#this is one hell of a twitter meltdown | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

formulinos · 3 years

Text

Hyperfixation Corner: A Special | Undestanding (and Ranking) the Landogates

Oh, what is Formula 1 if not a concoction of men who are products of their times and women that are so much better than them. We have had our share of controversial figures, whether they gladly took the role of the villain or found themselves as a parachute for trouble. It's not different that the masses in 2021 would latch onto charismatic figures looking for guidance in these so trying times or, even worse, look for something that just isn't there as means of a distraction to the utter chaos that is the Roaring 20s of the XXI century.

This is the case of Lando Norris, milk aficcionado and McLaren-Tangerine driver. Lando is practically a child of Y2K, born in November of 2021 and carefully crafted by the British system of drivers to be one of the next generation drivers of our era. He also happens to seem to be a light-hearted boy, who just likes to drive his fast cars and play his silly little video games, but once you unpeel the outer layers, you might just be surprised. Fundamentally speaking, Lando Norris has the motorsport bravado and never shied away from the opportunities that fell in front of him, but to his demise, his loyal army of Lando fans are always by his side, ready to dissect his every move whether he likes it or not.

Today, we're going in the lions' den and ranking the most memorable out of Lando's little run-ins with the outer society, fondly called by the F1 populace "Landogates".

Before we start, I would just like to thank the 25 Lando stans or former Lando stans that talked to me or answered the form - and to those who attempted to contact me but Tumblr is a bitch and I was also sick so there's that. Anyway, I really appreciate your help and I have learned a lot from you! Thanks for helping science!

5) Fanficgate

No, this isn't about the Reddit meltdown that happened in the beginning of the year, although that was a choice too. We're talking about December 15, 2020, when Team Quadrant posts a very harrowing tweet that will enter the annals of history.

The format is quite known: celebrity goes into social media content about him, reads everything and does funny lighthearted comments or snaps back at the haters. Naturally, all sections of the fandom go insane and start to discuss whether Lando will find out about this or about that and so did f1blr, blowing things out of proportion like one would. People started posting "Lando I'm so sorry" or "Hey Lando, if you're reading this hiiii". TBF I even think I did too, although I hit my head and my memory is glitching ever since. Anyway, the ethics of shipping Carlando were discussed, the ethics of fanfiction were discussed, the ethics of stalking were discussed, but here's the error though: Tumblr believed they were a social media worthy of recognition in 2020.

youtube

My guy wasn't even CLOSE to tumblr. TBH? Coward. It's easy to go on Twitter/Reddit, try spending one day in this Godless land. Anyway, the fact that we all suffered from collective delusion there - including those of us who knew there was no way in hell Lando would read their 50k childhood friends to lovers carlando one shot but still had a meltdown - makes it a non-entity gate and therefore, the worst ranked out of those. Overall, the people I interviewed were like "lol oop that was nothing" so, I think the fandom agrees with that one. I rate this a 1 out of 5 suggestive lando pic

4) Feetgate

This is the Funniest Shit ever and nothing will ever compare to this. The only reason I'm ranking this so low is because the following three are more based on reality, but this is the narrative I want to be included in. Absolutely legendary.

It starts with Sylvana IJsselmuiden, Formula 1 legend (I'm calling her like this from now on) and Dutch personality. Sylvie went on a podcast called "F1 Aan Tafel" on December 7, 2020 and started dropping barz on barz about Formula 1 drivers sliding on her DMs and sending her dick pics (if you know Dutch, here's the link. The Queen of Feet starts talking about it on min 32:50 if I'm not mistaken - I heard a Leclerc in Dutch accent and I am worried). Basically, she says that Lando shoots his shot constantly on DMs and that there are talks of him sending dick pics around, so she decided to answer the last time he had hit her up and see what happens.

Everybody gangsta until Sylvana said she photoshopped pictures of her feet to make them thicker and sent them to Lando, who responded with 'sexy feet'. Anyway, again, meltdown ensued. Some people latched onto the fact that Lando allegedly send unconsented dick pics to women (that is shit if true), some people decided to DM him their feet (this is so funny i am 10) and some people were just laughing at this, especially considering that when this came out it was really late at night for the Europeans and they would wake up with whiplash.

There were also people who tried to discredit Sylvana because she photoshops herself with drivers on her instagram. To me these look like a joke but even if she wanted to pass them off as reality, you know what? If she says she went to a bike trail with Lewis then to me that's real. She is my queen and God forgive who disrespects my queen.

Mostly, people just laughed at the fact Lando can't get no coochie and has a foot fetish because come on. Come ON. But also, the sentiment is that it's his life and a foot fetish is as normal in these days as wearing a mask to go out (I hope to FUCK no anti-maskers are reading this). The extra funny part is that Lando keeps going back to feetgate himself, by constantly talking about his socks during streams, having a foot cam (I mean, most drivers do anyway because they think it's interesting to see their feet while they play racing video games. I don't think it's even interesting to watch people play video games but well, I like to write things people will never read so who am I to judge). Here are two tidbits: one of Lando himself resurrecting Feetgate from the dead and one of Noel Miller also indirectly referring to it

This is stellar, fuck it. I rate this a 5/5 Sylvana's feet

3) Portugalgate

Portimão was definitely one of the races of all time. For Lando, it had started brightly as he was Top 3 in the first practice session (as if this meant anything) but by Qualis, we knew it was going to get real as he landed in P8, behind Carlos his beloved. The race wasn't sexy either at all, and while his teammate moved up, he actually got left behind, and by Lap 18 his race was as good as dead when he bumped with Lance Stroll, who thought the gap in Turn 1 existed. In case you guys don't remember, on Friday Lance had also had an incident with Max Verstappen on that same Turn - and tbh I think Max was just as amateur there as Lance.

Naturally, Lando wasn't happy at the moment, using some choice words at Lance. To be quite honest I am not English, so I have genuinely no idea of the impact this has in society, but most of the Brits that talked to me were the ones who highlighted his use of the C-word while the non-Brits didn't even look at it, so that's curious. He apologises for his language at the end of the GP on radio, but boy, he was ready to go wild.

Post race interviews come, he's still not happy: "He obviously didn't learn from Friday but he doesn't seem to learn from anything he does. It happens a lot with him, so I just need to stay away," he said to a reporter who couldn't believe the gold he had just found. Later, he was also asked on his thoughts about Lewis Hamilton's incredible 92 GP Victories, a record he had just taken away from Michael Schumacher's hands. His answer was very sweet: “It doesn’t mean anything to me, really. He’s in a car which should win every race, basically. He has to beat one or two other drivers, that’s it. Fair play to him, he’s still doing the job he has to do.” (I only found the video with Brazilian commentators on top, muh bad).

He was also not done with Lance, having a dig at him on Insta:

Yeah, you can tell the major reception of this was,,,, not what Lando expected. I sincerely think he got post-rant clarity because the Twitter apology came faster than the Merc in Portugal.

(lmao I love when people say "I am not that kind of person" in their apologies as if they weren't caught in 4k being that sort of person). To be honest, even though the wide majority of F1 fans thought that Lando was goofy as all fuck for having said the Lewis comments, there are still apologists who think that he was just saying what we were all thinking, while Lance's were just part of the game and he was in the heat of the moment, he was also raging still when he also talked about Lewis, it was a bad moment.

To be quite honest as well, there were quite a few discussions about Lando not being mindful of the race factor when he jabbed at Lewis - some people thought he should have been, some people actually thought that for once someone was assessing the situation as it really is and that removing the "activism" part of the equation was reasonable as cars are cars, political disarray is political disarray. The Lando stans I spoke to were quite divided about this as well, more than the Lance comments and many thought he was a bitch while the rest argued that "he said what we're all thinking".

There was still a very poignant comment about how part of Lando's identity as a media darling in Britain is that he is the anti-Lewis, and I am going to quote it here because it just…. NGL lads it gave me pause:

"Lewis gets hate for not living in the UK and “tax dodging”, Lando lives here. Lewis gets hate for being in the best car. Lando can’t be accused of that one. Lewis gets hate for being black, I don’t need to explain that one. Some even claim he gets preferential treatment because he is the only black driver. Lewis gets hate for his clothes, Lando seems to live in black or white. Lewis active support of BLM got him criticism because he should just stick to racing, however Lando’s vocal support of BLM, his support of Mind and his genuinely sweet support and friendship with Sir Captain Tom Moore was applauded. Lewis speaks his mind, gets slated. Lando speaks his mind, gets slated by his fans but Joe public F1 fans think he amazing for speaking his mind. There are people who actively oppose his knighthood. When you see what other sport stars have been given knighthood for in this country, 5 and 6 times Olympic Gold Medalist, 2 x Wimbledon Winner and 2 x Olympic Gold Medalist. I think he’s in that elite bracket now dont you? Lando is celebrated for just not be Lewis by some Brits. Is it any wonder George keeps his mouth shut?"

I am thinking. I really didn't know Lando was that deep - and honestly after learning more about him straight from his fans mouth's I still don't, but the Lando lore does have meaning. Amazing. Either way, people cannot claim this was all one time road rage if Carlos' commented that Lando goes into terrible moods even while playing golf. GOLF. Mayhaps a therapist could help. However, since he did apologise and then managed to keep his mouth shut about Lance and congratulated Lewis on his WDC later on, one must not dwell too much on these things. I rate this one a 3 out of 5 world records.

2) COVIDgate

This was low. Like, very low. Basically, Max Fewtrell did a livestream and discussed going to Dubai for the holidays (around December 29, 2020. wow all of these really happened in like a week). Max basically made it seem as if Lando would join him and @sebastonstroll, braver than the US marines actually caught some blurry screenshots of Lando's arm and wristwatch during one of the Dubai streams (actually, that was a joke. but God liked and subscribed so I think maybe we could call it "pioneering" instead). That's all fine, I mean, places are there to be visited, except there is this little thing called a "coronavirus" or something I'm not a doctor, which means that you kinda should stay at home…. and there is like, the Law or something that kinda makes it so you have to stay at home as well. I am not an expert on any of these things, but it sounds like Somerset, where Lando lives, was in a Tier 3 Lockdown, which means "sit yo ass down", so the plate was served.

