#this is literally how my sibling does me and its just part of the deal

[eternal-kosmo-ghoul]

AS MY TREAT I WANT THE MOST SILLY, GOOFY AAA HCS OF THE PAPA'S.

Like idk Copia used to have to wear earplugs because Terzo snores so loudly it's literally obnoxious or something like that.

“aww my middle finger likes you”

❤︎ synopsis — this is pure bullshittery and crack in its finest form with the papas. they can be a little crazy at times

pairing: all papa emeritus’ x gn!reader (can be platonic or romantic)

theme: crack ✦ , fluff ✿ (if you squint)

a/n: this is a toast to my bestie for being an absolute chad. i was high making these, enjoy.

cw: terzo is a warning enough on his own. that’s it.

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➵ papa primo

he’s the oldest so he constantly has to deal with the shit from his psychopathic brothers

like— primo is basically THE mom friend, except he’s the mom for moe, larry and curly over here

(moe, larry and curly being secondo, terzo and copia)

he constantly had to hold back secondo from beating the shit out of terzo because terzo made fun of him for being bald

“I’M GONNA RIP OFF YOUR WEAVE—“ “SECONDO NO—“

bro unironically listens to weezer

like full out busting down a just dance move to this music

you once caught him dancing to it, and he stood there frozen like the man emoji

he told you to never speak of it again and you just nodded, trying to plague your mind of that horrendous image

primo cannot cook for shit too btw

you were once out and asked him to make something before you got home to the ministry

the minute you walked in the door, the kitchen stove was on fire and all of primo’s ghouls were running around and screaming in infernal about the fire

meanwhile, primo stood there not knowing what to do, looking like the man emoji AGAIN

it’s basically his trademark at this point

“…. primo what the absolute fuck—“ “it wasn’t me i swear.”

while primo’s ghouls were still learning english, he once said “fuck you” to you in a very sarcastic way

but the ghouls thought it was how humans said “hello” in english

so they went around to the other siblings of sin, and sister imperator saying “fuck you” to them while leaving all those poor people offended and dumbfounded

you smacked the back of his head after that and forced him to apologize to his ghouls and to the siblings of sin (plus imperator of course)

and he gave the ghouls extra scritches too

primo also has the dad sneeze

like he can send another universe to the next tomorrow with his goofy ass sneeze

he once sneezed so loud he scared copia and caused him to bang his head on the wall

it was kinda funny tbh

anyways yeah note to self stay 10000 feet away from primo if he’s on the verge of sneezing

it’ll save your life

┅✦┅

➵ papa secondo

secondo has two moods

“oh my satan you’re all so stupid i literally hate you all” and “tee hee i’m a girly girl”

like ??? what’s this guy on???

this guy has the sass of a high school history teacher

like secondo’s being so deadass about whatever he’s saying but he’s always fucking saying it like—

“c’mon now, you literally have the style of a hairless roach 💅”

it confuses you a lot of the time, really

secondo has his moments where he’s sweet, but for the most part he’s pulling up the middle finger to everyone he sees

it’s a habit

someone could say hi to him in the nicest way possible and he’ll just grumble and flip them off

it’s not even that he’s trying to be mean, it’s a habit (a very bad habit)

you once got tired of it and smacked his hand, when he flipped you off. so it’s safe to say he no longer does it

at least to you

secondo is an absolute menace to his brothers

with primo he’s chill because he’s the eldest, but with the younger two he’s got no chill

definitely made copia cry at some point during his younger years

he later got his ass chewed out by you and primo, because no one makes copia cry

secondo’s literally so bossy it’s kinda funny

he’s always one flip flop away from smacking someone every time someone pisses him off

him and terzo are BEEFING all the time

and it’s over the stupidest shit too

“you’re stupid.” “well, you’re face is stupid” “you’re both stupid, end of the discussion.”

you once switched out all of his skull face paint for a pink barbie pallet

so secondo was walking around lookin’ like hello kitty emeritus and everyone was trying so hard not to laugh

even his ghouls were struggling too

“… secondo—“ “not. another. word.”

┅✦┅

➵ papa terzo

bro’s the fuckin’ definition of fruity

you thought secondo was girly pop?? wait ‘till you see terzo, he’s fucking extravagant

will literally show up in the grocery store lookin’ like a character ripped straight from criminal minds

like— he has to make a show EVERYWHERE he goes. he likes to stand out

terzo is also the type of man to wear skirts and dresses because he knows he’s hot shit and he devours every fit he puts together

he shows off that waist frfr

“… terzo what the fuck—“ “shut up you know i’m sexy and i’m going to show it.”

if you wear skirts or dresses he’ll definitely ask to borrow them

he definitely passed down his fruitiness to copia

and to his ghouls

he scams kids on adopt me and has a good laugh every time because he likes to see people get mad at him since he stole their hella expensive pet from them

primo told him to quit it because what kind of satanic pope scams poor little children on a roblox game?

as stylish as terzo is, he cannot do his hair and makeup to save his life

he’ll usually ask you to do it for him wherever he has to perform or do public events, which is why his face paint is simple compared to secondo and primo

it gives you two bonding time though and it’s cute

he once watched the pinkie pie smile hd video and was traumatized for a few days

like he straight up locked himself in his room and would not come out unless you convinced him to do so

during an after party after a concert ritual, he got so wasted and almost kissed omega

like you had to PRY this man off of the poor ghoul, while omega stood there unaffected (hehe tall buff demon boy)

terzo is the shortest emeritus and none of his brothers will let him live it down

ESPECIALLY copia, since he’s younger than him

terzo almost kicked him in the nuts because of that

but that definitely was a stab to his already massive ego

you reassured him that there’s nothing wrong with his height even though you found some of the jokes his brothers made funny

live laugh love terzo

┅✦┅

➵ papa copia

copia doesn’t know what he’s doing half of the time

like he’s just given a mic and he just wings a performance while the ghouls on stage are fucking around and going absolutely feral

out of all the papas, copia legitimately treats his ghouls like his own kids

he feels like he’s getting more grey hairs every time he has to stop swiss from fucking his own guitar, or sodo and phantom from fighting about cheese sticks

you sometimes help copia do ghoul-sitting and it’s just chaos. you’re literally their second parent

copia and you = parent duo for the era iv ghouls

he unironically owns a lot of funko pops

and he keeps the one of himself on a special pedestal in a glass case for safe keeping

though secondo almost once knocked over the case and he was three seconds away from smiting a bitch

you once were looking for copia because you wanted to ask him something and you found him in a ritual room

except the ritual was that he surrounded himself with a bunch of rat plushies and he was on his knees in front of a picture of a rat with a tiny crown

you were so confused, and he refuses to acknowledge what that was

“…. copia i—“ “you didn’t see anything.”

he fucking washes himself with dish soap and laundry detergent

this man is going around smelling like dawn dish soap and it’s so weird

it’s not that it even smells bad??? it just smells so interesting and strong you swear you’re in a fever dream

copia is an avid mitski fan

definitely cried his eyes out like a little bitch when he first listened to “the land is inhospitable and so are we” because he couldn’t get over how sad “my love mine all mine was”

radiates theater kid energy

but like— the kind of theater kid that is just passionate about theater and is very giddy when people ask about it

when he started his first meeting as papa he got so nervous that he straight up started the meeting with the word “mushroom”

like it’s so random ??? but it made the ghouls and you giggle so it somewhat worked out ??

copia is a little silly

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#ghost bc #ghost fanfiction #papa emeritus x reader #papa x reader #papa primo #papa secondo #papa terzo #papa copia #copia x reader #terzo x reader #primo x reader #secondo x reader #crack fic #crack headcanons #ghost bc crack #the band ghost #ghost x reader #ghost bc x reader

[that-ari-blogger]

Stray Gods vs Change, Part 2

Why does Stray Gods keep mentioning family?

That was a genuine question, I'm not sure what the answer is. This post is going to be my thoughts and I'd really appreciate some discussion in response because again, I'm not quite sure.

SPOILERS BELOW

So, to say that Stray Gods mentions family dynamics several times is an understatement. Persephone, Orpheus, Hermes, the whole deal with the Idols list goes on. And there is a distinct repetition that comes up. Most of these dynamics are dysfunctional.

The Idol family is the obvious one. The myths of the Greek Gods can be summarised by one main quote from Disney's Hercules, of all films.

Essentially, the Greek Deities are one massive family tree. It doesn't have the healthiest of dynamics (to put it mildly), but they coexist. In Stray Gods, there is a notable absence of Hera and Zeus, the two parent figures of the Olympians. Dameter is also deceased, and her direct daughter is one of the main characters. As a result, the Idols feel directionless, there is no closure there. On a similar note, Apollo's sister is missing as well. Essentially, they feel like a shattered family.

Athena has become the mother figure, although she's not good at it. She's a sister trying to be a parent and you can tell by her demeanor. She's overcompensating and antagonistic and a lot of elder siblings in real life who have been through similar experiences show similar characteristics.

On a different note, Persephone has killed Hades, for understandable reasons. It's a horrifically abusive relationship that ended in bloodshed.

Similarly, Hermes makes a passing reference that i noticed when asked how they knew the old Hermes.

This keeps coming up.

But then we get three relationships I thought were interesting. Grace and Freddie, Asterion and Hecate, and Aphrodite and Eros.

Grace and Freddie are close. Historians will say they were the best of friends. Even if you don't romance Freddie, the two are family. Best friends who live together, etc. If you do romance Freddie, you get an Orpheus plot to bring her back to life, literally meeting the previous Orpheus as you go. But where Orpheus failed his quest because of a lack of trust, you can succeed, or not, I'm not gonna tell you how to save Freddie.

Then we have Asterion and Hecate. First of all, I didn't consent to have my freestyling singing capability so perfectly replicated by my sweet minotaur boy, and Summerfall will be hearing from my lawyers. On a serious note, this relationship is so wholesome and I love it, if you make it work in the story. They are proof that there can be a healthy relationship in this weird world.

Finally, we come to my favourite moment of the entire musical. I've already gone into detail on the Ritual as a song in a different post, so go check that one out (I crave validation from the internet people). But the challenge here is can you soothe this broken family here? Can this work? If you choose the green path, Eros gives a fantastic verse.

"Mother, I've stood by your side, now I no longer see, the purpose of love, when it tears at the centre of me. My arrows are rusty, forget the bow, and I won't be begging you not to go. But when you're away, you leave us a broken home..."

My arrows are rusty, forget the bow. Is a phenomenal metaphor for a loss of purpose, but I would like to focus on the last two lines. When you're away, you leave us a broken home, and you leave me alone. The characters here are aware they are falling apart and they are desperate to try and reconnect, and if you play your cards right, you can help. You don't "fix their relationship", you just give it a nudge. You don't repair the scars in this family, but you convince them to talk to each other.

That, my friends, is a microcosm of the entire plot of the story. Can you fix this broken family? No. But you can get them to talk to each other and convince them to try.

The story goes out of its way to say that some relationships cannot be salvaged. Some families are too far separated for that, but in this situation, you can give people who are hurting a nudge towards peace.

So, why does this musical keep bringing up family? And what does that have to do with the title of this post?

Well, because it is a story about change, and how to move on into a different world. Grace quits college before the story begins and doesn't know what to do, and the Idols have no idea how to navigate the new world.

The theme that the story presents (in my most humble of opinions) is this: "for things to get better, you have to be willing to change." You have to step out of your comfort zone to find the love of your life. You need to change direction and start running together instead of away to find peace with your family. And, you have to take the lessons you have learned and become someone more mature, not necessarily someone different, but someone who is capable of adapting to a wild world.

Part 1

#rants #greek mythology #stray gods #stray gods grace #grace x freddie #stray gods: the roleplaying musical

[justmenoworries]

Okay, I'm about to say something very controversial.

