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#this is the most ive ever worked on a post pls like it

izzy-b-hands · 3 months

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I get two fucking sentences in on every new draft for every new idea lately, and then my brain goes 'hm, no, actually that's stupid/boring/cloying/not going to be something you can write at your current ability'

I am. vibrating with rage at my brain rn over this bout of writer's block. Bro we literally want to die whenever I go longer than like. a fucking week without writing SOMETHING; why the fuck are you making this harder!!!!!! Just let me write a full fucking thing even if it sucks!!! but i literally physically start to feel sick and can't push myself to keep typing as soon as the above thoughts hit. I have a stupid number of untitled, barely started to almost completely done drafts, for multiple fandoms (mostly our flag tho admittedly lmao), all of which have been started within the last maybe fourteen days.

i wanna scratch my brain out of my fucking skull lmao. free to a good home after i get it out, if anyone else wants to try and rehabilitate it

#text post #everyone tells me i should be grateful that writing comes to me naturally and I am! but also sometimes it does This to me #and the longer it goes on the worse it gets #and affects the rest of my mental health on top of it all #brain pls some of these ideas are cute!!! fun even!!! others are gonna be heavier pieces but they might turn out okay!!#but we don't know if they'll turn out okay or not IF WE DON'T FUCKING FINISH THEM #god. sorry y'all just. pls know if ur waiting on me to finish something in progress ive posted or want to see something new from me #and are upset abt the current lack of stuff. i am also upset abt it and i am working on it i swear #also i need to address this bc im running out of storage space on gdocs with all of these #so they gotta either be written and posted or given up on and deleted for space fdlkafjlasdjf #it's nearly one thirty in the morning. i should probably just go shower #aka the place where my brain immediately gives me perfect fucking dialogue like last night THAT I FUCKIN FORGET BEFORE I CAN WRITE IT DOWN #it's fine. it was some of the best dialogue and most in character i felt id ever thought of. and i can't remember it and it's gone forever.#it's fine

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destructive-path · 6 months

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Fan. - E.W.

a/n: Hi! This is the first one shot i have ever written so i would appreciate some feedback in the comments please! (but pls be nice) This is ur average ao3 coded fic with no proofread and bad grammar to ease you in to what i plan on posting if all goes well!

summary - jackson au where basically the entire pt.2 never happened, Ellie is older, Joel is alive. Instead of falling for Dina, Ellie has a fascination with a girl (you) that swims at the local creek near jackson.

( I imagine farm ellie looks here bc im a mullet enthusiast )

warnings: NSFW 18+ ONLY mdni, smut, kissing, mentions of sex, fingering (r receiving), service top! ellie, sub! reader, oral (r receiving), pet names,

word count : 8.5K (I KNOW SHE’S A BIT HEFTY BUT ITS WORTH IT IMO)

Jackson summers were painfully hot. Maybe it was the effects of the extensive bombing that took place when everything went to shit. Or maybe it was just living in the apocalypse that made everything unbearable. Everything was out to kill you, including the heat. Great.

You could cut the air with a knife. In this time of scarce recourses there wasn’t a lot of remedies people could access to alleviate the sheer heat that surrounded them. There was an occasional establishment in city limits that was graced with a limited amount of air conditioning. (In summers jackson preserved the generators for more important things) Although it never really stayed cool for long anyways because every citizen that wasn’t on patrol or working an assigned shift could be found in one of these buildings.

Fans were like gold during these times. If you were lucky to have one it was most likely scored on patrol, which was rare. So whatever chance you got, you found yourself at a creek just outside of jacksons walls to cool down. It was a flowing stream that kept cool year round, surrounded with trees and engulfed in shade from the sun.

Lots of people your age could be found there during these excruciating summer days. Mostly young adults, those old enough to be assigned on patrol with the exception of the occasional teenager. It was a safe space for younger people to get away from the effects that summer had on authority figures of jackson. To be fair the heat made everyone a little irritable, but you could only take so much.

You had almost made it to your sacred spot before a familiar voice stopped you in your tracks.

“Hey there little minnow” A soft but somewhat gruff voice states behind you.

You must have been so consumed with getting to your destination that you had failed to hear the footsteps of your fairly recently acquainted swimming partner close behind you.

It wasn’t an intentional initial meet cute, one day while you were enjoying your solitude she emerged from the trees. Her eyes were wondering in search of something but when they landed on you in the water, the curious stare faded and she asked if she could join you. You Accepted.

She wasn’t always there when you were but you had begun to notice that she has been attending the spot more frequently the past few weeks. You never said many words to each other, both using this time as more of a solitary escape than a social vacation. You couldn’t deny though, she had a presence that felt intimidating…yet comforting? So you never dismissed her. Maybe just admired observed her unique demeanor from a distance. Only ever exchanging words on occasion.

You slowly spun around to face her, taken aback by the new nickname that left her lips.

“Minnow?” You state teasingly, your raised brow coaxing a chuckle out of the girl.

“Ive seen you out here almost everyday.”

She looks down in a sort of bashful way. Clutching the strings of her bag on her shoulders in a fidgety manner.

“Like this creek is your home or something…honestly now that im thinking about it I dont know if Ive ever seen you anywhere in jackson but here.” She scratches the back of her neck and repositions upright. The bottom of her shirt lifts at the tug of her elbow upwards to gain better access to her neck. This action exposes her slightly tanned stomach and a v line practically begging you to stare at it.

You inhale. As you think about the times you have laid eyes on her you realize its always been the way she looks now. A slightly grown out mullet pushed back with a thin black headband, some sort of sports bra underneath a slightly cropped muscle tee, with short swimming trunks that stop a little less than halfway on her thighs. She always had slightly sun kissed cheeks and freckles that decorate her entire face in various places. Exhale. Maybe you do come here too much.

“I could say the same for you too, you know. This was my spot first.” You rebuttal in a playful tone, crossing your arms.

The young woman throws her hands up in defense and steps a little closer to you. You can see a layer of sweat rolling off her now.

“Fair, fair…you dont mind do you? Every other corner of this stream but this one is overrun by like- loud jackson youths. I just need somewhere I can cool down and relax. Away from the noise you know? If im honest the only reason I found this place is because I saw you sneaking away from the usual crowded section.”

Her eyes meet yours in search of something. Acceptance? Maybe just a sign that you dont think shes a creep? You cant help but blush at the thought of her eyes following you, curious of your endeavors.

She notices this.

“Its fine.” You state calmly. Genuinely. Which makes her smile as she watches you turn on your heels to continue to the stream.

“Just as long as you dont call me a minnow anymore…” You pause. In search of her name. You remember she told you the first time she swam with you.

“…Ellie. Right?” You keep walking ahead listening to her steps slightly behind you.

“Right. And got it, no more fish related nicknames. I like swimming here with you. Id hate to fuck it up.” You can hear the smirk in her tone. You try to shake it off but you cant. She enjoys your time together…Noted.

—

You make it to the edge of the stream and stop at a patch of grass where you normally put your things. This time Ellie settles next to you instead of her usual spot a few patches over.

“Can I ask why you come here so much? I feel like you have to be half fish.” You laugh at this, taking a liking to her humorous side as opposed to the usual quietness you are used to.

“Pretty much the same reason you do. That, and I dont have a fan in my room, so this is the only way I can stay cool in summer. ” You reply as you began to remove the clothes that served as a sort of practical cover up from the journey from your house to the stream.

Ellie hums in response and watches as you peel of the top that was clinging you your body on the walk here. Revealing the only bikini u had the luck of finding in this current state of the world. You were now only in your swim suit peering down at your own reflection in the water. Ellie stands up behind you, motivated by your new state and removes her black headband and muscle tee then tosses them ontop of her own belongings as she makes her way to stand next to you by the stream.

She is close. Closer than shes ever been before, which isnt even really THAT close. But for some reason its enough for you to notice. You can smell her now. The need to sneak a look at her state from this distance overcomes you. You can see some scars on her face you didnt notice before. A small pit in your stomach begins to form and u turn to look back at your own reflection in the water. Her gaze averts away from the stream and towards your direction. You shift your eyes to look at her reflection in the water until you muster enough strength to meet her gaze next to you. Ellies mullet has now fallen around her face and is stuck to her temples and forehead due to the heat. The green in her eyes impossible to ignore, almost as if they were daring you to swim in them and not the water next to you. The pit in your stomach grows a little larger but you cant think of anything to say. Luckily (as if she read your mind) she speaks up.

“Jump in on three?” She asks. You Nod.

“One” says ellie

“Twooo” You drag

“THREE!” You both shout and finally break eye-contact to jump into the cold water.

This day was different than the others, you both knew it.

—

After swimming for what felt like no time at all, (but both of you determined had been several hours due to the sun’s dramatic new position) you decided to leave the coldness of the water and return back to jackson city limits.

The walk back was silent. A juxtaposition to the time you two had spent together in the water. Maybe you were silently soaking in all the information you had learned about Ellie or maybe it was because your time together was almost over. This swim session was filled with questions about each other, statements about jackson and various basic getting to know each other things. Ellies questions were unique. She asked you things no one had before. It was as if she was desperate to know you, like she had already had an arsenal of questions ready for the moment you two had finally decided to get to know each other. Your questions came naturally, but still revealed a side to her that you could never predict yourself.

She was an artist. She was a killer, of man and monster alike. Mostly everyone was these days. Although, her stories and the journey it took to get Jackson was something you would never forget. Ellie loved jokes and comics and space. Nerd. She asked you lots (lots) of questions about your own theories of how the universe worked. You could tell your perspective was as interesting to her as the subject itself. You told her about your own interests which also seemed to dazzle her in a way even you couldn’t explain. Getting to know each other reminded you of reading a really good book, or traveling to somewhere new. Theres was so much to learn. So much to still unravel, details to notice. You didn’t want to stop getting to know Ellie. And she didn’t want to stop talking to you.

So the silent walk back was interrupted by Ellies voice.

“Um-you mentioned you dont have a fan in your room?” She asks, already knowing the answer but mostly seeing if you would fall into the trap she had been asking herself the entire walk back to jackson if she should set. You shake your head and respond.

“I do not unfortunately. Never got lucky enough on patrol to find one. I look every time though, and nothing. My guess is all of the ones within our patrol areas got taken by jackson citizens. If I wanted to find one these days I would probably have to journey for miles.” You state plainly. Curious why she asked, so you ask.

“Why?”

She looks up from her shifting feet.

“Well, I uh- have one. In my room…A fan. If you were still feeling hot.”

She steps closer.

“We could go there and continue to cool down...” Shes looking directly at you again. Her green eyes are begging for you to accept her seemingly gracious (but really somewhat selfish) offer. You cant help but swallow, hard.

You accept and she leads you to her place.

—

As you enter Ellies home everything she had told you at the creek before makes more sense. Its almost as if her personality had been stripped from her and placed on the walls and shelves around you. You had never seen a room with so much stuff. A part of you was curious on how she had collected so many items over the years. These days you had forgotten that was an option, you had become too consumed by other things to remember to have a personality of your own to decorate your home with.

You liked it in her room. Well liked was an understatement. You silently paced around the space taking note of everything you saw. Posters, figurines, lots of books and comics. You began to notice her art that was sprawled all over the room in various corners. She was talented. You noticed a guitar and a record player with lots of vinyls next to it. She had mentioned a guardian of hers had a large influence on her love for music. You made a mental note to make sure she showed you her appreciation for music sometime. As you continued to take in everything in silence, Ellie couldn’t take her eyes off you. She watched the way you hesitantly touched the occasional item. Her stomach did flips each time you stared a little longer than normal at a sketch or painting you had discovered around the space. Each little hmm or ah that exited your mouth left her with a mountain of curiosity. She wanted to know every thought behind every item you saw. She was overwhelmed by your presence in her space. You were here. Admiring her things, in her room, alone with her.

