Inspired by the post by @oddlittlestories about Wilson touching House's sensitive points--specifically, the mention of the strongyloides patient and the afterlife. This is something I've been stewing on for awhile.
I don't think House's issue with the afterlife and the strongyloides patient was solely stemming from his own personal obsession or ongoing issues with suicidality related to his disability.
4x03, 97 Seconds, is only four episodes after 3x22 Resignation, in which House discovers Wilson has been taking antidepressants and it's implied Wilson has been struggling with his depression and simultaneously refuses to tell House anything about it, no matter how House pries. House makes his own inferences, that this is either a new thing or a change in prescription because of worsening depression, but Wilson deflects when he tries to ask. It's one of Wilson's sensitive points. We learn (and House explicitly observes later) that Wilson shuts down particularly painful topics, mostly relating to loss, and this is one that he shuts down hard and fast by accusing House of not caring about him.
House, true to character when it comes to all things Wilson, assumes the worst. We don't know what Wilson is actually going through, that's left to be guessed at by the audience, but we do know that House has been effectively shut out while continuing to be concerned.
And then, only a few episodes later, we get two different patients: a man who experienced cardiac arrest and replicates it in front of House for the thrill, and a physically disabled man who discusses being free of his mortal body. We see House and Wilson have exchanges about both of these patients. First, about the knife in the outlet patient:
House repeatedly tries to draw Wilson back to the topic of suicidality, why? how? what was the plan? and Wilson repeatedly avoids the topic until he gives up and leaves the scene sooner than have the conversation. My read: The implication is that Wilson at some point in the past (whether or not this is recent past or long past, we don't know) dealt intimately with suicidal ideation that makes him uncomfortable, either personally or with a family member (maybe his brother). House takes this as confirmation.
So then, this scene is followed up later in the episode, where Wilson and House together are with the disabled strongyloides patient, who is telling them he does not want cancer treatment. The patient says death will be a relief--in front of Wilson, House looks at him before he addresses the patient. It triggers a knee-jerk reaction, anger.
House recognizes he oversteps and leaves the patient, but the argument continues between him and Wilson in the hallway. It goes much deeper than trying to talk a terminally ill man into living a few months longer, because the argument isn't really about him; he's just a narrative vessel for this conversation between these two characters.
The most popular read for this exchange is that House is arguing for himself, that he thinks misery isn't a good enough reason to take his life and he is telling himself that death isn't a worthy escape (which is definitely a valid read of the scene). But given the recent context of Wilson's depression, his utter refusal to share anything with House and therefore the audience, his complete discomfort with the suggestion of suicidal ideation and all the big questions like why and how and what for... I don't think House's actions after this scene are for House.
We have this argument where Wilson is arguing in defense of a man who is passively suicidal. "You don't know death isn't better, you can't know, death could be better. There could be a solace after all of this, you don't know." If this conversation is framed in context of Wilson being depressed and having potentially been suicidal, he's not defending the patient--he's defending himself, for having had those thoughts. And House is arguing with him, against those thoughts. Wilson's conclusion is you can't go to the afterlife and see how much it sucks.
Of course House's conclusion is to go to the afterlife and see how much it sucks.
This is the song playing while House contemplates what he needs to do.
Starting over anew without a partner, not knowing how to make sense of things, becoming a new terrified person in lieu of someone who is supposed to be there--that's where his mind is. He goes to look at the electrical outlet patient, just staring in silence. What could be so good that it needs to be revisited? He must be wrong. (Note that at no point does House ever share with Wilson that the electrical outlet patient's claim that death was the best 97 seconds of his life--he asks Wilson why but never follows up with the answer.)
So House pages Amber and tries to try to kill himself, as convoluted as it sounds, so he can know the afterlife isn't good. So he can have proof. So he'll have evidence. He'll know it sucks, even worse than Detroit, they can't have this argument again.
House says it explicitly. "You insisted that I needed to see for myself." He had to know.
House wants to talk about what he experienced. He deliberately seeks out someone who will understand, asks for that person specifically, he wants to share. But with Wilson, he digs in his heels. Entrenched. We see that Wilson is generally the person House shares personal things with, such as the suspected identity of his biological father, he goes directly to Wilson after Dominika leaves in S8, he seeks him out throughout the Stacy arc in S2, pesters him while the fellows are fleeing in S3 even after the Tritter arc, his soft place to land during and after rehab in S6--Wilson is House's number one confidant.
Not on this subject. He refuses to say anything, except, "I love you." He doesn't respond to Wilson's criticism that he's already had near-death experiences before; he doesn't bite at any of the bait. Not talking about it. The person he wants to share with isn't there, so he doesn't share, not even with Wilson. The only thing we get as the audience is his dialogue to the corpse at the end of the episode.
This is also not something he shares with Wilson. Too much of a sensitive spot, too tender.
But all leading to my conclusion that... House didn't put the knife in the electrical socket for himself. As Wilson points out, House has had multiple near-death experiences. He doesn't need to almost die to find out what happens. He's already seen it. He already knows.
