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#this is the most tags i have ever put into a post.
clu-ven · 2 days
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Better than Meditation
soooo I haven't posted in a very long time but I'm trying to get back into writing!!! (so pls bear with me xoxoxoxoxo)
Summary: you come up with an alternative (smutty) way for Crosshair to gain some control over his hand - based off S3 E08
Tags: SMUT, vaginal fingering, semi public fingering?? (technically it’s done in an isolated but public place), lil bit of plot + smut, smut, smut
Word Count: 2.8k
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“He’s still down there, y’know” Omega’s voice brings you out of your thoughts as she slumps down beside you.
You keep your eyes closed, letting the rays of the afternoon sun wash over you. Pabu’s climate is one you could most definitely get used to. It’s inviting and comforting atmosphere makes you feel at ease, a sensation that has become rare since the rise of the Empire.
“Well, you know how stubborn he is,” you reply casually. 
While Hunter and Wrecker are gone to meet some bounty hunter they know, Crosshair has spent most of his time on a secluded part of the beach, focused on correcting his aim.  Everyone has tried to talk to him about it but unfortunately, that only made things worse.
Now Crosshair is more defensive than ever, determined to prove that he is perfectly capable of correcting his shaky hand by himself. 
“Yeah but AZI said it might be some kind of mental block,” Omega sighs, subtly copying you as she closes her eyes too “if he doesn’t open up and let us help him, then how is he supposed to get better?”.
Her concern for Crosshair makes you smile, impressed by how she’s able to delicately balance trying to help her brother without being too overbearing.
The question lingers for a few moments before you open your eyes and glance down at her “And he’s already shot down your meditation idea?”.
Omega briefly mentioned the idea to you that morning and although you were sceptical, you encouraged her determination to help anyway. 
“Of course he did,” she lets out a heavy sigh “saying he didn’t like it is an understatement”. 
A comfortable silence grows between you both as you consider the situation. But before you can speak, Omega quickly becomes restless and blurts out “Can’t you try speaking with him? He’ll listen to you, I just know it!”. 
It’s no secret that you and Crosshair were once close and you can only presume Omega has heard about this from the likes of Wrecker, who wouldn’t give a second thought about mentioning it.
"I can try but..." you trail off, hesitating to make a decision. Doubt clouds your judgement, stopping you from promising anything. After all, you know how stubborn and closed-minded Crosshair can be at times, especially when it comes to being vulnerable.
Omega's face lights up at your hesitant help. "Great! Sometimes trying is all it takes". She seems upbeat and enthusiastic as she stands “I was gonna go introduce Batcher to Mox, Stak and Deek anyways so it’s good to know Crosshair won’t be alone”.
Giving the girl a tight-lipped smile in response, Omega whistles for Batcher. With one last goodbye, she hurries off happily.
You wait until she’s gone before you sigh and slump down again. Although Crosshair has been back for a while now, the two of you have yet to have a proper reunion, leaving you both unsure of how to approach the situation. 
Knowing you can’t put this off for forever, you begrudgingly get up and start the long descent down to the secluded beach. 
The subtle change in weather appears to align with your mood, as the sun dips behind the clouds and a warm breeze begins to pick up. It causes the light fabric of your skirt to dance in the wind as if it has a mind of its own. But it’s only a momentary distraction as your thoughts swiftly return to Crosshair, focusing fully on him and the impending catch-up. 
You and Crosshair were always close during the Clone Wars, constantly laughing at each other’s snide remarks, bickering simply for the sake of it and always trying to get a rise out of the other. Even back then, you knew where the constant teasing would eventually lead to… but then it didn’t. 
Instead, the war came to an end and before you even got the opportunity to speak with Crosshair, the rest of the Batch had turned up at your door and told you that he had already picked his side.
Since then, you have been travelling with the batch. It took a long time to accept that whatever was between you and Crosshair was gone, whether that be a friendship or something more. That died the day the Republic did. 
But in a strange twist of faith, Crosshair is back and so are your lingering feelings. Although, if it was difficult to confront this emotion before everything happened, it’s become utterly impossible now. Neither of you have mentioned it and yet you still catch his longing gaze whenever he thinks you’re not paying attention.
When you reach the beach, it’s exactly how you pictured; Crosshair is alone, his sniper positioned steadily on a rock as he tries to shoot the far off target. A blaster bolt sprints across the water as he fires, missing his target by a few inches. You hear him mutter something under his breath as he tries again.
Flicking his chewed up toothpick to the ground, Crosshair notices you. “Yes?” He asks impatiently, lining up another shot.
“You’ve been out here all day,” you state the obvious “Omega’s worried about you”.
Crosshair doesn’t reply immediately, first firing (and missing) again before he turns around just to make sure you see his eye roll. “Oh, is she?” His tone is underlined with sarcasm. 
A huff falls from your lips and suddenly you know all too well why Omega was so irked after trying to help the man in front of you. Despite the scowl on your face, you refuse to fall into the usual bickering you once had with him. 
“You know she is,” you sigh “maybe you should take a break, come have some lunch and forget about target practice for a while”.
He watches you for a moment, studying you the same way you’ve seen from the corner of your eye “And when did you become mother hen?”.
Scoffing, you walk closer, hugging yourself with your arms “Don’t act like that, you know you’re overworking yourself… Crosshair, please, you need to take care of yourself”. 
The concern in your voice takes him by surprise but Crosshair quickly recovers as he mutters “Oh, so you’re worried about me now?”.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” You bat back at him.
“You’ve hardly looked at me, nevermind speak to me since I’ve gotten back” he practically spits the words out. 
You no longer hold back your glare “Like you’ve made any effort to talk to me!”.
“How can I when you don’t even look at me?” Crosshair challenges, his gaze unyielding as your annoyance fades as quick as it came. 
Coming up to the rock he’s based at, you slide down against it to shield yourself from the wind. Crosshair follows suit and kneels beside you, waiting cautiously for your response. 
Your tone holds a sense of sincerity as you speak, your words now free of any reservations. "I do look at you… of course I do," you confess with genuine intent, all annoyance and restraint vanishing within you. 