Now, it was the holidays, we were all frustrated I'm sure and overall, there wasn't a lot of meat on that beef stew for one to actually feel well-fed, so there were again discussions on the ethics of stalking, how thin was the line between stanning and paranoia and why. Most fans kinda relaxed and reached the conclusion there was no way this could be real since there was a tier 3 lockdown and Lando was just home for Christmas, but as the days went and suspicious screencaps showed up online, it was harder to discern the benefit of the doubt from denial.

Thankfully, there was no need to keep that debate going for long. Not so fortunately, that was because Lando joined the ranks of F1 drivers ahead of the game who didn't wait for the vaccine to become immune themselves.

The question that remained was: is he isolating in England, or in Dubai? Don't worry fellas, McLaren got him!

Considering Lando was as good as caught, McLaren took no time to 'fess up, and I mean, what would be the point to try and cover up if the whole purpose of Dubai during the pandemic is to be a safe haven for the rich and privileged to have parties for the 'Gram, right? However, they chose an intcheresting expression, "training camp". So, he was there for a scheduled team training camp… but he arrived there early… Ok, maybe so he could have a 14-day quarantine… except that didn't really land because if you knew where to look up you could even see his brother was in an ice rink one day after Lando announced his COVID diagnosis - and arguably as a "contact case" he should also be in quarantine. But that's fine, it's a team training camp and these things are common…. except Danny Ric didn't get the memo because he was doing a tour in Los Angeles as well. Well fuck me, then, Lando legitimate, royally, fucked that one up.

Talking to the Lando side of the website, no one was particularly happy. Doubts were raised about how people reacted to Lando's announcement in comparison to Pierre's or Charles', but like, I don't think one thing outweighs the other, and I agree with the sentiment that people were reasonably madder at Lando because he always sold the image of being a socially conscious person, while Charles' has always been dumb as all fuck and no one is really checking for Pierre, let's be honest. (well, we are checking for Pierre. more of that on #1). I asked the folks how they felt about McLaren's response as well, and the answers basically varied from "good on them" to "they totally lied to cover his ass lmao". At last, there were some valid points on how we're not entitled to know where Lando goes or what he is doing, fair, but then again, we're not exactly in the most "normal" of times, and there were a few sweethearts who were like "sincerely, I didn't even registered he had fucked up until after I digested the fact he had COVID, I was too busy being worried about him and wanting him to be healthy". Overall, the lowest of lows, really, no one was happy. I rate this begrudgingly a 4 out of 5 covid positive F1 drivers, genuinely not taking any pleasure in this.

1) Pierregate - I'm not gonna call this anything else. Too funny.

The one personality trait I was sure Lando had prior to 2021 was that he was thirsty. Like, mega thirsty. There are screencaps as far as July 2019 of him using his official IG account to like posts of Instagram models, which to me is most pleasing and amusing. I particularly enjoyed this compilation from @opendirection that led me the right way and no, I don't think Lando should use his finsta to get girls, or attempt to. He should be clear, he is here for coochi, so am I, coochi is great.

Enter Katerina Berezhna, a model/entrepreneur currently based in Dubai, and hot, very hot. Katerina had been in Lando's radar since September 2020 at the very least. They would have regulary IG activity - very well received by the most patrician of Lando fans, as you can see and by the Abu Dhabi GP, when he said he was taken, she was the most likely candidate to the role.

Covidgate comes and with it, some curious activity of Katerina. Seemingly, she takes down pictures of herself at the beach after the announcement and replaces them with pictures in her room, watching Netflix or doing yoga, kinda making it seem as if she was quarantining too. I don't come here, so I won't claim this is true, but I will tell you she has stories from Dubai up in her highlights and you can do the math that the yoga selfies that are up are from that time frame, so she was mostly indoors, officially at least.

Pierre gets to Dubai around the same time and also decides to party. Not only is he seen, but he is also perceived and pics of him in a party go around, we're all like "fucking hell Pierre, wear a mask, Lando just got COVID". However, if you go to the insta highlights I linked up there, the story right after the yoga pics is a story of Katerina in a beach party… where Pierre and her got clocked at together.

This is awkward. Anyway, the math was done by the most dedicated of Lando and Pierre stans alike, but this only blew up after right at the end of January, Pear also got, as they say it in French, l'infection.

After this, we got a very hard-hitting investigative piece of journalism by @ef-1, who uncovered how far their beef went: they don't follow each other on IG and as far as February, Pierre made a point of not liking Lando posts on McLaren's profile. This gave birth to one of my favourite screenshots of all time:

(btw, here's a picture of Pierre and Katerina FACTUALLY together. I have found none of Lando with Katerina)

Pierregate ranks the highest out of them all because it just brings out the best of all these people: Pierre has a history of being petty out of nothing, Lando has a history of not being able to get any and Katerina is so hot. None of the Lando stans that came to talk to me are actually in the sector that gave a real shit about this besides amusement and disgust at the fact they were most likely kissing the same mouth during a pandemic. Either way, it's their life and none of our business……. but this is so INTERESTING THO.

I would just like to state by the way: Katerina isn't a gold digger per se just because she dated or flirted with two formula 1 drivers, but IF SHE WAS, good for her. There is nothing more girlboss empowering than a Real Gold Digger™, and you know, many Sugar Baby/Daddy relationships are based on sexist concepts, while proper gold digging is one of the most sublime forms of historical reparations out there. I stand with my fellow opportunists. Good for you. I rank this a 5 out of 5 models that Lando liked an Instagram post of.

ROUND-UP: WHAT DID I LEARN FROM THIS

Well, I'm gonna be real with you all: my opinion of Lando and his fandom was very low before talking to his fans and actually looking deep at his controversies. It seems I'm not the only one, as all the fans I talked about quoted at some point the whole toxicity of the fandom and let the steam out. While I do think people take it TOO far when it comes to him, and it's not just here, all social media involving Lando are cesspools in one way or another, I do feel like I can relate to people more. To many, Lando is a young driver that is relatable, a lot of you were in the 20s age gap (and there are younger folks of course) who just has the sort of sense of humour and concerns that we do. There is still a great identity aspect of him being a British McLaren drivers, which is so strong a pull considering this is one of the greatest teams there are and Brits have historically bred world champions, who knows, Lando could be the next one.

That being said, I still kinda don't vibe with him. Not my type. But I do hope that 2021 brings a Lando that stays in his lane for the sake of internet and because my guy could take a break. It seems he is going on the right direction and taking F1 seriously, but also I hope he doesn't try to rehabilitate his image (not that he needs to, but clearly he WANTS to rebrand) too much to the point of losing himself. Also, I did not touch on this week's drama because I even asked around and people weren't able to tell me properly what happened, so there isn't anything much. I hope he behaved well though, if he didn't then I guess it's time to update this post lol.

Anyway, I guess my point is that everyone is kinda crazy, but I do think that Lando fans are kinda cool now. I cannot repeat this enough, thank you to everyone who spared some time to talk to me and let me know the scoops. This was your girl formulinos in a redux version of the Hyperfixation Corner - stay tuned for the next one that is done, but I needed to take a proper breather from it, you'll get why soon, I hope! Screw you guys, I'm going home :)

21/03/2020 - NEW ENTRY - SEXISMGATE In the words of the great philosopher Jake Paul, "it's everyday bro". The latest entry in the Landogate compilation is a series of clips taken from streams done by Max Fewtrell (at this point laid ease, honestly, if you guys stan Max F. I recommend a doctor, ngl) featuring Lando. Just a few days ago, a very progressive conversation was had during a game session (or whatever you call it, I'm not a gamer girl) of Escape From Tarkov. The clips have been cropped around and shared by @carlandonorri-s (big shout out to you, braver than US marines etc), but I got them backed up on streamable :D. Summaries:

1) Lando says that if a girl talks to you about star signs, you should leave. They talk about a certain girl Max "never had" that could have sat down next to him one night and this elicits a strong reaction from the streamers. Lando adds "you might have been made to sit next to her one night and she might have coughed on you". A charmer.

2) Allusions to calling a girl "cowboy" and "this might not be the only snake in my boot". Max thinks it's not a dig, just funny. Lando has referred to the same person as "cowboy" and "cowgirl" in yesterday's stream on Max's page as well (rather curious how I haven't seen yet the same conversations in Lando's streams, only in Max's less famous ones lol).

I will disclaim I don't have it in me to watch full vidya streams because I don't get what's fun in them, so if there are any further clips out there, yeah they're out there <3. Kush @sebastonstroll (who also ripped the last clip I talked about! Thanks for that) whistleblew and did the post that gained more traction, there are a few commentary posts out there as well (in particular this one from @babettevdw is very neat) and overall, not a good look. I have no personal hot take from this, men are pigs and I think that's it. I was waiting for the apology tweets but to be quite honest due to the sheer volume of "but if this was a woman talking about a man you wouldn't care" and "what about that time this driver said women can't drive" I highly doubt Lando will say something as his new strategy is to lay low - and I don't give a shit about if Max F apologises or not as he will probably never do something relevant in F1 anyway let's be honest. I rate this a 1/5 incel face structure pic due to the fact that if Lando's dad didn't have any money he wouldn't even be in F1 and have the chance to travel around the globe and meet hot chicks. Chaldish.

16/08/2021 - NEW ENTRY - MEXICANGATE

We had managed to spend almost 5 whole months without a Landogate everyone, so of course that when a new one happened, it would be A Doozy.

Let's set the mood: you're rich, you're finally in a good moment in your career, you are moderately ok looking, you have freeloading friends and a instagram/tik tok girl on a yacht and it's the summer. You're at the top of the world, basically, and you and your lads still find the time to be just... whatever this is

On Instagram even. With videos too. A bit extra, I'd say.

