#this is the thing I've alluded to a few times sorry for being cringe and fucked up

[freesia-writes]

Howzer + Aurelia Ch. 36 - Relief and Regret

Even as a cocky young shiny, there were a few people who saw the integrity and depth beneath Howzer's facade. Aurelia was one of them, but life tore them apart. However, when they found themselves reunited on Ryloth, with drastically different circumstances, they have to learn anew how to navigate a changing world and their undeniable feelings for one another.

Master List of Chapters

Content/Trigger Warnings for Entire Work (individual chapter posts not labeled): wartime peril, injury, and death (chapters 12-14); pregnancy, birthing trauma, and infant loss (chapters 31-38); sexual assault up to kissing (chapter 19); relationship passion up to making out and heavy petting; sexual relationship alluded to but not described (no smut, sorry) ;)

Word Count: 2.1k

36. Relief and Regret

"I can take care of the late arrival. You should go home and rest," Lennox said, touching Aurelia's hand. She was sprawled across the diagnostic bed, face down, propped up with pillows on her top and bottom in a way that allowed her somach to rest on the cushion below and released the constant tension from her back and legs. Things had changed quickly; within a week, the clinic had been officially shut down, and the staff who had decided to join Chuchi's cause were operating under a new protocol that allowed them to continue to utilize the facility without it appearing to be in use. The unorthodox procedures also involved being ready to receive patients at any hour of the day or night, and Aurelia and Lennox were currently waiting for the arrival of a fresh rescue. 

"I can't sleep well anymore, and this is the most comfortable I've been in weeks. Good call with the pillows, although I don't know how I'll ever get up," Aurelia answered, face turned sideways toward his chair. 

"That's what I'm here for," Lennox said, now resting his hand on hers. A slight alarm bell went off in her head, and she slowly moved both her hands underneath her. "Sorry," he offered quietly, dropping his own hand to his side.

"It's okay. I just..."

"It's alright, you don't have to explain. Hey -- Fireball told me an awful joke the other day. Want to hear it?"

Grateful for his intuitive changing of the subject, Aurelia smiled faintly, "With a setup like that, how could I refuse?"

"Okay, so... There's an Ugnaught, an Ithorian, and a Mon Calamari at a cantina..."

A buzz at the door interrupted the thought, and Lennox rose to his feet, offering Aurelia a hand as she struggled to push herself up and off the pillows. It was taking longer than usual, and as another buzz signaled impatience, Lennox touched her shoulder instead, "Here, roll over."

"I'll fall off the side!" 

"No, just roll, and I'll help you up."

Another buzz made it clear that time was of the essence, so Aurelia pushed herself sideways, rolling into his arms and cringing at the lumbering awkwardness of her movement these days. She was also shocked that he was able to hold her up with little struggle, and as he slowly lowered her feet to the ground, one arm still firmly under her shoulders, she felt self-conscious at the unexpected intimacy of the situation. Fortunately, there was no time to dwell on it, as he moved for the back door as soon as she was securely on her feet, leaving her to return the pillows to the storage cabinets. 

"Took you long enough!" came a clone voice from outside, and Aurelia noted the slight stiffness in his tone. It didn't sound familiar, and as she finished clearing the diagnostic bed and made her way into the hall, she was surprised at the sight of two new clones. One had marks from blaster shots on his shoulder, abdomen, and thigh, and the other was one of the most curious clones she'd ever seen. He had distinctly lighter skin, a slightly pallid color, and a relatively gaunt face. His ears were covered by a metal apparatus that wrapped around his bald head, and protruding on his skull above it were some small metal dots as well. He was holding his brother up as they made their way into an exam room, and as he lowered him onto the table, Aurelia was surprised to see that he wielded a scomp link in place of one of his hands. 

Lennox worked quickly, removing armor plates and assessing the damage with a skilled eye. The injured clone remained silent, and his companion backed away to lean against the doorway, watching the proceedings as Aurelia fetched the standard instruments and supplies, laying them across a tray at Lennox's side. 