“So, what do you think?” Ellies asks.

“Of your room?”

“No of the fan.” She gestures to a grey fan slowly moving side to side placed near the corner of her bed.

“Oh. Its nice.”

“Im joking. Just nice?”

“Jerk. Your room is cool.”

“Yeah?”

“Mmhmm. I like your art.”

Ellie gestures to the art you have been observing for the last few minutes.

“Oh you mean this art?” She asks in a playfully sarcastic tone. You catch her smirking this time, not wanting to give her the full satisfaction so you decide to continue with the playful dialogue she has struck.

“Mmmhm, Id like to meet the artist someday. Do you think you could introduce me?” You ask. Now mirroring Ellie’s smirk.

“Woooooow.” She scoffs in response only making your smirk turn into a much wider grin.

“Ohhh!” You continue your game. Ellie continues to laugh whilst matching the increasing smile now on both of your faces.

“Is this? This cant be your art? I mean its actually good. I didn’t realize I was in the presence of a young van gogh.” You tease. Hoping you didn’t offend her with the comparison to the only artist you could remember. Now you are both laughing.

“Oh come on.” She rolls her eyes.

“Im no Van gogh.” She states boldly. Your laughter dies down slightly as you both continue to stare at a painting she had been working on. She turned her gaze back to you.

“You know Van goh was like, criminally underrated in his prime? He was deemed untalented by those who viewed his work when he was alive.” You smiled at the knowledge she decided to share with you.

“Ah so you do have something in common.” you turn to face her fighting a smile, wanting to see her reaction.

“Ohhh okay… whos the jerk now?” She asks as her head tilts slightly to the side, lips back in smirk position.

You dont respond immediately. Soaking in the effortlessness of you and Ellies rebuttal. You search for words to change the subject, but, in this moment you cant help but notice her current state. Shes in diffferent clothes now. The change must have happened as you were distracted admiring ellies room. She was dressed in dark blue boxers and a white longsleeve sleep shirt with the top two silver buttons left unclasped. The longsleeve was slightly oversized and stopped just above her waist with the sleeves pushed to her elbows. Her boxers were slightly shorter than the swimming trunks you were used to. The pit in your stomach had reappeared again. Noticing her now dry hair didnt help much either. It was very much disheveled sticking out every which way. Ellies fringe framed her face in a way that made your cheeks turn red. It was only then, when the heat on your face was significantly more prominent did you realize how long you had been staring.

Your gaze returns to Ellies eyes and the playful demeanor she once had was gone. Instead it was replaced with something much more. Her eyebrows were knit and her bottom lip was now under them punishment of her teeth. She looked at you as if you were a painting. Not one in a museum, more like one of her own. A piece of art she could only imagine in her head. A blank canvas she needed to decorate. Afraid one wrong stroke could ruin you. She looked at your arms, legs, stomach, chest. Ellie studied you with such intensity you thought you would dissolve under her stare. Your breathing increased. You swallow hard.

“Ellie.” You say, hoping to ease her piercing stare. Its no use. Shes lost in the observation of you.

She stands from her sitting position and slowly walks towards your direction, still saying nothing. Ellie still hadnt made direct eye contact for a while, so you took this moment to look at her face. You wanted to notice every facial expression she made whilst discovering your body. You watched her mouth part to support the fact that she was now breathing as hard as you were. With every step ellie inched closer you spotted something new. A freckle or scar, the slight pink of her lips, the twinge of brown in her astonishingly green irises.

She was inches away from you now, still refusing to acknowledge your eyes. Your instincts made u step away from her like two negative sides of a magnet. The more she moved into you the more you moved away. There wasnt much room for you to avert her. You continued this dance until you were met with the hardness of her desk behind you. The solid surface made contact with the lower half of your behind, leaving you no choice but to seize your movements away from ellies unwavering advances.

She stops and places her hands on either side of you. Your trapped now. Ellie is gripping her desk like she would fall over if she didn’t. Shes so close yet not touching you at all. Your breaths are now synched. You look at ellies neck and see her swallow hard. When you look at her face she still hasn’t gained the bravery to look you in the eye. Instead she has her eyes fixed on your slightly parted lips. She looks at them as if they were a cold glass of water just out of reach. A perfectly good dessert thrown in the trash. She looked at your lips as if she needed them to stay alive. Like it was painful.

How did you get here? One moment you two had been playful and lighthearted and now the room was filled with tension as thick as the hot air outside. The pit in your stomach returned with a great force.

Noticing this, you decided to be brave. You allowed your tongue to swipe itself through the part of your lips, wetting them for whatever was to come next. Ellie let out a shakey sigh of relief. Followed by a soft hum. Her head lowered in order to get a closer look at your newly damp lips, her eyebrows knit even more at the sight of them from this new angle.

Slowly but steadily her hand began to rise from its grip on the desk behind you. Her palm inched closer and closer to your face. Only until her hand had risen past your shoulders did you notice its presence, distracted by the concentration in her eyes. She froze for a moment molding her hand into a lazy cuping formation mere centimeters from your cheek.

She was shaking. Ellies breathing had picked up slightly. You took this opportunity to look away from her hand and back to her eyes, still not on yours. The painful yearning look was still painted on her face. As if she ran a marathon in order to connect with you but couldnt go the last mile, like she needed your permission to cross the finish line. So you moved your head forward and slowly wiggled into the crescent her long and slender fingers had formed so close to your face. As if you were begging her to become your own personal champion. You wanted to be her prize. Ellies breathing stopped.

For a moment there was pure silence. Every sound around you from the fan by the corner of her bed to the hum of jackson civilization became muffled. Everything in you ached for her finish what you two had started, whatever it was.

You leaned into the warmth her fingers provided biting back a whine for something more. Only then, when Ellie noticed you dripping with desperation did the first words in several minutes get uttered.

“Can I kiss you?” Ellie whispers in a low tone. You were sure you wouldnt have been able to hear it if she hadnt been so close. The heat emitting from her hand on your flushed cheek had become scalding. Unable to utter a word because you were afraid your voice might crack, you nod.

Ellie mirrors your prior actions and licks her own lips to alleviate the dryness her heavy breathing had caused. Green eyes still trained on your parted lips.

You feel the soft grasp she has on your cheek shift slightly. Her thumb strokes your cheek unbearably slow, inching closer and closer until it finds its place at the corner of your mouth. She pauses for a second, inhales-then swipes the digit slowly across your lower lip. This causes you to inhale deeply. Ellie had barely touched you at all, her intimate gesture crumbled what ever composure you thought you had left. You were going mad and extremely needy. Heart racing faster than ever. Then once she was done with the first touch your bottom lip, she swipes her finger even slower back across your top one. You swear the roughness of her finger tip is stained in your memory forever.

This causes you to become weak.

You sink into the desk behind you slightly leaning on it due to the fact that your knees no longer seemed to function. Ellie becomes the support of your head as your neck becomes limp after she had taken whatever strength you had at the delicate touch of your lips. Fuck. fuckfuckfuck.

You start to think its impossible for Ellie to look you in the eye. She had become entranced by your lips. You have yet to look away from her eyes which were still focused on the one place you wanted her most. It was evil that she has yet to meet your stare.

“Ellie..” You whispered once more. Yearning for something, anything. Then, as if she could hear your thoughts before they left your mouth for the second time today (at this point you were convinced) she began to grant you your wish.

Ellie pressed her head against yours for a moment and exhaled. “What are you doing to me?” She asks, in that painful tone you saw oozing out of her demeanor earlier. You cant find the words because you honestly dont know what you have done to make her want you this way. All you can think, see, hear is Ellie, ellieellieellieellieellie. So instead you plead for her. “Please look at me Ellie.”

She becomes more malleable each time you utter her name.

Ellies eyes rose to meet yours. Finally. Then your lips meet. It was as if your stare had pulled her in. When eye contact had been made she couldn’t stay away anymore. You thought that was maybe why it took her so long to return her gaze to yours. If she did, she couldn’t stop herself from doing whatever she wanted with you. But you didn’t care. You needed Ellie.

You both sigh into the kiss, eye contact unbroken for a moment. Sure most people would consider open eyes during this moment strange, it didn’t bother you though. It had felt like eons since she had graced you with direct eye contact. You needed it so desperately you refused to look away. So did she. So you kissed like this for a moment.

Her eyebrows had scrunched together again at the sight of your own eyes trained on hers, matching desperation. This made you sink even further into her grasp. Finally finding the courage to reach out and grab onto her, you placed your hands on either side of her waist pulling her into you. This new closeness made both of your eyes snap shut. You swam in the feeling of her lips on yours. She was as comforting as the stream that had brought you together.

Ellie was remarkably soft. Images of her once rugged state appeared in your head furthering the intensity you were feeling. How could someone who appeared so tough, be so malleable? So gentle? The curiosity made you whine for more. More and so much more. Her lips belonged on yours. Each slip and slide of your swollen pink lips on each other further ignited what you both thought was long gone. You couldn’t stay silent, moans and whimpers escaping from you left and right. This only made Ellie hold you tighter. Kiss you harder.

She ran her hands to the underside of your exposed thighs until her hands were where she wanted them. Her grip tightened on your skin as she lifted you onto her desk. Painting materials shifted behind you due to your presence. This action caused you to squeal slightly, which drove Ellie mad. She grabbed your waist and brought your clothed core against her own. This new position made Ellie moan into your mouth.

It was a sound that made your whole body become hot. The once soft kiss had turned into a dance for dominance. Your hands traveled from her waist to the back of her mullet due to the new position. You tugged on Ellies hair as if it would bring you closer in her already impossibly tight embrace. This action coaxed another moan out of her mouth against your lips and she broke contact for the first time in what felt like hours. Ellie left her forehead connected with yours and suddenly she was back to her harsh breathing state.

“Shit.” She curses and breaks her gaze on your swollen lips to meet eyes that are already trained on her. “Your driving me crazy” She pecks your lips. “Those pretty fucking noises you make are driving me crazy baby.” Ellie states in that dangerously intoxicating tone. You both breathe harshly. You can still feel her hands on the small of your back underneath your shirt.

A devilish grin forms on your lips which turns into a breathy laugh coming from both parties. She interrupts your laughter with another peck on your lips. and another. and another. You are both still laughing. You cant tell if its because everything was moving so fast or because how good you feel in this moment. Thats a conversation for later.

“You taste-“ Ellie starts in a whisper.

“Like the lake?” You cut her off.

She laughs at your answer and deepens the kiss once more. “Mhhmm” She hums into your mouth. Then pulls away.

“Wait how did you know?”

“Because you taste like the lake.” You moan back pulling her in to kiss you again. She pulls away.

“Shit, is it bad?” She inquires in a concerning voice.

“Do I taste bad?” You ask.

“No, you taste like fresh water and the feeling of outside? Its like oddly addicting.” Shes scratching your back now and it’s making your head spin.

“Good. You dont taste bad either. You taste really good actually.” You say shakily. Your brain has become foggy due to Ellies-well everything. Her smell, her voice, her hands on your body.

“Yeah?” She asks and leans back to observe the effect she has on you. Ellie loves how out of it you are. She needs more.

