#this isn't one of my triggers!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

loriache · 17 days

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"I've been waiting for ages for somebody to unmask them."

This moment tends to elicit negative reactions in a first read through, and I've got some opinions about why where Kabru is coming from here actually makes a lot of logical sense. So I thought I'd elaborate on that.

I think people hear this and go, "He thinks they must be hiding something because they gave money to someone? What a cynic." Or "he dislikes them because they did charity?? What's wrong with this guy!". And obviously, a lot, a lot is wrong with him. But I think this makes more sense than it seems at first glance! What people evaluating this judgement miss is why Kabru is paying attention to Laios and co to begin with.

Kabru knows of the Touden siblings because (he's a little bit of a stalker-) he is keeping an eye on all the relevant parties in events developing on the island, in order to be able to guide them to his preferred outcome. This includes adventurers because they are the ones actually exploring the dungeon! He's well aware that something as minor as internal tensions between party members could be key to the historical events that are developing. (He would love the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand.)

His desired outcome is that whatever the rewards are of breaking the dungeon's curse, whether that's kingship or the ancient elven secrets of dungeons, are claimed by:

A) a short lived person

B) Someone who will be a good, effective leader and/or use those secrets and the power they carry wisely, with foresight, and to establish a political bloc for short lived people.

The person he can best trust to do this is, of course, himself. But due to his PTSD regarding dungeons and monsters, he's not able to develop the necessary skills to conquer the dungeon. Once he realises this, he starts looking for someone else who he can support to that end.

But most of the adventurers don't have any intentions of conquering the dungeon, don't have the skills, or are unsuitable in other ways. In fact, it seems like some potentially suitable people are the Toudens. There are a lot of good rumours about them going around - they actually seem to have a very positive reputation! That's what Kabru means when he says "unmask".

So when Kabru is observing something like them giving money to an old comrade from their gold-peeling days, he doesn't consider it a problem because "they're giving money to this person who doesn't actually need it" or because they must have some dark secret if they act superficially nice. I think he actually understands this situation and what it implies about Laios (in particular) perfectly well.

Laios and Falin gave money to an old comrade who got injured and couldn't work. That person then healed up but kept taking their money. Then he used the money to start smuggling illicit goods to the island.

The key is that for Kabru, the problem here is the same as with the corpse retrievers - people using the dungeon's resources to fuel dangerous, selfish, or violent pursuits cause problems for the island, attract more criminals and people with motives other than breaking the curse, and increase the chances of the whole situation ending in tragedy.

Kabru is willing to work with the Shadow Lord of the island if it gets him to his goal - he isn't scrupulous - but the criminal element of the island increasing is something he sees as a major issue.

Also, when you're evaluating someone as a candidate for power, riches, secrets, potentially kingship - then being curious about how the money you give to people is going to be used is kind of a relevant trait!

Interpersonally, Kabru's actually very easygoing - I mean, Mickbell isn't exactly an upstanding guy, is he! But Kabru likes him and they get along well. These traits wouldn't be a problem at all in a friend, or a comrade, or someone Kabru was confident he could use. But he can't get a handle on Laios, and Laios is someone who has the potential to be a major player!

On Laios' end, this is the same as with the marriage seeker who joined their party. She kept asking for things and he gave them to her, because he tries to be nice to others. He even gives her money! It's the exact same thing.

That's fine, but it became a problem because he basically wasn't interested in her motives, didn't notice she was trying to manipulate him, and it also didn't occur to him that the other party members would notice or be affected. We can assume the situation with the gold peeler is the same. When Kabru says that "It's not that they're bad people, they just aren't interested in humans," he isn't wrong.

The extent to which this is true of Laios is linked to his autism imo, (because it isn't just disinterest - he genuinely isn't able to notice nonverbal cues that people are lying to him or have ulterior motives) but to a greater or lesser extent I think it's a very common trait. Most people aren't actually that interested in other people who aren't close to them. Kabru is the weird one here. It isn't an issue except as a leader - which is why we see an immediate comparison to the Island's Lord, because that's how Kabru is evaluating them.

And disinterest in/lack of ability with people to the extent Laios exhibits it, it does, actually, make him a worse leader... it's just that as we see in the story, people can help him out. The rest of the party tell him the marriage seeker is taking advantage of him so he tells her he can't give her special treatment anymore. They're pissed and it's a crisis point - he couldn't have recovered their trust without Marcille and Falin - but that's exactly the point. With Marcille and Falin, he was able to recover their trust.

And he has other good traits that make up for it, such as his intelligence, strategic knowledge, open-mindedness and sense of fairplay.

Kabru doesn't disqualify Laios as a candidate based on what he sees about him from afar, though - he still tries very hard to get close to him, obviously hoping that if he manages he can steer Laios to defeat the dungeon and make up for his lack of people-skills in the aftermath. (Which... he does eventually achieve that goal!) He completely fails until the events of the story, so... definitely I think "They just aren't interested in humans" could also partially be a stung reaction to Laios' complete disinterest in him.

Anyway, that's my read on what exactly Kabru's "issue" with Laios is. Obviously, once he does find out what Laios' true nature is like - about his love for monsters - he develops an entirely new set of fears about Laios' priorities. But since Laios kept that a secret until the start of the story, he has no idea of that yet.

Given all that, I think it's interesting that he says that he doesn't think that the Toudens are suitable to defeat the dungeon, and that he's hoping they'll turn out to be the thieves. As some of his few potential candidates, people who he thinks may play a big role in the island's future, you'd think he'd hope they would be good people!

I suppose it's better, in his eyes, because it means that he's involved in something "interesting". They haven't just had their stuff stolen by regular criminals (boring, puts them further away from his goal) - they've been caught up in the beginning stages of "a historic event". The desperate and dwindling group forgetting morals in their quest to retrieve their lost comrade probably appeals to his sense of melodrama. Because he also just... loves drama.

Despite it being "uglier than anything he was expecting", he still pursues Laios as the person he wants to conquer the dungeon pretty much as soon as it becomes clear that he won't be able to do it himself and they are out of time. That's because... well, to be fair, there aren't any other options. And he fits standard A: he's short-lived!

and Kabru still hopes he can fit standard B, too, and be persuaded to use the power he wins for good. No matter how many nightmares he has about Laios, or whether he thinks about killing him. He doubts him, but ultimately he puts his faith in him and seems happy after the manga's ending that he made the right decision.

#dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #dungeon meshi meta #kabru of utaya #laios touden #labru #laios x kabru #dunmeshi #og post #kabru is such a big picture thinker. and he evaluates people more than he judges them imo #the hater jokes are funny but the people he judges most harshly arent laios and co. they're people like the island's lord.#but you don't see that as clearly because he isn't interested in the island's lord. he understands him. finds him contemptible but useful.#whereas laios lives in his brain rent free because he WANTS to understand him but doesnt quite.#even though he sees the elves as a major threat to his ultimate goals and dislikes the way they treat short lived races #he still understands and evaluates mithrun as an individual based on his own merits #he's one of the characters who is least judgemental in that sense because while he's always making judgements and evaluations #he's also constantly revising them whenever he gets more information #my beautiful machiavellian prince <3 #it's genuinely a really laudable way of understanding others imo.#the only problem is that because he's driven towards his goals by his PTSD and survivors guilt #he pushes himself into situations (the dungeon and also interpersonally) that trigger him or even just upset him #without regard for what he authentically wants or his own wellbeing.

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uncanny-tranny · 6 months

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I think a lot of homophobes and transphobes don't just feel hatred toward queer people, but they genuinely fear us in an almost literal sense, and so they assume the inverse is true for gay and trans people.

I think that's why you have so many cishet people who smugly say that they're going to make queer people angry, afraid, "triggered" by displays of heterosexuality and/or displays of traditional gender - they think we aren't used to living in a cishet world, that we fear cishet people for their identities as much as they fear us for ours.

#gay #queer #trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #homophobia #homophobia tw #transphobia #transphobia tw #queerphobia #queerphobia tw #just saw somebody brag that they're going to trigger the queers by... making straight art????#buddy i grew up indulging in straight media like...? how is that going to offend people?#the idea seems to be that queer people fear straightness because the queerphobe can genuinely fear queerness #does this make sense.#bro one of my favourite childhood movies was about a heterosexual couple and i ate that shit up (imagining 'what if i was the man...')#obviously this isn't going to apply across the board but i've noticed it A Lot

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shannonsketches · 22 days

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Why is the anime so weird, it's not even the same series dude?? It's like,

Anime:

GOKU: I have a great idea to bring peace to the universe, and my leadership and compassion alone will unite us all. I have No Flaws and am A True Relatable Everyman :)

VEGETA: NO! I AM THE BEST AND I WILL CAUSE PROBLEMS UNTIL I AM RECOGNIZED AS SUCH!!!!

Manga:

GOKU: Vegeta what's cornmeal made of? I know it's what the corn eats, but what's it made of? VEGETA: Hey Kakarot let's play the quiet game until one of us dies.

#silly hours #I do not understand this writing it's so bad aklsdlkasjd #Toei wants Goku to be Clark Kent SO bad and he SO isn't lmao #they're so good and dumb and rounded and complex in the manga what is the anime so afraid of #Toriyama said 'no no this man is a detached faux-immortal who has a dear pure heart but he's childlike and selfish even though he's kind'#and toei went 'got it goku's never done anything wrong ever in his life'#toriyama said 'Vegeta's gone through a lot and he's finally settling into his more mature leadership role with the confidence he's earned'#and toei said 'got it vegeta has the confidence of a high school bully except now he can interact with his family as a comedy bit'#girl hWHAT #Toei trying to group Goku and Vegeta as two people who would rather train than be with their families and Toriyama said NO Vegeta wants #to be HOME this is the first time in years that he's HAD ONE and it makes him HAPPY to be with his wife and children!!#Vegeta trains so that he can protect the things he doesn't want to lose again and Goku trains because it's the thing that makes him happies #They are NOT the same lmao And yeah Vegeta still wants to beat Goku but he also knows that Gohan could dogwalk both of them if he wanted #He also knows Trunks and Goten are going to surpass them it's not about being the best anymore he's past that he just wants to Not Need Gok #He just doesn't want to have to rely on Goku to save the day he wants to be Enough on his own he just wants to know he can be #because every time it's mattered he WASN'T and people he loved were lost to his inability to protect them and he carries that #Like Whis diagnosed him with anxiety and cptsd out in the open and Beerus said he was self-centered for feeling guilt #+ he lowkey enjoys the rivalry it keeps him goal-oriented so he can't get complacent and lazy which is what triggered his Buu Saga breakdow #realized how Fucked Up it was that having a home and loving family made him feel like he was failing and went 'wait no I won actually??'#now he's chill as fuck in the manga. cool confident leader.#and sometimes he is childish and dumb with Goku as a treat #you know what rocks about his rivalry with Goku in Super though is that it's Playful. Vegeta is learning how to Play.#You ever seen a shelter dog get introduced to a really playful dog and it takes a minute for the shelter dog to understand it's safe here #And then they're both running around the backyard playing hot potato with one braincell?? That's Goku and Vegeta's relationship #and the way the anime sleeps on that dynamic is so fucking criminal especially when it's literally canon it's in print it's out there #you had the playbook how'd you fumble it this bad #anyway that's my 25+ year blorbo thoughts I love Geets a lot okay #And I love Goku in the manga a lot I'd forgotten that he's actually a great character when Toei's not fucking up his whole vibe

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syb-la-tortue · 3 months

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Hi there! Ik you're not into homestuck anymore, but I was wondering if all your old piratestuck art is posted anywhere else, since your original blog got deleted? I used to spend so long just going through that tag, cause I love your art so much. It rly sucks that Tumblr is so hellbent on censoring everything to the point of just trashing a decade or more of someone's hard work :(

sadly at the moment no, tumblr was the only place where the great majority of my Homestuck art was (along with some One Piece art and a good chunk of my early bnha art) and even though I don't think much about Homestuck and Piratestuck these days, I wanted to share these art back then and the sentiment is still true today, I really want all my old arts to still be accessible for everyone to find, even if looking at them today myself might make me cringe due to it being old and seeing all the flaws in them lmao

anon asked: Hope you’ll be able to reupload your art! Everything you make is gorgeous!

I know I won't reupload them on tumblr (wouldn't be able to post the sexy here anyway and I refuse to skip it), or twitter or wherever, one by one like they were posted in the past, because we're talking about hundreds, possibly close to a thousand pieces of art and doodles

what I intend to do is to sort them into a few .PDFs (by fandom? by year?) and make those available for download

it's just that. the task right now is a bit daunting, that's a lot of art to sort through! and I would also like to write some level of commentary, you know like captions to give some context, maybe some of the lore and headcanons for Piratestuck, that kinda thing! but yeah, lot of work that I'm currently a bit afraid to start on so that might be a while...

#it warms my heart so much to hear you were going through the piratestuck tag just for fun #it kills me that my old art isn't available right now exactly for this reason #my art was always meant to be shared #and yeah fuck tumblr for being the way it is #fun fact yesterday I was going around fixing the embedded arts in my AO3 fics #figured I could link to images uploaded in private tumblr posts #tumblr ALSO flags private posts #(but the embeds still work lmao)#nothing is safe from the stupid algorithm that is triggered by a little too much flesh tones not even a PRIVATE post that no one will see

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hum--hallelujah · 9 months

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like a sledgehammer to a disco ball - 3.9k words, Fun Ghoul angst and protective Kobra Kid

Kobra jerks awake at the first creak of the floor. The only person who has any right to be in his room at night knows better than to step where the floor creaks. Instinct takes over and he's holding his blaster at body height by the time his brain and eyes are awake enough to see through the dark.

