#this is why having friends exhausts me

[fairycosmos]

like i say it all the time but i can't stress it enough. how do other people do it

#and everyones like ohhh we're all struggling no one is rly coping and i get that but fundamentally you are #able to develop friendships and relationships and hold down jobs and take care of yourself at least at a basic level i dont know why #i cant i dont know why one single meeting takes it all out of me i dont know why i cant control my facial expressions properly or say the #right thing ever i just dont know #i dont know why i dont date i dont know why i hardly have friends i dont know why leaving the house exhausts me to the bone i dont know why #im not fun to be around

[gayleafpool]

i think a big thing people get wrong w leafpool’s character is thinking her passivity comes from like fear or insecurity or being shy or something when really it comes from like. defeat. she’s been burned so many times so now she just accepts it there’s no point in fighting back

#learned helplessness #in tnp she’s very much like a rulebreaker and kind of a little shit lol #she likes going out on her own and making friends with cats from other clans and getting involved in things cuz she’s bored #she’s rebellious and craves having deep connections with others which is why being a medicine cat starts to weight on her and makes her #impulsively decide to run away with crow #esp because she’s also watching her best friend sorreltail grow up and move on. and she’s watching her sister grow up and move on #AND SHE FEELS STUCK SHES LIKE OH. BUT THIS IS IT FOR ME ISNT IT? #so she just reacts she needs to get away!! and then everything comes crashing down and she spends the rest of her life getting punished for #that choice #which slowly crushes her fire and teaches her that her desire for something ‘more’ was never going to work out #and she’s too tired to keep fighting so she accepts that #but she’s miserable about it and this misery makes her even more exhausted #so then she just kinda ends up numb #there’s no point! #SHES SO INTERESTING TO ME AAAAAUUUUGHHHHHHH it’s been so long since i’ve rambled about leafpool….. my girl……

[lunarharp]

unnecessarily rated and ranked kitchen of witch hat volume 1 moments on silly gay madness

#witch hat tag #orufrey #read kitchen. #i think the puddings are equal 2nd place though...it really gets to me....TRULY bonkers unforgettable and characteristic oru moment.... #aughhgough i'm so sleepy & tired im crashing to the floor..oh no..auugh i need help..gah..Oh my gosh i shall help u..We shall survive this. #^ nobody else ever i have literally never needed to be held up in my exhaustion you just go to bed #the points don't add up. the touching his forehead moment is just too strong. WHY??? i wouldn't go up and slap my hand on a friends skin #i'd be like Do you have a cold that's sad for you. good grief. good heavens #also the end of chapter 10 gets Sends me into the despair nexus points.

[snixx]

me: *explains why and how they hurt me and why I really didn't want to bring this up because I just broke up with my best friend and favourite person in the whole world and im tired of losing people and being too much but also they really hurt me and I consider them one of the closest people to me and I want to be honest*

them: ...

them: sorry

me: ...

them: *offers no further explanation*

me: ...

them: ...idk what else to say I have no excuse im sorry

me: uh. okay it's fine (I guess)

them: so how are you

me: fine i guess [elaborates]

them: ah.

me: how are you what's up

them: fine.

*20 minutes of extremely painful one sided conversation later*

them: hey I gotta go *doesn't reach out again. for weeks now*

#fuck everyone im so done #im so tired of constantly realizing im carrying all my relationships on my back #and the people i love the most just dont give a shit #like fuck offff if one of my friends told me i was hurting them id do everything to make it right #especially if they were apprehensive but still comunicated clearly instead of just secretly resenting me #and they were already going through a lor #*lot #why do i have the worst taste in friends why are relationships so exhausting #whatever. i lost my best friend and genuinely thought i lost my other best friend for most of last year anyway i can survive this #if you don't care then i dont care #vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com #they always made fun of me for caring too much anyway. ill give that energy to my friends who actually care back

[silenthillbunni]

._.

