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ilcaeryx · 3 years

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Cultist [Sukuna/Reader] - NSFW

Summary: You have one god on this earth.

Tags: Sukuna/Reader, NSFW, Smut, Humor, Size kink, Cock Warming, Body Worship,

Words: Cirka 2k

Author’s Note: What’s up, sluts? I’m back. This is NSFW, so beware.

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Sukuna did regularly mention that domination and conquest were his pastime hobbies and you would tentatively add that he adhered to them with slave-like zealotry. Whenever he insulted Itadori Yuji by calling him simple-minded, your heart ached with the desire to tell him that he was not any greater regarding his obsessions with strength. However, your self-preservation kept you alive, since a bitch that talks back to Sukuna is a bitch that gets their head separated from their body, after all.

Having sex with Sukuna is somehow leagues safer than speaking to him, you thought, gaze surveying how the apex of his back muscles cast shades upon the trenches of his spine. Inhalation, the shadows grew and deepened. Exhalation, the light re-conquered its territory. You suspected he never slept, even though he physically seemed in deep slumber. His arms were splayed on his pillow, face turned away from you.

You had self-preservation to save your ass 99 percent of the time – this time was probably that one percent where he would snap.

“Sukuna,” you called out, very lightly stroking his biceps with your nails. No answer, but his arm muscles flexed subtly as he moved his arm. “I want my side of the bed back. I can’t sleep on this side.”

You let out a shriek when his hand shot out at you, palm plastered over your lips. The sharp edge of his index nail hovered uncomfortably close to your eye, the thumb nail piercing your cheek. Out of reflex, your dug your fingertips into his upper arm and attempted to pull away from his show of force.

Sukuna turned his head to face you. His eyes glared with disinterest, though his grasp weakened slightly.

“You’ve been plenty loud during the night; why must you continue now?” he asked, squeezing your cheeks together to allow you to speak.

“I’ve slept like three hours max,” you said, ignoring his question.

“That is not my problem.” He let go of your face to return to his original position. “Go find somewhere else to sleep and I shall wake you whenever I have need of you.”

What an absolute dickhead. This was your bed, not his domination playground.

You released him and patted your face with your fingers carefully. There were no stinging scratches left behind, which was good considering his reasoning that if ‘you weren’t bleeding out, you didn’t need help’ would leave you with annoying scabs everywhere. Why you were even fucking this guy was beyond you, honestly. This was one of the top 3 worst life choices you had ever made.

You slid towards him beneath the covers and supported your upper body with your ribcage on his lower back and elbows on his upper back. His body heat intermingling with yours gave you a dull ache, from behind your breastbone flowing into a tidepool in the pit of your stomach. After pushing your hair to one side of your neck, you lowered yourself onto him. Your lips wet and breath hot across his skin, you blew softly before planting a kiss below his shoulder blade. Had it been another person under you, you would have had the gratification of seeing goosebumps forming across the area.

“Sukuna…” you said, barely audible between his skin and your lips.

The King of Curses arose from his relaxed position. “Did you not listen or are you an idiot?”

“Bit of both, to be perfectly honest.” You pinched a tuft of his hair strands between two fingers, pulling gently. “You don’t need to do anything – I just want your attention.”

He issued you a warning glare, daring you to pull some weird shit on him.

You shrugged one of your shoulders and gave him a lopsided smile. “It’s not like I can hurt you, right? I don’t have sharp claws.” To testify, you released his hair, buried your nails below his neck and dragged them down his back in one stroke. Four faint lines were left behind, a stylistic contrast to his dark markings. “I don’t have superhuman strength or speed.” You felt the muscular ridges above his ribs, your fingers travelling up and down each rib. “At my worst, I’m just very obnoxious.”

“How self-aware,” he mocked and laughed half-heartedly. He seemed to enjoy your tiny monologue, judging by the slight raise of his eyebrows. “Continue.”

His approval increased your confidence. While you scoured your brain for whatever concept that might amuse or interest him, you broke eye contact and directed your thumb to pad the black line running along his back. You followed it up to the crest of his shoulders and pulled yourself up over his torso. A low growl hummed beneath you, indicating that perhaps you were pushing your luck. When you brought your left hand down his chest the sound reverberated through your being, reminding you that you were not the apex predator in here. His eagerness showed as he willingly moved his hand into your range when you struggled to reach it.

“Look,” you said, just as eager to sate his curiosity, “at the difference.”

With his attention on your hand enveloping his, you settled your head on his shoulder, finally eye to eye with the King of Curses. You shifted so that your palms met. Even when ignoring his nails, his long fingers and thick wrist eclipsed yours. Finger pads with rough callouses created in combat, the evidence of a reign of lasting a millennium. You could feel the wisdom beneath your soft pads; you could’ve devoted your entire life to warfare and your hands would still not understand it the way his do.

“You know, I never used to consider myself a small person,” you lied, your voice perfectly stable, “but now I am not so sure anymore. It is quite overwhelming.”

Sukuna’s head tilted towards yours, almost tenderly grazing his cheek against your jawline. The movement gave you shivers, causing your toes to curl. You had no option but trusting his self-control when he dove below your jaw and put his lips to your neck. He sucked the flesh between his lips, occasionally tasting with his tongue.

You sighed, content for the brief attention you had earned. Sukuna’s heartbeat rate did not increase nor decrease beneath your hand, his chest just as firm. He detached from your neck, his saliva cooling down that particular spot. You were on the brink of complaining when the world swirled around and your back hit the mattress, your chest and stomach feeling the room’s chill without Sukuna’s body heat.

Sukuna was not playing around anymore; he aligned his forearms beside your face and blocked off whatever else existed outside with his mere presence, lips taut and eyes alert. He situated his torso on top of yours and separated your thighs with his knee. Not close enough to grind on.

“Tell me more,” he stared you down. “What does being completely outmatched feel like?”

You wondered if he meant how it physically felt or how the emotional part of being outmanned and outgunned felt like. Considering how his empathic ability was low-functioning to non-existing, you wanted to bet your money on a physical description… Yet, your tongue prepared to tell him about the terror and the uncertainty. It was not wise to divulge such details to Sukuna.

Scheherazade’s silver tongue might have saved her life a thousand and one times but not everyone’s talent was located in their mouth cavity. Like always, your hands bought you more time to think, to evaluate your words. You tentatively reached for his collarbones before changing your mind and guiding one hand to his lips. Perhaps he had meant to kiss your fingertips, perhaps he had yet another inquiry but his lower lip separated from his upper one and you cautiously pulled it downwards. A predator’s teeth greeted you.

“I can’t say it without sounding lame,” you said and crossed your arms across your chest. “Don’t laugh.”

Almost immediately, Sukuna leaned his weight on one forearm, allowing him to use the other to restrain your hand against the mattress. “I assure you,” he said, his eyes staring lazily at you, lids half-down, “you are not that funny.”

Suddenly, you wished Itadori Yuji would regain his consciousness to not have to deal with this asshole. Kind, encouraging Yuji would worship your existence. Perhaps you would eventually have learned to worship him in turn. ‘Learning’ being the key word, of course. You would fumble in the dark while attempting to appreciate him. This seemed like a good idea for about three seconds and then you returned to your occult god.

“I want to be inside you.” Sukuna, no longer interested in your thoughts, showed more interest in your body. He seldomly spoke of his wants, rousing your curiosity and – honestly – your arousal. The thigh between your leg shifted closer to your mound, touching your nether lips softly.

“You’re so demanding,” you complained, ending your sentence with a deep sigh. “You want me to be quiet, you want me to talk, you want to be inside me – will you ever be satisfied?”

You rolled your hips upwards in a slow movement, enjoying yourself as your lips parted against his flesh. It did not please you enough, so you continued to alleviate yourself.

“No.” His voice was unusually quiet. His lower lip brushed yours as he spoke. “Do you think you deserve it?”

You moved your chin downwards, the movement nearly imperceptible for someone who was not expecting it.

“I agree… if it’ll keep you quiet,” he said, releasing your arm to steady himself above you.

And you did keep quiet. Although he remained stone-faced, Sukuna seemed attentive to the way you opened your mouth and frowned in frustration, his crimson gaze traversing across your face.

He angled his hips downwards, pressuring your clit as you ground against him. You had never been more thankful for the things he did than when he let you use his body as a tool to get off. Each upwards motion elected a pang of pleasure, a beach in ebb and flow.

You don’t know for how long he tolerated your grinding but your lower body ached and his thigh was slick with your fluid when he removed his leg from you, its absence pulsating throughout your stomach. Despite your fear that he would push you away, you grabbed onto his neck to heave yourself against him, anything to regain that comfort. The relief that accompanied the heartbeat after he brought you up with him to sit upright lightened your entire being. His hands felt excruciatingly hot, almost unbearably so, on your ribcage.

Although you felt ready for him, your grip on his neck remained hard as he lifted you up above his cock. Sukuna descended you slightly, his tip bulging at your entrance. You knew your limit and didn’t hesitate to sink onto him, a movement less gentle than you wished due to your legs being wrapped around his waist. Your breath was uneven, hitching up whenever you strained against him. Avoiding getting your insides impaled by a guy’s dick was surprisingly hard labour. Eventually you settled at his base, a sense of completion glowing off you.

There were no comforting touches or encouraging words from Sukuna, whose tranquil expression made him seem more like Yuji than himself. His eyes almost shut, jaw relaxed... This was the alternate universe version of Sukuna, a man who did not lust for domination and who would settle down with his loved ones for an eventless life.

Hearing your dumb fantasies echo in your head, you rubbed your eyes with your knuckles until you saw stars. What idiocy. You had to cease these daydream scenarios or you’d be in deep shit in the future. You were an atrocious cultist.

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I hope everyone enjoyed this. If you liked this, please give a comment/like/reblog. I listened to the Professor Tox remix of LOONA’s Girl Front and Ariana Grande’s Love Me Harder while writing this.

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk x reader #sukuna x reader #sukuna smut #sukuna #jjk #jjk reader insert

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sarcasmandships · 3 years

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honey and glass ~ spencer reid

i am in love with spencer reid but he only has eyes for jennifer jareau

spencer reid x reader angst + hurt/comfort (sorta, it’s all in first person but with no names/no specific descrptions)

song fic inspired by ‘honey and glass’ by peyton cardoza

word count: 4.8k

disclaimer: i do not ship jeid or think they had any chemistry but it’s a good opportunity for angst x

you know those kinds of girls who look like they're made of honey and glass like sticky sweet ash

it’s a summers night in california and i’m on the beach at sunset.

the sand is rough under my toes and a warm, gentle breeze blows a strand of my hair across my face; he lifts his hand to brush it away. tucking it behind my ear he stares down at me and the sun hits his face at a perfect angle, illuminating his hazel eyes like pools of honey. he leans in and i-

“ow!” i yelp, as morgan launches the volleyball at my head, “what was that for?”

“come and play,” he laughs, waving me over to where he stands with emily and hotch.

i shake my head, “no, i don’t feel like it,” i mumble, massaging my left temple where the ball bounced off my skull.

morgan rolls his eyes and jogs past where i’m sitting to collect the ball, “what’s up with you then?” he teases.

i shrug, “nothing. I’m just tired,” i say feigning an unconvincing yawn, “ask one of them to play.”

i motion with my head towards spencer and jj, they’re down by the edge of the waves and she throws her head back and laughs at something he says. her sheets of blonde hair ripple through the wind and he looks at her in pure awe and amazement as she giggles at something he said.

“nah, don’t wanna interrupt the kid when he’s trying to make a move,” morgan shrugs, “come play with us, we need an extra person.”

an extra person.

right.

because what else am i but another body to fill the space?

“i don’t want to,” i say, forcing myself to tear my eyes away from jj and spencer as i stand up, “hotch said the jet is leaving first thing tomorrow, i’m gonna head back to the hotel and get some sleep.”

morgan says something, but i don’t register it as i allow myself one last glance at spencer and jj. she is trying to convince him to paddle in the waves with her, he shakes his head but when she takes his hand in hers i can tell he’s melting inside as he follows her into the water.

and i just know that he’d follow her so far out to sea that his head was underwater as long as she kept their hands intertwined.

i turn away from morgan so he doesn’t see the tears burning in my eyes.

and you can't get the taste off your tongue burnt sugar and a little bit of rum

we’re in a dimly lit bar somewhere.

hotch left hours ago, he wanted to take advantage of one of the rare nights he would be there to read jack a bedtime story.

rossi is at a table in the corner, sitting with a woman who has not-so-subtly draped her leg over him.

derek is out of my line of sight and i’m thankful for that.

emily, garcia, and jj are dancing.

i sit at the table with spencer, he’s drunk.

more tipsy than drunk i think, but he so rarely drinks anything that the sight of him swaying along to the music was an anomaly. i can’t ignore the fact that his eyes are firmly fixed on jj as she dances, and i grip my wine glass so tightly i half expect it to shatter in my hand.

he leans across to me and my heart skips a beat as i inhale the alcohol on his breath, “i’m in love with her, y’know,” he slurs.

“i know, spencer,” i smile sadly and down the rest of my wine.

he doesn’t even notice when i grab my coat from behind him and shuffle towards the door.

and she dances in the rain with her clothes on drenched to the bone never knows when she's all gone, she's the life of the party

spencer and i are watching the big bang theory.

neither of us particularly like it, but there aren’t many channels on our hotel room tv and spencer enjoys the physics references at least. i watch his face light up as a character mentions something about quantum theory that i cant understand, and spencer launches into a rant about the universe and the stars.

i don’t have the knowledge to keep up with him or the heart to tell him to stop so i sit and listen, admiring the way his eyes sparkle and his hands gesticulate when no one interrupts him with a deprecating comment.

we sit there like that for the rest of the night, in our respective twin beds with him telling me the secrets of the universe and me wondering how on earth i will ever get over him.

and deep down I know that nobody flinches when she takes off her clothes

“anything you like?” emily asks me through the dressing room curtain.

“i’m not sure…” i mumble in response, biting down on my lip as i stare at myself in the mirror, “i-i don’t think this is my colour.”

the dress looked so beautiful on the hanger, but now that it’s on my body the fabric bunches up in all the wrong places and i can’t recall a time that i’ve looked worse.

the lights are just washing you out, i tell myself.

you’re having a bad hair day, it would look better with your hair down, i tell myself.

you just need some lipstick, i tell myself.

but when jj announces she has found the perfect dress and i stick my head out of the curtain to see her, i am slapped in the face with the realisation that it isn’t the lighting or my lack of makeup it’s just me.

because jj looks beautiful as always, her dress hugs her waist and the skirt fans out around her as emily demands she gives us a spin. she isn’t wearing makeup, her hair is in a ponytail too, the lights don’t wash her out because she is radiant and flawless, and the lights aren’t the problem.

i am.

i cry in my car as i drive home from the mall, and when i get home i tear everything out of my fridge and fling it into the trashcan. i vow to go to the store and stock up on salad and chicken.

i go to the store but i don’t buy salad.

and I wonder what it's like to be one of those girls to sit in the sun and look at the world and never think, "wow, am i enough?" ‘cause life is easy when you know that you're the main character

i’m in hotch’s office as he grills me about a stupid mistake i made in the field. i can hardly focus on his words as i shrink back in the chair, counting all the reasons that i don’t deserve to be in this job.

i’m not as smart or fast or strong as the others. i don’t have an eidetic memory or hacker skills and i can’t even maintain myself as a solid average agent because i keep fucking up.

“i’m not going to write you up,” he says, and my heart soars a little in my chest, “but i need you to understand that if you do something like that again i won’t have any choice, you were lucky no one got hurt today.”

i nod silently and blink back the tears that threaten to spill over.

“go home, get some rest,” he says and i don’t hang around for a second longer, darting out of his office i crash headfirst into a tall frame.

“wow, slow down,” he chuckles, resting a hand on my shoulder to steady me.

“spencer,” i gasp, looking up at his sympathetic smile, “what are you still doing here? we landed hours ago….”

he shrugs, “i waited for you.”

my heart skips a beat.

“you didn’t have to do that.”

he shakes his head, “you’re my best friend, i wanted to. plus i thought you might need someone after being in there with hotch.”

i swallow and offer him a slightly forced smile.

best friend.

“thanks, spence, that means a lot.”

he looks at me quizzically.

“what’s wrong?”

“nothing, just only jj calls me spence…anyways” he holds out his arm for me, “shall we go?”

i have to restrain myself from seizing his arm, and settle for tentatively wrapping my own around it, “thanks spencer…you’re such a good friend.”

he smiles down at me and its almost enough to melt away the icy feeling in my heart as i call him a friend. the coldness in my chest in my chest is a feeling i’ve grown accustomed to but when i’m with him everything is warm and bright again.

he feels like yellow.

and i feel like maybe i am enough.

and I'm sitting here thinking this is not fair

i feel like blue.

i’m alone in my apartment flicking through tv channels, trying to find something that isn’t a medical or crime drama. because after my day at work i can’t look at any more blood or dead bodies, even if its as fake as the pep in my voice when jj calls to ask if i’m okay.

“hotch grilled you pretty bad, huh? you sure you’re okay?”

“yeah, spence – spencer – waited for me and we went to get milkshakes after.”

“aww that’s so nice, you know i think he has a soft spot for you,” she teases.

something acidic bubbles in my throat, but i can’t tell her that i know she’s wrong because he spent half the night telling me how much he loves her. i have to gather the strength to respond without the venom in my heart poisoning my voice.

“oh, i don’t think so,” i laugh, “anyways, i should go – my movie is about to start.”

jj tells me to have a good night before she hangs up, and i switch off the tv. at this time there’s noting but romcoms and i don’t want to sit through hours of pining when its on replay every day at the office.

i watch my own reflection in the blank tv screen as sobs wrack my body.

but her smile makes it hard to be mad it's not her fault that I'm so fucking sad

jj holds me in her arms as i cry into her chest, “it’s okay, you’re gonna be okay,” she coos, rubbing soft circles on my back.

i sniffle against her and i just know that my eyes are puffy and red but i can’t switch off the floods of tears that fall from them.

