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bedtimebrain · 3 years

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EXO Chanyeol: Oppa?

First Chanyeol Scenario! And have you heard his ‘Without You’ ? Damn it got me stunned when i listened, i didnt know it was going to be the one by Mariah Carey. I mean ofc chanyeol doesn’t speak perfect English but what can get more attractive than him playing the electric guitar😭 His film’s gna be released globally soon, wish him the best!

Also I took so long to write this, that by the time i’m done, he has enlisted:,) Sigh, Chanyeol, see you the 27th of every month!

Characters: Chanyeol x reader

You caught Chanyeol’s attention, but… You’re not so into rowdy guys. How will it turn out?

Ding Dong!

You were outside EXO’s dorm with a bottle of Cola. You didn’t really know EXO, in fact you only actually knew Jongin. The story goes where one night you saw a really sick man swaying side to side along the streets. Being the nice and kind soul you were, you went up to help. And that person turns out to be jongin, which at that point you didn’t know was an EXO member until much later when your friend showed you an EXO poster.

You helped him to the apartment building and you left your number with him out of worry because he insisted he head up alone. After that you guys somewhat became friends. And ever since you knew he was a celebrity, you occasionally ran errands for him just to save him some trouble.

‘Annyeong y/n! Thanks for buying the cola!’

‘Sure Jongin oppa! I’ll be leaving then !’

‘WAIT!!!’

Just as you were about to leave, a shout came from inside the house

‘Annyeong Jongin Chingu! Are you free? Wanna join us? I wanted to play a 2v2 switch game but we are short of 1 person. THERE’S PIZZA HERE TOO, ARE YOU INTERESTED?!’

Honestly, you haven’t even spoken once with chanyeol but here he is, trying to aggressively convince you to play games together. Not exactly an extrovert yourself, that overpowering energy was quite a turn off for you. You raised a brow at Jongin, trying to ask him to get you out of this situation

‘Erm.. Actually, i...’ In your mind ran a 1000 different thoughts on what’s the best way to politely reject this but you just couldn’t think of any, just then jongin finally cut in, only to say

‘Yeh come join us! It’s going to be fun, plus I’m sure you haven’t eaten dinner too’

Although you were a still a little reluctant, you relented for the sake of Jongin and entered the house. Seeing Sehun was also in the house, you both greeted each other politely and you proceed to sit quietly by the dining table.

‘LET’S EAT QUICK CANT WAIT TO TRY THE NEW GAME’ Chanyeol just sounded overly excited about this.

Over dinner, Chanyeol in particular was really friendly with you, probably just trying to make you feel comfortable as he tried to get to know you. But after a while, the conversation floats back to him talking about himself. You weren’t complaining though.

‘Okay so that day..’ Chanyeol begun his 5th or 6th anecdote during the dinner but couldn’t stop laughing before he could even get started on it.

He was laughing so hard he started hitting jongin beside him and his exaggerated movements actually hit the table so hard it toppled your coke glass over onto you

‘oh my gawd!’ you reacted in reflex and got up immediately from your chair.

‘HYUNG! SERIOUSLY?!’ Jongin reacted with shock then laughter. He quickly passed you some tissue

‘Let’s just clean up right now and start the games’ Sehun added calmly

‘Y/N I’M SO SORRY. LET ME GET YOU SOMETHING TO CHANGE INTO, IM SO SORRY’

You could tell Chanyeol was really feeling sorry when you saw that panic in his eyes when the coke spilled. Though it’s really weird to be wearing some other guy’s clothes when you just knew him for hours, you couldn’t be possibly telling him you would only wear jongin’s and not his... So you followed him to grab something to change into

Stepping into his room you can’t help but get abit wide eyed. His room was almost like what you would imagine a musician’s to be. Guitar, piano, bass, iMac, subwoofer etc. You were so amazed you couldn’t stop glancing around as he tries to uncover some clothes from the depths of his cabinet.

Finally finding it, chanyeol turned around and caught how your face literally wrote ‘amazement’, he couldn’t help but laughed beneath his breath before handing a sweater to you.

‘Why do you look so amazed? Your expression made it look like you just walked into a museum.’ Chanyeol asked

You felt embarrassed from his question and was absolutely tongue tied. Looking towards the corner of the room you caught sight of a basketball and a miniature basketball hoop. You quickly switched the topic

‘um you play basketball too?’

‘Yes I do! Like in my free time, once in a while. Outdoor activities keep me sane when I feel like I need a break, apart from jamming of course, as you can see. Why, do u play too?’

‘Oh I see, haha. And yes I play basketball too.’

‘I wasn’t expecting that! You really dont look like it though! What’s...’ before he could finish his sentence, jongin came into the room to check on you.

Breaking off that small talk with chanyeol, you changed out of your dirty top into the sweater. Sigh, the game hasn’t even started but you were almost already drained.

—-

2 hours into the game, you were getting really really sucked out of energy. Looking at chanyeol still so engrossed in the game, you wonder how could he still remain so fired up.

Just then the bell rang and the boys looked at each other,

‘Who’s that? Any of you got delivery ?’ Sehun asked as he walked towards the door. Looking through the peek hole before opening the door.

‘Ah Suho Hyung, why did you not open the door on your own’ Sehun asked

‘I left them in the car, too lazy to grab it. Oh, hi y/n, what you doing here?’

Feeling really tired now, your honesty got the better of you and you replied without thinking

‘Hi Suho-ssi, I got called to play some games, but now i’m stuck here’

‘Ya, you punks , it’s really late now you know. It’s way past 1030, Y/N still needs to walk home. Just shut off the game right now.

And Chanyeol didn’t you say you were meeting your high school friends tonight?’

At this Chanyeol loudly cursed then exclaimed

‘AH RIGHT I FORGOT! I GOT TO GET CHANGED NOW’

Phew, Suho surely is a life savior. More than happy to be out of this situation, you quickly packed your stuff and thanked the boys

‘I’ll be leaving, thanks for having me today and the free pizza.I had fun. Jong-in oppa please tell Chanyeol ssi i’ll wash his sweater before returning to him.’

At the same time chanyeol came out from his room hastily,

‘Y/N wait for me! Let’s leave together!’

You would have preferred having some quiet time by yourself right now, but you didn’t want to make things awkward by saying no. Seeing how Chanyeol got comfortable with people so quickly was beyond your understanding.

You were always took really long to warm up to new people unless you could really click with them, just like jongin.

‘Ah thanks for waiting, let’s go! Where do you stay? Is it near?’

Trying your best at a comfortable and casual tone, you replied ‘Uh yes it’s just about 5 to 10 minutes away if I walk. Where you going to?’

‘Oh just meeting my friends for supper. Let me walk you home since it’s not too far, anyway my friends are still on the way

So you were saying you play basketball do u watch nba or something ? What position do you play’ Chanyeol naturally strike a conversation with you

‘I DONT really follow, but yeh I check out the highlights and stuff. I play the Center position’

‘SERIOUS?! YOU’RE NOT VERY BUILT FOR A CENTER!’ You must be really good then!’ Chanyeol seemed to genuinely be amazed

Chuckling a little, you just shrugged and said

‘Erm yeh but the coach just thinks I’m pretty tough I guess.’

‘Oh and i heard from jong-in you didn’t know EXO until recently, so what music do you like ?’

Feeling a little self conscious about the fact that a musician is here asking you bout your music taste, you answered hesitantly

‘ R&B, acoustics, ballads , those sort? Ed Sheeren , AKMU and some other English oldies’

‘Then do you know ‘Without you’ by Mariah Cary? I’ve been listening to it lately and it’s been stuck in my head!’

Laughing at how random that was, you softly started singing along with him as he started.

At this hour of the day, at about 11 pm your mind isn’t too functional to overthink, you felt like you were loosening up towards him. Though he was a little too over enthusiastic and animated, you somehow liked that he seemed to have this innocence to him.

Just as your short jam ended, you have also reached your apartment

‘I’ve reached! Thanks for walking me back. Bye, drive safely later!’

You flashed a smile, bowed politely and was ready to head in, but chanyeol actually called out before you could head off

‘y/n! Wanna exchange numbers? We could go shoot some hoops at arcade someday or just ball.’

You were not too keen actually, wanting to just keep your relationship with him as simply acquaintances. Thinking bout how to put the rejection across nicely , you said

‘Oh, thanks for offering. But I’m really not a night person . And you know, you guys being EXO and got to be stealthy , everything goes on at night. Really not my thing though, I don’t think we can ever match a time.’

But turns out he was more insistent than you thought

‘Oh then I could invite you for games or a jam session ! I wouldn’t say we have exactly similar tastes in music but I do like the music you listen to and you sound great singing!’

That made you blush a little , partly embarrassment partly being shy at his straightforward words.

‘It’s fine chanyeol-ssi, I’ll just see you at your dorm when I pass by to see Jongin oppa and return your sweater. Bye’

—-

For the next 2 weeks, you somehow got more frequent calls from Jongin to run errands for him. But when you turned up at their dorms and Chanyeol was in, he would either be the one to get the door or be inviting you in for whatever they were doing.

Today afternoon, you were over at their dorms again, but just with jongin and chanyeol. You had bought tteokbokki and corndog for yourself and decided to buy some for EXO too, but turns out it was just the 2 that were in.

‘ah, y/n thanks for the food. i’m going to change and leave for dance practice soon’

‘you’re welcome jongin oppa, i’ll leave soon too’

just as jongin headed to the room, chanyeol took the chance to ask

‘y/n are you free? Do you want to hangout together instead? Since i’m free today and you’re already here.’ Chanyeol asked expectantly.

You were already much more comfortable with him, but together in the house? You wouldn’t even with Jongin.

‘Erm, Chanyeol-ssi, it’s okay. I’m not too comfortable staying in the house with another guy ..’ you said it hesitantly, feeling a little bad for rejecting him.

‘Oh actually, I meant to head out, there’s this place which I thought both of us will like’

oh shucks, that was embarrassing. In an attempt to cover up your embarrassment, you laughed abit harder than you should and agreed more enthusiastic than you would normally

‘OH ! HAHA! Ok, sure then let’s go!’

Almost instantly, you saw Chanyeol’s eyes brighten up. He got up immediately got changed and you both headed out.

—

In the car ride, you finally calmed your senses down and became sane enough to realise

‘Chanyeol-ssi it’s still pretty early right? Wouldn’t you heading out with me like this be really dangerous?’

Stopping his incessant rap and singing ever since you got in his car, he replied

‘There’s this arcade I used to go to when I was a student. It’s really old now and no one really goes there anymore. It closes around 5pm everyday , but I know the boss! I’m gonna ask him to just let us use the place for a short while’

With one hand on the steering wheel, he looked at you and was bubbling with excitement as he explained. You laughed seeing how excited he was, somehow also making you look forward to the fun to come.

Being really chatty as usual, he spoke the whole ride about anything and everything, slowly without even knowing, you dozed off.

The next moment you woke up, the sun was already starting to set and you’ve both reached the arcade, which was on the second floor along a shophouse street.

It looked so rundown and shady from the outside. The signboard was unlit and had completely yellowed. The window panes were blue tainted and so dusty you could see the dust from the streets.

‘Chanyeol Ssi are you sure about this? Please don’t bring me to a haunted house’

‘Ya, trust me, you’ll be surprised’

Together you headed towards the dark staircase that led you guys to the arcade. You struggled to catch up with his pace as he went up the stairs. The narrow and unlit staircase made you so jumpy that when the lights suddenly came on, you quickly latched your hand onto chanyeol’s sleeves without thinking.

Laughing at how scared you were, chanyeol slowed down his pace, walking side by side with you instead.

‘Why you so scared! We’re reaching soon, don’t worry, it’s hella cool place!’

Not really having the capacity to respond now, you continued holding on to his sleeves until you reached the end of the stairs.

Letting go, you awkwardly said thanks and entered the arcade, finding that it was certainly better than you thought but not fantastic.

‘Lee Soo Hyung! I brought my friend here today , could you let us use for about an hour + after you close?’

‘Chanyeol ah! It’s been a while! After all these years I finally see you with a girl. Hello Agassi, why did you come here with him? Be careful he doesn’t slaughter you like how he does when he plays games with his friends’

Not knowing to whether tears of joy or sadness would fit this situation, you raised your brows at chanyeol.

‘Alright I’ll leave this place to you guys, I’ll be back in about 2 hours after I eat and run my errands’

2 hours passed by in a flash. And you sure had lots of fun, shooting hoops, playing Daytona, Mario kart , and even challenging him to dance on pump it up. All of which u lost rather miserably cause you were just horrendous at games.

As you both left the arcade, you thought back in realisation that you didn’t see that annoying over competitiveness today in him today. Instead it felt Chanyeol wanted to make it fun for the both of you rather than winning you.

Internally feeling a little touched about this, you thought to subtly show your gratitude by treating him later.

Walking out of the stairs to the streets, you saw Baskin Robbins just right across, below a dancing school.

‘Chanyeol ssi! Let me buy you ice cream ok! Let’s cross the road to Baskin Robbins’

‘Haha, y/n why the sudden treat? I’m not complaining though, I want Choco mint in a cone’

You went into the shop and placed the order for the ice cream. But when you came out, there was a commotion right outside the shop and realised chanyeol was in ‘trouble’.

You panicked internally , where did the fangirls come from? They all surrounded chanyeol and were squealing and asking for pictures.

You headed back into baskin Robbins, not too sure what you should do. It’s not going to turn out well if he is seen with you.. Should you head off first? Or should you help him?

With one hand holding on nervously to the ice cream you looked intently at the situation outside, with a total mind blank.

Only about 15minutes later, you saw chanyeol managed to escape back to his car as the crowd in this secluded area eventually died down.

You didn’t head out to find him, worried that if any Fangirls were left, you would land him in trouble.

You stayed at in the shop, looking at the melted ice cream you bought for him, should you just dump this away? Do you head off yourself soon?

Just then a call came in

‘Y/N! Where are you? I’m so sorry I got caught by those dance school girls. Are you alright ? Where did you go ? In case you’re wondering, i got your number from jongin to contact you’

‘Chanyeol -ssi...? Are u ok? I’m just waiting at baskin robbins .. just head home without me, I’ll just find my way back..’ feeling still at loss about the situation, you replied with a heavy heart

‘Ah, no, just head down to the alley behind I’ll pick you up from there. This place is too secluded , I’m not going to leave you here alone’

‘But ..’

‘Just meet me there’

Feeling down and guilty that this was kind of your fault. You walked mindlessly to the alley with the half melted ice cream. If it were not for you, chanyeol wouldn’t even be heading out in the afternoon right?

As you entered the car, you kept quiet not really knowing what to say. But Chanyeol started apologising repeatedly, and telling you about the whole situation earlier

But all that ran through your mind was how risky the situation was and how bad you felt. You were still quite in shock as you processed that just happened

‘Chanyeol ssi, why did you bring me out today? Seeing that made me realise the severity of how dangerous it could have been for you if you were caught together with me.. and I can’t help but feel it’s my fault you got surrounded by those fan girls..’

Pausing before continuing, you added

‘Let’s never do this again. I’m really sorry’

‘Don’t be sorry, i am not even blaming you or anything! Plus i was the one who wanted us to hang outside together. I knew this might happen, but i still wanted to have fun with you’

‘Why Chanyeol-ssi?’

Without thinking, he answered almost immediately

‘Because i just find you cute’

You blanked out completely as those words, you could feel blood rushing through your cheeks.

You started externally processing your thoughts out of nervousness and panic

‘i know this sounds ridiculous but are you like interested in me? i know i am blushing like mad right now but im not really into loud guys. and though i had lots of fun with you just now i think you should just give up if you are even thinking of anything’ you went on rambling not even knowing what in the world you just said

He looked at you seeming to have something to say. But then looked at the messy ice cream and decided to reached for it instead.

‘thank you for this ice cream, and y/n whatever you said…honestly, can i just have 1 thing from you?’

‘uh what is it?’

‘can you just call me Chanyeol Oppa instead?’

Your heart skipped a beat at what he said and you could feel his gaze was still on you.

After a few moments of silence that hung heavy in the air, you shyly and softly asked

‘Chanyeol oppa shall we go back now?’

Still feeling shy to look at him, you stole a glance at the rear view mirror and saw Chanyeol smile the widest smile you have ever seen since you guys met.

Finishing off the ice cream, he started the engine, ready to drive off. But before stepping the accelerator, he looked up at the rear view mirror and you both caught each other’s eyes and both looked away almost immediately smiling shyly when your eyes met briefly.

As the car speeded off, you kept your eyes on the side view mirror, and you were glad you weren’t the only one smiling like an idiot the whole ride back.

Was this a little boring? I read through it multiple times and can’t really tell anymore. i hope it was fun for you guys who read it for the first time~ though i must admit if i read a fanfic with such an ending i might feel lowkey unsatisfied :p

#chanyeol #loey #park chanyeol #exo #exo scenarios #chanyeol scenarios #exo scenario #chanyeol scenario #exo park chanyeol #exo chanyeol #exo fanfic #chanyeol fanfic #the box

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2telluthetruth · 3 years

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before i watch some shit i gotta know how the story ends. if not, ima critically analyze the whole movie until i figures it... it usually takes me 30 minutes to figure out the whole plot but that’s besides the point. knowing the ending of a movie allows me to pay attention to alll the little things leading up to the end. the directors choice in lighting, the way that certain actor did a certain movement to portray a certain feeling, setting, like camera work, basically everything i just the last 4 years of my life studying get applied to my enjoyment of a film.

I wish life was like that... you get to like google how it all ends for you. like what will happen in your life all the way to the end. you can always have what you envisioned for yourself, your plan, your schedule of things but then life has a funny way of letting you know that shit happens. and you learn whatever it is you need to from that incident, apply the lesson, and keep going. it’s actually pretty simple. like looking both ways before you cross the street and still almost getting hit by a car because a person felt the need to speed thru an intersection because maybe he had a family emergency or he had too much to drink. regardless life will thro curveballs, ain’t that fucked up? like bitch. lemme read my book of life so i can move accordingly. but i guess that’s not fun anyways because God would just tell us what to do and there would be no free will. and we all know how people hate being told what to do with there life from a higher up lmao

....but idk none of this shit really applies to me. I guess I’ll just share my testimony here since I'm only people who really give a fuck about me would give a fuck about this post. ( Which i recently found out is ME, i’m the only person who opinions/decisons matter when it comes to me life)

SO HERE IT GOES

Since a child, I always knew i was going to be a very wealthy person. I’m smarter than my peers, i’m stronger than my peers, and way more wiser than most of people i meet. It’s very rare I met a person who’s intellect is as diverse as mine in terms of emotional knowledge and regular book smart shit. Like i’m sort of a hood intellectual, but like different because my Dad is a foreigner who comes from i guess what you would call a decent background, My grandfather was an engineer in Germany lmao. Like wtf. That’s very hard to do. Them mfs got some history of disrcrimnation if you know what I mean. And another ancestor of mine on my father side was adopted by the priest of a missionary because he was so smart, hence why my last name has french origins. and you know what i found out this year during my research dives on the different religions in the world..

There is a Saint in the catholic religion named St. Malo and his birthday is the same birthday as mine. He’s french as well. LMAO SO like i said I AM BUILT DIFFERENT. But that’s not what i really wanted to go talk about so let’s talk about how I’ve always knew I am dying a extremely rich woman. First of my name type shit.

So yeah.

I LOVE PERFORMING AND PUTTING ON A SHOW OKAY! SINCE BIRTH!

I’m not even dramatic. I remember dancing in front of my family all the time. Ask my auntie teena and she’d tell ya I would dance in front of anybody at any place in a drop of a dime. There’s literal footage of me dancing at every function at BayBay (Vivian) house. Lmao I still dance with all my family members at the bbqs I attend. Dancing really is my shit.

Singing is too.

I remember going to church with my daddy, some spot in LA/ the Jamaican jawn with uncle Jerry, and singing “Because of who you are” in front of everybody. No fucks given, And i kid you not I felt the holy ghost. That’s the best feeling in the world. Happened to me a couple times but I’ll tell ya bout it later some day when it matters. i remember one time coming home and singing and HITTING THAT HIGH PITCH ASS MARIAH CAREY NOTE! ( we got the same birthday too)

and i always loved music. the only time i didn’t cry was in my daddy cars listening to the reggae and bass booming thru the fucking trunk.

