are times too when he knows you need some space to cope with it, so he lets you know he’s there for you when you need him by leaving sticky notes on your desk that says, “i love you and i’m proud of you! im just outside waiting with a hug ok! :D” you’re not the best 100% of the time, it’s true, but bokuto proves you don’t have to be to deserve the things that make you happy.

feedback is always appreciated (ꈍᴗꈍ)♡

a/n: i literally just finished my preliminary exams n im sO tired i think i could’ve performed so much better but i don’t really wanna sulk over it,, but anw this is my coping mechanism disguised as headcanons lmao i hope u enjoy ! 🌸

#✍️.haikyuu!! #✍️.hc #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! #hq x reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu headcanons #osamu x reader #miya atsumu x reader #kenma kozume x reader #kuroo x reader #bokuto x reader #iwaizumi x reader

[dienamights]

A Reverberate Lullaby | K.Bakugou

✎ The echoing howls stalk you, a ghost hunched on your shoulders, wailing like a child calling for rescue, who cries with no tears. Chanting for a hero that is willing to pick up the pieces of its soul and being, yet it is only left to wither. For the ghost has lost faith that such others exist and can only be cured by finding them, for you are the ghost of your world and love is the only true exorcist.

✎ Protagonists: Katsuki Bakugou x Fem!Reader.

✎ Word count: 4.1K

✎ Category: hurt/comfort, Implied Mature Content MDNI, Prohero!au, Established relationship!au

✎ Caution(!): Implied Mature Content MDNI, mention of depressive state, toxic family, toxic coping mechanism, mention of reader’s weight gain and thoughts about self worth. Please keep in mind while every person’s reaction to depression is different, don’t belittle anyone’s battle when you don’t understand it.

✎ Author’s notes: Hello! Hope everyone’s taking care! Still on hiatus BUT I’m here to post my contribution to the Mental Health Awareness collab by @doinmybesthere​ ! This has been in the works for a while because I kept scarping ideas for triggering me lmao. This piece is very personal to me and I’m glad I am able to share my experience with you all, I hope that it might help anyone out there in reaching out and asking for help because I know how difficult and scary it might be! Please check out everyone’s contribution that they worked so hard for! kisses kisses take care!

OOH ALSO! Thank you so much for 900 followers aaaaaah! You’re all so amazing and if anyone has suggestions for an event to hold in June lemme know! I’ll also think of some ideas

» Masterlist | Requests | Taglist

The morning sun barely rises and peaks through your blinds, sunshine starting to kiss at your cheeks as you squint at the light, the room welcoming the warmth that is being brought into it after the evening’s chill that made you curl tighter in on yourself, clasping whatever heat you could muster than to turn around and find it in the heating pad of a body that lays next to you. 

An alarm only just rings before quickly being shut off, followed by the creaking of the bed when the person behind you shifts, shifts again, another time, before getting up and stalking to the bathroom, after letting an elongated sigh when they sit at the edge of the bed, not acknowledging your presence accompanying theirs. The door clicking closed before the trickling of water fills the quiet room.

Your clock reads 5 am when you squint at it, and you blink at the time before you go on with your routine, setting up breakfast while your boyfriend gets ready to go to work. 

Oddly enough, you don’t really quite remember when you started working on the food, all that you could see in front of you is nothing but a scene that looks like it’s out of a broken TV - there’s just so much static. The voices are distorted, as if they’re coming from a defective radio.

“Listen, this ain’t about me, this is about you and how you-”

“What about me? Huh? That you see me as nothing but a burden? No, you can say it-”

“You wanna hear me fuckin’ say it then fine! This is about you sitting on yer ass all day obsessing over her while she wouldn’ give you the time of day y/n. When will you fuckin’ realize that?”

The scene blurs and sways, and you feel your mind run at a speed you didn’t know it could muster, and you’re unable to keep up with it. The knife in your hand shakes vigorously and barely misses your fingers when you bring it down to cut the vegetables.

The sound of the bedroom door shutting closed alerts you, straightening your back when you hear the drop of your boyfriend’s gauntlet by his chair at the dining table. Katsuki approaches you with careful steps, his still ungloved hand circles your waist before pressing his lips to your temple, a gruff greeting of a whisper laced in between.

“G’morning.”

The familiar scent of caramel mixed in with his aftershave welcomes you, wraps around you and cradles you, promising everlasting safety and happiness. Yet, your heart wrenching sobs and muffled crash of your laptop against your floor that rings in your ears tell a different story, shrieking at you, roaring about your failures, mocking your entire existence.

“Made gohan, should be ready in a minute.” you mumble back, posture stiff at the close proximity of Katsuki and you feel the curl of his lips in displeasure pressing into your temple from both not reciprocating his greeting and your choice of meal for the morning. “You don’ eat gohan,” 

“s’why I’m making it.” The quick retreat from your figure is like a slap to your face, and you barely stop yourself from reaching out and forcing his arms back around you. Because it's the bite in his voice that halts your movement. 

“You’re still going?” you finally turn to take a look at him, the garnets in his eyes shifting, bleeding from hurt, betrayal, confusion, you really weren’t sure. And by God you had no energy left to try and figure out. “Yes I’m still going Katsuki, they’re my-”

“Yer really listenin’ to the bullshit spillin’ outta ya? This isn’t about em being your family y/n, we’ve been through with it already.” the space between you two feels like endless miles, pieces of the broken bridge you both worked so hard to build the only evidence of it ever being there, the rest crumbling into the valley in between your bodies.

“No, you’ve been through with it, I just wanna make things right, m-maybe I can fix it”

“It ain’t yours to fix y/n, when will you realize that?”

“No!” there you go again, sobbing pathetically. “W-why can’t I have a family, huh? Why- why can’t I, fuck, have a family that just loves and supports me a-and just doesn’t- ” your voice croaks, not failing to notice how Katsuki stepped away from the wreck in front of him. Probably having had enough of you, had enough of how troubling and bothersome you are, probably wondering how he got roped with all your shit and got dragged into your mess of a life.

His hands feel like scolding fire when they’re placed on your shoulders, halting their shaking as you cry into the palm of your hand to muffle the sobs, a habit Katsuki has been working so hard on to help you overcome, saddened to see you try and hide your vulnerability from him.

“Because they never made an effort, so why should you?” The tugging at your heart burns, the swallowed sobs feel like needles prickling at your lungs, making breathing feel like an impossible chore. You can’t help but feel restrained whenever you’re presented with the truth, especially unfiltered and unsugarcoated like right now, you know he’s right, you’ve known he was right a long time ago, but admitting it out loud just felt borderline impossible. 

So you do what you do best, push him away, all the strength you can muster barely budges his figure, the meal forgotten on the counter as you run and lock the bedroom door on yourself.

Your footsteps feel heavy, dreading the topics and scenes you’re bound to relive. The grip on the strap of your shoulder bag tightening as you push the glass door open. A sigh escapes past your lips again as you enter the restaurant, half-heartedly smiling at the hostess before making your way inside to look for them.

It’s always the same scenery, the kind that always makes you want to run away to the other direction instead of being dragged down into whatever hell this is. And you pause to question yourself, again, why you actually agreed to put yourself out there.

There they are, seated in the four person table, with two empty seats, one for yourself and the other for the sibling your mother always hoped to have instead of you.

Your mother’s pursed lip could be seen from where you stand at the entrance, the clicking of her tapping foot sounding as bad as grinding metals in your ear, you hate it, despise it

It’s the same clicking you learned to memorize, to anticipate, to fear, when she passed by your room, the clicking that made you smother your face in your pillows and swallow your sobs, because the sound of you crying brought her more distress and annoyance than concern for her daughter.

With another tug at the hem of the shirt you’re wearing, you approach the table, hugging your father when he stands up and nodding to your mom when she eyes your figure.

“Good morning mother. It’s good to see you.”

“What’s wrong with your hair?”

Here we go, you breathe out before tugging at a strand of hair, spitting out your words “nothing’s wrong with it.”

“Then why does it look awful like that?”

There are times like these where you are left to question your reasoning for accepting whatever invitation you received from your parents to have brunch with them after all those months, a moment of weakness deceiving you into believing it was better than to spend it in your empty apartment, with the silence that ate away at your sanity every second. The only evidence of life in it other than yours was the recently cleaned dishes and the note thanking you for the meal, the promise of cuddles and movies tonight making you gain just a little more patience, barely.

You refrain from answering, your response is to lower your head, drag the dining chair before plopping on it, a dreary sigh escaping your lips as you scoot your chair closer to the table. Your mother never changes, it’s been a while since you were able to move out of her home, and while your father tries to tell you that these brunches are a way to reconnect with them, you yourself know that it’s merely a chance for your mother to nitpick at everything you ever did or are doing since you left.

“How have you been y/n.” your father smiles at you, both of you ignoring the sound of your mother kissing her teeth when her attempted jab at you is ignored. “Uh, I uh I’ve been good, I just wrapped up with my exams and so far things have been-” 

“How is your hero boyfriend?” 

For a second, you contemplate whether to ignore her question and keep conversing with your dad, dreading the questions that are to be pushed your way regarding Katsuki, of which will be used as bragging material for when she meets whatever group of friends she associates herself with, but you know better than to ignore her with the way she gets when she isn’t fed with attention. 

“He’s uh, good.”

“Why isn’t he here today? What, too good to meet us?” your mother nags, and for the love of God, would that fucking clicking ever stop?

“No, he’s doing his job of, you know, being a hero.”

“Is he now? Well, what about you, hm?” She cocks her head as her nails tap the table. ”Did you think your father and I wouldn’t figure out you got fired?”

“How-” the gritting of your teeth is deafening at this point, your jaw clenching so tightly as you and your mother stare each other down. “Your dad pulled some strings, it isn’t that hard. So tell me, you like leeching off of him after you were done with us?”

“This isn’t, I just- I was- I, I had a lot of university work piling up a-and I couldn’t make time for my shifts and I just, it was just so hard for me to get out of bed these days and I.” why are you doing this? Why are you explaining yourself to people that don’t deserve it? Why are you feeding off of their acceptance, knowing damn well you never got it, and that thing was never gonna change. 

“Oh, I don’t wanna hear about you not getting out of bed, you’re here now aren’t you? This is all in your head y/n. You need to stop talking nonsense, what’re people gonna say about you, about me, when they hear you?” 

It feels just like yesterday, your figure standing and facing your full length mirror, your reflection eyeing you with identical vacant eyes. Fingers running through your bed head, a wince escaping you at the movement. Bringing your hand up and catching a glimpse of a slight swollen purple bruise along your wrist and the dried blood on your knuckles, the skin stretching upon rotating your wrist and causing notable pain.

Alas, that pain paled in comparison to when your mom barged into your room, blaming you for the way you were acting and belittling your reasoning. Beckoning your father over to replace your broken vanity and for your house maid to disinfect the space, the place sparkling clean and void of any evidence of what had transpired the day prior. 

The shattered glass was picked up and thrown out, the splatters of blood were wiped clean, and whenever you brought up, what your mom refers to as ‘the temper tantrum’, you’re ignored by both your parents as they continued about their day, fearing the shame it would bring upon their name if the event was to catch others’ attention. 

“Good morning! I’ll be your server for the day. What can I get you?” the foreign voice sounds more comforting than your own mother’s, and you almost laugh at the irony of it, but you only return her smile and take a look at the menu. Lighting up a smidge at the name of one of the dishes, while your parents place their order.

“Can I please get the soufflé pancake?” you look up to catch the horrified look on your mother’s face, followed by her clicking her tongue and shaking her head as if your choice of food was shameful. 

“Certainly-”

“Uh, no she won’t be having that. Get her the Honzen Ryori,” your mother eyed your figure -whatever was visible to her from across the table- before turning to face the server again “maybe cut down on the rice, God knows she doesn’t need the extra calories.” and waves her off, disregarding your protests and tapping her nail against the table top, her annoying method in demanding your silence, which you subconsciously react to, snapping your mouth shut when the sound reaches your ears.

“What was that for? You know I like having sweet breakfasts,” was fuming even close to what you are feeling? Probably not. “Yes I can clearly see that, you’ve let yourself go as well. Do you think that boyfriend of yours will stick around when you start putting on even more weight?”

At a loss for words, you turn to your father, who has been quiet this whole time, for any sense of support when it comes to his wife. But the way he presses his lips together tells you all you need to know, how just because he isn’t bad as her, doesn’t make him that great of a parent. That standing by while you have been bullied your entire childhood and well into your adulthood is just as bad as being the cause of it. 

“God forbid he realizes how much of a train wreck you really are and throws you on the side of the street, because you know damn well we won’t be here to pick you up.”

It began as a whispering in the air. The day had been beautiful -well, as beautiful as it can be with the kind of day you’re having- and the sky was like a dome of plasma-blue. The clouds had looked like airy anvils drifting under the gleaming disc of sun. People quickened their pace as the clouds began to gather in the sky. The postcard-perfect sky started changing. The beautiful cocktail-blue shade merged in with the flaming orange and mesmerizing purple as the sun sunk deep into the horizon, before beginning to darken into gravel-grey. Large pillows of cloud start to form, blocking out the old-gold color of the sun.

