#this is what i was talking about earlier

[sunglassesmish]

https://twitter.com/angel8782/status/1634554860979867654?s=46&t=C_twoBlJmxDu2Nz9W99Q2A

one of us 😍

absolutely amazing

#anon #ask #this is what i was talking about earlier

[indig0trolls]

I am physically incapable of making characters on their own

Anyway meet Ladybird and Cardinal (Lime's ancestor!)

Ladybird's design is by @norts-trolls!!

#My art #Ladybird art #Cardinal art #this is what i was talking about earlier

[vivi266]

#jk-chan to tomodachi no okan #yuri #manga caps #this is what i was talking about earlier

[knife-at-a-knife-fight]

people don’t usually understand me and while it’s incredibly isolating, i don’t want my friends to understand some of these things. I’d like Someone who gets it, but i think that’s best found in someone who already has those similar experiences, i don’t want anyone to become like me who isn’t already. 

And I’ve spent the past few days (on the conservative side of that estimate) thinking about this and we’ve found ourselves at a point where i’m quoting a play that i’m quite frankly too harsh on; “I have actually asked to be hospitalized so i could be with other nuts. But the doctors don’t want to. They can’t diagnose me. That makes me even more isolated. (There is a moment of silence.) You see, right now, it’s an awful moment because you don’t know what to say or do. If i were with other people who [are like me], they would say ‘‘Oh yeah. Sure. It’s awful. Those dummies, they don’t see anything.’’ ”

People often try to equate their experiences to mine, or at a minimum compare them. They go “yeah, I’ve had a similar thing” and then often proceed to describe something completely different. And when I say “well that’s not the same because xyz” they go “i know it’s not the same, but it’s similar.” And it isn’t. It really isn’t so much of the time. And I don’t want to go “no i’m a special snowflake and no one understands me” but I’ve surrounded myself with people who have had deeply different experiences of the world than i have, and while some of them share with me a handful of similar issues, most larger things simply do not compare in the slightest. 

My friends will never truly understand what my specific life experiences have done to me, and that gap in understanding grows greater each time someone says “I understand what you’re going through” when they haven’t listened to the whole story. Or usually; even a notable portion of it. 

Now going “that makes no sense and i don’t get you and no one will ever understand you and i’m not even going to try” isn’t the solution either, some have tried that approach, but no one seems to do the one thing i have continuously begged people to do: just listen. They either speak over me to assert their claimed understanding of the subject from the start, or they ignore me and deem me incomprehensible the moment i speak. And both of these groups are quick to claim they hold no similarities. They are both certain that they are deeply, innately different from each other. Yet both do the same thing; both refuse to listen. It reminds me of that one thing about how both a communist and a capitalist argue over whose ideologies are better, yet neither take out the trash. Are you all that different - let alone better - if your actions are the same as the people you speak against?

I’m asking too much. Clearly I am asking too much or it wouldn’t be such a recurrent problem. People once in a while do ask “do you want to talk about it” but the issue is that to them, this just means “you can say whatever you want in my messages, i may respond with up to four words within one business week.” They don’t get that i’m not looking for somewhere to go on a rant - i do a mighty fine job of finding that myself. The location doesn’t matter if no one’s listening either way. Does it matter if it’s in an inbox or long post or journal or draft of a play if no one is reading it? Does it matter whether it’s directly said to someone if the most it will get is a glance and maybe a half moment’s consideration?

They don’t seem to get is that what i want is for someone to care. And caring is a verb, not an adjective. Caring is a choice, caring is actionable. Caring means doing SOMETHING. I want them to ask questions. I want them to truly consider what they would do in my position. I hate when people go “i have no clue what I would do if i was in your position” because to me, all that means is that they aren’t considering it deeply enough. No one seems to understand that for me, in my own issue, not making a choice isn’t an option. So if you were in my position, you would have to make a choice. There is no abstaining. So consider again when you want to say this, if refusing to make a choice simply isn’t an option, what would you do? “I don’t know” is a refusal to truly consider it. It’s apathetic. If you care about me as you claim, try the fuck again. 

maybe you wouldn’t make a choice confidently, I very much am not much of the time. Even if your hypothetical choice comes with the precaution of “but i wouldn’t feel good about it” that would be far more helpful than “i don’t know.”