I think the Terrans and the Maltos are kind of the weakest part of EarthSpark.

"What? But they're the main characters!"

Yeah, I know. That's the problem.

The main characters are this group of children who are, for the most part, not in the loop when it comes to the show's more interesting conflicts.

The Transformers fitting in on Earth, post-war tensions between Decepticons and Autobots, G.H.O.S.T. being corrupt, parts of humanity being suspicious of and/or downright hostile toward Cybertronians- all of those are things the Maltos are either only tangentially related to or stumble across accidentally.

And that makes sense!

The Terrans and the Maltos are literally children, they shouldn't have to deal with all of that. And the way the show makes clear how brutally the realities of war hit them once shit starts going down is absolutely heartbreaking and well-written.

Still, I can't help but find their story-arcs... kinda boring and repetitive.

Now, I'm aware EarthSpark wasn't really made for people my age. It was made for young children, kids who are just starting to become Transformers-fans and need or might need an introduction to this universe and its characters.

And its message about the power of love and family is a really important one to tell.

But part of me can't help but feel that the Transformers stuff kind of ends up falling by the wayside.

When I think of episodes I enjoyed, the ones that come to mind are always those where the Maltos either interact with Cybertronian characters or ones where the Maltos completely take a backseat, leaving the plot room to focus on the Cybertronians and their troubles ("Decoy", "House Rules", "Missed Connections", "Warzone").

While the episodes that focus more to entirely on the Terrans were often the ones I was least interested in ("Moo-ving In", "Friends and Family", "Bear Necessities"). That's not to say any of these episodes are bad, but like I said, they weren't particularly interesting.

At times it feels like the show itself is aware that the Maltos don't really contribute much and flips a switch to artificially boost their importance. Like in the finale where all the Cybertronians (and Terrans) just so happen to get incapacitated so that Mo and Robbie can save the day with their magical healing sleeves.

There is this constant tug-of-war between a heartwarming slice of life cartoon about family, coming-of-age and love and a dark space opera epos about the consequences and casualties of war, racism and genocide. And when these two clash it often doesn't work.

We'll spend one moment talking about how Megatron used to brutalize his troops and the next doing a comedic sequence where Bumblebee falls off his hay-chair and does a funny exclamation. One moment we're examining the unjust detainment of one faction while the other walks free, and then suddenly it's "Look! The funny mini-casette-bots are making craaazy mischief!"

We get hints that there's something more going on, we get hints that some characters deal with heavy stuff, but if those characters aren't the Terrans or the Malto kids or in any way related to them, hints is all we ever get until everything comes bursting out at once.

Just to make this clear, I am not saying that EarthSpark is a bad show overall or that I hate the show. But no piece of media is perfect and the reason I'm criticizing EarthSpark isn't because I want it to go down, it's because I want it to do better.

Back to the Maltos: If they were interesting enough characters, I wouldn't mind them being the protagonists at all. They have potential, I'll admit to that.

But once you get past the novelty of Transformers born on Earth and being bonded with humans, there's just not much to them.

They're not very deep as characters go and their personalities aren't strong enough to carry them just as they are. They're your standard bickering but loving kid siblings.

It doesn't help that they're not really allowed to be anything but a family unit, to the point of being quite literally a hive mind.

And yes, the show wants to send a message about being open with your emotions and family bonds. But after the umpteenth time a Malto-character started a monologue about how much they love their family and how much their family makes them strong and how they're confident they can get through anything with their family I was like

I hope they develop these characters further in season 2. I want to like them, but right now it's really not easy for me.

Those are just my two cents, feel free to give your own.

#tf earthspark #earthspark spoilers #transformers earthspark #Youtube #earthspark #tfe #earthspark critical

[themisimagines]

every (damn) time

part 2/? of making my way through the nosebleed club july prompts content: 5+1 formula, general fluff, exceedingly mild nudity, suggestive themes, numbers 2 to 5 under the cut characters: marius focused, fem!reader, generic nxx as window dressing otherwise known as: 5 times marius von hagen was louder than a damn bull horn and 1 time he was not

(1)

Your fingers hesitate over the keypad, the water slowly rising to your chin. Of course, you're panicking, but you can't let yourself - the rest of your team is on the other side of the wall, and you can't let them down.

It's literally a scene from a Bond movie, which this villain has clearly watched too many of. You watch the boys scramble and dive down again and again to find the code that will release the water and allow you to escape. Just as you're about to give up hope, Luke bursts to the surface, and unfurls a scroll from its waterproof covering. He tries to shout the numbers out to you, but it's no good, the rushing water is too loud in your ears, and you're struggling to hit the right numbers, instead of the code that will unleash the crocodiles into the water.

You're all going to die here, just inches away from survival. You want to float upwards until the water covers your head. But then you see Marius snatch the scroll from Luke's hands and somewhere, from the depths of his lungs, pull out a voice which literally pierces your brain, yelling out the numbers one by one, which you punch in because all your lives literally depend on it. The water levels recede. A gaudy exit with flashing lights and sparklers is revealed, because yes, the villain is that much of an asshole.

"Who knew you had a pair of lungs like that?" you hear Luke ask from the other side of the barrier, Marius just laughs in utter relief.

(2)

You're in the dressing room, wondering if the dress suits you after all. It's a shade of pale pink, but as you turn this way and that, you're still not quite sure.

"JIE JIE!" you hear someone bellow in the distance. Probably some kid looking for their sibling.

Just as you are about to unzip yourself from the dress, there it is again, even louder. It seems pretty familiar, actually.

Then, from right outside the changing room: "JIE JIE!"

"Sir," the desk clerk says sternly. "I'll call security if you continue to shout like this."

There's only one person you know who could be this loud, so you quickly step out of the changing rooms to try and defuse the situation.

"Marius, stop shouting. I'm in here."

You step out to see Marius at the changing room entrance, and he beams when he sees you. "There you are Jie JIe! I thought I lost you."

"You know they have an actual loudspeaker, right? You don't have to shout. But anyway, you're literally a fully grown man, couldn't you have just texted me?"

"I thought about it, but they wouldn't let me use the loudspeaker to find my girlfriend so this was the next most embarrassing thing." He winks at you.

You roll your eyes. "Let me at least put my own clothes back on before you cause another scene?"

"The dress looks good on you, Jie Jie!" he says, raising his voice. Then turning to the sales clerk, "Here, take my credit card. Buy all the clothes she tried on in there just now."

(3)

When arguments inevitably occur at the NXX headquarters, Marius is usually the last to lose his temper, but when he does, it's like a small explosion. Even Vyn, usually so used to dealing with erratic patients, is surprised whenever Marius raises his voice, as if shocked by the passion behind his voice. Artem shrinks at it, becoming colder and icier. Luke goes completely quiet. But like a storm, the moment always passes, and Marius is back to his unruffled self, point made. Apologetic, almost, for losing control for that second, but too aware of how much is at stake to back down.

(4)

It's time for the annual sports day held between all the law firms in Stellis, and your event is the 4 x 400m women's race, where you happen to be the final runner. It's been a neck and neck competition between Themis and Baldr so far, and Artem has just clinched victory in the men's race for your team, bringing you both to a tie. If you manage to win this one, it means glory for the firm.

The NXX team is on the sidelines cheering for you, Vyn once again far too overdressed and with a fedora to boot, while Luke and Marius have literally made homemade signs for both you and Artem and are cheering their hearts out.

The starting gun goes and you get into position, heart racing in your chest. you throw the baton back and you squeeze your eyes shut, waiting for your signal. Kiki approaches you, just a few seconds behind the Baldr runner, and you start running, grabbing onto the baton and holding on to it for dear life, overtaking your competitors and then hitting the finish line, so quickly that you stumble to a halt, rolling onto the grass.

Your teammates surround you - you guys have finally won. Marius rushes over you, roaring with happiness, lifting you up on his shoulders as all the Themis Law Firm celebrate, and you're on the top of the world.

(5)

There are many sides to Marius, but the one you see the least is Marius unguarded, not putting up the perfectly cultivated rich boy persona he's crafted to deal with the rest of the world and his status as one of the heirs to the richest family in Stellis.

When you're both alone, however, you try to get his guard down. Marius is notoriously ticklish, and once he starts laughing, he can't seem to stop, cackling even though you've stopped touching him, squirming away from you and begging for mercy.

(+ 1)

"What?" You ask, crossing your hands over your chest. "Say something at least."

Marius is completely speechless for once, mouth open and eyes wide. You feel self conscious, blushing under his gaze.

"Come on, surely this isn't the first time you've seen a woman naked, surely?" You try to tease him.

"You're beautiful," he finally says in an hushed tone, pulling you closer to him, hands wandering all over you as if you're a precious object he wants to savour. Moving further down your body, you think to yourself that perhaps finally you've found something that can keep Marius quiet - for a while.

#tears of themis #marius von hagen #tears of themis imagines #tot imagines #marius x reader #marius von hagen x reader #lu jinghe #marius tot

[ariicandy]

╭・Being E-42 Miles’ Younger Sibling !!

ATP I might as well start writing miles bc this in my 3rd post of him😭 did this for my pooki 🙏

Grammar mistakes are here just to heads up!!

☓﹒❥ he’s probably a cat person. He will probably have a quiet cat not a cat that’s mean all the time. He already got being the prowler to worry about instead of fighting with a literally cat that scratches anyone in its way.

☓﹒❥ he definitely buys you things whenever you guys hang out, its his love language for being with hm during these hard times from your father’s death, it hit him really bad and he’s grateful you stayed patient for him. If you ever wanted to match with him, he’ll agree but not over the top with it. He will agree on matching shoes, accessories like small things. He normally won’t agree on full fit, he will only do it for special events like its one of you guys’ birthday, are going out somewhere big, etc. number one thing is you both definitely have matching pjs 1000%

☓﹒❥ If you have baggy clothes miles would probably steal them and style it REALLY WELL TO HIS FIT. You ask where your baggy clothe(s) are then you see it and he just says “it looks and suits me better than you” while giving you a mischievous smirk. You guys then proceed to steal each others clothes and have little sibling arguments on what pants/shirts look better on you than the other.

☓﹒❥ You know when people does that rubbing?? Or patting your hair but messes up your hair?? Hopefully i word that right because miles DEFINITELY does that to you on purpose. Even when he knows you’re going out, he will do it on purpose teasing you. He does it when you do a good job at school or help him with things in the house that mama morales told you guys to do. He will do it in a teasing way and/or in his way to tell you you did good.

☓﹒❥ would probably make fun of/tease you for your height if he’s taller than you. Hes those siblings that will take something away from you and raise it to the air so you can’t reach it(unless you are really good at jumping high). If you both are the sane than he will pull the oldest card, saying he had the final word with whatever and runs the house. You get it?(hopefully I word this alright😢)

☓﹒❥ He will walk with you to your class then back to his even when both of you know his next class is across the whole school he doesn’t mind being late just to had a small chat with you till dealing with teachers and school work again. Definitely gossip what you guys hear from different parts in the school. Where one section across the school says something but in the other are saying something else. You both connect the dots so well miles definitely wants to see how this goes and y’all have bets of how it will go.

☓﹒❥ if you ever had a crush on someone miles will go on FULL detective mode. He will tease you for one second then the next he’s asking you DEEP questions about your crush. He WILL give them one of his talks personally making sure they/your crush will treat you right.

☓﹒❥ Miles NEVER wants you to know he’s the prowler at any circumstances unless you have gotten hurt by his target/getting track down. He would so worried if you ate super badly injured, he would run to the nearest hospital quickly getting off his prowler gear n hiding it really well behind the building. Miles is super relieved when he heard the results are fine and you can go home, immediately would hug you apologizing for not protecting you. He swore to always protect you whenever you are out at night, to his advantage being the prowler he can be high up with a better view.