The first splatter of rain hits you when you’re halfway across the street, dismissing the need to take shelter under the roof of the buildings like some passersby are doing, hoping to see out the shower. Droplets of moisture begin to drip onto your head, sprinkling onto you like a gardener’s hose. It was well after your meal with your parents, and you had spent the last few hours walking aimlessly through the streets, making sure to avoid those covered by your boyfriend during his patrol. Hoping, praying, that something will clear your head, will help your poor jumbled mess of a mind forget about this entire nightmare of a day.

Should’ve listened to him 

The rainfall intensifies, the drops drumming against the hood of the cars that you pass by, there is so much rain that the sound blurs into one long, whirring noise, reminding you of the blades of the fan that you stuck your finger in, that one time when you were left alone in your house when you were only five years of age. Eventually, they fade into a musical chime as you push your drenched hair away from your face and feel the vibration from your phone as it rings the ninth, maybe tenth time. 

He told me so. 

Tall apartment complex building; you couldn’t see its end from where you stand. You shiver as you approach it, the doorman - bless his heart - running and placing his umbrella to futilely shield you from the rain, and you just laugh and tell him that you’re already drenched and just waiting to go back home.

God forbid he realizes how much of train wreck I am

Not wanting to dampen the people at the elevator and make them uncomfortable, you take the stairs up to your shared apartment, you usually don't mind the exercise but with how heavy you feel after the rain and day spent up on your sore feet, all you think about is locking yourself in your room and discover what kind of new façade could you try and fool Katsuki with when he reaches home.

Just how I trick him into thinking I’m not with him to leech off of him

Eventually and with a struggle, you make it to the door, dreading the sight you might come to face, almost hoping for a black hole to emerge and swallow you whole.

What would people say about me? Do people think I’m crazy?

With a forced exhale out of your lungs, you fetch the key from your bag to unlock the door, but it’s wrenched open before you have a chance to insert your key.

“Where the hell have you been?” 

Your eyes meet the beautiful rubies of Katsuki, and despite his anger that always overcompensates his worry, you smile and throw yourself on him. The shivering ceasing when he wraps his warm arms around you and that loving caramel scent engulfs you, in spite of how your hair is drenching his shirt and how you sniff against his neck.

“You need a shower, you’re shivering.”

“Take one with me?” you look up at him through your lashes, and he blinks at your uncharacterized boldness but agrees nonetheless, helping you out of your clothes and turning on the hot water before stepping in with you.

It is a struggle to help you clean up when all you do is grab at him, whether they’re your hands on his shoulders to lower him to kiss you, wrapping your arms around him and pressing your breasts against him, or palming his hardening cock as the poor man tries to shampoo your hair.

“Would ya knock it off? I’m tryna help you here shitty woman” you frown and squint your eyes when the shampoo gets close to them. “I wanna have sex.” 

“Yea I can fuckin tell, just lemme-” you bring his arms down and press his palms to your boobs, letting go of his wrist when he starts squeezing at them. “Do you not want to?” he gulps, his dick twitching at the feeling of your soft mounds in his hands, your nipples covered up by the suds from the shampoo, as your finger traces the underside of his cock. “Yeah, I uh, fuck, I do, just- you need to wash up so you don’t get sick, alright?”

“Do you not think I’m pretty anymore?” you pout childishly, tears threatening to escape your eyes, and they burn as you close them when he washes the product out of your hair, a deep frown on his lips when you open your eyes back again. “The fuck you on about? That rain really fucked with ya?”

“Are you gonna get rid of me when you realize how much of a mess I am?” you whisper, your voice muffled under the sound of the shower above you, and you keep quiet as he helps you scrub your body, but your boyfriend is observant, he isn’t fucking dense.

“What do you want, right now?” he lowers himself to your level when he’s done, his hands stroking your cheeks as he eyes the way the water droplets cling to your lashes, but still not missing the red rimming around your eyes.

“I just wanna for- I uh, I wanna have sex.” you mumble, a plea hidden underneath your words, a plea to help you forget, to help you bury this day behind you and pretend it never happened.

What you don’t expect is the way that Katsuki pulls your naked wet body out of the bathroom and drops you on the bed, feeling your bodies dampening the bed as he hovers over you, no words are spoken between you as he kisses and nips at your skin. Marking it up and down as he all but worships your body, strands of his hair tangle between your fingers when you run your hands through it, arching your back at the feeling of his tongue tasting your slick.

He doesn’t let up until you cry out, and not in pleasure, your sobs far beyond those he loves to hear when he’s denying you an orgasm. No, they’re sobs that wreck your whole body, kicking away at his shoulders as you curl in on yourself and wail into the sheets. Sitting on his haunches on the floor, Katsuki’s eye soften at your figure, the way your shoulders are shaking and how -yet again- you’re trying to muffle your cries with the sheets this time, pressing your face against the mattress in an attempt to lower your noise, as your mother would call it.

“Hey, look at me” you feel his lips grazing your ear as he kisses it, pressing his lips against your temple, fingers unwrapping your fist against the sheet and digging into your hands and pressing kisses against the nail marks in the palm of your hands. “There she is, there’s my girl.” you hear when you lift your head from the bed, sight blurry from your shed tears but still easy to distinguish Katsuki even between billions of people.

You sniff when he kisses at your lids, groan when he chuckles and calls you ‘snot the naught’ when you wipe your nose with the back of your hand, beaming when he hears you let out one weak chuckle at the way he teases you. Still pressing his lips against any surface of skin he can reach.

“You don’t have to talk about it you know, to me at least” he mumbles to you when you’re both dressed in your sleepwear and are cuddling on the dry side of the bed, opting to change the sheet the next day. “Maybe, maybe we can get someone who can help you, you know.” you press your face deeper between his neck and shoulder, shuddering when his warm palms rub your back from under your shirt. 

“I can make some calls, get in contact with someone.” you lift your head. “But I can’t afford-” he tuts and frowns at you “None of that.” 

“Remember what I said when we agreed to move in?” you do, you just love the sound of his voice when he says it, feels like he’s making all these promises all over again. “Tell me.”

“Told ya I’d be whoever you want me to be, whoever you need me to be. I’ll be yer mom, even better than that bitch, I’ll support and love you unconditionally.” you sniff and tighten your hold against him as he presses his lips against your cheek. 

“I’d be better than yer pussy dad, you can rely on me any time and I’ll live up to all your expectations. And callin me daddy is always a plus” he tangles his legs with your own when you wiggle away from him, laughing and giving you no chance of escape, not that you are even thinking of it. 

“I’d even be yer genius fuckin nanny that taught you to tell yer mom to go fuck herself when you were four,” your suppressed giggles lights him up and he can’t help but chuckle as well. “I’ll be anything and everything you’ll ever need, baby. I’ll be your goddamn hero.”

The sun comes out again, casting slanted beams of light across the buildings. Steam rises slowly from the greenery. It rises up eerily and drifts mist-like towards the molten-gold sun, right before it escapes into the abyss. The image is so vivid that it stays with you for as long as you remember. Because on this exact day, the shrieking that follows you everywhere you go, haunting you and mocking you, suddenly is nowhere to be found. And all you can hear is the comforting sound of Katsuki as he hums you a lullaby to sleep.

aaaah I hope you like it!

#bnhacity #katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader #bnha x reader #mha x reader #katsuki x you #bakugou x you #bnha x you #mha x you #katsuki x y/n #bakugou x y/n #bnha x y/n #mha x y/n #katsuki bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugou x you #katsuki bakugou comfort #katsuki bakugou angst #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou katsuki x you #bakugou katsuki x y/n #bakugou katsuki angst #bakugou katsuki comfort #nami writes #katsuki comfort #bakugou comfort

[felikatze]

give me the a brainworms i am deeply invested in this man

(0) (2) (3) (4)

okay first of all you asked for this. second of all if i am a little off track from the game that is explained by me just building thoughts like building blocks without looking back. third i was supposed to be studying for an exam but this counts as practice right? it's character analysis anyway lmao.

buckle the fuck up, my dearest anon, because I have sub headings.

1. A as the Player Character

Let me begin with why I am obsessed with this horrid little guy in the first place: he's a silent protagonist. I am always obsessed with protagonists. It's a law of nature. I love taking hollow characters and dissecting them for scraps. It's a long standing practice of mine.

Being a silent protagonist, A, as X, does not have a set personality. However, there are patterns. Firstly, as any semi-silent protagonist, A is a reactive character. He does not start incidents, he only responds to situations, presented by the Sephirah, as they arise. He does not actively seek out new information, merely going about the routine of expanding departments, but expresses curiosity when information is presented to him.

I'm aware fandom likes to characterize X and A differently, likely because they are initially presented as different characters. I, on the other hand, would like to pose the theory that they are more similar than expected.

I believe that A is also a reactive character, rather than active. Despite the fandom wiki describing him as stubborn, the goal A pursues with such fervor, the completion of the Seed of Light, is not actually a goal he set for himself. Carmen is the one who set this goal for him by leaving him her legacy.

Throughout the backstory we get relating to the Cogito Project, A is Carmen's assistant, whereas Carmen is the driving researcher. This is how many of the City's inhabitants seem to be; going with the flow of goals set for them by superiors. Yes I will get into his attachment to Carmen later.

The above is not to say A isn't stubborn. Once he has accepted a goal as his own, he will pursue it at all costs, as is obvious from any and all flashbacks leading to horrible deaths. But the point isn't his pursuit of the goal, but where that goal comes from. Even Lobcorp itself supports this, despite what Hokma may say; A as X follows the "simple" task of managing the Corp's day to day activities, and executes any mission given to him by the Sephirah. He outranks them, and doesn't actually need to do their missions, but does so anyway. Players are driven by the reward offered by those missions, of course, and A might be the same in that regard. Nonetheless, at no point in gameplay do you do anything somebody else hasn't told you to.

The overarching narrative of the Script would be the most obvious example. Every single person in the game follows the script, whether they know it or not.

Lastly on this note, a phrase we hear attributed to A, "Machines must behave as machines." Now, Angela may be attached to this phrase because it bears significance to herself as a machine, and informs most of A's unjust treatmeant of her. However, what if it doesn't just apply to machines? The phrase reads as such, "Everyone must act according to their own role."

2. A, Carmen, and the disease of the mind

So, A will at any cost pursue goals Carmen set for him. Question is, why? The obvious answer would be saying he's in love with her, which like, true. But also, how did Carmen come to be so precious to him?

Let us return to the comparison, "This is how many of the City's inhabitants seem to be." We don't really know why exactly most characters joined Carmen, excluding mainly Daniel and Benjamin. But this does not mean we can't have theories.

Carmen's ideal was curing the "disease of the mind." What is the disease? Complete hopelessness. The inability to form aspirations and dreams, to think of a better future. A is a very reactive character who does not set goals for himself. Therefore, I personally conclude, that initially, Carmen's ideology resonated with him because he could identify with the disease.

This is the point where I start rewatching Lobcorp story clips. Dear god.

So, by briefly binging day 27 onward, I've come up with lines that very much support this lil theory of mine:

First, from Carmen, a description of the disease, "People lock away their own potential."

Second, a line from Angela, after the memory synchronization, "You've locked yourself in this prison without bars."

Carmen describes A as humble, and Benjamin thinks he is warm. If I suppose A was one of the diseased initially, Carmen would be the catalyst for this change. Carmen was someone with big aspirations, with plans to heal what is wrong with the City, and it gave him hope. He was one of the diseased, but through time with Carmen, with that relentless optimistic spirit, he may have been cured, for a time. It's not a stretch to say that she was his light.

But lor shows us what happens when the seed of light sprouts wrong, doesn't it? It distorts. A grasped hope for the first time and then it is ruthlessly crushed. Carmen was everything. Yes, A is described as a jack-of-all-trades, as a genius in all pursuits he puts his mind to, but what does that matter in the face of someone who can unite people? Who can give them hope of a better world? Who can inspire them to actually use the talents they have?

And what kind of pressure is it to put the legacy of a messiah in the hands of the diseased?

3. A and the Perception Filter: A is weak to White damage

No, I am serious about that. He's extremely weak mentally. Obviously death of a loved one is a changing experience for absolutely anybody, but Carmen's death destroyed him.

Not only did he refuse to confide this grief to anyone and bottled it up, now everybody looked to him to lead the project, but he just isn't Carmen. He isn't an ambitious person, he doesn't have the same optimism, he can't bring people together, but people expected him to, and he failed. Hard.

While he was without a doubt talented in science, he was also just an average guy.

After her death, A grew to hate humans. He lost trust in them. He refused to confide in anyone, and be confided in by anyone. Thus, the team fell apart.

In both lobcorp and lor, we get interesting tidbits about precations taken to protect the manager.

Firstly, Lobcorp's perception filter. The cartoony art-style of the game is a result of the game being in first person. Through the eyes of the manager, everything is cartoony!

This is a measure undertaken to specifically protect the manager's psyche. Angela tells us that, before it was deployed, the manager would frequently go insane, one notable incident including the manager trying to hang himself. When we first hear this, the previous managers and X are still separate in our minds. However, they're all A! A went insane multiple times without it.

This is understandable, considering that employees also frequently go insane and try to kill both themselves and others. But they're there in action, confronting the Abnormalities directly. Just watching them made the manager go mad. They could not handle the responsibility for the employees' deaths.

