#this is so incoherent and messy but its 3am and i woke up like 2 hours ago

[nightphans]

A crumbling world

Hey this is lil fic I wrote with some help for phandom wars on twitter:)

One shot:

Genre: angst I guess,unrequited love:,),

Summary: dans world is crumbling.phil,his best friend,unrequited lover, whatever title you wanna use is dead.And dans falling falling apart.

And then he woke up.

Prologue (which I didn’t write):

Everything had seemed to be normal. Dan and Phil were out, just having a good day. They were walking home from Starbucks with lunch as it was pretty nice outside. Dan and Phil were crossing the street when Phil dropped his sunglasses in the road. He bent down quickly to pick them up, Dan had already crossed the street. Before Dan could react and before Phil could finish crossing the street, a high speed pick up truck comes through and smashes into Phil. A sound of glass breaks and the car comes to a halt. Dan drops everything he is holding and rushes over to Phil, sitting next to him. A shards of glass lay around Phil, his head bleeding out from the impact of the car and the ground. Dan let's out a blubbering sob as Phil breathes lightly, not speaking just looking up. Dan lifts Phils head into his lap. Phil just looked up. There was a bruise forming on Phils face. Phil was losing a lot of blood.

“Phil look at me, please stay alive please. Please” He whispered softly as he heard sirens approaching.

Phils body got cold. His breathing barely there.

“Please Phil stay here with me. “ Dan begged as Phil became pale, his body no longer ridded of human life.of joy.of spirit.

His eyes no longer had their spark. Only dead pools of blue. He sobbed as he carressed Phil's face. Phil let out a very tiny last breath before what little life he had left dissapeared. Phil died. Everyone watched as ambulance and police rushed them away. The driver only sat in their truck, shocked at what happened. Dan didn't noticed anything around him, his world crumbled as the only best friend he had was gone.

“N-no..n-NO THIS-TH-THIS CANT...PHIL” Dan pleaded, Phils blood on his hands.

Then everything went black.

•

•

•

•

•

Drowning.

Dan was certain he was drowning. The question was, in what? misery? depression? Perhaps even grief?

Scratch that.

It was tears.

Dan's eyes slowly cracked open. The familiar darkness in his room fell over him. He felt his sheets. He was in his bed. He felt terrible. Exhausted.

Sitting up slowly, he stretched out his legs. His hand brushing the back of his neck,immediately meeting the wet, warmth plastered on his neck,hair and cheek.

Strange.

Looking down, feeling around on the luminous white fabric hidden amongst the dark void of his room, it was apparent his pillow was stained left, right, and center with a puddle of droplets.

He sighed deeply, rubbing his burning eyes.They were tired,almost drooping in the anticipation of sleep.

Unfortunately every time he closed them he was reminded of everything.

A choked sob barely escaped his throat as he dwelled back on the dream only previous minutes, even seconds ago.

Phil.

God, that absolute shit. Of course, Dan knew he wasn’t really dead. And yet…..

It had felt so real.

He feared that if he closed his eyes again, the endless pool of black behind his lids would merge into yet another image, another nightmare in which he’d have to watch Phil’s lifeless form lay pale and limp, Dan’s best friend’s blood on his hands as he held him, watching him take his final breaths. Watching those sparkling eyes fade to a fragment of what they once were.

Watching The glow Phil seemed to always be emitting, faded out of existence.Reduced to just a memory.

Phil reduced to just a memory.

Dan closed his eyes,remembering the events that had caused his best friends sudden death.

A hint of bile seemed to rise up to his throat,mainly due to the recoil he felt at the realisation that phil could be removed from existence any day now.

Any.fucking.day.

And then Dan’s mind wandered ,what would it be like once he died?

Sure, people would miss him, he’d make an impact. But in the long course? In a century’s time? No one would have even known he was there.

The thought made him feel sick.

He’s joked about the inevitability of death but…..those were just jokes. In truth, it terrified him, it would terrify anyone, right? He wasn’t alone….right?

And anyways, He didn’t believe in a higher power, so where would he go after death? What would it be like? What would happen to everyone who ever knew him?

But then he recalled phils limp form in his own shaking hands,remembered the agonising screams that unknowingly left his own mouth while he called for help,for both himself and phil

Even the thought of ever sleeping again seemed like a fucking joke.

Dan closed his eyes, attempting to count to 10. He felt his exhausted body get begin to rest but his head continued racing. His eyes felt heavy. For days he got little to no sleep.

1

What if- no,don’t get distracted

2

What time is it anyway?

3

I wonder if Phil would’ve min-

Fuck it.

He lifted the duvet over his shivering body, slipping each foot into his slippers; which Phil, coincidentally, had given him for Easter. His thin, nimble fingers reached for the light switch on the wall.

His shadow seemed to be shaking behind him against the shimmering light, he looked away.

Phil wouldn’t mind, he thought, after all….we’re friends.

Best friends.

If only we were more

Dan clenched his fist, digging his nails into the layer of skin sitting upon his palm,focusing on the pain in order to erase those thoughts. He took in a deep breath, breathing in time with his own footsteps as he left the comforting yet depressive state of his own room, taking small strides until at last, his destination had been reached.

There was no point dwelling on what could have been.

The past was the past. He couldn’t change that.

If only he could.

