#this is my contribution to everything that just happened

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Okay so what I am getting is that MHJ is being targeted and pushed out. But what I don’t understand is why? Surely it’s not ONLY because she is pushing against the powers in Hybe? Is this all just because egos were being bruised?

I just can’t wrap my head around it all and why they would risk damaging New Jeans for all of this. But seeing how corporate executives (especially from the stupidity that’s happened over at SM) are I guess it makes sense…

*

Ask 2:

But why would Hybe want MHJ gone, bpp? Or, why would the top dogs at Hybe allow this attack on her? She is clearly very good at her job, and is behind the success of Hybe's second biggest group (I put Newjeans over 17), and until now it seemed like they were ready to provide her with the funds, connections and freedom to grow Newjeans to even bigger heights. Trying to take her out seems so stupid and counterproductive for the future of Newjeans and Ador in general....

***

I ramble. Sorry.

I mean, it’s still quite possible HYBE is right and Min Heejin is stupid enough to be guilty of everything they’ve accused her of.

But I want to highlight a few things I believe about MHJ and this situation. Some of them, such as the blind about the SM colleague who gifted her the ig pictures, I’ve talked about before in more detail, but here’s a summary of what I think about MHJ that’s influenced this outcome:

For Korean sensibilities, she’s an extremely unlikeable woman. Not necessarily because she could be cruel, harsh, or anything like that (though I wouldn’t be surprised if she is), but because of how male-like she is, down to how she expects (and demands) her words and contributions to be weighted. To put it mildly, she’s a freak of nature in Korea. It’s one reason I think she’s only gotten this far in her career because of how genuinely good she is at her job, and how often she insists on full credit.

But the first rule of corporate culture is that no one is indispensable, and it’s necessary to have friends in high places. The latter is easy to do if you’re a man, but near impossible if you’re a woman, especially for a woman like MHJ if I’m right about the kind of person she is.

The best thing for NewJeans and Min Heejin, would’ve been for these issues to be resolved internally. I’m sure everybody involved knows that. There is no outcome with things as they stand now, that doesn’t significantly damage NewJeans and MHJ. But the fact that the current scandal leaves only the current choices, and this is the result only because of a third factor: VP L, stands out to me. Meaning, if VP L wasn’t in the picture, chances are things wouldn’t have come to this point. Recall, VP L was apparently a fairly recent addition to ADOR.

It’s true that Min Heejin wants more independence and exclusivity for ADOR. It was the one condition for her joining HYBE when Bang PD hired her in 2019. In my view, it’s clearly a point of pride for her. However, if another sub-label shows no respect for that independence and exclusivity, I can see how many, including MHJ, would think it’s meaningless. HYBE offers immense resources, but corporate tussles over more access to those resources while insisting on independence and exclusivity can easily become heated, personal, and nasty. Especially if the person demanding it is a woman with the ego of a man.

I’m sure several allegations such as MHJ wanting to gain more share ownership, are probably things MHJ has said at various points, though the practicality of her pulling it off while NewJeans is still such a young group is next to nil - something MHJ has also admitted. So MHJ has admitted to actually wanting more independence and ownership, (something she’s accused of by HYBE), but refusing that she planned to go about it now and in the way they’ve alleged. That’s part of what makes this scandal so insidious. It’s weaponizing an obvious desire years before the target can realistically develop the ability to act on it. I’ve seen people frame HYBE’s move as a counterattack, but in reality it’s preemptive. It slows down NewJeans’ trajectory, yes, but in a multi-label system that’s been revealed to have poorly managed and toxic competition, there are likely more people interested in seeing that happen, than the reverse.

