#this is still a mental illness and i still need to work on it. but maybe recovery doesnt have to mean stopping entirely

[menacing-menace-rat]

Can I get platonic yandere headcanons for all of the founding members of the Justice League?

I definitely can! Also sorry it took me so long to get to this. I'm still learning about how the inbox stuff works.

I'm going to have to make this in parts because it's alot to look at with all 7 members. This is part 1 of ?

I'm gonna use the founding members from the animated universe. More members and I love Martian Manhunter. If you were looking for the Snyder universe let me know and I'll edit the post and add Cyborg for you. 🤗

Warnings: kidnapping, gaslighting, obsessive behavior, general yandere creep stuff.

Platonic yandere justice league members part 1

Superman

You were a scientist at LexCorp

After some questionable experiments you knew you had to blow the whistle

So you went to the Daily Planet.

That's where it all stared.

So smart with a kind heart, how could he not protect you?

He's deluded himself completely.

He can't see how he can be the villain in anyone's story let alone yours.

He's very aware of his own strength thankfully.

You are more of a risk to yourself than he is. At least physically 👀

You'd be moved to a farmhouse almost right away.

When it comes to kidnapping you, he has no self control, it's near instant.

he knows how fragile humans are and he refuses to take any chances.

No matter how much you pleaded with him it was no use.

He was the only one who could help you and stop Lex.

This man has a scary amount of patience. No amount of hitting or screaming is going to set him off.

He will subconsciously prolong any solution that would make Lex and his people less of a threat to you.

He'd insist on sharing a bed. If he was anyone else you'd be worried he would try something.

If he wanted that kind of thing from you, you knew he could just make you.

So you were pretty sure whatever this was it was at least a platonic infatuation.

At night he'd hold you so tight it was difficult to move.

A physical reminder of what you already felt inside, trapped.

There was no escaping that farm. Anywhere in the city he could hear you.

He'd hear the front door open or your panting as you tried to run for the nearest road.

He wouldn't allow any kind of phones or computers in the house.

Why would he? Need help? He'll be there faster than any cop. You are lonely? That's fine he'd love to have hour long talks about anything you want.

Batman

Your best bet is to play along for years maybe. How ever long it takes for him to maybe let you make a grocery run alone.

He found you on the streets. Maybe it was your sad eyes or your dirty face but he knew he had to take you in.

He'd tell himself he could help you learn to fight. That you'd make a great Robin.

Deep down he knew he'd never let you fight in any way.

He's not like Superman. He knows how much he cares for you is unhealthy. He knows it's wrong to take you in and effectively trap you in a huge manor but what else can he do?

He is a world class manipulator. He also has far less patience then Superman.

Too many escape attempts and he's going to make a plan.

He'd go as far as to allow you to "escape". Only to orchestrate some horrible traumatic event so he can find you and save you all over again.

Depending on how strong willed you were the worst it would be.

It was twisted and horrible but he almost craved reassuring you.

He loved your tears so long as they weren't for a real reason.

Bruce kept a tight lid on his emotions. You'd never see him lose it. He'd never show he was upset with you.

Despite this being a very unconventional child/parent relationship his go to punishment is normally grounding and lost of privileges.

You'd be home schooled of course.

He isn't all that hands on unsurprisingly.

He'd ask one of the other kids to keep en eye on you or even another justice league members.

Asking them for help wouldn't work.

The kids are on board with Bruce. Even if they weren't what could they do?

As for the other JL members he'd tell them you were mentally ill and confused.

He'd get his colleagues/friends admiration for being so selfless by raising a sick child and you'd just look crazy.

Bruce is not known for his affection but he does try.

If you are crying or screaming he might try and comfort you with a hug or by rubbing your back.

He's not the best at comforting words either but his little acts of kindness are where he shines

He'd do his best to make most of your days as structured and predictable as possible.

You'd be kept in the best health imaginable. whether you liked it or not.

Anything you can ask for he'd give you, so long as you don't ask for freedom.

He even makes time to tuck you in every night no matter your age.

If he has time he might even read to you.

You probably are never getting free of him and his kids but your best bet would be utilize the uncontrollable.

Batman is a planner. He likes to be able to predict things.

Try and wait till something goes majorly wrong.

All of Arkhams prisoners being released or an alien invasion are your only chances of slipping out of that place. You'd only get one shot though.

Diana isn't crazy right off the bat.

Wonder Woman

(This one might be the only non gender neutral one.)

You were an anthropologist given the rare opportunity to study the amazonians from the island of Themyscira.

She is cool under pressure and isn't easily impressed.

After so long of staying there she'd start to feel like you were her sister.

But once she's invested in you there is no going back.

She would follow you back to whatever city you called home.

She isn't shy about her sisterly love for you. There would be no mind games with her.

She respects you too much for that.

She is so direct about it she would likely just tell you, you were going to go back to the island with her and be with her forever.

Depending on your reaction towards her directness she may not even make you.

She might be okay with you just visiting. For a while at least.

She's confident and self assured.

If you liked being around her as much as she likes being around you things would be easy.

If not life was going to be hard and potentially painful.

Rejecting her affection and forthcomingness will break her heart.

She would blame herself and work to be better.

Unfortunately being better to her means giving you even less space.

She'd make you come back with her.

An island full of tall strong women all who listen to Diana's will.

You are not escaping.

She is near impossible to trick twice if you have already tried to get away from her.

That being said it wouldn't be all that bad.

She would be painfully gentle with you. So long as you just listen.

You are her little sister after all.

She differs from Kent and Bruce in a big way.

She would train you, she is pragmatic and understands one day she may not be there to protect you.

Long and rigorous training sessions would be the norm for a while.

On Themiscyra you'd have much more freedoms. You would even be able to walk around alone if you showed you can handle it.

Your happiness is her second priority after your safety.

She'd being you anything you wanted from your part of the world.

She would like for you to participate in amazonian traditions and customs but she'd never make you. Even if she wants to sometimes

She'd relish in watching you acclimate to her world.

She would insist her sisters treat you with the love and respect she feels you deserve.

Your only hope of escape would be to somehow get off the island and disappear.

Nothing sort of complete disappearance would work. If she ever caught you again you wouldn't be leaving that island for a second time.

More to come hopefully soon. There will be 2 or 3 parts in total not sure yet. Hope you enjoyed!

#dc comics #headcanon #platonic yandere #superman #batman #wonder woman #justice league

[141goblin]

Hi people. I’ve been toying with the idea of writing a fanfic and I thought i’d put a feeler out there to see if people are interested in reading my silly little brain worms and thoughts. Word of warning, it’s little rusty and definitely still a work in progress. I don’t yet have a title or anything like that, but i wanna share (ok ok leave me alone)

Tags: Reader described as plus-sized. Fem reader. Implied past abusive relationship.

“Amelia, I said no!�� I huff into the phone, getting increasingly frustrated at my best friend’s insistence. She had been going on and on about some big military party that her boyfriend was going to, and of course, because we’re basically attached at the hip, she ‘needs me there’.

“Oh, come onnnn! It’ll be fun! And who knows, we might finally find you a man for you to spend time with instead of you sitting in your apartment and watching reruns of gilmore girls twenty-four-seven.”

I huff and roll my eyes, grateful that she isn’t able to see me. Honestly, the thought of having to drag myself off of my couch and go through the motions of getting ready and attempting to doll myself up makes me feel physically ill. Truth be told, I haven’t left my apartment for weeks. Not since i had that god-awful night with my arsehole of an ex boyfriend.

My mind drifts back to that night, the time I spent getting ready and psyching myself up, all for me to get there and be completely disregarded and used. Like a piece of meat. He’d been blowing up my phone with messages ever since, insisting he was sorry, and that it won’t happen again, and he just got carried away. I hadn’t had the mental capacity to message him back.. My best friends voice pulls me back to reality.