#no to be mean but sometimes i just dont have the energy to make myself like reply to ppl nd try to interact #continiously ppl block me bc i dont reply fast enough or etc etc #nd it's just like damn i tried just to get blocked???? 🥴🥴🥴 #also funny thing in my experience it's mostly girl mutuals who lose patience nd block me #hmmm inchresting 🧐 #anyway im wording this clumsily but like im just so exhausted nd my heart's tired #im tired of building some sort of light online attachment to someone #just to feel crushed when i notice they've blocked me nd i dont even know why??? #also wanna be clear that im referring to ppl i've talked to. not just interactions. sksks 🥴 #i know not everyone will block me nd i know there r nice ppl here but like i dont have the energy to sort thru it all #or take chances bc im tired 😭😭 #i feel bad bc there r ofc very kind ppl who reach out to me nd stuff but in my bones im dejected #like what if i actually do start talking nd i start feeling affinity to u nd slight healthy attachment nd then boom one day u block me??? #i feel mean nd oversensitive complaining abt this but idk 😣 #i liked this mutual nd talking to them but they blocked me nd idk whyyyy what did i do i always do smth y'all gotta fill out a form telling #maybe if i had irl friends i wouldnt care tho im aware im a loser

[fatcowboys]

im done w moving and out of the shitty apt w the shittier roommate (who did not let move out happen without adding as Much drama as possible) and have just. been feeling so much better. living w my two friends who actually communicate well and all work together on our needs and gah. so less stressed and anxious now!!! and also in a week kitty introductions have gotten farther than they ever did w shitty roommates kitties (they were kinda bullies, so we had to move glacial speed even w oregano cat expert) and just. thank u the universe things are so much better now

#only improvement would be if anjo Also lived here curse grad school!!!!!! #i moved out over a week ago but we just tuened in keys after cleaning day on sunday #and across just those two days bad roommate accused me of faking cleaning a part of something (that was not requested or clear) #tried to turn anjo against me by saying im a liar and manipulator and gaslighter (which. listen the last one i could say the fuckin same) #(which is also so funny bc anjo and i are so close. became codependent in a heart beat. why tf would u think anjo is gonna be on ur side) #then at the walkthru pointed out things that were damaged (which they are Alsonin on that security deposit what are u doing) #and the texted again accusing me of shit with a stupid fucking infographic on weaponized incompetance #thankfully like all of these i had my friends with me bc when infirst got there for cleaning i uhhhh had a panic attack lol #so i had good support thru everything and now never have to deal w them #its just. been So much lmao. and its so fucking nice how calm and smooth things have been #like i had that sort of shit. i in general am good at communicating and avoid shitty drama like this person #so its been So exhausting. but im done now thank god #and the new place is so much better and nicer and i love the friends im living w and Yeah :')

[imperpetuallylost]

kinda crazy but…

im gay for you

:o no way i’m also gay for u <3

#also i’m fucking exhausted it was a long ass day of robot #i broke down crying for no reason in the middle of my last tech interview for drama #because i was so fucking stressed abt hosting the robotics comp this weekend and waiting on college decisions #and also two of my friends were like in the hospital at the time #one bc they hadn’t eaten in like a week because of an ed and we’re doing really badly #and the other because they had to get stitches bc of sh #but i couldn’t really explain alllll of that to my drama teacher #anyway #i did hear back from one of the schools tho!!!!! and i got in!!!!!! #but they didn’t give me as much money as i would have needed to commit there #so like i probably won’t end up going even tho i really loved the school and it’s kinda my top choice #and also the accepted students days all conflict and i ended up signing up for one that would mean id miss the end of district champs #for robotics if we qualify #which my hopes are vaguely high this year #but now i’m gonna have to miss part of it if we do :///// #and the other more competitive one i’m waiting on hearing from some time this weekend i’ve been checking the portal like every twenty minute #it’s really bad #anyway i’m gonna go take a shower and then go to sleep before i drive myself to another breakdown #idk why the tags of this ask was my place to say all of this but it sure was

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

hey hey when Paul (or whoever that was writing the book of Hebrews) tells us not to complain or God might strike us dead, how do we separate that from toxic positivity

