#this is my first time being involved in fandom since overwatch lol

[itz-scira55]

[ welcome, please read before following!!! ]

☆ hey hiya, my name is of course Scira but you can call me Sci, Ira, or Leni! (which ever's the easiest for ya :D) she/they, indigenous and gemini with a special fondness for space aesthetics (mainly stars and galaxies but also things like astronomy as well), meaningful storytelling in art, and post-punk darkwave.

this here's my first tumblr blog since 2015 and currently home to my shenanigans, mainly my art and fanfictions but also a few of my other interests as well.

i s'pose you could say i'm a 'lil old-fashioned, having grown up right alongside tumblr in the dinosaur days of the internet (2010-2018). ^^; i'm neurodivergent, a little more on the private side, and my social skills aren't the best, but do know that i try my absolute hardest and that i appreciate all of y'all for being patient with me!

in terms of fandoms, i'm multi, with some of my major ones being kinda old and/or obscure:

~ Titanfall/Apex Legends

~ Overwatch

~ Red Dead Revolver/Redemption

~ Avatar (yes the blue people lol)

~ Transformers

~ Outlast

~ Sailor Moon

~ Gojira/Godzilla

~ Steven Universe

~ Naruto (...it's complicated ok?)

~ Pokémon

~ My Hero Academia

~ She-Ra And The Princesses Of Power

~ Horror (mostly games and movies)

i will take the opportunity real quick to warn you guys that i plan on posting mostly OC and OC/Canon stuff, so if that's not your tea than this might not be the place for you and that's alright! i don't personally believe in cringe culture and at the end of the day, i come here to relax with my blorbos and have fun, hopefully you understand.

another warning, while i'm at it;

i tend to delve into alot of edgier and more profound themes with my work, whether that be my art, my characters, my writing, or my media analyses. as such, i like to explore various AU's and come up with a bajillion headcanons for my favorite characters. sometimes, these concepts may involve gore or body horror to tell certain stories. i don't shy away from those things but i do try my best to respect them as plot devices or symbolism when possible.

i'm currently trying my best to be active on most social media platforms but i am kinda rusty and am mainly just trying to get into the business of actually sharing my art for the first time since highschool haha feel free to offer me any kind of feedback on how i can improve or just pop in to say hello! if you made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read through everything! it's nice to meet you, hopefully you enjoy your stay~! ☆

Xbox Gamertag: itz sciraaa (active on most days)

Linktree:

#introduction #introductory post #pinned intro #personal #sci speaketh

[robo-cryptid]

Tagged by @emotionalmorphine​, another fun writer ask. 

What is your total posted word count on AO3? (Go to your Works, then click Statistics.)

210,830. This feels like not that much when I think about work over time, but then I think about how uhhhh most of it is since December 2017 and yeah, that’s. A lot.

How often do you write?

Almost daily, although some weeks will be a frenzy of actual writing every day, and others will be filled with a lot of “staring blankly and pretending it’s writing.”

Do you have a routine for writing?

Sometimes, lol. I have a lot of tools and tricks to get myself to do things, so sitting and writing every day -- making a habit of it -- absolutely helps me focus. All my routines, writing or otherwise, are kind of in flux right now though, so I’m not sure how best to answer this question.

What’s your favorite kinks/tropes/pairing?

Zarya/robo-cryptid OTP. Current active pairings are McHanzo, obviously, and Gencio. I like a lot of the wlw ships in Overwatch, but I haven’t settled on a fave. Although anything involving Sombra will grab my attention, so Symbra’s slowly earning my loyalty, and I’m just waiting for the day someone finally produces the Sombra-Pharah-Symmetra poly relationship of my dreams. (Is it going to have to be me? Is that a thing I’ll eventually have to do for myself? Symmetra has the day planner and organizational skils to make sure this whole relationship works out fairly, you just know it.)

Tropes: I love so many tropes. I think bodyswaps are hilarious (but rife with a lot of consent issues, so I gotta trust the author to navigate that gracefully). Fake relationships, only-one-bed, stuck-spending-too-much-time-together-and-can’t-get-away-from-each-other, anything that kind of maximizes UST in strange, awkward and/or really funny ways will probably do it for me. Also a big fan of the general, uhhhh, “am I angry or turned on? both maybe?” dynamic in general.

Kinks: see above “am I angry or turned on?” probably. I’m willing to read just about anything if I already trust the author to take me on that ride, but honestly we all know my real kink is just feelings-porn.

Do you have a favorite fic of yours?

Sometimes I say other things but my first true writing love in this fandom was Throwing Stones at the Stars and it still is my favorite even if it’s being an absolute pain in the ass about getting written. Although, like, shout out to Midway just for being cute as heck.

Your fic with the most kudos?

Not That I’m Complaining has 1271 now, which is wild to me given its origins, lolllll. 

