#this is tmi I am aware

[ejunkiet]

TIL about post-glacial rebound, and how southeast England is tilting into the ocean at a rate of 5cm a century...

#that's not all i learned #i also learned about the paper released earlier this year about the gulf stream #that predicted it could shut down as early as 2025 #and while i agree with the criticisms of the paper and think a prediction of 2100 is more accurate #i am well aware of how screwed we are #i'm currently working for a non profit that provides a voice for charities with the gov #and climate change is one of my areas #and hoboy. #jesus h christ #tmi

[creatingnikki]

March 1, I wake up post noon on a day that is neither hot nor cold. My underwear is blood stained and my mouth is dry and I think about why you spoke to me the way you did last night. I should order food, I should get to work, I should take a shower, I should do the dishes. I don’t remember if it is a Tuesday or a Thursday but of course if happens to be a Wednesday. Lately it seems like either I am complaining about how busy I am and have time for nothing or crying about irrelevant things when I do have the time but don’t know what to do with it. I used to want to do things. I used to want to learn more, love more. I used to want to feel the changing seasons, I used to want to cook. Now, it’s not like I do not want to do anything. Maybe it’s just that I want to do different things. I want to camp in your house. I want to paint with water colours in a park. I want to get iced coffee to go. I want to read about mythology that isn’t Greek or Hindu. I want to meet people who make me want to continue being me instead of turning into a numb, unfeeling, thoughtless human because others have convinced me that’s the only way to survive in this world. It’s March 1. What are we going to do about this heart that wants to stop?

#spilled ink #march 1 #march 2023 #who am i #tmi #self awareness #wednesday #confused #changing seasons #spilled thoughts #iced coffee #healing #once upon a time #mental health #creatingnikki

[user-needs-new-hyperfixation]

Overall I kind of won the menstrual lottery in terms of length and regularity and relative level of discomfort. But like once a year PMS hits me like a semi going downhill on the freeway with dead brakes. It's always kind of a relief when it sinks in that that's what's up, because I've been otherwise really confused about why I've been in absolute pit of intense depression and anxiety and irritability and brain fog all week. Uuuuugh.

#personal #tmi probably #i am aware of the existence of pmdd but this doesn't happen often enough to qualify as far as i can tell #it's like acute occasional pmdd rather than chronic #tw periods

[srldesigns6277]

.

#this is tmi #i just needed to rant #i hate that fucking depression drop in the middle of your period #yes im aware i should be thankful it doesnt give me too much dysphoria #but my god its so fun to have a not bad day then tl be hit with a wall of depression thoughts #about how much i suck or how much i bother peopke #its not as if i didnt know that already thoughts #i am aware im extremely lucky in finding my gf because i havw no friends #im a teacher who can talk to anyone about most things but there arent connections there #im thankful on here some people are willing to put up with how bothersome i can be #something im eternally grateful for but i feel like im always a bother #who cant do shit right #if i could id probably have a fulltime job by now #alright scattered rant done #thanks for reading if you did

[superchat]

Seeing you be such a big masochist on main... does make me want to bully you a bit.

I gotta be honest, like. while i am a complete sub, and theres a good half of it at least thats tied to sexual feelings.

most of my masochism isnt sexual at all, i just like the pain and adore seeing my body get damaged and hurt and want to experience someone else doing that to me, like. not in a sexual way at all, i just want the intimacy of getting beaten by someone until i cant get up and then have some aftercare or something, i fawn over my bruises and scars and would like someone else to do that while i fawn over them instead or something. (tangent but when im feeling more self-hating id want similar treatment but with no aftercare, ive kinda had that before tho and it genuinely does feel awful which ig is the point but :u tangent over)

Kind of fucked up ig so its not like id ever expect that to become a reality or seek that out, especially not anytime soon. i cannot handle intimate relationships rn and i know that for a fact, i can barely handle friendships where ppl are nice to me, i just feel guilty and like i need to do something to make up for it. what is "it" when i say "make up for it" ? i do not know.

