Waiting For Love? (Rúben Dias x FemReader)
Summary: She saw how the world around her started to change, she came to the conclusion that love wasn’t for her. (Enemies to lovers?)
Word Count: 9.8K
Warnings: Lots of angst (both characters will have their differences), insecurities, fluff, slight injury+ panic attack. (Let me know if I missed something).
a/n: Everything is fiction; the characters' actions do not reflect who they are in real life, many names will be made up, as well as events. I wanted to write an enemies to Lovers story for the longest time, but I was afraid of making them very mean. I hate when enemies to lovers find joy in being toxic or emotionally abusive, so I wanted them to just have some arguments and silly conflict and eventually find common ground. FYI this will be sort of long, went a bit overboard, but I really love this one.-Nat❤️
*Was going to post it Wednesday but I might have something shorter by than, and I actually love this one!!!
There is a saying that goes something like this, ‘you can’t love someone else if you don't love yourself’, it does hold some truth, but what if you’re past the age to love and be loved. Maybe she didn’t love herself, she probably had the worst qualities, she was self-destructive due to her own illusions and she really did believe that she was put in this world to never be loved.
You get to an age when you’re content with your loneliness, when you know that love might never show up at your door. When she was a teen she yearned to be loved, almost everybody at that age wanted to start experiencing love or any other desire.
Her friends seemed to be in that predicament of wanting to be loved, and eventually a right boy or girl arrived at their door, while she waited and waited until she eventually walked back to her room to dream about a life that she knew she will never have.
She wasn't a realist, she was a dreamer until she hit her mid-twenties and still nothing, so that’s when she became bitter and although she always searched for love it never came. Until he showed up, but that’s a story for later because she still hasn’t shared half of her troubles.
Was she so difficult to deal with?
Was she too ugly?
Was she not smart enough?
Was she too hopeful?
Did she have a lot of unrealistic expectations?
The list of insecurities went on, she was left in the dark about her good qualities because no one ever told her that she was enough. Sure friends and family did, but it's expected, however her own self-awareness told her that she lacked a lot of desirable qualities.
She only had herself and she knew that she wasn't enough even for herself so why try, especially at her age and with an unlucky chaos that followed her everywhere she went. Sometimes that chaos would work out and oftentimes it got her in trouble, and that’s exactly how she met Rúben Dias, the bane of her existence and he would say the same for her.
It started like every love story, at least that’s what her delusional heart told her, a very sick and twisted plot that left her confused, frustrated, with a huge amount of sadness and pain, but it left her tragically in love and that was her mistake or was it?
She really did want to be more put together, but she no longer had the motivation to rely on a routine, so she liked to call herself a free spirit. Eclectic in a way, maybe she was the one that was scaring men away? Even if she was like every other girl she wouldn’t be a magnet and to settle for the bare minimum wasn’t for her, so she would rather remain alone.
Now how did she end up in Manchester, well she liked to move around, just like her nonexistent love life, she also didn’t have a home. She had a lovely family but they just didn’t understand, besides everyone in her family was getting married. In fact there would be like three weddings coming up that she couldn’t attend.
So she decided to move far away, and that’s where she met a nice old lady named Sarah. She started working at a jewelry shop, when this prestigious lady walked in and they instantly clicked.
She was single all her life, with an adopted son who loved her very much, her son lived in Germany which meant that she was now completely alone. Those two lonely souls connected because they were very much alike when it came to the subject of love.
According to Sarah no one ever found her beautiful, which was seriously crazy because she was so elegant, so there she realized that even if you were the most beautiful and successful person you might never find the right person to compliment you.
So you see they became very good friends, enough for Sarah to trust her with her luxurious Flat for the two months that she would be in Germany. Sarah was just like her but in a different font, she was put together because she lived a life full of luxury.
I mean anyone can be content with so much economic freedom to never be bored. However she knew how damaging it was to be alone, to yearn for even a brush of a hand, to be touch starved.
Moving into her flat was relaxing, because she wouldn’t worry about paying rent, just the food that she would eat and she was getting paid. What else could she ask for? Maybe a boyfriend? her heart was yelling, but her unrealistic brain always ignored her begging.
The building was very modern, she didn’t expect Sarah to live there, but she wouldn’t judge because tons of fancy cars passed by, and there she was with the worst styles combined, in her eyes she looked cool but in this area she knew that she wouldn’t fit in, she didn’t fit in regardless and now she would be surrounded by the rich.
As the lift went up with people she would smile and no one returned a scrap of kindness, see it was her. So from there on she avoided eye contact, always looking up, breaking her neck to avoid the judgment. Maybe that’s why she didn’t see the boxes that were in front of a door, and maybe that's why she decided to avoid the judgy eyes that only stared and never budged to help her.
“Are you lost?” As she struggled to get up, she couldn’t believe his audacity
“No, i'm just a few steps ahead” in reality there were only two homes on each floor.
“Impossible”
“Why? Because I can’t live here looking like this?”
“Yes and no, because Sarah lives there”
“Sarah is in Germany with her son, and I’m looking after her home”
“I have concerns”
“Ok Mr. Judgy, I met Sarah where I work and we became friends”
“You’re too young?”
“Are you calling Sarah old?”
“No I’m not”
“Well I’ll call Sarah and tell her your concerns” before he could protest she was already ringing Sarah, and she had this little scowl on her face, cute but scary in a way.
“Hello Sarah I'll put you on speaker”
“Why darling?”
“Do you have a bodyguard in your building or on your floor?”
“No love just the code I gave you”
“Then how come your neighbor is behaving like one, said that he doesn’t trust me” by that point he was flustered and a bit angry.
“Rúben I appreciate your concerns sweetheart but she is my friend, I’m in Germany with Liam, she’ll take care of my home, now don’t be rude ok”
“Sorry Sarah, just looking after you, well I’ll see you soon” with that he walked into his home, not sparing her or his packages another glance.
“Thanks Sarah, have fun with Liam and don’t worry about anything”
“Ok, good luck” why did she need luck? If she was walking into paradise. Everything smelled so fresh, a hint of lavender surrounded the air, however it looked too perfect, barely lived in. How did a sweet lady live in so much isolation? Did she really want this for herself? Yet she knew that even living in perfect conditions could not guarantee love.
For the first week she woke up in pure bliss, where the clouds actually let the sun shine. She had easy shifts for two months which meant more positivity to avoid self-destruction, but you know what it didn’t improve, her delusions.
She wanted that level of success and it was never good to pretend, because again it brought many unrealistic expectations that she didn’t care about. So she would indulge that she was a successful lawyer, who wanted to remain single because she was too good for everyone.
The first time that she saw Sarah’s neighbor again was when she opened the door for her takeout, he was yet again picking up some packages and he squinted his eyes in a malicious way. Really what was his problem?
The second time was yet again due to his packages, the delivery man bumped into her, making the poor man apologize, while trying to help her up. When he came out of his home, he only laughed at her and the poor man, who she pushed to the floor because her shoes were too slippery. So that started a bit of a war between them, it was childish but she was loving the tension.