“Then you must see me staring,” he almost whispers the words, watching you carefully “I thought you would have gotten the hint by now that I’m still interested”.
A soft smile graces your lips and as if taming a wild animal, you slowly reach out for his hand. Crosshair makes no attempt to stop you and you gently slip your hand into his before you tug him closer. 
Settling his hand on to your lap, you begin to trace your finger up and down his palm until finally resting your hand delicately on his wrist. “Let me help,” you offer “seriously, Crosshair”.
“And how would you help?” Though the question almost seems backhanded, you know that’s just Crosshair being Crosshair.
The mischievous glint in your eye paired with the suggestive smirk plastered across your face doesn’t go unnoticed by him. 
“How do you think?” you question. 
He holds your gaze as if to challenge you to make the first move but you hold strong. This is your moment and you both know it.
A secluded beach? A chance for you both to finally reunite in a way you could only imagine? Both of your minds go to the same place.
You give his wrist a small yet reassuring squeeze and before you can make another comment, his lips are on yours. 
With an intensity fuelled by pure need, he slams his lips against yours in a heated display of passion. This isn’t just a build up of years worth of longing for Crosshair. No, it’s much more than that. It’s an act of rebellion against the time he lost with you because of the Empire, both in spite of his own misplaced loyalty to them as well as his time on Tantiss. 
The fiery kiss goes on for what feels like an eternity and yet the time seems far too brief when it finally comes to an end. The passion flaring between the two of you is intoxicating, causing you to crave more.
His fingers twitch on your lap, eager to do more for you. As if on cue, you both look down at his hand, your soft grasp still around his wrist.
“You have to be calm, be able to stay consistent with your shots if you want to hit the target, right?” you ask, trying not to smirk when you see his sudden confusion. 
In a moment like this, you seriously decide to give him some advice on shooting? Crosshair nods, silently waiting to see where this is going.
“Maybe you’re approaching this from the wrong perspective,” you suggest, noticing how his attention shifts to your lips “you’re focusing on your sniper abilities, looking to re-learn your techniques… but you need to re-learn how to use your fingers in order to effectively use your sniper”.
“And how do you propose I do that?” his voice is low, causing the skin on your arms to prickle with goosebumps. You can feel the effect of his voice in your panties.
With your free hand, you begin to bunch up your skirt, first revealing your thighs and then a glimpse of your underwear. Crosshair can’t help it as a groan escapes from his throat.
You guide his hand closer to your clothed core before Crosshair takes initiative and brushes his fingers teasingly against you. 
He can feel the warmth beneath your underwear, feeling more assured in his movements when he hears you take in a sharp breath. But even with the small boost in confidence, Crosshair can’t help it as a small tremor courses through his hand. 
“Take your time,” your voice is soft but firm in your reassurance “and if this is too much then we can stop”. Fearful that you’ve pushed him too far, you slowly begin to close your legs as you nervously fiddle with your skirt “I didn’t mean to push you so-”.
You stop your apologetic remark when his firm grip stops your legs from meeting. A brief look of disbelief flicks across your face as he spreads your legs to his liking.
“No,” there is no hesitancy in Crosshair’s voice as he takes control of the situation “you started this, don’t go shy on me now”. This time it’s your turn to nod silently.
His fingers glide down to caress you again, this time feeling the dampness from beneath your underwear. Each reaction you give, whether a sharp intake of breath or a slight quiver up your spine, only serves to fuel Crosshair’s determination. He savors these small responses, revelling in how you leave each reaction so bare for him to see.
Crosshair smirks “If this is how you react to such simple touches, do you think you could handle me touching you without anything between us?”. 
“You’d be surprised with how much I can handle” you taunt.
Oh how he has missed how you challenge him. Your snarky response is rewarded with a kiss but before you can melt into it, Crosshair brings both of his hands to your hips and swiftly pulls your panties down. 
The eager sight that greets him brings a smile to his face. Crosshair can feel his excitement growing but before he can get ahead of himself, he’s committed to take care of you first. 
Crosshair teasingly brings just one finger down to your core. A slight tremor causes his finger to waver but after a second, it stops as desire overtakes him. His finger teases you, feeling just how much you want him. Before he can make another teasing comment, you pull him in for another kiss, unable to help yourself.
Crosshair is quick to take control of the kiss, simultaneously pushing his tongue into your mouth as he sinks his long finger into you. You welcome all of him, moaning into his mouth. Taking your sounds as encouragement, Crosshair adds a second digit to your core. 
He pushes in until he’s knuckle deep, successfully finding that spot within you. Crosshair takes your advice to heart. He keeps a consistent rhythm, thrusting his fingers inside of you. He listens to each involuntary squeak and moan, adjusting his speed and pressure of each pump of his fingers to whichever makes you react the most. 
There’s not a slight tremble in his entire hand, his attention solely on you. There is no room for nerves or doubt to creep in and cause his hand to shake. That seems almost impossible now, especially with you like this in front of him.
There is nothing but you and him in this moment, the rhythmic movement of his fingers serving as proof that he has full control.
He buries his fingers into you, pressing the palm of his hand against your clit and delivering powerful jolts of pleasure into your body.
“That’s it,” he coos at your moans “you’re nearly there, aren’t you?”.
A flutter fills your chest as your breathing becomes more rapid. "Y-yes,” you manage with a strained voice, your mind becoming overwhelmed with arousal “keep doing that”. 
You squeeze around his fingers, feeling the tight coil in your lower stomach getting closer and closer to finally snapping.
Your body responds to his touch in the most natural of ways, your back arching and head bowing in a display of utter pleasure. Your hand instinctively searches for contact, grabbing hold of his knee as the overwhelming sensation begins to consume you.
Your legs twitch, eyes rolling back in your head and a rather loud moan escapes your lips as the satisfaction you feel begins to peak. 
Bliss floods your entire being and the mixture of your moans and whimpers blend together in a melodic harmony. Every movement of his hand guides you through the waves of ecstasy, sending shivers through your body. 
Crosshair hums approvingly as you come down from your sigh. Almost reluctantly, he takes his hand away from you and examines his sticky but steady fingers. “My hand hasn’t been able to do so much and remain so still since… well, ever since Tantiss” he comments.