You nod slowly and hum whilst wrapping your hands around her neck again to pull her head closer to yours. Before she can enclose the space between you, she whispers something against your lips.

“Can I lay you down on my bed pretty baby?” Shes begging you now. Ellie is drunk on your touch and reassurance. You mistake her desperation for confidence at the new nickname for you that leaves her lips. You cant do any thing but whine and wrap yourself around her. Legs surround her waist and arms settled on her broad shoulders. You crane your head against her neck and whisper your response in her ear.

“Please Ellie.” You drag out slowly. She shivers at the feeling of your breath against her neck. Ellie runs her hands over your legs making sure you are securely wrapped around her. Then she grasps your butt to lift you off her cluttered desk. The grip she has on you there sends a shock to your core. You cant help but moan and sink further into the crook of her neck. She chuckles at your sensitivity to her touch. Which only sends you further into bliss. Theres something so tantalizing about the fact that you were falling apart so easily and you had barely been touched. You both could feel it. Ellie holds you close until she reaches her bed and gently places you on her dark green covers.

Almost as soon as you hit the mattress she was on you again. Ellie had one hand on the side of your stomach just above your waist. She had slipped that hand under the shirt you had on and was touching your skin directly. Her other hand was propped in a way that help her upper body stay upright, but her lower half was slotted in between you. You continued making out like this.

The friction of your bodies was becoming more and more intense. The hand that was touching you began exploring your body. From caressing your stomach to your back and down to your butt to pull you closer into her lower half. “So soft.” Ellie barely whispers just loud enough for you to hear.

Your hands had found their way underneath ellies shirt and clawed at her back desperately. You tried to mirror her caresses of you on her back, but her touch and kiss was so overwhelming all you could do was grasp at nothing but skin. Leaving scratches she would sport proudly at a later time.

“Your body feels so good against mine.” She says against your ear making your hips buck up to hers. The slotted position makes your core connect with her thigh. And your thigh to her core. Ellie hissies and grips your hips in that position so you cant move as she rolls her own hips into yours. This action elicits a moan from you both. Foreheads connect as Ellie swears against your mouth. “Fuuuuck.” She continues the movement of her hips in an achingly slow manner. You both cant believe how good it feels and you tell her that you need-

“More. I need more.”

“Yeah?” She moans. This is when Ellie realizes you both are fully clothed. She moves her hands from your hips to your back and sits you both up. You pull back from your closeness to look at her for a moment, wondering what her actions would lead to next.

You take her current state in. Ellie is completely disheveled. She looks so fucked out in-front of you. You blush at the thought that its because of you. The mess of her mullet, the sweat on her temples, her flushed cheeks and glossed puffy lips. All your doing. If she looks this good now you were definitely a goner for whatever she had in store.

Ellie maneuvers herself so she can sit in between your legs. She takes in your spread out position on display for her, then looks at you.

“Im getting hot in these clothes.” She says as her hands move back to their place under your shirt. You exhale at the feeling of her fingers tracing your sides.

“M-Me too.” You whisper.

The heat building in you as she moves her hands up your sides as your top bunches at her wrists the higher they venture up your body. When her hands find their place just below the pits of your arms you lift them above your head and let her remove the damp fabric from your body. Ellie hooks her fingers into your shorts and states-

“Lift your hips baby.” You should’ve known to do this. But you were far too distracted by the way she looked undressing you. That same sort of nervousness from earlier (when she refused to look you in the eye) filled her demeanor. So when she snapped you back to earth with her voice you had to ask her to repeat herself. Instead of vocalizing her needs she took matters into her own hands. Ellie leaned over you and grasped your hips to lift upward. This caused you to fall on your back and gasp as she shimmied your shorts down your legs. When she pulled them off you completely, her hands dragged back up your legs to spread you open and move them back in their position on either side of her. She pulled you closer so that she could move her hands up and down your thighs and take you in for a moment.

Her eyes on you in this position made you grow wet. You have nothing but your swimsuit on now. Which was in a different type of way than what she saw you in earlier. This was 10x more intimate, you feel exposed. Dirty.

You are nearly naked with your legs open due to Ellie putting them there. Now it was your turn to look a mess. Fucked and blushing without even being touched in your leaking center.

Her bottom lip is pushed out into a pout and her head cocked to the side. Ellie sighed deeply like she pitied you. Like you were a toy left at her dispense to play with for as long as she wanted.

The darkness that slowly seeped into her eyes made you embarrassed at your exposed state. You didn’t want her to think you had abandoned all of your composure and willpower. You wanted to surprise her. You brought your hand behind your neck and lifted it slightly so you could untie the swim suit top you had on. As the strings fell apart on either side of your head Ellies breath hitched. Then you lifted your back and pulled the bow placed there loose. You never broke eye contact with her. There was no support on your chest now. This left the swimsuit to act as a mere barrier between your breasts being fully exposed to Ellie. Instead of removing the piece yourself you asked-

“Will you touch me Ellie?”

The way her name exited your lips drove Ellie insane. She let out a shakey breath and brought her hands to your ribcage. Each time her fingers met your skin its like the first. Your stomach flips and the temperature rises in your head fogging your brain. Ellies touch had you reeling. Slowly she raises her hands up your sides until she is grasping your fully exposed chest in her palms. Shes shaking.

“God.” She breaths out.

You cant help but whine at the contact. Instinctively your chest rises with her grasp causing your back to lift off the bed making Ellie bite her lip as her chest rises and falls. She kneads the soft skin and you squirm under her touch. Her hands are impossibly hot against your skin. The sounds coming from you only encouraging her more.

“Fuck baby.” She whispers to herself again. “Look at you.”

She spreads her hands to reveal your perky nipples. Painfully hard from her touch. Shes salivating now. Her mouth remains parted as she inhales harshly, tongue constantly swiping and swirling around her lips to keep from drooling. Ellie runs her thumbs over your sensitive buds, taking you back to moments earlier when she did the same to your lips. The roughness of them still not lost on you, you sigh from her touch.

She playes with you like this until you cant take anymore. With every knead and tug on your breasts, your pussy became more wet. The puddle forming underneath you was not ignored by Ellie. She simply wanted to take her time with you. But you were growing impatient, you needed relief.

“Mmmno more.” You grabbed her wrists to stop her movements. She tried to continue but your grasp was so strong she had no luck. So instead she leaned down to your chest and blew cool air on your right nipple causing you to bite back a moan.

“You all done baby? Cant take anymore?” She continued to blow on your chest. Your whole body shivered. She moved to the left nipple.

“I havent even kissed you here yet…” Her tone had you spinning. She sounded sad. Deprived. Shit.

“Mmmfine. Y-You can keep going. But not for too long, I need you Ellie.” You managed to get out. She gave you a look of affection and relief. Like you gave Ellie her life back. She nodded and reassured you.

“I promise I wont tease you for too much longer, I just want to savor you. You are just sooo pretty baby.”

Your head fell back against the mattress at her words. You have never heard something so intoxicating to your ear drums. Ellie sounding desperate to have you sent you even further into bliss. Then she brought you a new wave of pleasure when her soft lips came in contact with your raw nipples, sensitive and red from her teasing. She sucked the pain of her previous actions away. Ellies tongue swirled around your areolas and flicked across your aching buds. You could no longer stay silent. Your hands flew to Ellies Mullet and scratched at her scalp at her undying progressions on your body. You were a mess of “Ohs and Ahs” urging her to continue as she switched to your neglected breast causing you to go through the motions once more. This went on for what felt like forever, then Ellie finally detached.

“Wait-“ You whined at the loss.

“Shh shh. Im going to take care of you now.” She says against your lips before kissing you again.

You dissolve into her kiss. Its wetter now, the saliva from making a mess of your tits had coated her lips. Everthing had become sloppy. Ellie kissed you as she fumbled out of her boxers and white sleep shirt. Leaving her more exposed than you were, seeing as all you had left to reveal to her was your soaked cunt hidden by your bikini bottoms.

But first you admired her. She was beautiful. Lean and strong. Her frame was small but she somehow had muscle everywhere you looked. The longer you stared the hazier your mind became.

“You’re beautiful.” It comes out of your mouth like a waterfall, so fast you couldn’t stop yourself. You inhale a sharp breath and blush from embarrassment.

“Thank you pretty.” She says in a slight chuckle. When she had enough of the attention on her she began to slot herself against you once more. Bringing together your two hot, now exposed bodies.

“Oh my god.” She breathed.

The feeling on skin to skin contact was a drug. She lay barely ontop of you as you collided. Her exposed cunt was moving and grinding on your thigh messily with no rhythm. Ellie was using your body. Hands exploring each other like it was your job. You were drunk on the feeling of her body on yours. You were jealous at the relief she was getting from you, but it had also sparked something deep inside you. You kissed like this until Ellie had moved her lips to your neck. She sucked there for a moment, making sure to leave a mark. Her hips had lifted as she moved lower down your body. She kissed your collarbones, the valley between your breasts, stomach, belly button. Until she kissed you at the center of your swimming bottoms. Then she moved lower and finally kissed you right on your clothed core ontop of your puffy clit.

“Oh shit” You breathed. You were incredibly sensitive.

She looked up at you from her new spot settled between your legs. Ellie gave u a pleading look. Laced with lust and desperation. She needed to taste you. Now. You gave her a nod of approval and moved to remove your swim bottoms before she stopped you.

“Keep them on.”

There it was again, that tone that drove u crazy. How could you deny her? You wanted to tell her that it wasn’t fair because she was more undressed than you were. But when she sounded like that, and looked like that, between your legs no less…all you could do was nod and watch. Ellie hooked her finger into the side of your suit and tugged them upward creating friction between you and the fabric on your clit. The sensation made u grasp at the comforter underneath you. You tried to hard not to rock your hips, at least not yet. You were sure if you moved any more than what ellie was already doing you would snap. Ellie brought her free hand to her mouth and spat. The sound caused you to twitch. Which she noticed.

“How does this feel baby? Do my fingers feel good? They making u wet baby? Hmm?” It wasn’t a condescending tone. She wanted to make sure you felt good. Really.

Ellie had began to circle her slick digits around your sensitive mound. She would occasionally drag her fingers up and down the sides of your exposed lips. Sending you into a frenzy.

“Y-Yeah…” Your overwhelmed shy tone wasn’t enough to convince her that she should continue.

“Yeah? You sure?” her expression is almost teasing now. Eyebrow raised and grin apparent. You were under her spell.

“Yes! Yes…Feels too good Ellie.” You almost shout. Your voice is tinged with pain and pleasure. The good kind of pain. The you needed release and you needed it now, pain. Finally satisfied with your response Ellie massages you harder, tugs at your swimsuit harsher. The sight of your arched back and agape mouth only made the need to taste the continuous slick pouring out of you unbearable. Ellie needed to take action. Now.

You yelp as Ellie unexpectedly tears your swimsuit down your legs and wets her fingers in your slick. Then she is face to face with your dripping cunt.

“Im gonna kiss you down here now okay? I cant wait anymore…you look too delicious, soo beautiful.” The words ooze out of her perfect mouth.

You sit up to watch as Ellie places a delicate kiss on your clit. You’re shaking now. She repeats this up and down your pussy a few times never breaking eye contact. Each kiss sends you deeper and deeper into the pit of pure euphoria.

“Ohhh fuckk Ellie—.”