SM Entertainment has a reputation for blacklisting artists and employees who cut ties with them. I’ve talked about this in more detail before, but just as it was during the CBX lawsuit when suddenly, blinds started popping up smearing the characters of Baekhyun, Xiumin, and Chen and it caught on because some truth was mixed with truly fucked up shit (the members eventually dropped most of their demands and settled with SM), and just as during MHJ’s ig scandal where the picture gifts from her ‘friend at SM’ resulted in a smear campaign that combined some truth with a rumormill of misinformation… those are the examples I’ll list for now but understand this is very common playbook with SM in particular. That nonsense about the Pink Bloods didn’t come from nowhere. A top executive could use that phrase unironically and publicly because the company culture at SM, more than any other agency, is patently cult-like, as admitted by their own employees over literal decades. There’s a sense that nobody can really leave. When another blind from 2021 mentioned that the sense of resentment and betrayal at SM was extremely high when MHJ moved to HYBE, it only adds to my view.

Something that informs my view is that VP L *moved to ADOR* before all of this happened. If it’s assumed he acted sympathetically, that is, wanted to help MHJ achieve her goals of being independent from HYBE, then anyone would tell you that him moving to ADOR was exactly the wrong thing to do. Everything he did at ADOR, he could’ve done while at HQ - the file he created with sale scenarios, the alleged showing of financial documents to MHJ, the supposed courting of investors. In fact, it would be more useful for ADOR/MHJ to have him remain at HYBE if the point was for him to have a hand in HYBE granting them more autonomy. This is like the abcs in business. It’s why the double agent always remains in enemy camp rather than move to the home base. The only thing his move to ADOR does, is incriminate them beyond doubt. And that’s what has happened. This is the most illogical thing to me about this entire scandal.

Min Heejin is naive and careless, and probably not much of a conventionally accepted ‘good person’. In my opinion. The thing about people like this is, even if they are innocent in reality, they are perceived by most people not to be. Because naive, careless, and bad people, deserve to be punished in any case. She’s a classic scapegoat and she has no one to blame but herself for being in this situation.

I like NewJeans, and despite everything, I don’t think HYBE wants them to fail. And like you’ve all realized by now, the fallout of this scandal isn’t limited to just Min Heejin and NewJeans, it negatively affects every single group from HYBE. The company will try to maintain normalcy for their groups. I suspect things will likely continue business as usual for them, unless somebody does something truly crazy. But like most other scandals in k-pop, they’ve become ‘tainted’, something that could only happen due to a group of people within HYBE who don’t genuinely take pride in the work created by the sub-labels in HYBE.

If Bang PD had any sense, he’d root out that group. He seems to still enjoy producing too much for me to think he’s part of that group himself, but I have no longer have illusions as to his limitations as a businessman.

[kookidough]

analysing vance hopper because he lives in my head 24/7 !

tw for like. literally everything the black phone covers!!!!!!

also there's some special effects gore rather far down in the post idk just i feel like i should warn you just in case

okay so before anyones like "but bee!!!! he only had 6 minutes of screen time in a 102 minute long movie!!!!! he was only on screen for 5.8% of the movie!!!!!" and to that i say i Know it was a real tragedy so a lot of this will be built on personal interpretation and subtext and stuff said behind the scenes and whatnot

so firstly i wanna rot about what his childhood/upbringing might've been like..... i havent quite decided on something definitive but i think we can take one look at his character and realise that is glaringly obvious he had a bad childhood, in one interview the actor that plays him (brady hepner) says "the background i had set up for vance is that the reason he was the way he was is his home life was fairly difficult, you know maybe his dad was either not there for him or he wasn't supportive, maybe he was fairly abusive, and so that creates a hair trigger sense of rage in vance" hair trigger meaning his patience is literally as thin as a strand of hair it does Not take a lot for him to snap

there more to it after that which i'll get into soon but yea thats the gist of it it's clear he had absent/neglectful/abusive parents and that would certainly contribute to why he's so angry all the time, maybe acting so explosive was the only way to get his parents' attention, either good or bad, so he just internalised that. obviously rage and anger issues like vance's lead to violence (not in all cases but in his case it does) and i think a neglectful and abusive upbringing would obviously expose him to more violence than a normal childhood would, therefore normalising it and desensitising him to it, whether he's seeing it play out in his own home and/or on television or something like that (because i doubt his parents would be the kind to monitor what content he's viewing)