She started memorizing his schedule and he did the same for hers. He would leave earlier than her and she would arrive later than him. So what kind of war did they enter? well she started it, she would place all his packages from the beginning of the lift all the way to the end of their hallway.
As he went around to collect them, he would stack them at her door. She just didn’t know why he had so many packages and he still didn’t know her name.
For two weeks they would both come home in a bad mood, but they couldn’t stop. She had to get revenge and so did he. What started as simple and harmless fun, quickly turned a bit too much when she got hurt.
It was his day off which meant more planning and more boxes at her door. She didn’t watch her step and the top box fell on her face, specifically her right eye. With her loud shriek he came out of his home, a bit taken back and annoyed.
“Why are you so clumsy?”
“Why are you so mean, putting the heaviest box on the top?”
“It’s not the heaviest?”
“Maybe not for you, are you going to help me up, or are you going to laugh?”
“I really want to laugh, but maybe I’ll wait until I know that you’re safe, lets go to the hospital”
“Hospital? It’s not that serious” he slowly picked her up by putting his arms under her arms. At that time she didn’t care about how easily he picked her up, she was just dizzy.
“Well you don’t know that, or are you a doctor?”
“If I was a doctor I would own this place not take care of it”
“We’re going and that’s final, I’ll grab my keys”
She saw how he jogged to his home and with a blur he picked up her purse and gently took her by the waist. She won’t lie that tiny touch made her jump, and all she got was a murmured but unbothered ‘sorry’.
“Why are you helping me?”
“I don’t want you to go blind or become even more crazy”
“I’m not crazy, I’m just always in a rush”
“I don’t know if I believe you”
“How come?”
“Well you did start a package war with me”
He said as he opened the door for her and buckled her in, she noticed how beautiful he was, a nice nose, nice lips, nice profile and although she was partially blind she still saw his beauty. Oh to the Gods above, how horrible did she look?
“Well this is my third time getting hurt due to your packages and I also embarrassed myself with the delivery man ”
“Right but you never look down….”
“How come you have so much correspondence?”
“Fan mail, my brother had the bright idea to open fan mail” was she in the car with an actor? She was very confused because he did have the looks and arrogance.
“Why do you have fans, are you an actor?”
“I'm flattered but no, I’m a football player” and he saw how a frown became very prominent on her face.
“Well that explains it”
“Explains what, and why are you frowning, are you disappointed?”
“Yes, it's not interesting, just explains the arrogance that’s it”
“Have you seen a match live?”
“Don’t need to, I understand the culture enough to understand how fans inflate the egos of athletes”
“Brings lots of positive and emotional memories, that's if you’re really passionate about it, if you only care about the fame then you become arrogant”
“Says the man that has fan mail”
“Hey, I’m giving back to the people that support my career, hopefully it gives them a bit of happiness, not doing it to become more famous”
“Ok, then how come you always laugh when im on the floor, that’s not kind”
“Well the first time, I was shocked, the second time the delivery man like you call him, is my brother who drops off the packages, so I actually laughed at him”
“Well at least he is nice, unlike you”
“You don’t know me” that's where their conversations took a pause because he was right you can’t assume the characteristics of a person. The conversation made them even more awkward, the drive was very silent, just her breathing in an obnoxious manner and him looking at her with concern.
She was so stubborn because when he parked the car, she decided to get out without his assistance, causing a bit of a tumble.
“Why can’t you just wait? I’m here for a reason”
“Bring my bag…” and that’s all she said before she fainted, he had to carry her now, and people that were unconscious were very heavy he realized. Regardless, the doctors quickly took her in and that’s where he had to lie about their relationship status to be let in. Giving him a clipboard with stuff he needed to fill up about her, yet he didn’t even know her name.
Taking her identification discreetly from her purse became his only source of clarity, that's where he saw her beautiful name and filled up everything that was necessary.
According to the doctors she had a minor concussion along with a black eye, it wasn't serious but they were glad that he made sure to bring her. She just needed to wake up to go over a few more tests and she should be good.
“Rúben?” He was startled by his name, but regardless he went to her side.
“Hey, yet again you took a tumble”
“That’s just classic me, super clumsy”
“I Guess it is, but how about no more package wars?” He had this warm look in his eyes, or maybe it was his smile that he was proudly wearing that made him look so beautiful.
“I’ll miss it though” he let out a breathy laugh, with a sigh of relief.
“Can we just be civil…” that’s when the doctor came in.
“Hello young lady, your boyfriend told me that you took quite a tumble…” she couldn’t even process the word boyfriend because Rúben broke out into a coughing fit, that brought some concern but he kept waving his hand as a sign that he was fine, and when he returned to normal he was met with her amused face.
“…Well as I was saying, please keep ice on your eye and if there’s constant dizziness and headaches please come back ok, anymore questions or concerns?”
“No doctor thanks”
“Ok the nurse will be back with your medicine and a few other instructions” with that he said his goodbyes and walked out.
“Be civil? But you’re apparently my boyfriend” he had never seen him so embarrassed, but the cute moment was ruined by his defensive response.
“Didn’t know what to say so I created something absurd” he saw how her shoulders deflated and the fun atmosphere that they created was replaced by a gush of cold air and hostility.
She noticed that he couldn’t even fathom dating her, I mean who would, even if it was pretend, it must’ve been so painful for him to be “dating”someone who clearly wasn’t put together.
“Right because I’m very absurd, and hideous…”
“I never said that”
“I know but they always think it.” They? he didn’t have the time to process a response because the nurse came in with her checkout board and her medicine with instructions and that was it, he just had to push the wheelchair.
He didn’t know why her rejection hurt when he tried to help her up or even when he tried to buckle her in, but the slap that was placed on his hand made him retract his action and all he did was hand her the purse.
As the wheelchair was taken back to the hospital, she sat in silence in his car. No matter what they always found her lackluster.
Instead of being a diamond or a nice stone, she was a pebble that was avoided, not even a pebble that was kicked around or used to hurt people or other objects because she had never been given a chance to hurt someone else. Everyone just wanted to cause her pain, and she finally realized that she was put on this earth to just exist and take up space, but in a way she was resilient like a rock.
Maybe it was the pain that she was feeling, but she had to wipe away the tears that escaped and act brave, but her sniffles betrayed her.
She was glad that he could read the room and didn’t interact. It was way more awkward and painful to be surrounded by someone who you clearly let down.
She gathered herself and opened the door for herself, while he walked a few steps behind her. He really wanted to apologize yet nothing came out.
As she walked out of the lift, she saw the boxes that were still stacked up and she groaned.
What once brought her a bit of joy had become tortures. She had no choice but to remove them, but of course he helped and he was annoyed that she was still lifting them and carrying them to his door.
“Can you not?”
“Leave me alone Rúben, last time that I’ll bother you I promise”
“That’s not why, you’re hurt”
“I’ll be fine…”
“If you feel anything knock on my door…”
“Won’t be necessary, have a good night, and thanks” she jumped over the last few boxes as she opened the door.
That same door that would make him smile in a devious but still fun way only brought a frown to his face as it was closed gently.