☓﹒❥

SO SORRY BEING SO SHORT I COULDNT THINK MUCH FROM WHAT WE KNOW OF E-42 MILES 😢

#across the spiderverse #across the spider verse #atsv #miles g morales #earth 42 miles morales #earth 42 miles #e42 miles #earth 42 miles x reader #earth 42 miles x you #miles morales prowler #prowler miles #miles 42 #miles morales x reader

[runningw-thewolves]

Stray Kids X Fenrir Post (LONG POST)

(Cause why the Hell not?)

Today I found out that 1) someone made a Fenrir based tattoo sleeve design for Bang Chan and 2) not only has Bang Chan seen it, he has stated he might possibly get it. Now, I am a STAY, a Norse Pagan and a follower of Fenrir. I think you can figure out what my brain was doing processing all this.

(Also; THERE HAS BEEN HINTS TO NORSE MYTHOLOGY IN STRAY KIDS MUSIC VIDEOS!? STAY, do a wolf some assistance and pinpoint me to the videos and moments cause I NEED MY STRAY KIDS NORSE/VIKING CONTENT. Anyways...)

I am very Autistic when it comes to several of my favourite things coming together and creating a *chef's kiss* moment. This is no exception. It's why INK are my favourite band (metal, Emo and horror together? YES PLEASE) and now I have Stray Kids, Norse mythology AND LITERALLY MY FUCKING RELIGION? Holy fuck! *insert brain melt moment from Indiana Jones here*

So, I figured; let's talk about some of Stray Kids past works and Fenrir at the same time. Yep, a Stray Kids Fenrir themed playlist in the format of a Tumblr post by someone with Autism currently losing their damn mind.

Before we begin, let's get everyone acquainted who may be unfamiliar.

The Binding of Fenrir

'The Binding of Fenrir' is arguably the most famous tale involving Fenrir. Fenrir is the eldest child to Loki and Angrboda, his younger siblings being the Midgard Serpent, Jormungandr (who has beef with Thor, to keep it brief) and the future death Goddess, ruler and caretaker of the dead and arguably an important figure in Baldur's tragedy, Hel (or Hela).

Why was Odin interested in Fenrir? For one simple reason; he had been told a prophecy where a large and powerful wolf would kill him. I should point out this part of Odin and Fenrir's story is a very medieval trope of the paranoid king and his son destined to kill him. This case is no different; the downfall of the king is because of his own paranoia. Everything he does to try and prevent his downfall only solidifies it into existence. It's a common belief among many of us Heathens that Fenrir might have never considered going after Odin if Odin had just left Fenrir alone the whole time. Hell, there was the distinct possibility that Fenrir could've likely been an ally to Odin and the Aesir if it weren't for their fear and paranoia.

So, how does Fenrir get bound? Odin and a few others ride to the Iron Wood, the home of the Jotunn and Chieftess of the Chieftains of the Iron Wood, Angrboda, and forcefully take her children from her. Jormungandr strikes and either Odin or Thor (heavily debated) throws Jormungandr into the oceans of Midgard. Hel is immediately exiled from Asgard and sent to what is often dubbed 'Helheim'. Fenrir was kept in Asgard, primarily to keep an eye on him. He was scorned and mocked and treated with fear by the Gods, and no one dare approach him to feed him. Aside from one God; Tyr, the God of Justice. (Also a God of War himself but ssh.) Tyr befriended the young wolf and fed him.

Naturally, Fenrir grew. And very quickly. He soon domineered over the buildings of Asgard and the Gods grew paranoid of his strength and size. It was then decided for him to be bound. They tried on three separate occasions, telling Fenrir it was a game. The first time was some normal, ordinary chains. Fenrir broke those with a single movement of his paw. The second was a reinforced chain. These were a little tougher but they too were shattered. The Gods then got in contact with the Dwarves to create for them a special chain, named Gleipnir. This chain was presented to Fenrir, and its appearance - similar to that of a ribbon or thread - immediately made Fenrir suspicious. He only agreed to have himself bound if one person were to lose their hand should they go back on their word. Tyr was the one who offered (this is a HUGE deal, as Tyr is basically associated with business transactions, oaths and the likes. Loki even goes on to call this out in the poem 'Lokasenna' (Loki's Flyting)). Naturally, Fenrir is bound, he can't break free, Tyr loses an arm. Fenrir snaps at the laughing Gods' ankles and Odin shoves a sword through Fenrir's jaws. Fenrir will only be freed by the violent thrashing of his brother come Ragnarok, to which Fenrir will kill Odin. Some sources also say Fenrir eats the sun and moon, however this is a tricky subject as that act is often attested to two other wolves. There's plenty of theories but for this post, they are irrelevant.

Stray Kids Everywhere All Around The World

Stray Kids first became known by a survival TV show in late 2017. At the time, there was nine members. (For the sake of avoiding drama and cause the matter is done, I will be talking about Woojin but sticking to the facts. Everything from the drama was false (which I learned the hard way and am still trying to learn from); do not attempt to bring up the controversy in reblogs or replies or I will block you.) The members included (in order, starting with team leader then oldest to youngest); Bang Chan, Kim Woojin, Lee Minho, Seo Changbin, Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung, Lee Felix, Kim Seungmin, and Yang Jeongin. The group would debut in 2018 with the track "District 9". Upon debut, most of the members would continue using their names except for the following; Minho (would debut as Lee Know), Jisung (would debut as Han) and Jeongin (would debut as I.N.). Kim Woojin left the group in late 2019 around the time of the "Double Knot"/"Levanter" promotions. (Hence forth, Woojin is irrelevant. This is where we shall leave any mention of Woojin hence forth.

Stray Kids would go on to become a pretty big deal, even winning the competition TV show 'Kingdom' (let's not go over the whole MAMA bullshit, that would take a whole tray of paracetamol to get through), leading to the band being noticed by Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman. In the past year, several of the members have appeared or modeled for various designer brands (ignoring the politics of this for now; good on them for their success however).

Bang Chan and Fenrir's Connection

As was mentioned in the TikTok I linked earlier, Bang Chan is the member of the group who was a trainee for the longest amount of time. Chan had been training under JYP Entertainment for seven years by the time of the pre-debut TV show. Chan has mentioned several times in the past the anger and sadness he felt, connecting with other trainees only for them to leave (either from being fired, changing career paths or debuting before him - this was especially noted to be the case with groups TWICE and GOT7, where Chan is friends with members of the groups and even shared a dorm room with members of GOT7). It's not hard to imagine the amount of pressure Chan was under to debut on the survival show. Or the amount of pressure he put on himself and the rest of Stray Kids. This amount of pressure would rear its head when members Lee Know and Felix were eliminated (but would be brought back later and debut with the group). A clip from Felix's elimination gives a glimpse into how hard Chan was on himself.

I will not speculate Chan's thoughts or feelings, but if you dig into it, you can come to some conclusions quickly based on the surrounding context and what we know about Chan and Felix's friendship post-debut.

Fenrir is bound and thus cannot be free to show his true strength and power, held back by the Gods for fear of what or who he could be. In essence, some could argue that this is what made Fenrir stronger and the wolf we know today but that comes with the ridiculous amount of pain and torture the wolf felt. Sure, he became stronger, but at what cost? I would say this is the same question to consider when talking about Chan and Fenrir. Sure, Chan is a wise and strong leader now, but what was the cost? He's made it clear that at one point before debut (and other members have backed this up), he actively avoided connecting with people cause of how many friendships he watched crumble for one reason or another. There's even a clip from a livestream where Chan was noticeably angry with staff and you can see the visible fear and awkwardness from the other members. Again, will not speculate on what any of it could mean, but it does point to something Fenrir and Chan may also have in common. When they are angry, they are

PISSED.

However, it's also important to keep in mind the sort of things Fenrir teaches and encourages from a Norse Pagan/Heathen perspective, so...

Fenrir in Norse Spirituality

A common name attributed to Fenrir is "breaker of chains". When we're talking about what this means from a spiritual standpoint, it means to free yourself from your past, free yourself from expectations or demands of others that holds you down and to let go and live free. For many, this can meaning learning how to cope with mental illness and trauma, learning how to manage (not control) one's anger, how to fuel emotions into actions and remain within the present and not think about the past or the future.

I've also heard many people describe Fenrir as a special kind of 'military boot camp' strict. This is the best way I can describe it; imagine, if you will, that you are a house. Fenrir is the property surveyor (the person who checks houses for faults). Fenrir will go around and tell you everything that isn't sturdy, that has cracks or other faults. Not out of malice, but because if you don't fix this, all it takes is one bad day and your self-worth comes crashing to the ground. Fenrir will even go out of his way to test these parts of yourself, again not out of malice but to make sure you can withstand it. Going back to the house metaphor; imagine Fenrir pointed out your foundations were made with weak cement, so you redo the foundations. Fenrir isn't convinced until he can push into it or stand on it and find it can withstand the weight. (This doesn't go into how our emotions fluctuate daily, but hopefully you get what I'm trying to say.)

Fenrir is also oftentimes seen as an example of justified rage. The rage of youth being mocked by their elders for simply being young. The rage Black people feel when another officer shoots yet another unarmed Black person. The rage LGBTQIA+ people feel when one of their own is killed or assaulted for simply being in love or expressing who they are. The rage women feel when men try to take advantage of or gaslight them into accepting lower. The rage of Indigenous people watching as their lands get bombed, farmed, and in general colonized and ripped of all its worth until nothing remains.

With all these factors in mind, let's finally get to the meet of this. The Stray Kids songs one (like myself) can associate with Fenrir. I will include lyrics, and you're more than welcome to reply or reblog with songs I may have missed. So, without further ado; let's get cracking! (Please note I will be using OT8 songs primarily for this post, again to avoid drama or anyone dogpiling about the controversy.)

'Placebo' (3RACHA original; 2017, Stray Kids original; 2018, re-recorded; 2021.)

"The positive belief that will even heal my wounds Keep going, the Placebo that works on me Honestly, there’s no need to be negative Trust myself, throw away those extra thoughts"

'Placebo' is a song essentially about relying on yourself to get through your challenges, while acknowledging what is currently making you feel weak. The fear and worry about wondering if you will actually make it, but telling yourself you can despite your worries, being your own friends in your darkest moments. Felix's verse I think is almost entirely applicable to Fenrir (Felix even says "drop these rusty chains" - remember, Fenrir was first bound by chains before Gleipnir.)

"Miroh" (original; 2019, re-recorded; 2020)

"Poison, trap, toadstool you can set them up I'll survive in the end, whatever it takes I know your traps, you set them up And I stomp on them tougher There's only one answer, you just have to open it"

"Miroh" (Korean word for 'maze') is an EDM-style song about persevering through the challenges you face, head held high, trusting your instincts and knowing that one way or another you have prepared for this moment and you will make it out the other side. The chorus starts with a line explaining that the narrator (Stray Kids) decided to go into the city (the challenges) themselves and know what is coming, are ready for it and know they can make it through the trial. The song also uses various animal sound effects, including a tiger's roar in the chorus, a hawk's caw and a bird-filled jungle soundscape. (Fenrir is often reported to be associated with swamps and mountains, so the inclusion of wild animal noises fits perfectly here.)

'Red Lights' (2021)

"No matter how hard I try to escape, there's no answer Until I fall asleep in the sun, even deeper I really wanna know, yeah I've already lost control"

This song is performed by Bang Chan and Hyunjin, and according to Genius the song "about compulsion and confusion of ego and about obsession about doing something". One would think, with the sexy sound and concept of the track, it would imply something of a sexy nature. However, it can also be about anything that someone can grow obsessed with. Another person, a feeling, an action, a moment, etc. The line "Tell me you hate me" makes me think of Fenrir talking to Tyr. The music video for the track also heavily features Chan and Hyunjin in chains, so one could also argue the obsession to be the desire to escape from their chains.