“You’re coming. I’ll be at your flat in twenty minutes with pre drinks. Shower and shave.”

Before I get any chance to worm my way out of this ridiculous ordeal, she kisses me good-bye through the phone and hangs up. I throw my phone to the opposite end of the couch and groan into a pillow. Just when I was settled, watching gilmore girls for the umpteenth time, with a glass of wine and a bowl of crisps… Shit, maybe I do need to get out…

I down the rest of my glass of wine and wince at the taste. I make a mental note to stop being cheap and buying shit wine just because it’s cheaper. After all, it’s not like I can’t afford to buy nicer tasting wine. But truthfully, I don’t go to tescos at 8pm in my pyjamas and buy nice wine to be all sophisticated. I do it to buy cheap wine and get drunk while i watch gilmore girls and cry, wishing i had the same relationship with my mother that Lorelai and Rory have. It’s pitiful, and pathetic.

I huff and drag myself off of my couch and make my way into my bathroom to shower. Once undressed, i notice just how hairy my legs have gotten. But, is it really worth the effort, the sweating and red face just to have smooth legs? I brush off the thought and step into the hot shower. I do my usual: wash and condition my hair, wash my face and body, and then actually decide to shave my goddamn legs. It takes me the better part of fifteen minutes, but beauty is pain, as they say.

Just as i’m stepping out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel that’s all too small to cover my stomach and wide thighs, my best friend makes herself known, clearly having used her spare key to let herself into my flat. Her face is all scrunched up in disgust at the state of the place and she’s begun to pick up my clothes that are strewn about the place, throwing them into the washing machine. I roll my eyes and make my way into my bedroom, and she follows. She has that shit-eating grin on her face that I know all too well. No doubt she’s going to make me squeeze into some tiny outfit in the hopes i’ll impress some random man and hopefully let him fuck my brains out. She’s highly mistaken.

Instead of a skimpy outfit, we compromise. I end up wearing a mid-length silk dress that has a risky slit up the leg, but not too high that it shows off my cellulite, one of my biggest insecurities. She does up my hair into a messy bun with a few curls framing my face and insists on me wearing her favourite red lipstick, telling me i’ll look ‘fuckable’, her words, not mine. After strapping some heels onto my feet I take one last look in the mirror, face slightly flushed from the two or three glasses of wine Amelia practically poured down my throat to loosen me up. I should feel beautiful, but I don’t. I can’t help but feel like a pig, wrapped in silk and smothered in ridiculous lipstick. Ready to be taken off to market and ridiculed by men that think it’s shameful to like a fat girl. My ex-boyfriend’s attitude and words from the duration of our relationship echoing around my head.

“They don’t see you like I do, babe. They don’t see your personality.”

“You’re wearing that?”

“Oh come on, babe. I was only looking at her. She’s a model, what do you expect?”

After a too long uber ride full of pep-talks by Amelia and discreetly drinking from the remnants of a bottle of wine, we’re standing outside of what can only be described as a fucking mansion. The type that has stairs leading up to its entrance that’s held up by beautifully structured pillars, the type of place i write about in my short stories. There are too many windows to count, most of them lit up by subtle golden glow, the soft buzz of music that’s able to be heart from outside, something soft and jazzy, like the type of music you’d hear in an old jazz bar in New York.

I’m too busy marvelling at the ‘fucking mansion’ in front of me when I hear the recognisable voice of Amelia’s boyfriend, Johnny. Johnny is the type of guy that can make any girl weak in the knees with his charming smile and sparkling blue eyes. He’s sweet and cheeky, but not my type.

“There you two are! Was beginning ‘ter think ‘yaes got lost.”

I give Johnny a polite smile and continue looking up at the grandeur of the building in-front of me while he gives Amelia a kiss and whispers something flirty in her ear. Johnny and Amelia are solid, and he’s good for her. Plus, he knows we come as a package deal, so he makes sure to make me feel included when I end up tagging along on their days out or evening drinks.

“Looking good, bonnie.” Johnny says to me, with a cheeky wink. Amelia laughs, her signature sweet giggle, and it’s clear why she turns heads everywhere we go.

I force a smile and hold back a self-deprecating remark.

“Thanks, Johnny.”

Amelia takes Johnny by the arm and leads her inside, making me follow like an awkward third wheel. I try my best not to feel like an idiot as i’m led into the main ballroom, where i assume the party is being held. Johnny leads us to the bar and buys the three of us a round of drinks. I try to insist that I can buy my own, but both he and Amelia dismiss it and i’m left with a blueberry Martini sitting in front of me at the bar.

After a few minutes of awkward small talk between the three of us, mixed in with too much PDA between Johnny and Amelia for my liking, Johnny leads Amelia off to meet some of his friends, leaving me alone at the bar. I hoist myself onto a barstool, arse spilling over the edge. Fuck sake, I think. People need to start inventing barstools that are fat-girl friendly. I ignore the buzz of chatter in the ballroom and down the rest of my blueberry martini, flagging down the bartender for another one.

I begin sipping on the fresh Martini and start looking back around the room. I can’t help but think this would be a perfect scene to write in one of my stories. A room packed full of rich people dressed in fancy suits and expensive dresses, where everyone pretends to be on their best behaviour.

After a few minutes of being alone at the bar, I make peace with the fact that I will likely be alone for most of the night while Amelia mingles with Johnny and his friends. It doesn’t bother me, per say, but something deep within my belly wishes that one, just once, I could be the one to turn heads, to capture the attention of a group of people with nothing but my appearance and laugh, to have people willing to talk to me and learn about me, without feeling like it’s out of pity.

I shrug to myself and take a few more sips of my martini and let my attention wander over to my best friend and her boyfriend, and his group of (presumably) military friends. Johnny must’ve noticed me sitting alone at the bar and felt pity for me because I see him making his way over, sporting his disarming smile. I smile back.

“What’s the matter, Lass? Not enjoying ‘yerself?”

He leans on the bar casually, and it’s clear he’s making an effort to make me feel included.

“I’m enjoying myself just fine, Johnny. You can go back to your mates and Amelia, don’t worry about me.”

He cocks a brow and flashes that cheeky grin.

“Not gonna join us?”

I shake my head and take another sip of my martini, waving a dismissive hand. I attempt to play it off with a joke.

“Doubt i’d fit in with your military mates.”

He scoffs and looks jokingly offended.

“Aye, come on, Bonnie. We don’t bite. I know Si looks like a scary fucker, but we’re a nice bunch. I swear.”

I laugh and take another sip. Johnny is a good guy, there’s no denying that, even if it does feel like he’s taking pity on his girlfriends fat, single friend that looks like she’d rather be anywhere but here.

Judging from the way he talks about ‘Si’, I make an assumption that he’s the one with the dirty-blonde hair, the one who’s built like a brick shit-house and looks like he could snap anyone in half with one hand.

Johnny points to one of the other lads, a typical pretty boy with striking brown eyes.

“That’s Gaz. He’s a good’un. Likes to flirt too much, but e’s harmless.”

I follow Johnny’s finger as he points to the third man. A man who’s wide, and fucking muscly, but looks like he has a soft layer of fat underneath that expensive suit of his.

“And that, that’s the Cap’n. The best of us all. Keeps us in check when we cause trouble. He won’t admit it, but he’s a softie at heart.”

My eyes stay on the wide man a little longer than the others. I see a smile under his well-groomed mutton chops and moustache that’s peppered with little greys here and there. His shoulders look like they’re about to burst out of his shirt at any given moment, and his hips are exactly the same. That’s all contrasted by his blue eyes, like a deep pool that women no doubt get lost in. The man’s a fucking contradiction. Too wide, Too soft.

Johnny’s voice snaps me back into the room, averting my eyes away from the man I know as ‘Captain’.

“Come on, Bonnie. Come say hello, mingle a little. We don’t bite.”

