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constantvariations · 1 year

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V9C7

I am postponing writing a very delicious scene so y’all better appreciate this ;P

Post Ep: these last 3 eps are going to be carrying so much weight but at least we might be working towards Ruby’s decaying arc

Okay, totally random thought while I was watching the OP (I always watch OPs unless they’re particularly awful. It’s a compulsion idk) but I think it’d be hella cool if the blacksmith was Alyx. Whether the real Alyx isn’t the one who made it out or she came back for whatever reason (not dying ever is appealing to some, I hear), it’d be a neat twist

I’m not into 3d animation, so I can’t say a whole lot, but are the textures supposed to be this... weird? Last episode I said Jaune’s house looked like a ps2 game and it just keeps going

“I’m late! I’m late!” Okay, that’s a decent Alice in Wonderland nod. Not overdone or wink wonked, which can be annoying to those who don’t know the joke (man, I should watch Shrek again. The first two movies are masterpieces)

Wait, was that a dammit? Jaune canonically swears now. Huh

“Right on time.” It’s obviously not a time loop so what does this mean? Did the time fruit do more than just send him back in time but gave him even more of a spotlight in Wonderland? He’s a rusted knight, he’s the white rabbit, he’s murbling like he’s the mad hatter; what next, is he gonna be Jesus?

“Hurry! People are counting on us.” Uhhh people counted on you to fight the jabberwock and y’all bailed like frightened horses. I wouldn’t count on you with my fingers, much less my life

PAPER TOWNS MY BELOATHED

Okay, so we’re being hit yet again with the “what are you” question, which wouldn’t be weird if it wasn’t just our protags being bombarded with it. Surely there are some critters who venture over into new areas? Or perhaps new life occurs every now and again? The repetition has been annoying for a while, but it’s venturing into just plain silly “-so that we may serve you.” What. Why. Kill me

While I do like the designs of the paper stars, I’m really not digging the vibes. Sorry stars, you will never be the plupples from the Hot Daga

“Paper pleasers” I hate that I actually like that pun

Why is the team reacting so negatively to the stars being named after them? That’s genuinely fucking sad. Yet another instance of the show zooming by actual trauma for a cheap gag

Dude has spent who know how many years without a genuine personal connection, has been spending that time exploring the area and gaining its people’s trust, AND has shared his home with these people, yet when they talk to him about anything Wonderland related, they act like he’s saying he’s going to make them into shoes or something while having the audacity to be disappointed that he doesn’t have a solid lead on getting out. These girls are deplorable

Why are RWBY so lackluster about doing literal life-saving tasks while Jaune follows a hunch? You’re Hunters, that’s your job. Quit acting like life in Wonderland is beneath you because you don’t understand it jfc

I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many different visual styles in a single show before. There’s the standard 3d, the color silhouettes (solid and textured), some microsoft paint scribbles, a few 2d stills, and now this children’s book style. Feels like an identity crisis

I understand Jaune’s perception of the tree, but I really don’t like how he overrides the autonomy of the villagers. If they’re literally willing to self-mutilate in order to leave, that’s probably a sign that you should let them go

Love how Weiss’s interest in Jaune disappears the moment he shows signs of mental illness. Gives me the warm and fuzzies *smash cut to me barfing in a dumpster*

“Because I can actually protect these people!” That is definitely a response to trauma that fits well with this narrative. Let’s see how MKEK fuck it up!

Jaune kills 2 jabbers in like 0.0003 seconds. Why in the everloving fuck did y’all have to run before?

I’m just realizing this is the first fight I’ve actually paid attention to. No idea why, but every fight previous my eyes have just glazed over. But I gotta say, I think the camera is way too close to the action. There’s definitely some interesting choreography going on but it’s hard to get a grasp on where everyone is at any point, and the bland environment isn’t helping. Go watch John Wick for some pointers

Unsure as to why Ruby is a) the only one apparently traumatized to the point of nearly 180-ing her character and b) why it’s specifically Crescent Rose/combat that triggers her. MKEK know how to throw bones but they can’t dish out any real substance

Someone please give that creature a cough drop or something because I cannot understand a word this fucker says

I thought Neo’s semblance was illusions? Pretty sure it’s called Imagination, which definitely implies it’s not a physical shifting ability. So, if the jabber-Neo had taken a bite of Ruby, would that mean Neo is chomping down? Would Ruby get stabbed with semblance glass? Or did the writers forget their own rules again?

ONCE A FUCKING GAIN WE ARE INTERRUPTED LITERALLY IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMEONE ASKING IF RUBY IS OKAY. WE ARE SEVEN EPISODES INTO A TEN EPISODE SEASON GET THE FUCK ON WITH IT

This “don’t ask me because I’m a leader” bit is really strange coming right off the several minute conversation about finding leads to getting home where not one person even looked at Ruby. Like, this was a request for supporting a platitude not a demand for a plan

“Why do I have to be the one to always pick people up?” First of all, no one asked you to, so jot that down. Second of all, bitch you have never been the sole sally sunshine, nor were you the only one helping others with emotions. Yang picked up Blake in V2, Jaune reassured YOU back in V4, Weiss talked to Yang in V5, Qrow comforted YOU in V7 and his main source of kindness was Clover (rip good boy). You’ve had your moments but don’t act like you’re the only one pulling emotional weight

Also, this voice acting is making me laugh I cannot take this seriously whatsoever

Why in the hickory dickory fuck is Blake hiding behind Yang and YANG WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE YOUR SISTER IS A FUCKING THREAT

In this scenario, it does make sense why Jaune’s the one who snaps, but holy cannoli batman I cannot stop thinking about how much better Yang would’ve been in this position, especially after the group split in V8. Sure, that conflict was contrite to begin with and its resolution unmemorable (did it even resolve? I’m not subjecting myself to V8 again), but it’d be so much spicier if the family divide grew in absence

Skipping right past Ruby’s breakdown to focus on Jaune’s. Huzzah. At least his is more interesting and grounded than hers

Genuinely impressed with Luna’s voice here. Dude should go bananas more often

I am once again asking if the team knows about Penny or if Jaune’s been keeping that juicy bit to himself. The way the camera focused on his mouth made it seem like he was about to confess, but it was a tease. I got narrative blue balls over here man, get on with it

Wasn’t it usually Yang who tried for positivity in dark times? Or did that get left at Beacon too? Blake’s supposed to be the realist, which maybe that’s what she was trying to do here but considering her track record I doubt it

And R leaves WBY behind! Please let this mean we can FINALLY focus on her shit and not cut away from it? And they better bring the cat back or Else

#rwde #the team should get an award for shittiest friends alive #first yall didnt notice the glaring signs of rubys health fucking off #even piling on w exaggerated assholery #then when she eventually does break you dont even try to say a word?#hopepunk my ass this is an emotional wasteland #outside of bees becoming canon what the shit has even happened this season #like yeah its hard to make the plot matter when this is a very self contained environmetn #but you can still have plot i prommy #because the emotional arcs are garbage thus far #have they even done anything w weiss??#shes talked abt atlas a few times but like. girl wheres ya fucking family?#who gives a shit abt atlas? we saw some streets a warehouse party a mansion and the school/military areas #its like a lesser version of stuck in the haven house for all season #and hell whatre they gonna do w yang and blake now that bees are canon?#cuz apparently that trumped everything else going on and now that its conquered... whats left?#hopefully its yang remembering shes a sister instead of a coworker #thatd be swell

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datastate · 8 months

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Hi I'm the Mr. Chidouin being manipulative to Kai who's projecting anon, hopefully there aren't others so you understand which ask I'm referring to. Idk if one of your last posts was referring to me but in case it was I'm sorry, I didn't notice and didn't mean to just "remix" what you were already saying, I thought I was adding something of my own-ish but I probably missed some of your posts :(

Sorry again and sorry for the likely wonky English too but it's 3:15 am and I'm a bit sleepy so I just hope what I'm saying is understandable

I'm sorry, I didn't read what you posted next and assumed I did something bad 😭 There's no rush in replying to any of my asks ofc don't worry I'm sorry if it came across like that I'm just terrible at expressing myself Have a great whatever your time is where you are :D

hi!! no worries abt it; i know there was likely no ill-intent with you or anyone else who has done this in the past (except for. a couple hk fans but OTL neither here nor there), and it's only natural to be inspired by other headcanons/meta you've seen floating around -- it's how a sort of 'fan community' works! it's one of the things i greatly appreciate abt spaces like these, too.

in particular, i just get very wary when it's repurposed to specifically be a case of 'why is no one talking about this' / 'i'm the first one to talk about this' (& adjacent types of 'presentation') when... hey. i can see this person is following me while i have been speaking about [headcanon/meta]. on occasion, i do reach out to rb the post itself w a rehashing of my thoughts in case the other person's too scared to initiate conversation and does genuinely want to engage in it - i just haven't had the energy as of late to initiate conversations as long as i typically enjoy... (º □ º l|l)

as for yourself, though i know you've realized it wasn't abt you (or really. anyone. it's just a disheartening pattern i've recognized;;), don't worry! especially as you are the one who's been sending in asks to have that little back/forth, i truly appreciate it!!

