I need someone to be proud of me, I just did 567 pharmacology questions all day and took notes and now I had a fuck ass purple highlighter explode over said notes and now I wanna cry 😫😭😭😭
I wanna write for Thrawn so bad but I'm scared my characterisation of him is going to be garbage and also my vocabulary is nowhere near as good as his and I just-
i have had one hell of a night today goodness me so much for fixing my sleep schedule (rant)
first off watched ammonia 100/10 don't understand the bad reviews i loved that film and cried, spoilers in tags
second i thought about 🐹 (shes been coming back in my brain recently) and Mj because she beamed a smile at me today when i walked into her room and i'm going to ignore how that's probably because the last she heard of me was when i was having a huge meltdown and pretend she's different and actually cares about me when i'm *not* on the verge of doing something stupid
third got a follow from someone (different app) who's been aggravating my friend and i'm sick of her atp and sick of watching people talk shit about my friends so long story short had internet beef and won(?) for the moment but this friend bless her but i felt bad for starting something when i could've ignored the follow, so i sent her the screenshots and now she wants a turn at it too 😣 please i'm scared because ive been fully in control up until this point, didn't even get angry with the bitch but if she argues too we could both be toast
i don't know whether this is a good or bad time to have a reputation of violent outbursts. probably bad because no matter how calm i am people always bring it up (i said 'okay' in response am i cooked chat)
anyway plan is if she says anything to me i'm being really gay about it but i'll just say it loudly to someone else so she can't respond (enemies to lovers fr) (i'm horribly desperate for a real emotion) (i hate that that's what my male bullies used to do) (not because they 'fancied me' but because they knew how uncomfortable it made me)
ALSO fourth event a completely different friend (as i encouraged them to) vented to me about something super serious that i can't do anything about and i accept that but i just feel bad for them man someone give this guy a break
oh and before all this my encounter with ß was so sad and uneventful i questioned my feelings for him, like why him? he's not even an exception you just like him because he makes you feel special. today it felt like he was sick of me. don't do this to my confidence please old man