She asked for the rest of the week off, she couldn’t show up at work with a black eye and bloodshot eyes. Her injury left her with even less motivation, not even waking up on the clouds made her happy.
The pizza that she had ordered for three nights in a row did not make her happy. She just wanted to talk to someone and Sarah was on a cruise.
Ruben wasn’t doing any better, the guilt was consuming him, especially when the only sign that she was alive was the pizza that she would order.
Coming out and into those hallways only brought him a level of shame and sadness, it made him realize that their fun game was never going to happen again. That he hurt her and made her insecure.
So he decided to turn that around, start on the right foot with her. No more hostility and no more silly wars that would leave them like enemies.
He would hunt down the delivery man, pay and send him back down. He waited until he showed up and there he stood against his door until she realized that her pizza was missing.
He heard the curses minutes later before he saw her face. There she was in the worst outfit imaginable yet she still looked adorable. Her face still had a bruise but it also housed an appalled expression.
“Looking for this?” He waved the tiny box of pizza around.
There he was looking annoyingly handsome.
“I thought we weren’t going to take anymore of our packages?” However there was no humor behind her tone, she just looked done.
“This is the fourth time that you’ve had it this week, it’s not good” he was met with an angry eye roll.
“Makes me more absurd huh?”
“You won’t be getting it back, unless you come in to have dinner with me”
“Why would I do that, it will make us miserable”
“Can’t make us more right? So come on, I made a Portuguese dish, arroz de marisco, unless you have a restrictive diet?”
There was no movement, she was stuck in time, if she went, it could mean lots of different things that would result in thousands of different regrets, but attempting is important, the result doesn’t matter because at least you tried, right?
She had to search for a sign that if she went then it would turn out positive, but aren’t signs a negative thing? It just means that you’re too indecisive and afraid of making the right or wrong choice.
She had never been asked for dinner, not by a boy at least and although it was just because he was sorry he still tried. So maybe she should try as well, so with a little nod she approached him, and just like that he moved out of the way to let her in.
“Smells nice in here” she indulged in looking around his place, it was homey, like he actually lived there. Unlike Sarah’s it provided comfort not luxury.
“I hope it tastes as nice as it smells” he gave her a genuine smile as he pulled the stool for her. She did jump when he pushed her into the island, but her surprise was quickly masked by an awkward clear of her throat. He just served her a plate and some wine.
“Looks nice as well, what is it exactly?”
“Rice and seafood on a broth, not sure how to explain it but that’s my mothers recipe”
“I’ll feel bad for your mother if it’s not good” and he laughed, good to know that she could still banter with him.
“She will be disappointed if I’m giving a bad dish to anyone, especially a girl”
“How come?”
“She always wanted her sons to cook for any occasions, to make someone feel happy or to apologize and I want to apologize and hopefully make you happy”
“Look Rúben I was just emotional and in pain, I overreacted…”
“Please don’t excuse my horrible behavior of not clarifying what I meant, I didn’t mean absurd in a bad way…” he was met with a confused look. “…Why don’t we eat and then talk?”
With a little nod from her, he observed as she had her first taste of a Portuguese dish. He wasn’t expecting the moan of pure satisfaction, so with wide eyes from him, she apologized.
“Sorry, It’s just really good”
“Probably because you’ve had pizza for a whole week”
“That too, but you certainly didn’t disappoint your mother”
“Good to hear” they returned to eating in silence, and she could say that she was left completely satisfied. He then turned to look at her, with wine in hand she listened to his explanation.
“It was absurd because I didn’t even know your name, and I was already pretending to be your boyfriend, I knew nothing about you besides probably your quirkiness and your sense of picking fights, you’re also not hideous in any way whatsoever”
“Did you hit your head with the pizza box?”
“No, why?”
“Me being not hideous is really funny” he just looked offended for her.
“What’s funny about it?”
“Don’t know… I suppose no one has told me different”
“You also said ‘they’, who has told you that you’re hideous?”
“No one really, like I said they probably just think it, I’ve never been told that I’m pretty or even just decent”
“Don’t settle for decent or pretty, settle for beautiful”
“You can’t settle for beautiful if you don’t agree yourself”
“You think you’re ugly?”
“Rúben in most cases women are questioning their appearance on a daily basis, it becomes routine for us, not saying that men don’t feel insecure but mostly women do because they are always told not just by people but by announcements or social media that they are ugly and not desirable if they don’t fit into perfection, and although it is painful to admit I don’t fall into that category”
“Well I’ll admit it for you”
“That’s kind of you, but you don’t have to pretend, not anymore that you’re forgiven”
“Especially because I’m forgiven, I’m done pretending, look you’re beautiful and although you might not believe me I can assure you that your sense of being unapologetically yourself is very attractive”
“Not my face though? Just my personality…”
“No querida…I think your style is nice and your lips are really pretty, so are your eyes and nose and just your side profile is really nice, you’re beautiful”
“You’re just blabbering, admit that I'm a rock?”
“A rock?” She laughed in frustration because she realized how stupid she was, of course someone that looked like the finest diamond wouldn't understand.
“Yeah just existing, not moving, not growing, just being on the way either avoided or used for hurting someone”
“Are you comparing yourself to a rock? Then that’s definitely not true because some rocks are nice to look at, mountains are rocks that keep growing, housing a bunch of different species of living things, sure they are in the way but people stop to look at them, because they were put in this world to be breathtaking”
“Beautiful words Rúben but…”
“Not forgetting about rocks that are shaped like hearts or other shapes, people love collecting those..”
“No Rúben I feel like a huge rock that’s avoided, it can’t be used to hurt or to be stared at or to even gift because it’s just existing, I don’t hurt anyone”
“Do you want to hurt someone?”
“No I would never, but I’ve never been given the chance to be an interesting rock that causes disasters, I’m sorry if my weird comparisons are confusing you but you’re a cool rock like a diamond”
“Diamonds are way too perfect, they are made into the perfect shape, which in a way describes me, but that doesn’t mean that it’s a good thing, we can be rocks or diamonds you choose but you will still be beautiful, it doesn’t change a thing” she appreciated his kind affirmations but their night took a turn when all she wanted was to enjoy some pizza.
“Thanks Rúben but it will take me lots of time”
“Well I’ll keep reminding you how beautiful you are”
“It’s probably the wine talking but I’ll choose to believe you” their night continued with simple conversations, about her childhood and he told her all about his career.
It was nice to have someone to talk to, and so far he wasn’t judging. They were no longer enemies of a silly war instead they were acquaintances that just wanted to mend the wounds of a rocky relationship.
Instead of boxes against her front door there were now little rocks placed. The first one was of a silly shape, it looked like Italy, according to him, from his note she could tell that he was creative and that he was taking this rock conversation very seriously.
John Stones could tell that his friend was spiraling, every afternoon after training he would catch Rúben looking for pebbles. At first he thought that he was playing a funny joke on him dealing with stones but no, every little rock would bring a smile to his friends face.
There was no point in confronting him because he would run out to his car. Excited to surprise his neighbor with a rock. He knew it was silly but he couldn’t help himself, something changed and he didn’t know what it was.