"Sorry for the late hour," the clone said from the doorway. "We caught some heat on our way out and had to change our route about three times. Ended up getting shot a few more times than we'd hoped, and then the ship's hyperdrive was acting up. I told Rex that we should have... Ah, never mind. We would have been here earlier if things had gone as planned. Sorry bout that."

"Things rarely go as planned," Aurelia answered kindly, trying not to be obvious as she studied him between passing things to Lennox. "You seem to have escaped unscathed though."

"This time," came the short reply. "But obviously I haven't been so lucky in the past," he said, a tinge of humor in his sarcastic words as he waved his scomp arm and rolled his eyes. "Anyway... the name's Echo."

"Aurelia," she said, "And this is Lennox."

"And who is our punctured friend here?" Lennox asked, nodding toward the prone figure on the exam table and earning himself a furrowed brow from the unamused Echo. Okay, so comedy wasn't the approach here. 

"His name's Nemec, and that's about all I know... Except that he's a great shot, and if you can believe it, he can dodge blaster bolts faster than most. That should give you an idea of the kind of fire we were up against."

"Well, the good news is that no major tendons or arteries were hit, so he should be back to dodging in no time," Lennox said, finishing the last patch. "I look forward to seeing you in action, Nemec."

"Me too, Doc," came the feeble reply from the table. 

* * * 

Two days later found Nemec in considerably better spirits as the bacta patches had worked their magic. A final check on his range of movement gave Lennox enough confidence to release him back into the field, so he and Aurelia accompanied the trooper to the hangar to meet Rex. It was a confidential location, shared only with them under strict orders to keep it private from the rest of the medical team. As the door whooshed open, a few scattered clones looked up to check who was arriving. 

Captain Rex was on the far side, having a discussion with Echo. As the trio headed toward them, a little whistle caught Aurelia's attention. Turning her head as she walked, she caught sight of Gregor, looking wildly different in his unique commando armor. He caught her eye with his classic grin and arched eyebrow, giving a little wave as they made their way to Rex. She smiled, offering a polite nod in return, and Gregor made an exaggerated motion with his hands, outlining a large imaginary belly on himself, then pointing at Aurelia and giving a big thumbs-up. She stifled a laugh. Only he could get away with something like that. 

"Thanks, you two," Rex said after a quick debrief of Nemec's status. "We've got a bit of a breather here, so if you want to get some rest, now is a good time. Aurelia, you take care of yourself. Lennox, could I have a word before you go?" 

Disproportionately curious yet clearly dismissed, Aurelia waddled back the way she'd come, giving one last wave to Gregor, who blew her a kiss. The clinic was all closed down, looking dark and abandoned as it should, and she slipped in the back door, taking the lift up to the apartments above. Rest would be wonderful, but her hunger was more pressing, so she quickly found herself rummaging through the refrigerator, taking her selections to the couch where she reclined in exhaustion. Propping her feet on a footstool, lap piled high with snacks, she rested her head on the back of the couch for a moment, closing her eyes. 

"I like your style," came Lennox's playful observation a few minutes later, as he gently lowered himself onto the couch beside her, pulling a sandwich from a bag.

"I'm eating for two, you know."

"As you should."

"What did Rex want?" Aurelia asked, unable to hide her curiosity. They had been sharing more with each other over the last few months, and there was no need for subtlety anymore. 

"He was following up on some information I've been asking him to keep an eye on," Lennox answered, setting his sandwich down to the side and turning to face Aurelia fully. "It's actually for you..."

Her heart skipped a beat as her mind immediately went to Howzer. Had they found him? Was he dead? She was shocked at how quickly her thoughts went from hope to dread, spinning with possibilities, and she didn't even yet know if that's what they were talking about. Lennox shifted a little closer to her on the couch. Pushing her pile of food onto a nearby table, she sat up a bit as well, sensing the seriousness in his demeanor. 

"How have the nightmares been?" he asked, and her eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"Less, or less explicit, I guess. Still some general themes of running away, being scared, though they're dimmer now. Why?" 

"I've been keeping tabs on Gow--... on your old boss..." Lennox began, carefully dodging the use of his name. "It's a tumultuous galaxy out there, you know. Turns out that a rebel cell attacked a cargo transport from the doonium refinery on Ryloth, and they blew the entire ship up. He was on that ship, and he was confirmed dead along with its crew. They found the body and everything."