You think it cant get any better until Ellie flattens her tongue and begins to lap at the pool of slick pouring out of you. She sinks her tongue into your folds sucking, kissing and licking every surface of your overstimulated core. You are nearly screaming now. You hadn’t even come yet. It was approaching fast, you were trying so desperately to release, you were just so damn hot. Too hot. You pat the soft top of ellies hair and she stops her antics to meet your gaze.

“You dont like it?”

You shake your head harshly and tell her that you’ve never felt so good.

“Whats wrong then baby?” She gives you a look of genuine concern.

“M-Hot Ellie, I feel like im going to pass out.”

Ellie gives u those pitty eyes again and your weak. “Oh babyyy.” You hear her pout. She lays u flat on your back once more and pushes your body to the corner of the bed. At first you question her methods but then remember the savior device that persuaded you to come here in the first place.

Ellie leans over u to halt the rotation function of her fan and dials the speed up to 3. Now cool air is flooding your senses and bringing you back to earth. Ellie finds her position back in between your legs and continues her earlier routine. Instantly your brought back to your breaking point. Something about the heat between your legs and the cool air at your front was driving you insane.

“Better?” Ellie questions as she continues to suck hard on your clit. Already knowing the answer based on the way your body is reacting. You cant even answer you are so consumed in the pleasure of the movement of her fingers and the breeze of the fan. The cool air has made you dumb. Ellie had made you weak. Still, she needed to hear you say it. So she teases her middle finger at your entrance to get an answer out of you.

“I need you to tell me if you feel better pretty girl, or Im going to have to stop.”

That was the last thing you wanted. Your hands left the sheets and found their way to her hair, eyes meeting hers. You hum and whine shaking your head in protest.

“Better Ellie, So much better. Please dont stop.” You almost cry. Its all too much.

“Good girl.” Ellie Coos, then inserts her finger inside of you. With every centimeter entering u deeper and deeper your back arches higher and your mouth falls more open. When shes fully in you, she begins thrusting her long digit in and out curving the tip of her finger prodding where it feels the best.

“Shit your tight.” Ellie spits.

You become limp at her actions and your hands grip her auburn hair tight. You cant help but moan loudly at her actions. The feeling of her inside of you was heaven. Ellie couldn’t take seeing you like this, she had to give you more. So she brought her mouth down to your shaking legs and placed wet kisses on your thighs and all around your pussy until her mouth sucked where you wanted her most. You were a wreck. Exactly how she wanted you. She continued moving her longest digit in and out of you in that curling motion loving the way you clenched around her finger. When she thought you could handle it she detached her lips from your pussy and slipped in another finger.

“I need you to take this finger too baby, it’s going to feel so good okay?” Shes talking you through it like it’s your first time. Obviously you have touched yourself before. Sex wasn’t foreign to you, just rare. But something about this moment made it feel like you were discovering the act all over again, with Ellie as your guide.

This full sensation brought you back to a sitting up position so you could make eye contact as she exited and entered you over and over. It was a filthy sight. Her hair was completely stuck to her head and her mouth formed and ‘o’ shape. Ellies string of curses and moans were borderline pornographic.

“Yeah Hmm? Shit listen to how well your- fuck-fucking taking my fingers in baby.”

She was turned on just by the sight of her effect on you. Ellie was getting off on it. The sounds coming from your cunt drove her mad. She wouldn’t let up, she moved back down to taste you again. You began to move your hips chasing that same need you saw from the girl below you. You could feel the fuse about to blow inside of you as you humped Ellies fingers and face.

“Els Im gonna-“ your voice had reached an impossibly high pitch.

“Please please come for me baby let me taste you.”

Remembering how good the cool air made you feel earlier, she pushed you closer to the edge of the bed until you were almost hanging off. Your body was so close to the fan you could feel the fast blowing air everywhere now. On your nipples, stomach, and even through the hair on top of your pussy. You focus on the feeling of the cool from the fan for a moment to long that u see water. You saw the beloved stream you swam in just today. Your own heaven. You see Ellie. You had reached your climax and you didn’t even know it until you were coming all over Ellies hands and face.

“Shit-Ellie!” The speed of her fingers had doubled. You saw flashes of the creek and you swimming in it. Ellie had made you come so hard you were seeing things.

“Mmhmm baby you’re doing so good. So pretty like this.” She kept you like this until the pitch in your voice had become so high it was silent. Until you were a writhing panting mess chanting Ellies name over and over. Only when your hands loosened their tight grip on her hair did she slow the movement of her fingers inside of you.

Ellie helped you ride your high for a moment before retracting her fingers from you and kissing your swollen cunt one more time.

“You taste amazing.”

She smoothes her hands over your body making you shiver under her touch. She couldn’t help but stare at your fucked out state.

“You are so beautiful.”

You don’t even have words to respond to her compliments. Your sex drunk more than ever and completely non verbal. Instead u hum in acceptance. Which she laughs at.

After moments of admiring you she grabs her discarded boxers and begins to clean you up with them, too lazy to move up from the bed. This was fine to you because while u were nonverbal, you also couldn’t move.

The fan was still on full blast and Ellie craved to share the cool air with you. You had gone completely limp. Exhausted from Ellie having her way with you. So Ellie laid next you and pulled your body against hers. Skin to skin contact making you hum. Your face had gone to that perfect place in her neck. You took in her smell before she turned her head to look at you. Her eyes were lidded and sleepy, but also in awe of your state and her affect on you. She smirked slightly and placed a slow breathy kiss on your lips. When you broke apart your eyes were too heavy to open them again for the night. Ellie took one last look at you before sleep over came her.

“Thank youu, fan.” She whispered before pulling you closer and falling into deep sleep.

Thank god for fans. Thank god for the creek. Thank god for Ellie. (and her fingers) You thought and snuggled into her before dozing off completely.

Maybe this summer won’t be too unbearable.

🌿

#ellie williams #ellie the last of us #ellie tlou #ellie x fem reader #ellie x y/n #ellie x reader #ellie x you #the last of us #tlou #tlou2 #ellie williams smut #ellie williams oneshot #wlw #lesbian #wlw ns/fw #top!ellie

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ffsg0jo · 10 days

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I loved your Ramadan works with the JJK characters. It's so nice to see another muslimah who writes for JJK :)). I am not sure if you are still actively posting, but would you consider writing a piece with the cast's reaction to the hijab and abaya? JazakAllah!

jjk characters with a muslim/hijabi reader [gojo edition]

gojo x reader [platonic or romantic it's open to interpretation]

w/c: 955 words

a/n: i got so carried away writing gojo's i realised if i added more characters, it'd be an incredibly long post. so i took them out and i'm gonna post them over the next couple weeks <33 so far i have megumi, nanami, itadori and nobara lmk if you want anymore characters :)) also guys pls feel free to send requests/suggestions :))

also anon you're the sweetest person every thank you so so much you've single handedly given me motivation to keep writing and ive got more works coming out. i hope you're having an amazing day inshaAllah bestie 💗

Gojo definitely thinks you’re doing a cosplay of some sort. It’s not uncommon in certain parts of Tokyo, so it’s safe to assume so most of the time. Even he’s been mistaken for Kakashi cosplays a lot of the time, with his black get-up and blindfold.

But then he sees you wearing different colour hijabs and abayas, and sometimes even a cute lil jilbabs and it confuses him. Suddenly, the thought occurs to him that maybe you’re not in a 24/7 cosplay, like him, and actually just dress covered head to toe.

As soon as he reaches that epiphany you best believe he pesters you and badgers you for answers. “y/n are you cold? is that why you’re always dressed like that?”

At first, you think it’s funny to give him nonsensical answers because he keeps saying stupid things, but you realise he's being deadly serious. plus, he gets increasingly bothersome, so you eventually get annoyed from all his questioning and just tell him about how you’re a Muslim and observe hijab.

He actually takes it quite seriously and apologises for lowkey making fun of your shitty cosplay in his head. He’s ignorant, not prejudiced, so he defo takes it back and, for once, takes accountability and apologises for his actions. He’s personally not a believer, but he respects it.

Once, you complained about how expensive abayas were becoming and how you just wished someone would just buy you a whole wardrobe of them to all the students, and he happened to overhear.

Literally days later he’s at your door with multiple bags full of abayas and hijabs and all sorts of modest clothing. You’re completely shick shack shook and don’t know what to say. You defo cry and try to hide it with your headscarf.

He barges into your room (after making sure you’re fully covered, he's learnt from that mistake) and spends the next 5 or so hours showcasing each item and telling you where in the world he got it from, the materials and everything.

He has really good taste in colours and styles and knows what would look good on you. You’re literally set for life. Absolutely refuses to let you pay him back. Every single time you mention money, he shuts you down and changes the topic entirely.

In summer he’s shocked you look relatively calm and okay. He’s literally boiling his bum off with a tank top (I’m laughing at imagining Gojo in a white tank top like an immigrant dad lmaoo) and you’re looking as fresh as daisies with everything covered. He asks how you're not melting and you’re waffling to him about airflow and how it’s actually quite breezy, and you’re not wearing anything underneath, so it’s fine, and he stops breathing and short circuits.

He looks at you with his eyes wide, and his sun reddened face goes a shade darker. "You’re not wearing anything underneath?" He takes it the completely wrong way, and you realise what it sounds like, and you’re both a bumbling mess.

It's the first time anyone’s ever seen Gojo that flustered.

Also some quickfire headcanons:

He genuinely thought you slept and showered with your hijab on, so he burst into your room one day and you screamed and he immediately warped somewhere else when he saw you wearing pyjamas (he didn’t see anything above your clothed knees, he panicked and left so quickly plus he was scared to look).

Gets you cute little clips to put on your hijab. He thinks they’re pretty.

Is absolutely devasted you can’t have mochi and some other desserts because they have pork gelatine in them and he always tries to find vegan alternatives.

Purposefully steps on your abaya/dress when it's flowing and he's behind you to annoy you.

Has extra pins pinned onto his uniform for you just in case you need them.

This is a secret he’ll take to his grave, but he actually tried to make you one of his favourite desserts you couldn’t eat (he threatened the bakery for the recipe), but it went so disastrously wrong he gave up and didnt want to face the embarrassment.

I’m talking melted plastic in the oven, small kitchen fire, eyebrows singed, and potential carbon monoxide poisoning bad.

You wore this specific shade of light blue once with a cream khimar, and for some reason, he was absolutely obsessed with that outfit. It wasn't until Nobara pointed out that your outfit matched Gojo's colour scheme did he finally realise why <33

The abaya sizing really confused him and he was so baffled as to what the numbers meant. Wdym size 52 what does that even measure 😭😭

He was faffing about for 2 hours before he realised he could've just googled it, and he felt absolutely stupid about it.

Whenever he sees a bit of your hair accidentally peeking out he covers his eyes and screams at you to "cover yourself woman goddammit". He's so dramatic honestly.

Thinks it’s hilarious seeing you run in your abaya. He thinks its the funniest thing in the world.

Once (he's lying defo more than once) he was zoned out while watching you and his heart started beating faster when he realised how beautiful you are with your long dress blowing in the breeze and your hijab lightly fluttering. You looked ethereal. He didn't know what to think, and he pushed his feelings back down. Deep deep down.

He doesn't need unnecessary feelings complicating things, but for some reason, his heart still yearns for you.

He also makes terrorist jokes about you to you. I will not explain that one, but he 100% does.