"It's me, it's me, it's me," Ghoul stammers, holding his hands defensively in the air. Only, it sounds more like "'smee," because of the way Ghoul is slurring. And he's bleeding.

Kobra drops the blaster as soon as he realizes that the dark smear across Ghoul's face is blood. "What the hell, man," he hisses, groping in the dark for a light with one hand and trying to pat Ghoul down to make sure he's not like, actively dying, with the other. He could be blackout drunk or he could have gone out alone like he does sometimes and any number of things could have happened. The cold metal of an old flashlight meets his fingers and he flicks it on, shining the dim light over Ghoul.

"I did something stupid," Ghoul says. Only, it comes out as "Uh did su'hn stooid," wavering slightly, because the entire right side of Ghoul's face, from the corner of his mouth to his cheekbone, is sliced open. There's a horrific flap of flesh hanging loose that's supposed to be connected to the rest of his face. That's where the blood staining his face and clothes and hands is coming from, and why when he speaks, it sounds wrong.

"Holy shit," Kobra whispers, feeling cold Zone night air sting his eyes because they're open so wide. "Okay. Okay, what happened?" He holds Ghoul carefully by one arm, feels the way he's shaking. He's always shaking, except when he's got his hands in a bomb. This is worse than normal though. This is so much worse than anything Kobra's ever seen.

Ghoul shrugs, waves his hands vaguely and wildly. Kobra hisses a sharp breath through his teeth, frantically runs a hand through his hair. "Okay," He says again. "I'm gonna get-" He needs Jet, de facto medic, he needs Party, needs his brother-

"No," Ghoul says sharply, and that at least is completely clear. His eyes are wild from what Kobra can see in the dark. If human eyes could glow, his would. He grips Kobra's arms. "Please don't," he mumbles around the gruesome injury. His voice is high and frantic, and it has to hurt to talk. "Just you."

Kobra freezes. There's a slowly building feeling of dread, growing stronger by the moment. He pulls Ghoul off him, holds him by the wrists. "Okay. Just me," he promises, and feels sick about it. "Just me."

Ghoul noticeably relaxes, though he's still trembling head to toe, and lets Kobra drag him across the diner in near-silence aside from the occasional seemingly involuntary whimper on Ghoul's part, into the single-stall bathroom with a barely working lightbulb. Somehow, they make it past the front room where Party sleeps without waking him, much as Kobra wants to let his brother take care of this. He's practically trembling at how badly he wants Pois right now.

There's a medical kit in the cabinet that Kobra pulls out immediately. He knows how to handle this, physically speaking. It's whatever else, the shit he doesn't know and is scared to find out, like how this freaking happened, that makes him nervous. Ghoul stands in the flickering light like he doesn't know what to do.

"Sit the fuck down," Kobra snaps nervously, gesturing to the toilet lid. Ghoul does. Kobra pulls a dubiously clean rag from the cabinet and eyes it. It scares him to see Ghoul like this. Usually if he's scared, he fights. He hisses and spits and claws at whoever comes near him. More often than not, that's Kobra. But this, the wide-eyed jittering, is a whole other animal.

"This whole thing is gonna suck," he says stiffly. Ghoul nods. With a little more light, Kobra can see the thick, shiny blood streaming from the wound through his cheek. It isn't enough that Kobra's afraid Ghoul will bleed out, but the cut is so long and clear through and absolutely grotesque. He crouches down in front of where Ghoul is sitting, sideways on the toilet, and he can't tell if Ghoul is looking at him or through him, almost as if he's the ghost.

In a quick motion that startles both of them, probably, Kobra grabs the back of Ghoul's head with one hand and presses the rag to the seeping wound with the other. Ghoul's eyes go even wider and even greener, and what starts out as a shout of pain from him turns into a choked keening sound. Hearing it feels like being stabbed.

"What happened?" Asks Kobra again, when he's convinced that the bleeding has slowed enough to try and actually deal with this thing. He twists the handle on the faucet on and off, on and off, enough times that the ancient water pump starts up and clean water gurgles into the sink. He cleans the rag that way, then wets it and wrings it out before shutting the water off.

Ghoul's shoulders rise and fall in short, panicky breaths. "I'm sorry," he says. "I'm sorry. I'm- I didn't think, it was stupid, I'm sorry," he continues babbling like that before going silent again aside from the sharp sounds of his breathing.

In a testament to Kobra's selfishness, his biggest worry is that Ghoul took his motorbike out for a spin and crashed it. He can't think of what could have caused something like this. He has visions of his bike sliding out on a turn, crumbled metal and Ghoul's body flying through the air. But if that had happened he'd be hurt other than this. If that had happened he might be dead.

"Yo," he says quietly. "Chill. Just tell me what happened." He presses the now-damp rag to Ghoul's face, trying to ignore just how grotesque the wound really is. Maybe because it's fresh, maybe because of the fear, but somehow it's worse than the space where Jet's other eye used to be. Kobra never wanted to see an injury of that level on another person again in his life, let alone someone he cares about.

Ghoul flinches away, but Kobra shoots him a look and it must process somehow, because he stills and lets Kobra clean the already drying blood away from the edges of the wound with barely a whine. "It was stupid," he repeats, his voice shaking as much as it's slurring. "I don't know why I did it, Kid."

Something about the way he says that, voice small and wavering, sends a chill down Kobra's throat. Sudden understanding dawns on him. The blood on Ghoul's hands. He's not injured anywhere else. "You did that to yourself?" Kobra asks hoarsely.

Ghoul's eyes snap onto his and the rest of the color drains from his face. Kobra thinks he's going to pass out for a second, but he doesn't. He pulls as far away as he can, scrabbling awkwardly against the cold tiles and porcelain of the bathroom. "I don't know what I though, I was stupid, I don't- Kobra," he whines, with enough animalistic despair that Kobra wants suddenly to burst into tears, if he weren't so utterly stunned.

"Ghoul, calm down, I've gotta stitch it still," he says on autopilot. "Cool your engine, man."

Maybe it's the practicality of the thing that makes Ghoul momentarily stop panicking. "I'm sorry," he says again, tears welling in his eyes that he then blinks away half-frantically. Kobra's never heard him apologize for anything before tonight. He never wants to hear it again.

"It's okay, man. I've got you." He replies. If his own voice is shaking now, too, no the hell it isn't. "Come on, you have to let me..." he trails off, eyes wide. "Ghoul, why..." Then he shakes his head. He can't think about that now. He needs to disinfect the wound and stitch it up. And it's going to hurt Ghoul really, really badly.