“do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” she asks.

i shake my head against her because how could i tell her?

how could I tell her that the man i love is in love with her?

and that i want to resent her for it but i can’t because she’s such a good fucking friend that she’s sitting here with me, unknowingly wiping the tears that i can’t stop shedding because i can’t be her.

she gives me one of those heart warming smiles that could bring peace to a dying man, and in that moment i am reminded again of why he loves her. there are worse people to love, i suppose. if spencer is going to cut out his heart and give it to someone it might as well be someone like her.

but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

and i hate myself for the part of me that hates her. she’s done nothing wrong. it’s not her fault that that spencer loves her, and its not her fault that she doesn’t realise.

so I'll sit here and look at these girls in the sun dancing in the rain and just having their fun

i hate alaska.

my teeth chatter as we trudge through the snow filled field, and i pull the cuffs of my coat over my glove cladded hands. i hate the cold. i hate alaska. i hate the serial killer who dragged us all out here. i hate the impending snowstorm that was keeping the jet grounded for another night.

“should we even be out here?” i groan, “i mean if it’s not safe for the plane, then surely its not safe for us.”

“we aren’t 50,000 feet up in the sky though,” morgan says and i roll my eyes at him.

“it’s cold enough to make me feel like we are,” i huff.

spencer nods sympathetically at me, “i don’t like the cold either, not much snow in vegas.”

“i think we should have two behavioural analysis units,” i begin, “one to catch serial killers in cold climates, and the other in hot ones.”

he laughs, “i’d like that, but i think it’d just be us and garcia on the hot team.”

“we’d get by.”

he’s grinning at me, his messy brown curls are squashed down under his bobble hat but a few of them still manage to peak out. he’s wearing a multicoloured striped scarf and mismatched gloves.

a snowflake lands on his eyelash and i reach out to brush it off.

“thanks.”

��anytime.”

morgan launches a snowball at us, and it hits me in the back of the head, “hey! what is it with you and throwing things?” i snap.

morgan roars with laughter.

“not funny derek!”

he resumes his snowball fight with emily and jj and i draw my arms across my chest. i watch as they prance about in the snow, falling to avoid the snowballs launched by the others and laughing when they get hit. the sun is just starting to set, and it’s rays catch jj’s hair at the perfect angle, bouncing off the golden blonde strands as she dances around morgan. her and emily have joined forces to pelt him with snowballs.

i look up at spencer to see him starting at her in awe. his nose and cheeks are flushed from the cold, and the sun reflects against his own face, illuminating his eyes. they’re beautiful. like honey and glass.

“guys! come join us!” jj calls.

i shake my head, “there’s not enough money in the world.”

she pouts at me, “spence, please,” she says sweetly and before i know it he’s by her side and scooping up snow.

i watch from the side-lines.

spencer roars with laughter when emily hits morgan square in the face with a snowball, he wraps an arm around jj as she nearly collapses from laughter, something twinges in my stomach.

but he looks so happy, and that melts my glacier heart slightly.

maybe alaska wasn’t so bad after all.

and maybe one day, i can forget the past and be one of those girls of honey and glass

“nice to meet you, agent,” agent fitz says, holding out his hand, “we’ve heard good things about you up in the new york office.”

“really?” i say, shaking his hand and i can’t fight the smile that creeps across my face.

“really. give me a call if you ever fancy a change of scenery.”

“i’ll keep that in mind, agent fitz,” i give him a nod and a smile as he walks away.

new york was cold in the winter, but it didn’t seem like the worst place in the world.

but I think that it's hard for people to see that I love all these girls, and honestly it doesn't matter what you look like or how much you weigh

i wondered once how i’d ever get over my love for spencer reid, and now as he sits and sobs on my couch i realise that i don’t want to. it hurts me to love him, and something stabs my heart every time i catch him staring at her, but he deserves someone to love him like he loves her.

“i guess i’m just starting to realise that she’ll never love me back, and i don’t know why or what’s wrong with me,” he says and looks up at me, his eyes filled with tears and his face blotchy and red.

“there’s nothing wrong with you,” i say, wrapping an arm around him and wiping his tears, “sometimes the people you love just don’t love you back, but that’s not a reflection of you or your self-worth,” i reiterate to him the mantra i say in my mirror every morning.

he whimpers and my heart breaks for him.

“it doesn’t feel that way, it feels like i’m dying inside every time she talks about him or tells me about their dates, and i try to be a good friend but-”

his voice cracks and another sob escapes his chest and i tighten my grip around him; heartbreak doesn’t seem to get easier with age, because here we are, two fbi agents in our late twenties crying over our crushes like we are in junior high.

because before i know it the tears are flowing down my face faster than his and when he breaks away from our embrace to ask me why i’m crying, i can’t tell him it’s because i am feeling everything he is.

“i just don’t like seeing you like this,” is all i can muster up.

it's just that these girls know they're okay there's a beauty in knowing your place in the world in loving yourself and knowing your worth

“hey!” spencer greets me as he steps into the elevator with me.

“hi,” i mumble back, taking another sip of coffee from my travel cup.

we’ve been called in on a case, but i’ve barely had any sleep and i’m struggling to keep my eyes open.

“you look tired, are you okay?”

you look tired.

so the bags under my eyes were obvious then.

“yeah,” i say, swallowing the lump in my throat, “just a late night, y’know.”

“oh…oh! is that your way of saying your date went well?” he says with a coy grin.

“what?”

oh! something clicks in my brain and i understand what he means.

“no! not like that no…actually it didn’t go well at all, he turned out to be a total misogynistic creep,” i say with a bitter laugh.

“oh, i’m sorry….”

i shrug and take another swig of coffee, “it’s okay, you didn’t know. to be honest i’ll probably end up calling him again anyways.”

spencer stares at me, confused, “why would you do that?”

“well, i don’t exactly have guys falling over themselves for me, do i?”

spencer frowns and i can see his brain working overtime behind his eyes, “so you’re just going to settle for less than you deserve?”

“i don’t have many other options do i?”

he reaches out an arm to place a comforting hand on my shoulder, “don’t worry, you’ll find the right guy for you soon. it’s only a matter of time, you’re worth more than a misogynistic creep,” he squeezes my shoulder and before i know it we’ve already reached our floor and he’s gone.

you’ll meet the right guy for you soon.

what if i already have?

you don't have to be perfect or never get sad that's not what it means to be honey and glass

it’s late and i sit at my desk, sorting through piles of paperwork.

my eyes blur as i enter the gruesome details of our latest case, from fatigue or tears i can’t tell. i think emily and hotch are still hanging around the office somewhere, but the others had gone to dinner as soon as we landed, promising that they would do their paperwork tomorrow.

i knew i would have no appetite sitting across a table from spencer and jj so i had sat silently in the back of the suv as hotch drove us back to the office.

a singular tear rolls down my cheek and splatters on my page, smudging the not-quite-dry-yet ink. i let out a shaky breath and wipe my eyes, i don’t know why i’m crying really.

no one had necessarily done anything wrong. only when we were in the field and the unsub had detonated the bomb, spencer chose to push jj out of the way instead of me. i was lucky that one of the s.w.a.t agents had grabbed my arm in time and pulled me back to safety.

it had been hours and my ears were still ringing from the explosion.

maybe spencer thought he was closer to jj, that he had a better chance of saving her, we are trained to make difficult choices based on survival odds, i told myself.

only spencer hadn’t been closer to jj, and she was surrounded by three s.w.a.t agents whilst i only had one next to me. but no one had really done anything wrong, no one died, no one even broke a bone. and it pains me to admit to myself but had i been in spencer’s position and had to chose between saving him or morgan, i know that would pull spencer out of the way every single time.

i jump as emily creeps up behind me, “hey, you okay?”

i don’t even try and disguise my puffy, red eyes or tear tracks as i look up at her, “no. but i think that’s okay.”

and everyone has their highs and their lows the nights you spend crying, believe me, I know

it’s roslyn’s birthday.

i don’t think anyone else in the team knows because they keep exchanging looks whenever jj snaps at one of them and i can see the annoyance in their eyes.

when jj barks at spencer and snaps her pencil within the space of five minutes i drag her into a storage closet and wrap my arms around her.

“shhh,” i say soothingly, “it’s okay, you’re gonna be okay.”

jj shakes her head, “i don’t think so, i thought this day would get easier with time but it’s just getting worse,” she sniffles.

i stroke her hair, “i know, i know its horrible and you deserve to cry as much as you want to. but you are so strong, and i know you can get through this-”

“i’m not,” jj shakes her head, “i’m not strong or brave or anything that you all think i am, i’m not like you I-”

“like me?” i question.

“you always hold yourself together, whenever there’s a case with a kid i’m falling to pieces but you keep it together. i mean i’m the one crying in a storage closet….”

i stare at her in disbelief, because jj is the strongest woman i know and i don’t understand how she can’t see that.

“i don’t have a sister who killed herself jj,” i say slowly, “you have survived 100% of the bad things that have happened to you because you’re a fighter, that makes you strong.”

she shakes her head and clings to me, “but i’ve lost pieces of myself, i’m not the same person i could’ve been if life had been kinder to me and that makes me sad. my sister is dead and that makes me sad, everyone thinks i’m this strong and perfect person and that makes me feel guilty because i can’t be that person.”

in a turn of events, she is crying into my chest, her hair is greasy, and her mascara runs and i realise that my best friend was never truly on the pedestal i placed her on. and i realise i am part of the problem, treating jj like she is the be all and all of perfection and unattainablity when i should just be treating her like a friend.

spencer loves her and that kills me but it’s not what’s important right now. i’ve spent too long inside my own head, struggling to view her as my best friend or the other woman but now i see that she is someone that needs my help.

i know what it’s like to cry myself to sleep so i don’t want jj to go through something like that alone. so i vow there and then, to push my own feelings aside and be whatever she needs me to be.

i don't want to be these girls for beauty or fame but for the confidence they have in their own damn name

“smile!” garcia says as she appears with a camera.

emily, jj, and morgan turn to face her and pose but i duck out of the frame. garcia pouts and morgan grabs onto my forearm to pull me back into shot. i wish that i had the self-confidence to let him, to fall in next to him and make a silly pose at the camera and not worry if my hair was sitting nicely or if i was breathing in enough.

“come on! i need pictures for my scrapbook and you’ve been dodging me all night!” she whines.

i stare down at my feet, “garcia i’m not photoshoot ready like these guys,” i say, trying to make my voice light and floaty but it just sounds like im choking back tears.

“come on, just one picture,” jj says kindly, waving for me to come and stand next to her.

i shake my head again and wring my hands. the last thing i need is another photograph of jj and i to compare myself to every time i’m feeling extra low and self-destructive.

i try and remember the vow i made, to be there for my friend despite my own feelings. but she isn’t sad anymore, she’s happy and smiling and drinking wine, me squeezing in between her and emily for a stupid photograph isn’t going to make or break her.

it’s just a stupid photograph.

“no thanks,” i choke, “i’m going to get another drink,” i scurry away to the kitchen before anyone can object.

i shut the door quickly behind me and press my back up against it, taking a deep breath. i can’t quite believe i was successful in escaping garcia again.

“are you avoid garcia and her camera too?”

“spencer!” i laugh shrilly, “i didn’t even see you there.”

“yeah, i’ve been hiding in here for a half hour,” he smiles sadly, “i hate having my picture taken, especially next to morgan. he makes me look even lankier if possible.”

i frown, spencer had no reason to feel insecure.

“why don’t we get garcia to take a picture of just us two?” i suggest nervously, “you won’t have any reason to feel insecure next to me….”

he looks at me quizzically, “what do you mean?”

i wring my hands again, “just that you’ll automatically look even better if i’m next to you…cos’ i’m…well y’know,” i say awkwardly motioning to my face and body.

he cocks his head to the side, “are you trying to tell me you think you’re ugly, so i’ll look better by comparison?”

i shrug.

“well, i think you look beautiful.”

so I'll sit here and look at these girls in the sun dancing in the rain and just having their fun

we’re on the plane journey home.

spencer and jj sit next to each other, their arms pressed together as they share the arm rest. spencer is reading a book; his eyes scan down the pages at lightening speed and i know he’ll be finished soon.

i am on the opposite side of the plane, i sit by myself, i like the space.

i keep my eye on them throughout the flight; just as i predicted, it doesn’t take long for spencer to finish his book and he places it down on the table in front of him. jj picks it up and teases him for the long-winded title, i don’t catch what she says, something about astrophysics.

he starts to ramble, and she interrupts him with another teasing remark, he flushes when she gently nudges his chest. i turn my head to stare out of the window, biting my lip.

they aren’t even doing anything, jj is just being friendly. and i still can’t handle it. i lie my head back against the headrest as i gaze out of the window, admiring the new york skyline as it fades into the distance.

a nervous chuckle from spencer snaps me out of my trance, and i look back over to see him and jj giggling secretively as she whispers something into his ear.

“where are you going?” emily grumbles, she’s half asleep with her legs splayed out across two chairs when i accidently bump her foot.

“bathroom,” i say quietly with a forced smile as i shuffle past jj and spencer, my heart seizing in my chest as she teases him about how long his hair is getting, brushing her hand through the curls.

i’m already silently sobbing in the bathroom so i miss the pitiful look that emily and morgan exchange.

and I know it doesn't make sense to forget the past but I promise, one day, you'll be honey and glass

“agent fitz?” i say, clutching my phone tight in my hand.

“ahh, i’ve been wondering when i’d be hearing from you.”

i laugh quietly, “yes, well i’ve been thinking about what you said, and i think i could do with that change of scenery now.”

i wrote this in a couple hours and didnt proof read so apologies for an errors :))

part 2

#spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds imagines #jennifer jareau #jj #emily prentiss #derek morgan #aaron hotchner #David Rossi #Penelope garcia #the bau #angst #hurt and comfort #spencer reid imagine hurt

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scarlettriot · 3 years

Text

When one feels like shit, one writes things to feel better :)

This is based on a very short headcanon I had a little while ago that I've decided to make into a little fic. I hope you enjoy.

Featuring: Mainly Pro Hero Red Riot. Also includes Pro Heroes Dynamight, Chargebolt, Earphone Jack, and Pinky

Y/N: They/Them (Y/H/N: Your Hero Name)

Warnings: Kidnapping (well, not kidnapping exactly, adultnapping), restrained, minor physical injuries, drugged into unconsciousness

HAPPY ENDING THOUGH, I PROMISE!

Summary: You've been captured by villains. Wonderful, right, just how you wanted your Friday to go. Your quirk isn't working thanks to them pumping you full of suppressant drugs. You were actually having a hard time remembering how you were abducted. You're only able to remember being on patrol and something smelling off before passing out. Now, thanks to the drugs, you were having a hard time remaining conscious in this...basement? Warehouse or it could be a factory... Someone would find you, your friends were perfectly capable. You just hoped it'd be before anything worse happened.

When you didn't report in at the specified time and weren't answering their calls, the rest of the heroes at the Alliance Agency grew concerned. Jiro was already pulling up your location on your cell phone while Kaminari searched for the tracker in your suit.

Unfortunately, they both ended up at the same location, a dumpster behind an apartment complex, you were nowhere to be found.

Bakugo and Kirishima, who were also concerned about your whereabouts, took a different approach since neither was too talented at the tech side of things.

Kirishima canvases the immediate area around your phone and tracker, using his easy-going smile and charming personality to coax information out of anyone who was willing to talk to him in the area. Meanwhile, Bakugo played to his own strengths and threatened the low lives of the area.

"Someone said they noticed two guys, 'helping' someone in a hero suit down the street earlier. The description of the person and suit match Y/N." Kirishima could see lights in a few of the windows flickering but no signs of people moving about in the apartments above. He couldn't help but wonder if you were in one of them.

He got a grunt of a response from Bakugo through his earpiece. "Yeah, well, I just persuaded some scum into giving up an abandoned factory location about 10 blocks from here. Says he doesn't know what they're doin' but he's seen people goin' in and out all the time. Seems odd since it's abandoned."

The location pinged on Kirishima's phone. "I'm six blocks away. Meet you there."

The building in question looked like it hadn't been in operation for at least a decade when he arrived but fresh tire tracks him something was definitely going on. Not to mention the building had electricity running to it judging by the lights he could see.

When Bakugo showed up minutes later they decided to enter through a southern entrance that Ashido had pointed out after pulling up blueprints at HQ.

"Most of the electrical usage is centered in that location." She explained, "If you're going to find anything useful, I'm betting it'll be there. Chargebolt and Earphone Jack will meet you as soon as they're done collecting security footage from the suspected abduction sight."

Bakugo scoffed. They were Dynamight and Red Riot, they didn't need any damn backup.

Kirishima broke the lock on the door with a sharp tug rather than letting Bakugo shoot it off with an explosion. "You take downstairs and I'll go up. We stay on coms." Kirishima nodded and started his descent.

There was a single guard with a gun resting on his knee and headphones in his ears making Kirishima's job too easy. Not even bothering to harden his skin, he whacked the back of the guy's head and he crumpled to the floor unconscious.

"Took out two guards and a scientist. Oh, there's a lab up here too."

"One guard taken out. Moving into another room now."

The metal door was locked up tight and the guard had a surprising lack of keys on their person. They could have been close by but Kirishima was impatient. He was aware this would be loud but at least it was efficient.

He hardened an arm and with one, two, slices of his hand diving into the metal he was able to create a hole... and garner attention. A knife broke across his hand and two gunshots were fired from inside the room, doing nothing to him.

"Gonna have to do better than that!" He roared with laughter.

Kirishima ripped the metal wide and stepped through. He wasted no time, grabbing the gun point-blank, bending the barrel upward with a devilish grin before turning on the man with two daggers. A green substance ran off his skin and down onto the blades. It burned slightly when they slashed at him but Kirishima was used to Ashido's acid by now that this was practically child's play!

The other guy came at him with an orange beam of light right from his eyes that managed to break through a bit of his hardened skin. He could feel blood start to trickle down from his forehead. "Now, we're getting somewhere!"

Using his body weight, Kirishima shoved the man with the daggers down to the ground, disarming him quickly, and used his own blades to live into his friend's leg. He watched as the acid melted the fabric and left black burns on the man's skin, nasty stuff. He tired another beam in retaliation but Kirishima dodged it this time.

"I'd love to keep playing around but I'm lookin' for someone." He used one hand to hoist the man up and another to shield his eyes. Instantly, Kirishima's hand started to burn but he held steady. "Do you know where Y/H/N is?" The beam pulsed stronger, "Fine. If you won't help me then I have no use for you." He sat him back on the ground, a harden fisted to the back of the head had him good and knocked out.