"MANIAC" (2022)

"The real self has been released (Yup, yup) Barely holding on (Yup, yup) After blinking once, back Again, back to cosplaying as what society Defines normal to be pow"

'MANIAC' is a song with a visible influence from Mary Shelley's 'Frankenstein' as it explores one's individual uniqueness, the expectations of society (which can delve into toxic perfectionism/happiness, conformity etc) and how we as a people have hidden our inner 'maniac' to fit in with the world. Even when in Asgard, surrounded by the Aesir and Vanir, Fenrir was always gonna be Fenrir. Just by his mere nature, he was deemed an outcast for being a larger and stronger wolf than they had encountered before, something that within itself isn't a crime. Fenrir would likely always be looked down upon if he showed discomfort, anger or any sort of negative emotion. In this song, Stray Kids basically asks the listener to open up their true self, live their authentic selves and enjoy the life they've been given, essentially; "shed the chains society has forced upon you."

"BEWARE" (original; 2018, re-recorded; 2020)

"My current state, the way I talk, my actions I know I shouldn't be like this But everything goes the opposite way I want you to understand me I don't know what will happen Again today, I'm barking"

Remember when I talked about Fenrir and justifiable rage and I brought up youth being angry with elders being condescending with them? This song is my 'case and point'. Going back to what I mentioned in 'MANIAC', no matter what Fenrir did the Aesir were likely not going to view him in a positive light. Ask any person who has tried to get on the good side of someone who couldn't care for them and you'll often find descriptions of growing tire, frustration and rage. Sometimes, we are going to encounter this in life - whether it be a boss who treats us poorly, a colleague/acquaintance/friend gossiping or lying about us behind our back, a family member who has expectations for you that you can't reach no matter what you try etc. Fenrir is no stranger to this; he experienced it firsthand living amongst the Aesir. That rage one feels in these moments is a healthy rage, a voice, which you will find is either being encouraged by Fenrir or is Fenrir himself, screaming at you "This isn't right, I shouldn't be treated like this!"

"SCARS" (2021)

"I'll never cry because I know that it'll never change I'll stay standing and endure it in an unknown place There will be many times I'll almost fall, but Alone, I reach out my hand, alone, I stand back up"

Sometimes, when we face hurdles in our lives we will feel sadness, sorrow or despair. If there's one thing I want to end this made tangent about, it's this; you will face challenges and it's OK to not be happy about it. It's alright to cry, to scream and wail and sob, to shed tears, feel fear, embarrassment, etc. It's alright if you need to punch a pillow or cry yourself to sleep. Remember; Chan probably did the same. For seven years. Fenrir probably did too, stuck within his personal Hell. But if there's one thing you should take from both of them, it's that you are stronger than you think you are. You can survive, you will survive. You will see the light on the other side one day; all it requires is fighting through the pain, even if that means crying from the hurt. We don't leave this life unscathed; we all will die with countless scars, both physical and mental. Be kind to yourself, know you are worthy of being alive right now, and you have the strength to push onwards. Carry the strength of Fenrir - and the strength of Bang Chan and Stray Kids - with you and remember you aren't alone fighting against the chains you've found yourself bound in.

(TLDR; an Autistic Norse Pagan loses were mind when were discovers a Fenrir tattoo design for Chan, goes on a long Stray Kids and Fenrir rant.)

#stray kids #bang chan #lee know #changbin #han jisung #yang jeongin #lee felix #lee yongkok #felix lee #christopher bang #skz #skz stay #seungmin #hyunjin #jeongin #norse mythology #norse pagan #pagan #paganism #norse heathen #norse heathenry #norse paganism #fenrir #fenrir pagan #fenrir heathen #long post #music #tangents #kpop #k-pop

[soldez]

imagine im sending all the emojis under Character Specific - i love when u talk about the versions of the turtles that exist in ur mind, theyre canon to me (has never watched the show or any movie)

you are the realest one out there I'm so serious. under cut because that's a lot of questions

first of all: she/her leo, he/it raph, he/him donnie, any/all mikey but mostly he/him unless the situation calls for it

🥊 Does Raph have anger issues? If so, how does Raph deal with his anger?

i guess you could say that it does, but its issues have more to do with the guilt and fear associated with feeling or expressing anger on any level. he relies a lot on leo's constant emotional support

🧶 Does Raph knit?

no, but yoshi sews. raph's hobbies include raising butterflies and stag beetles, planting herbs and then forgetting to water them and crying when they die a week later, basketball, and lacrosse (but only with leo). he also has a hamster named daisy whom he would kill himself for without a moment's hesitation

🗣️ Is your Leo the leader? Has he always been?

...there's not really a "leader" since that's not how families work in real life, but she's generally the dubious voice of reason and the one who carries everybody's water bottles and medications and whathaveyou. she resents this position a little but doesn't have the self awareness to confront it

🔥 Is Leo accident prone? Especially in the kitchen?

no ❤️ she's not good at cooking because she is too afraid of failure to put any effort towards building skills that don't come naturally to her, so if it was her job to cook dinner she'd just dump a bunch of hot sauce and tuna and jelly and cheese and gravy in a pot and go heheheyhehheehhehehe Soup👍

🔬 Is Donnie only interested in Tech?

I'm not entirely clear on what this question means. he has other interests outside stem, but in my verse his focus is much more on computer science and mechanical engineering than any other field of science, so he kind of doesn't gaf about biology or anything organic or "squishy." if that was the question. other interests include grindcore music, transformers, my little pony (the toys), swimming, gambling, arguing on forums, sculpting, 3d animation, girls, and other things.

🤖 Does your Donnie have a robot child?

Grins really huge.

🎨 Is Mikey the artist of the family?

yes but he's best at cartoons and graffiti and abstract designs. he also makes his own music (mostly experimental hip-hop). donnie is a far better representational artist, but he doesn't consider his work "art" since he doesn't have mikey's imagination or eye for color and he pays mikey disgusting amounts of dubiously-sourced money to draw his pngtuber rantsona. mikey in turn spends this money on fancy cheese

😈 Is Mikey a little shit?

what more is there to say. Yes

🐀 Was Splinter a human or an animal before he was mutated?

human. but don't worry about it

🧑‍🍼 How does Splinter raise the boys?

Jesus. i really don't know how to get into this without copy/pasting 3 pages of backstory from my notes doc. he did his best that's all i can say

💏 Does/Did Splinter have a significant other?

he had a weird bisexual thing. which is different. i can't disclose more at this time

🎤 Is April a reporter?

april is a first-year undergrad majoring in journalism and minoring in environmental science. she interns at her college newspaper, and lately has been going to dangerous lengths to uncover her "big break" so they'll let her do more than edit the crossword

🧑‍🤝‍🧑 Is April considered a sibling?

she's like. okay. april is an integral part of their family, AND. she's also really not a surrogate/adopted/found sister in a literal sense. yoshi isn't her dad, and her relationship with the turtles is quite distinct from their relationship with each other as siblings, but it's still just as important, because she's family. like, found family outside of any traditional nuclear family roles. she's their best friend and they're her home away from home

🏒 Does Casey play hockey?

casey is such a minor character in my verse right now that it's actually kind of hysterical that they'd be on this list. they used to play, yeah.

🦸 Is Casey a vigilante?

they are a serial murderer.

#tmnt #seriously thank you i Loooooove talking out my ass!!!!!! #my verse

[sleepis4theweak]

Which turtle is your favourite and why? Deep details and analyses are welcomed i love these little guys with my whole heart and other organs

MIKEY!! For sure.

I think part of it is because I relate to him in some ways. He's like... the textbook image for adhd, and with that comes a lot of the struggles that people with adhd have (me lol). He's kinda underestimated, because he can be really spacey and not pay attention, which people tend to take as a type of laziness. Thats amplified when you add in the fact that he is a literal ninja and that spaciness can lead to much greater consequences than just daydreaming in class. It really represents the kind of struggle that I feel with adhd sometimes, on one hand I do actually need help with remembering things sometimes. On the other hand it frustrates me when people assume that I can't remember things. Mikey is oftentimes clumsy (here I'm talking about 2012 specifically) and so his brother nag him a lot about it. Again, on one hand when he spaces out or forgets things it can literally mean death, on the other, his brothers can be really harsh about how they try to keep him safe. Mikey 2018 has the same problem with Raph. Sometimes he needs help, sometimes he doesn't, but Raph keeps on stepping in because he wants to protect his brother. Sometimes its justified, sometimes its not. It can be very confusing for both parties and Mikey's interactions with his brothers shows that very well, even if I'm not sure if the writers did that on purpose.

He also has a very happy and bright personality, and that just is fun in a character for me! I like it when they wear their heart on their sleeve like he does. He's goofy lmao.

The other part of it is just that he is the youngest of his brothers, and I am the eldest child. I think I kind of envy that freedom I guess? Not in a bad way (and I love my little brother to bits), but it's fun to step into the mind of a younger sibling.

Oh- and 2012 Mikey has a surfer voice/California kind of lingo and as someone who lived for most of their life in California I find it hilarious.

And because you asked for details... my next fav is Leo or the 2018 Raph because I can relate to them from the perspective of the eldest. Like... oftentimes you have to (and are taught to) think of your younger sibling first. And then again, with the whole being ninjas thing it causes them a great deal of anxiety. So it's fun to explore what they must be thinking because I can relate.

#I actually had this already drawn out hehe #answered asks #blah blah blah #ranting #damn that turned out to be a long response

[bugisawesomeasf]

Yo if you have the energy for stranger things, full on Nancy wheeler character analysis please?

uhh lol wasnt expecting this tbh but uhh sure !

so i think the main thing about nancy is that shes just idk sort of selfish in a way even if she doesn’t like mean to be, she just is (and thats fine! character flaws are cool.)

like i can’t remember what episode but i know it was before barbs death she was complaining about how inconvenient will going missing is or some shit. which yknow not the best way to react to your brother’s friend going missing (yikes)

i think like barbs death is an obvious example of her being kind of selfish, but when she realizes oh shit barbs gone shes literally does everything she can to save her (also note thats when she got involved in wills whole situation)

she gets to kill the demogorgan and it feels good getting revenge for barb

but its still not enough her best friends gone but will isnt will got saved.

and idk i think thats sort of the reason why shes very distant towards mike (why do you get to keep yours and i have to lose mine?) obviously she cant be mad at will so she has to be mad at mike.

in season 2 she like very obviously does wanna be with steve because barb’s basically haunting that relationship. she cant look at steve without feeling bad about barb (not to mention she literally has meals with barb’s parents with him)

and the her and jonathan find some sketchy shit the governments doing and so nance is like maybe if i like expose this i can avenge her again and i can stop feeling guilty all the time so she does that and she feels good for awhile but its not permanent and before she knows it she feels shitty again

in season 3 she’s dealing with alot not only is she dealing with the guilt of barbs death now she’s dealing with the patriarchy (cant she catch a break)

another thing to add is how she selfishly plans to investigate the rat thing (i forgor what exactly it was) and gets herself and jonathan fired. and her whole argument with him which was genuinely so awful of her.

she has a cute little girl power moment with her mom (its weird tbh because on one hand slay feminism on the other its like girl 🤨)

and she starts investigating again then the mind flayers back and i genuinely think a part of her was like maybe if i kill it i can actually avenge barb this time.

then her and jonathan reconcile which btw she doesn’t apologize about her oliver twist comment (idk who to blame her or the writers)

but along the way mike argues with max and yknow instead of defending your brother like a normal sister, shes on maxs side. and its just heartbreaking to see honestly.

