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twistedwonderlandshenanigans · 9 months

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Wisdom Teeth Removal

Your girl is getting her wisdom teeth yanked today so here's how I think the cast reacts on anesthesia

Heartslaybul

Riddle: He's so so sleepy, and starts crying when he's told he can't sleep yet. He's very emotional, just wants cuddles, BUT he gets really excited when he can still eat like the custard part of a tart.

Trey: He's just Not Present whatsoever, he's in a different dimension. Just leave him to his thoughts and make sure he eats he's fine.

Cater: Does a tiktok with a before and after audio. However when he sees himself in the camera he starts crying and calling himself ugly, he needs cuddles and reassurance. In relationships where it is appropriate, he will try to kiss his partner and get So Sad when they won't kiss him

Deuce: Also pretty spacey, starts crying when he hears/sees his mom, but is also convinced he's spiderman.

Ace: Flirts with the nurse on the way to the car, is convinced he's being kidnapped like....

"Y'all are kidnappin me?"

"no we'r-"

"Its cuz I'm hot ahaha" *fuckboy face*

when he notices his bandaid he gets mad "I ain't a fuckin pussy, take it off"

Savanaclaw

Leona: He doesn't have wisdom teeth this son of a bitch. and although I really want to imagine Leona on anesthesia, chances are hes still just sleepy and gets mad when he cant have burger

Ruggie: Is convinced his gauze falling out is his tongue and panics, "I cant afford that" and while crying tries to stuff it back into his mouth

Jack: my poor baby is bullied so much by his upperclassmen that he's convinced that they took his legs too and just starts crying. They let himvideocall with his siblings and he starts crying and telling them how much he loves them.

Octavinelle

Azul: wough baby boy is so out of it, he doesnt even notice when smoothie starts dripping down his chin bc he can't feel it. He starts crying if you tell him he's making a mess, but is fine the moment he's shown he's clean.

Jade + Floyd: Wakes up during surgery around the same time as Floyd and both of them are trying to talk to each other and laughing because they cant with peoples hands in their mouths. Also this links to a tiktok thats like them. After.

Scarabia

Kalim: I can't find the video, but when he's sitting in the chair after surgery he notices a nurse leave the room and starts crying. "They should be here. Everyone should be here to see me"

Jamil: He and Najma get them done at the same time, he's emotional, she's making fun of him, gets confused in a funny way when he cries and tells him to stop being a baby

Pomefiore

Vil: He gets mad if you record him, he's still coherent enough to know he doesnt want a phone in his face, but the audio clips are immaculate. Compares himself to god more than once.

Rook: Son of a bitch doesnt have wisdom teeth >:(

Epel: Pulls his shirt away from his chest to look down and gets sad "they didn't gimme my muscles" and is absolutely miserable

Ignihyde

Idia: Ortho fucks around with him some, puts pringles cans on his arms and convinces him he's ironman/some equivalent from an anime or something. Mans is hyper in attitude but wont get up from his chair. Yes Ortho livestreams it to the rest of Ignihyde.

Ortho: N/A

Diasomnia

Malleus: he's really weepy after getting his wisdom teeth out. Lilia convinces him that his horns have grown legs and walked away and Malleus proceeds to cry more until his favourite person shows up and all is right in the world again.

Lilia: He's a runner he's a track staaaar, someone put him on a leash because he will unlock and open the door of a moving vehicle to try to jump out (HC that medical practitioners can enforce magic restraints so that while a patient is incapable of making an informed decision they cannot use magic) also dances a lot. Looooves to talk on the phone,ven if theres nobody on the other end.

Silver: Sleepy baby stays a sleepy babyyyy

Sebek: He has the widest fucking eyes at everything, everything feels waaaaay too fast for him, but its the first time hes so quiet , hes like dead silent

Masterlist

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melonminnie · 1 year

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LUCKY 3 !!!

Jeremy x reader x SISTER!Sylvia (platonic?? Tbh idk but ur all friends w each other)

DESCRIPTION!: Being friends w Jeremy and Sylvia while trying to hide it from your families

Genre: fluff!

Warning: mentions of murder

Format: headcannons

Author note: It isn’t bad that I want to be friends w them even tho Ik they would hate each other but wtv also not realistic

- Jeremy! Who accidentally met you at a gathering and took a liking to you

-Sylvia! Who noticed Jeremy’s liking to you so she always tagged along with the two of you

-Jeremy! who suggested you two should sneak out in the dead of night to try food around the village

-Jeremy who was okay with you almost murdering him in a pond

-Sylvia noticing quickly and stopping you

-Getting scolded by both you and Sylvia’s family because you were seen with Jeremy

-Jeremy who’s only witness to scold him was roxana but she decided not too

-Getting placed under extreme super vision in fear that Jeremy might’ve tried coaxing you into running away 😦

- Crushing the flowers Sylvia gave you because they were ugly and getting hit by her while Jeremy laughed

-Jeremy de secretly sending letters to the both of you but nobody really caring

- Making bad food and feeding it to the servants with Jeremy 😱

- Sylvia talking abt her brother for hours whenever you go to her room and for no reason too??

-Jeremy ranting abt if it wasn’t for your family’s rivalry he would’ve always been at your house

- Jeremy sneaking into your house for the soul purpose of drawing on your face and adding some weird substance to the shampoo you use

-Sylvia laughing at your hair the next day after you finished showering

-Not being able to fix your hair for two weeks n refusing to leave your bedroom bc of it

- Jeremy feeling bad and gifting you hair repair products with a note stating “This is payback for the ugly ass hair you’ve had for two weeks”

-Meeting Jeremy again and almost murdering him after founding he tampered with your shampoo

- Sylvia not stopping you till she thought he might accidentally die and realized he rlly shouldn’t

- spying on Cassis with Sylvia

- Following him during the banquet to get dirt on them

- Begging Jeremy to tell you n Sylvia more abt his family bc “they’re more interesting”

- Watching Jeremy high five Sylvia too hard to the point her hand turned bright red

-Accidentally getting poisoned by roxana after Jeremy gave you something from her room

-Stopping Jeremy from murdering cassis 😇

-Making Jeremy wear clothes Sylvia was gifted by people she doesn’t like and laughing at him

-Laughing at the people in the banquet because in your words “they’re ugly”

-Trying ur hardest not to laugh while starring at each other during the banquet

-Sylvia mimicking a love confession she got and laughing at it

-Stealing food in the dead of night with Sylvia and Jeremy because you got hungry

- Accidentally starting a fire because you suggested making s’mores but you didn’t wanna risk getting caught

- Pushing Jeremy off a window because your father was so close to entering after hearing fire sounds

- Sending multiple gifts to Jeremy because he didn’t write to you for two months after you pushed him off the window

- Crying when you saw Jeremy and him trying to stop you from crying

- Growing up together and keeping everything you gave each other

- telling Jeremy he better go to heaven w you till he said “who told you your going to heaven” before laughing at your last moments

- Telling Sylvia the same thing and her telling you she’ll drag you from hell to be w her

#-Azuwritess #manhwa x reader #the way to protect the female lead's older brother #roxana #dion agriche #dion agriche x reader #jeremy agriche #jeremy agriche x reader #headcanons #fem reader #historical manhwa #platonic #twtptflob #roxana agriche #yandere manhwa x reader

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rosesrflo · 1 year

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hiya I wanna request some william comfort fic bc I had a bad day today but where I can find your rules? I'm currently using tumblr app, so I cannot find it

Feat; William James Moriarty x gn!reader (MTP). Genre; fluff, comfort

Prompt; ❛❛I’ll hold you tight.❞ Warnings; bad days, ugly crying/lh

Desc; IN WHICH William is always the first to pick you up on your worst days, not only is he a great crime consultant - he’s also an excellent comforter.

A/N; heyy lovely! Sorry i’m a bit late with this request, but i do hope you’re feeling better now - the reason you couldn’t find my rules is bc I haven’t made them yet. Mostly bc I’m using mobile + this blog is quite new - but I’m working on it atm ❤️ thank you and enjoy!

We all have bad days.

And in all his genius, William certainly isn’t a stranger to them.

In fact, most of his days used to be plagued with storm clouds, with no sunshine or light until you stumbled into his life.

You were a gift, your very presence lifted him from the darkest depths, you were undeserved.

Back then, he had realised how angelic you were - Liam just knew that you were too good for him so he tried to scare you off by showing you his intentions, his thoughts, he trusted you with the worst of his plans.

Yet, you didn’t bat an eye. Only acknowledging each and every part of him, you saw him for who he was and began mending his heart because you love him.

It’s a WIP

William can still feel your warmth encasing him in a hug - that December night, the first time you ever saw him cry. You held him close, stroking his hair and kissed his head like a mother would. You filled that empty void in his chest.

That’s why he wants to do the same for you, Will believes he is forever in your debt.

And when you cry, are upset, have a bad day, he’ll hold you tight; just as you did him.

Also because you are literally the last person in the world that should go through any type of pain.

The corners of your lips downturned as you sat in the living room, cross legged with a cup of cold tea, your hands trembled, biting frost bite seeped into your bones and reached the depths of your soul. You felt heavy in sadness. No thoughts except crystal teardrops cascading down your frowning face.

There was no particular reason for the gloomy mood.

Today just so happened to be an off day, one where no matter what you did to escape it, you couldn’t. Your tea was near frozen over as cold, December nights bled into the estate. You were alone, shivering and crying with no one to confide in.

They’d all gone out to celebrate the closing in Christmas, maybe you should’ve joined them but it was far too late now.

What would they say if they saw you like this?

In your moment of pondering, you didn’t notice a familiar criminal mastermind standing behind you, his arms crossed and a thinking expression plastered on his face. William was confused as to why you hadn’t gone out with the rest of the organization. “(y/n)? I thought you were celebrating with the others.”

You froze in the spot, why was he here? In order to not reveal your distraught state to him, you stayed still without turning around to face him, “So did I.” Nonchalantly reaching for the cup of tea, you shivered upon the sudden coldness against your hand.

“I suppose we’re both in the same boat,” He smiled passively, realizing you were both alone together, “but I’d rather you tell me why you’re upset first.” Liam tapped two fingers on his other arm in anticipation.

A weak laugh echoed across the room, you being the source of it; even though he called your unsaid bluffs, you hadn’t flinched once, you didn’t take William an oblivious man, he was smart and easily figured you out, “I don’t know.”

After your empty chucking fit, you whispered a hoarse reply, nothing but honesty in your disappointed tone. He simply observed your manic attitude, not moving an inch, “I see.”