I know my friends don’t understand me. I’m well past expecting them to. But what I want is for someone to try for once. I want someone to say “I’m here with you through this, I am thinking about your issue when we’re not directly talking about it because i consider it my issue too. I want to figure this out as well. I want to be there. I want to help you.”

Sometimes, that means saying “i don’t know what you’re going through, could you tell me more about it?” and asking for more details in specific ways, and not just expecting me to cover everything to which you give a monosyllabic response. I want people to engage. I do it for them all the time, why won’t they do it for me? Why are they adamant to lean on me and then leave when i ask the same - when they offer the same? I pull through for them all the time. They tell me how easy it is to talk to me, they thank me for being there, they say they want to do the same. So why is another roofing tile hitting the floor? Where’s the beam they said they would lay? They promised. They promised. 

I know they all have their own things going on, this is about the collective, not the individual. This is the community. This is all the people put together who are okay watching me slip through the cracks, or maybe think too much of all the others. Maybe they expect someone else to pick up the slack. 

I have to hold them to a different standard than i hold myself, because I’m not sure I’d be here writing this otherwise. When I say “I know they have things going on themselves” I have to append that with “but so do I. So do I and I’m there for them. I still pull through for them.” And I have to accept this, somehow.  “I don’t understand your situation, I’ve no clue” appended with “And I don’t know yours, but I try. I ask questions. I stay engaged. I consider it deeply and wholly. I give my thoughts. And I am there. I am there. I am always there when i can be.” And maybe they can’t be there. But surely, surely they could be there some of the time. Surely some of the time it would have to not be the utmost inconvenient. 

And I know I do the opposite to the extreme, i know i’m not the healthiest either. I let them push boundaries, because even when i set them they are rarely respected and often forgotten (although sometimes blatantly ignored, those I am a little more forceful about). I’ve very few triggers, and most i don’t say anything about, but no one ever takes into account the handful i’ve explicitly expressed. 

They don’t get my triggers. Because I always “look fine.” I internalise everything extremely well most of the time. I can keep the same affect if i so desire 99% of the time. They don’t notice when something they say or do launches me into a panic attack or leaves me overstimulated or fucks with any number of my issues. And I don’t want to make them feel bad - I’ve been accused of trying to do as such many a time - and if they’ve already done it,,,, what’s the point in bringing it up? They won't remember. They never do. Or maybe they just don’t care. I’ll just make them feel bad in the moment, then they’ll forget, do it again, and if i bring it up - again - they’ll feel worse. In these scenarios i don’t have a choice to not feel bad, but i do have the choice to not make them feel bad. We don’t both have to suffer, i can suffer alone. 

They’ve always been perfectly content with me suffering alone. Why change now?

#mine #this is what i was talking about earlier

[arcanewebs]

amazing episode EASILY one of my most favorite battle episodes of all time. How Ever is it insane of me to wish it went Just a little bit worse than it did. for the plot

#needed more riz torment LOWKEY. IM JUST SAYING. PUTS HANDS UP #HE DIDNT HAVE TO SEE FIRSTHAND THE POSESSIONS? DIDNT GET ATTACKED BY BARON PERSONALLY? #i mean i love the way kristen and adaine had those clutch loves that saved riz while he was in jawbones room but STILL #and im also glad baron didnt die. HOWEVER #IDK. HELP. #i really hope its talked about more in the ap or next episode or something #can we hear the word aromantic said out loud PLS! PLS? #aro community is Unsure how to feel? #ann bangers #dimension 20 #fantasy high #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #MOVES***** MOVES. MOVES. MOVES. I DONT HAVE AUTOCORRECT ON. FUCK I DIDNT CATCH IT EARLIER #yeah loves why not they all love each other it works i guess what tha hell

[coquelicoq]

what i like especially about the pronouns in the goblin emperor is that this language doesn't just have the T-V distinction (aka informal vs. formal second-person pronouns, in this case 'thou' vs. 'you'), it also has informal and formal first-person pronouns. having BOTH of these distinctions in the same language lets you fine-tune your tone by mixing and matching. with only one axis of formality, when you use informal pronouns, are you being familiar in an intimate way, or in an insolent or dismissive way? when you use formal pronouns, are you being polite or standoffish? you can't tell just from the pronouns; there's ambiguity. but a language where you can use a formal first-person pronoun in the same sentence as an informal second-person pronoun allows you to distance yourself (via the formal first) while also being familiar (via the informal second), thereby achieving the conversational tenor known to linguists as Fuck Thee Specifically.

