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cirusthecitrus · 1 year

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Horde Prime's body language and mannerisms part 1/3

T posing, head shaking and manspreading

I was always facinated with the way Prime moves and handles himself, but ever since I got officially obsessed with this character I began to notice more and more interesting quirks and signature Prime gestures - there are just so many. And now I'm going to (over)analyse them all!

1. Hands behind the back

Lets start with the classic "well mannered/disciplined character" pose

It really suits his whole character and even makes Prime look like he's always plotting something (which he does). And it shows that HP clearly watches his posture and I'm glad he does like damn my man has such a good posture

Also, I now have a theory that Prime keeps his arms behind his back so no one can see him fidgeting with his hands and fingers. Or he hides them in a way to restrain himself from touching everything he sees (I just cant help but to headcanon Horde Prime as a kinesthetic person who learns by touch and feeling)

2. Crossed legs

It's giving slut, its giving bad bitch, its giving if only I cared hon <3 and I love it

The way he sits shows just how comfortable he feels on his throne and in his role as an emperor - he's right where he thinks he belongs. In his case crossed legs also indicate that Prime feels confident and in control. Even when Adora sees him during this whole vessel maintenance process, even when Catra went against him, even when he was visiting the Fright Zone and sitting on Hordak's throne, even when a rebellion sparks on other occupied planets

And yeah, sometimes the emphasis on his legs is so obvious that it looks very fanservice-y, but not that I mind that >:}

Eventually u get so used to him sitting like this that when Prime doesnt cross his legs it feels so wrong and scandalous lol

But this only happened like 3 times. And I think he only changes his pose when he needs to concentrate (like when he searches through someone's memories) or when he feels like he's losing control (like when he felt enraged after She-Ra and co escaped the Velvet Glove)

Though I cant explain why he manspreads in the last screenshot, its from Save the Cat and I have no idea why'd he do that, it feels so wrong pls make him stop I'm scared

3. The iconic Prime pose

He's actual signature pose that really fits his character. It's dramatic, it has some similarities with irl holy/religious imagery, it makes Prime look like he's taking even more space, and it kinda reminds me of the way peacocks show off their tails :)

Gotta mention that when he doesnt do "the pose" Prime is still always doing something with his arms and posing almost thetrically, which is again, right on brand for him

3. The 👉👈

At first I didnt want to include this one cause I thought it was just an insignificant silly gesture he only does once, but then I actually caught Prime doing it again!

Then I've noticed that Prime often does this thing when he folds his hands in various ways, kinda forming a shape of a rhomb/diamond? The same as the one on the Horde emblem?

My main point though is that HP again seems to never know where to put his hands, which I find cute :з

4. The thinking pose

It's just funny how Prime always props his head on his left hand just so he won't accidentally poke his extra eyes out with his claws))

5. Smoothing the hair

I included this specifically because Prime only does this one time in the entire season. It's an uncharacteristic gesture for him. Especially since there's no hair to smooth, its all cabels with only little seen of his actual hair

Prime only did this after Scorpia disobeyed his order, letting Adora and Perfuma escape. For a moment he felt like he lost control over the situation AND one of his puppets, plus it was yet another time when She-Ra managed to survive and "win"

I will speculate that Prime used to do this gesture all the time somewhere in the past, when he didnt have his cable hair yet AND when he had less control over his "subjects"

So when on Etheria Prime's plans began to fail for the first time in forever and someone who supposed to be under his full control actually dared to disobey him he felt so frustrated and stressed that he might've mentally come back to those times when he wasnt yet "all powerful". When he often felt the need to calm himself down by fixing his hair and running his hand over it

What's interesting, Prime does something similar in this scene, only here he gives pets to one of his clones. I'm going to throw in another suggestion and say that it actually might've been someone else who used to help HP calm down in similar manner

6. Head shake

I could not stop thinking about this one simply because it annoyed me too much lol. I really don't get what is it with Prime always shaking his head and why it was only a thing in his debut episode. Anyway, he does this to emphasize the words "No" and "Never". And only when he is either really amused or angry. He also does this almost in a mocking condescending manner, probably because he saw Glimmer and Catra as some dumb children who won't get the message otherwise

Still don't get why he only does this in one episode and then this quirk of his is (mostly) completely forgotten

It was easier to make a video rather than a set of gifs, so enjoy me counting all the times when Prime shook his goddamn head

#spop #horde prime #shera #horde clones #spop meta #spacebats #the galactic horde #long post #ramblings #image heavy #this is fun #im so normal about this character as u can clearly see #ive been sitting on this idea for so long and now finally doing iiit #going to use this as a reference guide when i start working on a comic

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8turning · 7 months

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HII can u do a 8turn headcannon abt how they r like crushing on the reader and what they do to show the reader their love for them ?

thank you for this request!! apologies that it took me so long 💔

☆⠀⠀8TURN — when they're pining for you !

hyung line + jangshinz (separately) x gn ! reader ★ fluff. mutual pining. ★ headcannon

warnings: swearing. physical affection. let me know if i missed anything!

n. i have a similar headcannon here about how they'd show their love; this fic will focus more on how they pine for reader since a lot of my thoughts are already shared on that post!! ♡ also this derailed a bit,,, there's implied confessions HELP sorry 🤒

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀〈 REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED ! 〉

⁰⁰¹ : JAEYUN.

wouldn't realize he liked you until someone pointed it out to him 1/2 🤕

^ he would regret thinking deeper about what yoonsung had told him: "are you sure you don't feel anything for them?" . . . queue a montage of every single memory he has with you where his stomach did a "weird flip" that he never chose to acknowledge.

basically. jaeyun was fucked LOL

BUT despite his revelation, he managed to keep himself composed pretty well. he was never overly affectionate with the members so him suddenly getting lost in his thoughts a lot wasn't exactly foreign.

what was foreign, though, was his very apparent distance.

to be fair, he wasn't fully aware he was doing it. it was more so "when i'm around them i get this Feeling. i cant handle that Feeling right now," then he kinda just. goes somewhere else for the time being.

you'd realize it, overthink it all, and text him on a whim that you needed to talk to him.

he'd get so nervous and only then would he really think about his behavior and . . . yeah you deserved an explanation, even if it resulted in rejection for him :(

he wouldn't speak first. he'd want you to feel welcomed to let out any emotion you were feeling; you were the one who wanted to talk, it wouldn't be right of him to take over.

he'd know that no matter his reason, him suddenly avoiding you and saying "i didn't realize" wasn't going to cut it, so swallowing whatever anxiety he had, he confessed then and there. it wasn't too in depth, of course, but it didn't feel right for him to hide it any longer - especially after everything.

but, the silence that followed his confession made all the anxiety bubble up again, only for you to speak about your reciprocated feelings.

in an unknown way, him pulling back from you is what brought you two together in the end; strange how that works.

⁰⁰² : MYUNGHO.

he's not shy in the slightest LMFAOO 💀 it'd be more shocking if you didn't know he liked you.

it doesn't even matter if you two were hanging out with other people either, he'd make a point to sit by you during a movie. even if it wasn't a horror movie, he'd still tell you that if you're scared, you can cling to him (as if he is any better with scary movies . . . his arm ends up around your shoulder anyways).

he's not usually one for talking during a movie, but he cant help but crack jokes here and there, using that as an excuse to lean in closer to you and watch as you try to hold your laughter in, his eyes watching you adoringly.

myungho would pull you into your own little world when you're with one another,,, he'd literally be so obvious about his feelings for you i'm crying.

openly flirting and complimenting you non-stop,,, holding eye contact if you ever caught him looking at you,,,

myungho would literally tell you how much he liked you straight up 🤭 "i like you a lot, y'know that?" "i'm so glad i met you." "you'll let me stay with you, right?"

the only time EVER he'd get shy if it was you who initiated something. he'd actually lose his mind.

it'd be such a stark contrast to the myungho you knew previously that you couldn't help but laugh a bit whenever you caught him like that.

holding his hand out of nowhere or leaning your head on his shoulder is a surefire way to make heat rise along his neck and make him go speechless.

he's so open about it and talks about you so much. his members are SICK OF HIM!!!! /j

minho probably threatened that if he doesn't make a move soon that he'll ask you out himself . . . you'd get a message from myungho the next morning ♡

⁰⁰³ : MINHO.

bye he's so so playful and he'd be able to cover up how he truly felt pretty well, which was both a positive and a negative for him.

positive: he'd be able to hug you nonchalantly or tap his cheek asking for a kiss and you'd think nothing of it.

negative: you'd think nothing of it.

since minho often acts this way with his friends as well, he slowly becomes self-conscious of his actions, worrying that that's all you saw him as - a friend.

he'd probably slowly try to either a: be more forward with you, or b: reserve certain actions for you only.

minho would stop blowing kisses to myungho and asking seungheon to kiss his cheek. he might even go as far as to not be as physically affectionate with his members anymore.

slowly letting you come to the conclusion yourself that the way he treats you is different from his members.

if you weren't the type to fight against him when he acted this way, if you suddenly started reciprocating the same actions towards him, his head would start spinning.

if it was a normal occurrence for you to return his energy, he'd start to wonder if you treated your friends like this as well.

but . . . he never saw you cling onto jaeyun's arms like you do with him . . . and you don't look at haemin the same way you look at him . . . hm . . .

minho crushing on you would be hard to detect until he made more of an effort to let his guard down about it.

you'd pick up on his behavior change pretty quickly which only opened the conversation of "why are you suddenly treating me like i'm special?"