#call of duty #john soap mactavish #john price #john price x reader #self indulgent #modern warfare #fem reader #plus sized reader

[thedeerman]

Do You Want to Know?

Hey all, I've been writing nonstop because im obsessed with these stupid idiots and im so excited for whats coming up!!

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

Ch5: Realize

Alastor woke up earlier than he’d like. A lot earlier. But… He woke up. Which meant he fell asleep. He tried to think of falling asleep the night before, vaguely remembering tossing and turning late into the night. But at some point, for the first time in days (weeks?), the radio demon had at least a few hours of solid rest. Alastor sighed. A deep, heavy, appreciative sigh. I don’t know how it happened, but bless the sins it did. He had no fretful dreams. No sudden, panicked waking. No feeling like there was still a hole torn into his chest. 

The demon shook himself awake, not allowing his little bit of rest to be spoiled by thinking of how unrestful he’d been recently. Don’t ruin a good thing, he thought as he prepared for the day. He picked up the envelope on his desk on his way out and made his way toward the kitchen to make coffee. His shadow followed wordlessly, seeming to smile wider than it had in days. Alastor ignored it, figuring maybe the thing had been tired too. Does it get tired…? He wasn’t sure. He’d never thought about it before. 

Coffee was made, and the daily chore board was still out and displayed in the meeting room. Charlie was nowhere to be seen, but it looked like the board had been updated. Curiosity led the radio demon into the room to get a closer look. No senseless chores with Lucifer today, thank the stars. Only his regularly scheduled hotel running nonsense. He went to turn away, but his eyes caught something before he could. A name. Lucifer. What’s he going to be doing today…? Alastor stopped himself suddenly. This is enough. This needs to stop. He cringes, remembering the contents of the letter that he had written last night, before getting some well needed rest. Why was his mind so frustratingly stuck on Lucifer recently? Alastor skimmed over the schedule again and decided that the morning meeting wasn’t important today. Nothing was important today. There was one place and one place only that he needed to be if he was to fix this, and it sure as shit wasn’t under the same roof as Lucifer.

Alastor waited until Charlie made herself known to excuse himself for the day. The princess seemed disappointed but understanding, as always. He patted the girl on the head before handing her his daily envelope and taking his leave. 

Lucifer’s morning was uneventful. Really uneventful. As in, out of the two most noticeable beings in the building, only one was present for their morning meeting. There were plenty of sinners in the hotel, but as far as Lucifer’s fleeting attention was concerned, the only souls that mattered were Charlie and Alastor.

Lucifer stops mid-stride at that thought. What in the absolute fuck? This was getting to be… too much. Like, genuinely honestly too fucking much. The king of hell had spent a lot of time alone. His wife had left him decades ago, taking Charlie with her. After the loss of the only light in his eternal life, he didn’t really get out much. Depression took over, he spent day after day working on silly little rubber duck toys (okay, maybe he still does make them here and there, what of it?) and there were times when literal years went by without so much as touching another living soul. That screws a guy up, right? 

Lucifer continued aimlessly wandering down the long, empty halls, letting himself reason that this was all just a response to some kind of mental illness or something. It’s not like a mentally healthy individual would want anything to do with Alastor… But then his mind does what his mind does. It spiraled. And by the time he’d looped around the entire ground floor of the hotel, he was already wondering if Husk would make him a breakfast cocktail. Husk… Suddenly, the king gets an idea. It might not be a good idea, but it’s an idea nonetheless. He put the idea aside, letting it simmer a bit before deciding on it. For now, he was going to go back to his room to read today’s letter. 

Once he got to his tower, Lucifer carefully pulled the papers out of his pocket. He glanced over today’s writing prompt first, already wondering what question would put Alastor at the forefront of his mind yet again. Well, aside from the question of where he’d gone off to early this morning. Not your business. Not your problem. The king looked over the mostly empty page. On the top, the prompt read: “Name one thing that you assumed about your person but have since realized that you were wrong about.” Lucifer let a few stray thoughts run through his mind. I assumed a lot about him. Some of it was right, like… he’s an asshole. But some of it was wrong, like… Lucifer glanced at the radio on his shelf, thinking again of the calming music that he fell asleep to the evening before. The angel was too deep in his own thoughts to get this done right now. He turned his attention to the sealed letter addressed to him. Tearing and tossing the envelope onto the floor, he slowly opened the perfect square inside. Lucifer’s eyes ran over the words. It said:

“Name three interesting things you’ve noticed about your person.”

One thing that I’ve found interesting about you has been your sudden dedication to the hotel. You weren’t around before the attack, but ever since, you’ve been here every single day. A second thing that I find interesting about you is that you tend to walk most places, even though teleporting would be easier. The third interesting thing that I’ve noticed about you is your new bowtie. 

The color suits you. 

If Lucifer’s jaw could have hit the floor, it would have. The first point stung a little, the awful guilt he felt over not being in Charlie’s life up until now was still pretty fresh. But he takes a moment to also acknowledge that it mentions his continued dedication since getting here. The angel shrugged at that, okay, so that part isn’t ALL bad… and moves on to the next point. It was true, he did walk most of the time. He hadn’t realized that anyone noticed. Walking gave him a few minutes to process going from someplace comfortable and private to going someplace filled with other troubled, tortured, miserable souls. It was a soothing routine. And that brought him to the final point in the letter… It was… a compliment! A straight up, no nonsense compliment, no hidden meaning that he could find, just a genuine nice thing being said about him. 

Lucifer glanced at the corner of his desk, locking his eyes on the two perfect little squares that sat there. He opened each of them up and read all three of them, one by one. First,

One thing I admire about this person is his raw power. It has a lot of potential. Another thing I admire is his determined unwillingness to back down from a challenge.

Next, 

One thing I am curious about is your absence throughout the day. Aside from scheduled meetings and chores, you almost always seem to be missing.

And finally,

One thing that I’ve found interesting about you has been your sudden dedication to the hotel. You weren’t around before the attack, but ever since, you’ve been here every single day. A second thing that I find interesting about you is that you tend to walk most places, even though teleporting would be easier. The third interesting thing that I’ve noticed about you is your new bowtie. 

The color suits you.

The fallen angel read the notes over and over, and noticed that the first letter was formatted differently from the others. Like the writer was answering the question directly to whoever had asked, rather than to the person intended to read it. Lucifer stared at the pages like they would eventually give in to his questions, telling him exactly who was writing to him. Not knowing who he was assigned to didn’t bother him much before, it was a gentle curiosity at best. But now, this person complimented him. There had to be some ulterior motive, but how? How could someone manipulate his feelings about them when he didn’t even know who they were? People didn’t just give compliments to him. Not even his own wife (ex wife…) gave out free compliments. His mind flashed to his typical, pre-mixed mess of anger and depression that always took over when he thought of Lilith, but it was amazingly short lived. Lucifer didn’t let his thoughts take hold and drag him into an ex-wife shaped emotional breakdown. He managed, somehow, to break free of the thoughts almost as soon as they started. He looked down at his new bowtie and then back at the final page in front of him. His cheeks warmed up noticeably as he again read the line at the bottom. 

The color suits you.

Several minutes of silence later, Lucifer remembers the idea he had earlier. He decides that he doesn’t actually have much of anything to lose and opens a portal down to the hotel bar. 

Cannibal Town was one of the more pleasant areas of Hell, and all credit was due to the overlord ruling over the territory. She was tall, sharp, wise, and kind. She was also one of Alastor’s most trusted confidants. As the radio demon pushed the door in front of him open, Rosie’s head turned towards the sound. She immediately lit up at the sight of her dear friend, rushing over to greet him. “Alastooor! I wondered when you would stop by again!” He nodded, and quickly said, “Rosie, dear, do you have a moment?” The cannibal overlord’s smile widened as she rushed her visitor into the small sitting area in the back of the shop. It was closed off from the rest of the building and Rosie had made it nice and private. Alastor sat at the table, as he had many times before, lost in his thoughts. His thoughts about…

Rosie interrupted his wandering mind with “Are ya hungry? Want a little something to nibble on?” As much as Alastor typically loved Rosie’s assortment of fingers and legs and whatever else she may have gathered up, he just couldn’t find his appetite. “No thank you, but I do appreciate it.” Then he added, “I’ve come to ask for some advice.”