&. i also struggle with tone, so i apologize if the original post came across accusatorily/angrily as that wasn't my intention at all!! - i don't hold any grudge at all against people who do this, and i realize it's something that is oftentimes unintentional! like i said, it just makes me sad because it halts that sort of engaging conversation/discussion you can have with other people :'] rather it's through asks or rbs, or even through discord messages, i really do love getting the chance to share/hear out ideas. there's no need for this to be solitary, and it honestly shouldn't be!

i know in my experience, there are some people who've definitely thought more about characters than i've ever considered - such as keiji, where miles'/atlas-of-galaxies' interpretation of him has now influenced my view of his character for the better and on a deeper level than i previously gave him credit for. or even anzu! i'm sure everyone's seen hazard's/corvidcrown's extensive headcanons for anzu that still manage to fall in line with how she acts in-game and keeps the information we were given in ch3's introduction (staring at nankidai forgetting he wrote it so anzu. made her outfit) & it's really inspiring and i love talking to him about her because it always presents so many new ways to handle her character!! even kanna - someone who i consider myself to think a lot about - one of my other friends (jaws/jawzxcm) recently wrote kanna and touched on specifically how/why her insecurities aligned with her desire to 'prove' herself worthy as someone to be cared about (in kindness (which kugie points out begins to feel like she's a doormat), & in usefulness (as seen in the main death game)). it's hard to keep it concise, but there was much more discussion behind each of these that made me go like 'holy shit! that's such a cool interpretation' (it has fundamentally changed my view of the character)

these are all characters that i also dig into, but it's typically through their dynamics with other characters that i spend more time thinking about - which means i don't often get the chance to truly mull over every little detail. but getting the chance to hear from others who have... it's really heart-warming and eye-opening! i always enjoy getting the chance to share that and find realizations/new ways of reading their character arcs that i wouldn't have previously done on my own.

#I HOPE THIS MAKES SENSE... MY APOLOGIES FOR GOING OFF ON A SPIEL i just tend to. over-clarify. but :'D #tl;dr you don't need to worry! i'm not mad or anything in the first place; & you're taking the time to try to interact which i appreciate #ask #anonymous

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archangelmacaron · 1 year

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Lil update on various things

FIRST, my OC! Chapter 32 is the end of Part One of the yet-to-be-titled OC I've been sharing. There are two parts, a few things need to be reworked but it's otherwise done, so you won't have to wait too long, but I am going to do a small break between parts.

- I've had multiple people express positive regard for the um, I guess book one? so I think I'll be arranging that to share asap since the end of what I'm sharing now drastically spoils a lot of things.

Basically, a timeline:

-C's story. She meets Az, meets and marries Susu, falls out with Az and adopts D & B. (This is barely written, not even fully outlined.)

-D's story. D, one of C's adopted son/students, has recently made a gigantic blunder and lost his job, his titles, and his self respect. While drudging away answering the most basic summons, he meets a woman named Holly who may hold the answers to regaining everything. (Fully written, only needs a few parts reworked/edited.)

-Group story, direct sequel to D's story, featuring a mix of characters, still mainly D and Holly, but also B and his human Eileen, and Holly's relatives Aoife and Alec. Az also appears! (This is maybe 1/3 written, maybe 1/2 outlined. So not a lot.)

-Evelyn & Az's story, what you're (maybe?) reading now! This concludes the Big Bads that have been dealt with in previous stories. (this is fully written, which is why I was like eh I'll just share it first and see how people like it)

-After that is an idea for other characters in the same universe (actually, in Between rather than Above or Below), but it's so messy it's definitely not even a dream to share it as of yet.

Genuinely have no idea how on earth people pick titles, but I need better categories than "Macaron's OC ". I am so sorry. My Fanfic!

Accidents That Aren't has taken a bit of a backseat, but I'd like to finish that up before the end of January. I have it all plotted out, it's just a matter of actually writing it. I haven't felt inspired, then I tried to force it which makes me feel even less able to work on it, so I need to take a fully break for at minimum another week. I have another NTMF fanfic brewing in the back of my head, a horror story based on the premise 'what if Noel was the one taken to be imprisoned at the end of four instead?' I'd like to finish a replay first, though!

My Art! I still haven't been able to solidly design my fae/demon OCs in a way I can be like 'this is what they look like guys!' or even get to a point where I can sketch something and commission an artist to help me finish it off. But I'm trying ;-; I want to draw them very much!

I'm working on the prompts I requested so long ago to have done by the holidays, one is ready to be colored, the other is still in sketch form but that brings me to the last point,

Me, Personally! i'm going through it. I feel like I say that a lot, but health wise, stress wise, life event wise, I'm just really freaking unwell and my mental illness is really doing a number on me because of it all.

Anytime I get a positive interaction with any of my work it really, really helps, so if you have any friends you're like 'hey, they might be into the same weird shit Macaron's into' please don't hesitate to link them to my works. I don't really know how to 'market' my oC and honestly I just wanna show it to people and have them say hey, this made me happy! or I really related to this! more than anything else.

Otherwise, any comments are really truly appreciated, even if it's just an emoji or two.

Well, that's an update!

#macaron musings

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romijuli · 1 year

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Like Tsuzuru said, he is going to die .

Maybe this is divine retribution for taking a vacation when he should be brainstorming for the next few scripts. Screw what Syu says, breaks are for people not named Tsuzuru—

Kazunari mumbles something in his sleep, rolling further on top of Tsuzuru and forcing out what little air he has. See? Tsuzuru is going to die, cause of death: Kazunari Miyoshi, who’s apparently a very cuddly sleeper.

He manages to pry Kazunari off of him just enough to breathe; Kazunari rolls over again, wrapping his arms around Tsuzuru. Cool. This is Tsuzuru’s life now.

A hand ruffles his hair. (Oh, god.) “Tsuzu,” Misumi whispers, “go back to sleep…”

Tsuzuru opens his eyes, staring at Misumi. He’d honestly expected Misumi to be wide awake, ready to drag him and Kazunari on a triangle hunt at a moment’s notice, but he looks as sleepy as Tsuzuru feels. Is he keeping him up? Is he jealous that Tsuzuru is currently being treated like Kazunari’s personal body pillow?

Well, okay, Misumi doesn’t strike him as a particularly jealous person, unless that’s why it took him four years to finally get a Super Mister Triangle. So he’s probably not jealous. Especially since Kazunari doesn’t really seem to have consciously decided to sleep on Tsuzuru.

Misumi smiles at him. God, if Tsuzuru were a weaker man, that alone would be enough to make him cave, and then he’d be spilling his guts to the unwilling objects of his affection at 1 am.

Well, at least then Kazunari might stop killing him via cuddles.

Tsuzuru, instead, trades one ill-advised late-night overly-honest statement for another, grumbling, “Maybe if you get your boyfriend off of me, I will.”

For a moment, Misumi looks genuinely taken aback. Great, nice going, Tsuzuru thinks, you’ve upset the friend driving you home. He’ll probably have to call Itaru or Chikage—or worse, Izumi— and beg them to pick him up from wherever—

But then Misumi smiles again, not bright and blinding but something softer, and all the anxieties drain out of Tsuzuru’s head. “It’s okay,” Misumi mumbles, “I don’t mind sharing~”

And then, while Tsuzuru’s still processing that, Misumi has the nerve to roll over and, presumably, fall back asleep.

[snippet from third wheel, which started as a silly pre-vacation fic and ended as a sappy feelings dump after i got engaged <3]

man. what WAS my thought process for this one. i may have just been cuddle-starved?

this is a more broad commentary for the fic in general + my current writing process, but literary impasse has given me a true gift and that is that i've discovered i ADORE writing this funky little transition period where tsuzuru's, like, aware that he needs to develop better self-care habits but struggling to actually put them into practice. (god i LOVE writing fun transition periods. the early bits of relationships where the parties involved are still learning the intricacies in their partner(s)? glorious.) it's SUCH a neat little period of his life and it's really fun exploring the questionable mindset he's developed while acknowledging that he's, like, getting better about it.

i think this is the part of the fic where i realized that kazunari's "oh noooo they only have one bed...." could have just been something he made up, which WOULD have been pretty funny but, like he says later, he'd have been terrified to try that in case it didn't end well. instead he settles for pretending to be asleep to sneak in some cuddles <3 (had to check if that's confirmed in the text, yes it is, good on past chel)

i feel like i always write tsuzuru as someone who's down utterly horrific for whoever happens to be the object(s) of his affection in any given fic, idk if it's the projection or it just Feels Right. (i feel like this is EXTRA the case whenever misumi's involved, but that might just be because i've written a good amount of tsuzumisu(kazu) at this point.) anyway man is he SMITTEN in this one.

i also REALLY like writing misumi as the single solitary person with any sense in his head when it comes to romance, just because he has less anxiety than the other two, and boy is that true in this fic! one of these days i'd like to write a fic where one of the other two gets the brain cell. i keep joking that it'll be tsuzuru but god knows he would never.