(hint: its because you are special to him).

⁰⁰⁴ : YOONSUNG.

he is taking this to his GRAVE!!! he'd try to be so so so secretive and discreet.

yoonsung falls hard and doesn't want to overwhelm you with how he feels and everything :( wants to try and soak in the feeling of crushing on you but every time he sees you he just gets so overjoyed and just wants to confess right then and there.

which is why he feels he needs to take this to his grave 😭 he's not sure if he will ever be able to fully "calm down" around you enough to properly confess to you the way you deserve to be confessed (he thinks you deserve the world).

tries to act as Normal as he can around you, but most of the time i think he'd fall kind of silent.

whether you're with a group of friends or just talking one-on-one, he'd get so wrapped up in his thoughts and become uncharacteristically quiet.

it was a constant internal battle for yoonsung. he wanted to be near you but also knew he likely couldn't hide how he felt for much longer.

unlike minho, yoonsung wasn't going to hug you or hold your hand out of no where. he did this with his friends, sure, but he didn't see you as just a friend, which made physical affection towards you that much harder.

the lines would get blurred in his brain and he feared if you reciprocated, even if it was platonic, he'd make an assumption that could end up hurting him.

of course, yoonsung was unaware of your feelings towards him as well, and seeing him seemingly pulling away from you, you subconsciously do the same :(

he doesn't realize just how different he was acting towards you until that moment, and as if his heart took control over his brain, he'd spill all of his feelings for you, doing his best to explain away his behavior.

and it worked - who could stay mad at him for too long?

⁰⁰⁵ : HAEMIN.

wouldn't realize he liked you until someone pointed it out to him 2/2 💔

everything would be going perfectly fine for haemin,,, until minho jokingly commented about how much he liked you. then that became all he thought about.

begin haemin's internal debate of if he liked you romantically or not! and if it was true (it was), how long? upon actually giving it a lot of thought . . . he's liked you for a while without really processing his feelings effectively.

and now,,, he cannot properly face you!! at least, not in the beginning.

everything hits him so fast and he's forced to process his emotions at a rapid pace now. he does a decent job at hiding his inner turmoil about the topic, but he eventually confides in kyungmin about it (though it wasn't on purpose),, kyungmin just caught him while he was dazed!! totally not like he went to kyungmin stressing about possibly ruining your friendship hahaha . . .

once he was able to fully "recover" and process everything, he's a goner. heart eyes are permanent.

just so absolutely infatuated with everything you do and say. comes around more often and always manages to take the spot next to you if you're with a group of people.

always always always joking around with you because he loves the sound of your laugher and how happy you seem when you smile, especially when you smile because of him.

in a twisted ending, haemin is grateful that minho made him fall into a crisis. if he hadn't, he wouldn't have been able to have these moments with you.

once you end up together, minho rightfully takes full credits for the relationship starting, kyungmin taking credit for helping haemin get over his fear of ruining everything between you two.

so - albeit his disagreement - haemin accepts that they should get some credit for their help.

but how it all came to be doesn't matter much, as long as in the end, he ended up with you.

⁰⁰⁶ : KYUNGMIN.

i'm not usually fond of the trope of someone who brings up the person they like every time they can but,,,, kyungmin does exactly that. his members get so tired of him for it too HELP (he's gotten into the practice of just,, thinking of you instead of verbally bringing you up so often).

his members' anger (/j) doesn't stop him though!! every chance he gets he talks about you,, the only time that stops is when you're around 🧍‍♂️

you BET the members are gonna poke fun at him for that too LMFAO

when you're around, he'd be much more into listening rather than speaking himself.

"platonic" kisses on the backs of your hands. "platonic" hand holding. (nothing about it is platonic).

kyungmin would love love love to rest his head on your shoulder!! whether he's standing behind you while talking with a group of friends or sitting next to each other watching a movie, he just likes the feeling (bonus points if his arm is looped under yours to play with your fingers).

he'd be in his own head a lot,,, daydreaming and such,,, even though you're right next to him 🧍‍♂️

if you were to nudge him while he was like this, he'd look at you with the most love-filled gaze.

he didn't have to say anything to you, just from the way he looked at you and the light blush forming on his cheeks, you knew. the way your stomach filled with butterflies as you held his gaze was also a great indicator that his look meant something more.

it was then when he saw how your gaze changed too - it changed to one that matched his own. with a deep breath, he'd squeeze your hand before a smile spread across his face.

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couchie · 9 months

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as an on-and-off elbow crutch user, lemme tell yall abt my experiences

it got kinda long so im putting it in the read-more

it slows you down

especially in stairs, you have to put both your feet in one step to go to the next. that means it takes me twice the time to go up or down stairs than an abled bodied person, and that is when they're not speeding

you really cant speed much, be it on flat road or on stairs. it doesnt speed u up much and the only thing that happens is you get tired from using so much effort

people having to wait for you makes you self-conscious, even if they are understanding about it

carrying anything is a nightmare. backpacks can throw your balance off. you cannot hang a bag on the handles of your crutches cause you have to LIFT those bitches. and if you're only using one crutch, carrying the bag in the empty hand also throws you off balance

you only have a maximum of one hand available at all times

you need people to get out of the way. you need more moving space and standing space for moving with crutches

the crutches make your hands sore. you're carrying your weight with them after all. you can need to take a moment to rest only to soothe your palms, even if your legs arent tired

sitting is always a hassle with leg injuries, and that becomes a bigger mess when you need to also find a non-obstructive place to put your crutches to. they need to be easily accessible to you

standing up is also very hard. it depends on what your disabilities are but the faster you find a way to comfortably stand up, the better

people *will* try and take your crutches. Do Not do that. i dont care if you're fascinated by them or if you wanna play around and swing urself or if u wanna hold onto them while i sit. unless i explicitly ask you to, do Not take my crutches. and if you do, don't set it down anywhere, hand it off to somebody else, or leave it somewhere i cant get to. wait for further instructions. do i want you to put them at somewhere specific? do i want you to give them back to me? do what i want you to with them, nothing more and nothing less

people get curious and it gets really tiring to answer the same questions. i dont owe you an explanation and i dont want your curiosity or your pity

yes it's real sad that your distant relative also had one accident so they had to use crutches too. yeah there are canes and underarm crutches and wheelchairs but this is what i am using. yes people may need them for different reasons and it's not your place to judge or question it. can i please keep walking?

crutches get dirty from being used everywhere and the handles sweaty from your palms and they need cleaning

you will get looks no matter what aid you are using

idk if it's just me but going downhill is very hard with crutches. uphill too but when it's downhill i'm also afraid of falling and rolling downhill 😭

getting in and out of cars is a hassle. btw, for safety, you should put your crutches on the ground under your feet

acquiring a shower stool might just be what you need. also get non-slip plastic rugs to lay on the bathtub/shower floor. getting someone to help you shower isnt shameful

if you drop something, woe is you. where do you put your crutches? how do you crouch to get them? the best thing to do, in that case, is to ask for help. people wont mind, believe me. and if you're alone, be careful and take your time

creaky crutches are the worst💔💔

being able to walk without crutches doesnt mean ur faking. not having more pain without crutches doesnt mean ur faking. stop being so hard on yourself

it's not our duty to educate people. if you're so curious go do a basic google search before questioning me. because, consider how many times i get the same questions in the same day

seeing another mobility aid user brings a sense of belonging and you bring the same feeling to people without visible disabilities

be unapologetically yourself. take up space. dont be sorry for needing aid

take care. i love you 🫶

#funguy🍄#disability #actually disabled #mobility aid #crutches

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safetyobstacles · 5 months

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starting o segredo na floresta now, im either gonna finish this in a week or its gonna take months good luck me

update - i love joui

joui, its a little cloudy out, roll for sanity. joe, you stubbed your toe, roll sanity. joui did you just frown???????? roll a sanity test with disadvantage. that was cool joui, you gain 1 sanity. just kidding somewhere in the netherlands a child tripped and scraped their knee, you lose 10 sanity.

