#this is making me relive everything i repressed when i first had feelings for him

[brightbluekicks]

the like shitshow ordeal of having a conversation with someone that i was in love with and finding out they have known that i had feelings for them this whole time. lovely.

#IT IS SO EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL #this is making me relive everything i repressed when i first had feelings for him #hes gay and i knew and i just felt so fucking guilty the whole time #for things i couldnt control #and the thing is like. i love him i love him i love him #so much #and i knew that no matter what i do he’ll never love me in that way #so i tried to get over it #and at least finding out today that like even though hes always known he never liked me less because of it #but i still feel so unbearably shitty #i feel like ive hurt him somewhere #and im also just humiliated beyond belief like omfg i cant believe i had to talk about the feelings that i had for you and the fact that #youll never feel them back #i thought we were DONE WITH THIS #also we’re pretty much just school friends and im terrified whatll happen next #is our friendship strong enough to last this summer please tell me it will. please say you still love me #I WROTE DUCKING POETRY ABOUT HIM #i wrote the goddamn line ‘he makes you feel like who you are isnt such a wretched fate’ #and now i have to deal with the knowing that he knows #this hurts more than any rejection ever had

[schrodingerspsycho]

Another Shot - Chapter 2

Pairing - Sam Carpenter x Reader

Warnings - Mentions of alcohol, addiction, weed

Word Count - 5.1k

Summary - (Some of) the truth comes out. Tensions rise between you and Sam.

Chapter 1

Help Palestine by clicking this link!🇵🇸

You couldn’t sleep. Of course, you couldn’t. Sam Carpenter was in New York City.

All the memories you’d tried so hard to repress had come flooding back in full force, washing over you like a tidal wave. It hurt more than you would’ve imagined. And that fucking look in her eyes. As if she had any right to be angry with you. It made your blood boil. God, you wished you could hate her.

But you couldn’t. Yes, the memories were bitter, but they were still oh-so-sweet. You wanted nothing more than to crawl back to that better time when she was by your side and you were happy, uncaring of how the broken glass cut your hands and knees along the way. Then you remembered that fucking face, and you knew you couldn’t do that either.

You groaned and rubbed your eyes, which still ached from crying, and rolled over to stare at the clock. It was four in the morning. You wanted a drink. How ironic, Sam made you want to drink.

Instead, you opted for the one vice you still allowed yourself; weed. You stepped onto the balcony as you lit up, pulling your blanket tight around your shoulders. Just a few hits to help you sleep, you told yourself. The high would pass before your shift started. And just this once, you let that be a lie.

Luckily, you had an afternoon shift, and the weed was completely out of your system by the time you clocked in. Not that anyone would have cared, you wouldn’t be the first person to show up to work high. But you didn’t want to risk it. You couldn’t lose this job. So you made an effort to push Sam far from your mind and man the counter with a smile on your face. And it would’ve worked too, if it weren’t for her meddling little sister.

“Hey, Tara!” you smiled when she walked in. She waved back, clearly distracted. You took no notice, turning back to the lobby to go about your business. But Tara stepped out in front of you, blocking your path and nearly making you drop the menus you were carrying. “Shit! What the hell, dude? Don’t sneak up on me like that!” you cried.

“I want to know what happened,” she said, ignoring you. “Sam wouldn’t tell me.”

You stared at her. “Are you serious? I told you to drop it.”

“You didn’t really think that was going to stop me, did you?”

You sighed. Maybe it was the sleep deprivation, or maybe you were secretly dying to unload all the memories clogging your brain. And talking about your feelings was supposed to help, right? “If I tell you, you can never bring this up again, got it?”

“Got it.” She crossed her finger over her heart, excitement shining in her eyes. You hoped she wouldn’t regret asking for the truth.

“If you can get Jay to give us our breaks at the same time, I’ll tell you then.”

Tara nodded and rushed off to find your manager, finally leaving you in peace. Maybe after this, you would finally be able to put it all behind you. And if Sam didn’t want Tara to know… then perhaps you could relive it after all. Sure, it was petty. But after everything she’d put you through, you deserved to be a little petty.

Jay must’ve been in a good mood because he granted Tara’s request. She didn’t mention her sister again for the first half of the shift, choosing instead to gush about how Chad had surprised her by taking her out for breakfast that morning. You listened eagerly, glad to finally put a face to the name you’d heard so many times.

“He’s going to come in to have lunch with me tomorrow,” she smiled. “Are you working the morning shift? I want you to actually meet him. I think you’d get along.”

“Yeah, I’m working a double tomorrow. I look forward to it.”

“Yay!” she exclaimed, and you grinned back at her. She’d only been working at the diner for two weeks, and she’d already become one of your best friends. You hadn’t grown so close with someone so quickly since… well, you knew where she got her charm.

Your break time seemed to arrive faster than ever, and you steeled yourself for your unorthodox therapy session as you made your sandwich. Tara was watching you like a hawk as if she expected you to run away.

“You sure you wanna do this?” you asked her. “Last chance to change your mind.”

“You have to know that only makes me more desperate to hear this story.”

“Fine,” you sighed. You led her into the break room and shut the door, making sure no one would overhear. She gazed up at you, her eyes wide and serious now as you sat next to her on the couch.

“Take your time,” she said softly. You nodded in appreciation, and with a deep, shuddering breath, you began.

“We met through a Facebook group four years ago. It was for young people in Modesto who were trying to get sober. Like a support group, but without the stuffiness of AA.”

“Wait, when you say sober, you mean-”

“Alcoholics,” you nodded, a grim look on your face. “Some people were addicted to other things too, and we did what we could to help. Mostly cigarettes, like your sister. She’d weaned herself off the harder drugs by that point, thankfully. We would have meetings in coffee shops and cafes, and sometimes people would host at their apartments during the week. Then we would all go out to clubs or parties together on the weekend.”

Tara stared at you, bewildered. “What? How is that helpful?”

“It wasn’t. The idea was that we would do all our drinking in one night and stay sober the rest of the week, but there weren’t any professionals involved. Most people at least thought they wanted to get sober, but we all wanted to drink more. It was still better than getting hammered every night, but not by too much.” You swallowed, and your hands started fidgeting; one of your nervous habits. You hadn’t spoken this much about your alcohol problems in a long time. “Anyway, that’s how we met. I don’t remember which one of us joined the group first, it’s been such a long time. I mean, your sister was still using a fake ID to get booze back then!” You chuckled at the memory. “But we became friends pretty quickly. Then we realized our apartments were only a neighborhood away from each other, so we started going to meetings together. And after about a year of being friends, we started- well…”

“You started dating?”

You let out a hollow laugh. “God, no. She never would’ve made a commitment like that. She was kind of infamous for it, actually.” You took a swig of your soda, hoping to dowse the heat you felt rising in your cheeks. “But we were probably the closest thing to it. We were together just about every other night, we knew each other better than anyone, she knew I wasn’t seeing anyone else and after a while, she stopped seeing other people too. Pretty much all we would’ve had to do was say the words. But that was the problem. She never wanted to talk about anything real. Her past, her feelings, our relationship, nothing. I knew who she was, but I didn’t know anything about her. And believe me, when you drink with someone for that long, you get to know them really well. She knew how I felt about her, how much I cared for her, and she just wouldn’t reciprocate. But I told myself that being with her was enough. And maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. I don’t even remember.”

“Then what happened?” Tara asked, her voice small.

“About a year into us being… whatever we were, there was… an incident. We went out together, without the group, to a house party. That I invited her to. And we were having fun, y’know, drinking, dancing, just having a grand ol’ time. Then she asked me to go to the bar to get her another shot.” You ran your hand through your hair to try to quell the agitation bristling in your chest. “It took me two minutes to push through the crowd, get the drinks, and come back. Two minutes. But when I came back, she was… she was…” Angry tears welled up in your eyes, and you turned away from Tara. You hated that it still had such a hold on you, even after all this time.

Tara laid a shaking hand on your back and you let out a strangled sob. Why was this so fucking hard? You felt like you were back there, the pounding of your heart drowning out the loud music, your vision blurring, the taste of vodka burning your throat, and the feel of your stomach dropping down to hell.

“She was making out with someone else,” you croaked. Tara’s hand stilled, and from the corner of your eye, you saw her mouth open in a silent gasp. “It was some- some guy. Just a random, boring-ass guy. She didn’t even know his name. And when I asked her what the hell she was doing, she laughed. Like it was all just some big fucking joke.” Your fists were clenched, and you could feel your fingernails digging into your palms. Then the tears finally began to fall. “She told me we were nothing. That I meant nothing.”

“I… I’m so sorry, Y/N,” Tara breathed. You leaned back against the couch and wiped your eyes, chuckling in spite of yourself.

“We were both drunk and angry, so what happened next is kind of a blur. But we started shouting at each other, and I think I was crying. I don’t know. Then she slapped the drink out of my hand and spat in my face.”

“She what?” Tara uttered, appalled. You laughed again. It was a sinister sound, but Tara didn’t seem to notice and you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

“That was actually the most normal thing she did that night,” you said, to Tara’s growing horror. “She’s an aggressive drunk, and it was far from the first time she’d spat at me. But she’d never done it as an insult before.”

“That’s disgusting,” Tara said. You finally turned to look at her.

“I want you to know, I’m not trying to make you think badly of your sister or anything. I think it’s great that you’re talking again, and I would never do anything to hurt your relationship. I’m just telling you my side of the story.”

“I know,” Tara assured you. “Thank you.”

You shook your head. “I’m not even upset that she didn’t feel the same way. I just wanted her to be happy, and we weren’t even together. But she just had to let me down in the cruelest way possible. She knew how much she was hurting me, and she did it anyway. With a smile on her face.”

“That’s fucking bullshit,” Tara grumbled, and you gave her a brief smile. “So what happened after that?”

“Well, I went home, and the next day I found out she had blocked me on everything. She even left the Facebook group. And the next thing I know, I hear she’s calling this guy her boyfriend and switched to a new shitty, minimum-wage job so she could work with him. She led me on for a whole year, then committed to him in one night. I lost my partner and my best friend at the same time. In two fucking minutes.”

You sat in silence for several moments, the conversation weighing heavily on both of you. When Tara finally spoke, her voice was thick with emotion.

“Thank you for telling me all of this. I know it wasn’t easy for you to relive it. I’m sorry she did that to you, and I’m sorry that I’ve brought it all back-”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” you insisted. “She’s your sister, and you can’t help that I have a history with her. What happened with us- whatever happens with us- none of it is your fault.” She nodded, but the look in her eyes told you she didn’t believe it. “She told me about you, y’know.”

“She did?”

“Oh, yeah. I could never get her to talk about herself, but if you got enough alcohol in her, she wouldn’t shut up about her baby sister.” You grinned at Tara, and she smiled back. “You’re exactly the way she described you.”

“I’m gonna assume that’s a compliment,” she chuckled. Then her expression turned serious. “I really am sorry that she did that to you, Y/N. It’s… it’s horrible. But I can promise you, Sam’s changed. She’s sober now, and she’s reliable. She’s done so much work to be a better person. She would never do something like that now.”

You gave Tara a sad smile. “I’m happy to hear that, I really am. But I’m going to need her to prove that to me herself.”

“C’mon, Mindy, let’s go.”

“Can’t we just stay in our rooms? We won’t interrupt-”

“No.”

“She said she’d tell us later, let’s just give them some space.”

“Fine.”

Sam put down her book. The twins had been quietly doing their homework on the couch for the last hour, giving her a much-needed respite after the back-to-back six-hour shifts she’d worked at her two jobs today. But now their hushed voices roused her, drawing her from her room in time to see Tara ushering them out the door. “Hey, how was work?” she asked nervously. She didn’t like the serious look on Tara’s face.

“It was fine,” she said with a sigh. “We need to talk, Sam.”

Sam felt her heart rate spike, and her mouth went dry as her palms started to sweat. Truthfully, hearing those words from Tara was more terrifying than the five Ghostfaces she’d faced. She nodded numbly and took a seat at the kitchen table, following Tara’s lead.

“Y/N told me what happened between you two,” Tara began, and Sam’s breath hitched. She knew she should’ve expected this, but it caught her off guard all the same. “I don’t believe they would lie to me, but I have to ask… did you really cheat on them? After leading them on for a year?”

“Yes. I did.” Sam felt like crying. Having you as a reminder of her mistakes was bad enough, but now Tara was judging her too. She wanted to beg you both for forgiveness, but she knew she didn’t deserve it.

“Jesus, Sam,” Tara groaned, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “That’s really shitty. Do you know how broken up Y/N still is about it?”

“I know. I’m so sorry, I-”

“I’m not mad at you, Sam.”

“You’re… you’re not?”

“No,” Tara said with a small smile. “I’ve forgiven you for worse. And I know you’ve changed. We don’t need to talk about what happened.”

“Then what do you want to talk about?”

Tara grinned. “Do you still love them?”

“What?” Sam stared at her, shocked. “Who-who said anything about love?”

“Okay, fine. Do you still like them?” she corrected, rolling her eyes.

Sam gaped at her as her cheeks started to burn. “It doesn’t matter how I feel. Y/N doesn’t want anything to do with me, and I need to respect that.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“Did you see how they looked at me?” she deflected, beginning to sound choked up. “They hate me. And they have every right to.”

“They don’t hate you, Sam,” Tara said kindly, placing a comforting hand over her own. “Trust me. Yes, they’re hurt. Really hurt. But they wouldn’t be if they had moved on.”

“Or if I hadn’t cheated on them and treated them like shit,” Sam mumbled. She leaned against the table and put her head in her hand. Just like mom.

“I think you were wrong,” Tara said, ignoring her. “There is something you can do about it now.”

“Oh yeah, and what’s that?”

“You can apologize!” she smiled.

“You don’t really think it’s that simple, do you?” Sam scoffed. “Apologizing doesn’t just make things go away, Tara. Not something like this. It won’t mean anything.”

“Yes, it will,” she said softly. “It’ll show them that you’ve changed and that you know it was wrong to cheat on them. It’ll let them know that you’ll be a better person if you start talking again. I mean, sure, it’s not gonna fix everything right away, but it would be a start.”

Sam shook her head. “That’s not enough. It wouldn’t be enough.”

Tara sighed. “Will you at least answer my question?”

“What question?”

“Do you still have feelings for Y/N?”

Sam stood up abruptly and turned away from Tara. She ran her hands through her hair and took a deep breath. “Where did you send the twins off to?”

“Seriously, Sam? Are you really just going to ignore me?”

“I was thinking I could make spaghetti for dinner, does that sound good?”

Tara glared at her incredulously. “You are unbelievable,” she said, standing up and stomping toward her room. She slammed the door, and Sam stared at it for a long moment. Despite everything, Tara was an optimist, and Sam admired her for it. But two little words wouldn’t mean anything in the face of what she’d done to you. No matter how much she wished it could.

After telling Tara the truth, the rest of your shift had felt awkward, with both of you staying uncharacteristically silent when you weren’t talking to customers. But luckily, everything was back to normal the next morning. You had teased her for being a few minutes late, she teased you for always arriving early, and you passed the time by joking around like you always did. She once again asked Jay if you could take your breaks together, and he once again obliged.

“Dang, he must really like you,” you smiled at her. “He never would’ve said yes if I asked him.”

She shrugged. “I’m very likable.”

“Yeah, you are. Little manager’s pet.”

“Maybe I’ll ask him not to give you a break at all.”

“What, am I suddenly not good enough to meet your boyfriend?”

“No, I’m excited for you to meet him,” she grinned. “He’s excited to meet you, too.”

“Then it sounds like we’re all excited. It’s going to be a very exciting lunch break.”

“Oh, shut up,” she said, nudging you playfully as she went to make another pot of coffee. Usually, it was all the customers ordered at this time of day, which made the morning shifts more bearable. You were able to hang out and talk with each other while they finished their nearly forgotten homework and nursed their hangovers, frying up some eggs, bacon, and hashbrowns every now and then. It made the time fly, and soon Jay was calling you and Tara to go on break.

Chad arrived just as you finished making your food, announced by Tara’s squeal of delight. She ran to him and leapt into his arms, and he spun her around gleefully. The few customers in the lobby didn’t even look up from their phones.

“Y/N, get over here! I want you to actually meet Chad!” Tara called, beckoning you with her hand. You smiled and headed over, your tray of food in hand.

“Shouldn’t you let him order first?”

“No, it’s fine. He doesn’t need to eat,” she smirked. He gave her a look of feigned offense.

“Excuse you, I’m very hungry. I ate a very light breakfast so I would have room for an amazing lunch made by my beautiful girlfriend.”

“I’m not gonna make your food, I’m on break,” she said, turning to face him. “That was really stupid of you to not eat.”

“Well, then what did I come here for?”

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

“You’re breaking my heart, you know that, Tara? You’re breaking your boyfriend’s heart.”

“Oh, please, you eat enough of my cooking at home,” she grinned, leaning in closer.

“Anyway, I’m Chad! It’s nice to meet you,” he smiled, looking up quickly when he remembered you were there. Tara blushed.

“It’s nice to meet you too,” you chuckled. “I’m Y/N. Tara’s told me a lot about you.”

“All good things, I hope?”

“Mostly.”

He grinned. “Well, I’m going to go order some food made by a stranger, and then I’ll join you.”

Tara stuck her tongue out at him as he left, and you followed her to the table where she had set her food. “Sorry about that,” she said sheepishly as you sat down.

“Don’t worry about it. You two are adorable.”

“Thanks,” she smiled.

After a few moments of eating in silence, Chad joined you once again. “Alright, where were we?” he asked, sliding into the booth next to Tara. You looked at his tray and smirked at her. He’d ordered exactly what she’d said he would.

“You were about to tell me about yourself,” you prompted. He smiled.

“Well, I’m Tara’s amazing boyfriend who’s known her since we were five, I’m studying sports medicine at Blackmore, I was the offensive lineman on my high school football team, Mindy is my twin sister, and my favorite Pokémon is Meganium. What else do you want to know?”

You laughed and Tara raised an eyebrow at him. “Well, that’s certainly an introduction,” you remarked.

“What? Those are important things to know about me!”

“They sure are, babe. You’re doing great,” Tara said, patting his arm.

“And you said you go to NYU, right? What are you studying?” he asked.

“Oh, I don’t start until next year, but I’m going to study photography. I actually can’t wait to start classes, I’ve been saving up for it for years.”

“That’s really cool! What kind of photography do you do?”

“I want to study different kinds, but I love taking pictures of little moments in regular life. Like the little things that no one notices, the things that tell stories. Candid photography, I guess.”

“That sounds really interesting! I’d love to see some of your photos sometime.”

“Thanks! Yeah, Tara’s been wanting me to show her my portfolio.”

“And yet you keep denying me!” she accused.

“I’ve told you, they don’t look good on my tiny phone screen!” you replied. “I can’t exactly bring my laptop to work, can I?”

“I’m sure we can figure out a time when we can all see your amazing pictures,” Chad said, putting his arm around Tara.

“Yeah, maybe,” you mumbled, blushing a little at the praise. “It’s cool that you were able to go to the same college. And your sister, too. That must be really fun for you guys.”

“Yeah, we’re really lucky we found a place that has a good sports medicine program for me, a poli-sci program for Tara, and a film program for Mindy. Although, we probably would’ve gone to the same school no matter what. It’s important that we stick together. After all, we can’t split up-”

“Do not say it,” Tara scolded him.

“-the Core Four!”

Tara punched him in the chest and he swooped down to kiss her cheek.

“What is the Core Four?” you asked.

“Me, Tara, Mindy, and Sam! It’s what we call our little squad.”

“It’s what you call us,” Tara retorted. “He comes up with these stupid nicknames and doesn’t listen to us when we tell him they’re terrible.”

“Oh, c’mon, you secretly love my nicknames. Don’t you, Taradactyl?”

She looked appalled. “Yeah, that’s an immediate no.”

“But I thought you liked that one!”

“I absolutely do not. Get away from me.”

“Whatever. You like Core Four. You’ve said it.”

“I have not!”

“Yes you did, Sam told me,” he said smugly.

“Lies and slander.”

He stole one of her fries and she tried to shove him out of the booth, a goofy grin on her face. You couldn’t help but chuckle at their antics.