But then Misumi smiles again, not bright and blinding but something softer, and all the anxieties drain out of Tsuzuru’s head. “It’s okay,” Misumi mumbles, “I don’t mind sharing~”

i remember adoring this specific paragraph. in general i love contrasting misumi's usual energetic expressions with softer/more romantic ones. also i just love tsuzuru looking at the two of them and going "idk what exactly they have going on but i think they're dating? i think? i don't actually know?"

and finally i think i'm allergic to not shoving comedy into everything i write. someday i will write a full blown tragedy and it will still contain tsuzuru falling down the stairs or something

#asky meme #writer thoughts w/ chel

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twen-nee6 · 3 months

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i’m exhausted, hello diary blog.

i broke up with my cishet male partner the first week of january, fulfilling my joking resolution of no more sex with cis het men. he was lying to me for who knows how long about where he was, and has since sent me pictures every single day … and his family members have been more active on facebook as well, apparently now unburdened by me not knowing where he was. really fucking cool.

that was a seven-year relationship.

my best friend of sixteen years stepped in after when i said i wasn’t sure what i was going to do, since i need some kind of structure imposed by another person in order to function and not go out and do stupid shit. i joked i was only staying with my ex for so long because i’d go feral otherwise. it wasn’t really a joke. i harbored internalized issues with that relationship for a long time, but i still hold no ill will to my ex. we are friends. i love him very much still as my friend. (perhaps i am too forgiving.)

regardless, my best friend stepped in and offered that structure. we were queerplatonic partners to some extent for years before this, but we operated under the fact that my ex would not allow them into our relationship due to him, once again, being straight (of course cishet men often disregard AFAB NB people’s gender in their sexuality, my friend being transfemme in many ways was still unacceptable to him); regardless, we had shared finances and an unbreakable bond. we’ve talked daily longer than our youngest siblings have been alive.

understandably, i was unwell so i was quite quiet with friends who are not as close. my friend, who i’ll just name as ellie here so it’s easier for me to talk this way, is my family and was my partner in many ways that my ex was not. of course i spoke with them. they are my best friend!

apparently, though, i needed to be more clear to people about my fucking exclusions list. apparently, i was supposed to say, “hey, sorry, i’m not feeling well and may not be talking much to anyone but my mom and my best friend okay?”

is this not implicit? for fucks sake, the people i’m about to get into are older than me. one is almost forty. why are we acting like this is middle school? the fuck is wrong with you people?

but, i’m getting ahead of myself …

over the time that ellie and i worked within a new dynamic, it became clear that we needed to formally state ourselves as partners. not due to romantic attraction (we are both aro), but because it was obvious we would be operating as a “couple” going forward. note: we are not monogamous, but are the stereotypical transish queer people who would be in a communal polycule of gay.

this was good and helpful and they have been absolutely amazing! i love them so much <3 and through their help, i have been able to slowly start reaching out again.

let’s start with subject one: the “convention guy” (CG).

i met cg at a mlp convention. he is pleasant and very nice! but very into me. which is okay, i am always very forward about being poly and being comfortable with casual sex outside of that. when we met, he knew i was in a long-term, committed relationship (i generally referred to my ex as my fiance), and this was fine. at the airport, i gave him a poker chip that said “1 fuck” on it as a joke and to signal that I wouldn’t mind a bang session. i thought i made it very clear i wasn’t interested in a relationship with him outside of being friends and fucking occasionally. apparently not.

he reached out to me and has been very kind as i’ve been struggling. i cannot overstate enough that his part of this hurts me more than the other person’s, because i value him as a friend and he is genuinely such a kind person. but he was really confrontational a couple days ago when i told him ellie and i are more formally dating. he seemed angry! he demanded to know why i talked to ellie instead of him… i’ve known him for less than six months. he was clearly upset i wasn’t talking to him.

i apologized and said it wasn’t personal, that ellie has been my friend for almost twenty years, but apparently this didn’t matter. he was upset. i feel so bad. i do. i feel like i have fucked up as a person, sent mixed signals, got his hopes up… i… i hate this. i feel like i could have lost a friend. it hurts.

but also the audacity. the audacity to think he is on the same level of someone that is family to me? he doesn’t know me. he doesn’t know half of what is wrong with me. i keep so much of myself hidden because it’s nasty and hard to deal with — ellie has seen it. my ex has seen it, and i even was talking to him during this period which set CG off. he isn’t entitled to my time or my attention, and he has scared me from being open with people with this behavior. it hurts.

the other person is a guy i met off whisper, and i’ll just call him W.

W & i met shortly after CG and i met. we’ve never met in person like CG and me. W & i had a purely sexual relationship through shared kinks, etc., but we didn’t talk normally all that much. at the time i met him, he knew i wasn’t single. he talked to me three times before the end of the year, then started talking to me more and more after i told him i broke up with my ex.

he’s an interesting person. broken in many ways, but i think he’s cool. i never insinuated that i was interested in a long-term relationship, especially since he’s monogamous. we talked about a sex holiday, though. god forbid i talk about fucking people, i guess.

he’s cut all contact and said it was because i was in a relationship and clearly didn’t want to talk to him. i explained it wasn’t personal, i just didn’t know him that well (and, seriously, we barely talked for months) and that i really wasn’t talking to anyone much. much like CG, he got mad because i was talking to ellie and not him. clearly that meant i wanted nothing to do with him.

i told him i understood and respected him cutting contact, but explained that i did want to talk to him and had been, in fact, talking to him more than some other people. i just still wasn’t feeling well, it wasn’t personal, and that i wanted him to understand that.

i feel so horrible that my lack of contact has clearly hurt people. i never want to hurt anyone.

at the same time, it feels like these two have just been trying to talk to me to be in a relationship with them. it feels predatory. and the fact they both thought they were owed my time during one of the hardest things i’ve gone through as an adult? are you fucking kidding me?

i just want friends. just friends. please.

i’m not sorry i’m a slut. i just need to figure out how the fuck to get it through people’s skulls that sex doesn’t mean anything of importance to me, and if it is something important to them, then don’t fuck me? isn’t it that simple? don’t fuck your friends you don’t want to fuck?? don’t just get involved with someone because you want to fuck? this isn’t rocket science. it still feels like my fault, and i’m still so guilty and hurt that i apparently hurt others.

#anecdote #personal #vent #i’m so tired of cis men #i genuinely don’t know if i can keep trying to make friends with them

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b0mblover · 4 months

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Snowflakes and drugs dont mix (that) well

By: J

(im not even kidding while writing this i got such bad eye pain, i stg lopt is just tormenting me anytime i do anything related to jirou without him in it)

(also this is prob extremely ooc bc im basically describing/romantasiing my own life :,) yes my life sucks dont remind me)

(again, im very muchly not a writer, i was bored and decied to make the probably first jirocrown fic of life 🙂 im genuinely sorry to anyone who reads this shit)

(anon on twt, gfys, and no this isnt supposed to be taken that damn seriously, ik theres an asston of mistakes, but its almost 3 am and i need to sleep!! alr alr u can read it now chill)

-5° (c 23°f) -5° it was cold out, extremely cold. Jirou was walking on a backroad, he didnt know what it was called, even though he had been down it hundreds of times. Around 1 (am) Crown said hed pay him for a drug run, which was rather normal, go on a drug run, hang out with crown, sleep, go home. The only issue was that it took around 30 minutes or so to get there, also normally okay, in the summer. Where he lived, got extremely cold in the winter months, in a “im going to call off of work today because ill get frostbite if i try to go outside” way. This wouldnt be an issue if there was public transport, but of course, the world apparently hated jirou. Jirou was half way there, hands almost shaking because of the temperature, he dealt with the cold ironically well, the reason it didnt bother him as much as normal people was unimportant to him. (reason is because he used to sit on the porch to not hear his parents fight, though it never really worked that well) Maybe it was a fragile ego, maybe he was just broke, but hed never wear gloves, even with the possibility of frostbite taking his hands. He knocked on Crowns door, though he had a key, he felt like he could barely move any joints in his hand to grab them. After a 3 rough minutes, Crown answered the door letting him in. “Ah th thanks, ‘preciate ya getting the shit” Crown handed him about ¥14000 “This is too much crown” “nah its freezing out plus ive been meaning to pay ya back anyways” “I, if you say so” he was hesitant to take it, but ultimately decided that, crown, a literal serial killer, wouldnt decide to screw him over, at least not like that.