#Can you imagine getting bruises and shit but theyre for someone else ough... #I have some like that but low and behold i cut that person out of mylife cuz things were toxic woaw shocker #Its almost like these wants are not healthy #I am aware #Its just where my brain is wired at and i havent beenable to shake it #If anything its gotten worse but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #I shouldve gone to bed an hour ago i been getting like 5hrs of sleep or less #uhh #sh tw #? #Srry #Morningme is gonna hate this tmi dump so much #Anon #Asks #Ohealsoi really love workiig with the injuries over the coming days #Just a constant feeling and thing you hve to work with for all your waking hours for a few days #Dull to sharp pains restricted movements seeing the healing process etc etc its all so ❤™

[appendingfic]

personal under the cut

Taking a break from writing erotic fanfiction to have a graham cracker like John Harvey Kellogg would have wanted

#personal #tmi under cut who knows #i am aware no aspect of my current situation is what john harvey kellogg would have wanted

[froggi-mushroom]

It’s been pretty confusing and a lot to wrap my head around, and it’s something I’ve debated with myself for years on and off but I think I’m ready to accept that I may very likely be asexual

#not a reblog for once #froggi rambles #I’m reluctant to say for definite because of personal reasons that are a bit TMI but uh. I’m quite certain I am at this point #like I have an interest in sex and there’s a small part of me that is interested in having sex but 90% of the time I’m uninterested #and it’s kinda hard to tell if that’s my hormones messing up cuz I’m on the pill or if it’s genuinely just how I am #because I’m very aware I’m a late bloomer in regards to sex and being interested in it compared to my peers (I’ve only really been #interested in it for the past year and a half) so idk where I stand currently #but calling myself asexual feels right at the moment at the very least

[batrachois]

up next perhaps a poll that asks, when you see a poll, do you look at it, like the post, answer and reblog, answer honestly, answer dishonestly, or reblog without answering

good idea! except for the fact that the poll got voted possibly more than three times the times it got reblogged (at one point it had 9k notes and 30k votes, you do the numbers) so we already know most people answer dishonestly or to better word it, cause i dont think its a dishonesth issue, we know that they answer with their best intentions/what they know is the best answer rather than with what they actually do, probably for normal lack of self awareness.

we all think we do better than we do in terms of ethics and it's fine

#i am also not gonna do another poll cause the amount of notes that got made me v depressed abt the amount of notes my art normally gets #like to have tens of thousands notes on a poll i wanted to give to my active followers only (like 10 people at best) #and see the art i posted right after get not even a hundred notes was kind of a hit #and tmi but i am working on this self esteem thing in therapy and that is the kind of stress that i dont uhhh need right now #anyway thanks for the input anon and sorry for getting deep in the answer lol #youre free to make the poll if you want!! #expect thousands of people to say its dumb and bad and stupid tho cause thats what i got #aside from. again. further awareness that the lack of interaction w my artwork is due to it not being what people like (which is fine!!!!)

[bethanywritesbooks]

today was so great I got: an email from our property manager saying our rent is increasing, a form rejection on a query I waited five months for a reply to AND, after working an 8.5 hour shift, I went to my favourite ice-cream place for a treat and they were out of my favourite flavour !! :’)

#sorry if TMI I'm about to get my period #so everything already feels miserable atm #I'm fully aware none of this is a big deal #(except the ice cream I am very bitter about the ice cream)

[sapphos-tooth]

me: yay, im binge watching the owl house!

also me: oh no, im binge watching the owl house….

#.txt #reasoning in the tags: #soo uhh after being pulled off of some meds #things have been going a little south #my sleep schedule is messy #i am eating less in the day #and eating more at night #i am able to sit and binge a show #which you probably think…how is that bad??? #only when im really depressed i can sit for hours without moving watching a show #i’ve been sitting since 11pm #it’s currently 2am #tmi i had to pee and wasn’t aware till i actually paused and got up for once

[paradoxiii]

I'd like to write an essay titled "Memento YOLO" about my near constant awareness of my own mortality (but of course, that requires me to focus on writing long enough to get out a rough draft & I have a lot of thoughts on this.)

#tmi #i think the ''memento yolo'' thing is hilarious. i highly doubt i'm the first person to think of that #bc every time my brain spits out something that i think is genius it turns out i'm not the first to think of it #anyway i am a fairly healthy young person who has very little personal experience w/ death or trauma #and yet i am so often very aware that i could die at any moment.

[pumastuffs]

“Why am I so ungodly yiffy?” I ask myself, knowing full well I’m in the middle of Heat Week.

#text #oc #tmi #it’s hilarious how predictable this all is #also to clarify: Heat Week is ovulation #this isn’t necessarily a therian thing #but I feel like I’ve become more aware of it because I am so in tune with being animal #and humans are animals #despite most humans thinking they are above basic instincts like this

[thiefnessman]

categorically opposed to scat fetish on the basis of "i have read way too many papers about the ways in which people get horribly (and sometimes fatally) sick due to improper fecal waste disposal", but also on the basis of personal disgust bc that's just gross and not at all sexy to me.