Staring down at your upturned hands, you felt dissatisfied, unhappy for showing yourself in this depressing light, the one part Will hadn’t seen yet. He was never supposed to see you like this, you were an utter mess today and what’s worse is that he saw it.

You felt the feeling before the sting of your hand as you slapped yourself lightly, “(y/n)-“ William jumped to action immediately, he rushed in front of you in case you dealt anymore harm to yourself. “I’m sorry you have to see me like this, I shouldn’t be crying over…something so simple.”

“Cry all you need to, although I despise seeing you distressed - it’s quite normal and let me tell you a secret-..” He lent to your face, cupping his hand near your ear to whisper something, “..-Sometimes, even I cry.” You giggled slightly at his jest, not noticing that this was his way of cheering you up.

William let a sly grin slide on his lips, “Now that’s the smile I love.” He linked your hands together, landing an intimate peck on your lips, his eyes softened at your delighted face; you were as beautiful as ever, especially when you were happy. He felt some sort of proudness at achieving this.

No one knew you like William.

#yuukuko no moriarty #moriarty the patriot #fanfic #mtp x reader #yuukuko no moriarty x reader #moriarty x reader #william james moriarty #ynm x reader #mtp william #comfort #william moriarty x reader #william james moriarty x reader #ynm william #yuumori x reader #yuumori #ilovewilliam #prompt #moriarty the patriot x reader

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solar-halos · 5 months

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spoilers for the ballad of songbirds and snakes movie down below!! but i just need to talk abt this in xtreme detail before i explode

1. i really liked the Baby Snow / Tigris inclusion. i was wondering if they’d include the cannibal scene

2. the beginning was just a straight up thirst trap sorry. like ik in the book snow was freaking out over his shirt but it didn’t rlly occur to me that he’d be butt booty naked. im not complaining bc i said it once and i’ll fucking say it again: i’m not watching someone be manipulative AND ugly for two fucking hours. it was just kinda a jump scare

3. also another concern was that you wouldn’t be able to tell how shitty of a person he was since he’s so outwardly nice but his internal monologue is slimy and ratworthy, so i thought they’d do the things movies do where he’s narrating his thoughts to the audience. yk like “hey persephone! <3. how are you??” and then his voiceover is like “i fucking hate this bitch. cannibalistic weirdo” but maybe that would have been too humorous

4. speaking of humor i actually loved lucky so fucking much. he rlly emulated the whole “what i lack in experience i make up for in personality :)” thing and just he kinda carried the fact that everything abt televising the games was so new. also that scene at the zoo where lucy gray asked him who the fuck he even was and the cameraman started laughing.. funny as fuck. enjoyed that part immensely

5. also she did in fact correct them that her name was lucy gray and not just lucy

6. loved the whole “how come she gets a mender” “MENTOR” part i’m also glad they kept that in

7. let’s go back to the beginning. i LOVE how closely they stuck to the book when it came to the shirt scene “that must be why it reminds me of my maids bathroom” THATS what i’m talking about

8. also clemensia is sooo pretty. one thing that irritated me was how OFTEN she and snow kept glancing over at each other during dean highbottom’s speech. like i know i’m being irrational abt this but most the time she would look over at him and he would NOT look back (or vice versa) instead of them BOTH hitting each other w the “what the fuck?” glance and something abt that did admittedly grind my gears

9. fucking love sejanus’ actor the first movie i saw him in was west side story and he ate here

10. speaking of that… coral fucking ate too every single scene i was on her side she was the victor to ME

11. anyway let’s go back a bit with the proposal gaul had snow (and clemensia) write up. to me, the way the scene unfolded was weird. it was supposed to show a contrast between clemensia mourning and snow not rlly giving a fuck, but clemenisa being the one saying “give me the bullet points” was strange. to me, i feel like the convo should have gone like: “how could gaul expect us to write that proposal i was crying over arcchane all night” “dw i already wrote it” “where did you find the time? i was too busy grieving” “do you want the bullet points or not?” or something. idk i’m not a movie writer

12. why did clemensia stick her hands in there maybe it was the same in the book but at that point she just needed to admit defeat

13. okay one thing i DO remember about the book is that no one at the cornocupia fought each other, reaper was literally the only one ready to fight. that kinda pissed me off bc i feel like they could have made it interesting in a emotional way (like showing how desperate the tributes are to escape in their own ways) instead of an action sort of way (bc GODDAMN where did they learn to brawl like that?? d4 makes sense but some of them were shooting ARROWS katniss everdeen style). but again im not a movie person so “interesting in an emotional way” is just me being pretentious

14. wovey </3. i’m not rlly sure why they had dill drink the water i think having wovey drink it like in the book would have packed more of a punch ESPECIALLY since lucy gray makes a comment abt how she reminds her of maude ivory / that scene where wovey holds her hand. maybe that was in the book too tho i’m not sure i haven’t read it since it came out. one change that i did remember AND tolerated was snow being the one to cause the whole fuck up w the drones “i wasn’t attacking the other tributes—i was just sending her water” VERY good scene, gave more insight to his character imo. like yes i would have loved a d3 moment but i think this tweak not only made sense but made everything much more nice and neat and smooth

15. okay the singing parts. loved the reaping, but lucy gray constantly being like “give me a second, boys” “let’s go, boys” reminded me of that one delaney video

16. “you can kiss my ass!!!!!!” she ate that

17. also oooo the song she sang abt billy taupe that made snow jealousssss. she was so good like ugh. idk something abt the >:( faces she made ignited something in me. which is exactly the point of lucy gray and rachel zegler literally did such a fantastic job playing maria in west side story so tbh what we were expecting if anyone could have played this role it was her

18. and then lawrence whatever saying this was a love story… okay. i’ve always had the opinion that lucy gray genuinely liked snow (like in a stockholm-y way) BUT snow was too blinded by control to actually love her back, so i could see where he was coming from. with that being said, i feel like in the books snow had a lot more moments where he was doing / saying “sweet” things to lucy gray, so the scene where they almost kissed and then her happiness at being reunited with him just seemed so awkward and out of place. like i get it they truly did not spend that much time together but the kiss before the arena was so important idk why they left it out. when they kissed after being reunited and when she was like :D after seeing him in 12 i was like “uhh yall don’t even know each other like that calm down”

19. let’s go back the arena. i like the little nod of lucy gray killing treech w rat poison, even if it was kinda anticlimactic

20. speaking of anticlimatic… the ending? sucked. like it would have been abrupt either way and maybe i’m just misremembering but the lucy gray showdown with treech could have been the action scene that replaced the bloodbath (bc the bloodbath didn’t exist back then!!! that was the whole point!!!). also i don’t remember gaul being so adamant about not wanting a victor at all, but i understand why they did that bc how else would they have incorporated the “get her out” chant

21. there were a lot of scenes that made me go “ohhh i wanna remember this forever that’s so good and clever.” of course i forgot abt most of it by the time the movie was over, but one scene that stuck out to me was when the capitol students got rlly fuckin angry when reaper tore down their flag

22. also i knew what happened to marcus but tell me why i gasped when i saw him hanging there anyway

23. i don’t remember lamina crying in the books??? also don’t understand why snow was against the alliance here i think him being confused abt it in the book was better bc i when i read it i remember being genuinely surprised that he was surprised that lucy gray wanted to team up w someone i was like ummm isn’t that common sense

24. “it isn’t fair i killed all those ppl for nothing.” GOOSEBUMPS

25. again maybe i’m misremembering but didn’t snow beat the shit out of bobbin even after he already knew he was dead?? even if that wasn’t the case and i’m just misremembering i feel like they should have drawn that out more to show snows descent into Psychotic Bitch Mode

26. that scene where billy taupe was pulling at lucy grays skirt and being like “ik u missed me” dragged out for WAY too long, esp since lucy gray kept repeating “get off me, billy taupe. get off me” like WAY too calmly given the context of the situation. again im not a movie person AT ALL, but i think her snapping and kicking billy taupe away could have been a nod to how she bit his hand in the book. then, after she kicked him, snow could have arrived and started being the shit out of him. idk her biting billy taupe was something snow mentioned when he was justifying how he was gonna kill her, so idk. i thought they were gonna do a ranting sequence / flashback scenes with snow remembering how lucy gray was “violent” / “dangerous” that would trigger him (no pun intended) to actually start shooting. like him beating up billy taupe for a longer time than he needed to was also an indicator that he’s in Psychotic Bitch Mode, but i feel like it could have been a 2-in-1. if that makes sense

27. why did billy taupe push mayfair in the TITS. go to hell

28. said it before and i’ll say it again: lucy gray is a fashion icon. i wanna crochet her bathing suit so bad

29. that scene where they were going to the woods and snow was slapping away the mosquito omg. he was PISSED

30. “it’s a mystery. just like me” oh my fucking god i love rachel zeglers portrayal of lucy gray

31. also call me classist but i fucking hate country music but rachel zeglers performances might have converted me. “cant take my paaaaaast” yee yee!

32. okay. so i think a big question was if snow was portrayed as properly slimy and ratworthy to ppl who did NOT read the books. in my opinion, i don’t think so. in the books, you can obviously tell he’s fucking awful. in the movies, he’s obviously shitty too, but i feel like there are moments where he’s portrayed way kinder than he actually is, like when he started crying over sejanus. they kept in a lot of stuff he said sympathizing w the tributes (like the part in the book where he was like “how could they punish marcus for trying to escape from certain death?” BUT they DID leave out parts that made him so intolerable, like when he genuinely convinced himself that lucy gray was more capitol than district / his gross thoughts abt the games and control and possessiveness in general. like remember when he said that having lucy gray locked up in the capitol was a better alternative than her being in d12 bc at least he’d know where she was at all times?? or when he was ready to give up on trying to reunite w her bc it was hot asf and SENJAUS had to be the one to convince him to keep going? wtf

33. ALSO something that bugged the hell out of me is sejanus’ death scene. bc in the book his last words were ma BUT in the movie it sounded so much like he said pa. idk if that was just me tho but it caught me so off guard bc this man has DADDY ISSUES and it would be so different if he said pa. Pa is money and wealth, Ma is comfort and compassion. wanting his dad = he rlly just wanted his dad to bail him out. wanting his ma = wanting comfort and stability. but it sounded a lot more like ma when the jabberjays repeated everything back so maybe i just misheard

34. snow glaring at the rainbow fucking sent me i know his ass was brainstorming (no pun intended) on how to control the fucking weather

