#this is the truest and best post i have ever made

[lokisprettygirl]

Under his influence (Post Avengers! Loki x female reader)

Read chapter 22 here //Series Masterlist

Chapter 23

Summary : A certain vivid dream drives Loki towards a conclusion.

Warning: 18+,soft smut, dirty talking, mention of stalking, mention of psychological torture, angst, insecurities, ptsd, self deprecating behaviour, panic attack, praise kink, soft precious bean loki, sub loki

You had made your way back to the front porch after eavesdropping on the conversation Loki had with your mother. He stepped out the front door and he noticed the look on your face so he smiled, walked towards you, cupped your cheeks to kiss your forehead and then he kissed you on the lips softly. As soon as you were in your hotel room you jumped into his arms and kissed him passionately.

Yeah your man standing up for you like that was sexy as hell.

He laid you down on the bed and you just wanted to go crazy on him like an animal in heat, your mouth latched onto his shoulder blades as you sucked and nipped on the skin a little before you sighed and put your head back down on the bed.

"I have been so angry these past few years lo" you mumbled so he focused his attention on your face instead of your bare bosom that was distracting him in all the best ways.

"You have been angry love?"

"Mmmhmmm Just .. utterly sad and sooo goddamed angry. I used to go by my days knowing that I'd never find anyone i would actually want to be with, let alone someone like you..i mean you're wayyyy out of my league" your eyes were teary but you chuckled still, you felt his cock rubbing over your clit and it made you moan in response, your emotions had gotten into an overdrive but you loved it, you loved feeling this way, for the first time in your adult life you were actually feeling genuine happiness.

"That is just not true my love, it is me who is not worthy of you" he caressed your cheek with the back of his fingers so you shook your head.

"Shhhh..Don't say that..you don't even know your own worth, i know you love me my sweet baby but you don't have to say that, never in my wildest I could have imagined that a man who looks like you and a god who possesses such otherworldly powers would give me even a second glance but here you are loving me, adoring me, fighting for me.." you gasped as you felt the tip of his cock sliding inside slowly "Making me feel as if I'm the only woman you'd ever want to be with…it feels surreal and it feels good to be treated the way I have always wanted to be treated" he placed his forearms next to your head, trapping you underneath his body and his thumbs wiped your tears, you still had a smile on your face so he kissed you softly before he spoke.

"You are my only woman my darling, you're my best friend and you're the only person I see whenever I close my eyes and envision the future that is ahead of us, my only fear is that you will not be there with me and I would go to any length to prevent that from happening. I know you always worry that I never would have glanced your way if we hadn't met under such circumstances but perhaps you are wrong. Even if we hadn't met the way we did, i just know I would have found you anywhere anytime, even with several unknown faces all around my heart would have brought me to you and you to me. That is something I truly believe" you caressed his scalp with your fingers softly as his sweet words filled your heart with so much of love that you didn't even know how to contain them.

"Godd I'm just always worried that someday you won't feel the same way about me" your lips trembled as you spoke so he kissed you again.

"I know and I fear the same but as I have said before, you are my truest friend in the whole nine realms, you gave me the love and acceptance I never had before and i will never not be crazily in love with the woman who makes me want to become a better man for her"

You kissed him tenderly and wrapped your legs around his waist, he moaned as your hips rolled forward and his cock stilled deep inside your warmth.

"Mmm I love you lo and I love having sex with you, I guess that's one of the reasons why I don't feel angry any more" you mumbled to lighten up the mood and it made him chuckle but then his face turned serious, definitely not in a bad way though. Not at all.

"Yeah you love being taken by me this way everyday..don't you?" He whispered, his voice deep and shallow in your ears, you could listen to him talk to you like this forever.

"Mmmhmmm yesss everyday, every moment I want you Loki, godd yess" he moaned as he picked up the pace, your hands caressed the skin of his back before you lowered them down and cupped his ass to give them a soft squeeze, sculpted muscles flexing and relaxing with every harsh thrust. As both of your orgasms crashed together he collapsed next to you to catch his breath but as usual he was the first one to recover so he took care of you in the best possible way and you felt so tired that you didn't even remember when you had fallen asleep.

"Where in the name of hel are we?" Loki sighed as he looked around, it seemed like a carnival but he couldn't have been sure. It's been years since he had entered this realm. He knew this was a bad idea but he and Thor had made a wager along with the warriors three and they had to fulfill the conditions.

"Seems like a celebration" Thor chuckled, Loki looked around and they were surrounded by hundreds of people. There were rides at the fair and kids were playing, he also basked in the beauty midgardian women had to offer and that's exactly why they were there.

"Alright brother, we shall meet the next morning at the same place, good luck on your quest, wish me the same, though I do not care for the luck, all of you will be defeated" Thor mumbled arrogantly so Loki rolled his eyes and gave his brother a pat on the back.

This was a bad idea, the wager was to sleep with as many midgardian women as all of them could in one night and they also needed to bring a souvenir of sorts from each of their conquests. He looked around and his eyes met with plenty of young looking midgardian women, one of the conditions also imposed that they weren't to reveal their names or anything about themselves to any of these women. Contradictory to popular belief Loki did detest lying but he had a reputation to maintain here.

He saw Thor leaving with not one but two willing sexual partners at the same time and he knew he had to pick up his game. He looked around again and that's when his gaze fell upon a beautiful woman and he didn't understand why he wasn't able to take his eyes off her. She had a blue shirt on with a black trousers, the simplest garment but still he felt drawn towards her aura like a moth to a flame..

"Okay now, you see that guy over there?" You looked at the man in a blue suit near the cotton candy stall, he was a good 20 feet away from you. He was also devastatingly handsome. You always had a hard time finding guys attractive in real life but this one seemed as if he was a prince charming from a Disney movie or something. Long raven hair, angelic face, and he was taller than a tower, In twenty five years of your life you had only ever seen men like him on tv until this moment. He looked like a Greek god.

"What do you want me to do Chelsea?" you asked her, contempt evident in your voice, your mother had just started to date this new man David after the divorce and you wanted to be happy for her and you wanted her to move on but hanging out with his daughters and their vapid friends wasn't your idea of fun.

"Well you lost the bet so now you have to go kiss him.. handsome isn't he?" Courtney giggled and you rolled your eyes. You denied the challenge but then they started to shame you so you had to save face somehow, you reluctantly agreed and took a deep breath as you walked towards him. Why the hell would one wear a business suit to a fair you wondered. Must be a tourist.

However the closer you got to him the more unreal he looked, he was the sexiest man on the face of the earth and he smelled so good that you just wanted to hug him as tightly as you could. Maybe kissing him didn't seem so bad now but you knew he was going to take offense and humiliate you for even thinking about that. Guys who looked like that didn't go for girls like you.

"Ummmm hiii" you said nervously as you expected him to just walk away but he turned to you and smiled instead "Are you alone here?" You asked him so he looked at the group of people that were watching the scene unfold from a distance, waiting for a disaster to happen. He saw four girls and there were two men as well, he figured you weren't courting any of them. He really wished you weren't with any of them.

"That depends on why you are enquiring darling" the way the endearing term slipped out of his mouth had almost made you moan. You sighed and took a deep breath and he found your nervousness extremely adorable. He had heard your conversation with your friends already, he knew why you wanted to talk to him, sharp hearing, he never understood why his senses were so strong but they always helped him best Thor in certain situations so he never really complained.

"Okay look umm you can just deny, as you should and will, but I lost a stupid bet and those people there want me to kiss you so we are not going to do that obviously but just humor me here for a second and I'll go away in a minute" he smiled as you blabbed unnecessarily.

He walked closer to you and your breath hitched suddenly, his scent intoxicated you and you felt completely drawn towards him for some reason.

"Are you certain you don't want me to kiss you darling?" He smirked as he placed his hands inside the pocket of his pants, he had seen a bunch of midgardian men around doing it and he was hoping he wasn't looking like a buffoon doing the same.

"I don't think anyone should be kissing strangers" you crossed your arms as you said that.

"That i respect" he chuckled so you smiled.

"Just a quick peck maybe..just so I can show my face to them" he smiled again, his hypnotic eyes made you want to do sinful things with him ,you had never felt such a scorching heat with a man of the opposite sex before. You didn't think it existed.

He walked closer to you and cupped your cheeks, you gasped at the touch, his skin felt soft. So soft and velvety.

He leaned into you and tilted his head, you closed your eyes as you expected him to kiss you, a stranger was going to kiss you. You didn't even know his name..but to your surprise instead of feeling his lips on yours you felt them on your forehead instead and then he kissed the corner of your mouth. However to the people watching you two it seemed as if he was kissing you properly.

"This is not how we shall have our first kiss so I'm not going to do that. But do not fret little one you're no longer in trouble" he mumbled softly before he placed a kiss on your cheek and pulled away. You were in trance, your skin still tingling because of his touch. God you just met the hottest man alive and you already felt sad that you'd probably never see him again..

You thanked him for his generous help, he got a cotton candy made for you before you went back to the group, however you kept bumping into him at the fair every few minutes so you asked him if he wanted to go on a ride with you and to your surprise he agreed immediately.

"Sorry I don't think I asked for your name" you chuckled and he smiled

"What is your name darling?" At first you wanted to lie but something about him made you want to trust him.

"Y/n"

"Y/n, precious y/n" your face flushed as he said that. He wasn't even trying, he didn't have to try to make you feel that way. He told you about the bet and how he was competing against his brother, he didn't want to forge the foundation of this whole relationship with lies and to his amazement you found his honesty endearing.

"I am Loki" you looked at him perplexed as he said that. Sure you had heard of the Norse God Loki but you had never met anyone named Loki before. He didn't reveal to you just yet that he was from Asgard, of course you'd think of him a lunatic, but he figured he'd do it one day when you're ready for it.

He broke several rules that night and of course he lost the bet because he spent the night just getting to know you better and he knew Thor and his friends will give him a hard time but he didn't really care, by the sunrise he knew you weren't someone he wanted to let go of so a precious friendship began between you two.

"Keep this, a souvenir, at least they'll know that you got one girl you know" he chuckled as you gave him one of the earrings you were wearing "Will I see you again or you're just going to disappear?" You asked him and you noticed the tear in his eyes. He brought the back of your hand to his lips and pressed a formal kiss.

"You shall see me soon, i promise I won't disappoint you my lady"

You woke up with your heart running a miles per second, a vivid dream again that made no sense, well it kind of did because it happened but ofcourse not the way you had just seen in your dream. Your eyes fell upon Loki who was up already and he seemed a little pale as well .

"Bad dream?" You asked him as you worried that he was having a nightmare again.

"It wasn't bad per say but–" before he could speak further your phone started to ring so you picked it up, it was your mom, she had told you that she had sent her sister and your cousins away, but David and his daughters were still there for dinner. Loki was worried about the rest of the family members finding out about him so he had suggested before leaving he'd enchant them and erase the memory about this whole ordeal and only your mother will remember him.

You told your mom the same and much to your delight she seemed to agree. You looked at the time and you both had to get ready so you decided to tell him about the dream you had later.

As you reached your mom's house, this time she greeted him with a smile, you helped her set the table while Loki was accompanied by David and your stepsisters from hell.

"Are you in love with him?" You sighed as she questioned you.

"Yes I am. And I know you want to know whether he would marry me or not but trust me mom it's not something we have discussed yet okay?"

"I just worry about you y/n and this– have you ever thought what will happen to you if he leaves? Do you think you'll survive that? I hardly survived the divorce and I wasn't even in love with your father for as long as I could remember " your eyes teared up as she said that so you walked towards her and hugged her tightly.

"I know you worry, I know you do but I love him and I have never ever had anyone love me the way he does and the future is in the future, I don't want to make all our decisions today, i just need you to stop worrying about me dying alone now okay?"

She sighed as she hugged you warmly, it was going to take some getting used to but you knew she only wanted the best for you. After that conversation you both went back to the living room and the dinner went well. Courtney and Chelsea tried to ruin your happiness by sharing embarrassing stories about you but this time your mother shut them down.

Loki was happy that your mother had bestowed this opportunity upon him and he promised her that he won't let her down, he was hoping his mother would come around as well but it didn't really matter. After dessert your mom brought out several photo albums and you noticed how giddy he was as he went through your childhood pictures.

"Ohhhh remember this day, y/n made a complete fool of herself" you rolled your eyes as the sisters shared a laugh. You looked at the picture and grimaced internally. It was taken at a fair five years ago. Weirdly enough you saw yourself living the same day with few details changed in your dreams today but you chalked it up to your subconscious mind doing its thing.

Loki grabbed the album and his eyes widened as he looked at the picture. It was you with your step sisters and those other people he had seen in the dream today. Blue shirt and black trouser, the hair on his neck stood up as he traced his fingers over your face in the picture.

"You know it really is not funny, the fact that you married the guy you had sent me to kiss over a bet, not funny" you grumbled at Chelsea and she smirked at you.

"Well yeah, it was funny, he got so offended by your audacity and I saved your ass that day by calming him down, he was so smitten by me, love at the first sight" Chelsea cackled and Courtney joined her. You looked at Loki as you felt a little embarrassed that he was going to find out about this incident in such a way but his eyes remained fixated on the picture.

"What's wrong?" You whispered in his ears so he snapped out of his thoughts and leaned into you on the couch to kiss you softly.

"You were here?" He asked you as he pointed towards the photo.

"Yeah..that was one of the most humiliating moments of my life" he gulped as you said that.

The bet, he remembered the bet he had on with Thor and the warrior three five years ago, around the same day, but their plans had ruined because Vanaheim had imposed a war on Asgard so they both had to leave, the political scrooge was settled when king of Vanaheim Munor came with the proposal that his youngest daughter shall get wedded to one of the princes. And Odin chose Loki for that, for once Loki felt chosen and he accepted the proposal without giving it a thought, he had no hope of finding true love but he would have met you if he had come here that day.