i think im going to put my updates under the cut instead of spamming posts B) beware of spoil

UPDATE

if cellbit takes liz or thiago from me ill never forgive him

this bar has to be its own paranormal entity, thiago would have died if the gun had a bullet in it and cristopher nearly got knifed to death in their first fight loll

EP 2

npc thiago about to be the most useless mf ever i swear if he dies to a stray ant or something ill cry just put him in a box for safe keeping

what would i do without the mental image of joui dropkicking every monster he sees

liz why are you finger painting with the ooze monsters remains and why did it give you 1 hp ?????? NEVERMIND

EP 3

RACCOON bro has 8 health but he sure is happy

faz um teste de sanidade

when i said thiago was gonna die to an ant i didnt actually mean kill him with giant spiders

cristopher no please dont climb a tree these are spiders they can climb nah bro cristopher is dead af im gonna miss him. bro cellbit just kill him already bros dead 2 hp

damn

ep 4

at this rate luba doesnt even need to roll sanity we all know hes gonna fail anyways joui's having the worst two days of his life

jesus christ i just woke up i cant handle this shit cesar's punching a hole in my itty bitty heart bones

please stop talking about leticio's cacetinho

EP 5 how long is too long for a tumblr post btw

the starting soon screen replaced cris with arthur notlikethis

cellbit is far too happy about them going to this house i hate it i hate it

i would like for them to leave a casa now :))) they got gregório time to go :) DAMN JOUI JUST GOT STEAMROLLED BY THAT ZOMBIE ROLLED A 99 VS CELLS 1 jesus christ thiago LOL NO WAY GREGÓRIO IS DEAD AF bro was just taking a nap in the car and this is what he gets

that was horribly stressful its 3 am how am i supposed to sleep after that

to be fair, if i was rodolfo and liz didnt use the tazer, i would have just dragged gregório in front of arthur and killed him in right in front of his face soo...

ROLLED 100 LOOOOOOOOOOOOL a caverna

COOL GUY ALERT HOPE HE DOESNT KILL BRULIO HAHAhahaaa

EP 6 I HAVE GREAT ANXIETY THIS MESTRE GUY IS ABOUT TO KILL HALF THE SQUAD

luba i know youve been rolling absolute dog shit the last 5 episodes but this one really counts buddy brulio :(

most stressful hour of youtube ive ever sat through i cant believe they all lived

A PORTA FORTE

EP 7 im so glad they're going back to the house im so happy ive never wanted anything else this is great nothing could go wrong in this house nothing

7 episodes in and ive just now realised that he keeps talking about circles and spirals and those have significance with a certain element and now i want them to leave carpazinha go back home forget this ever happened

undressing with the homies in the haunted basement next to a dead old man

not thiago canonically talking to a bookshelf after complaining about joui's whispering to his shotgun

THIS GRAVE IS SO COMPLICATEDDDD I BET ITS FUCKING EMPTY THEYRE ARGUING ABOUT HOW TO "knock out" AN OLD LADY AND ITS PROBABLY JUST WORMS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE GRAVEEE

this whole graveyard scene has me in tears thiago staring at nothing while they try to get him to unmute, old guy on the phone, joui picking up the old lady i just laughed so hard i feel ill

the one time joui doesnt fail a roll he loses 6 SANITY?? 8 SANITY?????????????? SENHORA VOCE TA BEM????? YOU JUST CHOKED HER OUT JOUI WAIT SHES GONNA DIE??????????? SHES GOING TO DIE???????????? THE GASOLINE IN THE MOUTH??

grounded from the shotgun for 1 week

EP 8

Thiago's pants are still fucked up from last episode btw

about to have a tpk over alchohol poisoning

if cesar survives this campaign hes gonna put as many points possible into forgery

a caverna im goign fuckign crazy the god of tdeath pr spomething is in this cave theyre gonna walk inside trip on a pebble and get eaten by hundreds of tiny cave beetles

Victor is absolutely about to get his face eated by a spider and/or be swallowed by the cave

ok but santo berço looks kinda cool like i would live there

EP 9 he just (re?)released osnf merch but i refuse to be spoiled by absolutely anything ive done so well i will not be tainted by cesar's really cool green on black long sleeve

wait i love the gatekeeper its a shame this town is probably a hallucination and theyre all actually slowly dying in the middle of the forest GIANT COWS I LOVE THE GIANT COWS WITH REGULAR SIZED HEADS

????????????????????????????????FELPS??????????????????????

buttery butter

thiago this is why you should have quit smoking

?????FELPS?????????

EP 10 so if thiago hadnt used the lighter would felps still be alive, probably just would have died later B)

bro joui has got to buy new dice this is crazy

this is gonna be the average 2 star motel experience BRO JUST DABBED ON CESAR liz is about to get bodied by the hallway ghosts this is just like a regular motel HUH UHHHHHHH

no joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy

mom i want to go home i dont want to stay in santo berço anymore jesus christ

EP 11 how am i supposed to just start the next episode after that i think the mental image of brulio beating arthurs skull in is burned into my brain space

sandwich sandwich

i love the giant cows so much i want one GIANT CHICKEN LAY GIANT EGG I LOVE THE GIANT CHICKEN intimidating the human sized pig

EP 12 still thinking about how cellbit thought new zealand was so close to europe, he was so sure of it that he was making me unsure of where i knew new zealand was

both times thiago was played by cellbit some horrific shit happened so with arthur being an npc this episode im prepared for the worst also this starting soon screen is fucking wicked

are you telling me joui's max sanity is now 12 bros been losing it for so long hes stuck like this joui is the "damn, you live like this?" meme

CELLBO ROLEPLAYED TOO HARD HIS HEADSET JOINED AS AN ENEMY AND BEAT HIS SETUP

"that sounds like a book title" bro let the intrusive thought win

baby nidere

no way the cow has been suffering this whole time ill cry

theyre about to rp their way into an angry medieval mob when they get found with the body of the dead gatekeeper B) does santo berço have dungeons, bc if they do thats where theyll be sleeping tonight nvm the gatekeeper has demons inside him sorry joui HUh no way they killed the gatekeeper dude wtf

EP 13 chat's a bit excited to go in the cave guys if anyone reads this what am i supposed to do once i finish this season. what do you mean i just have to go onto desconjuração. what do you mean i have to leave this story behind. please let me keep all the characters in this one.

THE CAVE MAP IS COOOOOOL THE LIGHT MOVES WITH THE MINER everyone struggling to flip their characters 5 mins into the cave made me laugh so hard i had to pause to breathe

I LOVE MOLES DUDE THEYRE SO COOL ok but i dont love this many moles BRO I LOVE MOTHS TOO THIS IS AWESOME wait no i hate bats THIS MOTH IS SUFFERINGGGGG

THE SUCC hes about to kill them all with the Succ out of spite thiago never mock one of cellbit's monsters again ARTHUR ZIUM

door door door door door door door door door door the gatekeeper is alive???

ih arthur nah dude let go of cesar :(((((((((((( gotta hand it to arthur hes survived two of these situations now get it, hand it to him, CAUSE HE LOST HIS FUCKING ARM WTF HIS ARM DETATCH LIKE A LEGO sorry i vote we still kill the gatekeeper just in case just to be safe

EP 14 did cellbit have a past traumatic experience with a vacuum is that why he created the Succ

agatha?????? bro agatha's life sucked big pp

every time cellbit says hes excited for something i grow more afraid

if they kill and eat the gatekeeper would he also taste delicious just wondering

i think i might know the reason why 12 sanity joui has a funky grey form but 55 sanity thiago doesnt, but maybe im crazy nevermind thiago had the funky grey within him this whole time wait does that mean hes gonna die if santo berço dies DAMN

joui just really wants to see thiago naked also hes just blatantly stealing arthur's knife he really is losing all his sanity that was possibly the most unconvincing "nada" ive ever heard