“You two are very entertaining,” you commented.

“Are you making fun of us?” Tara demanded, still grinning.

You put your hands up in surrender. “Not at all. Having a similar sense of humor is important in a relationship. You two seem perfect for each other.”

“Why, thank you, Y/N. I’m glad someone thinks so,” Chad said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“If you thought we were perfect for each other, then you would support my nicknames.”

“Oh, shut up,” she groaned, leaning back against him. He kissed the top of her head before turning back to you.

“Speaking of relationships, are you seeing anyone?”

“Nope,” you smiled. “I only moved here a couple of months ago, so I haven’t really had time to meet anybody.”

“Then we need to get on that!” he exclaimed. “We don’t want you to be lonely! I’m pretty sure we know someone your age who you’d get along with. What are you, twenty-four?”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m twenty-five, and it’s rude to ask.”

“You’re absolutely right, it is rude. I’m sorry. But you know what, Tara’s sister is right around your age, and she’s single too! Her name is Sam, she’s the absolute coolest, and- hey, didn’t you say you knew her already?”

You shot Tara a look of disbelief, but she avoided your gaze. “I do know her. I was just talking to Tara about her yesterday. And you know what, I just remembered that Sam once showed me some of her baby pictures.”

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah, she wouldn’t stop talking about you,” you said pointedly. “It’s all coming back to me now. Little baby Tara… in the bathtub…”

“Okay, okay! We’ll stop talking about Sam!” Tara cried, her face bright red. You smirked at her.

Shouldn’t have broken your promise, you thought. At least she had the decency to look guilty.

The conversation carried on normally after that, with you and Chad discussing your favorite action movies and comic books. Tara was right, you did get along well. As it turned out, he had already seen the movie you were looking forward to seeing this weekend on your rare Saturday off. Tara had to quiet him before he accidentally spoiled it in his excitement, but he gave it a rave review. It was enough to distract you from the fact that Sam was apparently single again, at least for a little while. And when Jay called you back to work and you bid your goodbyes to Chad, you decided that it had indeed been a very exciting lunch break.

Sam found herself spending her Saturday off at the movies. She hadn’t been to a theater in months for obvious reasons, but Tara knew she wanted to see the new comedy that came out this weekend and convinced her to go. She was anxious like she always was when she was out in public, but she was glad to be spending some quality time with her sister. Saturday matinees used to be their thing, and Tara still bounced on her heels while she waited for her popcorn like she did when she was little.

But something seemed off with her as they walked toward the theater. She kept glancing behind her as if she was looking for something. But before Sam could ask her what was wrong, Tara spun around and slammed into her.

“I think the popcorn needs more- fuck!”

Sam looked down to see the front of her hoodie covered in Tara’s soda.

“Oh, shit! I’m so sorry, Sam!”

“It’s okay,” she sighed. “It was an accident, I’ll be fine. At least it didn’t get on my jeans.”

“Here, I’ll take the popcorn and save our seats. You go get some napkins and clean yourself up,” she said, gazing up at her apologetically. Sam nodded and handed her the bucket.

She pulled the sticky hoodie over her head as she walked, thankful that she had worn a tank top underneath it. And the theater still had the heat on despite the warming weather outside, so she wouldn’t be cold. It was still shaping up to be a pretty good day.

But before she could reach for the napkins, a familiar voice stopped her in her tracks.

“Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” you said as you looked up from your freshly buttered popcorn.

“Y/N.”

“Sam.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to see a fucking movie, obviously,” you hissed. Sam rolled her eyes and shook her head.

“I should’ve known,” she mumbled, her gaze drifting to where Tara was spying on you from around the corner. Your eyes widened in realization.

“Dammit! That sneaky little- I never should’ve told her my weekend plans.”

“What the fuck did you just say about my sister?”

“Oh, you know damn well this isn’t about Tara! This is about us, and what you did- oh my god!” You had finally turned to look at her, and your eyes immediately went to her arms. Not because her biceps were even more muscular than you remembered, but because of the long, raised scars on her right shoulder and collarbone. Any anger you had been feeling dissipated, replaced with worry and a deep-seated need to protect. “What happened?” you asked softly, instinctively reaching out to comfort her. She flinched back, her eyes startled and scared, and you lowered your arm. She stayed silent, just standing frozen and staring at you like a lost puppy. It made your heart melt, just like it always did. “Sam, are you okay?”

“It’s none of your fucking business,” she snapped after a beat, her expression hardening back into the look of contempt you were starting to get used to. You glared right back at her.

“Fine. I don’t even know why I care,” you snarled. Her scowl faltered, but you just scoffed in disbelief and stomped away. That devilish woman may still have a cruel grip on your heart, but you wouldn’t let her see it.

“Hey, Y/N, I didn’t expect to see you here! How are you?” Tara called, running up to you. But you kept walking, your only response a look of disapproval and hurt.

“What the hell was that?” you heard her demand from Sam. “Why won’t you just apologize to them?”

“I told you, I can’t do that.”

Your vision blurred as you stepped out of earshot, her words hammering the final nail into the coffin of something that died long ago. You knew Tara meant well, but she’d taken it too far. You tried to focus on the movie as you entered the dark theater, but you knew no amount of explosions could save your ruined day.

All because of two minutes with Sam fucking Carpenter.

Taglist: @smut-religiously777

#sam carpenter x reader #sam carpenter #scream #enemies to lovers #scream fanfic #fanfic #another shot

[cass-foxx]

Why do you love him? // Tywin Lannister & Masc! Reader

Little note : This is platonic as for this one, Tywin is more seen as a father figure :] Also sorry in advance for any mistakes, English isn't my mother tongue haha. Hoping this will do better than on w*ttpad 0-0 I always use they/them pronouns for (Y/N) regardless of their gender.

Also I only read the first book and watched the show some time ago, therefore I apologise for any innacuracies.

~~~

Tyrion was jealous of (Y/N). The young wanderer was sitting next to Tywin Lannister, joyfully talking while eating. The father Lannister was listening to him, amused by the witty remarks of the young boy.

Tyrion refocused his attention on his food. Yes he was jealous. Since his lord father openly showed the world that he considered the young wanderer as his child and took them under his wing, Tyrion couldn't help but feel contempt towards the boy. Contempt he felt ashamed about since (Y/N) has actually been the only one treating him with respect and friendliness.

Tyrion's gaze went towards (Y/N) again. The news of them being taken under Tywin's wing has been so easily accepted. And who could blame them? The 18 years old boy was everything like a Lannister. Often they did relevant remarks that helped Tyrion's lord father during battle strategy, showing great knowledge about the battlefield and politics. The crimson colour of the Lannisters fits them perfectly and even with their small height, they had a certain charisma that made people respect them. Their sword skills were unmatched, truly impressive for their age and they had green eyes where little shades of gold could be seen when the sun shined through.

There was just one thing that screamed that (Y/N) would never be a true Lannister outside of their blood. It was their hair. Dark charming brown hair that looked as an oak's bark.

When Tyrion saw his lord father trying to repress a smile to (Y/N)'s observations, he left the table, not feeling hungry at all.

It was cold outside the tent, wind howling greatly. Tyrion walked, letting his little legs lead him where they wanted, unsure himself where to go.

He found an oak - what a coincidence - and decided to sit nearby. Nobody must have notice that he left except (Y/N) perhaps if they weren't too busy entertaining everyone in the tent with their japes.

As if to answer his question, Tyrion heard light footsteps coming towards him. "I saw you leaving and thought you might want this" said a friendly voice that could only belong to the wanderer. They were holding a loaf of bread, a gentle smile on their face. "No thank you. I am not hungry" replied Tyrion but his stomach growled, betraying him. 

"Reflex". (Y/N) threw the bread and Tyrion barely managed to catch it. No more words were exchanged but after a long eye contact, Tyrion decided to take a bite, reliving the hunger that was starting inside him. There was something behind (Y/N)'s green golden eyes that commanded Tyrion to eat.

After a moment where both men stared at each other, Tyrion decided to break the silence. "So what do you want?"

"Can't I just come because I wanted to provide you something to eat?"

"Yes you could but I can see that you want to ask me something. When it comes to hiding your excitement, you're not very good at it."

Indeed, (Y/N)'s legs were slightly trembling, betraying their intent as Tyrion pointed out.

"I was wondering if you have been able to guess what for." The boy sat down.

"No so please tell so we can be done with it."

"I want you to ask Tywin why he decided to take care of me"

Tyrion swallowed a piece of bread the wrong way and started couching.

"You want to do what? Do you seriously think that he will accept to tell me this?"

"He clearly won't but you're the only one who is intelligent enough to make Tywin admit something."

Tyrion could see a kind of desperation behind the wanderer's eyes. Yet pride was still seen throughout their expression.

"Well what do you want me to make him admit?" asked Tyrion

"I want to know if Tywin is taking care of me because he likes me or because he wants to use me."

This took Tyrion off-guard. He never thought of Tywin using the young boy for his own good yet it made much more sense than his lord father growing a heart. He realised how much his jealousy made him blind and felt even more stupid for it.

"I guess I could try to find out." He said slowly.

"Thank you Tyrion!" (Y/N) said joyfully. "Obviously this must have a price so tell me. What do you want to receive for such awful task?-"

"Actually... nothing."

"Naturally. Naturally... Wait what?" The boy looked at him in disbelief. Tyrion couldn't help but feel amused. It is not everyday that one can see (Y/N) taken off-guard.

"Nothing I said. I am actually curious as well." This was the truth. He wondered what the wanderer had that none of his siblings and him had to make his lord father grow so called affection.

"Should we do it now?" Tyrion asked

"Do it whenever you want. I can wait." They replied. They stood up and slightly bowed their head, a gesture that Tyrion had learned to understand over the months. It was their way to say thank you. The boy left and Tyrion took his time to finish his bread, not that excited to meet his lord father.

Once the bread finished, to what Tyrion made sure to eat slowly, he decided that what must be done must be done. He stood up and went towards Tywin's tent.

Inside, he realised how cold it has become outside. His father was standing there, watching a map set on the table. From the corner of his eye, he saw his son but acted as if no one came in. "Good evening father."

Tywin just nodded his head as a response.

"Everyone seem to keep talking about this wanderer. After all he is charismatic-"

"Witty and interesting." Tywin cut."Skip the compliments and go directly to your point."

"Aren't you worried that people may starts to ask questions?"

"Why would I? It's not like their opinions matter at all."

"One may wonder if you have soften over the years."

Tywin finally stopped looking at his map to directly stare at his son.

"One may wonder if Tywin Lannister softened so much to the extent that he should no longer be consider a danger to the others... Since, after all, he decided to show affection to a nobody."

His lord father straightened up, irritated. "Don't you dare-"

"Have you soften?"

"Shut up-"

"Have you gotten so soft that you started getting weak?!"

"Tyrion I told you to!-"

"Did the great Tywin Lannister had gotten so weak that he decided to take care of a random sheep-"

"It's because they remind me of your mother!"

Tyrion stopped, taken aback. He did expect many answers but that was not one of them. Tywin sat down, tired. Even when he looked like a tired old man, he still had this terrifying aura that commanded respect.

"They what?" Tyrion only managed to say.

"They remind me of your mother." Tywin repeated softer, done, as if admitting it have taken all his energy away. Tyrion sat down on a chair nearby, still not fully recovered from the shock. He still managed to crack a "That is disgusting".

"You know this is not what I meant" replied his lord father, irritated. He sighed before continuing "They have these little sparkles in their eyes that reminds me so much of her."

Tyrion listen attentively. He didn't know much about his mother and it wasn't every day that his lord father decided to talk about her.

He dared to ask "What do you mean by little sparkles?"

"They have this innocence and joyfulness. Exactly like her. They have this power to bring warmth to one just by speaking to them. Don't you dare say that this wrong because you know it damn well."

And indeed, Tyrion knew to what his father was referring to. (Y/N) was always able to make one feel loved. And this is why his lord father meant by the little sparkles. Because (Y/N) loves unconditionally. Unless you hurt them or the ones they care about, they will always treat you with respect and friendliness. A quality that usually means death but for some reasons, the boy has survived that long. This innocence to always see the best in others, even after seeing the worst of this world.

"I know it yes. Truly something rare."

Tywin didn't answer but his silence showed that he agreed.

"I like to believe that if she had been alive to be with you all...You would perhaps have the same view on this world than she did."

This was the second time that his father surprised him. This was a rare if not unique instance where his lord father seemed to have open his so called heart. It felt strange.

Tyrion decided that it was time to leave. He stood up and went towards the exit before stopping just in front of it. He then turned to face his father once again and said "I never, not even for one second, connected loving someone with being weak" before leaving the tent.

~~~

Hope you guys liked it and that Tywin and Tyrion weren't too ooc

#game of thrones #tywin lannister #tyrion lannister #one shot #asoiaf #my daddy issues made me love tywin for some reason #platonic #Father and son dynamic #x reader #tywin x reader #Putting x reader for more reach #When in fact it's platonic #house lannister #masc reader

[echantedtoon]

Demon Bride Ch45 It's Always The Hard Way

(Warnings!!: Enmu and Douma ARE their own warnings. Possibly some innuendos.

IMPORTANT INFO: IM NOT GIVING ACTUAL DATING ADVICE WITHIN THE STORY.)

"It just felt so real...Like...It was me but it wasn't me at the same time but I knew I was me and I did say those things because I would say those things. And I know you told me that Kaigaku told you that...THAT all happened and I have no reason to doubt either of you but I just don't know what to think of all this....Am I making sense?"

CLINK!!

A small teacup was placed in front of you by Enmu whom hummed at your words. "Oh trust me. You make more sense than most of my patients. It also helps I've been told of everything that happened to you."

"Thank you." You thanked him for the oolong tea and picked up the warm cup. You were tired but your wild thoughts couldn't settle until you got some kind of clarity. Enmu seemed like the best person to tell. "I'm sorry for disturbing you in the middle of your work, but I had to Tell someone of the dream I had."

"It's no problem at all." He smiled wider holding up a hand. "I'm actually glad you told me. Just rest assured you have nothing to worry about. The events you experienced in the dream have already passed and are over with. There's no reason to worry yourself back into stress."

He admitted he wasn't expecting you to come running to his room in the middle of the night and burst into his room to spew out everything you had experienced and forgotten a few months ago now but he supposed you had to remember one way or another. He did tell you those things happened to you but the shock of reliving it was a different experience. But he loved the looks of worry and shock and fear on your face.~  But as your fiance he did his best to comfort you. Some reassuring words and tea would help with that.

"Yes but why is this happening NOW? If I forgot it why wouldn't I remember it sooner or even at all?!"

"Well when those events happened you forcibly activated your demonic genes and then after you reverted back into your human self. Your body went through such a sudden and stressful transition that you must've repressed any memories during that time as a result. But... You're not human anymore." Oh yeah...You kinda forgot that part. "Now that you're fully demon and your body is now used to it, your memories must've resurfaced as well as a result."

"Ok. That makes sense...but I don't feel any different. The way I felt as a human less than a year ago is the same way I feel now!" As if to demonstrate that you held up your arms. "I don't even look different! The only changes are my eyes and nails! I don't have any horns or tails or anything else! I LOOK HUMAN!!"

"And so does Douma!," Enmu pointed out. "The only demonic traits he has really is his fangs and wonderfully pretty blue nails.~ Otherwise he would be considered very human looking. Perhaps with VERY strange traits, but otherwise Douma is quite human in appearance. A lot of his own followers don't even know he's a demon."

You stared at Enmu. You nearly dropped the cup you held. "....You mean...Douma ISN'T using a human disguise?"

"Hm? Oh no. He hasn't used one in sixty four years now. All his disguise does is change his eyes white and his nails blunt anyways. Not much of a change."

"So you're telling me he's REALLY that beautiful looking?? And it's not just some narcissistic disguise he whipped up to make himself more attractive?!" Enmu blinked st your words before chuckling.

"Oh no. He was born with those looks. Why? Are you interested in him-"

"HELL NO!!" You clarified glaring at his smile. "Douma is THE LAST person I want to be involved with. Human or demon. He gives me the creeps!..... Don't you tell him about what I said or else!"

"You have my word. But back on topic. You're not the only demon to look completely human. Master Muzan also looks completely human. The only way you can tell he isn't by first glance is because his pupils are slit like a snake's." He pointed out his own eyes. "Otherwise he'd look like any other man on the streets. So it would make complete sense for you to look human. There's nothing to worry about in that regard."

....You slowly nodded. "Alright then. That makes sense now. But I still can't believe I did that."

"Become a demon?"

"No. I can't believe I complimented that green pervert's eyes. Or liked any of those kidnappers for Even a moment."

Enmu threw his head back and laughed. "Hahaha!! I suppose not. But I do hope I was able to answer your questions."

You nodded. "I do. Thank you. I'm not sure if I can sleep tonight though."

"You can stay here if you'd like. I don't mind the company."

"No. I'll just finish my tea and be on my way. I don't want to interrupt your work any longer and I should be there if Rui wakes up. But thank you. I appreciate all your help."

"Anytime Begonia.~"

You ended up leaving around ten minutes later and walking back to your room. It took another three hours for you to fall back asleep only to wake up drowsy when Rui left for school and then falling back asleep. Needless to say you had just slept in for most of that day feeling exhausted. However it was the next day that you started having problems. MAJOR. Problems. It started when you woke up two days later and tried to write down your own map of the place from where you vaguely remembered where things were. It probably wouldn't help but it was worth trying to make some effort in eventually escaping this place. Some effort is better than just sitting around. When there was a knock at the door and you quickly threw the makeshift map under your pillow in a panic.

"Who is it?"

"A humble servant,  Lady Y/n. Lord Douma has sent a gift for you." The door opened and a man walked in smiling and holding a large bouquet of roses and baby breaths. "Aren't they lovely? Where would you like me to put them?"

You stared. "....Do you know where Douma's room is? Go put them in his room!"

You were NOT going to play these games with him! You were not going to give in to Douma! You would just rebuff him! This should hopefully fix it!

...The servant was back with the same flowers the next morning. "Lord Douma refuses to take them back. He insists on you having them. Please take them."

Oh. Is THAT how he wanted to play huh? Fine then! Two can play at that! So you found yourself visiting Enmu again and gifting him the roses which he lit up at and swooned when you insisted he have them. TAKE THAT DOUMA!! Except that...there was a problem. And it knocked on your door three days later-

"Lord Douma sends his apologies if the roses were not to your liking. Please take these hydrangeas in their place."

.....Guess who Gyutaro got flowers from the very next day? Yeah. Daki was happy to get another moment of you and her brother together and Gyutaro was very flustered receiving them from you. But then what came again four days after THAT! 

"Lord Douma sends you his regards. He asks you accept these tulips with love and devotion."

Whelp! Guess it was Daki's turn. She seemed to really adore all the stuff you've gifted her that you didn't want. The tulips were no exception. But then guess what happened again-

"Lord Douma wishes to let you know he apologized for any mistakes he made in your choice of flowers. He wishes to make up for it with these daffodils. "

You stared widely at the nervous looking servant. "Is Douma here right now? I haven't seen him in days." Which was both a relief and concerning. 

The servant girl shook her head no.  "He's away currently on official business to look over if the healers' center  and assess if they should be given a bigger budget."

"Is there any OTHER Kizuki staying here?"

"Lord Enmu is away on official business and Lord Gyutaro and Lady Daki are currently not in their rooms. The only residence is you and Former Lord Hantengu , My Lady."

Wait. You've heard that name before. If you remembered right, that was the name of the tiny man Rui was found with when you first saw him. "Hantengu? ...Then how come I've never seen him around before?"

"He doesn't like visitors, My Lady. He prefers to hide away from everyone in his room and only asks for his sons. The Lords of Upper Moon Four. But they haven't visited him yet sadly. The only visitor Former Lord Hantengu had was Lord Akaza months ago. He wanted to be sure he was being treated well."

"Yeah. That sounds like Akaza. If that's the case then take the flowers to him and don't bring them back to me. I'm sure Mr. Hantengu will appreciate them much more than I would."