i feel like he has little control over his life and that only adds to his anger, which in his case leads to a fight when his buttons are pushed too many times. i think he probably takes great pride in being the toughest in town and whatnot and winning fights and being perceived as strong and scary is good to him and helps him regain control/power, something he doesnt have at home. the rest of the quote from the interview i mentioned earlier states "this pinball machine could have been the only thing that he has in his heart that's like, good, like 'holy cow i did this, i set the score,' so when someone comes along and messes it up for him, it takes away the only thing that he has. i think that that's when he switches to a 'now you're gonna pay for that'"

similar to what i said about fighting, the pinball machine and his high score is something he has control over and its an important part of his reputation/image like. hes literally pinball vance ! and the whole thing about that high score being the "only thing he has in his heart that's good" implies that hes. well. pretty shit at everything else, which is pretty much canon if you remember that gwen said vance was held back twice in school. makes me think that while he's not the brightest in school he's certainly street smart

moving onto ermmmmm him getting kidnapped era because im sure youre wondering "well bee if he's so street smart then why did he get kidnapped" so may i raise two theories (this is. literally all i got and its not even concrete, me and my friend gray (@staggersz) tried to figure out how this could even happen and this is the most plausible thing we've got. so shoutout to him real quick he has had to deal with me being unnormal about vance for like a year and a half thanks king couldnt have done all this without my rotting buddy)

so either he got taken by surprise (most likely option) or vance's trust was gained first via getting given quarters at the pinball machine and small talk and shit like that but this is unlikely because i feel like it'd take a loooooong time for someone like vance to trust a some random stranger adult man when he clearly has issues with trusting and respecting people older than him and people with authority (e.g. cops, his parents, or school officials) so yea being taken by surprise would probably be the most realistic option, i always see people on tiktok being like "how did the grabber kidnap vance hes so strong!!!!" dude its a 15 year old boy against like. a 45 year old man who's already claimed two lives its really not gonna be a fair fight here

before i get into the next part i wanna quickly address a theory i absolutely Hate and it is so easily disproven and that is the theory that vance is the grabber's son or is related to him in some other way and i see it Far too often on tiktok and i HATE it. from what ive seen this all stems from his dream sequence where he kicks open the fence to albert's house and, presumably, goes inside after being dropped off by the police after the grab n go fight. idk if some people just straight up didnt realise this but clearly in real life he is going to his Own House??? in the dream it's only albert's house because this is how he chooses to show gwen the house she's trying to find her brother in, the house that he himself was killed in??? i hate the theory i hate it sm

the dream sequence itself is interesting though as the ghosts seem to only be able to conjure up what theyve seen in real life (like how bruce can picture the outside of the house and show that to gwen but the house number is all flipped and not right beause he doesnt know it) so vance being able to picture the house and the number and the gate and every detail would imply that hes seen it before, but im going to explain that away as either he got out once before like with finney's failed escape attempt, or the house is most likely on the route he walks to school or the grab n go or something and he hasnt actually been there prior to being kidnapped

mini rant over now onto being kidnapped i guess, so i used the missing posters to try and estimate a timeline of how long each ghost boy would've been in the basement for (although the missing posters are notoriously unreliable for details such as looks/height/age/etc, the dates seem to all line up). so we know the order is griffin, billy, vance, bruce, robin, finney, right?? if we use the poster date then billy was taken on may 4th, 1976, a month and two days after griffin was taken (april 2nd 1976). vance was taken on september 23rd 1977, almost a full year later (stay with me im going somewhere with this), and after that bruce was taken on july 18th 1978, again almost a full year later

its established in the movie that the grabber stalks his victims before he takes them (canon because we literally see the van watching finney and gwen as they walk home from school early on in the movie) but we dont know how long he does this for since griffin/billy and robin/finney were taken such short distances apart and then the others were taken such long distances apart, also it's possible he could stalk his next victim while the previous one is still alive, etc etc lots of confusing factors, but if i've done the maths right then the absolute maximum time vance could've spent down there is 9 months and 25 days, or 298 days, so erm . let that sink in !