In lor, Angela explains why she picked the Rabbit Team from R Corp as their main contractor instead of any other team. One team was simply too big for L Corp's narrow hallways, and the other team... dealt in psychic damage. It was simply too big of a risk for the manager. But the manager is always secure behind the cameras. Would that teams methods just be that brutal visually, or would their attacks have reached the manager?

Combined with his immense grief at all of his friends and coworkers dying in part because of him, A cannot bear to look at death.

4. A's greatest flaw: Avoidance

A common thread during Core Meltdown flashbacks: A refuses to look at suffering. He just can't. Whether it be looking away from Elijah writhing on the floor or hanging up on Daniel's panicked report of death.

This is actually the thing Angela takes the biggest issue with, and what hurt her most. A would never look at her, acknowledge her, and she did not understand why. But I think A did not refuse to look at her out of maliciousness. Rather, it was out of grief over Carmen. He could not look at her without being reminded of what he lost.

Angela's creation came about because A wanted someone to guide him, someone like Carmen. He threw himself into the project to the point it made Benjamin happy that A was passionate about anything again. But as soon as the project he distracted himself with is complete, he is filled with regret. Carmen cannot be replicated, and he breaks again.

Furthermore, tying this back to my first point about A being a reactive person, we see Angela take charge over A. She's the one recruiting employees and leading the business. It was likely a relief for him to be able to step down from the leading position.

But avoiding it made everything worse. He did not act when he saw Elijah's unchecked ambition, he did not act beyond a simple check at Gabriel's decay, he gave Giovanni the same hope he clung to to no avail, et cetera et cetera.

Avoiding his problems is making them worse and sending everything down the drain (including his psyche), so he deals with it the only way he knows how, avoiding them more!

Biggest example of A's big avoidance problem as his psyche crumbles: the memory wipe. A, in perhaps his one singular moment of acknowledging his emotions, recognizes that he is incapable of fulfilling the Script in his current state. His grief is just too much.

By erasing his own memory, he could start fresh without his grief, because he might've really killed himself otherwise. His suffering became bigger and bigger, and he coped by avoiding it.

The memory wipe allowed him to distangle his problems. Through his interactions with the Sephirah (which I will not individually detail for the sake of my sanity and because I dumped all this on a friend on discord already), he can deal with and actually process his issues one at a time.

As the motto describes, only by facing the fear can he build the future. Only by finally facing his grief and acknowleding it, seeing that the past cannot be changed and he has no choice to move forward, can he actually do so.

5. The Sephirah as ghosts

Lobotomy Corporation feels like a ghost story. I've touched upon this in my previous A post.

As you reach the Corp's lower levels, there are less Sephirah. First there are four. They act like normal employees, and do not breach into the story's underbelly until you reach their core supressions and the facade breaks. Second, counting Tiphereth as one, there are three. They still go about their duties, but they know what they are. Third, there are two, and the facade is gone. They know what they are, and they will tell you about the sins of the past.

And finally, you reach Keter, and there is only one.

This gradual decay of the facade is what really gets to me. I said that by interacting with the Sephirah, A deals with his issues one by one, but that's what the Sephirah are, in this case. Representations.

The people the Sephirah used to be are dead, and the Sephirah are their ghosts. The core supression involve putting these ghosts to rest. Doesn't it match the progression of a typical ghost story? Find the ghost, find what they used to be, and help them move on.

So, if everyone is a ghost, then A is alone.

But, behind the scenes, the Sephirah are still there. They are still people, and they have changed for the better, too. As always, A simply does not look.

(Does he even see the good others see in him? Does he look away from praise, too? Did he even realize Benjamin's admiration for him? Will we ever know?)

6. A's end.

A's progression of moving on would be fine and dandy if it did not end as thus: A does kill himself.

A sees himself beyond the point of no return. Everyone is dead. He is alone. Carmen is never coming back. He can't call it quits now, or else everything has been in vain. (Even if the last days show us a part of him wants to just quit, so badly.)

So, there's only one thing left to do: follow the Script to its ending. Fulfill Carmen's legacy at all costs. Death as the ultimate release.

This is the point where I admit I do not like the death as release trope. But the game does a good enough job as presenting it as the only option A had, or the only option he saw himself as having.

However, I've mentioned it before, I'll mention it again: A was not alone. Death was his release, but he left wreckage. In order to end his own suffering, he inflicted the same pain he went through on others.

Throughout the game, he moves on and pushes through. The ending shows that in reality... he didn't.

At least in lor the characters stick together and help each other heal.

This has been most of my thoughts on A, amounting to my longest analysis post ever, having taken me approximately two and a half hours to complete, and clocking in at 2337 words including up to this paragraph.

Thank you anon for giving me the incentive to verbalize all of this, so I can finally be at ease having inflicted my thoughts on everybody else.

#Feli gets asked #lobotomy corporation #ayin #library of ruina #also i saw apparently another fandom besides lc uses the ayin tag which is just fun to watch honestly #many characters could rival this word vomit probably but as i said i already inflicted most of my thoughts abt netz on my good pal borgor #thank you borgor for dragging me back into projmoon stuff. also curse you terribly #long post #Feli speaks

[drawlfoy]

Wonders of Ohio P.9

masterlist

requests are closed, but please read this first :)

if you want to be tagged, send an ask or message me!

pairing: draco x reader

request: nope, my original shameless self insert idea lmao

summary: american high school senior y/n y/l/n is in for the ride of her life when their exchange student is...a bit strange (but very hot). NOT a nonmagic AU, though you already knew that if you’ve read part 8 ;)

warnings: swearing, mentions of a break in, concerns about a home intruder, objectively the most fluffy scene we’ve gotten so far in this series (hehe), draco being fucking obnoxious and moody (did i mention swearing?)

a/n: ayoooooo so here’s part 9, as promised. i’ve started getting back into the hp universe more and more, so i should probably be picking up my writing soon. i’ve been feeling more myself again!! which is super awesome. i don’t think many people read this series anymore (or my author notes in general but i don’t blame yall) but i’m having a lot of fun writing it, so i’m going to keep going :)

music recs: 

puppy princess -- hot freaks

loverboy -- A-wall

linger -- the cranberries

tags tags tags: @gruffle1 @missmulti @cleopatera @hahaboop @accio-rogers @geeksareunique @eltanin-malfoy @war-sword @cams-lynn @itsivyberry @ayo-cowbelly @nerd-domland @yesnerdsblog @shizarianathania @evanstanfanatic @strawberriesonsummer @hariosborn @night-ving @straightzoinked @imintoodeeptostop @naiomimoonshard @jejegu @ophelia-enthusiast @alwaysbeanunknownfan @nearly-memories @litty-dumb @callieclearwater @malfoy-wife15 @charlenasaxen @belladaises @fiantomartell @writeandtranslate @erisdogwood @loveissupernatural @sycathorn-slush @big-galaxy-chaos

word count: 3.8k :)

Y/N couldn’t help but wonder if Draco deliberately waited until the last minute to tell her family that he was leaving so he could evade her questioning. She tried to talk to him later that evening by knocking on his door, but she was met with complete silence. 

Draco was ignoring her, and she didn’t get why. She’d promised to not tell anyone--even begged for him to trust her and essentially swore on her life--but he still wasn’t acting normal. Perhaps he didn’t want her to badger him with questions about the magical world. 

Or maybe this was an excuse to get away from her.

Y/N swallowed the second possibility and locked it away somewhere out of sight. He’d left without a single word more to her (not even a congratulations for getting into a top 20 school, that loser) and never even bothered telling her when he’d return. And maybe that was the nicest part of it--she could pretend like he was never coming back.

As attractive as that option was, she had to admit that there was a Draco-shaped hole in her passenger car seat every time she drove to school. And in the kitchen when she was studying. And everywhere else he’d once touched. 

“Why do you think he went back?” 

Y/N took a break from reviewing her Art History final exam notes to look up at Lizzy. “Maybe something happened with his dad or he wanted to spend his holidays with his family? It’s probably not that serious.”

“Speaking of his dad, I tried to look up his name and see if anything came up,” Lizzy began. Y/N felt her heart jump into her throat. “Don’t you think it’s kinda sus? I haven’t found anything for him. It’s like he’s been completely wiped off the face of the earth. Do you know anything about it?”

“Honestly, I don’t think it’s any of my business.” Draco’s franticness when she found out lingered in the back of her mind as she chose her words carefully. “I’m sure if he’s a genuine political target, they’ve just scrubbed the web clean of him, being a minor and all.”

“But don’t you think it’s funny that he’s apparently so important but there’s no evidence of him or his father ever existing?”

“Lizzy.” Her voice was firm. “It’s entirely possible that his real name is different. And either way, it’s not our story to uncover. He’s entitled to his own privacy, and if he doesn’t reveal his true identity then we need to respect that.”

“Oooookaaayyyyy, Mother,” said Lizzy. “You’re so fun. You know that, right?”

“It’s my job.”

After the close brush with Lizzy, Y/N avoided the topic of Draco with her friends like wildfire. At the back of her mind, she registered that that was probably more suspicious, but when Sylvia asked her about him during lunch, she finally spun up a story.

“I told him I liked him,” she told everyone, the words stinging her throat. “He doesn’t feel the same way. I just would feel better if we dropped it.”

Her friends reacted immediately with sympathy, telling her that it wasn’t her fault that he couldn’t see her for what she was worth. Somehow, this made her feel worse. She didn’t even need to tell him her feelings to know his thoughts--he didn’t see her as anything but a “muggle”, or whatever he called them. She never stood a chance.

Y/N spent an embarrassing amount of time wondering how things would’ve been different if she was a witch. She didn’t know anything about his world (apart from the fact that they really had a stick up their asses about people knowing of them) but she somehow craved a place in it. Would Draco feel differently towards her if she was magic? 

It was probably better if she didn’t pay too much mind to it, but she couldn’t let the thought go. Every time she shut her eyes at night, the memory of waking up next to Draco replayed in her head, over and over. She would’ve sold her soul to have gone back to that. Would things have been different if she had just...not found the letters? She was driving herself crazy digging through all her interactions with him. There’s no way she was imagining things, and judging by the surprised reactions of her friends when she told them he didn’t reciprocate feelings, she wasn’t the only one who thought something was there. If he was really so disgusted by her and her people, he wouldn’t have let her sleep in his room, in his bed no less. 

As December wore on, her mind began to be occupied by another feverish stream of thoughts. If she didn’t already feel like she was going crazy over the Draco problem, she was going completely insane over the fact that she was misplacing things like crazy and forgetting the most basic of things. It seemed like it was almost every day that she was forgetting where she put her keys (even though she could’ve sworn she’d hung them up by the door) or getting home to find the door already unlocked even though she was sure that she’d locked it behind her. It would’ve creeped her out, but she was really off kilter. It just wasn’t right having Draco away, and the sense of dread she got every time she went by her room just threw her off balance. What if she still had lingering sickness from whatever magical infliction she suffered? 

He really should’ve stuck around to watch after me. Just in case. 

Another thing was bothering her--a name she saw pop up in the pouch from when she went through his letters. It was a small portion of his collection, and she didn’t even think to examine it until after he took them back from her, but she noticed that the name “Pansy Parkinson” came up more than once as a return address. 

Her mind immediately jumped to the worst--Draco was madly in love with another girl, a magical girl, and traveled back home with the express purpose of declaring his neverending devotion for her and complaining about that rat Ohioan muggle that he had to spend his days with. 

Y/N knew it wasn’t healthy, but no matter what she did, she couldn’t quite shake it. The fact that he’d no doubt grown up around girls that would be suitable for him to date was making her physically ill with jealousy, which was probably the most embarrassing part of her feelings for him. Nevermind how much time she spent fantasizing about how soft his hair felt or how his stupidly pretty fingers would feel grazing her skin--she couldn’t even cope with the idea of him existing with other women that were honestly a better choice to him. 

That Christmas was surprisingly bleak. Being an only child always made for a quiet house during the holidays, but the expectation she held of having Draco there set her up for disappointment. Her house felt empty.

“Do you think he’s coming back?” Y/N asked her mother as they did the morning dishes together. 

“Well, I assume so. Why wouldn’t he? He was scheduled to spend the entire year with us. I think that if he’s changed his mind we would at least know by now.”

“What if he’s still deciding?”

“Why, miss him already?” Mrs. Y/L/N’s tone was teasing, but she felt her cheeks grow hot. 

“Quite the contrary. I’m just wondering if I’m about to become the pampered only child again or if I’m going to need to go back into the unglamorous life of sharing the spotlight.”

“Y/N,” her mother tutted. She’d stopped doing the dishes.

Y/N made a point to evade her knowing look. “Mom.” 

Her mother took a breath before answering. “Nothing. As a matter of fact, I did get a letter from him a few days ago. He’s scheduled to return the second week of January, right before school goes back.”

“Oh,” said Y/N. No matter how hard she tried, there’s no way her relief wasn’t visible.

“How’s that for your Christmas gift, hm?” 

“Mom!”

“Hey! Hey, it was a joke,” Mrs. Y/L/N said, throwing her hands up in a “no can do” sort of gesture. “I know that you’re good friends with him is all. Unless…”

“Mom!” Her cheeks were all shades of red.