35. okay sorry i need to talk more about how snow was portrayed. my sister went w me but i did not know that she didn’t know ANYTHING about the movie, she was just coming w me bc she felt bad that i’d have to wait another week to watch it and decided that she wasn’t even gonna read a summary abt it. like she did not know that coriolanus snow = president snow, but i was still hoping that she knew that he was a bad person. nope. as soon as we left, she told me how much she hated the ending, and i thought it was bc she was pissed no one found out about snow. nope again. in her words, “i thought they’d get married”

my live reaction to that information

to be fair, when i was her age, i thought heathers was a love story, so i had to cut her some slack. after a bit of INTERROGATION, this is what she told me:

1. at least she thought that HE’D move in with HER, and not the other way around

2. what would be his motivation for moving to the districts? cos obviously he hated the capitol

okay me when i write a lucy gray / sejanus fanfiction. but still. if that’s what she got from the portrayal of his character, i think it’s safe to say that they could have done a lot more work to ensure that he was perfectly ratworthy to the audience. like yes she’s young and yes she had no idea what the fuck was going on (in her words: “yeah i was like ‘i’ll just ask u to explain it to me after’”) but i feel like knowing that he’s an awful person who hates the district should be something u make GLARINGLY obvious, even if it would be cheesy. i know that shoving a hot person on screen and downplaying their characters HEINOUS crimes is rlly common when it comes to things like this, but i genuinely don’t think that was (quite) the case here. like he had the potential of being as horrible as he is in the book (not even hesitating to send the jabberyjay recording of sejanus to the capitol, telling sejanus he only said all that shit abt changing the world bc he just wanted to save his own ass) but it just.. felt very half-assed. in my opinion

36. look i know this post is already xtremely long but would u believe me if i said there were more things i wanted to talk abt but can’t remember bc i have goldfish memory?? bc i do. but that’s all i can remmeber for now. goodnight and goodbye

#long post #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #the hunger games #me being real #but seriously this is actually something i need to be talking about FOREVER i can’t stop thinking abt it

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beanghostprincess · 7 months

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I got into the anime bc of opla and I liked usopp more because of the anime! obviously Jacob did a great job, but usopp has so much personality in the anime! He's so fun! I couldn't believe it when I started seeing people talk about how much they didn't like usopp, and obviously people don't have to like a character, but a lot of times the things I saw people saying they didn't like about usopp was the same reason they liked another character??

He deserves better than this 😭 he's just a silly guy

Good for you!!!! Anime Usopp is literally INCREDIBLE I love him so so so so so so much you wouldn't believe it (┬┬﹏┬┬) He's an angel but also highly underrated bc he's not STRONG MANLY MASCULINE GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR BARK BARK like the other men of the crew (which is BULLSHIT by the way bc all of them are pathetic and sad and gay and SO complex and I HATE how cishet men view them).

Gotta be honest most people don't like Usopp bc of his character design and "weaker" (weak my ass. Perhaps they should try idk understand his character instead of just being here for the fighting) personality. The way I've seen it, men often dislike him for being "too weak" and women don't like him bc of being "ugly". So this just shows how the general audience with no idea in character writing thinks (they don't think).

I feel like I'm being too rude here istg I'm nicer than this but Usopp haters are my worst enemy and I WILL fight them. Usopp is just a silly, funny, and extremely complex (so much he makes me cry. I wake up -> I cry bc Usopp is too amazing for this world) dude. He's such a sweetie!! And also one of the most intelligent strawhats!! He's a good person, hilarious, gorgeous, sarcastic, fun to watch... He tries to overcome his fears and he wants and will grow up as a pirate!!!

Istg people can't stand well-written characters!! It makes me furious.

Anyway! Live Laugh Love Usopp our Sniper God and King we shall pray to him every day to have clear skin and good luck in our lives!

(Btw idk how far are you into the anime but if you started it bc OPLA you're gonna LOVE it <3)

#he's my boyfriend btw if you even care #he's so good i'm gonna cry #as a writer his character makes me go INSANE #he's so underrated and for what #'people are allowed to dislike characters' yeah i agree but honestly if you don't like usopp you're kind of a walking red flag to me #just kidding #but not really #usopp #one piece #opla #one piece live action #usopp one piece

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lynxindisguise · 3 months

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hiii lynx I couldn't decide which question to answer so you're getting a bit of a spam, sorrynotsorry! 💖

5. A fic I haven't read yet from you, but I want to

I STILL HAVENT READ THE UGLY CRYING ONE EVEN THOUGH I KNOW I WILL LOVE IT idk why, when you first posted it I wanted to save it for later, and it’s just nice and comforting to know there is still a fic of yours that I know I will enjoy that I haven’t read, it feels a bit like hoarding resources for an emergency if that makes sense!!

6. Something I remember vividly from reading one of your fics

I think I had already read s&s&y and pdsm and LOVED them, and had also fangirled a lot over you replying to all my unhinged comments hahah and then I had a really shitty day and needed something comforting and I read hut of the mistold within one weekend I think, and it was just the perfect world to completely get lost and immersed in, and just the best fic I could’ve chosen to read at that point, so that meant a lot to me and it’s such a comfort fic for me now. <3 (also, I know I say this about pretty much all of your Lily because I love them all, but hotm Lily is like… one of my all time fav Lilys!!!!!)

8. What I like the most about your writing

I love your characterizations, esp of the puppies and of Lily, I think they’re all so, so good. And I just love the range you have, like I lovelovelove the way hotm is narrated, and I also equally love the way psdm is written and the way dorian grey au is written and they all have very distinct different styles but they’re all still very much YOU. Idk if that makes any sense. I love how funny your fics are, and how you incorporate canonical elements into your Aus in creative, sometimes hilarious ways, and how in the same chapter you will sometimes make me laugh and then cry and then scream at the screen several times. And I just adore how pathetic and damp and perfect (and relatable) your Remus is, as he should be!! <3

9. A fic i'm excited for you updating/posting

I AM SO SOSOSOSO EXCITED FOR THE MULTIVERSE FIC LYNX!! You already know this anyways but I just thought I needed to scream it at you again bc it can’t be said often enough!!!

oh noooo this is going to make me damp, isn't it??

5. hahaha this is so sweet actually; I love that you have an emergency fic of mine that you're saving <333

6. awwww I'm so glad that hut of the mistold was comforting to you; it was such a comfort fic for me to write, honestly!

8. asljdflsjdkfjsdf no but this is the best compliment ever, like those are all the things I strive to do with my writing, and I feel so seen and validated and also damp!!

9. I AM ALSO SO EXCITED FOR THE MULTIVERSE FIC!! I have so many other things I'm supposed to be working on, but all I want to write is the next chapter (have I told you it's pagan cults?? it's pagan cults!!)

fic writer asks

#ask the lynx #I SAID NOT TO BE TOO NICE TO ME OR I'D CRY #cat tag

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grandprix-ao3 · 1 year

Note

12 & 23?

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

haha. ha. i think you already know... :) my favorite driver on the grid by an embarrassingly long shot is logan sargeant. and i actually do have a track record of being pretty convincing in terms of logan but i do all of it by accident!! between hollywoodsargeant and miamis (coughs and my tiktok) i am making the logan content i wish to see in the world and in the process like. accidentally roping a bunch of other people into the mess. So

but i will attempt a purposeful convincing tactic by just yelling vaguely about what i like about him. uh... he's usamerican (i'm usamerican, red white and blue or something, idk) and he's cute and pretty well-spoken and he's funny!! is that clip from the GQ video of him poorly rapping lose yourself by eminem a valid reason why more people should like him? him liking horrible tiktoks about himself that make fun of how aggressively patriotic he is? (he is self aware!) consider literally any prema video he's in he's just. he's fucking stupid. this is a man who said full confidence he cannot live without the wolf of wall street. his own victory pose (courtesy of benny jacobs!). burger sauce. i love my men stupid and crooked-grinning and wearing big ugly sunglasses and walking with a funny little saunter and he checks all the boxes. what more could i (you? maybe?) want!

idk man the issue here is that i don't even really know why i started liking him so much but now he is my favorite ever no contest and i will go to great lengths to make that known and he's cute HE'S CUTE!!! he has a father-son type relationship with his trainer that makes me want to cry (my son calls him older brother. stop) and a stupid laugh and every time he talks about his friends i smile like an idiot like yeah! kyle kirkwood is your boy! you guys go way back! and you and oscar can't seem to get away from each other, you've known each other forever and every time you go your separate ways they always lead in to the same place. you cracked your ribs fucking around with your brother who you love very much and sometimes you can't shut up about your hometown but it's endearing so i'll let you get away with it and you're racing in your fucking backyard this is your homecoming i'm. yeah okay i'll stop. could theoretically go on forever i am. tremendously compelled by him. in love with him. formula 1 driver logan hunter sargeant. that's my boy!

also he has a really nice ass idk go look at any photo of him in his race suit it's honestly stupid how good he looks in it

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

every ship i have come around to has been against my will. since we're on a logan train: loscar? from unwilling to driving the whole entire bus i did the math earlier i'm responsible for like 14% of all fics in the loscar tag. Anyways. they're compelling did you see the childhood friends shit i rbed earlier... yeah. Yeah. that's my entire case for them: that

also clemarcus. i even remember when el oversteerey was actively posting six weeks and i wasn't reading it bc i didn't really. know much about either clem or marcus? but i'm subbed to their ao3 so it was in my inbox. then when it got finished i was like Fine and now i read that fic as like a routine. so good. they're also very compelling but less in the childhood friends way and more in the Oh My God Stop Touching Each Other You Gay Freaks way. both are vibes

choose violence ask game

#ask #ask game #sorry. too much loganfucking #the hypfx started talking #but i love him. I LOVE HIM #miami's gonna kill me actually #that's my florida boy out there #MY FLORIDA BOY !!!!#no i am not from florida. or the south #not from anywhere remotely close to florida actually #but i'm with duracell on this one #american driver on the grid has me going to lengths i never thought i would #good lord

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bullshit-bulltrue · 8 months

Text

☆ hawk talk 8/14/23 ☆

so i found out that my school practically treats PDA as The Big Bad Sin™️

like literally in our handbook it says it is NOT tolerated under ANY means

so like

even if i had the courage to hug my friends

i fucking can't

unless the monitors aren't paying attention but like

what if one day i'm like crying in the hallway and my bestie sees me and wants to give me a hug

but like they can't 0_0

and vice-versa

FUCK

okie. anyway.

lanie is out of town visiting family :(

BUT I STILL GOT TO EAT LUNCH WITH SOMEONE

and if you've been following along, you would know the person i ate lunch with is Delgado