The dream wasn't a dream, it was an alternate reality.

It was his past, both of your pasts. He would have met you five years ago if things had been perfect. And that's when he realized that these dreams were no coincidences, they were a reflection of his past and the future, several outcomes from several different realities. Realities that diverted and changed because of one moment of uncertainty.

"It's so weird I had a dream when we napped this afternoon that instead of Shawn it was you that day at the fair..so weirddd" you chuckled as you remembered the dream but then his response made your eyes well up.

"Blue suit, the sweet candy stall, I pretended to kiss you and we spent the night together getting to know each other and becoming friends, didn't we?"

👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

Note: The dream sequence is from both of their pov because they were both having it at the same time.

Taglist (if you want to be tagged or removed let me know.. also I’m not able to tag some of you, please check your settings)

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#loki x female reader #loki #loki x reader fluff #loki x reader #loki x reader insert #loki x reader fic #loki x you #loki x reader angst #loki x reader smut #post avengers loki #canon divergent au #soft loki

[athousandbyeol]

discussion #9 (only friends): top's vulnerability and mew's kindness; breaking each other's walls [episode 2 recap]

again, topmew are driving me insane. it's only the second episode but there are so many nuances of pain slowly resurfacing as top and mew begin to meddle. it's heartbreaking, to say the least, how they've/will trigger/ed the best and worst in each other as their relationship progresses.

beforehand, i want to apologise because my thoughts are never coherent, and this post won't clarify anything that's going on between topmew. i find it difficult to pen my ideas down these days because topmew are written with so much precision, care and keenness, i don't think there's much unfolding that needs to be done. but i do want to talk about this one particular scene in episode 2 that broke my heart.

(this will be a short post so hehe)

as always, please take my discussion posts with a grain of salt :)

let's start.

top's vulnerability; an unexpected 'shedding' of top's confident facade

episode 2 is a mixture of many things. i like how we're seeing more of top, not just his confident and prideful nature, but more of his truest self; the core he tries to hide from everyone.

it's interesting how in every moment of top's vulnerability, mew is the person who witnesses it: 1) when top was subtly angry that mew turned down his offer of sex (the ice cream offer), 2) when mew almost caught top and boston in the shower cubicle (?), and 3) when top was about to take his sleeping pills.

as i mentioned in my previous post, top and mew are tempting each other into this 'losing' game just to see who's going to win and who's going to suffer the pain. however, i also see this 'hunter-hunter' relationship as the beginning of top and mew finding/regaining their truest identity. again, as i discussed before, their encounter would bring out the best and worst in them, and i believe meeting mew will change top for the better but meeting top will awaken the worst side of mew.

i think many people out there are more coherent than me when it comes to explaining the dynamic between top and mew, so i'll just make this very simple.

mew's kindness and attentiveness touch top's heart

after that cute (and sensual) cookie scene, top asked if he could sleep over at mew's house. again, i don't see any malice in this. i believe top is genuinely tired and he was just lazy to drive home. but, i also believe it's because top likes the warmth mew gave when they slept on the same bed before. top has tasted that before— so he wanted to have a morsel of it again. top believed they could revive that non-sexual connection tonight— but as mew said this was a reset and nothing like that had ever happened— top couldn't sleep together with mew on the same bed. bummer.

so, top agreed to sleep on the sofa instead. but he couldn't sleep. he was tossing and turning. he was visibly tired, though. so why he couldn't sleep?

he then decided to reach for something in his pocket—

—sleeping pills.

God. the way i gasped when i saw this. top is an insomniac. he can't sleep alone due to his trauma. (i made this assumption before and it broke my heart when it came to life...)

i like how top's comfort was mew's only concern at that point. he knew the sofa was uncomfortable, and he was particularly the one who insisted top to sleep on it. so the guilt mew felt was genuine to me— he felt bad for putting top in that situation.

and it's so amazing how 'loud' top's eyes were.

i see that scared and traumatised kid in those eyes; the fear that stayed with him for God knows how long resurfaced as mew 'caught' him red-handed, wanting to cave into the safety of those pills just to tame his suffocating notions down.

even so, top still tried to assure mew that he was okay. it was just another petty problem of his. it wasn't supposed to be mew's concern.

it was just top not wanting mew to see this weak side of his. because top has always flaunted himself as the confident and 'top of the top' amongst his friends/peers, so how could he break apart in front of mew— the person top was trying to woo? of course, he won't.

but this is why humans are humans, at the end of the day. no matter how hard we try to be everything that we wish to be, there's always going to be something that rips us apart. we aren't bulletproof. it's okay to be vulnerable. it's okay to be weak.

i bet no one has ever said these things to top; thus, the start of his flamboyant/confident persona is his (messed-up) understanding that he can't show his weaknesses in front of anyone, even to himself.

yet, mew approached him with gentleness. even though mew questioned the legitimacy of top's story (which, i did too), still, mew wasn't the one to jump to a conclusion that quickly. i think it's also heartwarming how mew was willing to listen. it's one of the things top didn't know he wanted and needed— someone that was willing to listen to the noises in his head.

side note: i would like to add how different top and boston are despite boston saying they're the same. in episode 2, nick was talking about his passion for animation. he was visibly happy sharing about his interest since boston asked him. i guess, nick perceived this as boston taking an interest on other things about nick that wasn't just about the sex. however, boston wasn't paying attention as he was busy developing the picture he took of nick. the convo ended just like that. this showed nothing mattered to boston; whatever nick likes or dislikes outside of sex doesn't matter to boston.

this is different from top because he did listen to every word mew said (the ice cream convo). so, although yes, top and boston do share some attributes, top is entirely a different person compared to boston. this is why top was so angry when boston said they're the same. top knew too well they aren't.

this act of kindness touched top's heart. i don't think top understood the severity of mew's actions toward him (yet), but this would be one of the reasons why top (will possibly) //sincerely// likes mew in the future.

i honestly have the same response as mew. i legit asked if this is true because really, everything top said in these two episodes, i don't believe him at all. but the glint in top's eyes indicates a different story that was waiting to be read, and who's going to read it well? mew. why? because mew likes to read. he wants to read top. mew wants to know top beyond everything he heard from everyone else. mew wants to understand top through and through (perhaps for his own benefit?).

it's safe to say that top was slightly hurt by mew's words, but it was also something top would've expected. he never told this to anyone/boston since he is top by the way— the best of the best. who would ever believe this confident jock is battling a (petty) fight of his own?

it's a given— this confident facade comes with the price of having no weaknesses— and top knew he couldn't expect much empathy or understanding from mew or anyone. i bet he was a bit confused too; why did i tell mew this? but i guess it has to do with top feeling at ease with mew. he believed mew was giving him options to share at his own pace, never once forcing top to say anything without his will.

mew was doubtful, and i think it's very valid. this also kind of verifies the idea that mew hasn't totally believed in everything top said/did to him, hence the 'reset' agenda mew introduced in their 'relationship'. mew knew all along of top's game, but this was mew confronting top head-on, with sincerity, because top was vulnerable. top was honest for the first time, at least to himself. and what would top get if he lied about his trauma to mew? honestly, i assume, nothing. nothing but mew's trust and love for top— which is everything that top wants from mew in the future.

and mew apologises. that's wonderful. i think that really sparked something in top's heart.

i still have doubts about top and will continue to doubt him until he proves me wrong, but i think he's telling the truth in this scene. why?

this is the first time top outwardly showed his vulnerable side to us; the audience. we've never seen it happen without some kind of obscurity; it's always from mew's perspective that we see the walls top built slowly starting to crack. but at this moment, it's just top, mew and us. he has nowhere to hide, and no one is judging him. mew isn't judging him. and we aren't too. who would judge anyone who's just sharing their problems? i don't think it's fair to do so.

additionally, i think it's another smart directing. p'jojo and p'ninew introduced this scene to us early on so that we know why top ended up doing whatever he will do in the future— it provides an exhibition(s) once topmew's relationship is put into 'trial'. at least, we know that top isn't entirely bad; he's just someone who resorted to sex because he can't sleep. however, that doesn't justify infidelity/dishonesty in any form of relationship.

and it's also interesting how we know mew (and the other characters) are being interviewed in the blue room, which means they (and us, the person behind the camera) are involved in their story too. this is why i said we're more so included in their journey in this series. also, the characters will turn to us to seek validation/answers/confirmation on what they should/will do in the future. i think that's why this scene feels sincere and heart-wrenching because we are present at the moment— we are there to witness top showing a part of himself that he despises; his sleeping problems, not only to mew but the audience.

i like this scene a lot because we get to see mew being the way we all perceive him to be initially; kind, understanding and helpful. these are the traits that bound ray around mew still, and this also will be the reason for top's deep infatuation for mew in the future.

furthermore, when mew offered to sleep next to top, i really see that as an act of kindness. this moment brought out the best side of mew, the gentle and attentive side of him that everyone loves him for (ray especially). so it was a liberating moment for top to have a taste of mew again— not sexually— but this intimacy that transcends the 'comfort' sex can give to top.

at this point, what i can deduce is sex has always been top's 'sleeping pill'. he can spend the whole night fucking someone so that he won't have to close his eyes and surrender to the trauma of 'dying alone'. i guess a part of top is just afraid of being lonely— of not being wanted. that's why he created this confident persona. it's the only way to make people 'desire' him. it's the only way to be valid and wanted by anyone.

but hugging mew— having someone on the bed and not doing anything but cuddling— provides top with the warmth and security he has always wanted and needed. as i said, this will be the main reason why top will hold onto mew— why he likes mew so much— why he's the one crying as mew confronted him of his past 'sins'.

but still, it breaks my heart how top insists that he's fine and he doesn't want mew to worry about him (or see/belittle his flaws to his face). it would hurt top's pride if mew did that. but we all know mew wouldn't. if a person is kind to him— if they respect mew, mew will respect them too.

in fact, mew offered a helping hand—

—in which top quickly agreed.

it's so... sad. it's sad how mew is the one who wanted to know top better; mew is the one who wanted to help top to sleep better; mew is the one who brings out the best in top.

but it's also sad how this won't be easy for top because boston is still around; his sexual needs aren't yet fulfilled; his ego is constantly challenged by mew and boston; top resorting to boston as boston has always been the easiest 'way out' to make top feel in control again. top is so afraid of losing control of himself and his surroundings that he knows— fucking and having boston in his life will always provide him with a sense of power and stability.

and that's just heart-shattering to me.

side note: i guess, when top and boston have sex in the car next week, it might be because of top's frustration. he feels like a loser because mew is constantly toppling his ego and top just can't take that from mew. he feels so powerless and challenged by mew's firmness. why? because mew is his weakness. and top is slowly realising whatever mew said to him during the laser tag game was true. perhaps, top was in a state of denial; he was trying to discredit his feelings for mew, not wanting to believe it is not more than ' i think i like you' but merely 'i just want to fuck you'. this will fuck top up so badly and thus— boston is there at his service. boston will say that he's right all along and mew isn't interested in top and he's already losing in this game. so top takes boston in because, with boston, he'll always win. //this breaks my heart...

damn. i'm just... shattered... at this point. this checklist thing is driving me to the edge. goodness. mew. top. you guys are killing me.

how topmew's relationship will play out; a prediction

i would like to share my assumption on how the first half of topmew's relationship will unfold (episodes 3 to 6).

in episode 3, i think it'll be the start of mew discovering top and boston's secret relationship (the car sex will be crucial evidence in the future).

since p'book said episode 4 will be spicy, i have a feeling their first time will be in episodes 4/5 as mew might 'change' his strategy now by allowing top to have 'his way' with mew.

then, episode 5 will be topmew's 'honeymoon' phase when they're finally coming to terms with their feelings. the shower scene we see in the trailer might be in episodes 4-5 too since top said, "before, when i had sex with someone else, my only concern was if i orgasmed. but with mew, i want to make you as happy as possible." i guess this line is spoken before they have sex (to make mew believe that mew is always going to be top's priority). but it can also be after they had sex too.

i read a tweet that said forcebook love episode 6 the most. p'force said it is the climax so i'm guessing it's when the confrontation scene will take place. mew might've saw something relating to topboston's relationship (the photobooth picture that nick has? i think nick might show it to mew just because nick wants boston to stop meeting top), so he lashes out at top right there and then, perhaps no longer believing in anything top tries to justify.

and i think after episode 6 ends, it'll be the start of the intense drama, not only between topmew but other pairs as well. also, this marks the beginning of mew's transformation.

but again, these are just assumptions that i made. hehe

conclusion

it's fascinating to see how top sheds the confident side of him— the most important aspect of his personality— to mew, the person top wanted to win over. i like this vulnerability top showed to mew. it kind of solidifies the idea that top will cave into mew more and more in the future, and that dependency will turn into deep love— i want to believe top will love mew so much that he can't live without mew anymore. cue those heartbreaks because i'm so excited to see top breaking apart.

i honestly think i can no longer write a coherent and good topmew discussion post because they're just confusing and baffling me in every episode. however, if i ever want to highlight some important parts i see in an episode, i will try my best to pen them down. i apologise for this thought vomit :(

[1 | 2 | 3 | 4 (i) | 4 (ii) | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12]

#ofts #only friends #only friends the series #only friends series #only friends meta #only friends discussion #only friends analysis #ofts meta #ofts discussion #ofts analysis #top only friends #mew only friends #topmew #force jiratchapong #book kasidet #forcebook #discussion #analysis #meta #i'm sorry because i'm not making sense... #na discusses

[todderwodders]