As normal, they both walked over to the (admittedly dirty) couch, crown, in a pose that was slightly… provocative, jirou sitting normally (as normal as a gay man can). Crown sat a powder on to the table, “uh you gotta card or somethin dude?” jirou handed him a razor blade, “uh vaguely concerned as to why you carry that but thanks either way, uh youre not gonna like use that now though right?” “nnah, dumbass i know what youre doing im staring right at you, why would i hand you something that i was gonna use” “i mean look, you made paintings out of your own blood, for no real reason either! youre not as predictable as you think” “whatever ya say just hurry up” “damn why you say impatient huh?” crown brought his face down to the table after making the powder into a mostly straight line. “Cause i want my share already and you take too long” Crown tossed him the razor blade, jirou aligned the powder into a straighter line than crowns, and snorted it as well. “Yeayea whatever man, the hell should we do any ways, too cold to go out, any ideas?” “sure i have several but the last time we did any of my ideas someone had to be killed cause they were a witness” “ah right, well uh, wanna play uno?” “gonna be real with ya c, the joints in my fingers feel like the are fucking screwed shut at the moment so I’m gonna have to pass” “your joints where what” “*sighs* (bc how do u write a sigh phonetically) fingers too cold, fingers barely move because cold” “oh, what nah lemme feel bro” “fine fine whatever” crown moved his hands onto Jirous, and, of course, they were extremely cold. “Damn dude what the hell, how long where you outside for?” “uh i mean i was smoking when you texted so at least like i dunno 15 minutes more than normal?” “man the hell, cmere” crown had gotten closer and brought Jirou into a hug, granted it didn’t do much, the heating and cooling had been busted for months, crown was surviving on 15 blankets, but it felt nice. Jirou was aware that hugging someone, at least in the position they were in, wouldn’t do much, but he let crown anyways, for a drug addicted serial killer, he always felt at home with Crown, wanted. “Ugh alright alright c i get it okay? i love you too chill” “if i were to chill at the moment id freeze to death jirou” “yea yea i get it kay? I’m gonna go lay down” “right behind ya” Crown followed Jirou into the one bedroom that was there, it was noticeably colder than other rooms such as the living room, but it was much more “lively” or “lived in” plus the mattress on the ground that they insisted on calling a bed with 15 blankets kinda made up for it too. Jirou fell onto the mattress, groaning out a tiny bit before going quite again. Crown sat himself down on the opposite side, pulling two of the blankets off where they were stacked before getting under the one that was already on the bed. Jirou did the same after taking his socks off, he recalled how when this first started, how crown and him would fight about if he should take his jacket off before laying down. back then he’d say it was because he was cold, maybe it was slightly true, or the fact he didn’t want him to see his cuts and scars. After a particularly awful trip Jirou experienced after taking way too much of god knows what and almost having to go to the er, crown was, for lack of a better term in his eyes, well aware, of Jirous life, he broke down to him. After that he was careful with what he said before Jirou called him out for walking on eggshells around him, annoyed that crown was essentially “babying him”, granted unknown if it was on purpose or not. Jirou after laying down, staring at the ceiling, got closer to crown, almost suffocating him with his (fucking gigantic) oversized jacket. Crown moved what he assumed was the hood of the jacket so he could breath and brought Jirou into a tight hug. Jirou accepted, pushing into it instead of pulling away like usual. Crown could feel how cold his skin was, and how warm he felt inwardly.

#j writes badly #im so sorry to everyone who reads this #no beta we die like jirou

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tailoredshirt · 5 months

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I wouldn’t feel bad about posts not getting interaction. We are far into a hiatus and interaction is down. It’s like that for everyone. I’m not trying to sound condescending, but not everyone has to like every post you make and there’s nothing wrong with that on your part or their’s. Not everyone is going to agree or want to share it. That’s a part of social media. If you want interaction, I would suggest directly messaging people, replying to others posts, sending asks. These are ways that are more likely to cause interaction than a post that gets easily lost on the dash would. I follow hundreds of people. I don’t see everything that is shared. It’s not fair to fault people for this. I hope you feel better and know that most people are not intentionally ignoring you. If a break is what you need, I hope it makes you feel better. But know there are plenty of people here who enjoy your blog.

I’m struggling with how to reply to this because I think you’re trying to be logical and genuinely helpful, but I’m not sure how well you know me, especially if you’re telling me to DM people or send asks, which I do. Everything you’re saying is true, and so rational that it feels embarrassing to have someone anonymously message it to me. (I’m sure many people see me get upset and think these very things.) But of course I know all of these things. I wish knowing those things made it hurt less. When I freak out and have a breakdown on the dash, it’s usually because my feelings were triggered by a series of small things and they got too big for me to handle.

1) The way social media, and particularly tumblr, are structured - exactly the way you said - have a way of triggering every single insecurity I have! I’m trying to work on it but this is where my community is, so it’s hard to leave. I may need to do that anyway. My problem to deal with, no one else’s.

2) I also think it’s true that fandoms, like any group of people, have their specific issues. With the size and dynamics of our fandom, it often feels like only a handful of people’s opinions matter and that they shape the way the entire fandom interprets the source material. It feels very frustrating and isolating to express a different opinion or try to have a conversation about it, and not get much engagement. It’s why I don’t meta very often. I prefer to keep loose headcanons because I love exploring possibilities, vs the fandom deciding that there is only One Option and not considering other perspectives. So it’s not just one stupid ass post. It feels like the straw that broke the camel’s back.

3) Last thing, that’s difficult to talk about! I often worry that people are talking about me behind my back, and that people have heard about a negative fandom interaction I had a while back. I feel helpless because I worry that it affects how people see me if they get one side of the story and I can’t tell mine. So I often worry that this fandom is not a place where I can make friends at all anymore. I have no idea if that is the case or if I’m imagining it, if people who seem distant from me don’t like me or are just busy vibing with other people, which is fair.

Honestly, I am just a very messy, needy, mentally ill person who doesn’t have much going on outside of work and fandom. I’m trying to fix that and I’m trying to figure out how to do fandom on tumblr in a way that doesn’t fuck up my mental health, which is already hanging on by a fucking thread!

#replies

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anonymousblackgirll · 2 years

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August 12, 2022

Hi! It’s been over a year since I last blogged. And the reason I decided to today was because on my way back to my dorm waiting at the bus stop. It was the bus stop on Larkin and something ( can’t remember) but close to City Hall (San Francisco). I had a really interesting conversation with this white lady. It wasn’t really conversation since she did all the talking and I was just listening, but hearing her life experiences made me realize just how privileged I am. Now don’t get me wrong I know that in A LOT of ways she’s more privileged than I am. But she’s been through a lot and is still going through a lot. She told me that she was nine years sober until 3 days ago. And I could tell she was drunk not just from the paper bag she clutched in her hand but from her staggering and slurring of words.

She also talked about how her daughter turned 39 today, the daughter she had when she was 11 years old and gave up. She said her daughter doesn’t know anything about her but she knows her daughter and where she lives. She knows all about her daughter and her adoptive family. She said that she’s happy that her daughter is in a beautiful family and that giving her up was the best decision she could have ever made.

She talked about how she used to be on honor roll but doing drugs eventually got in the way of that. She even spoke of her husband a little bit. That after 26 years of being together she’s loosing him. She said something about him having to have his foot amputated. So I’m not sure if they’re just divorcing or if her husband is battling some life threatening illness. But hearing the casualty in which she talked about something so heartbreaking, it’s like she’s just become numb to it. The saddest part was when she talked about her sobriety, she said that during that time period “I saw a light in my eyes” and that fact that that ended for her just three days ago is… I can’t really put it into words.

Um but before she told me about her life, she told me that I looked like a star. And that San Francisco could use more stars, and of course I said thank you. And one of the best things she told me is that I don’t look like I judge people and she thanked me for it. When she thanked me for it she started to cry. As she was crying she talked about how a lot of people use drugs as a means of just getting along because the reality that they live in is just so horrible. And I never thought about it like that. That someone’s life is so hard and excruciating that they NEED drugs to escape from it.

I’ll probably never see her again, but honestly from the bottom of my heart I hope she finds her way. Because she told me nothing is worse than feeling the hate that you have for yourself and that she hopes I never feel that way. She did tell that I looked “African” which you known I am. But ignorant comment aside lol, I genuinely hope she gets help and that the situation with her husband gets better. And that someday she’ll allow her daughter to meet her. And maybe she’ll even be at her daughter’s wedding (she told me she was getting married). I really hope the best for her. And I hope she got home safe and that that light goes back into her eyes.

I think this whole experience has reminded me that we really need to be aware of the way that we interact with others. Cause what if she decided to talk to someone else and they told her off instead of listening? That could have sent her over the edge. I wish that I could have said more to her, but honestly I don’t know how to comfort someone in such an intense situation. And I want to learn how, so I can offer more than silence when someone shares their story with me.

I was going to text my friends about the whole situation because I wanted to be like “omg this lady at the bus stop said…” But I decided not to because she told me for a reason. But I’m blogging about it because I need a space to speak. I hate holding things in, it’s why I journal almost every day.

I don’t know if anybody other than myself with read this, but if you did. I hope you become a more compassionate and empathetic human being because of it🤎

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crownlessam · 3 years

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have we already considered the extra sickening thought that like... what if “jess” was ruby all along and the ceiling death was a fake out but she had to get a new vessel and that’s when she starts going by ruby and her and sam have their weird chemistry and he can’t figure out why he feels like he knows her or why he feels like he could maybe trust her. ruby’s final speech being like “you don't even know how hard this was! those stupid college parties. all that leftover teenage angst you had. playing the innocent little girlfriend. faking my death and that fire. all the demons out for my head since then. no one knew. i was the best of those sons of bitches! the most loyal!” and sam’s world just collapses in on itself.

#ruby #mine #this made me genuinely feel ill............. which is why i am sharing <3 #was thinking about brady and literally stopped dead in my room like. Oh My God.

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mvrderer · 2 years

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Heard you were doing match ups?👀 feel free to ignore me lolol.

I'm an INXP, which means I go from hating myself and being antisocial, to hating myself but taking care of everyone around me 💀

I have been a caretaker since I was very small and I find myself feeling useless if I am not helping someone(my own health aside) it's bad to the point where I collapse frequently from exhaustion but still try shoving water down everyone else's throats.

I'm 5'8" and apparently shaped like a coca cola bottle(woohoo makin step-ma jealous) I typically cover up in extremely baggy clothes 💃

When it comes to a partner I would want someone who let's me take care of them and enjoys my fretting, but takes care of me/us in return. 💗

I can be a House Spouse, but I need someone to actually appreciate it and possibly kill toxic Ex's, y'know?😩❤

HIII IM SORRY I HAVENT BEEN ONLINE LATELY BECAUSE I GENUINELY FORGOT I HAD A TUMBLR ACCOUNT BUT HI! IM GOING TO DO THIS!

i hope this is good enough for you!

warnings : cursing, lack of proof read

so i think the most suitable slasher for you is...