"What about you?" Kirishima asked, returning his focus to the dagger man, "Do you know where they are? Your operation is a bust, the least you can do is tell me where my friend is. I might even put in a good word for you if ya do."

He grabbed a discarded metal pipe and the man must have taken it as a threat because he lifted shaky hands that were no longer coated in green. "B-back there with the others."

"Others? Other victims or others of you?"

"Subjects, we have other subjects!"

Rage pulsed in Kirishima's veins but he kept a lid on it. "Right then. Thanks." He bent the pipe around the man's hands and another around his ankles before speaking over the coms again.

"Y/N isn't the only victim. Dynamight, get down here."

He was running to the back of the room when he saw you along with five others. Your wrists had been bound by metal shackles suspended from a beam high on the wall that the tips of your toes were just brushing the concrete floor. You were slumped forward with IVs poked into both arms.

"Y/N?" He calmly approached but you didn't answer. You just hung there like a rag doll.

Kirishima lifted your head in his hands and saw a few cuts on your face that had dried blood still surrounding them but he breathed a sigh of relief when he felt the steady drumming of your heart, shallow, but there. You were alive and that was all he cared about.

"Okay. Gonna stop whatever the hell these are..." He flipped switches on the IVs and continued to talk out loud about his process. "Then gotta get 'em outta you..."

With surprisingly delicate fingers, he pulled the needles from your arms. Stopping the small pools of blood with a few pieces of gauze and tape that someone had been so kind to leave behind.

He then wrapped his left arm snuggly around your body. Holding you against him in a way he hoped didn't hurt you any more than you already were. With his right hand, Kirishima reached up to the shackles just as you started to stir awake.

One side of him was so completely soft and caring, the other hard and brutal, snapping the manacles in a powerful grip and you fell against him completely.

"Whadda hero." His ears glowed pink from the compliment.

"I'm really glad I got you back."

A/N: I know it isn't my best writing by any means but I had to do something to distract myself. Hope you're all doing well <3

#mha #mha y/n #mha fluff #bnha #red riot #eijiro kirishima #kirishima headcanon #bakugo katsuki #dynamight #kirishima fluff

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creativia10 · 3 years

Text

I would Duel for you

Virgil has fantasies about how the final battle with his brother could have gone differently to satisfy his thirst for revenge, and wish to physically make up for what his brother put Roman through. At least one of these can become a reality.

Pairing: Virgil x Roman

Wordcount: 2528

Warnings: Suggestive Themes, implies past abusive relationship, mentions past unsympathetic Deceit

Notes: This is a coda/fanfic of @tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors 's Love ad Other Fairytales series. This is set some time after the main story, during the first year after. I am also posting this on my ao3, where I will have a longer AN and tags. Also note, I put this as M on my ao3. This is my first time writing a fic like this. I hope I am tagging this right.

Virgil wouldn’t change how they saved everyone from his brother. He was proud that Roman was able to be the hero he had always wanted to. So proud of his brave knight to have been able to get the ring from his brother, knowing how difficult that must have been. However, the more romantic, possessive, and fae parts of him would imagine things going differently. More specifically, the primal urge that came to the front when he thought about what his brother did with Roman. It was bad enough knowing his brother was had been with Roman first, but Roman had found Virgil first. Stupid curse.

So, ever since Roman first told them about his deal with the Serpent King, many images came to his mind on how he wanted to fix it.

Going back and forth between, murder the snake, he is mine, how dare that snake take another of mine, how dare he hurt someone as amazing and lovely as him.

In a way, he did get what he wanted. The Serpent King was killed. Greta was most justified to do the job than any of them. Yet, there were times he wished he could have dealt with the situation more personally. Maybe some sort of snarling speech, that was a bit of an embarrassing wish though. He did not like talking in front of crowds, which sucked when you ruled the entire magical forest.

It would go something like this,

His brother had just manhandled Roman onto his spot on the armrest of the throne. His hand going to that possessive grip on the back of Roman’s neck.

A guttural growl came from Virgil.

“ Get. Your. F***ing hands. Off of Him!”

His brother would just give him a smug look.

“I don’t think you’re in a place to be making demands right now. You can’t even get to him.”

Virgil didn’t always picture the details of how he made it over there, just that he did.

Then, Virgil and his brother were squaring up on the battlefield, Roman kept behind the snake.

A grand magical duel would take place,

or sometimes a bloody vicious battle, depending on how homicidal of a mood Virgil was in when he pictured it. The point was, he usually fought his brother directly, for Roman. Sometimes he demanded Roman be released to him first. Sometimes, Virgil immediately went for the kill, unforgiving of his brother for what he did to his love.

Virgil would go over to Roman immediately after. Usually he would just hold him tightly and warmly. Roman would say something. It wasn’t always the same. Usually of gratitude. Most of the time, Virgil spoke first, as Roman was speechless, having trouble comprehending that he truly was free. Virgil always would, and he still did, have the urge to do whatever he could to just make it better. There was usually a kiss. One with a lot of gentle caressing. The kiss was usually passionate. Sometimes interspersed with sweet continuous expressions of, “I love you’s”. Sometimes Virgil muttered more heated and possessive things, that were still warm. Sometimes they were on the seductive side, of asking how he could physically erase his brother’s horrid touch, wanting to bring Roman so much pleasure he couldn’t think about whatever the stupid snake had done first. Because Virgil loved him, and intimacy would always be better when there was real love.

Sometimes, in a moment of passion, Virgil would dive in for a passionate kiss first, but usually something would be said, and some loving touching would take place before the kissing. Sometimes he would keep going where the kissing escalated to them getting frisky against a tree, but usually Virgil would try to keep his mind from going that far.

The main thing, was Virgil would mutter promises that Roman would never have to deal with his brother’s cruel hand again. Virgil was pretty sure Roman knew that though.

“Virgil?” Virgil blinked from his reverie as he turned to the speaker.

He always wished he could do more. He knew that recovering from stuff was something he couldn’t just fight away. But gosh did he wish he could. He wanted to make up for every moment that bastard took from them.

Part of him felt guilty about some of his daydreams, as he knew Roman was not ready for the more physical parts of a relationship. Virgil would never want him to feel pressure or rushed though, not after what his brother did to his beloved.

“Virgil are you ok?”

Virgil smiled a little at Patton, uncertain how he could respond, because he didn’t know.

“I was just thinking,” He said. Patton frowned at the non-answer, but nodded hesitantly.

“Okaay…well good luck on your checkup!”

“Pat…” Logan said with an exasperated look. “That makes it sound like he’s going to a doctor.”

“Well, I mean he is checking up on his mom though! So I technically wasn’t wrong.”

Logan rolled his eyes and held Patton’s hand.

“See you later.”

Since Roman had insisted on joining Virgil as he checked on the status of the forest, Patton and Logan had decided to make a date out of it. They all waved bye, and Virgil turned to face the forest. He couldn’t seem to help thinking of his imagines upon realizing this would be his first time alone with Roman since the defeat of the Serpent King, and since the four’s relationship came to be.

Roman stood up beside him, with a smile.

“Ready?” He was dressed in what Virgil believed used to be his ‘hunting’ getup, an iron blade in its sheath. Virgil rolled his eyes.

“Yes. Remember to stick close to me.”

Roman huffed, but surprisingly didn’t protest as they started off. Virgil was finding himself…distracted. In many ways though. They were here to check on the forest, but Virgil’s focus kept going to Roman. His wonderful knight. Actually there with him, while they were both awake. How wonderful he was. Then frustration that by thinking about that, he was distracted from being in the moment with Roman, along with other ‘new relationship’ anxieties. Also, as his thoughts often led back to, just how much he had lost with Roman because of his stupid brother. Being alone with Roman brought some of these urges to his forefront even more.

He could see them on the battlefield. Somehow, the serpent was frozen in place, he hadn’t put thought into how, daydreams didn’t always make sense. He was kissing Roman passionately and possessively, to show that fiend did not have him anymore, that-

“V?”

Virgil blinked, and turned to Roman, who was giving him a concerned look.

“Are you alright? You seemed a bit spacey there.”

Virgil looked away again, thinking of what he could say.

“…I have stated that my communing with my mother does not look the same to onlookers.”

“…okay, I know avoiding an answer when I hear one, V.”

He slipped his hand into Virgil’s and interlaced their fingers. His hand was so warm. It felt so nice. Another thing he absolutely adored about his love. He just wanted to caress it, and maybe pull him into a passionate embrace where he could-

Virgil took in a sharp inhale, trying not to squeeze Roman’s hand too hard. The last thing he wanted was to hurt or scare him. Roman was still looking at him, brows furrowed.

“Hey. What is it?” He stopped.

“We probably shouldn’t just stop here in the middle of the forest.”

Roman half smiled and walked closer to him, holding Virgil’s other hand as well.

“I am here, with the prince of the forest. I am sure we’re okay.”

Damn right, he thought in response to that.

Virgil smiled at him, sure the awe was clear on his face. Virgil brought their hands up so he could gently cup Roman’s face, and pressed their foreheads together and closed his eyes. He let out a relieved sigh at feeling his love’s touch.

“It might seem silly,” he finally admitted.

Roman laughed a little at that, then Virgil felt him nuzzle their noses together.

“I am sure I won’t mind, my spidery princeling. Especially when you are acting so vulnerable about it.” He leaned forward quickly to peck Virgil then back. Virgil almost followed his lips then stopped himself. He wanted to at least let Roman know what had been playing through his mind before he found himself go any further. He was still hesitant though.

“…also might reference a topic you may not want to talk about.” He heard a sharp inhale from Roman, so he started to pull away and opened his eyes. Roman squeezed Virgil’s hands before he could let go.

“How about you start…and I’ll let you know if I can’t right now, okay?”

Virgil hesitated but nodded.

“Okay, so” He took a breath. “Since…the Serpent King’s defeat-“

Virgil didn’t miss Roman’s wince at the mention, but he didn’t protest,

“Or, well really since you first mentioned the deal he wrapped you up in, I have been…sort of fantasizing about ways I could fix it.” Roman gave him a confused look. Virgil sighed.

“I find myself…picturing I got to deal with him personally…and then doing my best to erase whatever way he might have touched you…by compensating with my own touch,” Virgil looked back up at him, not wanting to scare him, but unable to help the intensity of his stare. Even mentioning the fantasies out loud, had Virgil having to restrain a growl. Roman inhaled, but he didn’t seem scared.

“O-oh?” Roman asked. Virgil nodded.

“I am sure you have caught on to how fae can be possessive. And I would never force you into anything of course, unlike my brother. Him being the one to do what he did to you, made it more personal for me.” With as much restraint as he could, Virgil shakily put a hand up to cup Roman’s face again.

“I had been waiting for you,” He sounded a little watery as he spoke, but he kept going, “You are the main one who kept me from being lonely during my slumber. If I could do anything I could to erase any pain you may have gone through…know that I would.”

Roman took a shaky breath, his eyes starting to look a little shiny.

“Okay.” Roman simply said. He brought their hands to his lips and gently kissed them.

He looked back up at Virgil and smiled a little shakily.

“I gotta say…I love hearing how much you want to be with me, my love.” He dropped their hands and looked back at him.

“Can I ask…how would you make it up to me? What are you wanting to do?”

Virgil’s eyes widened at that, unable to restrain his growl that time.

“Are you wanting me to show you?”

Roman smiled a little, blushing, and then nodded.

“You know how I love to be pampered,” He said.

Virgil smirked, and then slowly started to back Roman until he was against a tree.

“Remember, tell me at any time if there is anything you don’t want, okay?”

Roman nodded, biting his lip a little. Virgil’s eyes zeroed in on that. He moved his hands to grip Roman’s waist, and leaned in.

“Where?” He asked, figuring Roman knew what he was asking, but hoping it wouldn’t be too much.

Roman thought for a moment, then lifted a wrist up to Virgil. Virgil grasped his hand, and leaned his hips forward so Roman was still pinned to the tree, getting a gasp out of Roman, and looked over the wrist. Then he leaned forward and kissed the wrist, looking at Roman as he did so.

He flicked his tongue against it, mouthed at the spot, and gently grazed his teeth against it. Another breathy sound from Roman. Virgil smiled at him, glad to see the lack of fear from Roman’s face, exactly what he was going for. He asked him again with his eyes. Roman slowly nodded and then tilted his head. Immediately, Virgil sprung forward and attached his lips to that spot on the junction of Roman’s neck. It was a good spot. Virgil got a lovely moan from that one. His hands, back on Roman’s hips, was brushing his thumb back and forth, alternating with how he would squeeze them. Then both pressed against each other, trying to feel as much of the other as they could.

Roman ran his hands up and down Virgil’s sides, and twirled them in his hair some.

Virgil enthusiastically kissed up Roman’s neck, until their lips were a mere breath apart, and he didn’t know who pushed forward first, but then they were kissing. It got passionate immediately, alternating from loving touches to erotic ones. He wanted to feel him as much as he possibly could.

He put a lot of force into his kiss, but made sure to keep the pace of the kiss with how Roman was pushing forward, not wanting to get too rough. Lips gripped. Virgil bit Roman’s lips getting a particularly loud moan out of him, which made Virgil shiver. He absolutely loved being able to get Roman like this. This was how it was supposed to be for him. He was the one to get him to feel like this. Virgil licked over Roman’s lips and then flicked his tongue into Roman’s mouth, as they toyed with each other. It was wonderful, and Virgil felt some tension he had been feeling get released.

Virgil thinks he may have been muttering I love yous in between.

He pulled away barely, just to kiss all around Roman’s face, who was breathing very heavily, already slumping against the tree.

Virgil pulled away to look at him, his blood thrumming.

“I cannot wait for the day we can physically become one,” He said, as he pushed a lock of hair behind Roman’s head. Roman was still panting but he smiled up at him.

“Me too.”

Virgil helped him up and strung his arm around the back of his shoulders to keep him upright.

“Perhaps we should continue the forest checking when I am a bit more focused.” Virgil said.

Roman snorted at that, and leaned his head against Virgil’s.

“Yeah, probably would be best. Cuddles?”

“Of course my love,” and he kissed the top of Roman’s head before they headed back, Roman a little shaky on his feet.

“Should I carry you back?”

Roman blushed and didn’t say anything.

“Is that a yes?”

Roman sighed, “I am just thinking about whatever comments Mamaw may give.”

Virgil shrugged, and quickly lifted him into a bridal carry, causing Roman to yelp and blush more.

“I can always put you down before we get to the house?”

Roman didn’t respond. Virgil smiled and started walking back.

“…do you seriously intend to carry me like this the entire time?”

“It’s not taxing for me. Let me feel like I rescue the dame in distress for once.”

“What do you mean for once? Virgiil~.”

Virgil laughed as they made their way back. Maybe some good did come out of his daydreams after all.

#laoft fic #ts sanders sides #sanders sides fanfic #ts virgil #ts roman #prinxiety #unsympathetic deceit

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paper-n-ashes · 3 years

Text

Here

Characters: Dan Jones x Reader

Words: 1.9k

Warnings/Tags: Explicit (18+), mentions of sadness/depression, PIV sex, otherwise it’s the fluffiest fluffy fluff

Author’s Note: The last repost. A piece I wrote to work through my own issues at the time. A reminder to anyone, if you feel down, unhappy, or even just a bit flat, feel free to reach out to me. I will always make time for you as an ear to listen or a distraction with Oscar or Adam gifs 🥰

It had been a long and draining day. Not unusual really. Every evening Dan trudged up the stairs to your shared apartment, he felt much the same way.

Tired. More emotionally than physically. The things he read, the truths he was unravelling… It was truly soul-sucking work. Yet just the image of you, patiently waiting for his return home after another late night, provided a stark light in the darkness he found himself momentarily falling into as his muffled footsteps echoed down the hall.

He knew he was lucky. Lucky you were so patient. So understanding. Always waiting on him. Spending more time apart than together. The cancelled dinner dates, the events you’d had to attend alone, the weekends away you never got to plan, believing his work was more important.

There wasn’t a single time you complained. Always giving him the same loving smile, one he wasn’t sure how he deserved.

It wasn’t on your face when he slipped through the door. Curled up on the couch, knees hugged to your chest, you looked… sad.

Noticing his entrance, your expression quickly changed, beaming as your eyes locked with his. “Dan,” you breathed, a relieved edge to the name, releasing yourself from the tense ball and rushing to join him at the entryway.

The room was dim, air filled with silence as you slinked your arms under the jacket of his suit and around his torso, squeezing tight.

“Sorry I’m late.”

“You don’t need to say that every night,” you urged, words muffled into his chest.

“I know.” He still would, no matter how much you protested. Stroking a palm over your hair, Dan touched his lips to your forehead. For a moment, he simply breathed you in. Relishing the flowered perfume still lingering on your skin that would forever remind him of you.

It was such an unexplainable phenomenon. How you eased his stress with a single warm embrace. He hoped he could do the same for you.

“Is everything alright?” he asked softly.

“Absolutely,” you lied, nodding against his crisp, collared shirt. “You’re home now. Everything is just fine.”

Dan couldn’t help but smile at the sweetness of your response. But he also wasn’t stupid. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

You shifted your head to look up at him. “Nothing. Nothing’s wrong.”

There was a redness around your eyes that became glaringly clear. Crying. You’d definitely been crying.

A thumb traced the line under your lower lid. “Please don’t lie. I have to deal with enough of those every day.”

Your mouth twisted, feeling your throat tighten. Unknowingly, he’d illustrated exactly why you tried to hide your sadness in the first place. He didn’t need your burden. He already had enough weighing on his shoulders.

But you also knew he wouldn’t let this go. The man was a bloodhound for seeking the truth, and the way he was looking at you now, features filled with heartbreaking concern, your resolve weakened.

Taking a deep breath, you were honest. “I’ve just been feeling a little… sad lately. Not a big deal. It’ll pass.”

Dan’s eyebrows drew together, heart already aching at your admission. “How long have you been feeling like this?”

You shrugged, pupils darting to the floor. “A few days. As I said, not a big deal. Nothing you need to worry about.”