Hmmm, maybe… Jaheira to Wyll, or vice-versa, post-game? (If they’re both still alive, lol)

I'm writing Letter Fic! Received on the tenth day of the tenth month of the year 1493. Duke Ravengard, I have known men who do not know the meaning of the word courage, though they speak of it often. I know men who speak of the world love, though they speak of it often. I know men who grow into young men. They talk as men, and walk as men, but they do not know the meaning of manhood. They do not know what it is to be a true friend, nor companion, nor lover, and certainly, they do not know what it is to be husband, a bond and duty which encapsulates all of these things. My daughter writes to me of this day, of your engagement to the Bhaalsdaughter. She speaks of your kind words, of your growing hair, of your future bride's changing body in response to a much kinder life than she has ever known before. She speaks of it in less glowing terms, but she has not been in love, and forgets that in her younger days, she too ate and drank as much as she so desired, freed from the burden of strife. I do not know how to say it well, so I do not reference this at all in my response. But to you, I speak frankly. I am grateful for the love you share. I am grateful that it exists and that you have it. it is one of life's greatest pleasures. However, I beseech you now: do not rush your marriage. I was married to my Khalid on a cart. It was sparse and cold and perhaps I was not kitted out to be what many imagine a bride to be, but we did not care. My time together with my husband was so short, even by the standards of shorter lived peoples. When I heard of your marriage, I was happy for you, yes, but I was sad, too. Sad for myself, if this self pitying old woman is allowed a moment of honesty. I reflected on this for many days and nights. I lost some bit of sleep. It is silly, how much I deliberated on these feelings, and how simple the answer I arrived to truly is. I loved my husband, and I wish I had more memories of our marriage. I wish we had not married so quickly. How strange that is to say, when it has been so long, and I had thought I had ruminated all i could on my husband. Life does not take to it's work so easily, so cleanly. Grief is ever lasting. It will follow you forever, and closely, if you let it. The insight of grief is also ever lasting, and in some strange way, I feel so very close to the time that I had with every beloved person I have ever known and lost. So do not rush. Do not weep, for death and loss is also apart of life. It cannot be slain. It can be accepted. Understand, my friend, exactly what you have in your possession, and what you stand to lose, and hold it loosely anyways. There is no dragon to slay in the home in which a marriage resides. One day you will part from one another, be it for another or in the slipping from this mortal coil. This fragility makes things so sweet. Speak plainly, and gently. Make your words known. Understand that she will ask much. and you will ask much, and perhaps neither of you understand each other at all, some days. You make no error by these events - it simply is. Love is not a man being put aside, for he has made some silly mistake. You are no longer in your father's house, nor are you hunting the Coast for beasts and strange, evil men. You are your own man now, Wyll, and you choose the home you build. Make something you are proud of. Hold your beloved's hand gently. Be as your best traits allow, and forgive when you are not always your best. It will happen. Savor the cake, and the cloth, and the fine fruit of your table. Love is strong, and full of trust, and it is about being the bravest companion, the truest friend, the most loyal of men. This I know you will be, and much more. Know that your friend has faith in you. P.S. I expect a wedding invitation post haste.

J

#bg3 #wyll ravengard #jaheira #my writing #i hope this is okay i have NEVER written jaheira

[bisexual-queenie]

Could you please write more BNHA Pro Heroes as Incorrect Quotes. I need a Pt.2

OMG Im so happy that someone wanted a part 2 to one of my favorite posts that I made!! Here yall go!

(Few trigger warnings before we begin: Use if swearing, and mentions of violence an alcohol. Let me know if I missed anything!)

Ships mentioned (Vaugley and outright): Erasermic, Edgejeanist, Nightmight, and Kamui x Mount Lady

—————————————————————————

Eraserhead: You have to apologize to Takeyama.

Midnight: Fine.

Midnight: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.

All Might: You often use humor to deflect trauma.

Nighteye: Thank you!

All Might: I didn't say that was a good thing.

Nighteye: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny.

Present Mic: Do you remember that horrible roommate you had back in college?

Eraserhead: You mean you?

Mount Lady: Sometimes I feel like dying.

Kamui Woods: Wha-

Mount Lady: And then I remember that I won't be able to see you if I do.

Kamui Woods: *blushes*

———————————————————————

Best Jeanist: Sometimes I feel like dying.

Edgeshot: Good for you.

Miruko: Do I look nice?

Fat Gum: You look like you're about to set someone on fire.

Miruko: Perfect.

Present Mic: A fistfight CAN be romantic.

Miruko: And you know what the worst part is?

Ryukyuu: That you're having to process your pain without vodka?

Miruko: No.

Miruko: Yeah.

Midnight: If you found out you only had one day left to live, what would you do with it?

Eraserhead: Say goodbye and mend my relationships.

Present Mic: Something illegal.

Shirakumo: Accept my fate.

Tensei: I would message ten people saying that if they didn't forward the message to 10 other people, I would die tomorrow.

Eraserhead: What?

Shirakumo: That's fucking awesome. Can I change my answer?

Eraserhead: Hizashi, just GO TO THE HOSPITAL

Present Mic: Who's stab wound is this???? Is it OUR stab wound???? No! Stay out of it!

Hawks: I'm the proud owner of an IQ of 5 (and a half)!

Endeavor: Not for long.

Hawks: Please. It's all I have.

Present Mic: "Ladies and gentlemen" is unnecessarily gendered, overly formal, lengthy, and honestly I'm falling asleep already.

Present Mic: "Cowards", on the other hand, is inclusive to all genders, casual and fun. Short and to the point, exciting, and dramatic.

Nighteye: You look like a corpse that was just pulled out of the river.

Present Mic: Wrong. I look like a cool rock star who just OD'd in their own pool. Big difference.

Gang Orca: I made lightly fried fish fillets for dinner.

Edgeshot: Kuugo, It’s 1:15 am, what the fuck.

Gang Orca: Do you want the lightly fried fish fillets or not.

Edgeshot: Well, I mean yeah.

Gang Orca: So come downstairs while they’re still hot.

Best Jeanist: Wait, you just made them?

Gang Orca: Yeah, I wasn’t tired so I decided to make lightly fried fish fillets.

Edgeshot: Say lightly fried fish fillets one more time Kuugo.

Present Mic: *speaking Spanish*

Eraserhead: I know, I know.

All Might: You speak Spanish?

Eraserhead: No. I just know the phrase, 'this is all your fault' in every language Hizashi speaks.

All Might: I would never say that Mirai is a bitch and I don’t don’t like him. That’s not true…Mirai is a bitch and I like him so much!

Edgeshot: Sometimes, I don’t realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.

*Present Mic sneezes*

Eraserhead: Hizashi, are you sick? Here, let me wrap you in a blanket and hand-feed you some warm soup while singing you a lullaby!

*anyone else sneezes*

Eraserhead: Oh my god. Shut the hell up.

Hawks: Uptown Funk would've made it into the Shrek Soundtrack.

Miruko: That's the truest statement I've ever heard.

Fat Gum: Hey Sasaki?

Nighteye: Yeah?

Fat Gum: What's your favorite color of the alphabet? True or false?

Nighteye:

Nighteye: ...What.

Ryukyuu: So, what's it like living with Hakamada?

Edgeshot: They once referred to sand as "heterosexual glitter."

Ryukyuu: ...

Edgeshot: I love them so much.

Fat Gum: I’m sorry, I really flew off the handle back there. It was like the handle was a bald guy going really fast, and I was his toupée.

Someone interviewing the Lurkers: What are the hardest things to say?

Mount Lady: I was wrong.

Edgeshot: I need help.

Kamui Woods: Worcestershire sauce.

Eraserhead: You’re drunk.

Present Mic: Correction: drinking. Present tense. Grammar, Shouta.

Endeavor: How did none of you hear what I just said?!

Hawks: I've been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Best Jeanist: I got distracted halfway through.

Edgeshot: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

Hawks: If you put a milkshake in one yard and crack open a cold one in another yard, which yard would the boys go to?

All Might: Schrödinger's boys.

Miruko: FUCK!

Present Mic: What about cracking open a cold milkshake?

Nighteye: As we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but cold ones do not have any inherent boy-attracting abilities. Milkshakes, however, do.

Nighteye: All else being equal, the boys would proceed to the milkshake yard. While it is possible to announce the presence of cold ones in the hope of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful by comparison.

Hawks: ...

All Might: ...

Miruko: ...

Present Mic: ...

Nighteye: Mind you, all of this nonsense hinges on whether or not the boys are back in town.

#bnha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #pro heros #eraserhead #aizawa shouta #shouta aizawa #present mic #yamada hizashi #hizashi yamada #erasermic #edgeshot #kamihara shinya #shinya kamihara #best jeanist #hakamada tsunagu #tsunagu hakamata #edgejeanist #all might #yagi toshinori #toshinori yagi #sir nighteye #sasaki mirai #mirai sasaki #nightmight

[windvexer]

"And it's not like the spell is locked behind a glass wall in some faraway astral space (or at least, it shouldn't be... it can be. This is too much for one post, let's stay on topic)" oh please, please elaborate! 🙏

its all well and good for me to use a metaphor that magic is ever-present and really close at hand, nigh tangible, even,

but there's obviously more than that to successful manifestation.

like it's an actual large deal in practical sorcery of how the hell you get the spell to do something, or much more relevantly do what you want it to do.

so a while ago I used to talk on manifestation using a metaphor that there is a conceptual sphere of glass that separates physical reality from magical reality.

as the metaphor (analogy?) would have it, you can set intent and focus willpower and manipulate astral energies all you want, but those things are stuck in magical reality, blocked from manifesting in the physical world by the glass.

so the spell, obviously it's a good boy and it wants to be helpful, it's going around and around the glass looking for a crack or a foothold to find its way into physical reality.

but this spell is made out of a finite blob of energy. sooner or later, the battery is going to run dry. and all that time it's spending trying to get into our world is burning energy.

by the time it gets here, it could have burned a lot of energy and it doesn't have a lot left to produce strong results. or maybe it doesn't find its way at all.

if this is all true, then the solution is to make cracks in the glass yourself.

overall it's a pretty rough analogy and I'm not even terribly sure if I'd consider it to be more than a parable at this point.

to mash this idea together with the underwater shark thing, the concept would sort of be like...

okay, so let's say metaphorically half of a person is above water and the rest is underwater.

and we're where there are sharks, which means the WHOLE OCEAN is under there.

maybe the ocean is an elegant metaphor for the supreme depths of magical reality. certain layers of magical reality are very close to the surface and truly are interacting with the floating humans, right?

but we can go deeper, and deeper, and deeper.

it wouldn't be true to say that a fish from a mile down is touching the floating humans. it's actually really far away and has a long way to travel before it could touch them at all.

so hypothetically, while all humans are (hypothetically) always partially within magical reality, that doesn't mean that everything within magical reality is close to them or can easily access them.

and this would also be true of spells, when the sorcerer has inadequately developed the spell too far down (or too far up), or failed to properly draw the spell to the surface.

of course, all of these ideas assume it's true that when spells are created they exist somewhere far away, or in any location at all.

just to clarify I think all of these ideas are most useful when treated as thought exercises and not in any sense literal. I think its perhaps true of witchcraft, or at least the kinds of witchcraft I'm familiar with, that one of the witch's primary sorcerous (and mystical) jobs is to "bridge the gap" and learn how to bring things back and forth between our world and the spirit world.

but even that being said, I think there's an element of mysticism in sorcerous witchcraft. I think maybe the best way to talk about it is in stories, or extended spatial analogies, because that's just about the truest way some of it can ever be written down.

sometimes I feel like if anyone can really write it down, like step-for-step for real, then it's got to be one tiny part of it. because it's a big machine out there, you know. it's so decadently complex that it might be more alive than we are.

so it's good to know how one or two cells work, step-for-step. but in the bigger picture, maybe the best way to impart knowledge is in stories and poetry.

and with some step-for-step details of the biology of a few kinds of cells, and with some nice poetry, maybe a person can crest a cliff and see something that will put its own stories inside of their mind forever.

which is to say that I don't know how magic works but i've seen some nice landscapes out there ✌

#answered

[just-sp-in-inginthevoid]

SEASON 3 EPISODE 1 HERE WE GO

/!\ spoilers for anime only /!\

*look at his heroic/failure story* you really sure hate Kakucho, Mocchi. We truly believe it

(He wants the prestige all for himself it's actual funny lol)

HERE

HE

IS.

The boi! Has! Made! His! Entrance!

When it's Angry who says that, I believe him

But also

*casually drop-kick the people you said you only wanted to talk with*

They were so nice taking their time 'talking' with these Tenjiku members while Takemichi and Chifuyu had their own talk thinking they have just discover the truest hypothesis ever

Rindo complaining about Ran at every occasion he gets and Ran ignoring him.. Their interactions is really peak sibling interactions. Every sibling relations in TR don't feel fake anyway

He looks so happy to see Takemichi again (just ignore he hasn't noticed Takemichi yet here)

It gets funnier when you realize the delinquent here are probably around S62 age (18) and Kakucho is. 14/15

And they'll never – NEVER – be higher than him in the hierarchy. No can't do

(The Tenjiku member staring at Kakucho at the end really be judging him; he's thinking 'the audacity', you can tell, it's written all over his face. But he, along the rest, also seems to know his place so that's good)

Chifuyu I love you and I know you're trying your best but you're really not helping here

[Post about Mikey & Izana scene]

He

He wasn't planning to just lay there until Takemichi realized

Was he?

Also — look at how happy he is!!! He's so proud of himself, too!!

That– I— Wrong. Wrong topic to approach, Takemichi.