There was already a pretty perfect post by @maxricciardo on the subject of cultural appropriation and why this sort of display is not humorous, just prejudicial, so I won't elongate myself much on it. I will, however, pull my "As A Latina" card and say that I'm not surprised that's in its majority, a bunch of European Lads on Tour doing this since they tick all the boxes of privileged to think it's funny to do it.

Obviously, I don't want to talk on the name of Mexicans in particular and I don't even think that it's pleasant to go and Ask Your Local Mexican if this is ok or not, but I can draw parallels with my culture and say that when there are cultural parties here and foreigners come, even people who come from the Western Euro/North American are, they are more than welcome to take part in our culture WITH us and wear whatever you want WITH OUR CONSENT under a respectful environment and context. What these guys are doing, however, is basically take a stereotype derived of years and years of humiliating oppression perpetrated by biased accounts and media and laugh it off on their little bubble. It always hurts to me when I see accounts of Brazil being talked about as nothing besides drug trafficking and sexual tourism, I don't need to extrapolate too much to think about how it feels for my fellow Latinos.

And that's another important things I want to get in, I've seen a lot of people claim this was racist, and here's a lil fun fact: we can't tell. We don't know. Our concept of race is incredibly different from the one adopted by Europeans and North Americans, who lump us all into one ethnicity ("latino") and try to tell us we're POC even though, depending on the place you're at, you couldn't tell the difference between here and Germany. This is not cool by the way, because unlike the myth that says that Latin America is a big haven for the plurality of cultures (and it is, the sheer fact we have had different colonisers, influences from a lot of countries, the indigenous presence, unfortunately the influx of African cultures too because of slavery, people who ran away from wars in their countries, etc etc), we all suffered because of "Whitening", that is, the racist insistence of making sure that people had mixed children with white people to improve our bloodline. The result is that our race is very much something we identify socially with and a lot of people who read as POC outside of Latin America aren't considered POC here. That's not to say it wasn't wrong just because "it wasn't funny". It's xenophobic, it's prejudice, it's everything else and a bit more.

To make matters worse, I unfortunately have to talk about the reactions of the fanbase because during this write-up, I usually checked the reactions of the Landosphere and talked to Lando fans, but this time I didn't need to because a lot of them showed their asses on social media, for free. People claimed that Lando is persecuted, that it was just funny and that it made sense to wear those costumes on a Mexican-themed party, saying that if you can't do this you can't wear Lederhosen in German parties either, and that's the point innit? Germans, Dutch, French, whatever.... they WERE the colonisers. At the very least the colonies in Europe were far more comfortable and less ravaged than the Africans, the Latin Americans, and when you look around, you see the influence in Asia too and it's not a good look (again I can't speak for everyone so if any of you want to drop a comment on how you resent Imperialism etc. feel free to). You're not mocked, at the very least you get laughed a bit but you're not REDUCED to just this as part of your identity. Sorry for the lack of eloquence, it just hit a little too close to home.

So, honestly, I'm done here with the Landogates because I don't want to have to see whatever he did next - and I never needed to, I started these because they were amusing and it felt like the noise they made were not proportional to the actions of the driver, but nowadays it feels like he's having the opposite of character growth, enabled by the fans who believe he can't do any wrong or that he is just a kid. The discussion about problematic faves is a whoooole other topic, but at the very least if you're not ready to unstan, just shut up, take the L and let people rip him off for a day. Stay on your lane when you know there is no defense.

To those of you who were very nice while talking to me, thanks a lot! To those of you who stopped stanning him at some point, don't worry, there is always another driver. And to those of you who think I'm wrong etc, I suppose you're entitled to, but I also do suggest that you evaluate if it's worth it you know.

I rate this a 0/5 and I am tapping out.

#hyperfixation corner #lando norris #to be honest this isn't even banter i was really curious after seeing yet another landogate on the tag i just had to know what is up #my conclusions are these #i hope the other lando stans don't take this personally i tried to be fair while also being partial because well you know

287 notes · View notes

neoheros · 4 years

Text

how would haikyuu boys react to you hitting them up at 3 am? feat. gym three squad !

tsukishima kei

listen LISTEN

i know everyone thinks he’s the punctual kid who got his shit together and has a nice bed time and stuff

but like ??? tsukki is just a lil boy who collects dinosaurs and has a crippling addiction to tiktok

this boy is awake at 3 am because he cannot for the love of god put his phone down

he’s basically bouncing back and forth from twitter to tiktok, he’s TIRED OF IT

at this time he’s got a pretty picture of you cozily asleep in bed cause it’s like almost the crack of dawn and he’s chill with the fact that you’re healthy and taking care of yourself

so imagine how betrayed he felt when you snap him a picture of yourself holding up a peace sign with a silly grin at 3:36 am captioned “wanna get ice cream w/ me? 😗✌️”

he doesn’t reply but he does leave you on opened

and you were low key hurt cause 3 am do be the time you’re on your feels

he snaps you back though after a minute or two

it’s a video of him rolling his eyes at you but then flipping the camera to show you that he’s already on his way out the door with car keys in his hand

he’s gonna pretend that he’s annoyed but cmon guys let’s be real

he wanted some ice cream too and his fyp was showing the same stuff over and over again

plus he missed seeing you ok 👉👈

once he arrives at your door, he’s all grumpy but you don’t buy it !!! nah you see right through his act !!

tsukki: we’re buying ice cream and then we’re going to sleep or so help me i’ll lose my mind and never function again 😤

you: so i’m guessing you wrecked your sleep schedule too this quarantine huh?

tsukki, on the verge of a meltdown: if i see the sunrise without sleeping again for the eight morning in a row i’ll cry

you pat his back and you enjoy your ice cream together in his car while you both scroll through tiktok again

kuroo tetsuro

ok so contrary to popular belief, kuroo is in bed by 11 pm and wakes up at 8 am

like have y’all SEEN that man !!

y’all think he’s staying up til 4 am with THAT figure ?????

he’s got the body of a 6’2 nordic god and skin that is smoother than a baby’s bum

this boy takes care of himself and it SHOOOOOOWS !!!!!!

so anyways it’s 3 am and you’re still awake because who the hell isn’t these days like please

you knew that your boyfriend was most likely asleep by now but if you knew anything and i mean anything about kuroo is that he never puts his phone on silent

so you weigh out the pros and cons on asking him to come eat out with you and it didn’t take you that much time to decide tbh

pros: he gets to see you and it’s been so long since he has

pros: think of all the hugs and forehead kisses you both are missing out on

pros: you can ask him to bring his grey sweatshirt which always smells like his cologne that you forgot to take from him

cons: bro after thinking of that last one, the cons didn’t even matter at this point, you just missed your man like damn :(

so you facetime him and it takes numerous of rings before the call got dropped

you: oh so he’s SLEEPING sleeping :/

but then like before you could ring him up again you’re already getting another call from him

you take a second or two cause your heart was just so warm like !!! that’s my baby 🥺👉👈

you answer and he’s so pretty y’all it’s unfair like how did this man just wake up

his hair was all messy and he’s rubbing his eyes and stuff but also you can clearly see his silver chain on his exposed collar bone and NGJEJDKSKZKA

you, out of breath: h-holy shit

and his bed voice !! it’s all deep and groggy like who gave you the right ??

you swear you felt your heart stop when he went “babe, it’s 3 am,”

sir we are supposed to be social distancing please do not make me act up

kuroo, half asleep: did you need anything baby 🥺

you, on the verge of tears: i wanted mcdonald’s but instead i’m getting attacked 😤

and you just watch him stifle a yawn before his face erupts in a goofy ass smile as he goes “mcdonald’s it is.”

KENSKWNS I LOVE KUROO

bokuto koutarou

BABIE !! HE IS !! AN ACTUAL BABIE !!

i’m just gonna be flat out honest here, he’s the one who hits you up at 3 am to hang out

bc it’s quarantine and social distancing has taken so much from him already and he just wants to see his babie ok is that too much to ask

so it’s not a surprise to anyone when it’s 3 am in the morning and he finds himself in his feels cause both you and akaashi fell asleep on him and he’s just !!! 🥺

he’s nowhere near falling asleep too cause every time he tries to sleep his messed up body clock is just like nah bruh it ain’t 9 am yet 💀✌️

so he’s contemplating either going out to get starbucks alone or dragging you or akaashi out of bed

he goes with the latter cause you know what it’s what he deserves !! 😤😤

he calls you in a heartbeat after making up his mind and his heart falls to his stomach when you don’t pick up

but two minutes later you snap him a photo of you in bed rubbing your eyes with the caption “this is the earliest i’ve woken up in 3 weeks”

he laughs aloud at that and his heart is doing jumping jacks cause you’re so cute and it’s like YOU !! WERE !! MADE !! FOR !! HIM !!

he snaps you back with him in his hoodie, a wide smile and his keys brought up to his face with the text, “starbucks w/ me?”

the two of you end up falling asleep in his car on a parking lot and you wake up to see that he took off his sweatshirt to cover you from the cold 🥺👉👈

akaashi keiji

akaashi keiji is the most perfect boy in the world

so y’all can bet that the latest he’ll stay up is 11 pm with the ensured fact that he’ll wake up at 7 am

he’s a pretty light sleeper though but he never puts his phone on silent because what if he’s needed and there’s an emergency 🥺

yes he is That kind of person

he tells you everyday to try and have a better sleep schedule to train your body clock but do you listen? no 👉👈

so he’s kinda alarmed but also not really when his phone lets out a consecutive amount of notification pings

they’re all from you and at first he’s worried because woah that’s a lot of snaps and texts

but then he remembers that oh they’re all from you

anyways he wakes himself up, running his hand through his hair as he goes through the span of messages you sent him

basically ranging from “hey keiji in the tiny TINY chance you’re still awake do you wanna play imessage games with me” to “i’m so upset look how pretty that cat is,”

he had a smile on his face the whole time he read through them

he sends you a snap of his sleepy face with a soft grin and captioned it with “are you still bored and awake?”

and it takes you a minute and a second of tearing up over having the most amazing boyfriend ever before responding to him

you send him a snap of you with your hand over your chest saying, “i’m hungry now too 🥺”

akaashi, already on his way out the doorway with an extra hoodie and a bucket of ice cream: omw ❤️👍

4K notes · View notes

andypantsx3 · 4 years

Text

BABY ARE YOU PLAYING TRICKS | 1 | KIRISHIMA x READER

SUMMARY: Dressing up as sexy Red Riot for Halloween had been embarrassing enough on its own. Then you actually run into Red Riot. TAGS/WARNINGS: romance, halloween, aged-up characters, fem pronouns + afab reader, smut, oral (f receiving), 18+ mdni

FIC MASTERLIST

It had been a joke.