EP 15 before i start a new episode i always go to the vod on twitch and watch the memes first so i can go "hehe" for five minutes, and then go "oh no" for the next 4 hours

hypothetically, if joui managed to get the symbol on him before anyone noticed would he have just lost all 12 of his sanity and gone mad cuz that would have been crazy :,)

this is it cellbit is finally going to kill npc thiago joui is so very happy about his shotgun i thought maybe he was getting better but hes whispering to it again

alright whats up with cellbit and the outwards opening doors because i swear i have never seen a door that opens out instead of in, are all the doors like that in his home these doors are made to have creatures attack from inside ih i just checked like 3 times to make sure i was on the right episode lmaoooo

"pobre martha" DAAAAAAMN MARIANA ICE COLD

one buff woman vs all 3 equipe kelvin who will win (1 woman) crazy that equipe kelvin managed to accomplish what took our group 9 episodes to get to lool they even got the leticio cacetinho dlc, but they did skip the spider boss fight and the entire house level

THE BLACKSMITH IS MIGUEL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

EP 16 the joui, liz, and arthur cosplay look like theyre going to a nice dinner meanwhile thiago, kenan, and cesar just look homeless

idk if thiago's making it out of this one :,) maybe we just take thiago's weapons its not like he can do much to help anyways kenan wants to skin him listen brother i dont think thats gonna work im at the 52 min mark and cellbit is acting sus af the blacksmith is about to appear and stomp them all or something

joui would roll a 99 and nearly knife cesar and liz is trying so hard not to metagame her way to the explosive backpack loving how trigger happy joui is right now go on guys give him more explosives what the worst that could happen

is kenan also a wellspring do they have to kill him cuz thats gonna be kind of awkward and on that note since thiago has the symbol on him does that make him a wellspring too ill cry i will cry

NOT JOUI APOLOGIZING FOR LYING ABOUT HIS SAMURAI ANCESTRY

damn that scene between joui, liz, and thiago was the best in the entire season

i would like to take this moment before they all get swallowed alive by some horrible sludge tentacle monster to proclaim my absolute hatred of Santo Berço. I know i said at the end of episode 8 that i thought it looked cool but im over it ive moved past that point in my life i hate Santo Berço

BIG GOOEY MEATBALL

"the people are happy here!" says the blacksmith as he currently has 5 people forcefully locked up for decades that have gone mad with probably no way of ever regaining their sanity i just realised miguel and the old blacksmith fucked so hard they had a kid

final boss aboutta come crawling out of the meatball please stop trying to skin thiago the symbol isnt gonna come off

THAT WAS SICK AF THEYRE ALL DEAD AS HELL

???????????????????? "kenan you have one last sane move before i take your character and throw him off a cliff"

post i made after i finished osnf (made like 3 days later because i was so so so so so so so so so so sad)

https://www.tumblr.com/safetyobstacles/739056899257942016/i-finished-osnf-after-almost-2-months-and-you-know?source=share

#ordem paranormal #osnf #really excited for this tho #first series got me hype #manteiga na manteiga

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patrice-bergerons · 1 year

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Now you've got me thinking about how fanon treats Q and Bond, I'll share with you my favourite headcanon: Something that somehow makes it into most things I write is that bond plays stupid to get out of writing reports but can handle Q telling him to do basic shit on a job and Q puts together he's playing up his tech illiteracy to get out of it. Or he looks it up. Maybe its because I work as a network engineer but you can find any issue on google/stackexchange with minimal looking and it'll be a detailed guide a 5 year old could follow.

Bond doesnt like to feel out of his depth but he doesn't like showing just how much he knows. Also he likes to mess with Q and throw him off. It really bothers me when they write James as stronkman who relies on Q for smarts, and Q who cant do shit besides press buttons. When people write them sniping at eachother its always so cutesy, bond is very self destructive and totally goes way too far sometimes, And Q should be someone who doesn't take that shit from him. It's why they work. More people need to rewatch skyfall because it sets all of that out so well.

OMG yes yes yes - absolutely what you said.

I have a post about this floating somewhere but I too hate the genuinely tech illiterate Bond hc so fucking much, especially because he is quite clever for one and for two we see that he is quite good with technology in Casino Royale and Quantum. Especially in CR, the man hacks so many computers/phones to track things down on his own when M tells him off.

I think by the time we get to Skyfall, technology maybe has moved faster than he has, and he can no longer go hack into networks on his own and so on but still he has that lightning quick mind and for example: helps Q break Silva's encryption.

Which is all to say I love your interpretation of him actually being quite capable but playing dumb to get out of things and to mess with Q and keep his cards close to his chest - that's absolutely on brand for who he is - and also that Q is not going to take that shit from him. You are so right that many in the fandom need to rewatch skyfall!

#james bond #00q #long post #with your blessing i am embracing this hc wirh open arms

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beeseverywhen · 2 months

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pikmin vs pikmin 4- my thoughts on some of the changes

so i've been replaying pikmin this week after playing a lot of pikmin 4 and i had some thoguhts over the differences. i actually meant to make this post yesterday and i've now forgotten a lot of what i had to say whoops but i'll give it a shot.

so first of all. difficulty. it's a lot harder to get pikmin killed in pikmin 4. in some ways i found this a bit disappointing but playing pikmin again really put things in context lol. you can kill them so easily in the original! personally i think for me the ideal level of difficulty would be somewhere in between. the struggle to keep my pikmin alive in the first game was pretty formative for me lol. i think taking out that struggle for survival and risk of huge battle losses does lose something. i've always seen something of a commentary in pikmin that im not sure is in the newer games thanks to it being easier to keep your pikmin alive. HOWEVER i'm actually all about making games more accessible especially for kids. when games are really hard a lot of ppl just cant complete them/cant get in to them. i think what i would like to have seen from pikmin 4 was the option of different difficulty levels tbh. that way as a pikmin veteran you could pick a harder level, upskilling the monsters, while the original difficulty is still an option.

on the other hand, there are some ways that pikmin die in the first one that i'm SO glad they fixed. first of all-drowning. drowning is so annoying in the first game.m it's really really hard to get the pikmin out of the water to start with. and they drown for so long. theres a point where they are beyond saving but they keep on screaming for ages anyway. it makes me sad lol.

second. getting stuck around walls. oh my god. its so easy to lose pikmin as youre walking around. and when you call your whistle you need to show them how to actually get back to you? if you dont they dont make their way back to you. im so glad they fixed this because it was incredibly annoying tbh. theres actually a second part to this that i didnt think i liked until i replayed the original. so with nectar, you have to actually throw your pikmin at the nectar most of the time in pikmin 4. im used to just being able to walk through it with my crowd of pikmin but this didnt work so well in 4. i didnt realise till my replay of pikmin that this is actually a good thing. in pikmin you lose pikmin walking with you because they get distracted by the nectar. if youre not careful they'll fall behind and end up lost at the end of the day.

the pikmins freewill. they really do do what they want in the original. its so hard to keep them alive because they'll just start carrying things mid battle. they attack everything. they are hugely distracted by nectar. they'll wander off and start attacking pellet flowers. while to a degree they still do this in 4, its way way easier to keep a handle on it. i actually like the idea that in game this has happened because the pikmin have more experience of hanging out with olimar and being directed and have passed that knowledge on.

the whistle. ok i love the whistle upgrades. just being able to call all the pikmin back to home at the end of the day is so good. i do think its a little overpowered because pikmin are generally safer in pikmin 4? but if we had this option in the origial it would be so great. im thinking something that gets added in late game. theres still a chance theyll get distracted/attacked/drown on their way back to you but you can at least TRY to call them back. i also love the whistle that calls pikmin back to you.

enemies staying dead- i'm mixed about this. i think that i'd like them to stay dead for a few days but then when you leave the area/after you progress in the game they get replaced with harder enemies?

time rewind- i'm mixed on this. i think its a bit overpowered. it might be good if it only comes in to play during a boss fight?

the dog. look. i didnt want a dog. i was not down with oatchi to begin with. after playing pikmin 4…yeah i do kind of like it. i think i'd prefer him not to be a dog. it added another level to the universe that was never really explained and i felt like it was motivated by a 'dogs are cute' fanservice kinda thing. not really my cup of tea. one of the things i really love about pikmin is it takes cute animals and makes them terrifying. oh a little ladybird? what if it was huge and bloodthirsty. i ended up reallly liking the extra level oatchi added to puzzles. i liked that you had to do some bits with him and the other with your player, i just would have liked something that felt more fitting with the world. a tame dwarf bulborb would be hilarious tbh.