Since it didn't happen in the manga (from what I remember), I can only theorize why they made that choice but

Anime only already noticed the scar. That's. That's what you notice first. There was really no need to mention it. We get it, it's important

I love it when they put the budget where it's needed /serious

#tokyo revengers #tok rev #tr #tokrev #tr season 3 #tokrev season 3 #tokyo revengers season 3 #tr spoilers #tokrev spoilers #tokyo revengers spoilers

[meidui]

i'm answering all 30 fic writer asks as seen on kelly@fohatic's blog 😽 HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

1. What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out and would you do it again? fool's gold was a 1872 fic and it was one-sided dialogue but with no quotation marks, so it was supposed to read like somebody from timely was telling you about what happened! i liked it but i don't know if i would do it again because it's just stylistic, i think it worked for 1872 because it suited the small town setting

2. How many fics did you work on this year? (They don’t have to be finished or published!) i have too many wips but i posted 56 fics on ao3 this year!

3. What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer? that i dilly dally a lot to avoid writing smut scenes and that the discord sprinting bot is my best friend

4. What piece of media inspired you the most? probably endgame because we had the @stevetonyisendgame exchange and prompt fest this year, so i rewatched it a lot and ended up writing lots of endgame-adjacent/post-endgame!! they're so soft in that movie i can't help myself

5. What fandom(s) did you write for this year? all marvel except for one fic for game changers! i foresee house md fic in 2024

6. What ship(s) captured your heart? stevetony has always had my heart does that count

7. What character(s) captured your heart? i love steve rogers even more than i did last year

8. Did you write for a new fandom or ship this year? new ships!! i wrote steve/thor and steve/natasha for the first time for captain bottom bingo and steve/peggy for the first time for steggy secret santa

9. What fic meant the most to you to write? nobody saves me, baby (the way you do) because kristina@samcky had an unposted draft of it that she let me rewrite 🥺 so it meant a lot to me because she's all over that fic and i just love her with all my heart

10. What fic made you feel the happiest to work on? i think it's a tie between winged and how porcupines kiss because they're so fluffy! although this might a little biased because @capnstars drew the cutest winghead!steve art you've ever seen in your entire life for winged and @itsmaybitheway drew THIS PRECIOUS PORCUPINE!STEVE AND ARMADILLO!TONY for how porcupines kiss 🥺

11. What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing? probably hell and high water because i worked on it slowly for months which usually doesn't happen, and it might even be one of my favourite fics that i've ever written so i was really proud

12. What fic was the most difficult to write? Did you finish it? i don't think anything was difficult to write but new york is a hell of a town (and i'm brooklyn down) was so silly of me because it's set in august, but i wrote the first part in april and the second part in october and didn't really work on it during the actual summer 😶 like what was that?? why did i do that?? i'm so sorry

13. What fic was the easiest to write? into the forever and beautiful sky! it's a rocket-centric fic with rocket & steve friendship, i wrote it right after watching gotg vol 3 and it's just feelings vomit ahahah

14. What were your shortest and longest fics this year? my shortest fic was fool's gold which was 546 words and the longest fic that i wrote by myself (not just this year but also ever in all my life) was a rose by any other name which was 11.6k words! without caveats the longest fic is heartbreak prince, which i wrote with @areiton and it was 12k words!!

15. Rec a fic you wrote or posted in 2023 a beast of a burden is really special to me so i want to rec that one! because i wrote it for the endgame exchange that i loved so much and it was for mrsgingles, who is my favourite stevetony artist, and it reminds me of this summer, and it also feels like the truest love letter to endgame that i've ever written

16. What were you go-to writing songs? i don't have any! usually it's whatever i'm already listening to or a movie or show that i'm watching, but i listened to exo's lotto on repeat when i wrote hit the lotto because that's what the fic sounds like in my head and taylor swift's timeless when i wrote once in a lifetime because it was based on that song

17. What were your go-to writing snacks? NO TIME FOR SNACKS WHEN THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO NEED TO KISS

18. What was the hardest fic to title? maybe lovelorn and nobody knows? i started working on it before 1989 tv came out and it didn't have a title for way too long, the google doc was literally just called "there are still beautiful things steve pov" and then it took me like 20 minutes of comparing 1989 vault lyrics to pick one 😭

19. Share your favourite opening line from the ice is getting thinner under me and you (a hockey au)

Steve is supposed to be at a bar downtown with the rest of his team. Steve is not supposed to be back in the emptied out stadium, his back slammed against the lockers with Tony's tongue in his mouth.

20. Share your favourite ending line i added the second last line for context but this ending line is my favourite because time has always been against steve and peggy, so i feel like the best show of how happy and safe they feel together is that they finally don't have to watch the clock or worry about time slipping through their fingers anymore 🥺 this is from from we were born to be national treasures

When she laughs, eyes glittering, he has the most peculiar feeling that he was always meant to end up right here, kissing the maroon lipstick off Peggy’s mouth, swaying under the sprig of mistletoe they never took down from Christmas as someone starts to shout a countdown to New Year’s. She cups his face and he smiles into the kiss, and neither of them bother watching the clock.

21. Share your favorite piece of dialogue from if my wishes came true (buckynat)

“You got that written down in your notebook?” “I don’t need to write you down to remember you, Natasha Romanoff.”

22. Share an excerpt from your favorite scene there were so many close contenders aahh but my favourite scene has to be the one from catastrophic blues when tony finally catches steve!!

“Then don’t make me hurt you,” Tony says, raising his palm and lighting up his repulsor. “I know you know what this does. You’re unarmed and backed into a dead-end alley. You’re not winning this one, kid, I can tell you that for free. Take off your mask.” The Vigilante glowers and stands his ground. “My whole life is dead-end alleys. I’m not taking off my mask.”

23. Share the final version of a sentence or paragraph you struggled with. What about it was challenging? Are you happy with how it turned out? the whole end part of near-death cliché took some wrangling just because i was trying to make it sound like something kang the conqueror would say haha

“I’ve killed a lot of Avengers and it all starts to blend together,” Kang says, “but I remember you because you always end up fighting for him. I admire the consistency. It’s rare.” “Him?” “You could be with Steve Rogers,” Kang says almost empathetically, and it’s like he has gently wrenched Tony’s heart out of his chest. When the repulsors on his palms falter, Kang continues in the same disarming tone. “I could send you back to the battlefield. You’d open your eyes and he'd be there.”

24. What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story? this is hilarious to me because the recurring motif in but saving what we love was supposed to be steve and tony calling each other's bullshit over the years but it ended up being overshadowed by star wars. so much star wars, in fact, that it warranted a "star wars references" tag

25. What did you use to write? (e.g. writing programs, paper & pen, etc.) google docs

26. If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year? all of i thought the plane was going down (how'd you turn it right around) for two reasons! one is that i feel like maleness informs a lot of their lives and experiences and for a while i didn't really get the appeal of genderbending them, but then i read all of isozyme's lesbian stevetony fics and i had an epiphany about genderbending being an opportunity for character and relationship study, and two is that once i had said epiphany i realised i actually had a lot to say so i wrote captain eve rogers in one go and now i love her so much

27. Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic? hmm i don't think so!

28. How did you recharge between fics? i don't think i really do that either

29. If this were an awards show, who would you thank? oh my gosh. with all the sincerity in my heart, every person who gave me a kudo or a comment or is subscribed to my ao3, recommended my fics or my blog, said in a reblog/tweet/discord message/dm that they liked one of my fics or it made them happy or they were excited about reading one, follows me on tumblr or looks at my gifs or likes/reblogs my posts, runs fandom events, shares their beautiful fics or art or edits with us, all the members of the steve rogers defense squad, truly everyone who i've had an interaction with (except the steve antis and bots in my block list 😠) because i'm so grateful to have this community and that we met because we love the same thing and we can make each other's days better. deactivating for 10 months was the right thing to do but i'm so happy to be back this time because of you

30. What’s something that you want to write in 2024? some of these have been cooking in my head for so long that they have TITLES

that famous happy ending (enchanted au)

play house (wandavision au)

plausible deniability (rival lawyers au)

wild and beautiful (feral/tarzan steve au)

yoga instructor steve and discharged air force pilot tony

prequel to kristina's beautiful ocean's 11 au, Give me a kiss before you tell me goodbye

#the header is from the scene in catfa right before steve marches back onto the base with bucky and all the other soldiers he saved in tow #* #text

[itshornokplease]

Miss Scarlet and the Duke

I started watching this show ages ago but it took me until learning that one of the actors was leaving the show to really just binge it all. I have thoughts, some may be unpopular.

- Eliza is not that likable of a character. She’s pushy, she is bossy, she disregards rules, etc. This show made me think a lot about Miss Fisher, but where Phryne does a lot of the same stuff that Eliza does, she is so much more charming and kind. I think that’s the main thing - Phryne is a kind and compassionate character. Eliza has integrity and shows compassion too, but she’s also kind of stuck up and selfish. Not that those are BAD things necessarily in the context of the show. She’s a woman in Victorian England and doesn’t get the same respect or trust that her male colleagues and counterparts do and I think it’s actually kind of a nice change that she’s not instantly likable. But by the end of season 4, I feel like she’s barely grown at all.

I feel like every other character had some growth whereas she still is the same. I read this on someone else’s comment or blog post but when you watch the flashback episode (which I really enjoyed), she’s the same then as she is now. Literally, she has not grown in personality or character.

- William. I think he definitely showed some growth (personally my favorite “relationship” is William and Fitzroy. I love how he mentors the young cop and helps him get stronger and better), and until that scene where he and Eliza make eggs, I didn’t really see any chemistry. I also think he loves Eliza way more than she really loves him. So the route his character took makes sense to me. I already knew he was leaving when I watched Seasons 2-4, so I wasn’t as invested in the relationship as many fans are. But it really bothered me that they did the whole “William tells her he loves her” thing because I honestly just don’t see it with Eliza. Yes, she was jealous when he was with Arabella but again, I feel like Eliza as a person hasn’t grown much during this show so I feel like her jealousy was more like a “I’m not sure if this is love or because you’re with my best friend” type of thing. I don’t think the show did that very well, personally. All the moments she and William had always had her freaking out and I wish that we could really see more into what she was really feeling. Did she really love him? Or did she think she maybe loved him but wasn’t sure? I don’t know, I think compared to the first two seasons, the latter two seasons really tried to hit viewers on the head that these two are meant to be, but I’m not convinced.

Anyway! I will miss William because I enjoyed their banter and friendship but tbh I miss Moses WAY MORE.

- i read this in other posts but i 100% agree that Patrick Nash seems waaaaay more well suited for Eliza than William. He views her as his equal, he’s hilarious, and I can see their relationship go more the romantic way than I ever saw it with William.

- Moses was the BEST. Moses and Solomon were awesome and I’m so mad that Moses left for Paris. He was so straight with Eliza.

If I’m being perfectly honest, I enjoyed the interactions between the characters in this show. The murder mysteries were very meh. Honestly, I just wanna go watch Miss Fisher now and enjoy the truest slow burn romance of them all between Phryne and Jack.

#miss scarlet and the duke #pbs masterpiece #miss scarlet pbs #miss scarlet spoilers

[ego-osbourne]

The Flight of Velehk Sain

Written as if it was an in-game book to be found in any of the TES games, here’s my jab at presenting Velehk Sain’s backstory (as seen in TDI/SITw) as if viewed by other Coldharbour kyn. The complete accuracy of this book is debatable, but it was eventually caught by dremora from other realms and mortals alike, and the prideful dialogue about the well-known pirate captain became a laughing stock to throw back at Bal dremora.

The legend has been rewritten with more and more inaccuracies, like naming Velehk Sain as a power kyn, or conflating the details of the death of the summoner; or has been parodied to expound on the pride of the author. However, the truest stories are only held by those who experienced them, and Velehk Sain isn’t keen to speak about his past.

This is the first document regarding Velehk’s name (not including criminal charges due to his pirating). Enjoy :]

//also I wrote this forever back and just have forgotten to post it since, my bad

Word Count: 700

Status: Complete Mock-Book

CW: Fantasy Slavery, Implied Sex (specific to Molag Bal), Molag Bal in general

Summary: The account of Velehk Sain as written by a power dremora.

Dated: 20th of Last Seed, 2E 631

Authored: Pehricach the Blood-Scribe

In the glorious plane of Coldharbour, kyn reign with authority over all other lesser daedra, coming only after the Prince of Domination himself. However, even a great people must have its squalor. The greatest of us are named power kyn, who serve loyally, faithfully, and without mercy under the name of Molag Bal. For our glory we are given many gifts from our Generous Master, one of the first being a personal servant. These serving kyn are created specifically for the purpose of use — they are given great beauty, no intellectual talents, no physical skills, and no names. The best will perform their duties to their superiors faithfully, while those who rebel deserve a punishment no less than erasure from our Great Prince.

This punishment was escaped by a traitorous serving kyn who ran from his master. The master, Kyrahk the Dominator, treated his server with no more cruelty than deserved, and yet the runaway insisted on rebelling throughout his existence. Despite this, Kyrahk showed mercy to the server and did not wish for his termination. This kindness, which was a pleasantry of the rarest variety, was wasted.

Dating 2E 582, Kyrahk left Coldharbour for battle, leaving his server without a watchman. That day, a mortal wizard entered Coldharbour. He longed for a serving kyn to call his own, but since servers have no names, none could be summoned. The arrogant mortal planned to approach our Lord of Schemes to trade for a server to take back to Nirn with him, but he was intercepted before he could bask within the Prince’s presence. The traitorous server presented himself to the wizard and asked to be summoned, and the wizard was keen for a moment, telling the server that he could not be summoned because he had no name. The server, ever-devious, lied to the mortal, naming himself Velehk Sain — he justified this in saying that very few serving kyn have names, but those that do are highly coveted and are cherished by Molag Bal himself. The server instructed the mortal to summon him a week from then, and the foolish wizard happily turned back to Nirn and prepared himself for the summon.