Anything you don’t like about your writing?

It really depends on the day, honestly. Sometimes the things I don’t like are the things I like another time or when I’ve reframed them. Example: I actually prefer my writing to be a bit more straightforward, not too much navel-gazing unless the Moment calls for it, lots of short sentences, etc., but other days I feel like that makes it really boring or repetitive or generally Not Good Enough. I also think sometimes that the thing I’m really thinking about doesn’t come off as clearly as I like. 

Now something you do like?

Umm, I like to think I’m good with dialogue, actually, and generally pretty funny when it’s called for. The same straightforward thing that some days I think is too bland/boring/whatever is also something that I think moves the story quickly along, so it’s a comparatively easy read? I think I do have better senses for when to slow down and let the scene/character breathe than I give myself credit for sometimes. And I do have like thirty ideas going into any one fic, and I like that even though they may not all be explicit, they do tend to be there. I’ve always been fond of deceptively simple things, so when I do that well in my own writing, I def feel pretty good about it. 

Absolutely no pressure/expectations tagging: @mataglap, @kalikuks, @coinin, @solivar, @icecreambeach

#writing meme #tag meme #robo rambles #writing about writing

[theaniviagodess]

I love my mutuals!

I am in a good mood today and felt like showing how grateful I am for my mutuals. If you’re looking for new blogs to follow, try some of these! I’ll add a short description of the blog to try and save you time. I say “a lot” quite a bit in here and while normally I would fix it, I hope you understand that this took awhile so I don’t exactly feel motivated to. If you got tagged in this, you totally don’t have to do anything back! Don’t feel obligated to! I just want to share my friends! Please feel free to let me know if you want to be taken off the list or if something I said offended you, I really just want to share you in the best of light with my followers.  If you want to be my mutual, for whatever reason, just message me something! Send me a post you think I’d like, send me a joke, ask me a question, I don’t care! I love having people to talk to, I just suck at starting conversations.

@nishikinico - Lots of Love Live, anime in general, tons of memes, and commentary on social issues. They make mixes of Love Live songs and all their work is super, check them out! They have a search function on their blog and if you type in “mix” it’ll come up with a lot of cool stuff they’ve made!

@satanstolemyblog - This is one of my IRL buddies. He posts a lot of video game related stuff but also a lot of comedy stuff. He’s a super cool dude. I also live with him so if you like my blog there’s a high chance you’ll like his. 

@sasquatch-penetration - I totally forget how or why my and Kieran became mutuals but they post a lot of funny stuff and if I’m in a bad mood and just looking for laughs I tend to go to their blog and just scroll on it endlessly. 

@aceserena - Me and Serena played LoL together awhile ago! Lots of gaming, jokes, and some cute stuff too! High quality. 10/10 would duo again. Overall super chill and they’re one of the few mutuals I’ve interacted with.

@artoria-official - Lots of anime, lots of gaming, lots of...are you picking up on the theme of who I follow and who follows me? I’ve only interacted with them once but they were super friendly and helpful! They didn’t make me feel awkward about reaching out despite the lack of any small talk or lead into the conversation so they’re obviously a good person!

@alanshitpostsandgames - Lots and lots of Pokemon! Pokemon being one of my main hobbies pretty much anyone with quality Pokemon posts is worth a follow in my book. They post a lot of silly stuff too. I only recently started to follow them but they’ve put up with me for awhile so clearly they have good taste.

@iamhedwig915 - Another of my IRL friends. They post a lot of comedy stuff and in general are just super nice. I lived with them for over a year and I can’t honestly say anything negative about them. They were just such a sweet person and one of the best roommates. 

@so-hufflepunk - This is my girlfriend. Going off of messenger and nothing else, she’s tied for 1st for my most interacted with. She posts a lot of cute funny things and I just love her a lot and most of my sense of humor comes from her. If you want my blog to have cute stuff instead of anime, she’s your girl! She’s actually my girl but she’s your blog! Actually it’s her blog but you should follow her!

@theblackwitchworld - Lots of Madoka and Love Live. Madoka was one of the first animes that I got to sit down and watch with friends. It’s one of the biggest ties I have to one of my best friends. Meanwhile, Love Live is my favorite anime and probably the only anime they I have ever been actively invested in. So when I found a blog with both, it only made sense to follow them! 0 clue why they follow me tho

@suprememeep - We met during a Splatfest in Splatoon! Our group did super well with like 20+ wins. We found each other on Tumblr after that and have followed each other sense! If you were active in the Neko Atsume fandom, they created Glunkus and Hobo! They’re super friendly and I love interacting with them, even if it’s less than I’d like. 

@daeronsingollo - I forget how or why we started following each other, but they reply to a lot of my posts and whenever I interact with them it’s super enjoyable! They post a lot of Pokemon, art, and cute things! I love their blog a lot and it’s one of the more aesthetically pleasing blogs I follow.