Trying to give your shaky legs more time to recover, you fix your panties before you reposition your skirt. Stealing a glance at Crosshair, you’re glad to see you’re not the only one with flushed cheeks. You smile almost bashfully as you lean on the rock to stand. 
Crosshair is there to help, gently holding your upper arm as you steady yourself. Despite the sass you gave him earlier and the bliss he just brought you now, you find it hard to maintain eye contact. 
Clearing your throat, you try to regain some of that boldness from before “Well then… good luck with your target practice, I’ll go see if the others have made contact yet”.
“What?!” the sound is almost foreign to you; the sound of an utterly bamboozled Crosshair. 
Pushing yourself off the rock, you feel his grasp slip away from your arm. You continue to walk as you turn around to savor his shocked expression.
“What about me?” he asks, trying to be inconspicuous as he gestures to the tent in his pants “I thought this was about helping me?”.
“Yeah, I know,” you reply with a smirk “you’ll get your reward when you hit the target”. With a wink, you turn your back to him and begin the ascent back. 
Crosshair’s jaw hangs open as he watches you go, and he can’t help but laugh at your audacity.
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heehawkins · 1 day
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a summary of old man rockstar blogs (I’m roasting everybody):
60s fandom: such a lovely pic of him 🌸😌🌸
60s fandom to each other: go fuck yourself you fucking dumb dipshit bitch motherfucker I didn’t ask your opinion, you don’t fucking know jack shit about paul simon. fuck you. I’m removing you from the discord server you’re the most annoying person I’ve ever fucking met on the internet holy shit fuck off
beatles fandom: allow me to demonstrate why this is gay
other side of beatles fandom: they are not fucking gay you don’t know what you are talking about. you gen zers want to make everything gay even if it goes against reality in front of your face are you delusional. are you sick in the head. stop calling me a homophobe you need to see a psychiatrist and be admitted into a mental institution.
70s fandom: I want to be a pair of bell bottoms with debbie harry in one pant leg and joan jett in the other. can anybody find me someone to love as much as roger taylor loves his car. LOOK AT MY BABY GIRL SHE IS SO GLAMOROUS (image description: a photo of george harrison eating a sandwich with crumbs in his mustache)
70s fandom reblogging my eagles posts: I want to suck glenn frey until his skin starts to peel off
prog fandom: hehe spagheddy lee he is so lesbian. ps the ELP tag is full of amazing fanart what the heck you guys
punk/hardcore fandom: This is a photo of [insert name], [insert year].
80s fandom: HE IS SO FUCKING HOT I AM SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP FOAMING AT THE MOUTH. I WOULD LET HIM OBJECTIFY ME. I DON’T EVEN CARE IF THEIR SONGS ARE SEXIST AND HES OLDER THAN MY DAD 😭😭😭💋💋💋 UGH!!!!!! take a ride on the wild side 💋 (sorry idk how to put a readmore on my fanfics)
thrash fandom: HE IS SO FUCKING HOT I AM SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP FOAMING AT THE MOUTH. I WOULD LET HIM OBJECTIFY ME I DON’T CARE IF HES AN ASSHOLE. METAL UP YOUR ASS (sorry idk how to put a readmore on my fanfics)
new wave fandom: mister I’ll make a meme out of you
90s fandom: just reblogged 90 pics of kurt cobain. where the fuck are all of our mutuals going who am I supposed to kiss on the mouth if you all disappear?? btw this soundgarden live footage made me bite my own arm off maybe if I sell it I’ll have enough for nosebleed seats with an obstructed view at pearl jam’s next concert #fatherdidntgiveattention
some of y���all in the 90s fandom: eep veep’s wife is faking their entire marriage
also some of the 90s fandom: kurt would’ve HATED YOU would you shut the FUCK UP
finally some of the 90s fandom: gaslight gatekeep girlboss gourney love lana del rey cobain cocaine coquette
nu metal fandom: jonathan davis strange babygirl wes borland babygirl. I love them I would kill for them I would die for them. are you making fun of me jokes on you I make fun of me too. twist. boom da da oom dun na eema
post grunge fandom: there’s literally nobody here except that loony bitch that never shuts up about seether or josh freese
bonus:
1950s fandom: somehow lana del rey got dragged into this too
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natsmagi · 3 days
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tbh you should just sexualize your fem Tsumugi more. I'm talking full on fetish hentai style. Put her in the open boob sweater. Have her accidentally flash while leaning fowards. Have her slip and show pantsu. Full kink with no breaks. Please shut these anons up. People trying to police your creativity like it has some sort of reflection on your morals or beliefs. I also wish you would stop answering them? or at least tagging it as anon hate because it's so sad to keep seeing people be so mean to you over and over when most of us just want to enjoy your big brain takes and drawings. Maybe I'm getting parasocial bc I get so sad seeing people hate on your Tsumugi I love her she's just like me fr!!! All that matters is that you enjoy how you draw her and I hope you don't feel pressured to change your headcanons.
HWEISUHRUHKDHG I SHOULDDDDDDDDD I SHOULD UR RIGHT ive been too prudish as of late. need to be insane again. Tbh ive made some art that was made purely bc i am a freak and insane but i feel like its never the art people would expect it to be. And thats really funny to me. like my more explicit stuff is just drawn for fun But if uve ever looked at a drawing of mine and gone "this seems kind of freakish conceptually even though the execution isnt super weird" Well thats probably bc it actually is freakish. sorry. My suggestive art is usually just for the vibes tho i DID also like. yesterday?? discover a twt acc that will sometimes post various lingerie fits SO!! MAYBE ILL DRAW SOME SOON 💪💪
AND AUGHHH I KNOWWWW in the beginning i thought itd be worth replying to people bc i was like "well this is all kind of niche. im sure they have good intentions so we might aswell talk it out" But as things progress its been made clear thats doing me or anyone else no favors. i love having discussions, so i reply to most of my asks! but i do hope that ive made myself clear enough and that we can all just continue doing our own things im sorry to hear its made you sad though!!!!! rest assured its not something that demotivates me, nor is it something that makes me feel i need to change how i draw. i do what i do because i enjoy it! and i know others enjoy it too! i will never be able to appeal to everyone, and that has never been my goal. i like having fun with others though, which is why i enjoy hearing why others might think differently than me!
but yes! i already feel ive said my piece on the whole discourse thing by now and i hate walking in circles, so even if i get negative asks about it i likely wont answer unless i feel its warranted. but! if that does happen, ill be sure to tag it! you can mute "#discourse tag" ahead of time incase i ever end up using it
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flymmsy · 1 day
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buddy don't hide it in the tags, tell us more abt your gortash/rugan crackship
*cracks knuckles* okay here we go
Gortash/Rugan Crack Ship Theory
I'm not saying these two were ever lovers, but I do think their timelines line up in a very interesting way that puts them in the vicinity of each other.