go here- when i was playing pikmin 4 i was mixed about this. i kinda thought it took some of the challenge away and didnt use it at first but then i kinda changed my mind. like the whistle, i think it becomes overpowered because theres no danger involved. you can clear out the monsters first and you know nothing is gonna happen while youre on autopilot. after playing pikmin i think i'd actually really like a go here option, i think it just needs to be balanced out by there being a bit more risk involved in using it. personally ive found myself getting really frustrated playing the original because i get lost a lot. this is in part because i generally struggle with using maps particularly in older games where you cant see what is and isnt passable as well (this is more of a personal thing as i have a condition that affects my ability to orientate/use maps efficiently tbh)

advancements/design changes- so modern tech has obviously allowed for some major improvements in how things look. going from new camera controls back to gamecube ones was…disappointing to say the least lol. i love that its easier to see what you are doing on these newer games. i love that its easier to target and actually throw the pikmin where you want them to go. its generally easier to move around and things are less clunky. i do think that a bit of the magic gets lost in some of the design changes tbh. i understand why theyve been made. the original developers probably wanted them there to start with but were restricted by the technology of the time (god. it really has been 2 decades. madness. i've been playing with these little guys for over 20 years lol).

i really liked the white hole-ey walls in the original, bring them back! i also actually liked that there were so many walls and a lot of things were more closed off. that typical pikmin feeling of 'i've got the treasure from the boss but now i cant bloody get it back' was missing a bit. i know that this is because modern games go more for that open world approach (even tho pikmin isnt) but i think it just makes sense in the story for things to be more closed off. i think bags and box ramps seem to have replaced the plentyful walls and… i would like more walls.

i also love the woven bridges where it breaks down over time and you need to get the pikmin to make it again. i just think they look cool.

i also like the little piles of bombs you can find and i like that you've got to have the yellow pikmin carry them around for you. what do you mean im just putting bombs in my pocket??! maybe there could be a function where in later game you could earn some kind of upgrade where you CAN store bombs. some kind of bomb proof container. but i still think the yellow pikmin should be in charge of bombs. they are the demolition experts.

i would like more use of climbing sticks too.

i liked that the landing spaces were kind of ringfenced off in the original. every landing space is its own little area, usually set in a depression in the land if not a little raised bit. i like that. tbh i dont really have an opinion on there being multiple homebases in 4. i know some ppl love it. im pretty neutral on it tbh. i would like the homebases to be set in some kind of depression/ have landscaping to set them aside tho. i just like the feel of it better. my pikmin feel safer lol. considering how dangerous the world is im not sure it makes sense for us to all be chill with landing out in the open like that and leaving our ship and the onion to it.

another thing that to me is huge but i do kinda get why they changed it and i think most ppl probably dont agree with me here… i miss there being seperate onions! i get why, i do. ppl probably didnt like that you couldnt get all your pikmin in one go and had to go to seperate onions. personally i loved that. i loved seeing the onions i'd collected in the landing area and i loved seeing them all fly off together at the end of the day. i loved that the landing areas were designed around the number of onions you'd have at the end of the game so that until then you'd be looking at that space like. i wonder whats going to go there. when will i find my last onion. what will it be like. i also love when the onion springs out of the ground all colourful when you find it. maybe they could be buried but when the pikmin uncovers it THEN it springs up?? i want that back. i do get that it would be annoying to have to get pikmin from each onion when there are loads of them and some ppl dont like that. i think this could be solved by you being able to access the all pikmin screen from your ship. then when you select the pikmin the ship alerts the onions and the pikmin come running out of the onions.

the centre spot for the ship and the 3 spots for red yellow and blue would be stylistic like in the original pikmin and would be there from the start even before you find the onions.

then the 6 surrounding spots would be less obvious, to the point that you dont really notice them until you find the first unusual onion. i know youre probably thinking: hold on a second 6? yeah i would give the glow pikmin a onion. maybe it only shows up at night or maybe it is there in the day but its colour is dull showing it's not avaliable.

while we're on the topic of the onions, i also prefer their original design. i'd love to see them looking the same, only more vibrant and in better definition. i particularly like the patterns round the bottom edge, the legs, and also the flowers on these ones.

edit: oh i totally forgot. the other design change im in two minds about is the sun meter. i think it looks better in the original.

also. i love that its easier to switch what colour pikmin you are holding and that charging is way easier.

im pretty neutral on the restricition of pikmin in the field. maybe i'd prefer it if you could upgrade that faster/if it had a higher starting point??? not sure yet i'll have to think. i dont like that there are more farlics avaliable even once youve reached 100 and the number of pikmin cant increase.

#pikmin 4 #pikmin

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selamat-linting · 7 months

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There are millions of things that were once considered supernatural that have since been proven as scientific reality. Platypuses, for one.

At some point "I don't believe in the supernatural" becomes "Science has already discovered everything there is to be discovered".

Which is factually incorrect.

One could argue that space aliens are supernatural. They are also incredibly likely to exist, somewhere out in the infinite expanse.

You don't just believe that magic isn't real, you also believe that if something is real it cannot be magical.

In a world where children's laughter exists?

How silly of you.

maybe you should understand the context of what im writing first asshole. in my country, we have faith healers, people who say they can fix a stroke with a massage, people who believe the stars align someone's career and personality, people who claim they can double money with some chants and help from djinns, people who put graveyard soil on their competitors' shop. people who ate convince thousands of severely ill people to stop chemo treatments to drink prayer water. people who collect gemstones and call it magic then sell it to a high price for desperate people down on their luck. and sooo many grifters saying they could speak to the dead. that is the "magic" im talking about. where in the world did i refer to magic as a metaphorical descriptor for something beautiful?

"magic" in my life, is a code for grifters, people using the naivety, desperation, and grief of others to drain them of money, giving them false hope, or worse. you have no idea how many cases of parents that were misled by local witch doctors saying their kids arent actually dead forever in the woods, theyre just taken to the realm of invisible beings and will come back someday. or mentally ill people and neurodivergent kids literally tortured in an effort to exorcise ghosts and bad spirits. spiritual gurus sexually harrassing vulnerable women for cleansing/ritual purposes, or faith healers and mediums who realized they cant keep up the lie anymore so they started killing and raping their clients. do you want me to send you a fucking of all that news stories that happen in my country? my country doesnt need more magical thinking, we need scientific and secular education, and a conscious effort to get rid of those superstitions or else we'll be stuck praying to various entities and magic items instead of actively revolting and working together to make a better country.

also where the fuck did i say science has already discovered everything? im saying im a skeptic, that means i believe everything has a scientific explanation, but that doesnt mean science have already figured everything out nor that its free of criticism. i dont doubt i will die with the knowledge that we only know so little about the universe we might as well call ourselves cavemen.

also where the fuck did i bring up aliens you freak?

forgive me for assuming but, let me guess : you skim read my personal post and instantly paint me as a stuffy skeptic bro who adheres to reason and hates whimsy despite barely knowing me or my life. youre shadowboxing over someone you created in your head but youre convinced youre fighting me. well i may be wrong so i apologize beforehand

but anyway, i hope youre just a stranger who never reads this reply. if youre not, then you really should have read my pinned post before deciding to follow my blog or be my mutual. i already write it down there that im critical to any form of magical thinking and supernatural bullshit. leave my fucking blog if you cant handle it.

but no matter who you are, i hope you got scammed by a faith healer and had a botched suicide attempt after realizing youve fucked up your entire recovery process and lost all of your money and potential. or yknow what, cut the middle man. just kill yourself tonight. youre into magic right? you believe in those signs of the universe and lucky numbers stuff? cmiiw but if its true i hope you know that this is a sign from the universe to kill yourself.