Well, mostly a joke.

The fact of the matter was, you hadn’t really thought Halloween was going to be a thing this year. You’d had a time of it in college—and when you were much younger, obviously—but now that you were fresh out of your university days, several months into a job, and armed with commuter benefits and your own health insurance and everything, you’d thought that maybe your time for Halloween had passed. You were just going to spend the night in with a glass of wine and a horror movie like a certified actual adult.

That is, until your friend Yuki texted, exactly three days before Halloween.

YUKI 4:08 PM girls night with the crew at my place fri 4:08 PM we’re handing out candy and drinking until at least one of us experiences liver failure

You’d snorted as you read the text, instantly thumbing back a message. As long as it’s not my liver, then I’m in. What can I bring?

YUKI 4:09 PM any alcohol of your choice 4:09 PM also it’s hero themed, non-negotiable 4:09 PM yes u have to buy a costume 4:10 PM no i do not accept feedback, only cash or credit

You groaned, suddenly wondering if you might make up a previous engagement. Alcohol was fine, but buying a costume had not been in the budget. You’d been thinking of splurging on the upscale market a couple blocks away for your next grocery run, instead of the crumbling, budget-friendly spot you frequented. A costume meant no fancy cheese or organic veggies this week, and you’d kind of been looking forward to it.

You weighed the pros and cons, idly biting a nail.

YUKI 4:12 PM i know ur free, bitch 4:12 PM and i know ur pretending like u can’t afford a costume 4:12 PM if u back out and i see u with fancy fuckin cheese this week ur dead

You sighed. Decision made, then.

You texted her back a confirmation, smiling a little at her antics. She knew you way too well, and strong-arming you into socializing was her way of showing she cared. You’d miss the cheese, though.

This left you with the question of what to be for Halloween, however. Hero costumes were super easy to come by, considering the profession was the most popular and the campiest of nearly all jobs in the country, so it wasn’t like you needed to dedicate too much thought to your choice, or rush order anything special.

You left it until the day of Halloween, deciding you’d pick up whatever fun garbage might be left in the pop up Halloween store on your way home from work that afternoon. And that’s really how the problem arose.

What was left in your size were three choices: sexy Deku, sexy Ground Zero, and sexy Red Riot.

You immediately reached for Red Riot, not wanting to even entertain the thought of the other two longer than it took to read the packaging. Deku was too sweet and too baby-faced and it was disturbing that anyone had thought to turn his costume into something that risque. And while Ground Zero would fit even the pickiest woman’s criteria for sexy, he was obnoxious as hell, and you could only imagine the type of meltdown the explosive hero might have if he ever got wind that people were bastardizing his suit like this.

Red Riot, though, was hot and nice—from what you could tell—and his actual costume was probably even more risque than what was inside this package, so it wasn’t really like you were doing anything nuts. The dude literally walked around shirtless, not that you (or your twitter timeline) were complaining. At least this outfit appeared to come with a chest covering.

You huffed a laugh, thinking of all the ribbing you were going to get from the other girls who would presumably be dressed normally and respectably. And who had read more than one thirst tweet you’d sent about the man. But honestly, it was kind of funny. Sexy Red Riot, like the guy wasn’t already sexy enough on his own.

You paid at the register and utilized the store bathroom as a quick stop changing station, so you didn’t have to nip by your own apartment on the way over to Yuki’s. It took a fair amount of finagling and one shame-faced request for fashion tape to the bored teenager manning the counter, but eventually you managed to squeeze into the costume and secure it enough that you were certain it would hold up on the walk to Yuki’s.

The sky was darkening by the time you stuffed your work clothes into your bag and ducked into a nearby liquor store to grab a couple bottles of something dark and red. When you emerged, it was twilight, the sky painted a luminous pink that faded softly into a crimson matching your costume.

Dry leaves rustled as they blew across the street, and the air tasted icy, carrying a hint of winter's crisp bite. A group of college students decked out in what appeared to be pun-themed costumes (including one deviled egg, weilding a pitchfork and a clearly home-made foam egg suit) walked ahead of you, chattering to themselves. You listened idly to their gossip as you trudged along behind them, basking in the cool, musky-sweet scent of the night air.

It was maybe the fact that you were listening to the students that meant you weren’t listening for the nearby tread of boots as you rounded a corner. But one second you were eavesdropping on an impassioned rant detailing the many sins of someone’s roommate called fuckin' Daisuke, and the next, you were colliding with something large and incredibly hard.

You jerked back, winded by the impact, clutching your nose where you’d crunched it against the hard stone. Only, the stone reached out a pair of arms, grabbing you by your elbows to steady you.

“Oh shit, careful there,” he said, concern flecking his bright tone. “Are you okay?”

You glanced up, blanching when you caught sight of who you’d collided with. It was only his hold on your elbows that stopped you from falling straight back into the street.

Kirishima Eijirou—best known as Red Riot—smiled cheerfully back at you, his beaming expression belying the mouthful of predators teeth. His whole demeanor was friendly and open—his broad shoulders relaxed, skin warm and slightly pink with the chill of the evening air. He wore his hero costume, clearly out on patrol, and it bared an impressive set of hard abs and a pair of criminally large biceps. With the gelled horns and the ragged edges of his torn costume, he really didn’t look like someone who should be so friendly, and yet...

Your eyes darted back to his teeth. Damn, those looked really sharp in person.

“Hey, you sure you didn’t break anything?” A large hand came up to take your chin, thumb brushing over your nose where you’d crunched it against his shoulder. It might have been the instant shot of adrenaline you’d gotten that numbed you to the pain, but you didn’t feel anything other than the calloused pad of his thumb skimming lightly over your skin.

Instead, you watched him in mute shock, clocking his pert nose, keen red eyes, and sharp jawline. He was boyishly handsome up close, and your alarm over this fact tangled with your shock in a suffocating mass that choked out any words you might have spoken.

“I didn’t give you a concussion, did I? I think I might have hardened up in surprise,” he muttered, drawing his thumb back to himself, gaze growing concerned.

You frantically dredged human speech back out of the depths of your brain, panicking. “No—no! Sorry, I was just super surprised. You really do feel like stone.”

He smiled. You noticed his eyes creased in genuine pleasure. “Hey, thanks!” he said, like that wasn’t his whole quirk and you weren’t an idiot for blurting it out. “Sorry for surprising you though, I should have been paying attention.”

You almost put your head in your hands and groaned. So he really was just as nice as he seemed on TV.

“No, I was distracted, listening to those kids,” you admitted, waving a vague hand in the direction they’d disappeared. “I should have heard you coming.”

He smiled again, a flash of those very sharp teeth. His eyes picked over you, and a curious look passed over his pretty features. “Ah, I should have heard you too—I’m supposed to be on patrol. You must have a light step, are you wearing flats—?”

He suddenly cut himself off as his eyes stopped on something below your face, widening. Then his whole body froze, his cheeks going pink.

You gave him a curious look, wondering what he'd fixated on. Until a sudden, gut churning sense of horror welled up inside you as you realized exactly what he was looking at.

You were wearing a Sexy Red Riot costume….in front of literal, actual, real life Red Riot.

Shit.

Shit, this was not happening.

“Oh my god,” you said, instantly reaching for your bag to dig out your work shirt to cover yourself. Kirishima didn’t let go of your elbow, though, so you ended up just making an aborted, half-flail, waving movement, your hand grasping at nothing.

Kirishima didn’t seem to notice, still fixated on the source of your horror.

“Wow, that’s—” he finally managed after a long minute. His throat bobbed. “....I didn’t know they did that.”

You could have literally died. You prayed for a hole to open under the street and swallow you whole. In a world full of quirks and villains, was it really too much to ask that someone wiped you off the face of the earth right the fuck now?

“I’m so sorry,” you babbled mindlessly. “It was—all they had...and it—it was kind of a joke, I mean—what am I saying—shit, I’m super sorry.”

That seemed to get his attention. He jerked his gaze away from the costume that you were actually burning the second you made it out of here, scarlet eyes flicking back up to your face. “What? No! Why would you—?” he scrubbed his free hand over his face, looking for a moment like it pained him to talk. Then he seemed to recover himself, flashing you a grin. “I didn’t mean like—it’s uh, it’s cool. Really cool, actually!”

It’s cool.

God, he was so nice even when he was so obviously perplexed by this whole situation. When he'd been so startled for a moment, so clearly super not into it.

“Uh yeah. I’ll just, uh, go now,” you said, making to step out of his hold.

His fingers clamped down reflexively, and you were jerked back towards him, your cheek meeting the jut of his collarbone. You had milliseconds to process what was happening, but you catalogued it all—the warmth of his skin, the faint, orange-peel scent of some body wash, the surprised noise deep in his throat—before you reeled back, stumbling over your own feet.

Kirishima stared down at you with a slightly startled expression. He slowly unclenched his fingers, his movements somewhat mechanical, finally freeing you from his hold.

“Uh, sorry about that,” he said. He brought his hand back to himself, flexing his fingers a little, like he was trying to forget the feel of you in his hand.