#🌻.sunspell #🌻.nonny<33 #jjk x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu gojo #gojo satoru #jjk satoru #satoru gojo #gojo x reader #satoru x reader #gojo satoru x reader #satoru gojo x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu gojo satoru #jjk gojo satoru #jjk satoru gojo #muslim reader #gojo x muslim reader

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cyber-seaweed · 1 year

Note

okay the AMOUNT of ooc skk fics i stumble through will be the death of me. i read through your replies on that post so i know u get it so if you have recs for ones u feel actually do them well....... pls share

ive been in this fandom for four years and still dont have enough fics because i haaate ooc skk, but ill put all my favs here. disclaimer that i mostly go for long running fics, so im sure theres a lot of amazing one shots i might be missing!!

i was screaming your name through the radio // 256,709 words

there's a good chance you've already read this one, but this one is probably my fav fic ever!! seriously the best characterizations of chuuya and dazai, i love their dynamic sooo much here. if you haven't read this one, do it!!! a great fic in everyway, the only fic where i actually cried out of relief when they FINALLY get together.

the art of precious scars // 109,410 words

this one shocked me, i haven't seen it on many recs but it's one of my favorites of all time too! i looove how they write dazai in this one, i love skks dynamic here a lot. definitely worth a read!

empire of dirt // 59,748 words

this one will make you cry. it's an amazing fic! i don't have much to say on this one without spoiling it, but if you haven't read this one yet. im sorry.

tied knots // 202,862 words

ok so this one is odd, normally i go for fics where i like all of the bg ships, but this one has a bg ship thats very...well ive never seen it. it works very well in the actual story though! i avoid odazai too, but this one doesn't really have it, its platonic dw!! other than those two things, i really enjoy this one. skk are quite unhealthy here, but i enjoy them so much....

still still still // 112,578 words

probably the most popular fic on this rec, however it's popular for a reason!! i love this one a lot, it's another music au, but takes it in a much different direction. this ones really good!

i know it's only five, im sorry!! most of my times spent w skk fics end with me clicking off midway through because i hate the direction they took skk in. if anyone has some good recs with in character skk, pls post them in the comments too!!

#soukoku #skk #osamu dazai #chuuya nakahara #bsd #bsd fic recs #soukoku fic

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cat3ch1sm · 5 months

Note

HI EVE

So umm I wanna start writing hxh stuff but I'm scared it'll be really ooc :(( I watched the whole anime, restarting it and I'm reading the Manga too so I know the personalities of the characters well but I'm still not confident I can portray it right... it would be super embarrassing if I post my first story/ headcanon and the comments i get are "they wouldnt say that" "they wouldnt do that" "that wouldnt happen" 😭the way you write characters sound so like them and I rlly wanna make hcs and stories like you so pls spill your secrets 🙏🙏 if it helps, the characters I think I'll be most writing for are the main 4, kalluto and alluka (they're so underrated!!) mb hisoka andddd silva & kikyo? (I kinda wanna make some cute scenarios w them like they go on a date or smthing 🥺 idk why) but ofc, I would love to learn how to write for the majority of the hxh characters. But ummm it's okay if u don't have any advice, I'll just cry infront of my blank Google docs page 😔😔 (I'm jk, have a good day!!)

🐢~ OMG HI IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LATE I FEEL AWFUL :(( @xl3vviii i love uu thanks for your request and patience 💚💚 i will try my best to explain my process in a general way so it’s easy to write for any character you’d like! i really hope this helps you<333

🍀~ and i totally feel you on the not wanting mean comments thing😭😭 broo ive been fortunate enough to not really receive those kind of comments but i did once and WOW was i embarrassed and changed it immediately😭😭 and the crying in front of a blank google doc page?? you are so real for that 😭😭😭

🌲~ another note to my followers in general: i want to sincerely apologize for my absence. my devices i usually post on all decided to conveniently stop working so that really sucked but my phone is back again!! im really grateful for you all and your patience, and i want to thank you guys so much for 3.5k! i have no intentions of leaving and i hope i can write lots more for you guys. hopefully i don’t ever need to be gone that long again! i love u all so muchh and thank you a million times 💚💚

𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐢 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬!

a/n~ so sorry if this sucks cause ive never given a tutorial for my writing but i will DO MY BEST

so you said you wanted to write cute scenarios of dates for the hxh main four+ hisoka, silva , and kikyo! first thing i usually consider when i get requests especially, or just when i have an idea, is: would this character even do this? like if someone asks me, “hey, can you write headcanons for illumi zoldyck with a soft/sweet/kind s/o?” that would be possible (though maybe a little far-fetched canonically). it’s fine to stretch those boundaries a bit for fanfiction, i think. but if that request had instead been like “can you write reader x soft/sweet/kind illumi?” that would’ve been a hard no. don’t alter characters’ natural personalities because then it’s not the same character. what sometimes helps me is, especially if i haven’t watched or read any media of the character im writing for in a while, is looking up the character’s wiki on the FANDOM site and reading through their personality traits as well as their key moments because it helps me to determine what the character would do in the story and how they might react to some things. feel free to also go back and look at clips of the anime or pages of the manga; i find it helps as well!

so for what you want to write specifically, cute dating scenarios, i think that most of the characters you’ve chosen are a good fit. the main four are good for a prompt like that, and the zoldyck children you’ve chosen can be fitting as well. but as for hisoka, kikyo, and silva, that kind of prompt might not fit so well because obviously these characters can’t be seen as sweet or kind or loving. has hisoka ever expressed any interest in wooing someone properly or is he someone who operates on lust? did kikyo and silva court each other and go on little dates or was their marriage probably arranged/forced/only useful for selfish purposes? do their personalities even allow for sentiments like dates? would they even consider that? before writing something ask yourself if you can really see the character doing that clearly in your mind.

i think it’s a great thing that you’ve watched and read the respective canon content of your characters, and it’s good to refer to it if you ever find yourself struggling to characterize someone accurately. however, it is fanfiction, so don’t feel like you need to be super rigid. write whatever you’d like, honestly. but here’s a really common thing i notice when people write fanfiction: they take one aspect of the character and run the shit into the ground. a prime example of this is hobie brown from across the spiderverse and his “i don’t believe in consistency” line. like Jesus Christ. well-written fictional characters, like the ones of hxh, are often as versatile as real people are. make sure the character doesn’t feel like some one-dimensional version of themselves, and please don’t write for the character only based on one aspect of their personality. for example, hisoka is rather unpredictable, so that’s something you’d probably want to incorporate into writings for him. but for characters like most of the zoldycks, you’re going to want to tread a little lighter since they aren’t the main characters and thus we don’t see a whole lot of them. in situations like this, you might have to focus on just what you can see of them. so again, just ask yourself if you can see the character really doing what you’re writing them to do. would they act that way in an actual episode of the anime or volume of the manga? if you’re unsure or the answer is no, try going a different route.

it is also okay to make mistakes. practicing a lot will eventually get you to where you want to be. i still find myself slipping up in my writings and getting carried away (so read over your writings before you publish them)!! my dms are open if you ever would like me personally to review a piece and offer maybe more specific advice!

i hope this helped you, dear💚 again feel free to dm me if you have any more questions. thank you for your support 💚

#cat3ch1sm #anime #hxh headcanons #hxh memes #hunter x hunter #hisoka x reader #illumi x reader #killua x reader #gon freecss headcanons #illumi hxh #gon hxh #killua hxh #writing tips #writers on tumblr #x reader #hxh x reader

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cbk1000 · 6 months

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Hi there!

Ive recently stumbled across your works, and I just wanted to say that I enjoy your writing soso much!! Each time i read any of ur pieces, i feel ever so blessed that i can read them for freee,,, ??like wow!! I absolutely love your characterization of arthur, and any piece of banter you write never fails to make me laugh!

Your writing style is so addictive, ive honestly found myself missing it when I read anything else. Because of this, id like to ask if you have any book recs? hehee anything that inspired that brain and writing of yours seems like it would be a worthwile read!! From ur alltime favs, or recent favs, comfort books, or books that gave u personal epiphanies, pls feel free to not hold back !! (If its not too much trouble)

And once again, thank you soso much for all your lovely works!! 💗

I LOVE talking about books, so thank you so much for this ask. This is a very truncated list of some of my favourite authors and books because if I wanted to talk about all of them, that would be a post as long as one of my fics.

First up is Terry Pratchett, who I came to rather late; I just started reading Discworld in 2020, despite @clonemaster-general and @jinxedwood telling me years earlier I should read him, so they should feel free to be smug about the fact that I ignored their sound advice for a long time and then went, "Ok, where do I sign up for the cult" after reading approximately one (1) Pratchett novel.

Discworld is a fantasy satire series that's over 40 books long, but those 40+ books simply take place in the same world and do not have to be read in order, although I would recommend reading any subseries featuring the same characters in order (the City Watch books starting with 'Guards! Guards', the Witches starting with ''Wyrd Sisters' etc.) Pratchett did write some non-Discworld books, although the bulk of his very large body of work is that series. He was a very gifted writer who was able to present the stupidity and injustices of humanity in a way that made you laugh and feel that it's bearable to live alongside these things. No other author has made me laugh so much at dumb little puns or dick jokes and then suddenly slapped me with a banger of a line about human nature.

'The Once and Future King' by T.H. White. A retelling of Malory's 'Le Morte d'Arthur'. It's silly, it's touching, it asks why humans go to war. If you're tired of relentless grimdark, this book shows you that a novel can explore serious themes and ask serious questions of its readers while also being a bit silly and stupid, because like suffering, silliness and stupidity is an intrinsic part of the human experience.

'The Left Hand of Darkness' by Ursula Le Guin. I could really just say, "All of Ursula Le Guin's stuff" because I've read several novels, a ton of her short stories, plus most of her essay collections and I've loved them all, but I wanted to mention this one particularly because Le Guin was examining our ideas of gender and society in the fucking 60s and I'm tired of hearing right-wing nutjobs bang on about trans people like they're some alien species newly landed on our planet to kidnap our children. Also, what I love about Le Guin's sci-fi is that she was concerned primarily with the culture of alien societies, not laser guns, and her world building is incredibly deep in that regard. Her father was an anthropologist, and you can see how his studies shaped her writing.

'The Lymond Chronicles' by Dorothy Dunnett. I love me a good swashbuckler, and these are some good swashbucklers. There's also some really beautiful prose that really evokes the landscapes of 15th century Europe, and her action/battle scenes are some of the most gripping I've read. The caveat with this one is that I actually don't like the main character all that much; he's a real special guy who speaks all the languages, is good at all the things, is a master strategist at 20, and is hot to boot. But the story is told mostly through the POVs of other characters that get caught up in his exploits so you're not stuck in his insufferable perspective, and I found the books overall (there are six in the series) very hard to put down.

'The Count of Monte Cristo' by Alexandre Dumas. The OG swashbuckler, really. Shipwrecks! Duels! Poison! Revenge! People just don't do dramatic adventure novels like Dumas anymore.

'War and Peace' by Tolstoy. I can't not mention this; I've read it twice so far in English and once in Russian. Tolstoy was an amazing observer of human nature. Also, he clearly thought Napoleon was a little bitch and reading about him from the perspective of a Russian novelist is quite entertaining after reading about him from Victor Hugo's perspective.

'Les Miserables' by Victor Hugo. I also have to mention this one. Yes, there are very lengthy asides on the Parisian sewer system. In the middle of a chase scene. But tbh, Hugo was curious about everything and while maybe he talked about every single one of those things a bit too long, it still endears him to me. Also, he was known more as a poet than a novelist by contemporary readers, and even in translation I think the fact that he was a poet really comes through in the prose.