During school I remember performing all the time. School plays, I got the lead role. School assembly, I’m putting on a show. Shit even for my 5th graduation I choreographed the whole MJ we are the world dance routine. Lol for hispanic heritage month I always was the girl who had the authentic skirt for the folklore dance. it was black and red. Very pretty. Mrs. Sanchez was enamored with me girl. She was like your the star you gone be centerstage in the middle only black girl while everyone else wonder why your on stage lmao. We were so good we entered a competition and got a trophy.

Basketball was fun. I do not like team sports so that ain’t work out. Plus i think i suck. Well I couldn’t have been that bad because in middle school I made the All City team. I didn’t play because my hair wasn’t done I kept the jersey though LMAO. They was hot. HS was whatever. Lowkey only did it because of the niggas and cheer was boring/got too intense for me. I had commitment issues back then like crazy lmao.

Track was fun too. Made championships when I ran. Heart really wasn’t into to it if I’m keeping it G-Real. Didn’t fuck with the track meets plus the girls on the team hated me. I was always with the guys but the weren’t like the guys i hung out with all the time. them niggas was squares, homeschooled and all that. i hung out with delinquents lmao. Shit they always more fun. I know why Jesus hung out with the sinners mmkay. They loyal and know how to have a good time.

In middle school, I won a poetry contest about this poem I had about being a tree and not falling despite what happens. I also got like award for being the top 3% of scoring in the whole district a couple times. Moms got me a iPod touch lmao.

High school ASB President, got accepted into more than 20+ colleges, in AVID. Cheer team. Basketball team. My drama Teacher, Mrs. Borek called me the baby Viola Davis. I directed and produced my own play lol. Boy, when I graduated I was on stage with admin and faculty.

But anyways overall,

I’ve always been the cream of the crop in any arena I apply myself. And I’ve never ever experienced a situation where I’ve been down bad that I didn’t plot and maneuver my way out of it (besides the shit that happened this year 2020 but i’ll give my 2020 review later ). I’m continuously blessed. Even when I shouldn’t be.

In elementary, I could’ve caught a case because I punched this boy in the head and he hit the tetherball pole then the floor. Buddy was knotted up lmao

In elementary school during after school day care I banged this girl head on the table and a pole lmao.

In the carmelitos i gave this girl the business at auntie meanies house. Abri said beat her ass so I did. Trust me daddy, I’m always on go lmao. Her family was from some type of hood. They ain’t retaliate.

Middle school I was beating boys up after school never got in trouble. LMAO None of the girls wanted to fight with they scary ass.

High school I did the dumbest shit freshman year but didn’t get suspended. \bro i’m tired. i’ll tell the rest later. but closing statement life’s a gamble for people who don’ t know the code. once you figure out your role play to the best of your ability and pray to God to constantly look out for you. * 4:48

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nocturnegyser · 3 years

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The Start of Clean Trash

Warren x Raccoon(reader)

A/N: I wanted to expand this little world a bit and make a story about the band Raccoon started, it’s also kind of a prequel to, “The Feels”, so plz enjoy but if it sucked plz be mean. (I can also take requests if u want...)

———

(y/n) has been at Xaviers for over a month, and has been doing relatively fine for the most part. Considering this is the first time she’s lived apart from her older brother.

(Y/N) also played guitar and always dreamt of starting a rock band, she could shred like Brian May and had the voice of Haley William, she was the perfect punk rocker.

She and Warren would occasionally would rock out together but never really perform in front of anyone, plus Warren was busy with X-Men training and (y/n) with classes.

That’s when (y/n) decided to start a band.

———

One day after classes, after getting permission to start a band from Charles, (y/n) was making posters for her band.

The poster read, “Wanna join a band? Join me! (y/n) anytime at the music room after 3:45pm to 6:45pm!”

(y/n) was hopeful about the turnout, expecting at least a few people to show up.

After putting up the last poster on the message board outside, “You think anyone’s gonna show up?” Warren asked.

“I’m hoping so, there’s gotta be at least one other individual here not too busy to join a band,” (y/n) responded

“Yea, sorry I couldn’t join..”

“Nah you’re fine, when responsiblites call, you answer.... at least I think that’s how that saying goes,” (y/n) snickered

Both headed inside for the time being.

Not too long after, a relatively new boy walked up looking at the poster

“....New band huh?.. that could be interesting.”

———

The next day (y/n) was waiting at the music room for what felt like hours, even though it had only been 29 minutes.

“Ugh!! Man.. I thought at least SOMEONE would have been interested. Oh well... I guess all that convincing was for not.” (y/n) said to herself discouraged

Almost at the same time as she began to lose hope, a tall boy came walking in the music room with a maroon instrument case.

The first thing (y/n) noticed was his big rat ears and tail, and secondly, his eyepatch.

“Uh... I was wondering if you were still holding auditions for the band?” the intriguing character asked

“Uh... yeah sure, of course. What do you play exactly?” (y/n) asked astonished that anyone came at all

“I play the bass,” the boy responded

“Oh wow! Exactly what I looking for,” (y/n) responded, both smiling a bit, “Tell me a bit about yourself, Mr.....”

“Palneski, Mars Palenski, I started coming here about 3 months ago.”

“Oh that’s perfect, I’ve barry been here myself, a month and a half now to be exact.”

“I’m an Aries, I began playing bass when my sisters boyfriend taught me...”

“Aww”

“Yeah, he ended up going to jail on running an underground poker ring.”

“Oh...”

“Yeah.. he was pretty cool, he made me this eyepatch”

Accidentally mishearing him, “He put you in that eyepatch??!!?”

“No no no! You misheard me, I said he made me this cool eyepatch, my dads the one who put me in it,” Mars then flipped his eyepatch up revealing a red bloodshot eye

(y/n) was a bit horrified but even more intrigued

“What happened there?... if you don’t mind me asking..” (y/n) asked

“Meh, pops went off the deep end one night on me and my mom, she had clipped her ears and tail before she met my dad, imagine their surprise when a freak like me popped out,” Mars revealed

“Well you’re not the freak in this situation,” she reassured him

“But other than that, I’d like to join your band if that’s cool”

“Yea yea of course, you’re the only person to show up so far so... show what you can do”

“With pleasure,” Mars replied, then plugging his bass that was pastel pink with purple paint splatters

Mars took a deep breath and began playing the baseline from Vulfpecks Sky Mall

(y/n) immediately knew what he was playing and was impressed he was pulling it off

Like every musician, there were things he needed improvement and missed a few notes but (y/n) hardly noticed or didn’t care

After his more than adequate performance, (y/n) stood up clapping with sparkles in her eyes

“You’re in! Welcome to..... I don’t have a band name,” (y/n) giggled

“Awesome! when are practices?” Mars responded

“Well that’s the thing, you’re the only one to really show up to this, we don’t have a drummer yet,” (y/n) responded.

“But if you want, you can help hold auditions for a drummer if you”

“Meh, not like I’m doing much, I don’t see why not,” Mars replied while packing up his bass

With that, (y/n)’s band finally has a start.. somewhat

———

The next few days proved to be fruitless.

No one showed up or wanted to join (y/n)’s or Mars’s band

“Man... you’d think with a prestigious enough music programs you’d think there’d be at least one other kid wanting to wail on drums,” Mars sighed

“Yeah... well I almost started this with another drummer but he’s got training,” (y/n) signed in response

“You know a drummer? who?” Mars asked

“His name is Warren, big metal wings, thuggish looking”

“Oh I saw him around, didn’t think you two hung out”

“Yeah, our schedules don’t always link up unfortunately,” (y/n) then staring off in thought about hanging out with Warren more

Mars noticed this and decided to speak up, “You like him?”

This caught (y/n) way off guard, “W-what??! what makes you say that??”

(y/n) now blushing

“I can tell by the way you stare off when talking about him,” Mars teased

“Well... it’s not that I LIKE like him, I just think he’s... cool, ok?”

“Yeah, cool. Got it,” Mars then looking forward himself a little surprised he was able to get that out of her

———

Finally, after almsot 2 weeks of waiting around, (y/n) finally had someone audition for drums

(y/n) and Mars were overly excited, (y/n) more than Mars

(y/n) immediately began interrogating the individual trying for the drums but they didn’t seem all that interested

“So tell us a bit about yourself,” (y/n) began, Mars was just sitting back in his seat with a semi interested look

“I guess I started drums in middle school band,” they replied

“Awesome, you ever play in a rock band before? Not that that’s a requirement, neither of us have either, we’re just curious,” (y/n) asked

“No, I don’t play to rock, mostly classical or school songs,” the already disinterested drummer responded

“Oh, well uh, we’re a rock band so.. I dunno if that’s-“ (y/n) began explaining before Mars cut her off

“Listen, we’re not looking for anything in particular, but I can tell you don’t wanna try out for this band, do you?” Mars immediately taking over

“Not really, I haven’t drummed in a while and honestly, wanted to drop it forever ago but my parents wanted me to try out..”

“So... you don’t want to join?” (y/n) asked a little sad

“No, sorry”

“That’s ok, let us know if you change your mind,” (y/n) letting them know before they walked out

“UGH!” (y/n) then slamming her head on the table

“We didn’t even get to hear how they sounded!”

“I’d imagine maybe not very good if they haven’t played since middle school..” Mars added

———

Immediately the next day, Warren was waiting in the music room for Mars and (y/n) with an audition ready, but not from him, his apprentice.

(y/n) stood there trying to take in what she was looking at

Warren Worthington III, one the the schools most intimidating residents/students and former horseman of the apocalypse... with a 5th grader drummer apprentice

Warren immediately began explaining what was happening, “Ryan here, decided he wanted to give your band a try, (y/n).”

(y/n) still standing there dumbfounded, sat down and began asking Ryan the usual

“So... tell us a bit about yourself, Ryan”

Ryan, very timidly began, “Well... I’ve only been going here 2 months and... and...”

Taking a deep breath, finall let out what he wanted to say, “I would like to join your band!”

Ryan now blushing

(y/n) finally grasping what was happening, understood what was going through Ryan’s head

“Ok, go ahead and play us something if you’d like,” (y/n) then motions towards the drums

This is the moment Ryan had been waiting for, the moment he spent hours training under Warren

Ryan began with a slow tempo Single Stroke Roll which transitioned into a picked up tempo Rebound Stroke

Warren had been watching from the door while (y/n) and Mars sat there in awe at what Ryan was able to do

after finishing, Ryan sweating and breathing harder than ever

(y/n) and Mars both immediately began clapping and both at the same time in unison said, “You’re in!”

Ryan having aspired to join a band of his own, finally happening, he bang crying and ran off the strage to go hug Warren to thank him for everything

(y/n) seeing this interaction made her heart flutter a bit

Seeing how good he is with kids, she began having thoughts

I wonder how he’d be with his own child, what kind of father would he be?

Immediately realizing what she’s thinking she began blushing

Ryan then decided to introduce himself to Mars and he took a liking to Ryan immediately and took him on as an apprentice as well

(y/n) walked up to Warren, both blushing a bit

“Thanks for giving Ryan a chance, (y/n).” Warren thanking (y/n)

“Ah, well, I was more than likely gonna let him join anyways, no one else was showing up, well one other person did but they weren’t interested”

Both giggled to themselves

I’ve never seen Warren giggle to easily (y/n) thought to herself

“Well.. I suppose we should get our newest addition situated and uh...”

“Oh, yeah for sure.. I guess I’ll just...”

“Yeah.. I’ll see you around I guess”

Both still blushing as Warren exited

———

Both Mars and (y/n) having gotten to know Ryan, (y/n) decided they should come up with a band name

“It should be something that represents all of us,” (y/n) stated

“How about... overnight heartbreak?” Mars suggested

“I never got my heart broken before... not by a girl at least,” Ryan responded

“The harmonies of The Gifted?” (y/n) already not liking her own name idea

“.....Well.. Ryan can manipulate water... you and me are trash animals..” Mars pointed out

“Trash animals??” (y/n) raising a question

“Yea, rats and raccoons are primarily found in trash cans”

“I’ve only been found a dumpster ONCE, and that was to find my tamagotchi I accidentally threw away,” (y/n) retaliated

“I’ve been found in multiple dumpsters, multiple times,” Mars said almsot bragging

Both forgetting Ryan was right there

“Uh well... I like cleaning so.. I’ve never been in a dumpster...” Ryan chimed in

“Cleaning huh...” Mars commented

“Clean... dumpsters.... trash animals..... cleaning trash animals....” Mars was saying random thought out loud to spark an idea for the other

“Clean.....”

“Trash....”

“Clean...”

“Trash”

“Clean”

“Trash”

“Clean Trash!!”

Both Mars and Ryan going back and forth before in unison coming up with a name

(y/n) immediately loved it and the trio had finally decided on their name

“This is gonna be fun,” (y/n) said fist bumping both Ryan and Mars

———

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hillbillyhippiemusicreview · 4 years

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Post #46—Them Dirty Roses: Locked Down & Unplugged LIVE

“Cause I found the wind that blows, It’s blowin’ me back home 🎶”

Nashville-based southern rockers Them Dirty Roses recently let the wind blow them back to the Bama clay they were raised on for two consecutive nights of sold out shows at Sidetracks Music Hall in Huntsville, AL. General manager/talent buyer Shane Bickel was eager to re-open and provide both musicians and fans alike a safe, socially-distanced outlet for music, so Hillbilly Hippie Music Review made the trek there via Indiana and L.A. (that’s lower Alabama) to enjoy a couple nights of tunes post-lockdown.

Deemed “Locked Down & Unplugged LIVE,” the set of acoustic shows was the perfect, albeit different, way to kick off the return of live music—especially since HHMR’s last show before the nation-wide pandemic lockdown was in March with TDR at Sidetracks. Total full circle kind of moment, and one we wish we could have frozen in time. But, I’ve got to be frank—despite being a total glutton for acoustic music, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, being that everything had changed so quickly. Would people hesitate to interact? Would we dance and sing or sit there like statues? Would the energy in the room be relaxed or tightly-wound? At first, there was a bit of an unsure current in the air, but before long, everyone was loosened up and moving to the groove in their seats and all the ladies made their way to the stage to end each night with “Shake It,” a TDR ritual.

Before we dive into the specifics of the weekend, here’s a little background for readers unfamiliar with TDR: Brothers James Ford (vocals and guitar) and Frank Ford (drums) formed Them Dirty Roses with their friends Andrew Davis (guitar) and Ben Crain (bass) in Gadsden, AL circa 2012 prior to moving to Tennessee to travel the country playing their brand of rock and roll and finding success both stateside and across Europe. Their sound is a bit southern rock heavy laden with outlaw vibes, and a bit party band mixed with a penchant for slower, sentimental jams—in other words, it’s eclectic and every bit as unique as the four men who form the band. However you describe it, a TDR show is always a good time—and it only takes one to get hooked on the electric energy these guys bring to the stage. On June 5th and 6th in a little venue off by the railroad tracks in Rocket City, the vibe was killer and the feeling was out of this world. Not only were the fans ready to rock, but the band was ecstatic and thankful to be back in action.

HHMR contributor Linda Owen’s first-ever TDR show was March 13–the night the country shut down due to the pandemic. She has the unique perspective of experiencing the “typical” wide-open TDR show and the stripped, intimate version back to back. Here’s what she had to say:

“Three months without live music—I know I slowly watched myself go from the happiest most optimistic person I knew, to a complete mess. It may have seemed like I was okay, but I assure you I was not.

I’ve always known how much music has impacted my life. It has always brought me the greatest memories and blessed me with many friendships and there were so many times in my life where the only thing I had to hold on to was a song. Three months without my music family was torture. With that being said I'll never forget my first shows post-COVID-19. Ironically, the first post -COVID-19 show was at the same venue with the same band I saw pre-COVID-19, and it was perfect.

Let me set the scene. Sidetracks Music Hall is the kind of local music hall we all want in our hometowns: you feel at home as soon as you walk in, you are treated like family, and it has by far the friendliest staff and patrons of any place I've been to date. The venue possesses a large open floor plan with the bar area in the back, so there is not a bad spot to see the show. For this show in particular, tables are spread about what is normally the "pit" area. To be honest, I was a little nervous that this social distancing acoustic show wouldn’t quite fill that void that COVID-19 has left me feeling...I was so wrong. After getting settled in with a drink, my sidekick Lyssa and I did some mingling getting to talk to new-to-me friends that I'd made three months previously at the last show I had attended. The excitement in the room was palatable—and it only got better from there.

TDR hit the stage and you could feel the spirits of every single person in the room glowing around you. All the doubts that an acoustic show wasn't going to feel right with social distancing rules melted away! We danced and sang along like those tables weren't in the way the first night. "Whiskey in My Cup" "Grew Up In The Country" and "Molly" had us all on our feet grooving. We were treated to covers by The Black Crowes, Jason Isbell, and The Allman Brothers, in addition to fan favorites and new songs from their upcoming album expected to release in September—and we are stoked for it.

My heart and soul were happier those two nights than they'd been for the past three months. I sang my way back to Indiana..caught myself sing at work on Monday too!”

The magic wasn’t solely felt by the HHMR team—the air was saturated with it and everyone in the room had a taste that left them yearning for more. Below are a few comments from TDR fans:

“The first show post lock-down came with more enjoyment than just the music. We were super excited for the chance to get back out and hear live music! Them Dirty Roses were the last band we got to see prior to the lock-down. Now, it turns out that Them Dirty Roses would be the first post lock-down. The music was great! What we didn't anticipate was the joy it also brought by seeing so many friends with smiling faces! It was amazing to be seen again and to hear two nights of wonderful tunes!”

—Bud Gambrell

“Went to the Friday show and it was a group of guys that were ready for a show. They were the last band we saw before the Coronavirus shut things down in Huntsville. Looking forward to seeing them again.”

—Kevin Boyd

“The first show post quarantine was like something wonderful that I had been deprived of for a long time. I think sometimes we don't see how many things that surround us in life we take for granted. I see at least two live music shows a month. During the summer, I probably go to 2-3 shows a week. Honestly, it seemed like such a wonderful release and something that people needed. Everybody has something that feeds their spirit—mine is music. Being deprived of other people and the things we love are just some of the things that add to that depression that comes with the whole quarantine/covid situation. So, being around friends and music felt really great and normal. It seemed like life may be getting back to normal finally. I smiled all night!”

—Jerolyn Davis

“Needless to say, Them Dirty Roses put on one hell of a show two nights in a row, which was just what I needed after the almost three month drought of no live music! The fact that they were the last live show for me before everything shut down is kinda ironic and cool at the same time. I'm also very thankful to Sidetracks for putting on the shows, they rock!”

—Robin Huff

Guitarist Andrew Davis was on the same wavelength as many in attendance. When asked his thoughts on performing again post-pandemic, he said: “In March, the future of the entire industry was uncertain. We all knew that April was going to be postponed, but we couldn't even imagine postponing or cancelling the entire festival season. Then, weeks later, exactly that happened. With all of the uncertainty surrounding the future of our industry, it was very reassuring to get back out and play again. It definitely answered a lot of lingering questions about whether or not people would rush back to live venues.”

After last weekend, it seems life will slowly, but surely, get back on track and all will be right in our world again. Until that day comes, be sure to support live music and independent venues—such as Sidetracks who has hosted many fabulous performers like Anderson East, The Steel Woods, Black Stone Cherry, Adam Hood, Kingfish, Ritch Henderson, Muscadine Bloodline, Whitey Morgan and the 78s, and many, many more in addition to TDR—in whatever manner you can so that we have them to return to when COVID-19 restrictions are lifted nation-wide. And don’t forget to keep your eyes peeled for that new Them Dirty Roses record to release this fall—it’s without a doubt some of their best work. In the meantime, keep up with the band and their tour schedule at www.themdirtyroses.com and @themdirtyroses on both Facebook and Instagram.

As always, stay safe, spread love, and be kind to one another. See y’all down the road!

✌🏻💙🎶—Lyssa

*This is an independent review. The Hillbilly Hippie Music Review was not compensated for this review.

*The opinions expressed are solely that of the author(s).

*Fan quotes have been edited for conciseness and clarity.

*These images are not ours, not do we claim them in any way. They are copyrighted by Todd Dean with Butterdean Photography, Linda Owens, & Lyssa Culbertson.

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doomedandstoned · 4 years

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Conan Bring Cold Blackened Violence to France

~By Clem Helvete~

For the penultimate show of a European tour that lasted over a month, CONAN played the Westill Festival in Vallet, France. For the occasion, I reached out to Jon and asked him if him and Dave (who was playing bass on this tour) would have a minute to answer a few questions. Although they were both quite tired from a month of hopping from one city to the other, they still managed to make time to talk about the tour, Blackskull Services, guitars, pedals, and amps. We nerded out about gear for a bit, right before Conan went on stage and literally blew up the PA. And I literally mean literally...