they’re literally siblings but they act like they only know each other through a mutual friend (if that makes sense) and i just know in some universe her and mike stop talking. she has a positive relationship with literally everyone in the party except her brother :(

oh and in season 4 her whole plan to kill vecna she was like hey this is the real bitch who killed her let me avenge her again so she makes a plan where she can be the one to kill him so she can be the hero it doesn’t work

(also note the fact that she doesn’t hug mike when they reunite)

idk if i did her justice with this ‘analysis’. idk my thoughts are really scattered when it comes to her also i haven’t rewatched this show in so long so

also wanted to say this i feel like the fandom has a really black and white sense of morality when it comes to the characters which is weird because whats the fun that like flaws make character’s really good also theres this added element of her being a girl and how girls are literally not allowed to be given flaws or else they’re immediately categorized as a bitch by people

#also this is a head cannon i have so ignore if you dont care but also i feel like theres also the added layer of #you got your friend back so why are you still miserable but thats purely based on vibes i got so #idk im running on 1h of sleep rn #nancy wheeler #wheeler siblings #buggss talks #byler #nancy wheeler analysis #stranger things analysis #🕰️

[goremet-chef]

guhh im so bothered rnn (vent/rant)

so... i? idk. ive been out as trans in my house since 2020. my mom doesnt call me dom (sometimes she does if my sibling encourages her to, but she defaults back to my deadname anyways) and ive learned to accept it. i dont think she ever will and its sad for me, the reality that once i start my transition, ill need to just.. leave a lot of my family behind. they think its some rebellious choice like i hate all of them but im more worried about them hating me

my mom says shes supportive but is actively right wing, shes having an inner battle with her ideologies, i know that. i can tell by how she talks about homeless people vs how she talks about us being queer

so. whatever. thats my mom i guess. but for a long time, i wasnt out to my moms husband. i despise him and ive never intentionally started a conversation with him, let alone come out. ive started to not care about what he thinks. i know what he thinks, he thinks gays should die, said it straight to my gay siblings face. okay, cool. doesnt concern me, moms bf is absolutely fucking nothing to me.

to remedy this sort of like... we didnt wanna DEAL with what he might say if he heard both my siblings calling me dom, cuz both of them do, so whenever theyre around they would just refer to my deadname, but i saw it made them cringe, so now everyone calls me 'that one child'

that one, other one, etc etc

no one even calls me my name anymore

it makes me feel so hopeless. ive EXPRESSED it makes me upset but my younger sibling doesnt care (the one most guilty of it), because they dont understand why it upsets me, i guess thats enough reason to keep going

its so dehumanizing to be reduced to actually nothing. i ALREADY have heaps and heaps and HEAPS of identity issues. sometimes it gets so bad i start having crazy ass delusions, sometimes im not even present and its a different part of my mind in my body

its hard enough as is!!! now my family wont call me anything at all

it makes me feel less bad about leaving, but i dont think ill ever leave at this rate

need to start T, change my name, get a job, all in that order. starting T seems impossible at this rate. i.. dont know what to do. i cant keep LIVING like this, because im not living at all

i never leave my house because im too ashamed in how i look, i cant BEAR the thought of anyone else perceiving me as female, i cant fucking do it!!! im so tired. my house is like a prison for me, genuinely.

and my family dont get it, obviously. they think its my choice, im some kind of hermit who doesnt care about being outside because i have internet. they are so fucking wrong. i miss going out, i miss being around people, i miss existing like everyone else, but i just cant do it man. not like this

so it becomes a waiting game, when am i gonna bring up starting it? how do i even move forward once i do? what if she says no? id have to do it on my own but i cant.. i cant even order things for myself without freezing like shutting up will get me out of there, i cant fucking do it

she doesnt even know!! we were in the car together and she was like yknow theres people who cant even make a doctors appointment. what losers.

IM losers, would she have said that if she knew? does she know and decided to say it anyways? i dont know, but its just.. everything seems so hopeless at this point. i want to just give up, accept im not gonna be who i truly am, but man i cant stand being any more miserable

it makes me wanna cry, the only time i get to feel myself how i think i should be is either if i draw something fictitious, or if i spend hours in the mirror making sure i look masculine, my mustache is convincing, etc. AND FOR WHAT? literally for fucking WHAT, because i dont leave the house anyways!!!!! dolled up like i have somewhere to be, like my appearance will get me what i want, when im stuck at home! i got nothing to prove to them, they think what they think

its fucking dreadful. im so scared of my life passing me by, and here i am wasting away in my bedroom for the last 3 years. no progress, nothing. at first, i was scared about even starting T because theres a higher risk of heart disease, but. i dont fucking care if it KILLS me. i dont care!!! if it kills me i dont fucking care im not living the life i want to live anyways. the risk of death is worth it at this point, i mean that so seriously

idk. im just tired, is all. i wish everyone could perceive me the way i dream they would. only time that happens is online, or when im not with my family at all and instead with my friends. but we only hang out like. once in a blue moon

and yknow what? im not even safe then. i remember we were at my friends house for halloween last year (we always meet up). i had my full leatherface costume one, my face was touched up to make it look like the mask. and still. dressed that way, when my friends mom asked me what my name was, i said dom and she was immediately like. "oh, dominique?" no. my name is fucking DOMINIC.

i didnt say anything besides correcting her, but it was such a blow, man. the only time ill be happy is if im closely monitoring every single thing i do, to make sure i dont appear feminine at all. no matter how i look, now matter how deep my voice is. miserable. why would anyone think that id choose this

#tw transphobia #tw dysphoria #tw queerphobia #tw misgendering

[shari-ya]

Twenty Things I Have Learned Before Entering My 20s:

i. If it's good: Alhamdulillah. If it's bad: Alhamdulillah.

ii. Romanticize life! As cliché as it might sound, it indeed is very important! This is exactly how my coping mechanism works: this world is ruthless, it's evil most of the time, but the world can also be a very very pretty place! I am a simple human, I try to cling to the prettier side of things more.

iii. No matter how good things are between me and the people I have in my life, if there's something I would rather not share about myself, and if it's not affecting the relationships I have with them, then no, I am not obligated to do so. Not everything feels good to be shared, and it's a feeling I have come to know as very common. You can keep certain things to yourself and still be a good person and a good friend.

iv. Not to sound contradictory but opening up most of the times does feel good! Letting the thoughts floating in your mind to gently land before someone can be very relieving and not as dreadful as you might have thought. Do it more often with the right people and allow yourself some peace.

v. If life gives you cats, you! pet! them! Forever thinking about how in documentary 'Kedi', I heard a Turkish proverb that says — "A cat meowing at your feet, looking up at you is life smiling at you." :']

vi. Platonic love holds the same importance and place as romantic love does! Both are love, and both are supposed to be treated like one; gently, delicately, carefully, respectfully, and most importantly, with its sweet reciprocation.

vii. Never shy away from "I don't know"s! No one knows how to deal with everything, and it is alright! Let people know that this might or might not be your first life and there are still things you have no information about! And it's OKAY! If their reaction discourages you, then don't ponder over it much. I have come to know that the words "I don't know" are indeed very magical, and magic is all about courage. Not everyone loves magic, not everyone's okay with certain kinds of courage, but the world still goes on.

viii. The act of exploration is not always the one where you take a huge backpack with yourself all set to travel the oceans and wander around. It's also buying a drink you have never tried before, praying to God that it's decent enough. It's about listening to an album and leaving it midway because it's just not for you. It's also about finding out what color suits you best and what's just not meant to be. These little explorations are what make you an explorer. The word might weigh heavy on some tongues, but to me, I have always been an explorer.

ix. Try not to hold grudges. Honestly. Let things go and embrace yourself with the calmness it brings with it.

x. Please do not be rude to your parents. In most cases, they are indeed trying their best to be a parent. Be gentle with them.

xi. if no one got me, i know my siblings got me. (i love u two so much (never mention this to me, ever. please. thanks.))

xii. In most cases, actually go with your first instinct. Whether it's running away from a person or getting yourself a new, never-tried-before attire.

xiii. Sab ne aisa mehsoos karaya hoga ki you are always a part of some unheard competition: age wise, grades wise, taste wise etc. But to be very honest, if you don't want it that way, there's literally no need to bother yourself thinking about it. You are moving forward in this so-called race marathon at your own pace. Just try to have fun with it.

xiv. The behaviours towards you are mostly (not always, though!) reciprocated.

xv. Friends !!! Friendships !!! Jitna ho sake, hold on to them achche se !! They were strangers once, jinke life got intertwined with yours in either the most mundane way or the most insane way! how beautiful is that, honestly?

xvi. If you're putting in your efforts, don't berate yourself for expecting some in return. It's all selfless act but it also should be somewhat mutual.

xvii. Those people who preach about living in the moment are actually right. Live in the moment! Baad ka baad mein chordo if it's too much pain or overwhelming. Majority of what's bothering you actually is just in your head (i'm not good at convincing myself on this either but i am trying my best). Aur waise bhi, you gotta be present in the moment to cheer it as a sweet or a bittersweet memory aage. Imagine going through it all and not even remembering how good it felt back then before the consequences (that goes away as fast as they arrive, mostly) hit.

xviii. With utmost sincerity, expect good things to happen to you and watch the magic unfold. Be gentle to yourself and watch your life copy that trait for you.

xix. It’s never just black and white. Never just right and wrong. Never just "they hate me" and "they love me". There's always a grey area. Always an okay in-between. Always a coexistence just right. There is always a medium ground. Almost always a 3D view of a situation that looks 2D. Never be too quick to judge another creature or to jump to a conclusion.

xx. Everything passes. This too shall pass.

#happy 20s to me :) #birthday post #i hope life treats me and my loved ones well #if i have mentioned u in here: #i love you #:) #writeblr #words #word vomit #spilled ink #writers and poets #on life #imp #personal #kedi #kedi documentary #cats #fav

[pochapal]

Random question of the day - thoughts on the rumored 20 tons of gold? Either on its narrative purpose, or predictions on what will happen surrounding it, or anything else that comes into your brain

not really spoken about the gold since it's not come up in the chapters i've been doing my writeups on (part of me really wants to go back and reread chapters 1 through 6 and make extensive notes on them too but if i do that i fear i will be on episode 1 forever) but i have a few thoughts about its literal and narrative presence:

(under a readmore because this got very long and tangential because actually i have more thoughts on this topic than i'd previously assumed lol)

i think given all we know and krauss's shifty behaviour the gold is real and part of if not all of it is somewhere on rokkenjima. loose theory is that there's a kind of cavity behind the beatrice portrait that leads to some kind of vault, wherein if you "gouge and kill" the witch you're actually inputting some kind of elaborate unlocking combination or something - the epitaph does actually lead to the gold as much as it does the resurrection of beatrice, in some kind of dual-purpose that can benefit either kinzo or his family depending on who wins out on the "battle of wits" as i think it was described at some point.

its literal presence in the narrative won't amount to much i think. none of the major actors in the crimes of rokkenjima seem all that interested in the physical gold. kinzo only cares about reviving the golden witch. kanon only cares about the functional advantage of the title of "ushiromiya head" as far as it advances his own agenda. krauss, having already discovered the gold and having already probably embezzled a portion of it to bail himself out, came at this whole thing from a defensive position and then died first so he doesn't really matter in the long run.

the siblings, however, obviously do care about the gold a hell of a lot, as evidenced by an entire chapter which hinged around hammering that point into our heads. i think there is a chance that any sussy ushiromiya siblings may be acting now as a means of consolidating the gold for themselves since i am thinking that at least a portion of the siblings that were killed during the first twilight died because of some kind of gold dispute turned ugly. perhaps someone will find the gold at some point but then it becomes apparent it's all worthless in the face of beatrice's wrath. idk.