Also, really anything by Patricia McKillip if you want dreamy, poetic fantasy that feels like being dropped right into the middle of a fairytale where magic has no hard rules and is something a bit wild and dangerous and beautiful.

I also read a lot of non-fiction, so I'll just list a few of my faves: 'Survival in Auschwitz' by Primo Levi; 'The Gulag Archipelago' by Alexandre Solzhenitsyn; James Herriott's 'All Creatures Great and Small' series; 'Landmarks' by Robert Macfarlane (but really any of his nature writing; this one I liked particularly because it's about the power of language to evoke a sense of place and how our vocabulary for the natural world is slowly being subsumed by our increasingly technologically-driven world). 'The Demon-Haunted World' by Carl Sagan, which was written in the 90s but if anything is even more relevant today as we struggle with parsing the mythology of pseudoscience and the real-world harm it perpetuates.

And I read a fuck ton of poetry, so I'll just rattle off a list of some of my favourite poets: Wilfred Owen, Isaac Rosenberg, Siegfried Sassoon, Rupert Brooks, Edward Thomas (I also love his nature writing), Alexandre Blok, Pushkin, Ursula Le Guin (she's primarily known as a novelist, but she has some very good poetry as well), Mikhail Lermontov, Anna Akhmatova, Alexander Pope, Tennyson (particularly Idylls of the King), Seamus Heaney, and Yeats.

Anyway, this is a small sampler of books I've read and loved.

#books #jenn reads

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jihnari · 1 year

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zhongchi - the ship that’s ruining my life

disclaimers:

ship what u want. i cannot stop you. i do not care. be free.

this post is an OPINION and you DO NOT HAVE TO AGREE. if reading about why i dislike zhongchi is going to upset you, maybe give this a pass

i do not dislike childe OR zhongli. i just think their ship is silly.

if you are a zhongchi shipper and you choose to read this anyway, this is not written as a personal attack. i said "zhongchi 😒" one too many times and a non-genshin friend said "why do you hate that ship so much" and then i wrote a manifesto

ive never been involved in real fandom drama and idk how it goes but i would like to remain ignorant and free, pls do not attack me over this i am small and nervous and do not mean any harm

part 0: the ship

"who are they and why does this ship exist?" you might ask, if you've never played genshin. on the surface, this is a simple question with a simple answer. the two characters for this ship are in the same place at the same time and their stories overlap heavily. childe is the big bad of zhongli's story arc. (not that zhongli fights him; you, the player character, fights childe.) so they potentially have enemies to lovers, and they are actually friends before some truths come to light and it's revealed they're on "different sides". childe also pays for things for both you (the player character) and zhongli, which people read as caring. [1]

childe/zhongli is the most popular genshin ship on ao3. there are currently 132,000 works on ao3 for genshin impact and 12,735 of those have the ship tag childe/zhongli. that's only 10% of the all existing works, but the second largest ship tag has only 6,600 works, which is half as many.

relevant as an influencing factor is another popular ship early on in genshin's inception. that other ship was the first two hot male characters to have tension and an overlapping storyline, but they turn out to be "related" and a large part of the fandom collectively dropped them like a hot potato. but these fans were already in the fandom, already playing genshin, and they needed someone to ship. so they collectively jumped over to the SECOND set of two hot male characters with perceived tension and an overlapping storyline, i.e. zhongli and childe. the story containing zhongli and childe is 1) permanent canon content and 2) presented relatively early to the player, so zhongchi as a ship is more accessible than other popular ships that don't show up for 50+ hours [2] of gameplay.

furthermore, neither childe or zhongli have many meaningful interactions with other characters, and both characters were very popular upon launch. their initial popularity caused an epidemic, and a subsequent over-saturation of the ship on ao3. [3]

part 1: the characters

zhongli is a retired ex-god who faked his own death so he could have a break and go play at being human in the most mundane way possible. he's spiritually and emotionally an old man. he watches operas and drinks tea, has very expensive taste but no money, and works the front desk at a funeral parlor. he's thousands of years old and not entirely human (more on that later). [4]

childe is in his 20s and an affable general in the evil army. at 14 childe fell through a hole into genshin hell and lived there for a few months and emerged Changed. he can also turn into a demon now, just as a fun side note. upon getting him back, his parents found him to be a very scary menace and they quickly enrolled him in the military. he is the youngest ever person to be made general in the evil army, but this is less due to him being driven by ambition and more being a violent gremlin who couldn't be controlled and who beat up everyone in his path.

in his spare time, childe gets into unwinnable fights and pushes himself to the limit just so he can feel something. he's utilitarian, having grown up poor, and when you ask about his least favorite food he tells you that being picky about food is a bad thing and you should cut that out. he "has money" but it's not his money, it's his government's money. the budget for his evil task is very, very high, and he uses it for mission things though he tends to be pretty loose about what that includes. his mission budget shouldn't matter, but will unfortunately come up later.

childe is diametrically opposed to zhongli and zhongli's city; or he WOULD be but childe is too friendly and zhongli secretly has a deal with childe's boss, paying them to do the evil thing so he can retire in peace. this is a slight betrayal to childe but when it comes to light he isnt upset at zhongli, he's upset at his coworker for being the literal worst. childe is still seen around fantasy china after he tries to destroy it with a meteor[5], and only the townspeople seem to have any hard feelings. zhongli and childe are not canonically depicted as having any hard feelings.

part 2: "making it work"

past the superficial reasons listed in part 0, zhongchi makes no sense to me as a pairing. zhongli is a boring old man and childe barely seems to consider people anything more than NPCs unless they end up having fighting prowess, in which case he tries to fight them and then (if they don't die) considers them friends.

childe is dynamic, always striving to be better, stronger, faster[6]; childe is an adrenaline addict. zhongli is static and intends to stay that way.

the characters have undergone some personality changes to make them fit together better.

zhongli is part dragon(?) so people give him an obsession for pretty things and a massive possessive streak. since he's "broke", childe becomes a sugar daddy type in many works. zhongli is also almost exclusively on top in sexual situations, because duh, old, powerful dragon. [7]

childe couldn't possibly be in a position of power when he's with a older, more powerful male, so he becomes very submissive and swoon-y and teenage girl. the betrayal hurt him *ever* so deeply and he may never emotionally recover. he canonically has a family whom he loves, so people come down on that hard and say he's a real family man and he wants to have a family of his own and obviously he wants to settle down with zhongli and have zhongli's babies.

part 3: losing sight of canon

the further this ship goes, the further we stray from god. [8]

childe is now super rich and loves paying for other people's things, especially zhongli's (forgetting that the money he has was in fact part of his mission budget). the tag "battlesexual childe" is a sortable tag on ao3, but the zhongchi part of genshin has all but forgotten childe likes to fight. zhongli is now possessive to a borderline abusive degree, and childe likes being tied down (metaphorically) to his dragon husband (did i mention they're frequently and casually married? this is the erasermic[9] of genshin).

another side effect of being auto-married by the fandom is that it pushes the domesticity angle of zhongchi. you know, zhongli, an ex GOD OF WAR who COMMITTED GENOCIDE and a childe, a dude so obsessed with fighting that his own family couldnt handle him and shipped him off to the military at 14. them. domestic. what drugs are you on [10]

part 4: dragons

hey. why did so many people have to latch onto the dragon thing? on a personal note, i do not understand the appeal but have no room to judge. on a cultural note, zhongchi is DOING IT WRONG.

in canon, zhongli's "dragon form" is based off of chinese dragons[11]. which makes sense, since the place he's from, liyue, is modeled after china. genshin impact is created by mihoyo, a chinese company.

what im saying is a chinese company writing a chinese game with a character from fantasy china would NOT make this character a western dragon.

western dragons breathe fire, are very aggressive, collect hoards of gold, and are often depicted as greedy and possessive. eastern dragons not only look different, they're associated with water (rain) rather than fire, they're cultural symbols of prosperity and good luck, and they FOSTER HARMONY. i have exclusively seen zhongli's "dragon personality traits" modeled after western dragons, not eastern ones. like. yeah. i get it. the dragons the english half of the fandom is familiar with are western dragons. maybe they don't even know how eastern, and specifically chinese dragons, are different. but that doesnt make them any less INCORRECT.

and hey! seeing dragon eggpreg content makes me want to die[12]. there’s so much. i wish there was less much. this also further encourages the feminization of childe which is :\ must we keep returning the gender norms to fictional romantic relationships

part 5: the ripple effect

the zhongchi version of childe has escaped containment[13]. im unhappy about it. i always know it when i see it because childe is an insatiable uwu bottom who would rather have sex than have a street fight.

because this ship is so hellaciously popular, other childe ships are relatively rare[14]. anywhere you go, if someone is a fan of zhongli or childe, they probably also ship it. i never want to see another piece of zhongchi fanart again and yet, i soldier on. this is my curse. this is my burden. for childe, i must persevere.

in conclusion,

i dont have a conclusion actually i just hate zhongchi, thanks for coming to my ted talk

[1] those people are incorrect.

[2] i didnt look up this number even a little bit, but i feel in my heart that it is accurate.

[3] "only 10%? and you're calling it an epidemic?" yes. yes i am. "don't you think thats a little harsh?" you haven't seen what ive seen. you haven't suffered what ive suffered.

[4] sorry i know the childe section is like four times as long but i just don’t about zhongli like i do childe.

[5] yes i know it wasnt a meteor but this was written to be read fandom blind and ff7 altered my brain chemistry.

[6] Daft Punk, "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger", 2001

[7] there are, of course, bottom!zhongli works. the name for this ship is "chili" (dont get me started on the top/bottom dynamic wars within the same pairing, we'll be here all day and i will scream until i pass out). it's more difficult to use ao3 numbers to prove my point here, as i find the tagging of top/bottom dynamics on ao3 to be inconsistent. instead, i will use statistics on zerochan.net. at the time of writing, zerochan has 1,765 images tagged with "zhongchi" and 228 images tagged with "chili". (so, ~90% of the childe/zhongli ship on zerochan is marked as zhongchi, i.e. top!zhongli and bottom!childe.) should i be using only a single data point to definitively say that zhongchi is exponentially more popular than chili? no, i should not; that's what we call bad science. but it illustrates the skew in the dynamics and the clear fandom preference, and this is a rant post not a scientific study.

[8] to some degree, inaccurate fanonizations involving popular characters in a large fandom is inevitable. i understand this. i do not accept this.

[9] erasermic (aizawa shouta/yamada hizashi) is a popular fandom auto-married ship from boku no hero academia. im not a fan of erasermic either but at least it's existence hasn't left a permanent stain on the characterizations of either character.

[10] ok so maybe zhongli could do the domesticity thing given that he's working that mundane human angle, though it would take some effort and learning and guidance. but childe? a house husband? lol. lmao.

[11] to be specific, he's half-dragon half-qilin but everyone seems to forget the qilin part. this isn't unreasonable, given that my experience is with the english speaking part of the genshin fandom, and qilin isnt really a thing that shows up in english media. one time i was watching a cdrama with a friend and the subtitles said "he has a dragon tattoo!" and she started YELLING and we had to pause the show because it wasnt a gd dragon it was a QILIN and they are VERY DIFFERENT THINGs, and then i got a whole rant about how even a unicorn would be a closer translation than dragon and i had to look up qilin's on wiki to follow along with the rant. and thats how i know what a qilin is.

[12] i have a visceral cringe reaction to dragons now, thanks zhongchi. from my favorite beanie baby being scorch to this, how far i have fallen

[13] im sure the same is true for this fanon version of zhongli but i havent bothered to verify.