The detestable server then traveled through Coldharbour until he reached the throne of our Great Prince, asking for a trade. In exchange for his services, the kyn asked to be named by Molag Bal. Unaware of his devious nature, our Powerful Lord agreed and asked the kyn what he should be called. The server replied, “Velehk Sain,” and the Prince of Schemes made it true, assuming no harm could come from such a small-minded gesture. However, now that the server had a name given by the Lord of Domination himself, he had more power than ever deserved, and his plan was falling into action.

The serving kyn exchanged pleasantries with Molag Bal for five days and five nights, undeserving of our Prince’s warmth. On the sixth day, the server was returned to Kyrahk the Dominator, who rightfully punished the rebellious kyn for leaving his care by cutting his face, thus damaging the beauty that servers are blessed with. However, Kyrahk was unaware of the server’s plan, and was left painfully alone when the seventh day arrived.

By the week’s end, the damnable mortal summoned the server to his home on Nirn. He asked the mortal to assist in freeing him of his chains that bound him to Coldharbour and promised to reward the wizard in his efforts. A mortal fool, though, is but an insect to even the most useless of kyn, and after the chains were broken, he was killed by that who he called Velehk Sain. The server then fled to the sea, pursuing a life of material thievery that should be detested by all faithful power kyn. This account is written after his false name has made great strides on the disgusting mortal realm. Should he ever be seen on Mundus, let him be cut down swiftly so that he may return to Coldharbour and be punished for his atrocities.

#velehk sain #dremora #tes #tesblr #Coldharbour #Molag bal #kyrahk #pehricach #sitw #salt in the wound #ozzy writes

[no1frogfan]

Desire lines, part 1

Kuroo x afab reader

Series synopsis: Against his wishes, Kuroo must hire a personal assistant. You’re not exactly the right person for the job, but it’s a job, and you need the money. Inspired by Robert Macfarlane’s definition of desire lines in landscapes: “paths and tracks made over time by the wishes and feet of walkers, especially those paths that run contrary to design or planning.”

Chapter word count: ~1.4k

Chapter tags & warnings: some sexually suggestive language

Note: Since I’m throwing all my half-baked series ideas out there, here’s another one. I’ve literally already written 25k for this series but I’m completely dissatisfied with most of it. So fly free, dumb little thing, and bring me back some better ways of progressing this story. Side note: small celebration for this, my 20th piece of writing posted to tumblr! It’s especially fitting since this is the first series I attempted to write when I started this blog 5 months ago, and because Kei & Tetsu are my deepest, truest loves

Series masterlist part 2

1. Best-laid plans

“I don’t want to hear any more excuses, Kuroo. You will do it, and that’s final.” Nishida states forcefully, turning his attention back to the papers in front of him. A clear sign that the conversation is over.

“Yes sir, Nishida-san.” Kuroo bows stiffly as he backs out the door.

In the privacy of his own office, Kuroo collapses behind his desk with a string of quiet curses.

Being a director comes with a lot of perks. The promotional game he’d organized a few years ago had turned out to be a massive success, reinvigorating volleyball in Japan and bringing in scores of new fans. On the back of that and a few other creative and well-executed events, he finally landed that sought-after position 3 months ago — Director of the Sports Promotion Division at the Japan Volleyball Association.

At the age of 30, he’s the youngest director in the organization.

He’d earned it with the best pitch he’s ever made — a long-term partnership with FIVB, the Fédération Internationale de Volleyball, to train and support coaches and referees throughout Japan. “This partnership will require intensive investment of our time and existing resources, but the payoff will be exponentially greater. Think about how much of an impact this could have on our organization locally, nationally, and globally. On the local level, we’ll be able to improve and expand the existing leagues by increasing the caliber of current coaches and training new coaches who can build new teams and bring more young talent into the sport. On the national level, a higher quality of gameplay means more exciting games, more news coverage, and a higher profile for the sport as a whole, allowing the JVA to further build upon on the momentum of growing fan interest across Japan. Finally, on the international level, the partnership with the premier international volleyball organization would increase the visibility of the JVA and of Japan as a volleyball powerhouse around the world.” By the end of his spiel, Nishida and the other executives were practically eating out of the palm of his hand.

As Director, Kuroo’s life is not bad at all. He gets to design more impactful projects. He gets his own corner office on the 38th floor with a stunning view overlooking the city. Plus, he received a substantial raise, though he barely has time to spend any of that money. The one thing he did splurge on was a larger apartment in Kagurazaka, an eccentric neighborhood he’d always wanted to live in. The new place is closer to his grandparents and to Kenma too, not that he’s been able to squeeze in more than one brief visit a month over the past year.

Yes, there are certainly a lot of upsides to being Director. But there are a lot of downsides too.

There’s so much more administration than he ever imagined. Most of his time each week is spent in tedious managerial meetings when he'd much rather be running around, boots on the ground, meeting players and making deals. The paperwork, the departmental politicking, the boring pleasantries, the late hours almost every night… It’s all worth it to make his dream a reality, but it’s taking a toll. Even Kenma of all people chided him about it.

The thing is, getting the promotion was only the first big hurdle he had to clear on the way to his goal of expanding volleyball and truly lowering the net. He’s been working toward this FIVB partnership for almost a year now, and he’ll be reaching his second big hurdle in one month when representatives from FIVB will be visiting the JVA for the first time to officially begin talks on the details of the project.

Or at least, he thought that was his second big hurdle, but now it seems like Nishida-san has thrown a new one in front of him: find an assistant, no ifs, ands, or buts.

Kuroo tried his best to fight it. He really doesn’t need a babysitter. As long as he gets his work done and goes to his meetings, if he wants to leave early on a whim, he can do it, and he if wants to take a long lunch, he can do that too… And if Satoko needs to “double check the numbers” on the accounting sheets, or Aya wants to “talk over potential new hires,” well, nobody is the wiser. (Sure, maybe the stress is getting to him more than he wants to admit, and sure, maybe he’s not dealing with it in the best way, but he’s got needs too and this works out for everyone involved.) So why would he willingly give up that freedom and flexibility to have someone constantly watching over his shoulder, micromanaging his schedule, and reporting his whereabouts to everyone?

But that’s obviously not what he told Nishida. He informed Nishida he simply doesn’t need an assistant. That he’s handling things very well on his own and is perfectly capable of continuing to do so. Plus, think of how much money it would save the company to not have to pay an additional salary!

Unfortunately, his unfailing charisma finally failed him.

See, Nishida was concerned about optics, especially for their meetings with FIVB. How would it look to the FIVB representatives if the Director of Sports Promotion at JVA had to make his own coffee? Take his own notes? Schedule his own flights? “We can’t have one of our directors hashing out a meeting schedule with one of their interns! It would look like we’re not a serious organization. It would look like we lack the capital and leverage to hold up our end of any cooperative agreements. Listen, Kuroo, this isn’t just about what you want. It’s about the impression our entire organization makes when we negotiate with other entities.”

Nishida laid down the law: Be a team player. Find a personal assistant within two weeks or Nishida would find one for him.

So, right now, Kuroo is unquestionably more focused on the downsides of his position.

The conversation with Nishida plays over and over again in his head as he tries to figure a way out of this mess. Naturally, he dials his first port of call whenever he’s in trouble.

“Oi, I’ve got a problem.” Kuroo starts as soon as the ringing stops.

“What is it now, Kuro?” Kenma responds curtly, yells and bangs from whatever game he’s playing popping off in the background.

“It’s serious!”

“You say that every time.”

“Well it’s really serious this time.”

“Must be if you’re calling me.”

Kuroo’s voice softens. “Sorry I’ve been MIA. The prep for this FIVB meeting has been kicking my ass.”

“Good.”

“I really do need your help though.”

The game sounds stop. Kuroo knows it means fine, I’m listening.

He explains the situation with a sigh, equal parts frustrated and exhausted, “— and now I have to hire a personal assistant even though I don’t need or want one.”

The other end of the line remains silent as Kenma carefully considers the options.

Finally, landing on, “Why don’t you just hire someone?”

“Oi—” Kuroo yowls, “Were you listening? I said I don’t want an assistant!”

Kenma’s eye roll is almost audible. “I know that, but you still have to hire someone, right? Otherwise you’ll be stuck with whoever Nishida hires.”

“…Right…”

“Right. So take the initiative and hire someone. And then just have them do nothing.”

It’s Kuroo’s turn to be silent now.

“Hello?”

“I’m here.” Kuroo replies slowly, trying to decipher the plan. “What do you mean have them do nothing?”

“Exactly what it sounds like.” The sounds of his game start up again. “Whoever you hire will probably have to take notes at your meetings and do a bit of administrative work just to keep up appearances with Nishida and the others at the office, but then the rest of the time is theirs…as long as it looks like they’re working. It’s a win-win. You get to do keep doing what you’re doing and they get paid a full salary to do whatever they want.”

A sly cackle erupts from Kuroo, “As expected, another brilliant strategy from the Brain! But where am I going to find someone like that…”

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo x reader #kuroo tetsurou x reader #hq x reader #froggy scribbles

[wool-f]

29 Lessons from 29 years of living 

Hello friends, 

I’ve spent a little while contemplating on whether or not to create a blog post for this but I figured there is no harm in it, and maybe someone will take something from this the way that I take lessons from other peoples’ confessions. 

I have spent 29 years on this earth so far and only very recently have I started writing myself letters on my birthday, listing all the things that I’ve learnt in the year prior. 

Like most other things I post about on this blog, I’ve made a YouTube video talking about this year’s list and the reasons behind each lesson, which you can watch here, but if you prefer to read through lists and come back to them later etc, like I often do, please continue reading and let me know in the comments if you are going to take on any of the lessons I’ve learnt myself, or if you’re going to start making your own list! I’d love to hear your lessons. 

29 Lessons from 29 years of living: 

1. I am truly capable of creating any life or manifesting any opportunity I want. 

2. I should take as good care of my health as possible. 

3. Always try to learn something from any given situation. 

4. Sometimes, things are just shit and can’t be turned into a learning experience. 

5. Not all friendships are meant to last, no matter how badly you want them to. 

6. Let go of people who make you feel like shit. 

7. Don’t lower your standards - let the good people come to you, they will. 

8. Trust you intuition! It never ever misses. 

9. Read the book, watch the movie and rest when you need it. Enjoyment isn’t always productive. 

10.  Never get tired of going to things by yourself - that’s when you have the most fun.

11. Drink water - as much as you can. 

12. Always wear sunscreen - it’s the reason people are looking younger and younger! 

13. Journalling helps your mental health - keep this habit up. 

14. Moving your body at least once a day and preferably in the morning makes you so much happier. 

15. Keep trying to learn that second or third language - your brain works better because of it. 

16. You are lucky - even when you don’t feel like it. 

17. One walk a day is an act of rebellion against productivity and capitalism! (Read Sarah Wilson’s This one wild and precious life to understand this one) 

18. Look around you - take stock of the beautiful world we are in - look up from your phone!! 

19. Don’t get caught up in what other people think of you - if you’re happy and not hurting anyone, fuck what anyone else thinks. 

20. Some people don’t deserve your forgiveness, your time or your energy. 

21. The love you’ve given others they they haven’t returned is never wasted. 

22. Believe that love is out there - you give it to yourself everyday. 

23. Finding time to be creative is an essential part of your happiness. 

24. Sometimes you can keep a little secret for yourself - it’s fun! 

25. Always looking for a silver lining isn’t weakness - finding a light in the dark is strength. 

26. Meditation is important - it makes you kinder. 

27. If you want to do something, jump at it without hesitation - we only have only life, and it truly isn’t that long. 

28. Find beauty and fun in the small moments in life - the mundane can be the best parts. 

29. Never stop believing that a dream can become reality - what is meant for you will never pass you by and if you’ve imagined it, it is meant to be yours. 

If you’ve gotten to the bottom of this post, thank you for taking the time to read my words and thoughts - these are deeply personal to me, but if you’ve gotten anything from them, I’m glad. 

I hope wherever you are and whoever you are, that you’re having a wonderful day and being your truest and most authentic self. 

Be kind to your self and others. 

See you in the next post! 

Gxx 

#birthday #life lessons #mindfullness #health #wellness #meditation #lifestyle #lifestyle blog #level up #levelling up #elevated lifestyle #clean girl aesthetic #that girl #It girl #that girl aesthetic #clean girl #high value #high value lifestyle #29 #taurus season #blogger #health blog #manifestation #dreamer #dreamcore #success #the secret

[animebw]

In retrospect, it’s pretty amusing how similar Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood and Fruits Basket 2019 ended up being. Both of the manga they’re based on are crown jewels in their respective shonen and shoujo demographics. Both series already had one adaptation in the early 2000s. Both those adaptations were controversial for the changes they made, and also left the story unfinished as they were released while the manga was still running. So eventually, they were each given a new adaptation, covering the entirely of their now-finished manga with almost the exact same episode count. And while these new adaptations may not be the most creative adaptations they could be, the completeness of their adaptation and the talent of the anime staff bringing them to life ensures that they will forever remain the definitive version of their story.

And, of course, there’s one other way they’re similar.

Both are some of the greatest anime ever made.