✨️✨️✨️

we'll go back to that in a sec, i promise (highlight of my day)

so since it was an odd day i went to history & geo first

so we get there and we have a debate on whether school should start earlier/same time or later

and i of course backed up my reasoning with evidence unlike everyone else

they're all dumbasses

and the sleezy hoebags behind me started trying to fuck with my hair

but then i hit one of them <3

so then mr. m had us go over the fire drill and where to go in case of smth happening during his period

so we went outside and lined up where we would in case of an emergency

and then the desk buddy bitch asked for the answers to a quiz and i gave her the wrong ones <3

so then that was it for history & geo

andddd it turns out that delgado passes the math room on his way to his next period so i have to make sure i don't look like utter shit BEFORE MATH TOO

i felt bad tho bc i almost hit him 😭😭

so when i was walking towards the math room my back was turned to him so i obvi didn't know it was him when he tapped me on the shoulder

and it scared the crap outta me cus the recent school day (last friday) some dick did that to me and i hit him

and i thought it was the same guy

but it wasn't, it was delgado <3

and he just wanted to make sure we were still good for lunch and this is how the convo went:

d: *taps my shoulder* hey so lunch today, right?

me: *puts fist down after i realized it was him* yeah!

d: oh and also what do you have for first period?

me: [insert history & geo teacher's name]

d: oh cool. where you going next?

me: math with Mr. H. right here *points at door*

d: *groans* i just came back from math. that's my first fucking period 🙄

me: *laughs* ahh it's my 2nd. well, technically 3&4 but ykwim (if you need me to explain the schedules lmk)

d: Okay well i gtg

me: yeah me too, see you in like an hour or some shit *smiles and waves*

d: *smiles and waves back*

sooooo

then math

these bitches at my table

are fucking horrible

i'm trying to do a placement exam

and they keep talking

like BITCH I DID NOT MAKE IT TO AN ACCELERATED CLASS JUST FOR Y'ALL TO BE THE REASON WHY I FAILED

TAKE YOUR ASSES AND CHEAT ON THE EXAM SOMEWHERE ELSE HOES

I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR YOUR BULLSHIT

"wElL Mr H sAiD wE CaN tAlK" "We ArEnT eVeN bEiNg LoUd"

SHUT THE FUCK UP

HE SAID WE CAN TALK ABOIT MATH AND UR LITERALLY TALKING ABOUT YO UGLY ASS FACE

so that was fun.

oh and also Mr. H (the teacher) draws so we can like give him a photo and he'll draw like the outline and give it back to us to color and then hang it up in the room!! so i'm gonna ask him if he can draw Stitch or smth so i can color it and hang it in the classroom!

yk if i remember lol

oh and like towards the end of class i went to the bathroom to fix myself up a little bit™️ bc on odd days i have

✨️english class✨️

after math <3

so i put on my favorite lipstick and tamed my hair a bit more and just made sure my clothes looked alright and shit lol

i also cleaned up my boots too while i was at it <3

i love my boots so much

i want moreee

actually i don't want more

i NEED more

if i had the money, i would be a doc martens addict and i'd have hundreds of pairs

but alas

bitches are expensive

*sads*

okeu anywayy

i get back to class and these hoes are still talking about the girliest shit ever i literally was going to kill myself if i had to listen to anymore of it

so then we started packing up and then we left

AND THENNNN

ENGLISH CLASS TIME

so we all lined up outside the door bc the teacher wasn't in yet (Mrs. K)

and i tried to stand next to him (delgado) but this bitch got in line RIGHT before me so she was in-between us :/

but thats alr cus he sorts slowed down in line and i caught up so we walked in the room around the same time

and i was wearing a shirt with a Mexican food place and Mrs. K was like "oh my gosh that's my favorite Mexican restaurant in [insert location]!!" and i was like "yeah its pretty good. well, for white people cooking the food. the only real Mexican food you get is from Mexico, or your mamás kitchen" and delgado looked at me like he knew lol so that's when he sorta started catching on that I'm Mexican too

it's nice not to have to tell someone about my ethnicity for once and them figuring it out on their own

so yeah <3

and we had to finish these state mandated tests bc we got only like halfway done on friday

so me and delgado were writing each other notes and doodles to help keep ourselves awake and not fall asleep during that godforsaken fucking test 😭😭

so after we got done (we finished our tests around the same time lol) Mrs. K let us kinds do our own thing as long as we weren't disruptive

so i read DPS and he was playing some game on his Chromebook

and it was so funny bc he had his chromebook on mute but you can tell when he lost and stuff bc he would make a fist and be like "noooo" really quietly

idk

it was funny to me, at least

and there was someone's alarm going off and it sounded like the beep a bomb makes before it goes off

and ofc my mind immediately went to JD <3

and then me, delgado, baseball guy, and d's short bestie all looked at each other like "you hear that 👀"

and then me and delgado crossed ourselves and said "el padre, el hijo y el espíritu santo" but he said it in english lol

and like he's so sweet

so not only did he double check we were still eating lunch together in the hallway but he also asked again at the end of english class

ik it may not seem like anything to you but it means a lot to me

bc i'm always the one to make sure plans are still plans and i feel annoying for asking so many times and that i'm bothering the other person and it just feels nice to have someone else take the time to ask, yk?

so it also turns out our lockers aren't that far away from each other's so even though he's English Class Crush™️ he also qualifies as Hallway Crush™️

speaking of hallway crushes

yk Luca? his locker and also Mikey's (Michael, but we all call him Mikey) lockers are close-ish to mine

so yeah that's great/sarc

it is, in fact, not great.

BECAUSE THAT MEANS I CANNOT RISK LOOKING LIKE SHIT IN THE MORNING

i mean i make sure i always look somewhat good before i leave the house

BUT STILL

anyway

we go to lunch and his friend Alex comes along and im like ooo cool i get to meet his friend

and i sat down and saved us some seats while they went to get the food from the lunch people

so when they come and sit down i was hoping that i would sit next to delgado bc that was the whole fucking point of eating lunch with him

but Alex sits his ass right in between us

but like ig Alex is a protective friend or smth?? idk but like yeah i didn't take offense or anything bc id be the same way

we were stil able to talk tho <3

and anyway they come and sit down and the lunch for the 14th was grilled cheese

but lemme tell you

that, was in fact, not grilled cheese

it looked like two soggy pieces of bread with orange food coloring in the middle

that cheese? was NOT cheese

and i was like oh hell nah no way is Boy Bestie™️ eating whatever the fuck that government looking waste was

so i was like dude have what you want out of my lunch, there's no way you're eating that on my watch

and i was like hey Alex you can go ahead and eat my lunch too

so Alex took the dragonfruit and smth else i think

and delgado had the tortillas mi mamá packed for me

again, i wasn't hungry at all because i had thrown up earlier but i forced myself to eat something before i passed out

oh and forgot to mention

delgado fr said "AYYY MEXICAN STYLEEE" bc i had the tortillas wrapped up in tinfoil and some chorizo con papas y huevos and i was like "HELL YEAHHH"

idk if the white people understand this or not but like this was a bonding moment for us bc there aren't a whole lot of mexicans at our school

so like to see that we're apart of the same culture is really nice

oh and he was also like "my mom makes that like every morning!" and i was like "my mom made it yesterday and decided to pack me some for lunch!"

i would've given him like a fist bump or smth but i wasn't gon put my arm across Alex to get to delgado cus like

just no

so anyway sometime in the middle of lunch i was eating my food and then

poof

woosh

*shimmery sound effects*

THEY'RE GONE

I DON'T KNOW HOW OR WHEN BUT THESE BITCHES JUST VANISHED

SO THEN I WAS LIKE NO NO NO I'M GONNA HAVE TO BE ALONE FOR THE NEXT 20 MINUTES WHYYY

but i didn't wanna move and go look for them bc not only are we not allowed to i also thought maybe they just needed to go the the bathroom

so i just sat there looking like a kicked puppy with sad eyes because i'm not fucking tall enough to look for them in the crowd of gross teenagers

so i just sit there and text my friend because when i lose my friends (and this has happened since elementary) i get really aggressive bc i get overstimed so yk i texted my friend to calm myself down

anyway

lunch over

i get my shit from my locker and head to gym

we go over where we will sit for attendance

and then we go over fire drill procedures and shit

and then we spend most of our time doing jackshit

and like the last 20 minutes of class coach was like okay you can play basketball with the boys orstand around idrc bc we only have a little but till the end of the day

so i channeled my inner white girl and just watched delgado play basketball

and like he's one of the only guys who actually knows how to fuckin play 😭😭

also this one kid got hit in the back of the head and fell straight forward and on his face like a looney tunes character

comedic gold right there

and at the end of phys ed me and delgado were walking the same direction bc our lockers are near each other's and it looks like we're gonna have lunch again on Wednesday since that's the next time i have 3rd lunch <3

so yeah i hope i was midly entertaining

it's 1:36am and i gotta get up at 6:30am so goodnight and sorry for not Finnishing this earlier, i got caught up in something

#☆ hawk talk

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eenochian · 5 months

Text

not to family-post on main…… so i’m putting it under a cut lol (it’s also just long af bc i needed to rant)

but, today is my father’s birthday. 53 years on this planet and he’s probably about to have the most miserable birthday of his life.

the dumbass cheated on his wife. three marriages and he’s managed to ruin every last one with cheating (amongst other things). no idea when she found out, but it was sometime after the 14th, at least. she’s already moved out of their house and is going to rent it to him since she owns it, apparently. i was woken up yesterday (it’s 8:08 am as of me posting this, i haven’t slept) with the news.

my father’s soon-to-be ex wife had my mom blocked throughout her entire relationship with my father. we knew he was feeding her some bullshit lies about my mom and what actually happened between them. he told his wife that my mom was turning my brother and i “against him” and making us hate his wife. meanwhile, my mom was practically begging my dad to introduce her to his wife, because she wanted to meet the woman who would be spending time around her children.

even before i was born, my father was just a disappointment… cheated on my mom while she was pregnant with my brother and claimed he was “feeling depressed and unwanted” whilst my mom was suffering from a cocktail of issues, was always unemployed or under-employed, cheated while she was pregnant with me, then couldn’t be assed to take care of his children while my mom was working and going to college full-time. she had to pay for daycare despite the asshole being unemployed.

she left him a couple weeks before i turned 4, i think. i don’t remember it very well cause i was so young, but i remember him yelling and punching the door she was standing in front of. broke his hand. she rightfully called him an idiot. my family laughs about it now, but i used to call him “my trince” – it was supposed to be “prince,” but i couldn’t say it properly y’know. my mom told me that he started crying because i looked at him and said “you’re not my trince anymore” lol. broke his heart, i guess.

the spring before i turned 6, my mom, brother, her boyfriend at the time, and i all moved from california to texas. my dad stayed in cali. my brother and i visited him for a week during the summer when i was 7, but that’s the only time we saw him until shortly before i turned 11.