Bo Sinclair !

he made the first move to introduce himself to you! the usual ol' charming southern man facade he put up before possibly murdering you (obviously he wouldnt, pretty sure you can guess why)

thinks you're way too self loathing for someone he finds attractive

i mean, he's the bo sinclair! anyone that scores him is a hottie! and he definitely thinks that you are one

he's 6'2", you're 5'8", can i make it anymore obvious [sk8r boi instrumentals blasts in the bg]

adores and even gets an ego boost from the height difference you two have, he definitely teases you for it like a lot of things he teases you for; but not the point it'd hurt of course. you're his "Beau" and he adores every inch of you, he loves you for you and that does not exclude your physical form. if you steal his clothes, he'd act mad but smirk like a smug mf when he sees you in it cuz he's winning

which includes taking care of you. loving you comes with a perk, and that's to be more observant especially towards you.

he loves it when you take care of him, get babied by you, but he of course acts like he doesn't. and sometimes—he actually doesn't because of how you neglect yourself. he definitely forces you to sit down and rest, gives you a massage if any part of your body is sore and just gives his full attention towards you. he's not much of a cook but he tries his best for you and makes sure you fulfill every basic human needs

when you get those types of self deprecating thoughts, he's quick to shut them down.

“ now, now, dont say that about yourself sweetheart. ” and holds you while whispering how important you are to him and how much of a darling you've been towards him. of course, he gets quite aggressive [not physical, in a “ STOP FUCKIN' SAYIN' THAT BOUT YOURSELF!! ” way] at times because he's frustrated that you can't see yourself how he sees you, but he's quick to apologize and quick to reassure you he loves you no less.

when there's a conflict, he makes sure it won't destroy the "us" between you two.

let me be honest, being with bo will have complications. he's mentally ill, you're mentally ill, it doesn't cancel out like pemdas. but he tries so hard to have a healthy relationship, imagining that he's hurt his beau would shatter him so he tries his best to make up, but you'd probably find him stumbling around in the kitchen all messy and he's embarrassed when he explains himself like “ ...i tried making cookies. ” it's okay to laugh at him, as long as you kiss him and help him out

he would love the domestic life with you, and will do anything to have it. <3

which means, he definitely would beat someone to death for you! when you have an honest talk and the two of you share things that has happened to y'all — it makes his blood boil when he hears about your shitty ex. if he's willing to beat up a stranger that looks at you weird what difference would it be when it's someone you've had a bad history with? with that ex gone, now you can move on and be happy with a future with Bo!

#matchups #slashers #slasher headcanons #slasher x you #slasher x reader #house of wax #bo sinclair #bo sinclair x you #bo sinclair x reader #slasher matchups #slasher #fluff

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iamanartichoke · 3 years

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I wrote a Thing. It’s extremely long. I’d prefer it not be reblogged; I wrote this for my own catharsis and would prefer it not be circulated, bc of Reasons.

I changed my mind, okay to reblog. <3

Under a cut for (extreme, did I mention?) length.

So I got about 12 minutes of sleep last night, as you do, and around 3am or so I found myself - out of sheer curiosity - going down a meta hole of Ragnarok discourse, trying to figure out where this "satisfying redemption arc" for Loki happened. (I mean, there's a lot of things I would like to figure out, but I started there.) Because I could.

Basically I was looking for meta that went into detail about how Loki was redeemed in a satisfactory way. The ‘satisfactory’ is an important word here bc there is a redemption arc in the film, in that Loki starts off the film as an antagonist (kinda) to Thor and he ends the film as an ally to Thor, standing at Thor's side. In that sense, yes, there's a redemption arc. I didn't find much (and I had no idea how much people just despise Ragnarok "antis" [I really dislike that word] but that's another topic [that I don't particularly want to get into, tbh]) but I did find some. I read what I could find, and I read it open-mindedly, and overall I came away feeling like, okay, there are some valid points being made here and I can kinda see where they're coming from.

But it was a bit (a lot) like -- flat. Idk. The best comparison I can think of is that it’s like if a literature class read, I don't know, The Yellow Wallpaper for an assignment, and some of the students came away from it feeling like it was a creepy story about a woman slowly driving herself insane, and the other students came away from it incensed at the oppression and infantilization of women in the late 19th century -

- and neither side is wrong, but the former is a very surface-level reading and the latter isn't (bc it stems from looking at why she drives herself insane, why she was prescribed 'rest' in the first place, the context of what women could and couldn't do back then, etc; basically, a bit more work has to go into it).

[Note: I am not disparaging the quality of The Yellow Wallpaper. At all. It’s just the first relatively well-known story that popped into my head.]

In this sense, I can see the argument for Loki's redemption arc, but I don't think it's a very good argument. Not invalid, but not great.

I mean, for example, I think the most consistent argument I found variations of re: Loki's redemption is that Ragnarok shows Loki finally taking responsibility for his bad behaviour and misdeeds. This includes recognizing that his actions were fueled from a place of self-hatred and a desire to self-destruct in addition to bringing destruction on others. That he probably feels awkward and regretful of these things and doesn't know how to act around Thor, but he figures it out by the end, and decides that returning to Asgard is the best way to show that he's ready to make amends. His act of bringing the Statesman to Asgard is an apology. He allies himself with Thor and ends up in a better place, both narratively (united with Thor once again) and mentally (having taken responsibility and made amends for his past).

And setting aside that he had already made amends by sacrificing his life in TDW (and also setting aside that the argument is made that Loki redeems himself in IW by sacrificing himself to Thanos but if that's the case, wouldn't that imply that he hadn't achieved redemption in Ragnarok or else there would be no need to achieve it again in IW? Or, if you think he did achieve redemption in Ragnarok, then what the fuck did he give his life in IW for? What was his motivation there, and why did the narrative not make it clearer? I digress.)

- setting aside those two factors, I think this is a very fair argument. Loki is fueled by self-hatred, and he does want to self-destruct, and he does want to inflict that pain on others as well (particularly Thor). No lies detected here.

However, I also need to know where that self-hatred and desire for destruction (toward himself and others) comes from and for that, we need to go back to Thor 1.

Thor 1.

Loki starts Thor 1 out as "a clenched fist with hair," to borrow a quote from the Haunting of Hill House (that I tucked away in my mental box of Lovely Things bc it says so much so very simply). He's very used to bottling everything up, pushing it down; he slinks around behind the scenes, pulling the strings to this plot or that. He's "always been one for mischief," but the narrative implies that the coronation incident is the first time Loki's done anything truly terrible. And it all immediately pretty much goes to shit, so Loki spends the rest of the movie frantically juggling all these moving pieces while trying to seem as if he's got it all under control, every step of the way. That's how I view his actions.

But I always come back to that quote where Kenneth Branaugh tells Tom, of the scene in the vault, "This is where the thin steel rod that's been holding your mind together snaps." In other words this is where Loki discovering he's Jotun is just one thing too many. He can't take it. But though the rod snaps, his descent isn't a nosedive. It's a tumble. As the story progresses, the clenched fist starts to loosen, the muscles are flexed in unfamiliar ways (that feel kinda good, after being stiff for so long), and it culminates with the hand opening completely and shaking itself out. All of that repression, that self-hatred, that rage and jealousy just explodes so that, by the time the bifrost scene happens, Loki's already hit bottom. It's not just about proving his worthiness to Odin. He wants to hurt Thor, too; he, essentially, throws a tantrum. (That's right, I said tantrum.)

(Note: The word 'tantrum’ has negative connotations bc we normally equate it with a toddler stamping their feet and screaming in the aisle when their parent won't buy them the toy they want. But in itself, the word tantrum isn't infantalizing. It's an "emotional outburst, an uncontrolled explosion of anger and frustration" [paraphrasing from dictionary.com]. That's exactly what happens here [and why Tom called Loki's actions a massive tantrum, but people took that to mean Tom agreed it was childish whereas I doubt Tom meant it that way]).

He's been pushed past his limit, and he does bad things. He does really shitty things. He hurts Thor, he hurts his family. I'm pretty sure he knows this all along so this isn't, like, some revelation further down the line that "hey, those things I did were probably kinda bad." He got the memo already.

Ragnarok

Fast forward to Ragnarok, and we're introduced to a version of Loki who's had 4ish years to sit with everything that's happened. To sit with it and not do much else. The rawness of it has faded, and now it seems as though it's just become a thing, like when you move through life aware of your childhood traumas and have more or less just accepted them (and you probably share a lot of really funny depression memes on Facebook, which is kinda the equivalent of Loki's play, but that's probably just me).

Loki has, more or less, chilled out. He seems more bored than anything else; he's been masquerading as Odin for longer than he ever planned or intended to, so he's more or less ended up hanging out, letting Asgard mind its own business, and entertaining himself with silly plays. This is the version that starts out the movie as an antagonist to Thor - a version that is, arguably, in a much different place [and is a much milder threat] than the version who originally did those Bad Things.

And of course Thor is still mad at him, and of course they're going to butt heads, because that's what they do (and Thor's grievances are genuine, I’ll add, bc it's not really his fault he assumed Loki faked his death, nor can he be blamed for being pissed about Odin).

One argument framed this version of Loki as being a person who is facing the awkwardness of coming out of a dark place, which is fair. If we're going to frame his actions in Thor 1 as a tantrum, then Ragnarok would be the part where the toddler has been taken home, possibly has had some lunch and a juice box, and is now watching cartoons. They're over the tantrum, and would probably feel pretty silly about it if they weren't, yknow, toddlers. They probably can't remember why they even wanted that toy so badly. If they're a little older and self-aware, they might even be embarrassed for having melted down.