#I'm kind of struggling rn guys #being at a *insert denomination here* school full of people who are all trying very hard to appear more or less perfect all the time #is killing my nerves #because see I have just begun to truly break out of my own perfectionism #I wanna put it to death SO badly #but how am I supposed to do that when I constantly feel like I have to perform all the time???? #or else be considered a 'bad example'???? #there are people here who know me. from years ago and only like 3 of them but still. #I don't enjoy sensationalist preaching #at all. and I feel like there's some of that going on here. #sensationalist and also like. massively dragged out of context in order to make a point. #hhhhh. #gurt says stuff #delete later #I have worked SO HARD to get to this school!!! WHY am I suddenly feeling terrible about the decision to come here!!!!!!!! #just... say some prayers for me plz. I'm exhausted and sad and I miss my family right now. #and it feels like all my friends are out there doing Real Stuff (joining the military; getting married; learning hard skills) #and I'm just over here wandering around campus and feeling alone in a huge crowd of people

[pcktknife]

man I'm gonna have to move pretty soon and it is not putting me in the greatest of moods

#ive been ignoring that its something thats definitely going to happen but whenever i think about it i get just incredibly upset #like i really don't know how many 'fresh starts' i got in me cause its really wearing me out #i dont get to have any lasting friendships bc im not good at keeping in touch especially if its long distance #and it is Exhausting why put the effort into making friends and meeting people at all if in 2 years you lose everyone anyway #sigh whatever its super late so i should probably just go to bed and stop thinking abt this before i start to spiral or smth...gnite <3 #kae.txt

[jutsuuu]

girl help I’m experiencing

#weird addendum but pls don’t reblog my vent posts??? why would you even want to???? #everything has been So Much lately and I wasn’t gonna vent but then I remembered this is my blog and I can do what I want #one of my best friends left the country last week and he’ll be gone for like two years and I’m so sad without him around #I mean he’s been messaging me every day since he left but it’s still hard not having him here yknow? #and I’m moving into his place but it requires a lot of work before I can so I’m always exhausted #and my joints have all but given out on me completely so I’m always covered in KT tape and braces #which doesn’t gel very well with moving furniture and heavy boxes #and I have no money so I need to be job searching but I can’t do that until I move. BUT I NEED MONEY TO MOVE #on top of that my grandpa died and there’s so much family drama involving that it’s unreal #and weirdly the thing I’ve recently felt bad about is I’ve been neglecting my self imposed Fandom Duties #maybe not fandom specifically but like. creative duties #I want to write fic. I want to draw. I want to read and comment on other people’s stuff #I also really want to do more of my non fandom writing because I want to get something published this year. but i got no good idea aaack #or early next year #and I’ve just had like. no time at all to do any of it and the time I have had I’ve been too drained to do it #ughghghghghghggh #I think today I will drink and try to write something. as a treat. #after I go on a reblog spree to bury this because emotions are very embarrassing #anyway how are you?

[maiaacchiato]

thinking thoughts

#mia's ramblings #thinking abt that one time i was so uncomfortable with my friend's pda thing that i left them behind at the koi pond #like i literally just. stood up. started walking away #i still have no idea why it made me uncomfortable and even now just thinking about it makes me sick #for some reason idrk #also thinking about those times where i was so mentally exhausted from everything that i didnt have the energy to stand up so i just #didnt go to school #obviously i told people i was “sick” or “masakit pakiramdam ko” etc which i mean #its a half truth? atleast ??? #and thinking about how i just want to avoid Her bc i do Not want to be dealing with their relationship problems at 6am but yk #the moment she starts up conversation i just #put those thoughts at the back of my head and pretend like im not fucking tired of her bullshit #i could be so. mentally drained. to the point that i just avoid everyone by going to coop on my own or going to 7-11 just to Breathe #but the moment someone talks to me like jack or salve or heck even kui my brain just. forces itself to act “normal” and by normal i mean no #-mentally drained yk? #like the moment literally anyone starts talking to me the thoughts of being mentally tired just get pushed back and idrk how to tell people #-that im mentally exhausted without sounding rude so i just #let my brain just bottle it up until im so tired mentally that i literally cannot function #i think its called being overstimulated? yea #which yeah basically this shit happens every. day. until my brain just goes nope youre shutting down no school for today also youre getting #-a fever too #which like??? idk why it happens??? #and its not like i dont want to talk to them either #like #obviously i do #but talking to anyone when im like this makes it feel like an obligation #which fucking sucks because i dont like being obligated to do stuff i just want to do it because well #i want to?? #and i feel bad for peewee bc usually he'll talk to me when im at my limit so my responses are very short and yea #this is why i always say 'im tired' whenever people ask how im doing