The servant girl seemed shocked you'd dare to send away 'Douma's gift but didn't argue with you as she took them away. Hopefully this would stop Douma's 'love' and leave you alone. However again this wasn't the case. Because the next day you got a knock on the door and you went to open it up. Only to freeze at the sight of a red toned shirt and rainbow irises staring at you with that chilling smile. 

A waft of cold flowed over your skin making your hair stand on end as he chuckled and a golden fan snapped open on display. "Hello, Dear. I heard you didn't like any of my flower arrangements. I thought since you smelt like flowers you would've-"

SLAM!!

He... slowly blinked as the door was slammed shut in his face anf footsteps peeled away from the other side. "...Loved them." He knocked again louder. "Darling don't do this again. I'm respecting your privacy by knocking but showing my authority as your fiance by coming in now. We should talk instead of playing these games." He opened the sliding door...but frowned confused when you were no where to be seen. "Now, Lotus. You shouldn't play these games again." He walked into the room looking around carefully. "It's unbecoming of a lady."

.... Rui's door leading out into the hallway slowly opened and you perked out. Not seeing him, you stepped out, closed the door behind you, and tip toe ran all the way to Daki's room to hide. And there you remained for the rest of the day until  you were sure you'd be safe. Daki and Gyutaro didn't return but Rui was confused on why you snuck back into your room through his room. You just told him you got scared by a mouse to avoid worrying him. However your trick had just run out of use you soon found out the next morning. There was a knock at your door again. You answered. You saw Douma. He opened his mouth - 

SLAM!!

You slammed the door shut. And ran off to Rui's connecting room closing the door behind you. You stopped panting and quietly stood there waiting. You slowly heard your sliding door open again and you took that as your cue to tip toe to Rui's other door leading into the hallway and opened it quietly.

"THERE YOU ARE!"

You squealed out in shock bristling like a startled cat as you jumped back and in horror stared at the tall form of Douma standing there smiling at you. Wait. Wha- HOW'D HE FIGURE OUT YOUR ESCAPE ROUTE?! He hummed stepping into your son's room and tilting his smiling head at you.

"You had me fooled twice! Not a bad achievement! It's very hard to fool me more than once so I applaud you!" He clapped his hands as you glanced at the side door leading back to your room. "Now I think we can push aside these childish games and-"

SLAM!!

...He blinked mouth open as you bolted out back through the side door connecting your room to Rui's slamming it shut behind you, running through the sliding door Douma left open leading into the hallway, and RAN LIKE CRAZY.

"...Talk....Was it something I said?..OH! She must be playing hard to get. Very well." Rainbow eyed flashed amused at the doorway. "I don't mind playing a few games. It is most entertaining.~"

You ended up randomly ducking into a random room to hide and thankfully no one seemed to come after you. However that all changed the next day. There was no warning. There was no knocking. You were just reading a book after having breakfast when the door just quickly slid open and there he stood. You froze. The book in your hands dropping and landing on the floor with a thud as you stared wide eyed. Douma entered  smiling as he stretched out his arms and legs and smiled at you.

"You may run now."

YOU BOLTED. Right past him. Out the door. And down the halls. Your spine giving a shiver as you brushed past his cold body. Your footsteps thudded down the halls with fear spiking your veins.

"This is fun! I can't say I've ever had a lady literally make me chase after her!", His voice called out close enough to be right behind you but every time you looked behind you he wasn't there. Only confused servants watching you run past them. "Will you have lunch with me when I catch you?"

"HELL NO!!" You angrily shouted back to...to..wherever the voice was coming from. Like hell you would do that. "FUCK OFF DOUMA AND LEAVE ME ALONE!! YOU'RE A REAL CREEP!!"

"But you didn't even tell me why you don't like me. I'm honestly very interested to know the real reason to that. You see I've never had a woman or man treat me the way you do and I would like to know why." He spoke as if he wasn't just chasing you down like a cat chasing a mouse. 

"BECAUSE I FIND YOU CREEPY THAT'S WHY! YOU'RE NOT LEAVING ME ALONE LIKE I ASKED,  YOU'RE PERSISTENT IN A BAD WAY, AND YOU'RE LITERALLY CHASING ME RIGHT NOW!!" You again briefly glanced behind you and still saw no sight of the Kizuki demon chasing you. "SO YOU COULD STOP DOING THAT FOR A START!!"

"If you insist.~"

You looked forward and screeched to a stop as you saw DOUMA smiling from the other end of the hallway. He chuckled again and waved at you by wagging his fingers on one hand. You looked behind you and in front of you multiple times. How'd he get in front of you when he was behind you before?! Chuckling he started walking towards you- You bolted into the first door on the left. Snapping it back shut behind you before opening another door within the room and running out. You continued to do that. Running into one room then into another. Each room looked different and you had no idea where you were running to but you kept running. Door after door. Room after room. Until you ran through one door and slammed it shut behind you out of breath. Your lungs felt like they were on fire as you heaved. Your legs felt like jello and you blinked as you stood in a-...

Bath house area?

The entire room was warm and tiled like your bathroom except in the middle of it all was a singular giant pool of warm water. Steam rose from it. Oh...You supposed this was where the servants whom lived her bathed or perhaps it was a miniature sauna? You didn't have time to think about that when a shiver was sent down your spine and a cold presence stabbed your brain. 

Douma.

He was coming this way! You panicked. You were too tired to run again and surely he'd hear you. How'd he even find you here?! You had to hide but where?! You looked at the tub. ..Are you would kill him for this later!! You quickly and quietly as you could ran to the water's edge, sat down and tossed your legs in instantly soaking them and half of your kimono already. Then sucking in a deep breath, you pushed yourself off the edge and allowed yourself to be washed over with warmth just as the door opened. Your eyes were closed while floating under the water bobbing. You slowly opened them up watching your hair float around your head, cheeks puffed out, and one hand pinching your nose. You blinked. The tub actually wasn't that deep thank goodness but it was deep enough to let you hide within its water. You looked around before looking up at distorted surface. It was hard to tell from the distorted water and steam but you almost let out a gasp of bubbles when a blonde figure was vaguely spotted walking around the tub...there there was the sound of a door opening as the blonde figure turned. And you heard muffled voices. They were faint. You couldn't quite make out what was said as at least two voices spoke under the water but both voices sounded like they were happy. A moment later the blonde figure disappeared from the water's edge and you faintly heard another door slide open and close. You didn't dare move an inch. Staring at the water's surface still and quiet. Until your lungs began to burn with the need for new oxygen again. You tried to fight it but you lost the battle. Instead your body forced your legs to move, your arms to stretch for the edge, and your spine to stretch up. You exited the water with a splash-

"*GGGGGGGGAAAAAAASSSSSPPPPP!!!*''

"AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!"

You froze when a woman shrieked coughing and grasping at the edge like a drowned cat. Your hand pushing your hair out of your face and you looked up to meet the surprised face of none other than Daki. You both just... awkwardly stared at each other for a moment... before she scowled.

"What are you doing in my herbal soak?!"

You sighed in relief. "Hi Daki. Boy am I glad to see you. Just thought I'd go swimming since I missed doing it."

"You decided to go swimming? In the ladies bath?" She stared at you like you'd gone insane. "My brother sure has strange taste in women. Why are you swimming in your kimono?"

"Laundry. Two for one deal," you said sarcastically pulling yourself out drenched up and on your knees. You winced looking down at yourself. This dress was surely ruined now. "Who were you talking to just now?"

"Douma.  He lost his way while looking for someone. Didn't say who but they must be dumb to not know he was looking for her!'' Daki huffed sticking her nose up.

Ok. Ouch. But at least she did know so she couldn't tell him where you were hiding. "Oh. That's...nice. I guess. Hey. I actually wanted to talk to you about something for a bit." You slowly stood up, hands grabbing a piece of your soaked dress to pathetically wrong out some water. Like that'd help but Daki looked at you in question. "I was told by Gyutaro you get a lot of suiters."

She instantly groaned rolling her pretty eyes and crossing her arms. "Tell me about it. Mating seasons the worst! Thinking they can impress me with their cheap trucks and worthless trinkets! Even if I do sorta like them Brother always scares them off anyways. ...Why do you ask?" She rose a brow back at you. 

"Well...I need some advice from you about something." If anyone knew how to get Douma off your back it'd be Daki who's had lots of experience. But you couldn't tell her it was Douma whom you were avoiding specifically. She might get offended. "How do you get a guy to leave you alone after you told him not to court you countless times?"

Daki paused. Her body went rigid as she stared... before she hissed. "WHO?! WHO IS IT?!" You blinked leaning back. "ITS THAT LITTLE GOBLIN ENMU ISN'T IT?! WHEN MY BROTHER HEARS ABOUT THIS HE'LL KILL HIM-"

"NO!! IT'S NOT ENMU!!" You cut her off as you quickly shoved a hand firmly in her face to stop her. "A-And I'm not talking about me!! I have a friend back with Kyogai when I stayed with him!" You half lied half truthed making her pause again. "She wanted the advice but I have no idea. I just surely someone as beautiful and experienced as you would have something that could help her is all!!"

Daki stared at you. Yellow eyes narrowed suspiciously as they eyed you up and down. "A friend?" You nodded. Ever so slowly she relaxed. "Oh. ...Well you certainly asked the right woman for advice." She huffed proudly and turned back to her things that was a towel and a few bottles which you didn't notice until now. "Well what has the lowly creature gotten herself into?'

You chose not to be offended by that comment and just be relieved that she wasn't sending Gyutaro after Enmu. "Well...You see the woman I'm talking about is already engaged to... someone." You were talking about you and technically you were engaged so you weren't lying. "But there's this other man that's been trying to court her at the same time."

"Then why doesn't her fiance just deal with him then?"

"He can't. They...He's away on a work trip, and doesn't know about what's happening yet. She's tried to get him to go away and leave her alone but nothing's worked."

Daki hummed again lightly shook one of the bottles she picked up. "Well what has she tried?"

"Almost everything I could think of...to tell her to do!" You added that last bit quickly. "But nothing I told her is working. She's tried giving him back all the gifts he gave her but he won't take them back and he keeps giving her MORE gifts when she gives them away or he just sends them again whenever she leaves them on his doorstep." 

Daki nodded looking at you. "Go on."

"She's tried politely telling him no and rudely telling him no but that hasn't worked either. She's tried running away and hiding and ignoring him but none of that has worked either. And he knows she's already engaged! He's chased after her too now! I don't know what else I can tell her at this point, Daki...And...I'm kinda getting scared."

Daki hummed again squinting her eyes in thought. "I've dealt with a few men like that before but they were all dead or scared of by Brother."

"Well she doesn't have any nearby family members to ask for help. And no one would help her because the pervert is more powerful than her and lots of people are charmed by him. That's what's making it so difficult for her. Do you know any tricks around that?"

"I most certainly do." She smiled proudly. "If telling him 'no' and 'Im engaged' doesn't work then she should try a different approach."

"What?"

"Make yourself as unappealing as possible!" She raised a fist clenched.

"Unappealing huh?"

She nodded. "Act as rude and bratty as possible. Make yourself look a mess. Act lazy and boring. Treat him like a rat! He'll lose interest if he doesn't think she's worth the effort."

Your eyes widened. That could work! Douma said he was chasing you because you're the first one to act like this towards him. Maybe becoming boring and like the others for just a little while would make him lose interest.

"That's good but what if that doesn't work?"

"Oh that's easy. Make sure to give them an impossible ultimatum involving their weak points. If there's one thing a man loves more than a pretty face it's his pride and money. Make them buy expensive things until they know they'll be broke. Or give them an impossible challenge. Like she won't marry him unless he challenges Kokushibo and wins. And stick to it. Eventually they'll give up and look elsewhere for a wife."

"That's also a great idea!! But...what if that doesn't work either?"

"Then show him you see no value in him. Give all your attention to other men. Show him what a low piece of mold you think he is to everyone else. No man would ever think of taking a wife who'd never see him as even an equal. He'd be a laughing stock if he dared take a wife like that."

You lit up smiling. "Daki, I don't know if anyone's told you but you're a dam genius!"

He hummed pleased whipping her long ponytail back with a hand. "Naturally I am. I'm not just beauty....Even if I am the most beautiful woman around.~"

You nodded."I'll be sure to send her a letter soon but can I ask for another favor?" She looked at you. "I need a complete make over. And I know just what I want to look like."

Daki lit up immediately.

**********************

"It's part of the plan." You inhaled and slowly exhaled. "It's all a part of the plan. By gods I feel like I'm in a sauna." 

You repeated that mantra and cursed insults in your annoyed brain as you (attempted to) walk with Daki down the halls the very next day. Only this time you were starting to regret the idea of letting her give you a make over although you appreciated her unknowingly letting her hang out with her until around the time Rui got back from school the other day. This time you were sure to get up rather early and sneak out to Daki's room before Douma could even arrive. The first attempts to engage your plans. 

First plan. Act and behave like all the other girls here and bath all the others in attention. If you did that then surely Douma would soon see you weren't standing out anymore and then he'd lose interest and then he'd move on to whatever peaked his interest. And by giving someone like Gyutaro attention instead he might back off even more not wanting to upset someone he seemed to care about!

But by gods the thick make up and layers of clothing was starting to irritate you. You had to grin and lie to Daki saying how beautiful you thought she made you look and said you so wanted to show Gyutaro her hard work. She beamed at the thought and immediately agreed to take you to him. He was apparently spending time with Gyutaro today sparing and catching up with his sensai figure. Perfect. You barely contained a smug grin when she walked your slightly wobbly self outside and to a large platform where Gyutaro was with a certain blonde. Gyutaro seemed bored but politely listened to what Douma jabbered on about. Something about giving a school more funding for a trip to study human culture..or something?? You nearly froze seeing Douma there and nearly bolted again when Daki called out to them both and waved. Both looked over and stared at you two. Ok! Deep breaths. Here we go.

"Brother! Douma!" Daki waved a full arm excitedly at them as you walked closer. "We've come to watch you fight!"

"We? Who the hell is with you?," He rose a brow at you. Ah. Akaza didn't recognize you at first either with the full get up on but as you got closer he paused.... looked you up and down. And then stopped on your very familiar purple eyes. "...Eh?"

"Y/n wanted to come see you too. And doesn't she look so pretty Brother? Aren't you going to compliment her?!"

Gyutaro seemed to flounder a bit as Douma hummed and tilted his head at you. You steeled yourself. Ok! This was it! Show time. Act natural. Just like Daki showed you when asked. You took a breath to calm yourself before smiling.

"Oh, Gyutaro." Said demon blinked and froze as you walked right past Douma and up to him before reaching out to grab his hand. "When your sister told me you'd be training today I just knew I had to watch! You're just so strong and I couldn't resist seeing your strength in action.~"

Gyutaro completely froze. Daki blinked surprised....but then lit up in absolute glee! Douma blinked interested and tilted his head again.

"I- You- Um...W-What are you- HMMMM?!" He immediately turned red when you brought his hand to your cheek and placed it there. 

Was that going too far? Maybe. Would it smudge your makeup? Definitely. Did you care Douma was watching? HELL NO! You were going to make it clear to him you weren't interested. And rub it in his face. 

"I always knew you were so strong being Upper Moon Six. And you have such a smart and beautiful sister. And you're so cute to me. I just wanted to see you again.~"

Gyutaro looked about ready to die or faint at this point and gulped slowly his face a redder shade than apples. He opened his mouth but jolted as you leaned your face up and kissed his cheek. Leaving a bright red kiss mark from the lipstick Daki slapped on you. 

"My good luck token to you!~ I love it when you're so nice to me.~"

"Hhhhhhuuhhhhhhh..." It seemed his brain stopped working as he stood there redder than a cherry.

"Oh how sweet of our little fiance.~ Have you come to wish us both luck, Dear?~"

You ignored Douma and decided to amp up the act by letting go of his hand and grabbing his entire face to pull down and start kissing him all over. Behind you Daki beamed proudly at 'her matchmaking skills'. Douma's smile...got a bit smaller blinking a bit. 

"MWAH! MWAH! MWAH!" You exaggerated every kiss to his nose, his cheeks, his forehead his eyelids, and then the biggest kiss to his mouth. You made sure to exaggerate it the most by pulling a bugged eyed demon closer to you. "MMMMMMMWAH!" You pulled away from him and smiled at his kiss marks all over his face and batted your lashes. "Good luck my dearest.~"

"Oh, Darling.~  You must be in such a better mood now! Every other time you seemed on edge whenever I saw you.~"

You on purpose didn't respond to him at first only cooing over Gyutaro's frozen blank form before giving the most deadpanned, bored,and annoyed face you could muster before looking up at Douma. ....You looked him up and down before raising a single brow.

"I'm sorry. I don't think I know you. Have we met before?"

Douma paused. The hand fanning himself paused...he blinked..... before he smiled again. "Ah! It's understandable you would forget. I'm Douma dear.~'' He purred slightly bowing his head. "I'm one of the men courting you. Remember?"

"Oh...Mmm. Sorry you must be mistaken. I have no courting gift from anyone named Douma." And you made sure you didn't by giving Daki that lotus bloom comb as a present. She loved it and added it to her hoard of jewelry. "I don't recall you either. Are you one of the men who serve at the Kizuki Dwell?"

"I am Upper Moon Two dear." He smiled wider at you. "I don't serve but I help others find their eternal paradise-"

"Oh that's nice." You said quickly before looking back at Gyutaro. "I'll be rooting for you to win.~  But I must go have tea with one of the nobles. I get so many offers for tea and gifts I must thank them all. And I need to touch up my makeup since it smeared. You have a wonderful time my proud fighter.~" 

You then turned smiling and stuck your nose high like a noble woman before as gracefully as you could in the get up walk away haughty. Douma watched you go with confused eyes as you walked away. Gyutaro ended up falling down on his behind staring off at nothing red faced and face covered in red lipstick kiss marks. Daki squealed in delight.

"This is it! I knew she liked you!! I'll finally have a sister! BETTER! I CAN BE AN AUNT!! YOU'LL BE MARRIED AND ILL BE IN A BEAUTIFUL DRESS AND PLAN THE CEREMONY!!"

Douma only blinked between her and Gyutaro before watching you disappear inside. ".....Maybe it's my fan blocking her view of my face? Is that why she doesn't remember?....Must be! I'll try again without it later!"

You couldn't wait til you got back to your room to change for now. It was getting late in the day and you had something else to take care of. You stopped a servant on the way there and gave them an order.

"Did you keep a record of everyone who sent me gifts or invites as a Kizuki Bride?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Please send everyone who sent me a gift a rose along with a formal thank you. And please send everyone who sent me an invitation a rose too along with my personal apologies for declining but Im under too much stress settling in for now."

"Yes ma'am. I'll contact the local florists immediately to make arrangements!"

Sakura approached you because you ignored her invitation and because she became jealous of not being the first Bride in three thousand years. You don't need enemies. You'd have to fix everything. First thing is to pacify everyone who might do the same thing Sakura did if they feel offended enough to attack you. Now onto your second problem. Sakura herself. You didn't need to have someone like her breathing down your neck so you'd send an apology AND warning. As soon as you got back to your room you grabbed something random lying about. You picked up a random golden trimmed hand held mirror. One of the random gifts you were given and hadn't given to Daki along with a letter that was a clear message-

'Sakura,

          I'm most likely the last person you want to speak to concerning what happened weeks ago but I aim to clear this matter up. I apologize for everything I put you through but you should be aware of what you did. You are jealous of a woman, Me, who doesn't know you. And whom you don't know. I might be engaged to some of the Kizuki but you literally had NO idea if one of those people was Karaku. In fact I don't consider myself engaged to him at all!! I realize you sent me an invite which I ignored but I have my own reasons for that so accept my apologies for that as well along with this gift.

I'm not your friend but Im not your enemy as well. I don't know Karaku and whatever business you have with him is strictly between you and Karaku and you two only. You must remember that. But you also must realize that you are in the wrong. YOU attacked a Kizuki you're superior. YOU were the one who engaged the trouble first. YOU were almost killed as punishment for your actions. Which I stopped because I don't wish you any severe harm.