You cringed. You’d never seen the man look so out of his depth—and that was saying something, considering the guy fought literal supervillains for a career. It just figured that you were embarrassing enough to surpass even villains for the most trying moment of his whole life. You wanted to disappear off the face of the earth.

“No it’s—uh, it’s fine,” you said, forcing yourself to take a step back from him. “Again, um, sorry about the costume. I didn’t…uh, I obviously didn’t think I would run into actual Red Riot.”

Another bright smile wormed its way back onto his mouth. “Kind of funny, right?”

Mortifying would be a better word for it, really. It would be one thing if he’d seen you in the costume and had liked it. It was another thing entirely that he’d gone so still and so awkward, when he was known for his cheerful composure. God, this was going to keep you awake at night, tossing and turning, for the rest of your entire life.

“Um, kind of,” you allowed, trying to match his good humor. You took another step back. “Well, anyway. I, um, I had somewhere to be. Obviously. I don’t just dress like this. So—uh—“

Kirishima’s scarlet eyes followed you carefully as you backed away. His expression tightened, pretty features looking pained, and for a moment he looked like he was going to say something.

You panicked.

“Okay! So, um, bye! Great to meet you! And, uh, happy Halloween!” you shouted, startling yourself a little. Then you turned on your heel, and darted away as quickly as you could manage.

You heard something like a bewildered goodbye from over your shoulder, but you paid it no mind, focusing on disappearing as fast as you could. The sooner you were out of his line of sight, the easier it would be for him to forget what he’d just seen. And the sooner you were at Yuki’s, the sooner you could drink yourself stupid enough to black this memory out.

You slowed only when you were sure you were far enough away that there was no chance you’d accidentally cross paths with him again. You stopped, taking a moment to lean heavily against the cold marble of a finance building. You clutched a hand to your chest, willing your heartbeat to slow to a less concerning rhythm. You let out a shaky breath.

Well that had been the most embarrassing episode of your entire life. You'd be cringing about this for years to come, likely until the day you died. They were going to carve it on your gravestone, probably; Here lies Y/N, Red Riot's waking nightmare. May she rest in eternal mortification.

All you could really do now was try to put it out of your mind, and hope Kirishima eventually forgot it too.

Anyway, with any luck, you'd probably never have to see Kirishima Eijirou again.

#kirishima #bnha x reader #kirishima x reader #bnha #fanfic #kirishima eijirou #my hero academia #eventual smut

581 notes · View notes

loveyourownsmiilee · 2 years

Note

No cause some Twitter stans are so convinced Oliver is excited about buckL is baffling to me. Like where is this alleged excitement exactly? Cause anything he talks about in his lives is how this season is like s2&3 and rambles on about Chris/Gavin Eddie/Ryan. Any sneak peeks he posts have to do with them too. The only thing that can be considered L "excitement" is his welcome post and that was just a nice thing to do. Like at least make sure you are right before you start making statements like that lol

Ok this is the last time I’m gonna be speaking about this whole fiasco that Twitter people are losing their minds over. Oliver can be excited for the show coming back without it automatically indicating he’s getting a new love interest. The man currently has one and has never once promoted her or their relationship in any way. He’s never actually once promoted any of his on screen girlfriends but ok sure he’s starting that now 🙄 the man has spoken about Ryan and Gavin at any opportunity he could. He’s done Q&A’s and IG lives answering questions right? And I’m certain many people have asked him about Lucy by now so why did he never respond?!? Why has he never once posted a bts with her??? Why isn’t he excited about any of his scenes with her specifically?!? And the welcome post he did post was strictly brolike. Like how men in sports teams yell for their friends by using their last names. I didn’t see that as anything especially in comparison to his overall behavior with Ryan and Gavin for this season. I agree with you on these people making sure their statements are correct before having meltdowns about it because this is truly absurd. This is why I stay the hell away from twitter bc there’s so much unnecessary nonsense spewing on that website. It blows me away every time I read something stupid like this. Let’s wait til the show airs and see what actually happens between Buck and Lucy before flipping out please.

#juju answers #anon asks #oliver stark #evan buckley #lucy donato #please stop sending me stuff about twitter and buck/Lucy #I can’t with twitter ppl I swear

15 notes · View notes

kit-herondale-carstairs · 4 years

Text

TDA Characters on TikTok

Julian: doesn’t post very often because he is a father but when he does it is always him painting or drawing something with lofi music or him sharing a tidbit about one of the children or other family members (Kieran, Cristina, Diana, Emma and Aline included and always with their explicit permission).

- He’s very popular without even trying and most assume he is a young single father (which isn’t wrong).

- Mostly finds himself on cottagecore or parent side of tiktok.

- doesn’t understand all the thirsty comments he gets because “I don’t even show my face, Emma, why would they think I’m attractive?” but always shares them with Emma because they make her laugh.

Emma: Does it for the girls and the gays, that’s it. Posts nearly every day and page is generally a mixture of self defense videos, vintage makeup/dress tutorials, and videos slamming the patriarchy but also always does the latest dancing videos and other trends.

- always tries to get others to join in on her trend videos, mostly joined by Mark and Cristina when she can rope her in.

- Nearly broke tiktok when she got Julian to do the “You could have been nicer to me” trend because NO ONE KNEW THEY WERE DATING AND EVEN THOUGH THEY COULDN’T SEE HIS FACE EVERYONE RECOGNIZED HIS VOICE AND HE WAS SO SWEET WHEN HE OFFERED TO TAKE HER TO HER FAVORITE THRIFT STORE AND BUY HER SOME DRESSES AFTER HE PUT THE “BABY” DOWN FOR HIS NAP.

- - everyone knows the “baby” is actually at least seven but no one ever said his name because he’s too young so everyone collectively knows him as “the baby”

- solidly on gay tiktok even though she’s straight.

Mark: Daily blogs. Everyone thinks he’s shit posting because it’s all wild things like standing in a middle of a circle of flowers and talking about “this pixie named Aelia lives here and she’s a BITCH”. Often shows videos of him cooking or baking wild concoctions that range from “Okay, I’d try that” to “this is why God has abandoned us”.

- Does dancing videos with Emma all the time and often acts as the “creeper” in her self defense videos.

- Caused a meltdown on tiktok when he casually mentioned his “partners” and started creating videos to raise awareness for polyamory.

- Revealed Julian was his brother when he posted a video of Julian yelling at him for a solid minute because “the baby is covered in honey, why is the baby covered in honey, Mark? We don’t let the baby bathe in honey even if he really wants to Mark -”

- solidly on cooking and gay tiktok, often takes a sharp left into “crackhead” tiktok

Kieran: Posts videos of cats he finds and rates them. The lowest ever was a 9.5/10 because “she bit me fairly hard but I scared her and I deserved it for trying to pet her without permission”.

- does not do any trends or reveal much personal information.

- Was always considered wholesome until he (on a dare from Dru) posted a video joking about choking a bossy sub that rounded up on kinktok.

-- everyone went through a brief freak out trying to figure out if he had a partner but it was never solved.

--- No one noticed that Mark posted a video joking about how “one of his partners was absolutely in the doghouse” accompanied by someone sitting in a cardboard ‘doghouse’ around the exact same time.

- solidly on animal tiktok but occasionally veers into kinktok with more (less explicit) dom/sub humor.

Cristina: Does not have her own tiktok but often appears in videos with Emma and occasionally shows up in Mark’s.

- Absolute sweetheart always, even when she is demonstrating a self defense move with Emma, and is always commended for trying Mark’s foods.

-- especially commended when trying the foods while, offscreen, their other partner yells about “Hell food”

- is flattered with all the comments begging her to start her own tiktok but doesn’t feel like she has the time to fully commit to one properly.

Livvy: (She’s alive, don’t @ me) Does absolutely all the new trends and also does various acting POVs

- her soulmate POVs are most popular but she also is known for dueting act-along POVS with other popular creators

- also occasionally posts videos rating the best male actors/superheroes and once got into a long drawn out back to back war with someone on whether or not Captain America really had “America’s ass”

- had a very popular multiple-part series about being a girl in the MCU dating the various Avengers but ended it abruptly after Endgame because “Natasha Romanoff deserved better and it hurts too much”

-she used to post occasional videos where she laments on being the “only single person in the family” but she started getting some very creepy duets and comments from actual adults so she told Julian and they both agreed it would be better for her to stop them

-- Julian did take the time to duet the people being inappropriate and explained very clearly that their actions were wrong and directed towards a LITERAL CHILD and shamed multiple accounts into flat out deleting

Ty: Posts literally whatever interests him. Has two animal series - one where he shares facts about his favorite kinds of animals and one where he showcases various animals he’s found in the tidepools or around the house.

- has done several video series of rescuing animals and has at least one where Julian could be heard lecturing him on trying to raise wild animals in his bedroom again

-- tiktok freaked out because this happened right around the same time as Julian calling out all the creeps on Livvy’s tiktok and no one knew that the twins he talked about were them

- also does videos about his favorite literary works - notably Sherlock Holmes - and true crime/mystery videos

-- he always makes sure to carefully put in warnings for anything remotely violent or triggering and has never had a single video taken down for violating the rules even when he did a multiple part series on the Black Dahlia and how her crime was ‘absolutely solved but because the man who did it was rich and white, he got away with it and probably also killed at least two other women, one of whom was killed in the Philippines”

- sometimes does twin videos with Livvy because she likes them and it makes her happy.

Dru: Queen of witch/horror/true crime tiktok.