Two palms quickly found their way to your cheeks, forcing your stares to lock. He looked almost panicked. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You’ve got other things that need your attention-”

“You think your sadness is not worth my attention?” he cut off, positively stunned at how casually you’d spoken your answer.

It’s what he’s always feared. This. Shielding him from the troubles in your own life while you joined in fighting his. Being his remedy, his source of comfort, while you struggled alone.

“It’s okay,” you attempted to soothe. “I can handle it myself, really.”

He shook his head. “No. No. You shouldn’t have to.”

Your fingers grazed lightly over the clean-shaven line of his jaw. “You’re so busy-”

The sentence couldn’t be finished, pulled into a squeezing embrace, hands cradling around you. “I will never be too busy when you really need me. Ever.” Breaths began to waft over your hair, Dan’s voice riddled with a gentle urgency. “And I’m here right now. Tell me how to make this better. Please.”

His caring hold had your resilience failing, unable to camouflage the misery you’d been feeling any longer. “I don’t even know h-how… What I need…” you quivered, voice starting to break. A sniffle escaped, barely able to suppress the urge to cry.

Dan wasn’t ever particularly good at solving problems. He knew that. Finding them, providing the support others needed to take action, that was his sweet spot. What he was good at. So that’s what he would do now.

The pressure around your body vanished, only for Dan to dip down and pluck you into in his arms, bridal style, carrying your body effortlessly to the bedroom.

His movements were cautious, making sure to place you delicately into the mattress. Without removing a single piece of clothing, shoes still on, he laid down, making your shape curl into his.

“We’re going to lay here for a while, okay? However long you want. You don’t have to talk. You can just… be sad.” Another kiss landed on the top of your head. “If you need me to do something, if you figure out what might help, I’ll be here. I’ll be right here.”

That did it. The wall you had been forcing to remain standing, now a crumbling pile of rocks, leaving you exposed. Vulnerable.

You began to cry.

At first, it was a soft weeping, tears wiped away by your own shaky fingers. Yet restraint withered into nothing, succumbing to the gloom that had haunted you for days.

Your breaths were harsh through heaving sobs, first clutching into Dan’s shirt, salted droplets staining the white fabric.

He couldn’t deny, it was painful to see you like this. To hear the whimpers of your distress. A slight wetness appeared at his corner of his eyes, clutching you closer. It was all he could do. Remind you of his presence, stroking your back as you let your emotions spill over.

As minutes passed into the next, your crying slowed, yet the quietness that followed was never broken. You both remained muted in the darkness, a tangle of limbs, your face nestled into Dan’s neck, his cheek resting over your hair.

Soon, without intention, the two of you fell asleep.

It was close to 3am when you woke again. Blinking through the haze of slumber, Dan rustled next to you, still fully dressed in his work attire.

Recent memories came surging through, the way he’d given you everything you needed, by doing nearly nothing at all.

Illuminated only by the light streaming through a set of half open blinds, your eyes wandered over his peaceful, dreaming face.

You didn’t get to see it as often as you liked. But when you did, you were infinitely grateful. Every long absence kept you savouring the time together more deeply. Quality over quantity.

A crackled snore suddenly broke through, having you fighting back a laugh. Dan shifted, still unconscious, turning closer into you, draping an arm over your waist. With a humming sound, you noticed a tiny smile curl his lips.

Oh, how you loved him.

You wanted to show him that, right now.

Carefully, you wriggled upwards, enough that you could press a dainty kiss just above the bridge of his nose. When he didn’t respond, you repeated the action, bringing your fingertips to his hairline, nails skimming over the inky strands.

You watched as his eyes fluttered, a sigh leaking from his throat. Before he could enter back into reality again, your lips landed on his, rolling over the supple pillows of flesh.

His reaction was sluggish, still gripped by a fog of fatigue, although soon his fingers were reaching into your hair, pulling your face even closer to strengthen your adoring kiss.

Words weren’t needed, Dan realised this as you began to unfasten the knot of his tie.

You’d figured out something he could do. Funnily enough, it was what he needed too. To make sure you knew exactly how much he loved you.

You’d done this dance many times, peeling off each other’s clothes. Yet this time felt… different. There was no rushing, no impatience. You both took your time, uncovering each portion of skin without reckless abandon.

With more exposure, Dan had more parts of you to kiss. So he did. Trailing them down your arms, your legs, his touch skating over your skin with such tenderness it made you shiver.

Eventually, the last piece of clothing that remained was your panties. Usually, being so desperate to fuck you after days going without, they’d be ripped off, sometimes even pulled to the side in his hastiness to fill you.

This time their removal was unhurried, restrained, Dan gliding the flimsy material down your legs with a calm poise.

Below, you noticed his touch disappear, looking up to see his stare roaming over your bareness.

So beautiful, he thought. Your body bathed in moonlight. While he wanted to speak it out loud, there was something poignant about the way the silence had continued to linger. He didn’t want to disturb it.

Instead, Dan covered your figure with his, skin to skin, scooping hands under you jaw. Another collision of your lips ensued, the exchange unabashedly passionate and filled an emotion too intricate to name.

Within an unspoken moment of harmony, Dan moved, lining himself to your entrance between your opened legs.

You’d been taken by him many times. In the bathroom stall on your first date. Over tables. On chairs. Floors. Kitchen counters. Countless times in this very bedroom. On this very mattress.

None of those scenes produced the same sense of satisfaction you felt as he sunk into you now. Not from the sensation itself, but the meaning behind it.

Words were fickle. They could be misconstrued. Altered by tone. Changed by moods and attitudes.

The way Dan began to thrust, steady yet severe, bruises being made from his grip at your back, kiss consuming your mouth and every facet of your thoughts…

There was no differing interpretation. No miscommunication. The definition explained merely by the feeling invoked from every action each of you made.

Two people. Expressing love in the most basal way in existence.

For a long time, longer than previous encounters, Dan worked himself in and out, relishing the feeling of your silky wetness, the whimpers he heard with each drag of his length.

Although, the feel of you clenching around him, when your thighs wrapped around his hips to to force his pelvis into yours with increasing intensity, soon had Dan struggling to stave off his release.

He didn’t ask to let it overtake him. Somehow, he knew didn’t need to.

Hurdling into a decadent climax, Dan drove hard into you, painting the deepest parts of your centre, filling you with everything he could give.

Slumping into your form, his nose burrowed into the curve between neck and shoulder. “I know I’m not always here,” he murmured. “But I’ll always be here. For you. Please remember that.”

Fingers swept over his messed hair. “I don’t think you’ll let me forget.”

One final kiss brushed over your throat. “Never again.”

@tlcwrites @roanniom @maryforyou @mariesackler @sacklerscumrag @barbers-glimmerin-darlin @finn-ray-nal-beads @mylifeisactuallyamess @hopeamarsu @foxilayde @goddesstonythetiger @caillea @direnightshade @blackberries45

#dan jones #dan jones x reader #paper-n-ashes #adcu

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sunlightwoo · 3 years

Text

Burning

pairing: minghao x g.n reader

genre: fake dating, secret admirer au, slow burn kinda pining au, there’s your usual angst and fluff, some humor but yeah heheh

wc: 2546

summary: you've been getting random letters and gifts from a secret admirer that you knew nothing about, but something about them seemed familiar. however, how could you even find a way to find them to reject their feelings when your best friend asks you to play his fake significant other to win over his crush?

a/n: IT IS IIIIIII YOUR SECRET SANTA @viastro :))) i was absolutely shitting myself when you kept asking me if i had you and i was like hOW THE HELL DID SHE KNOW??? but anyways, i hope this really slaps you hard in the heart bro and i am so sorry that this is not my best work cause i’ve been so busy HUGOSGFNOEAGFOAE i love you lots and wish you special hugs and cuddles <3

maybe it was someone that you knew that could’ve been pranking you in this very moment. there was no way that you could actually have a secret admirer, right? after getting these random poems and lyrics that were written on little colorful letters in perfect handwriting, you were sure that there wasn’t a possible reason that someone could be sending it to you. you weren’t special.

“y/n! what are you looking at?” you hear someone call from behind you and turn to see that it was one of your friends, Minghao.

you give him a soft smile as you showed him another letter that you’ve received this week, the fifth one in a row. his eyes sparkle in amusement as you watch him skim the poetic words that were written on the paper before handing it back to you.

“they sound quite romantic, in all honesty.” he replies, giving you a warm smile as you nodded in response.

“yeah they do,” you reply as the thoughts that you were echoing in your mind continued to run around your head.

but they aren’t you.

It was another day that you were finally going to confess to your crush when you saw him already walking down the hall to meet you at your locker. There was confusion on your face when you noticed how distressed he looked in the moment and it wasn’t something normal for you to witness when it was about Minghao.

He was usually composed, as you were the one that was never at peace with yourself when all that you have been getting is letters and gifts whenever you walk into your literature lecture hall. However you were curious and slightly worried at his phase in the moment, seeing as though he seemed out of breath and you assumed that he must’ve ran here from his previous class to catch you out of your recent math class that just ended.

“I need a favor,” He breathes out softly and you wait for him to catch his breath before looking at him expectantly to finish his thought, knowing that there was never a time that he asked for favors, which meant that this must’ve been serious.

“Is everything okay?” You ask quietly and he shakes his head in response, looking up at you momentarily as he placed his hands on top of his knees.

“I need you to play my fake significant others for a few days, because this person is so close to being a stalker and she won’t back off if it’s you.” He breathes out as you look at him in confusion while having difficulty processing with the words that left his lips.

“You need me to, what?”

You remember him mentioning a couple months back when you started the spring semester of a girl that really liked him, to the point where she was willing to do anything for him at all. However, it seemed as though it must’ve been getting out of hand considering he was willing to run all the way to the other side of campus to find you, which meant that it was a serious matter.

“Why can’t you just file a restraining order on her?” You ask him in confusion, walking with him back to your shared apartment on campus while you listened to him explain his side of the story from what must’ve happened to him.

You listened to him intently, wondering why someone must’ve gone through all that trouble to show someone that they were interested in them, when you remembered today’s letter that you’ve received from the person that leaves their name with the line of an infinite symbol. It was selfish of you, you think to yourself, to not like the person’s way of trying to get your attention, but you couldn’t help but not focus on them but instead your best friend.

The one person that you could ever harbor feelings for.

It happened on a winter night after finals this year where you weren’t caring for your physical health, not eating proper meals or sleeping enough to study and help ace your exams. It wasn’t until Minghao showed up at your bedroom door with takeout, some tea and bad rom coms while cuddling together in your bed that night you recognized the blooming feelings for your best friend.

“So you want me to pretend to be your significant other?” You spoke slowly, speaking up after he finishes to give him a look of amusement and he nods in response, letting out a breath knowing that he was upset for having to ask for a favor with you until he lights up with an idea.

“It can help you find your secret admirer! You know, like they can see us together and they either finally confront you and tell you your feelings thinking that it’s too late or they just move on.” He points out and you hum in response, contemplating on which side of the bait to take onto the challenge but he did make a good point.

“So we start tomorrow then?”

The following day you notice that at the front of the lecture hall of your class once again stood a bunch of flowers and different gifts awaiting for you as your professor had already given you the familiar look of amusement. Handing you the new note that was yet to be read today, you looked at the neat penmanship that was sprawled onto it and read it thoroughly as you could feel heat rush up to your cheeks while reading it.

i heard that you were now dating minghao, the arts major, and i wanted to say congratulations. it seems as though i was too late and i understand that i should’ve confessed sooner. i wish the two of you all the happiness in the world, and maybe someday i will show you who i am and we can be just friends.

i’ll be rooting for you from the sidelines, y/n!

Marked with another infinite sign, you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion as you closed the envelope in your hands, putting it into your bag when suddenly you felt someone’s presence behind you. Turning to see Minghao close by, he gives you a small smile until he notices the gifts nearby, raising an eyebrow at the sight of it when you move aside to show him today’s gifts.

“They said that they’ll back off because we are ‘dating’.” You say while putting air quotes around the words dating and he lets out a soft chuckle before taking your hand into his just for a moment.

“I mean, we do have to act like it because of the person standing at the door.” He replies and you look over his shoulder slightly to see the girl that had been stalking him pretty recently, already giving you a death glare as you could tell that she was pretty upset at the sight in front of her.

“It’s only for a couple months right? Nothing more than that, and no kissing in public?” You reassured after referencing the wishes that you wanted to put in terms of barriers between your fake relationship, knowing that it was all going to be fake and fabricated from your imagination.

“Just as long as she’s over it, and you’re comfy.” He replies and you nod in response, taking your seats in time for the lecture as your hand was still being held in his.

The feeling of your hand in his made your cheeks heat up at the proximity considering he continued to hold it throughout the entire of your lecture along with the rest of the day. It was something so minimal that you didn’t expect for it to mean a lot to you at all, nor did you think that it was a big action of affection where it was possible to produce butterflies in your stomach.

You felt like you were spiraling even more.

It wasn’t until it was finally at the end of the day that you made it back to your shared apartment that the two of you decided to take a break from the hand holding and crash on the couch with takeout on the table.

“So your secret admirer no longer wants to show up?” Minghao suddenly asks as he eats the general tso chicken that was on his portion of rice, and you hummed in response, taking a bite of the vegetable dumpling that you ordered for ‘balance’ earlier before turning to look at him with a confused look earlier.

“They said that they’d support from the sidelines, but they want to be friends someday if they reveal themselves,” You say after chewing the rest of your food down and let out a frustrated breath until you spoke up once more after taking a sip of your water, “The only thing is… their handwriting looks so familiar and I can’t put my finger on whose handwriting it is.”

He lets out a quiet hum as the two of you continue to eat in the small silence while your mind ponders all the letters that you received from the secret admirer. You knew that they were an art major and that their signature ended with an infinite sign, along with certain things that they always pointed out about you that you never knew about yourself.

They began to sound like they were a part of your close circle, when you thought about it more and wondered who’s handwriting could match the one of your secret admirer. However, your brain could only come up with nothing up until the moment that you were snapped out of your mind with the stinging sensation of Minghao flicking your forehead.

“You’re zoning out again, and it made you look constipated.” He bluntly says with a grin on his face, making you let out a noise in retortion when he suddenly feeds you an eggroll to stop the arguments that were ready to spill out of your mouth.

How to not pretend that your heart was not burning because of your unrequited feelings for him? A challenge that you were willing to take for the next upcoming months that you were yet to discover.

You regret the words that you had said back a couple weeks ago when you thought that you could keep your feelings in control. It was everything that you wanted to bite back, especially since the winter season was now in session and that it was close to the holidays that were yet to arrive.

There were no more gifts from your admirer but rather from Minghao, as he was still pretending to be your fake boyfriend to scare away his stalker. The only thing confusing you was that they never showed up ever since after your Thanksgiving break, making you wonder why Minghao was still keeping up with the act when you knew that he should’ve stopped the fake relationship at the moment.

It all ended up in the cafe that you were at, looking outside to see the snow that was falling down from the sky and watching how couples walked up and down the streets, hand in hand as they were warm with the other’s presence. You wished that yours were that genuine as you struggled to find the right words to tell your best friend that you were in love with him, and that you didn’t want to keep the act going.

“Why can’t I stop myself from falling for you?” You breathe out quietly more towards yourself as you take a sip of your coffee, up until you see one of the workers from behind the bar walk up to your table to slip you a napkin with stuff on it.

“Someone called in and told me to give it to you.” They said and you recognized him to be a classmate of yours, Jun, from your art studies class.

Watching him walk away in silence, you furrowed your eyebrows as you wondered what the note could be when you started to read it. The handwriting was familiar and you were confused as to why it matched the secret admirer’s when it was telling you to meet at the park that was close by to your apartment, making it even more contradicting as to who they really were.

Did they want to meet you now?

Grabbing your jacket, you decided to leave the cafe and go to the park nearby your house like it said to with anticipation in your veins. There was something about the rush that ran through your system that made you want to believe that it could’ve been Minghao, but you were also scared of the idea of it being someone else, since you could’ve bear the idea of rejecting someone else’s feelings; the feeling itself already being unbearable to go through.

After a while, you finally do make it to the park and you take in the beautiful scene of the white snow surrounding you. The coldness of the wind nipped at your skin as you forgot to bring your scarf, but you didn’t mind it as the burning of your heart and cheeks from the thought of meeting your secret admirer was still in your mind.

Until he shows up.

“Minghao? What-”

“Surprised to see me?” He whispers softly, hands in the pockets of his coat when you were finally piecing it together in your head and everything made sense.

“It was you the whole time?! Why didn’t you just confess to me, and let me embarrass myself the whole time?” You asked while letting out a small laugh as you reached one of your legs to playfully kick him when he laughs as well, shrugging in response as you watched the snowflakes fall into his hair.

“I didn’t know how to tell you, since you were my best friend. Besides, I thought that fake dating would’ve been a solution to my stalker problem, which was why I stopped sending you gifts as infinite the moment we started.” He replies and you smiled a bit at the fact that he was being a little too much in this very time that you were standing in front of him.

“So what? You just decide to torture me and make me believe that we were in a fake relationship, so that the both of us can avoid confronting the other about actually dating?” You retort, suddenly feeling the sadness of the missed weeks that you both cou;d’ve actually dated if you’d told your affection towards him sooner.

There was a beat of silence that passed by, in which you could tell that your breaths were becoming one with the other in the moment that you were staring at one another with the snow falling around you. However, it was different as you could tell that there was now a spark that was burning in each of your hearts, ready to become brighter right as he finally asked you the question that you had finally been waiting for him to ask, in which you didn’t hesitate to answer in response to it.

“How about we date for real this time? Second time’s the charm, am I wrong?”