I don't expect you to apologize to me and I don't want you too. I'm sending this to show you that I have no intentions of telling your parents or your Master of what you've done. Just know that I don't want you to take your jealousy out on someone who isn't even involved with your love life. However if you are to attack or threaten me in any manner again like that, I'll be informing your parents and your Superiors about what happened. 

                                                                                                                  -I think you know who I am'

You then called for a servant and handed her the mirror and letter. "There's a noble woman named Sakura. Make sure these things are delivered to her as soon as possible."

There! Two problems done with! Now only a hundred more to go. Sigh. 

"Mother?" You looked up at Rui who blinked confused at you just arriving back home. "Why are you wearing that?"

"It's a long story."

The next day was a little similar to the next. You went out in fancy attire. And by that you dressed yourself up somewhat fancy as Daki wasn't around to help you doll up so you dolled yourself up as best as you could with what you could before Douma could be here. Which he was again. You expected him this time and was ready for him. So when he opened the door and you didn't run immediately he was pleased with himself.

"Hello, Darling. I must say you clean up nicely.~ You're absolutely ravishing today.~". He complimented you as he clapped his hands. You didn't even look at him. Just deadpanned look at the ground and bored fanned yourself. "Perhaps we could discuss our engagement finally. I wanted to start off with an apology for the-"

He blinked as you slowly walked around him ignoring him completely and just walked out the door. ....He stared at the door for a moment longer before following behind. You didn't even turn around as he easily caught up with you and smiled. 

"As I was saying, I apologize for the lack of gifts that satisfy you. I was hoping you would do me the honors of telling me what you'd rather have me bring you." You didn't answer. Didn't look. Only acted like he wasn't even there. "Darling, are you half asleep and can't hear me? Or are you lost in thought?"

You still didn't answer which was hard to do since he was so annoying but you persisted. However that plan changed once you rounded a corner and spotted none other than Enmu there. He seemed to be minding his own business just casually talking to one of the male servants around here. Now THAT gave you an idea! Show time again. You calmly shut your fan and ignoring Douma's talking sped walked towards  Enmu.  Of course Douma followed still talking.

"ENMU!!," you called out loudly waving your hand at him and instantly catching his attention.

Enmu smiled and turned to you. "Ah, Begonia! Lord Douma. So nice to see you both again! I must say I wasn't expecting to see you all so early today since you were so busy running the entirety of the kingdom in Master's place. How-"

He didn't get a chance to finish that before two arms suddenly engulfed him in a hug as you hugged him tightly. "Oh I missed you! You're always working so hard and long to provide for so many people!" You pulled away and smiled at him. "You must be so exhausted doing such an important job."

Enmu... blinked at you. "My dear. Do not be offended when I ask this...But are you feeling alright today?"

No. I have an annoyance tailing me. You smiled. "Of course. Why wouldn't I? Im with you." Enmu blinked again as you grabbed him by the cheeks and squished them cooing. "And such pretty markings on your face. I never noticed what pretty colors your eyes are."

"Actually it's 'color', Dear. His is only one color. Mine on the other hand are many colors."

"I love how you look. I love the pink tiny to your hair. And the strength you have. And-"

You stopped when Enmu's hand was placed on your forehead. "You're not running a fever. Are you having any allergic reactions to the make up you're wearing? Or did you perhaps hit your head lately? You're acting very unlike you this morning."

Ah shit. Did he have to say that?! You couldn't let your plan be blown now! You narrowed your eyes before letting his cheeks go.

"AH!!" 

Enmu squealed as something kicked his leg out from under him making him fall until you grabbed his coat front in a dip and glared just a few inches from his face. "Am I acting like me now?" You snarled before ultimately kissing him.

Douma watched blankly as she dipped the lower Moon and kissed him full on. His teal eyes bugging out comically .. before they slowly closed the longer she kissed him. This was....new. What was he supposed to do? Should he be quiet and let them finish or say something? Oh! Maybe he'd get a kiss afterwards! Of course she must be greeting the fiances she knows more first! His turn would be soon after! 

You pulled away leaving a nice kiss mark on his lips still glaring. "Anything wrong to you, Dear?"

"Nope!" Enmu giggled like a little lunatic and flushed a pink while staring lovesick at you. "Your lio muscles are as strong as ever.~...But your reflexes I'm not so sure." He smiled wider. "Mind if I test them?~"

"Oh absolutely. I'll even give you a demonstration for your diagnosis."

Enmu blanked. He wasn't expecting anything from the flirt he just gave. "....What? AH-"

You took the next few moments just kidding him all over as Douma just...stood there staring. Until finally you deemed the amount enough and pulled the shocked demon to his feet and grabbing a hand of his and pressing one last kiss to the small mouth on his knuckles. The action made him jolt and stare at you holding said kissed hand before smiling and letting go. 

"I'd like you to join me for dinner tonight if you're not busy. I'd love to hear all about your trains. Just the TWO of us. And NO ONE ELSE." You reached out and gave Enmu a pat on the cheek as he stood there staring at his hand. "See you at seven."

"Ah. Young love. Showing affection is a beautiful thing." A hand grabbed yours and brought it up making you finally look at the demon with your most deadpanned face again. "It's good to always reassure our loved ones of how much they mean to-"

"I'm sorry. Do I know you?" He paused mouth open as your expression didn't change. "I mean....You look vaguely familiar...barely. Have I seen you here before?" 

"....Why ..Yes! I introduced myself to you sometime ago-"

"Oh that's right! You're one of the servants here! They're always in such fancy uniforms." You WRETCHED your hand from his grip and turned away sharply. "Inform the cooks of my dinner plans and make it snappy! I don't want a mistake like last time! Or else Ill have everyone's jobs including yours! And send someone to clean my room!" You waved him off, stuck your nose in the air, and began walking off as snobby looking as you could not even looking back at Douma.

Both demons stood there as you walked away and went around a corner before Douma blinked again and looked at Enmu. "Perhaps she is sick?"

"I have no idea... B-B-But if she is....I wouldn't mind her giving me h-her colds.~"

Douma did not follow you after that. Or bothered you for the rest of the day but Enmu did join you and Rui for dinner and just in case you kept up the act with confused both Rui and Enmu whom asked if you ate something that could've made you sick lately. You were exhausted with this plan but it seemed to be working! Now to take an even bigger step forward. You slept in the makeup. By morning you looked quite a mess with it smeared all over your face and roughed up your hair to make it look worse. Perfect. You looked like you just got hit by a tornado and got back up again. Now to wait for Mister Bothersome to come by. And wouldn't you know it...He did. He came by right on time opening your door but paused at the sight of you. You just ignored his presence reading a book.

"Oh my. You look like you just woke up. And such a sight....Are you feeling alright? Perhaps you are sick?"

"Oh shut up and move away from my light you simpleton!" You channelled your inner snobby rich girl and made a face while snapping your fingers at him. "I feel just fine! I can look however I please! If anyone else finds this an eyesore then it's their problem!" You didn't even look up at him. "What are you here to bother me with?! My time is precious! More precious than your life!"

There was silence for a long moment but you still didn't look up at him. Not giving him the satisfaction of seeing your face.

"... I've just come to inform you a few other Kizuki will soon stay here for a while and I'll be gone for a while. If this is a bad time-"

"There was never a good time for you! And good! Maybe I'll have some time without you bothering me for a while so why don't you just leave already!?"

There was more silence and you still didn't look up.

"....Very well then. My apologies for bothering you. It won't happen again I assure you. There's just one last thing."

"WHAT?!"

"Daki is waiting for you outside the Dwell on the right side. You should go see her now. It's urgent."

"I'll see if I can spare some time. Now get out of my sight and close the door behind you if you can even do that!"

Douma said nothing but did slowly exit the room closing the door behind him leaving you willingly. You sat there for a while just standing there before slowly looking up and not seeing Douma in your room or hearing him. He....He left you alone. DOUMA ACTUALLY LEFT HIMSELF AND LEFT YOU ALONE!! IT ACTUALLY WORKED!! You were so happy you dropped the book into your lap and threw your hands up! 

"Yes! Finally!"

After two weeks of weird makeup and dresses and acting like a bitch and sucking up so much to Gyutaro and Enmu whenever you saw them it all paid off!! Daki's advice actually worked. You'd have to thank her later. And you would after you go see her. But first you'd make yourself actually look decent. So washed off went the makeup and you fixed your hair and threw on a regular dress of yours. Then looking like your normal self again, you headed out to meet  Daki. Only...It wasn't Daki that summoned you. When you stepped out onto the docks smiling and expecting to see Daki...You paused not seeing anyone there. 

Slam.

You whipped around hearing the door close behind you softly and you froze. A man was standing there blocking the door from you and closing it off so it was just you...And Douma. The taller man smiled eerily down at your frozen body. For a long moment neither of you said anything.

SNAP!

A golden fan snapped out making you jump. "Apologies for lying to you, but it seems like you're doing much better. You clean up very nicely, Darling Fiance.~"

"What the fuck are you doing here?!" You immediately stepped back away from this creep. A glare sent at him as well as a hiss. "And stop calling me your fiance! No way I'd ever marry you!"

"Well I did admit your plan had me thrown off guard for a good while, but I figured after the first week it must've been an act. Your behavior switched so quickly for it to be anything else." You again paused stunned and he smiled wider. "But I couldn't be too sure until I got proof, and here you are. Oh darling. You didn't have to play hard to get you know. I only want to give you the devotion you deserve.~"

He knew it was an act the entire time!? And he knew exactly how to lure you out. And like a moth to a flame, you walked right into it. The fact that he didn't even bat an eye at you caused chills to run down your spine and freeze. Douma tilted his head amused at your reactions.

"I  can say that I was amused at your attempts to fool me, but this has been going on for far too long. You ignored your true feelings and tried to mask them but now we can be adults and talk."

....You slowly deadpanned. "Talk huh? Talk about what?"

"Well we can start off with the constant rejection. It's rather rude you're not keeping anything I give you." He shuffled on his feet and you noticed that he stood at the edge of one side of the docks. "I'm not opposed to getting things more catered to your liked, but you could at least tell me what I can get you."

... Your eyes slowly looked back to him. Indifference sketched across your face in a way that he couldn't tell what you felt except maybe bored?? You were a very confusing and interesting person that was hard to figure out but he seemed to be getting better at it slightly. 

"You want to get me something for me?," You spoke in a calm monotone voice that matched your face. You began stepping towards him and he tilted his head watching carefully as you stopped just in front of him. You had to strain your neck upwards just to look at him. "That's a bold statement."

"Oh not at all. I'd love nothing more than to gift you something from my heart.~" A hand pressed against his chest over the organ.

"You like to speak of love a lot. " His brows lifted higher as a hand pressed against his chest. He was so cold. Like ice in a blizzard. "Although I wonder if you know what the opposite of love is."

He shivered at the touch before smiling wider. "I believe the word oppositing  love is widely known as hatred dear.~ " You stared at him. "I'm not sure what you experienced to make you so afraid of feeling, Darling, but fear not. Your savior is here."

He made to touch your face and you stopped him by grabbing his hand harshly compared to your blank face which caught him off guard. "You're wrong. The opposite of love isn't hate or anger. It's indifference. You can't even tell apart hate from love. You are truly then the opposite of the meaning of love in it's entirety."

Something hard suddenly kicked out one leg from Douma's body. A firm hand shoved him back. Douma blinked as his world tilted- And then there was a splash. You brought up your arms to shield yourself from the spray of droplets and blinked looking at the rippled water's surface...then blinked again. Wait...He didn't see that coming? Surely he must've saw it coming. He was smart enough to figure out everything else quickly. Did he seriously just allow you to push him in? Or did he legitimately not see that coming??

"EEP!!"

You squealed out as a soaked blue nailed hand reached out to grab onto the docks.A moment later Douma's soaked head appeared with his hair sticking all over him due to the water. A koi  fish comically flopped in his mouth before he turned and spat it out and back into the water with a loud noise. He then slowly pulled himself out of the water and onto the docks sitting up on his knees. Both hands reached up to push all the hair from his face to smile at you. 

"You seem to play very rough, Dear. Akaza-dono and yourself have that in coming.~" He hummed tilting his head. "You'll be an interesting one to pursue-"

Something rammed into him. He blinked arms waving as he lost his balance and then he again splashed back into the water as you turned and stomped off.

#demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #kny #demon bride #daki #douma #douma x reader #hantengu #hantengu x reader #hantengu clones #Zohakuten #rui ayaki #gyutaro x reader #gyutaro #enmu x reader #enmu #akaza x reader #akaza #kokushibo x reader #kokushibo #kyogai x reader #kyogai #kaigaku x reader #kaigaku #karaku x reader #Karaku #aizetsu #sekido #urogi #urogi x reader

[driftwithme]

Disloyal Order Of Water Buffaloes by Fall Out Boy is a bit of a Chaleigh song for me:

So boycott love

Detox just to retox

Chuck is the type to self-sabotage his love life in a multitude of ways. Sometimes, he convinces himself that he is not intersted in love at all or that even if he was, no one would be adequate unless the person was a j-pilot or something, because else they'd never understand Chuck. Sometimes, he tells himself he doesn't have enough time anyway, he's too busy dying for the world and the jaeger program. Sometimes, the worst of all, he thinks about Raleigh and has to convince himself of all the previous reasons plus Raleigh is a coward plus he hates the blond and he deserves so much better than a has-been. Otherwise, his love would climb his throat without permission and left him bare for Raleigh to disdain at.

So he goes on a cycle of purging his rage to work on his relationships or even ignore everyone in an attempt to he cordial, just for his repressed feelings to explode and send him back on a vicious spiral of more desperation and need-want-now-now.

As for Raleigh-- he acted similarly enough, isolating himself, pushing everyone away to relive his past mistakes over and over, in eternal punishment. Maybe Chuck did a number on himself, but Raleigh was not much better in that regard.

And I'd promise you anything

for another shot at life

Then comes Operation Pitfall and Chuck's left to regret-- regret everything, including the fact that he never allowed himself to be openly in love, even if it made him feel miserable. He's not ready to die, but when has the world care about it?

Raleigh is now thinking about the future for the first time in the past five years.

No one said they had good timing, but oh if they want to live. If there was a way, if by some miracle they could...

Imperfect boys

With their perfect ploys

And they are! Imperfect boys! Who plan and scheme beyond themselves!

Emotional constipated boys with a lifetime of war service and traumas and daddy and mommy issues. Amazing rangers who can pilot the best jaegers avaible but don't find the words to talk to each other properly. The beloveds golden boys of the public for their determination and their courage and their big hearts.

They are too smart to their own good and too clever for the kaijus to stand a chance and proud to realize they can't approach the thing blooming between them like it's just another battle, another war. They want to play the strategies in the wrong place by the wrong reasons lol.

Nobody wants to hear you sing

about tragedy

!! Nobody wants to hear their sad stories !! No one wants to hear how Raleigh lost his brother while they were still on the drift !! How Chuck sold his youth for a chance to stop the apocalypse !! People think is the consequence of their actions !! They do not care about the reality of the rangers and their backstories !! When everyone is fighting to survive, no one wants to hear another sob inducing tale !! They want to hear about the survivors and their bravery and their wins !!!!

Well, I'm being unfair. Maybe the public do want to hear about Chuck losing his mom and Raleigh's dad abandoning him and all the less heroic details that made them the rangers they are today. Thing is, I don't see Chuck and Raleigh being intersted in that martyr treatment, so this is more of what they tell to themselves, that no one wants to hear their tragedies. They just go on.

BONUS FOR THE PRE-CHORUS

I'm a loose bolt of a complete machine

You could take the "complete machine" here as the jaeger itself or the PPDC or the jaeger program. Either way, Raleigh and Chuck are both outliners. A bit too unpredictable or angry to trust in their decisions, they could make or break the whole thing.

They both feel like they're not enough and they both know they're some of the best and they feel out, lonely, abandoned.

What a match

I'm half doomed and you're semi-sweet

It doesn't matter who is who.

Raleigh's half doomed from his first solo-piloting and Chuck's half doomed 'cause he's part of the jaeger that will close the breach by detonating the stupid bomb.

Chuck's good intentions and good heart are hidden behind all his anger and mean words, fitting him in the semi-sweetness description. Meanwhile, Raleigh is sweet by nature but the suffering and the years has made him a bit bitter and nostalgic.

They're like the worst most chaotic match.

#nonsense I write about instead of tidying up my room #pacific rim #pacrim #pacific rim 2013 #pacrim 2013 #raleigh becket #chuck hansen #chaleigh #chuck x raleigh #raleigh x chuck

[its-elvie-innit]

Finally crying over wilbur soot, and I guess that's progress

For those that haven't followed my random untagged text posts, because there's like a thousand of them why would you, wilbur is one of the biggest influences on my life. He's connected, unintentionally, to so many of my very few happy memories of my developmental years and that USED to be a point of pride. My favorite youtube video from my favorite youtuber, one of the only people who could really make me laugh, was a collab with soothouse where wilbur was at the forefront. I remember the nice guy ballad and Karen please come back from middle school, which is a feat when your brain has repressed so many memories!!!!

His jubilee line series/ album was a focus for me on my trip to England to see family, and was the song playing when I realized I was content for the first time after six long years of violent depression where I wanted to kill myself at least weekly, where I was convinced I would be dead by a certain (young) age. Countless other memories. And he's one straw away from the final fucking straw, of so many of my happy moments being discredited and ruined. I wanted to listen to muffin, so I did, and ynb popped up. I tried the first six seconds and I couldn't, it made me want to throw up. The fucking betrayal I felt, when I vividly remember the feeling of community and belonging from the premiere, the bright day, the ache in my back from sitting on the floor next to my computer. I felt so full, and it feels like he really fucking emptied that out of me. First it was the reddit group in 2018s disbandment, then it was kwite and the stupid quick action, then it was dream ruining the dream smp, and now it's wilbur spanning nearly eight whole years of sparse memories. If quackity turns out to be violent, or manipulative, or shitty, I don't know what I'll do. I really don't.

It's not even the fact that he's abusive, because if I couldve avoided him and his music, if I knew, it would be different. it's the fact that he lied. He lied to all of us, to me. He pretended to be a good person. Wilbur soot lied to us, to me, as being a safe channel and a good fucking person. Why couldn't he just be honest? Why did he have to throw it in our fucking faces? I will never be able to relive or remind myself of the FIRST moment I was ever content with life after SIX years of terrible everyday, weekly bullying, of summers spent without showers and crying in my bed at four am, of so little sleep that I ended up waking at six pm every day without that song. Yes it's selfish, but this is my blog and frankly I think I'm allowed to be upset about this fucking third violation of trust in a year.

It's everyone, it's skydoesminecraft, it's aphmau, lionmaker, it's every creator I've ever dared to find enjoyment in and it sucks!!!!!! It just sucks!!!!!!!!!! And it hurts, and it's hard, I just fucking hate it and I hate him and I kind of want him to die, not really, but kind of because how dare you. How dare you taint so much of me. How dare you. How dare you How dare you How dare you. How dare you hurt someone like that. How dare you lie about it. How dare you pretend at being safe. How dare you.

Shelby didn't deserve that. She really didn't. We didn't deserve lies. We really didn't. No one deserved anything. I was so, so excited about lovejoy concerts, not because of lovejoy but because of WILBUR and what he represented to young me. The lovejoy pins. The songwriting. The inspiration. The joy, the laughter. Videos with technoblade, videos that had wilbur, ( the liar, the creep, the abuser) in them. Techno meant, means everything to me. He's tainted that too. And I'm so fucking mad, and I want to scream, and I hate this man I really do. Why did you have to do it? Why couldn't I have your songs off in my memories? Why couldn't I have never known you? Because YOU lied, and YOU hurt people. And that's the situation of so many of us right now, and i hate this stupid fucking loser so much because of it. Get kicked in the shins and knock your knee out, and have it be a reminder that you chose to be THIS fucking asshole the rest of your life.

With the most viscious voice I can muster, @sootings FUCK you

#tw vent #tw suicide #tw depression mention #do NOT go in here unless you want to hear my sad evil little thoughts because i just cried for half an hour

[gay-kurapika]

God I just had the most infuriating dream of all time and I honestly think it was incredibly indicative of how I feel other people have treated me in regards to my sexual trauma and ptsd that resulted from it. The ptsd that literally didn't get diagnosed until this fucking year despite the events happening 10 years ago because I literally couldn't talk about what happened unless I was drunk because I kept repressing it, pretending it didn't happen the way I remember it happening, or finding ways to think of it as my own fault, despite the fact that there is no logical way this was my fault.