The rock of the day was a heart and she didn’t know what to think “this can be you as a rock?” Sure they were closer, but it didn’t mean anything.
Her heart did flutter, but she was always delusional so it really wasn't new. It’s funny believing in love, yet you never had the opportunity to love, due to your own insecurities. However Sarah believed that there was someone that was meant for her, but she had to stop looking, according to her she would just know, but how?
It couldn't be Rúben, they were two different people from different worlds. He was nice and attentive now that their little war was over. He would invite her to eat since she would only eat ‘rubbish’ food as he would call it, so he was only looking out for her.
She was always tired from work, but she had an athletic friend who ran for hours straight and trained so much and somehow he always had the strength to cook a meal, so on her only day off she offered to cook.
She went with a simple pasta, the only thing that was decent on her menu. She just didn’t know that it would turn out so bad because his eyes were always on her. This warm look, like he was mesmerized, made her so nervous.
“What’s wrong?” He quickly shook his head to get out of his little daze.
“Nothing just thinking about a girl” she quickly turned her attention to the vegetables she was cutting.
“Oh…really?”
“Yeah, she’s making me pasta…” the knife fell from her hand “…she’s quite bad at cooking apparently”
“What exactly are you thinking about, just her making pasta, that's it?”
“No, she also looks stressed and a bit nervous”
“She’s not stressed, just nervous probably”
“How come?”
“Well someone keeps staring at her”
“Yeah because she does look nervous and stressed but also very beautiful” she didn’t speak because she was preparing their plates, a nice pasta with some salad, you know to balance the carbs.
He wasn’t lying, she looked cute when she was concentrating. She was also very funny and not serious at all, he didn’t know that he could be so attracted to someone so chaotic, but here he was observing every flaw and every perfection. He knew that no one was perfect, not even him, but she was made perfect for him and only him.
“Um? Here it is, doesn’t look as good as I imagined, but hopefully it isn’t bad”
“Thank you anjo, looks great don’t worry”
However, the first bite was not great, the pasta was too hard and the sauce was way too spicy. Between the coughs and giggles there was also a very insecure girl that felt like a failure.
She was laughing through the pain, and he quickly caught on to that and he shoved another bite. With wide eyes she saw how crazy he was. She couldn’t even do that to herself and here he was clearing his throat through every bite. Until she put her hand on top of his, stopping the fork from getting more pasta.
“Please stop, you don’t have to pretend to like it to make me feel better, I don’t want you to get sick”
“It’s good anjo, as you keep eating, the spice numbs your tongue”
“I’m sorry, see I’m not good at anything”
“Well at least I enjoyed seeing you cook, maybe the actual product might not be as tasty but you looked beautiful creating it”
“Yeah but I’m not edible so what are we supposed to eat” she realized what she said after seeing his head turned to the side with a teasing glint on his face.
“Don’t say anything else Rúben, I have ice cream and leftover pizza”
“Let’s just eat the salad, I mean it looks fine”
“Knowing me, I screwed that up as well…”
Surprisingly the salad wasn’t bad and they did end up having a nice conversation, about nothing in particular, just two people that wanted to learn more about each other, until it took a bit of a turn.
“Ok Linda let’s clean up?”
“Linda means pretty correct?”
“Yes, or beautiful whatever you feel is more appropriate”
“Why are your eyes looking at me like that?” his eyes squinted, confused about her question.
“Like what?”
“They are so warm and welcoming, they make me believe”
“Believe in what?”
“That I look beautiful…Why do I feel beautiful when you look at me?”
“You are beautiful I’ve told you plenty of times, but you’re very stubborn when it comes to me, do you know that?”
“I’m not stubborn I just don’t want to jump to conclusions that can potentially hurt me”
“I won’t hurt you, I don’t think I can”
“You’re crazy thinking I’m beautiful”
“Well I’m crazy then”
“Stop Ruben, you can’t think I’m pretty”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s impossible”
“I’m not lying, I like you” he didn’t find any humor in his confession, but she found it hilarious.
“Why are you laughing? I’m a serious man and if I’m a liar I wouldn’t be here, I would’ve left you alone, because I don’t like to get close to people just to hurt them”
“How do I know that you’re not lying though? I’ve never had anyone like me before. Always wondered if something was wrong with me, and I’m supposed to believe that you like me?”
“You’re absolutely breathtaking…”
“So are you, that’s why I don’t understand” she was raising her voice, getting frustrated.
“Don’t raise your voice linda, look I think we’re confused…”
“See, you are confused, you can find someone who is organized or more put together, who knows how to cook, who you will look good next to…”
“I don’t want all of that, I just want you, I can eat your pasta every night if it means that I can stare at you, that I can be here with you. Ask everyone at work they know that I’m going crazy just to make you happy, to make you realize that you’re enough”
“Enough for who?” He groaned with a level of desperation.
“For me” She was a bit taken back by his voice, he looked angry, with his hands pointing at his chest.
“Can we sit?”
“Of course, sorry for snapping”
“I deserve it, I’m very stubborn and insecure…”
“Linda please stop, I will never know exactly what you’re feeling, but I’ll try to understand you”
“I’m not saying that you can’t relate to feeling lonely, but I was very lonely up until I arrived in Manchester. I was surrounded by people loving each other, but no one loved me. Do you know how much that damages a woman?…” with a shake of his head she continued
“…it makes you feel like you’re not beautiful enough, or even just attractive for a night, if no one wanted me for a night then no one would want me forever. So I thought that I wasn’t made to love, I was put in this world to self-sabotage”
She was very strong, or she tried to be because the trembling of her lips made her look completely sad. He grabbed her hands, providing some comfort. Rúben wanted her to know that he was present and that her confession made him aware that she was suffering and in need of him, even though she kept rejecting him.
“You’re right in a way I’ve never been lonely, but I do feel alone. I'm almost thirty with no wife or kids and I was convinced that I will never find anyone. Sure there’s been women that want me, but just for a night and it’s not as great as you think because at the end of the night you will still be lonely. With you, I get to spend most of my afternoons and you make me complete, even if we talk for one hour I still feel satisfied”
“I’ve never done this before, so I’m sorry if it makes me look childish, but you have to be very mature to decide that you will never love. Now I gathered that an opportunity for me to love is here, but what then? I don’t know what to expect or even what I can do”
“Then let me guide you, I will not judge, but can I be your exception?”
“I've lived surrounded by love, I’ve yearned to be loved yet it never arrived, but Maybe you might be my exception after all”
“Then I’ll be your exception” she scooted closer to him, putting her head on his shoulder and that was his sign to pull her closer, ready to give her everything but most importantly his love.
“I have very unrealistic expectations, just so you know, I’m a bit delusional when it comes to love” he chuckled, and she looked into his eyes.
“I’m ready to live up to those unrealistic expectations, but I also have some expectations”
“Like what, will I have to feed you everyday?”