So, how did the tour go?

Jon: We’re two shows from the end now, and I could probably still go on a few more shows. I’m a bit tired but we’ve been out a whole month. We’ve been to fifteen countries or more all across Europe. So, it’s been good.

Dave: The tour was great. I haven't done anything like this for 25 years when Fudge Tunnel was touring. The whole thing was fine though, well organised and we had Un and Sixes from the USA along on all but the last two shows so we all made a lot of friends.

Dave, how did you end up playing bass in Conan to occasionally replace Chris?

Dave: I got to know Jon a little via Facebook, as he's a big fan of my old band Fudge Tunnel. Last year he asked me if I fancied filling in on bass for a couple of shows while Chris got married. That went OK, and he asked me to do a few more shows that Chris couldn't make due to his producing commitments. Then earlier this year he asked if I could do a whole four week european tour. Chris and his wife just had a baby, so I'm like "maternity cover" this time out.

Does it bring a different vibe to Conan to have Dave on bass?

Jon: It is a tiny bit different and it’s interesting. Dave and his band have alway been idols to me, so being on stage with him is really great. We’re very comfortable playing and working together, and we get along great. So, it’s brilliant.

You toured with Un and Sixes, which are two bands who have releases on Jon’s label, Black Bow Records. In addition, the whole thing was booked through Blackskull, right?

Jon: I released the first Un album on CD and digital and I think Translation Loss has picked them up for the subsequent release. I distributed Sixes’ more recent album in Europe.

Between Black Bow records, Blackskull Services and Conan, which is a very active band, how do you manage all of this?

Jon: With some difficulty, but it’s fun. I enjoy it, so I keep busy with it. I don’t do everything on my own. Blackskull is myself and my other half, Sarah. There are other people who work within Blackskull, who do the booking. On this particular tour Marie, who does some of the booking with Blackskull, handled all of that. So I can’t take any credit for that really. The tour is going really well and that’s because of Marie, really. She’s been really good at booking everything.

You basically started the booking agency and the name Conan has gotten some momentum, to say the least, over the last few years. It feels like you’re giving back by helping smaller bands.

Jon: I always get asked for advice, and I’m not an expert on everything by any means, but there are a lot of ways that you can help bands get over some of the hurdles, particularly in the early stages. That’s really why it was set up, just to help bands move forward. Obviously there are more serious aspects of what we do, such as negotiating with labels, booking tours, all the transactional things that we do. But on the other hand, we’re here for advice and guidance. I wish I had someone like this when Conan was starting out. There are certain things that we probably wouldn’t have done if we had the correct advice. So you can pass on your experience to other bands and we decided to make a business out of it.

Can you tell us about the bass and guitar you're using in Conan?

Dave: Up until this tour I had been borrowing Chris's Dunable Thunderclapper, which is a beautiful instrument. Conan plays in drop-F and his bass was custom made with that in mind, longer scale etc. As we were going away for a lot longer this time I put something off my own together. It's a P-bass body which I stripped down and re-finished. I put in a DiMarzio DP122 pickup and upgraded the wiring. it has a Gotoh bridge which I set back an extra inch to lengthen the scale. The neck is a fairly cheap jazz style thing which I got on eBay. To make a bass that plays in drop-F you need to use extra thick strings, Rotosound Dropzone+. The thickest string is a 175 and it still flops about and slaps on the fretboard.

I believe Jon started out playing Gibsons and then moved on to EGCs for a while, is that correct?

Jon: The first guitar I started using in Conan was by a British company called Gordon Smith. I had an SG and I recorded the first two albums on that. Over time I’ve used different guitars, I used to have an early ‘80s silverburst Les Paul custom. It’s a beautiful guitar but I didn’t really like the way the strap is bent at a sharp angle the way I wear it. There was once or twice where it actually popped-out of the strap pin. Not cool on a guitar that’s worth about £2,000. Around that time I had an Electrical Guitar Company all aluminium, which is a bit trendy I guess. They are great instruments, but I didn’t want to have two guitars that are worth so much money on the road. I sold that and I ended up noticing Dunable Guitars from Los Angeles, so I bought a couple from him. I have a Dunable R2, I have a Flying V, and I have another guitar that’s being made for me at the moment. It’s like a reverse body clone of a Guild S200. I’ve always loved the shape of this guitar, but not necessary all the switches that are on it. So I wanted that shape but with something more traditional in terms of options, just two pickups, tone and volume.

What about the scale?

Jon: These are not baritones, they are Fender scale [ed. 25.5”]. I’ve always had the Fender scale. The Gibson Les Paul obviously isn't a Fender scale, and the Gordon Smith was also a Gibson scale [ed. 24.75”].

Do you find the Dunables more comfortable to play due to the scale or is it more of an overall thing?

Jon: I find the overall comfortable enough and they hold the tune a little bit better.

Which is important since you guys are way down-tuned.

Jon: Yes, we’re dropped tuned to F. So it’s important that the strings are tight enough so they sound clear enough when you’re playing. So, that little bit of extra length on the neck definitely helps.

What string gauge do you use?

Jon: The bottom one is a .8 and then I go through to 14 I think. Right now I’m using Ernie Ball heavy gauge strings. They do an 8 strings set, which goes from 80 to 11. I use the first four wound strings and then I don’t remember what the 2 thinnest strings are. I don’t really worry about changing them because I don’t really use them when I’m playing. The other day, I replaced all my strings and just did the first four because they’re the only ones I use, like a poor man’s Max Cavalera.

Dave, I assume your rig is a bit different from what you were using in Fudge Tunnel. Are you trying to get close to Chris's sound or are you really just going for your own thing?

Dave: In Fudge Tunnel I used a very different sound. Much more top end, and standard tuning. So I mostly used Marshall solid states or Ampeg SVTs with Fender Jazz, Musician or Rickenbacker. When I play in Conan, I try to make it sound good to my ears. Chris is a producer and has much better ears than me, so it probably doesn't sound the same. He also has a much better beard.

I believe you are using an Orange OB1-300 and QSC RMX 850a (I could be wrong on this one) both rack mounted. Can you tell us a bit about this pairing and how it came to be ?

Dave: My Orange amp is an OB-500, which I really like. It's ridiculously loud and a bit more reliable than a full-on tube amp. The power amp is there just to run the Peavey cab, which is a 1x18. It's Conan's cab, and it's just there for the low end (there's a lot of low end). As far as I know all the speakers are stock. The 8x10 is one that we bought on the road, towards the start of the tour in Copenhagen. The one we brought over was a little worn out, and I managed to blow three of the speakers (oops!), so we upgraded. All three bands were using the 8x10 every night so it had to be done.

I saw that the guitar rig you’re using on this tour is different from the one that you’ve been using for a while now. Can you tell us about your current touring rig?

Jon: Very early on in this tour there was a signal problem with it. I haven’t tried it since so maybe it was my cables. But because of that I’ve switched it to two old Peaveys amps. I’ve had these Peaveys in the studio for years now and I’ve never really used them, but I had to bring them out of retirement for this tour. I actually had them fully overhauled and serviced just before we started the tour. I must have had some sort of premonition or something, like I knew this was going to happen. I started using them in Hamburg, which was only the 4th or 5th show on this tour and I’ve got two shows left and so far it’s been good.

I have the Hilbish rig at home and I’ve got the Peaveys now that all of a sudden have caught my attention, but I’ve just taken delivery of a valve rig made of a separate preamp and a power amp.

Are you going back to tube amps?

Jon: I’m just going to try it and see. I’ve got another band, Ungraven, in which I want to run two full stacks with two 8x10s. For that set up, I’m going to run two full stacks with this new rigs if it sound good. It’s a Mesa Boogie Studio preamp, the same one that Kurt Cobain used, and that is going to be run into a Mesa Boogie 295 power amplifier. This is a stereo power amplifier and each channel is 95 watts. That’s all tube. I’m interested to see how that sounds, I think it’ll sound cool. Then I’ll use the Hilbish or the Peaveys through 8x10s. I’d rather use the Hilbish if I figure out what’s wrong with it. That rig could run two 8x10s very easily so that’s what I’d rather use.

What made you decide that you would switch from tube to solid state? This is not a very popular move within the doom scene.

Jon: On our last album I used the Hilbish rig in which I ran a Boss HM-2 clone. I’m not using that pedal live right now, but I’ve been using it quite a lot. I don’t really know why people would have an issue with solid-state. Some of the coolest albums were recorded and played live with solid-state amps. In Crowbar Kirk uses the Orange solid-state 100 watts head, Jimmy Bower from Eyehategod uses a Randall solid-state. Buzz from the Melvins uses the exact same Hilbish rig I have, it was through him that I’ve heard of this amplifier. I like the versatility of it, I love solid-state.

Speaking of amplification, do you have any issues with volume restrictions? France and Belgium are known for having fairly low limitations.

Jon: It has been an issue in some places. Yesterday in France we were a bit louder than they would have liked. It was around 109 decibels and their limit was 102 or 103dB. Some of the shows it’s a little bit of a restriction but nothing too crazy. We played at this place called Fundbureau in Hamburg, which is actually a techno club, and the PA in there is for techno. It was the most powerful PA we’ve ever played through. Our sound guy is good at making us sound good while respecting the dB restrictions, but when he’s let loose on a loud PA it’s awesome. The sound in this venu was crazy. When we were playing the floor and the stage were vibrating all the time. After the set my feet were tingling. I’m not sure if I enjoyed how it felt but it sounded amazing.

Gear is an important component of your sound, so how do you make sure you have the gear you want when touring the US or Asia for example?

Jon: In America we’ve got our own cabs and I’ve got two Hilbish rigs out there. Friends of ours in a band called Serial Hawk in Seattle keep all of our gear in a storage room. We have a bass rig and two guitar rigs out there. We have three 4x12s and an 8x10. So when we go in America on tour it’s all there for us. It costs us less than we spent renting gear on the first two tours. So it makes sense. Rather than spending a fortune renting it I’d rather have some consistency. A lot of bands use Orange amps, and they’re great amplifiers. If I ever have to rent it, I’d rent Orange for sure. I like owning what I use. I can maintain it myself and I know that nobody abused it a week before. Touring through Asia, we played Japan one time and I just used two Marshall JCM 900 full stacks and on bass we used an Ampeg and an 8x10. Australia and New Zealand we just rent whatever’s there. Last time we went over it was Marshall. But if we can specify what we use, we just go for a cleanish sound and two full stacks. So Marshall can do, Orange would do.

Basically a loud pedal platform.

Jon: Yes, my pedalboard comes with me no matter where we play, so I know that’s always consistent. For distortion I’m using a Fuzzthrone, which is a really high gain Big Muff. It works really well for Metal, it works really well for slow, drony parts. I’ve got it dialed in quite well. Although, when I change my strings it sounds a little bit brighter than normal, so the last couple of shows was a struggle to get the feedback swell the way I like it. As long as it’s a clean sounding, loud amplifier I can probably sound quite consistent through them.

So let’s talk about your pedalboard. You’ve worked with Dunwich Amplification for the Fuzzthrone, how was that?

Jon: It’s a Fuzzface stacked up on a Big Muff tone, but I just told him what my favorite sound was and he made it, but louder and with more power to push the amplifier a little bit more.

You tried out prototypes?

Jon: Yes, he sent me a prototype, then I used that and he sent me the real thing. Since then I’ve had three or four different ones and they all sounded the same. He’s a great pedal builder. Right now I’ve got a Fuzzthrone and I’ve got a Nihilist, which is an HM-2 clone. It’s the same pedal I use on the album. The one I use right now has a clean blend, I think it would make for an amazing bass distortion pedal. I don’t use the clean blend for guitar, though.

I’m guessing your pedalboard hasn’t really changed since what you showed in the video you made a few years back.

Jon: Yes, it’s the same thing.

c/o The Doom Doc (2017)

What about bass effects?

Dave: My pedalboard is pretty simple. I use a T-Rex power supply, MXR bass compressor, Boss tuner and a SansAmp bass driver. There's also a Boss Bass Overdrive just in case the SansAmp dies.

I saw on social media that you picked up Ground FX pedals. Are you using them on this tour?

Jon: No, when we played in Hamburg we went to my friend’s music store and we stayed just above it. This music shop is like a treasure trove. He has amazing instruments in there. I got to play on a late 60s Fender Jaguar and he’s got loads of cool Hiwatt, Orange, and Roost amplifiers. My friend Christian, who runs a festival called Droneburg, told me a friend of his made a couple different pedals and wanted me to try them. So I got one which is a bass distortion and one that is like a Sunn Model T preamp. I tried them out there and it sounded cool, but I wasn’t using my gear. So I’m going to try them once I go back in the UK and see if I can maybe use them on a record.

What piece of gear would you say is at the heart of your sound?

Dave: The modified bass is essential, along with unusual amounts of volume and drive. I wouldn't want to go "unplugged" in Conan.

Jon: Without a doubt the Fuzzthrone. I’ve been using that since Blood Eagle. I love how it sounds and it makes me play a certain way. It’s taken a new lease of life with these Peaveys that I’m using now, which I didn’t really expect. I love how it sounds. It’s a simple pedal and I have my sound dialed in so it stays pretty consistent no matter what amp I use it with.

You don’t play around much with pedals in studio then? Aside from the HM-2 clone on your last album, would you say that you don’t really stray from your sound?

Jon: I used the HM-2 clone mixed with a fuzz pedal. I didn’t use the Fuzzthrone on the last album at all, I used a Meathead [ed. by D*A*M]. I like mixing things up, maybe on this new album I’ll use the Fuzzthrone because it sounds pretty cool at the moment.

Is the new album ready to go?

Jon: Yes, I got some songs written. We just need to rehearse them a little bit and get them ready for the studio.

It’s impressive how active you guys are. It is something a lot of musicians can look up to.

Jon: It’s something I’ve always been interested in since my mid teens. Writing music has always been a goal of mine. Performing kind of took over and became a thing all of its own. I’ve never had any idea of what it would be like to go on tour, I’d never thought for a minute that we’d do that. We tour quite a lot, we’re very lucky. I don’t have a day job holding me back, neither does Chris. He runs his own studio so he’s flexible. Johnny is also very flexible with his work, so the three of us are lucky. It’s like the stars have aligned most of the time. When Chris isn’t available we can call Dave, which is great.

Thanks again to Jon and Dave for their time and for being so friendly and accessible after driving around Europe for a month. It goes without saying, but Conan played loud and hard and I’m very much looking forward to their next show in our neck of the woods.

Follow The Band

Get Their Music

#D&S Interviews #Conan #London #England #Doom #Metal #Clem Helvete #Westill Festival #Vallet #France #2019 #Doomed & Stoned

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queenattheopera · 5 years

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Opening Number Part 2

Masterlist, Part 1

Prompt: This is the story of the band that skyrocketed beside Queen and how their singer was fated to be with one of them.

Warning: Some light cursing

October 10, 1970

“Dude you’re staring again and it's getting kinda weird.” I look away from the band to see Noah with a cheeky smile. I roll my eyes, but I begin to wonder how long I was actually staring. Freddie just had this ability to grab my attention and it also helped that the two other men and their new bassist happened to be hot.

Just as I was about to speak I heard some sour notes coming from their new member. By this point Smile is now Queen and they’ve been trying to get their hands on a new bass player but none of them seem to work. This new guy isn’t going to last after what just happened.

“I’m gonna grab a drink, do you want anything?” I look at Noah but find him heavily flirting with some random girl. I laugh when I notice her attention was purely on Emily but it doesn’t seem to have affected Noah’s persistence.

“I think we’re fine love, thank you.” Charlie was the only one who responded. I nod toward him and make my way through the crowd.

Despite the occasional sour note, the band seemed to maintain all the attention. Mostly the women, I have to push through them as they dance. They were really trying to get the boys to look at them. Some would glare as I make my way past them but would most would end up scared off by my appearance.

We had performed before Queen again so I was dressed in my usual pink attire. I was wearing platforms, ripped stockings and a top that almost looked like lingerie. Although what mostly seems to bother people was my studded leather jacket and dark makeup. Once I reach the bar I order my drink and scan the crowd.

I noticed the guy next to me watch the band and occasionally squinting. “They’re pretty good aren’t they?” It takes him a moment to notice I was talking to him.

“Well I would enjoy them a bit more if I could see them, all I can see is their silhouettes. There is so much they do to fix it. First off… they could also… that would help them a lot more, it would definitely improve their performance.” After going on his little rant he goes quiet. He starts to blush and suddenly avoids eye contact. “Sorry I got a little carried away.” He’s about to stand but I stop him.

“No don’t go. It’s okay, I actually agree with you. I didn’t notice until now but you’re right. How did you know all of that? Do you usually help with that kinda stuff?” He sits down and he looks kinda flustered. I could tell he was a little shy but he caught my attention. He had so much passion when it came to his little rant. I wanted to see it again.

“Well I’m studying electronics so I know a thing or two about setting these type of things up.” I smile and try my best to make him comfortable. I didn’t want to scare him off. By the end of the show I was able to find out his name John Deacon, that we were studying in the same school, that he was in a band before, and he had a killer wit.

“Well, John as much fun as I’m having, I should get back to my friends. But I’m performing at the pub near campus next Saturday at 9. Please come to the show, I promise I’ll have the lights set up perfectly.” I begin to stand up. “I’m sure if the lights weren’t on I would still be able to see you because you’re absolutely radiating.” I blush and grab his hand.

“I hope that means you’re coming.” Before I can walk away he kisses my hand, “I wouldn’t dare miss it.” Damn he was pretty smooth. I try not to giggle and instead playfully roll my eyes. “I’ll see you then.” I then walk away before he could see me blush even harder.

I could feel his lips on my hand and I’m in daze. Suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder only to see Emily. She’s smirking, “I saw you with brunette, babe. If I didn’t know any better I’d think you were trying to get a reverse harem.” I laugh, “I was just talking to him Em, I wasn’t flirting or anything.” She scans me knowingly.

“Your blush says otherwise. Anyways don’t look now but Freddie’s coming.” I try to compose myself, then I turn around and see Fred on his way with two shots in his hands. When I turn back to talk to Em she’s gone.

“How was the show, darling?” He hands me the shot and eagerly waits for my opinion. I remember what John said.

“Well to put it bluntly, you’re bassist sucked ass and I couldn’t see anything from more than 10 feet away.” His smile doesn’t falter, if anything he looks happier. “This is why I like you, you’re not afraid to tell me the bloody truth. Cheers, love.” I watch him take the shot and I begin to think about what he just said. I take my shot and blame my flushed face on the alcohol.

I lead Fred back to the table, everyone’s there including Roger. That was a surprise, considering how quickly he usually runs off with the first girl that offers. Said man looks up at me and I quickly turn the focus to their show, “So what’s gonna happen now that you lost your 5th bassist.” I look around at the 3 members of Queen. “We get a new one. So what do you say Charlie? Wanna join a band that’s actually good?” I softly punch Roger, “Don't just try to steal our bassist right in front of us, plus our band is great! We had just a big a crowd as you did!”

Brian puts his arm around my shoulder and I scoot a bit closer to him, “It’s okay, love. He was only kidding, but we are going to have auditions again.” Just as I was getting comfortable, I shot up.

“I have the perfect idea!!!” Everyone is surprised by my sudden outburst. I laugh at their reactions, “After knowing me for months you think you would get accustomed to my outbursts by now. ANYWAY I KNOW THE PERFECT GUY!”

I look at Emily and she seems to know exactly who I’m talking about before I say anything. “I met this bassist, John Deacon! He’ll be perfect! Trust me, I could introduce you to him on Saturday.” I smile and look at the guys expectantly. “That sounds great love.” Freddie gives me an encouraging smile. “I don’t know, I mean what do you know about this guy y/n.” Roger has an uncertain look to him.

“I know enough Rog.” He sighs and I could tell he wasn’t going to give up without a fight. Before he could say anything else Freddie says he’s going to get everyone shots so we could toast to the prospect of a new member and the riddance of their ex-bass player.

A few hours later both bands were asleep in my flat. Despite each of them having their own homes, mine seemed to be the place where everyone gathered after a long day. I have many pictures to document those nights. One of my favorites Roger, Brian, and Noah cuddled on my bed after a great show. Today everyone was here, we were all tired and drunk. I sat next to Em on the floor and before I knew it I had fallen asleep on her shoulder.