#kdiarynet #kpopscape #svtwritersnet #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen oneshots #seventeen fluff #seventeen angst #seventeen college au #xu minghao #minghao imagines #minghao scenarios #minghao fluff #minghao angst #minghao oneshots

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bangtans-bubs · 3 years

Text

BTS Reaction #4: When you fight another female idol at MAMA’s

-/-

a/n: Hey army! How have y’all been? Just an FYI, I MAY have gotten carried away with some of these, which is why they’re lengthier than others. THAT DOESN’T MEAN I DON’T LIKE THE MEMBERS EQUALLY, OKAY?! I’ve been a little caught up with school work, so my apologies if your requests are taking a while. Anyways, I’ve been working on a couple requests, so feel free to submit any ideas :)

warning: just the usual ‘wanna beat a bitch up’ vibe + a few dirty remarks

word count: 200 - 390 (per member)

*creds to gif owners

-/-

> Kim Namjoon (RM)

He has always made sure to keep you controlled when you get angry to the point where you’ll start throwing hands. It’s either he asks you to breathe in and breath out, or his 6 feet figure will find its way in front of you and will take all your blows instead of the girl. The problem started when you spotted Namjoon’s ex making faces at you when you both were taking pictures together for the paparazzi. Namjoon had caught onto what had quickened your breathing and asked for you to calm damn. As much as you wanted to be the bigger person in this situation, you really couldn’t have her acting like every time she sees you two. So, once you had passed by the paparazzi, you walked straight towards her and Namjoon did try to latch onto your wrist, but you were too quick.

“Are you 5 years old or something?” You squinted your eyes as you questioned her, your chest still heaving from before. She let out a dry scoff before she began laughing. How does this bitch have the audacity to laugh after making faces those faces?

“Can’t believe I got under your skin, Y/n,” she retorted with a peak in her tone. Before she knew it, you had punched her right in her jaw, knocking her off her feet within seconds. Before you could throw more punches, Namjoon had dashed to your side and retained you, quickly taking you away from the messy scene. Once he brought you to a more private setting, he leant down to your eye level and huskily whispered, “I thought you were only frisky in bed, but you’re frisky during fights too now, huh?”

> Kim Seokjin

Jin was hosting the Mama’s Music Awards with Irene and when they were joking around, she made a snide remark about how he was dating someone that was in the music industry. Jin always had his way of putting people in their spot, and he did do that by saying, “Even if she was an idol, my eyes would still be on her. Don’t be jealous that you’re not her.”

The audience laughed at his nasty remark thinking he unintentionally insulted Irene, but only you, Irene and the other BTS members knew that comment was personal. After the show was done, you excused yourself from the BTS group and went your own way, trying to find Irene. Jin knew what your intentions were and asked for you to not physically fight her, but just say a few words that’ll be imprinted in her mind. Within seconds of splitting from the boys, you ran into Irene. Perfect. You thought she would speak in an un-provocative manner, but she was speaking as if she wanted to throw hands, so you did just that. After a minute or so, Jin and the others heard screams that sounded like someone was in pain. Jin and the others turned the corner to see Irene and you tangled up on the floor, your hands clawing at her face as she did the same. Jin wasn’t going to do anything, but he noticed how you had a bruise welling up on your right arm and quickly came to pry you out. Oh, how hard it was for him to not break into a fit of laughter after noticing how she was splayed across the floor like a rag doll. Since he’s a gentleman, he helped Irene up before he took you to his dressing room.

“How come you listen to me when I teach you about fighting, but when I tell you something in bed, you become rebellious, jagi?”

> Min Yoongi (Suga)

He has the nerve to sit back and relax after he pissed you off to the point where you wanted to drag that girl by her hair. He knows that you get a slight bit possessive when a girl gets handsy with him, especially when he doesn’t acknowledge it happening. What you thought was a fan of his was just another female idol. You weren’t going to do much about it, but she became very touchy within seconds and he had no idea what her intentions were. You glared at him in hopes of him taking it as a signal to move away from her, but he didn’t. He just smirked. That mother fucker is doing this on purpose, isn’t he? Your eyes never left his for what felt like an eternity, all while the girl was still feeling him up and she knew he was already dating someone. You walked towards the hungry lady and decided to pull Suga away from her, but she then hooked her arm around his and began arguing with you without knowing that you were his girlfriend. She was asking for a lot of your patience and you weren’t going to give her any. You just pried her arm away from his and pulled him towards the staircase, but she had the nerves to push you. You didn’t even throw hands yet, but your quick movements had caused her to flinch and topple over. You and Suga tried to hold in your laughter, but the way she had acted big only to end up falling caused both of you to break. Once the both of you were seated, he didn’t even think twice before he said, “I didn’t expect myself to become hot and bothered by you tonight, baby. Especially by that.”

> Jung Hoseok (J-Hope/Hobi)

He hates confrontations, even if he’s a bystander. He’d be surprised at first by your aggressiveness towards the girl, but then he’d remember that it was one of the reasons you had caught his attention. As much as he’d love to see the fight go down, he didn’t want to give you the chance of swinging or insulting the girl. Since he’s respectful, he’ll apologize to the girl on behalf of you, even if she’s the one at fault, and that enrages you every time. You were already fuming over the fact this girl spoke shit about BTS, but Hobi apologizing to her had caused you to shift your anger towards him. He had a steady hold around your arm, but you still managed to pull out of his grip and angrily brushed past him. He gave you a couple of minutes to cool down because he knows you’re mad to the point you’ll swing at anybody that tries to speak to you, especially him. He came up a few minutes later and said, “I know you’re mad at me, baby. You don’t have to say yes, but why don’t we go home and have a little fun of your own?”

> Park Jimin

The way you’d fire back at someone if they dare to speak bad on Jimin’s name always gave him a thrill. He won’t stop you unless he thinks you blew a gasket for no absolute reason. He also doesn’t bother to stop you from beating a bitch up if he hates her guts. In this case, the girl on the receiving end of your brawl was none other than Twice’s Jeongyeon. When you followed closely behind Jimin, past the beautiful Twice idols, you heard Jeongyeon mumble, “Disgusting,” under her breath. You stopped dead in your tracks and turned your attention towards her, untwining your hands from Jimin’s.

“Please. If you’re going to talk shit speak up.” Jimin saw how your relaxed face had molded to fit an angry expression and how intimidating your voice had gotten. He noticed how quickly your dominant attitude had turned him on, and that’s because he’s usually the dominant one in bed, so you barely get a chance to show this side. He snapped out of his thoughts when he saw a chunk of Jeongyeon’s black extensions fly past his face. He didn’t know how long he’d been lost in his train of dirty thoughts, but it was enough time for you to drag Jeongyeon to the ground before you began clawing at her. As the security guards rushed to pull Jeongyeon away from your death grip, Jimin pulled you into his embrace and had you locked into place. He excused both of you from the scene before he sat you down in your assigned seat. You noticed how he had a sly smirk splayed across his face, but before you can question him, he whispered, “I’m curious to find out if I can handle this heated side of you in bed.”

> Kim Taehyung (V)

He loves drama. He’d even take part in one if he hears his name come up once. For you, he’d just stay back and watch how his girl would rip someone badly if they ever did something with bad intentions. He felt more dominant when he sees your aggressive side because there’s no way he’d allow you to win an argument or fight against him. If you fought another person, he’d just rest back and watch what happens. He’s seen you blow a punch at a man, instantly knocking him out, so he doesn’t worry about you losing a fight. Another incident where he saw you throw hands at a female idol was at the MAMA’s show. You were minding your own business when someone came up to Taehyung and said, “Don’t be full of yourself just because you were ranked #1 as the most handsome Kpop idol.”

He was surprised at her words at first, but then began laughing because she was unaware of what she just started. You stepped in between her and Taehyung and were all up in her face.

“Repeat that.” When you noticed her hold her breath, you thought that was the end of that situation, but she provoked you by repeating her saying. To make it worse for herself, she annunciated the words ‘full of yourself’, almost standing on her tiptoes to reach your eye level. You let out a dry chuckle before you tried swinging, but Taehyung got in front of you, stopping you from fighting for the first time. When your eyes met his for a second, you noticed how dilated his dark brown pupils, but you were too concentrated on landing your blows. You tried to move around him to try to get the girl, but he kept moving with you. When he couldn’t restrain you for any longer, he just threw you over his shoulders and brought you to the nearest restroom. Thankfully, the women’s restroom was empty, so you were able to pace around like a mad man. You heard the click of the door locking and noticed how Taehyung’s fingers were playing with his belt buckle. He slowly made his way to you, not breaking his deep gaze at you. He glanced down at his crotch before he looked at you and gruffly whispered, “You have to fix this problem first, baby.”

> Jeon Jungkook

He’s the type to lay back and watch what unveils in front of him. If he thinks you’re going to make a blood bath, he’ll be quick to pull you away, unless he thinks the bitch deserves it. If that’s the case, then he’ll just be your own hype man and he’ll instruct you on how to swing and what move to pull. He’ll try his best to avoid any incident that would cause you to react this way, but he couldn’t do anything this time because the bitch you were referring to was his celebrity crush, IU. He didn’t think much of it when IU began running her hands over his muscular arms, but when he noticed you glaring at him, he was quick to push her away and politely told her that he’s uncomfortable. She still insisted on touching him, so you decided to give her a taste of her own medicine. When Jungkook saw you storm past the others towards IU, he quickly managed to get between you both, dragging you away to avoid an MMA fight at the MAMA’s show.

“As much as I wanted to see how that played out, I can’t afford to let you mess up that precious face for me, baby.”

*requests are open

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moon-light-jukebox · 4 years

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“All you have to do is ask.” Chapter 9 - [Reid x Reader]

previous chapter // series index // next chapter

Summary: Dr. Spencer Reid is one of the most brilliant men in the entire world...but even geniuses can be dumbasses. Once he realizes he’s made the biggest mistake of his life, the next step is getting Reader to forgive him.

Pairing: Spencer Reid / (Female) Reader

Rating: Mature

Category: Angst. but then the fluff we all need.

Content Warning: Talk of drug addiction, mentions of injuries, angst.

Word Count: 9.4k for Chapter 9

A/n: I’m sorry I didn’t get this out as quickly as I wanted; I know I broke your hearts in chapter 8. So, please let me and Dr. Reid put them back together. Thank you for sticking with me. 💖 Chapter 10 returns to the smut we all signed up for.

-- Chapter 9 - “You know why.” --

Out of all the compliments I've received in my life, "you're such a strong person" is the one I have gotten the most often.

I was “so strong” for busting my ass through college with dreams of going to the FBI.

My friends told me I was “so strong” when I gave myself a few days to lay around and cry about my ex before I bottled it all up and moved forward.

Everyone said I was just “so strong” for joining the FBI and finishing in the top of my class at the academy.

And when I told everyone I was a profiler that hunted the most dangerous monsters on the planet? I was both “so strong, so brave.”

It’s a nice compliment to receive, but I have never really agreed with it. I’ve never really felt strong. I've always felt resilient. The two words have always felt very different to me. It took enormous amounts of strength to go to college, join the FBI, and then become a member of one of the most prestigious units; but eventually, that strength fades, or it just tires out. Resilience came when the strength was gone when the fight had left your body, but you couldn’t give in, you would endure this pain and any pain after it…because that’s just who you are.

It didn’t take strength to leave the hospital 3 days after Spencer Reid broke my heart. It didn’t take strength to go back to the same apartment where I could feel echoes of him in every room. It didn’t even take strength to not break down and cry.

I kept going because I had to. Because I was resilient.

“You sure you got everything you need, mama?” Morgan had been annoyingly thorough in his duties today; Garcia had assigned him to be the person who brought me home and got me settled.

I offered him a wan smile. “I’m fine, Derek. It’s just a gunshot wound. I’m actually surprised how well I’m feeling.” Not good. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel ‘good’ again.

He didn’t look convinced. “Are you sure? Because the last thing I need is Garcia to throw one of her damn shoes at me again. Those things are heavy, y/n.”

I chuckled at him. “Well, you won’t get maimed on my account. I’m really okay.”

Morgan regarded me from his position by the door, his eyes ran over everything from the exhaustion on my face to my arm that was in a sling; he took note of everything before he sighed heavily. “I know it’s not my place to say but…”

“Then don’t say it, Derek.” I brought my gaze up to his, my eyes were pleading. “Please, just don’t say it.”

Reluctantly he nodded. “You call any of us if you need anything.”

I nodded. Because I would call any of them if I needed anything…any of them except the one person I really wished I could call.

My life went on like that for a time. On my first night home, Rossi had flowers delivered. On my second night home, JJ came by to bring me groceries. On my third night home Emily came by and helped me wash my hair in the sink because I couldn’t lift my arm yet. On my fourth night home Garcia came over with a stack of action movies and popcorn. I didn’t ask why she brought mindless action movies; I knew why, and I was grateful.

On my fifth day home, the team left on a case. The in-person visits slowed down a lot after that, much to my relief. I loved them all but they're profilers and I was so tired of pretending to be strong when the only reason I was still standing was because I was too fucking stubborn to fall down.

But still, Garcia would schedule the odd visitor every now and then to come to check on me; usually either her, JJ, or Emily. No one ever brought up Reid, and I was very careful not to ask about him. I don't know what they knew and what they didn't…but I just couldn’t talk about it.

I was cleared to go back to work on the second Tuesday after my injury, but I would still be on desk duty until I was 4 weeks out. I had sent Hotch an e-mail on that second Tuesday morning and requested to use some personal time, just until the end of the following week. His response was, “Whatever you need.”

He didn't respond to the e-mail I sent yesterday. The e-mail I wasn't even sure I wanted to send but knew I had to. I had submitted a hardship transfer request.

“Then maybe you should reevaluate your place in this team,” Reid had said to me. Maybe he was right. I had thought my home was with the family inside the BAU…but I had also thought Spencer Reid wanted my heart.

“But I think your judgment has been compromised.” Maybe my judgment was never that good to begin with.

Twenty-four days after I was shot and two after I requested my transfer there was a knock on my door. Scheduled visits weren’t a thing anymore. Only Garcia had been coming by; Emily and JJ would send me texts, and Morgan drove me to physical therapy a few times but that was it. So, I was very surprised when I heard a sharp knock at my door at 2 pm that Friday afternoon.

I opened the door only to find the last face I expected to see.

“Hotch,” I said, my brows drawing together.

He just gave me a rare smile. “Not who you were expecting?”

“It’s not that you’re not who I was expecting,” I began carefully. “It’s just that…when I think of cheerful visitors coming to surround me with rainbows and sunshine…I don’t think of you, boss man.”

He scoffed, which I had learned was his version of a chuckle. “Garcia is busy. So, can I come in?”

I waved my arm, offering him inside.

He surveyed my apartment; he’d never been here. None of the team had ever been here before- Stop. Don’t think about it.

“How have you been?”

I gave him a very sour look. “Peachy with a side of keen, Hotch. But that’s not why you’re here.”

He didn’t look abashed in the slightest. “You’re right. That’s not why I’m here.”

We both sat on my couch; I kept my gaze on my hands, but I felt his eyes on me.

“Why are you requesting a hardship transfer?”

I was prepared for this question. “Because there is a personal issue within my team that affects me; I can no longer be an effective agent of the FBI in this unit.”

Hotch gave me an almost smile. “That’s a very political answer.”

“It’s the truth.”

“It might be.” He sounded so thoughtful I turned to look at him. We were both profilers, but Hotch was in charge for a reason; that man saw things in ways I don’t think any of us did. “The reason might also be that Reid is a dumb ass.”

I was in no way prepared for that statement to come out of my boss’s mouth. A laugh, the first real laugh I had had in almost 25 days, burst out of me before I could clap my hand over my mouth.

He did smile then. It was a soft, sad smile. “I figured that’s what it was.”

“He’s a genius, Hotch.”

“And he’s also proof geniuses can be dumbasses.”

That one got a small chuckle out of me. “I didn’t know you were funny.”

“I have my moments,” he said dryly.

I took a deep breath, my eyes moving around my apartment, searching for something to focus on. “I don’t know what you know, I don’t know what any of you know…but I can’t stay. Not like this.”

The older man considered me for a moment, planning out his next words. I knew that the team knew that Reid and I had been…something. I hadn’t asked what they knew; I couldn’t ask.

Hotch let out a long sigh, his shoulders dropping before he spoke again. "Hayley had an affair."

…I have no idea how I’m supposed to respond to that. “I’m sorry, Hotch.”

He just nodded, his gaze sort of far off. “The team was working a case in Milwaukee; it was right before you joined. I was considering transferring; it was right before Gideon left. I knew it, she knew I knew it. I think that was sort of the beginning of the end for us.”

I just stared at him. Hotch didn’t talk about personal things.

He continued on. “It was never really brought up again until the divorce. You think divorce will end your fights…it never works out that way.” Hotch let out another sigh. “Anyway, I think about this one specific fight a lot now. I just…She was so fucking cruel, y/l/n. She said things she knew would hurt me.”

You can’t call a dead woman a cunt, y/n. You just can’t.

“I think about it so much now because I know she lashed out because I hurt her and she was scared. I picked my job over her and Jack. And she’s right…I did.”

Enlightenment finally dawned on me.

“Hotch, I see where you’re going but it’s different,” I stressed. “Protecting the team is my job. I protected a member of my team.”

He just nodded, his eyes never leaving my face. “You also jumped in front of a bullet for a man who is in love with you, who now thinks it’s his fault you got hurt.”

“He is not in love with me!” I interrupted, not that Hotch seemed to care.

“And you also told him you loved him, for what I suspect was the first time, while we all thought you were dying.”

Hold the fuck up. “You heard me? Spencer heard me?!”

Hotch nodded his head solemnly. “Rossi figured he hadn’t told you. He was inconsolable on the way to the hospital. He rode with you in the ambulance. Morgan had to restrain him when you were taken into surgery.” I felt my lungs seize, there was no more air in the room. “His legs gave out from under him when the doctor told us you made it. He was in your room right before you woke up. He ran out when your heart rate spiked.”

That…that can’t be right. “I…I don’t know what happened while I was under, but you weren’t there. You didn’t hear what he said to me, Aaron.”

“You’re right,” he said softly. “I wasn’t, but I have been around him every day since you were injured. I’ve known him for years, y/n. He’s hurting…because he’s a dumbass.”

I tried to focus on Hotch’s words, I really did. But one thing kept playing over and over in my head. That asshole heard me. He lied to me.

-- Spencer POV –

“Because I love you.”

The worst thing about having an eidetic memory is that I never forgot anything. I remember the crushing disappointment I felt on my 8th birthday when my dad didn’t call. I remember how gutted I felt when I found Gideon’s letter in his cabin. I remember the self-loathing I felt when Emily was beaten by a deranged cult leader at Liberty Ranch because she didn’t think I could handle it.