A stunned silence followed as Aurelia stared at him, reeling from the revelation. Her eyes dropped to the floor, roving across it purposelessly, and she lifted a hand to her mouth, gently clasping it reflexively. A hand on her shoulder brought her attention back to Lennox, and she returned her gaze to his kind face, which was focused on her own with earnest concern. 

"I thought you'd like to know... So you could feel safe..." he offered, tilting his head and studying her face intently. "You deserve to be safe," he said, more softly now. He moved his hand from her shoulder to her face, hesitantly as though he feared her response, but she remained still, closing her eyes as he gently traced the backs of his fingers from her cheekbone to her jaw. He finished his caress with a featherlight pinch of her chin before dropping his hand to his lap, clearing his throat self-consciously as his heart pounded inside his chest. 

The realization was sinking in, and Aurelia felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Opening her eyes, she turned toward him with a deep breath, brimming with inexpressible emotion. "Thank you," she whispered, shaking her head slightly. "I have no words..."

"It's okay," he reassured, offering a small smile. "I hope you can sleep well now."

"Lennox... I'm still in love with Howzer," Aurelia said abruptly, frowning at the ground before looking at him again just in time to catch his look of surprise mingled with hurt. "I'm sorry. I keep feeling like... like this is turning into more than just friendship. I don't want to lead you on."

He swallowed, looking down and pursing his lips before lifting his head to gaze at the wall. His hands folded together tightly, one thumb absently rubbing the other, and the silence was deafening.

"I'm sorry," Aurelia said again, shifting uncomfortably in her seat, trying to sit as straight as she could with a basketball-sized abdomen. "I... You're wonderful... You're so kind... I just... I'm not... here. Fully."

"Do you think you could be?" he asked, looking back at her with a sudden vulnerability. His boyish face was both innocent and burdened, and the sheer defenselessness in his eyes made Aurelia want to cup his face in reassurance, but she knew it would hurt more than help. "I know you're not in a place to make a decision, with all that's on your plate right now... But would you just... maybe consider... what a different future could look like? One with more freedom... One where you could grow old at the same time... One with less pain..." he stopped, biting his lip to stop the flow of everything he'd wanted to say for a while now. 

"I can't," she choked after a moment of silence, unable to meet his gaze anymore. Her thoughts had turned into mud, and she tried to wade through them with any sense of coherence but it was useless. 

"Okay," Lennox said quietly. 

"I understand if you need some space, or distance, or whatever..." Aurelia attempted, but he shook his head with a wistful smile.

"I'll be here for you when you need me."

Feel free to tag a friend who loves Howzer or comment to be added to the tag list! <3

@mary-on-the-contrary @doublesunsets @523rdrebel

#the bad batch #star wars fanfiction #the bad batch fanart #star wars the bad batch #tbb fanfic #tbb fanfiction #fanfiction #tbb #bad batch #the bad batch fanfiction #tbb howzer #captain howzer #howzer #howzer x oc

[heartbeetz]

I know he meant it like cat burglar bc that's what the episode was about, but I am instead choosing to misinterpret things on purpose bc I think it's funny

#don't rb. let me talk about my lame comfort characters / platonic f/os in peace #woah this looks soooo desaturated / lightened on my laptop. maybe I should stop doing art exclusively on my phone... #moments of all time when michael was like ''damn... sooo unfortunate we couldn't catch the thief ;)'' bc he wanted them to go free #anyway. hi. #this is the thing I've alluded to a few times sorry for being cringe and fucked up #*gives him a cat form as a way of exploring his character* #''>:( I'm small and slow and I don't have all my fancy abilities.... but I can hang out in the house with you guys now???? well...'' #haha idiot. transfer your ai to the cat bot for a bit and stop being pompous and prissy #also. thinks soooooo hard about how casually michael responded to kᎥtt mentioning changing his name #it means Something I know it does #idk which tags to put on this so uhh... #roz posts #flag friends #just the general one I guess #☆: 🚗🚦📺 #♡: 🚘⌚️💥