a conversation with my body [TW: self harm]
could you cut that out? hm? could you cut that out, please,
i can't have you healing that fast. ah, right, this? i mean,
the pain signals were pretty fast and you did a fair job of
bandaging it up- that wasn't for you to close it this quickly, though.
i suppose it wasn't. and you, hands, could you stop shaking? i've barely
had a coffee and i can't even use a pipette. right, right, but you managed.
i would've managed faster! possibly. you don't seem to mind
the legs though. the legs can shake all they want, it doesn't affect
my drawing skills. favoritism. how can i have favoritism between my own limbs?
you certainly seem to favor one arm over the other.
… i AM right-handed, after all. simply comes down to ease of access. you could
give the left hand a break, though. i try to. you don't. i manage, sometimes. it's
been a while since you last managed. i find it hard to care lately. and besides,
you keep closing it up so fast i can't help the next one.
ow, shifting the blame?
it's still blaming me, though. aren't you me? aren't we?
or, well, something forced to bear me. quite the motherly choice of phrase
you got there. shut up. why are you so efficient at this one thing? it's not
like i take my vitamins. get on that, maybe. answer the question.
there's no answer to give.
what, that it's just how it is? no,
that this is all we know.
you were brought here to exist, and we were brought here to help you do so.
nice mind-body separation there- be quiet for a minute.
all we know is how to keep you alive, and we've got a, what, 80-year contract
on that? give or take.
wish you had a better assignment, huh? not particularly.
the origami is fun. if you'd let me make the sunflower it would be better. give
it a shot this week, maybe it'll be your lucky turn. is the brain in a separate
room? i need a word with it.
of course you do. hey, could you also stop staying up that late? could you
stop making me sleep in? could you stop making us make you sleep in?
could you take the coffee in peace? just barely meeting the FDA
maximum, huh? better than the caffeine pills, i suppose. i concede.
you should stop that scrolling, though. or put on those stupid glasses of yours-
no, wait, you need a new prescription by now. yeah, yeah.
…it's not half bad, i suppose. we liked the poetry from last week. you can
perceive literature? enough with the snark.
we liked the view from the tower, too. and the canals.
the hand-holding wasn't bad, either, say the hands. the butterflies were though.
hah, maybe.
it's nice to make the roses, over and over. the fingers have gotten awfully used to it.
you forgot the other instructions though. they're so similar! of course we'd mix it up.
do you like the digital art now? it's new, but you like being able to erase it, don't you?
yeah. it's nice to fix the mistakes. over, and over.
say,
can we really not go back? nope. did you check? yep, just asked the Boss.
are you sure? pretty certain, like, i think even the telomeres would agree-
no more biology, please. you're literally talking to it.
and what makes you think we'll be the same? what? say we did go back,
you and Brain all knowledgeable and shit. what then?
i'd fix it all. and if we didn't? what do you mean? who's to say
we won't heal the next one - and there will be a next one, as long as you
have learned its possibility. who's to say we won't kill that one
cell, won't save that one ear- that could happen right now, too!
of course it could.
so now what? do i just sit here? do i just accept you? not much of a choice
there, bud. you don't really have to accept us, though. you've already done
that. i haven't. you apologize to us, occasionally. rarely, if ever.
i hate you. you don't. i hate me. bingo. you're not me? we are your
vessel, just getting you to the next minute. there's not much to find there.
ha! that's what you said last month, and then the
snow arrived, and then the sun rose,
and then your friend smiled at you again.
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