“All I’m saying is that he seems to enjoy your company.”

“Stockholm syndrome, I’m telling you.” Her explanation of what that meant was on the tip of her tongue before she stopped herself. There was no reason to--the only person who would need that explained to them was no longer on the same continent as her. 

“Whatever you’d like to think.”

~ 

The snowstorm hit them without warning, two days after Christmas. Her parents had left for the night to attend a charity auction, but unfortunately for Y/N, by the time that they realized that their daughter would be snowed in, the roads were too dangerous to drive on. Y/N begrudgingly agreed to do all of the things they told her to--get the generator ready, make sure the fireplace was prepared, and locate all the candles in the house. 

On any normal day, she wouldn’t have been concerned in the slightest, but she’d felt uneasy in her house ever since the night of the break-in, and now that this was the first night she’d have to spend alone, her heart was pounding at the thought of having to sleep in an empty house. Especially if the power was out. Especially when whoever broke in was still on the loose. 

She locked up at dusk, making sure that every entry to her home was completely sealed shut. The generator was in the basement, all set up in the case that the lights went out. She’d located all the bottled water in her house in case the pipes froze, and she finally retired to her room to relax. 

The sense of dread that hovered around Draco’s room was gone, thankfully. The overall feeling of creepiness was just beginning to lose its jarring sting, but she’d never quite been able to shake how many things she misplaced in the beginning of the month. 

She busied herself with mundane activities--she cleaned out her closet, organized her drawers, read, changed her sheets, and finished the last of her homework--but nothing could distract her from the gnawing inside of her. The hairs on the back of her neck constantly stood up, even when she was tucked away in the corner of her room, nestled into her blankets. The tingling was akin to what she felt when she walked into that antique shop on homecoming night--the same night when Draco helped her off her feet and narrowly kept her from throwing up all over Heather.

Looking back on it, she realized that when he grabbed her wrist, he must’ve done something to quell her nausea, something magical. There was no way her carsickness could’ve been able to disappear so quickly. 

Her soliloquy was interrupted by what sounded like footsteps outside. Before she could assess the situation and decide what she was going to do, a boom sounded off in the distance and she was all of a sudden bathed in darkness.

Y/N froze.

Someone was most definitely outside her house, but thankfully she’d locked all the doors. And, thankfully, the boom told her that her fuse box hadn’t been messed with. A tree had probably just fallen on a transformer. 

But those small comforts still didn’t change the fact that she was no longer alone--and not only that, but no longer alone without power. 

Her thoughts were interrupted once again by banging on her front door. Y/N jumped, just barely managing to clap her hand over her mouth to muffle her shriek. She’d seen enough horror movies to know that alerting someone that you were home wasn’t the smartest move. She’d have to be strategic. 

Heart pounding out of her chest, she crept out of her room and down the stairs. The power outage was quite lucky, she realized, as whoever was outside couldn’t see in. The moon only cast a slight light as it reflected off of the snow, so she was going to be able to see the person outside before they would see her.

She squinted from her perch by the base of the staircase. She could make out a silhouette, a tall and lanky one. The weak moonlight reflected off a very light head of hair, and Y/N was struck with a feeling of familiarity.

No way...

Y/N stood frozen for a few seconds as she heard the person knock on the door again. A muffled version of a familiar British voice said, “Is anyone there?”

Throwing all caution to the wind and praying to any higher power that was listening to her that her suspicion was correct, she pushed down on the doorknob and swung it open.

Her heart stopped. 

“Draco? What are you--”

Before she could get another word out of her mouth, she was pulled into the tightest (and snowiest) hug of her life. One of his arms wrapped solidly around her waist, the other reaching further up to her shoulders to hold her closer. He was tall enough in comparison that he could rest his chin on the top of her head while she cautiously clasped her hands around him, breathing in the same soft pine scent that she knew so well.

When he finally let go of her, she noticed that his face was decidedly less pale than what it had been when she first opened the door. At a loss for words, Y/N just made her way behind him and shut the door to keep the storm from blowing any more snowflakes in. She noted that Draco was shaking.

“You’re okay,” he said, his voice low and quiet.

She grinned. “Yeah. Believe it or not, I’m not that scared of the dark.”

He didn’t look nearly as amused, wringing his hands out in front of him instead of meeting her eyes.

“You’re going to freeze to death if you’re gonna just stand there in soaking clothes,” she chided. “And what are you doing back half a month early? I know you must’ve missed me, but I didn’t expect you to miss me THAT much.”

He rolled his eyes, bringing Y/N the comfort that the sarcastic asshole was still in there. “We need to talk.”

“No, what you need to do is get changed into dry clothes,” she said. “Not sure if you’ve noticed, but until we get our generator working, there’s no heat...and I’m not sure if the Ministry is going to like it if I let you die on my watch.”

Even though he didn’t normally laugh at her jokes, he seemed especially solemn when she said this. It became very clear to her then that he regretted his brief display of affection.

“What are you doing, just standing here? Shoo! I don’t want to see you dripping snow all over the rug.” She waved him off until he made his way up the stairs, still eerily silent. 

Once she was sure he was actually getting dressed, she made her way to the kitchen where she started heating up the water. She’d never been more thankful for the fact that they had a gas stove instead of an electric one. 

The tea was almost finished brewing by the time that Draco was back downstairs, perched awkwardly on the couch. She’d never seen his sweater before--it was in a rich forest green with a silver crest of a snake. 

“Are you going to tell me whatever is going on? I’ve never seen you like this before,” asked Y/N as she handed him the mug that she knew to be his favorite.

He took a sip and waited a bit before responding. “I found out some things while I was away.”

“Is that it? Must’ve been something pretty interesting for you to come in here and act like I’m your long lost love or whatever.” She took careful note of how his cheeks were especially pink, but it must’ve been because of the cold.

“I shouldn’t tell you everything, but I think you should probably know the gist of things,” he began. “First of all, I figured out why I couldn’t use the Obliviation cube on you. Also, you have to consent to an Unbreakable Vow.”

“A...what? Care to elaborate? Like, at least a little? Why didn’t it work on me?”

He sighed, a sharp breath of air that left his lungs in a huff. “Because you stumbled upon a very important box that can bestow the gift of magic onto anyone. And since you did something in your dream to try and open it, it permanently took root in you. I tried to reverse it, but there’s always going to be an imprint of magic on you.”

“Sick. So I’m a witch now? Like you?”

“No.” His tone was sour. “No, you’re not. For that to work, there needs to be a ritual actually completed by someone magical. That’s why you got so sick--because you would’ve needed me to help you through your dream sequence and open up the box. So, now that you’ve essentially pushed yourself into the magical world uninvited, I can’t use anything on you that’s catered towards Muggles.”

“Rats,” said Y/N. “That’s no fun. What about the whole part about my safety? And what’s that vow thing?”

“Apparently someone really, really wants that box,” Draco told her. “It doesn’t just give muggles the gift of magic--it can also give current wizards powers that are otherwise completely unavailable to the rest of the population. In the wrong hands, they could wreak havoc on the world. And I’m almost positive they think you have it.”

“Oh…” Everything started falling into place. “So, the break in? That probably was them right? And, uh, let’s say if you feel like maybe someone has been in your house while you’ve been gone? Like, that’s something I should be worried about, right?” 

“Is that happening to you?” His face looked significantly more pale.

Y/N was tempted to tell him no--just to ease his nerves--but something in his look told her that she needed to be truthful. “Um, kind of. You know how I can be forgetful, though. It’s just little things, like sometimes I come home to find that the front door is unlocked when I’m sure I locked it, or I can’t find little things like my car keys and my phone, but it’s all easily explained.”

“I never should’ve left,” he said, tucked his knees up to his chest. “I should’ve known that that was Merlin’s Box.” He swallowed, meeting her eyes with a gaze that looked so forlorn that her heart ached. “I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, hey, all we have to do is tell them I don’t have the box, right? And then they’ll leave me alone.” 

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I assume so, but if they didn’t find the box when they originally ransacked your room and they’re still hanging around, I don’t know what to do. That’s why I can’t obliviate you, the proper way that we use on wizards, because I can’t always be there to save you. Once I’m gone, you’re going to have to manage on your own.”

“Please, Draco,” said Y/N. “People will always talk a big game, but once I pull out my pepper spray it’s over. I can take care of myself! I didn’t need protection while you’re away.”

He smiled then, a small one that seemed more sad than anything. “You sound like me. When I was younger.”

“You probably don’t even know what pepper spray is. What’s that vow thing?”

“You have to promise that you won’t say anything that would reveal what you know about me and my world,” said Draco. “I need to find a wizard to say the incantations, but it shouldn’t be too hard. I ended up telling the Ministry what happened--I’m not going to get sent away as they have a clear record of me at least attempting to wipe your memory and they agree that you need to be able to protect yourself. Unbreakable Vows are just really intense promises. If you break it, you die.”

“Is that your way of saying you don’t really trust my word?”

He rolled his eyes. “It’s required by the Ministry. If you don’t comply, then you’re going to be completely obliviated and then you can have as much fun as you’d like trying to run from whoever that criminal is without even knowing why they’re after you. Oh, and without me.” 

“Then why are you even offering the vow? Don’t you want to go home?”

Draco took a long drink from his mug. “I still have a sentence to carry out. If I go back home, I’ll get sent to the same prison that my father is being held at right now.”

“A...sentence?” Y/N stared at him. “I know you mentioned a punishment, but a sentence?”

He remained silent and refused to meet her eyes.

“Draco, what exactly did you have to do?”

“It’s none of your business,” he snapped. The sudden switch of tone made Y/N start, but he was unwavering in his scowl. “I’d prefer to not think about it.”

“But...Draco…” Y/N cast her gaze to the ground so she didn’t have to see the no doubt furious look in his eyes when she continued to push. “How bad? Do you think that maybe whoever is after me might know that I don’t have the box anymore? And that they might be trying to seek revenge against you for whatever it was that you did instead?”

He didn’t respond.

“Think about it. That would explain why I was untouched this whole time that you were away when they were still keeping tabs on me.”

With a pronounced bonk, he set his mug down on the coffee table. “I’m going to bed.”

She managed to get one more look at his face before he spun around to head up the stairs and was shocked to see what was etched into his face--anger, yes, frustration...and also shame. Unmistakable shame.

final a/n: weeoooooooo i’m like 3 minutes early...this is a monumental moment for my blog. let me know what you guys think (if there’s still people sticking with this series fjkds;al). i am going to go back into my hole and work on some math hw (wonders of ohio y/n vibes...i have low key become her trying to roleplay as a stem girl). the plot is going to thicken and hopefully there will be more fluff soon. i honestly didn’t want to add the hug bc i do want this to be slow burn but it has come to my attention that this is now about 30k words long and i haven’t given y’all so much as an inkling that draco has feelings/anything will happen between them so i gotta give you something to hold you over fjdska;

#draco x reader #draco imagine #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy imagine #draco x you #draco malfoy x you #draco x oc #draco malfoy x oc #draco malfoy #draco #dracotok #draco x y/n #draco malfoy x y/n

[peaches-writes]

member: hyunjin  wc: 1.3k genre: fluff, high school au (yall r like reviewing for college exams in this or summ), bad boy au, secret relationship au (kinda)  note: me realizing my fave period wlw film is not on the internet and projecting one of my fave scenes from it to hyunjin to cope lmao

[9:40 AM] A piece of paper rolled inside one of your black pens greets you after recess break, left outside of your usually organized pencil case for you to notice first as soon as you return from the convenience store across the street. Without even unrolling it, catching sight of Hyunjin right after, ‘sleeping’ with his earphones blasting a familiar RnB song across the room, was enough to give you an idea on who it could be from. 

“What? Are you trying to cheat on exams now? It’s only the CSAT reviews, Y/N, how could you?” Your best friend and seatmate, Chaeryeong, snickers playfully when she belatedly notices the paper, elbowing your side before sitting down next to you with her snacks. “If I were you, though, I’d hide it on my eraser. I heard that’s more discreet!” 

You roll your eyes at this, following her actions and sitting down as well with your own snacks. From the corner of your eye, you see Hyunjin shift in his hunched over position exaggeratedly loud, almost as if covering up an amused chuckle from him. “It’s not a cheat sheet.” You reprimand sternly, eventually cracking from the façade and giggling anyway. Exchanging your newly-bought snacks in your hands with the pen on the table, you immediately twist its cap open and take out the cartridge where the message has been rolled haphazardly around. “It’s...something else.”

Curiously, Chaeryeong leans to your side of your shared table with her banana bread and rests her chin on your shoulder as you separate the paper from the cartridge. “What is it, then? Who’s it from? Are you in on a CSAT conspiracy? Are you dating someone behind my back?” She gasps scandalously, making you laugh even more that you almost drop the bare cartridge on your lap. Ignoring your flustered reaction, she reaches for your arm and begins shaking you frantically for emphasis. “Come on, let me in on the gossip! Is he from our year? Is he older? Is he a she? Is he a they? Because if it’s a they, I’d gladly be in your exam conspiracy but not in a poly relationship—you know, just giving you a heads up.” 

You hear Hyunjin shuffle in his position once more, changing the song on his earphones halfway to a quieter one that makes his intentionally faint giggle sound louder in your ears. It makes you want to burst into more laughter on the spot as well but you focus instead on returning the cartridge back in its barrel first then opening the message fully. 