Rosie left the snacks where they were and went to the table to sit across from her friend, bringing only a small tea cup along with her. Alastor could feel her black, endless eyes watching him, quietly, as he formed his next thought. Once he could find the words, he leaned across the table just a bit, as if someone would be listening in. “I’ve been experiencing some… problems.”

“What kind of problems, hun?”

Alastor’s smile was strained, almost a snarl, as he thought about the past few weeks. His sleeplessness, the flashbacks, the panic, and of course… “Lucifer.”

“And what has the king done now to deserve such a reaction?”

Alastor closed his eyes for a moment, trying to mold his thoughts into words. “Nothing. He’s been very… civil” the demon starts. “But… There's something else.” With a heavy sigh, he began explaining the princess’s new activities to Rosie, and that he was being forced to write anonymous letters to the devil. He went on, describing his inability to sort his thoughts on the fallen angel. At first all Alastor wanted was for him to leave. His very presence jeopardized all of Alastor’s plans, ones that he had painstakingly put together over the course of months. He told her about his contradicting thoughts, how he wanted to be far away from the king, but also as close as possible. How he couldn’t get the idiot out of his head no matter how hard he tried. He told her what he had written in the letters, how all he could think of the night before was that the angel was actually listening to his radio broadcast, how looking down at the wide eyed king made his dead heart beat louder. 

Rosie listened in silence, sipping her tea and dunking a severed finger into the hot liquid before biting into it. She waited patiently as Alastor continued.

“That isn’t all. I’ve been experiencing these terrible flashbacks… From the battle.” He took a moment to remind himself not to let the anxiety take over. “I keep seeing it again and again. I can’t sleep. I can’t even walk down an empty hallway without being strangled by my own memories.”

Rosie spoke up. “I didn’t realize the invasion had affected you like this…” Her frown was quickly replaced with a gentle smile. Then she asked, “Is there anything that helps?” This made Alastor pause. After a moment, he admitted that the previous night, he actually slept for a few peaceful hours. For the first time in weeks. But he couldn’t fathom why.

When he looked up, the overlord in front of him had a mischievous smile on her face. She was trying to suppress it, but it was obvious that she was failing. “Now Alastor. Didn’t you mention that you spent the evening thinking about Lucifer and how he’s been tuning into your show?” The radio demon was still. He stared into the black holes that were Rosie’s eyes, confused. She let out a sweet, giddy laugh. “Alastor, honey. I’ve known you for a long time. A long time. And I genuinely never thought this would ever happen. But who am I to deny what’s clear as day in front of me?” Alastor was getting uncomfortable, but only slightly. He forced himself to take a breath and looked again at Rosie. 

“I find suffering just as fun as anyone else in Hell, but even I am lost at your response to my… problems.” Rosie looks at him with a knowing look in her nonexistent eyes. 

“Okay, listen. First off… with the battle. You’ve never been one to run from a fight unless it’s looking dire. So I suppose I’m right in assuming that you got hurt pretty good?” Alastor gripped his microphone protectively, willing his mind to keep him here, in Cannibal Town, in front of Rosie. “Yes” is all he says. 

“Well, that fact isn’t going to change. What’s happened is done and over. But sometimes in a near double-death experience… Well, physical wounds aren’t the only ones that need time to heal, you know?” Alastor took a moment to consider this. There were very few times in his life or death where he felt so helpless. He didn’t remember dying. The bullet that killed him had gone straight through his brain and his death was over before Alastor even knew it had started. The only other time previous to the invasion where he felt so helpless was…

He forced his mind away from the thoughts he felt beginning to rise to the surface. Another unhealed wound, the demon thought to himself. He was silent for a long time, and then let out a sigh. “I suppose you may be right. Perhaps this will pass in time.” Rosie’s smile grew again. 

“Now, with your other little-” she chuckled at the height joke, “issue.” Alastor leaned forward, his mind now firmly placed in the present. “Do you really not see it, dear?” He shook his head, confused as to what this woman could be possibly going on about. “Please,” Alastor says quietly, “If you understand how I can remedy this, explain it to me simply. In plain words.”

Rosie took a moment before sharing her thoughts. “Okay.” Her smile fell a bit as she continued, “Now, all I know is what you’ve just told me. But I’ve been around a long time, and the way souls interact with each other is my specialty. You know that.” Alastor nodded slowly. “So, what I’m about to say may sound odd to you, but keep in mind that I have very good reasons to say it.”

It was quiet for too long. Far too long. Alastor was about ready to fill the building with an unholy amount of radio static just to bring an end to the silence when Rosie finally spoke again. “The feelings that you’re describing to me aren’t a problem, dear. It isn’t hate at all, it’s interest! You’re interested in him. There’s nothing wrong with that!” The radio demon’s eyes narrowed at his friend’s words. “Interest?” He questioned.

“Yes! The kind of interest that one soul gets for another. The kind that leads to spending more time together…?” As Rosie waited for the demon in front of her to piece her words together, Alastor sighed. “You think I want to be friends with him?” Rosie laughed, “No! Oh Alastor, you’re too funny. I guess I’ll just come out with it.”

“Yes, please do,” Alastor hissed, losing his patience. Rosie is overcome by another fit of giggling, trying to hide her wide smile behind the cup in her hand. What she said next, she said in a sing-songy voice, with a smile wider than even that of the demon sitting in front of her. When she finally says it, it’s like she’s been holding it in for hours. 

“You have a CRUSH, Alastor!!!”

The bar isn’t entirely empty today. Angel was sitting on one of the barstools, watching Husk with a really odd level of intensity. I mean, the guy was just wiping down the counter. What was so interesting about that? He sat down a couple of seats away from the spider demon, not wanting to intrude on anything. And yet, before he could even ask for a drink, Angel was perched on the stool next to Lucifer, staring. Staring at… him. The king felt his face get warm at the sudden attention. He opened his mouth to speak but it was too late. 

“Heya, short king~” He didn’t know how to respond to that. Before he had to make a decision, a fluffy paw set a drink in front of him. It was the same drink as last time. The king gazed up guiltily at the bartender. Husk grinned and said, “Uh huh. Figured.” Angel watched the interaction without a word, but Lucifer could just vaguely make out a sudden feeling of annoyance coming from the demon. Or maybe it was jealousy? Why would this literal porn star be- But the discomfort was gone as soon as it arrived, dissipating immediately as Angel’s eyes met with Husk’s. And then both sets of eyes simultaneously looked to the king. 

Lucifer started stuttering, “Uhhh… If you were in the middle of something, um, I can, I can go, I-” It was Angel that interrupted him. “No, that’s not it. We uhh… We wanted to talk to you about somethin…” Lucifer’s eyes went wide at this. They want to… Talk to me? He struggled to put on a casual look. “Yeah! Yeah of course! Uhh.. What’s, um, what’s up?” His smile was beyond forced, probably looking as ridiculous as it felt, and his mind was racing trying to figure out what it was these two demons wanted to talk to him about.

Angel continued, “See, Husky and me have been noticin’ some things.” Husk spoke next. “Yeah. Some worrying things.” If the devil was capable of having a heart attack, he would've found out right about then. He didn’t even get a chance to ask what they were talking about before Husk continued. 