@theamazingpants - Another IRL person. Me and Pants have been friends since 2010 or 2011. He’s probably one of my closest friends and I really care about him. He posts a lot of anime and gaming, surprise. He’s one of those people that you could never see yourself befriending nowadays, but because of the history, it just keeps working. <3

@flailmorpho - Me and Flail met on the Anivia tag! We both mained Anivia for a long time, it being our main common interest. Lots of comedy, gaming, and commentary. Super nice overall and I highly recommend them if you’re looking for someone chill to follow. 

@luccario8 - I think me and Luccario also met over on the Anivia tag. They post a lot of gaming stuff as well as comedy. Interactions with them are always super pleasant and I can’t do anything but praise them. Check them out!

@dustyshark - Another comedy blog I follow! They post a lot of happy stuff and only top quality jokes. I super love their blog and steal a lot of the jokes they reblog. They have amazing content and if you want more humor in your life I recommend heading over there.

@hornlessquipster - IRL friend and my gf’s roommate for 2 years now. They are LITERALLY the nicest person I know. They have offered me a place to stay when times were tough, they are always sticking their neck out for others, they are involved in so much stuff I literally do not know how they continue to function. They are super great and I love them. 

@nitrogennightmare - I follow a lot more IRL people than I thought. This is one of my best friends. They post a lot of comedy, music, and aesthetic stuff.  We vent to each other a lot, but because we both stink at staying in touch with people, mainly me, we’ve lost touch recently. They are super laid back and I love them 

@captaincrunchmakesmebleed - Anime and Comedy. This is one of the blogs I’ve followed and loved for a long time. I made them fanart once! They just came back from being dead for awhile. I really looked up to their blog for a long time and reblog a lot of stuff from them. Easily one of my favorite blogs on this hellsite. 

@spooksbot - I LOVE SPOOKS! While we don’t interact a lot I love following them, all of our interests are pretty much the same, and they are in general a super nice person. Their blog is a lot of fun and the interact with people a lot via open reply posts. They are a super cool person. We played Overwatch once together but the time difference is killer :/ HIGH RECOMMEND 

@killer-x-queen - A super funny blog! We interacted a lot back in the day and they were always so kind and nice. They had a post that was like “send me your best pickup lines” and I just kept sending them the shittiest puns I could think of. I was having a lot of fun with them. They are a great person <3

@zioketski - Lots of humor and Pokemon! At this point none of you should be surprised as to why I follow people. This is one of the mutuals I have where we don’t interact but like and reblog each others things! Their blog is quality. 

@cecilia-hatake - We’re getting far down my list now, into the realm of people I’ve been following for like...4+ years now. They post a lot of anime and I know I’ve interacted with them in the past. They have a lot of quality posts but their blog has been dead for a year :(

@bottaw - An IRL friend again! Will is one of the closest friends I made at college and is one of the most, if not the most, caring individual I know. He has a lot of video games and gem things on his blog. Will may not be one my longest friends...but he is one of the oldest ;P

@zanaea - Alright this motherfucker right here. Where the fuck do I start. We have been friends since 2009. Easily in my top 5 friends, probably 1st tbh. Joe and I have been through some shit and have been there for each other every single time. They have a lot of Pokemon, Video Game, Anime, Comedy, aesthetic, they have it all. I love this kid. I would give my money, the shirt off my back, my first born, and my life to keep them safe. They may not be perfect, but I’ll be damned if someone tries to say they don’t give it their all. 

@thepunkin-king - Matt is one of my oldest friends, like, over 15 years now. We met in elementary school, I wanna say 1st grade so 2001. His blog is dead but this kid was one of the best friends I have ever had. I don’t even know how to explain his blog since I haven’t visited it since I followed him back in like 2012/2013, but he is a cool dude. We keep in touch on FB, but barely. 

#Love these people #you're all great #I'm sorry if we aren't mutuals and that makes you sad :( #mutuals

[allofthisnonsenseplease]

firesonic152 - 07/17/2017 lollll i love the idea of like jack bein mind controlled during his time as strike commander it's fun i love mind control also i'm sick and everything hurts so now jack has to hurt

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/17/2017 aaah. sorry you're sick. ; ; try drinking lots of lemons. did we...we've discussed so many ideas was there a mind controlled one before? also, mind control is one thing, but having him blackmailed or too afraid to outright rebel seems angstier to me. like that post you'd reblogged before. altho, i don't buy him not telling Gabe. fandom usually portrays Gabe as teh more cautious, tactical one and Jack as reckless. If Jack knew bad stuff was coming down from the higher ups, he would want Gabe investigating with him...unless he had reason to suspect that Gabe was one of them. =O what if they somehow made him think that Gabe was one of their agents?

and Jack and Gabe were already, like, married or some shit so Jack is trying not to act like anything's amiss but there's a traitor in his bed, touching him, kissing him, fucking him, he's married to a goddamn traitor

they would have had to plant the idea without Jack knowing it came from them like, they're sneaky about it so that Jack thinks he finds out on his own they're needing to drive a wedge in between jack and Gabe, elliminate Jack's suport structure to be sure he dances to their tune

and that's why things start to go south with Jack and Gabe's relationship.