In the dream, I was in college, in a creative writing class. Instead of being where I was at emotionally in college, denial, I was where im at now, out of denial but still uncomfortable talking about what happened. And in this class there was this rich boy whose family had sway with the school, so for some reason he got to plan the lesson on the first day and subsequently the first project, which involved writing a story based on your emotional reaction after playing a "game" in which you relived something painful (like you could physically see the memory replaying) in front of the class, so everyone else saw it too. What played for him was like him feeling rejected by his parents for not being artsy instead of a business major. What played for me was really obvious. And the class was like lauding him as a tortured genius, the teacher was sucking up to him, and I was fucking pissed because I had just had to relive my sexual trauma for a fucking school project and yet my story wasn't good enough, wasn't acknowledged, wasn't moving enough? Was too "unclear"? Because it wasn't obvious and artistic, it just fucking sucked? Like I'm so sorry my trauma wasn't interesting enough for you! So in the dream I got into this huge argument with him about the "game" and how he was a misogynist. I didn't hold back, I said everything I hated about him. And when I turned in my writing project, I learned all of our projects were being submitted into some kind of national contest, and mine won. The kicker was that in the dream, he was pissed about not winning. He was supposed to win, entitled to the win by the school for being rich and making up the project. So the teacher said before the paper was published i had to include a reference to this boy that basically thanked him and made him seem really great. Not as a forward, which I suggested, but within the actual body of the text that was literally about my own emotions regarding my trauma. I was supposed to make him the hero of that somehow. Of course because this is a dream he was slowly morphing into the person who sexually assaulted me in the first place, so this was them asking me to write the man who assaulted me into the hero of my own story. I woke up while I was arguing with the dean about this in a room that had his father, the dean, him, and the male teacher, and when I was pointing out that I couldn't thank him in the body of the text without the story no longer being about my trauma I heard his dad scoff behind me about the word "trauma" and I woke up because I was literally so pissed off I couldn't stay asleep. But like, this is a bizarrely accurate way of how I feel people have treated my trauma since I've begun to acknowledge it. It fucked up my fucking life, but no one takes it seriously. My therapist wasn't even letting me talk about it, she was teaching me techniques to not think about it, which is what I've done for the last 10 fucking years, and I don't want to shut up about it anymore!!! And when I told my mom I couldn't tell her the full truth about who did it because I knew she wouldn't believe me or take it seriously, despite the fact that I was so messed up from this mentally that it took 7 years before I slept with anyone ever again because I had a fear reaction to anything more than a peck on the lips, and still fucking do. How is that not real enough? It had real fucking consequences! God I hate dreams how the fuck am I supposed to get back to sleep now I'm fucking pissed.

#ugh and i like. didnt want to revisit these memories

[justablah56]

literally stimming so hard at your positive reaction to my rambles just now my hand hurt from how hard i was shaking it anyways YeS like ok i am just thinking so hard about the taylor mindscape idea cus i just have this idea of them needing to get some Item or whatever and it's buried wherever it's hardest to reach and that is Taylor's mind because he is the most emotionally repressed and he doesn't even realize it yanno and i also had the idea of like. like ok i was thinking about ron's mindscape thing but i alsoo thought. wouldn't it be fun if they were seeing taylor's memories but also feeling his emotions..... like.......... like when the memories start to get less upbeat but still seem okay from the outside they can Feel the loneliness... i have had this whole concept in my brain for less than a day but i'm actually rlly obsessed with it haahaha hi

also the thought of taylor watching all of his friends go through his memories and also the feeling of RELIVING those memories? and it isn't even stuff that seems that bad like. at first its happy funtimes and then it's being popular at school and then it's sitting alone at lunch and then it's being bullied and then it's not having anyone to defend him and then it's his only friend from middle school moving away and then it's being lonely at home and then it's more bullying and then it's him hiding in the bathroom even though he's fine and totally chill (like i said before about everyone being able to feel the emotions in the memory they can all feel his anxiety despite the composure on his face etc.) and there keeps being more kind of average memories and they're going through them and taylor is starting to. freak out. becayse as i said he is the king of emotional repression and there are layers being peeled back and then they all see the memory of nicky telling taylor he had to leave to protect him and then they see the memory of scary telling taylor that his dad went to hell to get away from him and everyone can feel how much that struck a nerve and how deeply it stings

and then everyone getting. concerned and taylor trying to convince them that he's fine and like his dad is hella cool and he HAD to leave and that's fine (just like his other old friend -had- to leave) and like he's fine flying solo he's always done that but he is very much freaking out yanno and i think at one point he tries to get everyone to give up on this and just leave because there's no point there's no point but really it is just him avoiding confronting his problems because before this he believed that there weren't any etc. etc. etc..... um welcome to the most self indulgent taylor angst concept i've ever had?

I am wiggling like the happiest worm you've ever seen abt this btw <3333 I get asks and I am literally physically wiggling happily , my favorite stim , the woerm ,, <33 anyways OUGH THIS IS ALL SO GOOOOD SHOVING IT INTO MY MOUTH LIKE RICE WHEN I DON'T WANT TO GET A UTENSIL !! I HAVE NO IDEA IF THAT MAKES ANY SENSE BUT IT DOES (KINDA) TO ME SO - but oagihhghh them having to dig through everything and just seeing all these seemingly small things and how Taylor *physically* experienced them . aND THEN ALSO HIS EMOTIONS !!!! FUCK !!!!! SO GOOD !!!!!! and Taylor trying to convince them that he's fine and it really wasn't that bad but they can physically *feel* the anxiety and pent up break down and ouuggghhhh OH AND THE THEM SEEING FIRST NICKY TELL TAYLOR HE HAD TO GO IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWED BY THE SCARY LINE ABWNMDMD EXPLODES !!! that's so good aoufjskx I love all of this

#just blahs #i have no idea what i should be tagging these with lmao #maybe I'll start tagging them w smthin like cookies rambles <3 #yeah actually gonna do that #cookies rambles <3 #<- theres your tag now <3

[scuttling]

Weigh Me Down

Fandom: Criminal Minds Pairings: Aaron Hotchner/Female Reader Word Count: 4,221 Tags: 18+, NSFW, Dad bod Hotch, Physical domination, Manhandling, Slapping, Choking, Mild breath play, Sir kink, Oral sex, Rough sex, Unprotected sex, Biting, Begging, Dirty Talk Summary: You always knew being the kind of girl who runs her mouth would get you in trouble eventually; you just had no idea how incredible being in trouble could feel. *Inspired by @unicornprancing. Link to A03 or read below! It’s always the quiet ones: it’s a cliché because it’s true, something you’ve never really given much thought to because you are not a quiet one. You talk a lot, laugh a lot, aren’t afraid to speak your mind—it can get you in trouble at work, when local law enforcement is being stubborn and you give them a piece of your mind, or when Hotch gives an order that makes no sense, like stay behind me.

Has he met you? You aren’t the stay behind me type, not by a long shot, so when he says that or something like that, it always leads to you running your big mouth and starting an argument.

You are surprised as hell when one of those arguments follows you back to the office and, in an apparent effort to get you to stop talking, Hotch presses your back against his closed door with his body and puts his hands on either side of your head, leaning in to kiss you rough and deep.

Kissing Hotch is not a thought you've ever entertained. It’s not that you don’t find him attractive—he’s pretty much everything you dream about in a man, tall and strong and commanding, with dark hair and big hands and a withering stare. It’s more that you are so different, that you are loud and lively where he is quiet and clearly repressed; the idea of the two of you together just doesn’t make sense, until it really, really does.

You fist your hands in his shirt, arch up to press your hips against his, and he puts his hands on your body and shoves you back against the door; there’s something hanging on the wall to your right, and its frame rattles with the force of it. You moan into the kiss, and he pulls back, panting, to look into your eyes.

“Was just trying to shut you up for a change,” he says, low, and you lick your lips, look over his face. He’s still angry, and his hands are hard on your hips, holding you down when you try to press up again. Your heart is pounding, your breathing harsh.

“It was working.” His eyes sweep over your lips, your heaving chest, and you suddenly want so many things, starting with his mouth on yours immediately. “Maybe try again.”

He tilts his head, looking like he can’t decide whether he wants to kiss you or purposefully deny you what you’re asking for, but ultimately he gives in, leans in, takes your face in one of his big hands and kisses you hard.

You twist your fingers tighter in his shirt, slip him your tongue, and struggle against his hand so he’ll let you make contact, so you can feel the raging hard-on he has to be sporting. He takes his hand off your hip, and you think you’ve won, but he slides a thigh between your legs instead, pins you against the door that way, and grabs your wrists; he pulls your hands away from his shirt despite your tightening grip, holds your arms over your head, and deepens the kiss, makes it wetter and messier.

All your life, you have wanted this: someone bigger and stronger who could handle you at your mouthiest, who could calm the fire that’s always raging inside you and wind you up at the same time. Men have always been intimidated because you’re in the FBI, or because you were a cop, and for those reasons you’re also physically more capable than they expect; plenty of guys enjoy having a girlfriend who can rough them up a little, but not the guys you want. The guys you want see your strength, your fortitude, and they go running.

Hotch knows all of this about you, and he’s not running.

Far from running, he is crowding you up against the door, his body and his hands and his unrelenting mouth bringing you such pleasure you’re tempted to try to rub off against his leg. You grind against it, more to see what he will do than to actually try to achieve anything, and he shifts so both of your wrists are in one hand, brings the other to your jaw to hold it still. When he stops kissing you, you whimper at the loss.

“No.” So deep it’s almost a growl, his command is one you can feel in your bones, and you swallow hard. Your eyes are fixed on his, and you grind up against him again; his hand flexes on your jaw, presses into the bone, and while that feels really good, there’s something you want even more. You cover his hand with yours—his grip loosens, either because he knows you’re trying to ask for more or because he thinks you’ve had too much—and slide it to your cheek.

You let him go, look up at him, breathless, and he pulls back and slaps your face: not too hard, or too soft, just enough to sting and soak your panties. You gasp, lick your lips, dazed, and he switches hands, hold your wrists together with one and slaps the opposite cheek with the other. He takes your jaw in his hand again, tilts your face up like he’s daring you to act up.

You contemplate it, quickly weigh the pros and cons—acting up is looking better by the minute—but someone comes up and knocks on the door, right behind your head.

Hotch drops your hands, steps back, and you squeeze your eyes shut for a moment, try to snap out of the trance you’ve found yourself in. He turns around, presses his hand against the front of his pants, clears his throat and says, “come in.”

It’s JJ, and she gives the both of you a concerned once over when she enters; she was in the SUV with you on the way back from the airport, had a front row seat to the argument that started it all. You can’t imagine how you look—flushed, breathless, a little confused?—but Hotch somehow manages to look unaffected, like he’s really just been up here bickering with you all this time. You envy his composure.

“I was just getting ready to leave, wanted to make sure you guys didn’t need anything.” He crosses his arms, shakes his head, and looks over at you; you shake your head too, hope that your inability to do much more than stand there can be attributed to the fight she clearly thinks the two of you were having. “Okay then. Have a nice weekend,” she says, flashing a soft smile, and she leaves, closes the door behind her. Hotch blows out a deep breath and runs a hand through his hair.

“Look,” he says, and your heart sinks so fast. You really thought for a second that things might be different with him. That you finally found what you’d been looking for.

“No, I get it,” you manage to say, and your voice is rough, but you look him dead in the eye because that’s who you are. “You didn’t mean for it to go that far. We can pretend it didn’t happen.”

You’re surprised again when he frowns, shakes his head.

“No. Well, yes, but no. I didn’t mean to take it that far, I’ve never—I’ve never done that.” He wets his lips and takes a step closer to you, and already your body knows how to react to his proximity. It’s like a switch was flipped, and now it can’t be unflipped. “But I don’t want to pretend it didn’t happen. Not if you don’t.”

You breathe heavily, let silence blanket the room for one heartbeat, two. Twenty.

“I don’t. I really don’t.” He takes another step closer, brings a hand to your cheek, but this time his touch is gentle.

“Then we won’t.”

His mouth, when it finds yours, is not gentle. It is bruising, probing, his tongue seeking yours, and you wrap your arms around his back, his shoulders, encourage it, until one of your hands drops to his belt and he grabs it, forces it down at your side.

“Not here,” he says through gritted teeth—probably because, while he’s saying no, the unmistakable bulge in his pants is actually begging yes. You move the hand he’s not holding, brush it through his hair, and he blinks slow. “Do you want to come home with me tonight?”

You’re pretty sure you’ve never wanted anything more in your goddamn life. The ride to Hotch’s place is slightly awkward. You are both mostly silent, in that stage of the hookup where you’re both reliving how you got here, wondering what will happen, if this is the right thing, if it’s worth it.

From everything you’ve seen so far, it’s really fucking worth it.

His apartment is very nice, clean, kind of bare in that modern bachelor way. Yours isn’t much better, because you are always at work, always looking at photos of missing women instead of your family and friends. You run a hand along the sofa—large, black, suede—and comment on it just to say something, and he puts his hands gently on either side of your throat, kisses you, and looms over you so you are forced to settle back onto it.

You lay back, one foot on the floor and the other leg stretched along the length of the cushions, and he pushes his way between your knees, drapes himself over top of you, kisses some more. You run your hands over him because he lets you, truly feeling his body for the first time, and the thickness, solidness, softness has you moaning against his lips for more.

He leans up, takes one hand off your throat, and moves the other to the front of it, his fingers digging into the sides of your neck. The image of him on top of you like this, your literal life, safety, comfort in his hands… it’s intoxicating, and you nod just slightly, to let him know that if he wants, this is something he can have. Something he can take.

He bends down to brush his lips over yours, then over your throat, your ear. “Just a little,” he murmurs, squeezing tight. “I’d prefer to discuss it more—unless you wanted to stop and do that now.” There is a smirk in his voice when he says it, because he knows already that stopping is the furthest thing from your mind. You’ll take just a little, for now.

He leans up again, flexes that hand on your throat in a way that makes your eyelids flutter. With his free hand, he loosens the knot of his tie, pulls it off, starts slipping his buttons free.

Undressing himself on top of you, making eye contact, restricting your air supply—never before have you been willing to give a man free rein of your body, but there’s a first time for everything, and he’s quickly earning himself a key to your kingdom. Your body thrums at the idea of being at his complete mercy, tied up maybe, legs spread, edged with his mouth and hands until all you can do is whine his name and beg to come.

Your face heats, and you whimper, and he loosens his grip, brushes his thumb over your mouth.

“Good girl. Are you alright?” You lick your lips, swiping your tongue over the pad of his finger, and nod.

“Yes, sir.”

You would never be insubordinate—okay, you absolutely would be, have been, were earlier today—but authority is not really your friend, so you aren’t the type of person to throw sir around like it’s second nature. Your use of the title here is deliberate—call it a hunch—and when his eyes darken, it’s clear it’s worth swallowing your pride over.

He takes his hand off of you, makes quicker work of his shirt with both hands available to him. You look down at his crotch, and he pauses to bring his hands to yours, moves them to his belt, giving you permission to open it. The clink of the buckle feels obscene in his quiet apartment, and you untuck his shirt so he can pull it off, left only in a tight undershirt that emphasizes every curve of muscle, the bit of softness across his midsection. He’s perfect, and you run your hands over him, moan, make sure that he knows it.

He pulls your t-shirt off, unhooks your bra and kisses your throat, your chest, cups your breasts in his hands and teases your nipples with a pointed tongue. You let your head fall back, because it feels so good and you want to feel his tongue lower, wonder how he’d react to the taste of the slickness that’s been pooling in your panties since he slammed you up against that door.

“Fuck. Please.” He looks up at you from where he’s mouthing at your breasts, pulls off with a wet sound and rubs his hand up your chest to curl around your neck.

“You have to tell me what you want, sweetheart. I’m not a mind reader.” You whimper, and he presses his thumb into your mouth, lets you suck on it a moment before easing it out. “Always running your mouth, always disobeying me. Always have to have the last word. Where’s that mouthy girl now?” You stare up at him, say nothing, and he slaps your cheek, pushes two fingers into your mouth when it falls open in a moan.

He’s back to undressing one handed, stands while his fingers thrust over your tongue and pushes his pants down, his underwear. You moan when his cock springs up, big and full, and you bob your head a little so maybe he’ll get that you want to give him a sickeningly sloppy blow job.

“No, you don’t get this yet,” he says, pulling his fingers out of your mouth and spreading the wetness over the dark head of his dick. “You don’t get anything until I give it to you. Is that understood?”

“Yes, sir,” you promise with a nod, and he pulls his undershirt off and works your pants open, drags them down your legs. He exhales deeply when presented with your panties—you’re certain they’re obscenely, visibly wet, and it’s confirmed when pulls them off and you can feel how messy you are, your sticky arousal coating your pussy, ass, and thighs.

He pushes your legs up, leans in, and swipes his tongue over you, from your opening to your clit, then over your inner thighs, and you moan, buck against him. Moving his hands to just behind your knees, he holds you tightly, lays his arms over the length of your pushed up thighs, presses down so you can’t move. You whimper at the restriction, and he presses harder, dives down to lick and kiss your pussy, to tug at your lips gently with his teeth.

“All this because of a little roughness?” he asks with a delicious jab of his tongue inside your aching hole. “Soaking your panties because I slapped your pretty face?” You pant, nod, and he rubs his tongue hard against your clit, gets you so close you can hear the change in your own voice as you moan, and then pulls back. “You’ve been needing someone to put you in your place for a while, haven’t you? Someone who can take hold of that smart mouth and render you silent. Do I have it right, baby?”

He has it exactly right and he knows it, only asks to hear you say the two words he probably never imagined he’d get out of you.

“Yes, sir.” It’s strained and weak, and he lays one forearm across your thighs, holds you down, and batters your clit with his tongue, rubs his huge hand over your hot, sensitive pussy until you come whining and trying desperately to move against him even though you can’t. “Oh my god, Hotch, fuck.”

He kisses you as soon as you sag against the sofa, groaning against your mouth, running his hands over your hips, and you are still trying to catch your breath when he gets his arms around you, scoops you up and carries you to his bedroom. From there, he tosses you roughly onto the bed, your body bouncing from the force, and then turns you over and wastes no time thrusting inside you, laying on top of you, his full weight all but guaranteeing you’ll come fast and hard.

“Does that feel good?” he grunts in your ear, pounding against your ass, and you whimper, claw at the sheets. He covers your hands with his, laces your fingers so you can't move them, pushes your hair off of the back of your neck with his nose. “Good girl, just lay there and take my cock. You aren’t the type to put up a fight, are you?”

That shouldn’t turn you on like it does, but you live to fight, and now that you have this incredible, sexy, strong man on top of you, dominating you the way you’ve only dreamed, it just comes naturally.

You try to buck back against his thighs but can’t because he’s so heavy, his thrusts so deep and rough. You try to get your arms free, whine when he holds your hands tighter, when he presses his biceps down against the backs of your arms so they can’t move at all. You thrash your head, moaning, loud, nearly primal sounds of pleasure, and he puts his mouth against the back of your neck, bites down hard like you’re an animal he’s forcing to submit.

“Settle, settle; just let me fuck you, let me come inside. You’re no match for me, sweetheart.” Your eyes roll back in your head as he speaks it into your ear, as he rocks his thighs against your ass, as you can feel the muscles of his stomach flex against your lower back. He uses your body, truly, every inch of it covered and compressed by the weight of him, forcing your breasts and clit to rub against the comforter; any one thing he’s doing would be enough, but all of it combined is almost too much, and you whimper, desperate, needy. “Too weak to do anything but let yourself be fucked, aren’t you? Whether or not we come is up to me.”

“Mmh, yes sir,” you breathe, and he leans in to bite the back of your neck again, possessive and rough. It sends a wave of arousal through your whole body, makes your pussy throb and ache. “Oh, god. Please, please make me come. Please use me to come.” Your voice is high, eager, so unlike you’ve ever heard it before that it somehow only adds to your pleasure.