The character who has most recently displayed new depressive tendencies in this context isn't House. Wilson is the one refusing to discuss his mental health, ostensibly taking new psych drugs or minimally increasing the dosages, becoming uncomfortable with conversations about the difficult questions of suicide, and verbally defending a man's desire to die to end the mortal coil.
House didn't put the knife in the electrical socket to fight release for himself. He's been in chronic pain for a decade at this point, it hasn't changed, he has treated patients with self-destructive tendencies in the interim with no impact to his own mental health. This event didn't strike at a vulnerable time for House; it struck at a time when House knows Wilson is struggling, specifically when he has already tried to offer help and Wilson accused him of not caring. He had to do something.
House put the knife in the outlet to fight for Wilson. To have evidence, to talk him down. "See? I proved it. There's nothing. Now you know for sure. Now you have to stay with me."
That would be too saccharine. But he says, "I love you," and that's what he means.
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The devil keywords – temptation, corruption, your shadow self
The devil is one of the 22 Major arcana cards. The one in the Rider-Waite deck has an image of the devil sitting on a throne with a man and a woman chained at his feet. It looks like a dark version of the lovers (and the two are connected thematically and numerologically since the lovers is card no.6 and the devil no.15 – 1+5=6). To put it simply, the devil represents the obsessive pursuit of material goods/physical pleasure which, in the end, leads to the corruption of your spirit. It’s associated with the sign of Capricorn whose dark side can manifest as an obsession with money, social status and power (also fun fact - according to the novel Vegas’ birthday is December 31st which makes him a Capricorn sun according to western astrology). So, what does any of this have to do with the lovers and VP? The devil is also associated with dark sexuality and everything taboo. Also, as I mentioned above, it represents your shadow self aka everything you feel ashamed of and try your best to repress. In VP’s case on one hand, we have Vegas who uses his sexuality as a weapon, is interested in BDSM and enjoys torturing people. On the other hand, we have Pete, probably the most repressed character on the show, who suddenly has to come to terms with the fact that he is a person with desires and that those desires are pretty dark and unconventional. And all of this happens while he’s being held captive by Vegas in the safe house sex dungeon. Vegas, who tortured him almost to death and is now trying to seduce him with his little monologue and a lot of chin grabbing. Do you see where I’m going with this one? We can interpret Vegas as the devil figure from the card – he’s the one trying to make Pete take off the mask he wears around everyone else and stop hiding his dark side. Vegas has seen glimpses of Pete’s true self after all – first in ep. 7 and later in ep. 10 and 11, and is fascinated by it. He wants to see more of it and uses one of his preferred methods – sex, to achieve his goal (and probably starts to regret that decision after he sees Pete’s smile in ep.12 – is Pete truly someone he can handle? But that’s a discussion for another time.) Pete is one of the chained figures and he’s there because he chose so himself by forsaking his personhood and letting himself be seen as nothing more than a weapon by the main family, someone who fades into the background the moment he isn’t needed (is he real if no one can see him?). If you look carefully at the Rider-Waite card you can see that the chains are loose enough that the two figures can free themselves at any time if they wish so. Vegas is trying to make Pete do just that – drop the act and live his life as his authentic self, without shame. He’s also trying to set Pete free so he can put a chain on him himself. And we all saw how that plan backfired on him.
There's also another reason I chose this scene – when the devil shows up in a love reading (surrounded by positive cards) it can mean that the people involved have amazing sexual chemistry. And there are literally chained people drawn on the card. And we all know what happened 30 seconds later in the episode.
*I decided to retouch my old devil card a little to fit my new template instead of drawing a new one :))
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genuinely still baffled by the "they don't need to address Mike's sexuality, all that matters is that he's in love with Will" crowd. especially when people say it who claim to care about Mike's character (when you could also just say you don't really care for that part of the show, which would be fine, no one cares about all characters/arcs)
because Surely you realize how him being gay or bi would change his entire character, right. whether he's attracted to girls or not would change the way all his actions up until now are to be interpreted. not even making a statement on his sexuality here, this is generally speaking
if he was actually attracted to El you'd have to address when and why he suddenly stopped loving El since in fiction "it just happened" isn't usually a satisfying answer to breaking a multi season couple up. Why is Will it for him? he's been acting weird for ages so when did he realize? and what made it click he fell out of love with El for good? you'd have to give some explanation for why he was able to proclaim his love for El accidentally in s3 and then fail to do it in the same season while looking uncomfortable with kissing her and so on since his pov was so majorly withheld
if he's not attracted to girls his arc in s5 needs to focus more on comphet and how dating El affected him/why he felt he couldn't break up with her/homophobic attitude in his surrounding slash Hawkins. or the idea of platonic and romantic love in general. there would be no how he got from point A(El) to point B(Will), like what the focus of a bi!Mike s5 arc would have to be on to explain what happened, but a focus on how he ended up at point A in the first place and why he was stuck there/how it affected him
and even core moments of the series would have entirely different meanings depending on if he's attracted to girls. "it's not my fault you don't like girls" being a peak example. if he's gay it's easy to explain it with projection. if he IS attracted to girls though it would read as a much more intentional (even if blurted out) act of homophobia, since it would be him pointing something out that Will genuinely does (not liking being around girls) but he himself can't relate to
and that's all just the surface level differences. Mike being attracted to girls or not being attracted to girls would give his arc an entirely different focus in s5. AS WELL as make his past actions have entirely different meanings. the idea that "it doesn't matter for his character" is so insanely wrong it's wild how many people confidently peddle it
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Honestly, I think that if Kotoko doesn't have any kind of tragic backstory or deep-ridden trauma and did have a relatively normal upbringing like she says she does, it will probably heighten my enjoyment of her character and her narrative even more.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, my favorite thing about Kotoko's narrative and role in the story and why she is my favorite prisoner is the fact that she is the perfect encapsulation of what I think Milgram is trying to teach.