He reaches behind him, grabs at the bottle of alcohol. This stuff is rare out in the Zones. They try to use it as little as possible. Only in emergencies. This is enough of an emergency, though. This is a fucking crisis.

He pours the bare minimum of the alcohol onto another piece of cloth, feels the cold soak in. Ghoul watches every move with jerking, stilted intensity. Kobra looks up at him from where he's now kneeling on the cold tile. He puts a hand behind Ghoul's head again. "This is going to hurt," he warns. They've nearly gouged each other's eyes out before, yet suddenly Kobra feels like he's going to be sick at the thought of causing Ghoul any more pain. Ghoul shuts his eyes in preparation.

Ghoul still nearly screams when Kobra dabs the alcohol over his wound. Kobra can see it in the way he holds his breath, the spring-tight tension in Ghoul's entire body. The only noise he makes is a quiet, drawn out whine, though. When a tear streaks down his cheekbone, Kobra catches it before a drop of salt can enter the wound.

"'Kay," he says in a ragged whisper. "That's done. Now I have to-" he gestures like he's sewing. Ghoul's eyes pop open to see what he's saying and he visibly forces himself to breathe again.

"'Kay," Ghoul says back in an equally torn up voice.

It only takes Kobra three tries to thread a needle. Medical supplies of any type are hard to come by, a whole new kind of commodity, but this stash has been here for as long as he can remember, just in case. Blaster burns, the most common injuries amongst 'Joys, come pre-cauterized. He's rarely had to sew sutures before.

Ghoul flinches back when the tip of the needle first touches the edge of his torn skin, and Kobra pauses. "Hold still," he grumbles, more out of familiar sniping than any real frustration at this point. He keeps his hand in Ghoul's hair the entire time he sews.

The feeling of a needle piercing flesh is horrible. The fact that it's his friend, someone he'd give his life for before seeing them hurt, is even worse. Kobra wants to fucking throatpunch whoever did this to Ghoul, or better, do the same thing to them, before he remembers with a sinking feeling in his stomach that Ghoul did this to himself.

He ties off the suture just barely keeping his hands from shaking. He doesn't know how Ghoul does this with bombs. Ghoul flinches again, violently, when Kobra cuts the excess line, and Kobra has to jerk back to keep from catching a flailing, uncoordinated fist in the face.

"Hey," he snaps. "Ghoul!"

Ghoul slips off the toilet lid and onto the floor almost as if he intended it but halfway as an accident and immediately curls in on himself. He pulls his knees to his chest and curls his arms around his head and Kobra can hear him hyperventilating. Kobra fucking freezes. He's used to fighting and wrestling and knee-jerk reactions that wind up with someone sporting a black eye. He is terrified right now. And there's still Ghoul's blood on his hands, too.

"Ghoul..." He cautiously reaches out, puts a hand on Ghoul's leg. Ghoul twitches, lets out a hiccupy sound that takes a moment to register in Kobra's mind as a sob. Ghoul, chaos loving, cackling Ghoul, is crying. And not just a single tear, now, his whole body is shuddering with the force of how hard he's crying. Kobra's heart is pounding with how hard he does not know what's happening, but he grips Ghoul's arm and lightly shakes him. "Hey, I'm still here, man."

Ghoul makes that keening whine again and Kobra thinks at first that he's going to pull away at best, or throw a real punch at worst. They fight enough, for any and no reason at all, that he expects it now. That's their normal. This isn't.

Ghoul scrambles to his knees, his hands finding the front of Kobra's shirt. This restroom is small, they're already in close quarters. But maybe unintentionally, maybe just scrabbling for a little purchase on anything, Ghoul winds up grabbing onto Kobra. And Kobra has always had a hard time letting anything go.

Ghoul's forehead crashes into his shoulder and Kobra instinctively puts his hands up, grabs back onto Ghoul in return. Ghoul's usual shaking is familiar to him, but the repressed wracking sobs aren't. Kobra clutches desperately around Ghoul's back, like he could hold together what he's just sewn up, like if he keeps Ghoul close enough he can't shake into pieces. No one should be able to break Ghoul. Not even Ghoul himself.

The edges of the cabinet dig into Kobra's back, but he ignores it. Ghoul is folding in on himself, making himself as small as he can against Kobra, and Kobra doesn't fucking know what to do. He's never seen Ghoul cry like this. He's never seen anyone cry like this.

"It hurts," cries Ghoul suddenly.

"I know," Kobra says, before he realizes that crying like this is probably making everything worse, that he'd worried about salt in the wound a minute before for this exact reason. He can't imagine the pain Ghoul is probably in.

"It didn't hurt at first," Ghoul mumbles, then chokes on a sob. "It didn't hurt when I started. And then it did."

Kobra wants to ask again, why? But he won't get anything intelligible. There's a part of him that doesn't want to know. He's terrified of knowing the truth. Instead, he threads his fingers through Ghoul's hair again and just repeats, "I know. I know."

A few minutes pass in speedy, spiraling silence. The only sound between them is their shared too-fast breathing.

"I can't," stammers Ghoul finally, after his cries have tapered out into raspy gasps. "I can't turn it on or off."

"Huh?" Is all Kobra can think to say. "Ghoul, you're not making sense, nothing about this makes sense," he snips, too quick and too tense. He's so beyond his depth. He wants Jet or Party to come help but he can't have it his way because he promised. He promised Ghoul. He wants to hit something. A wall, just to feel the impact. To imagine he's hitting whatever it is that hurt his friend so badly he hurt himself.

Ghoul sniffs. All Kobra can see of him is the top of his head and the cheek with the stitches. The wound is swollen and red and is going to leave a horrific scar. Kobra clenches his fist tighter behind Ghoul's back. "When I'm having fun or not," Ghoul says. "I can't. I am or I'm not. But."

"But what?" For fuck's sake, Kobra just wants to understand. He can read Ghoul like a book from cover to cover most times, and it scares him that he's so lost right now.

"It isn't good enough," he mumbles. "It's... It's in my fuckin' name, Kid, if I can't live up to that what am I?"

Kobra stares, wide-eyed, at the wall across from him. Something clicks. The clean cut through Ghoul's face, clearly from a recently sharpened knife, clearly intentional, reached from the corner of his lips almost to his ear. "Oh fuck no," he whispers. "Hell no. What the fuck. You're not-" He feels himself shaking suddenly, with restrained searing hot anger. Ghoul cut his head open, mutilated himself, to make himself permanently grin. "You're not fucking beholden to your fucking name," Kobra says. He never swears this much, only in his own mind. He's running out of words. "Fuck," he says, with feeling.