howeverrrr in the movie gwen states that vance went missing "last spring" and september is definitely not in spring, meaning he could've been down there for a year or even longer. an explanation or excuse i could think of for the movie and the missing poster saying different things (other than the missing posters being known for some areas being wildly inaccurate) is that maybe he was taken in spring but wasnt labelled as officially missing until september, when he was properly linked to griffin and billy's similar disappearances and the mysterious grabber? i can imagine it'd be very easy for law enforcement, especially in the 70s, to dismiss someone like vance as a runaway until they get solid evidence that he was taken. idk though thats just my personal excuse / angsty headcanon for the difference in information

not sure what exactly killed him but we do hear from vance himself that "he took his time with me" so it was probably blood loss from a variety of injuries, if we look at him in his ghost scenes we can see his hair is absolutely covered in blood which indicates head injury, he clearly has a broken nose and bruising around his eyes as a result of it, he has these deep cuts on his abdomen area (apologies for the image quality but i believe they're like. sfx pieces you would wear under clothing)

and he also has just like. minor bruising (like the fingerprints on his arm) and other random blood splatters on his face and neck (assuming the blood down his neck comes from wherever he was bleeding on his head) so Yeah overall very unpleasant way to die obviously

okay now the part thats actually in the movie and it only took me 13 paragraphs to get here: vance as a ghost!! first thing i wanna point out is appearance wise i just want to say that when he's a ghost he's missing his choker and that fact Pains me. anyway personality-wise i feel like being violently murdered has, understandably, kicked his rage up to like. the highest level it could possibly go. he's insanely snarky and downright rude to finney on the phone, showing no empathy to the fact that finney is literally in the exact situation he was in

i feel like the whole "this is the nightmare end of your pathetic little life" and "if you knew what you had coming, you'd be fucking terrified" thing is definitely to scare finney on purpose and to get him to do something, vance might as well have just told him he's never going home cuz thats how it came across LMAOO, it is startling though because vance is clearly speaking from experience, that he was literally fucking terrified, and he is warning finney in his own weird way

the thing i think sets vance apart from the other ghosts is that while he does help finney, he does it for a different reason than they do. the other ghosts want finney to escape, to get out, to be free, to live, but personally i dont think vance cares about that. the only thing he wants is for albert shaw to be dead, for someone to seek vengeance, to do what vance couldn't. vance doesn't care if it's bruce or robin or finney or whatever boy could've come after that, he doesnt care as long as that man gets what he deserves after what he put vance through, and i see this through the scene at the end of vance's call where finney thanks him for his help and vance says, and i quote, "helping you? this isn't about you, fuck him! and apologies for being repetitive but to me it just literally proves that to vance, this isnt about finney or his escape, its just about revenge

we dont get to find out what happens to the ghosts once the credits have rolled, and i dont think we quite know enough about tbp's version of ghosts to guess what theyre up to, but i have a few theories :3 maybe theyre no longer bound to those two houses and they can now go anywhere they want in town? or maybe since their shared goal of stopping albert has been achieved, the ghosts can finally pass on to whatever is waiting for them next. i dont think vance would be content to pass on that quickly or easily as anger lingers, but i hope he'd be able to let go of it eventually, and hey we might find out in the sequel. i pray it mentions him cuz i will just die if it doesnt

sometimes, ok thats a lie, frequently i think about an au where he survived or escaped or whatever but ohhhh boy this post is already a train wreck so that au would deserve its own essay of a post :3 if u actually genuinely read this far then Wtf thanks for reading the ramblings of an absolute madman, only pure delusion could get like 20 paragraphs about a guy with 6 minutes screentime but hey thats how i roll, thanks again to my pal gray for letting me rot and thank u to my other pal ana for also enduring all this rot

hope u enjoyed my interpretation of vance hopper im going to crawl in a hole now and probably brainrot some more, thanks again for ur time :3