Like the word tantrum, this feeling isn't a thing limited to toddlers. I know I've had a few epic meltdowns as a grown ass adult, and I know I always feel deeply embarrassed afterwards - like, want to crawl into a hole and die. I've said things I can't take back. Adolescents and teenagers throw tantrums, mentally ill people throw tantrums, adults throw tantrums (I mean, my god, look at all the videos of Karens having screaming meltdowns - screaming! - over having to wear masks in order to shop at stores). Humans throw tantrums. And usually, after the feelings have been let out and the tantrum has passed, humans feel pretty regretful and awkward and embarrassed about whatever they did and said in the midst of their meltdown.

I get all of that and agree it's valid and that Loki probably feels it. By the time Ragnarok happens, Loki's had some time to reflect and think hmm, yeah, probably could've handled that one a lot better. The argument further goes that in order to navigate this awkward period, Loki must come to terms with what he's done, acknowledge that some things can't be unsaid or undone, and begin to make amends. Supposedly, some people feel that Loki becomes a better person because he does "own" everything he did wrong and, even though he feels like a jackass (paraphrasing), he sets that aside to become a become a better person by choosing to help Thor and Asgard at the end.

Thus, the overall arc goes like this. Loki, Thor's jealous little brother,

throws a tantrum of epic proportions bc Reasons

continues to act badly and make things even worse (Avengers)

has to face consequences for his actions (prison sentence)

ends up with a stretch of time in which he's free to contemplate and chill out

feels embarrassed and awkward about how he's behaved

sees an opportunity to make up for it and decides to take it

helps Thor, saves the day, and ends the film a better person.

Redemption achieved.

None of this is wrong. The film supports it. It's a fair interpretation. But it leaves. out. so. much.

To circle all the way back around Loki being "a clenched fist with hair," and his actions stemming from his self-hatred, you have to ask - how did he get that way? He didn't end up with all this self-hatred on accident. Generally, one isn't born despising themselves, it's a learned behavior. (I realize chemical imbalances are a thing, obviously, as I have Mental Shit myself, but for argument's sake I'm assuming that's not the case with Loki [at this point in time]).

Where did Loki learn it? From his family, from his surroundings, from his culture. We see examples of these microaggressions in the first, like, twenty minutes of the movie - a guard openly laughs at Loki's magic after Thor makes a joke about it (the tone of the conversation implies that Thor "jokes" like this often) and though Loki does the snake thing, the guard faces no real consequences. Thor doesn't acknowledge that anything went amiss. Not much later, on their way to Jotunheim, Loki's barely gotten two words out to Heimdall before Thor cuts him off, steps in front of him, and takes charge. Loki doesn't look annoyed at this; he looks resigned.

Then, for absolutely no reason at all, Volstagg decides to make a jab at Loki ("silver tongue turned to lead?") just because he can. The ease with which he makes this comment and the way that no one else blinks an eye at it implies that this isn't out of the norm. And Loki doesn't react, not really. In the deleted version, he delivers a particularly nasty comeback but he delivers it under his breath, without intending Volstagg to hear it. In the final version, he simply says nothing, though his expression can be read as hurt or stung. Either way, the audience sees an example of Loki being walked all over by Thor and his friends and bottling up his reactions instead of standing up for himself.

Microaggressions matter. They are mentally and emotionally damaging. They hurt. The implication that this is not unusual treatment for Loki means that Loki's probably gone through this for most of his life. It's like the equivalent of being, I don't know, twenty two and you're the friend who has to walk behind the others when the sidewalk isn't wide enough, and it's been that way since the first day of kindergarten. At this point, you're used to it, but that doesn't make it hurt any less when the jabs come seemingly out of nowhere, for no reason other than to make you feel bad.

(I personally identify a lot with this bc I experienced passive bullying in social settings for years. I was the 'doesn't fit on the sidewalk' friend; I hung around with people who'd pretend to be my friend and would be more or less nice to my face, but would laugh at me and make fun of me behind my back for whatever reasons. And often there'd be the random jabs at me, things that would come out of nowhere to smack me in the face, followed by the fake laugh and “just kidding!" so that I couldn't even get upset without being made to feel like I was overreacting and couldn't take a joke. I'd deal with this socially, particularly in middle school when girls are their most vicious, and then I'd go home and, because I was the only girl with a lot of brothers and because boys are mean and because I am who I am, the dynamic was that my brothers would just endlessly roast me to my face and sometimes it was a "just kidding!" thing, where I was the only one not laughing. But that’s beside the point; my point is that microaggressions, passive bullying, and consistent invalidation are harmful and that shit stays with you into adulthood.)

So, yes, Loki needs to be held responsible for his misdeeds, and it's valid to say that he recognizes those misdeeds and wants to make amends. I have never disagreed with that. But the problem with this interpretation is that it lets every single other character who contributed to Loki's self-hatred and mental breakdown (let's just call a spade a spade here, that's what it was; he was broken psychologically) get off scot-free.

First of all,

Odin is not held accountable for instilling in the princes a mentality of Asgard first, everyone is beneath us but Jotuns are benath us the most, they are literal monsters. He is not held accountable for pitting his sons against one another (even if it was unintentional, he still did it) with "you were both born to be kings but only one of you can rule" being the general tone of their upbringing. He's not held accountable for his favoritism toward Thor.

Frigga is not held accountable for deferring to Odin both in supporting the above things and in keeping the truth of Loki's origins a secret while doing nothing to discourage the "monsters" narrative.

Thor is not held accountable for his own tendency of taking Loki for granted (he assumes Loki will come to Jotunheim, he oversteps Loki constantly, “know your place,” etc.. He grants his implicit permission for Loki to be treated as the sidewalk friend in their “group,” a group which is loyal to and takes their cues from Thor as Thor continues to do nothing in his brother's defense).

[Note: Wanting Thor to be held accountable for things he's done wrong isn't vilifying him. Acknowledging that Thor benefited from Odin's favoritism and his own place as Crown Prince doesn't negate Thor also being raised in an abusive environment. I don't think anyone's saying that or, if they have, it's not something I agree with.]

Furthermore,

Odin is not held accountable for his cruelty in disowning Loki (”your birthright was to die” is never going to be forgotten, speaking of people saying things that can't be unsaid or taken back) and in sentencing Loki to a severe prison sentence (life! only bc Frigga wouldn't let him execute Loki) for crimes that are no worse than what Odin himself has committed (around which the entire plot of Ragnarok revolves! Colonialism (and subjugation) is wrong is, like, a major theme [that people rush to praise, even] here).

Thor is also never held accountable for not trying harder to understand what made Loki snap (fair enough, he didn't have a ton of time after returning from Earth, but certainly he had lots of time to sit around reflecting while Loki was being tortured by Thanos for a year). He knows Loki is "not himself" and "beyond reason" and accepts it at face value; he questions it once and then lets it go. He's fine with assuming Loki's just lost his mind, and isn't that a shame. (I realize I'm simplifying Thor's emotions but my point is that Thor could've tried harder to figure out that Loki was being influenced and/or not acting completely autonomously.)

Thor is also never held accountable for - if not facing consequences for his own slaughter of Jotuns - then at least addressing why Loki can't kill an entire race even though Thor tried to do that, like, two days ago. (Granted, it’s difficult to understand how Thor got from Point A ("let's finish them together, Father!") to Point B (this is wrong!), but that failing belongs to Thor 1 (which is not, by the way, a perfect movie).

The interpretation that Loki is fully redeemed because he took responsibility for his actions, returned to Asgard, and allied himself with Thor to save their people is all well and good - but, why is Loki the only one here who has to take responsibility for their actions?

What about all the loose threads in his story?

For example, how did he get from:

Point A (believing himself a literal monster, having a complete mental breakdown, getting tortured and further traumatized after that, etc)

Point B (Hey, yknow what would be fun? I'm going to write and direct a play about how I heroically died to save Thor and Jane, and I'll go ahead and have Odin say he accepts me and has always loved me. I'm going to do these things because Odin never said this in real life and instead of acknowledging my sacrifice, Thor left my body in the dirt, so someone has to validate what I've done right and that someone might as well be me. And hey, while I'm at it, I'm going to control the narrative on revealing myself as Jotun to Asgard, instead of living in fear of it being found out, and I'm going to do it in a way that they have to sympathize with me and revere me in death, bc they never bothered to do so when I was alive. And Matt Damon should play me, also.)

Point C (Yeah, I guess I feel kinda awkward about that whole tantrum thing, also I should help Thor and support him being king.)

The answers to these questions are handwaved and the audience takes that to mean they don't matter. Furthermore, framing Loki's redemption around an act of service (more or less) to Thor makes Loki's redemption about Thor. Does Loki make this decision for the sake of Thor and of Asgard, or does he make it for himself? It's not super clear to me, and I think arguments can be made for both. Which, again, is fine, but - whatever.

If we're going to collectively agree, as a fandom, that Loki is complex, that he's morally gray, that he's worthy of redemption and therefore arguably a good person who's done bad things, then why is it asking too much to have it acknowledged that Thor (also a good person who's done bad things) played a part in Loki's downfall and has shit to apologize for, too? Bc one can only assume the reason is that you're taking a very gray concept and making it black and white by saying Loki has to apologize and make amends because he is the villain, and Thor doesn't because he is the hero (and it's his movie). And it's lazy.