The next morning I awoke to a tangle of limbs. Emily had somehow found my hidden bottle of scotch and she had fallen asleep with the now empty bottle. Noah was laying on Charlie but he didn’t seem to mind. I was tangled under Queen. I had Brian nestled into my neck, his curly hair tickling my right cheek. Then there was Fred using my chest as a pillow on my left. Lastly, Roger was laying between my legs with his head on my stomach. I’ve only know the boys for a few months and already I don’t know if I could live without them. They had quickly become my best friends. It’s these silent moments with them that I cherish. Each of them are so drastically different but they seem to belong together. We belong together.

Part 3

Tag List

@smile-nine @phantom-fangirl-stuff

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yumapii · 5 years

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[Character Story] Shishimaru Takaomi [5/9]

Parts 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9

? ! Like I thought, MM is also talking about TheBambiz!

[scene: yanayuma room]

Takaomi:

? ! Like I thought, MM is also talking about TheBambiz!

Yuma:

MM@music:

“The new music released today by TheBambiz, with their unique take on garage rock, gives the impression that they could be the next big thing. This is something we haven’t seen in a long while. From their basic chord progression, to their characteristically impactful riff evoking a feeling of degeneracy, to the novel politeness in the hammering and sweeps of the guitar solo. Followed by a tear jerking feedback.(1)

Furthermore, homages to one of the Three Musketeers of underground playwriting, Shirogawa Shuji’s(2) works, can be found throughout their lyrics.

From these components, it is my personal conclusion that TheBambiz undoubtedly respect and admire the legendary band, Uribos.”

Takaomi:

So that’s the case!

Yuma:

Erm…

Takaomi:

Uribos’ vocalist, Babirusa, was also a big fan of that playwright, and a few English translations of his quotes were included in the lyrics!

Like I thought MM isn’t just an ordinary person! Maybe I should chat with them a bit.

Yuma, put on the song again!

Yuma:

I- I understand.

// I quickly type out a message to MM: “I completely agree about the impression of TheBambiz regarding Uribos.” And sent it. //

Takaomi:

( Holy crap… Up til now I’ve only been a lurker but I sent it.

But I couldn’t help it! )

It’s been a while since I was so excited. The last time was when I first found Uribos, I think.

Yuma:

Shishimaru really likes this Uribos… band?

Takaomi:

More than like them!

// I grab the confused looking Yuma firmly by the shoulders. //

Yuma:

Takaomi:

Around the time I was feeling desolate, I just happened to buy Uribos’ 2nd album on a whim. It only took those “7 tracks of creation(3), spanning a holy 38 minutes and 13 seconds” to make me a fan. That album was craaaazy good.

Yuma:

Cre-creation…

Takaomi:

Well why don’t you just take a listen? I’m sure you’ll understand once you hear it.

// I was in supremely high spirits.

Using my smartphone, I blast out that God album on maximum volume.

I want to share this excitement! I want Yuma to feel that same electrifying feeling as I did when I first stepped into a world where Uribos exists. //

Takaomi:

Come on, it starts from here! Get it? First it starts with the bass, then from there, the guitar kicks in strongly and…

Yuma:

Ah, ahh…

………. [time skip]

Yanagi:

I’m bac- Huh?

Takaomi:

Don’t fall asleep, Yuma! Actually you sure can sleep while listening to Uribos!

Yuma:

Sle… epy…..

Takaomi:

This album only gets better from here! Isn’t it cool?! Isn’t it the best?!

Yuma:

Ye-yeah…

Yanagi:

… What are you doing, I wonder.

Takaomi:

We’re having a pyjama party!

Yanagi:

… Well for now, since Yuma is already half asleep, why not take a break?

Yuma:

… zzz

Takaomi:

Geh! It’s not time for you to go to sleep!

Yanagi:

Once he gets like that he won’t wake up. Lend him to me, I’ll take him up.

If you’re here at this hour it means you’re staying over, I presume. Don’t forget to turn off the lights.

// Hanabusa carried Yuma on his shoulders and went up the stairs.

Even though the Uribos album wasn’t finished (for the 5th time) yet… //

Takaomi:

( Yuma, that bastard, didn’t seem too interested… )

tch

Why can’t he understand this quality?

// Irritated, I stretch out on the sofa.

--- Ping! I get a notification from Murmur. //

Takaomi:

( A reply from MM?! )

MM@music:

“TK-san. Thank you for the passionate message. I feel a similar level of admiration for Uribos from you. That legendary final tour was really the best, wasn’t it.”

Takaomi:

“I got through the tour safely! But the tour T-shirt I struggled to get in that chaos has become damaged so I’m seriously bummed.”

MM@music:

“I totally understand that feeling. That T-shirt is a rare item designed by Babirusa himself, after all.

I have 2 pieces myself but, if you’re fine with it, I don’t mind passing 1 to you.”

Takaomi:

Wait, what?! For real?! Does God exist?!

MM@music:

“However my friend left a ketchup stain on 1 of them. And my friend accidentally tore a hole in the other so there is some evidence of patching up.”

Takaomi:

( That friends sounds dangerous…

But I guess MM is also the type who wears them a lot. To the point where having 2 shirts isn’t enough, I appreciate the sentiment.

More than that! I wanna talk more about Uribos! )

// And so from then until next morning, I had a long, passionate chat about Uribos with MM. //

(1) okay so this part is full of musical terminology and it sounds a bit awkward but i think i caught everything, also sorry

(2) the kanji for this name is 城川秀二 and they didn’t include any guides. at the same time, i didn’t see any existing person when i googled the name wholesale so this is my best guess for now

(3) takaomi’s literally alluding to the 7 days of creation in christianity

#dream!ing #translation #character story #shishimaru takaomi #mochizuki yuma #hanabusa yanagi

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aishiteruitsumo6 · 7 years

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QUARTET NIGHT LIVE Evolution 2017 - 2017/02/12 - REPORT Part ①

Do NOT repost You can post the link but not the content.

As usually, not 100% accurate with the order, especially the talks, so much happened but I'm surprised with how much I remember.

Goods

I went to the Live Viewing at Saitama. They sold goods at each cinema during their open time.

My cinema opened at 8am and I got to the the place just after 7am, there was already about 60-100 people lined up.

There were Shoutan fans!! They wore the PRISM long Tshirt and had the bags, I briefly acknowledged them. I had my PRISM Itta bag with me too (and a tiny Ai-chan itta bag).

We started moving a few minutes before 8am.

I kept thinking how they are selling the goods, do we tick what we want from a sheet? Do we buy at the till and tell the staff what we want?

I was too distracted while walking in, my eyes briefly glanced at the goods on the table to my left. I kept walking on.

‼️

I realised you just pick up what you want along the way and quickly snatched the pamphlet! The next thing, oh the clothes... It's pretty dark grey, hmm, just one left... Picks up to look at, about to put it back WAIT!! THATS THE CARDIGAN! THERE'S ONLY ONE LEFT!! I quickly held it close to me tightly. THE LAST ONE!! 。・゜・(ノД`)・゜・。 Most things were gone already! 😭 Only one Live towel left, I think there was 2 bags, I'm sure there was tshirts, but again my mind was somewhere else and never picked them up 😭 The next thing I picked up was Ai-chan's brooch, there was some left along with Reiji's, barely any character towels left. Some light sticks NO BADGES?! BANGLE LIGHTS?! RING?! CHOCOLATE?!😭😭😭 The charms were all gone too, but I wasn't going for them.

There was quite a few fans left, Ai-chan's had the most. I made a last minute decision to get one to make up for not being able to get the other goods I wanted.

So, I got the pamphlet, cardigan, brooch and fan. Plus 2 random keychains for spending over a certain amount *Will upload pics later*

I opened the first random packet, Ranran came out, not too bad, next one was Camus. Ai-chan~~~~ 😭

I went to the crowd of fans to try and exchange for Ai-chan, and if possible the QN logo

I seen the Shoutan fans again, they obviously would want Ai-chan, skip. Where's Ai-chan~~~

Ah!! Ai-chan!! I asked the girl who she was looking for and she said "Camus-sama" SCORE! Put Ai-chan's one away, kinda still want the logo~

I stood for a while holding Ranran's one And then a girl came to me asking if they can get Ranran for the logo Yatta!! Mission complete 💜 And now to roam about for 6 hours or so before the live (omg I was SOOOO bored! 😩)

Came back to the theatre and went to the screen, my seat was 7th row from the front

The girl next to me was wearing the Long T! Yeyy Fan: are you Mikaze Ai's fan? Me: Yes~ Shoutan's fan? ✨ Fan: Hai sou desu (yes that's correct) Me: Yatta! XD Fan: Yatta ^^ Yoroshiku onegaishimasu Me: Yoroshiku onegaishimasu~

I asked her name, she's Yukina.

The screen was showing the Live logo and then changed to the goods

Not long after it showed the venue!!!!

Ahh!! It was beautiful!! All monochrome Part of the stage set was decorated with their character colours

We were saying how amazing it looks and she said it's very QN-like ✨

She was like "yabai yabai!!" I'm so glad a Shoutan, and a vocal fan is next to me!! For the past lives I've been to, apart from Shoutan's Osaka live(sat with a friend) Every stranger I've sat next to are SO quiet! Yeyy! It's gna be fun! XD

AHHH IT'S STARTING!! We both freaked out

Live

Op movie

Morikubo (acting as Reiji) dressed in the pamphlet suit, was waking, swinging car keys. He walked to a garage, opened the door and the green car was there!!!!! He got in, adjusted and looked at mirror cooly and drove off.

Shoutan (as Ai-chan) sits reading a book by the sea, the cover and title(in Jap and Eng) of the book was shown, can't remember the name but it was a complex book. THEY SHOWED US AI-CHAN'S VISION SCANNING, ANALYZING THE BOOK!!! Me and Yukina died as soon as Shoutan appeared XD

Morikubo arrives in the car, Shoutan looks to the left behind him, closes book, gets up unimpressed pointing at his watch as he's late (perfect Ai-chan expression) Morikubo apologises Shoutan's like, whatever and gets in the car.

Next scene was night time. A limousine drives through the night, he pours tea, puts sugar in tea one by one, (in fast motion) takes nearly half the bowl!! The camera turns to Maeno (as Camus) drinking tea.

Maeno looks out to his right, Tatsun (as Ranmaru) passes, walking with his bass on his back.

There was a cat!! He goes to pet cat!!!! and left after.

Shoutan and Morikubo reaches their destination, gets out the car.

Maeno also arrives (kinda looked Joker Trap-like where they were) He throws his jacket to the chauffeur and walks away.

Tatsun throws his bass to his chauffeur. Lol

All of them gathered, walking together FRICKEN KAKKOI AS HELL!!!

I WISH @owbababy and @maenothanks WAS HERE!!!! 😭😭😭😭

QUARTET★NIGHT

I knew they were going to start with this song!! They appeared in monochrome suits (mostly black) 😍 Maeno wore contacts! His hair was done in such a nice way!! I've never seen him look this good before!!! Shoutan!!!!!! HE'S SO BEAUTIFUL (as always) his hair was so pretty with the green bits

They all danced to parts of the song, you can tell they really practices SO hard (their performance was perfect!)

They all gave us yabai expressions from time to time Kyaaaaaa~ 💕😆

The Dice Are Cast

Me & Yukina: KYAAAAA!! 😆 They played the video on screen 💖 They danced and again you can see how much they've improved!!

♪ Dou senaraba Number 1 ni~ They went back to back and hi5'ed! 😍

We all waved our lights left and right when they waved their hands too✨

Quick talk/Intro

Morikubo: Yoroshiku machocho! My girl and boy! My boy mo iru yo ne?? (My boy is here too right?) LOL And we heard the guy fans cheering! And Live Viewingggg! Us: YEYYYYY!!!!!

Tatsun: Are you all ready for this Live?! It's a full live, we won't be stopping So please don't leave for the toilet, but don't wet yourself Actually if you really need to go, you can go now, you've got 2 mins, but this is your only chance, we won't stop the live at all

You'll get wet anyway Omg Tatsun 😂

Maeno: well yeah, like sweating 😂

Shoutan introduced himself Morikubo: Shoutan are you manly today or are you going to be cute? Shoutan: Manly!! *in a slightly rougher voice* 😂 I'm a man after all, I'll be manly

Maeno: Everyone in the audience and everyone watching the Live Viewing, please enjoy today's live Something something Fans: ... Hmm? Maeno: Is there something that you're expecting??? Fans: XD QN: lolol Maeno: Everyone please by all means enjoy this. Something, ... you think I'll say that you GUMIN! Fans: KYAAAAA!!!! QN: *there it is www Maeno: What are you being all happy being called gumin YOU GUMIN!! I'm Maeno Tomoaki as Camus

Everyone are you ready for the next performance?! Who do you think is up next?

Shoutan as Ai-chan: Reiji, hurry and get ready Morikubo: Yes yes yes!! Runs upstairs

The 3 was left and they gave their regards to Reiji/Morikubo and dashed off stage to the left

Dekiai Temptation

I'm not a huge Reiji fan, but I really loved this super genki performance! Following Morikubo, we shook our lights back and forth as if it were maracas for parts of the song 😂 He shouted the "I love you" part

Junketsu Naru Aspiration Maeno danced so well to this!! If I remember correctly he had the cane too! As mentioned in my previous post how each Seiyuu is their character, Watching Maeno perform really made me think, he is Camus. The way he performed, his facial expressions, his seriousness, it was sooo Camus-like

Innocent Wind

Me and Yukina freaked out again hearing the music start!

There was more choreography at the start and the dancing began earlier than 5th. The music was off a bit at first, and also Shoutan seemed off too, I watched him really intently during this performance as soon as I noticed. Ok, he seems fine now.

His dancing was better, but he was half dancing missing certain steps Wait, he really does seem off I wonder if anyone else noticed or if it was just me, I was going to ask Yukina but didn't at the end I was so worried, thinking either his mind was somewhere else, or maybe his condition isn't 100%? I caught glimpses of his facial expressions. He looked uncomfortable at times and then his expressions quickly changed back to being in character.

He walked up at the last part. ♪ Arigatou, soba ni itte kurete~ Smoke came out at the end covering him and he disappeared. Ai-chan!!! 😭 Shoutan: Arigatou, soba ni itte kurete

ONLY ONE

Tatsun: This is my revenge! OMGGG!!!

Sadly I couldn't pay full attention to this performance (even though I love this song!) because I was still worried thinking about Shoutan 😢 Tatsun danced the full song!! His performance was so captivating! A perfect revenge ❤️

They all came back out Tatsun: We underestimated the response for this live But live viewings are held across the nation in 120 theaters.

We've prepared so much for today

Morikubo: This is the 4th time we've performed as Quartet Night We've spent so much time together, everyone even stayed over at my house before 4th Stage.

What was it? After 4th Stage we created a QN LINE group chat?

Shoutan: It would be nice to hold a proper national tour and not just live viewings.

Us: Yes please!!!!!! 😭

They went away after their talks

Photo of QN on screen

Reiji: we have prepared a surprise for you all Everyone at the venue, you where given a light stick To make sure that we have the best live, this light changes colour automatically

It's not broken! 😂

Camus: Let's practice a bit, everyone hold up the venue light *all changes colour automatically* Ahh it's amazing!!

Ai-chan: We would like you to turn off your own lights, rings and bangles too. Would you cooperate with us?

Ranmaru: We appreciate your feelings for showing your support to us, but the venue light is enough.

Reiji: My girl! Who are watching from the Live Viewing, although we can't change your lights from here, we can still feel your thoughts here, use whatever colour you like

Tsukiakari No Dearest

Shoutan and Maeno started in the center of the stage. The choreography was the same as 5th.

They walked to the sides of the stage, Shoutan left, Maeno right

Me and Yukina: Eh?! omgomgomgomg (they walked really far down! Extemely close to the audience!) Shoutan looks ok I think! Yeyy! ... Wait. No he doesn't.

There was platforms on either side, both of them got on and they were raised up!

Us: Sugoi!!

After being lowered they walked right in the tiny pathway in the audience!!!!😱😱😱😱 SO CLOSE And went to the platform held there

Shoutan... Is he hurting or something??????????

♪ Shining, Shining ima kara, gouin ni KAUNTODAUN 3.2.1 yoake made tabi o zutto issho ni iyou~

Shoutan looked really freaked out for a split second after the end, holding his chest briefly. What's wrong Shoutan????????! 😭😭😭 After thinking, I realised it might be the nerves from being so close to the audience? We all know how shy he is after all But... Although that was a possibility, to me it didn't look like that...

Itoshiki Hito e

Started off with Morikubo sitting on a chair at the right side of the stage and he danced a bit Next he walks left and the spot light hit the ground where a rose was lying there He picked it up performing with it, and dropped it afterward He went more to the left again, this time the spot light shone to an opened umbrella He picked it up and spinned it while resting it on his shoulder

BRIGHT ROAD

Tatsun danced to the song too and performed SOOOO well!

RISE AGAIN

Morikubo appears on the platform at the left, and asks if Ranran/Tatsun is ready The light shines to the right, where he is, he looked so exhausted from his performance!! and he look at Morikubu like “Ehh??” So cute!!

They also walked in the audience to get to the other platform

At the end they had their backs against each other and the Morikubo put his arm on Tatsun! THE KIZUNAAAA

Part ② to come!! Loow forward to it 💖

#Seiyuu #QUARTET NIGHT LIVE Evolution #Aoi Shouta #Shoutan #Suzuki Tatsuhisa #Maeno Tomoaki #Shoutaro Morikubo #Utapri #Quartet Night #My report #2017/03/12 - Best day of 2017 <3 Kizuna #KIZUNA

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urwarriorangel · 7 years

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upcoming works, week of march 6th (or march 5th bc sunday is the first day of the week)

<3 hello lovelies! thank you so much for your patience with me! this is a list of pieces that I would like to get done in the future! a reminder that there is no timeline for these things, seeing as some of them are gonna be series’, some mini series’, and some will stand on their own. I’m gonna be working on multiple pieces at once, so thank you from current and future me for putting up with all my craziness! if there’s one of these (or something else) in particular that you can’t wait for, please shoot me an ask or a message and I will try my hardest to crank that out first! (a lot of your requests will be incorporated into these pieces so please bare with me) XOXO <3

Alec Lightwood

federal agent!au

You’re a part of the Witness Protection Program and your identity has been compromised. Some local news agency managed to dig up your past and real name and had it plastered across all their outlets. Alec is an agent for hire who is now here to protect you. He’s not too happy at first, but you grow on him.

punk!au

Alec Lightwood, the resident punk of the school, and you, the ultimate goody two shoes, get paired together for a class project. You reluctantly go along with the pairing, thinking Alec won’t do much work. He ,however, is head over heels for you, and takes every chance he can to work up to your standards. You, of course are confused as ever but hey. He’s working, right?

Archie Andrews

lucky number slevin!au

A handsome stranger moves in next door, and you’re more than just a little excited. You introduce yourself day one, and god you hope you see more of him. You see a lot more of him than you intended, both physically and mentally. He’s caught your eye in more ways than one and he can say the same about you, through the highs and the lows.

college roommates!au

‘i got a bottom bunk and you’re the person who has the bunk above mine, now you only refer to me as “bottom” even though I’ve repeatedly told you i most certainly am not’

You want to punch Archie’s beautiful face in the second you find that he’s your roommate. You had spent the summer abroad, so you didn’t have much choice in roommates, but thankfully someone picked your name and you didn’t have to do much work when you got back. Un-thankfully, that person was Archie and he thought you were a boy!!!!! It’s not your fault your parents named you Chandler… stupid Archibald.

(@thesadlookonyourface)

Bellamy Blake

bodyguard!au

You’re a witness to a high profile murder and must be kept safe until it’s time for the trial. You need what you like to call a 24 hour babysitter. Bellamy is an old friend and a US Marshall. Once he heard what you’d gotten herself into, he volunteered to be your bodyguard. Do old feelings perk up or will Bellamy remain simply platonic?