Ghoul shudders again. "I'm fuckin insane, aren't I?" He asks with sudden clarity.

It's exactly what Kobra had been thinking, for once completely unable to figure out Ghoul's mind, but he can't just say that. He can't just say that he's terrified because nothing makes sense and he's never going to freaking leave Ghoul alone again because this is all completely unhinged on so many levels that he can't even begin to sort through it. He can't say anything. He hopes Ghoul is sane enough to understand that, at least.

He just holds his friend tighter. He wants his brother more than anything right now, wants Party to come and take this weight out of his hands, but a part of him knows that even if he did, he wouldn't be able to let go of Ghoul. Why didn't Ghoul want anyone else but him? Why, after pretty much imprinting on Party like a feral kitten when they'd first met, to the point that sometimes Kobra thinks bitterly than Ghoul might know Party better than his own brother does, did he come to him? Why did he do any of this?

If a few tears of his own drip down Kobra's nose and land in Ghoul's tangled hair, no the hell they don't. He's never seen anyone go to pieces like this and he's struck dumb at the fact that it's literal. Very, very literally, Ghoul has gone to pieces. Taken a knife, that's probably still lying on the floor of his abandoned-office bedroom, and cut a line through his own cheek just so others might see a smile there.

There's crazy in his veins. Acid, maybe. And Kobra's always known that even if Party recognized it first. Watching your whole family die, failing to save your baby sibling, doesn't leave a person without any scars. Only, now, the scar is far too visible. Kobra's always known that Ghoul is more wild than any of them. Feral, unpredictable. He was raised by a pair of Killjoys who named themselves Hoot and Holler, and the thing is, a ghoul is just a ghost, and ghosts wail too. He should have known.

"I should've known," he says out loud, the first words in a while. He knows Ghoul so well. Better than he knows himself. He should have known something was wrong. He should never have left him alone. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He can't even blink. He stares hard at the opposite wall and tries not to scream.

Ghoul shakes his head against Kobra's shoulder and winces. "Nuh-uh," he mumbles. "I'm crazy, man. I'm insane." The fuzzy way it sounds around the stitches and the swelling just seems like proof. Just last night Ghoul's cheek was smooth and soft as he grinned across a table in triumph after winning a card game. How is it that that was just a few hours ago? He shudders again. "I'm scared," he says more quietly.

"Me too," Kobra says. As soon as the sun comes up he thinks he's going to storm out into the desert and find something, anything to beat up. Even a freakin cactus would do at this point. He doesn't know how he's going to explain this to Pois or Jet but he knows that much. He's gonna shake so hard he blows up, like a can of soda, unless he hits something. "I fucking hate you," he snaps suddenly.

Ghoul starts to flinch away, but Kobra doesn't let him. In fact, he curls tighter around him without even knowing why. "What the hell," Ghoul rasps.

Kobra hisses through his teeth. Speaking of living up to names. He fucking hates anyone who hurts his friends. But he can't say it. Hard as he tries, in the one moment of clarity about his own mind that he has, he can't speak.

"I fucking hate me, too," Ghoul says finally. The single dusty lightbulb above them flickers. If it goes out, they'll be in total darkness. Kobra thinks one or both of them might have a wicked eyeshine by now. The desert makes you wild. For some people, they're born that way.

"I think you're my best friend," Kobra finally manages to whisper. It isn't exactly what he was going for. It's not something he would ever say if he had thought of it before it popped out of his mouth. But Ghoul gets the point. Of course he does. Ghoul always gets his sharp edges, snakebite teeth and misspoken definitions and all.

"I think you're mine," Ghoul says back. "I'm-"

Kobra smacks the back of his head, like this is in any way normal, like they aren't collapsed on a dim bathroom floor in the middle of the night or the early hours of the morning and like one of them isn't mutilated for life by his own hand. Like this isn't the worst thing they've ever gone through together. "If you say you're sorry again, I'll cut you myself."

It's rough, and it's torn up and pained and choked, but Ghoul laughs. Just a short bark of laughter, hardly like the dry, rasping cackle that Kobra knows so well. It sounds like agony but it also sounds like the sun coming up. Kobra makes a noise in the back of his throat, more whine than laugh, but he's so close to blowing up that it's as good as it gets. He wants to freaking die if that would keep Ghoul in one piece.

Ghoul shifts in Kobra's arms and pulls away just far enough to look him in the eye. He clumsily wipes at the tears and snot all over his face and Kobra has to snap a hand out to catch his wrist before he unthinkingly swipes at the fresh wound and stitches. "Kobra," Ghoul says, shivering in the dark. The sun won't take long to come up once it starts but until it does, the Zones are freezing. "Kobra."

"Yeah, man, I'm still right here." Kobra forces himself to look Ghoul in the eyes and not the stitches. The wound takes up so much of his face. It's all Kobra can see when he looks at Ghoul, his best friend's mutilated mouth, sliced open by his own hand. Kobra flinches just imagining it. He focuses instead on Ghoul's green eyes, boring holes into his head with the desperate pleading in them. "I'm still right here," Kobra repeats, quieter. Reminding himself, too.

Ghoul doesn't blink. Kobra doesn't blink. Their eyes reflect the dim light back at each other. This is what wild animals must feel for each other. Terror. Uncertainty. Just themselves, each other, and whatever comes. Ghoul licks his lips, tongue flicking briefly, visibly, to the corner of his mouth that he cut open. "Don't let me-" Ghoul starts and then falters. "You gotta make sure," he says. "Don't let me- do stupid shit like this, don't let me go crazy again, Kobra, please."

Kobra stares back at him, matching Ghoul's trembling desperation. He's known Ghoul since the day their crew found him, shell shocked between the shelves of an empty gas station with the bodies of his parents and previous crew around him. Perpetually shaking hands and feral bared teeth, animal eyeshine. No one can match Ghoul for determination, and no one knows Kobra as well as he does. Even if Ghoul does know his brother better than him, the same is true in reverse.

Kobra Kid has a hard fucking time ever letting go of anything once he's got it. Fun Ghoul holds on too loosely. They're both terrified. What a pair they make. But when Kobra Kid makes a promise, he means it. He grabs the ends of Ghoul's hair and pulls, not too hard, but hard enough. That's their normal. Play fighting and hair pulling, and they both know it's a kind of language for when they can't speak. "Okay," he says, and because it's a promise, he repeats it. "Okay."