I could remember every single crushing moment of my life with absolute clarity, including the moment when I told y/n I didn’t love her. I could see every detail of her face in that moment whenever I closed my eyes. How pain covered her face for just a moment before it went blank.

Her face in that moment was all I saw when I was awake, but what I saw at night may have been worse. I saw her happy. I saw her laughing at some joke Morgan made. I saw her smiling at me while I explained the scientific impossibilities of the show we were watching on her couch. I saw how thoughtful she’d looked before she kissed me for the first time.

In the 24 days, 21 hours, and 16 minutes since I made the most painful decision of my life, I had regretted it and rethought it countless times. But then I remembered how her eyes fluttered closed that day, how her blood ran out of her body and down my arms, no matter how hard I pressed on the wound. I remembered how it felt to think I was going to lose her.

The members of my team were all furious with me for my decision; I even felt tension from Rossi and Hotch, though it was more subtle. Y/n hadn’t been with our team long, but she had already carved out a place in everyone’s heart…and she’d carved out all of my heart; now it was filled with almost nothing but her. At first, it was just Morgan who was pissed at me, then Emily started becoming frustrated, even JJ stopped inviting me over for dinner as much. They were all still my friends, but everything felt different.

I hadn't realized there was a giant problem until the last person I ever expected to be mad at me finally snapped. We were in the conference room discussing our last case when I had asked Garcia a question. Looking back, I can see it was a dumb question; Garcia cross-referenced everything and dug into people's lives before we even had a chance to ask. But even my stupid question hadn’t warranted her response.

“Garcia, do you know any of the victim’s extended families have any connections to one another? Even distantly.”

She had clicked her tongue against her teeth, her shoulders stiffening. “Of course I have, Reid. That’s a stupid question…but I guess we should expect stupid questions from you now. Since you’ve suddenly become an-“

“Garcia,” Hotch warned.

“Sorry, sir.” She let out a breath.

“Yes, Dr. Reid, I have checked and found no apparent connections.

She’d been avoiding me ever since.

I knew that I had made a mess of things, but the team just didn't understand. They'd only felt her warmth from afar; I'd actually got to be a part of it. They didn't know how her feet were always cold and how she'd shove them under my leg while we watched TV. They didn't know that she mumbled in her sleep sometimes, or when she was really stressed about a case, she'd grind her teeth. The pain I felt now was indescribable, but I couldn't live with losing her.

We’d gotten back home from a case earlier this morning, Hotch let us all go home around noon. Usually, he'd make us stay and finish our paperwork, but he said he had "something" he had to take care of.

Not being at work was bittersweet. Because work reminded me of her, but at least I could occupy my mind with other things; when I was home, she surrounded me. I couldn’t lay in my bed without imagining her beside me. The look on her face when she told me she was ready to be with me. For the first few days after I could still smell her shampoo on my pillow. That was long gone now.

It was just after 2 pm when there was a very loud knock on my door.

“Open up, dumbass!’

What is Morgan doing here? I got up from my couch to open my door. Morgan was in the same clothes he wore to work, he didn't look injured, but his jaw was set, his teeth clenched together. Uh oh.

“Why are you here?” I sighed. I already knew why he was here.

“I’m here,” he began, shoving his way into my apartment. “To see why you’re still being a dumbass.”

I didn’t bother correcting him. Maybe I am a dumbass.

“Morgan-“

“Nu-uh. You sit your little scrawny ass down and listen to me.”

I’m not that scrawny, I thought grumpily while I sat down.

He put his hands on his hips, coming to stand in front of me. “Reid, what are you doing man?”

“I don’t know,” I mumbled.

“Well, I’ll tell you what the fuck you’re doing, Pretty Boy. You know, we were all content to let you flounder along for a while longer. You’re smart, you’d figure it out. But that was before y/n submitted a request for a hardship transfer.”

My shoulders stiffened. I had told her to rethink her place on the team, but I didn’t mean leave it. “What? When?”

“I’m not sure when,” he replied. “Hotch is at her apartment now trying to talk her out of it.”

So that was his important business.

“Look, kid.” He came to sit beside me on the couch. “I know you’re scared. I know you almost lost her, and you couldn’t bear that. But you’re losing her now too, man!’

“It’s different, Morgan,” I protested.

“Yeah, it is different, because you don’t have to lose her! You didn’t see her when she came home from the hospital. She wasn’t even sad, Reid. She was numb. We all knew she had walls up before…but these new walls, man? They make the old ones look like nothing.”

I put my hands together, lacing my fingers tightly. “But-“

Morgan stood up. “No, Reid! No! No buts. I understand that you’re hurting, believe me. But did you ever stop to use that big ass brain of yours to think for a second that you’re hurting her too?!”

“I know I’m hurting her, Morgan,” I said hotly. “I know! But it’s better she’s hurt like this for a little while then die over me!”

“Oh, come on, kid! You can’t make that choice for her! That’s not how love works!” He let out a sigh. “You’re acting like a coward, Spencer. And that’s not the kind of man you are.”

It’s exactly the type of man I am. “Morgan, she’s…she’s everything to me. She’s the sun at the center of my universe. I can’t let her disappear.”

“Okay, okay,” Morgan nodded, considering me. “Now, I’m not a genius but I do know some stuff after hanging around your ass for all these years. The universe would fall apart without the sun. But…what happens if the sun dims?”

“What?” My heart refused to work when I processed his words.

“You heard me. What happens to the universe when the sun dims? It’s still there, but it’s nowhere near as bright anymore. Because she may be the center of your universe but she’s still a part of a lot of other people’s…I don’t know, galaxy or some shit.” Morgan flicked his hand around to gesture at nothing, like this somehow proved his point.

“Spencer. I know you’re scared. I get it. But you’re making the choice for her. You lied to her, man. You got her to let you in and then you fucking shut her out when you get scared! Do you think she wasn’t scared to let you in in the first place? She’s never going to be totally free of danger, Reid. That’s part of what makes her who she is; she is always going to put herself at risk to help people, we all are! It’s why we’re on the same fucking team!”

The impact of Morgan’s words was a blow to the gut. What if I wasn’t keeping her safe? What if I was putting her through this…because I was afraid? Did I push her away from me for her? Or did I-

“Oh my god. I’m a dumbass.”

Morgan threw his hands in the air before slapping them against his hips.

“I fucked up.”

Morgan opened his eyes very wide and tilted his head down in a universally recognized expression of “you think, dumbass?”.

“What do I do?”

“You apologize, Reid! You go over to her house and you beg for forgiveness.”

My palms were starting to sweat. “What if she doesn’t forgive me?”

Morgan shrugged. “Then at least you tried, man.”

“Will you give me a ride?”

His face split into a wide smile. “There’s the genius! Let’s go!”

-- Reader’s POV --

It was just after 4 pm when there was another sharp knock on my door. I picked up the remote to pause the TV show I wasn’t watching; I had just needed some background noise. With a huff, I pulled myself off the couch and started shuffling towards the door. Hotch hadn’t been gone long, so I just figured maybe he’d come back to impart more wisdom on me.

It wasn’t Hotch. My heart stuttered when I saw that mop of curly brown hair out of my door’s peephole.

He knocked again, more hesitantly than before. “Y/n,” he called. “I know I don’t have any right to ask. But…I need to talk to you.”

My eyebrows drew together in confusion. What could you possibly have to say to me?

I cleared my throat. “Is something wrong?”

I saw his head snap up; his eyes fixed on the peephole on my door. “Yes. Everything is wrong.”

Oh. “Are…are you alright?”

“No.” His answer was simple and firm. “I know I don’t deserve anything from you…but, please, y/n.”

Taking a deep breath, I cracked open my door. “What do you want, Reid?”

I only allowed a tiny sliver of my face to be seen through the door. “C-can I come in?”

“I…I don’t know,” I mumbled. You’re still everywhere. If I let you in now…how will you ever fade?

Reid just nodded. “I understand. I just…I owe you an apology. I owe you so many apologies.”

I swallowed; my throat suddenly coated in sandpaper. “Reid, I don’t…you don’t…”

His eyes never left mine; he was leaving the choice up to me. “I don’t have to come in. I’ll talk to you through your door. Or I can talk to you over the phone. I’ll send you letters if that is easier. Just…please say you’ll talk to me?”

Very, very slowly, I eased the door open. He was cautious when he walked in, his hands stuffed into his pants pockets. “You don’t have to-“

“Yes, I do,” he interrupted. “That day in my apartment… I asked you not to lie to me. And I’ve done nothing but lie to you for the past 24 days, 22 hours, and 30 minutes.” He shifted his weight from foot to foot.

“I already know you heard me, Reid.”

He just nodded. “That’s one of the things I lied about. But it’s not all. It’s not even close to all. I told you my feelings changed, and they didn’t. They haven’t. I still feel the exact same way that I always have. I’m so sorry I even let you think that I didn’t l-“

“Stop.” I wrapped my arms around my middle. “I-I can’t. You…you can’t say that.” I will break if you say that.

His hands came out of his pockets, his arms outstretched, palms facing me; like I was a wild animal he was trying not to startle. “I won’t, I won’t. I’m sorry. I won’t say it until you're ready to hear it if you're ever ready to hear it. But…you have to know why.”

My teeth dug into my bottom lip; my eyes averted from him. “Why what?”

“Why I…Y/n, I just…I thought that I was protecting you.”

My face fell into a frown. “Protecting me from what?”

He stuffed his hands back into his pockets. “From me.” I opened my mouth to say something, but he hurried on. “I know I contribute to the team in some ways, but I also know other people have to pick up my slack sometimes. I just…I know members of the team have gotten hurt protecting me before.” He swallowed, his eyes blinking rapidly. “I couldn’t let you get hurt trying to protect me too. I’m not worth it.”

I felt anger start to burn in my stomach. “You don’t get to make those sorts of choices for people, Reid.”

He nodded. “I know. I was wrong.” He squared his slim shoulders, pulling his hands out of his pockets to rest them at his sides. “I fucked up. I’ve made the biggest mistake I have ever made in my entire life. And I only know one way to fix mistakes this big.” He paused, his throat working when he swallowed. “In Narcotics Anonymous the hardest steps for a lot of people are steps 8 and 9. Step 8 is acknowledging that our actions have caused pain and we need to make amends. Step 9 is making those amends and making them in a way that won’t hurt anyone.”

Hands back in his pockets, he took a hesitant step towards me. “I promise, y/n, I will never hurt you again. This isn’t an excuse, but I was so…I was so scared. I thought that…I thought that your injury was my fault. And I thought if I distanced you from such a…a colossal fuck up like me that you’d be safer.”

My body started to shake, but I wouldn’t let any tears fall. I couldn’t. If the dam broke now, I don’t know that I’d be able to put it back in place.

“Y/n, I don’t deserve the opportunity to make amends to you. But…if you’ll let me, I’d like to try. You’re…you’re everything, y/n. Everything. I even lied before when I said you were sunshine and warmth. You’re so much more than that.”

I heard the tears in his voice, but I couldn’t look at him. I’d break if I looked at him.

“You’re the sun. You’re the center of my universe. And I thought I was keeping you safe, but…I didn’t give you the choice. I took your choice away from you when you’ve always given me a choice in everything.”

I moved my eyes upwards to look at the ceiling, crossing my arms over my chest, my hands rubbing over my upper arms. “I don’t-I don’t know what you want me to say, Reid.”

I heard his shoes on my floor; I felt the air shift in the room when he took a step closer to me. “Just…Just say you’ll…that you’ll at least wait before you push your transfer through. That you’ll let me try to fix this, even though I don’t deserve it.”

A humorless laugh left my throat. “I already told Hotch to hold my transfer request.”

His voice cracked when he spoke again. “You did? When?”

“He came by about an hour ago.” I finally, finally looked at him. I saw his glassy eyes, his wild hair, and the clear pain mixed with a spark of hope on his face. He wasn’t my boy, not anymore. But…goddamnit. “He said…He said you were being a dumbass.”

Reid laughed a bit at that. “That seems to be the general consensus.”

“He asked me to give it some time. To see if working with the team again would actually be a hardship. My first day back is Monday, and I’m cleared to go back on active duty Wednesday.”

He shifted, his hands coming up to push is hair out of his face. “So, you’ll be back on Monday?”

"That's the plan," I said softly. "But…Reid, I don't-I don't know if I can…"

“I’m not asking you to forgive me. I’m just asking you to let me try to make amends for this.”

I brought my hand up to rub my forehead. “What is your goal here, Reid? What do you want?”

His face was as open as I’d ever seen it, his eyes were wide, and his lips were parted. “I want to go back to the moment you started to wake up in the hospital. I want to hold your hand and tell you how much I” he cut himself off, which I was grateful for. “And I want to be the one that drove you home. I want to be the one that helped you wash your hair. I want to be the one that sat on your couch and watched movies with you.” He sighed, his eyes shifting to the side. “But I can’t have any of that. Morgan came by my apartment around the same time Hotch was here…he told me that I was hurting the thing I was trying so hard to protect. And he said you were building a wall around yourself.

Dr. Spencer Reid brought those brown eyes back over to meet mine. “I want you to let me try to knock down that wall again.”

My voice was soft, I could feel my chin trembling, my nails were digging into my arms. “But why?”

For the first time since he entered my apartment, he smiled. It was small but overwhelmingly warm. “You know why.”

I felt something pierce my heart; it was small and sharp, both painful and soothing at the same time. “Reid…I…I don’t know if I can…I don’t know…”

“You don’t have to know,” the man said simply. “You just have to be willing to let me try.”

“But they’re just words, Reid. They’re just words. How am I supposed to believe that you won’t do this again the next time I get injured? Because I can handle being injured…but you gutted me.” I bit down hard on the inside of my cheek, using the pain to help me focus. I couldn’t let the dam break.

“They’re not just words,” he whispered. “I’ll prove it, y/n. I promise.”

I took a very shaky breath, not making an attempt to hide my pain. “I gave you everything, every single part of me and you brushed me aside. You left me in agony when I needed you.”

My choked words lashed at him, but he just took it with a nod. “I know. I don’t deserve another chance. I have no right after what I’ve done. What I’m asking for isn’t fair…but I have to ask. Please?”

“Okay.”

“What?” His words were soft, but the smile that spread over his face was the brightest thing I had ever seen.

I huffed. “You heard me. Don’t push it.”

‘Okay.” He smiled at me again as he made his way around my body, heading for my door. I wrapped my arms tighter around myself like I could somehow physically hold myself together. I heard the lock turn and the door pull open; I heard his feet shuffle through the doorway…before he paused. “Thank you, y/n.” The door clicked shut softly, and I finally allowed myself to breathe.

I wasn’t strong, I really wasn’t. Because if I was strong, I wouldn’t have felt so fucking hopeful.

After my conversation with Hotch yesterday, and my surprise visit from Reid last night, I expected my Saturday to be fairly uneventful. Which is why I wasn’t expecting a knock on my door at 8 pm that night.

“Who the fuck is it now?” I muttered, sighing with exasperation.

I thought Hotch was the most unexpected person I would ever see at my door unannounced, but this one caught me more off guard for so. I opened the door to see the bright smiling face of a young man in a delivery uniform. “Y/n y/l/n?” He asked politely.

“…Yes?”

He handed me a plastic bag with styrofoam containers inside. “Here you go. The bill has already been taken care of. Have a good night, ma’am!”

He was already halfway down the hall before I realized what was happening. “Wait, I didn’t order anything,” I called.

"I know, ma'am," he turned, walking backward as he spoke. "The order was placed in the store. A man came by and ordered the food, left a note to put in the bag, and told me to leave before you had a chance to refuse it." He smiled sheepishly at me. "I'm sorry, he gave me a really good tip. Have a good night!"

Frowning, I shut my door and moved into my kitchen, setting the bag on the counter. Sure enough, there was a note on top of the container.

“I know it’s your favorite. S.R.”

The thing about Reid is he had the worst handwriting I had ever seen. Even if I hadn’t suspected this was from him and he hadn’t signed the note, the handwriting would have given it away.

I went into my living room and snatched my phone off the couch before I quickly fired off a text.

“Why did you have dinner delivered to my house?”

His response came a moment later. “You know why.”

On Sunday morning, I had one of my last physical therapy appointments. I hadn't sustained any permanent damage to my left shoulder from the bullet. The only real issue was the healing muscle and the artery that was nicked. Even though I was right-handed, it was important in my line of work that I did not lose any strength in my left arm. The physical therapist had made an exception to see me on the weekend since my first day back at work was tomorrow.

The thought of going back to work made me incredibly nervous. I wasn't sure how things would be different. Not only did I have to worry about my relationship with Reid, but I also had to worry about how it would affect the team. I knew they all cared about me…but Reid had been a part of their family much longer than I had. Hotch’s visit on Friday meant a lot to me; I don’t think I would have been able to come back to work without it.

Despite my nerves, after being home on my couch for almost a month, I was itching to get back to doing the work I loved. I had already passed my post-injury psychiatric evaluation, which was pointless anyway as the BAU wrote the questions, but now with this approval from the physical therapist, I would only be on desk duty for 2 days once I returned.

I was so caught up in thought when I got to my apartment that I almost missed the paper taped to the front of my door. It was an envelope that looked some sort of parchment. If the type of paper didn’t give away the sender, the messy way my name was written on the front certainly did.

Calm down, y/n, I thought, reaching up to pluck the note from the door. It’s just a piece of paper. I knew my fear was irrational but trusting him after everything that had happened was terrifying. Because despite my best instincts, I wanted to trust him.

Inside the envelope was a letter, it wasn’t written on standard paper; but, nothing about the man it was from was ever standard.

“Y/n,

Before my mother’s schizophrenia became as bad as it is now, she used to read to me all the time. She was a professor of 15th-century literature. My love of reading came from her. Her favorite author is Margery Kempe; and when I was thinking about what I wanted to say to you, one quote in particular from Kempe kept coming to mind.

‘Patience is more worthy than miracle-working’.

The fact that you’ve given me even the slightest chance to apologize to you is the closest thing to a miracle I’ve ever seen. It's not a gift I'm going to take lightly. I know this is so incredibly hard for you. I know tomorrow is going to be hard for you, but I don't want you to feel like you're being forced to do anything before you're ready. I want to make amends, or at least try to, but I don't want to cause you any more pain.