[14] @ chilumi shippers: ur cool, i like u, i also like ur art it's cute <3 but your fanfiction is not for me u_u

#writing #fandom analysis #as written by a childe main #genshin impact #mentions of sex #rant #childe #tartaglia #zhongli #not zhongchi friendly but not zhongli unfriendly #zhongli is fine #chilumi shippers i see u and you're doing great keep it up i just dont read m/f #woke up today and chose violence #i really did think about letting this stay in discord dms forever but i worked too hard on this argument to let it die in obscurity #might delete later we'll see if the fandom gets vicious #hopefully they will not! but i am kind of inviting bad karma by posting this #i think the flanderization of fictional characters within fandom using traits they NEVER POSSESSED is a really fascinating thing #from a sociological perspective #from a fandom perspective pls stop ur hurting me #fandom telephone

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xumoonhao · 2 months

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i was tagged by @onedirecton to tag 10 ppl i want to get to know better and make a few questions :3 hehe, thank you sm alice :3

favourite colour: purple, hehe :3 alice i love that we have the same fav colour 💜💜💜 favourite food: ahhhh, i love most things!!! i do have a soft spot for soups and stews tho like they are so so wonderful……… mutuals pls gather round im giving you all a bowl of w/e soup or stew you like rn 🍲 song stuck in my head: babaero by randy santiago!!! its been stuck in my head since i first listened to it like it really is just so good, god… funky city pop music is really everything to me!!!!!!!! absolute best genre of music ever <<<333 i give it one thousand million hearts <- this was my last obsession bc i wrote all these answers down like. a week ago and forgot to post it so now the song stuck in my head is dagundong by alamat :3 its so good btw~! last long i listened to: hala by alamat!!! spotify did the only good thing its ever done by reintroducing me to alamat again like they are So Good oh my god...highly recommend their music!!! the way they work Filipino history into their videos and songs is soooooooo beautiful omg..... dream trip: hhhhhh i want to go to SO many places but my absolute DREAM is japan!!! id love to check out tokyo bc its so not like where i grew up - a bustling metropolis is what i want to live in like literally get me outta my small town this is not the place for meeeeee 😭 - but nara….the deer there……….god i need to go so BAD and i also just want to go to a cherry blossom festival once like pls…pls :( other than tho id LOVE to visit the great bear rainforest!!! like it just looks so so beautiful and its really not too far from me omg……. last tv show/movie: im currently watching the cherry magic anime (it is so good and so cute omg i forgot how much i enjoy the story….) and rewatching kyou kara maoh which is really and truly such a beloved anime To Me like its absolutely ridiculous god i love it sm!!! and i dont remember the last movie i watched?? i Think it was skinamarink but i could be wrong bc i watched that early last year and surely ive seen a movie since then…? but also maybe not bc i truly do only watch like 1 movie a year 😭 <- also update to this bc i watched sweet home a couple days ago!!! it was quite good and i really enjoyed the practical effects in it :3 older horror movies really have such a beloved place in my heart ahhh...also in writing this i remember i watched The Thing after skinamarink...i. only watched horror movies apparently spicy/sweet/savory: SPICY 🌶️🌶️🌶️ i do like all these things but if i had to choose id def go spicy over either of these!!! i do like spicy + sweet tho like omg one time i had spicy chocolate frozen yogurt and it was sooooooo good !!! idk what was used to make it spicy but i Adored it wahhhh~

also!!! in your lil tag game it said to make a few cool questions so i will make some <<<333

If you could be any animal, would you choose to be a domesticated animal or a wild one? Domesticated can extend to a wild animal that has been individually raised in a home, i.e., someone raising a raccoon a pet.

What is your favourite medium of creation? If you don't really engage in making things, pick whatever you're most interested in trying :3 And by medium I mean everything from drawing or making music or writing…anything creative!

What is/are your favourite(s) combination of colours?

Imagine your perfect summer day; what does it look like? Give as much description as you want :3

What is your favourite celestial object?

now, ill tag @grlfriends, @kwonhochi, @vampirebiter, @wonhosgrl, @librapropaganda, @honeydewtual, @heartual, @10281, @taengoo, @morgoth, @bixiaoshi, @ghostfeather, @ashmp3, @lovenee, @earlymay, @anglerfishare1inchto3feetlong, and @huiven!!! only if you want, ofc :3 and i know it said only 10 ppl but you see. i lost count while tagging ......... but thats fine <3

#this was really fun to do thank you again alice :3 #also!!! if u see this and i didnt tag u but u wanna do it anyways pls just pretend i tagged you :3 spiritually i tagged all my mutuals <3 #tag games

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ovaruling · 3 months

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Hi sorry if this is quite a full on ask and you can answer it as much or as little as you want. I just wondered how do you process feelings of despair and hopeless about animal suffering caused by humans (whether direct or indirect)?

I'm finding I'm struggling a lot with it at the moment (I've always had anxious disposition but since becoming vegan 2 years ago it's become hyper focused on animals) I volunteered at a local small animal rescue quite intensely for a year but burnt out doing that, however at least it was somewhat in my control. When I read about animal suffering further afield (for example your post about the trapped animals in Palestine) where I know about it but can't do anything about it (or feel like I can't) I can't stop thinking about it. Like I could be in the middle of my day at work and suddenly think 'there is a cat starving to death right now with no escape' and I imagine how it feels to them and I feel paralyzed.

I give regular monthly donations to a couple of international animal charities. Becoming vegan was one way of making me feel in control about animal suffering (in that I'm no longer a direct contributor to it - at least I hope not) but it's also a reason for also feeling out of control - I am one person and animals are suffering everywhere. I will never not be vegan I just wish I could control my feelings so they don't overwhelm my life.

I've tried articulating my thoughts to a couple of (non-vegan) friends and they don't get it and they think I'm distressed about all animal suffering (a gazelle being eaten by a lion for example) The thing is, that doesn't "upset" me because that is the animal kingdom. That is life. What humans have done and are doing to animals is beyond disgusting and inexcusable. A lion eating a gazelle for food is in no way comparable.

I don't know if this ask is making any sense or just a rambling mess of thoughts. Anyway, keep doing what you're doing for animals and feminism. Thanks for reading (if you made it this far!)

hi there! before i answer anything i just want to let you know that you and i are in the same boat—i 100% struggle with those same exact feelings every day of my life. i just want you to know going into this answer that you’re not alone!

(also i hope you’re ok with me publishing this—i would normally answer this privately but it’s a question i think a lot of vegans out there would really relate to. if you’re uncomfortable with it being public, pls let me know and i’ll delete ❤️)

the short answer is: i don’t know. i truly have no idea how to cope with it, and it’s a very deep pain that plagues me mercilessly. i already have really bad OCD, i have my whole life, and the thing ive had THE most anxiety and compulsive reaction to is animal suffering… particularly the knowledge that even the horrifying things i read about from sanctuaries aren’t even the worst things happening out there.

the knowledge that the cruelest, most sickening animal abuse i could ever imagine has probably happened, is probably happening somewhere on earth now as i think it.

and i know you know how far down that tunnel goes in the imagination—imagine the worst torture a human could subject an animal to, and it’s probably been done. and probably to even worse degrees than we even have the capacity to imagine, too.

it’s honestly the main reason i have always struggled with sleep, with anxiety, with panic, with stress, with severe and wholly untreatable depression. it is The thing that truly makes this world unlivable to me.

i break down regularly to my partner and to friends and family, but i know they either don’t get it or don’t get it on the level i’m feeling it. even many so-called animal activists consider animals to be lesser than humans in some way shape or form. it’s a very lonely movement to be in sometimes.

i have some wonderful vegan friends online who i talk to and vent to and it helps a bit to know that they understand, at least.

and the volunteering and the protesting i’ve been doing has helped me feel more in tune with the movement, but it’s also opened up more opportunities for me to see the horrors. it’s very, very difficult sometimes. there are days when i hardly speak a word to anyone at all because i just feel so desolate and lost. to see so much cruelty, to know it’s happening, to know im powerless against it… to see my friends and family enjoying the products of that cruelty without a single thought about how much pain and suffering went into it… it’s very, very disillusioning.

i’m ngl, it’s even brought me deeper into suicidal feelings. there are days when i really don’t think i can go on. days when i think i can’t stand another moment of this timeline where such evil things happen to the only true innocents on this earth and that not only do so few people care, most of them violently defend their right to do it.

the closest i’ve come to coping is attending protests with my local animal rights activism group. it feels so good to be among people who get it, and among experienced activists who have the confidence to go toe-to-toe with even the most abrasive and idiotic of opponents on the street and hold others accountable for animal cruelty. it makes me feel, for a little while, hopeful to see the passion to do the right thing alive and well in others.

volunteering at sanctuaries is rewarding, it really is, i wouldn’t trade it, but i think the protests are where i find the most stability. it’s enough to keep me sane and standing.

if you have no local group of activists, then i recommend seeking community with online vegans who are vegan for the animals and not for “weaker” reasons like personal health or the environment (reasons that prioritize humans).

there’s tumblr, instagram, discord… even facebook (ik). it’s worth finding others who have the fighting spirit, who have the courage to keep going even in the face and knowledge of such horrific cruelty.

it also helps to watch videos of prominent and well-spoken activists like Joey Carbstrong or Paul Bashir. i feel a lot better about things after i watch Joey’s street outreach videos. it helps me re-center to watch those confrontations and then scroll through the comments to see how many of us there are out there, fighting on the right side of history.

and then there’s me :) i am always happy to make a new vegan friend! my dm’s are open and if you’d like to exchange discords or instagram urls just lmk. we’ve got to have each other’s backs—it’s a really rough time out here for vegan feminists. we see double the hypocrisy and cruelty and we are carrying so many horrors in our awareness.

please don’t hesitate to come to me and chat and vent! as i said, i know exactly what it’s like to be affected by this knowledge and feel so powerless. it’s a very dark place to be in and it’s always better with company.

also any other vegan feminists who see this, pls rally and reply so we can see each other and find each other! ❤️

#v #vp

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l-a-l-o-u · 2 years

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pls post more thoughts on the US

none of the households i visited had recycling. unacceptable

the one mall i went to was the most over the top thing i ever saw, they had sculptures and trampolines and a carousel and shit. i was also impressed by how many stores in a single mall catered to nerds - there was a LOT of anime merch. the malls i know only sell normie stuff

they just give you straws in restaurants. fascinating

also they TAKE your credit card at restaurants and then come back with it and you have to write the tip down on paper and do MATH?? just get a portable card reader you fools

i was in a military town for a bit and saw at least 50 american flags every day. saw several flags that were 3 times my height at LEAST just floating in some parking lot. calm down perhaps

when i was in NC i saw SO many abandoned cars by the side of the road which is apparently normal there??

also saw a LOT of very strange car mods. people really like their cars down there (except when they abandon them by the side of the road i guess)

as i previously mentioned most of the roads were wide as hell!! what do you need five lanes for!!! is it to accommodate drivers passing people from the right, which is apparently a normal thing there??

saw the fabled denny's parking lot

witnessed an american receiving bad news about political issues (the roe v wade thing) and let me tell you the urge to shove my friends in my suitcase and take them home with me was strong. you guys really just have to sit there and take it huh

border agent as i entered the US was (as usual) extremely scary, mean and suspicious. he asked me a million questions including where i worked, who i lived with, who i was visiting, how i met them, if i played card games for money (?). i think he thought i was being human trafficked

ive been to america several times so its not like it was a huge shock. but it was interesting living in people's houses in random neighborhoods and not be a tourist in a big city for once. it's a lot like where i'm from but slightly to the left