#uhhhh anyway. come to killjoys world with me #I keep calling these two my mongoose and snake #they take out their worst on each other but at the same time it's like they were *made* for each other #also a few notes in the tags: kobra repeats himself a lot. that's intentional. it's because I do it irl #quite honestly at this point I might almost have a stutter??#anyway also there's a TON of super vague song references in here. I almost called this ''a scar away from falling apart''#but I couldn't stop thinking about that one boygenius song while I wrote this. would you still love me if it turns out I'm insane?#also the two(2) minor refs to famous last words!!!!#and very very loosely the ''what a pair they make'' line is bc what a catch donnie came up on my playlist right then #also this is WAY more swearing than I would usually write but... it just felt right? like it helped the flow?? and fit the characters? idk #ANYWHOMST. random danger days precanon fic. the girl isn't here yet.#she speaks!#HMMM do I need a writing tag for this blog?#she writes!#danger days #the true lives of the fabulous killjoys #kobra kid #fun ghoul #K I think I've got it covered #wait trigger tags #self-harm tw #self mutilation tw

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rapidhighway · 6 months

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excuse me

#there isn't an aro rabbit and the ace one triggers my phobia unfortunately TOT

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wildflowercryptid · 3 months

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something that's been weighing on my mind ever since learning about the situation with ezra / toonimal is seeing how these predators will take the active hostility that is frequently directed towards minors in online spaces to their advantage and use it to prey on vulnerable children. i think that we as adults in online fandom should probably come together and maybe rethink the language / manner we go about interacting with kids bc clearly the way things are rn is causing active harm.

like obviously, if you're an adult and aren't comfortable with minors interacting with you or your content, you should be allowed to set that boundary and should be vocal about it, ( especially if the content you create isn't safe for them to consume. ) but i don't think talking to them like they're a blight on all that is good and holy is the way to go about it. maybe just saying you're an 18 plus account will suffice, you don't have to tell them to fuck off.

#i'm opening myself up for ppl to leave the stupidest takes on this post but whatever i need to get this off my mind #before anyone says anything about the kids on that website. they're grooming victims. they're literally kids being taken advantage of #show them some fucking kindness and be understanding that they're the victims in this situation #idk what it is about becoming an adult that causes so many ppl to lose their empathy towards minors it's weird #like yeah kids can be annoying and pushy on online spaces sometimes but a lot of them are old enough to know online etiquette lbr #alot of us were annoying kids on the internet at some point we should understand that you don't just. get a handbook for how to act online #that's shit you learn overtime but ppl seem to forget that #they also seem to forget that talking down to kids isn't gonna teach them shit they're not gonna listen to you if you treat them like idiots #what i'm trying to say is that we really need to talk to minors more respectfully and maybe give them a little grace #( obviously there will be situations where some of them need to be yanked up by the collar but there's ways to go about that >>>#without treating them like shit )#these kids need to know that there's spaces for them to be online safely without having to stumble into places that'll pray on them #we all know how much it sucked to be a kid online we should want better for the ones coming in after us ya know #sorry if this comes across as preachy it just breaks my heart and boils me blood to see kids being taken advantage of like this #especially when there's ways to prevent it idk #how do i even tag this....#mj.txt #there's trigger warning on the linked post btw #tw csa mention

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frecklystars · 8 months

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#vent art #first time drawing starscream in uhhh. hot. hot fucking minute there #i was shaky the entire time but drawing plankton helped a lot. plankton is safe #theyre both my number one main f/os. and idk i feel like... if you're starscream and if ur wife looks at u #and her ptsd is suddenly triggered. well. now she cant look at u anymore. that cant feel good can it #who else knows her and loves her like you do? some loud human-ish lifeform with a long ponytail #he sees you hurting. he sits in that grass with you. and you let him. bc he knows what it's like to miss her too #she doesn't fear him. but she doesn't see him as often. and he misses her terribly just like you do.#just as much as you miss her. even if it's a different kind of yearning. and he's hurting now too on her behalf #and you bond with this. this. pathetic lifeform. and youve become this. this. this... pathetic. pathetic! broken thing!#you know she'll come back you know she'll come back you KNOW IT #because doesn't she find you in every universe? and didn't you make promises? and doesn't she always keep them?#but maybe this universe is too broken and maybe she's too broken. maybe she *can't* come back #she's trying. you know she's trying. you FEEL it. what are you supposed to do in the meantime #you're starscream. you're lord starscream and you're lonely and your starflower can't fucking look at you #to no fault of hers and to no fault of yours. it's just what happened. you're in shock. and you're hurting.#this love still isn't temporary. and you still can't imagine your life without her.#and you wish you could obliterate whoever made her feel so fucking scared of you #fuck the person who dared to hurt that one good thing you ever had #you arent a religious mech but you pray and beg to primus your starflower comes back #because you dont know what youll do if she never does #and frankly. she doesn't either. you were her favorite weren't you? and suddenly you're something feared #you've always wanted to be feared but NEVER by her. she is the last person you'd ever want to be feared by #doesn't she miss your voice? haven't you told her with your own vocalizer how much you love and miss her? why doesn't she hear you anymore?#you don't know it but she is terrified of losing you. but she isn't here to tell you that. is she.#it's just you and this stupid nicely dressed copepod who wants to dominate the fast food industry #while your little starflower is laying in a pink bed in a pink land with pink people. and she's crying over you #throwing herself at universes with brooding men with soft voices. but none of them are ever going to feel as good as you made her feel #she misses you but you don't know it because she. can't. even. fucking. look. at. you.#what do you do. what do you do. do you come back? please come back. this ache in your chest is too fucking much. come. back.

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moki-dokie · 4 months

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personally i fucking hate the british drinking culture it's just basically a countrywide fasttrack to alocholism and i hate hate hate hate seeing my friends fall into it and think its no biggie because Thats Just How It Is.

idk. take the piss all you want about americans and our shitty watered down beer and how nobody can handle their booze but i'd rather have that than being in a state of drunk every single fucking day. sorry not sorry but you shouldn't be going through an entire fucking bottle of whiskey every five fucking days. it isn't cute. it isn't funny. it isn't a way of life. thats addiction buddy. if you can't get through your days without being in a state of intoxication, thats a problem.

its a sad and desperate method of coping thinly veiled as fun and blowing off steam.

its not exclusive to brits either but thats where i happen to have people i love and care about. idk man i just don't get it. not saying we don't have issues over here bc we definitely do but like, alcoholism is one of the easier issues to curb and we do at least make a better effort at it than a hell of a lot of other places.

when i was younger i used to think it was just people being prude and puritanical about so many restrictions on booze but after growing up and realizing the serious damage growing up with two severe alcoholics did to me, i just do not understand why the rest of the world doesn't seem to take it seriously at all.