The bartender let out a heavy sigh. “Listen, highness. It ain’t my business really, but it’s getting a little…” Angel spoke up. “Weird? Obvious? Embarrassing? Oh, definitely embarrassing. The second hand embarrassment I get watching you two is-” Husk glared, stopping Angel mid sentence. The cat demon went on. “I seen the way you look at him. And you might not notice, but he’s been looking at you a hell of a lot too.” He shrugged. “All I’m sayin is, everyone’s already expecting it now. Might as well give it a shot.” Lucifer was lost. Completely and utterly lost. 

Angel piped up then, adding “Okay, but all I’m sayin is you betta hit that. You might be the only one that can!” Husk put a new drink down in front of Angel, briefly distracting him with the bright pink liquid. Lucifer can’t figure out how to speak all of a sudden, but manages “Ummm… I… I really honestly don’t know what exactly is happening here… Who exactly.. Uhh, what are we talking about again?” Was he drunk? No, he’s barely had a sip of his liquor. So why isn’t this making sense?

Husk speaks again. “Look, everyone in the hotel notices the tension. It’s getting painful. The two of you can’t even be in the same room without making the new residents uncomfortable. None of them understand what’s going on. They’re constantly waiting for some kind of blow up between the King of Hell and the Radio Demon.”

The… Alastor? What? The king must make a face of some kind, because Angel puts his fluffy head down on the counter with a thunk. The devil could barely hear the muffled voice say “Really has been a while for ya, huh?” Lucifer was past confusion. He mentally started back at the beginning of this interaction, hoping to understand this better the second time around. Well, he came down to the bar to ask Husk about Alastor and-

Oh. 

Ooooooohhhhhhhhh.

Shit.

“Now he’s gettin it,” Husk mumbles to Angel. The spider peered at the king for a moment before downing his drink and turning his body fully to face Lucifer. He put his hands on the king’s shoulders as if afraid that the man was going to flee from the conversation. Angel’s large, mismatched eyes drilled into Lucifer as he said “Listen up, short king. I know it’s been a long time since you’ve been in the game, so I’m gonna help ya out. First things first, let's get it all out there. You’ve obviously got a thing for the strawberry pimp radio star.” Lucifer opened his mouth to speak but Angel's second pair of arms appeared just in time to put a finger up, stopping him. “Don’t try to argue, we’re past that point. You like him. And lucky you, Husky over here thinks Mr. Fancy talk radio voice himself has the hots for ya, so no need to worry about that!” 

It’s a good thing Lucifer didn’t actually need to breathe. Because that was absolutely not on the table right now. Angel kept speaking, watching the king closely. “Now, here’s the hard part. You have to actually initiate something. I get it, sin of pride and all. But if one of ya doesn’t start this talk soon we’re all gonna lose our minds.” Husk sighed, leaning against the bar. Angel looked at the king for another long moment and finished with “We’re here to help ya. So now that that’s outta the way, why don’t ya start spillin’ it?”

Alastor didn’t host his radio show that evening. After his visit, he needed some time to think. Before leaving Cannibal Town, Rosie gave him a small stack of literature on various topics involving relationships. The promise to return the books to Rosie was the only thing keeping the demon from burning the things on sight. He did not need a relationship. He did not want a relationship. Alastor had never fallen in love, in life or in death. He had become close to others plenty of times, Rosie being an example. But of the many times someone had been interested in Alastor, it was never reciprocated. 

The radio demon sighed. Now he was the one with the interest. He sat at the desk in his tower.  Alastor’s shadow then motioned towards the pocket on the demon’s coat. Charlie had given today’s envelope and paper to him on his way back in, after his brief trip out. He’d placed it there and forgotten about it. It wants to read the letter…? Alastor eyed the entity suspiciously before quickly opening and disposing of the envelope. The paper inside read:

“Name three interesting things you’ve noticed about your person.”

Alastor,

I’ve noticed many interesting things about you. The first was your shadow. It really is an interesting being. 

At this, the demon’s shadow practically purred. Alastor’s eyes went wide at the response before waving his hand to motion the thing away. He continued reading. 

Another thing I’ve noticed that I find interesting is your coffee mug. It’s a silly pun, but still funny. And the third thing I find interesting is your radio show. It isn’t what I expected. 

Ignoring the mention of his shadow (again), Alastor thought about the other two points. His smile widened a bit at the mug reference. It was the radio demon’s favorite piece of dishware, afterall! And then… Whoever’s writing to me has listened to my broadcast… At that moment, Alastor wondered for the first time if maybe, possibly, the resident writing to him was the same resident that he had been writing to. 

But the thought didn't take root, as Alastor knew of multiple others in the building that listened to his show semi-regularly. And his simple, jazz-filled broadcasts always seemed to surprise, so it wasn’t exactly new information. He appreciated the sentiment though, reading the words over again in his mind. Alastor was never opposed to being complimented. 

After a moment, the demon remembered the other half of the project. His letter to Lucifer. The letter from today’s envelope was smoothed out and placed in the stack with the others. Glancing over the new paper, he read the writing prompt. “Name one thing that you assumed about your person but have since realized that you were wrong about.” Alastor closed his eyes, replaying the events of the day. It’s not until shortly before he goes to sleep that he finally puts words on the page in front of him.

It’s Quiet Time. That’s what Niffty called the short span of time between the night owls and the early birds, where absolutely no one was around. Well, not no one… Nifty’s favorite part about Quiet Time was the visitor she sometimes got, an old friend. The little maid had known Shadow for as long as she’d known Alastor, and that was quite some time now. In the span of those many years, there were plenty of times when Alastor was asleep and Niffty was not. And during those hours, Shadow and Niffty spent their time together. 

Shadow had not been coming to see Niffty much after the angel’s attack. Niffty knew what that meant, Alastor wasn’t sleeping. The being was odd, it had the ability to leave Alastor, going quite some distance before restrictions set in, and yet rarely left the demon’s side during waking hours. It’s something that Niffty would ask about, if Shadow could speak. But he can't, which sometimes leaves him limited. He can write if there's a pen around, but most of his thoughts can be made perfectly clear to Niffty without the need for words. They’d spent decades together, words weren’t necessary. But now, for the second night in a row, Shadow was here! Smiling and spending time with the quick little demon running up and down the halls. 

Shadow stopped suddenly, frowning. It took a moment before Niffty realized her companion was no longer behind her, having stopped her scurrying at the end of the long hallway. But looking back, Shadow was motioning down another hall. Niffty ran back to the entity to see what she’d missed. But when she gets there, she sees nothing of note. She glances at the shadow on the wall and then hears it. Ever so faintly. Music. The little demon tiptoed carefully towards the sound, wondering who else in the hotel would be up and about at such an hour. And playing music? What instrument is that? It sounds familiar… When she finally reached the source of the sound, she and Shadow both peeked around the edge of the doorway, into the room that Lucifer and Alastor had recently cleared out. Is that…? She suddenly realized where she had heard the instrument before. That first time the king came to the hotel… He fought with Alastor and played this thing.

Realizing that the fallen angel was facing away from the door, the two watched a moment longer. The maid took note of the shiny, golden instrument Lucifer held as he played a sweet tune. Niffty and Shadow share a moment’s glance before silently backing away from the room, leaving Lucifer to play his music in peace.

#hazbin hotel #radioapple #hazbin fanfic #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel niffty #mine #Do you want to know

[jazzyblusnowflake]

I dont know if i should be posting this online since im not a fan of sharing too many personal stuff online at every second but this time around its a bit serious so...