we talked on the phone to keep in touch. i don’t remember how often we talked, i think weekly, but i do remember sprinting to the phone and feeling so giddy whenever he called… i just wanted to talk his ears off for hours, my father almost felt like a novelty throughout my childhood. i learned earlier this year that my mom often had to force him to call and talk to us.

i remember the day he moved out to texas. the beginning of my 6th grade year, i was about a month away from turning 11. my brother and i were talking to our mom, she said someone special was stopping by. the sun had already gone down, but it wasn’t too late in the night. we guessed our dad, she said we were wrong. she was lying, obviously, and we learned that after we got a knock on the door and my father was standing on the other side.

i remember crying. hugging him so tight. thinking that finally, finally i’d have my father in my life. instead of being a novelty, he’d just be there. he was living close by, too.

my mom’s then-boyfriend (the same one from when we moved) was horrible. he was an abusive, loud, mean, all-around ugly man. i had it the easiest since i was the youngest. i don’t remember much from him, just a lot of yelling. so, so, so much yelling. him standing over me, being the 6-foot 300-something pound guy he was, taking joy in making a little girl scared of him. he never put his hands on me, but the intimidation was enough.

i still can’t handle a man raising his voice or even getting angry around me. my stepdad knows about the trauma my mom, brother, and i share. my mom easily had it the worst. i still sometimes refuse to acknowledge that i have trauma, even after being told by my mom and brother that i do. the first time my stepdad got angry and raised his voice – he was trying to install a transition slip on crooked floors because my mom and i kept cutting our feet on the edge of the carpet, got frustrated, slammed his hammer down and yelled – i was standing in the kitchen a few feet away….. i left my breakfast in the microwave and pretty much ran to my room.

i didn’t know why i started crying and struggling to breathe while talking to my brother until my mom came in a few minutes later. it was the first time she said the words “you have trauma” to me. she told me the next day that my stepdad cried after they went to bed because he felt so awful over scaring me. we joke about it now, but it’s been 3 years and he still feels horrible whenever we talk about it. i feel bad that he feels bad. my mom says we’re both silly.

back to the main point, though…. my mom finally managed to kick that bastard out shortly after i turned 11. it was midnight on a school night. my brother ended up climbing into my bed because i was crying from listening to all the yelling. her ex tried coming into our bedroom after my mom came in to grab something of his that we had in our closet. i remember watching her fight to hold that door closed and keep him out as he tried to talk to us.

she called my dad to come guard our door while she finished packing up all his stuff and throwing it out. my dad managed to do a 20-minute drive in, like, 10 minutes. maybe less, i can’t remember, but it was fast. her ex tried picking a fight with my dad, things nearly got physical, but my dad stayed right in front of our door. he had work the next day, but he still rushed over to keep us safe.

he was in my life a decent amount after that. we’d spend weekends with him, i’d text him daily, he’d take me and my brother to the movies, out to dinner, we’d play games and sing our lungs out in the car together.

he also dated over 20 women in a single year. he introduced us to at least a quarter of them and insisted that every single one was “the one.” he’d ignore us for the sake of whatever woman he was with. then, he’d come crawling back once the relationship inevitably fell apart. he told my mom that he could pay child support or “have money to spend time with the kids” – meanwhile, he’s always made more money than her. he couldn’t put us on his health insurance because it was “too expensive,” meanwhile my mom was working two jobs (in secret, she never told us about the second job until after she lost it) and making herself sick just trying to take care of us.

when i was 14, he had to move back to california because of his work. i thought him crying while telling us was proof that he cared… until i found out that he wasn’t going to tell us at all. he told our mom, but didn’t want to tell my brother and i until he was about to move. my mom had to threaten to tell us herself if he didn’t do it.

he visited around christmas. he was engaged to a woman he barely knew who happened to live in the same state. my brother and i thought he was there to see us. turns out, all he wanted to do was see her. my mom had to force him to spend time with us. i didn’t know this until years later.

after that engagement fell through and he managed to move back to texas… he met his current wife. he was also living even closer, in the same fucking apartment complex as us. the happy feeling over him being so close didn’t last. his wife (then-girlfriend) was…. nice. we tried not to get attached because we thought it wouldn’t last, like usual. i think i was 15 or 16 at the time.

we ended up moving in with my stepdad, who lived about 45 minutes away. my dad ended up moving in with his wife. we lived an hour away from him, i think. we stopped seeing him as often because the problems only continued to grow. his wife only encouraged him and blindly took his side in everything, too.

about 2 weeks before my 18th birthday. my father took my brother and i to the movies. he brought up how close my birthday was and asked if we wanted to go out to dinner to celebrate. we said yes, of course. he asked if his wife could come, since they had just gotten married about a week ago. i said yes, of course. i didn’t mind sharing the celebration. i remember excitedly telling my mom about it the second we got home.

a couple days before my birthday, my father texts to confirm the plans…… suddenly, we aren’t celebrating my birthday. no, no, the dinner was to celebrate their marriage and my father’s new office, and it “just so happened” that my birthday was around the same time, so we were celebrating that, too. he denied it when we said the whole dinner was planned because of my birthday, even though my whole household remembered it being that way. i cancelled the plans.

my cat got really sick right after my birthday. it was just a stomach bug that she recovered from within a day after taking her to the vet and getting her rehydrated (plus some appetite stimulants), but we thought for a minute that it might be her time. it was the first time i had to face the thought of death. my father tried to make new plans and, when i told him that we didn’t want to leave her even though we knew she was okay, he didn’t care. zero empathy. we never made any plans after that.

i think i’ve only seen him once since that movie. august 2021. he stopped by to drop something off for my brother earlier this year, stayed for a few minutes to talk to us. we hugged, i cried after he left.

my phone’s been having issues for some months now. it can’t charge properly. my mom and stepdad bought me a wireless charger that fixed that issue, but when my brother and i messaged our father about getting new phones (since my bro was also having issues with his), my father decided to say no and accuse us of only coming to him for money.

mind you, paying for our phones and making sure we had working phones was literally the last promise he made to us. he never paid child support, so he and my mom worked out a deal. he pays her car insurance until she has a paid off car, he pays for my bro’s and my phones, she forgives the rest of the several thousand dollars he owes her. he took her car on the first say of my senior year of high school. he refuses to get us new phones unless we pay for it.

i’m aware of how spoiled i sound. my phone works just fine, even if it is slower and has a broken charging point. my issue isn’t with that… it’s just the fact that he’s managed to break every. single. promise. he’s ever made to us. not a single one has been kept. not one. my mom told him she’d take care of it and us, like she always has. he’s just paying for the insurance until we get new phones atp.

i sent him a message pouring my heart out. a lot of it was pent-up anger from years of trying and trying, giving him chance after chance, and getting zero results. he read the message and didn’t respond. a couple days later, i sent him another. i just felt defeated at that point. i begged and begged him to finally care, and what do i get in response?

“I understand what you’re saying. Things are not always as they seem. Maybe one day we can sit down and truly listen and understand each other but it won’t be in a text. I love you no matter what you might think or feel.”

right. yeah. “maybe one day” AKA “when i feel like dealing with this” which is never. i cry and beg him to change… and his response is to say that MAYBE one day we’ll deal with it. and he moved on. my first message was 1,623 words. my second was 784. and i got jack shit in return.

it doesn’t matter what i say or do. he’s destroyed my self-confidence. he’s the source of my insane abandonment and attachment issues. i’m convinced no man will ever love me because of him – if my own father can’t, then why would anyone else? i get so stressed out and worried that it makes me sick; my family thinks i have ulcers, and he’s the #1 trigger of them. i’ve had panic attacks over him. i’ve thrown up from it. my mom said my depression getting so much worse is probably linked to him.

and, despite all the bullshit…. i’m still staring at my phone debating on texting him happy birthday. wondering if i should reach out and console him over the marriage he destroyed. i don’t want him to be alone, even if it is his own doing. i’m terrified of something happening to him. what if he has a health issue or injury and needs someone to call 911? what if he’s depressed? what if it gets so bad that he kills himself? what if he keels over and dies tomorrow? what if, what if, what if… it’s all i can think about.

my family says me worrying over him despite it all just means i’m a good person. their primary concern if my father taking advantage of me – of my kindness and my concern for him. my brother has him blocked, he’s not giving our father any more chances. i know i shouldn’t. he’ll just throw me away once he finds another woman, which he probably already has, considering he cheated on his wife in the first place. he has that habit; messaging other women when he senses a relationship going south or gets bored. moving on before it’s even over so he doesn’t have to face loneliness.

i don’t know how to feel. my dad’s wife reached out to my mom to clear the air and apologize. my brother celebrated the split with his friends. my stepdad said it was deserved. i agree, but……. i just can’t stop worrying. about everything. i wish i could. my father doesn’t deserve the tears i’m still shedding, or the lump and bile building in my throat, or the tightness in my chest, or the space in my thoughts… i hate it. i don’t know what to do anymore.

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sasshomaru · 11 months

Text

it’s been a while since i’ve posted here but it’s bc i’ve been really stressed out and busy with doctor’s appointments. im completely fine, these appointments are so that i could get approved for breast reduction surgery. im so excited to have my surgery on the 21st 💜

more on my pure happiness and euphoria on getting my tig ol bitties chopped off~

i hit puberty when i was 9 and had to start wearing a bra. i got my first period a few weeks after my 10th birthday. i was unfortunately born with low density breasts, which means that instead of being fibrous or muscley, they’re just basically pure sacks of fat.(for more context, people lose breast density as they age, which is why old women have very saggy, flabby, and fatty breasts — compared with young women who have higher breast density and therefore perkier breasts. when i say that i “had to” wear a bra when i was 9, i mean that they would literally flop and bounce around like an anime girl’s boobs if i didn’t wear one.) this also means that no matter how much weight i lose, i will (genetically) ALWAYS have huge boobs, because i was basically genetically dispositioned to have saggy, fatty, and heavy breasts.

having huge boobs that hung past the bottom of my ribcage meant that i couldn’t do sports or even do cardio exercise even if i wanted to. hell, i couldn’t even jump once without feeling discomfort, not just physically, but wondering if someone was watching me and ogling or laughing at me. it meant that i would always wear baggy clothes because anytime i wore tight clothes — even if my shirt or dress wasn’t lowcut at all — because people, especially men, would stare at me. i’ve had to wear exclusively binders and sports bras even while just going out to lunch with my friends because my breasts are so fucking disproportionate that not only can i not fit into most clothes without some kind of binder, but also because of the unwanted attention mentioned above.