#the black phone #tbp #tbp vance #vance hopper #character analysis #i literally rotted my entire brain for this one #normally i hate when ppl tag characters in a post that isnt really about them im gonna tag the other characters cuz i do mention them quite #a few times so apologies to ppl that are fans of anyone that isnt vance this post is Vance Centric #tbp robin #robin arellano #tbp finney #finney blake #tbp griffin #griffin stagg #tbp billy #billy showalter #tbp bruce #bruce yamada #tbp gwen #gwen blake #the grabber #albert shaw #the black phone 2022 #i am the number 1 vance hopper fan and this proves it #if vance has 100 fans im one of them. if vance has 10 fans im one of them. if vance has 1 fan its me. if vance has no fans im dead. #sorry to everyone that followed me for total drama content i have an absolute disease for this movie and this guy #back to regularly scheduled content soon trust #not expecting this to do numbers cuz theres actually only like 4 tbp fans on earth but had to let two years worth #of absolute brainrot for this movie that has like. barely any merch and only the slightest scraps of fan content #i stayed up all night writing this

[ihamtmus]

it's weird how jhope is Right There and he's like the Most Talented Person but some armys just. don't see him. should be studied

#if you do see him i'm not talking about you obviously #but it does happen #like before i got into bts #my mom and sister didn't really notice jhope #he was just There #and when i said he was my bias they couldn't say anything about him except for 'he's a sunshine' #they liked him but didn't actually care #well now he's their fave haha #but i think many ''armys'' stop at that first phase #where they see him as this funny clown but they don't notice that he's actually insanely incredibly talented and cool #his rap verses are ALWAYS top tier #everything about him is just top tier #yes i'm biased but also how can you not see it when you already stan bts 😭 #soooo many armys like him just because he's there but not because they like HIM #and it shows #oh they're missing out #they notice when he supports the other members #(which is often because he loves them so much :')) #but wow they have this Artist right under their noses and choose to only see his (admittedly beautiful) smile #even after jitb and all that it meant #ok rant over #chicken noodle soup thank you for making me a jhope bias and saving me from this fate amen #hobi #bts #my post #it is Very Late perhaps that's why i'm saying this lol #oh one more thing i've never watched these introduction to bts videos #but i just KNOW they are shit about hoseok and his contributions to the group #if you don't have something interesting to say about all the members maybe don't make an ot7 introductory video idk just a thought

[roachemoji]

🤹

#bo posting #vent #i was gonna posy this with a picture of croutons but that felt wrong shxjdh #uh im. scared i wont be able to draw again consistently for a while #i think im really accepting just how burnt out i am #i dont like the fear. anxiety. and envy ive been bottling up about drawing lately #like its not doing me any good to avoid everything artistic just bc i cant draw rn #but im... afraid that this will last for a long time #the last time this happened i barely drew for 2 years straight #i dont think im conveying just how painful and stressful this actually is. im not okay and im struggling to accept this #and its fucking depressing too?? i feel miserable knowing i cant do shit for my ocs and cant contribute creatively w friends #i just... feel like im... like not fun to be around rn ig? like a killjoy? a haunting presence who cant offer anything new or fun #im really debating reaching out and offering refunds to people who commed me #at least if they dont want to keep waiting #because idk when ill be able to get them done and i feel incredibly guilty #🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠

[writhe]

my whole body hurts SO BAD

#my back hurts pretty bad. i can tune it out a little but not ignore it. i think this is making the rest of my spine really tense? and #shoulders too? and i’ve also been getting headaches almost every day #im still a little sick but it’s probably just gonna linger until i can rest which can’t happen for a few more days (i say this like #every week though no?) #hands and wrists are like. bad worse than usual #like both numb and painful and it’s taking a lot more focus to do things nimbly or not stop stuff #*drop stuff #ankles have kinda been sore i think just from walking so much which is manageable #but it’s hard with everything else rn. also i think i kinda pulled something yesterday because i almost hit it onto the concrete while #almost BIT IT not hit #walking at night #felt like a pull? but it was painless but then i ran across the street and a numbness shot up my leg #and it’s a little tingly today #i think i need to build some more core strength honestly #and get enough sleep more than one night per week #also probably more stretches for hands and wrists #ideally i’d also love to not be enormously stressed but i do not see this happening! #im actually less stressed this week but i think the months and months if not years have done their damage #also getting beat up for fun. which i think is objectively funny to layer over all this but yknow. i think that detracts from my overall #stress & doesn’t contribute to bad exhausting pain #(-:<

[mydemonsyourangels]

pot calling the kettle black or however the fuck the saying goes

#only friends #only friends the series #i literally have nothing else to contribute #i drank too much wine and my brain shut down #and just everything that happened this episode #we are really getting into the thick of things #and it is spectacular

[tittyinfinity]

when you're disabled, being financially abused by your parents never ends

#so you're telling me that you got 5k this week from claiming me on your taxes #while hounding me about how i haven't been contributing enough to bills & expenses (i was giving you what you asked for!) #and none of it will go to me because ''i owe it to you for living with you'' #despite the fact that 5k nearly covers the mortgage for the entire YEAR #DESPITE THE FACT THAT I COULD PAY OFF MY OWN LANDLORD AND MOVE OUT #btw i literally only let her claim me on her taxes bc she said she'd be giving it to me. and this is the third time she has done this. #promised me it wouldn't happen again. she used me. #she does this thing a lot #where she acts like she's helping people but only does it to hold it over their head #i told her i could have been paying her more for bills but she told me i didn't have to #and now she's complaining that i don't pay enough #i will literally tell her not to help me sometimes #bc she'll do it anyway and then later on you hear ''i did something nice for you so if you don't help me with a favor right now... #...I'll do everything I can to sabotage your life'' #so she literally only does it for personal gain #so that she can have an excuse to feel like she's better than all of her kids and that we're just stupid ungrateful assholes #all 3 of her kids could be telling her that her logic is wrong and she won't budge #another thing that happened recently is that she told me i needed to pay her back for a gift she bought me that got stolen #which is also something she does a lot. buys me things without asking and then telling me i have to pay her back for them #i had way more stuff stolen that i had personally bought #i didn't ask for that fucking keyboard sorry. I ALREADY HAD ONE. #and she's been going on about how ''she's the one who's ACTUALLY being affected'' #she is FULLY AWARE that the dude she lets over has stolen from us MULTIPLE times #but apparently it's my responsibility to pay her back for something out of my control #STOP BUYING ME SHIT AND TELLING ME I DON'T NEED TO PAY YOU MORE IF YOU'RE JUST GONNA HOLD IT OVER MY HEAD #IF I'M SUCH A BURDEN MAKE IT POSSIBLE FOR ME TO LEAVE #.bdo

[letapollojusticesayfuck]

when will i accept that i absolutely do not have time to do all the things i want to do. i have a full-time retail job that i know gets super busy around the holidays. i should not be running through hypotheticals of running an aa vacation zine