thematically, the gold is obviously a stand in for both capitalist brainrot poison and umineko's metaphor-within-metaphor framing. i think it's apparent what "massive pile of dubiously obtained gold that makes a bunch of rich people murder each other over" could mean. as for the multi-layered metaphor thing, we're introduced to it through kinzo's statement of, and i am paraphrasing here, "beatrice conjured the gold for me after lured and bargained with her".

the facts that are known about the gold are that kinzo, down on his luck, somehow managed to turn his fortune around at the latter end of or just after the war, and that he used at least one gold ingot as collateral for a business deal with a major company owner, as allegedly verified by krauss. only the one ingot has been confirmed to exist but for the kind of wealth kinzo has accrued, the whole stockpile seems more likely.

what is more nebulous is the whole "beatrice conjured it for me" part of the story. we do not know what "beatrice" refers to in this context: an investment company or a potential rich sponsor as the siblings surmised, or an actual golden witch? all we know is that through "beatrice" kinzo acquired 10 tons of gold, and used that gold to build a vast fortune for himself from virtually nothing.

i think an examination of the gold may enlighten us on the specifics of how beatrice's magic actually works in more detail. since right now, as of midway through episode 1, she seems to be a very belief-based operator. believe in beatrice and her magic, and it is beatrice who granted you your wish. what i think needs clearing up is whether or not beatrice's magic literally impacts reality, or if it's another kind of way of couching the truth in metaphor - ie even if you doubt beatrice, the event still happens, but you are forced to adopt a less magical explanation for it. so here it would be that if kinzo hadn't had his meeting with the golden witch, would he still have come into possession of the gold but with a different explanation?

and if all that is the case and beatrice is the pretty metaphor for something uglier, just what is this gold anyway? how did kinzo acquire it?

i have some nebulous thoughts here circling around the timeframe that kinzo likely obtained the gold, the geopolitics of the time, his involvement in post-war profiteering(?), that one weird tangent the story gave about wartime bonds, the distinctly european flare to the name/identity beatrice, and just who politically in the mid 20th century was very big on the kind of western occultism kinzo practices. like i'm not saying "kinzo did a dodgy deal in the war and has been sitting on a bunch of fascist gold for the last 40 years" but i'm not not saying that either. and like, if that were the case, "the golden witch conjured it for me" is a much more palatable narrative to have going around than "i swindled western fascists out of their bigbucks and now i'm gonna use this to build my own personal fortune and maybe also literally entrap an otherworldly being lmao".

idk. to make any conclusions i think i need more information on kinzo, beatrice and the gold itself, but this is the general ballpark where my thoughts are at rn. if the story talks more about the gold i'll be sure to revisit all this in whatever writeup but for now this is where i'm at.

#yumantimatter #umineko liveblog #this is kind of scatterbrained but like i said this is a half-formed thought/theory so take it with a grain of salt

[milkywaygg]

Time’s Passing Ch 7

Darren’s body jerked upwards in his bed as Linnie’s shrill voice rang in his ears. Shit, Darren forgot Linnie liked a nice cold, glass of milk before bed every night. Hearing an impatient foot tapping coming from the kitchen, Darren thought it would be best not to waste anymore of his father’s time.

“Darren.”, Linnie started off calmly, “I see you’ve gotten the groceries. I also saw something that I KNOW I didn’t order. Care to tell me what that might be?”

“You talking about the beer?”, Darren asked, trying to mask his nervousness, “Yeah uhm…that’s funny. I don’t remember buying that either. They probably accidentally mixed our groceries with someone elses.”

“I don’t think so Darren. To buy alcohol, you’d have to be IDd. I would understand that excuse if it was something like toilet paper, or a different snack or something, but alcohol has a special procedure, Darren. You can’t accidentally buy alcohol.”, Linnie complained, crossing his arms, not falling for Darren’s lies one bit, “How much of it did you buy, and did you buy anything else?”

“Yes! Ok? Yes, that’s mine, but I swear that’s the only pack I bought. Blue Moon isn’t even that heavy! It’s only like 6% ABV, and I only had like 3 drinks. I’ve had worse.”

“I’m not worried about how heavy it is, Darren. What I’m worried about is why you bought alcohol when I told you I didn’t want to see it in my house!”

“Technically it’s not your house if you’re paying rent on it-“

“Darren!”, Linnie snapped, causing Darren to jump and cower slightly. It had been such a long time since he had saw his father that angry, that he had forgotten that Linnie could get angry at all. He was usually a sweet, overly passive man that allowed everyone to treat him like a doorstep. Hell, a huge part of the problem with Darren’s parents’ relationship was caused by Linnie’s timid nature, and how he basically allowed his wife to control him, and force Darren and his sibling to walk on eggshells. But tonight, Darren found himself face to face with the same Linnie that had confronted him the first time he was caught shoplifting. Aware of his father’s anger but unwilling to back down, Darren took a breath and looked right into Linnie’s flamed, green eyes.

“I don’t get it what the big deal is. It’s just a 6 pack of beer! You’re acting like I bought vodka or whiskey or some shit, and even if it was, I’m almost 40,000 years old, Papa! I’m an adult! I deserve to be treated like one, and I deserve to have the same rights as you do.”, Darren yelled, making Linnie step back, “See, this is exactly what I wanted to talk to you about earlier. Why can’t you give me the freedom as an adult? To make my own decisions, to drink and enjoy drugs as I please, to live wherever I want, why do you always have to be right on top of my ass?”

“Because I care about you, Darren!”, Linnie yelled back, tears starting to flow down his cheeks, “Do you want to know WHY I don’t allow alcohol in my home? It does nothing but bring pain and misery on people’s families. It tricks people into believing its ok to treat other people so cruelly and with no empathy, not to mention all it can do to your health.”

“Ok, but don’t you think that’s not your call to make anymore? For god’s sake, you shouldn’t even be stressing out about me anymore. You should be planning a vacation or leaving the city to retire or some shit.”

“But I don’t. I have a family to think about and take care of, since it’s very obvious your mother isn’t going to do any of that.”, Linnie cried, “If you felt like you were being treated unfairly around here, then why didn’t you talk to me, like the adult you claim to be? Why did you deliberately disobey me and then have the nerve to lie to me about it?”

“Oh my god, it’s literally just a pack of beer.”

“I don’t care what it is, and I don’t give a damn how old you are, Darren Cosma! The point is, you’ve disobeyed your father, and…and”, Linnie was at a lost for words, Darren’s cocky smirk staring at Linnie mockingly, sucking all hope and anger out of him, “And….I…I don’t understand why. Why have you been acting this way towards me lately?”

“Like what? What are you talking about, Papa?”, Darren ached his brow. Linnie sighed in exhaustion.

“Like this. You keep cursing in the house even after I’ve asked you to stop, you go and do things behind and back and then lie about it, you steal from other people, you’re constantly giving other people an attitude, honestly Darren, the list goes on.”, Linnie said, “Where have I gone wrong, huh? When Chelsea brought you here, I felt so awful that you were stranded out in the cold with very little to eat, so I decided to help out and give you a place to stay because of how much love I have for you.”

“Don’t you mean, Had?”

“No Darren! Have! Now stop interrupting me please. It’s my time to talk right now.”, Linnie snapped, his preschool teacher voice slipping out momentarily, “Anyways, I brought you in because I thought this would help you get what you need, and I thought that if I gave you as much support as I could, you’d be better off and kept off the streets. Now, you know I’ve never demanded much from you kids, but for all the 35,000 years I’ve been married to your mother,  the 40+ hours I had spent in labor pushing all 3 of you out, and the countless amounts of times I was told that I was never good enough, you’d think my family would have the courtesy to say thank you every once in a while.”

“Ok woah, chill out!”, Darren yelled, before lowering his voice, “Damn, you really starting to sound like Nora right about now.”

At that comment, Linnie froze up, unable to respond to his son. A part of him wanted to explode, call Darren ungrateful, and go on and on about all the sacrifices he made trying to take care of all three of his children, but the rest of Linnie kept him from doing so. He had promised himself that no matter how upset or frustrated at the children he got, Linnie would never stoop so low as to start abusing them. Despite all the crap Darren was giving him right now, Linnie knew he still loved him, even if he was making it super hard not to slap him right now, and as much as he loved his three children and caring for them, Linnie would be lying to himself if being reminded by his abusive past wasn’t exhausting.

“Darren.”, Linnie took a deep breath, “Ironically, that’s exactly why we’re having this conversation. I can’t help but worry you’ll turn into another Nora someday. I don’t want that for my children, Darren.”

“OK you know what? Here’s the thing, you stupid bitch.”, Darren snapped, “Don’t you think Nora started acting like that because she had no idea what the fuck she was doing with those fucking bottles? There’s a huge fucking difference between having three little drinks and downing entire bottles of Evan Williams like it’s a fucking water fountain!”

Linnie was speechless. He knew his relationship with his oldest was always rocky, but he never would have thought Darren would have the guts to insult him. Before he could process what had just been said, Darren continued.

“Believe it or not, Papa, you can actually trust me to take care of myself. I’m so sick of you treating us all like a bunch of fucking babies when in reality, the only real baby is you. Oh, and newsflash Princess, no one asked that you spend 40 hours in labor. No one asked to be here.”, Darren finally said, throwing himself off the chair and storming off to his room, grabbing on the shirt and jeans he had worn before coming over to Linnie’s for the first time. Seeing Darren head towards the front door, Linnie got up and placed his hand gently on the door, trying to keep Darren from opening it.

“Darren, wait! Where are you going?”, Linnie asked, the tears still streaming down his face. Darren rolled his eyes and shooed Linnie’s hand off the door, finally opening it, “Please, it’s dark and cold out there! Please! I’m not trying to kick you out! It’s just…”

“I know you’re not kicking me out. I’m leaving.”, Darren said as a matter-of-factly, “I’m sure one of my bar buddies will be more than happy to give me a place to crash.”

“Darren…I…”, Linnie stammered as Darren left, his tears now becoming more thick and violent. He collapsed on the couch and started sobbing, wishing his son would come back and questioning his ability as a father. It was a good while before Linnie was able to gather himself and dry his tears, before grabbing out his phone and calling Darren, his call getting declined each time. Before he could finally came and go to bed however, Linnie felt his phone ringing, Chelsea’s Caller ID showing.

“H-Hello?”, Linnie sniffed, hearing loud music in the background.

“Hey Papa! We finally finished up with the last show for the night, and I thought I’d check on you and Darren. How’s he been?”, Chelsea asked in a bright tone. Linnie sighed.

“Hi honey. Things could be better.”, Linnie said sadly, “Your brother brought beer into my home and we got in a fight, and now he’s left! I don’t even know where he’s gone off too. I’ve tried calling him but he’s not picking up.”

“Yeah, sounds like typical Darren alright.”, Chelsea groaned, “Swear, he needs to learn what freaking gratitude is.”

“Well, I may have been a little harsh on him as well. I had gotten so upset, I started using the 40 hours to labor card to explain why I felt like he needs to be more respectful, a-and it’s…it’s just…I don’t know Chelsea. I really want to help him, but I just..I don’t know what to do. He’s so belligerent towards me, and all I want is for him to feel loved for and cared about, but I also want him to understand that I have boundaries. A-and now he’s out in the streets and…”

“Woah hold on. Did you kick him out?”

“No! No, he chose to leave. I tried to stop him but he pushed right past me. Oh..”, Linnie whined, “I don’t know where he could’ve possibly gone to, but I’m worried. It’s so dark and dangerous out there. I’m just worried someone might try and hurt him.”