(TW for this paragraph: eating disorders, fat shaming, weight loss.) ~~~ this part could be a whole new post but… additionally, i was often pressured and even forced to diet starting when i was 9, right when i hit puberty. i was told constantly that i was fat and that i needed to lose weight “in order to be healthy.” the worst part is that i believed this: that i was fat, and therefore undesirable and ugly and not worthy of any attention or love. this led to very low self worth and eventually an eating disorder when i was 16. i’ve since started weight training and now i realize… i could lose maybe 20-30 pounds, but im not fat. what makes me look fatter than i really am is my chest. having breasts that hang down to my ribcage without a bra — or having them push out about the same distance with a bra on — means that i always look basically 20 lbs heavier than i really am. i’ve spoken with a personal trainer abt it who had breast implants years ago, and she said that she regrets having breast implants bc they make her look fatter than she really is. to think that i had so much emotional pain — starving myself, crying over how i couldn’t eat ice cream on my birthday, obsessing over calories and weight loss — was mostly because of my breasts is, paradoxically, infuriating and relieving at the same time. it’s infuriating to think that my parents and family shamed me over something i couldn’t control, but it’s a relief that now i DO have control, and i can remove this part of my body not for the sake of weight loss, but for my physical and mental health.

with my surgery less than 2 weeks away, i could cry with relief now. i know the surgery will be intense and that the recovery will be tough, but i will finally be able to be FREE. i will finally be able to jump, run, and start exercising (because i really cannot do any form of cardio rn unless it’s swimming, which would require access to a pool which i don’t have lol plus the horrors of putting on a swimsuit). i will be able to wear clothes that are the actual size of my body, not just the size of my chest.

im really nervous for surgery as i’ve never had surgery before and i don’t know fully what to expect, but im so excited to finally be able to LIVE. 💜💜💜

#ray ray cray cray

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llycaons · 8 months

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ep33 (3/3): lwj earring indulgence

people rarely make wwx as self-possessed or confident as he is in canon. I'll read fic where he's like 'lan zhan I am so sorry for breathing in your direction thank you so much for giving me a square mat to sleep on I promise to behave' and he'll be SO insecure and hesitant when that's really not him! for the most part he doesn't shy away from confronting lwj or getting into his business

it's just that lwj doesn't tell him shit bc he doesn't want wwx to feel obligated to lwj which is a great impulse but wwx also likes knowing how much people care about him so it's a bit of double-edged sword?

they're helpfully reminding us that this kid's name is yuan too

this made me laugh so hard. he's standing there with his ORIGINAL FACE in his classic black robes and red ponytale, playing a flute, and he thinks playing badly is a disguise? and THEN lwj gets mad at him for fumbling their song lmao

but wwx needn't have bothered bc lqr didn't realize anyway due to being comatose. until wwx woke him up with his bad flute playing

lqr having such a strong reaction to a flute is funny bc was he even on the front lines in sunshot? they said he didn't leave the mountain very often and it's not like he's a warrior. he's probably never seen wwx play

one of his top expressions

lwj is quite strict with lsz, in his own way. not in an aggressive way, but VERY expectant of obedience

there's one single female disciple here and she stayed in the back the entire conversation before coming forward for the water basin. what, are female disciples servants who are only used for healing?

this looks so cool. green suits wwx really well honestly

perhaps I have been unfair to lsz given how annoying his character is in fanfics and how obvious of a plot device he is. but he's a nice boy, and to my surprise he's also smart!! look at him thinking through problems!

encouraging to see wwx express sentiments that before his death, he really needed someone to tell him

coming back, I think he's become in a certain sense resigned to the things in his life that happened. no use getting angry or upset over them, some things you just can't change. and this is really sad, but it's also, hopefully, indicative of a more healthy mindset in his second life

"I naturally trust you' and that's what he needs to hear, baby

also seeing them standing together makes those 'huge top' fics so funny. they are literally almost exactly the same body type and build. no lwj is not a head taller. no he is not built like a brick shithouse, his hands are not large enough to encircle wwx's waist. if anything he is slightly taller and more slight in build, where wwx is slightly bulkier. but I think his height is because of his heeled boots

damn the jingshi is really so nice. I love hat porch area and the bridge over there.

right after wwx said 'it's pointing at the person who told it to commit crimes' ljy jumped and then glared at wwx haha

omg HORSES! I didn't know they used horses! wwx bouncing like a bobblehead hehe. and all the fics insisting he only uses little apple

HANGUANG-JUN PIERCED EARS SHOT. taking this to headcanon that lwj wears earrings. let lej be a little gnc. as a treat.

this was such a strange moment. lwj walked off and left wwx behind entirely. why???

oh and this was funny. this guy seling ugly portraits that wwx took offense to

THERE HE IS!!! THE MOST DISASTER BABY OF THEM ALL!!!!

this kid kicked a civilian in the chest for saying the name 'wei wuxian' in public. he might have already been sensitive and prone to fights, but clearly his parenting has been ABYSMAL

by 'his uncle' he is talking about jc. btw. I originally thought he was referring to himself, but it just makes more sense. ha.

I hate the fairy scene possible more than any other scene in this show. why is his face so comedically twisted? why is his running so stupid-looking? unbelievable that this happened in the same episode that made me cry my eyes out

personal highlights

oh the rite of spring was INSPIRED

all of wwx's crying this episode. all of it. beautiful

cgi sword stabbing a hand my beloved <3 <3 <3

lwj's broken little 'wei ying' at the very end

everything about the jingshi opening scene. the music. the lighting. the atmosphere. the calm

wwx seeing his younger and more innocent self frolic about. as stated, I was inconsolable. I've always liked it but after today, it's going to be a very special scene to me

lwj's sexy whip scars and mysterious chest brand. can't help it. I love them. and wwx's seriousness and care during that scene was really nice too

lqr being roused by bad flute music, yelling at them to stop, then slipping into a coma and wwx sitting there like 😬 'whoops' with that funny face

wwx sitting with the bamboo background looking all cool

#cql re-rewatch

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sylkana · 2 years

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here have me giving my opinions about each of the winx club specialists bc i'm bored

a dumb bitch. literally the entire plot of season 1 could've potentially been avoided if he WASNT SO STUPID AND JUST TOLD BLOOM THE TRUTH. was the cause of all of bloom's sad montages when she goes home to earth. needs to kick diaspro OUT of his life for good i get he feels bad where she's concerned but my dude. you have miss BLOOM PETERS!! appreciate her more!!!! still love him tho. he's an idiot but he's MY idiot and i will ultimately defend him and his poor choices bc he tries to give kiko (bloom's pet rabbit) a "man to man" talk (4kids dub) and he gave us iconic lines like "*wakes up from being dead for 5 minutes* bloom... you're AWESOME. will you be my girlfriend?" and then thanking her when she says yes (4kids dub) and OF COURSE: "you left the door.... WIIIIIIDE OOPPPEN" (rai english dub) sidenote: i laughed so hard when bloom's dad banned him from their planet in the second movie like GOD they're all so dramatic 😭

beefcake. 6 year old me's biggest crush. peak man shit right here. GET YOU SOMEONE WHO TREATS YOU THE WAY BRANDON TREATS STELLA. like my GOD. in season 2 when he's being forced to marry that one queen and he screams at her that he can't marry her bc he's in love with someone else and then when they're at stella's princess ball and she walks in and his JAW LITERALLY DROPS AND SKY HAS TO CLOSE HIS MOUTH FOR HIM. also that one episode in season 3 where stella gets put under a spell that makes her "ugly" and she, the girls and brandon go look for a way to break it and flora had put an illusion spell on brandon so he'd just see the old stella but then when stella is crying bc she doesn't think they can break the spell and she doesn't want brandon to leave her bc she thinks he only loves her for her looks but then he reveals that flora's spell wore off hours ago so he's BEEN seeing her and tells her he loves her not for her looks but the beautiful person she is inside....... set my standards way too high. also he's a really good friend and doesn't feel the need to be a jealous menace (minus season 4 kinda) like riven and sky can be. he KNOWS he's hot

the biggest moron in the entire show but you know what? it WORKS for him. i love him despite his dumbass jealous tendencies. i get it, he's scared the person he likes will eventually see how awful he thinks he is so he covers his emotions by being a giant jerk. but my dude, my guy, sometimes you gotta let yourself be vulnerable :( you can't always have these huge walls up and push away the people you care about!!! him recognizing his mistakes in season 4 in regards to musa and him trying to better himself was GOOD and RIGHT and they threw it away and i'm still upset about it lol also in season 3 when he saw musa and nabu together for like 0.2 seconds and he IMMEDIATELY got on his leva bike to go wherever the fuck they were to beat the shit out of nabu only to get his own ass beat and then become bffs with nabu is one of the funniest moments in the whole series ps he and bloom would've made a great couple and i'll die on this hill !!!

he has the biggest dick of the entire group i just KNOW it. he's smart, kind, considerate and is constantly in awe of his equally smart girlfriend. he NEVER tries to talk down to her or hold her back. and he rips his glasses off before going in for the kiss so he gets extra sexy points for that. he's literally so unproblematic i can't think of a single one of his flaws. except maybe when he wasn't understanding that tecna wanted him to see her as more than just a tech buddy but we all know he's been simping for that woman since he met her he's just bad at expressing it sometimes

KING. SHIT. god i love him so much. the way he's introduced as a pacifist in season 2 but in the SAME EPISODE we see him using force to defend flora and ONLY flora as his hair blows beautifully in the wind and he makes sure she's ok before leaving. IM STILL SCREAMING ABOUT ITTTT. also he draws so. you know. that's hot. he's on thin fucking ice after his haircut in season 4 tho... never forget what they took from us!!!!

HES SO UNDERRATED IT MAKES ME UPSET!!!! like cmon he's a WIZARD!!!!!! he has questionable taste in being besties with riven but i'll let it slide bc he's the only guy who is fairly competent in a fight even tho everyone else actually goes to a whole ass school that's supposed to teach them how to be heroes and fight. i feel like they could've used him more when fighting valtor bc hello... that's the only other wizard we see lmao basically i'm sad he was introduced so late into season 3 and that..... THAT.... happened in season 4 :( he deserved so much better

#i dont know the guys post season 4 very well so i dont have any opinions on them lol #but i hope everyone enjoys me shoving winx club content down their throats <3 #also i know that nabu isnt technically a specialist but.... whatever #long post #kenzie's winx posting #kenzie.txt

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baeshijima · 1 year

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AOJSWIJSKQHAJA AM POSITIVELY CRYING BC OMG FINALLY SOMEONE WHO READS A STEPMOTHERS MARCHEN AAOSJWKSJKWJSKW AAAAAA 😭😭😭😭😭 PLSSS I LOVE LOVE SHULI AND NORA SO SO MUCH !!! DEFINITELY NOT A NORMAL AMOUNT !!