Hogwarts!au

You had always wanted to be in a food fight, but food fights at Hogwarts were a little… magical to say the least. There was food flying everywhere and you couldn’t pin-point where it was coming from. The male prefect had managed to stupefy most of the boys and you’d done the same to all the girls. You took down their names and sent them back to their houses to get cleaned up. You sent the list of names over to McGonagall and stood there staring at each other for a few minutes before bursting out laughing. You two move around a little before coming to a consensus: you’d both bathe in the prefects bathroom. No peeking!

psychiatrist!au

Bellamy Blake’s been having nightmares nonstop since his mother died and his sister was taken away from him. You’re both a good friend of his and, as he liked to call you, “his favorite shrink”. There came a point in your practice when you realized that the only way to help Bellamy would be to find his sister. So you set out to do just that.

vampire!au (part two of ‘that’s not factual’)

You and the annoying history geek aka Bellamy get to know each other a little better, and you realize you don’t entirely hate him.

rivalry!au

You and Bellamy have always hated each other. You and Octavia have always been inseparable. This was never a problem because both your parents and the Blakes made sure that you and Octavia only hung out at either your place or someplace else that Bellamy wouldn’t be around. This has, however, currently become a problem because Octavia is getting married and you and Bellamy are both in the wedding: you as the maid of honor and Bellamy as the best man. This was going to be a TOUGH wedding to get through, but you both know you’d do anything to ensure Octavia’s happiness.

Bonnie Bennett

neighbours!au

If there was one thing you hated more than living alone, it was having your parents think that you couldn’t handle living alone. They were, of course, completely right, but you wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of knowing that. And they wouldn’t ever find out… except that they just called saying that they’d be coming over in a couple hours to drop off some supplies for you. You do the first thing that comes to mind: you ask your hot neighbour for some cleaning supplies. Bonnie assumes you need it to clean some nasty stain, and you don’t correct her. Because c’mon, with her smirking at you like that, how can you do anything?

Bucky Barnes

You’re the only person Bucky can talk to about HYDRA, about what they did to him and what they made him do. One night, after drinking every one of the Avengers under the table, he comes over to you and you two go over his scars. You had never seen Bucky so vulnerable yet so strong.

supernatural!au

You’d guarded yourself and your heart for over two centuries; that’s the longest any witch has ever been able to survive. You’d managed to manipulate vampire blood to make yourself immortal without having the cravings for blood. Your friendships never lasted longer than you needed them, your sexual relations a mutual no-strings-attached partnership until one person no longer wanted it. The one time that you keep a friend, that you have sex with a friend, he pulls out all your secrets. He hunts you. James Buchanan Barnes, world renowned hunter, was after you. And it was your fault.

undercover!au

the honeypot mission. watching your partner seduce some mark and trying not to have a fit, because the only person whose hands should be around that waist are yours!au

You and Bucky were good friends, but that was about it. You repeatedly expressed your interest in him, but all you got in turn was a small smile accompanied by a slight, embarrassed nod. So you stopped trying. Bucky, of course, was just bad at expressing himself. It’s not that he didn’t like you. You didn’t realize that until you’re both sent on a mission where you have to seduce the crazy, human-trafficking multimillionaire and all you could hear were Bucky’s curses every time the man touched you.

(@plinys)

Carter Baizen

soulmates!au

Soulmates were a wierd thing. I mean come on, ONE person who was meant for you? Reading minds? Riiight. You didn’t think you had a soulmate until one day, you were sitting in your Calculus class and all you could think about was how much you hated math and how another voice in your head kept telling you to shut up because ‘math is life’. Once realizing that the second voice wasn’t yours, you perked your head up and your eyes met with the class nerd’s. You hated it at first, but now that you were stuck in a math exam, you couldn’t be happier to have a little nerdy soulmate.

Chuck Bass

soulmates!au

Rules, a hierarchy, commands: a small list of things you absolutely hate. Of course, in the world you live in now, your life revolves around those three things. Get this–you supposedly already have a soulmate. The moment you step foot into the world, a mark becomes visible on your skin. Meet someone with a matching mark and BAM! You have a soulmate. When you turn 18, you finally have the opportunity to get it removed (you know some sketchy people, that is all). You’re finally in a leather chair, ready to have your tattoo removed and BOY is your remover a fine piece of ass. He can remove your pants if he’d like. His ‘soulmate’ would be lucky.

Daisy “Skye” Johnson

college roommate!au

From the get-go, you knew your roommate was a very sexually active person. This didn’t bother you. Hell, if you could get some, you’d be that sexually active too. What bothered you was how many times you walked in on her masturbating. Skye was hot, so damn hot, and it made you sexually aware every time you walked in on her. After it happened a couple times, you realized that maybe JUST MAYBE she wanted you to walk in on her.

Damon Salvatore

neighbours!au

There was a day-drinker living in your apartment complex and he d r o v e you crazy. Well, he was an hour-round drinker. It’s like Damon Salvatore lived to give you gray hairs with his stupid crooked smile and those disgusting sea blue eyes and those well-defined abs. God. He had a bad habit of walking into your apartment some drunken days. Normally, you’d walk him to his room and tuck him into bed and be a nice neighbour. But this time, you were pretty drunk yourself. You let him crash on the couch and you passed out on top of him.

Davina Claire

FWB!au

She was an outgoing, outspoken lesbian and you were a shy, quiet bisexual. You never expected your one-night stand with Davina Claire to last longer than, well, one night. It’s been a little over six months and neither of you seem to want to call it quits, so you decide to give her a pair of keys to your apartment.

Dean Winchester

assassin!au

You are a world-class assassin. You know the ins and outs of the business better than anyone. You’re the CIA/FBI/NSA’s dirty little secret. They use you when they need and when they’re done, they send a friendly goodbye note your way: each time, the note comes in the form of an assassin, and each time you have lots of fun with the assassin. You pretend to not know why they’re here, who they are, etc. Then, you send their head back to the agency. This time, it’s different. They send your best friend Dean Winchester. They send your best friend to kill you.

Derek Hale

superhero!au

You got the brainiac superhero powers whereas your annoying rival got all the physical counterparts. He can fly, he’s strong, he’s got laser eyes and crazy adaptability senses. You can read minds, you can alter thoughts and feelings, you can control actions and you can work the brain so hard into an overdrive that it kills the person. You’re an inside man for the government and you manage to kill a man who’s high up on the enemy list. The government leaves you to rot when the enemy finds you. Derek stays behind to protect you.

Elijah Mikaelson

FWB!au

Elijah was always decent, proper, polite. You never thought, for a second, that he’d take up your offer to have sex. He laughed at first, which you expected. He then looked at you, studying you for a few minutes before looking up and asking if you were serious. To which you, of course, squeaked out a little yes followed by an enthusiastic one. You never thought he’d be this way. You can’t complain, though.

Grant Ward

You and Grant are on a mission to bust a weapon smuggler who uses expensive boats to transport his gear. You’re both undercover as two strangers who happen to share an interest in boats. One night, you’re both invited to a night out by some of your fellow boat lovers, and Grant is a little too interested in what you have to wear. You’re decent friends and you always flirt back and forth, but nothing’s come of it. This time, though, Grant seems a little off.

Isaac Lahey

professor!au

You absolutely hated early morning classes more than anything. As your luck would have it, the one class that you needed to take this semester to insure your progress was at 7:30 in the morning, which was the ass crack of dawn for you. You tried hard as you could, but your insomnia would not let you sleep the night before and your body would not let you stay awake in that stupid class. One day, you walk in and notice a cup of coffee where you usually sit and the only other person in class was the professor. This is embarrassing.

Jace Wayland

“Y'know, I wouldn’t be so mad about this whole ‘I was secretly a criminal the whole time thing’ if you hadn’t just killed our professor, I mean c'mon dude I know he was a douche to me but that’s no excuse to just MuRDer SOMEONE.”

“Relax, I killed him because he was planning on killing you next week.”

(@ihavetoomanyaus)

Jake Riley

secret mission!au

“Keep going! Remember the mission!”“If the mission means I have to leave you behind, forget the mission.” (@promptlywritingideas)

You and Jake had been partners for a few months now, since Alex had taken time off to be with Jana and their child. You thought that Riley hated you. He only ever spoke to you if you two had a mission. Other than that, he wouldn’t even look your way. So you thought leaving you behind would be an easy choice for him. Needless to say, you’re surprised.

John Murphy

college!au

You catch Murphy jacking off and moaning your name. You let him get close to cumming before you make your presence known. Unashamed and angry, he pulls you against him whispering unimaginable things to you.... you of course, are putty in his hands. He then pulls away, leaving you trembling and desperate for more.

tragic incident!au

You’ve had nightmares almost every night since the incident. Some sociopath buried you alive and you still hadn’t been able to speak to anyone about it. You live in the same apartment as a former friend/flame: John Murphy. He tried to help you after said incident occurred, but you weren’t ready to accept help then. So you pushed him away like you did everyone else. One night, however, your screams become too much to bear.

supernatural!au

You were neither a member of the supernatural world nor a simple human. You were a protector of sorts, fighting to keep the balance in the world. Recently, a thief by the name of John Murphy stole a sacred artifact from a witch, a 1000 year old piece of hair or something of that sort. What he needed with that bit of hair? Not your concern. Why that piece of hair was so important? Again, not your concern. All you had to do was catch Murphy. No other complications whatsoever.

Jughead Jones III

we’ve lived in this tiny ass town where everyone knows everyone because no one leaves and when we were young we would sit up at night on your roof and i’d listen to you talk about how you were actually going to do it one day and you did but you never knew i’ve had a crush on you ever since back then so when you send me postcards from all these different cities with bright lights it makes my heart hurt and here we are several years later and i’m finally starting to move on but oh wait you’re back and my heart’s beating like crazy well fuck au

(@givemeaherocookie)

Katerina Petrova

neighbours!au

You just moved into a cheap apartment complex; there weren’t many apartments in New York that were budget friendly. You’re a med student, always staying up late trying to study. And every night, you hear your next door neighbour breaking down. One night, she’s crying because her coffee machine broke down. The next night, she’s slurring her words, mumbling something about ‘Stefan’. Each night it gets worse, and you–being the psych major that you are–decide to see if you can help at all.

Kol Mikaelson

BONES!au

You’re like Temperance Brennan (from BONES) and he’s like Booth. Only you’re not as dense or annoying as Brennan is and Kol is waayyyy more cocky. You two are assigned a murder case in Los Angeles. You have to pose as a prostitute and he’s your number one client. Kol’s having too much fun with this.

FWB!au

You just failed the one class that you needed to graduate and Kol was coming over in less than an hour for your usual antics. You wash your face and clean up your messy ass apartment, giving him your brightest smile the moment he stepped inside. You pulled him in for a kiss, wanting nothing than to forget and go unnoticed. Of course, Kol noticed and demanded that you tell him what was wrong

Malachi ‘Kai’ Parker

Kai is the local asshat, but he’s also a good friend of yours. One night, he comes over to your house battered and bruised and in desperate need of medical attention. He refuses to go to the hospital, swearing that he’ll leave before you can get him out of the house. So you decide to patch him up yourself, you’re a nurse at a local hospital. The pain leads to questions and confessions and god knows what else.

Marcel Gerard

FWB!au

If you and Marcel ever spoke more than ten words to each other, the local headlines would read: ‘ATTENTION NOLA CITIZENS! Friendly vampire Marcel Gerard has fallen in love! It’s true! He said more than 10 words to her!’ At least, that must be what he thought. He only ever came over to your place if he needed a sexual favor, ‘sexual healing’ as he called it. So, of course, when he brushed your hair out of your face or told you you looked beautiful, you thought he’d been either possessed or compelled.

Nate Archibald

soulmates!au

You weren’t born with scars, and this only meant one thing: your soulmate had the scars and you were the solution. It angered you to think of the person who was your other half having to suffer day in and day out. One evening, you had just finished working on the last car in the shop when a battered and bloody young man stumbled inside. He opened his mouth to say something, but he passed out before he got a chance to. You begrudgingly take him home and clean him up. The next morning, when you’re tending to his half-naked body, you notice hundreds of permanent scars. What if?

Niklaus Mikealson

assassins!au

You two are hired assassins. Normally you work alone, but for this case, the CIA put you two together. It’s a matter of national security. Your nation’s president is an illiterate, inconsiderate oompa loompa, and the CIA is scared (real life shocker) that he’ll turn this small democracy into a dictatorship. So yeah, you two have to go undercover and kill the president.

mr and mrs smith!au

You knew Klaus was a spy, but you never thought it’d come to this. Your firm gave you a mission earlier in the year: to kill Klaus Mikaelson. They, of course, didn’t know you were dating him. You assumed that Klaus got the same mission from his firm, but you thought that he, like you, turned the mission. Turns out your firm seeked him out and asked him to kill you. He’s standing here with a gun to your head as you stare at him, head held high and filled with turmoil.

(@plinys)

Octavia Blake

supernatural!au

You, a virgin, had turned into a succubus. What does that even mean? How do you live? You’d taken a vow of chastity before this whole thing happened. Your best friend Octavia was a fae, and when you told her about your situation, she’d laughed. She’d held her stomach laughing, and that ignited a wierd sort of fire in you. You… you wanted her. You just needed a small taste of her, just a little bit.

Raven Reyes

federal agent!au

Former partner, former lovers. Brought together once again to find a serial killer that everyone thought had died, Raven included. This was the case that caused both your professional and personal split. This is the first time you two see each other after the split and neither of you know what to expect. Thankfully, all you two have time to talk about is the case… at first.

Sam Winchester

assassin!au

You get your ass kicked by a six foot something guy only to find out he got the wrong guy. He apologizes and the CIA promises to pay for your medical bills and offer some spending money as well. You accept the apologies and the CIA’s monetary promises. You think nothing of it… until it happens again. Sam Winchester kicked your ass again and this time, he’s flat-out embarrassed. You wake up the next day in a comfortable bed, with the sweet smell of pancakes wafting into your nose. Damn it, Sam Winchester. What is going on?

Scott McCall

spy!au

‘You’re my new roommate and you’re friendly and snarky and normal most of the time but where do you go almost every other night and what do you do that has you crawling back through our window with blood-splattered clothes when you think I’m asleep that’s seriously disturbing and I’d ask but I’m honestly afraid you’d have to kill me if you told me even if I promise not to tell anyone else… guess I’ll just have to follow you next time and see how that goes’

(@stetervault)

Spike

criminal!au (part 2 of ‘i won’t tell if you don’t’)

Spike’s presence in your office has become a regular occurrence. Seems like he somehow knows all of these crime lords and to be frank, you don’t want to know how. This time you’re dealing with the mob that Spike, along with someone else you know, was a part of.

domestic!au

He comes home to you after a long day of work and you run him a hot bath. He, of course, begs you to join him and you, of course, happily oblige. He tells you about his day while you rub his back. He demands to return the favor, but of course he yawns about ten times while protesting.

Stefan Salvatore

neighbours!au

Your neighbour was a famous chef, and you couldn’t even make macaroni. It was kind of pathetic. Okay, you burnt your mac and cheese three times, it was really pathetic. For your last attempt, you perform the most rare trick: you set off your fire alarm. And, of course, Mr. Chef, also known as Stefan Salvatore (accent mark on the E), decides to pop by your apartment just in time to witness your latest magic trick. A stupid smile plays on his lips as he tries not to laugh while inviting you to his apartment for some dinner.

Steve Rogers

kal ho naa ho!au

You have terminal cancer. You’ve been diagnosed recently, and you’re dealing with it as best you can for the sake of those around you. You’re smiling, you’re making the most of the time you have left, you’re dancing, you’re singing. You rent an apartment with your good friend Natasha: the apartment is close to your childhood home. The one thing that you didn’t account for when planning your last few months was the tall blonde hunk that had just moved in the house next to yours: Steve Rogers. You didn’t think you’d fall in love with the same man that your best friend fell for. You didn’t think he’d fall in love with you.

Stiles Stilinski

You’re up late, tired of researching the upcoming terror that Beacon Hills has to offer, and Stiles decides to stop by and check up on you. You were always shy around him, but this time things fell right into place. Maybe it’s the fact that you hadn’t slept in 72 hours or maybe it’s the fact that you feel a rush of adrenaline every time Stiles smiles at you or brushes your hair out of your face.

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alishameehanmusicjournalism-blog · 7 years

Photo

Peter Getty is a Glasgow based singer/songwriter who has been writing and playing since childhood. Initially inspired by Peter Criss of KISS, Peter was a drummer/singer, and cut his first demo at 13 years old, singing and co writing the track “Here We Call Here We Stand”. After performing in many various bands as drummer, Peter made the decision to move to centre stage and fronted Glasgow band “Exit”. He then moved on to performing solo acoustic before taking an extended sabbatical when his first daughter was born. Returning to the stage a few years ago, Peter once again performed solo acoustic, before hooking up with Mark Robertson on guitar (initially the duo were a three piece, with a mutual friend playing bass). They still performed acoustically, but always with a view to eventually forming a full band to perform the songs the way Peter recorded them. Recruiting Declyn Emslie on drums & Richi Neville on bass, Peter & The Stone River Band, after only two rehearsals, made their live, full band debut at The ABC2, Glasgow, on Saturday 5th May 2012 Following a sudden parting of ways with Declyn, Colin Hunter rocked the drum stool for a show at Stereo, Glasgow, before John Hesford became the band's new drummer. Multi instrumentalist and multi talented Frazer Mackay joined at the same time. Peter & the band recorded their debut EP in April 2014, and with a full album due in late 2017.

I caught up with Peter about his career in the band!

Hi Peter! I’d like to start by asking you who is Peter Getty and The Stone River Band? What makes your sound and where does your inspiration come from?

Sometimes we get called hard rock, sometimes just rock, sometimes 'roots rock', but to me it is all just rock & roll. All my songs start with me and an acoustic guitar, so they are ostensibly folk and country songs. Then I play them with the band and they become loud folk and country songs!

I have been a singer/songwriter for a long time, and I write all the songs.I'm incredibly lucky to have a band that believes in my vision and my work, and that give themselves to helping me bring my work to life.

Lyrically, all my songs are stories in some fashion. Some are stories about love or loss, some are funny, and some are social and political commentary. I work hard on my songs; there is nothing more gratifying than someone telling me they relate to a particular lyric or song, or when my work is used to help causes I believe in.

I approach our live shows in the same fashion; everyone is welcome so there has to be something for everyone, and the show cannot be one dimensional. I can say what I have to say about the state of politics with 'Whose Side Are You On?" & "Soul to Save"; I can sing about relationships going wrong and hearts being broken with "Snake Eyes" and Goodbye to You"; I can give my message of hope to my hometown with "Our Town", then we can have some fun with my 100% autobiographical and true (Honest...) "(I Was A) Teenaged Lapsed Catholic"!

Even though I feel I have a message, it is important to remember that hey, it's only rock & roll! And rock & roll should be fun. In these tough times, it is important to have fun and dance!

Who are your members and what instruments do you all play in the band?

Peter Getty: Lead Vocals, Guitar, Harmonica

Mark Robertson Guitar, vocals

Richard Neville: bass

Frazer Mackay: Guitars, Harmonica,Keyboards,Mandolin

John Hesford Drums,Vocals

I am lucky to have such a great band. I wouldn't swap any of them.

How does the story of your band being born go? What gave you the idea to start up as a rock influenced band?

As far as The Stone River Band goes, I had been playing solo for years, then Mark and I started performing as a duo. All the demos we were cutting were always full band rock tracks though, and having a band was always the goal.

The good people at PM Music booked us to open a four act bill in the O2 ABC2 in Glasgow and Lisa from PM said "why dont you guys put together a band for it?" So Mark called a drummer friend of his (Declyn Elmslie) and we found Richi through a mutual friend, and we played the first Stone River Band with that line up.

We had that line up for a while and played some great,great shows. John and Frazer then joined us and we got even better. Then one day short of the band's second anniversary, we were back at the O2 ABC2, but this time as headliners.

My brother Punky was always my main inspiration. He introduced me to KISS and Bruce Springsteen. The first gig I ver saw was Heavy Pettin' in the Barrowlands, Glasgow. When i saw the crowd go nuts, I knew exactly what i wanted to do. I recorded my first demo that year in our home studio. That was many moons and many bands ago!

If you could bring back one of your music influences, who would it be?

Clarence Clemons and Danny Federici of the E Street Band

What are you plans for the future? Where do you see yourself playing and what are your dream events/venues to play?

Really, my only goal is for each show to be the best we can deliver, to leave the audience feeling like they have been part of something special. I've played all sorts of places and I give it my best whether it is a little bar or the ABC2 or the beautiful Recital Rooms. Of course it would be awesome to play huge arenas, and I really want to play the Hard Rock Cafe, but you gimme a guitar and an audience and I'm happy! I'd play a pay toilet and use my own change!

What have been the biggest challenges about setting up a band and starting from the very beginning of your career? What advice could you give to someone who are looking to pursue their band dream?

Money first and foremost. Guitars and drums and equipment costs money. Rehearsal studios and recording studios cost money. Travelling to and from gigs costs money. As the song says, it is a long way to the top if you wanna rock & roll!