“Well, I guess if you want, I could call him. Smack some sense into him.”, Chelsea said, laughing slightly at the last statement, “Honestly Darren’s a tough kid, I’m sure he can handle the sleazies out in the neighborhood, but if you want, I’ll call his stupid ass and tell him to get home.”

“Oh no, please don’t curse. I don’t need two fowl mouths.”, Linnie nagged, “And if you could please, but don’t tell him I asked you. He won’t answer if you do, but I need him back home safe.”

“Sure thing Papa.”, Chelsea answered before hanging up the phone, leaving Linnie alone to sulk and head to the bathroom, brushing his teeth, and grab a pillow and blanket and lying it across the couch, deciding to rest there until Darren had come home to him.

#fairly oddparents #fanfic #drama

[betweeninstrumentsandbooks]

i’ve been working on a restaurant for the past two months and it has worked ⭐ miracles ⭐ for my mental health. Im guessing its because its given me the opportunity to actually do stuff and grow my confidence, seeing how I’m able to acomplish various tasks, and get an objective reward: money.

Ive also learnt how the wonderful thing that is to be profesional, and that has been *chefs kiss* for my anxiety/RSD/self-esteem, because if I, p.e, fuck up an order, its literally worhless for me to keep moping over it and just feel bad about it for days. It will just drain my energy and make the rest of the workday worse. Instead, what I am supposed to do is to apologize and keep swimming. Because its not a fault of me as a person, its a skill i’m perfecting. Thats what being profesional means to me. Im not saying I should ignore my feelings, or just “suck it up” because that has never worked, im saying i can now see it in an objective way, something i had never been able to do before because i hadnt had the oportunity. And on the same line, if a coworker does something that would usually trigger my RSD, its not because I am a worthless human being, its because we are working. My bartending teacher told me thats its common in kitchens to ask for stuff and not to say “please” or “thank you”, or to have coworkers tell you to move out of the way in ways that could be rude, but its not to be rude; its never in bad faith; its because you have to be quick (and of course, if you got hurt, you can talk to your coworkers later).

The second thing ive learnt is to fully separate what are my responsabilities and what are not. Because I’m working, im doing a service to both the people who come eat at the restaurant and to my boss. This is not a favor, its 100% transactional. If a client doesnt likes their food, tells me that, and doesnt leave a tip, thats their fucking business. Its not my food, Im following the cookbook my supervisor provided, and this isnt a fancy restaurant in the rich part of the city: ive had clients complain like this was the fucking Ritz; it is not, if you want a better service/food, go to the fancy side of town and pay the corresponding price for it. If my boss tries not to pay me my hours, I am on my full right to demand i get my whole salary and to keep pestering her until the deal is fair. She may heve her own personal issues, but thats not my fucking problem. I do not owe the company nothing. If I do owe anything, its to treat my coworkers with respect, because they are with me every single day, they protect me and i protect them. And in this case, its not even a matter of owing here, its they they are my “siblings in arms” and i want to treat them in the best way possible.

The third thing ive learnt is how to manage my stress in a better way. Lets say i have a table, im making their food, and two more tables come in. I have to take their orders, set their tables, make their food, get whatever im missing from the storage, keep the dishes clean enough so i dont loose time washing them, etc. And that does makes my heart race and the fawn/freeze response start to set in. BUT i know what i have to do and how to to it: i just need a few seconds so the list of things to do gets organized in my brain. Its like in videogames: i visualize as a list of tasks that gets arranged according to time and complexity. What do I need, what am i missing, what can i do while I wait? If the burgers take five minutes to be done, I can set the tables and prepare the rest of what the burgers have while I wait, and after that is done and served so it doesnt get cold, i can throw the dirty dishes in the sink, squirt some dish soap and water on them, and rush to the storage to get what i need, and come back to get the table’s check. So, if i know what to do, how long does it takes, how to optimize everything, i have 0 reasons to get stressed.

The pay may be shit,and my boss is a shady af individual, but im happy i landed this job. Ive gotten the skills i have missed, and i will use them on my next jobs, and most importantly, in my life.

#mental health #work #im not even paid the minimum and im making the labor of like 4 people #but whatever #the restaurant is gonna close soon #:)

[jmbringitonworld]

Brothers Once More

AO3 link for those who prefer to read fics there.

I wrote this over a month ago, but as soon as I was about to go over it one final time and post it, I was suddenly struck by inspiration for another fic, which I had to immediately write out while the plot bunny was still firmly latched onto my brain. So this has been gathering dust, patiently waiting until my mind was finally devoid of all other fics, which just happens to be now! I'm so glad to be sharing this, finally, because it means a lot to me. I absolutely love the Dreamtale brothers, and, for very personal reasons, have the biggest feels for reconciliation between siblings.

While this oneshot doesn't feature my Fallen Star Frisk, Lumi, it does mention her quite a bit, so if you want to know more about her and her relationship with Dream, see my other works Starry Eyed and Stargazing. It's not required to have read either of those works to follow this one, but they do help give meaningful context to what's said here.

Nightmare and Dream belong to Jokublog, but my version of Nightmare differs quite a bit from canon Corrupt!Nightmare. Namely the fact that mine is, in fact, the real Nightmare, and Dream’s actual brother, and not what essentially amounts to a possessed zombie. There are probably plenty of other differences, but I’m far too attached to my own version of these babies to care about canon, beyond acknowledging that they aren’t exactly the same.

_____________________________________________

The Ebott Quadrant was silent, empty, its former prisoners having abandoned it years ago, when the forcefield keeping them trapped in that particular part of space had been broken. And so, with the monsters having fled for new horizons, to the far-flung reaches of the galaxy, the deserted asteroid belt was the perfect place for two recently-reconciled brothers to spend some quality time together, in peace and privacy, as they attempted to mend a bond broken centuries ago.

While Dream and Nightmare were sat on the edge of a rocky platform, floating lazily in the vacuum of space, with their legs dangling over the ledge, the two outcodes struggled to make small talk, their conversation stilted and forced, despite Dream’s best efforts, their childhood closeness long since destroyed by bitterness, miscommunication, and far too much fighting. It was painfully apparent that too many years of too much animosity, would not be easily erased, the gap between them too wide to bridge without a great deal of time and effort. But both brothers had time aplenty to spare, and a willingness to try. They had both agreed, one with a full heart, the other in a quiet voice, that the bond they’d once shared was worth whatever difficulties they would face to rebuild it.

And so here they were, eating nice cream lollies together, in the very same Outertale AU where Dream had first laid eyelights on Lumi, the fallen star he had come to love. The estranged twins were sat side by side, not touching but closer than they’d been in centuries, outside of battle. However, the distance between them, both literal and figurative, left an ache in Dream’s soul. Idly nibbling on his popsicle, Dream gazed at the distant stars, his mind drifting to his own, beloved star.

“Wow, this place sure does bring back memories,” Dream remarked, more to himself than to Nightmare, as he smiled to himself in fond reminiscence, his legs swinging back and forth in the emptiness. “It feels like only yesterday that Lumi and I first met... The past few years passed by so quickly.”

To his right, Nightmare hummed, chewing on nice cream as his tentacles haltingly reached out towards Dream, curling and uncurling, close but not quite touching him, before retreating to their master’s side, writhing with nervous energy.

“I know what you mean,” he spoke up for the first time in a while, his deep, rumbling voice lacking its usual menace and arrogance, as the dark being grappled with his own awkwardness at his current situation, unsure of how to act around his former nemesis. “I still vividly remember the day my Frisk suddenly appeared out of nowhere in my castle, all lost and confused. And now, we’re... engaged. It has yet to truly sink in. I’m uncertain if it will ever feel real to me.”

Dream beamed at his brother, his star-shaped golden eyelights sparkling as he practically vibrated with excitement.

“Yeah, I can hardly believe it myself! You , getting married ! Incredible!!”

Nightmare shot him an affronted look.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he growled at Dream, who raised his hands up placatingly.

“Nothing bad, I swear! I only meant that I still remember how shy you were back... then . You’ve never been the type to make friends, and now, well, you’re even less sociable than before. I’m just... so happy to know that you’ve found someone who loves you for who you are, enough to want to bind herself to you for eternity,” Dream gave his brother the most earnest look he could, hoping to convey his sincerity. “I really mean it, Night. I’m so happy for you.”

Nightmare stared mutely at Dream for a few seconds, before he whipped his skull away, trying to hide the way his teal eyelight wavered in his socket. Emotions welled up within him, powerful and strange to the pseudo-Guardian of Negativity, and he viciously tried to stamp them down, feeling vulnerable and raw. His tentacles hesitantly poked at Dream, seeming to want to touch him properly, but too afraid to do more than lightly prod at his arms and back. Dream stayed perfectly still, despite the liquid negativity making his bones itch, and allowed the tentative touches, while inwardly hoping for more, but not wanting to push too hard and scare Nightmare away. For his brother, Dream could be patient.

Eventually, Nightmare could no longer stand the silence, nor his twin’s warm smile, and, desperate to change the subject, blurted out the first thought that came into his skull.

“So what’s going on with you and that star?”

Dream blinked. “Huh?”

Nightmare impatiently tapped his phalanges on the hard ground, as he struggled not to fidget, though his tentacles wriggled in agitation.

“I’m asking you when you two hopeless fools are finally going to get together, and officially start dating.”

Dream blushed a bright yellow, the colour overtaking his entire skull, as he instantly fell for his brother’s attempt to deflect the conversation away from himself. It was now Dream’s turn to fidget awkwardly, as he averted his eyelights, his bones almost rattling with nervous energy, and his fist unconsciously tightening its grip around his ice pop.

“I-I don’t know what you mean, Brother!” Dream winced as his voice came out louder and higher-pitched than he’d intended. Flustered, he attempted to lower his voice, but his words still came out jittery. “We’re just f-friends, we’re not-.... we wouldn’t... It’s just not like that, between us, okay?!”

Nightmare smirked, feeling much more at ease, now that they were no longer discussing his relationship with his fiancée (he dutifully ignored the rush of giddiness he felt at that last thought). He inwardly admitted to himself that he greatly enjoyed seeing his brother squirm like that, despite no longer hating him or blaming him for what happened in the past. It was rare for his normally so bold and self-assured twin, to act so visibly ruffled. He may no longer have any desire to harm his fellow not-quite-Guardian, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t take full advantage of this delightful opportunity, to tease and embarrass Dream as much as possible. After all, wasn’t that something big brothers did?

“Come now, Brother,” the gentle, reassuring tone of his voice belied the teasing glint in his single eyelight, as the corners of his mouth tugged upwards in amusement. His tentacles slithered languidly towards Dream, resting against his right leg and his back. “You’re not exactly subtle . It’s painfully obvious that you have feelings for the star.”

Dream’s blush deepened and he buried his skull in his hands with a mortified squeak. Nightmare’s smile widened at that, as he chuckled to himself at his brother’s expense, before he settled back, and gave Dream a considering look. After a moment, he sighed softly, his expression becoming serious, devoid of his previous mirth.

“Dream, you and I both know, better than anyone else, the importance of being honest with yourself and your emotions. You must tell her how you really feel. Don’t keep ignoring your own heart, it never ends well. Trust me, Brother.”

His gaze darkened, memories of a childhood spent being tormented by fearful villagers, flashing through his mind. Dream stared sadly at his brother, old regrets bubbling up inside him, before he looked away, trying to focus on the matter at hand, namely what he would and should do about his not-so-secret love for Lumi.

“I... I can’t ,” Dream eventually forced out, his voice tight and pained. “I just can’t tell her, Night. It wouldn’t be right, to dump my feelings on her like that. Not when she has her own worries to deal with.”

Nightmare frowned at him, clearly dissatisfied with his answer, but Dream ploughed on.