Like!! I alr love them sm but after the epilogue chapters??? Im-- they own my heart. Your honour, they are in love. Pls let them be happy i will fight for their happiness. They are literally so perfect for each other id be crying everytime i saw them sobs and them as individual charas are so hnggizhak criesss i just love them sm i cant- 😭😭

AND RUBY AND IZEK!! BRO MY HEART DIES EVERYTIME I SEE THEM BC THEY !!!!! I LITERALLY HAVE NO WORDS !! THE CHAPTER WHERE RUBY HAD A DREAM OF RUDBECKIA AND IZEK ORIGINAL LIFE???? EVERYTHING FROM THE SCENERY TO IZEK AND RUDBECKIA'S EXPRESSIONS THEIR DIALOGUES ????? JUST-- AAAAAAAAA

THE Izek von ortega, who's normally so stoic, but when he had to face his wife who had betrayed him and his family, he was completely heartbroken (he even shed a tear and his expressions????? Also "I'd do anything if it's for you..." ??? Idk if hes alr fallen for the original rudbeckia at this time but if that isnt a declaration of love idk what is !!) And rudbeckia too!!! The way she looked-- no matter how hard she tried to make it seem like she was willing to do everything that she did to izek, her facade also broke when izek's does, apologizing for toying with his heart all this time and asking him to let her go for the last time as his wife ... it showed that she was never willing to do all those things, and she was just another puppet in the grand scheme of thing by her family (and this scene makes me think that even if izek never express his feelings for rudbeckia, she alr knew abt it all this time :((( and she might also feel the same, and thats the reason she showed that she never wanted to do this..)

AND THEIR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENTS??? literallly the best i go from i love laugh live ruby and ruby only to i now love laugh live ruby and izek they are so in love i love them for it. They are literally so sweet to each other makes me cry everytime 😭😭 the fact that now izek is more open to his feelings for ruby im- ascending to the great heavens. Im so so happy for them they absolutely deserve each other after all yhe shits ruby had to go through (and me crying my eyes out everytime smthg happen to her) its all so worth it when their relationship is fixed 🥺🥺🥺

(This ask is getting too long holy frick im so sorry wojskwjwjw BUT BUT B4 I GO did u know that orkatoon, a stepmother's marchen artist, has an instagram account and they have a couple of arts of the charas in asm and theyre all so !!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺 heres one of my fav !!! i also would like a smol shuli for emotional support pls aosjaisj :')))))

NO BC UR SO RIGHT THE EPILOGUE CHAPTERS HAD ME ON THE FLOOR TRYING TO FORGET LIFE I LOVE THEM SM AND WE ARE THEIR PROTECTION SQUAD NONNIE !!!!

(also the one part of the manhwa that will forever live rent free in my head is the couple chapters around chap 50 that looks back into the past life ;w;;; LIKE??? I COULDNT STOP CRYING FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK THE MISUNDERSTANDINGS THE WRONG TIMINGS AND ABSOLUTE HEARTBREAK WAS SOSJLJFKSDGFKS WAILS)

i would say more in regards to ruby and izek but u basically summed it up for me KJHFK NO BC THEIR DEVELOPMENT HAS ME ON A GRIP !!!! ur honour theyre so in love and im in love with their love 🥹 the past life where izek was literally more concerned about her than the whole area being up in flames made me ugly sob... his expression... her expression.... god the artist is literally god tier with how they convey emotions pls 😭 im so happy theyre accepting one another and if anything comes between them *glares with all my soul at cesare* then i will drop kick them into the stratosphere 😤

#omg a convo !?#nonnies !!#NO BC I FOLLOW ORKA ON TWT AND THE ONES WITH SMOL SHULI ARE MY LIFELINE PLS #THE NORA AND JEREMY ONES 🫶🫶🫶🫶#we dont talk abt the other two hahahjbad #bUT SHULI WORLD DOMINATION TRUST 🙏

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soranihimawari · 2 years

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Fundamental Truths

@multi-fandom-fanfic (🐹) & @m0nstergeneration20xx

Companion piece for Decode My Love: The engagement and wedding invitations are being prepared to be sent out one afternoon. Oikawa and YN are preparing for a trip back to Japan when one person is discussed in length as to whether or not he should attend.

Iwazumi x reader// exes to strangers to acquaintances(?)// angst (hurt, comfort bc reuniting with ex-lovers makes yn-san want nothing but to begin the arms of the one she loves most)

Warnings: angst to comfort (Iwazumi angst to Oikawa comfort for reader)

YN doesn’t look ugly when she cries and I think that’s beautiful.

It is no secret that the captain for the Parisian Olympic bound team has many reasons to celebrate in their home country: Argentina. One, their star setter and beloved transplant setter, OIkawa Tooru, finally had asked his long term-girlfriend to become his first and last fiancé. Second, they secured their ticket after taking home as silver medal in the world’s tournament hosted not too long ago in southwest Ecuador. Regardless of the pandemic, you sit in the crowd of elated supporters with your newly bejeweled hand on full display. The news outlets also choose to replay or print the photo of when you run down courtside and your fiance catches you in his arms. He holds you tightly as he hears you cry with him he won, again. More often than not, the fans of both him and by proxy you, have come to terms to seeing this is wheat their favorite athlete is like when he is truly in love. Nothing can conquer or challenge this moment. Or so you thought.

Late, on a Saturday night, you are busy deciding who amongst your shared relatives gets the pleasure of watching you two take on vows and celebrate your beginnings of the next logical chapter of your relationship with Oikawa Tooru. Your job, thankfully, had previous chapters in Argentina so when the move to have you live on the other side of the world with him was presented to you, you agree to take on the task as being the liaison for the Japan branches. However, you hear Tooru rummaging through the fridge for a late night, pre-bedtime, snack. You’ve paused your film to talk about the one person who eluded all conversations about the groom’s party and the other former friend whom you have since stopped speaking to altogether.

“We have to talk about him sometime,” you said that morning. You gage Tooru’s reaction while he stands half dressed in his sweatpants while whisking pancake batter.

“He is my best friend, yn-San, but he is still your ex,” Oikawa pouts saying he might have over done it this time. You remind him to add cinnamon and add a little more flour as the griddle is hot enough to start the process.

“I know,” you groan. Pinching the bridge of your nose, you sigh uttering a,”I know..”

“Do you want him there?” Oikawa asks after a few beats of silence goes by. This time, you observe the bowl landing opposite of where you sit in the bar island in front of the kitchen.

“Not really, but for you, I don’t care either way—we should invite him,” you give an honest, yet mature answer.

Oikawa hums mentioning the pancakes will be done sooner than he thought.

It’s currently 6:47PM in Miyagi. In passing, you had mentioned to Oikawa you don;t care for much of the theatrics of a wedding, the simpler the better because who else do we need but each other was your logic. Your fiance laughs saying that sounds like such ‘yn response.’ You’ve been to many weddings in the past thus far in your life, many of them were in Argentina, and perhaps a handful of coworker ones whenever you visit home. Lately, though, your phone vibrates in your hands. The appointed meeting place was the same as where promises of yesterday were made: the playground across the old Banyan Trees by your old high school.

Oikawa was having family dinner with Takeru, who was rumored to be seen hanging out with another sunshine child. Regardless, you lean against one of the trunks with the envelope in your hands. Your palms are sweaty, just like the summer you turned nineteen. Two and a half years of teen romance and perhaps one final ‘first time’ before he was scheduled to leave for another world, Iwazumi’s boyish looks and stunning phsysique is what flooded your nostalgic mind. Glancing at your phone, you hear your name being called by a familiar guy—dressed in khakis and an old Team JPN polo, you see your ex walk toward you. You, you are dressed in wide legged jeans, a tank top, and a comfy sweater gifted to you by Oikawa on your first 100 days anniversary shortl;y after the all-star game.

Coming to face to face with an ex is like a trial by fire, but for all intents and purposes, on the flight back to Miyagi, Tooru holds your hand saying it’s ok to chicken out. You are deft enough to deny chickening out, you can’t because you need closure. OIkawa nods, saying the offer to pick you up still stands after having dinner with Takeru. When your phone notifications went off, it was because you were contacting your fiance saying you see your ex coming your way; another buzz and chime goes off wishing you luck.

“I’m surprised you remembered,” you greet with a small smile.

“How could I forget?” Iwazumi looks so much older now. A few lines accentuate his lips, meaning he had a lot of smiles to be given and so many were seen by the women of his past. Your friend among them. Iwazumi stares a little too longingly at you, eyeing your mannerisms that you seemed to have done anytime you’re nervous around him. He recalls the first time coming here to watch the meteor shower, an idea Oikawa had had when you were kind of moping around since the conservatory was closed for the phenomena.

“You cut your hair,” he points to his neck. You always kept your hair long with him. It as a one of the softest materials he ever had the pleasure of running his hands through. First loves are always hard to ignore, even now with glossy eyes in the side street lights illuminating the park around you. Does it help the setting sun had dipped below the sky so Iwazumi is stuck facing your iconic silhouette? Absolutely not. Six years all together had passed between you both and in that time, Iwazumi had been a coward. A coward toward you, toward himself, toward your old friend who is now among the list of ex’s in his life, but you don’t need to know that. Not now when a humbling stone in the shape of Polaris glistens like a homing beacon to the athletic trainer’s eyes. The word ‘congratulations’ is stuck in the back of his throat. It remains there when you begin the conversation again.

“Yeah, I did,” you say, playing with the ends like you always did. “Figured since I started a new job recently and with the wedding next year, thought I should have healthier hair.”

He chuckles, kicking invisible dirt off his shoes.

“I’m happy for you, you know,” Iwazumi says after taking a deep breath. You glance up at him bewildered to see the stoic man emote more than a serious flat lipped smile. “Before you give me that,” he points at the envelope with his name in your handwriting. “I owe you an explanation.”

“Iwa, you don’t have to,” you said.

“But I do,” he places his hands in his pants pockets now. You bite your lower lip, your hair floats in the wind like it did the day you said good bye in more ways than one. Your brain makes a choice for your already mended heart, you wanted this private conversation for so long; the longer you put it off was the longer you don’t have to see the regret written all over his countenance. No wonder OIkawa offered to pick you up. And so you listen to how Iwazumi Hajime, twenty-eight years old, apologize for a mistake which turned into two years of a bicoastal love.