All of a sudden, Jack is cold, he's secretive, he doesn't trust things Gabe tells him, he's treating Gabe like the enemy

and to Gabe it all just seems like the job has gotten to him--Jack is Strike COmmander, he's always too busy for Gabe, too wrapped up in being Overwatch's perfect golden boy

which he HAS to be so that the corrupt fucks up the chain of command don't come down on him and his own and crush them all

so, i mean about on par with stepping on legos

firesonic152 - 07/17/2017 GOD sorry I disappeared OH MY GOD

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/17/2017 you're good, you're good. i'm occupying myself in the castlevania tag

firesonic152 - 07/17/2017 LOL but like!!! Jack's treatment of Gabe causes Gabe to get frustrated and that just confirms Jack's fears and then everything gets worse

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/17/2017 yupyup vicious cycle

firesonic152 - 07/17/2017 Does Gabe ever find out or can we wait until they reunite as reaper and 76 before he realizes

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/17/2017 immediately before the explosion

firesonic152 - 07/17/2017 NATURALLY LOL

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/17/2017 one moment of realization and hope and fury and then A RAIN OF FIRE AND DEATH shiiiiiiiiiiit. what if Gabe thought Jack was corrupt?

firesonic152 - 07/17/2017 QOQ ow

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/17/2017 what if he thought he had to take Jack down and they fought in Zurich? does the Reaper claws on Jack's face they're screaming at each other while the hgher ups have bombs set and press releases ready to go to clean house

firesonic152 - 07/17/2017 EGADS and right before the end jack snaps and he's yelling shit about how Gabe had betrayed him, he's married a traitor, and gabe is confused Pissed off kind of confused Replies with something about how that's rich when Jack is the corrupt one

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/17/2017 hell, what if Jack actually started to break down and shouts "I LOVED you, Gabe!" like an accusation between them. And all that pain he's been holding in for months, all those memories that were tainted, all the stress and heartbreak and the memories of how he let Gabriel take him back when he was trying so hard to act like everything was still normal--it hits him all at once, gets mixed up in his fury and now he's humiliated as well because he's about to fucking cry while facing down the man he'd thought was the love of his life.

firesonic152 - 07/17/2017 QOQ

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/17/2017 that might be a good clue for Gabe, 'cause, like you'd said...Jack just does not cry

firesonic152 - 07/17/2017 NEVER until now //dun dun

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/17/2017 XD well, i mean, and he's crap at acting so seeing that, Gabe's blood runs cold. something's wrong, he knows it. something is deeply, deeply wrong, and it wasn't what he'd been suspecting

firesonic152 - 07/17/2017 so post-zurich gabe is looking for answers while jack is tracking down traitors.... like gabe qoq

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/17/2017 poor bbys maybe Gabe still isn't 100% sure about Jack and that's why as Reaper he doesn't actively seek him out to talk to him. but nothing has told Jack that Gabe wasn't a traitor he still believes it and it still eats at him

firesonic152 - 07/17/2017 BOYS god gabe is gonna be FURIOUS when he finds out and then jack finds him and is ready to kill

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/17/2017 the sadness just keeps going on jeezus, Reaper's gonna have to subdue his angry old ass to get him to listen at that point, jack prolly would have, like, pressed all the hurt down deeeeeeep and poured a layer of concrete over it. it's old news, it happened, it forged him into what he's become. he hasn't forgotten and isn't interested in forgiving. he just wants everyone involved dead. just a cold, resigned, this has to be done.

firesonic152 - 07/17/2017 qoq gabe keeps trying to reason w him but jack straight up isn't listening he doesn't care what gabe has to say to him

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/17/2017 so at this point, does gabe know that Jack was manipulated, or is he just trying to get him to talk so they can figure shit out? also, was the manipulation forged evidence, or a simple bit of mind-fuckery--something much easier than all out mind control, but definitely something that was done to Jack? 'cause if it was the latter, that's opening the doors for heartstring-tugging scenes of Gabe recalling happy memories between them for Jack and telling him that was real seeing Jack struggling to separate the lies planted in his mind from who Gabe really was and of couse, anything Gabe says is now suspect, because Jack was made to believe he was a traitor, that everything they had was a lie but who else could remind Jack of exactly what they meant to each other?

firesonic152 - 07/17/2017 SOBS LOUDLY THIS SHIT IS MY JAM!!! jack is shooting to kill but gabe just won't fight him, just keeps talking, trying to get through to him

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/17/2017 Gabe strips off one of his gloves and holds his hand up. Sunlight glints off the wedding band he still wears, and he knows the moment Jack recognizes it for what it is, because it's the first time he's hesitated since the fight started.