#moki talks #godddddd and i hate hate hate talking to drunk people #but like. i love them so obviously i'm going to #one of my very few triggers #and i gotta deal with it almost daily because haha drinking culture right #can't even tell them to lay off the booze bc it clearly isn't a problem from their end #“i can handle my drink just fine” she says when she gets drunk every night and goes into pity spirals that end vaguely suicidal #like no babe you can't actually but everyone else around you is a drunk too so its not like you have anything better to reference #ugh ugh ugh

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frenchy-and-the-sea · 24 days

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mmmmmmmm sad

i was really excited about my CoS game yesterday but a few of the players seem to be very fixated on getting to the next combat/room they can steal stuff from? and getting annoyed when my character expresses caution? I got interrupted once or twice while looking through some of the lore-related stuff or while trying to find an alternative means of doing something besides "charging right in." Like, not just the character taking off to do their own thing - the player interrupted me to tell the DM that we were going down a hallway. Like. Okay.

we were told this was going to be a roleplay/exploration/mystery heavy game and I'm feeling like that's only fine if it fits in the span of six minutes. And so now it feels like I'm the one making the problem.

#hush frenchy #i need a curse of strahd tag #it's not like we're going slow either. we had...three different combat scenarios in the last game?#and that was with our fighter avoiding one because he made friends with a dog #we've been clearing levels of this house like it's our job #so i guess i'm just kinda put out by the fact that my character expressing frustration with another for triggering a dangerous combat #was met with 'but did you die?' from the player #and like no! I didn't! but I did end up saving all of y'all because they were vulnerable to radiant!!#and because I burned a higher level scroll to maximize damage and take them out quicker!!#you thought losing points off of your strength was bad WITH all of that work? what if you didn't have a cleric!!#idk it just feels like it sucks more because i was so excited #i'm also the only one who isn't a cis dude besides the dm so it feels....idk. it feels bad

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son1c · 1 year

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i’m kind of begging for people to be considerate when it comes to commenting on my art. if what you have to say is weird or rude (i.e. accusing me of putting the straight pride flag in a drawing when the background is literally just black and white and also i am fucking bisexual) then maybe you just shouldn’t say anything at all. it makes me feel bad about drawings that i previously was proud of, and makes me not want to share my art anymore.

#i'm sorry to make a negative post like this but this has been a problem for awhile and isn't the fault #of any one person #it's very discouraging and makes me kind of sick to my stomach with anxiety whenever i go to post art #wondering if something completely innocuous that i didn't even think twice about #will trigger a rude and thoughtless comment from someone #because i care a lot about my art and i put a lot of work into it. so to have it reduced to comments like those hurts my feelings.

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hoverboards-and-dragons · 1 year

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mmmmmm Caliyork angst

California is protective brother first and foremost with an learned distaste for familial authority, the one who's job it is to push away his own feelings to see people for who they really are and them keep those people as far away from the people he loves as possible while they heal

York is/was a shitty parent who only barely acknowledge it

they're laying quietly in bed together, sharing stories and bonding about growing up as colonies and it's this slow build of Cal hearing of hand comments about Gov's earlier days and he just keeps asking more and more pointed questions

until

They were both sitting up now, New York felt Cal's judgment openly bore into him. It had been a time since he'd been the target of such pure disdain from him.

York felt his own hackles raise in defence. "We all made mistakes in those early days, Continental Congress was made for a purpose, he was- just- just-"

"A tool?" York missed the searing venom behind Cal's words, the weight with which they fell from his mouth.

"Yes!" He was exasperated, over trying to justify two hundred year old actions to a state who could never understand, who wasn't there for the chaos and the uncertainty.

The silence that followed was a welcomed break. Until York made the mistake of meeting Cal's eyes.

The disgust was still there but then there was this prominent, inexplicable personal hurt.

His eyes raked over York, desperately searching for something that wasn't there. He forced a sudden joyless laugh. "Not an ounce of remorse in you, is there?"

"It wasn't ideal."

"You abused a child." He stated it so plainly, so confidently, as if a hundred other factors weren't involved at the time. "or let a child get abused, whatever you prefer."

York snapped at that. "He wasn't a child!"

With that, Cal began to get out of their bed.

"Where are you going?"

"Out." His movements were clumsy, distracted. "Away. I-" he took a breath. "I need to think."

The panic that rushed through York didn't make sense but he couldn't bring himself to doubt it as he stumbled out of bed after him. "You're leaving- you're running away over - This?"

"Nothing, is more important to me than this, York!"

"Nothing?" he asked quietly.

"No nothing, If I had to choose between your life and my brother's, there wouldn't be hesitation."

Cal took the moment of stunned silence to snap away. Leaving New York to his own raging thoughts.

#that statement isn't even true #there would be so much hesitation and consideration and pain #it was just really emotionally charged #got the point across tho #whoops ny fell for the obvious bait of Cal's trigger term for his daddy issues #York being a loved one and also the kinda person Cal protects people from #ope hes having a crisis look what you did York #wonder if 'do I only like him cause he reminds me of my abusive dad' is a thing Cal has to ask himself now #making my fav relationships a little dysfunctional #for flavour #wttt #welcome to the table #wttsh #welcome to the statehouse #ben brainard #wttt california #wttt new york #wttt caliyork #wttt fanfic

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lunaetis · 3 months

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eden is okay with the idea of being hurt by the one she loves.

this is a mentality that eden has which goes in line with how i used to mention that eden is the type to be content with being killed by the one she loves or asking the one she loves to end her should she no longer be able to control the stellaron or no longer is herself. this is, however, not a healthy mentality to have. i am aware of that. but when it comes to the concept of pain and hurt, eden is used to being injured. she's used to both physical and emotional pain, and when she had entrusted her heart to someone, that means she had placed her trust in that person as well as her entirety.

her lover could wrap their hand around her neck and try to choke the life out of her and she wouldn't flinch. eden had long gotten used to the feeling of being upon the border of life and death, she's used to the feeling of treading so close to the edge that she could almost tip over, or the feeling of being bruised and battered to the point that normal human would've blacked out. she had been in impossible battles where she shouldn't have survived, her body is littered with numerous scars — and one thing that remained as her core was that she wouldn't mind being hurt by her beloved.

it's not even something along the line of ' i trust you enough to not hurt me. ' ( even though she does trust them, of course ) but it's more on the line of ' even if you hurt me to the point that i cannot heal, it's okay if it's you. ' mentality, which is destructive to a fault. this stems from the fact that eden still does not view herself as HUMAN. she is a vessel, a weapon. nothing anyone could do to change that or how she views herself. it isn't self-depreciative, either, at least not to her. she just views it as a fact.

that's why she doesn't know how to respond when her lover treats her so gently. because she could take much more. she could take the hurt, the ache, the pain. she had suffered worse. and if it's from the hands of the one she loves, why would she ever resist ?