It is unfair to put her, or any of these prisoners into boxes of good and bad because both are cruel oversimplifications that only serve to dehumanize them regardless of if the audience's intentions are good or bad. By dehumanizing them and partaking in the fucked up justice system that is Milgram, you are emotionally distancing yourself from them. When you emotionally distance yourself from these people, you become more ignorant to the possibility that you could do the very thing that they're doing. That Haruka, Yuno, Fuuta, Muu, Shidou, Mahiru, Kazui, Amane, Mikoto, and especially Kotoko could all be you and you won't know it before it is too late.
That is why even within this system that pushes black-and-white nuance-less thinking, the narrative itself encourages you to look beyond the surface depiction of these prisoners that we are presented with. Because in the words of one Will Wood -
"If you were in my shoes, you'd see I wear the same size as you"
But what does any of that have to do with Kotoko and her backstory? Well, @/archivalofsins / Gunsli made a very good post that explains exactly what I'm going to talk about in more depth, but I'll give it a rundown nonetheless.
It would be very easy for someone to look at a person who has gone through tragedy or trauma who has done bad things, and say in response: "See, I can't become like that because she is abnormal. I could never do that, that would never happen to me.". Now I would hope that you don't need me to tell you that this way of thinking is a white lie cake rich with ableist frosting, but that is a discussion dug into by Gunsli's post. And I do believe, if Kotoko is revealed to have a tragic traumatic backstory, this will happen to her. Because it happened to Amane.
And that is why Kotoko having a 'normal life' would be so important to me and, in my opinion, heighten her already amazing narrative and writing. Her role in the story is to be a audience parallel, she is an embodiment of the system and mindset Milgram as a story criticizes and her actions are a direct consequence of our involvement in it. Milgram is already not subtle about this fact, but Kotoko's ordinary upbringing is the thing that fully hammers the nail in the wood.
Anyone can become like Kotoko Yuzuriha, trauma or not. Her beliefs, her bigotry, her fascism, her violence, and her fantasy to be the chivalrous hero who protects the weak are not things that are alien or only things that form within an "abnormal" brain. In fact, they are very normal things that a lot of normal people across the globe perpetuate wholeheartedly whether they realize it or not. Kotoko isn't some one-of-a-kind individual
She is literally just a girl
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this might be me being demi BUT i think the appeal of prongsfoot lies in the ease of it for me. there’s not a big difference between them as attached at the hip, ‘never saw one without the other’ best friends and them as romantically involved people. they might kiss more, and perhaps the/a sexual aspect wasn’t there before — or perhaps it was, but it’s almost deeper now — but that’s all. they’re already rocks for one another to lean on, already tell each other everything, already know every intricate detail that makes them them. their friendship is a naturally solid foundation for romantic involvement. they’re not boyfriends first, best friends second, but the other way around. their platonic love and romantic love aren’t separate entities: the latter is simply an extension of the former. being romantically involved doesn’t make their relationship more whole because they’re already whole regardless, and they don’t have to twist themselves into someone different to fit with the preferred partner.
for me, ships like wolfstar and jily are slightly shakier by comparison. still strong, but less solid. james canonically has to hide parts of himself for lily to want him; remus and sirius aren’t on true equal footing regardless of era. this doesn’t make the ships any less good or fun, but if only one part of the partnership is urged to change themselves for the other — and only does so when the other is present — there is, imo, an absence of comfort.
i don’t find person A saying, ‘i will humble myself before you’ without person B acknowledging and working on their own faults (or faults not being written as faults, but as effects of person A’s presence) a satisfying romance story; yet it is the implied canonical dynamic of jily (especially because lily’s personality is written so flatly), and also a very popular dynamic in a lot of wolfstar fanfic. in my experience prongsfoot revolves around knowing each other as intimately as possible and not caring about whatever dark thing they find, while (fanon) jily and wolfstar seem to be largely based on physical attraction and someone changing themselves for you.
and that is appealing!! plus, physical attraction and a decent friendship form a very valid, normal, and good basis for a romantic relationship. i personally just prefer that blurred-lines, intense intimacy, ‘whatever the fuck’-thing james-and-sirius have got going on lol
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