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Let's start with Rugan.
Quick shoutout first of all to @my-favourite-zhent for posting so many of the datamined lines that I'll mention here. You can also find all of Rugan's lines in this video.
Rugan is in his fifties, as mentioned in the devnotes. Putting him at 52, we can approximate he was born around 1440 DR. ㅤ
We know from the game that he recruited Zarys, so I get the impression that he's been with the Zhentarim for quite a while. In datamined content, he specifically says he's been "Black Network for as long as [he] can remember." ㅤ
Rugan either is a Banite or at least has allegiance to Bane via Bane's affiliation with the Zhentarim. The Zhentarim was founded as a Bane-affiliated organization and has intermittently switched back and forth between Cyric and Bane depending on which time period we're looking at. It is currently, however, lead by The Pereghost who is a follower of Cyric. The switching back and forth between Cyric and Bane has left a lot of followers of both gods within the Zhentarim, and has also led the Zhentarim to really tamp down their religious affiliation over time. BUT, it is really interesting that during a time when it would technically make sense for him to be either unaffiliated or more of a Cyricist, Rugan specifically swears by The Black Hand.
Pivoting to Gortash
There are still a lot of questions about Gortash's timeline. However, The True Life of 'Lord' Gortash gives us some idea. We have no clue how correct or reliable Vance Farnol was, but considering that he died in prison, he was probably on the right track. Interestingly, Vance's outline makes no mention of Gortash's time in the Hells, so we do know it is not 100% reliable - but can be a general reference. ㅤ
After he escaped the Hells, we know Gortash became an Arms Dealer. We also know that over time, Gortash edged out the Zhentarim from their territory, so there was definitely some interaction between Gortash and the Zhentarim. ㅤ
People also disagree on Gortash's age, and that will change some interpretations of this theory. That's fine, but for my purposes, I place him solidly mid-40s. I think this is the age that makes the most sense when you consider his time in the hells, and how long it would have taken him to not only build an arms dealing network that could rival long-established groups, but then to ALSO add in the years to mix in with the patriars. Let's say roughly that he's 45, birth year of 1447 DR, approximately a 7 year age difference between him and Rugan. ㅤ
I personally navigate Gortash's timeline by using approximate markers. ~9-10 years old when sold to the Hells, ~19-20 years old when he escaped the Hells. Then a long period of time that is unmarked and unclear on the order of events, but we know by 1482 DR (when he sold Karlach) he was at the height of his Arms Dealer operation and about to pivot into politics. So from ages 20 - 35, his history is murky, which allows us room to play. ㅤ
We also get nothing on how Gortash became involved with Bane. All we know is that he 'reestablished worship of Bane in Baldur's Gate' and from there we know more about him becoming Bane's Chosen. But how did it all start?
THE INTERSECT
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Looking at Gortash's timeline, I think that an extremely likely introduction to Bane for him was through the Zhentarim. This is where I start to work off theory alone, but there's certainly enough in game for this to not be a WILD jump. ‎ㅤ
Post-Hells, Gortash pretty immediately got involved in gang activity (or was involved and returned to it, depending on your interpretation of his timeline) and rose from there. ㅤ
Meaning that Gortash and Rugan were in similar circles for a good chunk of time (Gortash approx. 20-35 y/o and Rugan approx. 27-42 y/o).
MY DELULU
I dont think its out of the realm of possibility for a young, charming, ambitious Enver Gortash to be involved with the Zhentarim in some way and have a thing for rugged, handsome, older Rugan - who could show him a thing or two. This is where everyone's own freedom comes into play with this ship, but I'm just laying the foundation to show that it is actually possible for this to have been a thing.
In my head, it was kind of an ongoing fling - maybe for a few of Enver's younger years. Rugan as the liaison for the Zhentarim, Enver meeting up with him - late nights in the tavern where Enver could pry some interesting Zhentarim backstory from Rugan before having some quick fun together. Enver learns of Bane through exchanging with the Zhentarim, and the rest is history.
SUPER TURBO DELULU
One last really interesting thing I want to mention - a lot was cut out of the game with the Zhentarim. You were supposed to originally find Rugan in Act 3 again, where you would learn that his associates were framed as part of the internal politics the Zhentarim (there are still bits of it we see through Roah Moonglow - she specifically has a note about taking out Rugan as part of her coup.) His caravan was interestingly turned over to the Steel Watch, where Rugan talked his way out by becoming an informant (this is all from the same datamined voicelines) and the rest were hanged.
Sure, maybe it was the information that saved Rugan. Or maybe the man behind the Steel Watch went easy on an old flame.
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You ever have those moments where an idea just... won't leave your head?
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the-holy-ghosted · 6 months
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congrats 2 henry peglar for being the only bitch confirmed as to be Fucking That Old Man
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pinkeoni · 9 months
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The Big AIDS Metaphor Post
In her essay "Why Are Americans Afraid of Dragons?" from her book The Language of the Night: Essays of Fantasy and Science Fiction, science-fiction and fantasy writer Ursula K. Le Guin writes—
"The use of imaginative fiction is to deepen your understanding of your world, of your fellow men, and your own feelings, and your destiny."
It would be easy for me to claim that Stranger Things is a show that utilizes its science-fiction elements as an AIDS metaphor, but that only goes so far without being able to prove that the show is in fact employing said metaphor. "The show takes place in the 80's -> AIDS was a big part of the 80's -> therefore the show is about AIDS" isn't an airtight argument in itself. I can quote famous sci-fi writers all day but that still wouldn't prove that the Duffers themselves are actually following similar trains of thought.