“If one of your unrealistic expectations is for your man to cook for you, then I’ll do that with no problem…” a tiny wink was given “just make me happy, be supportive and loving that’s it”
“Well that certainly makes me look materialistic, but I promise that I’m not, I also want the same things as you, but I want to live in a little fairytale if that makes sense, I don’t like arguing so if we could avoid that it would be perfect”
“Didn’t we argue this whole time?”
“That was different because maybe it was our way of flirting or maybe gifting pebbles?”
“John thinks I’m crazy, I stay behind and I gather rocks, but did they make you happy?”
“You have no idea how happy they made me, my own personalized experience of being in a fairytale”
“Good, then I’ll keep doing it”
“Also in about a two weeks Sarah will be back and I won’t be here for much longer, I’ll have to find another flat, so we have to learn to deal with a new routine”
“I’ll finally take you on real dates then, we will be a proper couple”
“I hope I don’t scare you away”
“I’m sure you won’t, teach me how to be as happy and loving as you and then we will scare people away together or make them jealous you decide”
“You’re very romantic, I like that”
“Good, because this is only an ounce of my romantic qualities”
“Let’s go back to cleaning, but before that, can we take everything very slowly, maybe not the falling in love part but the intimacy?…”
“I’m already in love with you” she smacked his chest because she was being vulnerable.
“You can’t say that yet Ruben”
“Why not?”
“Because you haven’t had me fully…”
“I don’t need to, wouldn't change a thing” her heart did flutter with that and her romantic sigh did not go unnoticed by him,
“You will be patient though?”
“Of course amor, won’t be an issue, I’ll wait”
“Remember I’m new to this and although I really want to jump right in, I can’t”
“I know and again at your own pace” with a kiss to her cheek he stood up to clean the dishes, leaving her completely flustered. That’s how their nights continued until Sarah arrived and nothing had changed… Sarah was happy that her plan worked.
Sarah loved Rúben, he was a very kind young man, he was attentive and overall perfect for her new friend. His only weakness would have to be the amount of women that he would bring to his home.
Now that wasn't necessarily a bad thing, because they did look content walking out of his home, the issue was when they stopped walking in and out of his home.
She never liked to pry but according to his brother, Rúben had given up on the aspect of love and casual flings, he needed to settle down; he just never found the right girl.
She had a solution to introduce him to the nice girl from her jeweler. She was young and she also believed that love wasn’t for her, so what better way to bring two lost souls together.
She too was a hopeless romantic and she never found love because she was stubborn and she knew first hand how horrible it was to be lonely and she definitely did not want that for her.
Her plan was to go on visit her son, and make them meet by themselves. From all the conversations with her, she could tell that her plan was working.
When she arrived she saw their faces all round and happy. Her plan had worked and she will never tell them. Especially because her plan of finding love for herself also worked.
Rúben and her had planned a welcome home party, he reassured her that a party could consist of just three people, however when they both threw the balloons at Sarah, she had an older gentleman beside her.
With confused looks she introduced Henry. He was a philosophy professor in Germany, quite established and most importantly single.
They had a lovely dinner and after that’s where they had a conversation. Just two girls who found love.
“I see that we both found someone in just two months”
“I told you that our time would come, we just had to be patient and most importantly prepared”
“Oh, I’m not prepared at all Sarah, I haven’t even kissed him, I keep avoiding his lips”
“I wouldn't avoid him at all” with a teasing smile she was met
“Sarah!”
“What? You found a dreamy guy darling”
“Tell me about Henry though?”
“I met him on the cruise, in just under a month I fell in love with him”
“I’m happy for you, for us”
“I’ve learned that even though I’m old, I still deserve the love that I never had, and it feels great. How about you?”
“I learned that Love comes when you’re not searching for it, when you don't allow your insecurities to block your process of accepting yourself, because now I believe that I’m enough for myself and him”
“Good acceptance has to come from within, thanks for this party darling, now let’s go enjoy this new journey that is love” with a giddy laugh and a hug they finally found the love that they desperately deserved.
Waking back inside her and Rúben said their goodbyes. She made her way with her luggage to Ruben’s place. Now she was nervous, she didn’t know what to expect. It had only been two weeks since they officially started dating but again all of this was new to her.
“I’m happy for Sarah”
“Me too, she deserves it”
“I’m happy for us as well” he turned to look at her, and with tiny steps he made his way towards her. To lift her into a bone crushing hug. There she felt safe and comfortable, his touch made everything very real.
“Put me down Rúben”
“No, I like having you in my arms”
“Me too, but I have to start looking for a home, I can’t stay with you for too long, don’t want to invade your space”
“You won’t take any space from me, besides I’ll help you look” with a kiss to her cheek he let her down.
“Umm… will you stay in my room with me or the guest room?”
“It’s up to you”
“No it’s actually up to you, whatever you’re comfortable with” she was swinging from front to back, a thing she did when she was nervous and he had noticed it on other occasions as well, like the time she was contemplating kissing his cheek.
“Can I stay with you?” she said very shyly but he still heard her.
“ of course amor, we can cuddle before we sleep”
“Just let me shower ok, and I take forever with my skin care just a heads up”
“I can’t wait, I’ll shower in the other bathroom” with another kiss from him he told her where the bathroom was and from there they went their separate ways.
That was her time to freak out and reflect, it was going to be tough learning to share a space, especially if instead of getting rest she will become restless.
Her skin care was complete, she had no clue why she did it if the stress wrinkles were going to make an appearance regardless. Especially when she came out and there he was laying down on his side of the bed that he had chosen.
He noticed her presence and that’s when he put his phone down. She made her way to the bed very shyly, side to side she felt the awkwardness.
“Can I cuddle you?”
“Umm, yes” why did she squeak?
“You sure?”
“Yes Rúben”
That was his confirmation to lay on his side and pull her to his chest. However she wasn’t relaxing, probably overthinking everything.
“Just relax baby, it’s just a cuddle”
“I know but, it’s weird that you want to willingly cuddle me”
“You’re my girlfriend, of course I want to be close to you” looking up at him, she saw his calm and tired eyes.
“I want to be close to you too, but I’m still nervous”
“Why?”
“Do you stop yourself when it comes to me?”
“I like what we have, not jumping straight in, I’m learning more about you, the emotional aspect, which makes me very confident for our future”
“I want to build the physical connection as well with you, but I’m nervous”
“Cuddling is a great way to start, instead of having your hands on my arm that’s holding you, why don’t you let them roam around”
“Where though?”
“Touch my face, my arms, my chest, you choose” that only prompted her to be even more timid. So he grabbed her hands and placed them on his chest, after turning her to her side. There she softly traced patterns on his chest, until eventually her hands made their way to his soft cheeks.
“You’re very handsome, like too pretty to be mine”
“Well I’m yours, and I’m lucky that I have you”
She was tracing his lips with her eyes, she wasn’t thinking clearly, she really couldn’t because he was gently caressing her hip.
“I want you to kiss me” she said surely, with a hint of doubt that was instantly erased when he smiled.
“I would love to kiss you, but what kind of kiss do you want?”
“I have no clue, I just want to feel your lips against mine”
Rúben noticed the jitters of nerves and anticipation, yet he was stuck. How do you kiss someone that hasn’t been kissed before. His first kiss was ages ago and he was probably more nervous to kiss her than he was when he first started experimenting.