#lucy's thoughts #unless.... #i just think it would be Fun #also lowkey want to see another klapollo zine project happen but i think it should be Very Themed #like a klapollo travels zine or something #also one of these days in the future i WILL get my in-universe gavinners tribute zine off the ground #there's like sixteen layers of 'we're pretending this is written by the gavinners fan club post-breakup' to explain #it's oddly high-concept #like i want it to have tributes to tours and album releases and be like a 'documentation' of the band's everything #including fake news articles and tweets and interviews and whatever #and the big comedic thing is that anyone who contributes just uses their own OCs for the non-klav and daryan members #and it's literally never mentioned anywhere as being weird that there's a rotating cast of band members #the aa vacation zine is much more straightforward it's just aa characters on vacation #but i just like thinking up hypothetical merch #like. beach towels #sunglasses #stuff like that #ANYWAY #thank you for reading this tag ramble if you got this far

[sanchoyo]

tbh I think 1 reason I do struggle w jobs is my fucked sleep schedules. like I don’t even know how to describe it. It’s insomnia some weeks then sleeping too much other weeks but also, I CANNOT keep it consistent. I’ve tried alarms. I’ve tried VERY hard. But my body does this thing where it wants to go to bed a few hours later or earlier each night so one week I could be sleeping 10 PM- 7 AM then the next week I’m sleeping 4 AM- 12 PM with seemingly no reason!! Even when I do All the Popular Sleep Tips! Like no screens/lights or trying to wear myself out during the day (but not TOO close to sleeping time!) it’s ridiculous and every single time I’ve tried to explain it to a dr I get the stock ‘haha young people always want to stay up late and mess up your schedules it’s nothing to worry about!’ Sir this has been happening since I was a kid. Even when I went to public school I’d be fighting sleep on the bus and in class bc my brain decided it’s a week where we don’t sleep at night. And I figured back then maybe it was a teen thing but now I’m in my mid 20s and it’s still happening. Forever. Like what the fuck

#I don’t even think I’m explaining it well but it’s frustrating #and like it’s not really a major factor in the job struggle but it contributes for sure bc lack of sleep= exasperating all my other mental #eelnesses….so u can imagine it’s annoying #and yes before anyone suggests any sleep stuff I’ve tried it I promise I’ve tried all the top Things 😭 #supplements and vitamins and tea and cbd whatever etc etc yes all the little ritual habits too 🥲 #this is just me complaining bc I’m very anxious and in bed early and I know I won’t sleep for another 3 hours even tho I’m gonna put my #phone out of my reach and everything #but I have a job interview tomorrow and i don’t even want to sleep bc then it’s soon and happening and real 💀 #sanchoyorambles #it could be a bad combo of mental stuff + vitamin d deficiency tbh I’m supposed to be on supplements but I stopped taking my meds a while #ago tho bc if I’m losing my insurance I don’t want my body to be relying on them like let’s readjust to rawdogging life lol #I mean I stopped the vitamin d ones like last year anyway bc I couldn’t get both them and the tummy ones and I’m a king at prioritizing #👑✨ #as long as I’m careful w what I eat and how I eat it the meds don’t honestly seem to make a huge diff tho like it’s fine #probably???

[whimsyprinx]

time to make a realistic set of goals for 2023 i guess

#whimsy whispers #whims woes #unless the universe kills me in the next five days (fingers crossed) #idk what my goals are other than get a job and save money #study for and get my ged #I have to get my permit even if I don’t want to drive and then want? #I don’t have goals or aspirations of hopes for anything else #all the little things I use to talk about being hopeful for aren’t going to happen like I’m not going to be a librarian I’m not going to #live somewhere nice surrounded by my friends #my only plan is life as of right now is to be useful and contribute enough that people don’t grow tired of me and cast me aside #that’s like literally it #I just don’t know what to even do with my life or if it’s worth even trying to make goals and be hopeful #I use to get asked like what I’m hopeful for and to think of reasons to life but everything I said is unrealistic and/or not true #‘I want to live on a small house with cats and work at a library and be surrounded by friends’ #see that’s just not going to happen and that’s not even an ambitious dream either #sorry I have to make one sad post a day or god adds more time to my lifespan :/ #like truly I just feel like I’m barely running on auto pilot everything feels so aimless and pointless I like don’t have a real reason to #live but also I can’t just die #all the ways of dying are painful or won’t work #so it’s me waking up and willing the universe to just off me already which is sad boo hoo ig but god I don’t want to exist