#just kidding i don't know what linguists call that tenor. or any tenors. i'm not totally positive what a tenor even is #but i can't let that stop me from writing a jokey post on tumblr dot com #register is a very interesting area of linguistics that i know very little about #so i'm probably revealing the depths of my vast ignorance here to all the sociolinguists who surely hang on my every word #but i've always thought of the formal/informal pronoun thing as being about two things: intimacy-distance & rudeness-politeness #and of course you can usually tell from context whether a formal pronoun is meant to indicate distance or politeness #(plus distance and politeness are related to each other (to various degrees depending on culture)) #but it seems like it would be cool to have a built-in alignment chart of sorts just for pronoun combos #instead of prep jock nerd goth...why not try intimate self-effacing polite superior? #the goblin emperor #pronouns #register #sociolinguistics #my posts #f #anyway i know i said i wasn't going to reread the goblin emperor...but guess what. lol #and i edited my tags on that earlier post but fyi the language DOES distinguish between plural and formal singular pronouns #i had said i thought it used the same pronouns for plural and formal but i just wasn't paying close enough attention #so anyway i just reread the part where maia is talking to setheris in formal first and informal second #and you can see setheris going ohhh shit. oh shit oh shit oh shit #i'm in biiiiiig trouble #you sure are dude. that's the Time to Grovel signal #it's interesting because at the very beginning of the book when i first saw the formal first used i just thought it was the royal we #because i knew the main character was supposed to be royalty #but then EVERYONE was doing it. so it's not the royal we it's just the formal we #however. this does make me realize that the way the royal we would function in a language that retains the t-v distinction #is the same way i'm describing here. it's just reserving that particular tone (i'm better than you and am displeased with you) #for royalty only. which makes sense given royalty's whole deal

[emblazons]

MIKE WHEELER in 'THE VAN SCENE' ⤷ "You're leading the party. Inspiring us. That's what you do." (x)

#I did this...for reasons. mostly the fact that I can remake these in 4k quality now and these are expressions are still insane A YEAR OUT #bre and I were also talking about what love looked like earlier and...lol #byler #mike wheeler #stranger things #byleredit #bylerdaily #dailystrangerthings #mikewheeleredit #strangerthingsedit #strangersource #tvstrangerthings #strangerthingscentral #tuserrae #userelz #my gifs

[unironicallycringe]

#there is no such thing as a coincidence #was talking about this video earlier w the server and had a vision beamed directly into my head #this has been a pleasant distraction tbh i needed a laugh #idk what to even tag this as #uhhhhh #botw guardian #lmao ok thats him #shout out to ezlo who gave me all the guardian audio files haha #my edit

[2sw]

If there's only one working part, that's enough.

Supernatural S2E01 In My Time of Dying

#see this is what I was talking about in the earlier post #I think this is one of the essential quotes that explains sam so well #sam winchester #spn 2x01 #s2 #gifs

[lunarharp]