So here's my big long post about why the show is utilizing it's science-fiction elements as an AIDS metaphor.
Lengthy discussion of rape, violent homophobia and drug use below the cut.
A Brief History of HIV/AIDS in America
For those not in the know about HIV/AIDS, and in order to all get on the same page, here is a short recap. For my information, I will be this timeline from hiv.gov as well as this timeline created by History Channel, as well as some of the supplemental hyperlinks provided. Any other sources I use will be linked throughout.
HIV, or human immunodeficiency virus is a virus that attacks the body's immune system, making it highly susceptible to infection and cancers. The virus can progress to a more severe version of the infection, acquired immunodeficiency syndrome or AIDS. The virus spreads through bodily fluids such as semen and blood. The most common ways for HIV/AIDS to spread was through unprotected sex and sharing needles while using drugs.
The initial cases of HIV were present in America in the 70's but become much more rampant starting in the early 1980s. Because cases of AIDS were most commonly seen in gay and bisexual men, there was a large misconception that AIDS was a "gay plague" or a "gay disease" as it was nicknamed. By 1984, 3,500 Americans had died from AIDS related illnesses.
The reason that AIDS epidemic got as deadly as it did is often attributed to the Reagan Administration's failure to act, something that President Reagan denied. Reagan would not publicly acknowledge AIDS until 1985, despite U.S. health officials being aware of AIDS since 1981.
Understanding just how entrenched this metaphor is in the story will include going through each season and examining in detail how each one plays into this metaphor.
Season One: Establishing Metaphor & Government Cover Up in Early Years of Epidemic
The AIDS metaphor is most closely connected with Will's storyline, although it's not exclusive to Will nor is his storyline exclusive to AIDS. Furthermore, the supernatural elements of this show are multifaceted. AIDS is but just one of the metaphors expressed in the show, but for the sake of this post it's what I will be focusing on.
The setup begins following Will's disappearance in episode 1, when Joyce introduces Will's queer coding to us.
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By 1983 the terms "gay disease" and "gay cancer" had been in the public vocabulary for a couple years now. So when Joyce brings up his queerness in regards to to his disappearance in a show that takes place in the early 1980s, there is a subconscious correlation that can be made in the watchers mind. His sexuality is significant to the why he went missing, otherwise why bring it up?
We then hear through Troy exactly what the town believes happened to Will.
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I think that Troy essentially being a mouthpiece for his father is significant to show that Troy's beliefs are not exclusive to him and they do not exist in a vacuum. Troy's homophobia is a product of his environment, which includes his home and by extension, Hawkins.
The specification that Will was killed by "some other queer" adds another layer under the surface of Troy's statement, one that implies that Will was raped before he was kill, otherwise, again, why bring up sexuality in the first place? This was the attitude toward gay men— they rape and kill little boys.
In early 1984, there was a study conducted by the American Journal of Medicine to trace the sexual partners of a cluster of patients with Kaposi Sarcoma, one of the common cancers that killed AIDS patients. The study identified a flight attendant as "Patient O" who was among the first to exhibit symptoms of HIV/AIDS and had a rather active sex life with a multitude of sexual partners. The study was soon misconstrued by the public to claim that there was a Patient Zero who was "a promiscuous or even malicious gay man who single-handedly and knowingly touched off the AIDS pandemic in the United States."
Another crucial factor of the metaphor is the cover-up and blame shifting from the government lab, the exact thing that allowed the problem to escalate and become as deadly as it did to begin with. In the early years of the epidemic, Reagan slashed the budget of public health agencies like the CDC, and it would be years until he ever made a speech about it let alone even mentioned AIDS publicly.
We see how adamant the lab is to cover up any supernatural involvement with Will's disappearance in an attempt to cover their own asses. Framing his death as an accident was their call, all while being acutely aware of what the actual problem was. This confrontation from Joyce to Brenner puts it pretty aptly.
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Tangent About Barb
This AIDS metaphor is something that I thought of when I first watched the show back in 2016 (humble brag) but what tipped me off the most wasn't Will or the lab but it was the fact that Barb was the other victim shown.
Barb's queer coding was clear to everyone and their mother. Hell, there's even a joke about it in the Bad Lip Reading of the first season. Barb, Nancy's short haired female friend who takes issue with Nancy's new relationship and has a hard time fitting in with with all of the heterosexual antics of Steve's house party. She's singled out, and while the rest of the gang get to casually enjoy the pleasures of sex, while Barb, another member of the queer community, sadly loses her life. The show cuts between Nancy having sex with Steve with Barb being killed to emphasize this stark contrast.
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Season Two: Personal Effects of HIV/AIDS & Social Stigmatization
Season one was surrounding Will while not really showing us much of his pov, but season two dives right in to his perspective.
So, remember when I talked earlier about how Troy, and by extension the town, believed that Will was raped? Well, he wasn't exactly wrong.
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This moment wasn't lost on me when I originally watched the show, although I think I ignored the implications because I didn't want to believe what I was seeing. But it's pretty well spelled out— A long, tentacle-like organ used for the sake of reproduction (Will "births" D'Art as a result of this), is inserted inside of Will's mouth without consent.
It's been a year, and Will is still dealing with the trauma of what happened, along with all of these new changes to his life. Will frequently attends doctors appointments at the lab, where the lab themselves aren't completely confident what is happening with him either.
When cases of HIV/AIDS were first appearing in the U.S., health officials were unclear as to what exactly this virus was and how it worked, only that clusters of otherwise healthy gay men were suddenly developing rare and aggressive infections and cancers.
Owens refers to the spread of the Upside Down very clinically— describing it as some cancer. One of the first articles published about HIV/AIDS in America before more information was known was a New York Times article titled "Rare Cancer Seen in 41 Homosexuals." The cancer the headline refers to being Karposi Sarcoma, the rare skin cancer developing due to their weakened immune system.
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HIV/AIDS in itself isn’t the disease that patients die from, but instead the weakened immune system allows for diseases to take over the body without much defense. After his visit to the Upside Down, Will faces a series of “True Sight” visions as Mike puts it, which allows for a destructive foreign entity to invade Will's body and slowly take it over.