[sevicia]

sleeping over @ my friend's house and we were talking abt music and I said like Oh I discovered this song cause of some Riddler fanart & then about how we both have characters we're crazy abt & I told her like "it's gonna be two years now and my Riddler craze has not left" and she was like "oh I know cause isn't that common for ND people?" and I just said YEAH ^^ but then I realized I've never told her about my POSSIBLE autism diagnosis 😭 ANYWAYS she asked me like "why are you so crazy about him I wanna know!!" and I kept telling her like nonono you see I'm TOO crazy and it'll take a while to tell you everything but she was like I'M ALL EARS !!!! so I started talking and talking and talking and she was falling asleep & I kept having to shake her awake 😭 in the end we only got up to the Riddler arrest scene because it's Literally 4 in the morning RN like I've been talking abt this freak for over an hour ..... also she was like "you're gonna keep talking in the morning 🆗?" and I said OKAY 🩷 YAY 🩷 & then I showed her Riddler Arrest Scene one of the most crucial cinematic moments for me in recent times and she was like "YEAH ok this shit goes crazy" like mhm mhm!!! and then I released her <3

#also I'm sleeping on an air mattress next 2 her bed (our other friend is sharing the bed w/ her) so it's really comfy ^^ #she was like OK I'm gonna blow up the mattress now ! #& I was like NO!!! NO!!!! I HAVE TO BLOW UP THE AIR MATTRESS!!!!!! I LOVE BLOWING UP THE AIR MATTRESS!!!!!! #and then I did :3 IDK why I like it sm lol #when it's a workout 4 me <- guy who gets exhausted when washing his hair in the shower #my arms are weak as helllll #my waist hurts really easily after bending over a short amt of time #and my legs when I stretch .... stand on my toes ..... we are fuuuucked #I🩷 TANGENTS #diary #riddler

[levi-dayne]

silly little vent in the tags

#i really miss him and it's not fair how much i gave to him every day when i had to beg for attention back #i don't get why this always happens #it's every single person every single time #and they always tell me i was the best person they ever dated and i made them realize what being loved feels like or whatever #but i always end up more damaged #it feels like people think the way i love is like an apology from the universe that they can just take all of without reciprocating #instead of another traumatized person with feelings also trying to get what they give #it's so exhausting and frustrating i just want to love someone that loves me back #and they all say they do and tell me how great i am but they never listen when i communicate what i need and i have to beg #and they expect praise for the bare minimum #i asked him what he does for me and he said 'i was there to support you' #do you want a medal?? you SHOULD support your partners and your friends #and they all acknowledge that when the roles are reversed #what really fucks me up about it is when i see how they treated their exes #why not me?? what did i do wrong?? #and they say i didn't do anything and that i was the best but no one acts like it #im so fucking tired of this it hurts so much #like i know for a fact my other ex legitimately saw me as his reward for persevering through rejection #when can people start seeing me as an equal to them that also wants to be loved and valued and needed?? it's not fair #people keep taking advantage of me and how caring i am towards them and it sucks #im losing hope once someone DOES treat me right i won't even trust it #personal posts 😌✨️✨️ #tw vent

[rosicheeks]

hi Princess

i hope you are doing well

please tell us a little about your new job with the doggies!