#.headcanon: eden | trailblazer #.choking tw #[ i'm not sure if i should put any trigger on it hjlkhjlk #there's a mention of choking so i'm slapping a warning for that at least #and i KNOW this isn't healthy mentality but the more i think about it #and the more i delve into how eden is like with the one she loves #the more i feel this is really accurate for her #i was writing this ask & i got this whole wave crashing into me like a train hjklhjlk #so i had to type it out #mY BRAIN IS NOT BRAINING PROPERLY SO I HOPE THIS MAKES SENSE ]

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theokusgallery · 3 months

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#if you had any hope nick could ever be redeemable here's your sign that that's just not gonna happen

Bold of you to assume we don't want to make him worse

LMAO that's the spirit

#ask #anon #arsenic #me too anon. me too #my unethical boy...#he hasn't killed anyone or anything in the storyline i have planned out which is a fucking miracle #...in all fairness it's just because i want him to have as much plausable deniability as possible #and yknow. murder makes him undeniably a. murderer #anything he does to sunny is something sunny technically agreed to. i want to keep that a theme #i don't know how to say this in a way that isn't horrible but-#i want people to be able to victim blame sunny in a way that sounds so reasonable they don't realize it's victim blaming.#toying with the idea that sunny is not /at all/ a perfect victim. i like it when you can question the morality of his actions #(instead of having it clear-cut that Nick Is Bad And Sunny Is The Poor Unwilling Victim™)#the perfect victim doesn't exist and i'm kind of tired of seeing that type of abusive relationship be so... black-and-white #most of what i've seen is so over the top and neatly separated into good and bad boxes it doesn't feel real.#in the real world no one's perfect. sunny sure as hell isn't. but while that would make him toxic to anyone who isn't Nick-#-it doesn't mean he's not a victim #(also we all know what happens to domestic abuse victims when they have a cluster b pd. the fuckin. victime-blaming festivals i've seen)#tw victim blaming #i talk so much in tags i have to add trigger warnings about them. i should really stop rambling #rant

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manty-monster · 1 year

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It's always messed me up how manageable some symptoms of BPD could be with the right communication and understanding of the mental illness.

It's a disability, and like many disabilities, there are accessibility options, and there are concessions that can be made, knowledge that can be expanded on. Having a relationship when you have a disability can be work; sometimes, you or your partner may have to help each other. This shouldn't be different for mental disabilities.

So I wanted to come up with some basic practices that can help you if you or your loved one has BPD.

disclaimer - this is one person with BPD's opinion and may not be true for everyone, communication is key, BPD is a complex but manageable illness.

Understanding what a trigger is, neurobiologically. When a person with BPD has a trigger, their brain floods with chemicals, driving them into panic. The things they say and do should be taken under that consideration. This is not to say dismiss what's being said. There is still a conscious mind behind the words and the things and those topics may hint at a core insecurity that should be discussed later, but understand on a conscious level that your loved one may not necessarily be in a clear state of mind.

Stop responding to everything at face value. Building off #1, once you recognize that your partner is emotionally compromised, with a disorder that creates black and white thinking aka splitting, or heightened emotional responses, you can't respond to everything in the same way you would respond to a casual question. If your partner hits you with the classic "Are you mad at me?" that should be a cue to you to try and explore that more deeply.

Initiate open communication. ☆ Which brings us to communication. Open, loving communication has to come from a place of empathy first and foremost. It requires briefly stepping into your partner's shoes in communication. It's not easy to steel your immediate reaction when someone says something untrue or hurtful to you, but it does become easier if you can recognize the emotional meaning behind words as well as the literal meaning. "Are you mad?" becomes helpful inside-shorthand for "Hey, I'm feeling insecure right now. Could you help me manage that?" rather than a frustrating phrase. I had to put a star there because holy shit is it important to understand emotive communication, heightened emotions, and cognitive empathy/perspective-taking when communicating with someone with BPD. This one's gonna involve some metacognition, folks.

Calming techniques. As you learn more about each other, try to include learning what calms you or your partner down. Comforting/soothing actions can help the chemicals from being triggered or splitting to dissipate faster. Learning what makes your partner calm or happy will go a long way towards easy caring management of some symptoms. While things like "Please calm down" can make things much worse, a simple "Can you tell me about [aspect of their special interest]?" "Do you want me to turn my webcam on?" "Can I put [favorite band/show] on?" "Do you want to be held?" are much more personal, show you have an interest in helping them feel better, and can diffuse a situation. Context matters, of course. Sometimes all that's needed is "I'm listening, I love you."

Understand your partner's symptoms. Looking up symptoms of BPD and understanding them is crucial to understanding what is going on. For instance, people with BPD have a warped sense of object permanence, and sending small messages while you're away can be a way to manage this. Rejection sensitivity, which is also seen in other neurodiversities like ADHD, autism, and CPTSD (which shares like 99% of symptoms and cause with BPD), can be managed by establishing a vocabulary together to navigate rejection, trust, and symptom recognition.

Understand your partner. Every person is different, and their history and trauma are unique. Some people with BPD were neglected and abandoned, while others were parentified or victims of other forms of abuse. Many people with BPD have other comorbid neurodivergences. It's important to be curious about your own and your partner's minds. Preventing a trigger is much better than resolving one. Knowing the things that could cause yourself or your partner to split or experience another symptom can allow you to discuss it beforehand, even set up a plan to prevent it. This can include making plans for things to do in your or their absence, having an object to hold to help remember that you or they are loved (such as a bracelet or stuffed animal), or setting an alarm or using post-it notes to remember important dates or schedules. Using self-aids is a good thing!

TLDR: So much of BPD can be almost totally mitigated with empathy, pre-planning, and understanding. Having a partner with a mental illness isn't always easy, but we could be doing a lot better for people with CPTSD/BPD, and frankly, for anyone with a mental or physical disability than we are right now with leave him sis dating culture. Obviously, this whole post depends on both people being able to introspect enough to enact these things. If you have BPD, mindfulness, CBT (the therapy kind), and DBT can be very helpful for consciously managing your way through triggers.

Sources:

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35357883/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3182008/

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/January-2022/Understanding-Mental-Illness-Triggers

https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/bjc.12216

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/borderline-personality-disorder

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parentification

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-ptsd/202006/is-it-borderline-personality-disorder-or-is-it-really-complex-ptsd

https://psychcentral.com/ptsd/how-ptsd-cptsd-and-bpd-can-impact-relationships

https://mark-havens.medium.com/understanding-cognitive-empathy-the-key-to-better-relationships-and-communication-8b3ea7a4370c

https://www.youtube.com/@HowtoADHD

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6026651/

https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/psychology/affective-perspective-taking

you made it this far heres a cool storm i saw from a plane

#mentalhealth #BPD #CPTSD #relationships #triggers #trauma #empathy #communication.#dont follow me this isn't my usual content #check bio #stop giving up on your partners with disabilities before making accessibility provisions.#idk how long ive had this one stewing in my brain #🔮🔍📑ᵐᵃⁿᵗʸᵖᵒˢᵗ✔️🔮

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