#asks #might delete this later #because some of the words here are harsh #but i kinda want to be a messy bitch for a few hourse #i got hate anons sometimes but this type of stuff is just... ugh. annoying in a way i cant describe

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inkthecat · 8 months

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OC - Lark Penn

sometimes you impulsively make an oc at 2 am and then you keep turning them around in your head for the next few hours unable to sleep because theyre so skrunkly and suddenly its 6 am and you NEED to draw them. anyway this is my baby lark i love them very much

pokemon oc if it wasnt obvious already dkfjlasdkjflasd but aaahhhhh theyre so baby aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

lark penn, they/them, 16 years old, from eterna city in sinnoh, so very tired. aspiring artist with a special love for sculpture. their parents are kinda busy 24/7 so they just kinda raised themselves (and they had really nice elderly neighbors who taught them how to cook and also how to do a mean right hook if anyone ever tried to hurt them).

more info under the cut if youre interested!

they wear loose, long sleeved clothing with less saturated colors, and almost always wear a scarf. when they were younger they believed the flowy ends could be wings. theyre emotionally and socially awkward (like me :D) and cant handle people being around them very well. they always put in earbuds with music when they go grocery shopping (also me afdbfasffhhfcgfbn)

they really really like flying types. they met ven the zubat in a cave somewhere while they were stumbling along looking for cool rocks. they didnt have any pokemon at that point so ven kind of maybe poisoned them a bit (there are a lot of humans that come through the ravaged path and a good percentage of them dont do anything good. flash bright lights, break parts of the walls, litter, etc etc) and lark was like. oh. that sure happened. and theyre like "hey mx. zubat? uh. do you know the way out? i get that you poisoned me out of a sense of self defense so ill see myself out but im kinda lost also i probably need medical help" and ven is like. bestie you fr right now and shows them out of the cave where they promptly collapse and ven kinda likes this human at this point so they go get help. long story short, woah its lark's first pokemon! theyre besties!

umbra the corviknight was brought to sinnoh as a rookidee by a rich galarian trainer on vacation. sinnoh is very much colder than galar (in my hc at least) and the baby bird's wings could not handle it. consequently her battling was severely hindered, so the entitled rich trainer shoved her off to someone else (who happened to be lark. they were just at the right pokemon center at the right time) and they were having none of it. then they realized umbra would be in a much better home if they accepted her. ven proceeded to leave the rich trainer with poison and a nasty bite on the ankle. umbra has been added to the party! she adapts to the colder climate gradually and with much care from lark

lark isnt a battler but ven definitely is. ven is a fast and bitey little menace who prefers staying unevolved because they love it when people underestimate a tiny zubat and then get obliterated. also they really like being small and sleeping in lark's scarf (and they are kinda scared to become a golbat. they saw a big one being a bully back in the cave and theyre scared evolution will make them meaner. it wont and they know it, but lark doesnt mind ven napping in their scarf for as long as they want to). umbra...umbra likes battling sometimes, but she doesnt like it when its too intense. reminds her of her old trainer. not good. she doesnt mind evolving- her evolution into corvisquire was out of something like fear that she wasnt good enough as a rookidee. lark figured that out, hugged her, and told her that no matter how strong she was theyd always love her. she evolved into corviknight with more love in her heart, and she loves being big enough to fly lark around and to curl around them as they sleep.

haha yup i am so normal about pokemon

#pokemon #oc art #my oc #ok but i actually love them so much #and they werent even conceived until last night #oc rant #corviknight #zubat #ink's doodles

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oncominggstorm · 6 months

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Im autistic & adhd. Also have undiagnosed physical health issues which been acting up lately. Really not doing well, need help. Currently in shutdown, include verbal shutdown. And struggling type, forgive grammar plz. Need help & support, but is none. Don’t know what do. Everything feel impossible. Long vent under cut.

Want run away, somewhere no one can find. Somewhere quiet & alone, with internet & tv so can watch comfort shows, play comfort games, etc. But will turn off phone, or get new number, or just block all family except younger sister on everything, or something, idk. Want comfy bed & comfy chairs & good temperature control & good food, and just quiet & solitude. Preferably somewhere out in nature. Let everyone figure out their own shit without me. Can’t do this anymore. ONLY things keeping me from doing are younger sister & lack of money. Mom & twin sister need figure shit out on own, can’t handle anymore. Can’t do.

Dont have a job or any money at all, literally only have $5 (and well over $20k in credit card debt, in collections). Am in autistic burnout & have been for nearly 3 years now. Had quit job in May cuz burnout so bad. But still expected take care of entire family.

Live with dad & twin sister (will call twin). Dad extremely NT & able bodied, dont understand me/twin at all. Knows nothing about autism/adhd & unwilling to learn. Pays bills & does chores so that is helpful, but not willing do any other support. Doesn’t believe in mental health.

Mom & younger sister (will call younger) live with grandma. Younger is 12 yrs younger, i basically raised. Feel almost more like parent than sister. Also is best friend & person i care most about in world, would die for her. Hate seeing her suffer. Twin & younger both also autistic & adhd, and neither have job. Grandma has moderate (bordering on advanced) dementia & need 24/7 supervision & support. Younger currently has busted knee, on crutches & really struggling & lot of pain. Mom refusing to believe is as bad as is, thinks younger is exaggerating, barely helping her. Ive been having drive over nearly daily to help. Mom had multiple strokes 2 years ago, still has both cognitive & physical challenges as result, & just lost job. Mom almost deffo undiagnosed autistic/adhd but refuses to believe. Doesnt believe younger is either (she still undiagnosed, me & twin formal diagnosed recently). Mom never great person, but got much worse after strokes, is mean & bordering on verbally abusive to us (and is DEFFO verbal abusive to grandma). Also has horrible memory & cognitive issues, doesnt understand things correctly, half of what she says doesn’t make sense, makes helping her hard.

Twin sick rn, lots of stomach issue & pain. Found out few months ago has enlarged spleen, but no answer yet, cant see specialist til Dec. Twin also has medical anxiety, so hard to know for sure what is real & what isnt. Every day twin ask me for MULTIPLE favors; get things for her, do things for her, etc. Also get MULTIPLE txts every day complaining about not feeling well, yet she refuse go doctors. Counted once a few days ago: in 11 hour period, asked for 7 favors & texted 13 times about pain.

Even when not sick tho, twin basically never help. Feels like she think I “less disabled” than her, not true. I doing horribly and still have take care everyone else while she sits on couch play video games & ask me to bring her things. No one ever bring ME things. Twin NEVER return favor no matter how bad I do/how well she do. One sided only.

Today twin ask for SO MANY THINGS, CONSTANTLY. Doesnt seem to care that I not doing well either & just CANNOT handle, keeps asking anyway. I tell her how bad am doing & immediately she ask for more favors. Won’t shut up about how sick she is (feeling very “wrong” w/stomach issues, has enlarged spleen but don’t know why yet & is worried that is cause), and says she is NOT OK, and that something is VERY wrong & she is worried she is dying, but also won’t get her ass to ER. Also expect /ME/ take her AND go in with, if decides go. Told her has to ask mom or dad first. Now just won’t go, and instead just keep complain to me about how bad doing & keep asking for help with stuff.

On top of that, am constant worried about all shit mom needs to do: get grandma house in her name so can keep (rn bank gets when grandma dies due to 2nd mortgage or something idk, which will make mom & younger homeless), get grandma car in her name (mom hasnt had own car in like 6+ yrs, just uses gma’s), figure out her unemployment (applied but no check yet cuz needs submit weekly proof of job applications & doesnt know how), get guardianship for grandma (mom never even got power of attorney, and is too late now cuz grandma cant understand to sign, so rn we just stuck cuz grandma not capable make decisions, but legally we cant make for her either), update her resume, get help for grandma, etc. Most of it fall to me. Mom kind of person who just WILL NOT do things, no matter how much help u give (ex: was trying get her accommodations for her job after strokes so wouldnt lose job. Explained process multiple times, both verbally & in writing. Figured out who she needed contact for help & wrote out email for her, ALL she had do was copy & paste & send email. Didnt do it. Now fired cuz couldnt keep up w/out accommodations). Mom also no longer even ask for help, just tells us we are doing. Ex: said to me “I’m going to come over tomorrow so you can help me do my job searches for unemployment.” Just tells me I’m doing it, not even ask. Sick of it. Grandma have dementia, at point where cannot even shower or wash hands, we have no support at all, doing everything ourselves. ADRC says only way to get grandma help is to put lien on her house & sell to pay off when she dies, but mom & younger live with grandma so that would make them homeless once she dies. Says we can’t even get occasional respite care unless give up house, let alone regular in home care.

Just can’t handle anymore. Feel like am being broke into thousand pieces, or crushed by thousand lb weights. Feel stuck. Feel like no choices, no good options, no way out. Want run away. Want take younger & her cat & find cabin in woods somewhere & just go run away from everything/everyone else. But can’t, no money. Feel so stuck. No help. No support. Don’t know what do.