“Using you, baby,” he groans in your ear, thrusting faster, harder, the fleshy smack of your thighs as he fucks and the wetness of your cunt as you take him in filthy and amazing. “I’ll make you come, I’ll come in you, if you promise to be a good girl for me. Are you a good girl?”

God, he’s really going to make you say this. Being a sweet, subservient girl is not in your nature, but it could be, for him. You’d be anything he wants you to be.

“Yes, sir,” you murmur, and he lifts one hand off of yours and puts it on the side of your head, pressing your cheek against the bed while he fucks you.

“Louder.”

“Yes, sir.” Your voice is louder, but less convincing, and he trails his lips over the curve of your ear, sinks his teeth into your exposed throat.

“Louder.” He punctuates it with a hard, almost brutal snap of his hips, and you can feel your orgasm so close, try not to become so focused on the feeling that you miss out on all the rest.

“Yes, sir, I’m a good girl. Please, please.” He picks up the pace, crushing you against the bed, beneath his weight, and you are sweaty, breathless, out of control—perfect.

“Yes you are, and you’re going to come for me.” Soft lips brush over the stinging bites he left on your neck, and he swipes his tongue over them, soothes them. “Who are you going to come for?”

“You, sir,” you gasp, body tensing, pussy clenching, and he groans.

“Who are you going to come for? I need a name, baby.” You whimper, moan, wish you could kiss him, taste him, and when you come it is violent, lengthy, gripping your whole body and dragging it somewhere you’ve never been.

“Aaron—oh, god, I’m coming for you, Aaron. Please, please.” Your eyes water as he fucks you through it, pumping deep until he spills inside you, panting that’s right, easy, just like that in your ear until he’s spent.

He settles on top of you, and the layer of sweat between you should feel disgusting, but it just makes you feel closer to him, like a good girl, like you earned the reminder of how hard you both worked, how hard you came.

He is all sweet kisses and gentle hands, asking if you are alright, praising your performance, your body; it feels so good, his velvet voice wrapping around you, his heavy body pressing down on yours.

You shower after that, so you can sleep; notorious insomniac that you are, he chuckles in your ear when you start to drift off in his arms almost instantly after he gets you both situated in bed. You wake to gentle hands sweeping over your body. You are bruised where he held you down, sore all over in the very best way; you hum at his touch, turn to face him so you can collect soft, sleepy kisses. You drape your arm over his stomach, bury your face in his chest, and he rubs his hand over the back of your neck where you are bitten and raw and claimed. It turns you on—the feel, the memory, the implication—and he lays you back against the bed, puts a pillow under your ass, then settles between your legs and kisses your mouth.

“Going to make you feel really good, baby. Just do as I say, be a good girl, and I promise I’ll make you come.” You nod, tired but horny and ready to do as he says, and he leans up over you, wraps his hands around your shoulders, hooks his chin against your neck. His weight is pressing down on you again, but this time it’s different, sweeter and more intimate. You smile softly, wet your lips.

He slides inside you, maneuvers your legs up over his thighs, and rocks upward, his pelvis lined up in such a way that it rubs right over your clit. You moan, wrap your arms around his back, roll your hips while he grinds against you, pumping shallowly inside but, more importantly, stimulating your clit with each stroke.

“Aaron,” you sigh, holding him tightly while he moves against you, and you throw your head back, gasp and groan while his heavy body glides over yours, while he breathes roughly in your ear.

“Yes, baby. Feels good? Want your sweet pussy to feel good, after I was rough last night.”

“Yes, sir, feels good.” It leaves your mouth as a groan as he humps against you right over your clit, as he tilts his head to kiss you softly below your ear.

“Not sir right now, just Aaron.” You hum, clutch him tighter, move against him, feel the tip of his cock come so close to slipping out just to have it pushed carefully back inside.

“Feels really good. I’m close.” He grinds a little faster, body rolling harder against yours, and you shudder, dig your nails in, and climax, easy and slow and delicious. He praises you even though, again, you didn’t do much, then leans up on his forearms and pushes in fully, thrusts quick and deep. “Mmm, yeah. Want your come.” You pull him close for a kiss, grip his shoulders hard while he fucks you fast, desperate.

You kiss his arms when he comes, panting and gorgeous over you, and when he collapses onto you you wrap your arms and legs around him, hold him tightly, and hum.

“What are you thinking about, baby?” he asks, knows that sound, and you press your lips to his shoulder.

“Just thinking how nice this is. How I like that last night isn’t all you want from me.” He makes eye contact, smooths your hair back, brushes a kiss against your mouth.

“I want anything—everything. I think we could be really good together, despite our differences… if that’s something you want.” You nod, smile softly, and he reciprocates, leans in for more easy kisses. “One thing, though: when I tell you to stay behind me, stay behind me.” Your smile melts into a scowl.

“You wouldn’t tell Derek to stay behind you!”

“Why are you comparing yourself to Derek? Why are you comparing at all, I told you—”

“I know what you told me, and it’s bullshit, so forgive me if I—”

“I don’t forgive you, actually, and if you keep talking back to me—”

“What are you going to do?” He demonstrates. It’s extremely effective. You still don’t stay behind him when he tells you to.

Taglist ❤️: @thaddeusly @arsonhotchner @mrsh0tchner @ssahotchie @sleepyreaderreads @mintphoenix @meghannnnnn @disgruntledchowchow @azenpal @g-l-pierce @my-rosegold-soul @ssamorganhotchner @heliotropehotch @angelhotchner @qtip-blog @gspenc @wishuhadstayed @averyhotchner

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fanfic #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x female reader #hotch x female reader #hotch x reader #ask answered #prompt #unicornprancing

[wdwmarveldisney]

Shoot her

Peter Parker x fem!reader

Summary: Y/N is trapped in her mind and Peter is the one to pull her out.

Masterlist

A/N: So this is loosely based on the song Panic Room. It was supposed to be a lot more like the song but then this happened and I like it too much to change it. Not proofread.

Tw: Lots of violence, guns mentioned, killing. Literally the whole thing is very dark so.

(Gif isn’t mine)

It was dark, so very dark and cold. It was so cold. Rocking back and forth was no help to fight off the frost that bit your skin, everything about this place smothering any hope you had left. Sobs left your lips as you sat there curled up into a ball. The need to scream was so strong that when the sound tore through your lips, it wasn't a shock. Goosebumps were so prominent on your skin and your heart was racing so fast and your breaths were so uneven and maybe you were dying. You were ready for anything though how you sat would probably indicate just how terrified you were. But being terrified didn't mean you weren't ready.

If anything, it meant you were as prepared the most you could be. It wasn’t the first time being here, you knew what happened. It was almost impossible to escape the monsters that lurked in the shadows here and you tried your hardest to think back to them. The pain and suffering and ache for someone, literally anyone, to save you. But no one ever came and you had to be your own hero. This time, you didn’t think you were strong enough.

Looking up and around the room you were trapped in, your face was so pale and your eyes so wild. You looked dead, dark bags under your eyes only adding to the effect. Everything looked fuzzy except the screen. Gaze locked on the video, you heart broke again and again and again, shattering beyond repair. Not only were trapped here, suffocating in the darkness, but you had to relive that. The same monster that haunted your dreams for most of your life and now you were trapped within memory once more.

Screaming once more, you wanted someone to hear. Your echoing screams were driving you crazy. The hold on your knees became tighter, nails digging into the skin as you shook and sobbed. Silence was deafening, you had spent your life drowning it out and yet here you were, trapped in this dark, damp room with it. You could feel your skin crawl as you caved in yourself further.

You couldn’t speak, not that anyone would hear you anyway. No one could reach you in these dark depths, you knew that. So why did you expect someone to run through that door any moment now? Where you were was inaccessible, a place that didn’t even exist and you were the only one who could reach it. So being trapped there really sucked.

Lights flickered on and off, sparking from being overpowered and shutting down all together. Small whimpers left your chapped lips as you finally leaned your head back against the wall behind you. Monsters surrounded you, pain, grief, anger, guilt. What you would give to just be out of here. You had always tried your best to stay out of these situations after they had saved you, after everything you had done, but life had other plans. And right here, in this room, every emotion was so overpowering, so smothering and you couldn’t repress them anymore. You’d lost control. Your facade had finally crumbled and you were locked away once again with your troubles. If only you were strong enough to control your powers, you wouldn’t have returned. You just weren’t strong enough.

You watched as more screens turned on, one by one. They showed your worst memories, all the pain and horrors of your life. It was too much, your hands moving to your hair, pulling at the roots. Any pain was better than watching those. Voice hoarse and scratchy, you scream once more, just desperate to be heard. Tears were streaming down your cheeks as you felt silenced, the screams no longer echoing. Something else did, footsteps. But you were so deep in the pain and suffering you didn’t pick up on them, tearful eyes reflecting the horrors that were your memories. They were a tornado of fear and torture and terror and you were sucked into it. They had reached out and dragged you down with them, blocking out all the light, all the hope, that you had been blessed with.

“Y/N?” A small gasp left your lips as your dazed eyes look to the brunet at the door. You shook your head, this was a step too far. The small smile of relief on his face, the tears eyes, the slight shake in his hands. “No, you’re not real. You can’t be real. Stop, stop it,” you mumbled to yourself, watching his face fall as he took a hesitant step forward. Your hands slid into your hair once more as your head moved down to rest on your knees, “Stop it, he’s not real, he’s not,” you could hear the small sniffle that came from him, the light footsteps he took, “Stop!” You screeched into your jean clad legs, heart beating fast. You glanced to where he was, expecting him to be gone but he still stood, hands out as he took slow careful steps forward. “I’m here, I’ve got you. It’s Peter, just come here,” he stood a small way away from you, panicked that you didn’t want him there. Your eyes fluttered between screens and he followed, gaze taking in it all.

He watched all the killing you had done, all the pain you caused before he looked back at you. You’d told him, once or twice, that your backstory wasn’t exactly rainbows and sunshine. He knew how you were raised, what you had been forced to be. He knew how you hated yourself for it, how you were trying to make up for it all but seeing it, it was very different from hearing about it. Glancing back to you, he found you had fixated on one screen. All sound from anything faded out as you stood and approached it. You looked to Peter over your shoulder to see his confusion, “What are doing?” Ignoring his question, your hand reaches out to touch the screen and suddenly you were there, both of you.

The courtyard had this calm silence to it, empty apart from the four people in the centre of it all. Two men and two young girls. The older had to be at least sixteen, tied up and gagged in front of the younger, no more eleven. That little girl was staring at the other emotionless while the other looked so broken and hurt. “Y/N, what’s happening?” Not even bothering to respond to Peter, you walked over to the younger girl and scary man with a truly broken expression. Peter followed right after, stopping right behind you and realised that one of the guys was talking. “Shoot her,” he was talking to the youngest, gun placed in her hand, and Peter immediately looked to you with fear swirling in his eyes. When he looked back at the scene, the girl had raised the gun, hands trembling, an the other had managed I lower the gag that now hung around her neck. “Y/N, you don’t have to do this. Put it down, just put it down and we can go home, yeah? We can go see mum and dad, have that picnic you wanted for your birthday? Come on, you didn’t have to shoot me. Please don’t shoot me, I love you bubs. Please don’t,” Peter’s heart broke as you stared at the girl, who’s voice was shaking uncontrollably. Your hand had raised to smother your sobs, your voice breaking as you spoke, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,”

“Y/N, please just put it down,” the young you held the gun in place, now crying, and as you went to lower it, a hand held yours in place. The man had lent down to your height and stared at your sister as he spoke, “Shoot her or he shoots you,” the guy nodded to the one behind your sister and he raised a gun, aimed at your head. Eleven year old you shook your head, mumbling “No,” on repeat (just like older you) as your sister assessed the situation. With tears still in her eyes, she looked to the gun aimed at her and whispered, “You have to shoot me. I’m so sorry but you have to shoot me,” she ignored it when you shook your head and simply nodded in encouragement, “I’m not letting you die, shoot me,”

“No,” both versions of you cried and Peter wiped at the tears at his cheeks, wanting to hold you tightly in some form of comfort. Your sister had nodded with a sad smile sent your way and your shaking hands had pulled the trigger. A loud bang echoed throughout the courtyard, both versions of you and Peter all flinching. A small thud was heard as your sister’s body fell lump on the ground, blood falling from the bullet hole in her head. Instinctively, Peter reached over and gripped your hand, pulling you into him and as you held onto him, he pressed the button the bracelet that Mr Stark had told him to. And you were no longer there.

Sitting up with a gasp, eyes full to the brim with unshed tears as you took in all the superheroes that surrounded you. Curling into yourself again at their worried stares, you flinched at the arms that wrapped around you. You looked to Peter and attempted to push him back, you couldn’t believe you had just let him see that. The boy didn’t let you, grabbing your wrists as gently as he could and meeting your eyes, “You’re okay, it’s okay,” you began to sob again, falling into his body and crying into his chest as he held you. Peter wasn’t looking forward to explaining what he had seen in the deep depths of your mind that he had just pulled you out of. This whole situation was crazy, you losing control of your emotion based powers and being trapped in your mind. Him volunteering to go after you when Tony had found a way and him trying to navigate his way to you. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to, I’m sorry,” you mumbled into his chest and Peter shook his head, not wanting to let you go anytime soon.

#peter parker fem!reader #peter parker angst #marvel x reader #angst #really this is quite sad so like #read at your own risk

[uwua3]

white day confession.

❄️🍶 yukishiro azuma

summary: azuma receives many gifts of admiration on valentine’s day, but he’s only returning one on white day

dedication: ruri — my divorcee of all time, internet bff, and much more, i love you! happy birthday!! 🎁🎊🎉

warnings: distance, feelings, slight angst

author’s note: this is for my best friend, ruri! i love her endlessly and so does azuma! happy birthday to the angel born on white day; azuma loves you and so do all your friends! (･ω<)☆

word count: 1,518

music: say yes – loco, punch

it was as if azuma wielded cupid’s bow, unintentionally shooting everyone within sight to fall hopelessly in love with him

after all, how could you not? he appeared like a demigod, with the grace of something heavenly and the touch of a human. azuma captured the hearts of anyone who gave him a second glance

it was only natural for him to receive confession after confession on valentine’s day, with the typical box of chocolates he disliked and traditional store-bought cards presented to him. it didn’t matter who it was; azuma would always politely reject them with a sympathetic smile before leaving behind a trail of broken hearts

it wasn’t exactly a reputation he sought after, but the title “king of broken hearts” began to follow azuma every valentine’s day

many thought they could change his mind, that they could chain him down and get him to sign a contract to commitment. azuma was blessed with ero’s wings, he could fly away from any trap possible. no one could keep azuma on the ground

except, you

azuma expected a letter from anyone but you. you were always one of his closest friends, where the line between friendship and romance blurred. it was a no strings attached kind of relationship, where you two could do anything you want but still be with each other at the end of the night

so when you carefully gave him a folded letter, azuma repressed a sigh at the foreshadowing of another failed casual relationship. he didn’t open it, nor did he say a word and neither did you. it was like a silent agreement—nothing would change if the feelings weren’t said aloud

there was this non-verbal deal to not read the letter, so azuma didn’t. but, for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to throw it away. all he had to do was rip it up and destroy any chance of being curious

but, it was like pandora’s box. azuma would lay in bed, knowing the letter was in his bedside and all he had to do was pull open the drawers. azuma would wake up, wondering what you possibly were afraid to say, and azuma would fall asleep, dreaming of what contents were penned in your handwriting

it was like you put a love spell over him. ever since azuma received your love letter, he couldn’t think of anything else but you

unfortunately, it wasn’t a drunk decision to open your letter once and for all. azuma smoothed the wrinkles upon his forehead for the nth time, finally giving in when homare (who quickly ran away for his own good) commented about the condition of azuma’s skin

the world was quiet for once as the moonlit letter was read. the ink seemed like a fountain pen, with a lavender wax seal discarded to the side. as azuma took in your words, he unintentionally began reciting them whenever his eyes closed for a moment too long

My dearest, Yukishiro Azuma

Good day. This will be my first letter to you which I believe is long overdue. Now where do I start? Should I mention how I first fell for you? It was love at first sight. The moment you appeared in my eyes, I was struck by your beauty and I was affected even more when I heard your alluring voice which promptly sent shivers down my spine.

azuma reminisced on the past, where you two were much more naive and younger than you were now. had he truly missed the way your eyes looked towards him? how had you seen him? were you infatuated as well? for all these years? azuma was flattered to be the subject of your affections, but how was he so unaware?

How could this be? How could this possibly be? Just your first appearance already made my heart aflutter. My feelings for you grew tremendously once I started to get to know you better. I smiled when you smiled. I laughed when you laughed. I cried when you cried.

it was true you two shared a bond unlike any other. it was as if you two were truly connected; soulmates, if you will

when you smiled, he had no choice but to smile along. when you laughed, azuma found the world to be a much better place than he originally thought. when you cried, azuma did everything in his power to hold you close. you two shared something indescribable and unexplainable, that much was true

When your first leading role came, I did my hardest to support you. I gave my everything for you. Of course, this was only natural. For my heart, body, and soul belongs to you.

azuma faintly relived what it felt like when you ran into his arms, throwing your arms around his neck with a bouquet of the prettiest cecilias. it was closing night and you were the first to stand up during the standing ovation. azuma watched you like you were the star of the show that night

I can't believe that such a fine man like you exists. Oh how blessed I am! Can you see it? Can you feel it? How I wish to caress the side of your face? How I wish my lips could touch yours? How I wish to be embraced in your arms throughout the night? My darling Azuma, allow me to be by your side forever and always.

I love you, my darling.

with your signature gracing the bottom of the parchment, azuma’s heart warmed from the thought and consideration you had put into the letter. at first, the feeling was a pleasant warm sensation but quickly faded into a bitter cold

this was the first time azuma had felt truly moved by a letter before. what did this mean? did this mean... no, it couldn’t be

azuma closed the letter, his hands faintly shaking and a blush that couldn’t go away across his face. you love him, azuma repeated this in his head until he fell asleep, your words pressed against his chest

a month passes before azuma writes his own letter. a month of fleeting glances, touches that trailed for too long, and unspoken words that could change everything. although both of you tried your best to make sure nothing changed, something did

conversations that once flowed so smoothly froze over like a winter waterfall. energy that only you two knew the meaning of faded into a spark of what it once was. you two slowly grew distant no matter what either of you did. you both knew what was inside the letter now, there was no turning back

so, azuma sits down, takes out his own fountain pen, and watches the lilac wax melt above the aromatic candle. all the words he couldn’t speak were forming at the tip of his fingers, all he had to was write

if azuma shared his feelings, he’d lose what he worked so hard to maintain: his independence, his freedom, his privacy. but, after a month-long contemplation, azuma knew he’d rather lose those things than lose you

To my beloved,

Perhaps this may come as a surprise to you, but my letter is long overdue as well. Words that I cannot bring myself to share are now dutifully written upon this page; I promise you, they are as truthful as they come. I have laid out my soul bare for you to choose whether or not to accept. Please be gentle with me as I attempt to express how I feel about you.

When we had first met, you had come into my life because the heavens had blessed me with humanity’s greatest gift. What did I, an unfortunate mortal, do to deserve such a person? Overcome by my blinding adoration for you, I continued worshipping you as the gods intended. For the past years have been nothing but bliss, you are the only person who could make me feel such a way.

I could see your angel wings when you had hugged me that closing night after Winter’s first show. I should’ve told you then, but I didn’t know. I am only human, how could I know what these emotions were when I had never experienced them?

To this day, I do not know if I’ve always felt this way about you. But, I do know now. Please forgive me for taking so much time to admit the truth.

I love you, too, my angel.

Love, Yukishiro Azuma

white day had arrived. you weren’t the type to receive an influx of gifts on either days, since you only had ever given one letter to a special someone in all your life

azuma was the type to be showered in sweets, chocolates, and letters every day of the year. his charm and charisma could make anyone fall head over heels, including you. but, he had never given a white day gift before

when you turned around, you noticed a letter being held out between the hold of azuma

could it be? did azuma love you, too?