If only he had made the move back then.

If only-

He knocked on the door.

After an awkward moment of silence and uncertainty Dan knocked again, he heard a muffled grunt, some footsteps followed by a shriek of pain and then a string of curse words.

Dan chuckled fondly, knowing Phil, he had probably stepped on a Lego-like object or something of the sort.

After two agonising moments filled with anticipation the door opened, a tired Phil revealed behind it.

Messy black hair, soft pale freckled skin, obnoxiously bright boxer shorts and a sore-on the eye blue t-shirt.

Phil

Rather than looking down to see 2 pairs of fierce, yet mesmerising crystals that were held within Phil’s eyes, Dan was met with the folds that covered them, blinking away sleep that probably seemed oh so desirable at the ungodly hour of 3am that Dan had never seemed to notice it was.

Dan smiled sheepishly once Phil finally looked up at him with slight confusion and perhaps a hint of annoyance. However, his expression changed completely when he seemed to notice how red Dan’s eyes were,how oddly pink cheeks were stained with cooling droplets,perhaps even the strained smile that had failed to mask dans evident emotions

“Are you okay?” Phil’s deep, sleep ridden yet concerned voice disrupted the natural flow of Dan’s thoughts.

Dan nodded absentmindedly, walking into Phil’s room and shutting the door behind him

“Sorry” he barely whispered, voice barely audible due to the scratchiness and obvious hurt from all the crying.

Who even thought of crying? A horrible adaptation really. Feeling vulnerable? Okay! Let’s make liquid pour out of your eyes, a key feature on your face, so everyone knows!

Thanks evolu-

“Dan?” Phil repeated for the third time, gently shaking the brunette, causing said boy to look up in a daze. He really needed to control his day dreaming.

Or night dreaming since it was like, 3am? If that was a thing.

God, he was a mess.

“Dan? Hello? I’ve been calling your name for the last minute….can you hear me?” his voice seemed to hold genuine concern, looking Dan straight in the eyes once he knew he had caught his attention.

Dan eyes began watering, tears brimming at the soft skin, skimming over the dark bags he had received in return of late nights procrastinating video ideas and aimlessly scrolling on the internet till the very peak of dawn.He couldn’t help but tear up seeing phil very much alive.

Thank god.

Phil shushed him, embracing him into a comforting hug. He had no idea what was going on, but what he did know was that this was Dan, who seemed so fragile and helpless at the moment.

Phil couldn’t bare to turn him away. Dan tried to hold in a shaking sob but it only made him cries louder. His breathing was shaking and he felt as though his lungs would collapse. Give in at any moment.

Dan wraps his arms around Phil’s body tighter. Their chests are pressed together, flesh touching flesh, and Phil feels so comfy and soft and warm. Dan’s crying into his shoulder, babbling incoherent pleas and apologies. “I’m sorry, i’m so sorry. Please don’t leave me. Please. I need you. So much.”

Phil runs his fingers through Dan’s messy hair, making him cry even more because he’s so scared of losing Phil. Losing his touch, his smile, his stupid puns. Dan can’t imagine a life without him.

“I won't leave you. I promise. “ Phil said softly, holding Dan gently, scared of breaking him almost. He wondered what could have made Dan fall apart like this, perhaps a bad dream?

Dan nodded,pulling apart reluctantly.He looked phil straight in the eyes and it only took phil to gently place his hands on dan for everything to come spilling out of his mouth,like an overflowing dam that had finally had its barrier removed.Or the gate separating celebrities from their fans had been broken down.

The thought almost made him giggle.

Almost.

By the time dan had explained everything to phil,he was engulfed in a comforting hug,Phil gently wiping away the tears freely roaming down dans face.

“- I just…..I was so scared I had lost you” dan blabbed openly while Phil listened “so fucking terrified,had to see your face completely pale and just horrible because fuck phil I love you so goddamn-“

Dan froze,breathing heavily and inconsistent. Fuck,did he just say that?

Did he really just say that?

Fuck

Before phil even had a chance to respond,dan was up.It had never been a natural instinct of his to face the consequences of what he did,it was always flee the moment he opened his goddamn mouth.

God. This was such a mess.

Dan was already ripping through the blankets,shaking heavily as he almost power-walked to the door,muttering small ‘sorry’s to disguise his obviously fractured breathing pattern.

Everything was spinning,why was everything spinning?

Suddenly an anchor seemed to pull him down,a steady being held him tightly,repeating his name over and over.

It was Phil,that was recognisable,so why couldn’t Dan answer back?

Oh right,he was having a panic attack.

After another 20 minutes of trying to calm dan down, Phil had succeeded. Of course,he was still crying and his breathing was still slightly fragmented and disjunct.

But at least he could breath

“Dan? honestly….” phil shook his head fondly,smile evidently concerned yet amused,eyes twinkling.

“You need to stop jumping to conclusions god…..did you seriously think I would get angry at you telling me you love me? I know that,I love you too,I always have” he chuckled

Dan's heart skipped a beat,his face showing a range of emotions. Confusion, happiness, surprise, hurt from the previous events.

“R-really?” Dan choked.

Phil nodded smiling “of course! You know that! Everyone knows that! After all, you’re my best friend”

And just like that, Dans world crumbled once again.

@phanfictioncatalogue @pfclibrary

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