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HIV.gov lists the following as some of the symptoms of AIDS:
"Rapid weight loss"
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"Profuse night sweats"
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and "Memory loss"
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To the government agents in the lab, we see just how disposable Will is to them. In their words, if it kills him, it kills him. (thank you to @emblazons for being the one to point this out to me)
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Owens may have held more concern for Will, but he still continues the government cover-up started by Brenner in season one. We also see the fallout of Barb's death, with Nancy and Jonathan fighting to uncover and reveal the truth. Owens is the one who tries to put a stop to their exposé of events to Barb's mom.
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Not only is Will facing trauma and his body being ravaged by this new illness, but he's also facing social stigmatization, something common among gay men with positive HIV statuses at this time. There seemed to be some sympathy from the townsfolk when Will was missing and presumed dead, yet he faces animosity almost seemingly because he came back.
The "Zombie Boy" Nickname
I once made a whole separate post about this, but Will's "Zombie Boy" nickname from season two fits in with this AIDS metaphor.
On a surface level, the nickname is in reference to the fact that Will seemed to come back to life despite having a funeral and being buried. In a literal sense, however, his peers are quite literally referring to him a walking corpse that spreads disease. Individuals suffering from AIDS often have very short life expectancies, and zombies are the re-animated dead that aim to infect and kill as many people as possible. It is a very coded nickname.
In the post that I linked, I speculate the possibility that some people in town may even believe that Will has HIV. Remember earlier when I mentioned Troy's comment "he was probably killed by some other queer" which implies a belief that Will was raped. The town don't know about any of the supernatural goings-on, but they do know that Will went missing, was found in a cabin a week later, was hospitalized shortly after and attended frequent doctor visits through the following year. I don't see a reason that malicious rumors would cease, especially considering that they already continue to be cruel and ostracizing with the Zombie Boy nickname.
Look also at this moment of Will getting weird looks as he is being pulled from school to attend his doctors appointment. Why so much stigma around simply going to the doctor?
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The 1984 Reelection of Ronald Reagan
In 1984, Ronald Reagan won reelection in one of the biggest election wins in history. And— subsequently continuing his and the governments silence towards the AIDS epidemic.
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Season two takes place in the week leading up to the reelection. There are small set pieces that draw attention to this, such as this election sign in front of the library.
If the date November 6th sounds familiar, it should.
Dr. Owens mentions the anniversary of Will's disappearance. The one year anniversary of Will's disappearance is the same day that Ronald Reagan was reelected. Will's trauma is being purposefully associated with that day.
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I've also made a separate post before just about the Reagan/Bush '84 signs that litter the lawns of Hawkins houses. They appear most notably in the Halloween episode, building to when Will has his true sight episode that night. There is one clearly in frame just before Will is separated from the group, called a "Zombie Boy" and a "freak" (two very coded nicknames) before he falls into his vision.
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We also get a clear view of the Reagan/Bush sign outside of the Wheeler house before Will describes his experience to Mike.
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A Tangent About the Wheelers
And now the question on everyone's mind: Are the Wheeler's homophobic?
Ted and Karen Wheeler are not violent, homophobic bullies. That would be a massive reach. But it would also be a reach to say that they are vocal allies. And maybe that's just what the average middle class family
In the very least, the Wheelers are passively contributing to a system that enables homophobia. To be honest, they are probably just going along with what everyone else is doing. Like I said earlier, Reagan was an incredibly popular candidate for the 1984 reelection. The Wheelers have the privilege of being able to comfortably conform without having to worry about much of the consequences. (I'll talk more about the Wheelers later)
In the episode where Will is possessed by the Mind Flayer, Joyce calls the school and we get an extended shot with Reagan's portrait in the background. The shot begins with the portrait slightly obscured, then the camera dolly's in towards the receptionist with the portrait still in frame. Shortly after this Will is possessed in the field. Here is one of the camera begins the shot and where the camera ends the shot.
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I also wanna note that when Joyce calls in this scene, the receptionist makes a side comment about her and rolls her eyes. There's a clear animosity towards not only Will, but the whole Byers family, including the adults of the town. Including Reagan's portrait in this shot is meant to create a subtle correlation between him and the stigma that the Byers' face.
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Season Three: The Façade of Patriotism Over a Dying Nation
It's 1985, Ronald Reagan has been reelected, and this season introduces Hawkins Mayor Larry Kline.
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Is Larry Kline meant to be Ronald Reagan?
I would say that Mayor Kline is probably exemplary of American politicians in a broader sense (in fact the Duffers may have been making allusions to Trump with his connection to the Russians) although the fact that he's in office the same time as Reagan is still significant.
In the beginning of the season, Mayor Kline is being met with protesters outside his house, not unlike many of the AIDS awareness protests from the 80's.
The townsfolk are angered with Kline for building the mall and running some of the small businesses into the ground. During Reagan's run, he implemented a system of economics called "Reaganomics," which aimed to cut taxes and support economic growth. Although critics of Reaganomics will point out that his policies had actually increased the wealth gap, making the rich richer and the poor, poor. I want to keep this post about the AIDS metaphor, although I wanted to point this out as it is a connection between Kline and Reagan. And as I said earlier in this post, the metaphors are multifaceted and not just about AIDS.
But continuing, later in the season Kline puts on a big 4th of July festival to celebrate the independence of his country with neon lights and flashy fireworks. Meanwhile, the people of his town are dying right under his political reign.
During season 3, the AIDS metaphor actually moves away from Will, with the focus of his story shifting slowly to romance. This was setup at the Snowball at the end of season 2, and season 3 hints at some of Will's feelings for Mike which will be carried into season 4.
But the metaphor is carried on by Will's name twin, Billy.
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Billy and Will sharing the same first name, that being William, feels significant as Will basically passes the baton to him and Billy now becomes the focus for this metaphor. We learn from Max that Billy is very sexually active, and in the beginning of the season he has eyes for Karen Wheeler. It is while he is on his way to this illicit sexual affair when he is "infected" by the Mind Flayer. (this was pointed out to me in the comment of one of my posts, but have since lost it. If you are reading this— thank you.)