“happy white day. i love you, my angel.”

#yukishiro azuma #azuma yukishiro #a3! act! addict! actors! #a3! #act! addict! actors! #a3! headcanons #act! addict! actors! headcanons #a3! actor training game #mankai a3! #mankai company #a3! x reader #a3 x reader #azuma x reader #a3! azuma #a3 azuma

[mettywiththenotes]

That Lost Child I Once Saw

*MANGA SPOILERS*

When Izuku enters the Void, he’s expecting a lot of things.

For Shigaraki to be strangled by All For One, like the first time they did this. For Shigaraki to be immobilized by shadows, just as he once was within One For All. Even for Shigaraki to be unconscious within his subconscious as the possession takes hold.

What he’s not expecting to see is a little boy, about 5 years old. The crying child he saw before.

He looks like Izuku did at that age. He’s seen himself in his mother’s photo albums, how small he was and his big mop of hair.

The only difference is that this child isn’t smiling. This is a child that needs saving.

He didn’t expect this to be the first thing he saw, but nevertheless, he walks up to the boy. The kid seems way too aware of his surroundings, and when he hears Izuku’s footsteps, he turns around panicked, small eyes widening in fear.

The Hero’s footsteps falter at the action, but he carries on until he’s stood in front of him. The child watches him nervously, and fidgets with his hands.

Izuku can’t help but take note of the scars on his face; across the bottoms of his eyes, and no doubt spreading over the child’s forehead, it’s unmistakable. Though there is no scar over his eye or lips, like Shigaraki already has. But that mole is way too familiar to mistake.

“... Who are you?” Izuku tries to ask nicely, even though he already knows who this is.

The child watches him, but doesn’t speak. He looks afraid, and he’s shaking.

“It’s okay... I’m a Hero. I want to help you.”

Something flashes in the boys eyes, an emotion much older and experienced that Izuku has seen before. It almost mirrors in the child’s expression, face scrunching in anger and hate, and his hair starts to whiten at the roots, slowly inching down dark curls. Quick as a flash, though, the anger is gone, and what replaces it is a sense of wonderment. The white strands regress back to black and everything goes back to normal. It takes Izuku aback, resisting the urge to pull away.

What the hell was that?

“... A Hero?” The child looks up at him, his eyes now shining. He’s stopped shaking too, thankfully.

Izuku nods “That’s right. Could you tell me your name?”

For a moment, the child seems confused. Raising his palms, he looks at them as if they have all the answers. He doesn’t speak, searching, searching his mind.

“I... I’m not sure... My name is... TeOnMkUoRA, I think?”

A second, older voice morphs with his own, echoing from around the void along with the smaller one.

“I’m sorry, what did you say it was?” Izuku is becoming more nervous with this atmosphere, but still he presses on.

“ TeOnMkUoRA .” The child repeats, and still the two voices mix, but the child seems to look more sure of his answer.

“What was that? Tenko? Tomu-” Izuku stops midsentence with the realization and stands straighter. Was that who that second voice was? He whips his head around, looking at the shadows in the distance. “Shigaraki?” he asks the void, as if it will answer back. And of course, only now does it choose to shut up.

This is getting a little too creepy. Where is All For One? Where is Shigaraki? He needs to find answers now, or else he could get trapped here. Or else All For One could steal One For All.

He looks back at the child, a little more shaken. Or maybe... maybe this child is also Shigaraki?

Is that where the dual voice is coming from? From him? But how? And why, why is Shigaraki in this form?

A lost child that needed saving... That’s what Iieda had said about him at Kamino, right? So maybe this is the same, except more literal?

Gulping, Izuku tries to confirm his suspicions.

“Tenko? That’s what you said, right?”

“That’s what I said.” Tenko nods, a small smile now appearing on his face.

“R-Right...” Izuku blinks.

This child indeed seems to be the younger version of the Villain, but it’s also possible that he is only another version of him, and the real older Shigaraki is somewhere else in here. He can’t rule that out. He is basically sharing a mind with Shigaraki after all, and All For One could easily be luring him into a trap.

“Hey, have you seen anybody else around here? A guy with white hair, um... might be shirtless, and he has scars all over his face... kind of like you.”

Tenko thinks for a second. “In here?” he gestures to the surrounding environment. When Izuku nods, the boy shakes his head.

“Ah... what about a tall guy in a suit? And he uh... he has no face. Well, he has a mouth, but no eyes, or hair. Or ears? He smiles a lot.”

Tenko once again shakes his head.

“I’m sorry. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone like that. Or I don’t remember...” The child suddenly holds his head and lets out a low whine, like he’s in pain, and Izuku crouches down to him.

“I’m sorry... I always have trouble with my memory... I don’t think I can-...” Tenko begins to tear up, and tugs at his roots in frustration.

Izuku reaches to the little boys hands and gently guides them away, cradling them in his own hands palm up.

“It’s okay. We can search together. We’ll figure it out.”

The boy sniffles and the Hero’s heart aches for him. Was this really Shigaraki? He seemed interested in Heroes, in both a good and bad way, but he’s so tiny...

Izuku thinks back, briefly, to the first time he’d seen the crying child in the void - little Tenko crying in a garden of some kind. And he was hugging a dog?

What had this child-... no, what had Shigaraki been through to become like this?

Izuku stands and offers his hand. He has to hurry, but he’ll keep Tenko with him, and confirm whether this is, in fact, the real Shigaraki in a smaller form.

He wonders if the child has his quirk by this point, but when Tenko shyly places his hand into Izuku’s, nothing happens.

It doesn’t feel real, that the Shigaraki he knows could be this small. Of course, everyone has been a child at some point, but he’s always known the Villain to be all encompassing and tall. In the mall, he’d towered over Izuku and kept a strong hold on him. He could fit his entire hand around Izuku’s neck. And when he’d shoved his hand at Izuku in the war, it was almost as big as his face.

Now, in a twisted turn of events, Izuku’s hand looks so much bigger in comparison to the tiny one holding his.

The knowledge that this child, who is so small and fragile, could turn into such a violent Villain... it made Izuku shudder.

What even happened to Shigaraki back then?

Together, they walk off into the shadows. Izuku doesn’t know what will happen when they finally find All For One, or even if they’ll find the older Shigaraki, but he’ll make sure to protect them. Both of them.

He just hopes All For One hasn’t done too much damage to Shigaraki’s mind.

-----------

Hi uh I decided to try writing a small thing on here lol. This is based on a fun [and angsty] little concept of Izuku meeting Tenko in the void that I like to think about now and again.

First time sharing! And thank you for reading :)

For those confused as to what is going on, please read under the cut: 

This is based on a concept of Izuku entering the void, but instead of meeting AFO and Shiggy again, he comes face to face with Tenko.

The way I see it, the void operates on a state of subconsciousness, so I wonderered if Tomura could possibly regress into his younger self, stuck in his memories of what had happened, constantly replaying the events and wandering for however long the possession lasts as little Tenko in the void.

I actually made a post about it here!

With the morphing, I just really love the idea of a creepy effect where Tenko gets triggered by the sentence of “I’m a hero. I want to help” because of Tomura’s own experiences, so his hair starts to change and that hatred is back, almost like a hardened adult face on a baby face, but only for a moment. An effect of once repressed memories coming back to the surface and also reliving the experiences he had as Tomura with Heroes.

Idk I think Tomura being in his subconscious for so long would fuck him up a bit, and lead his memories to mix up, so much so that he takes on the form of Tenko but wonders about his own memories.

I feel like Izuku would wonder whether this is actually a seperate Tenko away from his real older self that the subconscious conjured up, or whether this is actually Tomura taking on the form of Tenko and he’s just been possessed for so long that he doesn’t remember why he’s like this, or if this is just AFO up to his old tricks and trying to lure Izuku away with something and distract him so he could take OFA.

Also! The name thing with the dual voices, if you can’t read it, is the names Tenko and Tomura mashed together. I just put the letters inbetween each other and bing bang boom - a creepy two-voiced garble lol

Bleh anyway enough explanation. Thank you for reading!

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #bnha fic #bnha writing #writing #tomura shigaraki #izuku midoriya #tenko shimura #shigaraki and midoriya #mettys writing

[seijorhi]

asks :))

what i have learned today is that y’all wanna get fucked by some monsters...

What does nostos mean? What language is it in? 🤔 also I of course loved it, mind blown as usual queen

it’s ancient greek! it means homecoming, the idea of a triumphant return home for the hero after a long journey. i found it through looking at the root of nostalgia. in this fic of course it’s kind of a grim tongue in cheek play on it. the reader’s coming back to the mountains, but she’s running away after a bad breakup, and the welcome she gets is... shall we say less than ideal haha

Just read nostos-

First of all as a person who reads monster shit- hell ya. Mhm. That’s some good shit right there. That was DELICIOUS horror. It actually had me a bit nervous and afraid to read what was gonna happen next 😳

Secondly- omg I wanna know what happened next (at the end) 👀 know what I mean??? 😼

ANYWAY AS ALWAYS you never disappoint and your writing is fantastic (if/when you write horror yandere stuff again I’ll be there- frothing at the mouth. A+++++ work ILY💖)

you want me to write the monster porn, just say it bby ghfjdkshgfjkd but ty

Omfg that fic was so good!

Did the readers mom know about monster kuroo?? Or was she just worried because of the previous murder? And did Kuroo somehow manipulate reader into coming back to the forest or was it just a big coincidence? (👁👄👁 there's no such thing as a coincidence)

Looking forward to your future work <3

ty nonnie!! i didn’t have the right space for it, but after kohsuke was ripped apart and eaten kuroo stayed by the reader’s side until late in the night, only disappearing when he heard the reader’s parents/search party approaching. they found her lying in pools of blood (and scattered half eaten body parts), shaking and unresponsive – they knew no animal could’ve done something like that. so they knew something lurked in those woods, but considering the reader had repressed the memories, her mom couldn’t just come out and say it <33

You are an AMAZING horror writer!!!

The uneasiness I got from the conversations with the mom is just *chefs kiss*

A+++++

ahh thank you!! horror is such a hard genre to write because i’m never sure if the suspense and everything’s gonna hit right haha

I read Nostos before going to sleep last night and at the time I was like “sure hope this doesn’t give me nightmares” and thankfully it didn’t lol. But I think I’m willing to take that chance again because it’s so GOOD and I think I’m just going to have to relive it – @ohno-otome

fhdjgbfhjkdfn i’m glad it didn’t give you nightmares bby!! but i also appreciate that haha, i’m an absolute wimp with scary movies and stuff but i just can’t stop watching them haha

I just wanna say that I was listening to "You're a psychotic villain playlist" on youtube while reading Kuroo's oneshot and I can't explain the emotions I felt, but I'd let Kuroo do things to me asdfghjkl – @itishebihime-samaforyou

ooh nice! sometimes the right playlist makes things doubly as fun haha

OH MY GOD!?!?! Nostos was soooo GOOD?!?!? Like it was so creepy (but in a good way), and scary and suspenseful!! And the ending!?!? Omggg honestly one my fav fics from you!! You did my mans Kuroo justice 🥺💖💕

TYYYYYYY i was genuinely concerned i was gonna scare everybody off haha

Ah! The new fic! Chiefs kiss! Magnificent! Bravo!🧚‍♀️✨🧞‍♀️🦖🦭🌹💫

tysm nonnie!!! <33

i’m pretty sure i’m in the same/similar timezone as you? and i do be staying up late to be one of the first to read your fics (i usually stay up late anyways). so imagine my surprise when i see you post in the afternoon. in conclusion, whether you post to align with your european and american readers’ timezone, my gmt+10 arse will still be one of the first to read your fics. also nostos sjdufigyyjf i have to admit, i recently just found out about monster fucking and nostos scratched the itch😫 i feel bad for kohsuke though

bby i always post at like 2-4 in the morning please get some sleep!! the fics will be there in the morning lmao. i kinda low key forget about my aussie/gmt+10 followers because i think there’s like... 3 of you haha

Honestly if i could give u a dollar everytime i got off to your fics, you'd probably be rich by now

lmao the idea that people find my fics hot enough to get off to still blows my mind lol

your newest kuroo fic was so SO good!! its totally okay if you dont want to answer this so you can keep things ambiguous but is monster kuroo planning on killing the reader after he's...done with them

thank you, bby!! but no, monster kuroo isn’t gonna eat her – he’s had plenty of chances to do that if that’s what he wanted, but he has other plans for the poor reader

RHI, I WANT TO STATE FOR THE RECORD THAT I AM OKAY WITH MORE MONSTER FUCKING IN THE FUTURE. i also want to say im not a monster fucker, but that just feels like a lie at this point. okay, now that that's off my chest, i love it. the mystery, the connections of kuroo to a cat. kuroo's probably gonna go and batter around his prey once they're under his grip like my cat does. hopefully the reader will come out somewhat unscathed, if they are ever allowed to leave 😌 love this, love how different it is, the way kuroo just tries to weasel in. very monster and yandere vibes, very you. have i said i love this yet?? id willingly let him get me drunk on his cock, maybe never leave the peace of the mountains again

‘i want to say that i’m not a monster fucker’ bby the denial will get you nowhere haha. just lean in and embrace it hgfjkdlkfgjnkdl ahh but thank you this is such a sweet ask ILY!!!

Omg omg the monster thing kuroo was in ur latest fic is so familiar to me abdhdmfnjfjf. I remember being told abt a monster with VERY SIMILAR characteristics to it (aka the not being able to go inside a house unless invited and using fire to lure ppl out) AND JFC IT TERRIFIED ME. Esp how when i told ppl around me and they didnt recognize what it was, but it was somehow known to the kid that told me abt it.

(Some ppl thought it was familiar but still didnt know what it was)

Do u know what im talking abt? Hopefully u do

-🥚

GHFJDK so the monster in this is kind of based off the nekomata spirit in japanese folklore - they can appear like people, torment victims by reanimating the corpses of their loved ones, they’ve been blamed for forest fires, so it was just fun to use that as a basis and then go buck wild haha. anyway thanks for the ask bby!

Rest In Peace Kohsuke, you would’ve loved Haikyuu season 5😔✊– @joyvstheworld

poor kohsuke deserved better, i’m just mean to the oc’s i throw into fics haha

Monsterfucking ❤❤❤❤❤❤ a little annoyed you're making me simp for yan Kuroo though (a vibe tho tbh). You're so extremely talented!!!! &

This is probably a stupid question, but how did Kageyama react when he couldn't find y/n? How is life with yan Suga? I imagine probably awful BUT yknow maybe the stockholm syndrome set in fast lmao. Sorry, I'm going on a binge reading your stuff. - @oracleofdin

i will not apologise for making you simp for kuroo he deserves it the man’s a snacc. and as far as your second question, suga’s a very caring, very smothering kinda yandere, so i guess in some ways it’s better than what the reader had with kageyama but... pick your poison haha

That was so good. I’m so shook rn I can’t comprehend anything but how good that was and how good a writer you are

TYSM NONNIE!!! <33

Ok, so, I just read Final Girl and the lil' ticket addition to it and just---

Well, ok I've been playing Dead by Daylight a lot lately? And I'm just picturing Tetsu as the newest killer "The Trickster" and I'm positively RANDY.

Your writing is ALREADY thirst inducing and just as satisfying, but this has SENT ME- If you're not familiar, please...

https://youtu.be/iowkiPobYYQ

Understand my thirst. (I'd also like to clarify, I use a different skin for him that gives him black hair and he looks like Kuroo with an undercut.)

~ @the-casual-hedonist 🌸

i love how feral y’all got for final girl kuroo. like bo and akaashi had his fans, but i put a spiked bat in kuroo’s hands and y’all lost your goddamn minds and i love to see it. fghdjkvhfjdkls thanks for the ask bby

idk why but I love preggo reader as long as I don't pretend it's me 😢✋ I hate babies n pregnancy anywhere else other than horny haikyuu fics

i think that’s a valid thing for a lot of fans. the idea of breeding is sexy, the actual getting pregnant and having a kid thing... not so much. but especially with non-con scenario’s, it’s more about the aspect on control than the actual desire to have kids. but yeah, i feel you

Sorry to bother but uh was just wondering in fracture did Osamu kill his wife or was it actually an “unfortunate event” ? Love your work btw!!

he most certainly did :))

LMFAO RHI i totally get not liking cheating/infidelity fics (towards reader) bc IT HIRTS ME SO BAD I CANNOT HANDLE THOSE.

id be reading fics those fics like: tf you mean my yandere aimt gonna baby me and only want me??🤨🤨🤨⁉️‼️

EXACTLY! listen i get that it’s a fucked up fantasy, but in my fucked up fantasy you damn well better have the decency to be loyal smh

Finders keepers is the most beautiful thing I've read by you: I read it twice like I normally do and here's what I figured out the second time (that's when I analyze it and find the little tidbits of things that are much darker than they appear (: )

To start I LOVE THE DETAILS OF THEM NEVER TEACHING READER ANYTHING- at first I assumed "oh they might see her as a little sister or child or something" but realized thAT WAS THE ISSUE!! they infantilize her and isolate her from everyone but her group. the small details like that are what make the story amazing 😎💅

ahh thank you so much, nonnie!! pls this is making me soft 🥺

I just wanted to stop by and say that I love your writing and I hope you're doing well!!! Drink plenty of water and keep up the amazing work :) but seriously you're one of the best fanfic writers I've seen on tumblr! I read your "Imitation" piece about kuroo and i keep coming back to it, it's so good! I did want to ask if you think it'd be possible for the reader to ever escape with the baby (or at least attempt to). Or if Kenma would "help" at all just to put an end to kuroo's antics lmao

kenma would in no way help the reader, and tbh by that point if kuroo did get her pregnant, she’d be far too emotionally dependant on him to actually even want to leave, but thanks for the ask!

You know who I think would be a perfect Yandere in the JJK world? Choso.

🚨Spoilers Ahead🚨

After being locked in a glass jar for however long he was, and all that happened with his brothers, I feel like he would absolutely never let his darling out of his sight. He would be possessive. Obsessive. And Oh So delusional. Sure he’d be your anything - he truly is a softy - but to what end?🤤

choso would make an excellent yandere, ngl 😌

what au/troupe of your fav character(s) that you have written do you like the most?

(rlly hope this makes sense🙏)

i am always a slut for soulmate au’s :))

#ask #anon #rhi answers #ohh so many asks #i love you guys <33 #fic q's

[cabinofimagines]

Here

GenderNeutral!Reader x Percy

Summary: Percy survived Tartarus but his dreams make it feel as if he’s still there. The reader has taken it upon themselves to act as an anchor or sorts, keeping Percy grounded until the PTSD lessens.

A/N: Yknow it took me a few hours to write this bc I was so damn distracted. Anyway here’s this and I’m sorry but towards the ending I uhhhh lost sight of the plot. Oops? -Day

___________

It’d been more than a week since his last nightmare; a new record. At first, he refused to sleep in fear that he would have to relive the experience over again in his dreams. Of course, he couldn’t stay awake forever and after 4 days of fighting exhaustion, he was back.

 He could taste the acid air with every staggering breath he took, the wave of sadness from the river Cocytus held on tightly, digging up feelings and memories he had repressed. He stood on the shattered glass on the shore, his shoulders heaving as panic settled in. He glanced around to find his support in all of this but saw nothing more than the angry red clouds and the neverending grey landscape.

“Annabeth?” He cried out, his voice cracking, “Annabeth!?”

His head whipped around, trying to catch a glimpse of her blonde hair fluttering somewhere nearby, but nothing. He heard screams echo in the distance but wasn’t sure who or what was crying out, but he was sure that his yelling had just alerted them. 

Tears of frustration pricked at his eyes, he was alone down here. 

“Percy!”

The shouts grew closer and closer, his feet moving towards the sound. If it was a trap then he’d deal with it, but for now, he just didn’t wanna be alone.

“Percy, Percy wake up!” He heard in his ear faintly, his body trembling as if he was being shaken. He clutched his head in pain, the shouting louder than ever now, “Percy!”

His eyes snapped open into darkness, sweat beading on his forehead, and the sheets twisted around his body from where he tossed and turned. His chest heaved rapidly and his heart pounded against his chest like it was attempting to break free from his body.