You were patient with me in the beginning of our relationship; you were so unbelievably kind and generous – I think those are the things that made me…feel how I do now. I just want you to know that I’m prepared to be patient too. I never expected you to forgive me, and on the off chance you did, I knew it wouldn’t come easily.

I’d wait for you forever, y/n.

I don’t want to go against your wishes, but I want you to know that I’m ready. I’m ready to tell you now and every moment after for the rest of my life. All you have to do is ask and I’ll never stop telling you what you mean to me.

- Spencer”

My hands shook as I refolded the letter, slipping it back inside the envelope. I was dialing his number before I was even fully aware of what I was doing.

“Hello?” His voice sounded slightly apprehensive, almost shy.

“I got your letter,” I said quietly.

“I-I…I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable.”

I let out a sigh. “No, Reid. You didn’t make me uncomfortable.”

“You’ve not called me Spencer since…”

“I’m not there yet.” I closed my eyes when I said it; even now…I didn’t want to hurt him. I’m just not there yet.

I heard him shift around on the other end of the line. “I know. You don’t have to be. I just…I just wanted to tell you how I feel.”

“And send me dinner,” I added dryly. He laughed softly before I asked what I really wanted to know. “Reid…how have you been?” I ran my hand over my forehead. “I mean…before I was…before I was shot I know you were struggling with-“

“Ah,” he mumbled when the realization hit him. “It wasn’t easy…it hasn’t been easy. I went to a lot of meetings after you were…And I spent a lot of time on JJ’s couch trying to convince her and myself that I was doing the right thing by pushing you away.”

I flexed the fingers of my left hand, my posture shifting while he spoke. “But you haven’t…I didn’t make…”

“Y/n,” he said, his voice was so fucking gentle that it almost shattered me. “I haven’t. And even if I did, it wouldn’t have been your fault. No bad choice I make is ever anyone’s fault but my own. My demons are my own.”

I sighed. “I know, Reid, but I don’t want to be…I don’t want to make them worse.”

“You couldn’t,” he said firmly. “Whenever I did think about calling a dealer, doing anything I could to not feel the pain in my heart…I-I kept seeing your face. You looked so understanding when I told you about dilaudid. You made me feel proud of myself for the first time in a long time.”

I had to put my palm over the end of my phone. I didn’t want him to hear how my breathing had become uneven.

“Y/n, I’ll do anything to have you look at me like that again.”

"I don't need to ask why do I?" I asked lightly, in an attempt to defuse the tension.

He laughed. “No, I don’t think you do.”

I found myself smiling, grateful he couldn’t see me. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Reid.”

When I arrived to work on Monday morning for my first official day back, I was apprehensive but hopeful. The world wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t as dark as it has been.

Right when I entered the bullpen, I saw something on my desk that made me pause. There in the center of my desk was a large iced coffee from my favorite cafe, the one near my house. No matter how early I got up, I never seemed to have time to stop there before work most days. So, the fact that a cup was there in the first place was cause for notice but that wasn’t the strangest part; the ice wasn’t melted. There wasn’t any condensation on the plastic cup.

I know I’m not a genius, but that can’t happen. Right?

“There she is!”

I turned to see Rossi making his way towards me, his arm's outstretched. He wrapped me in a tight hug, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

“We’re happy to have you back, y/n.”

I smiled widely at him, meaning it when I said, “I’m happy to be back.” He gave my upper arm a squeeze before he started to walk away. “Hey, Rossi. Did you do this?” I asked, gesturing to the cup on my desk.

He just had a sly smile on his face. “I did not, kiddo.”

Of course, he didn't. After taking a deep breath, I turned to the desk across from mine. Reid was already sitting there scribbling away, doing a very good job of pretending he didn’t know I was already here. I marched over to him before I lost my nerve. “The ice wasn’t melted.”

He looked up at me, not the slightest bit surprised at my presence, a soft smile on his face. “Beg your pardon?”

“The ice. In my iced coffee. It wasn’t melted.” I waved my hand around in the air. I’m not crazy, am I? That couldn’t have just happened.

“That’s because I asked them not to put any ice in when they made it,” he said simply. “You don’t like it as much when it’s watered down after the ice melts some; so I just added the ice here.”

My heart started to beat faster. “Why would you do that?”

The smile on his face got bigger, his eyes seemed to soften somehow when he looked at me. “You know why,” he said simply.

I didn’t know what to say. So, with a tight nod at him, I turned and walked back to my desk.

The rest of my first day back went how I expected. When Morgan saw me, he gathered me up in a giant hug and spun around ignoring my demands to put me down. Garcia hugged me like she hadn’t seen me in years and brought me cupcakes. Emily and JJ took me to lunch. Hotch made me fill out forms. And Reid…well, whenever I turned to look at him, I found he was already looking at me.

The very next day when I showed up for work, I was suspicious. Every day since that Friday, Reid had done something. But when I arrived in the morning there was nothing on my desk. Nothing appeared out of place. Maybe it’s a fluke. Reid was already sitting at his desk, scrolling through his e-mail.

I knew what he had done the second I sat down. For as long as I had worked at this desk in the BAU bullpen, there was one wheel on my chair that was wonky. It never wanted to roll, and it always drove me insane. No matter what I tried the wheel never worked this well, and especially not this smoothly. Did he-?

When I looked over, he was already looking at me, that same soft smile on his face.

On my third day back at work there was nothing on my desk when I arrived, there was nothing anywhere. But I knew him, I knew he wasn’t done yet; there had to be something.

That something was on my desk when I got back from turning in my return to active duty forms to Hotch. There was a single sunflower in a vase sitting on my desk. I walked up to it and touched the petals softly. It was beautiful, but I was confused.

Walking over to his desk, I didn’t bother trying to hide the confusion or apprehension on my face. This time he wasn’t pretending to be doing something else; his eyes had been on me since the moment I walked out of Hotch’s office.

“It’s beautiful,” I began. “But I don’t understand the symbolism.”

He tilted back in his chair, looking up at me. “Sunflowers always want to be looking at the sun…and so do I.”

Because he thinks I’m the sun.

“But don’t sunflowers stop turning towards the sun when they get older?”

He just nodded. “They might, but I never will.”

I ran my tongue over my lips before I pulled both of them in between my teeth. I felt tears prick the corners of my eye. “Why?” I asked, my voice slightly thicker than normal.

Spencer stood up then; it looked like he would reach for me, but he quickly put his hands at his sides. “I’ll stop if it hurts you. Y/n, I promise to never hurt you again.” His words were earnest, his eyes were pleading. “But ‘why?’ You know why.”

I just nodded my head slightly, blowing out a shaky breath. “Thank you, it’s lovely.”

I don't know why Spencer said I was the sun because his smile at that moment was the brightest thing I'd ever seen. "Is it too much if I throw in a cheesy line, like, 'it's not as lovely as you?'"

“Brat,” I muttered, turning quickly so he wouldn’t see my smile.

That bright smile was still on his face when we all met in the conference room 20 minutes later. I saw Rossi clap him on the back when he walked in. JJ shot him a very sweet smile, it was almost motherly, like she was proud of him. Prentiss just winked.

Morgan wasn’t subtle. I’m not sure he knew how to be. He held out his fist for a fist bump, laughing openly when Spencer just wrapped his hand around it and shook.

“Alright,” Hotch said from the front of the room. Fuck, even he is smiling a little bit. “Let’s get started.”

Less than 30 minutes later, I was boarding the BAU jet for the first time in more than a month. We were off to Arkansas to assist the Hot Springs police department to catch a suspected serial killer.

I was one of the last ones on board; I smiled awkwardly when I saw everyone’s eyes on me.

“What kept you, Pretty Girl?” Morgan asked with a grin.

Oh, I’m Pretty Girl now? Subtle. I shot Morgan a look to indicate I wasn’t amused. “I had to talk to Garcia.”

Rossi looked at me expectantly “…About?”

They were all just staring at me, and they weren’t even trying to hide their amusement. I sighed. “I couldn’t just leave it on my desk, you assholes.” Garcia might have squealed loudly when I brought her my sunflower and asked her to watch over it for me.

Every one of them laughed…except Reid. Reid just bit his bottom lip and dropped his gaze. He looked so much like my nervous boy that it made me ache. That was the first time I allowed myself to admit how much I missed my darling boy.

I was in the middle of going over victimology when a cup of coffee was sat down beside me. I mumbled my thanks, not even glancing up, just reaching out to grab it. It wasn’t until my fingers wrapped around the cup that my head snapped up.

“Morgan,” I called. “What’s this?”

His smile was very, very bright. “It’s your coffee.”

I picked up the iced coffee, giving it a once over. “Are you or are you not the same Derek Morgan that has said multiple times, ‘I ain’t no damn barista if you want special coffee you go get it your damn self'?"

He nodded, his smile never wavering. “I am, so don’t get used to it. But when my boy has finally stopped being a dumbass and is trying to win his girl back?” He winked at me. “I’ll make an exception when he asks for a favor.”

I heard JJ laugh softly from the other end of the table. I scrunched my face into a mock glare at both of them. “Don’t you have a murderer to catch?”

He turned before leaving the room, putting a hand to his chest in a very dramatic fashion. “Pretty Girl, you should know SSA Derek Morgan can multitask!”

I still don’t know what it is about towns in the middle of nowhere, but it never fails, one of the cops from said town will try to weasel his way into my bed the second the case is over. I was packing up after the unsub was booked when someone cleared his throat behind me to get my attention. This time it was a tall, slightly out of shape Officer named Reynolds. His smile was greasy but at least he didn’t try to touch me.

“I’m sorry,” I said, offering what I hoped was a polite smile. “I have a boyfriend.” I always tried to be diplomatic when this happened, just because I didn’t need to Hotch reprimand me for threatening a member of the local police…again.

Officer Reynolds’ scoffed. “He doesn’t have to know.”

The smile dropped off my face, my eyes hardening. Fucker. “That’d be pretty fucking difficult since he’s a member of my team and he’s sharing a room with me.” I picked up my bag and tossed a sarcastic “nice working with you” over my shoulder before I hightailed it out of the conference room. I didn’t stop until I got to the main entrance of the precinct, where I planned to wait for the rest of the team.

“So, am I the boyfriend you mentioned?” A voice asked from behind me.

Of course. I turned to see Dr. Spencer Reid looking very pleased with himself. “I also didn’t know you wanted to share a room with me tonight. We each have single rooms though, so we don’t have to swap with anyone else…” he trailed off pretending to think. “So, who’s room are we taking?”

I rolled my eyes. “Reid, if it got some slimy cop off my back, I’d tell him you were my husband. I will throw you under the bus to save myself from a very awkward conversation that would probably lead to me punching someone.”

His face changed, he no longer looked overly pleased with himself. He looked like the same man that sat on the couch with me all those weeks ago and asked me if I kissed my submissives. He looked like the Spencer that used to be mine.

“You act like I’d mind,” he said quietly.

“Mind what? Being thrown under the bus?”

“Being called your husband.”

I froze, my eyes immediately dropped to the floor. I couldn’t look at him, I couldn’t. I let out a very shaky exhale, a sure sign that I was about to cry. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t. Why is he doing this to me?

I saw his beaten-up converse move into my field of view. He was close to me now, but he didn’t touch me. “I’m sorry, y/n,” he whispered. “But I promised I wouldn’t lie to you anymore.”

JJ walked around the corner then and he broke away from me. I just stared at my hands the whole drive back to the hotel.

The clock on the bedside table blinked 11:47 pm. I had been lying in bed since 9 pm trying to fall asleep. When we arrived back to the hotel, I didn’t speak to anyone, I just kept my head down and walked straight into my room. Once I was inside, I tore my clothes off and got into the shower, turning it on the hottest temperature I could tolerate.

I felt the tears; they were right there, I felt them pulsing underneath my eyes. I didn’t know how to do this. I didn’t know how to deny myself everything I had ever wanted when it was offering itself to me…I was the reason I was in pain right now, and it was all because I was so fucking terrified to trust him again.

I glanced back over at the clock. 11:49 pm.

Taking a deep breath, trying to pull some sort of courage into myself, I picked up my phone.

He’s probably sleeping, I reasoned, giving myself one last chance to back out.

But then the phone was dialing. I listened to the ringing and held my breath. Because what was I supposed to do if he didn’t answer? What was I supposed to do if he did?

“Y/n?” his sleepy voice asked, sounding disoriented but urgent. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Everything. And no. But I couldn't get my mouth to open. I couldn't say anything. If I opened my mouth, then everything would spill out. All the pain, all the secrets, all the hopes, and fears…and it would all be bared to Spencer Reid.

In the way that Spencer knew everything, he knew what I needed then. “I’ll be right there.” I heard a rustling on his end of the line, but he never hung up the phone.

Before I was ready, I heard the same hesitant knock on my door that I heard every night he came to my hotel room just because he missed me; the same knock that I had heard that first day at my apartment. The knock was the final crack that broke the dam I had built around my emotions in an attempt to hold them back so they wouldn’t sweep me away.

I don’t remember walking to the door, I don’t remember unlocking it; all I remember is Spencer standing on the other side in the same Caltech t-shirt and sweatpants he wore in my apartment when we sat on my couch on our first real night together.

“Y/n?” His eyes ran over me frantically. He came into the room, shutting the door behind him. His hands reached out like he would grab me, but I saw the indecision on his face. “Tell me what you need, baby. Please?”

The moment that I was so afraid of happened then. The tears finally flooded my eyes and my jaw unlocked. “Spence, I’m scared.” I swallowed, trying to control my broken voice. “I want this so much but I’m terrified.”

His arms enveloped me before I was finished speaking. One hand in the center of my back, the other on the back of my head. He smelt like coffee, laundry detergent, and my Spencer. My body shook in his arms. The pain from his words at the hospital, the pain from him not being there when I woke up, the pain of losing him, and the pain of having to turn him away for almost a week when he was all I wanted; all of that pain just poured out of me while I sobbed into his chest.

“I’m so sorry, y/n,” he whispered against my hair. “I’m so, so sorry. And I will do anything-I’ll do everything to prove to you that I will never hurt you again.”

He kept holding me until my tears finally quieted, my body almost went limp in his arms. The weight of all of that pain was so heavy for so long, and now that I didn’t have to hold it, I was so tired.

“Spence?” My throat felt raw, my eyes were puffy.

“Hmm?”

I didn’t lift my head to look at him. “I’m ready to hear it now.”

Spencer froze, I’m pretty sure he stopped breathing for a moment. Then he leaned back, pulling his chest away from my face. Both of his hands cupped my face, his thumbs moving over my cheeks softly, wiping the tear trails away. Spencer held me like I was more fragile than glass like I was made of something that would crumble into nothing if he so much as moved wrong.

“Are you sure?” he asked quietly, his beautiful golden-brown eyes searching mine.

I nodded. “Yeah, I think so,” I said, giving him a small shaky laugh.

He tilted my head up slightly before his lips brushed against my forehead. “I loved you before you were ready to hear it; I loved you before you even knew I existed.” He pressed another kiss my cheek. “I loved you since the first time you smiled at me.” He kissed my other cheek. “I will never stop telling you how much I love you.” He trailed his lips over to my mouth. “I will love you forever…because no one has ever loved someone the way I love you,” he whispered, his breath washing over my lips.

I leaned forward and brushed my mouth against his. I felt the final layer of my resistance crumble. “Please don’t hurt me again, Spence.”

He pulled away to stare in my eyes. “I will never hurt you like this again. I’m so fucking sorry, y/n.”

“Just kiss me, Spencer.”

He gave me a tiny grin at the command. “I thought you didn’t kiss your submissives,” he teased.

I brought my hand up to hold his face. “You know I break all my rules for you, my darling, nervous boy.”

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llamagoddessofficial · 4 years

Text

Happy belated birthday @aka-indulgence! I initially intended to get this out two days ago but I lost the flow a little. Luckily, it came back... hope you had a good day!

Nightmare!Sans/Reader

... It was so quiet. Dark... but you could hear something. It sounded like...

...

... Waves. Gentle ocean waves.

Something warm washed over your toes, and it made you open your eyes in surprise, looking down at your feet- water. Crystal clear water, streaming over perfect white sand... bubbles of foam popping in sparkles of light.

You looked up, confused... and found yourself looking out onto a gorgeous sea under a clear glowing lavender and orange sunset sky. You gasped, quietly, without even realising- it was so beautiful. The ocean, mild and clean, faded from sandy yellow where you were standing to green to a brilliant turquoise, and the deeper waters were a warm pink as they reflected the sky that seemed to stretch for infinity... your lips parted, awe overtaking everything. You could see little silhouettes of seabirds wheeling in the distance... Directly above you, where the sky was lilac and purples and deep blues, a few lone faint stars were beginning to make themselves known.

... It was so beautiful.

You inhaled through your nose and sighed, happily; fresh, salty sea air. The sound of calling gulls and water... the glow of the sunset on your skin, the lapping ocean at your feet... you closed your eyes, happy, calm...

You could just stay here forever... you should stay here forever...

...

Something was wrong.

You opened your eyes again, confused, turning around to look behind you. Some trees, tropical-looking, palms... nothing out of the ordinary. But why did you feel... wrong? It wasn’t a feeling you could put your finger on. Something was off. You stepped away from the water’s edge and began to walk up the beach, the sand pleasantly warm and soft underfoot, not loose enough to stick between your toes and not clumpy enough to feel damp and gross...

...

Something was wrong.

You had a terrible feeling in your chest, your eyes kept darting around to look at the scenery as if expecting to catch something. You couldn’t stop here, your heart was pounding- like something was out there, something awful would happen if you gave in here and rested. Maybe you were just being stupid... maybe you were just panicking... something’s wrong, something’s wrong-

... A noise.

... It was a sigh. A deep, breathy sigh; it sounded frustrated, but amused. And it wasn’t coming from behind you, or next to you, or in front of you... it was inside your head.

Someone else was inside your own mind- someone else was speaking to you, echoing in your head.

“every time.” It said, in a long-suffering tone. The voice was dark, silky... almost too soft. Like he was patronising you. “i’m getting tired of this, darling.”

... You froze.

Not willingly. Your feet sank into the sand the moment you stopped, and suddenly it was as hard as concrete- you let out a little frightened sound and tried to pull your legs, with no luck whatsoever. What the hell is going on!? You couldn’t think straight, your head was fuzzy, like someone had thrown a woollen blanket over your mind- over your ability to process what was going on. You were confused, nonplussed, things that should be making sense just weren’t connecting.