- got in trouble with Julian for showing actual runes in videos but everyone just thought they were for the aesthetic so it was fine

- most popular videos is a series where she rates horror movies on how they do on the bechdel test

- sometimes duets Ty’s or Livvy’s videos just to drag them (with love)

- Has a very popular series on “women who snapped” and is known for almost rarely during part 2s (and therefore having to speak very very fast)

- also complains constantly because her videos will get taken down even if they aren’t that violent and includes clips from far worse videos from male creators to point out the double standard

- occasionally dives into tiktok drama just to dabble and then sits on the sidelines and watches it happen

-- 100% built a balloon arch to flex on That Balloon Girl

- solidly on witchtok and horrortok

Kit: King of petty/messy tiktok who also posts random videos about crime and occasional blogs

- switches from either sharing no information to borderline oversharing childhood trauma

- shares videos on borderline illegal ways to get back at exfriends/expartners/exfamily members/general enemies

-- putting fish in people’s vents, subscribing them to magazines under various similar names, sending them glitter in the mail, opening their oreos and taking out the middle of all of them, putting baby locks on their cabinets and in the outlets they can’t see (like under the bed so they can’t get plug in their cellphone charger at night), etc.

- is always eating some sort of snack, no matter what he is doing

- also posts videos about personal safety like what locks will actually keep people out and what ones are easy to break into

--caused several minor freakouts when he casually mentioned his father taught him how to do it

- occasionally posts videos with an adorable toddler and a young couple who he refers to as “mom and dad” even though they look at MOST five years older than him and he often makes parental abandonment jokes/comments

- no idea where he lives because he speaks in an American accent and talks constantly about American/California life but everything around him looks very British

- absolutely dives head first into every tiktok drama and will go for the throat for anyone who makes ableist/sexist/racist/homophobic comments without hesitation

-- his drags are legendarily savage and he has caused numerous problematic accounts to just straight up disappear

- duets videos from Livvy, Dru, Mark, Emma and Julian ( with lots of savage drags) but no one knows how he knows them because he is absolutely somewhere in the UK and all of them are based in California/US

-- he also notably NEVER duets Ty

--- the mystery is finally solved when Kit does a livestream and reveals that he met all of them because he was briefly living with them before getting placed with his family, the young couple who actually are his mom and dad

---- he is very vague about the living situation but everyone assumes he was a foster child

- he once caused a mass freakout on Tiktok (that actually spilled over to twitter and buzzfeed) when he announced he was going back to the US to visit friends and then posted a video with the caption “when you see your boyfriend in person for the first time in MONTHS but he’s too distracted by some wet 🐱”

-- the video panned out from Kit’s unamused face to Ty gently rubbing a tiny wet kitten with a soft cotton towel

300 notes · View notes

incarnateirony · 3 years

Note

you keep saying rainbow capitalist and capitalism boo, queer stories yay, we live in a society and have to participate in it blah blah, do you see this as a positive for representation and that something will come of it? or do you think it’s just a ploy for investors that won’t pan into anything substantial?

Oh no, it's just a cynical take on some of the rainbow BUY SEQUINED STUFF (--hyperbolically, I kid--almost) marketing that I expect to see, and would much rather focus on the actual weighted results in the queer content that's more about Jensen's control really, so despite my cynicality on the marketing pushes necessary at a base to even pull this off. Like hey the gays are footing the bill on this back off ksjdfskdjfsd.

It's a great thing don't get me wrong I just. Lmao. Just the sheer fact that we live in a world of money where you have to tactically aim ur gays into investments somewhere, to consider discussing better content.

The only way it would be a ploy is if you assume jensen is going to intentionally burn those same investors for the sheer hell of it.

It's really more a question of how successful his LGBTQ early branding was and later if Jarpad's public meltdown scared some away even if it's not really particularly Jensen's fault that Jared forgot that cell phones exist for more than multi million twitter follower postings and didn't even call Jensen like "hey dude wtf" to have the equally bizarrely entitled conversion on the side at all, but at least he would be having that weirdly entitled conversation in private and not picking a fight in the eyes of the fandom world.

Just as much as Jensen didn't decide to explain why he did WB-LGBTQ branding association before getting WB exclusivity contract nailed down before running away to the mountains with the license to use SPN IP and building something without once calling jared like "hey remember when I said I thought about a reboot, I've got it: John and Mary but Dean narrates". The thing is, Jensen wasn't OBLIGATED to do that or force the vision of a product he had to accomodate any particular character for any promised scale of role.

Like Oh Worm, Jensen's aware that he's the one who vicariously lived first in the shadow and later the steps of his parents -- with all those big scenes like 12.22, but also DSOTM, but also just dick-in-face bounced between 12.01 and 12.19, which btw is about to drop a script soon, but that's neither here nor there. But Jensen gets he's the one that even time traveled and stuff so could ruminate on their journey and touch on character moments of his own still, looking in on Dean Winchester, which also just--the way that captures Destiel between the glass like a fay stuck in a crystal is just its own thing, but enough to side eye the early business choices that--again--apparently Jensen hadn't called and informed any of the potential marketing right there, or what he was going to be pitching first to use it for.

So yeah no like, dude, just--call him, did you lose his number or something? When he ran to Colorado did he change his cell and Jared can't call?

52 notes · View notes

btsqualityy · 3 years

Note

Can I also have a drabble of Len getting jealous of Spence’s ex? We only see Spence gets insecure, I wanna see the table turn to Lenox too. Like after they agreed to give each other another try. Thank you. Lately I haven’t read about Spence and Len so I miss them🥺 Thank you Shay ❤️

This is the last drabble from the ones that I received yesterday!

"If you're cheating on me Spencer Grace, then just tell me," Lennox stated firmly and Spencer looked over at him in surprise, not believing what had just come out of his mouth.

"What the hell are you talking about?" She chuckled.

"I saw the pictures and videos on Twitter Spence, don't bullshit me."

"I can't bullshit you if I don't even know what you're talking about," she huffed.

"I saw pictures from your fashion show in Milan. You know, the one that you said I didn't have to come to?" He reminded her. "And I saw you all hugged up with Minho!"

"You mean Choi Minho?" She laughed. "As in SHINee Minho? My dad's friend Minho?"

"Yeah, that one."

"We were not hugged up," she began. "I didn't even know that he was coming to the show and when I saw him, yeah I was excited because I haven't seen him in years. He has known me since I was born or did you forget that in the midst of your meltdown? And plus, I told you that you didn't have to come because I wanted at least one of us to be with Knox."

"I know what it looked like though," he muttered and Spencer just smiled as she walked over to him, cupping his face in her hands.

"Baby, there's no need to be jealous," she whispered. "You're the only man that exists in my mind, ok?"

"I know, and I'm sorry," he sighed. "I didn't mean to seem like an insecure dickhead."

"Hey, we all have insecure moments and it's ok," she assured him. "Just come talk to me about them instead of accusing me because the next time you do that, I'm gonna kick your ass."

"Ok, I won't," he laughed. "I love you."

"I love you more," she smiled, leaning forward and kissing him passionately.

#btsqualityy drabbles #adult lennox #adult spencer

24 notes · View notes

pugzman3 · 3 years

Note

The fact checking as you say, was inherently prevalent in the News because of Trump's many lies. "if you say something enough times, it becomes fact" His whining about getting banned from twitter and facebook is the private company's right under the law. It's in the fine print when you agree to using their platform. It's not about first amendment rights. First Amendment Rights is if a "Government" interferes in your free speech. People need to understand that. They need to understand that if you tell lies you will be found out. Sure. One can lie and say it's my right to lie but, if you're found out to be a liar then, own up to it. Trump never does. Time and time again in taped interviews he's been called out and when his next rant comes about he lies and says he didn't say this or that. It's Fake News. When it's been taped. It's not Fake News. He just doesn't like getting caught. You all fall for that. He blames shooting on Democratic States or Cities. People still think that Derik Chauvin was right in kneeling on George Floyds neck because he had a record.

I hope the person that sent me this hangs around for a response, because honestly I do appreciate the mature manner that you spoke. You didn't go into some meltdown and that is refreshing.

But you are uninformed so here goes.

First, I wish you would have gave examples of the lies he was caught in rather than just making a broad generalized statement. That is what the msm does and people fall for it left and right and then just repeat it without ever looking for the truth. I mean...you tried to do it with the Chauvin comment but not with the lies. Feel free to send it. oh and the Chauvin thing, Minneapolis Police Medaria Arradondo admitted on the stand under oath, (and Kueng's body cam video proved it) that chauvins knee was on floyds shoulder blade. Chauvin Trial: Police Chief admits Chauvin’s knee was on Floyd’s shoulder blade – Law Officer

And before you freak out thinking I am "defending a killer cop", ohhhhh I PROMISE you, my beliefs on that whole situation are beyond your level of thinking, but to give a hint, Pelosi said it.

So for a minute, set aside everything you thought to be true and take a look at it. Then ask WHY? Start with that one simple question. why wouldn't media scrutinize that? Let's come back to that in a minute.

Your thoughts on the First Amendment and freedom of speech are flawed. "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances." No where in there does it mention private companies, nor is it strictly to protect our speech from the "Government". it protects our freedom of speech from any and everyone. It is one of the biggest things that sets our Country apart from everyone elses. Our rights are God given and are to be protected by the government that we "elect", that is it, period. Anyone trying to tell you otherwise is trying to poison the well you are drinking from. Big tech is trying to hide through loopholes for a much bigger purpose, and those people that we "elected" (both left and right) are trying to let them do it. Why would they do that? Go back to the question about the media and Chauvin. You ready? It is all connected. There is a much bigger game being played than you are seeing. Though you seem to be stuck in the Republican vs. Democrat charade, so that connection may be too big for you. But when you are ready to really get "woke", you know where to find me. I promise again, I am not and will not try to turn you into a "republican", hell... I'm not even a republican. But I see what [they] are doing to us, all over the world, and that is why I am here, and someone...wanted you to see whatever post it was you saw that made you write to me. Take care my friend.