#unsanitary tw #sorry but i now feel obligated to finish this goddamn post. here it is #idk there's a level of tolerance for some stuff i get grossed out by. but i have NO tolerance for shit #way too gross and i am now thinking about people dying of dehydration #get cubed idiot #burying this in the tags bc it's TMI (if you didnt already know this lmao) but like #the irony is i literally have a piss kink. and im fully aware that urine is not sterile! #the idea that there arent risks involved with urine is a big pet peeve of mine bc that is unsafe!!!! #but yeah. shit is too gross for me piss isn't.

[meavitamin-notes]

yall i've been awake for 25+ hours lets see if i can do some account stuff before i succumb to feral

will edit post if i succeed edit: I've done the bare minimum!

Hello! After much deliberation i've come to realize i associate myself with the name meavitamin so much that my attempts to go under a different handle just couldn't click! so here i am editing my accounts under the haze of an unintentional all-nighter (but with much thought beforehand) with a very simple run down.

@meavitamin is now my official art account! finished works only, no ramblings of a mired human in a society, no really rough sketches, etc.! Just! Art! Original and Fanart! and clean tags!

@meavitamin-notes (this one!) is the exact opposite! messy with sketches, rambling thoughts, processes--the only time you'll ever see finished art is when i reblog with notes for myself (and for you if you're interested!) with critiques on how to improve the piece and what i need to work on. I'd like to think it would be a nice view into a mind of an artist that could be helpful if you're a budding artist yourself. you can think of this as a very public art journal :D

Last but not least, if you're interested, feel free to follow me on my insta @/meavitamin !!! who knew i would go back but here i am! it'll be a mix of fanart, sketches, and original art, but probably a little more curated to hide my personality!

that about wraps it up! thanks a lot everybody!

#text post #i wean myself off of coffee and go back to simple tea only for a restaurant to literally only have COFFEE (i had yet to have caffeine) #context i went to get brunch #laid awake in bed contemplating my existence before 4AM hit and i surrendered myself to reading on my phone #which does not help i am aware yes but anyway i hit the 24 hour mark an hour ago and my filter is off so i'm posting on here this wild exp #normally i would not but this is hilarious to me #was gonna draw today but i'm not even gonna try (though the thought interests me to see how it'd go) (not well probably) #why does this happen when i'm out of school and when i don't want to #anyway going to stop now bye #tags after edit: #let's see how this goes yall pray for my sanity #both rn and in the future with me managing social media lolol #i made my insta public but i actually don't have a lot to post rn so i'll probs work on a sketch tomorrow while i post gero too #the overuse of exclamation points means i should get off oops #really representative of the weird energy i have rn i think my body is trying to cope with the lack of sleep #okay that's tmi methinks but again. funny to me.

[spicebiter]

Ohhhhhh my god I've got that cold my roommates gave me and I got to the sinus congestion stage, bad enough it made my jaw hurt and my brain all swimmy yknow. And I used that trick where you use a massage wand along your sinuses and fuuuck I feel ten pounds lighter and my brain works again! I hate getting sick but that relief of getting mildly better is somethin

#spiced #roommate helped me and i had them hold the massager to the edges of my jaw where it hurt #and i was 100% making that dumbass blissed out cat face because it felt sooooo nice and tickled my inner ear all weird #I also sneezed so messy after like three false starts and it felt so relieving #maybe tmi but i hate getting sick because of how Off i feel and just how aware of it i am so any improvement is like <3<3<3 for me

[theophagie-remade]

I can't believe I can't find any information on how to do this thing that not many people need to do. smh

#mytext #said after having had a crying fit over it. whatever #i need to stop ignoring the Horrors (excruciating periods random pans of intense pain etc) and go to a damn gynecologist #VS the other Horror (congenital anomaly that needs to be dealt with first for doing tests to be possible) #how am i even supposed to book a visit when i realistically cannot get anything done. like. ''hello secretary. #i need an appointment only i can't do any tests the doctor can just look at me externally. sorry'' ??? #maybe it's also because of The Brain State but while snooping for information (that i didn't find) today even just looking at the tools #that they would use is what automatically made me burst into tears. and it's so frustrating because on paper it's such a stupid minor thing #but alas. and. ok it's a rare thing but not That rare and the fact that it's never talked about despite being relevant to both #sex ed and even just. awareness of what bodies can be like in general. and that i had to find out that Oh Most People Aren't Like This #on my own kinda does contribute to the. uneasiness? uncomfortableness? that i feel #(--_--) #i did manage to break the ''news'' to my mother because i thought Maybe she could give me some advice on how to proceed but i don't even #know what i was expecting considering that all this time she's just told me to deal with the actually Concerning Horrors (ie the pain etc) #she barely even acknowledged it and didn't even ask me how this thing made me feel so. lol. lmao even. #sorry cringe tmi time today was the first time i ever mentioned this to someone irl and it went badly so i don't have anyone to vent to #lol