if i just told you i love you would this world change

#witch hat tag #orufrey #these kinda suck lol i feel like i cant draw right now *irritated sigh* BUT I FEEL EMOTIONS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #if you are gay go watch good omens season 2 right now. NO YOU DONT KNOW THO!!!!!!!!! #i know being this affected by good omens is probably cringe. I dont care any more. the last 1 minute of good omens season 2 was #some of the most affecting acting i've ever seen in my life. sometimes someone acts with the force as if their entire career led to that #like during the credits part the very end im not even talking about before that. holy god #aziraphale i know everything about you. i know what you are feeling right now. i can see everything on your face. we're going to make it #ER.... NOT THAT THIS HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS POST. IT'S NOT SPOILERS !!!!!!!!!!!!! #I JUST FEEL THOROUGHLY CHANGED !!!!!!!!!!! SHIT GETS REAL FROM NOW ON.. LIKE IN GENERAL! IN MY LIFE! #tormented gay love tormented gay love TORMENTED GAY LOVE TORMENTED GAY LOVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #btw the first 3 images were drawn earlier with an entirely different feeling and an entirely different mood. #Why do you keep pulling away from me? #It is because i love you that i do this #the lyrics from one of my japanese orufrey songs (A SONG THAT THE CREATOR LISTENS TO!!!!) led to feelings #“あなたが知らない私を残さず見ててほしいの” but i'm not translating it cause it just sounds weird. if with his eyes oru's asking “WHY don't you want #to let me in? to see all of you?“ those lyrics are like ”I actually want you to see every last bit of the parts of me you don't know“ #oru you have no idea how much i want to lay bare my whole soul for you #maybe it's an alternate version of chapter 40. to me #i need to draw something really fucking good or i'm not going to forgive myself. i will not rest in this life #until i have made the orufrey that fully satisfies me nor until i have seen what the manga is leading to #NO STORY MEANS ANYTHING WITHOUT TORMENTED GAY LOVE AT THE HEART OF IT. THATS THE HEART OF THIS WORLD!!!!! #........... so Hi im normal :) haha *goes and finally makes breakfast*

[reunitedinterlude]

phonecalls (1, 2)

#the way i coincidentally saw a post about the stereo show where they talked about this earlier today sjdfs #dan and phil #daniel howell #danisnotonfire #amazingphil #phil lester #dpgdaily #phan #dnp gifs #my gifs #What Dan and Phil Text Each Other 4 #dnp liveshows

[stardustings]

I’m dead serious when I say keep the promises you make to yourself (and others) and you will transform. It builds self esteem like nothing else, but will also massively accelerate your life too. If you can’t be sure you’ll follow through, stop telling yourself you’ll start the exercise, pick up that hobby, make that call. Be honest with yourself. Your self esteem degrades every single time you don’t follow through. Your relationships tarnish every single time you don’t follow through. If you make that promise I’m sorry but you have to push yourself (within reason) to follow through. Not everything is about being comfortable at all times. It’s okay if you have to take a bit of time after to recover from exertion. You will build character. If you only stick to one piece of self improvement advice, make it this one. I’m dead serious!!!!!!!!!

#what I wish I knew earlier: majority of issues is from LOW SELF ESTEEM #women are made to believe low self esteem is just not liking your looks #but it’s SO MUCH MORE #if you build that foundation you will start to thrive #and OBVIOUSLY I’m not talking about pushing yourself to negative health consequences like I’m trusting you to take this in good faith

[sonknuxadow]

LOVE LOSES !!!!!!!!!!!!

#sorry the idea of most of sonics rivals having a crush on him while sonic himself doesnt know or just doesnt care is really funny to me #anyway idk how i feel about how this looks i jusst kinda rushed it out to get it out of my head #wihtout caring about it looking perfect #this is what i was talking about earlier btw. #when i said i wasgonna try to draw something for valentines but its not actual serious ship art #im a little late . but its still the 14th somewhere im sure #sonic the hedgehog #sth #shadow the hedgehog #knuckles the echidna #jet the hawk #am i allowed to tag the ships if theyre one sided will people get annoyed with me if i do that #whatever im doing it anyway. at the very least so people who dont wanna see ship stuff can filter it out #sonadow #sonknux #sonjet #my art #to be completely honest i dont feel anywhere near as strongly about the idea of shadow liking sonic as i do knuckles and jet liking sonic #but he gets to be included because i cant just make a joke about sonics rivals without including shadow

[acekimagenda]

8 to 10, passing the reins

presenting to you, Ghost

#15min to the mv! #i wish i had this idea earlier but what if i do latest character x newest character art for every new mv #also can we talk about the missing 9 messingup with my introduction #jeff satur #mine #jeffcest #kinda lol

[crybaby-bkg]

a slight continuation of this

no caller ID pops on your screen, pulling your attention away from your previous task at hand: not fucking up your eyeliner. you typically wouldn’t care if it was a little uneven, but you’re going on a date tonight, for the first time in so long, and you want everything to go as smoothly as possible.

which is why you groan when you end the call, and that same no caller ID pops right back up seconds later. you know who it is—who else would it be? you figured he’s already seen your story of being excited for going on your first date in a while, on the only app you hadn’t blocked him on. petty? perhaps, but it’s on him to be keeping up with you despite you cursing him out for wasting your time and then blocking him right after.

you watch it ring though, contemplating for a while longer than you should. you blocked him for a reason. no need to entertain his same shit that he always spews to you when he realizes that he might be losing you once more?