‘Hey, we’re still hanging out after school today, right? I heard from Jisung that your friends are having extra hours of study group today :( 

- HHJ

P.S. You look really cute today.’ 

“’HHJ’?” Chaeryeong raises a brow before releasing a belated gasp, removing herself from your shoulder to slap your arm and hiss, “Ya! You’re still hanging out with that troublemaker, Hwang Hyunjin?!” 

Glancing to said boy’s side of the room, by the entrance door where your cram school classmates have started piling in once more, you shrug in feign denial and answer, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Chae.”

This time around, Hyunjin purposely lets you and Chaeryeong hear him snicker.

-

[10:56 AM] “Ma’am?” You raise your hand up in the middle of a mock exam, lifting it down only when your proctor has reached your side to pass her your answer sheets. “Can I go to the bathroom? I’m already done with the exam.” 

Ms. Park nods and takes your answer sheet, gesturing for you to stand with a smile. “Sure, Y/N. Go on ahead.” 

“Thanks, ma’am!” You nod with an equally grateful grin, waiting for her to turn her back to you before subtly pocketing your eraser and standing up from your seat. 

You make a quiet beeline to the classroom’s back door where Hyunjin is seated, loudly opening the door to simultaneously drop the eraser near his foot. Stepping out of the room, you then make sure to close the door behind you quieter this time to hopefully avert the classroom’s attention away from Hyunjin.

Back inside the classroom, Hyunjin waits for your footsteps to fade onto the outside hallway first before taking out your eraser from its paper cover and noiselessly flattening the box-shaped structure.

‘Yes! We’re still on for later! I told them I’m hanging out with you but I kinda lied and said I’m tutoring you for something back in the regular classes heh...

- Y/N

P.S. You look really cute today too. Is that a new lip piercing? And...are you forgetting something?’

-

[11:01 AM] There’s a pink post-it note with its adhesive side turned upwards on the floor when you return from the bathroom. Finding Ms. Park sitting down on her table to watch over the students, you instinctively step on the folded note with the heel of your shoe and drag it over to your desk to discreetly hide it under your backpack on the floor. 

You then hurriedly retrieve your answer sheet from Ms. Park as per classroom policy during exams before settling back down on your desk, pretending to reach for your pencil case in the outer pockets of your backpack to pick up the post-it note from the floor. 

“Gosh, you two are so in love it’s so painfully obvious.” Chaeryoung mumbles teasingly under her breath as she steals a glance over to you while finishing her own exam. “If you keep this up, Yeji and I might actually spy on you two one of these days.” 

Heat rises up to your neck in an instant which you expertly hide by tilting your head away from Chaeryoung and elbowing her. “We’re not...in love or anything. We’re just hanging out.” 

“Sure, keep telling yourself that.” She rolls her eyes, returning her attention back to her work. 

‘Aah, now you’re lying. Am I rubbing off on you? You’re not making it any easier for me to win your friends over >:(

Anyway, it is a new piercing! I got it yesterday with Jisung so it’s still a bit painful but it’s cool, isn’t it? I also picked up something after the appointment that I thought you might like! I’ll show it later :)

- HHJ

P.S. Almost forgot! I was in a hurry to write a while back because Jisung kept bothering me but here’s your daily I love you from me <3’ 

“What does it say?” Chaeryoung whispers to you after a while, resting her head on top of her folded arms on the table. “The PG parts, at least.” 

“Shut up.” You hiss with a chuckle, re-folding the paper before pocketing it. “He’s just, uh...asking for tutoring later.”   

- 

[12:30 PM] You find Hyunjin tying his shoelaces by your cram school’s mini parking lot as you and your friends return from buying lunch at the convenience store. With only Chaeryoung noticing as she has her arm linked with yours and pointing at Hyunjin, you shoot a crumpled piece of paper to your boyfriend that lands right under his motorcycle.  

“For questions about ‘tutoring,’ you two sure are making it really dramatic.” Chaeryeong snorts in amusement at seeing you cover your mouth in giggles as you refrain from turning around to see Hyunjin pick up the paper. “You know, you two can talk to each other in person like normal people, right? At this point, I’m not even going to be surprised if a pigeon suddenly lands on your table during lecture.” 

“Yeah, well, he started it.” You defend yourself, dragging Chaeryeong to catch up with the rest of your friend group before they could notice the two of you acting strange. “Come on, we’re behind everyone else! It’ll look suspicious!” 

Behind you, Hyunjin excitedly opens the paper and flattens out the creases as much as he can, chuckling at your smaller than usual handwriting. 

‘It better be the matching lip rings you promised before! Now, I can’t wait to see you after class even more :( 

I love you too <3 The pen trick’s really neat, by the way. I really need to one-up you one of these days.

- Y/N’ 

m.list

#stayverse #districtninewriters #inkidz #stayhavennet #skzwriternet #stray kids #skz #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids au #stray kids oneshots #stray kids drabbles #stray kids fluff #skz imagines #skz scenarios #skz oneshots #skz au #skz drabbles #skz fluff #hyunjin #hwang hyunjin #stray kids hyunjin #skz hyunjin #hyunjin scenarios #hyunjin imagines #hyunjin au #hyunjin oneshots #hyunjin drabbles #hyunjin fluff

[t4tmoreid]

ok so. i've literally never been someone whos able to sleep easily ever in my life right. and like i am very much used to that at this point, and i've mostly been able to cope with never feeling rested and taking hours to fall asleep and rarely being able to stay asleep longer than a few hours but my god besties. something about the way i've been struggling to sleep lately is hitting me like a fucking truck lmao. idk it's like since i had covid last month, despite being totally better now my energy levels are still so low all the time, so where before i'd usually been able to power through the sleep deprivation for the most part, now when i don't sleep it's like the whole day is a write off cause i just have absolutely no energy at all to get anything done 🙃 and it's so frustrating cause i had my sleep schedule actually in a pretty good place for a few months there cause i was seeing a sleep therapist, so the fact that it's only slipped badly like this in this last month or so when i'm in the middle of trying to wrap up my semester and get these last few papers written and study for my exams is just. so unfair wskfjshkjfhs god i hate it here

#this paper i'm trying to finish is so late #like late past the extension she already gave me #cause i just!!! have no energy!!! i am so tired all of the time and i sit down for hours to try and do this work #and i just don't have it in me #and by the time i maybe actually start to get on a roll and make some progress my body is so tired i need to go lie down again #just from sitting at my desk for a few hours #like fuck bro. this is the worst #vent #i guess?? idk i'm not even trying to vent really i'm just complaining cause i'm so fucking annoyed with this askhjfsjdfs #like whyyyyyy can i not just sleep like a normal human being. why does this have to be ANOTHER thing wrong with my brain. #homophobia at its finest 🙄 #ap

[ibangmilfs64]

a/n: hhhhhhh this is my first time writing fanfiction i have finally hit peak loneliness and this is the only way i can cope lmao. also im sorry if it’s shit it’s been forever since i’ve written anything😔✌️

study session😼😼

summary: when your crush asks you to help him study for finals, how can you say no?

tags: male reader(i only kinda eluded to it whoops), shitty writing lmao

‘god this is boring’ you thought as you stared blankly into space, ignoring the boring lecture aizawa was currently giving your class and chosing to instead focus your thoughts on a certain excentric blonde who just happened to sit right next to you. you thought about his blonde, fluffy hair and how you wished you could run your fingers through it. you thought about his beautiful yellow eyes and how you wished you had the courage to turn to face him so you could admire them. you thought about his voice, his hands, his lips, his face. ‘ugh i can’t get my damn mind off of him’. As you pulled yourself out of your daydreams and back into reality you noticed a small folded piece of paper sitting on the edge of your desk. ‘passing notes. what is this, middle school?’ you mentally scoffed and rolled your eyes as you opened the note and read it.

can u help me study later tonight~ d.k.

‘okay so maybe passing notes is cool or whatever’. you stared at the note with wide eyes for a few seconds before composing yourself and writing down a ‘sure’ on the paper and sneakily places it on denkis desk. you watched as his face lit up when he read what you wrote and he turned to you and whispered “meet me after class” to which you just nodded and then went back to ignoring the lecture and overthinking what might happen at this study session.

‘oh my god Oh my god OHMYGOD’ was all you could think as you sat next to the boy you have been crushing on for months. ‘i am in his room i am on his bed i am sitting next to him in his room on his bed oh god oh fuck holy sh-’ “uhhhhh y/n are you okay there, you’re looking a bit pale?” you were snapped from your gay panic and forced to make a quick excuse for your obviously distressed appearance. “uhhhh i-i’m fine i just uhhhhh was just wondering if i remembered to feed my cat” you chuckled awkwardly, scratching the back of your neck as denki looked at you with a big smile on his face. “wow y/n, i didn’t know you had a cat, that’s so cool!!” “yeah....” you trailed off before you remembered something that you had meant to ask him on the walk to his dorm. “hey denki, why did you ask me to help you study?” he looked up at you, slight confusion evident in his bright yellow eyes. “what do you mean” ‘god the way he scrunched up his nose when he asked that was so cute this man is going to kill me’ you shifted awkwardly and turned to face him. “it’s just, i’m not the smartest person in our class, i mean you could’ve asked bakugou or something, he’s really smart” you said playing with your fingers. “woooowww y/n if you didn’t wanna help me you could’ve just said so~” he teased, poking the side of your face. you slapped his hand away and turned your head to hide your growing blush. “i never said that, idiot! i was just wondering because you’ve never really talked to me before” you pouted and crossed your arms. suddenly you felt denki grab you by the chin, forcing you to look at him. “maybe i wanted to get to know you”. his words cause the light pink that tinted your cheeks to grow into a firey red as you realize how close you are to his face. “d-denki-” “can i kiss you?” you felt your world stop. ‘did i just hear that correctly????’ “i- you- you’re-” you were unable to form a cohesive response, able to detect your panic, denki let go of your face and took a deep breath. “i like you y/n, i thought you were cute when i first saw you at the entrance exam and mina helped me attempt to shoot my shot, but i chickened out and asked you to help me study instead” he scratched the back of his head and you finally let out the breath you had been holding. “so....you didn’t need help studying” denki just shook his head and stared at the floor awkwardly. “i...i like you too” he stared up at you in disbelief. “really??” he asked, a giddy smile on his face. “yes really” you chuckled. “so....can i kiss you now?”

#mha x male reader #denki kaminari x reader #denki kaminari x male reader #mha x reader #mha fanfiction #fanfic #sorry my writing is ass lmao #mha #my hero x reader #my hero academia

[slightlymore]

Pride | Part 7

Pairing: Doyoung, Y/N, new character, Johnny cameo Genre: Series | Smut | Angst | Crack | Fluff Warnings: as usual, language, little hand cut, same issues around mental health and unhealthy coping mechanisms, angsty, smutty scenario Words: 5.8K

Just one part to go peeps, Part 8 is going to be the last whoop whoop (I can create conflict and drama every chapter but after a while it’s kinda boring, so let’s end it soon lmao) 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 |  Part 8 THE END

The rain was pouring heavily on the roof as if a thousand fingers were tapping on it. You could see it slide down the little cabin’s windows, dragging down tree branches, frightening and beautiful at the same time. It was a cold night but you were feeling so cozy, skin bathed in the yellow hue of the fireplace. 

It was loud and scary outside, but you couldn't hear it. Not really. Your mind was foggy and occupied with so many things. It was difficult to express what those things were. But you knew what they formed altogether. Pleasure. 

Intense, breathtaking pleasure, traveling from the tip of your curled toes, up to your knees, bringing lust and passion all the way to your head, as a slow caress. 