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Billy then passes the "infection" along to a girl he was flirtatious with, before the "virus" begins spreading over town.
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There is also language and rape imagery associated with being flayed. There is the repeated lines "hold still" and "it'll all be over soon." When Heather's parents are flayed, they are tied up something is forcefully inserted orally, not unlike what we saw with the tentacle inside of Will in season one and his possession in season two. (I first saw this pointed out by @kaypeace21
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The flayed begin to eat chemicals, and Nancy makes the comment that Tom, one of the flayed, appears to have been on drugs. Another common way that HIV is spread is through the sharing of drug needles.
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HIV/AIDS in the Press
Nancy's arc with the newspaper this season reminds me a lot of how AIDS was first being reported in the press. Nancy begins her search for a story with stolen fertilizer and diseased rats, not realizing that there was a much bigger and much more dangerous story at hand. One of the first reports HIV in the media was from a CDC Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report from 1981, which cited five cases of pneumonia in previously healthy gay men in Los Angeles. While still a deadly number, it was relatively small compared to the massive number of AIDS cases and deaths that would soon follow.
When Nancy brings her story to work, Bruce, one of her higher-ups, sips from this rather patriotic coffee mug before telling Nancy to drop the story.
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At the end of the 1985 summer in Hawkins, the flayed have died in a "mall fire" and Larry Kline is arrested for colluding with the Russians, and their patriotic façade is shattered.
In September 1985, shortly after actor and close friend of Ronald Reagan, Rock Hudson dies, of an AIDS related illness, Reagan makes his first public acknowledgement of AIDS.
Season Four: Further Stigmatization & LGBT Witch Hunting
In season four the town is finally privy to the fact that there is something wrong going on, although they are unsure of exactly what. When things begin to escalate, instead of blaming the actual guilty party, they go on an all-out witch hunt.
Once again, Will's pretty removed from the AIDS storyline in this season with his arc focusing on his romantic feelings for Mike. With Billy dead and Will out of town, the baton passes once again for the metaphor to be carried by Eddie Munson.
In the first episode of season 4, Eddie is reading a magazine with an article about the Satanic Panic, a real case of wide-spread hysteria in the 1980's regarding the fear of rising Satanism, supposedly promoted by D&D. The article links the game to violent behavior, Satanic worship, sodomy and murder.
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Tangent on Sodomy and Sodomy Laws
Merriam-Webster defines sodomy as "anal or oral copulation with another person." The definition is often expanded to include copulation with animals, although the term sodomy, according to Merriam-Webster, means "especially: anal or oral copulation with a member of the same sex."
While definitions may vary depending on states, some states have specific laws outlawing sodomy, even between consenting adults. In 1986, the Supreme Court upheld Georgia's anti-sodomy laws in Bowers v. Hardwick, after a homosexual man and his partner were arrested after being caught while having sex in his own home. Sodomy laws would eventually be challenged again in 2002 with the Lawrence v. Texas case.
While sodomy can technically can refer to both homosexual and heterosexuals, it is especially and historically has been used in regards to homosexual sex. When Eddie reads the word sodomy here, gay sex is being lumped in and made equivalent to violent behavior, Satanic worship, and murder. Quite literally in season four, Hellfire Club is seen as the evil Satanic sodomizers who bring death to their town.
While trying to find a substitute for the D&D game, one of kids Mike asks mentions 60 Minutes in his rebuttal of Mike's request. This episode takes place on March 21st, 1986. On March 16th, 1986, 60 Minutes played a segment called "Life and Death in San Fransisco," a segment about the AIDS virus on CBS. (EDIT: I originally attributed this to the wrong person, but thank you to @aemiron-main for being the one to point this out. Apologies for my memory mixing up my ST analysts in my head 😔) The archived footage can be viewed on YouTube.
When Chrissy is killed by Vecna inside of Eddie's trailer, leading the town to suspect that Eddie was the killer, she was going there to do drugs. Again, a common way for AIDS to be spread was through the sharing of drug needles. After the town and cops suspect Eddie, the town goes on an all-out witch hunt for him and other members of Hellfire, invoking Christianity as their reasoning. In Eddie's words— "Hunt the freak, right?"
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Does this mean that Eddie is queer?
The black handkerchief in his back pocket and Joseph Quinn's flirtatious ad-libs with Steve are not completely lost on me. And the AIDS coding here does seem to be pointing in that direction, but here's what I think.
Eddie's actual sexual orientation, and by extension that of Hellfire, is beside the point and doesn't actually matter in the eyes of the town. Every member of Hellfire could be straight and every member of Hellfire could be gay, but what matters is that Hellfire Club is a group of outsiders that participate in recreational activity that is deemed dangerous, and that in itself is queer, regardless of who they may actually be attracted to.
Another Tangent on The Wheelers
During Jason's religious spiel in town hall which invoked the witch hunt against Eddie and Hellfire, we get this shot of Ted and Karen Wheeler upon remembering that Mike is a part of Hellfire. And boy do they look terrified.
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This moment, right here, is what I believe to be the Wheeler rug pull. They may not have been signing up to witch hunt their son when they put that Reagan sign in their front lawn, but this is what it leads to. They're being confronted with the most extreme end of their forced conformity and they fear what they see. I think part of what causes this change in character is because they know Mike, had Mike not been a Hellfire member, who is to say if they would have changed their tune or join in the witch hunt. At the end of the season, when the news reports that the giant gate in town is a "doorway to Hell," both Ted and Karen scoff at the report, calling it "hysteria." The conformists are beginning to un-conform.
Concluding Thoughts & Season Five
Providing a story about HIV/AIDS through a science-fiction metaphor is both practical and ethical. The metaphor allows the show to tell the story to a wide audience without the reliance on outside knowledge. You don't have to be an expert in HIV/AIDS history to understand the story that it's trying to tell. It's ethical as well in that it doesn't force it's incredibly young actors to have to act out being raped and developing HIV/AIDS.
With Eddie Munson dead and Zombie Boy back in town, I think that the AIDS metaphor will shift it's focus back to Will. I think we may see a colliding of the AIDS plot with his romance plot. How do you pursue romance with a HIV+ status? Can you?