Jack's voice is harsh as he demands to know why he's wearing that.

'Because I meant it, Jack.' He lowers his hand to remove his mask, bares his ruined face to Jack, hopes that the disfigurment from the explosion and the nanites don't hide his sincerity. 'I meant it,' he says again. 'Till death do us part. I love you, Jack. Always have.'

His shotguns are nowhere to be seen. He's still, defenseless, unmasked, unthreatening. Jack's paranoid mind is screaming that it's a trick, but he lowers his pulse rifle--can't explain why.

A chance to explain what he's found--that's all gabe asks for at the moment. Jack can take the information and follow the leads and find the truth for himself. It kills Gabe to offer that promise, because he doesn't know for sure if Jack will trust anything he finds that originates with him, but he knows that he can't simply explain it because Jack sure as hell won't believe him.

He gives Jack a starting point. A couple of names, a location, maybe, where records could be found. He's prepared to back off for the time being, to give Jack time and space to follow up. He intends to go along--secretly--but the idea of being so close and unable to have his husband back in his arms aches, makes everything ache. He dissasembles, but before he disappears into the shadows, he gives in to temptation, takes a chance. He swirls briefly around Jack, the tail end of one nearly solid tendril of smoke caressing his brow.

I miss you, mi sol.

Jack reacts the way he was expecting, but there wasn't any preparing for the pain that lances through his heart as Jack jerks away, raising his gun, back to high alert as he snarls: "Don't fucking touch me!"

okidoki. am turning in. night night <3

firesonic152 - 07/18/2017 CLUTCHES CHEST gabriel deserves better omg i'm crying Jack can't say why he follows Gabe's information - he tells himself it's to get rid of any remaining doubts, that once he sees Gabe's "evidence" for himself, he'll be able to disprove it once and for all and kill Gabe next time, no regrets.

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/18/2017 But, of course, it's harder to lie to himself when he stops moving, when the demands of his body make it impossible to fight or run for any longer without rest. In the dark and the quiet, wherever it is that he finds a safe, hidden place to lay his head down and rest, that's when he sees what he doesn't want to admit about himself: that he wants Gabe to be right, wants it so desperately even though that would mean that it was his fault they fell apart, his that everything between them went down in flames. At least it would mean that there really had been something there to burn. Alone with his thoughts and the almost-there memories of Gabe's touch against his skin, Jack wants more than anything to know he was loved, and he dreads the possibility of getting that wish.

firesonic152 - 07/18/2017 QOQ And then he finds irrefutable proof of what was done to him and it's like his brain can't... process it the more he looks at it, the more everything distorts Gabriel followed along, of course, and he can't stand seeing Jack doing this alone

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/18/2017 time for magical healing dick! dick ex machina

firesonic152 - 07/18/2017 LOLLL this could go one of two ways jack refusing to be touched at first and them having to relearn each other very slowly... or jack doing his usual "bury emotions and everything else under meaningless sex" which gabe has to help him rein back in

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/18/2017 XD omg i was joking jeezus how do we actually fix this? i mean, i suppose even if Jack can't process he can realize that something is wrong and turn to Ga nanite **nanites Gabe's made of nanites. can he like send some into Jack's brain?

firesonic152 - 07/18/2017 :OOO

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/18/2017 try to find the bad info and burn it out? remake old connections? jeezus, Jack wouldn't trust him with that nm wouldn't work

firesonic152 - 07/18/2017 IDK THAT'S THE ONLY SOLUTION I CAN SEE Jack knows there's something wrong with him but he can't erase the fear and anger he now reflexively associates with Gabriel qoq his brain's all fucked upp we gotta fix it bro send gabe's little smokey tendrils in there and perform fuckin brain surgery lmao we need a doctor

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/18/2017 mrrgh. i'm just all i can picture is Jack wrestling with this on his own, hands on his head, unaware that he's dropped to his knees on the floor. Gabe coming out of hiding, alarmed, because something is obviously going wrong. He's at Jack's side immediately, as Jack tears off his visor, flinging it aside as if it had something to do with the way his vision was going dark, the way static was filling his head...as if they might still be controlling him through its circuits. He grabs Gabe's hands before they can reach him, holding on to keep himself grounded, keep from going under because he feels like he's about to drown, can't get enough air, can't think straight. Gabe's face is fuzzy before him, going in and out of focus. Familiar, changed, a comfort, a mask, a rock, a traitor--he doesn't know which. Panic is setting in. He knows that's wrong--he's a soldier, he doesn't just panic like this--but he can't see, can't breathe, can't think straight and only instinctively bows his head, curling closer to Gabe, fingers digging into his arms.