This is where the crux of the issue lands. There's more than one valid interpretation, yes. And no two people (or groups of people, or whatever) are going to consume and therefore interpret or analyze the source material in the same way. I think I saw a post recently about how studies have been done on this, in fact. But, there is a lot going on under the surface that tends to get overlooked when exploring Loki's redemption arc in Ragnarok, as far as I can see, and that’s why I don’t consider it satisfactory.

[I did read similar arguments regarding other issues that are often debated ('debated'), like Loki's magic and/or being underpowered, whether or not Loki's betrayal of Thor was the natural outcome of the situation on Sakaar or not, whether Thor actually gets closure with Odin [if he does, how does he reconcile the father he's idolized with the imperialistic conqueror he's discovered? Why doesn't he hold Odin responsible for covering up Hela's existence and the threat of her return, especially as he knew he was nearing the end of his life? Is Thor's "I'm not as strong as you" meant to imply that he acknowledges those shortcomings of Odin's and that he's okay with them, or that he's just overlooking them, or is he not okay with them but didn't have the chance to get into it bc he was in the middle of battle? T'Challa confronted his father on his wrongdoings in Black Panther; could Thor not have had at least one line that was confrontational enough to establish where he stands as opposed to this gray middle? Can someone explain to me how any of this equates to Thor gaining closure? Please?) but obviously I'm not going to go into all of them (well, I tried not to), bc this mammoth post has gone on long enough (I may not even post this tbh)]

- but my overall point to this entire thing is that when I say I'm critical of Ragnarok bc it's flawed, that Loki's arc was neither complete nor satisfactory, that many things went unaddressed and, due to all of these things, I do not think Ragnarok is a very good movie nor a very cohesive movie, this is where I'm coming from. I have not seen anything to change my mind to the contrary.

But I am not saying that anyone satisfied with it is wrong, or shouldn't have the interpretation that they do. I'm not vilifying Thor in order to lift Loki up, just acknowledging that Thor is arguably just as flawed as Loki without the stigma of being Designated Villain. I think a lot of these arguments get overlooked or dismissed, and that's fine, but it doesn't make the people who do engage with them hateful, or bitter, or trying to excuse Loki's crimes, or feeling like redemption means that Loki's crimes should be erased rather than reconciled.

And sure, yes, perhaps we are expecting too much and exploring all of these themes (or wanting them explored) means that somehow we think it should be Loki's movie (we don't). Loki is a supporting character, but he's still a character. And the movie itself doesn't have to delve into all these things - no one's saying that. (At least, I'm not.) We just want acknowledgement, from the narrative, that this stuff was an Issue.

This could have been accomplished with -

Some dialogue closer to the novelization (and original script), like Thor and Loki both acknowledging the harm they've done one another and their kingdom due to their Feels.

A single line of Thor confronting Odin, or even asking "Why?"

A narrative acknowledgement that Odin did both Thor and Loki dirty (”I love you, my sons” isn't an apology, because it doesn't acknowledge either that there's been wrong-doing or express regret for having done the wrong in the first place).

A little bit more nuance in the way Loki treats his own past (ie, instead of flippantly telling the story of his suicide attempt, maybe - if it must be flippant - talk about getting blasted in the face with Hawkeye's arrow or sailing through to Svartalfheim [And in that moment, I sang ta-daaaa!]) or whatever.

I recognize that wanting full, in-depth exploration on all of these issues regarding a supporting character is probably too much to ask or expect - but, I also feel like, if you're going to be professionally writing a narrative (or rewriting/improvising, as it were), it's not too much to ask that a little more care be taken in regards to all of the layers that have contributed to said supporting character's downfall and subsequent redemption arc. I don't think that's an unreasonable thing to want.

And maybe if there had been more nuance and continuity in how these things were portrayed on screen (ie, if TW had actually done as good a job as his stans think he did), the fandom wouldn't have divided and conquered itself over which "version" of the same character is more valid and whether or not the film did its best to close out a trilogy (not start a new one), to the point where everyone in this fandom space makes navigating it feel like walking through a minefield.

But, I mean

(Again, please don’t reblog if possible.)

Edit: Okay to reblog. <3

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minniepetals · 4 years

Text

Rose & Thorns: 07

— summary: a lone rose, a little broken, until Jungkook came along and the two of you saved each other. and in doing so, Jungkook showed you a world where he shared with his six other mates.

— pairing: bts x reader

— genre: angst / fluff / poly!au / fantasy!au / dragon!au

— word count: 7.5k

— warnings: hurt and comfort

╰ part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4 / part 5 / part 6 / part 7 / part 8 / part 9 / part 10

"Prince Taehyung? If you're the head of the nursery nest, how are you able to take care of me?"

"Because this is my part time job," the dragon told you while mixing herbs with a light spirit. "I've always had the tough decision to choose between watching over the whelps or being able to heal my whole clan which are both an honor to do but in the end I chose to be a guardian of the little ones."

"Really?" You stared in fascination from where you sat on the bed. "What made you choose the whelps?"

"Baby dragons are adorable, dear Y/N," he laughed cutely. "Kinda like you."

You blinked, not expecting such a bold comment as your face began heating up. "L-like me?"

"Yup," Taehyung nodded as if it wasn't uncommon to say such a thing.

"But, how?" You asked, even more flustered because he was so casual about it. "I thought baby dragons aren't able to transform into their human forms until they've aged into a more mature age."

"They can't but they're still cute and you're cute too so they remind me of you."

Cute.

He was probably the first person to ever compliment your looks — well, Jinyoung did it before but he was rude about, someone you didn't really feel comfortable to hear words out of. Yet with Taehyung, you felt more at ease hearing the compliment coming out from his mouth.

"Hey, when you get better, want to come visit the roosts with me? They'll love you, I just know it."

Though flattered, you tilted your head in confusion at the excited boy. "How would you know?"

"No one is born with hate, dear Y/N," Taehyung told you with a voice that was calmer and sincere, "we only learn to hate because the people around us has taught us to do so. Maybe that's why you only love."

Love.

"Your parents must have been the sweetest, huh? To raise such a sweet child who doesn't know how to hate?"

You smiled at his soft words as you looked down at your hands. "They had...the sweetest love for one another," you remembered. "Mother had always been ill but she risked her health even more by giving birth to me. Father never gave up hope though, he was always there for the both of us. They've always taught me to look on the bright side to things, to people, and know that if there's a dark side, there is always going to be light. Like the moon. Father left us sooner than we expected but even then Mother never lost sight of her love and hope for me. I always blamed myself for making her health worse but she's always told me that I was a gift and that the world will one day reward me if I continued being kind and gentle."

"And you believed her."

"Of course." You smiled. "One day the world will see," a sigh left you, "hopefully."

"It will." You hadn't realized Taehyung had gotten up from his spot to walk on over to you until he took your hands into his larger ones, stroking it with such gentleness. "One day you'll find happiness and people who will give you the same amount of love as you have given the world."

"You really think so?" You asked him with bits of doubts, unsure and worried, timid and afraid.

Taehyung gave you a sweet smile as he squeezed your hands. "I know so."

When he looked at you, he could see a beautiful rose waiting to bloom. The rain had already given you enough of itself, now you just needed light in your life in order to grow from your budding state.

"One day, Y/N, one day soon."

"Jungkook?" You called upon his name softly, gently, a soothing voice he wanted to hear forever. Was it wrong to want to hold you? Was it wrong to want to take all your pains away so that you could never understand what hurting meant? Was it wrong to want to love you?

His eyes continued gazing out from the balcony, watching his clan from below while he replied with a soft hum. He loved his mates, loved ruling the clan alongside them, so perhaps it was indeed wrong to want another by his side when he already had six. Jungkook felt so selfish but a part of him didn't want to admit to his wrongdoings, didn't want to admit that the feelings he felt for you were wrong.

He didn't want for it to be wrong.

You deserved someone to love you in turn for the world's forsaken kindness and he wanted to be that person — or maybe one of them?

Was that wrong? For him to want his hyungs to see what he saw in you so that they wouldn't hurt if he ever did confessed the things he felt for you to them? He knew he could never confess to you, not before letting his hyungs know and getting their permission. They mattered as much as you did.

"You're lucky, you know."

"How so?" He asked.

"To have a love so sweet and beautiful," you breathed. "I don't think I've ever seen such a love so pure. Your hyungs all care about you, the same way you worry and care for them. It's something many will envy, you know, you should never lose that love."

Jungkook knew his love was pure, always knew he'd never want to leave any of his hyungs and would want to spend all of his life with them by his side. "Really?" yet he asked, curious for how you perceived their relationship in your eyes.

You nodded. "You'd do anything for them, wouldn't you?"

"I would," he confirmed.

Your gaze fell with a genuine smile, a little envious of the beautiful love but more happy for him than anything. He deserved such a love, they all did. Your hand reached up to trace along the scar that held just slightly away from your heart, an arrow you had taken because you saved Jungkook and brought him back to his home.

And now? Perhaps now it was your turn to find your own home.

"When I am all healed and can walk on my own without support of another, I am planning on taking my leave from this clan."

Jungkook's head was quick to snap your way and you almost flinched at the abrupt moment. His eyes widened, brows a little furrowed as if he couldn't believe what you had just said. "What?" He asked, words a little too soft, almost a whisper, as if he was afraid he heard it right.