Explanation below on my current health conditions....

ive gone to my psychiatrist due to my anxiety worsening and she informed me that shes running out of options and if my newer set of meds dont show positive results i may have to be hospitalized or admitted to a psychiatric care facility. i have GAD or generalized anxiety disorder and its gotten to a point that i have multiple platters of thoughts at every different time of the day and i have no idea which one is the REAL me, which ones are the REAL thoughts, and which ones are fear induced illusions.

im tired because im always fighting with my mind-i have to MANUALLY cut my thoughts off before they get anywhere damning- i dont know whats going on and im officially disabled enough that i cant draw anymore without having multiple meltdowns and having to breathe into a paper bag and take pills for heart palpitations.

i cry every day driving to work and i cry every night to sleep, all without really knowing WHY. it just happens because the fear of every existing moment is deeply rooted. i can only describe the feeling as: every possible molecule is out to get me...

as for the MD fanbase...

my anxiety has been Godawful and ive had to block SO MANY PEOPLE just for coming down in my posts INSISTING on why THEIR opinions are right and mine is WRONG. and every single time i have been sent into panic attacks where my neck and ears heat up, i go red, and i actually cant breathe for a few seconds. the heartburn of ONE ignorant comment stays like a hot ember coal in my chest for the rest of the day. ITS INDESCRIBABLY PAINFUL.

i am NOT BUILT TO DEAL WITH FANDOMS AND IGNORANT PEOPLE. I DRAW FOR MYSELF. NOT FOR ANYONE ELSES OPINIONS.

and if i cant post to make people happy, im not gonna draw at all...because spreading joy and spreading my stories is all i draw FOR. but im not brave enough to deal with the people who my stories are NOT for. its heartbreaking enough knowing some people have blocked me just cuz i draw stuff they dislike. [no disrespect to them, you like what you like, but my brain makes me believe im doing something wrong...]

this fandom is still ongoing and its full of stupid adrenaline driven people who only have a visceral deep rooted need to spread anger and RAGE online and im one comment like that away from ending myself. i dont want to risk it.

furthermore... the war... palestine... israel... and MY countries involvement in the war, people dying... also the inside wars in Iran and any movements of religious police and hate crimes against women... and also my family moving to russia for my dads job and my life being uprooted aGAIN for the 4th time to live in ANOTHER foreign country for 3+ years... me having to learn russian, my dad already having left- the future of my job is up in the air and wind, i have no idea if i will get administeration here or i will get accepted for russia- if i dont, i will not be able to find a good administeration in the current area i live in as all the good spots will be taken by then and ill have to deal with more situations and asshole people who do NOT care about my mental health that will add onto my anxiety. [i cant elaborate too much on my job other than the fact that im a teacher and the gov has its eyes on me and most things i do... it does not help that having a gf in this country while being female will get me the death sentence if i am found out.]

exam season is also near and i have to continuously design papers and grade 300+ students that dont know shit from applesauce and every mistake they make is BLAMED ON THE TEACHER BY THE MINISTRY OF EDUCATION.

also i have to give away my dear pet bird away because we cant take him with us....

overall? if i dont kill myself in the following weeks itll be a miracle because the amount of anxiety im processing right now is just....... i have no fucking words.

in the end i may draw SOMETHING for the sake of drawing but seeing as how much anxiety it gives me just to see someone else draw better than me it makes me feel sick to my stomach... im not happy with my art... im not happy with existing as a disabled artist. im not happy seeing others draw happily while im surviving.

i may draw in the following weeks, i dont know when, but i wont say i wont draw. i just dont know when or how.

this was just a short update on what im going through and some other stuff i... dont really feel like mentioning tbh...

so uh. if i dont draw much as often.. or...ever....yall know why 🥲👌

see yall later.

#snow rambles

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it's only natural to feel anger when somebody isn't "taking your advice" or listening to you about their mental health or what will help them. People want to help people, and the anger comes when you are perceiving somebody as not being receptive but...

It can be a selfish impulse to say that your opinion about their illness is the only thing they need. It isn't about you, even though the advice you give is given by you.

Nobody deserves to suffer, this is true. But, also, nobody deserves to be forced to do things that either won't help or won't be genuine. If somebody isn't taking your advice, there's a reason for it (maybe it's not a good enough reason for you, but this isn't the point). It's okay to be disappointed or angry, but it's not going to help to lash out at them. That is only pouring water onto a grease fire.

#mental health #mental health advocacy #sometimes you DO need to freefall without a parachute. sometimes the 'just get better! ☺️' mindset that's given to us will slowly kill us #the whole 'if you take my advice you'll be free from your illness 😇' saviour complex is honestly something that would have killed me #because it wasn't coming from a place of genuinely helpfulness or what would work for *me*... #...those pieces of advice came from the mindset of how to make everybody else comfortable... #...because it minimized the fact that i was (am) fucking insane and unwell and ill and debilitated... #...the advice came across as sinister because it wasn't about me despite addressing my insanity. it was ABOUT everybody else #and i just got done watching a heartbreaking video about somebody else's decline and i don't want them to suffer... #...but i also don't want to be the cause OF their suffering. my advice for them would be unhelpful i think... #...so i am still heartbroken and sad and maybe angry but that... isn't their fault. they are SUFFERING and VISIBLY so... #...i want their suffering to end in any way that will actually help *them* and not my ego y'know...

[nadiawritessomething]

I already said this once in one of my old posts, but I won't stop until my concepts are noticed.

Since I've always found the contrast between Earth 42 and 1610 to be interesting, I think we're missing out a bit by focusing solely on the Miles.

Because - listen to me - a duo of 1610 and 42 Rio would be something incredible. As would their analyses and comparisons.

They're similar, very similar, to the point where Miles couldn't tell the two apart in the beginning until he realized he was in the wrong universe. Because Rio is an adult, and certain traumatic events affect the character and behavior of adults differently than they do teenagers.

But we cannot say that they are the same. Because traumatic events still influence adults.

1610 Rio is actually a healthy and happy person, wife and mother. She has some worries about her son, how he is growing up and the changes in his character and the people he meets along the way.

42Rio, at the same time, is a completely different story. She is a widow and a single mother who is still dealing with the death of her husband and working much more than she should. Because she is the only person left in the family who can earn money at all. She also cares about Miles (for different reasons, yes) because Miles is the only family she has left.

She's just the most tired woman alive.

And I just need them to sit down in the kitchen with tea, discussing their children for the next three hours in the form of a therapy session.

#everyone on E42 needs therapy #Rio too #That's not even a debate #I found it funny that while both Mileses have their fair amount of trauma they could share #Contrasts beetwen versions of Rio are like unmatched #there a✨good happy a lil bit strict & worried about her child's future but still can find comfort and happiness and overall don't complain✨ #and also there's s *works three shifts a day mentally ill constantly worried about her child who can day every say just because it's E42* #😭😭 #across the spiderverse #atsv #miles morales #miles 42 #prowler miles #miles g morales #earth 42 miles #rio morales #rio morales 42 #BUT THEY'RE GONNA BE BESTIES #SISTERS‼️‼️

[spielzeugkaiser]

hey are you okay...?

you havent posted anything in a month...

yeah I know 🥺🥺😭 for someone who did that nearly daily for years it's really, really strange. (But I'm still alive, so I'm answering this, although a little late.)

In news of the trailer!! And our boy!! (and what they have done to his hair, pfpfpp) part of me wants to draw so very, very bad, but my body isn't cooperating, sadly 🥺 Hopefully I'll be able to once S3 truly starts...