The culprit was Doyoung. Or better, Doyoung’s tongue, while he was holding your thighs so tightly that you were seeing the bruises underneath his fingers. You wanted to see his eyes as well, you wanted to bath in that darkness full of desire, but they were closed. His eyebrows were furrowed as if concentrating and you ruffled the hair on his forehead, to drink in his every expression. When he let go of your clit, a little string of saliva connecting it to his tongue, you whined and arched your back, showing him everything that you wanted. His eyes pierced finally through yours and he smiled. Then those lips, still curved up teasingly, kissed your stomach, painfully slow, rising in a single line, going between your breasts, on your collar bones, on your neck and chin. He brought his hand up to cup your cheeks and rubbed your lower lip with his thumb. You opened your mouth, ready to fall into him, but a little sparkle at the corner of your eye got your attention elsewhere. Looking at his hand you felt your head a little less foggy. You blinked as if hallucinating. Was that a ring? He had no rings, you were sure about it. Why was a ring adorning his finger, but also, why was that fact making you feel so confused and uneasy? "Where did you get that from?", you asked grabbing his hand and analyzing the piece of jewelry. Doyoung looked at the ring first, then at your face with a chuckle. "What are you talking about?", he asked as well. "This is a wedding ring", you explained. Doyoung grinned. "Yes, I can't believe this either, my love". An unpleasant shiver caressed your spine and you already knew before looking. You could feel it. It was cold and secure around your finger as well. Near the other one, with a big stone on it. Your engagement and marriage rings. You gasped as if falling underwater. The corners of your vision started to get dark as blurry stains made it difficult to see. No, no, no, no. You swallowed. The air from your lungs disappeared and even if you tried hard to breathe, nothing came in as your focus shifted. Doyoung wasn’t on top of you anymore. You looked at him and his fiancé from above, the way her hand caressed his back, listening to their whispers and you found yourself panting. Again. No, please, no, stop. Let me alone. Please. I don’t want this. I don’t want it. Your legs kicked the covers and you sat up, hands restless, chin trembling and communicating that you were about to cry. Again. From a stupid dream haunting your nights. _____

You were the first thought that would wake Doyoung up in the morning. The last desire that lulled him to sleep at night. And in that split uncountable moment between consciousness and unconsciousness, he let himself flow. He promised to do it only in those circumstances when his rational side couldn't hold him in his grip. Even if lately he felt himself slowly slipping its hold every second more. Dreaming is only causing you pain, the Rational side would say. Not doing it is going to cause pain anyways, Doyoung would reply. Yes, but the first type of pain is going to end soon, it insisted. How do you know that? Doyoung would ask. I just know, it would get irritated. What if I don't care? Doyoung would inquire again. The Rational side wouldn’t reply as if tired to argue yet again.   What if I don't care about anything? Legit nothing in life matters. What if I just do whatever the fuck I want? Future me doesn't exist, does it? Only I do, right now. And right now I just want to fucking dream, alright? The Rational side was judging silently while Doyoung would get worked up by himself, in a pathetic fight. Let me, please, please, just let me dream for a second more. I beg of you. Okay? I beg. Just one second. Then I’ll stop. I promise. Just this time. Please. Please. Please. Doyoung would mumble to himself until finally forced to open his eyes and stare soullessly at the first rays of sun entering his room. Breathless. Ashamed. Defeated. Time’s up. No more dreaming, the Rational side’s little voice would wake up as well. ________ Jealousy was something you didn't want to think about. When Johnny was seeing other people, it felt like a sting in the heart, a little oh forming on your lips. You've made an effort to not let it be a selfish sentiment. I'm not a jealous person, you would say with a proud smile. But the truth was that you were. And after waking up, drenched in your own sweat after being so sure that your dreams were a reality before they could become nightmares, and even worse, fantasy, your chest would boil in pain. In pain and rage. You were so angry. You were so jealous. It was no more a sting, or a little oh, it was a hit in the stomach and a soundless scream. You would walk around to class, taking your exams, eating, talking, and laughing with your friends, but never alone, always with this ugly feeling on your shoulders. You felt jealous, possessive, selfish, hateful. You would alternate thoughts of I have to stop, I can’t change it, I can't be a bad person, with I'm a bad person, so what, I am like that, I feel that, that’s me, until feeling like you were driving yourself into madness. When you shook your rector’s hand, while the other was holding your degree, a few months had already passed after seeing Doyoung’s face for the last time. It felt like decades and a few days at the same time. “This is a new beginning, huh?”, Johnny’s face light up in a bright smile. You looked up at him and a soft fuzzy feeling flooded your chest. If Doyoung’s experience was helpful in some ways, one of it was the fact that you finally sorted out your feelings for your best friend. And he did as well, you could see it in the way his eyes looked free and calm, in the way his voice called your name, in the way he felt sorry for you after you told him everything that happened with Doyoung. It took you both some time, but you did it, and you started to breathe more easily after you saw Johnny’s understanding eyes instead of his previous jealous ones. He also realized that your romantic relationship wasn’t a healthy one and he felt better about himself for a long while giving the fault of your fights to Doyoung, when in reality, deep down, he knew you would have behaved like that towards each other anyways. Smiling back at him, you both linked arms and walked away to where your seats were. “I have good news”, you interrupted the silence, whispering to his ear after you sat down. “You know that company you said were hiring?”, you asked, building tension but unable to hide your smile. Johnny looked down at you with wide eyes. A few days before graduation, Johnny came up to you with the most euphoric expression. “Y/N, please apply to this job”, he slammed a piece of printed paper on your desk. You looked at it, confused, then up at him. “Why?”, you asked. Johnny breathed in as if preparing for the longest monologue of his life. “You must”, he just said though. He was so on the edge, sprinkling happiness like a child, that you found yourself chuckling. “Why don’t you apply to it? We’re graduating the same day. You also need a job”, you commented. Johnny crossed his arms on his chest. “You know I want to take a year off and travel the world. I won’t sit my ass in an office chair from 9 till 5, thank you very much. But you,” he shoved his finger into your face, “you love that kind of job, and this,” he slammed the paper again making you jolt, “it’s the perfect opportunity for you. Trust me. You’ll see. You’ll thank me”, he finished. You laughed and shrugged putting the paper inside your books. “Wait, they accepted you?”, now Johnny asked loudly, several heads in the graduation hall turning to hush you. You waved your hand in front of him as to indicate to keep his voice down. But then you nodded while a little smile forming on your lips. “Fuck!”, Johnny exclaimed. “I am- fuck!”, he just cursed again and hug you tightly. _______ Doyoung never realized it before how you were the reason for his every gesture. Not until you weren't there to hold him up anymore. He wasn't as melodramatic as to say that what he did now was pointless, but it had no real meaning either. Like it didn't have before meeting you. He was getting overwhelmed by everything now, he had no patience, every sound and image and person were unbearable. His thoughts were out of control. “You’re under great stress right now, Doyoung”. Doyoung sighed. Yeah, I know, old man. "It's just", he finally spoke slowly, staring out of that window yet again, "I'm always waiting for something", he added, trying hard to explain his thoughts. The therapist nodded. "It's always-", Doyoung paused again, recollecting himself, "-I always think like, it's going to be over soon, just a little bit. I’m assuring myself that this won’t last long, that it’s going to end. While my hands are itching and I can’t stay still. I am waiting and waiting and looking around for something. But what am I waiting for? Death?", he chuckled bitterly. The man in front of him shook his head with a sigh. He put his notes down and rested his elbows on his knees, eyes piercing over the eyeglasses frames. "The answer is - life, Doyoung”. Doyoung jerked his head towards the man as if someone punched him in the face. “You're not waiting for things to be over. You're waiting for things to start". ________ Your limbs were shaking and your throat was completely closed off not letting you even to swallow, as you clasped your hands together, playing with your fingernails. You had to explain to the guards why you had no pass to enter the building yet, then to explain what were you doing there, then you had to wait for a young girl, the HR director’s secretary, to take you to her boss - a woman with a dry smile on her face. “You have arrived at the right moment”, the young secretary smiled at you kindly while taking you through the company corridors, giving you a short tour. The place wasn’t just big. It was humongous. You were in the marketing wing at that moment, with an open mouth, in shock while passing near the windows seeing how tall the building actually was, while the secretary was about to tell you at which desk you will be spending the next few years of your life. This, if they don’t fire you sooner. “Really? What does that mean?”, you asked politely, entering the office. A few people raised their eyes from the computer, most didn’t, some of them were discussing between themselves, some of them were yelling into their phones before slamming it on the desk. Great, you sighed. Looks inviting.  “Tonight there’s a company party. It’s going to be a great occasion to get to know your colleagues. When there are alcohol and music, they all loosen up a lot”, she winked at you as if telling a secret. You smiled back grateful for her being the first person you had the pleasure to meet and not some random rude one. Then you sat down after she introduced you to the department manager, who promptly left you alone talking about being very busy in the same second the secretary left as well.  The evening approached fast as you spent the whole day trying to understand how the phone line worked, how to use the computer efficiently, what your first tasks were. You had to learn most of those things alone as the people you had to shadow were “too busy to babysit someone right now”. You sighed. You kinda knew it was going to be like this so you weren’t that surprised. Getting into such a big company right after graduating university was a big deal and you weren’t about to whine but you still hoped that after that night you’d have at least one new friend. At least someone to talk to you and that would want to answer your questions.  It took you a lot of effort to go back to your new small apartment after the exhausting day, to shower, to try to find something appropriate to wear to a party, but a classy one, but still, a party, to put on makeup again, to do your hair, then to come back to the company building, all before 9 pm. When you got out of the taxi, you were already sweating, heels pierced by the high heels, spirit crushed and mind absolutely ready to go to bed already. You didn’t really like parties in the first place, even during your university days, but you still had the energy to dance at least until 4 am and get completely hammered when in the mood. It definitely wasn’t the case anymore. Entering the hall you stopped to breathe in and out and just awkwardly looked around. All types of people were standing in small groups, smiling fakely, and chatting about boring stuff, probably work. Your outfit wasn’t too off, thankfully and you felt lowkey grateful that no one gave you any attention. You were the type of person to want to socialize but at your terms and being shoved in the middle of a group full of strangers didn’t sound very appealing at that moment. For how intimidating, it was still a pretty gathering. The high windows were letting people admire the little city lights against the dark night. Some waiters were walking around with tall glasses of champagne and finger food. It was alright, you reassured yourself. You could do it. Come on. You closed your eyes as if gathering courage, still standing in the frame of the tall door, and opening them again after a moment you made the first step inside. A waiter walked right in front of you so you awkwardly grabbed a glass to look occupied while strolling the place alone. Your feet took you towards the windows. Sipping on a drink and looking at the night view? Great plan when you have no idea what to do to yourself. So, you picked up the pace, as if physically needing to get to those windows as soon as possible. But you probably shouldn’t have as you suddenly felt a cold liquid all over your chest followed by a deep swear. “I apologize. I didn’t see you coming-”, the man spoke but soon his voice flattered, becoming a tiny sound then nothingness. You blinked a few times looking down your dripping dress, then at the hand holding the glass that just got the champagne all over you, then up at the man’s face. Two fiery eyes were wide enough for you to see yourself in them. "What are you doing here?", Doyoung asked with a breathy voice. You had no idea what a heart attack felt like but somehow, in that exact moment, you thought that you probably were about to die. Yes, definitely. This feels like dying. Your muscles were like paralyzed and your fingers couldn’t keep the grip around your glass anymore, letting it fall, making you close your eyes when it shattered all over the floor. Angry heys surrounded you as some fragments probably went flying to their faces but they sounded so far away. You weren’t able to understand anything that was happening so you just looked at the man in front of you moving in slow-motion. "I got this", his lips formed to someone, probably a waiter, while he knel. You imitated him, crouching down like an automaton, your limbs moving without your brain telling them what to do. Doyoung carefully gathered all the biggest pieces of glass and for some reason grabbed your hand afterward, calling you stupid all of a sudden.  "What?", you asked with a tiny voice, looking down. The party sounds started to return slowly, infiltrating in your brain and shaking your nerves just like the sting on your finger. "It's alright", you said, putting it inside your mouth and sucking on it. "It's just a little cut". Doyoung didn't comment on that and you knew that you probably could have understood what he was thinking by looking at his eyes, but you were too much of a coward to look up. He was still holding your wrist and all your brain cells were concentrated on that spot, trying to memorize the way his cool skin felt on yours. God, you missed it, you missed it so much that you were about to let yourself fall in an agonizing cry. Then you realized what you were doing and felt like running away. You can’t. Don’t feel. No. Stop. "Come", he spoke suddenly leaving all the mess behind and you couldn’t do anything else but to let yourself be dragged like a lifeless puppet. You looked at his back as he was walking in front of you, then at his styled black hair, you listened to the sound his dress shoes made on the marbled floor, then he let your hand go entering a small room. "There should be something here…", he mumbled by himself, opening and closing all the cabinets in the bathroom. It was a pretty one, not like the public ones on your floor. It looked luxurious and almost intimate as if it was private. Doyoung was standing in front of the sink, eyebrows furrowed as if trying to see better. You were left in the frame of the door, holding your wrist, finger raised up, weight shifting from one foot to another. The déjà-vu was so strong to leave you breathless. You wondered if Doyoung remembered as well. Or if he cared at all. You couldn't stop yourself from letting your eyes fall to his hands, afraid, trying to see the ring. God, oh God. No, please, no.  You felt all your blood abandon your brain. You felt like falling. It was there, shiny, adorning his pretty hands. So he did it. He actually did it. So quickly? It felt like years but only months passed from the last time you saw him. How was that possible? Wasn’t that a dream? You couldn’t believe it was actually reality. His number has been on your phone screen multiple times a day for the past months, fingers hovering over it, to call or not to call, to text or not to text. Then his voice had bounced on the walls of your mind every time. Let me go. Let me go. If you’re not giving anything to me, just let me go. Then his last kiss had ghosted your lips as if he had just kissed you one minute before that, and you would have gently caressed the thin skin with your fingertips. Was it your fault? Should you have just called, just once? Would that have helped you, him, both of you? Or did you do the right choice? Not contacting him at all, leaving him, letting him go? God. After all of this time. Your breath was still going missing. "Here". he turned around and getting closer, he handed you the wet cotton. You stared at it as if not understanding what he was saying. Right. It’s not like he was about to hold your hand again, taking care of you, making the scenario intimate, medicating the cut for you. This was no Tumblr fanfiction. This was reality. You took it with a trembling hand and placed it on your finger. It burnt like hell but the pain somehow helped you feel better. "I'm sorry", Doyoung then said. You looked up. "For spilling my drink on you", he explained quickly. You nodded. "It's alright", you answered with a tiny voice. And just when you thought that he would go away and leave you there just the way he did months ago, he spoke again. "There's no Johnny to lend us clothes this time, huh?", he joked with an uneasy little smile.  His eyes were curved in a warm half moon and you thought you could drown in that sweetness. "Yeah", you managed to say after a moment of silence, a little smile intruding on your lips as well. He remembered. He was thinking about the same thing. Your knees were feeling even weaker than before. Then you both bounced on the silence wall between you. "Why are you here?", he finally spoke after a little while, finally about what you both were dying to talk about. His voice was cautious and polite while you put a bandaid on your cut. He looked like speaking to a scared kitty and you were feeling like one indeed. “What are you doing here?”, you asked but as the words left your mouth you already knew. That was his company. Of course. You felt so stupid. You closed your eyes. Dammit, Johnny Suh. Doyoung sighed silently, as if a little uncomfortable, noticing how you knew the answer to that already. You suddenly panicked, realizing how that looked like to his eyes.  “No! I am not here because of you!”, you spluttered out quickly, feeling your eyes widen. “I didn’t know this was your father’s company. I really just thought about it. I had no idea. I swear-”, but he interrupted you by placing his hands on your shoulders. “Hey, hey, Y/N”, he spoke softly, “it’s alright”. You shook your head. “But it’s true. I don’t want you to think that I am here…” you added but drifting off, unsure what words to use. Doyoung let his arms fall slowly. “It’s fine. I believe you”, he assured you. “There’s no need to explain yourself”. You sighed, still frustrated but didn’t add anything else, not wanting to embarrass yourself even further. “Are you alone?”, he looked behind you as if expecting to see someone. “N-no”, you shook your head. “I am- with a man”. The last word sounding way too high to be considered normal conversational pitch. Doyoung looked down at you again, not saying anything for a few instances. “Let me take you to him, then”, he simply said and walked out of the bathroom. “Doyoung!”, you called before realizing how much you’ve missed having his name roll on your tongue. “Please, don’t bother. It’s alright”, you added when reaching him. He stopped, waiting for you to catch up. “I insist”, he replied sternly. “This is the least I can do to make it up to you for destroying your dress”. You knew how stubborn he could get and if you weren’t feeling so many different things altogether, you would have rolled your eyes at him. You sighed and followed him. Entering the hall again, you gulped and lifted yourself on the tiptoes, staring around the room as if effectively looking for your man. “Uhm-”, you murmured unsurely. Doyoung crossed his arms on his chest and looked around as well. “Uh…”, you were about to get a panic attack. What should you do? Be honest? Yes, be honest then go outside and dig a fucking hole to bury yourself in, you fucking loser. What were you thinking? Why was it necessary to tell him that you were over him? Why was it necessary to invent a stupid ass story? “There!”, you exclaimed after a minute and just walked hurriedly towards a random guy, praying that he would play along. Please, please, please. Doyoung followed you and as you reached the man’s shoulders you just slid your arm underneath his. The man turned around, reasonably surprised, and just looked at your wide eyes, telling him to just shut up and do what you were about to tell him to do. “I’m sorry for being away for so long. What a bad date I am, right?”, then you opened your mouth in a sequence of loud “ha ha ha”, making the guy feel even more uncomfortable. He furrowed his eyebrows at your almost desperate expression, not missing the way you were tilting your head towards Doyoung, standing with hands in his pockets behind you. “Oh”, the guy finally said as if finally understating. Then his eyes light up amused and he tugged at your arm, making you come closer. “It’s alright, darling. I hope you’re fine?”, he put on a worried expression eyeing your bandaged finger and holding your hand to look at it closely.   You looked at him, surprised that he was able to catch up on that so effortlessly but pleased at the same time. Thank God. “It’s just a little cut. I dropped my glass”, you explained and inhaled sharply as the guy brought your hand to his lips and kissed your knuckles. It was so sudden that you definitely felt your heart flutter. “To make the boo-boo go away faster”, the guy explained as if obvious. Doyoung was still standing there like a big and dark shadow, so you turned around to face him when he cleared his throat. “Oh, Doyoung, hi, didn’t see you there”, the guy looked up as if suddenly aware of the other’s presence. “Yeah, sure. Then I’ll be going now. Take care”, Doyoung spoke directing the last phrases to you. “Wait, you guys know each other?”, you asked surprised, staring at one first then at the other. You were already preparing yourself for the embarrassing moment of having to introduce them to each other, not knowing what to say about Doyoung and not even knowing the guy’s name. The fact that you didn’t have to do that made the air feel slightly easier to breathe in but at the same time, a weird shiver of worry caressed your spine. The guy, indeed, pressed his hand on the small of your waist as a warning. You looked at him and saw the way he smiled, showing all of his teeth, speaking through them. “This is a company party, darling. We all work together. Did you forget?”, he asked with a tight smile. You swallowed nothing feeling your throat suddenly dry. “Oh yeah, haha, wow, I must be very tired”, you chuckled bringing one hand to your head as if suddenly exhausted. “Haha indeed”, the guy replied with a big smile but it was almost obvious that it was fake.  Doyoung looked at both of you, unamused as if watching a terrible play. You were about to say something else since the embarrassment was crawling on your skin, but you didn’t need to as Doyoung spared you of further awkwardness. “See you on Monday then, and please, for the love of God, help me finish that assignment, alright?”, he spoke. The guy put his hand on his hip with a daring face. “I’m too good to be your helper”, he smiled. You gasped. That guy was speaking like that to the CEO himself? Was he doing that to help you out? You tugged at his hand trying to tell him to stop, that there was no need for him to act like that. But Doyoung just sighed as if already used to that behavior and rolling his eyes he just walked away. You couldn’t help but look at his back and legs as they were drifting away every step more, as if praying for him to not go, not again. “What are you doing?”, you finally whispered concerned to the guy after taking your eyes off Doyoung. “Are you insane?” The guy looked at you as if you were the insane one between the two. And maybe he was right. “Aren’t you afraid he’s going to fire you?”, you asked again, explaining your shock. The guy furrowed his eyebrows at you as if not understanding, then he laughed. “Who? Doyoung?”, he laughed even harder. You looked at him confused. “He’s the CEO of this company. What are you laughing about?”, you were getting a little irritated. The guy swiped an imaginary tear out of his eye. “That loser wishes to be the CEO”, he commented. “What are you talking about?”. You felt your head hurting. He breathed in and out, suddenly bored, looking at you from head to toe, as if finally asking himself what the fuck do you want from him. “Who are you anyway?”, he asked. You puffed your cheeks. “Later! What do you mean he’s not the CEO?”, you asked urgently. “I mean”, he started, finally sliding his arm away from yours, “that he’s not the fucking CEO”, he finished. “We’re just co-workers. We work in the same department”. You unfocused your gaze as if thinking about what he has just said. The guy shook his head as if dealing with a weirdo and grabbed a glass of champagne from a passing waiter. “I just don’t understand”, you finally spoke again. The guy didn’t reply and just drank, but his face was screaming “because you’re fucking stupid”. Then you tugged at his arm, making him lean down towards you, closer to your face, and whispered to his ear. “He is the former CEO's son”, you shared the secret, wondering if Doyoung was working in a lower position to hide his origins. The guy listened with wide eyes then looked at you and gasped when you finished. “No. fucking. way”, he articulated theatrically.   “Hey”, he then stopped a random dude by slapping the back of his hand on his chest. “Did you know that Kim Doyoung from the IT department is - the CEO's son?”, he asked. You jolted and squeezed his arm as to stop him from talking. What the fuck was he doing? But the dude looked at him with no particular reaction besides pure confusion. “Yeah?”. The guy turned around to you with a fake surprised face. “Oh no! Did you hear that? Everyone knows!”, he exclaimed putting his hand on his cheek.  You stared at him for a few seconds, breathing in slowly, then you just hit his arm. The guy giggled at your reaction and sprinted one step away. “You’re a fucking asshole”, you accused him. “It’s just”, he laughed, “your face was priceless. You thought you were sharing a top-notch state secret. I can’t believe I’m having so much fun at a company party. I’m glad I came”, he said. You were shocked and angry. How dare this guy to mock you and laugh at you like that? You were already out of your own fucking mind because it was the first working day of your whole life, you’ve just met Doyoung after being sure to not see him again, you’ve discovered that he is indeed married after struggling with the most excruciating pain for months because of that, you acted in a full-on rom-com just now, and you still had to be the subject of this guy’s jokes? “Well, then why is he working such a low position as you when he can be the CEO?”, you tried to insult him, but the guy looked unbothered. “What is this? A Korean drama?”, he chuckled. “He can’t just climb the ladder with blood alone. He has to work his ass off just like everybody else. From the bottom”. You really had no idea what to do with all of the information roaming your head. What the fuck was that? Did he marry a random girl just to have a normal position in his own company? Did he sacrifice his life for something that anyone could have?  The guy looked at your expressionless face. “What’s up with this situation anyway? Was Doyoung bothering you before?”, he asked suddenly. You jerked your head towards him surprised. “What? No, why would he?”, you shook your head. “I mean, why wouldn’t he?”, the guy replied, staring you down with a little smirk. You rolled your eyes at his flirt.  “Well”, you crossed your arms on your chest, “maybe because he’s married?”, you said confidently and hoped he didn’t see the way your lower lip trembled while saying that. The guy choked on his drink. “He’s married?”, he asked shocked. “You didn’t know?”, you eyed him, secretly pleased that you were one step ahead of him but at the same time worried dead that you’ve just made a huge mistake by saying that. “He also has the ring”. The guy tilted his head to the side as if thinking. “That doesn’t look like a wedding ring to me”, he commented. “Not that I look at men’s hands or anything”, he added quickly, going back to sipping from his glass. “Well, he is married. Trust me. But don’t say that to anyone else”, you spoke, your eyes drifting to where Doyoung was talking to some people. Even from afar, you could see the way his lips curved in a fake smile. You sighed. You couldn’t believe he was there, in the same room, and you talked, and you saw his face again. God. You were feeling so much as so intensely that you were under the impression of not being able to feel anything at all. “Ohhh”, the guy suddenly exclaimed giving you a mild shock for how close and loud he was, “so, he’s your ex-boyfriend. And now you discover that he’s married!”, he added even louder with wide eyes as if finally understating everything. “God, I fucking love this party”, he chuckled to himself. You grabbed a drink as well, finishing it all in one go. “He’s not my ex-boyfriend”, you replied not giving him any other explanations. “And be quiet. Maybe he doesn’t want people to know”. The guy clicked his tongue as if not believing you but not wanting to be seen as rude by asking other questions. He sighed and you sighed as well, both looking at the way people were moving around, forming groups and changing them up, laughing, chatting, having a good time. You felt like they were on another planet, their energy so different from the one you had inside. It was inevitable. You knew it. It was about to come. You would end up crashing down in the taxi going home, or randomly as you were pouring down cereal for breakfast. You were feeling them crawling under your skin, the feelings, but at that moment, you decided to still bath in the bliss all of the shocking experiences gifted you. “Thank you, for, you know, before...”, you added vaguely after a few moments. “No problem. I was getting bored anyway”, he shrugged. “I’m Y/N, by the way”, you extended your hand. He took it. “Nice to meet you”, he smiled. “I’m Haechan”. 