29 notes · View notes

theyarebothgunshot · 3 years

Note

ROSE I AM FREAKING OUT HAVE YOU SEEN THE PREQUEL STUFF???? WHAT IS GOING ON, my god... I was literally about to go to sleep, decided to check Tumblr one last time and see this.... what WHAT!! WHATTTT!!!!!! I don't even know if this is good bad or what but just JENSEN IS PRODUCING A SUPERNATURAL PREQUEL AND DEAN'S GONNA BE THE NARRATOR OR Sth LIKE???? -🐸

YEAH i am normal about this <3 (jk i am also freaking out) welcome to: people screaming to me in my inbox about prequelgate ft. j/2 fallout theory. let's goooo!

Another copypasta and suddenly chaos machine is full on gay I love this prophecy

you know whats funny i just checked the j/2 tag and i feel like for the first time in a long time they are starting to realise that maybe THEY should be the ones who are "gutted" *sips tea*

ROSE HOLY SHIT ROOOOOOOOSE ITS HAPPENING HOLY SHIIIIIT

YEAH

Nevermind just read prequel and well good luck I guess but just you know kind of bleh who wants to watch John Winchester well let’s have hope anyways

i know a lot of people are bummed out but i am kind of very excited actually?? i trust robbie and even though yeah j*hn winchester turned into a nasty abusive bastard, it can be interesting to explore how it all started (imo). it's just the first of many stories they can tell.

I can only accept this circus if it’s Dean telling the stories to his and Cas’ kids and then we have a revival to show that the whole finale was in fact the end Chuck wanted there Jensen I fixed it

i would not say no to this

heyloo bee anon here

um- wtf is happening?

jackles prequel series?? why? i want to be excited about this but sheesh im scared

because supernatural is never dead <3

okay, but, jensen... john winchester ≠ jdm, you don’t have to go /that/ hard for him 🙃

true true... though i am waiting for jdm to comment on this, please i need it

WAIT A SECOND J2 FALLOUT THEORY TRUE??

LMAO HELL YEAH BESTIE

Rose you really picked the worst time to sleep for real

bestie it was literally 4 in the morning, what do you expect from me sdfjsfhsf

I can’t literally can’t we were all right LMAO j2 fallout theory is real and cockles (Misha supporting Jensen) is [gunshots] I’m just laughing cause what the hell is this timeline we’re living LMAOOOOOOOOOO

we would always end up here <3

Do we have the copypaste anons to thank for JP basically confirming the J2 fallout? lol 🦚

yes, everybody say 'thanks annoying idiots!'

ROSE, WAKE UP, COME HERE,

THERE'S A LOT GOING ON FFS

YEAH I KNOW BUT I NEEDED SLEEP

Anticipating that there's going to be a lot of yelling about the prequel on here: I am cackling, but also, I mean, the first time Dean got a look into his parent's past, Cas was the catalyst: literally entered Dean's mind and catapulted him to the 70s. So idk, it's not completely unreasonable to expect some Cas cameos, maybe setting up a parallel timeline since Dean is narrating. What I'm saying is, this is Jackles, he's getting JDM and Misha in on this lmao -Honeymoon Anon

you were right lmfaooo also i fully agree. misha's tweet further cemented that thought for me. he knew about this prequel and i dont think he is cas-baiting us, i think he'll be involved. i'd also be obsessed to see jensen and jdm act together again (though idk who jdm could play seeing as it's a prequel and he is way too old to play young j*hn)

longlivethetribbles heeft gevraagd:

Heyyyyyy bestie, are you SEEING the absolute madness going on right now holy shit

well a little late but I SURE AM BESTIE

bestie wake up pls s16 finale just dropped.

- 🍯

and WHAT a great one it was

I love coming home from work to see all of the chaos unfolding on Tumblr and Twitter. I'm absolutely buzzing right now. I'll probably still be here by the time you wake up and check tumblr 😂 - 🐢

lmaooo and were you still awake?? did you see my freak out??

Oooh bestie wake the fuck up, I know you’re gonna be excited for this one jsnsjsj

god i had SUCH a morning like. it's 12:00 now and all i did since i woke up is check tumblr rip

short summary: jen and dee gain the rights, they post on ig/twitter about a prequel ft john and mary that no one asked for, the fandom loses its everloving shit as usual, they trend on twitter thanks to the beloved twt intern who missed us, misha qt’s jen about cas possibly benefiting from being in the prequel, then j*red qt’s jensen abt how his feelings got hurt by him not being told about a prequel his character as no involvement in & he initially throws a tantrum, and the rest is history - 🦋 anon (ps: i hope this helps a little, i’ve been scattered brained trying to keep up with it all night lmao so pls let me know if i missed anything, bug crew !!)

thank you so much darling i figured it out eventually but this is a helpful summary!!!

I hope you enjoyed waking up to all of this XD -🐢

i sure did!!! also that answers my question about you being awake lmao

I WILL NEVER EVER EVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR SLEEPING THROUGH ALL OF THIS DRAMA AND NOT EXPERIENCING IT IN PERSON I DIDN'T NEED THIS SLEEP - tea anon

well the party was still going strong this morning so im not TOO "gutted" see what i did there lmaooo

Now that you are caught up with the news... So idk if you remember this but...didn't jarpad tell jackles he was up for a reboot in an online panel? And jackles answered that this was news to him??

-🍯

yeah i think you are right but he was clearly joking and didnt expect jackles to actually be working on something already

J2 anon spare more of those anons let's finish this - tea anon

please, we're having a ball in this bitch

I saw a post on tumblr where someone said now that Kripke gave J&D the rights, maybe they’re starting with a prequel just to end on a reboot in years time and honestly ? I wanna believe that so badly. This is tinhatty but what if this is all calculated in a way that makes it so that Jensen is slowly starting to fix everything that was wrong with spn - now that he has the rights and he’s slowly making spn his own story ?! I mean he did say in his ig post he wants to ‘fill in the rest’ - and maybe Mary and John’s story is only the beginning of spn related content from J&D to come ??? Maybe he wants to give spn the justice it deserves ?? Thoughts ??

i dont think this is tinhatty at all i think this is very possible and not that much of a reach. i could see this happening yeah for sure

want to hear something funny. I found out I had a ruptured blood vessel in my eye because I was sending my friend a video freaking out when the prequel news dropped and I noticed the corner of my eye was red af. and when I got back online jared had tweeted.

DJFHSJD ANON THE CHAOS OF IT ALL, HELP, are you okay? <3

rose.. bestie... how are you feeling about The News? nsfshsf being european is a curse </3 🐞

i feel GREAT im living for it i feel on top of the world tbh (and yeah it really is dsjfhs)

What am I waking up to I can't WHAT I rested my eyes for like 5 minutes help *hits reblog button* - anon anon

yep yep essentially djfhs

“Jensen and Misha are Co workers who barley talk”

I can’t be sure of course but I’m fairly certain that this is the copypasta that brought the j/2 fallout theory back to life. Who’s apparently ‘barely talking’ now? skansjsjsj. It’s almost prophetic, these j/2 anons have superpowers I’m telling ya.

-poker face anon

next time we get one of them we should be thanking them lmaooo

ok, but are we gonna talk about the "When Daneel and I formed Chaos Machine Productions, we knew that the first story we wanted to tell was the story of John and Mary Winchester [...]"-quote because the way this is phrased implies they formed CHAOS MACHINE Productions with the intent of telling this story (first), i haven't been in this dumpster long enough but the name just tickles me in that Misha way, isn't it so sus??? am i missing something???? i mean with this announcement they SURE lived up to that name... 🧩-anon

you are absolutely right, chaos machine SCREAMS misha and we are all here for it!!

hey hey hey. joining the clownverse, there's no way THEE cas girl danneel doesn't know just how much the fandom loves misha and cas. so 2 + 2 = misha in the spn prequel!

AGREED

So I think I finally managed to catch up on wtf happened while I was asleep and my brain melted. What a shit show to wake up to.

Anyway thoughts.

I don't hate the idea of a Mary&John sequel. I think it has the potential to be good (It has the potential to be really bad too, so I'm kind scared).

🕯️🕯️🕯️ manifesting Mary being badass and John being kinda useless🕯️🕯️🕯️

As for the Jensen and J*red thing.

I can see Jensen not telling J*red even if they are still friends, because J*red is kinda good at accidentally telling Secrets. He could have told him right before he announced it so, so that J*red didn't have to find out from twitter. He was on the show for 15 years, he is bound to get asked about it. The public twitter meltdown was really unprofessional so. Like you have Jensen's number J*red. You could have sorted that out in private like a normal person, but instead you choose to act like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

Is it weird that I'm actually going to be kinda that for them if the actually had a falling out, even tho I don't like J*red all that much. They seemed to be really important to each other and while I thought before that the might have triefted apart a bit, I didn't think that the where actively fighting.

- 🐌 anon

the thing is, the polite/normal thing for jensen to do was text him before announcing it on twitter. it's weird he didn't, and that makes me believe that maybe yeah they did have a falling out. especially with the way j*red responded to it on twitter. if he had no other reason to be this upset (no prior beef or falling out) you'd think that he wouldn't be responding like this. on the other hand, the man is a mysterie to me so who the hell knows. i'm not gonna mourn about it if they did/do grow apart because j*red is just.... awful imo.

#frog anon #bee anon #peacock anon #subtlerainy #honeymoon anon #bestie mutual #honeypot anon #turtle anon #butterfly anon #tea anon #ladybug anon #anon anon #poker face anon #puzzle pieces anon #snail anon #good lord i think i got more anons about this than about anything else before lmao #good luck to anybody who actually reads this <3

21 notes · View notes

ingek73 · 3 years

Text

Fairytales for fuckwits: Meghan, a children's book, and the school bully tactics of the British tabloids...

Piers Morgan's obsession with Meghan Markle continues, while Mike Graham appears worried there may be too many big words for him to understand.

Mic Wright

May 6

On May the 4th, there was a great disturbance in the force, as if thousands of tabloid reporters and talk radio pundits cried out at once: The Duchess of Sussex had announced she was writing a children’s book.