The way I see, season 5 has the choice to go in one of two directions:
But first, a short tangent about my uncle
In recent years, I came to learn that my uncle was HIV+, something that wasn't known to me when I was younger. Him and his partner are both in their sixties, and they currently bought a plot of land in which they plan on building their dream house together.
But anyways, the two choices are this:
Will dies by the end of the season. He becomes one of the many gay men with HIV/AIDS who lived a short life, unable to grow into adulthood and pursue his love life. His story is a tragedy.
Will lives. He becomes one of the many gay men with HIV/AIDS who survived and is able to live a long and happy life full of love. His story is an uplifting one full of hope.
Tagging: @emblazons @italiantv @gaysmindpalace @ven0moir @punkwillbyers @mikesbasementbeets @quinterobb @drangues @basiltonpitch @howtobecomeadragon
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Little thing I made a while ago because I wanted to draw Spamton and Jevil outside of doodling on all my schoolwork.
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ocularmacdown · 6 months
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“call me a joker, call me a fool, right at this moment i’m totally cool”
“eager to please, ready to fight, why do i go to extremes?” - i go to extremes, billy joel
hmm gob bluth can have a just little unnecessary angst. as a treat <3
i’m actually so so proud of this !! it took tremendous will not to fully colour and render it all but !!! i’m very glad i didn’t :D created for a target audience of exactly one person and BOY am i glad i’m here !!
(expand for quality cause tumblr despises my canvas sizes rip)
rotated and blank versions under the cut !!
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anglerflsh · 1 year
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very very vague gender ideals
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the-acid-pear-art · 11 months
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Save a cowboy, ride a huge fucking sausage today 🏜️
(i will hopefully get around to making more Peppi pin ups in the future-)
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chiropteracupola · 11 months
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historically accurate trip to clifton's cafeteria!!!
[progress shots under the readmore]
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#em draws stuff#SEND HIS ASS TO THE CLIFTON’S CAFETERIA!#I have been working on this image for More Than A Week and I feel like it has taken years off my life :]#look sometimes you get possessed by enthusiasm about fun comics you read and also nostalgia for bizarre novelty restaurants#due to the fact that clifton's no longer exists I cannot go there. but I can send the blorbos there by force if I so choose.#there's just something about old southern california restaurants with strange gimmicks and themes. take me away to there.#since I am very proud of this I will be using the full proper tags just this one single time [lying through my teeth]#swapping my usual format so there’s not just an absolute deluge of organizational stuff right off the bat#I think I said that the madness would probably go away soon but as you see that has not been the case (it's only gotten worse)#this is the most people I’ve put in a picture since I don’t know when#actually after a quick look-see through my files this might very well be the most people I’ve put in a picture Ever#the madness will do that to ya I guess. also the sheer raw clifton’s energy.#(altho' I got so tired in the end that about half the background is a very crunchy photo of The Real Clifton's...)#this is why my header is what it currently is and also why I posted that horrid 70s jello drink a week ago#many thanks are owed to jon dxppercxdxver for chatting with me about outfits and drink orders and such!#this is fanart for the weirder forefather of a rainforest cafe just as much as it is fanart for a videojame#I do not know what the typical tagging etiquette for this is but by golly I'm going to guess#clifton's cafeteria#team fortress 2#spy tf2#engineer tf2#soldier tf2#sniper tf2#demoman tf2#medic tf2#heavy tf2#pyro tf2#miss pauling#scout tf2#why yes I am tagging clifton's Like It Is The Piece of Media. what of it.
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catoscloves · 6 months
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enemies to lovers isn't "he's generally an unpleasant person to be around, he constantly puts other people down and disrespects/condescends/ostracizes them, he's cruel and a bully... but his one redeeming quality is that he looks attractive" like. bestie that's not a redemption arc!! or a redeeming quality!!! a person can and should control their behaviors, but how they look literally has no bearing on their worth as a person!
like... this trope is about an initial misunderstanding and miscommunication that leads to mild conflict and resentment of each other,but eventually they move past this rocky start by revealing to each other their humanity and good qualities, and communicating what happened the first time they met so that they can clear up that situation, and slowly becoming good friends who enjoy spending time with each other and eventually become really close, and the realization that one accidental mishap/slip in behavior/aashole mistake isn't what defines a person and sometimes your first interpretation of them is sometimes wrong!! an entire opinion of someone should be formed based on their behaviors, values, actions, and morals, and quality time spent with this person, not because they have nice cheekbones.
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fayesdiary · 1 year
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Came to the realization that Robin is everything Grima wishes they were and I'm gonna spend an indefinite amount of time obsessing over it
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In case any of you are wondering what your friendly neighbourhood memer who literally has Akutagawa in her username thought of the newest Asagriri interview, it's rough. The relationship with violence in bsd has always been a complicated one and I felt like the subject of violence was treated a bit lightly, but then again it's an ongoing manga and individual character arcs (such as Atsushi's and Lucy's) were far from romantisizing it. I was really looking forward to the moment Atsushi learns about Akutagawa's past and begins to question Dazai's authority. I felt like the story was leaning more towards that direction with sskk's development, and so reading the comments regarding Akutagawa and Dazai was a very disheartening experience. There's more I could say about this subject, but to be completely honest I simply feel very disappointed that Akutagawa's abuse is meant to be seen as "the right path". It shouldn't be. Everything Atsushi stands for suggests that it shouldn't be. And here we are. And I don't know, maybe Asagiri just worded his thoughts not in a way he meant to and Aku's arc will be handled properly, but it seemed pretty clear to me that Asagiri is favourising Dazai even though Dazai was in the wrong there. Abuse is never the answer. Up until now there was certain ambiguity surrounding this subject, but now that Asagiri has spoken up about about the way he views their relationship, it all went out of the window and not gonna lie, it really ruined my day. In the end it's just a fictional story, so it's not that serious, but this manga means and lot to me and I don't think things will ever be the same. I've been thinking about this for hours and I don't know if I'll be able to approach bsd the same way as before. I suppose we'll see what kind of direction the story is going to go for, but for now I'm really disappointed.
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luvring · 1 month
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would u guys mind if i made a new tag list form and completely restarted them. be honest.
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