“nothing’s ever enough...” It whispered.

The landscape began to cycle, warp, stretch around where your feet were locked in place. You desperately wanted to stagger back... An empty roof restaurant overlooking a glowing city, you barely had a moment to appreciate it because after a second’s wait it changed again, a mirror-flat lake at sunrise speckled with pink petals from a flowering tree, giant misty emerald-topped mountains that seemed to defy the laws of physics, a waterfall as wide as the grand canyon that roared with power, your head was spinning, it hurt...

... It stopped on what seemed to be a salt flat after rain; a perfectly blue sky peppered with cotton candy clouds, everything reflected below you in the world’s largest mirror. Nobody around for miles.

“i can control this world down to each molecule.” The voice continued. It seemed almost gleeful... showing off, enjoying boasting about all he could do. “i can give you anything you want. i could take you anywhere, show you anything... there’s nothing we can’t do together, here.”

... You felt something on your stomach.

The scenery changed again; a flower field, at night. An endless galaxy overhead, purple and blue and pink blooms shifting in the gentlest of breezes.

But you couldn’t concentrate. The fear that had suddenly gripped you was icy; and it wasn’t just the fear that had a hold of you. Something wrapped around your middle, your waist, something thick and long, you looked down...

... You had no idea what it was. A tentacle of some kind? It was as if someone had coated the body of a giant snake in a viscous, gooey, tar-like substance. Thick, black, slimy, it was cold where it touched the skin that wasn’t covered by your riding-up shirt, so cold... you wanted to shove it off you but you didn’t want to touch it, you were scared you’d put your hands on it and they’d just sink straight in and stick.

“... i could give you anything...” The voice wasn’t inside your mind anymore. It was behind you, like it’d escaped from your head, whispering into your ear so close you could feel hot breath against the skin. Another thing, appendage, tentacle, curled around your neck; it was so cold you sharply inhaled, a harsh contrast from the warmth of his breath. And when you tried to reach your hands up to it to grasp at it, to pull it off in a blind panic, no longer caring about the consistency... more curled around your wrists, snatching them back and holding them tight by your shoulders.

“and yet...” ... It shifted from playfully teasing... to something else. Something... angry.

A growl.

“you just keep on defying me.”

The tentacles around you squeezed- your neck, your stomach, your wrists- you cried out, but you weren’t sure whether it was in pain or in terror as a squeak-like sound was forced out of you when your breath escaped. You didn’t understand what was going on, you could barely focus on not losing yourself in pure, unadulterated terror.

“i could be doing anything right now.” He continued. The landscape started to change again; but not into something beautiful. The stars started to flicker out and die one by one, flowers began to brown and rot and wilt, sinking into the grassless slick dirt and triggering a foul smell that invaded your nostrils and made you cringe. The gentle breeze vanished, replaced with a thick, uncomfortable heat that only worsened the smell.

“i could be destroying whole universes- amusing myself by making them all bend to my will...” He squeezed tighter, you were starting to struggle for breath, wheezing and tearing up, you could feel more wet slimy tentacles curling around you... your legs, over your hips, across your chest... he was going to choke you, squeeze you to death. “billions of lives begging for mercy at my feet.”

You expelled a precious breath in a weak sob.

...

... The tentacles loosened. But they didn’t let go. You gasped in air and gagged, the awful smell making your eyes water and stinging the back of your throat... You didn’t understand, nothing made sense, your mind felt fuzzy and confused and lost. As you sucked in breath after breath, you didn’t notice the smell fading... the air becoming clean again, the mud and rot fading away like...

... like a bad dream.

Instead, it was pitch black. The kind of darkness that pressed in on all sides, that made you somehow feel both hopelessly lonely and like something was watching you.

He moved, the voice moved. In front of you, in the darkness... a ring appeared. A ring of blue light; cold light, unfeeling, unfriendly... a single eye, partnered with a smile of giant ice-white teeth.

“but instead of all that...” The face came closer. And as it did, you could see more... you could see the ooze-covered skeletal face, the slick black substance all over him, even his clothes... you could see the way the tentacles restraining you came from his back. He didn’t stop approaching until he was inches away from your face again... smile looming over you, close enough to kiss your forehead... cold, cold hands pressed against your ribs and slid around to your back. Like he was holding you. “instead of ruling universes, i’m here again. playing with you. making intricate worlds for an ungrateful little human who won’t just give in to me... every night, something new. every night, something beautiful. and every night, you resist...”

One icy hand stayed on your back, the other... drifted up, cupping your head, weaving his giant phalanges through your hair at the scalp.

“it’s infuriating.”

You felt terror clench your chest again, harder than before. What was he going to do? Was he going to tear it out? Snap your neck, dig those slimy claws into the back of your head and kill you? You felt your lip trembling, your eyes welling up with hot tears...

He was so close to you, pressed so flush, that when he shuddered you felt it. His grin only spread wider, inhumanly wide, that bright blue eye contracting like a snake squeezing a kill...

“that’s right, pet...” He said, voice a purr that barely hid his glee, tentacles beginning to squeeze again like the claws of an excited cat. “that’s it, fear me... i could squeeze you until you snap, i could tear you into bloody ribbons...”

His hand tilted your head upward, toward the face that took up your whole vision. In a strange way, it was a good thing he was holding your legs... you were certain that your feet wouldn’t hold you up any longer.

Whatever patience was holding him back seemed to snap when you pressed your lips together- the moment his glowing eye moved to your mouth, it twitched, and he closed the precious distance you had from him. A predator striking, a monster moving to eat you whole...

... He kissed you.

...

You startled awake, heaving in breaths and slick with cold sweat, staring up at your ceiling while gripping your mattress with white knuckles.

...

Oh fuck...

The sigh you breathed in relief racked your entire body from head to toe. Shaking, close to tears... Like you were expelling the tainted, fearful air from your lungs.

Just a dream. Just a nightmare.

The tentacles were just your bedsheets twisted around you, as you’d turned in a panic. The cold and ice was just your bare, sweat-dotted skin meeting air... even as you laid there, bathing in your own relief, you began to forget the terrible dream.

Just a nightmare. Just a nightmare. Just a nightmare.

... You sorted out your sheets, turning your pillow over to the cold side to nestle back into it, calm once again. You still had a few hours before your alarm would set off... now the bad dream was out of the way, you’d surely sleep peacefully.

It didn’t take very long for you to drift back into unconsciousness.

...

The shadows by your bed started to thicken, gathering into a form sitting by you on the bed. He stroked your hair behind your ear... icy blue eye watching silently. Adoringly.

He... had planned to make that encounter a little bit... softer. He’d gone into your dreams intending to keep you calm, keep you open to influence; and then he’d make himself known to you gently, acclimating you to his presence in your mind. Maybe strike up some nice conversation... He had it all planned so neatly...

... But your fear was just so... delicious. Your terror when he held you, those wide, doe-like eyes staring up at him with you totally under his control, at his mercy... what was supposed to be one of the lighter encounters quickly spiralled as he lost himself in your skin and breath and warmth and life, feeding like a parasite on the negativity pouring out of your Soul.

... He sighed. He’d let you sleep, for tonight... he had to think of a new place to take you to. A new world to make for you... hopefully, this time, it would be enough to keep you under his spell.

“... sleep tight, doll.” He purred, leaning down to press a toothy kiss to your forehead... before his form melted into the shadows of your room, like a ghost.

#llama writes #happy birthday!#hope you like it uwu

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tiramisiyu · 3 years

Text

【未定事件簿】 Tears of Themis: Xia Yan Personal Story 4-5 Translation

Translation Masterlist | Xia Yan Masterlist | Video

Chapter 4: 4-1 / 4-2 / 4-4 / 4-5 / 4-6 / 4-7 / 4-9 / 4-10 / 4-11 / 4-12 / 4-13 / 4-14 / 4-16

Xia Yan’s Home, Second Floor

After Xia Yan and I returned home, carrying the cardboard boxes full of Ji Xiaoqing’s items, we immediately started inspecting them.

In Ji Xiaoqing’s two boxes, one was filled with work-related items, while the other was for her personal items.

I first opened the box with Ji Xiaoqing’s personal items and flipped through the journal that we hadn’t finished reading.

One record in had a symbol indicating importance drawn on it.

MC: This record is of the day of Ji Xiaoqing’s birthday.

“Xiaoyu gave me a very expensive business suit. Where did this kid get so much money? She must have cut her spending on essentials.”

“But since these are Xiaoyu’s kind intentions, she’ll be very sad if I reject her.”

“I’ll do my best at work and aim to buy that camera that Xiaoyu likes for her as soon as possible!”

Xia Yan: According to Ji Xiaoyu’s confession to the police, she first borrowed a sum of money from Bedo Loan company before Ji Xiaoqing’s birthday.

MC: She just wanted to surprise her sister…

MC: But Ji Xiaoyu deliberately hid this from us when telling us about her reasons for borrowing the money.

MC: She made it sound like she just wanted to shop around out of vanity.

Xia Yan: As expected, Ji Xiaoyu blamed herself too much about her sister, so she deliberately belittled herself, hoping for everyone to condemn her.

I sighed quietly and continued to flip through that diary.

After Ji Xiaoqing’s birthday, she gradually came to notice how down-spirited her little sister was, but Ji Xiaoyu explained it by saying that she was under a lot of recent academic pressure.

At the end, the journal suddenly stopped on the day that Bedo Loan Company arrived to seize the house.

Xia Yan: Let’s take a look at her work items.

Xia Yan opened the other box. Ji Xiaoqing had left her job in a rush – she had wrapped up a lot of things but not taken them away.

After Ji Xiaoqing died, the company sent these to the police as evidence, which was then handed to Ji Xiaoyu.

Most of what was in there were randomly scribbled handwritten papers, professional work content books, as well as a library card stuck in a book as a bookmark.

Xia Yan looked at these, his brow wrinkling slightly.

MC: Xia Yan, did you notice something?

Xia Yan spread out the papers that Ji Xiaoqing had scribbled on.

Xia Yan: Look at the handwriting.

Xia Yan: The papers that Ji Xiaoqing used as draft paper were the useless documents that she had printed wrongly.

Xia Yan: According to the time that these documents were printed, these ones were from the days after Ji Xiaoqing found out about her sister becoming scammed by the trap loan.

I looked towards the writing on those draft papers, which were unusually messy.

MC: I remember that Ji Xiaoqing took the initiative to resign due to an increase in frequency of mistakes at work.

MC: We can deduce from this writing that Ji Xiaoqing’s emotions were very chaotic then, to the point where she could not work normally.

Xia Yan nodded pensively.

Xia Yan: At the beginning, her writing was extremely messy.

Xia Yan: But on the papers after, her writing began to slowly return to normal.

MC: This means that she had already shaken off or restrained her anxiety and panic.

MC: If so, why would her work mistakes increase in frequency, and why did she actively resign?

MC: The sisters must have been penniless and desperate because of the trap loan, so she must have needed money.

Xia Yan: So, I think that she might have had something even more important to do.

MC: Something more important? What would’ve been more important to Ji Xiaoqing back then…

MC: Ah! Could she have found clues on Qian Yi or Bedo Loan Company’s illegal actions?

MC: Ji Xiaoyu was afraid to call the police because Bedo Loan Company had leverage against her.

MC: So for her sister, Ji Xiaoqing might have investigated on her own to collect evidence.

MC: She didn’t tell Ji Xiaoyu because Ji Xiaoyu had sunken into sorrow and self-blame during that period.

Xia Yan: That’s very likely.

Xia Yan: If my deduction is true, then Ji Xiaoqing has no motive to commit suicide.

Xia Yan: And she definitely wouldn’t have been driven to get dead drunk, then get into a traffic accident while drunk…

MC: So you’re suspecting… Ji Xiaoqing didn’t die by accident. Instead, she was murdered.

MC: If Ji Xiaoqing was murdered… she must have found out about something.

Xia Yan: According to Ji Xiaoyu, Ji Xiaoqing kept writing something in a black leather notebook, but this notebook wasn’t included among the things she left behind.

MC: Could it have been taken by Ji Xiaoqing’s murderer?

Xia Yan: Another possibility is that Ji Xiaoqing hid it.

Xia Yan: Look at this.

Xia Yan took out that library card placed between the professional work content book as a bookmark. “Stellis Library” was stamped on it in gold.

Due to the widespread use of electronic devices, many places no longer gave out physical membership cards.

But the Stellis Library always considered that, like bound books, physical cards had meaning to them that electronic items could not replace.

Thus, Stellis Library gave every member a physical card, and they would even have commemorative cards at irregular times that members could redeem for.

Xia Yan: This library card design is the newest anniversary version that the Stellis Library just came out with.

Xia Yan: I checked when they came out – it was after Ji Xiaoqing found out about the trap loan.

MC: Around that time, Ji Xiaoqing couldn’t have gotten a library card just because she wanted to focus on reading!

MC: Then let’s go investigate the library tomorrow morning. We’ll probably find something out!

Xia Yan: We don’t need to do it tomorrow. Now is fine.

MC: Now?

Xia Yan: There are still several hours until the library opens.

Xia Yan: And since we’re not the police, it won’t be easy for us to directly ask library staff for Ji Xiaoqing’s information.

Xia Yan: It’ll take too long to leave it to the police. I might as well just get access into the library’s internal network and check myself.

Xia Yan opened his computer, rapidly tapping lines of code.

Soon, he entered the library’s library card application records and found the day that Ji Xiaoqing applied for her card.

Right after, Xia Yan viewed the surveillance videos from that day and found that Ji Xiaoqing had used a storage locker at the library that day.

That just happened to be the day before Ji Xiaoqing’s accident.

Stellis Library

Early morning, Xia Yan and I rushed to the Stellis Library. Xia Yan easily cracked the storage locker’s password.

There was only one package in the locker, with a mailing destination written on – “To Stellis Public Safety Bureau”. There was cash and a note on the package.

“Hello, library staff members. Due to reasons I cannot help, I cannot take this package myself.”

“Additionally, as I have moved homes, I no longer live at my original address.”

“I am genuinely sorry for occupying the library’s public resources, but I really have no way to take this myself. Please send this to the police station.”

“The postage payment has been added. Please and thank you so much. – Ji Xiaoqing”

Xia Yan: The Stellis Library management system is very strict and has a good reputation. There has never been an incident where patrons’ valuables were stolen.

Xia Yan: If no one has come to take the things in the locker three months later, it will be delivered to the member’s home, according to the address they left.

Xia Yan: If the items are expensive, the police will handle them.

MC: The clues that Ji Xiaoqing found are probably in here…

Xia Yan: The police would have kept the source of the clues secret, so the person who sends these clues wouldn’t receive suspicion or vengeance from the criminals.

Xia Yan: She thought things through.

Xia Yan took that package.

Xia Yan: Miss Ji Xiaoqing, I am a member of the Ministry of Security, which can be considered a policing unit.

Xia Yan: Right now, I will open your package.

After Xia Yan spoke quietly, he opened the package. There were three things in it – a letter, a black leather notebook, and a recording pen.

We opened that letter first.

MC: This is a letter for Ji Xiaoyu…

The letter said why Ji Xiaoqing did not give this evidence to Ji Xiaoyu, and instead opted to report it to the police.

If something happened to her, the criminals would fix their attention of Ji Xiaoyu. Giving her the evidence would instead harm her.

After, Xia Yan pressed the recording pen’s play button.

???: You’re Qian Yi? Where’s the stuff?

Qian Yi: Of course I placed it in a safe spot – it’s as safe as your event hall, boss.

???: That is not what we agreed on.

Qian Yi: This is something very important to you – of course I’ve got to be a bit cautious.

Qian Yi: Boss, you’re a top name in society – your reputation’s worth a lot more than mine.

Qian Yi: I’m just a little guy in society – of course I know where my place is.

Qian Yi: Don’t worry, all I want is just money.

The recording ended quickly.

MC: Was Qian Yi extorting someone? It sounds like that person has to do with Bedo Loan Company.

Xia Yan: Yeah. Look at these.

Xia Yan flipped open Ji Xiaoqing’s black leather notebook, where Ji Xiaoqing had recorded all her investigations after finding out about the trap loan.

Xia Yan: The last record was on the day before Ji Xiaoqing passed away.

“Those things are still in Qian Yi’s hands. If I call the police, he might retaliate and cause us trouble, which will be bad for Xiaoyu…”

“I will… confront him, and have him never pester me or Xiaoyu again.”

Xia Yan: After Ji Xiaoqing got evidence that Qian Yi was blackmailing others, she wanted to threaten him and have him let of her and her sister.

Xia Yan: If so… her cause of death definitely couldn’t have been a traffic accident. It must have to do with Qian Yi.

MC: Qian Yi died suddenly one week after Ji Xiaoqing’s death due to “cardiac failure”… which likely wasn’t a sudden onset illness.

MC: Instead, it probably has to do with the “boss” in here.

Xia Yan: That’s right.

Xia Yan: I suspect that this “boss” is Oedipus…

Xia Yan: After Qian Yi’s death, he noticed that Sphinx was also investigating Qian Yi. Thus, he thought that Sphinx was like Ji Xiaoqing and had found out about this matter.

Xia Yan: Thinking that he would rather kill wrongly than let anyone slip past, he decided that he had to find Sphinx.

MC: How do we find this “boss”?

Xia Yan: If this “boss” that Qian Yi was talking about really is a top name in society, he’ll probably have appeared in the society news interviews.

Xia Yan: I’ll compare this recording to the online news sound sources.

Xia Yan worked on the sound comparisons, and soon found matching sound sources.

Xia Yan: There are six similar sound sources. If I limit it into Stellis… found it!

Xia Yan: Song Heng, founder and board chairman of Hengda Financial Corporation.

MC: Have there been financial transactions between the Hengda Financial Corporation he founded and Bedo Loans?

Xia Yan: Let’s investigate that after with Sphinx. We should go find Ji Xiaoyu first.

MC: … Okay.

#Tears of Themis #tears of themis translations #xia yan #luke pearce #未定事件簿 #the respect that xia yan shows for everyone and everything QAQ #(everyone that deserves it that is)

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