#will probably delete this later but rn feel stuck & DESPERATE for help/ideas/suggestions #vent #autism #adhd #rant

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traumatizeddfox · 1 year

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how do i leave my abuser?

obviously for everyone its going to be different but here are some tips that worked for me! it might not work for everyone, and everyones situation is completely different, and were all different people.

I also want to point out, if you dont leave your abuser or you go back, you did not fail and that it is okay, its so hard to leave them.

so heres some tips i have from my exp

1) write down everything they do to you ( it doesnt matter if you think its stupid, if it hurts you, write it down, u can add dates if you want) i find writing down helped me when i would assume he was going to be good again, but that would be my rock to remember he was awful.

2) I feel like this ads onto step 1 but try to understand about trauma bonding, and how it affects your brain. Its basically like stockholm syndrome

3) try to learn their schedule, know when they will be gone ( i know this isnt always possible) but this can help you. if you can make a break for it then, do it.

4) i suggest if you can, reach out to a friend, support group system, family, etc and tell them whats happening. using code works can help too, so if you are in danger you can text or call someone and use the word but this doesnt always help or work.

5) another thing is to get all your important papers if you have them: bank cards, ID cards, SIN cards, birth certificate. Anything that has value that cant really be replaced, try to get them all together and have them in safe place.

6) try to leave as quickly, as you can. it really depends on you, and what you think you can handle. if you're able to just leave your house/apartment/etc, do it. But sometimes you need to contact people for an escape plan.

7)stay somewhere where they wont know you are. You dont want them to come find you, and its better to find a place where they cant find you, or wont know where you are but obvs i know this isnt always the case and not everyone has a place to go to. There should be local domestic violence or shelters that you can stay at (although this may be different depending on location)

8) block them, and dont respond. you have to cut contact with them, its like a drug and it will hurt like a fucking bitch, but i promise you, it will be so fucking worth it. there will be a day, where you will realize what truly happened, and its goings to hurt, but it will be so much better than them hurting you.

if they hit you, they will try to kill you one day. <-- i remember a detective saying this, and it stuck with me.

a few more things to add

-everyones story is different, everyones abuse is different, and this is just as general as I can get because I don't know your story.

-if you can, get police involved but just know this can add to a whole lot more stuff, and can be scary.

-dont listen to their sob story. it doesnt matter, your safety matters

-getting a secondary phone or a new phone is a great way to stay safe, and i also suggest changing your social media to all private, and maybe going by an alias.

-change passwords. I remember my ex hacked into my facebook to find where i was.

-try to not disclose any info where you are, if youre afraid for your life/

-making a google drive account and uploading proof is also a good thing to do! or keeping on an usb

-also if you drive, check for gps tracker on your car, i know some abusers do this.

also have grace for urself. you arent a bad person, you arent what they said you are, it wasnt your fault.

if no one believes you, you must believe yourself.

omg okay that was a long ass answer, and i know it was generic! but i hope this helps you, or anyone else!

#anon #tw abuse #abuse #if anyone wants to add some more tips #feel free too!

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itsfuckinganne · 1 year

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a better update

it is December 28, 2022 n my year has been a big learning lesson. a lot of it, most of it, really hurt. I chose myself a lot this year and completed my year’s resolution which is to set boundaries. I honestly dont understand why I took this long to act upon the things I want 4 myself but im not surprised. im a very stubborn person and all I do is deflect by creating a different scenario in my brain. das why ive been in this continuous cycle of getting played by the game and I jus..let it happen. I craved things that were not ready 4 me and it made me realize how I keep repeating it LMAOOO but this year I broke some serious habits and reenforced the comfortability of my space. therapy helped a lot (shout out Tina Merced, you are a very kind woman. u are one of the only people who has figured me out..) and having a positive feedback ab my decisions and how I think helps me understand myself. it felt (past tense/explain later) really good to just focus on what I plan 2 do next year. last year I just really wanted to show up 4 everyone more so I ended up acting upon emotion rather than balancing it out w/ what’s realistic. *I forgot what word 2 use in the last sentence so I went on my phone to change the song and then I remembered. I'm listening 2 defibrillator by smino*

anyways, yeah this year I showed up for myself even if it hurt a lot to let go and I feel a lil lighter. im guilty of a lot, especially how present I am in my rlsps, and I am still for a bit more, but im doing better and those close 2 me see it. I said this all in past tense because Im a lil hurt right now, but it's just an owie. I allowed myself 2 give someone a benefit of the doubt and I feel as if they abused it a little. I know when I reread this in the future 2 reflect, I'll know exactly what im talking about. rather than feeling sad, im SO disappointed. i was feeling a lil better and I thought that would be okay, but I shouldn't disregard my accomplishments cus they're worthy of celebrating. allowing myself to forgive but just being proven right is horrible. it was a real wake up call to continue my self love journey cus I was getting some where and it was somewhere good. my best friend told me that “I know youre a good person and you do too so u dont have to give people multiple chances to prove that” and it struck hard (but 4 the better). I appreciate the transparency that I have w/ my friendships cus w/o it, I probably wouldn't b able to keep myself accountable, but I have been recently and thats why 2023 is going to be a good year. I wonder what karmic situations im going 2 be in. im not anticipating bad, but I can handle some lessons. im allowing myself 2 learn and thats my true end goal. at the end of the day, im just figuring it out. I dont think im doing that bad, but some reassurance would b amazing. I know I am worthy of everything I desire. to have, to feel, to experience. Im going 2 move forward so I can live better 4 myself. by doing that, taking this time, I can show up better. I want 2 do better, b better, all the things ive imagined myself to b. I cant believe I spent so much time settling 4 what I have cus Im constantly validated. the issues r real. I need 2 tell Tina ab this bcuz it makes so much sense. people pleasing cus nothing I ever did pleased my dad. that shit hurtsss, not gonna lie. but thats what I mean, im learning more and applying what I have 2 in my life and its working. by realizing that the pattern exists bcuz I dont rly speak or ever knew that was an issue. it hurts a bit 2 realize that someone who was a part of my life is now booted out of the next year. in pain bcuz I sat through conversations of him telling me how much he loves me, and how I cld b his polly pocket so he could take me everywhere, and how his family loves me, and all these other things and he STILL ran w/ what he wanted. honesty is the best policy and this lil set up pushed me to let go and let live. I wish I cld cry more, im purging the fuck outta this because I cannot let it repeat anymore. I also learned that some people only last so long in your life bcuz of how you coexist together. cutting ties w/ ppl you used to b family with takes a piece of you that dissipates like the rlsps thats gone. sounds dramatic, but that breakup was horrible. also, my dating life was quite the shit show. had my hinge phase, coworkers phase, toxic situation ship (two of those..at the same time but in my defense I was nvr asked 2 b a gf.), & my celibate phase. I nvr intended 2 dissect but it was rough 4 everyone I know and myself. im blessed enough 2 be surrounded by people who want whats best 4 me cus the goal is something we all agree on. 2022 you helped me show up 4 myself better. 2023 were going 2 show up better for ourselves and those around us. ive realized so much (1:11am , im sry in advance) & Ima share w/ some privacy of course. high school situationships r finally cut and I jus cant believe it but im happy 4 everyone whos living in love. realizing im the problem , speaks for itself. im officially tired. thats an update 4 ya

my fit 2day

goodnight

happy new year

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lunarsapphism · 1 year

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i have absolutely no idea why ive been struggling so much with my mental health recently but its so fucking frustrating. like i cant tell if it was just super sudden or if it was just bad for a long time and then i couldnt handle all of that buildup anymore and just sort of fell apart or what but god. it really is terrible and i feel awful and so so helpless! and its funny cause i keep finding myself desperately wanting someone to care or for someone to pay attention to me cause even if im not consciously seeking help thats literally me trying to get it and i can identify that but i also dont want to be a burden on anyone. i dont know. i just dont know what to do and i want it to get better but i dont know how to fix it cause i dont even really know whats wrong. its springtime, i love springtime! so why are things like this??

i feel so like, crazy? i guess? in that really impulsive like frantic way when i feel like my body is buzzing just under my skin and i need to get out and i dont know what to do about it. i dont want to be here but i dont want to not be here and i want to go somewhere comforting and i want to do it alone but i dont want to be alone in doing it do you know what i mean?? there are very specific people i trust and would want to talk to just at least to gain a sense of peace from their support and understanding but i cant do that! how the fuck do i approach all that. and how do i do it in a way that doesn't make me feel like im asking for too much from other people? i hate asking for anything at all so i just dont. know what to do.