“I’m nervous” it was hard for him to admit but he had to be vulnerable.
“Are you a bad kisser? Because if you are I won’t know the difference”
“I hope I’m not, I just hope that I’m able to meet your expectations. How will I teach you to kiss?” She smiled softly as a way to reassure him that she was also in that crossroad. However she was always so chaotic and she kissed the corner of his mouth, shocking him, leaving him red and warm.
“You’re definitely braver than me…” she connected their lips, it was just a tiny peck, but she did feel the softness and the spark that she was waiting for. She connected their foreheads and there she saw his smile.
“I’m sorry…”
“You never have to apologize for kissing me, I’m the one that should be sorry”
“I just wanted to not think about it”
“It was perfect don’t worry”
“Perfect? I barely touched your lips”
“Doesn’t matter, our lips touched which is a kiss”
“I’ve always been like this, but since I had you so close I had to do it”
“I wanted to do it, but again I was afraid that I was going to scare you”
“Why would I be scared?”
“I don’t know”
“If you don’t know, you kiss me” she noticed how he hesitated, and that's when her insecurities got to her.
“It’s fine Ruben we can sleep now….” he lost the touch that she was providing.
“…I hope you don’t mind but I’ll turn the other way, night Ruben” what can he do to show her that he really did want to kiss her? That he wanted all of her, but that he was actually scared.
“Wait amor, you have to understand that I do want to kiss you…”
“It’s fine…”
“Can you look at me please?”
“I’m tired” with a groan, he had to put his thoughts together because she was very stubborn, and he couldn’t leave her in the dark
“I don’t know how to make you comfortable ok, that’s what makes me scared. You love the idea of love, but it's hard ok, love is hard and I don’t want to let you down”
“Then you let me decide if love is hard, you said it yourself I’ve never loved or been loved before, but I’m starting to and so far it feels great…” she was finally facing him
“…it feels great because I have you, and I want to experience all of this but only if we’re both comfortable, thanks for worrying about me, but I won’t run away, I don’t think I can, I want to learn to love but only with you”
“I’m sorry baby, I want to be enough for you…”
“You told me once that I was enough, and so are you ok”
“I won’t promise you that I will be perfect, but we will be good for each other and I know it…. I’m sorry”
Their night ended with a hug, no kiss or anything else. Did he reject her? She had no choice but to stay in the dark, she knew that someone couldn't love if there was no intimacy. Sure love was about trust, honesty, good communication, but also it was about intimacy being physically connected and vulnerable.
She wasn’t talking about sex, although that was something that completely terrified her, but more so the aspect of just kissing or touching with no other strings attached, just casual intimacy with some emotional connection, that was intimate as well right?
She had to wake up alone and confused, maybe her little love story lasted for a few weeks. She was not made for love, she will always remain a dreamer.
She let the tears fall, heavy sobs that were blurring her senses. So much so that she didn’t hear the door opening or even process those hands that were gently holding her face.
He was desperately telling her to breathe, to look into his eyes. How can it be possible to get lost in the eyes of someone that was suffering.
She was the lost one, and he wanted her to find him, to meet his desperate eyes, so that he could take her pain away.
He knew that he should’ve waited in bed with her, but he wanted to surprise her with breakfast in bed. To make her feel welcomed in his home. She was probably thinking that he didn’t love her, that he had left.
“Amor, please look at me, I’m right here…”
“Breathe baby, come back to me…”
He didn’t know how long he had waited for her to come back. Eventually she noticed that she was wrapped in his arms. He didn’t leave?
She heard the tiny whispers, the hushed ‘I love you’s’ and she felt the kisses he was placing on her head. He was here and he wasn’t leaving.
“Rúben?”
“Yes baby?”
“You didn’t leave?”
“No amor, I wanted to surprise you with breakfast in bed” she looked around the room and the tray was on the floor, along with some flowers.
“I thought that you didn’t want to be with me”
“Why baby, because I didn’t kiss you last night?”
“You probably think I’m weird”
“No, look at me it was late yesterday, your eyes were droopy and I didn’t want you to have a rushed kiss, I really want to kiss you, devour you, and love you, but I don’t think you’re letting me”
“I’m afraid” now she was looking at him, having his face so close, but so out of reach.
“And so am I, like I told you before I’m afraid of not being able to love you the way you want to be loved, I want to meet all your expectations but it’s hard for me if you don’t let me in”
“What do you want me to tell you? All my insecurities because I think that we will be here forever. I’m old and I’ve never had a boyfriend. The world moved on so fast, that I didn’t process being the only one that was left behind. Everyone that I went to school with are married, they have kids, heck some of them are even divorced and here I am being afraid of my boyfriend kissing me and then leaving. So I’m sorry if your rejection last night made me doubt if I was made to love…”
The gasp she let out when he kissed her, when he held her so tightly that she was feeling every emotion. Hands on her face holding her from the force of his passion.
He literally was getting lost in her, and she didn’t realize it yet but she was moving her lips against his, enjoying the warmth that he was spreading.
The kiss started hungry, then it turned steady and finally it slowed down. Just lips moving against each other instead of tongues. Enjoying the softness and sureness of a simple yet beautiful kiss.
He knew that she was enjoying it because she smiled and he had no choice but to melt their smiles together. Until only continuous pecks were placed, and maybe a whispered I love you from him.
He did love her, the moment that she freaked out in the hospital, he fell in love. He had never seen someone so positive but also scared, he wanted to protect her and tell her every day that she was beautiful and loved.
“I love you” he said in a raspy and tender tone.
“Rúben?…”
“It might be too soon, but I don’t regret it, I don’t want to tiptoe around this relationship, I love you and I’m not afraid to admit it, this kiss sealed everything, you’re stuck with me”
“I..I don’t know if I kissed you…”
“Linda the kiss was perfect, you kissed me with the same level of confidence that you’ve always had, don’t worry ok”
“Rúben, I love you too, even though it’s too soon, but I’ve loved you since the moment you took my pizza”
“I loved you since the hospital visit”
“You loved me first?”
“Why wouldn't I, the little package war put love right in my doorstep, I was so excited to pick up those boxes and place them against your door, it brought a rush that I had never experienced before, I felt alive even though at the moment it seemed like I was miserable, deep down I anticipated your presence, it was always you”
“What now? Do we eat breakfast”
“Yes let’s just continue to live in our own world, a world where love was made for you, because you were born to love and you waited until I showed up and for that I’m truly grateful”
“I love you Rúben”
“I love you too, my beautiful pebble” with another kiss he made her forget all her doubts…
Do you wonder if you were born to love? Because the answer to that is yes. To love someone else you have to believe that you’re enough for yourself. Love comes from within and when you master the mystery of self-love you will find someone that can appreciate and love who you are.
Yes you can be a hopeless romantic and yes you can be a dreamer that loves the thrill of self-destruction, but never think that you’re not worthy of love. Time moves fast, it really does but there is always time to experience the unexpected journey of love.