He felt cold hands slide across his shoulders and to his face, forcing him to look at whoever woke him from his nightmare. It took him a moment to take them in, for his eyes to stop darting around the room and finally settle on those comforting (e/c) eyes. He should’ve known they’d swing by, even if it was just a check-in, Y/n always made a point to stop by a few times each night since he’s gotten back. 

Percy had never actually thanked them for everything they’d done for him. From making sure he was eating to keeping him occupied so his thoughts didn’t wander, they’d been the best from the day the Argo II landed in camp. 

He let out a shaky breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, tears filling his eyes in relief that it was only a dream. He watched as you wiped a stray tear from his cheek, your other hand pushing his messy, sweaty locks from his forehead. You looked sad, almost as if it physically hurt you to see Percy so afraid of his own memories. 

Percy watched as your eyes twinkled in the dim moonlight from the windows. They were mesmerizing, like two pools of (e/c) with various shades freckled through them like stars,  distracting him into a calm without much effort.

His head slumped into the crook of your neck, arms winding around your middle as if you were the only thing keeping him grounded. It wasn’t uncommon for this to happen anymore, but each time still broke you just as much as the first.

He sniffled and drew you closer, forcing you to fall onto the bed with him. Your position stayed the same, though it was a little more awkward as you sat on his lap with your left leg bent at an uncomfortable angle. You said nothing and held him close, smoothing his hair down and humming a song quietly.

“Are you really humming All-Star right now?” He chuckled lowly, pulling back to give you a small smile. 

You smiled shyly, “Maybe?” 

As if he sensed your leg falling asleep in this position, he twisted around so that you lay side by side, noses brushing against one another. He struggled to detangle the sheets from around his legs, but eventually, he managed to tug them over the two of you. You lay in silence, letting him trace his fingers along your body, trying your hardest not to giggle when his touches became ticklish.

He paused and closed his eyes briefly, “I’m sorry” It was so quiet you nearly missed it, “I’m so so sorry, and if I could stop it, believe me, I would.”

Your heart ached, why he would ever apologize for something he has no control over? You pulled yourself against him, cradling him in your arms.

“Don’t apologize, it’s not your fault in the least bit,” your voice held a gentle authority which made him hide his face once again, “I’ll be here as long as you want me to be.”

“I’ll always want you here.”

Nothing else was said and after a few more lingering touches, you two were out like a light. Percy woke up a few times during the night, but this time you were right there holding him tight.

#percy x reader #gender neutral #Percy Jackson and the Olympians #pjo imagine #pjoxreader #Leo Valdez #x reader #frank zhang #percy jackson imagines #heroes of olympus imagine #annabeth #hoo x reader

[storiesforallfandoms]

recruit ~ eric coulter;divergent

word count: 2602

request?: yes!

“Yay in so happy you'll do divergent pics! I've fallen down mainly an Eric x reader hole. Could you do something cute and fluffy with Eric pleaseee. He may be a jerk but I love him so much “

description: the newest member of the dauntless faction finds herself drawn to her brutal trainer

pairing: eric coulter x female!reader

warnings: swearing, slight mentions of a toxic home life

masterlist

The wind whipped around me, tangling my bright yellow dress around me. My heart jumped to my throat as I expected to land on the cold, hard ground. I was starting to regret my choice. Even if the aptitude test said I was Dauntless, I should’ve stayed in Amity. Being here, they were going to kill me!

I almost let out a cry of relief when I felt a net underneath me, catching me from falling further down the what looked like bottomless abyss. I crawled to the edge of the net, my whole body still shaking. The initiates trainer waiting for me was full of tattoos, had his hair shaved on the sides, and had a piercing through his eyebrow. He looked like the poster child for Dauntless, and if he didn’t look so young, I would think he was the Dauntless leader.

He eyed my clothes with a raised eyebrow. “Did you fall into the wrong faction?”

I shook my head. “No, I chose Dauntless.”

“An Amity choosing to be Dauntless? Interesting,” he noted. “What’s your name, Pansycake.”

I winced at the Dauntless nickname for Amity before responding, “(Y/N).”

“Even sounds like an Amity name,” he muttered before turning to the rest of the initiates who had already jumped and announced, “Our next jumper, (Y/N)!”

He roughly pulled me from the net just in time for another initiate to come flying down from the building. Once all the initiates had jumped, we followed our trainers into the Dauntless city. I marvelled at the place, I had never seen where the Dauntless lived before. Not even in pictures really. Understandably so, Dauntless and Amity weren't exactly the closest of factions.

“Dauntless initiates, you’ll follow Lauren. New initiates will come with me,” the trainer who had caught us said. “We won’t start your training tonight, but we’ll get you settled away and show you around.”

The initiates broke in half and the newbies followed our leader around the city. I took this moment to look around and take in my fellow new Dauntless members. There was a number of blue bodies (the Erudite), few black and white (the Candor), but of course no grey (the Abnegation) and only one yellow, me.

We were finally led to the room where the initiates would be staying. Our leader turned to us before allowing us to enter.

“Before you really get into this,” he started, “I have to warn you that the Dauntless training is not an easy task. Just because you’re new to the faction doesn’t mean we’ll be taking it easy on you. We’ll be training you just as hard as we train our Dauntless initiates. If you don’t measure up, if you step out of line, if you refuse to keep going after we’ve told you to, you’re out. No ifs, ands, or buts. If we don’t think you’re cut out to be Dauntless, you’re done. If anyone wants to leave now, we recommend you do so you don’t waste our time.”

I pretended not to see the eyes darting towards me before quickly looking away. Instead, I held the trainer’s eye contact. He was definitely being less subtle about thinking I was going to fail, but the joke was on him. His doubt in me was only going to push me more, to make me want to pass and become a full Dauntless member. I wasn’t going to fail, not if I had anything to do with it.

When no one stepped away or responded, he spoke again, “Good. Now, go rest. We start right after breakfast tomorrow morning. You’re all gonna want to be well rested and ready to go.”

~~~~~~

Despite how hard I tried, I just couldn’t sleep. I was staring at the ceiling for hours, listening to my fellow initiates sleeping heavily around me. I couldn’t stop thinking of the day before, when I chose Dauntless. Every time I closed my eyes, I could see my parents faces. Part of me wished I’d open them again and it would just be the day before the ceremony, and all of this would be some sort of nightmare, but of course that didn’t happen.

I gave up trying to sleep. I silently pulled myself up out of the bed and slipped on the jet black Dauntless clothes that were provided for us. They were a little tight, but it seemed like that was the Dauntless way, too.

I silently creeped out of the room, making sure I didn’t wake any of the other initiates, or that none of them got up to follow me. The last thing I needed was some Candor or Erudite trying to prove themselves early by attacking the Amity. I had heard stories like that before.

I walked to the chasm that we had been shown on our tour of the Dauntless city. Although I could hear the water crashing down below, it still felt like yet another bottomless abyss. Looking down into it made me feel dizzy, but I swallowed my fear and sat myself up on the railing around it. I wasn’t going to pass the initiation if I backed away from my fears now.

“What are you doing up, Pansycake?”

I turned to see the trainer from earlier approaching me. Instead of shying away at the nickname, I scowled at him.

“You can’t call me that,” I said. “I’m Dauntless now, like you.”

“Technically you’re not. You haven’t passed initiation yet. You could be factionless by this time tomorrow.”

I scoffed. “I’m sure you’d like that, but I won’t be. I intend on passing the initiation, with flying colours if that's possible.”

“Watch it, you’re starting to sound Erudite.”

He pulled himself up onto the railing next to me with ease. He sat so close I could almost feel the warmth from his skin. I tried to repress the shiver that was coming up my spine.

“Why aren’t you in bed?” he tried again.

I shrugged. “Just couldn’t sleep. I figured getting to know my possible new home would be better than laying in bed all night. Besides, maybe the fresh air will knock me out.”

“Or the fear of the Chasm will.”

I was trying my best to avoid looking down into the Chasm, but as he mentioned it I couldn’t help but letting my eyes flicker down. Sitting on the railing, I could finally see the bottom, and I could see that it was full of sharp rocks. I felt my stomach lurch and my head begin to spin, but I couldn’t prove weakness now. I simply looked back up at him.

“It’s not that scary,” I said, hoping my voice sounded as even as I wanted it to.

He snorted. “You’re really trying, Pansycake, aren’t you?”

“Stop calling me that,” I hissed. “Even if I fail the initiation, I won’t be Amity anymore. I’ll be factionless, which means that no matter what, I am not Amity, which means I am not a Pansycake.”

He put his hands up in surrender. “Okay, geez. Calm down kid, I’m just trying to have some fun with you. We’ve never had an Amity initiate before, this is all new to us.”

“I’m not a kid,” I huffed. “Not to you anyways, you look like you’re close to my age.”

“I’m 18,” he said. “But I’m still your superior, which means you’re still a kid in my eyes.”

I sighed, frustrated, and rolled my eyes. I was getting sick of this guy. And now I had to train under him? It was going to be a brutal few weeks.

“So, what did your people think when you chose Dauntless?” he asked. “I can’t imagine the peaceful being angry like ever, but I also can’t see them being too happy that one of their own chose violence over peace.”

I looked down into the Chasm, the nauseous feeling starting to subside. Falling down this Chasm would’ve been much easier than having to relive the day before, where I betrayed my parents and my faction by choosing Dauntless over Amity.

“It’s not like no one has ever chosen to leave Amity,” I responded. “It’s just...a lot of them tend to go to Abnegation or Candor. Selflessness is seen as the closest thing to peacefulness, and the Amity also value truth over everything else. I went into my test thinking I’d come out as one of those. I always followed by what my parents taught me, what the faction taught all of us. I thought it was simple that I would get one of those three factions.”

“But you didn’t.” His voice was no longer harsh and teasing. It was light, almost understanding. I wondered if my brutal initiation trainer was a born Dauntless.

“When the test ended, the woman who administered it to me was shocked. She was also Amity, a family friend, actually. She kept looking over the results, muttering to herself that they must be wrong. Of course, to me, worst case scenario was I didn’t test for any faction. That I was some freak who would never fit into any of the factions, that I was meant to just be factionless for life. But when I asked her what my results were, she looked at me and said, ‘Dauntless’.”

He let out a bark of laughter. “Really? She was panicking because you were Dauntless?”

“The Amity seem to think that if one of their own is tested as Dauntless, then they somehow taught that person wrong. I’m sure you can vouch for the fact that there are very few Amity born Dauntless. I mean, I’m the only initiate from Amity here. It’s as rare as an Abnegation testing for Dauntless. Of course, me being the first one in who knows how long, it was a big deal. I didn’t tell my parents, I begged her not to, either. She struggled with the decision, but said she wouldn’t as she isn’t allowed to anyways.”

“So they found out at the ceremony.”

I nodded. “I kept saying I couldn’t tell them what my results were, and that they’d know by the time I chose. They were so excited that they had themselves convinced I had gotten Amity. Or maybe they were just nervous about losing their only child that they had to convince themselves that they wouldn’t. When I dropped my blood onto the Dauntless coals...I swear, I could hear my parents hearts break.”

Well, I could hear my mother’s anyways. My father...I could already hear the angry yelling. I was glad I had been whisked away before they had the chance to really say anything to me.

“What was their reactions?” he asked. I was so lost in thought I had forgotten he was there for a moment.

“Mom is a born Amity, so she understood. She cried a lot and hugged me so tightly it felt like she was crushing every bone in my body, but she understood that if I tested for Dauntless, that I should choose Dauntless...my father on the other hand...he didn’t even hug me goodbye. His face was so red with anger, I was sure if I was there another moment he would’ve yelled at me.”

“That doesn’t sound very peaceful of him.”

I looked down at my lap. Did I tell this complete stranger, that had done nothing but taunt me since I got here, the biggest secret of my family? What exactly could he do? It wasn’t illegal what my father did, just wrong. The worst that could happen, maybe he became factionless. Maybe that’s what he deserved.

“My father isn’t a born Amity,” I revealed. “He didn’t even test for Amity. He’s from Dauntless, tested for Dauntless, but chose Amity.”

He looked at me with wide eyes, disbelief written all over his face. “What? Why would he...no one ever does that. Especially not a born and tested Dauntless. They’d choose Erudite, maybe even Abnegation before Amity.”

“Apparently he was just in love with my mom,” I responded. “They met in school, they were the same age. The day they got tested, they met up with one another in private to discuss the results. When they found out they had been tested for their own factions, they were both disappointed thinking they’d never see each other again. The day of their choosing ceremony, my dad chose Amity to be with my mom. He’s good at pretending to be peaceful in public but...when he was angry...he was angry. He always took it out on me and mom, but because mom is a born Amity she doesn’t do anything about it to keep the peace. I feel so terrible for having to leave her behind, but I had to get away from him.”

“You chose faction over blood, as you’re meant to,” he said. “At least you’re out of there.”

I didn’t realize I had been crying until he touched my face. I jerked away at first, until I realized he was using this thumb to wipe the tears from my eyes. I was happy to be away from my father, but I hated having to leave my mother. I wished nothing more than to go back and get her, to somehow sneak her into Dauntless, but I knew this wasn’t the place for her. She loved Amity, and, despite how he was, she loved my father. She was so caring, so selfless - a true Amity.

“You’re pretty tough for an Amity girl,” he told me. “Standing up against your father by choosing the faction you tested for over the one he probably threatened you to stay in. That takes guts.”

I scoffed through my tears. “More like cowardice. I was looking for a way out, not looking to stay true to what I tested for.”

“But getting away from that scenario is tough, whether you want to believe it or not. You got guts, kid. I think you’ll make it here.”

I smiled and wiped my face dry using the sleeves of my shirt. “My name is (Y/N). You can call me that, you know. We’ll be equals once I pass the initiation.”

He laughed. “And there’s the cocky attitude. You’ll definitely be a great Dauntless. Since you’re so hellbent on being equals, you can call me Eric, but only in private. Don’t want the other initiates knowing we’ve gotten close or else they may think I’m playing favourites.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You think we’re close?”

“I think I’d like to get close.”

My face heated up at his words and I had to look away. I was grateful for the gust of wind that blew at that moment, cooling me down.

“I’d like that, too,” I decided. I put a hand over my mouth to stifle the yawn that came suddenly.

“Tired now?” I sheepishly nodded. Eric jumped off of the railing and offered me a hand. He helped me down, making sure I was safe on the ground before letting me go. “We have training after breakfast tomorrow. Come find me in the dining room, I’ll be sat with the other trainers and the Dauntless initiates. You’ll be seen as pretty daring sitting with us.”

I smiled and nodded, stifling another yawn as I did so. Eric laughed and wished me a goodnight before heading back towards his own home. I watched him go for some time before I excitedly hurried back to the initiate room, but trying not to make the excitement seem so obvious. Maybe I would like being a Dauntless after all.

#eric coulter #eric coulter imagine #eric coulter x reader #jai courtney #jai Courtney imagine #jai Courtney x reader #divergent #dauntless #divergent imagine #one shot #imagine #request

[shadowqueen1220]

A list of C! Tubbo's trauma

(it's hard to decide what's in canon or not so I might not mention it, also I apologise for the awful organization)

Pets dying

House burned and Jungle Base burned

The L'manburg War

Killed several times before the L'manburg War (mini deaths?) and equipment stolen

The Final Control Room

Tubbo and Eret grinded a lot for supplies together and Tubbo looked up to Eret. The betryal was a shock to bim. However, Tubbo was one of the first L'manburg members to forgive Eret.

Election Day

Went silent after the Schlatt's decrees, only spoke when spoken to, cc! Tubbo even seemed emotional as he tore down L'manburg

Schlatt yelling at him and berating him

The Election Day vod basically shows you everything you need to know about c! Tubbo's current coping mechanisms. Schlatt said he wanted a right hand man that agreed with everything said and didn't whine and cry about it. Tubbo was constantly called a yes man and has repressed all the trauma ever since

Being a spy and Secretary of State at the same time

Tubbo was paranoid since the L'manburg war and one of his mottos was "hope for the best, plan for the worst". Being a spy was a stressful job and he was also the Secretary of State at the same time so imagine the workload that he couldn't quite say no to.

Festival

Pretty self explanatory and Tubbo has carried this trauma with him for ages. He even has mentioned a bit of PTSD over the sight of boxes. I think be felt betrayed by Wilbur's lack of action here but I'll get back to that

Pogtopia vs Manburg War

Second war on the server. Tubbo was made President by Wilbur and then promptly had it blown up. Tubbo is now president of a crater, a gift from a man he once followed

Tubbo's entire Presidency

This will become a big chunk because it's all so intertwined that I do not want to seperate anything since context is so important.

President Tubbo tried to make the country better but his cabinet wouldn't listen to him and his best friend wouldn't behave. He was forced into exiling Tommy and I think this is the biggest example of Tubbo's fawn stress response.

C! Tubbo is traumatized and his pleasing nature made it easy to use him. I'll come back to that later.

Tubbo's cabinet was a cocktail mix of trauma and stress and an attempt to heal. L'manburg was bound to fall. Not because "it was never meant to be" but because the people outgrew L'manburg.

However, despite this, Tubbo tried to remain constant for the country. He did what he was right based on his previous role models who were not great people. Tubbo was a bad president, yes, but he considers himself the worst president.

Tubbo never built a house in L'manburg. He went into the presidency knowing that both prior presidents has died, betrayed by all. He didn't want to repeat history and was ruled by his fear of the past.

Everyone around him (except for Ranboo) used him for their own gain. Even Tommy viewed him as president first during the exile decision.

And then they began leaving Lmanberg, one by one the people around him left the country. Only Ranboo stayed behind in L'manburg.

Tubbo thinking Tommy was permanently dead is such an important thing that gets glossed over often bc cc! Tubbo didn't want to roleplay feeling responsible for his best friend's death. And if you think it about that, that is such a messed up thing that traumatized him greatly.

When Tubbo found out Tommy was alive again, he was with the man who killed him at the festival. He felt betrayed, yes, but also didn't do anything to defend himself.

Then we get to the Green Festival

Doomsday

I'm going to combine the Green Festival with Doomsday because those two events went by in rapid succession.

The Green Festival was a mess. It was reliving his own trauma. Reminder that Tubbo trusted Dream and thought they were friends. Dream manipulated Tubbo so well that Tubbo doesn't even recognize the harm he did.

He fought Tommy, got told that the discs were worth more than he was, something he has suspected and internalized until the disc war finale and maybe even after.

Dream screamed in his face, calling him an idiot and the worst president and Tubbo took it and even agreed with it. No one defended him and Tubbo took that as agreement.

Then Doomsday. I watched Doomsday from Tubbo's pov and it was just heartbreaking to watch the hope drain from him until he was staring at the crater with in silence. He purposefully died for tactical reasons, he jumped in front of Tommy. He was silent and it was scary at how detached he was from it all.

Disc War Finale

This is where all of Tubbo's trauma crashes in front of him. He said goodbye to everyone and was fine with taking all his guilt, insecurities and trauma to the grave with him. Tommy offered him an opportunity and safe space to talk about his feelings but Tubbo didn't take it.

Tubbo went to battle for Tommy. He always has and at first I was confused to way since Tubbo doesn't care about the discs. But then it hit me. Tubbo doesn't have physical attachment on the server. All of his attatchment is personal but he knows the negative influence Dream had on Tommy so he wants him to be free from that.

Tubbo was fine with dying, was fine with Tommy taking the disc instead of him, was fine with being called a pawn.

He didn't even believe he would survive that event and his apathy of it all shows his trauma

Current Events (Snowchester)

I could talk about the nukes or his frantic research or the syndicate but I already accidentally posted this once so all I'm going to say is

Tubbo's coping mechanism makes it seem like he's already healed. However, this is furthest from the case and he needs stability. This is way his family arc with Ranboo and Michael makes so much narrative sense and I am looking forward to it going forward.

When Tubbo saw that Tommy was alive again, we got the most emotional reaction in a long time. I think this is a good idea thing and I am really excited to see where we go from here.

#c! tubbo #dream smp #tw child abuse #death tw #tw suicidal ideation #tw suicide #tw violence #cw animal death #tubbo