Since the earth-shattering news that Meghan has written a story about the relationship between father’s and their sons — apparently based on a poem she wrote for Prince Harry — the tabloid press and talk radio stations have gone into meltdown.

The Sun has managed to crank out seven hysterically-pitched stories on the announcement since it dropped — the book isn’t out until June 8th — with each more unhinged than the last:

MEG TO PAPER Meghan Markle writes children’s book inspired by Prince Harry and baby Archie about ‘bond between father and son’

MEG-A MOVE Meghan Markle’s first priority should be mending broken relationships with royals not writing kids’ book, expert claims

SOUNDS A BIT WOODEN ‘Schmaltzy’ Meghan Markle ‘on dodgy ground’ with kids’ book celebrating fathers ‘after own bust-up with dad’ says author

DOUBLE DUCH Meghan Markle accused of copying her kids’ book The Bench from another story – but author defends her

NOT WRITE Piers Morgan slams ‘hypocrite’ Meghan Markle for kids’ book on ‘father-son bond’ after ‘ruining Harry and Charles’ ties’

'RIDICULOUS' Meghan Markle using Duchess of Sussex as author name ‘laughable’ after she wanted to cut Royal ties, says royal expert

CUT PRICE Meghan Markle’s kids’ book has price slashed already at Amazon and Waterstones

You’ll notice that Piers Morgan — a man who has turned one drink with Meghan after which he claims she “ghosted him”, which took place in 2016, into a five year and counting obsession — gets his own story there. That’s The Sun filleting Morgan’s spittle-flecked Daily Mail column on the book for its own news piece.

Morgan, who trails his columns on Twitter like they are exciting new releases rather than the tabloid equivalent of a letter scrawled in faeces forced through your letterbox, dashed out his thoughts on The Bench with the indecent haste of a man running along while his trousers fall down.

Image description: “Twitter avatar for @BreeNewsome

DEFUND & ABOLISH POLICE, REFUND OUR COMMUNITIES

@BreeNewsome

Piers Morgan’s obsession with Meghan Markle is genuinely disturbing. He’s really just using the guise of journalism to be a public stalker and harasser.

May 5th 2021

1,414 Retweets10,252 Likes”

Beneath a typically screaming Mail headline — How the hell can Meghan 'I hate royalty but call me Duchess' Markle preach about father-child relationships when she's disowned her own Dad, and wrecked her husband's relationship with his? — Morgan howled:

… she continues to cynically exploit her royal titles because she knows that's the only reason anyone is paying her vast sums of money to spew her uniquely unctuous brand of pious hectoring gibberish in Netflix documentaries, Spotify podcasts or children's books.

Of course, her equally cynical publishers don't give a damn about any of this shocking double standard.

Forget the fact that Meghan had a good degree of personal fame before she ever met Prince Harry, Piers Morgan accusing anyone else of being a cynical fame chaser is beyond parody. From his earliest days as a gossip hack, Morgan has muscled into pictures with the rich and famous, desperate to be someone.

When Meghan was willing to indulge him, he showered her with praise, but once she stopped taking his calls, he turned into the Tinder match from hell. That he has been married to his second wife, fellow controversialist columnist Celia Walden since 2010 seemingly did nothing to dampen his obsession.

Having repeatedly interviewed Meghan’s estranged father Thomas Markle — another man aggrieved because a woman would rather not spend time with him — Morgan sneers:

If she really cared about father-child relationships, she'd take a chauffeur-driven limousine on the hour-long trip to see her own father who's never even met either Harry or Archie.

It’s projection again: Piers Morgan’s ego is so egg-shell thin that after Meghan decided that one drink was more than enough, he’s spent 5 years seeking revenge and convinced that he’s been wronged, just like her ‘poor old dad’. That’s the ‘poor old dad’ that insists on talking about his daughter to journalists at every possible occasion.

At the end of an article that implies Harry and Meghan contributed to the death of Prince Philip — he died of natural causes — and rants on about “the woke”, Morgan ends with this:

But then as we've seen from her gruesomely self-interested behaviour during a pandemic that's caused so much devastation and pain to billions around the world, Meghan Markle doesn't really care about anyone but herself.

Remember, the Duchess of Sussex’s only ‘crime’ here is to write a children’s book which people will be free to buy or ignore with equal ease. But, as ever, Piers Morgan treats the news with all the proportionality of a US drone strike.

The real story here is about how Morgan — the bittiest of bit-part players in the narrative of Meghan and Harry’s lives — is so desperate to upgrade his place in the cast list that he will rant and rave to stay relevant. His departure from Good Morning Britain came after his last stream of invective about Meghan and he knows this schtick gets him the attention and money he craves.

Image description: “Twitter avatar for @MariaLRoach

Maria Roach

@MariaLRoach

Meghan Markle inside the tiny space called Piers Morgan’s head. #duchessofsussex Tap Dance GIF by Miss America

May 5th 2021

122 Retweets1,619 Likes”

Aside from Morgan’s column, MailOnline has published 9 other news stories on or related to the book announcement. The most telling of them is one that links the Duchess of Sussex’s book to another one… by the Duchess of Cambridge.

Headlined Bookshelf battle royale! Kate Middleton shares a glimpse inside her Hold Still photobook just a day after Meghan Markle unveiled her own £12.99 children's story, the story unsurprisingly treats Kate with kid gloves while continuing to imply that Meghan is the kind of person who would make gloves out of kids if it suited her devilish schemes.

There’s no shade thrown at the Duchess of Cambridge for revealing further details of her book just hours after Meghan’s announcement. Instead, the story — lavishly illustrated with images from the book — gushes:

The Duchess of Cambridge has shared a glimpse of her photography book Hold Still ahead of its release on Friday…

… Kate, 39, a keen photographer, launched a campaign during the first lockdown last year to ask the public to submit images which captured the period.

It even includes a mention of an image of a BLM protestor saying:

Over the course of the project, the Duchess shared a number of her favourite images on the Kensington Royal Instagram page, including a Black Lives Matter protester holding a sign reading: 'Be on the right side of history.'

If Meghan had done the same she would have been decried for “supporting extremists”. Remember the contrasting way their mutual taste for avocado was covered?

15 Headlines Show How Differently The British Press Treat Meghan Markle Vs Kate Middleton | Bored Panda

Over at The Daily Telegraph, Spiked alumna Ella Whelan offered her thoughts on a book that isn’t released until next month under the headline Meghan Markle’s fun-free children’s book may put an entire generation off reading, which makes it sound like a grimoire full of dark magic rather than a gentle children’s book about kids and their dads.

Just as with the Mail’s story on Kate’s book, it’s worth imagining what Whelan would say if the Duchess of Cambridge had written The Bench. Look at the following section…

It reveals something of the political superficiality of Harry and Meghan’s activism that an “inclusive” book would use the military father as its promotional message. Perhaps it’s a cultural thing, but if my kids have to read about soldiers, I’d prefer Hans Christian Andersen’s tin version rather than the woke posturing of a former royal.

… and notice that because Meghan is the author including a father who is in the military is “political superficiality”. If Kate had written a story that featured an analogue for Prince William — who also spent time in uniform, though in less dangerous circumstances than his ‘spare’ brother — Whelan would likely deem it a ‘touching tribute to their love’.

Similarly, Sarah Ferguson — the ex-wife of Prince Andrew, top Yelp! reviewer for Jeffrey Epstein’s houses and noted avoider of FBI questioning — uses the title Duchess of York on her many execrable children’s books.

Now that Meghan is the tabloid’s new monster in the monarchy, Fergie’s antics are pointed to as a positive with her books flattered even as Meghan’s as-yet-unpublished book is panned.

Image description: “Twitter avatar for @talkRADIO

talkRADIO

@talkRADIO

Meghan Markle is releasing a new children's book about father-son relationships.

Mike Graham: "It's so juvenile. This is somebody who acts like she's still in high school... it's not exactly Tennyson, is it?

@mrmarkdolan | @Iromg Image

May 5th 2021

36 Retweets221 Likes”

Over on talkRADIO, Mike Graham — a melting mass of expired meat — ranted about a children’s book, worried perhaps that it will contain too many long words. Speaking to his colleague, Mark Dolan — Dennis Pennis without the charm — Graham crowed:

It’s so juvenile. This is somebody who acts like she’s still in high school… I don’t have anything against her for any particular reason, other than she’s a bit too American, you know. She thinks everything is just great and cheesy. Rhyming the words ‘joy’ and ‘boy’. It’s not exactly Tennyson, is it?

Ah yes, that famous children’s author, Alfred, Lord Tennyson, known for such devastating rhymes as this one from The Lady of Shallot: “She left the web/ She left the loom/ She made three paces through the room.”

I’m not saying The Lady of Shalott is rubbish — though I do still hold a grudge against Tennyson after some very tedious teaching in high school — but that focusing on one rhyme in a poem is an easy trick if you want to say its shit. That Graham cannot see the irony in decrying writing a children’s book as “juvenile” is just one of the reasons he’s employed by a station with less than 1% reach.

Image description: “Twitter avatar for @NadimJBaba

Nadim Baba

@NadimJBaba

Piers Morgan ranting about the one who got away in 5, 4, 3.......

Media Guardian @mediaguardian

Meghan wins copyright claim against Mail on Sunday over letter https://t.co/cJZTgDMvgz

May 5th 2021

1 Like”

There’ll be a new round of these columns, stories, and talk radio segments when the book is released, particularly as The Mail on Sunday just lost the second part of Meghan’s copyright claim against it.

There’s nothing that either Meghan or Harry could do that wouldn’t drive these rats in a sack rabid. If they did nothing, they’d be called lazy. When they make things, take jobs, or really say anything the very media that benefits hugely from stories about them scream that it’s a cry for attention. And yet Piers Morgan regularly pissing himself in public is “commentary”.

#meghan markle #prince harry #duchess of sussex #duke of sussex #piers morgan #brokenbottleboy #toxic tabloids #uk press

24 notes · View notes