'how do you prove it? how do you prove it was all real? i need help... Gabe! I need you to help me! How can I trust you to help me?'

He's desperate, and he sees pain in Gabriel's eyes--red eyes, changed eyes, familiar, knowing eyes. He wants to trust and he's terrified of trusting. Warning klaxons scream in his head, even as his body hunches in closer to his husband.

firesonic152 - 07/18/2017 c r ie s help him!!!!!

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/18/2017 yeah, gabe, help him

firesonic152 - 07/18/2017 gabe does his magic smoke shit and jack is cured YAY

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/18/2017 XD umm...i guess for something like this, first thing to do would just be for Gabe to talk him down. to just...be there, be a solid (haha) presence for Jack to hold onto. A quiet, familiar voice that he can latch onto until the fit passes and they can try to work out what happened.

firesonic152 - 07/18/2017 give him those schnuggles!!!!

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/18/2017 Jack cautiously admitting that something has to be wrong. He can't quite bring himself to say that Gabe was right, not yet, anyway. Even that small admission required him to walk through the logic of it: he'd found 'proof' to back up Gabe's claim, he'd suffered a bizarre sensory assualt, he'd never experienced anything like that before, and even thinking too hard about what he had just seen made him feel like it would start up again.

'It felt like...being programmed to reject what I saw,' he admits reluctantly. The amount of anger in his voie startles him. He hadn't thought he had the energy for it. Gabe says nothing to that. He doesn't have to--Jack can pretty well guess what he's thinking. He was programmed. The thought makes him feel sick, makes his vision waver. The reaction isn't entirely due to what was done to him.

firesonic152 - 07/18/2017 :sob: can we fix him yet

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/18/2017 i mean if you wanna just wave a magic dick wand and say it's all better we can, but then there's holes in the story

firesonic152 - 07/18/2017 :sob: god dammit

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/18/2017 lol i mean, if this is all a set up for a pwp where Jack asks for Gabe's help and gabe calms him with whispered words of encouragement and endearment, listens to Jack, talks with him, asks what he wants and stares into Jack's too-blue eyes as he says that he wants to fix whatever was done to him, sees teh distress and can't bear it any longer, kisses Jack--an impulse, a moment of pure need that stretches out. Jack's eyes are closed when he pulls back, his lips parted. His breath shudders out, and he leans forward just the tiniest bit. It's invitation enough. Gabe kisses him again, warmth and sorrow all mixed up together at what was taken from him--from both of them--so long ago and so insidiously that he never thought he'd get it back. The warmth builds to heat, to a fire that sparks between them, igniting on the kindling of old memories and emotions settled too thickly in their hearts to ever decompose into nothingness. Jack lets Gabe press him down against the floor, all devouring kisses and starved whimpers. He wants and he trembles beneath Gabe's touch, and God Gabe wants him so much, so badly, wants to claim him and make Jack his again and take back everything that was stolen right out of his hands.... And he knows he has to go slow, knows Jack needs him to be gentle, to be thorough, to awaken every last memory of gentleness and kindness, affection and love between them, remind him of the truth of what they were. Maybe that...maybe that will be enough to win Jack back from those who held him in thrall.

firesonic152 - 07/18/2017 AKDJANXKANCS IN THIS CASE, PWP STANDS FOR PORN WITH PLOT cries Jack trying so hard to bury the fear in Gabriel's touch

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/18/2017 oh, i'm glad you came back. everything online went quiet kind of all at once, so it was sort of like the recluse's version of those spooky scenes where a person walks alone through deserted streets, you know? XD

firesonic152 - 07/18/2017 LOL I was hanging out w people

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/18/2017 well, i mean, i started chatting with someone else too ad they went quiet, and twitter usually has things popping up, but it didn't and it was just odd XD

firesonic152 - 07/18/2017 That is odd :OO Jack trying to force himself not to flinch every time Gabe touches him qoq Gabe starts to get hesitant and Jack powers through the anxiety and ups the pace again

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/18/2017 Gabe's heart breaking a little, but as they go on he realizes that this seems familiar somehow. He remembers the last several times they made love before it all fell to pieces, and he realizes suddenly that they got to Jack long before he had estimated...long before their relationship had been completely eaten away.

firesonic152 - 07/18/2017 NOOOO

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/18/2017 <3

firesonic152 - 07/18/2017 He runs a hand through Jack's hair and then cups his cheek and Jack bites his lip, glancing away for just a second, and Gabe has to ask how long? How long has this been eating Jack alive?