#my current state of functioning it's more like riding a clownishly small bike that is on fire and slowly falling apart but alas #I do work a lot right now #lots and lots and lots of weekend shifts too #I want to quit all of my jobs and become a goat farmer 😭 #but then it would also only need a baby goat to kill me #... I wanna draw 🥺🥺 #but maybe it's also good that I don't currently something is wrong with both of my hands I have zero grip strength these days 😔 #and when do I not have a fever - maybe my body is just trying to fry itself for funsies #mixed with the migraines and the things that I still have from covid I am one ill little bean 😅🤦‍♀️ #alas! #this bean will draw once S3 is out or she goes mental 🤸‍♀️

[blinkpen]

having long ago made the executive decision to sublimate MUCH more of my rage over all the ways my body identity and personhood have been violated over the course of my life on levels both mental physical domestic and systemic into my writing by the way

#this does not mean we will be Seeing things on screen we don't need to #just that i am going to crank the dial and how much harrowingly visceral information can be conveyed -without- actually doing that #good horror will make a frame with seemingly nothing going on the scariest shit ever bc you Know. you cant see. but you Know. #the tragedy of 'my schizophrenia did not disable me but the PTSD from how i've been treated and taken advantage of bc of it DID' #'and SO MUCH of the WORST trauma was inflicted in the name of Fixing me (be it the mental illness or my gayness or my being a girl wrong) #and a lot of other things really but this is at the forfront of my mind as i finally finish recovering from a lot of repressed shit finally #boiling over to dangerously lethal levels last year and my entire brain just Imploded lmao #i dont know when i'll be able to really forgive my family for refusing to vaccinate or distance and transmitting covid to me twice #resulting in seizures and brain damage the second time #which basically hit a reset button on how well i could manage my pre-existing schizophrenic symptoms and damaged my cognition #i've had to mourn losing a big chunk of my own mind's ability to function focus or even remain anchored in reality because of that #oh yeah the transphobia my family still refuses to work on that and it also contributed heavily to the system shattering so bad #i finally realized that it even existed #some of the alters now have mutually exclusive genders and orientations presumably as weird coping mechanism

[icewindandboringhorror]

a quite simple outfit, trying to use the little blue and white apron thing (which is actually a dress I think, that I just leave un-buttoned in the back and added an apron-like tie to lol)

#self #mori kei #jfashion #NOT really but like.. it's.. adjacent I guess.. forgive me .. I may try using tags again though I kind of got out of the habit ghhj #I need to be... Seen to some degree. I want to start selling clothes and sculptures again to recoup the costs of having to euthanize my cat #and stuff . but that won't be very successful if I have like.. 15 people to sell to lol... #the eternal Hermit Conflict where you hate attention and Being Percieved in general yet in todays capitalist society it is nearly #a necessity to have some form of social network or media presence especially in creative fields. etc. etc. ... kicking screaming wailing #sobbing so on and so forth.. tearfully punching the cold mossy stone walls of my evil wizard tower... #I was also thinking of maybe opening a few sculpture commission slots and maybe Tumblr Blazing that post or something #but.. again.... sobbing crying interacting with the general public oughhf ouuch -500 HP #why can't I just be approached by some wealthy 65 year old woman who is nonsensically infatuated with my art for no #reason and gives me like $10.000 a week for food and art supplies and etc. and I can go fuck off into a cabin in the middle of nowhere #in the uk and just be left alone to work on my projects without even needing to build any form of connections or social presence because I' #already set for life and can just get funding and connections whenever lol.. WHICH not to be ungrateful like obviously I still appreciate #anyone who follows and interacts with my posts. I dont mean it in a 'grrr fuck all of you imbeciles I wish I could delete my blog!!!' or #whatever hhjkjk.. I just mean it more in a like.. I am very socially inept and my mental illness gives me severe social issues so any situ #tion where I'm expected to self promote or network or interact with others generally is nightmarish and stressful for many many reasons #and if I could somehow skip that part and just go straight to being a famous author or somethin.. that would be cool. Which I know EVERYONE #hates networking and stuff but I mean like.. on a level most people could not possibly comprehend.. I am not just an 'introvert'. I am like #doctors declare me incapable of functioning in general society very poor mental health prognosis probably should have a caretaker at #some point type Hermit lol.. ANYWAY ghbhj... alas.. I also feel weird about the sculptures in terms of what to charge for them #and always have which is part of why I stopped selling them. If I charged a fair even like $15 an hour many of them would be like #close to $150+. and nobody is going to pay that for a decoration. that doesn't even factor in like.. supplies or time spent communicating/s #etching the concept (if a commission) etc. etc. I thought it'd be better to just auction them then and let people pay what they want inst #d of a set price but etsy doesnt allow auctions and is it weird to just.. link people to an Art Ebay or something lol.. #AAAANYWAY.. the outfit.. I still love these shoes. they're nice and a little Older Style looking. always into pastel florals too lol #(everything is thrifted as usual. excited about the shirt because it's so puffy! it was in the halloween section though ghjhj.. like when i #s october and they make the special aisle in goodwill for 'Costume' clothes even though theyre all just normal stuff I would wear ghg)

[thatonebabybat]

Hey btw having depression is not a requirement for being goth and if you think it is I don't like you. That's a whole chronic illness, not a part of your "goth mindset"/"aesthetic". Please reflect on that.

#“depression makes you introspective and deep” no it just makes you periodically think everyone wants you dead for varying amounts of time #and makes it hard to get up and go to work and eat and sleep and talk to people and do literally anything #if you have depression and you're goth I'm proud of you because being an active part of a subculture is dedication and time and energy #shit's hard. love yall #I understand it usually comes from a place of misunderstanding but don't romanticize people's disabilities pls #mentally ill ppl have it hard enough without you Doing That #goth #goth subculture #gothblr #gothgoth #gothic #I'm mentally ill btw I should clarify that. wont go into details abt it but #I'm speaking from a place of not wanting people to treat my trauma like a fun afternoon activity that you have to do to be goth #you can still relate to and enjoy plenty of goth music without being diagnosed with a chronic illness like major depressive disorder #like a lot of songs are just about concepts like heartbreak or periods of grief or introspection but those are things most people experienc #disabled ppl might experience them differently or more intensely but they're widespread experiences nonetheless. #you don't need a mental illness to “get it” it came free with your humanity actually. you can think/feel deeply abt shit without a diagnosi #I'll stop rambling though #goth music #goth aesthetic #gothcore #mental illness #mental health #depression #goth is about music

[hussyknee]

Idk if there's enough people talking about what a gigantic energy drain Complex PTSD is. It's not just one single traumatic event, it's having lived in a traumatic situation for a long time. And in the case of child abuse, your entire formative life period. Everything is a trigger, anxiety is your default, and your brain keeps trying to keep you safe by yelling at you about everything you're doing "wrong", which will lead to pain. Your brain is a constant war zone, braced for attack, rarely relaxed, at least some part of you always hypervigilant. The stress it takes on your body is insane. It's why trauma is linked to autoimmune issues, heart disease, type 2 diabetes, and, according to one study, cancer.

Physical disability leaves you even more vulnerable and less able to live up to the impossible standards of control and "correct" behaviour your brain insists on, not to mention the free gift given to all patients of chronic illness that is medical gaslighting and patient-blaming, all of which simply compounds the trauma. Reduced physical and mental health obviously leads to systemic risk factors such as inability to pursue academic and professional qualifications, poverty and financial struggle, malnutrition, becoming unhoused or bad living conditions, exacerbated medical issues and further lack of medical resources, reliance on welfare and care networks, and becoming trapped in codependent, abusive or toxic relationships. The knock-on effects are endless.

This is all to say— if you're wondering why you can't seem to do more than the bare minimum every day when you haven't been diagnosed with a physical illness, or you're "not that disabled", or you think your symptoms are "just psychosomatic" (which means your brain is under so much intolerable stress that it's started taking a chair to the windows and destroying the furniture just to get you to NOTICE AND MAKE IT STOP): the answer is that your body is actually struggling under the kind of stress that kills trained soldiers and disables them for life. So stop trying to convince yourself that you're just not trying hard enough when what you really, desperately need to get your life on track is community, care, rest and ease.