In the past, I’ve described FMA Brotherhood as the once and future king of anime adventure, fit to stand alongside any titan of classic adventure literature. It’s only fitting, then, that Fruits Basket 2019 has turned out to be every bit the queen of anime romance. From the unimpeachable character banter to the utterly spellbinding drama, the way everyone’s emotions tangle and twist and grow, how it explores such heavy topics with such unflinching bravery, how it seeks to understand the concept of love itself and why it’s worth fighting for in the first place, and so, so much more, this series is nothing more or less than the pinnacle of everything that makes romantic drama so meaningful. Other series have done similar things, walked similar paths, but never with such a singular, all-encompassing vision. Not with so much time to explore every facet of the characters’ feelings, every nuance of their lives, every detail that makes up this sprawling tapestry we call life. Watching Froobs 2019 is every bit the total package as FMAB before it, such a complete and thorough example of its genre that everything else must now settle with fighting for second best.

Of course, Fruits Basket has been pretty incredible all throughout. My countless posts gushing over it should be proof enough of that. But it isn’t until this final season, when the long-simmering tension of the Sohmas’ impending judgement day finally bursts to the surface in a finale for the ages, that it truly earned its place among my all-time favorites. Not until this spectacular, astounding, overwhelming climax did I truly realize how much I’d come to love Fruits Basket, and how much it had earned my love through some of the most heartwrenching, heartwarming storytelling I’ve seen in this medium or any other. I love these characters. I love their stories. I love what this tale can teach us above love, fear, guilt, grief, abuse, forgiveness, hope, death, and life in equal measure. I love how utterly this final season destroyed me and left me huddled in a sobbing heap. I love this show with the kind of dizzying, terrifying love that I so rarely get to experience fresh anymore. I. Love. Fruits. Basket.

I wish I could say I loved it without qualification. I wish my love didn’t have to share space with Arisa and Kureno’s romance, or the lackluster student council characters, or any of the countless problematic moments that litter this show like shards of glass from a shattered window. But you know what? That’s fine. If there’s one thing that Fruits Basket has taught me, it’s that the truest form of love is one that doesn’t ignore the flaws you wish you could blind your eyes to. Love is not love if it doesn’t see the bad in you as well as the good, if it’s not pushing you to be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be. And if I criticize Froobs’ failing, it’s only because I love it enough to afford it that respect. I love this show just as Tohru loves Kyo, just as Kyo loves Tohru, just as Hatsuharu loves Rin, just as God loved all his zodiac. And not even its flaws, as painful as they can be, are enough to stop me from giving this final season- and by extension, the entire show- a score of:

10/10

Thank you all for joining me. If you just found me through my Froobs reactions, I hope you’ll stick around now that it’s over. Don’t expect another liveblog anytime soon: I almost never catalogue my thoughts on anime this extensively, I just loved this show so much I had to. But I’ve got a massive backlog of more in-depth analysis posts on countless anime I’ve watched over the years, so be sure to visit my homepage and check those out! In the meantime, once I’ve finished basking in the afterglow of this masterpiece, I have some Revenging Tokyos to check out. See you next time!

#anime #the anime binge-watcher #tabw #fruits basket #froobs #1819 aniwatch

[oflights]

What is your favorite job-headcanon for Harry and Draco? And, because to me these are kind of linked, where do you seem them living?

hi!! i sort of addressed this in my first headcanons post a bit; i don't think i really have one perfect, specific job for either of them besides like, not-auror. i tend to avoid ministry jobs in general, as a way of making the magical world seem bigger (that's why i use so many OCs, too). it's always so off-putting to me when everyone in the entire british magical world either runs a shop or works for the government. maybe that's me being too american again lol.

if i had to pick a specific favorite for each, i'd say some sort of teacher for harry, either pre-hogwarts younger kids or a hogwarts professor later in life (though i do get a little 🥺 about harry joining the hogwarts staff early on and kind of doing the rest of his growing up there in a softer, less fraught environment than when he was a student. his Close Behind determination to make hogwarts safe for kids and protect kids at all costs is my truest professional headcanon for him).

for draco, i'd probably say healer, but i honestly don't have as many feelings about it as harry as a teacher, haha. i wrote him as a healer years ago in my first drarry go-around, but haven't done it since. i like to read it! i have this idea of like a wartime canon divergence where he picks up being a medic as a necessity on the death eater side and winds up helping both sides with it, but who knows if i'll ever actually plot it out and write it.

okay, and since this is already way too long (sorry, i've just come in from a breakfast that turned into brunch and i'm mimosa-rambly) i'll say for where they live: idk! it really depends. i can see draco never wanting to live in the manor again and i can also see him rebuilding it and reclaiming it with his parents; it's still his childhood home and i fully believe that means something to him. i'm doing that a bit in my current WIP. for harry, i can't see him having the same connection to grimmauld place just because sirius hated it so much, so i don't think he'd ever seriously live there in a healthy way. i like the idea of them both starting out somewhere new the best.

i also like the made-up canon of magical villages hidden around different parts of the uk because like, that makes more sense than hogsmeade being the only one lol. again, the canon world is so damn small; i love making it bigger and wider and more inventive. i don't see world-building as a chore but an opportunity.

#asks #anonymous #oflights headcanons #god shut up allie #i'm sorry there's no reason this should be so long lol #me: i already talked about this actually #also me: a five paragraph essay

[deathofakuna]

Vinland Saga S2 Review *NO SPOILERS*

Vinland Saga S1 was really, really good for a number of reasons. It annoyed me when I heard some morons say it was the best thing ever but that kind of talk most assuredly sends me into a gatsu rage post-haste. The reverence I hold for titular animes that are the gold standard of anime -- seldom reached into todays microwave age -- it is something I do not think a lot of otaku have.

I have not read the manga but I knew s2 would be different from s1 from the interweb, some fans on forums/reddit/twitter really did not seem to enjoy the pivot whilst others loved it. I think the animated version of these chapters will cause similar divisions. Personally I am not sure if I prefer s2, it is different. It offers up a different array of flavors that almost certainly cater to a different palate.

After watching s2 in its entirety I am here to say that while it might not be EXACTLY what people want it is exactly what I needed. The character development in this arc is absolutely remarkable and a true testament to the level of writing that Makoto Yukimaru has achieved. The range of emotions on display, the weight of themes that are front and centre such as slavery, redemption, war, love, are so palpable, it is awe inspiring. There are moments in this anime where I felt, true feels are conjured up and that may be the best compliment I can give this arc. This is a sienen in the truest sense of the word, there is no fan service, there are no chibis, this is an adult anime and as an adult I appreciate that so so much.

The sound design is on point with Yuuto Uemura reprising his role as Throfinn. He continues to flesh out his resume (side note he is great in Bongou) with a great tonal rage. I cant speak to the dub. Not the biggest fan of the openings songs being in English for pt1 and pt2, that might be my one small knock but I guess MAPPA knows best in terms of westernization, localization and marketing, probably made sense. Outside of that the effects and score in the show are well done, well placed, well mixed. The use of animals, wind, ambient noise, keys, all hit their mark and are interspersed with care.

The animation is crisp as a newly minted bill and while it is not pushing the art in ways that its contemporaries are, Demon Slayer / Chainsaw Man, it is more than serviceable. The movements are fluid and the colours pop. Stylistically, the understated character designs that seem more based in naturalism than fantasy are welcome for this setting. Some of the action sequences that take place in the later eps are stunning and the entire team really did excellent work.

There are no areas of this anime that fall flat or miss their mark. I think the only complaints that can be mustered up are minor. At times the interjection of comedy seemed a tad forced and perhaps jolted me from what otherwise is a completely immersive experience. Some of the

Rarely do i watch anime and feel like I have grown or become better for it. I can not say I would recommend this to everyone. This is not fast food this is fine dining. This is art. As hard as it is for me to say, Vinland Saga deserves to be in the rarefied air of the greats of anime. With such a brave and stark departure from s1 in terms of pacing, content and narrative structure, one can see how it could be off putting for some fans but for those that can appreciate story telling, plot, themes, dialogue, character growth, you would be hard pressed to do better.

#vinland saga #review #anime #manga #vinland saga s2 #thorfinn #mappa

[8gnorant]

Not a question, but I’ve also been having similar thoughts as your recent post. I’m turning 24 in a couple weeks, and lately I’ve continuously been reexamining myself, my thoughts, and my beliefs in search of some sort of "perfect balance." I’m launching a tech startup in April and for the first time recently I questioned if it’s something I really wanted to go through with which was jarring considering it’s all ive been working on for almost a year. Ive started to realize the ever-changing nature of life and questioning one’s self is where you experience the best and truest parts of life and yourself. Ultimately, finding balance is an ongoing process that requires revisiting and reevaluating as circumstances change. I'm learning that it’s perfectly normal to experience fluctuations in what feels like a balanced life as you grow because if you didn't, then you’d be stagnant. Anyways, sorry for the word spilling lol, but your post made me think a lot, and I just felt like writing.

- E

Firstly, congratulations— on placing milestones, and landing on the largest, from the initial thought you've had almost a year ago. Catalyzing is huge and finalizing is even more. Secondly, do not apologize for something I simply encourage. Yes, the question of passion and of true self seems to muster around this age (and presumably forever?). We are all figuring it out. Here's an analogy: It is a sinuous life we each lead, navigating whatever tributary we find ourselves within. The most difficult is not the water's oscillations, but that of the oars— the actual tools/traits/characteristics/motivations /truths/etc. that we utilize to assist in our arrival to placid waters. Our job is to solely mold them to our palms. That is our power. As you find that balance, and as it forever sways, always hold on to what's true to you. And when even that is in question, mold.

#q

[fluffyydumplings]

Empty Canvases

Gone - Part 8

Summary: Tae’s dreams were nothing but a tunnel with no ending - dark, bleak and empty.. Yoongi made him smile, you opened his eyes to light.. the world and everyone in it made him cry.. Through this abandoned tunnel that now has a torch shining its way and an ending to reach - he runs to it - with joy.. To the sparkly eyed fool who follows him around everywhere and anywhere..

Word Count: 5.3k

Genre: painter!taehyung x reader x yoongi (one-sided love) / third-wheeling / painter!taehyung x painter!oc (male) / moving on!au / heartbreak!au / best friends!au

Warning: judgemental parents / unrealistic expectations / generational trauma / unsupportive parents / toxic relationships / fear

A/N: @hobateas This series has come so far and so much time has passed.. In fact, a whole year has passed since I posted the first chapter.. It’s funny how time passes by so quickly - it goes by every time I blink or think..

There’s a surprise that drops after this chapter though.. So, look forward to that! Summer Break starts soon for me, so yeah… I can finally focus on the things I have intended to finish ever since that of last year.. Birthday projects and lingering requests.. Fics, series.. Ahhhhh!! I’m so excited!!!! (Oh- how things have changed since I’ve written this note)

I find myself unable to finish the very last chapter of this beautiful story.. I have found myself half way through only, and that is where I have decided as of today to end this wonderful piece of mine.. Albeit, incomplete - I will leave the rest to your imagination

Series Masterlist

Moodboard

Previous chapter

Aged Nine ↴

‘Taehyungiee.. Do you know what this is, sweetheart?’

‘Paint..’ in a tiny voice, confusion sprinkling the edges of his fingers he answers to his aunt’s query.

‘Mhmm.. It is.. Isn’t it simply, wonderful though?’

‘I don’t know, aunty.. It’s just paint.’

‘Is that what your mummy said?’

‘Yeah,’ he nods hesitantly.

‘Always the no-funner.. Isn’t it, your mummy?’

‘Yeah,’ he agrees whole-heartedly..

‘Do you see that whale over there, Tae?’ she points at a canvas littered with blue and purple strokes.

To little Taehyung, it was the most beautiful picture he has ever seen.. (He hasn’t seen much besides the white walls of his bedroom and the soulless designs that coats his entire home in his mother’s so-called “chic” - his bad, “sheik.”)

And that’s how he fell in love.. Fast, fully, quick and painfully.. The same way he fell and falls in love with anything and everything..

‘Do you like it?’

Did he like it? She had no need to throw such unthinkable questions his way.. He didn't just like it, he loved it.. He was amazed, enthralled, enchanted, captivated.. Whatever magical feeling a nine-year-old could sheath into words.

‘Woahh, it’s.. Woahh,’ he beamed as paint splattered onto a piece of paper.

To him, it was more than a piece of paper.. It was the truest form of his childish thoughts finally let free and given the freedom to explore beyond its iron cage. It gave him joy, and he gladly tugged onto it.

He felt like a young harry potter who just got a hold on his very own wand for the first time.. He felt like a sparkle-eyed Matilda who no longer had to sneak around just to get his hands on a single book..

He felt free

________________________________________

Aged Seventeen ↴

Paint.. Strokes of white, blue and violet that clings onto the empty surface of his heart.. Like that of the canvas a road away from him - devoid of colour. It bubbles, coagulates.. and evaporates into puddles of putrid green..

His eyes are but two blobs of dust that coats the edges of your window, his head is nothing but a swirl of cream that drips off of the sides of your cup.. He is nothing but an empty canvas. And even with the piece of stolen chalk in his hands and this wretched piece of torn paper placed atop of the table in front of him, he can’t seem to associate with anything but empty canvases.. Because he’s so devoid of colour, he forgot how to draw inside of lines..

‘Kim Taehyung!’

However, there was one man (and only one) that brought rainbows and collisions of mess-stricken fireworks to his dull life.

‘Taehyung-ah!’

At the sound of that ever so hauntingly beautiful voice and that loving smile that was so easy to absorb - almost like that of an iv being injected into the blue of his veins. He smiles - a tragic tale in the making.. sunflowers slowly wilting into strokes of mustard yellow and dirt brown.

‘Hyung!! You have finally decided to glance my way,’ the most he’s ever been near the latter, and the most he has ever spoken to him..

It would be a lie if Taehyung said his cheeks were an unusual shade of cotton candy pink due to the continuous waves of heat that have been coming and going the past few weeks. It would be a lie if Taehyung said the man before him wasn’t the reason to why he was two seconds from hiccuping like a fool who forgot to fill up his bottle of water for the morning run.