#here are a few pictures from today 🥰🫶 #I have SO many pictures now it’s crazy #I should probably go through them cause I’m sure a lot of them are blurry but some are gems I must say #my favorite parts are probably when my yard is quiet and calm for a little bit (usually at night) and I sit down #and usually a bunch of them come rushing over to sit next to me #I can’t tell you how much I love it when a puppy lays on me or sits on my lap #it’s the best 🥰 #there are definitely a few challenges to the job but I’m sure I’ll be able to deal #the hard part is it doesn’t give me enough hours and I don’t think it’ll be enough $$ either #so I’m gonna have to find another job which really really sucks #I’m already so exhausted with this one idk how I’m gonna juggle another one on top of it #but I need to figure out a way to get my own car and move out of my parents place #I love my parents so much but why can’t they just let me be me? #my friend literally said it sounds like they’re putting me on a leash and that’s EXACTLY what it feels like #not gonna get into it but it’s been rough lately #life hasn’t been the best so I’m sorry I’ve been so quiet lately #haven’t replied to anyone in awhile #but thankfully work has been good and I’ve been able to meet some amazing angels 🫶🥰❤️❤️❤️❤️ #I just wish it paid better #also gotta figure out a way to wear my headset so it doesn’t trigger my migraines cause that’s been a struggle #really really REALLY hope one day I’m able to get my own puppy but at least for now I get to take care of other dogs 🥰🥰🥰🥰 #ask #thanks for asking 🫶

[gregmarriage]

really think i need to make more irl friends, but it feels so impossible. like most of the ppl my age seem to only hang out in bars, and it’s like sorry, i’m uncool and can’t drink, bc i’m on medication. and making friends via dating apps or something similar is abysmal. so, i’m kinda stuck imaooooo

#i’m aware not everyone hangs out in bars but might have reasons why they can’t hang out #elsewhere like in coffee shops or restaurants or parks or something #bc i certainly do #maybe there’s people who feel the exact way i do and can’t or don't want to leave the house bc of extenuating circumstances #like it’s difficult for me to leave the house #do i want to? yes but that doesn’t negate the difficulty #trying to make friends in general feels like pulling teeth #after a lifetime of autism and social anxiety i’m literally not fully convinced i even know how to communicate i just fell ass backwards #into stuff a lot of the time #trying to put myself out there in any way is literally so incredibly cringe to me #even if i do want to but again doesn’t negate the difficulty #but also again don’t know how to talk to people so even if by some miracle i make friends i might not get to keep them #idk it’s all just so frustrating #i envy the people who can make friends no problem and can talk to people and talking to said people doesn’t wear them out even if you really #like them bc social interaction is exhausting with anyone #but like it’s obviously worse when it’s new #bc small talk actually makes me want to stick forks in my eyes #i wish it were easy but it isn’t #idk i want my independence back and i want my freedom and i want irl friends again #and i want the world to stop feeling so closed off bc i know it isn’t #it’s just hard to see it that way from being bed bound most of the time #and that isn’t gonna change anytime soon #but i wanna open up the world again and i wanna go outside #and making irl friends is part of but i have absolutely no idea where to start #and the cycle continues #christ i almost wish i were back in college with the ‘girl gang’ #i mean i felt like a huge outsider to them but at least i kinda had people to hang out with #idk desperately need to open my life up again bc literally no one can live like this and i’ve already been manic once this year #and i’d like to not be in that bad of a place again if i can help it #but idk what to do currently so 🤷🏻‍♀️

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

.

How to explain that going to church makes me hurt and angry, but not going to church makes me sad and depressed.

#I need to go to Mass. I need to get over the anxiety mental block and just go. #blue chatter #it’s just. I’ve only gone a couple times this semester and every time has left me feeling more empty and hurt than when I walked in #and I know Mass is more than just how you feel. and that it matters that I am there where God calls me to be #I know. #I wish nobody there knew me so they wouldn’t be so worried and ask questions about where I’ve been #it’s like. I cannot possibly explain to my church friends why I haven’t been showing up. #it’s not even scrupulosity anymore it’s just. I can’t be here. I don’t belong here. #and the new priest is trying *so hard*. I’ve been honest with him about how I’m struggling. #but it’s just. there’s something missing. he wants to include the congregation but fundamentally doesn’t understand what that means. #‘everyone is welcome. No I will not make an effort to include marginalized people. they’re welcome bc they can Walk In The Door.’ #and I know it’s not that the church has changed #if anything I’d be having the same issues with the old priest. I’m the one who’s changed. #but instead of spending my Sundays with God I’m just. melting into a puddle of Sad. and that’s not good for my faith life. #I need to do *something*. I just. any time I think of trying a new church i feel exhausted. #God please help me. #I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t want to be alone and miserable and losing touch with my faith