#i hope this was somewhat entertaining lmao #i was gone a whole month and BOY was it nice to hear people speaking french again #my brain was starting to melt from only speaking english all the time #lalou yells #ask #asanctumofstarfish

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arunneronthird · 11 months

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hello!! i saw your post about most consistently liking bruce wayne's characterization, and i was wondering if you had any recommendations of good places to start for someone who loves batman but is newer to reading comics?? there's so much out there that it feels a bit daunting!! (i love your art so much by the way!! 💕 hope you're having a great day)

(thank u so much! hope ur having a lovely day too)

okay let me preface this by saying that im also pretty new to batman, and im a heathen and just started reading from batman (1940) #357 cause i just cannot deal with comics from before the 80s and also i really wanted to know who the fuck jason was, also i still have A LOT to read so pls someone ask me this again in like half a year, also i will limit myself to like, straight up batman books

anyway, i DEEPLY recommend u read:

first of all, batman: year one, the story of how bruce became batman, absolutely fundamental and one of the best batman comics ever made, its a thin book but its the necessary introduction to his character

second, i really like jasons run in general, but id read batman: a death in the family, where jason dies, its not necessarily the best written but it basically changed everything batman was forever, its a plot point we are still trying to get over (if ur bored, id continue with the start of tims run where u get to see batman spiraling down and lil tim trying to save a mourning father

now, as some people may know, i am a morrison apologist, and he had a pretty long batman run which starts with batman and son, where he meets damian, bruce isnt there for some of the run, which focuses on dick and damian, but theres a book called batman: the return of bruce wayne where he comes back from being lost in time and that book is literally insane

as for my genuine favorite batman book, snyder (no relation to the fuckface that made the movies) wrote batman vol 1: the court of owls, this book i recommend with my life, one of the best comics ive read PERIOD, it dips into horror and it basically rewrites gotham and its so good i dont have the words

i also recommend batman: the knight, its a really recent book but it tackles what bruce did right before batman: year one and even though and its such a fun, intense reading with incredibly solid characters

finally, i really enjoyed the start of zdarskys run, batman vol 1: failsafe, which just ended and just makes me believe batman has some good runs in him still

note: i dont think u need to read these in order, i put them chronologically but they mostly work as standalone or are easy enough to follow or are morrisons and therefore insane, but i do recommend starting by year one

#thanks for the ask!#i still have a shitton of books to read but these are the more batman #ask me in a while and ill come back with more! i already bought some i still havent read

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gutsfics · 22 days

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pls tell me all about devi before the events of ilitw!! what kind of activities did he do? who were some of his friends? did he still talk to any of the people from his childhood friend group? if so, who? etc. etc. anything else you want to share!!

ok this is gonna kinda jump around a bit bc thats how my thoughts are rn :3 i love this ask though thank u for letting me talk about my special guy

so after Jane's death, he did try his best to hang onto the friend group for a while (especially Noah) but due to not having a very good therapist, his kid logic made him think "thinking about Jane makes me sad, and not thinking about her i can be happy, but i'd rather think about her and be sad forever than evetually move on and forget" so he kinda shut himself off from everyone so he could hold his memory of her forever

his parents tried their best to help him but the therapists they took him too didnt believe him when he told them about Mr Red (or when they did believe him, they only believed him if they were reading lines that weren't there and assuming that Mr Red was a real living guy in the woods and jumping to conclusions about it) so maybe like a month or two after Jane died he just... stopped talking, bc what was the point of speaking if no one was going to listen? and then he stopped talking to anyone ever until half way through his freshman year of highschool when he told Cody to "gargle my cock and balls"

because of Devi being mute for all that time, he didn't really have any friends (which he was fine with for reasons stated earlier) & a lot of people found him kinda weird and offputting for the most part, especially when he got really into expressing himself through art, specifically photography. a lot of "ew that weird quiet kid is taking pictures of things again what a creep" but for the most part he just shrugged it off

Cody used to think he was kinda cool bc he was quiet and goth and in 6th grade asked him to the fall formal but Devi turned him down and that's when he started bullying him. he tried to turn it into a "HAH WELL OBVIOUSLY NO ONE WOULD WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU YOU CREEP WEIRDO YOURE STUPID TO THINKING I WANTED TO GO WITH YOU" which somehow worked on everyone around them despite the fact Devi turned him down

after he started talking again, he joined the yearbook club & got really good at the composition of pictures of people & formatting them on the pages, but bc he was still a bit of a loner at this point no one else in the club realized just how much he did? especially after the older kids in the club graduated, bc they were the ones encouraging him and teaching him how to do the formatting and stuff. ive actually been rotating a fic in my head where post ilitw Lucas goes to the yearbook club to see how theyre doing bc its almost time to get em printed and its like. not even half done and also theres a memorial page for Cody but not for Devi????

in Sophmore year he took a Japanese class for an easy foreign language credit, which Tom was also in for the same reasons and they became friends :3 not as close as Tom and Andy at this point, but they'd hang out at lunch when Andy was busy and sometimes go to eachother's houses after school. but after that year the teacher for the class made sure to put them in different periods bc they would kinda. make fun of him a little bit in japanese bc he was a white guy who thought he was way better at the language than he actually was and that made him big mad

of the original group, he was probably closest with Lily when he started talking again. and then not as close w Ava and Andy but he talked w them fairly often. Lucas, Stacy, and Dan he really only saw when he was doing yearbook stuff, w that conversation he had w Dan junior year being the longest conversation he'd had w any of those three in a while (all three 100% knew he was the backbone of yearbook btw. & when people were being like "ew that weirdo goth kid w the camera is here again" they were the ones to be like "ITS FOR YEARBOOK, ASSHOLES.")

he and Noah avoided each other as much as possible. sitting next to Noah during that assembly the first day of senior year was the first time in years that one of them didn't immedeatly turn around and walk out of the room upon seeing the other in it (they lowkey had each other's scheduals memorized to better avoid each other) (for the most part Any picture of Noah that might show up in the yearbooks were not taken by Devi) (although. ngl. Devi did take a few candid photos of Noah occasionally. which he promptly would delete bc he felt bad about it. a little bc he and Noah hadnt talked in forever but mostly bc he felt like "creep weirdo with a camera" was an accurate description of him when he did that)

#it lives in the woods #ilitw mc

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dethbug · 7 months

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pls excuse me being sappy as shit but...i cant believe the experience i was so. unbelievably lucky to have yesterday.

one of my close friends, rissi, gifted me a VIP ticket babyklok ((to meet brendon small & gene hoglan))

the ticket was intended for another friend of theirs but said friend got sick and was unable to make it :-( so me getting to go at all was last minute and crazy rushed but one of the best experiences of my life.

i first binged metalocalypse within the span of 2-3 days starting on the first of July and i genuinely didnt have any idea of what i was getting into or just how meaningful it/Brendons work would end up meaning to me

like .. its VERY corny but ive just. never felt so at home with a show, or music, everything about it honestly. but not even that -- brendon himself has inspired me so deeply as an artist/writer , in such a way that i didnt think id ever feel again (in terms of confidence/drive/passion towards chasing after my dream career path of being a writer/animator)

his writing and music has done so much for me at the exact time i needed it most, and its something ill carry w me forever :,-(

i have so much i want to say but i still am struggling to process, ill be posting vids soon, but for now here are my pics with brendon & gene :,-)

i look a lil busted but ITS OKAY. surprise face reveal

i may edit the post and delete the pic later I DUNNO

#i still just. cant believe it #i was at the barricade- front and center the entire show..#🥲🥲🥲#bug.txt

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yyunari · 1 year

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It's the season of love! and you know what that means, time to find yourself a valentine! and who better than one of your beloved mutuals? answer these questions, and the mutual with the most mentions your tumblr valentine:

Mutual you can always rely on?

Mutual who never misses a post?

Mutual you share the most interests with?

Mutual you were most surprised to become moots with?

Mutual that gives the best advice?

Mutual you have the most in common with?

Mutual who has the best jokes?

Mutual you look up to or admire?

Mutual you'd run away and live in a cottage with?

Mutual you most want to be classmates/friends irl with?

Spouse material mutual?

Mutual with the best personality?

Mutual that never fails to make you laugh?

Mutual with the prettiest theme?

Mutual you'd have a crush on if you knew them irl?

Mutual you absolutely cannot live without?

Mutual you want to get to know better?

Mutual you can always rely on?

@muhwaa MY 4LIFER!!!! icb it’s almost our 2 year anniversary 😵 the way im closer to u than i am to my irl friends is crazy like ur the only bitch i consistently facetime every day bc yk U da Bomb anyways imy bro can u answer my ft

Mutual you share the most interests with?

@muhwaa the way we became friends bc of wattpad and genshin ✊

Mutual you were most surprised to become moots with?

@lunaflvms LUNAAAAA i swear when we became mutuals i was like😱😱

@sungbeam idt we’ve ever talked (idk i have bad memory) but i love ur works and i read them a lot and when u followed me back i was like WOAH!! that’s crazy

@iichaeyj i was actually surprised when u followed me back and we talked for a bit <33

Mutual that gives the best advice?

@muhwaa ofc ur the one i talk to when literally anything happens most of our daily fts r just me talking abt what happens in school

Mutual you have the most in common with?

@muhwaa HAIIIIIII

@yeongwonie HI YEONA IMY the more i think abt it the more we have in common which is rly cool anw text me soon🤗

Mutual who has the best jokes?

@muhwaa THE FUNNIEST PERSON ON THIS APP SHE JSUT DOESNT SHOW IT👹

Mutual you look up to or admire?

@muhwaa ur sm better than i was at ur age and i gen think u have sm potential in the future which is why i wanna help u get there😊😊😊

@cutieseo HI FAE i rly admire how kind and outgoing u come off on this app, and how easy it is to talk to u 🤗🤗

@amakumos even b4 we became mutuals i admired u and ur works and then when we started talking i was like WOAH ur rly funny😱

@hoori ELLYYYYY we’ve been friends for like 3 years???? THATS CRAZY anw ever since u reached out to me on wp to be friends i’ve always admired u and ur writing and imysm call soon pls🤗

Mutual you'd run away and live in a cottage with?

@muhwaa except we both don’t like the forest so instead of a cottage we’re moving to a big city like nyc or smt

Mutual you most want to be classmates/friends irl with?

@muhwaa WE WOULD BE CRAYYY like when we went to the weeknd + txt concerts tgth it was wilddddd we did sm and like it was sm fun

@yeongwonie i’ll move to u bc i like the area u live 😜

Spouse material mutual?

@justanne CALL SOKN PLS

Mutual with the best personality?

@muhwaa UR THE BEST PERSON EVER URBLIEK THE BEST AND U PUT UP WITH ALL MY SHIT like we’ve fought a lot but like it worked bc we work😜

@koakyuu OMG IM SO SORRY I THINK IVE BEEN GHOSTING U ON INSTA BUT I LOST MY PASSWORD TO THAT ACCOUNT SO I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO GO ON IT 🙁 anw imysm we should talk again soon <33

@cutieseo @wonieleles @mellow-midzy @shoyotime u guys r so genuinely kind and even tho we don’t talk a lot i like the occasional asks/replies u guys send !!

Mutual that never fails to make you laugh?

@muhwaa our texts r so funny this goes without saying.