‘We can be friends.’

That’s it.. Taehyung must be dreaming! After months of pinning over the sculptor, he’s finally got a chance at seeing those skilled fingers up close and to get a glimpse into that brilliant mind of his.

Isn’t that exciting? Tae’s heard plenty if not a bucket of glaze worth of praise for the soft bundle of wool of a human!

From what he knows, Yoongi sculpted the town’s fountain out of his bare hands.. And that fountain is stunning! He means it!

Perfectly rounded in shape, dips and curves perfectly to form mind-bending patterns, the flowers that bundle at the center! Oh, and the pretty lights (Tae doubts Yoongi did that, but it‘s still a dazzling piece of art if he doesn’t mind saying so himself)

Tae likes blubbering nonsense.. But, can you stop him? When he’s full of so much love.

‘Reallly?’

‘Yes.’

Sugar, spice and everything nice.. Running across a field of rainbow lollipops and popping star candy!!! He truly must be dreaming!

‘Taehyung, let me be honest with you. I came here because of Y/N.’

‘Oh..’ he wears his heart on his sleeve, and right now - there is no sleeve.. There is no heart- there is no-

‘She likes you. Will you do me a favour, and go out with her?’

A strange offer from a man he’s never spoken too.. Did Tae call Yoongi a sweetheart earlier, because at the moment he’s an absolute asshole.. So much, Tae squints his eyes tight and considers spraying either pepper spray or bear spray in the evil man’s seeing globes.

‘So, you’re not here because you want to be friends?’

Betrayal lines the opening of his throat, bitter bile rising to fill the spaces of his loveless heart..

‘No..’ ‘You can think ab-’

‘I’ll do it.’

Tae has a thing for bastards.. It’s showing, and he hates it.. It isn’t his fault his over-bearing, emotionally-unavailable, and self-absorbed stick figures for parents has lowered his standards to a negative 7.. The child in him is screaming to get approval from this unsatiable being.. The child in him is screaming ‘there must be something beautiful behind those ever-lasting grimaces.’

In his parents, never.. In Yoongi, maybe..

‘Tomorrow, 4 pm. Cafe Bonsai.’

A- a- ha- ha- ha-..

Step number one: Get to know this Y/N girl

Step number two: Ask her shit about Yoongi

Step number three: Ask her to help me

Step number four: Yoongi, conquered!

‘Do you prefer sandwiches or burgers?’

‘Burgers..’

‘Ah, me too!’

‘Cats or dogs?’

‘Cats!’ ‘Cats!’

‘Ahhhh!’

Like how we warm ourselves up after a rainy day, or how we dodge from falling stones - knowing of how it will harm us.. Certain things just come naturally to us. Like snow in winter and ripe grapes in summer. Like moisture on cold glass and

The sky is an awful shade of grey, facing it.. One would know.. You don’t have to tell Taehyung.. He already knows..

That he was in big trouble when it came to you.

________________________________________

Aged Eighteen ↴

He felt free.. until he didn’t-

*on the phone*

‘Aren’t you going to show me what you painted the other day, Tae?’

‘Come on, Y/niee,’ in a sleepy voice he smiles as he flutters around on his matress.

‘You know I don’t show my work to just anyone.’

‘Do I have to pay up, Sir?’

‘Now now.. I’m expensive.’

‘Not as expensive as Yoongi’s sculpting rate.’

‘Not as expensive as that, but still more than a high school student could ever afford.’

‘But enough for his best friend to afford?’

‘Maybe..’

‘I’m hanging-’

‘Come over tomorrow, I’ll give you a peak!’

‘Okay, painter.. Hanging up for real now, sweet dreams..’

Sweet? That was when the monsters creeped in, crawling through his bedroom door and dragging him off of his sleep.

The red one pulls at his feet: ‘Aren’t you afraid, Tae?’

The blue one pokes at his undefined cheeks: ‘Too happy.. more than you deserve, isn’t it- Kim.’

The purple one hovers above him: ‘You’re not supposed to be doing any of this, child.’

*crash*

*boom*

*bam*

*puff*

C̷̨̯̫͛̂͐̉̄̎͆͛̚͠r̴̳̘̅̈͆̃͆̈́̓̇͠a̷̪̟̩̗͊͊̅͐͜s̷̘͓͎̓̀̄̀͗̀h̵̨̩̫̯̕ ̷̛̛̤̆̉̍̽͛͒͘

̶̨̱̹͔̈́ͅ

̸̞̳̰̍͆̏͌͘͘̚͠

̵̗̘̳̗̤̪̬̬̑͌̕͜

̶͚͉̥͚̠̤̥͌

̵̧̞͖͈̻̮̓̏̈́͗B̵̫͎̩̥̯͍̲̊̍̎͝ą̷̧̼̦͖̗̯̮̓͊ḿ̴̫̩̻̲̙̭͖̄̄̍̀͜ ̵̼̭̗͕͊͆͋́͠͝

̷̨͓͔͇̯̘͇̋B̷̜̖̘̙͔̜͚͉̿̀̉̚ơ̶̖͐͛͌̒o̷̒̄̓͆̌̅͗͜͝͠m̵̛͚͖̹̖͖̞͕̲͎̉͐̾̆̀̍̀̈́ ̸͎͊͗̆ ̸̹͉͕̥͓̥̄̓̾̕ ̷̧̛̯̗̭͎̳͚̃̅̃̓͑́̚͝ ̵̛̮̝̲̦̫̦͔̜̑̐̀̀̂̑̽̑͝B̴͇̻̪̭̥̭͍̊̄͐à̷̧̠͇͇͉̘͉̱̍͗̈͛̃͘̕͘m̵̥͎̣̜͍͇̏͑̏̃̆̿

̴̪͖̓͒͠

̷̮͔͍̬͎͓̯̫͂̀ͅP̵̨̖͙̯̞̩̪͔͑̉̽̃̒͜u̸̺̺͖̽f̵̘̰̟͊̐́͊͐̿͝ͅf̷̢̛͕̘̻͙̙̙̓̓̃͌͑̿͋̈́

̴̻͍̖͛̄̔̀̽̊̾̕̚͝

̴̨̝̟̗͙̦̾̕͝ ̵͉̘͉͚̝̟̉̏͜͝ ̵̭̳͚̬̮̯̦̔͑̑̓̊ ̷̦̞̮͓̲̳͎͙̖̎̈́̋͌ͅ ̷̻̱̮̼͂ ̶̡͉̟͓͙̀̓̀̌Ḣ̴̨̧̱͉̳̰̇̽̉̈́͊̄̍ų̴̰͕̥̹̘̥̮̣̫̂͌͂͂͝ḟ̸̧̥̘̘̬̳͉̣̹̘̇͗̂̏̇f̴̙͈̀͐͂̈́̃͆͝

̷͕̼̍̾

̵͕́̉̄B̴̡̮̙̯̤͔̩̺̍ͅổ̶̤͙̝̩̲̠̝͓̒̏ö̷̝͚͓̜̼͙̦́̉́̀͂͛̿̀͜͝ö̵̦͎͔̟͇̲̱̿̈̉̋̾̓m̵̛̳̯̤̞͔̳̰̆̄̚!̷̩̖̹̖̮̊̃͗͛

‘Huh.. huh.. huh..’ sweat coats his honeyed skin, clinging onto it like tar on rugged walls.

Like bits of newspaper being placed onto cardboard with watered-down glue, it sticks.. it bleeds.. and it feeds..

It caves in, and his hands trail down the side of his headboard.. It trickles, and his feet relax to the beat of death..

‘This- This-’

The sound of rummaging, throwing and tossing painting red into the thunder’s thrumming blue..

Like a fool dressed in clown pants and bunny ears, he makes his way downstairs - to the noise that haunts his world - his peaceful world of birds and badly bred tigers.

‘Mom?’

‘Oh, Tae.. I was trying to find my plates.’ ‘And I happen to run into this,’ she snaps a brush in half with her feet as she kicks furiously at the mess she made.

‘You know.. My plates! The ones with the sakura flowers! The ones I bought from Japan! I was going to use it! Your dad’s coming home today!!! His plane arrives this afternoon!’

He ignores his mother’s complains.. He burries his head into the ground, dirt slowly burrying him to utter oblivion.

‘Those brushes?

‘Ah!! Your stupid aunt must have accidentally left them here! It’s okay I’ll throw them away!! Stupid bitch!’ she throws a flat-tipped brush across the kitchen floor - and along with it, she throws her son’s dreams away.

‘It’s the prettiest set of plates we have!’

And those are the only set of brushes Tae’s got..

He wants to weep.. But, he doesn't..

He wants to scream and throw one of her plates out the window, but he doesn't..

He doesn't do anything at all..

‘Give me the brushes, Tae.’

Even as she throws his brushes away..

‘Here.. The last one..’

He tucks it into the front pocket of his pants.

‘Now.. Where did I keep those plates of mine?’ with grey sticking out of her hair, she smiles at him.

He simply stares..

‘Aghhhh!! There they are!!!!’

‘Now!! Tae, how has your business classes been going!!’

‘Fine..’

‘Huh?’ putting the white-tinted box down, she looks back at him - expectations whirling in her eyes.

‘They’re going fine.’

He does not want to disappoint her( for as much as she has disappointed him over the years) he loves his mother with all of his heart.

‘That’s good to hear, Tae.’

She would pluck the world out for him.. But, she’ll never come to understand his love for rainbow tainted hands.. lead tarnished tables or the colour blue. That’s the way the universe works. Sometimes, we simply won't be able to understand someone.. despite how much hard we try to.. and how much we love or care for them. That’s just the way the universe works.

‘And then you’ll take up business management.. You’ll do wonderfully well. Won’t you? Our Tae..

He does not want to disappoint her, even if he tastes salt all over his mouth - and the image of his brushes stuffed in black garbage bags has his chest tight and his lungs submerged and brimming with sea water. He does not feel like a fish out of water, after all, for as long as he has lived.. He has known that this is where he belongs..(what he has been told, at least) He’s a little fish whose gills have been stripped off of him, and now he’s heaving for oxygen.. Desperately washing onto shore.. Desperately swimming towards his dreams that bubble with false hope..

‘Mom, what time is it?’

The clock inside of him was ticking..

Tick tok.. Tick tok..

He had to keep a straight face, he couldn’t let his mother know of his precious yet unrequited love for painting.. She would ransack through his room, pull out the stack of cheap paint brushes he had hidden under his bed and that big tool box filled with canisters of expensive paint that he used his birthday money saved up over the years for.

She would stare at him and question how her son ended up like this.. Striving for a passion that would cause him to starve.

‘Oh Tae..’ she would, with a tragic pair of eyes, pitty him with grace.

Oh, son.. I would never allow you to fill your stomach with the dirt beneath my feet. You will make people polish your shoes clean and everyone will be underneath your feet. I will make sure of it. Her eyes would scream..

She would look at him with horror, regretting the days she let her sister (his aunt) come by. She would phone her and scream: ‘What did you tell my son, you unfilial wench!’

And then she’ll phone his father: ‘Tae-Hoon.. Our son..’

‘It’s probably just a phase of his.. You know, children..’ he would reply, busy chugging down his second expresso shot of the day (it was 8 am).

‘Tae.. How about we find you a better hobby? Like- like- skiing? Ughh- like- basketball.. Just- not painting..’

She does not say it, but he knows why.. It has been imprinted into his head ever since he accidentally overheard his parents and grandparents talking over dinner at the ripe age of fourteen.

‘We thought she would be over it..’

‘It was our fault.. We kept on going: good job! good job! She is our child of course, your sister.. Compliments get into children’s heads. I mean, painting as a hobby is different from pursuing it as a career. One keeps you fed, the other doesn't.’

They were afraid, he’d end up like her..

________________________________________

Aged Twenty ↴

Worry grazed his face.. This must be a misunderstanding of some sort, isn’t it? The tickets.. He-

*rings*

To describe the look on his face.. One would have to go to paintings such as “Ophelia” after the well-known play: Hamlet by that of William Shakespeare. The sorrows of picking flowers and drowning in a river not as bitter as the betrayal and confusion that deforms the frame of both of their faces. Perhaps the same way Ophelia fell deep into sorrow upon realising of what Hamlet has done, Taehyung’s heart froze at what only his mother could have done.

The difference between the two though.. Is what a forensic pathologist might describe as one being too horrible to take in: a person with a bullet lodged in their forehead, and the trace of gun powder in their dominant hand. The other being too perfect to be true: a person with inflamed lungs (a sign of being drowned to death) and flesh discovered close to the hyponychium of their finger, wedged in between the tiny opening of their nails. For it wasn’t betrayal that froze Taehyung’s heart to shock.. No- Infact, his frozen heart has thawed.

‘I divorced your father today. It almost feels as though I’m some helpless trophy wife in one of those over-dramatic tv shows who do anything and everything to please their husbands. I was.’

‘I don’t think I’ll be talking to your grandparents anymore.. They’ve been feeding me too much-.. Prejudice.. Ah, forget it.. Bullshit.. They fed me bullshit.’

‘He he..’ ‘Tae?’

He was sobbing, dressed in a badly-stained shirt and joggers that were way too loose for him in the corner of his apartment’s bathroom. Afraid his roommate would hear him, he sucks his tears in.. Or was it his breath?

‘Tae. Are you crying, son?’

‘Hiccups..’

‘I’m assuming you got the tickets today. I put in a little word with the director at the Paris University of Arts..’ she smiles to herself ‘Ah ah ah.. I didn't bribe them. I know you would hate me for that, son. I showed them an artwork of yours.. Y/N emailed it to me.. I’m sorry if you feel like I’m invading your-’

‘And- I’m *sobs* sorry for cutting you off, mom. But, thank you.. Thank you..’