#doyoung #doyoung smut #doyoung angst #doyoung fluff #doyoung series #nct #nct dream #nct 127 #nct smut #nct angst #nct fluff #pride #doyoung pride #pride part 7 #johnny #nct johnny #johnny suh

[xxrat--punkxx]

JUMPING ON THIS BAND WAGGON

Ok here’s my 2020, tw//mentions of suicide and abuse

(Strong start lmao) 2020 sucked ass lemmi tell ya. This year was a fucking train wreck from the start, ur hay I got character development so who cares. Well let’s start with a review, bad things first.

Yall remember when everyone was scared shields of COVID?. Lol. But that’s stating the obvious. When we went into lockdown I was first like fuck yeah summer lol, but then the threat of ‘staying home for the rest of the year’ set in, bing in my first year of sixth form I really understand the stakes of exams next year. So having to stay home for the rest of the year freaked me the fuck out. I literally couldent cope, having to do all classes online was fucking hell, they were never zoom classes either, just ‘lmao do the work and hand it in’ which was near impossible for me. I was also in the constant ‘oh no I’m so stressed but I will do NOTHING about this lmao~’. As the days turned to weeks and inevitably MONTHS, my mental health said buckle up bitches. Days were spent sitting in my room on my phone doing NOTHING, meanwhile this perpetual notion of stress played in my head yet there I sat not having the will or motion to move.

Then my parents got involved. Now THATS when shit went from pretty crummy to awful, now I was living with them constantly I was able to see who they really were with no real filter. And oh god do I have issues, I didn’t even fucking know. Every day was an argument, my mom was the worst, the MANIPULATION, the constant ‘you're tearing this family apart’ or ‘so I’m the problem?’ Or the fucking indecent playing the victim. And I all only just realised, that they have been doing this ALL MY LIFE. Dad got involved but he was just physically violent, only twice tho. The worst part was my work, admittedly yes, I didn’t do everything I was given, but I tried, I really did with what little motivation I had. But with just one ‘oh your daughter hasn’t handed in this work’ I was a ‘lazy, good for nothing failure’ to quote ‘who will never go anywhere in life’ so I’d spend the rest of the day crying while they play the victim bury saupying I was abusing their love and just using them for money. But the next day be like ‘oh I’m so proud of you you're doing so well’ having that statement being completely unrelated to the previous events. This was constant. So that’s that story. I won’t talk much about Black Lives Matter because we all know about how that went. But it really affected me, I found myself crying over the victims multiple times. And the lack of support for the movement my peers or family showed made it fucking worse. Crying was a common occurrence for me now, mental health really taking a nosedive, being too scared to call myself ‘depressed’ or ‘mentally ill’ to any extent because I know I’m faking it and just want validation. That was also constant. Fun times huh.