I was lucky that I had a brother that was in a signed, touring band, workng with Brian May, KISS, Motley Crue, Ozzy etc,so I had an inside view to the business part of the music business. Folks think that you get signed, get a big advance and off you go, but it is al money that has to be paid back.

Being a performing musician is incredibly hard word, but creating music and performing music is what makes the rest of it worthwhile. That is why it is called 'playing'!

If there is anyone out there that wants to start a band, I'd say "forget dreams of mansions and sports cars; learn your craft, work hard and just do it! It is a hoot!"

Do you have any events or exciting plans coming up you’d like us to share for you?

We have a show coming up on May 17th in Ivory Black's, Oswald Street,Glasgow (tickets £6, which can be reserved by messaging us at our Facebook page!) which will be the start of a run of shows for us, as we get back to it after a period off.

We will have a new album coming out soon, our first full length album, and in the buildup to that, we'll be doing a lot of shows, a well as sharing some acoustic videos on our Facebook page (www.facebook.com/PeterGettyTheStoneRiverBand)

We have a lot of overseas fans, especially in the USA,via our Reverb Nation page (www.reverbnation.com/petergetty) so we are planning to broadcast some shows via Facebook Live and other streaming services.

Thank you so much for joining me today! It’s been lovely getting to know you guys.

Thanks for inviting us to talk to ya!

#rock #petergetty #stoneriverband #gigride #journalist #journalism #music #live #band

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citybythebayvisions · 6 years

Text

Sunday, June 14th, 1998

1477 5th Street, Oakland, California

Across the street from that address sat a black Pontiac Firebird, the gear in park but the engine still running. Megadeth’s Peace Sells came through the speakers at a lower volume instead of the usual blasting of the fourth volume notch and the car’s driver subconsciously stomped his foot’s heel onto the floorboard along to the song’s bass line as he stared at the small green house that he once called home.

Like his car, Lance Kelley was tensely stalling and his eye’s fixation with his father’s copper Caprice parked in the driveway was a glaring reminder of why.

‘Cause I’m such a damn fuck up…

He remembered the uncomfortably cool feeling of the hard rain drops drenching his hair and beating down his skin on a spring morning two years ago as he hurried to try to stuff eighteen years worth of belongings within the Firebird’s small and awkward trunk for a second time in six months---barely two months after trying to stuff them in that much more spacious sedan that now solely owned the driveway, when his initial declaration of independence was cut short following that night when a cop pulled him over for a bad taillight and her flashlight shone on the bag of recently purchased rock that was improperly stored underneath the passenger’s seat. Handcuffs were wrapped around his wrists, chaining him to a possession of crack cocaine charge and a year’s probation.

Even though he was on his way to jail when it happened, his car got the chains too, off to serve it’s sentence in the impound lot where the fee had racked up to five hundred bucks by the time he was able to get a loan to get it out.

The loan fees, the court fees, paying back his mom for bail, and fees from another loan he took to get the apartment in the first place, rent, rock to forget it all...it was worse than the domino effect, it was more like waves whirling around and generating a tidepool that crashed rougher and higher around him.

I was drowning...

Needing to breathe, he managed to rise his head above his pride, took the life preserver his mother had cast out for him, and swam back home. It didn’t take very long to feel like the warzone he’d left because of in the first place, only now it was tenfold because his dad was furious that his mom had bailed him out, that he was still using…

Rightfully so.

The night before this dreary March morning, it had come to it’s inevitable flaming Hiroshima over a microwave---a fucking microwave---that went missing because Lance ripped it out of the wall and sold it for…he couldn’t even remember the exact amount now, that’s how stupid it was.

That’s how stupid I was.

But it was enough for more rock so the exacts didn’t matter. It never did...

Until I got caught...and I did. I deserved it too. God, I was so fucking dumb!

And I knew it too…

But did he care at the time? Hell no! He was just pissed that he’d been found out and pissed that his dad even bothered to give him any shit for it and, instead of facing it like he should’ve, he decided to keep running from it and started throwing everything into boxes again.

Their simmering tensions were like hardening lava on that morning; a sense of finality chillier than the rain ever could’ve ever dreamt to have been.

“I’ve got a little parting gift for you, Lance,” The image of the thick wad of cash his father held up still burned in Lance’s mind before he flinched as his father forcefully pinned the hard bundle to his sternum and got closer to his face, “I’ll spare you the trouble of counting it. It’s six hundred dollars ---six hundred dollars of my goddamn money that I was saving to get new brakes on my car but your mother’s upset. I don’t give a fuck what you do with it because I know you’re going to blow every last cent of it on drugs like the useless son of a bitch you are but I’ve had ENOUGH of your junkie shit. I’ve had ENOUGH of you leaching off of your poor mother and as soon as your car finally backs out of my driveway I NEVER want to see it OR you here again.”

I had enough too.

“Don’t worry. You won’t.” Lance remembered biting back as he took the money into his hands and his father walked back into the house; the image of the door slamming behind his back the last thing Lance hoped to see from him when he jerked his car’s gear into reverse, the tiremarks on the pavement when he screeched out of the driveway the only impression he’d left behind...until today.

Because things are different now.

He was actually clean and actually planned on staying that way this time and there was two months and a shiny gold chip in his pocket to prove it. If he was going to stay clean, he had to have a clean slate.

Nothing to run from...

Almost verbatim, he was reminded of the advice his sponsor gave him: “If you’re serious about this, Lance, if you really want to have true peace in your mind and in your heart, if you want to be free from your chains...there’s no other choice; you have to take responsibility for your wrongs. Just remember what the good book says: good judgement, careful sense of timing, courage and prudence…”

Lance found himself repeating to himself the response he’d given then, “I am serious…”

The fact weighed heavily on Lance’s mind and he spent all night carefully deliberating it. It wasn’t going to take one day to fix the years of fuck ups and disappointments that he’d caused, to repair the trust he’d pretty much destroyed...but he had to start somewhere. He was tired of all of the tension... tired of being the reason why there was tension…

Five years was long enough. It was time to apologize to his mom and to his dad and try to make things right to them, anyway he could…so he could make them right to his wife and his son… and to himself…

Fuck it.

Quickly flipping the ignition off and ripping the keys out from it, Lance got out of the car and hastily marched across the street, opening the black iron gate so he could walk up the concrete steps. Once he was in front of the door he was never supposed to return to, he began to knock on it as if his life depended on it.

His knocking ceased as the white door creaked open and he exhaled in relief as his green eyes locked with the widened dark brown pair of the woman who was partially obscured behind it.

“Hi mom!”

“Lance…” The woman looked behind the door real quick, sighing as she looked towards her son. “What are you doing here?”

Lance could hear the trepidation through her hushed voice and, even though he expected it, it increased the nervousness swimming around inside of him. Despite the corners of his mouth starting to twitch a little, he remained smiling, “I came to see you!”

Taking another last look behind the door just to be sure, she stepped out further and quietly closed it behind her, “I wish you would’ve called…” She muttered and Lance’s expression crumbling some as he glanced downwards, taking a step backwards when she turned towards him.

I didn’t want dad to hang up on me.

Exhaling another shaky sigh, she pulled a single cigarette out of her blue terrycloth robe’s pocket, “Do you have a lighter?”

He perked up, “Yeah. Um…here!” Lance replied as he took a white Bic out of his denim jacket pocket and handed it out for her.

Think I need one too.

“Thank you,” She quickly took it and lit the end of the cigarette before she gave it back to him. Closing her eyes, she took a deep drag, her twitchy lips relaxing as she breathed out the smoke before she returned to Lance, who now was pulling his own cigarette out from the blue pack of Parliament Lights that he clutched in his hand.

“So, how are you?” His stuck the cigarette in his mouth and lit it with the white Bic’s flame.

She frowned slightly as her eyes wandered down to the concrete porch floor, “Fine I guess,” She stuck the cigarette back in her mouth and looked back up at her son, traces of a small but warm smile appearing as she took a minute to truly study him. The jet black hair he inherited from her was now a noticeably lighter brown with some muted blonde streaks blended through it. His face didn’t look as thin and pale, now there was some glow and life in his skin…he looked good, certainly a lot better than some of the last few times she’d seen him.

“How about you?” She dared to ask despite already having a creeping hunch of what the answer was going to lead up to…maybe.

Lance looked so different, maybe the circumstance would be too. Maybe he actually did just want to see her. No underlying motives, no begging and lying for money that she didn’t have to go get high with, no fights with Jack…

Maybe. Just maybe.

“You look good… different, but good,” She took another drag.

‘Cause I am.

With a grin, he raised his free arm and briefly began to comb back his bleached strands. “Thanks! I had Dee dye my hair. I needed a little bit of a change, y’know?”

“It looks nice. She did a good job,” She put the cigarette in her mouth again, “How is Deirdre by the way? She’s gotta be exhausted. I know I was…”

The blatant obviousness of her statement caused a chuckle to emit from Lance as he took a drag of his own.

Deirdre…

He could see her now, the way she was before he walked out the door about forty-five minutes prior. Her black hair all tousled, her dark circles almost as grey as the strained eyes that stared at him through the strands of her messy bangs…by her account she looked terrible, thinking that no one should ever see her like that and, while he understood, there was something about it that just made him love her even more. Thinking about her made him just want to nuzzle into her and give her a kiss to make her feel better, which he did before he left and, judging by that cute little smitten smile of hers’ that he watched sneak it’s way onto her face before he turned away, it must’ve done the trick.

She’s so cut---

“Lance?”

Shit!

He took a hard blink and, once he opened his eyes, his focus returned on the woman who was actually standing in front of him right now. Her raised eyebrow causing an old feeling of childlike shame to creep back within him at the basic fact that he’d zoned off, even though…

It wasn’t that kind of zone off, mom.

It couldn’t be. He’d taken his Ritalin right when he woke up and it was working. His head was calm and he could stop and actually remember what it was he was talking about beforehand, which was about…

Deirdre.

“Are you taking your medication?”

At the immediacy of her question and the concern consuming her tone, Lance couldn’t help but roll his eyes like he was a teenager again.

Obviously! Why wouldn’t I?

“Yeah I took it this morning,” He breathed out the smoke before he offered a smile, emitting a small nod from the woman as she took another puff from her cigarette and he continued, “Um anyway, yeah…she’s pretty exhausted but she’s hanging in there.”

Exhausted wasn’t even the right word for that. He wasn’t quite sure what the right word for that was…

I really shouldn’t have left her…

While his mind had kept him up through the early hours of the morning worrying about today, she was out working an eight hour shift at Denny’s and when she finally came through the door at seven, she looked like she was going to collapse! Her steps were heavy and lazy, dragging across the floor almost, and she kept rubbing her eyes to stay awake because, in typical Dee fashion, she was determined to keep going anyway.

Thankfully, Lance ended up using his time awake last night to some good by doing the dishes for her and feeding and changing Jason, who had been sleeping soundly for quite some time in his arms when she walked in.

This made him felt a little less guilty but still…she was so tired. After she put Jason in his crib and changed for her own slumber, she didn’t even bother eating anything. Lance tried to get her to but she just slumped into him. Her vents about work ran off her tongue like fumes from an exhaust pipe even though her eyes were closed! She still kept going until they and his anxieties about where he was going today had lost all steam and Lance was certain she’d finally fallen asleep on his chest. He let her lay peacefully, closing his eyes and just taking in the drowsy air circulating...

Until Dee suddenly got up off of him, letting out a long sigh as she held out her arm to him, “C’mon Lance…you should go and do it already before you find another excuse to keep eating yourself alive over…”

Why is she always right?

Releasing the smoke, his mother nodded once more as the mention of motherly exhaustion caused memories of the long nights spent trying to calm the baby that the son in front of her once was began to creep in her head and she couldn’t stop them. She didn’t really want to.

Like Polaroids, time had made the images a little fuzzy but she could still hear the sound of his cry ringing in her ear as clearly as she did then and the yearning that was clawing at her heart for those days made her want to start crying as well.

Where did the time go?

Every time the question pondered, she felt like she’d been picked up by the fierce and whipping winds of a tornado and when ultimately it laid her down twenty one years had up and passed her by. It was so dizzying to think that her sweet Lance was no longer the baby boy that she had cradled so gently in her arms, softly singing lullabies to, or even the little boy whose hand she grasped tightly onto at all times so he wouldn’t wander off and get lost…

No. Now he was a married man and, even more dizzying, he and his wife had a baby boy of their own.

And that worried her.

Because, though the calendars may now say that is 1998 instead of 1977, though he may now be twenty-one, a legal adult of drinking age, he was still too young. He was barely out of being a child himself and he was still too impulsive and too selfish for a child of his own right now. That’s just how men are. Jack was twenty-nine when Lance was born, eight years – almost nine – older than Lance was right now and yet he was nowhere near ready for a child and Lance suffered because of it. Everyone did, really, including Jack himself.

She just hoped that Lance’s son wouldn’t suffer too.

“How’s...your son?”

Immediately Lance’s face lit up like a Christmas tree, his smile, yet again, as bright and glowing as the star adorned on top.

Where to even…

There was just so much to talk about when it came to Jason that it rendered Lance speechless for a minute because there was always something going on and it was all just so...amazing. He was just so…fast! It’d only been just a few months and already he was learning how to crawl…

“Oh Jason’s doing great! He’s trying to crawl now! Dee and I sat on the floor for about an hour last night watching him,” He placed the Parliament back in his mouth, the warmth of the cigarette’s burn down to his chest not nearly as warm as the gushiness within his heart that he felt at the memory.

God, I love them so much!

The woman couldn’t resist to chuckle at the memory that had creeped into her head of back when Lance didn’t have an inch on her but rather a penchant for bumping into everything within sight as he tried to crawl. Even when she moved all the tables and everything else that stood in his path, he still always managed to find a way to run into the wall.

“I hope he’s not like how you were at it. You always ran into everything,” She muttered and took another puff.

I hope he’s not like me in a lot of ways.

Lance shook his head as he exhaled, “Nah, he really hasn’t. He’s really fast though! Dee says it won’t be too long before he starts walking.”

“That’s great,” She said almost hazily, with a sigh that still didn’t do anything to relieve the anxiety swimming around in her heart that only increased the longer she stood with him. Everything was going too well. He looked good, Jason and Deirdre were good…

She just couldn’t bear it anymore.

“Why are you really here, Lance?”

Oh. Right...

A heavy sigh escaped Lance as the cigarette fell out from his fingers and onto the ground where it was met under the weight of his white tennis shoe. “Yeah, I’ve got something to show you! Uh…” His tongue met his upper teeth as he began to dig around in his pocket until his fingers and palm clasped around the metal embodiment of two months of sobriety.

My chip.

Having it stirred up quite a bittersweet feeling within him. Yet again he absolutely hated being rewarded for finally doing the a basic thing that he should’ve been doing all along, something that was literally everyone’s default setting, and that it was essentially a reward for not fucking up. At the same time, he loved having something to show for the progress. Seventy three days of continuous sobriety wasn’t a lot, even for him, but it was something and he knew that he couldn’t just rely on his own word anymore to prove it.

Especially to myself…

“Here,” He took a step forward and placed the aluminum chip into her palm, the shining reflection of the sun’s light radiating down on it another striking difference to his mother’s sulking eyes that merely glanced at it. She didn’t need to look. She knew what it was; she’d seen Jack collect a few over the years only to toss them by the wayside like it was nothing when he inevitably slipped up and started drinking again.

But she asked anyway, “What’s this supposed to be?”

Lance gestured towards what lay in her still open palm, “It’s a sobriety chip, mom. I’ve been clean for seventy three days,” The slight wince that crinkled his eye as that number slipped out of his mouth reflecting that bittersweet feeling that was really starting to turn now, though he forced a closedmouthed smile anyway.

I knew I should’ve waited…damn I sound really stupid.

Seventy three days wasn’t enough. Not enough to stand here and make up for six years of this shit, even if those two months did feel like two long years…

Her brown eyes grew wide once more. Seventy three days? The last time she’d really talked to him for more than the few minutes was when she loaned him some money and that had to have been around February; he said he’d been sober for a few months and she knew Jason was born in October… long before seventy three days ago…

Her long fingers clutched around the chip as they curled up into her palm and she brought her weak fist up to her chest.

“What did you do?”

Lance’s expression fully darkened and he lowered his head in shame, his heart beating heavier as he thought of the answer to that question.

It wasn’t his mother’s soft voice he was hearing now rather all he could think about was Deirdre screaming right in front of him as he tried to hold on to her arms, trying to hold on to life as his knees buckled down to the floor.

“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO LANCE? WHAT DID YOU DO WHAT DID YOU DO?”

“I FUCKED UP I FUCKED UP I FUCKED UP! YOU GOTTA HELP ME PLEASE HELP ME DEE I DON’T WANT TO DIE I FUCKED UP PLEASE DON’T LET ME DIE DEE I DON’T WANT TO DIE!” is what he remembered trying to reply with but he was just reduced to screaming it over and over in his head because the words wouldn’t come out of his mouth. There wasn’t sound, he didn’t have a voice, it was…it was just air…air that he kept gasping for but instead found himself choking on because of this… this weight that kept slamming against the wall of his chest and she just kept screaming and then…

Jason…

Slamming his eyes shut for a second, Lance swallowed down the growing lump in his throat like a bitter pill, but it didn’t alleviate much; his throat still felt sorely tight as he regained his vision, exhaling his pent up breath as he stared at the concrete.

“I fucked up. I really…really fucked up…”

Silence loomed heavily in the porch’s air for a moment as he waited for her to possibly say something, anything, but she just kept staring at him so he raised his head, loosely looking at the house’s mint green siding as he continued, “Seventy three days ago, I had an overdose. I went out after work one night, y’know…actually it was April Fool’s Day, funnily enough, which is…it’s pretty spot on because I was a real fool that night; I smoked and I thought that I’d be okay because it really wasn’t a lot and I’d done the same amount before but when I got home I just…I wasn’t. I couldn’t breathe and my heart was racing so bad I thought I was having a heart attack until I went into these seizures…it was horrible, mom. I…I didn’t think I was going to die, I knew I was going to die and if Deirdre wasn’t there to get me to a hospital, that would’ve been it. I absolutely would’ve died if it wasn’t for her…” He emitted a long sigh as that lump started to really ache, “But she was still there and Jason…he was there too. I could…his crying was the last thing I remember hearing before I blacked out and I just…I hate myself. I hate myself so much for putting them there and I hate myself because I did the one thing I promised myself I would never do: I hurt them. I hurt her, I hurt him, I know I just hurt you, mom, and I’m sorry, I didn’t really mean to…I never really mean to but I end up doing it anyway, and I’m just…I’m just tired of it. I’m so sick and tired of hurting everybody all the time and I know this stupid drug and my fucking stupidity is what caused a lot of it and-and-and I know me standing here just saying that I’m sorry isn’t going to fix all of the six years worth of damage I did because of it even though I am sorry, really really sorry for all of it but I just… wanted to let you know that I want to fix the damage. I do because I just want all of this to be different! And-and it is. I-I’m going to these meetings, I’ve got a really good sponsor, I’ve been working two jobs and I swear, mom, I’ll pay you back for everything –- here, I’ll do that right now…” Sniffling and wiping away the trails left behind by the hot tears that had started to stream from his watery eyes and down to his red cheeks with the sleeve of his denim jacket; he then went to reach into his wallet to grab an amount of money that was nowhere near enough to pay back the, at the very least, thousands of dollars he owed her between what he borrowed to buy that stupid shit with for years, the bail, that damn microwave…and all the other drug fueled craziness that had managed to slip through the cracks of his lackluster memory but he was accountable for anyway.

At least it’s something…

The attempted gesture was enough to put a crack in his mother’s ice of shock and allowed her to finally speak up, “No don’t!” She cried out as she reached over and gently held onto his free arm. At the touch, he froze in his tracks and instinctively looked up, no longer able to avoid the sight of the damage he’d done to her; the sight of the tears welling in her large eyes that pierced directly through his heart of shame. He wanted to turn his head back to the siding or look down at the concrete, close his eyes again, or do anything to look away from her but he couldn’t. He didn’t deserve to run away from her tears anymore and treat them like an afterthought once he eased his own guilt by getting the rock that caused them.