[spoondrifts]

not to be like nobody gets rick & morty like i do but nobody gets rick & morty like i do

#i feel like i see everything that happens on this show through a radically different lens than everyone else #maybe it's because i know dan harmon's writing quirks from years of obsession w community #but i like to view things through a framework of thematic devices and screenwriting choices rather than a real-life psychological view #i'm just not interested in a reading of the text that emphasizes the actual abusive dynamics these characters would be perpetuating in #the real world. you know??? #i'm interested in what this is saying about the broader message or how it's contributing to the episode's theme #THEY'RE NOT REAL PEOPLE LET THEM BE INSANE & DAMAGED WITHOUT PATHOLOGIZING THEM #additionally the incel face value nihilism take is an ugly one too and i hate it #i'm just rotating this show in my brain microwave fr ! #rick and morty

[swirllemongrass]

Had some thoughts the other day and read some theories, there gotta be something up with her right?

#stranger things #Alice creel #st speculation #my art #st fanart #stranger things fanart #actually tho omg #she’s so suspicious!!! #wtf happened with her????? #everything surrounding her death and contribution to the narrative is so vague???? #alice just has me of edge man #think about it #she doesn’t contribute anything and we don’t even see how she died #but she wouldn’t even be included if she wasn’t important so what’s up with that??? #I can’t wait for s5

[seveneyesoup]

“Boundaries between disciplines are useful for deans and librarians, but let us not overestimate them—the boundaries. When we abstract from them, we see all of science—physics, biology, economics, mathematics, logic, and the rest—as a single sprawling system, loosely connected in some portions but disconnected nowhere. Parts of it—logic, arithmetic, game theory, theoretical parts of physics—are farther from the observational or experimental edge than other parts. But the overall system, with all its parts, derives it’s aggregate empirical content from that edge, and the theoretical parts are good only as they contribute in their varying degrees of indirectness to the systematizing of that content.” - W.V. Quine, “Necessary Truth,” from The Ways of Paradox and Other Essays

#this is both something i would have posted anyway and a vague attempt at contributing to conversations happening very adjacent to my dash rn #and also just true; as much as various academics like to pretend it isn’t #like it isn’t a strength. there’s a reason innovation in a field often comes from someone in a field adjacent #paradoxposting #if i was insane i would put this next to kanye west everything in the world is exactly the same

[youremyonlyhope]

Why is my life like this

#this isn’t about the post last night but that post definitely is contributing to this feeling #I was paranoid and worried this would happen for the entirety of yesterday #I gotta stop getting bad emails and texts during my therapy appointments since that means I don’t see it in time to talk about it #and I have no therapy next week so it will be 2 weeks #but yeah I was paranoid then convinced myself it was just paranoia and everything would be fine #but my paranoia was right and I still have a whole day of work ahead of me #really a whole 3 days #ugh kill me #and of course the medication I’ve been prescribed that may or may not help me is still in limbo until my doctor can get back to me #I don’t regret the choice I made that led me here since I’d probably be equally stressed and even more upset but yeah #this is not a fun time of my life

[larrysballetslippers]

made myself sad again

#why can't I just stay off tumblr when things happen?? #it's really bad for my mental health because I internalise everything #especially when it's something fucked up that happened #like h being treated like a machine or just things on the news #I feel like it's not worth it yk #why is the world so fucked up?? when did that happen?? #why is mankind so fucking horrible??? #why do I feel so useless bc I can't better the world?? #I can't contribute to a happier world #I feel like I'm not good enough to change anything and it's starting to get very bad #my feelings of worthlessness has shifted from being focused on my loved ones to being focused on the world #and I'm not liking it #existential crisis maybe? #it's getting worse hahahha #anyway why do always talk so much in my tags #good night sleep tight don't let the pms bite you