BUT IT GETS WORSE 🥲, then I had to go back to school, awful to fucking abhorrent now. Year two of sixth form fun right? Sure, if u take away the ‘no free time period’ or the wanting to kill mystery for literally a whole 3 weeks. That was my lowest peak. Ever. I’ve never wanted to kill myself before then, don’t like that feeling. Shocker huh. That mixed with the constant anxiety of nothing is right anymore and also needing to succeed at school all made one healthy dose of ‘.exe has stopped working’ juice. Yet I played the fool, acting happy as if nothing had happened, or was happening at least, and venting by imagining scenes in my head with fictional characters lmao. Telling myself ’u can’t kill yourself because u don’t deserve too and ur just asking for attraction’. Then midterms happened blah blah blah, stress but I’m numb to it now that whole story.

But that’s not to say there wasn’t a silver lining.

Onto the good things finally, yes the year was probably one of the worst years I’ve been through in my life it did not go without its positives. For example early this year I got into borderlands properly, I finally explored the fandom and had a look at what it was like. Albeit a slow process considering I was still predominantly on Instagram at the time, and finding a community of a fandom on there is impossible. I started browsing Pinterest or the Internet for images that would link to my favourite characters, Who were to no ones surprise is the calypso twins. Pinterest led me to artworks and artworks led me to the infamous Lazulizard. Who I cherish all my being. Three weeks later after looking at her entire tumblr blog and stalking her of pretty much all her content (sorry for that by the way) I found border-spam. By this point I didn’t have tumblr and I had no intention of getting it seeing as an ongoing war I’ve had with myself since 2012, declaring I will be the bigger man and never get tumblr, which in hindsight was an awful mindset. Seeing as tumblr is probably one of my favourite places on Earth right now. But after also stalking border spams account, again sorry, and starving her of any content she’d ever posted. I was happy that this fandom although as niche as it is was actually getting content. At the time spam and lazu were absolute gods to me. Being the sole producer of a fandom I probably wasn’t even in properly, having both impeccable writing and impeccable art like good God. I would often think ‘wow wouldn’t it be incredible if I actually got to talk to them one day’, now look at me I’m doing commissions for both of them good God. And to be short joining tumblr felt like a fever dream and it’s probably the greatest thing I could’ve done this year, my parents are wrong, talking to strangers is amazing.

Something notable of mention this year as I actually got to figure out who I am as a person, I was able to find my own style and to find my interests, specifically in what I liked in terms of clothing. I thought I was LOL 2012 goth hipster but no apparently I’m manic Pixie dream girl. Going from pink is the ugliest colour in the world to having it be the only colour I will ever wear. I made some pretty big choices this year like cutting pretty much all of my hair off and dying it for the first time. Thanks strict parents for only letting me do that one now. But like I said I went to a character Ark and you know what I like it. I also played BioShock fallout and horizon zero dawn for the first time this year starting to really feel like a proper epic gamer, good lord kill me, and falling in love with all of them almost immediately. I also figured out on a plant mum and I’m into vulture culture although my parents have to disagree with that one. Asking to buy an Horse and fox skull somehow scared them a little bit can’t seem to figure out why lmao.

So a conclusion, Fuck you 2020 you made me miss two comic cons and I will never forgive you for that shit I am SO mad. But I will give you the benefit of the doubt you did make me meet some absolutely incredible people who I consider my friends, despite going against every single Internet safety law I was ever taught as a child. But you know what who gives a flying shit I love you guys. So that’s what I wanted to say. I want to say thank you to everyone on here and everyone is following me or even interacted me with on that matter. You mean the world to me and I really fucking mean it. Are you going to be nothing but amazing ever since I walked onto this fucking hell hole. And what I go through all of this bullshit again if it means I ended up here? You know what I think I just might. So again I thank you and I hope your year didn’t go as badly as mine, and fuck it bring on whatever the fucks next!

Honourable mention of this year was The time Elisa actually complimented me and I cried a little bit and had a panic attack but you know that’s for another day

🥺💕

#I literally drew nothing this year #like this is all of it lmao #I didn’t post a lot of this stuff because hmmm #but omfg my evolution of tyreen art lmao #that one in January was the first time I ever drew her #I literally got into borderlands in January snd now look at me #consistent style who? #actually a lot of this is collage work huh #that digital December is a surprise #I’m nearly finished just gotta do effects #but my productivity said 📉📉📉📉📉 #yeah I used to draw angel a LOT as well lol #borderlands #troy calypso #tyreen calypso #lilith the siren #my art #ocs #kiatei #rhys the company man #patricia tannis #angel the siren #uhhhhh #2020 summary #tw mention of abuse #tw mention if suicide #long post

[theheroheart]

New Years Meme 2020

@arqueete:  “This survey is a meme that has been passed around among my friends since back in LJ days. If you want to join in, please consider yourself tagged.”

I used to journal more, and stuff like this is really nice to look back on, because I have terrible memory for life stuff or the passage of time. So here, for future me.

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? Uhhhh wear a mask to the grocery store? This was not a groundbreaking year for new experiences.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year? I didn't have any. I don't make any. I mean, sometimes I make them in the vague "I want to focus on this in the future", but I'll already have forgotten by March, like I don't really PLAN my life in such a way. I just have goals that aren't tied to specific points in time. You get there when you get there, and you choose what you want to prioritise.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No, but my brother got married, which was very exciting because he's 40 and has never had a girlfriend who he considered important enough for me to meet. (And my sister-in-law is delightful.)

4. Did anyone close to you die? My (half-)brother's dad died a few weeks ago (cancer), but I didn't really know him, so I wouldn't say he was close to me. I did spend almost a week at my brother's place to be there for him though. And honestly, I kept thinking about how my mom's dead this year, because in a way I'm glad we didn't have to deal with this year together. She already died from respitory failure, had poor impulse control and sense of safety, and I would've been CONSTANTLY worried about her.

5. What countries did you visit? I was gonna go to Malaysia (for my brother's wedding celebration), but that didn't happen. (Flatmates were gonna go to Japan.) So. Yeah. Home country all the way.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? A driving force to move forward in my life?

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I don't think... that there is one specific day? I guess the US election? Despite me being Norwegian, it's still fairly historic.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? /stares blankly at the wall I did do some nice art pieces? I coped? I managed to have good times and make friends despite everything else.

9. What was your biggest failure? I dropped out of two classes specifically because I couldn't do remote learning and self-structured study (BECAUSE ADHD YO), even though it wasn't even that HARD subjects, which was very frustrating. It hasn't set my study plan back, thankfully, but it still felt like a waste.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Only mental. And thankfully not as bad as it could've been, but hell yeah there was some strong anxiety in there.

11. What was the best thing you bought? I've bought some great video games this year. Animal Crossing brought 250 hours of fun, Hades brought 100 hours so far. Good investments.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? // 13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Both of these are related to pandemic behavior so I think you can guess.

14. Where did most of your money go? Entertainment? Also, god, I spent so much money on theatre tickets that are now just vouchers for non-specific future performances. I'll get my money's worth eventually, but right now it's hundres of dollars worth just sitting in vouchers. OH, and, digital D&D books.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I had tickets for Chess. Several tickets, for multiple performances. STILL HAVEN'T SEEN THIS PRODUCTION THOUGH. But they're still doing it so hopefully it will still happen.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2020? Not sure I have any specific ones, actually. No iconic music.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: Last year I was feeling very accomplished. I was challenging myself, had befriended lots of classmates, had gotten through some stuff I was quite proud of managing. This year has been... not that. But on the other hand, I'm not as exhausted from school stuff, and I'm ready to actually go places and try to do things, as opposed to just wanting a month long nap.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? General life maintainance stuff. Not just school work, but like, focus more on money sensibility and try to get on disability, go to the dentist, work with my doctor more... All of that got a little bit just... postponed indefinitely.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Uh, can't think of any notable negative behaviour. It's mostly stuff I didn't do. Like, I had some bad anxiety in the spring, but honestly I think I did an appropriate amount of worrying.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? Had my first christmas with my flatmates (whom I love very much), and had my dad over as well. It was very lovely, and socially way less draining than usual.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020? lmao I'm aromantic

23. How many one-night stands? lmao I'm asexual

24. What was your favorite TV program? There were a few this year! Good Omens, The Queen's Gambit, Julie and the Phantoms, Avenue 5. There were more I watched and enjoyed, but I think those stand out the most. Also, does Critical Role count? OH, The Baby Sitters Club! A lot of good stuff.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Nah. I don't hate a lot of people.

26. What was the best book you read? Don't think I read anything notable this year. Don't read a lot of books, I prefer to consume stories in other media.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Julie and the Phantoms. Not because the music is astounding or anything, but it was very feel-good and fun. Don't think I had a lot of new music.

28. What did you want and get? D&D campaigns? Have gotten really invested in one of them in particular, it's delightful.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? Hmmm. The only one that stands out was The Old Guard. I watch more series than films. 2 hours isn't long enough for me to get properly invested AND satisfied.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 33 and I don't know that I did anything special. I think I just chilled? Flatmates made me a nice breakfast!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Having the energy for essays/exams, probably. Just feeling like I actually had some accomplishments. OR LIKE. If Norway did like New Zealand and just wiped the virus out.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? Pyjamas. Occasionally 'apocalypse chic'.

34. What kept you sane? My flatmates and my dad. Reliable social interaction with people I care about.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Matthew McNulty, which applies to every single year. But this year I started both a gallery website and a discord server for him, so it was a particularly good year for him.  (Special mention to Paul Spera, who I finally talked to face-to-face, through Zoom, but still.) Also I'm using 'fancy' platonically.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? Ha aha hah all of them, oh god. BLM, probably, though. That was when I still had the energy to get invested.

37. Who did you miss? So many people. Like, come on. I don't know that it was even specific people so much just... being in a group? Like, my choir gang?

38. Who was the best new person you met? Met a guy I ended up playing a LOT of board games with. We haven't really talked in a few months now tho. And there's a friend I didn't MEET this year, but I really connected with, who's also now my DM, which was really nice.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020: It's not necessarily new knowledge, but this year has really driven home the need for both community solidarity and governmental support/leadership.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: I'm alone in my apartment, that means I can do anything / I'm not wearing pants (alone in my apartment - Brian David Gilbert)

Summary: It's been a conflicted year, a lot has felt like it's been on stand-still, but there's still been some good things in there.

#real life maybe #2020 #personal

[deepend-swimmer]

TELL ME ABOUT YOUR WIPS

I demand it.

ohh okay then, your demand is my command sire *bows*

since the last time i talked about my wips was on your ask, i will talk about the updates on them here

love you goodbye/to be alive is closer to posting now by one chapter lmao. yet, it's very close to the main section now which would be billy and steve truly friends, billy opening up about his traumas from california, the queer comunity he was already a part of and the aids epidemic. also, i decided to make it longer, so now i already have a planning for billy and steve's future together. a lot of new little snippets, also bulking billy's parents relationship way more and a little jolene scene that i thought it would be so funny

i was almost forgetting but i'm also thinking of writing a kinda off spin off on steve's pov for love you goodbye/to be alive, i don't really have any planning yet, just know it would cover his recovery from starcourt, his friendship with dustin and robin and him getting closer to max before billy wakes up

california sunset doesn't have any actual news besides a bit that i wrote on billy telling his therapist (that also wasn't planned to be a part of this story) about steve. it is one of my favourite parts of the fic so far bc it fits so well with billy's character in this and i didn't even plan that! i just wrote it and was like "wait a sec, this fits!" it is also about like how he perceives his own life and i guess it was kinda depressing but still very true to him, gladly he has a therapist to help him undo that perception

someone that feels like safety was the one i started writing yesterday. i was going through the merthur tag on ao3 and i realised that the biggest majority of hurt/comfort works is merlin getting hurt and i think that 1. that boy has been through enough and 2. arthur has so much angst potential, so i'll explore that lmao. it isn't a very elaborate plot, it will probably be just a oneshot, but, basically, someone hurt arthur when he was younger and he never told anyone, he just like burried deep inside himself and hoped it would go away. news flash, it doesn't! that person comes back years later and arthur just not knows how to cope with it, so merlin is running all around him trying to figure out what is going on and how he can help him. the two of them are very soft so it mellows down how sad the actual problem is. i will probably write it out now, since i don't have any exams till the end of february.

that's all the updates mandi! thank you so much for listening to my blabbering on this blog and coming to ask about the wips, ily 🥺

#thaaaaaaanks really you are the best #oh my gooood it's imjustapoorboi i need no sympathy bc i'm easy come easy go little high little low #deaif #dave writes #wips