I’m such a terrible excuse for a son…

Instead it was her eyes that closed as she tilted her head upward and let go of his arm, the cigarette falling from her fingers and onto the concrete as she used her hand to dry off her face but it wasn’t to much avail, the liquid continued streaming from her eyes as her mind kept throbbing with the horrifying knowledge that he’d just informed her of that was tantalizing her with her biggest fear: she almost lost him. She almost lost her baby boy. She almost lost him forever to something so insignificant and…and so preventable, a drug she couldn’t possibly even begin to fathom, in front of his wife, in front of his own child…

Even more harrowing, to a point where she could feel her stomach begin to grow nauseous, was that there was nothing she could do about it. All of her motherly instincts were powerless to the impulse that had almost taken him away. She wished it wasn’t. She wanted to believe that it wasn’t and deep down a tiny part of her did believe that she could stop it because it was just so silly to her to almost throw away an entirely good life and wreck a promising future over a focus on something so temporary to a point where she wanted to just let her boiling frustration break through her typical soft spoken nature and scream that to him so he’d really understand. Lance was so sweet and loving, so full of energy and life, he could have anything he wanted in this life and it wasn’t unfounded potential. He didn’t make the best money but he was still a good worker. She’d never seen anyone who made him as happy as Deirdre did, he adored and cherished her and he had her --- he married her --- and now he had a son who he clearly loved so dearly. That vicious drug…crack cocaine and whatever power it possessed over him didn’t give him any of that, he did it all on his own and there was still so much more in life left for him to do. Regardless of all the trouble he’d been given about it, he was smart. Too smart for this.

But…smarts didn’t really matter much here. It was an impulse to replace happiness where there was none, a desperate attempt at something to make living a little easier… even if it was only just for a little while and not true happiness. Jack was smart too, a lot smarter than she was even, yet he used it to find ways to drink no matter how hard they were just because he was so deeply unsatisfied and… that’s what he wanted to do, and, as she knew all too well, common sense was always a losing battle to the heart’s desire and she long surrendered to it because she loved him--- she still loved him, even though it all had started to make her as unsatisfied as he was.

While all of her frustrated instincts were itching her to just grab her son and just ask why he would throw away everything for it, after so many years of having the solid answer in her hands, she knew she would be a fool to and felt like one for even being so naive to even consider it. Lance’s poison was different than Jack’s and far more dangerous but he was still on the same familiar and cruel path that she’d gotten used to being stranded on the side of; watching on powerlessly as Jack let his impulse drive past her and, for so long, Lance had stood beside her watching him too. As much as it tore her to watch him go, it was no wonder why Lance ended up following his father’s tracks…

But Lance wasn’t Jack.

He never was, and, even though their stark differences always been obvious and painful knowledge to her, they really struck clear as she removed her hand from her face and really looked at her son.

Jack never looked or sounded like this. He apologized and promised to make things better sure, but he’d never cried like this, not once in their over two decades of marriage had she seen him cry at all, probably because he never was this sorry. Or maybe he was but he never really seemed it…not for a long time anyway.

Her son was. Here he was pouring his heart out and she knew he meant every word of it, his tears were never a farce and neither was his trembling admission. It was too horrifying to be anything but real and as she looked at him a little longer, everything that bothered her almost didn’t matter. He was alive. He was here.

Though the path might’ve been the same, the results didn’t have to be. There was always room for another chance in her heart and her son needed it; he needed her.

“I’m just so glad you’re here,” Her voice weakly broke through the poignant silence and she opened her arms up, pulling him in for a hug that they both desperately needed, “I-I don’t know what I would’ve done if I lost you…”

I-I know…I’m sorry mom I’m sorry I’m…

“I’m sorry,” The understatement was so overwhelmingly heavy that he could only meekly breathe it out and he finally closed his eyes, allowing his tears to come to rest on the terrycloth as he buried his head in her shoulder. He shouldn’t have scared her like this, maybe he shouldn’t have said anything…

But it’s what happened – it’s the truth – and I-I can’t sugarcoat it. I can’t...not anymore.

“I know…I know you are,” She nodded before she rested her chin on his shoulder and closed her eyes again, squeezing onto him just a little tighter to savor being able to hold onto him once more before she’d have to let him go again, “And you don’t have to give me money to get me to forgive you. You being here is enough for me…”

No mom…it’s...it’s not. I don’t deserve it to be.

It was too easy, the kind of chance that only a mother’s devoted love could give, and he knew she meant it, she always did…but he couldn’t. She’d done so much for him and endured so much that she shouldn’t have, all the while he knowingly was selfish and took advantage of it, the only thing keeping his conscious from killing him the promise of a cheap hit and the half hearted excuse that he’d pay for it all later.

The hits had long gone up in smoke and the only thing left in the rubble was all of those lingering promises. “Later” was now and if he was ever going to be a worthy son and make something out of his word to perhaps ease his guilty conscience, he had to pay his long owed dues.

“Mom…mom no please I–” He raised his head up from her shoulder and removed his arms from her so he could retrieve the black leather wallet, “I have to pay you back. It’s been -– what --- two years now since you bailed me out and I’ve been saying for even longer that I was gonna pay you back because I’ve borrowed so much from you and you still haven’t seen a single cent from me back and that’s crazy...it’s not right. It’s not right at all and I’m so sorry, I really am. I completely should’ve, I-–”

“Lance…” She crossed her arms, her brown eyes pleading for him to stop what he was doing as they locked once more but he remained persistent, “I’m serious about this mom! Dead serious. I-I can’t do it all now but I can at least start,” He looked down at the wallet, his left eyebrow arching in thought as he took a second to consider how much he should give.

“Lance!” She repeated in a firm voice that always stopped him in his tracks, brushing away a fading auburn strand that was dangling on her face, “It’s very nice and generous of you but I’m serious too, I don’t want your money.”

Why not? I have to pay you back somehow!

“But---”

“But nothing. I mean it!” She declared, “I get what you’re trying to do and I appreciate it, but I couldn’t live with myself if I took it. You need it a lot more than I do. You have a family to support now…save it for them.”

She’s right.

He couldn’t argue with that one. Not for a lack of wanting to, but he did need it. He needed every dollar he could get between the rent they could barely afford to begin with, food, gas, babysitters for Jason on the few days both he and Dee had to work, the loans, that damn 2,500 dollar ER bill that had now summoned calls and letters warning of debt collection if it wasn’t paid by July 1st…

Damn my head is spinning.

“Fine,” He muttered as his arms fell in defeat and he stuffed the wallet back into the confinements of his pocket, “But I promise, mom, once things settle down some…I will be back and I will pay you every last cent. I don’t care if it takes me twenty years, I’m gonna do it.”

She couldn’t resist cracking a smile at his perseverance, “That’s sweet, but I still won’t want it.”

But mom---

Her demands were more important, “Just please…please God…don’t ever do it again, Lance,” She continued and again his head fell shamefully, “Please…please, please. I can’t lose you…especially not like this.”

Believe me, I’m not. I’m never…never again. Never. Again.

It was a declarative statement that he’d told himself and everybody else a few times over the years only to be proven just another cheap crackhead lie when he conveniently forgot about it and his weak will inevitably triumphed his good intentions. That was eons ago though, none of that mattered now, it didn’t even feel real because everything was so different that he couldn’t see why he loved it so damn much. The high was…god…it was something else entirely. In those few minutes, the world was so much clearer, like the moment the smoke hit him and the blood rushed up to his brain, he got brand new glasses to see out of and everything in his sight was so extraordinary.

Except for it ABSOLUTELY WASN’T!

The problem with those glasses is they were so nearsighted, so focused on the high that they were blurry to everything else that had now become clear now that he was sober. Whatever image of clarity he remembered crack giving him instantly became really dull when he remembered that with it came godawful anxiety running through his head that was positive someone was out to get him and that everything in that moment was a total lie and feeling and acting like an absolute bitch because he wanted more but he didn’t want to want more because he couldn’t have it and he felt like he’d been up for days even though he wasn’t but he couldn’t fucking sleep because it was still in his system…it all was endured a lot longer and the only way to avoid it was by taking another hit or never touching it again. Playing the fool, he took the hit because it was easy. Everything would be extraordinary again even if it was just for a few minutes because if he could just have those minutes, he’d be able to make it last forever.

What a joke…what an absolut–GOD!–how could I have been so stupid...

Because by the end of it all, the only thing that actually changed is that he felt shittier than before and every year that passed that shittiness just kept piling up and he got more and more depressed because of it.

He used to think that the saying was nothing more than just a dumb cliche by people as a scare tactic to use once they were clean and got all righteous and kinda snobby but, even at his most fiendish, deep down inside he knew it was true; the high really wasn’t ever going to be better than it was that first time, no matter how many times he kept trying to recreate it with more rocks, binging until every last one of them was gone and he went running his fingers through the carpets like a damn hawk to make sure every last one of them really was gone. Once that was over began the fight to stop himself from getting up and heading to an ATM so he could get more until every last dollar was gone too. Everything else he was escaping from wasn’t getting better, crack certainly wasn’t going to rid him of his money problems – it was the fucking cause of them! – it wasn’t going to erase his failures, it sure as hell wasn’t going to ease the tension within himself. No, it just made things worse! And it was so obvious –- so damn obvious –- but he kept going back anyway.

And look where it got me…

After these last two and a half months, however, this time there was no doubt that never was actually never. There was no way he could ever go back to it after what happened, not after what that ER doctor had warned him.

“If you ever want to be alive to see your son grow up, I’d advise you cease your usage,” The doctor’s words still as clear and sharp to him on this bright June day like the broken glass that had been shattered upon his Valium induced stupor on that dark and horrible April night and his throat grew even sorer, blinking back a few tears as he lifted his head, the replay of his mother’s plea playing in his head as he looked back at her.

I can’t be lost like this either, mom.

“I’m not. I can’t,” He choked out, inhaling the cool air sharply in an attempt to gain some more composure because he didn’t want to start sobbing again, “I want to see my son grow up, mom. I-I wanna see him go to school and be at his graduation in eighteen years and I want to be at his wedding and watch him get married. I wanna have fiftieth anniversaries with Deirdre…I just…I want to be there with them through everything, all of the big ones like that and all the little ones like…like last night! And…God, mom, that night…ever since it sometimes I just look at Jason doing something and it’ll really hit me hard that I could’ve missed this. I could’ve missed him crawling, I could’ve missed him saying his first word, I could’ve…” He paused to dry the few tears that had started to slip down his still red cheeks anyway with his sleeve, “I could’ve missed it all, mom, and…and I know I’m not gonna be there if I keep going back and using. I’ll either die of a heart attack or stroke or something or I’ll wind up back in jail again and God… I do not want to go back there. I hope I go the rest of my life without ever having to sleep in one of those gross cells again…or one of those hospital beds because I never want to end up in an ER again either because I don’t want to die, mom. I don’t and I’m sick of treating my life like I do, like I’m still a stupid teenager who can afford to do stupid shit like that because I’m not anymore and I can’t. I can’t be selfish like that anymore and I don’t want to. I…” He trailed off as his eyes flickered over towards the white door and he began to stare at it, swallowing down in trepidation as he could feel the ominous presence that he knew was behind it, that he knew was going to have to face soon….really soon

I don’t want to be like dad…I don’t want to bring my entire family down just because I have a problem. It’s not their fault that I’m the world’s biggest fuck up, it’s never going to be, it’s never going to be anyone’s fault. Hell it’s not even dad’s. It’s always gonna be mine and I don’t ever want them to thi–

“Lance?”

Damnit.

“Huh?” He muttered, taking another hard blink as he turned back to his mother’s expectant expression.

“You were saying something…”

Oh. Right…

“Oh yeah, sorry,” Lance sniffled and began to trail his fingers through his hair, taking another quick glance at the door before he looked back to her, “Anyway um…anyway….yeah I don’t know, I’m just tired of all of this. I’ve been thinking about it all night-–actually I’ve been thinking about it for the last two months, really, since I started going to the meetings, y’know, it’s kinda hard not to…to be honest with you I should’ve come around sooner and I’m sorry that I didn’t but I needed some time. I just wanted to prove that I was for real this time because I wanted you to believe me. Wanted to believe myself too, really…”

I want him to believe me too.

A sigh escaped her, “I would’ve believed you Lance. I still do…and I wish you would’ve told me sooner because I worry about you so much but you had to do what you had to do… ” Her fingers curled back, a smile warming her face as she looked down at the shiny gold chip in her hand, drawing a glowing grin from it’s rightful owner when she clasped it into his hand, “And I…I can’t even begin to tell how much how proud of you I am for earning this. I know you’ve had a rough time getting here and you don’t even know how much I wish you didn’t have to go through all of it to get here because I know you never meant any harm, you were just lost…but you’re here now and I’m just so happy that you are.”

She’s proud of me! Wow that’s…oh no I’m gonna start crying again…I’m so happy to be here too...

“Stop! You’re gonna make me cry again!” Lance joked even though his green eyes were already still misty and he pulled her in for another hug, whispering “thank you” as he rested on her shoulder once more.

She shook her head, “There’s nothing to thank me for, you know that…I’ll always be on your side, Lance, you’re my son! You’ll always be my baby…”

Oh geez mom…

His eyes may have rolled but his smile couldn’t help but grow even wider. It was kinda weird hearing it, he was twenty one after all and had an actual baby of his own now, but, in that moment the warm fuzziness he felt from her words was so comforting after the cold and aching guilt that had been sickening him for so long and it made him feel like a little kid again, when anything in the world that was troubling him could be solved by the protective shield of his mother’s arms, “I love you, mom.”

It’d been far too long since she’d heard that.

“I love you too, Lance,” she replied quietly, again holding on to him a little tighter in an attempt to savor having him here, of having all of her worries about him being put to rest, before he all too soon slipped away from her grasp again.

As he opened his eyes and caught the image of the door, the anxiety and fear started to stir in his stomach and it began to subconsciously channel itself through his fingers as they began to fidget with the golden coin in his hands.

I don’t want to go in there. I really don’t want to get into a fight with him...

The moment his foot stepped behind that door he’d be right in middle of the warzone again.

But things are a lot different now! And if he’d just hear me out…he’d see that.

Right?

“I’ve gotta talk to dad too...” Lance’s feet started to move towards the door, eyes flickering back to his mother’s widened pair before he opened the door.

Wish me luck…

Perhaps she would’ve if she wasn’t as stunned. What was he doing? It was too soon! Lance couldn’t just burst in on Jack like that, she needed to ease him into this first...

“Lance! ” She called out, wasting no time following him as he slipped inside.

Not much had changed since his banishment. The light must scent typical with the late Victorian era houses that lined Oakland’s streets was cooly coursing around the room from the fan that was still tucked away in the corner even though Lance hadn’t been there to bump into it; the only new thing about the furniture was the editions of TV Guide and other magazines that were sprawled on the wooden mid-century coffee table. His dad wasn’t in his camel leather recliner so Lance turned his heel and briskly walked down the short hallway to the master bedroom, passing the line of portraits that occupied the wood vinyl walls since much simpler times when the subtle smile on his father’s face seemed genuine, when his mother’s eyes were big and bright with hope, not worry.

Had Lance paid any mind, he would’ve noticed the crack in the glass of his innocent boyish grin.

“Please Lance, just wait a minute! Just let me---” His mother was right on his heels but he was too blinded and deafened in this rush of anxiety to even acknowledge her.

If I don’t do this now, so help me God, I won’t ever be able to do it again…

Lance’s hand swiftly turned the knob, his stomach dropping to rock bottom as he saw what was before him; there, perched up in the bed like a vicious doberman with full indignation, was the man he was looking for.

Dad.

“What the hel---” His father caught sight and sound of his wife behind his shoulder and moved his stare to her, deeming his son unworthy enough to answer, “Winnie, what the HELL is he doing here?”

I can speak for myself...

Winnie emerged from behind, gently touching Lance’s left arm as she took a breath to prepare herself for what to say, her son suddenly took the wheel, “Dad, I really need to talk to you about something.”

“About what? What kind of worthless excuse do you think I’m brainless enough to hear from you now?” He snarled, “I don’t have amnesia, Lance.”

Lance sighed as he shook his head. “Dad no...no I---”

“I asked you a question. Answer it.”

Well I’m TRYING to if you’d just---

It almost ran off of Lance’s tongue and would’ve if Winnie didn’t take the wheel right back, “It’s none of that Jack, please...just let him explain…”

The look in her eyes was more pleading than her voice was, she and Lance both swallowing nervously as Jack darted between the two of them. He didn’t want to waste a second hearing Lance’s excuses, he didn’t want to waste a second with him at all. It was eleven o’clock on a Sunday morning---his day off---and he was just trying to enjoy his well deserved screwdriver breakfast after a week of straight fucking coffee in the mornings and watch a little television before the A’s came on and he started making these with two parts of vodka.

Of course, if Lance didn’t get out of his fucking way within the next two seconds, he’d be doing that anyway.

If. Sure...George Carlin couldn’t tell a better joke even if he wanted to; Jack was trapped. Any semblance of peace he thought he had in the last two years just got thrown right out the goddamned door the moment Lance weaseled his way in here. The son of a bitch didn’t have any consideration for manners whatsoever, not even the decency to politely knock on the fucking door, much less leave when he was asked to without a hassle; he was going nowhere, his smartass tone already determining that he was going to stay until he got his last useless word in and Winnie was going to stand by him as always even though it didn’t do her any damn good. The kid made her look like her heart was going to break in half and, of course, Jack knew it’d be his fault if he dared to protest them. Always was.

Closing his eyes, Jack took a breath to cool himself down. God, was he gonna need it…

“Fine. He can explain.”

Thank you.

“Okay…” Relief washed over Lance as his own breath unhitched, however he still felt like he should stick his arms out in surrender. He knew this was going to happen but...it didn’t need to anymore. It was okay...everything was okay now. He didn’t have to get defensive, Lance certainly didn’t want to fight, he didn’t want anything from him except for just to talk and he wanted to tell his dad that so badly.

He wouldn’t believe me though…not like I blame him after all of this.

I’m sorry…

His own mother wouldn’t believe him either...or, at least, partially; Winnie knew that Lance wasn’t going to fight. He couldn’t. It was too serious and he was so distressed and torn…

But Jack...he wasn’t being too promising. He was so stubborn...she couldn’t bear to hear Lance try and convince him, she couldn’t bear to hear that story again…

“I’m going outside. Come get me if you need anything,” She told Lance, giving him a empathetic half smile before her hold slipped and she walked to the door, her big brown eyes begging her husband once more; please be easy...

For once Jack and Lance had something in common:

Don’t go...

Their mediator, their ally...the only prayer to this meeting going smoothly had left, taking a little bit of their hearts with her, and they let her; their stares longing but mouths silent because they both knew, for her sake, it was the best thing.

I don’t want her to get hurt.

That’s where their commonalities ended.

For Lance, that meant not having her hear about how he almost died again. One time was enough, he could barely handle it himself.

For Jack, it meant not having her have to defend Lance so she wouldn’t look like a fool trying to justify the trap her son was advertising...whatever it was.

In her absence, the air felt even colder to Lance and he shifted his shoulders in his jacket, crossing his arms as he peered over at the window unit, wondering why it was on to begin with. It wasn’t even hot out…

Until Jack’s seering stare returned on him, “Quit wasting my goddamned time, Lance. What kind of vile lie do you have your mother upset about now?”

Lance’s brows raised. Vile; that was...a strong word but his dad was right to use it. Everything about what happened that night was vile and ugly.

“It’s not a lie though.”

“Then what in the everloving fuck is it?” Jack’s eyes narrowed even further as he took a drink.

The worst thing I’ve ever done.

The heavy burden tried escape through Lance’s lungs again but it still lingered within him after the sigh. Knowing that it wasn’t just orange juice in that glass, he took a small step forwards, looking down at the empty spot near the foot of the bed, “Can I sit?”

Too consumed with the taste, Jack just muttered “mhm”, the sourness in his tone causing Lance to be even more careful, lightly placing his free hand down to make sure that he wasn’t going to land on his dad’s foot by accident before barely making it to the edge, staring down at his crossed ankles.

Only one pair of eyes was on him but it now felt like an entire auditorium in hell was watching him. It’d been two months and many nights worrying about how to approach this and yet his mind was as jittery and useless as if it’d just happened.

Please God help me…

“Okay,” He exhaled shakily, “Last year, when I found out my wife was pregnant with my son, I swore I’d get clean and I did; completely cold turkey. I didn’t even think about it because I was so caught up in the excitement of it all I just didn’t care and I...I really thought I’d done it! I really thought I’d kicked the problem I had and had grown out of it…”

Jack snorted. Of course Lance thought he’d just magically “grown out” of being a crackhead. What a fucking riot...