To say his life turned around that day would be an understatement and to say it changed his life completely would be an overstatement. As he sat down and Seoul blurred from his vision and all he could see was clouds. And eventually nothing as the flight attendant had requested for him to slide his window’s blind up. He relishes in a very important turning point of his life, but smiles fondly at how much hasn’t changed so far.

He was still the same Tae who found paint as nothing but pigment then eventually thought of it as his everything (his mother, you and Yoongi included in that label).. He was still the same boy he cried over his broken and trashed brushes.. He was that, yet so much more.. So much has changed, yet nothing has changed.. Deep in thought, he doesn't think it makes much sense.. Years later, he still thinks that it all does not make much sense..

There are a multitude of topics he could ponder upon, but.. Kim Taehyung decided that with a cup of orange juice in his hand, 6.2 miles off of ground and with his long legs crouched to fit the space provided.. That he wanted to be a little schmaltzy and overly sentimental - even if he gets a few glances from the old lady-

‘Ajumeoni.. (term used for a woman who is of old age)’

‘I’m only thirty-eight!’

The lady with the scarf.. His bad..

‘Can I please have more orange juice, please?’

That’s got to clear his mind!

‘Me too..’

‘Huh?’

His eyes sparkle.. A shade of brown that Tae would find delight in mixing colours to match and using his brush to blend at just so the light reflects onto it the same way it did in reality.

The softness of his face, the valley that is his nose, the plushness of his lips.. He was the kind of beauty that made Taehyung wainted to learn how to draw humans.

Sketch be sketch, step by step.. Line by line.. Only three people have made him want to delve in the art of portraying the features of a living, breathing and speaking being onto paper. Yoongi, You.. and now.. This stranger..

A beauty that won’t nudge you into a speechless bubble of amazement.. A beauty that won’t cause you stumble on your steps.. Solely, a beauty that you know deep somewhere in your heart that it would never do you wrong.. A beauty-

‘Orange juice..’

He hopes he doesn't get caught starring..

‘Oh-... Two,’ he clarified by putting two of his fingers up.

‘Jiwon..’

‘Huh?!’

That startles him, but the dripping of orange liquid in a disposable plastic cup calms him down.. Almost like chasing a panic attack away with the neverending sound of the piano.

‘My name.’

‘Oh-’

At moments like this, Tae questions more and more how on earth, he became his high school’s heartthrob.. He was loaded, good-looking (although he doesn't quite agree-agree).. In that department, he did fit into the stereotypical image of what a heartthrob supposedly is - at least according to all the dramas he has watched because he was bored and had nothing to do after finishing his assignments. He never attended any parties, never played with hearts or was never truly friends with anyone but Yoongi and You (Namjoon and Jin coming a very close second)..

He was always and still is a meek little boy who spoke a few words and wouldn’t hurt a butterfly.. In all the dramas he’s watched, he narrowed himself down as being the quiet kid who no one paid attention to.

He was-

Oh- Did people perhaps confuse his aloofness to being a cold demeanour that he held up.. meant to make him look cool? Oh- But all he wanted was to make friends?

Tae pouts, finding fault in his distant glances.. Probably scaring all of his potential friends away.. Then again, he did approach his Yoongi Hyung.. He’ll video call you both once he arrives at his dorm. It’s been bothering him for a while now.

‘Tae.. Oh my.. You can’t keep on falling into this hole of self-despair and deprivation. You’re not alice.. You know, when I first met Yoongi.. He was ready to dig holes in my face. But, I was ready to be his friend.’

‘Not true!’ the cat-eyed man rebutes.

‘Aish.. Hush, yoons.. Anyways, what I was trying to say was - you’re one of the sweetest and most easily approachable people I have ever met. It’s their fault, not yours.. They could have at least tried.. It just goes to show that they aren't worth even a millisecond of your precious time.’

‘After all, you’re our bread winner aren’t you?’

‘Aiii.. Stop teasing him. He might explode, Y/N..’

‘He could be blushing as we speak right now.’

‘Not!’

‘Blushing or not.. Anyhow, anywho.. Did you arrive well, Tae?’

‘I did..’

‘Unpacked yet?’

‘Nope.. Keeping that for tomorrow.. Too tired right now..’

‘Are you going to eat out continuously while you’re here?’

Easels fixed in place, loose screws jammed into inconvenient corners.. And badly chiseled wood.. The ocean was a fleeting yet consistent entity. Like how mother birds spoon-feed their youngs - Taehyung was like a baby bird with wings yet ready to fly with. With the illusion of his mother’s arms lifting him up in the sky, he felt as though he could fly to the sun.

His wings do serve a purpose now. But, if he were to fly too high - he would plummet to the ground. For even after they have transitioned from being melty wax to a solid rock of some sort - it will take time for peat to turn into coal.. and it takes a miracle for carbon to turn into diamonds..

Taehyung strives in being whatever is the best form of his self. He doesn't have to have diamond wings.. nor does he have to fly to the sun. He seeks joy in the most mundane and seemingly ordinary things in life. He doesn't have to fly high, being slightly above ground level and blending in with the rest of the world is more than enough to make him happy.

It sounds bad when he says it out-loud. But- Taehyung finds joy in being boring and simple.. Life doesn't have to have so much sparkle in it for it to be interesting - he thinks.

Then again, simple and boring can mean so many different things. To the post office man by the the bakery, it could mean sitting down all day and withering away just for someone to tap on his shoulder and tell him: ‘Can I mail this?’ To the cat living down the alley to what would now be Tae’s second home, it could mean eating tuna out of a can and making it safely under the fence when it rains. Sometimes, simple and boring can be beautiful. Sometimes, simple and boring is far more marvellous than exciting and fresh could ever be. The world is weird in that sense. We humans, are weird in that sense.

‘Tae?’

‘Maybe...’

‘Aigoo, honey.. Just mail him food. The kid’s shit at taking care of himself..’

‘Yoons.. What did we talk about letting him and independence.’

‘But-’

‘No buts no coconuts.. You love him, so do I. But, he’s no kid. He can take care of himself. We’re the same age for goodness sake.’

‘Tae.. Are you still there?’ you tap on the edges of your phone.

‘Yes,’ he answers, taking tentative sips out of the hot chocolate he got from the cafe next door.

‘Tae.. What did you have for dinner tonight?’

‘French onion soup..’

‘Man, Yoongi.. He’s already one of them.. We didn’t have to worry about him after all,’ you mutter outside of speaker length, knowing very well that Tae could still hear you loud and clear.

‘It was nice.. But, I feel like I’m going to miss Korean food so damn much.. Actually, I think.. I’m already missing it.’

‘Oh no, Tae.. do they not have any Korean restaurants there?’

‘Nope.. not even one..’

And that was exactly how his time passed by - one month of video calls turning into twelve months of video calls in the flick of an eye. As Tae’s canvases continue to be filled with all sorts of wonders, and as the stories he narrate with paint solidifies and dries into completion.. So does his loneliness.. It thrives, splashes onto him, and feeds off of him - wax pretending to be paint on the soft of his fingers..

‘Ya! Kim Taehyung! The project is due this Tuesday.. Are you not going to come over and help me..’

‘Shit- It’s tomorrow? Why didn't you tell me?. Shit- How are we going to finish on time?

‘Calm down, man.. I already did a shit load of work.. Just come over and help touch up the finishing details.’

‘Okay.. I will.. You still should have told me though. I would have helped.’

‘I did! Check your emails!’

‘Man.. Who uses emails in this day and age.’

‘Hey.. Are you calling me old, Kim?

‘Maybe I am, maybe I’m not.. Either way, let’s finish this project once and for all.’

Park Jiwon.. His name had a ring to it, almost like gold flowing in a stream of shadows. Tae would never admit it, he still refuses to. But, if he were to turn a blind eye to his inner monologue and listen to his “Tae Tae” senses. Alright! He’ll say it! Square up and confess to his sins!

When he hears the name: “Park Jiwon,” he might or might not accidentally break into a big-ass smile. Like- the ones where his eyes crinkle a little too much to the point where they appear as two sparkling orbs of daisies floating in the air - the sparkly kind, if daisies sparkled at all. They do have a shimmer-like reflevtion to them when he paints the flowers, to be fair.

Anyhow- What he means is.. The mention of Jiwon’s name alone has Taehyung smiling like he has just eaten the best spoonfool of the best Paella he has ever had in his entire life. Which is a once in a life time reoccurrence, since he lived in Spain and frequented Valencia like crazy during summer breaks back when he was in his teenage years. Therefore, the best paella he would ever have was one he already had and would probably never have again. Unless- he decides to visit his penpal: “Jinhyeon,” when Christmas break comes around.

Anyhow- In short and in conclusion.. Tae’s a hopeless romantic (but you can’t really blame the poor boy.. Can you?)

If you laid eyes on Park Jiwon for a few seconds, you would feel the same.. Tae was mesmerised by his beauty and voice on the plane, and when he volunteered to explain the idea behind what post-impressionism was on that odd January afternoon. Tae fell feet first and right into a pool filled with strawberry whipped cream. Oh, the baby bear harnessed a itty bitty crush on Jiwon alright. He would never admit to it, but.. He did.. Sunshine Comfort Boy was about 99% of what his heart was. The 1% left being a lack of common sense.

‘You know, I’m not the biggest fan of portraits... Right?’

‘I know.. I know... That’s why I never pestered you on that much,’ Jiwon sits on the slightly broken-down stool, nonchalant to Tae’s banter.

‘It’s because.. I’ve never been really all that good at it.’

That brings his pencil’s movement to a stop, the trees outside rustling to an abrupt halt as his head turned to meet Tae - who sits idly on another stool, closely parallel to him.

‘You get better with practice.. I know people say that all of the time. But, trust me on this one.. Some people just move a little faster than others do.. We don’t always remain at the corner of the wall though, we eventually move up the steps.. We do get better.. Even if it doesn’t feel like it.’

A silence that trimmed through the air like wild fire in a patch of grass. There eyes met, not a romantic glance - but one that ends up with two different outcomes.

Jiwon that laughs to his heart’s content

And Tae who makes a face of disgust, the reason behind the latter’s glee..

‘Ha ha ha..’

‘What?!’ he’s utterly confused.. Why was this man child laughing like the world just ended and he was behind it all?

‘Ha ha ha. Just look at your face!’ he infers to the window before them.

‘Pp- hmm.. Hee ha ha ha..’ he snorts and bursts into a fit of laughter.

When did Kim Taehyung harness such stern expressions?. Ever so solemn.. A sentiment he has never seen on his own face before. He would know. He’s Kim Taehyung.

‘Told you so..’

Smiles... Smiles.. He smiles..

‘You were just being.. A tad bit too corny. It felt like I was listening to one of those inspirational speeches on ted talk.’

‘Kim.. Don’t be so emo.’

‘Modern words.’

‘For modern kids.’

‘We’re adults.’

‘Modern adults.’

‘Those two words together don't make sense,’ Tae speaks with confidence in himself.

‘A.. What a juxtaposition expert you are.’

‘For your information, I got good grades in “language” for as long as I have remembered.’

‘Should have went down the poet route instead then, Kim.’

There it is again, those sparkly eyes of his.. The one's that has Taehyung a speechless shade of yellow. A blinding shade that brings unknowing joy to him and his sorry head.

‘Words just have never spoken to me the same way paint did.. You know? Otherwise, I would have been a poet by now.’

‘I’m glad you didn’t go down that route..’ ‘You’re too cocky to be poetic.. If I were to read anything you say, I would probably burst out laughing. Because- like- There’s no way this idiot means any of what he wrote.

‘Idiot?’

‘What?! Did I lie?’

‘I have a hard time believing idiots over what they say..’

‘Well.. I guess, it takes one to know another..’

‘That’s.. That’s.. That’s very mean of you!’

________________________________________

Aged twenty One ↴

‘Are you going to keep on following me?’ Tae sighs, even though deep down he doesn't mind one bit.

‘I’m not following you.. I’m simply walking next to you.’

‘That’s the same thing..’

‘Different concepts..’

‘You never seem to agree with me, don’t you.. Ji?’

Strolls along the riverside, hasty steps up mountains to see the sunrise, mouthfuls of rice cake soup warming you up through the cold.

A life through rose-coloured lens.. The plummeting of magnolia petals..

If Tae were to pick a colour… shade.. or hue to describe his life, he would pick grey.. Not because his life is sad or not worth seeing in colour. Because that’s where it has always stood. A centimetre away from darkness and light.

In a good way. In a way where he can bathe in the benefits of both, without having to always mope in one for the other to be left behind.

‘I only learn from the best.’

‘H- hmm..’ a sigh of disbelief that Taehyung fails to hold back (like many others he has failed to hold back), ‘Who?’

‘You..’

‘Ho ho! For saying that, you owe me a snicker,’ before his next words are said he retreats backwards and...

‘It’s only right.. You called me the best,’ he snickers..

A snicker for a snicker.. It’s only right!

‘Catch me if you can!’

He runs.. He runs in all his silly glory, looking like one would expect him to look. A twenty-year-old man brimming in the joys of his newly found freedom, in the middle of an ocean of youth and the things that come along with growing older.

‘Ha! I’ve got you!’

Maybe in a way, in that very desolate campus of their’s.. As Jiwon playfully tugs onto the seams of Tae’s sweater, along with it came the unwinding threads of his heart.

And as the threads of your heart unwind, you don’t realise it has come undone until the first abrupt beat of your heart resonates across dribbles of muddy water on the ground. Because unlike the laces of your shoes, you can’t see those loose pieces of thread.. Only when you fall and trip, do you realise they are there.

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