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/18/2017 ((everything else started back up))

firesonic152 - 07/18/2017 :OOO

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/18/2017 Gabe stops. He rests his forehead against Jack's and takes a shaky breath, rage and hurt battling inside him. He knows he has to stay calm for Jack's sake, but it isn't easy with this new revelation. He squeezes his eyes shut against the stinging precipitating tears, and whispers apologies. Jack hears the way his voice cracks, hears pain that he doesn't believe anyone could fake convincingly. He doesn't know what set Gabe off, assumes that it's just the way he's flinching from Gabe's touch. His stomach roils, desire and anxiety making for an unpleasant mix, but it's been years, and he's cold down to his bones, has been for so long. And it was all in the past, nothing to be done about it now except take revenge, and if this turns out to be a trick (although his gut is telling him it isn't) then he won't have any more reason to hesitate once it's over. He gathers himself and takes charge, forcing Gabe to shift as he sits up. He holds Gabe's face in his hands and kisses him, deeply, greedily, trying to assure him that he wants this. He doesn't miss the fact that Gabe's hands are shaking when they rise to cup his cheeks, but he doesn't stop to ask. It's more important that he get Gabe out of his clothes, feel him skin to skin. If this isn't real, if they only have one more time together, he wants to make the most of it.

((XD they're talking about a fall R76 week, and i'm just over here imagining Reaper!Gabe burying himself in a pile of leaves and suddenly sitting up making zombie noises to startle the kids))

firesonic152 - 07/18/2017 OH OKAY SO YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE UP FOR THAT STAB IN THE GUT WITH THAT LITTLE CUTE ANCEDOTE FUCK YOU

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/18/2017 <3<3<3 ilu

firesonic152 - 07/18/2017 NOT OKAY BRO

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/18/2017 also?? you fucking started this????

firesonic152 - 07/18/2017 LISTEN!!!!

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/18/2017 X'D

firesonic152 - 07/18/2017 i typed that w a very specific inflection hold on

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/18/2017 I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME

firesonic152 - 07/18/2017 LOL I'M FINDING THE CLIP

firesonic152 - 07/19/2017 https://youtu.be/RDoHownP9dg?t=17m47s LISTEN!!! LISTEN!!!!!

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/19/2017 X'D

firesonic152 - 07/19/2017 GOD NOW I'M THINKING ABOUT JACK TRYING TO CONVINCE HIMSELF IT'S OKAY TO SLEEP IN THE SAME BED AS GABE, HE'S NOT GONNA GET STABBED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AKSNFJDS

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/19/2017 baby steps

firesonic152 - 07/19/2017 qoq

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/19/2017 maybe the implanted thoughts just...get unmade when he forces himself to be vulnerable, and he can take them apart as he drowses in the afterglow and sure, all that emotional baggage will stay around and need to be worked through but getting rid of the false certainty will be a good start to fixing things

firesonic152 - 07/19/2017 sob s the more he lets himself be vulnerable, and the more gabriel affirms that it's okay to be vulnerable, the easier it gets starting with little things, like letting gabriel take his hand or touch his face and training himself not to expect a blow probably the first few times they have to sleep in separate rooms but eventually they're okay to sleep in the same bed at first, with jack facing gabe so he could watch and then slowly feeling okay turning his back and then eventually schnuggling >w<

SuspiciousPopsicle - 07/19/2017 ohhh...the first time they would have actually gone-to-sleep slept together was one night when they were sitting up on the couch in their safehouse (or whatever), going thru info and planning their next move. Jack ends up leaning against Gabe, feeling sleep creeping up on him and knowing that he ought to get up, telling himself to go to his room and shut the door. But he's warm and drowsy and almost comfortable, and he thinks 'in a minute. i'll get up and go, but...just one more minute.'

When Gabe realizes he's asleep, he briefly considers staying right there, but he also kinda figures that this wasn't a conscious decision on Jack's part. Very, very carefully, he manages to carry Jack to bed without fully waking him. As he's leaving, he notices Jack's jacket and remembers how torn up it was. He takes it with him to make a few repairs.

When Jack wakes up the next morning, he's alone in his own bed with no recollection of getting there. He goes out to find his jacket on the couch, mended. And he finds Gabe, alone in the other bedroom.

firesonic152 - 07/19/2017 GABE RESPECTED HIS SPACE!!!!!! TRUST HIM JACK!!!!!!!!!!! on their journey to fix jack they just kind of naturally start reforming their old bond and by the time they're getting somewhere it's almost unnecessary

#cornfuck and the reaper #R76 plot ideas #previous suggestions for making Jack suffer included: #stepping on legos #wet socks #a persistent and seemingly sourceless repeating sound just on the threshold of hearing #too warm for covers at night but too psychologically uncomfortable to sleep without them

[claroquequiza]

what is your opinion on genyatta?

Short answer: I tend not to care for it very much, for a few reasons, but not to the point where I’ll stop reading a fic where it’s a background/side pairing. More details under the read more, but first let me be clear, I don’t think people should not ship it, it’s just not my cup of tea.