“I know…” Lance couldn’t resist giving a little smirk too. There was amusement in it; going from five years of using, albeit on and off, to suddenly being completely sober that easily and thinking it was going to last forever...it seemed too good to be true then and especially now.

But it hurt too much to stay for longer than a second.

Because I wish I didn’t…

“Anyway um...after Christmas, things just...changed. I was just stressed out completely and I started up again and...God…” Lance’s throat began to ache again, that black feeling of his stomach twisting and heart feeling like it was going to just fall out of his chest as he remembered lighting up again; how ugly and wrong it tasted yet his brain still was convinced that it was alright even though everything was telling him that it absolutely fucking wasn’t. The wound still hurt like it was freshly bleeding every time he remembered that look in Deirdre’s angry eyes that cut his heart in two when she inevitably found out, only to have it be completely shredded not too much later by...by her and...and Jason...and their screams, their shrill, ear piercing, frightened screams that swirled around him on that day...

Tears started to well again but Lance tried blinking them back real hard.

No...no stop...keep it together. He can’t see me cry, he hates it.

It was too late. Like a bloodhound, Jack could sense the crocodile tears from a mile away and they really blew his fuse. It was a goddamned party trick! Lance always brought out the waterworks when he wasn’t getting his way and wanted some sympathy even when he downright didn’t deserve it, like now, and everyone was gullible enough to fall for it like it wasn’t the first time the card had got played.

Everyone except for Jack. The tears didn’t do a damn thing but piss him the fuck off and it certainly didn’t make him feel any sympathy for Lance, if anything, it made him have less respect and sympathy because it was straight-up manipulation. The son of a bitch got himself into this clusterfuck and, instead of dealing with it like a man, now he wanted everyone to feel bad for him and for what? Absolute shit.

Fucking pathetic.

Jack’s jaw was piqued open since Lance really thought he was stupid enough for this to work on him, “Quit your fucking crying ‘til you can give me something to really be sympathetic about…”

“Sorry,” Lance sniffled, trying to wipe away the drops that were now streaming harder because, while he knew his father was gonna say that, it stung.

Not wanting to test his father’s dwindling patience even further, Lance tried to beat his tears by spewing off the rest of the story as quick as his mouth would let him, “I smoked too much one night and sent myself into complete seizures on the ground in front of my wife and son and I-I would’ve died if Deirdre didn’t call 911 on me and the ER doctor said if I didn’t stop I-I wouldn’t make it to see my son grow up and I was already convinced but...that really did it...”

His shoulders slumped as he let out a long sigh, finally mustering the courage to look to Jack.

Is that enough for you?

“Obviously. The fuck did you think he was going to say?” Jack just shook his head. Christ. Only Lance could’ve been dumb enough to be surprised by this, dumb enough to think the clearest and most natural conclusion in the entire goddamned world would be a revolutionary concept to cry about.

Taking another long drink from his cup did nothing to cool down his scorn, “It’s what you deserved.”

It was hard hearing it from a voice that wasn’t in his own head but if there was one thing Lance knew more than anything it was that...

He nodded humbly and finally uncurled his fidgeting palm, the golden coin still managing to shine, despite how dark it was in here with how the curtains stifled the sunshine, and the warmth reflected onto Lance’s smile. It was so easy to get all caught up in the dismality of his recent past that sometimes his mind forgot to kick him into the present; the light in his hands.

Sobriety.

Though the scars of his past were still red and painful to the touch, they were no longer bleeding; the bruises that were all over him from the seizure’s flailing around into tables were healed, his brain was finally starting to come out of this dull fog that seemed thicker than what envelops the Bay Bridge on any given morning, breathing felt easier, he’d gotten an appetite back, the cravings even...the thought disgusted him to the point where it was just pure distaste now. It wasn’t easy, it didn’t even seem tangible to Lance in April when he was lying on the cold, hard, and bleak ground of rock bottom.

The worst is behind me now; I’m doing it! I’m recovering.

“That’s why I’ve been clean for seventy three days,” It was hard for Lance to contain his joy but he tried by biting down on his smile when he held out the coin to his dad, “Here.”

I hope you’re proud of me.

His sunshine only fueled the sweltering atmosphere as Jack glared at what he was offered, “What the fuck is this? An arcade token?” He asked despite knowing damn well that the rhetorical question was just a veiled lie. Arcade tokens at least had some fucking value, the currency Lance was peddling at him was absolutely worthless.

It completely knocked the smile off Lance’s face yet he somehow kept his hold firm, “It’s my sobriety chip, dad…”

“I know that,” Jack snatched the coin from him, churning a fury in his eyes as he read the familiar lie carved in the metal: “to thine own self be true”.

Right. Of course Lance went where they wouldn’t tell him straight up to his fucking face that he smoked a pipe and almost got himself killed. Oh no... never...it was the disease. The disease made him do it; as if he was born a crack addict, as if he just woke up one day with a pipe in his mouth and couldn’t help it no matter what. Yeah, okay. The chips just gave him and all of the other junkies an excuse not to take responsibility and Jack wasn’t buying it.

He threw the chip back to Lance but it was a good thing he never considered himself to be the next Catfish Hunter; it bounced off of Lance’s shoulder and made a ringing sound when it hit the hardwood floor.

Lance’s eyes and mouth gaped in shock, “What was THAT for?” He scrambled to pick up his coin and Jack watched him in cynical bemusement, “Why the fuck even bother? It’s all just a crock of shit.”

“No it’s not! Not this time, I swear, I-I have a sponsor and---”

The ignorance was downright painful enough for Jack to wince, “I’m not just talking about you. The entire goddamn thing is a crock of shit! Oh, it’s not me who’s a goddamn alcoholic or junkie or whatever, it’s a disease and we’re oh so fucking powerless! Right. The only thing you’re powerless to is you own goddamn stupidity and that’s more chronic than sitting around and singing kumbaya can fix…”

What is he even talking about?!

Lance shook his head, “Dad, that isn’t...that’s not how it works. Trust me, there’s no kumbaya! You accept you’re an addict and are powerless over your addiction because, if you’ve sunk low enough to end up there and trust me it’s not a place you want to end up, you are! I was! That’s why I went, because I knew I couldn’t do it on my own anymore...”

Jack scoffed, “And what leads you to do that, Lance? What in the hell do you think leads you to do that? Just because someone picks up a beer and has a few drinks occasionally or, hell, I’ll even stoop down to your level and suggest taking a few hits even though they aren’t in the same realm at all, doesn’t mean they’re automatically an addict. It’s not the booze or whatever, they’re already predisposed. I’ll say this again because I know you weren’t listening: you’re only powerless to your own stupidity. Crack just kept fueling it for you.”

“No...well yes but it goes deeper than that, dad...yes I know it was really, really, stupid, I can’t even begin to tell you how unbelievably stupid of me to start using and that stupidity allowed me to be where I was, where I am. I knew what I was doing, even when I was just a fifteen year old kid...it was impossible not to know then, I mean, you remember it being all over the TV, right?” He gestured towards the television set, the constant reports of crack related arrests and busts gone and replaced by an infomercial, “You’re right, crack did keep fueling me to be stupid ‘cause I knew what I was doing in January too but it’s more than that...it’s more than me. It’s just one part of the picture made up by fear and by insecurity which is something everyone in those meetings have and I’m talking about people who’ve got their lives together far better than I do, dad; really respectable people otherwise. You are powerless to it but you don’t have to be, it’s not forever. That’s...that’s the entire point…” He sighed.

I hope that made sense...

It wouldn’t have mattered because Jack didn’t want to hear it. It was bad enough that even the alcohol he was gulping down couldn’t smooth Lance’s grating whine of a voice typical of his riled up, long winded, tangents but now he was starting to get the Jehovah’s Witnesses stirred with how insufferably preachy he was.

“Goddamn Lance, seventy three days out of your entire life without fucking up and you suddenly think you’re the fucking Messiah of AA or Crackheads Anonymous or whatever the hell crock club you’re in. Well listen, you aren’t.”

“No I’m---”

“Could you just shut the fuck up already?” Jack’s words cut through Lance’s tongue and he just sat there with the chip held up close to his heart, which he could feel how hard it was skittering in his chest.

I’m sorry…

He squeaked out the apology. He really didn’t mean to anger him, all Lance wanted was for his dad to understand because he just...didn’t.

Jack’s teeth clenching tight at the jarring lie, “No you aren’t, if you were you wouldn’t say goddamned thing like I told you to.”

O-Okay.

Lance shifted nervously, Jack’s stare pinning him down as he brought the cup to his mouth for another drink. Only God could help the son of a bitch if he fucked up now. The cool liquid was the only thing around that could calm Jack’s increasing hot blood and he had to savor every last drop because the almost full glass had waned down to a third full. There was plenty more Smirnoff and Tropicana in the fridge but Jack knew that if he went to get it Lance would start buzzing around him like a chirpy robin swarms a hawk and then get Winnie involved again. Besides he needed it for when Lance left and he could actually enjoy it; like he intended to.

To Jack’s surprise, for once Lance didn’t fuck up his chance. It wouldn’t be too long before he did, the poor bastard looked like he wanted to jump out of his skin with how he kept fidgeting his shoulders and with that fucking coin but, for now, the only thing Jack could hear was the relieving sound of his own relieved “ahh” as he finished this round of drinking, “All they do is brainwash you into thinking it isn’t your fault, that it’s just the disease, so that when you inevitably fuck up again because, more often than not, you will, and they aren’t going to hold you accountable for it if you just drop out because it’s anonymous. No responsibility, only the false appearance of it.”

That’s NOT how it works!

None of that was right! The whole point of anonymity was to be held accountable for just your addiction there and nothing else like status or money mattered at all…

Lance felt like he’d been spun too fast by a merry-go-round and he was starting to get frustrated.

Why is he being like this?!

He knew this wasn’t going to be easy but this was crazy! None of what his dad was saying made any sense now and it was weird because his dad should’ve known, he should’ve at least have an idea of what the point was, he’d---

“I know what I’m talking about, Lance. I was putting up with these kumbaya bastards long before your seventy three day trial and it didn’t work. So, why in God’s name should I believe it’s ever gonna work for a spineless junkie like you?” Jack went back for yet another round, all of this talk about AA and the memories he had of that dry hell just increased his desire to quench his sinful thirst even more. He was beyond sick of arguing with the little shit about it; he was beyond sick of the little shit in general now. In less than fifteen minutes---hell---less than ten, the son of a bitch managed to make up for two years of migraines...

“I’m not spineless,” Lance retorted despite not entirely believing the words that tumbled out of his mouth, “Not anymore anyway. Please believe me, I’ve got too many things on my back to b---”

“Didn’t matter before, did it?”

Lance’s sights met the ground again, head slowly shaking. It did matter, it always mattered but, in that moment...in that sickeningly awful moment...

“It didn’t,” Lance could only whisper under the weight of guilt and Jack’s righteous smirk burning his back, which fell as Lance managed to dart back, “But it matters now! That’s why I quit, that’s why I’m in the program, that’s why I’m here! I want to make things right with everyone, including you, dad. I’m---”

“Sorry? Is that what you were going to say?”

Swallowing down the unease his father’s acidic tone stirred, Lance quickly nodded and Jack’s eyes squinted even more seeringly as he shook his head, “No you aren’t.”

Lance’s eyes blew wide in astonishment, “Yes I am!”

That was it.

“I said you AREN’T,” Jack slammed the glass down on the table with such force that it startled Lance off of the bed, “Quit lying to me and everyone else you tell your sob story to, including your poor mother, because we all KNOW that you aren’t.”

“But I’m not!” Lance protested, “It’s not a sob story and it’s not a lie! I know I don’t really have a lot of time under my belt yet but please believe me when I---”

“I’m not.”

Lance’s mouth grew small as he had to bite his tongue again.

‘Cause you aren’t even listening to me…

All he wanted to do was explain to him and, every time he tried, his father stopped him. He wasn’t even trying to listen and Lance couldn’t help but wonder…

Why?

It wasn’t like he was trying to ask for instant forgiveness, he didn’t even get the chance to ask for any forgiveness yet, the only request he had was for his dad to hear him out and he said he would…

“Why are you being like this? Why do you always shut me down? All I want to do is just explain and you told me I could but you aren’t letting me…”

Jack folded his arms, “I let you explain and I didn’t believe you. What in the hell is so hard about that for you to understand?”

“Because you didn’t! You completely derailed me for no reason and you think everything I say is a lie when it’s not! I get not believing me now but it feels like you don’t want to believe me ever. Like I could be clean for twenty years and come back and you’d still be like this, you’d still just…” The pulling strain of frustration in his throat and chest kept aching, this bad feeling deep down in his stomach etching in the rest of his sentence, “Hate me.”

It sounded overemotional like everything else was to Lance lately and it probably was. He knew what his dad was like, he knew this wasn’t going to be easy, he knew that there was a high chance that he was going to walk out of this house without his blessing. He knew…

The question still remained unanswered, it’d been unanswered forever because it’d always been like this. They never could just talk, they never could just have a conversation without it getting shut down, or if that didn’t work, having it turn into an argument. Something as simple as Lance asking how his day was never met with the returned chipperness that his mom answered him with when he asked her, how Eric’s dad answered him, how Deirdre’s dad answered her, how Lance himself greeted Jason even though his son’s words were still only happy little shrieks that only made Lance smile more as he gave him a big kiss on the head and held him safely on his shoulder.

None of them greeted with the hostility that his dad’s tone seemed permanently laced with; as if his tongue was a prisoner being kept behind the gate of his teeth. But with his mother and seemingly everyone else, his dad talked normally. He even smiled. Lance was sure that he’d never seen his dad grin at him as wide as he did in all of his company Christmas cards or even as softly as he occasionally did at his mother...

It never felt right, yet there was always an explanation that Lance was eager to believe and follow. He readily kept mum when his dad was stressed, cleared the room when there was a hard day at work, even offered to bring him beers at dinner...still got him a crook eye and narrow attempt a smile but never a real one like the one that always beamed from his mom, not even at Lance’s good report cards, not even at his recitals...if Lance had given his father the chance, it probably wouldn’t have merited a crack at the wedding or the birth of his own grandson...not even today. Step nine wasn’t about instant forgiveness, it was about trying to make things right, the intent of good change on the horizon like a sunrise over the incessant tenebrous night sky of the last three volatile years.

He’s not even trying.

“Shouldn’t you want me to be clean? Shouldn’t you want to be happy for me?” His voice was cracked, dripping with pain, yet Jack continued to stare at him with such cold foreignness, like Lance was nothing more than a beggar on a street corner, like he’d forgotten, “I’m your son…”

Jack didn’t even blink, “Doesn’t mean that much to me to mean that much to you, Lance.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” The question quivered even though he shook his head.

Please don’t do this...

But after twenty one years, Jack finally stood up, “It means I don’t care, it means I never cared,” He took another step and Lance stepped back, “Because I never loved you.”

“What?”

It was the final breath squeezed out of him as the world seemed to halt on its’ axis. The rest of his body felt completely gone, he could still hear the sound of his heart beating faintly in his ears...how? How...how was it still going it if it was oozing blood? There was a stabbing pang every time the words speared his mind only to have his question echo...even though he wasn’t even sure if he asked it. This reeling in his head weakly whispering impalpable thoughts and questions only to meet the heavy throbbing’s dark answers with stubborn refusal.

He didn’t...he can’t say that...

Lance only could feel again when his father kept saying it, kept twisting this knife with his sneering fucking snarl, the alcohol in his breath only fueling Lance’s sickness, “And I especially don’t love you now. You always think you can just waltz your way in here and expect everything to go your way just because some people are unfortunately gullible enough to let that happen and then you start thinking that maybe what you’re trying to sell is TRUE! Right. I don’t know WHAT I did in this hellbound planet to EVER deserve this shitty defect of a person God gave to me when you were born, but, since I’ve had to be stuck with you, since you won’t ever leave me the fuck alone, let me use this always inopportune time to tell you that you’re always going to be spineless whether you’re taking hits in disgusting back alleys like the scum of the Earth that you are or whether you’re trying to spill white lies and tainting the sacred name of redemption,” Jack’s eye finally gave attention to Lance’s new hair color, his face contorting even further in disgust at his prodigal son’s paltry attempt at “change”. God, it was taking everything in him not to rip it out of the fucker’s head but then he’d have the nerve to start his ear piercing screaming, so Jack settled for yanking ahold of the cheap denim jacket so the fucker would listen to him for once, “Bleach won’t wash away your sins, Lance. Neither will the con artist’s way at sobriety. They aren’t going to give you a fucking backbone, given that God himself failed that feat.”

The grab jolted Lance’s eyes wide and he started to squirm, his already weak legs wanted to give out and let him slink to the floor but they couldn’t, Jack’s stronger than steel hold wasn’t allowing them. He was trapped.

Too badly beaten in a fight already lost, Lance flinched as he shut his eyes since they were too raw from all of the crying, timorously breathing out, “Let go of me...please…”

I can’t take any more of this.

The whining did nothing but shoot up more blood through Jack’s arms, only tightening his grip as he took Lance and slammed his back against the door hard, eliciting a shriek anyway as the back of Lance’s head hit the wood, “YOU’RE the one who showed up here,” Jack reminded him through clenched teeth and Lance whimpered, scrunching his face even though it was so fucking sore in preparation for the consequence, as if there hadn’t been enough already...

It came as a surprise to Lance when the door slipped from beneath his back as Jack forcefully let go of him, still managing to be on his feet when he stumbled into the hallway. Hand instinctively going to his pounding head the moment he realized what was happening, Lance looked back at his father, “You better fucking listen to me this time, Lance. I don’t give a shit what you are. Don’t knock, not on this door,” Jack demonstrated the opposite before he pointed towards the front door, “Or that door or ANY FUCKING DOOR! Do you UNDERSTAND? Did you get THAT through your thick skull?”

“I won’t…”

The corner of Jack’s mouth curled disparagingly. He doubted it but it wasn’t worth the effort to negotiate for more, “You fucking better,” He scowled before turning around, slamming the door shut behind him.

It’s over.

Relieved that he only suffered a bump on the head this time around and by the grace of adrenaline pumping through his veins like an anesthetic, Lance’s legs managed to stagger through the hallway. As he emerged outside, the sun’s bright rays weren’t nearly as harsh as his mother’s voice, “Lance! What happened?”

I failed you.

More than the aching in his head, the stinging in his eyes, more than every cutting word that his dad had thrown at him, that might’ve hurt the worst out of it all. All she wanted was for there to peace between them two and Lance wanted nothing more to make that into a reality. This game had gone on for too fucking long...she didn’t deserve to be kept up in the middle of it.

“I’m sorry,” He muttered and Winnie’s eyes dampered as she fully saw his face, how bloodshot his eyes were and she just shook her head, “There’s nothing for you to be sorry about, Lance…”

“Tell that to dad,” Lance regretted it the moment it came out of his mouth. She did tell him, she always did..

He just never listened…

“Lance…” She tried to touch his face to gently wipe away the tears that so undeservingly stained his cheeks, “Please...just tell me what he did.”

“I can’t...I can’t do anymore now,” He choked out, slowly turning his face away from her, “I have to go…”

It took everything in her but Winnie’s hand slipped back down to hold her own arm, again finding herself standing powerless as Lance walked away from her.

“I love you,” She called out in a last attempt to thwart him so he could stay and they could figure this out but it only halted him, unable to bear turning around.

“I love you too.”

He didn’t realize that he was still holding onto the chip until it dropped onto the ground as he went to reach for his keys. For a second, he debated if it was worth picking it up. His head hurt tremendously, he was certain if he reached down for it he’d throw up all over, and there was this fear that started to nag at him.

What if it all is just a crock of shit? What if I am really was spineless enough to fall back into the trap again?

But on his eye’s way down, Lance caught a reminder more important and convincing than his father could’ve ever dreamed to be, no matter how cutting he was.

Jason.

The car seat was empty but at Lance could still picture him there, like his big blue eyes were waiting for him to pick up the chip, just like they looked to him for everything else.

I can’t do this to him…I can’t fail him.

In Jason’s eyes, Deirdre always pierced through, that hint of grey was unmistakably hers.

I can’t fail her either.

Lance reached down and clasped the golden coin tightly in his fingers before getting in his car, driving back to a home that wasn’t this.

I can’t fail them. They need me...

Through all of the pain of falling, they’re the ones who make getting up again worth it.

#*lance kelley #*winnie kelley #*jack kelley #mentions of:#*deirdre kelley #*jason kelley #*writing

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