“She and I hung out after we bumped into each other at a party. We kept talking off and on and whenever we found ourselves in each other’s company, the ‘what if’ kept floating in my head…”

“So you just decided to ask her on Huntington Beach to be yours? How quaint,” you said. Your voice does this thing, where it breaks in the middle like you’re about to cry or snap. You don’t though. You can’t, because be it as it may, the past that concerned you, remained the same. It has been some time since you looked at him an angry glare dissipates the second he continues:

“I guess I just missed you and one thing lead to another—”

“You missed me?! You go off to pursue your dreams States side, break my heart further by dating my best friend, all because you missed me? Iwazumi, you know better!”

Your words hit him and they sting like a thousand wasps to his heart. You’re usually the calm one, but when pushed into the red room of anger, you are quite vicious, for good reason. You unleash all the pent up rage and sadness; Iwazumi stands in front of you absorbing how when your roars subside, he realizes the gravity of the pain he had caused.

“You didn’t have to push me that far away,” you whisper looking over your shoulder. “But the truth is you went off to pursue someone who reminded you of me, true or false?”

In hindsight, Iwazumi would proclaim he didn’t have a type. Well, he didn’t…until he began to notice the pattern of recent bed warmers: they either looked like you, spoke their mind like you did, knew what he liked, etc. what a day to find that out, huh?

“False,” he lies.

You catch him in it, a hurt laugh is exchanged.

“Mentiroso!” You learned what the word meant and you used it to call his lie out.

“…What do you want me to say? I know what I did and for that I’m sorry you had to put yourself together and take a leap of faith without me to guide you.”

“You let me go the moment you and her became sweet to each other,” your voice is raw like you had yelled at him. In truth, though you did not, you had a raw break in your voice. However, you pinch the bridge if your nose and sigh after placing the hand back down your side:

“Thank the gods for your friends,” he perks up listening to your side of the story. He knew it was bad, he heard it from Hanamaki and Mattsukawa one night. You were asleep with rosy eyes and pink nose, wheezing like you were crying all night. He recalls being a dick about not caring, but in reality all he wanted to do was comfort you, but he had another person to satisfy and give his all to. At the moment, she was asleep on his lap, though now all thoughts of recent one night stands or even an old flame are pushed out of his mind.

You go off on your rant explaining to him the set-destructive behavior you went on for weeks at a time, saying it was a miracle you even graduated top twenty in your class. Your absences and even one semester off to truly get over him and be more mentally stable was the same year you graciously flew to Argentina. You had to overlook California for all the love lost it had in it, you say this with confidence: your smile returns sweetly. Iwazumi knows that softer expression—it’s a different look than when you were teenagers—wide softer eyes, playing with jewelry while your brain replays recent memories of feeling loved wholly despite the past.

The third year, when Oikawa’s PR agent asked him to enter a contract relationship, the setter said he didn’t want to because he had you keep his heart in his hands; international news hit the rumor mill at the gym where Iwazumi worked. Your photo seen with Oikawa leaving a restaurant together in te south of Thailand one spring is ran with the subtitle of ‘mystery woman is actually been linked to the Argentine setter for a little over ten months now,’ according to the broadcast. You thankfully wore sunglasses and a modest traditional outfit during the festival of water. Oikawa’s hands never linger too far from your arms keeping you warm through the balloon fight you were photographed in. Iwazumi recalls that day again as he explains that was the moment he knew no amount of apologizes could ever make you look at him like that again: toothy grin, cheeky kisses shared to hide your face, etc.

“I betrayed you, and your heart once,” Iwazumi’s brows pinch together the way you’ve come to notice is his tell of when he’s truly being honest with himself. “But seeing Oikawa with you, making you laugh and smile, knowing how I was the reason why you couldn’t, that made it so much worse.”

You tell him it’s ok to have felt that way, you remind him though his voice is reminiscent of his collegiate past, he never contacted you, not once while he attended school out of your neighborhood. Seafaring was a mutual agreement since college would have put a strain on your relationship and though you were stubborn in making it work, you clearly knew now it would not. That in of itself made you low-key angry at yourself, but you let it slide. Immaturity in young love is to be expected, but learning how to heal and grow? It’s something you learned day by day.

“All I asked was to still be a part of your life, even if we weren’t romantically involved,” your voice has been sharpened like iron. “All I wished for was my first and probably for a few good years there, ex to attempt to be friends with me again. How did you forget that was what we were in the first place? We were in the same class for three years, Hajime! Only for you and I to have the worse, yet agonizingly painful breakup sex out of respect for the distance you had to put us through? We were so young then, huh?”

He scoffs, adding a breathy, “Foolishly mad for each other.”

You nod. The envelope in your hand is pressed against his chest. “This is yours if you want it.”

Iwazumi understands the olive branch he was given. He knows through the dead light in the back of your eyes, you don’t forgive him. And why would you anyways? He knew what he did, he knew what kind of betrayal he had transgressed on your heart, yet here you were, delivering something he never thought would have happened. Sure, seeing your best friend pursue and woo the lady whom you never really moved on from hurts like a bitch, but knowing how to move forward without her kindness, her peace of mind, her idiotic laughter—was the emotional equivalent off being hit by a sixteen wheeler. As you tell him over your shoulder your good byes, you tack on a stern, “Be brave, Iwazumi Hajime. I’m kind of hard to replace.”

Smiling, broken and true, he says the same thing you did when you leave with him that fateful night: “Forever without you is going to be a cruel winter.”

Hours later, in the comfort of his own flat, Iwazumi Hajime opens the envelope. Pulling out the cardex with the silver and gold font, he reads the invitation to himself. He recognizes his best friend’s name and the people who raised him, then slowly he turns to read yours in the westernized font. Your parents’ names were written with parenthesis underneath signifying their passing in your youth (you were raised by your godparents whose names are listed below instead).

“You still love her,” your friend accuses her boyfriend of scrolling through Oikawa’s feed. The setter’s stories are always filled with candid photos of you; some in new filters that made Iwazumi’s heart crack slightly. The smile you had claimed to lose its shine now hits your eyes again.

“Baby, I do not,” he frowns. Another argument is brewing and perhaps at the end of this, said girlfriend and former friend of yours, decides to leave for good saying he needed to sort his shit out. If he wasn’t doing a good job hiding how much he wanted to talk to you that night at the event last month, he should have just given you the closure you needed. Maybe it would have started with coffee like your friendship in first year when you told him he was falling asleep in math class. Perhaps he would be the one you fall asleep on in planes for anniversary trips during the off season. Hell, if Iwazumi Hajime wanted to be truly forgiven, he would have asked an impossible question. Choosing and knowing now he can’t do it because of how happy his best friend makes you is what drives him to call his girlfriend at the time and break things off. Your friend shakes her head knowing of the part she played in betraying your friendship, yet she is glad to have had the chance to love Iwazumi. Even if all he thought was seeing shadows of you as of late.

Glossing over the fancy invitation again, Iwazumi notices another thing. The address and such were suprisingly listed in Japan. You must have met Oikawa half-way with wanting to have the wedding back at home. Chuckling to himself, Iwazumi sits down on his recliner as he notices another cardex with the attending or not check mark sandwiched between another paper. He debated thinking about not attending the reception, but he checks the going box because he wants to be the one to take that secondary step in being in your good graces (more so than Oikawa’s). Showing up to an ex’s wedding is rough on the palate, yet he doesn’t hesitate in doing what he ought to have done: just like you asked to be friends again, and if it’s a reach, at least showing he supports this—you and Oikawa—is the first step to see each other as friends and part time lovers from your youth, then what else is there to lose?

Feeling a different textured paper behind the index card size where Iwazumi checked off the ‘attending ceremony,’ he pulls out the folded paper. This time though, the small diamond folded-letter is dated the night he leaves for California. A few blots of ink were splattered, meaning your heart was breaking for a second time since he had said his goodbyes to you on a bed that wasn’t his own:

Hajime,

Come back to me soon, ok? Stay safe out there and out of trouble. I know I don’t really have many chances to say this because you know that you always beat me to it. So, as late as it is, I needed you to know a few things: 1. No matter what anyone else says, you are my first love. 2. If we ever cross paths again, just smile and wave even if it’s the Olympics. 3. Fall in love with me or without me, please. I encourage you to come back, but I understand perhaps not now (hell, even later if you and I don’t get closure) you need to learn to love again. 4.I’m not sorry for loving you, I just wished you let me love you a little less so I wouldn’t miss you as much as you think. 5. I love you. I love you. I love you. Repeat that every morning, every afternoon, every night, and every time life abroad makes you homesick.

With all my soul and one thousand cranes,

And for the first time, in a long time, Iwazumi Hajime feels a strange sensation; a hand of his covers his eyes as his heart shatters again after replaying the entire conversation he just had with you. He rereads it over and over again just to catch an inkling of how broken he truly did leave you; loving him was like falling into the eye of a hurricane. You must have wrote this right before he left, when he still was sleeping next to you, and you sounded so desperate here, but proud of him. Why did he ever think letting you suffer was going to be good for either of you?

In the Oikawa household, you arrive back with heavy footsteps. Your shoes are slipped off and placed by the genkan. Everyone is asleep you presume while you notice Oikawa rising to greet you from the foyer part of his family’s house. You bury your face in his chest as he with a gentle hand holds you there. Your tears you haven’t shed in a long time cascade down your cheeks. Oikawa whispers a mantra of soothing words: “You’re here now, shh…It’s alright now, I got you princess.”

You grip the back of his shirt letting a sob or two escape, the ring which brought you so much happiness stays steady on your finger. You hear a soft chortle from the man holding you when you mention how much you wanted to punch one Iwazumi Hajime,

“As entertaining as that is,” Oikawa prompts you tilt your face up to wipe the remaining tears away with the brush of his hands. “I’d like my future wifey to wait until after we’re happily wed so I can record that moment.”

Kissing your brow and calling you little lion cub, Oikawa proves how easy it was to love again. Of course, when the tears subside and you’re sitting on the couch, curled into him, you begin to doze off hearing Oikawa’s words lull you to sleep.

“I have loved you in secret, I have loved you like I loved the stars, and in all my earthly possessions, I would rather give them away if it meant I stay by you until the world burns at your feet.”

You nudge into him, saying that was poetic enough to make you want to kiss him. Oikawa leans down to peck at your nose, then gingerly trace your lips with his own before feeling yours go slack laced with much deserved sleep. Eventually, he too follows you into slumberland, knowing how both of you could get used to this and you both do once you return to Argentina with matching white gold jewelry a year later.

#🌻— flying around collecting pollen—queue #sora after hours #haikyuu x reader #sora scribbles 2022

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