A time will come for you to find love even if you wait years for it. There will be a person that was made for you and only you. That person will love everything that you deemed unworthy, your worst qualities, your worst insecurities and your shattered dreams.
They will love you for who you are and who you want to be with no fear, because they also don’t want to end up alone, no one deserves to be lonely. Accept that everyone experiences life and love at different stages and when you least expect it, everything will fall into place and you will love and be loved.
The End….
a/n: Thanks for reading. I wanted to write this story because I know that many of us struggle with the idea that we will never love, because the world is too unkind to us. We see so many of our friends or relatives living a happy life, yet we are unable to find that happiness that is to be loved. Again we are very young and we have a good chunk of our lives to love, but first let’s love ourselves, then a boy or a girl will show up and change our whole perspective. Remember you’re a beautiful mountain that deserves to be in the way. Lots of Love- Nat❤️
Tag-List: @xjval / @justme-espcaping / @alexisquinnlee-bc / @trentskinator98 / @nightlockcornucopia / @kathb59 / @pjofics / @cinderellawithashoe / @jajajhaahaha / @alwaysclassyeagle
(This tag-list includes everyone that has asked me, if you want to be removed or added you can always let me know, and if your name is crossed out that means that you’ve changed your username)
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The Dream - Chapter Ten.
BESTIES! Who wants a double update? It’s here, you’re getting one! I figured I would, since the next two chapters are a little shorter, both coming in at under 3k in the word count. Going forward, I think we’ll do a 40 note unlock for a double update, and a 30 note unlock for a single one. Sounds fair, doesn’t it? Well, I hope you enjoy what I have in store for you here. Looking forward to your thoughts, as ever :)
Previous chapters - Prologue One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine
Tag list - In the comments, please DM to be added/removed (note: those not engaging will be automatically removed from the tag list, FYI)
Words - 2,648
Warnings - 18+ content throughout, minors DNI!
“He’s still acting strange with you, then?” Angel asked, winding noodles around his fork. They were at the Chinese restaurant Keri had said she wanted to take him to, discussing her current predicament with Aaron.
“Well, kind of,” she began, poking at the pastry on one of the spring rolls before her. “He’ll ask what Rachel, Frankie and I are talking about, and if I say you, then he’ll just close up, or make some remark. He still has you pegged as a scumbag.”
Angel looked entertained by that. “Some people think I am, and if that’s what he wants to believe without ever actually meeting me, then that’s up to him.” He scratched his beard, shrugging. “I ain’t losing sleep over it, neither should you.”
“I’m trying not to, but it irritates me. What you do doesn’t have anything to do with him,” she stated, Angel chewing through his mouthful of food quickly, reaching to cover her hand with his.
“Don’t let it bother you, especially when he’s only looking out for you. You just don’t like it because it probably throws up a little conflict for you too, doesn’t it?”
She felt a little uncomfortable at his presenting of the truth like that, but decided it was best to be honest. “A bit, if I’m real with you.”
“All you gotta know is the following; what I do and who I am are very different things, alright?” He paused then, Keri sipping her iced tea, nodding. “How about the other guy in your group, Ash, is it? Does he think the same?”
“I’ve no idea, since we haven’t seen him for more than a half hour at a time, if that, for the past few weeks. He’s two years above us and currently coming to the end of taking his master's degree in biochemistry, so he’s literally absconded to his room or the study suites at college as he prepares for his finals in April. I doubt he’d take an issue, though. You guys have a common ground, a love for Harley’s,” she explained.
“Oh yeah?” Angel was interested at that. “What does he ride?”
She sat and thought on it, trying to remember, knowing she could only come out with something that was going to make her look utterly ridiculous. “Erm, it’s red. That’s about all I can tell you.”
He laughed softly at that. “You’re too cute.”
“I am as my Instagram bio states, Provo village idiot.”
Her words sparked something in him then, something he’d been meaning to ask for a while. “Speaking of you Insta, I need to know what made you choose the profile name you did. I mean, I know I was boring and just chose my name and birth year, but yeah, kinda curious to know how girl where photo came about?”
Keri was laughing softly before she’d even spoken, remembering the event that had led to it well. “I changed it after something funny that happened about a year ago. We have these students who came over from Thailand at our college, doing some long-term exchange programme through their church, and they’re the sweetest kids but back then, their English was still a little bit basic at best.
“So, one of them, Trinh, his name is, asked me if I could take some photographs of him to send to his family back home of him up in the mountains where the scenery is so breathtaking, so I agreed. Anyway, I said I’d print the ones he’d chosen, but between our busyness with studies, it took me a while to get them done, and he was obviously quite excited about seeing them, so ran up one morning in the hall and shouted, ‘girl where photo?’ at me. It sounds like he was being rude, but he was just so excited, and he couldn’t remember my name either, so yeah, that explains it. Frankie couldn’t breathe! Every time he sees me now, he yells it at me. It’s our thing.”
He laughed, resting his fork down when he’d finished, Keri taking another bite out of one of the spring rolls before her. “So, tell me how the love of photography started, then. You know, out of all the things we’ve talked about so far, I don't think I ever asked that."
Sitting there listening to her explain how she’d first come to love taking pictures with her grandmother’s old wind on camera when she was four, excitedly visiting the local one-hour photo place with her to get them developed, Angel smiled widely all the way through. He couldn’t help but note that he’d never felt so comfortable with someone in such a short space of time, the way they'd fallen into easy conversation, like two old friends becoming reacquainted after a period of separation.
How he felt when he was with her in his sleep was definitely mirrored by the reality of such, Keri seeming to settle well despite – as he could tell clearly – being quite nervous earlier as they’d left the airport. She’d almost crashed into a concrete post on her way out of the car park.
As for Keri, if only Angel knew how well she was hiding the fact that inside, all she could hear were panicked honking noises. Supressing her nerves was a battle she was mostly winning, but boy, she was working her ass off to keep it all hidden. Yes, she felt comfortable with him, and he was just a nice as he’d seemed thus far, but she still couldn’t believe he was sitting across the table from her.
This man, this completely irresistibly gorgeous man, a man she would have considered out of her league, was sitting there looking like he was honestly enjoying getting to know her. Her inner self? Anxious. She revealed those thoughts too after they’d left the restaurant, Keri stopping in at Frankie and Jaime’s apartment so she could leave her car behind and Angel could drop his bag inside, taking an Uber down to The Lounge.
“So, how’s it going?” Frankie asked, Keri greeting them both with a kiss while Angel went to the bar.
“Help! He’s too hot for me, I’m out of my depth and only just holding it together to act like a normal person and not spiral into one long calamity Joe parody of myself!” she hissed, seating herself on the opposite couch, a narrow table dividing them.
“Love, you need to cease with these thoughts,” Jaime began, reaching to squeeze her wrist. “You have no idea how much of a knockout you are, do you?” Here they were, Keri’s usual nerves and self-doubt when it came to men, especially in that moment, walking in with a very attractive one, the kind of guy that looks wise, she should have always aimed for, rather than selling herself short because she didn’t believe she could do better.