….but it doesn’t hurt to hear the hero beg for you.

“What do you want, Bakugou?” You sigh irritably as you finally answer his call, putting him on speaker as you go back to even out your eyeliner. You hear him huff on the other side of the phone at the use of his surname, but he doesn’t say anything about it, instead, quickly telling you what he’s been bothering you for.

“Who’s the fuckin’ loser that’s gonna drool over how good your tits look in that stupid green dress you love so much?” Bakugou grunts, and you instantly feel your face heating at his crude words. You glance over with a frown at that same green dress that makes your tits look good, where it hangs on your closet.

“None of your damn business, Bakugou.” You snap at him, wondering if it’s too late to find something else to wear. “Not like you ever took me out in my stupid green dress.” Your voice holds a level of bitterness that only he can bring out of you, and you hear his sigh through the speakers.

“I told you this before, I’m always—”

“Busy.” You cut him off, voice suddenly thick as you think back on the countless rejections he’s splattered at your feet every time you tried to further your relationship with him. “You reminded me of how busy you’ve been since you first started this whole situationship.”

“Situation—? Huh? We were dating!” Bakugou protests with a huff, and you can hear how he paces the floor quickly. You glare at your phone, setting down your liner to instead pick of your (his) favorite lipgloss.

“You’d have to ask me out to be dating, Bakugou. You’d have to court me to be dating, Bakugou. You’d have to make time for me and take me out on dates and not hide me to fucking date me, Bakugou.” You spit at him, venom dripping off of your lips in waves. You don’t know why you answered, why you even entertained him. You shake your head with a huff when the line goes quiet, eyebrows quirking up when your date sends you a text to make sure you’re still on for tonight.

“I’m sorry.” Bakugou mutters pathetically, his voice suddenly soft. You hesitate, for some reason, when it comes to texting your date back. Why do you always hesitate when Bakugou is around?

“Let me make it up to you, court you, and shit. I can take you to one of my favorite places, you can wear that pretty green dress and that gloss you know I love.” His voice is pleading, thickening and sweet and suffocating. You shouldn’t respond, should reply back a yes to your date.

“Please? You know how much you mean to me.” Bakugou mumbles, and you can hear the earnestness in his voice. Why haven’t you said yes to your date yet?

“I’ll do better this time. Just one more chance, sweetheart.” Bakugou’s voice is so soft, you’ve never heard him this vulnerable before. You sigh with a shake of your head, slumping back into your seat in defeat.

…

Sorry, I can’t make it tonight. Something came up. Maybe we can reschedule for another time?

#sorry this is kinda angsty lol #but I saw this tt earlier where this girl was so giddy bc ‘no caller id’ called LOL #and it just reminded me of the first part to this #at first he’s all ‘no we can’t date bc of xyz bullshit reason’ #but the moment you’re like ‘I’m done w this toxic back n forth we’re not even a couple’ #he’s like WE WERE TOGETHER THE WHOLE TIME!!!!! #delusion is what I like to call it #also he definitely takes you out to a place that’s very secluded and exclusive #to shut you up for the time being #the whole ‘at least I took you out!’ shtick #I hate him actually #but the toxic hate sex goes crazy ☝🏻 #okay gn I’m sleepy and I felt so shitty today #or yesterday #so I’m hoping today will be better #maybe I’ll mediate before I start on my work #I wanna go on a walk sometime this week bc it’s gonna be great weather but my anxiety keeps telling me #that one of the stray cats or foxes is gonna attack me AKSJDKDJDJD #omg does anyone remember me talking about that calico kitty in my backyard at one point??? #I haven’t seen her since and I hope she’s okay :( we miss her :( #—new treat in the streets! 🍫 #bakugou treats! 🍬

[warlenys]

put this in the louvre

#frame of all time #like 20 seconds earlier as well house asked cuddy for a kiss that was ‘just enough to arouse him a little’ #and wilson got flustered thinking he was talking about him #but house was just talking about his own dick What Is this show #anyway i want this on my coffin #inside #house md #hilson #+