#love love love it #every day is a fucking struggle i swear to god #and i dont even have the right words to describe the issue or experience #aiilov-personal

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fumikomiyasaki · 2 years

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Kane x Valerie please

I didn't really mean that with the X Reader thing but Oh well I am motivated to write them.

Kayne currently pretty out of it. Usually just being on duty to protect Samuel or making food for his dorm was enough but... currently he felt like something else occupied his mind. He thought back when he gave a gift to Valerie at amore wings day and how she smiled at him. Given what he learned as Asssasin Usually he blended out all unecessary thoughts but somehow... it seemed it wouldn't go away. Currently most of the school prepared for the interschool Combat tournament which meant other schools had access to HSA and would get tours or Spar with each other. As he ran into the very same person he thought about right now.

"Oh Kayne, it's good to see you."

He lightly hid behind the frying Pan he carried for the cooking Club his voice was a bit more quiet than usual.

"H-Hello Valerie, what brings you here."

She pulled the Pan down to look in his currently red face.

"Are you alright.... do you have a fever?"

Maybe he thought it would be best to talk about it...

"Listen... usually I am not like this... I was raised to Focus on my dutys and suppress my emotions but... currently my thoughts are somewhere else."

"Somewhere else? Like where."

"I thought back to the times I spend with you and it was unusual to me cause I dedicated myself to protect Samuel but... somehow I also want to keep you safe... I know you don't need it you could handle your own but... the thought of you getting hurt makes me sad..."

She got red after he said this.

"Does that mean you are..."

"I think I am in love with you but... I am fine if you don't feel the same I just... had to talk about it."

Valeries response Was a bright smile and a hug.

"So you consider it."

"I thought you would never say it..."

He pulled her closer into his arms and leaned closer to place a light kiss on her lips.

"I swear from now on I will care about you ad much as my duty... although I cant be with you at your school... when we meet I will be there for you."

#twisted wonderland oc #twst oc #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland ocs #twst #disney twst #twistedwonderlandoc #twistedwonderland #twst ocs #kayne saocheng #kayne x valerie

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dopaminergicaddictions · 2 months

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3/7/24

6:33 p.m

I fell asleep somewhere between 7:40 a.m to 8:40 am. I woke up peeded and couldn't fall back to sleep. I opened my eyes at 9:36 a.m and decided to double up and take Benadryl, hydroxyzine 50mg and allegra D. I was slightly stuffy but I knew I'd pass back out. I fell asleep by like 10:15 a.m

I had to cancel therapy bc I needed my 7 hours.I woke up at 5 p.m.

I actually started smoking weed as of 30 minutes ago. I can't stay asleep. I wake up and toss and turn for 40 minutes and end up having to take a list of antihistamines and double up just to get back to sleep.

I can't get up and pee waking up 5 hours after sleep without not being able to fall asleep. So now I wake up needing to pee and keep my eyes closed until I fall back asleep which is rapid- I'm on my circadian rhythm. I'm up for 16-18 hours a day.. when I take my pill every night..

My doctor won't switch my benzo and I NEVER had an issue falling back to sleep when I smoked weed. Now I have a problem falling asleep, which I always did.

But now I have a problem falling back to sleep. I used to pass out in legit 10 minutes max when I smoked weed and woke up and sued the Bathroom...

I hope it doesn't make shit worse. If it does I'll stop- If I don't notice my sleep habits go back to what they were, I'll stop.

I just can't fucking handle it anymore. I won't do edibles or anything but vaping a little throughout the day and especially before bed should help with insomnia. I really wanted to attend my appointment today, I needed the appt bc I only had one where we discussed countertransference and how she cant see me anymore. Erin canceled Monday, Tuesday was not therapy it was clearing the air before termination..

but 7 hours is fucking critical and it was 10:15 -10:20 a.m by the time I likely passed out.

Beyond that when I would wake up and pee before I would take a hit and pass back out. Also-I slept better, longer. Fell sleep semi quickly- I def had insomnia but I took Benadryl with weed and was able to achieve sleep by 20-30 minutes or closing my eyes.

I stayed asleep and fell back to sleep instantly from November 3rd, 2023 to November 22nd, 2023 when I was smoking. And I passed out in 30 minutes when intially falling to sleep.

Then I stopped weed and it turned into 7 hours with my eyes closed following November 22nd- December 26th 2023...

Then I started Xanax and I could fall asleep within 1 hour of taking it to 2 hours (max effectiveness). But I would close my eyes when I felt tired... and was fighting them. Xanax saved me from terrible insomnia ans continues to....

But why can't I fall back to sleep when I get up and pee and close my eyes for approximately 5 minutes max after getting up when it was never a problem before? For one there are better sleep benozs out there that my doctor won't persxibe... and for Two idk.. Maybe I need fucking weed.

I'm going to judge if it gets worse based on a couple things. I've been sober since 11/22/23... and yea it's gotten a lot better but at the same time- time can be the reason...

This is how I'm going to judge if it gets worse:

1) if it gets intelligent- it hasn't been for months. If it doesn't repeat what I'm saying it's a happy birthday, successful and deadname auto bot skipping record.

2) if it gets creative. There are no stories and there haven't been since November...

3) if it gets louder- which I don't expect....

4) if it gets more frequent.. this is the hardest one to judge... as it is almost 24/7 but I get some moments of quiet. But I mean like 35 seconds in a silent room. Nothing significant...

After taking like 5 or 6 hits- I don't really feel high strangely enough. I feel balanced. I feel like my brain is like omg thank you.

Idk if my D2 receptors will get worse or if they'll remain uneffected by low level thc vaping... 75% for the full vape... all i know is taking edibles is a lot worse...

I'm judging my insomnia over the next few days.

1) do I fall asleep faster?

2) do I stay asleep solidly through the night?

3) I'm going to get up and pee and see if I can fall asleep from a few hits like I used to instead of laying there with my bladder full.

I guess we will see how it works. I started it early bc I know I'm going to have anxiety about making my auditory hallucination worse. I can't just try it for the first time 5 months at 7 a.m when I close my eyes.

Let's see what happens-wish me luck. As much as thc can worsen psychotic symptoms. Thc is directly related to curing insomnia.. sleeping regularly is directly related to recovering from psychosis. You can actually get sleep deprivation psychosis...

Beyond that: before I was smoking weed prior to psychosis and during, I could stay asleep for like 7-10 hours every single fucking night...no joke...

Now I get approximately 7 if I ignore my bladder.

The only difference is- I couldn't sleep on weed October 10th to November 3rd... I microslept but the voice was so fucking loud I couldn't sleep through it and i was so scared by what it was saying. I also was doing hynopgogic... causing more hallucinations bc I refused to pee. I refused to open my eyes and I would lay around with my eyes closed for hours every single day all day long trying to sleep. I wasn't promoting good sleep habits. I should have stayed up did my normal activities and only Closed my eyes at the 16 to 17 hour mark on my circadian rhythm. I should have opened my eyes every 20 minutes and peeded when I needed to. Maybe I wouldn't have microslept. I can't go back in time.

So hopefully this works out. I'm scared but it's not my fault my doctor won't give me a benzo for insomnia. I'm meeting with her Tuesday and I'm going to talk to her face to face and lie and say I recovered from psychosis. I'm going to say I've tried to sleep without Xanax but I can't. Cause then it's no longer a mental health issue. I don't think she will switch it despite my black hairy tongue side effect that won't recover bc I don't want the lowest dose. I want one dose up bc I take 1 mg of xanax a night... the sleep dose is .5 and she wasn't willing to match it. Maybe if she hears I recovered from psychosis I still have insomnia bur Xanax works but my tongue is still inflamed and I knows it's from Xanax but I would rather stay on Xanax if you won't give me a comparable dose or estrazolam or one of the better sleep benzos. We will see what happens. I don't have high hopes... that's all I'm saying..

Not to mention with Ptsd you can hear voices... yet PTSD is a diagnosis that qualifies for medical marijuana. I may have psychosis but that doesn't mean it'll make the voice worse.

I'll keep a close track of how my body reacts to thc with the hallucination and how it reacts to sleep with thc being reintroduced.

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