“And it’s not like we can even be together anyway! I promised her that I would help her find a way home. She... she belongs in the sky, with her sisters. I know she misses them, so much , even if she doesn’t want to dwell on it, and I have to reunite them. I know what it’s like to be separated from your siblings, after all. I won’t let her suffer any longer! I’d rather break my own heart, if it means hers won’t anymore!”

As Dream’s impassioned words rang out into the stillness of space, Nightmare watched his brother with an unreadable expression. He glanced down, seeming to gather himself, before turning his skull upwards, towards distant, out of reach stars.

“Has it ever occurred to you that maybe Lumi doesn’t want to go back?”

Dream whipped his skull around, a protest on his lips, before pausing, as he caught sight of the intense look on his brother’s skull.

“Wh-why would you say that?” he asked quietly, and startled when Nightmare let out an angry huff, viciously taking a bite out of his nice cream lolly.

“Not everyone is eager for things to go back to the way they used to be,” his voice was low and tense, his tentacles coiling around themselves, viscous, tar-like darkness dripping off them and forming small, black puddles on the rocky floor. “Not everyone clings desperately to the past. Maybe Lumi isn’t as fond of her ‘home’ as you think.”

Dream looked troubled at Nightmare’s words, at a loss as to how to respond, but his brother didn’t seem to be paying him any mind. Instead, his gaze was far off, fixed on something only he could see, grief shining in his eyelight.

“I can sympathise, if so,” his voice was softer than Dream had ever heard it, since the... incident , and the light being was astounded at the compassion he could feel emanating from his dark twin. Nightmare’s expression softened further, as sorrow coloured his tone. “Being all alone, with no friends, having no one pay attention to you, not one single person caring about you except for your siblings... If it were me, I certainly wouldn’t want to go back to that. Even if... even if it meant... sacrificing my relationship with the only family I have.”

Dream stilled, feeling conflicted as he considered that thought, a painful ache growing in his rib cage as it really hit him, again, just how much the two people he loved most had suffered in the past, with him being none the wiser, but Nightmare wasn’t done speaking just yet. With a forceful shake of his skull, as if shaking off his lingering anguish, the living embodiment of negativity turned to face his brother.

“And even if the star doesn’t feel that way, even if she does, indeed, wish to return to her place in the sky... You should still confess your feelings to her,” Nightmare insisted, his tone bordering on pleading. “Don’t hide them, or pretend that they don’t exist! If only I’d been more forthcoming about my own feelings, my own misery, back when we were children, then maybe...” he trailed off, then shook himself, refusing to allow himself to consider what ifs or what might have been. Nothing good could come from that line of thinking. “The point is, I know the cost of not sharing how you truly feel, with those closest to you. Please, Brother... Don’t make the same mistakes I did.”

Silence descended upon the brothers. Nightmare took one final bite of his ice lolly, shoving the entire frozen treat into his mouth, before yanking the wooden stick handle out and carelessly tossing it aside, absentmindedly watching it drift further and further away, out into the depths of space. Dream sat quietly, unusually still, as he digested what he’d been told, mulling over the words. Eventually, he seemed to come to a conclusion.

“You’re... you’re right, Night,” he whispered at last. “I’ll... I’ll tell Lumi how I really feel about her. And I’ll ask her how she really feels, about me and about returning to the sky. Whatever answer she gives me, I’ll accept it. I’ll be satisfied with having been honest, both to her, and to myself.” He closed his eye sockets, took a deep breath, then opened them again and turned to give Nightmare a grateful smile. “Thanks Brother. Thank you for being here for me, and telling me what I needed to hear. I... I can’t tell you how much it means to me.”

Nightmare pointedly turned his skull away from Dream, a teal blush spreading across his cheeks.

“You’re exaggerating,” he waved his hand dismissively, affecting nonchalance despite his obvious embarrassment and still-present blush. “I merely offered you some very obvious advice. I’m certain that any one of your half-witted ‘friends’ would have told you something similar.”

But Dream insistently shook his skull.

“No, I mean it, Night!” his emphatic tone and the fervent look in his eyelights gave Nightmare pause. “I really mean it. I really am so, so grateful to have you give me advice, to have you act like my big brother again. It hasn’t been the same without you; friends, no matter how close we are, just can’t compare to you. I’ve... really... missed you, Brother,” Nightmare’s eyelight widened in alarm as Dream’s voice wavered, and yellow tears gathered at the corners of his eye sockets. “I’ve... missed you... so much... so... much ...”

Dream’s voice trailed off, his emotions finally overwhelming him, and he stopped trying to hold back the sobs from wracking his body, the half-melted, half-eaten nice cream lolly falling from his numb phalanges, and drifting away and out into the cosmos. After being so used to holding his negative feelings in for so, so long, Dream found that he no longer had the will to force down that part of himself any longer, not now that he finally had his beloved brother back by his side. And so, he gave in to his still-persisting pain and grief over the loss of his brother for so long, crying his heart out for all that he’d lost, all that he’d suffered, for all this time.

Nightmare was completely caught off guard by the sudden outpouring of negativity from his brother, who was meant to be the very embodiment of positivity. Dream had always been the type to hide his pain with a smile, never letting on how much he was hurting on the inside, and always, without fail, presenting an appearance of unwavering positivity and optimism. To see his brother so openly distraught, not even trying to supress his negative feelings...

Nightmare hesitated, unsure what action to take, and uncomfortable with every option available to him, before he grit his teeth and, purposely turning his skull away, closed the distance between them and put his left arm around Dream’s shoulders, tugging him closer.

Dream stilled at the touch, his crying coming to an abrupt halt, though he continued to sniffle softly, as his eyelights widened. At that moment, he wanted nothing more than to throw his arms around his brother and hug him tightly for all he was worth, just like he used to when they were children, but he restrained himself, not wanting to make Nightmare any more uncomfortable than he already was, and contented himself with leaning into his twin’s hold. Nightmare froze for a second, before relaxing minutely, his tentacles retreating into his back as his arm tightened ever so slightly around Dream.

Pressed against his brother’s side, Dream could feel cold goop seeping into his clothes, the inky corruption an unpleasant sensation against his bones, but beyond that, he could feel something else. This close to the other outcode, Dream could sense, through the mass of corrupted negativity, a tiny flicker of warmth, the still-burning flame that was, and would always be, his brother. And it whispered to him ‘ I miss you ’, ‘ I'm sorry ’, and ‘I love you ’, and Dream leaned further into his brother’s body, wrapping his right arm around Nightmare’s back, and closed his eye sockets, listening with his shining, golden apple soul to the words he’d long wished to hear.

Even though it wasn’t the same as it used to be, even though their relationship would never be as it once was, despite everything, they were still brothers. And right then, that was all that mattered to them.

~~

~~

~~

BONUS: 

Error was comfortably sat on a rock platform, floating in space. He might have hated AUs in principle, but he could admit that he hated Outertale Aus slightly less than others, besides Undernovela. He had detected an odd blip from this particular one, dating some years ago, but the AU was currently stable and, more importantly, deserted, since the monsters were freed, so he didn’t bother to investigate the anomaly further.

He’d decided to come here, by himself, to get some peace and quiet away from his family. While he very much loved his wife and children, more than he’d ever thought himself capable of loving anyone or anything, he did still value his alone time. And his darling wife had shooed him away with a fond smile, reassuring him that she’d be fine looking after their kids for the day, so who was he to say no to his dear wifey? It was also a lot harder to get any knitting done with the kids running all about the house, and glitching through the walls, and he really did want to finish knitting these socks for Blueberry’s upcoming birthday.

It was while he was blissfully ignorant of all but the yarn he was steadily turning into socks, that a small object suddenly hit him in the back of his skull. Startled, Error dropped his knitting supplies and shifted around, to grab hold of the offending object. It was a little wooden stick. Glaring at it in bewilderment, he failed to notice a half-eaten, melting nice lolly hit him in the side of his skull, with a wet smack. Feeling cold, wet, spit-covered nice cream sliding down his skull, error messages filled his eye sockets as the former destroyer of AUs started glitching out in rage.

“W-Wh@t th£ F-F#€K!!”

_____________________________________________

Error belongs to Crayon Queen/Loverofpiggies. I just love teasing this anti-social man-baby XD His wife is a version of Frisk, but I've left it ambiguous which one, so it could be Core!Frisk, or it could be a different one (mine is too complicated for me to include directly in my fics, but she lives rent-free in my head at all times).

One of these days, when I'm done with some of my other WIPs, I'll finally write about Brightmare!Frisk, Nightmare's wife. She appeared briefly in my April Fool's Day fic (and in some of my short snippet works), but I really want to write about her backstory and her relationship dynamic with Noot and his gang. It's still a ways off, but it's a dream of mine (pun not intended but fully embraced). Just gotta keep working on my Lost Child series first.

#JMB writes #dream!sans #nightmare!sans #dream #nightmare #mentions of dreamxfrisk #mentions of nightmarexfrisk #frans #to some #close enough for me #brotherly bonding #the dreamtale brothers have reconciled #nightmare being a good brother #they still have a ways to go #but they're really trying #some bonds are too precious to abandon

[mspaintlover]

12 13 15 :0

HI

12. how would the fandom view your character?

probably around the same way they view Swasch: a really small dedicated group of people are hardcore fans and like no one else . trying not to be entirely negative here but they probably play up her ditzyness to 50000 and ignore that she has like, thoughts and feelings and everything. that or basically not even treated like an adult even though she's probably almost if not in her 30s (metaphorically(?) because darkners probably don't age in the same ways lightners do) because she happens to be a bit sillay

but broadly ignored because she would realistically be a equally minor character that doesn't have some kind of yaoi ship they can shove her in. HOWEVER there would be one person like me who would Get Them. and make 500 beautiful pictues of fanart and then drop off the face of the earth

13. does your self insert have any information about their family?

it's kind of unclear if darkners have families in the same literal way lightners do (do they reproduce??? the Card Kingdom has the King and Lancer but that's because theyre literally playing cards...) but for the sake of the hypothetical Palette has a pretty stretched relationship with her family she doesn't really talk to any of them. her mother would've been part of a paint program like her and her father would've been like another part of the hardware or like, a overclocking program.. something like that ... sibling status unknown (doesnt really know any extended family either)

she probably hasn't seen any them in years because they live out in the fields and she's working in that dam mansion and in Cyber City and stuff but she also just really doesn't want to . needless to say they didn't treat her the best (understatement) and if they talk at all its like once every 5 years. her mother shows up at the cafe once and she just walks out. they probably look down on her for where she lives and works and stuff but they never liked her all that much to begin with so it's fine 15. how does your self insert play a role in the plot of the story? do they help directly defeat the villain, support the heroes, etc.?

oohourughouh so OK she ties into Swasch's deal and they admittedly mostly exist in the game to have done stuff pre-canon to set up stuff that happens in the game (why the NEO machine exists in the basement so it can later get stolen, the presence of a preinstalled program, and to be a shopkeeper in the third area of the chapter to replace Sweet Cap'n Cakes in the fields area/the Addisons in the city for healing items, ect. mostly behind the scenes stuff) so Palette kind of ties into all that

but theyre also extremely side characters so they don't have a lot of direct influence in the plot of the canon game. but trust me they have some weird shit going on in that kind of pre-canon (and post-canon but thats another can of worms) space especialy with like their place as darkners that kind of communicate with lightners in such a way with helping them create their(the lightner's) art and stuff that's very personal and almost direct like a connection not a lot of other darkners would have & like how they rationalize how they basically are used as a literal tool without lightners even knowing theyre alive......

but that's getting more into them Personally . they don't have a lot of direct influence on the main plot because of the type of characters they are and thats OKAY i love them(both) anyway. unless i misinterpreted the question. in which that';s my answer anyway

#.bmp #load file #i forgot what was in this the second i was done writing it so honestly anything is subject to change at any time