So, first of all, let me caution against my own feelings here for three main reasons:

1. I have an irrational aversion to Mc//Gen//ji, which may be carrying over to Genji in any mlm relationship, which would definitely send me from irrational to just plain stupid--however, in my defense, I do like Gencio, which I’ll get into a little, so I don’t think my feelings about Genyatta have too much to do with that.

2. I do tend to be suspicious of Genji in mlm relationships because I feel like the fandom likes to make him bisexual/pansexual for Maximum Sluttiness purposes. Like, canonically he was a playboy, but in fandom it seems like people make him fall into the Depraved Bisexual trope as a young man where he wants to nail anything that moves. Now, that’s not to say that I think bisexuals or pansexuals should never be written as promiscuous, but the way many authors portray Genji doesn’t strike me as positive and/or sensitive renditions of bisexuals and pansexuals. It seems more stereotypical, as though his sexuality is meant to be as upsetting as possible to the clan/society in general rather than a casual personality trait, which also tends to carry over when Genji is portrayed as homosexual to a lesser extent.

3. My personal experience with religion makes me suspicious of any mlm/wlw relationships with an intensely religious person. This is unfair, because there are plenty of LGBT+ individuals who are intensely religious with zero detriment to themselves or their partners--but there are also plenty of LGBT+ individuals who were intensely religious who suffered because of it, and I am among the latter. I don’t think Zenyatta is among the latter, though, so, really, this point should be moot, but for me at least it’s not.

So, there’s three reasons why I may not be the best person to analyze Genyatta, but if you’re still interested in what I have to say, read on!

I love Genji and Zenyatta’s relationship as between a student and a teacher, and for that alone I tend to shy away from them being in a romantic relationship--there’s a little power imbalance there, for one, where Zenyatta had to have delved deeply into Genji’s life, mind, and secrets, but not necessarily sharing as much in return. Indeed, much of the time it is absolutely necessary to maintain a certain distance and/or authority while treating someone as vulnerable as Genji must have been. It’s inappropriate for a psychologist/psychiatrist to start a relationship with a patient under their care, for example, and I think that applies to Genji and Zenyatta during Genji’s “treatment”. 

Even afterwards, though, since Genji and Zenyatta seem to have an ongoing master/student relationship, I think it continues to be inappropriate for either of them, but especially Zenyatta, to pursue a romantic relationship.

That aside though, in AUs for example, I tend not to like Genyatta because Zenyatta is usually too placid and too tranquil for me to see why he would be a good match for someone as boisterous, dynamic, and restless as Genji. Like, I think Genji does need a grounding presence in his life, but he also strikes me as someone who would get antsy with a romantic partner who is more like a rock than a hand held in his own. 

That’s one reason I like Gencio--Lúcio is a bouncy, active person who likes to party but also has a strong moral center and a clear, selfless life path. He would be a good match for Genji’s energy level, plus he would be a good indication that Genji’s desire to enjoy himself in his youth wasn’t inherently bad, merely taken to an excess. He would also be a grounding presence that would be a bit more, hmm, mobile?? And a little less detached from the world, as a monk would be.

Now, this objection to Genyatta is more an objection to fandom Zenyatta, not necessarily to canon Zenyatta. I think canon Zenyatta is supposed to be a lot more mischievous and worldly than the fandom gives him credit for--one of the reasons he left the monastery was because he wanted to be less dogmatic and more engaged in the world, after all, and in that Genji could be a great influence in helping Zenyatta expand his worldview. Buuuuut--I dunno, out of all the named characters in the game, I tend to think Lúcio would be the best match.

This is always assuming, of course, that Genji would be ready for a romantic relationship so soon after healing. I tend to shy away from any romantic relationships involving Genji post-Hanzo and pre-Zenyatta because, holy moly, I just don’t think he’d be in a good enough place mentally, but post-Zenyatta and getting into canon time--I dunno, there are many different ways he would be healing, and they don’t necessarily run at the same pace. He may feel at peace, but that doesn’t mean he would be ready to find a romantic partner to share that peace with--romance goes hand in hand with vulnerability, and I think he might want to live as a whole person for a while before he sought out anyone else.

So. There’s my opinion about Genyatta. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ If this was an indirect way of asking if Genyatta was going to appear in my Overwatch fanfiction, than I’d say no. I was going to include it in My Heart Will Be Blessed, but I think I’m going to keep them as platonic soulmates in that. In Afterdrop, I think Genji is going to be straight. And if I do have a story with Genji in a romantic relationship, I’ll most likely have him in a relationship with Lúcio or Sombra--I think he and Sombra would make a surprisingly good crack team and possibly more??? 

If you ship Genyatta, though, I’d say to ignore me! I see a lot of great fanworks about it, and most of it definitely does not strike me as inherently unpleasant or unhealthy. So, if you like it, keep on keeping on! Don’t let me spoil your fun, LOL!

#asks #personal #my fics #Anonymous