Keri waved her hand dismissively, shaking her head. “Stop, I am not!” Just then, Angel arrived back with them, placing down a pitcher of margaritas before a surprised looking Frankie and Jaime, and the same with beer for him and Keri, plus two glasses he pulled from his back pockets. He indicated he’d be back, returning with exactly the same order again.
“You trying to get us wasted there?” Frankie asked, arching an eyebrow.
“Ah, shit. She sussed me,” he laughed, before pointing back at the bar. “Your local ice hockey team just walked in, so I double ordered everything. Ain’t nobody getting close to that bar between the big dudes and all the hockey groupies down there.”
“I believe the term is puck bunny,” Jaime spoke, pouring out a fresh drink for her and Frankie. “And you say that like you’re not a big dude when really, you’re what? Six three?”
“Yeah, about that,” he confirmed, passing a beer to Keri. “I feel like a damned giant compared to this one.”
“Everyone is a giant compared to me and my five four tininess.” she laughed, cringing a little. Their conversation moved on, the girls all getting to know Angel a little better, laughing hard at stories of his youth, some of the antics he found himself involved in, the kind of life he’d had so very different from theirs. He enjoyed it, too, in turn hearing about them, learning of their lives, yet there was only one person he craved alone time with in order to do more of the same.
“What?” he questioned hours later when they’d returned to the apartment, Keri grinning to herself beside him, both all bundled in a comforter and blankets to ward out the chilly February cold. When the heat went off in the apartment, the temperature dropped quickly, and boy, you felt it.
“Nothing,” she spoke softly, shaking her head. “I'm just having a 'holy shit he's right there' moment again. It's good, but still weird.”
He could identify with such. “Same. I can't believe I'm here either.” His smile reached his gorgeous, dark eyes, reaching to squeeze her shoulder. “So, tell me things about you that I don’t already know, then.”
Her eyes widened a fraction, and it made his pulse skip. She was even lovelier than her pictures or presence in his dreams had alluded to. “Gosh!” she began, combing her hair away from her face with her fingers. “I don’t even know where to start!”
“Alright, I’ll ask, you tell?” he suggested, Keri nodding.
“Okie dokie, and you answer too!” And so, they began.
“What’s something you have more knowledge about more than anybody else you know?” Oh, that was an interesting choice. Thinking on it, he didn’t seem the type who’d be interested in run of the mill, getting to know you small talk. And as she replied about her love and knowledge of Nikon cameras, with Angel asking interesting specifics, she truly saw that he was much smarter than he appeared in how he articulated himself.
His wasn’t academically smart, but she enjoyed how direct he was, how original the questions were that he asked of her, and how perceptive he appeared to be. Therefore, she matched him, knowing that he wouldn’t be the type to be pacified by asking what his favourite movie or colour was. In truth, neither was she.
“If you could sit and spend an evening talking to anyone from history, alive or dead, who would it be?”
He beamed. “Yo, that’s a fuckin’ great question.” He took a pause, considering his options. The fantasy woman of his early teens, model Helena Christensen immediately popped into his head, but it would be gauche to reply with a beautiful woman, and he could do much better than that. “Che Guevara. I admire those who don’t play by the rules in order to achieve a better balance where power is concerned. Rebellion and revolution, people who stand up against oppression, I think it’s brave and bold, amazing even, the ripple effect that one person and their ideas can cause. How about you?”
Her reply was immediate. “Annie Leibovitz. The way she captures so much personality of her subjects in her photography, making the images so deeply personal, almost like they’re just a moment captured in a sequence of motion. Her images might be still, but they move. They have vibrance, some of her works even remind me of Renaissance paintings. She’s truly masterful.”
“I guess there’s a lot more to photography than there appears at first glance, right? It ain’t just about pointing a camera at your subject and clicking. I think it’s a really interesting art form, although I know very little about it. What’s your favourite picture you’ve ever taken?”
Immediately, she reached for her phone. “This one got taken off of my Instagram, even though I censored the boobies, but here.” Clicking on the image, it enlarged, Keri turning her phone to show Angel the photograph of Frankie, naked but a Pride flag wrapped around her waist, one hand holding herself up as she swung from the overhead bars of the black iron fire escape outside of the apartment, the other hand raising her middle finger, a cigarette hanging from the corner of her glossed pout. “It’s just her, unapologetically her. I captured the entire essence of Frances Scarvo in one picture, which was my aim.”
Angel studied it, loving the details, the light, the way the shadows fell over her lithe muscles, the shaft of sunlight shining down onto the tall building glinting the defiance in her eyes. “I fucking love it, you’re right, the way you’ve captured so much of her in it. I mean, I don’t even know her, but what I’ve noticed in her, her total confidence and pride in being an out lesbian, her humour and her strength, it’s all here. It’s unapologetic, just like you said. You should print this for her and frame it.”
“Already did,” she revealed. “It’s hanging in the bedroom, next to one I took of Jamie in a bubble bath. One I ended up slipping on the edge of the tub and falling into with her fully clothed. I just about had chance to throw my camera at Frankie and save it, rather than save myself.”
He laughed softly, imagining it. “Calamity Joe strikes again, huh?”
“Don’t you start calling me that, too!” The laughter they shared was so natural and easy, Angel loving that she didn’t take herself too seriously, her slight clumsiness a source of her own amusement just as much as it was everyone else’s.
He reached for her, thumb skimming her cheek, the gesture small, but big enough to make her heart flutter. “It’s good to see you relax a little at last. I’ve noticed it, how hard you’ve been working to not let your nerves get the better of you.
Shit. And she thought she’d fooled him. Angel Reyes, it seemed, was even more perceptive than she’d realised. “I want to be like I am with you in our dreams,” she began, Angel raising an eyebrow in a manner that bordered on lascivious. “Not like that!” she admonished playfully, slapping his chest with the back of her hand. “Well, not yet, anyway. You get what I mean, though.”
At the suggestion of those connotations manifesting in reality, he felt a little flicker of arousal stir within his depths. He couldn’t help it, the attraction he felt only strengthening in reality. “I do, I understand.” He’d keep it in check, though, for her comfort. “Okay, I thought of something else. If you could visit any period of time in history, when would you choose and why?”
“One of the prehistoric ages, so I could witness dinosaurs, the cretaceous period in particular. As long as in this hypothesis I could be somewhere safe, I’d love to sit and view them, the triceratops, the velociraptors, the tyrannosaurs rex. Can you imagine how incredible that would be? I have so much awe about them. There’ve been quite a few remains found in Moab, so I like to visit whenever I have time, go and see the skeletons in the museum there. I never get bored. How about you?”
All the way through her explanation, she’d noticed his smile widening, his reply confirming what she was beginning to think. “Exactly the same. All that shit is fascinating. You gotta take me to that museum! I’ve never been to see the bones in person before, but looking at pictures, the scale ones that show just how huge they were, it’s mind-blowing, trying to imagine something that big ever walking the earth.”
Finding something they were both geeks over kept them talking for a long time before their conversation eventually moved on, 2am rolling around, and neither feeling even remotely tired. Even if they were, they wouldn’t have been prepared to have called time on something they were enjoying so much.
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