#the medicalization of mental health is just capitalism trying to cover its ass #isolating physical and mental illness makes the entire medical complex an abject failure actually #''disease'' should refer to a state of being rather than its outcome imo #i've never heard of one that wasnt simply the visible symptom or ramification of the core problem or situation #like I'm grateful for the anti-depressants and bipolar meds and all but i just think a lot more problems would be solved #if someone gave me a place to live with peace and quiet and living assistance #i mean I'd still need the meds its not either/or #but I wouldn't need to be on ever increasing doses for the rest of forever #also if there was some kind of holistic understanding of health that bridged psychiatry with the fest of the medical complex #they could have taken one look at how badly I broke down at age twenty and worked to prevent my inflammatory disease being triggered #or at least not gaslit me about it for seven years until i nearly lost a colon #you just absolutely bloody cannot treat health as separate from socioeconomics and community support #this shouldn't be new or revolutionary #actually cptsd #complex ptsd #ableism #disability #healthism #child abuse #emotional abuse #domestic abuse #intimate partner violence #parental abuse #chronic illness #spoonie #knee of huss #mental illness #autoimmune disease #social justice #psychosomatic

[kyouka-supremacy]

Mmmhh...

#(Basically rant on my last two posts) #I know I've said it before and sorry for coming off as annoying– #but I really wish we still had a central bsd blog on Tumblr like fy-bungoustraydogs or bsd-central or things of the kind. #I think now everyone rushes to post news first. And although there's merit to it in knowing news as soon as they happen‚ #in the long run the death of this kind of central official content ***fan*** blogs is such a huge loss of fandom spaces‚ #especially for the archiving purposes they solved. Especially today that T/witter and G/oogle have basically become unusable. #Literally. Literally. I've been doing official content archiving since I was 11 #(because that's the very specific kind of mental illness I have) #and let me tell you that the quality of web search and especially reverse image search only got worse– #in a way that is very evident and noticeable. Which is crazy tbh and not how things should work. #If anyone would like to start a bsd-central kind of blog I'll be the first one to follow. #Actually if anyone actually wants to establish it feel free to contact me and I'll be more than happy to share the resources I have!!!! #It just needs to be something multi-modded for a series of reasons I won't get into right now #I just can't personally do it (not as main admin at least) because that would be modding my FIFTH active bsd blog– #and that's a little too much even for me. #On top of some ethical concerns I have regarding whether it'd be fair for me to mod a fandom central bsd blog– #when I feel like I can't genuinely share the same amount of love for the franchise other fans share #On top of. You know. Getting a degree eventually hopefully. #Then years after the blog has been solidly enstablished and aquired enough credibility it could even open a free donations found to invest– #in buying and scanning and releasing bsd content that hasn't been shared yet like the guidebooks or illustration books or everything else– #for everyone to see... #The dream. (Is realistically never going to happen) (Won't stop me from daydreaming about it every day) #((Still salty I couldn't afford the guidebooks only due to the shipment prices. I *would* have scanned and uploaded them.)) #That was a long and idealistic rant. Kyotag out #Edit: *Modding my SIXTH bsd blog #Apparently I mod so many blogs I lost count of them

[razzle-zazzle]

Fighting the first movie tooth and nail trying to figure out how it all goes down.

I am not winning 😞

#between au #dreamworks trolls #main issue is that poppy and branch DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER prior to poppy arriving at bergentown #so the true colors scene DOESN'T WORK the way it does in canon #but i need branch to sing again dammit‚ his whole arc in this movie is taking his ''i am a BERGEN i am NOT A TROLL'' mentality #and shaking it vigorously until he comes to understand that he's both and neither and that's okay #like i know what i want for AFTER the events of the movie (pop village and bergentown as allies‚ trollstice & chef dead & gone) #but i need to know how to GET THERE IN THE CONFINES OF THE MOVIE (chef finds trolls‚ trollstice almost happens #poppy negotiates peace between their kingdoms like the girlboss she is) #just branch BEING THERE in the scene where chef shoves creek into gristle's mouth could change everything so so much #bc would creek still be yoinked and shoved into gristle's mouth??? would he still get the chance to show his true colors????? #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #possible idea is to retcon the timeline so that gristle senior is still there in the movie‚ but slowly dying from illness while his son #is acting king and falling apart under the pressure #but then i still need to figure out how the fuck poppy's role fits into that #there's just. gdmt branch why must you make everything so much more complicated #branch and his complexity addiction smh

[homophobicwarios]

Love posting my Spotify receipts for the month bc you can always tell when I’ve had smth big to write for one of my classes bc the one Jash song (Dream (Outro from Calamity)) will make the receipt. I did not end up a Jashinator but I do like having a song I can rely on to make me write things.

#rian’s slay compilation #the first time I heard the song I was in a mood all da time so I really identified it w what splitting felt like #idk it doesn’t hit as much now bc I’ve undergone a different sort of mental illness lately (more tired than actively harmful to myself) #^it’s the way it picks up in intensity. that’s what it feels like when you try to communicate how smth feels but they don’t listen and then #go have fun at a concert and you feel so nauseous that you have to leave a shared group chat while you sob your eyes out for several hours. #y’know? anyway June/July was fun. I need four hours of build daily to keep me occupied (tired). it does actually do me wonders. #I’m so big and strong now. idk how big you are my lovely mutuals but I could lift the smaller ones I reckon. #right now I could pick up (not for long) anyone around or under 150 pounds. also preferably not super taller than me but I think it’d work. #it’s a start! I should start lifting. makes me feel big and strong. I wanna pick my friends up. #^sorry to derail this in the tags but I typed that up and was like ‘that’s such a King statement’. it’s bc someone liked a post where I #talked about feeling all overgrown and how King being half a foot shorter than me but still picking me up like a brides made me feel Not #Overgrown #I don’t worry about feeling overgrown so much anymore but I do kinda miss the bride lifting. it was nice every once in a while #it’s small things like that. #side note I think I could pick King up now bc they’re roughly my weight and as we established I can lift ppl about my weight very briefly #it’s the build. it makes me big and strong. it’s all the wood holding and platform throwing

[honeypleasejustkillme]

i’m like in such a fuck you mood but i never externalize it, its just all thoughts but i really wish i could in a healthy way by being assertive and setting strong boundaries

#actually bpd #actually mentally ill #bpd #actually borderline #bpd problems #bpd mood #bpd shitposting #bpd fp #bpd favorite person #bpd vent #things i still need to work on #there’s many :’)

[silenthillbunni]

🧸🧃⛈️

#so like late last night i started to get rlly panicky nd upset #bc it's v much looking like im gnna fail my english class. i need to be done next wednesday which means i need to work rlly hard #nd go to school extra to have a presentation nd do tests etc etc #nd im still in pain after surgery nd im rlly depressed bc of my physical health so i just dont think i can be strong nd make it this time #in my almost breakdown i wrote a self referral to the clinic/psych department for personality disorders.... #it usually takes them around 2 days to answer you but this time at like 8am they sent me a message AND called me #(i think. im not certain it's them bc i havent checked the voice message or the reply lmaooo. but it should be them) #the thing abt having avpd is now im immediately stressed af nd i regret sending it. i donr wanna check their reply #also it might be bc i wrote a lot abt killing myseld etc etc nd now im worried theyre gnna be like girlie get checked in!!!! lol T-T #i just needed to be very clear nd act frsutrted nd desperate bc i have never gotten treatment in 10yrs nd im TIRED!!!! #my initial reaction is to avoid at all costs nd just pull my covers above my head nd pretend like i dont have to check their reply lol #i dont wannaaaaaa. i take it back i dont want help!!! its fine i dont wanna try or work hard let me rot #why did i do this!!!!! fml. anyway... i'll check later today bc since its early i can still use the excuse of sleepinf thru the days #many ppl working w mentally ill ppl understand that it's normal actually to switch the day around nd sleep during the days sksksk #but also i have no idea how many typos r in here bc im not wearing my glasses whoopsie #yeah.. anyway im gonna try to go back to sleep nd not think abt it #hopefully it wasnt even them calling 🤡 i know i HAVE to check later but not now i can take a few hours #then today i need to figure out if im gnna make one last attempt w my eng class or give up idk what to do