But you sent him a smile despite the fear in his eyes, despite the little stab in your heart and a little moment of relief from the way he looked as if hurt to hear you wanted to leave. You felt glad for just a moment. "Home isn't a specific destination, it's where your heart lies, where you feel safe, loved and protected. You've found that within the arms of the other princes, and I have yet to find my own but I don't believe my home lies here."

Why not, he almost said it aloud.

Almost.

But he had almost forgotten that you weren't his, you didn't love him in the same way he was falling for you. He had almost forgotten that if he were to ask those two words, he'd sound desperate and you'd wonder why. You wanted your own home and you didn't feel it through him or anyone in the clan.

If he were to ask the question aloud, it'd be an even more selfish wish upon wanting you to stay despite the fact that he knew he couldn't have you.

So knowing that, knowing he couldn't keep you forever even if it meant just watching you from afar in hopes of your heart being his, he let his head process the whole thing, nodding slowly though reluctantly.

"I see," was all he could utter out in a low whisper.

Deep down, he hated it, he didn't want to accept it.

But he had to.

"What's wrong?"

Yet no matter how easy it was to hide his feelings from you, it could never go past the ones that did loved him back, the ones that had known him for much, much longer.

"Nothing," he tried to say.

"You're lying, Jungkook," Seokjin said with eyes that grew with more concern because they had set a promise to tell each other everything and Jungkook, out of them all, wasn't one to break promises.

They all watched their youngest lover while he stared into an empty space, past the plate of food that hadn't been touched since dinner started.

Jungkook wanted to show them that he was okay, he didn't want to hurt them because of the things he felt for you, but he knew that he was going to have to tell them the truth one day. But did it have to come so fast? Was there really a need to tell them so soon? He didn't want to.

But they weren't going to have him going to bed restless with that frown on his face, not without a talk first.

He didn't want to talk. Yet he knew he had to.

And for that, his heart fell. "I'm sorry," he breathed almost inaudibly before swallowing a big lump that rested in this throat and blinked quickly at the tears that threatened to escape.

He stood up from his seat, ignoring the concern in his hyung's voices as they called after him. Jungkook kept walking away, not wanting them to see his tears though he knew fully well that he could never hide from his mates. They knew him more than anyone, loved him more than the universe itself.

But the thought of speaking up and inevitably hurting them even further than he had already done so, Jungkook didn't want to face them just yet, he didn't want to be selfish.

"Jungkook?" The eldest called upon his name softly while his heart dropped at the sight of Jungkook in the bedroom, curled up in one of the corners as he tried his best not to cry while hugging his knees. He looked so weak, so vulnerable and the sight was enough for them all to want to do absolutely anything to make their youngest mate smile again.

"It's Y/N, isn't it?" Namjoon guessed, his voice gentle as he tried his best to assure Jungkook that just the name alone wasn't going to make him resent anything. Weeks before, he would have hated it, but after your sacrifice, Namjoon couldn't bring himself to hate you even if he wanted to.

He didn't want to now.

"I'm so sorry," the youngest prince squeaked. So, so scared. Afraid not just for them but for his own feelings that had kept growing and growing. He didn't know whether to feel guilty or not. Jungkook didn't know what to do at all.

Jimin began to hush him gently as he took a seat beside him, placing his young mate's head against his chest. "We're not upset at you, Jungkookie," he reassured. "What are you worried about, hm?"

He cried into Jimin's chest, the sounds echoing into the room which broke their hearts. "She says...says she's going to..-to leave after she heals." A few minor hiccups. "And I don't want her to leave. I don't want Y/N to leave. She saved my life."

"And she saved mine," Namjoon nodded, acknowledging the fact with a soft understanding. But as he knelt in front of Jungkook and took his hands into his, Namjoon squeezed it with a tight smile on his face. "But this is her choice, Jungkook, we can't make the decision for her."

"I-I know but..-"

He knew, knew more than anyone that he'd rather let you leave in peace and with a smile rather than to stay in the clan feeling like you'd never belong. You wanted to find a place that would accept you, a place that would love you just as you had loved the world. And maybe that'd take a while, not because of you, but because people had yet to understand of your true pure nature.

But ever since learning the fact that your former village had never liked you, Jungkook always wanted to protect you despite the position he was in. You became the keeper of the dragon, the keeper of him. You kept him company, spoke of stories after stories so that he didn't have to be alone in that cave, brought him food each morning, stole blankets to keep him warm, and risked your own life to help him escape so that he could return home.

The scar left upon your left chest, a scar that will always remain no matter how much time will pass, will always remind him of what you have done for him.

He felt so, so guilty. He loved you yet he felt so useless and unworthy of loving you. You saved him yet what had he done for you? He couldn't protect you from when his hyungs had once hated you to such an extent, he couldn't make you feel better when you were left trapped in the dungeons. It was Jimin who had helped you out. And he hadn't been there to protect you when you fell from that cliff along with Namjoon, left to only destroy himself over the fact that he couldn't do anything.

"Why can't I be the one to save her just as she had done for me?" Jungkook asked in a small weak voice and Namjoon's eyes fell.

You were always the one on the hurting end, the one to sacrifice your own happiness for someone else's.

"I want to save her too, hyung."

But would you let him?

"Oh, you're um, up early."

You looked over at the sound of Hoseok's voice and found the dragon flying just a few feet away, surprised you were up earlier than the sun. He looked like a beautiful creature from where you stood, golden eyes similar to that of Jungkook's, contrasting Seokjin who held the eyes of the moon.

You wondered what colors the others held.

"I can say the same thing to you, prince Hoseok."

He smiled with his head beckoning over towards the higher grounds of the mountain leading outside. "I'm in charge of the early patrol this morning, gotta be extra early to get ready. And you?"

You hesitated for a moment before replying. "I couldn't sleep well the night before."

"Why's that?" He asked and you gave a light shrug.

"I guess I had too much to think about last night."

Hoseok fell silent for a moment as he thought back to Jungkook who couldn't sleep as well because even the thought of you leaving had broken their youngest mate's heart. A part of him wanted to understand what the feelings were, but another part of him felt conflicted because he didn't understand.

And what about the others?

He could see it in Jimin, the soft care he had for you, taking in everything he learned about you and holding that dear to his heart. Seokjin grew a soft spot for you too, he could tell. He was no longer grumpy about having to take care of you and most days he'd willingly take over Taehyung's nursing for you when Namjoon wasn't in much of need. And Namjoon was beginning to care as well. After you saved him and he held you close while you finally broke down for the first time, you also became a soft spot for him.

The rest of them, him, Taehyung, and Yoongi had yet to figure it out but something told him it wasn't going to be hard.

"Thinking can be good but sometimes it gets a little overwhelming. Clear your mind, Y/N, be at peace." You stared at him with confusion as if you didn't know how to do that. A light chuckle escaped his lips. "I know a great way to take your mind off of things."

"What's that?"

"I'll show you," Hoseok offered. "It's right on the highest point of the mountain but don't worry, we don't have to venture any further than that." He could tell you were still afraid and in fear after the attack. "Want to come with me?"

You hesitated for a moment but then thinking about it, you guessed being left by yourself all the time wasn't at all a good thing and perhaps Hoseok would be able to get your mind off of things so you nodded at the prince. "May I?"

He smiled sweetly. "Climb on."

It was a little more difficult than not having someone else hold you while you got on a dragon's back but you made it towards the highest point of the mountain nonetheless.

When you got down from his back, you walked cautiously towards the edge of the mountain, staring in awe at the sight in front of you. It was as beautiful and exciting as when you were with Seokjin and it felt like you were on top of the world. The Earth was vast and fascinating in ways you could never find the right words to describe, but in your heart, you felt like owning it all.

The love and divine land of Earth.

From where you stood beside Hoseok who had already shifted back to his dragon form, your eyes could only focus on the sun breaking through the endless white clouds, its streaks stretching onto the vast land and gifting the earth with its mesmerizing bright yellow and orange rays.

"You're so lucky," you told the man beside you. He tilted his head just slightly and you answer his unspoken question. "The world is so much more beautiful when you're looking from the sky. I've always only lived looking at the Earth from the grounds and though it can be beautiful in its own way, it's nothing compared to this sight you get to witness everyday."

Hoseok smiled. "Having wings has its benefits," he said, nodding, "but it's nothing if you can't share it with the ones you love."

"Hence you are even more lucky for that."

Hoseok was silent for a moment, eyes only focused on the view in front of him but his mind consisted of you. "Where will you go, Y/N?" He asked and you look away from the view for a brief moment.

"I don't know," you admitted, "but the world is vast. I'm sure I'll belong somewhere."

"What if you belonged here?"

You smiled softly. "I wouldn't mind. But I'm a human."

"So what?"

"It's tiring, prince Hoseok."

He looked at you. "What's tiring?"

You sat yourself down on the ground and he followed, eyes never straying from you. "Everything, Hoseok," you told him. "I'm so tired."

And you did looked tired. Not like the tiredness where all you had to do was take a nice good rest — though that would be ideal too — but the kind of tiredness that left you deprived of energy and love. You were tired of keeping up, trying to prove to others of your worth, and a part of him knew that it was partly their fault.

You were just another person capable of anything they were, yet because of stigmas and the way dragons and humans didn't naturally get along, you were hated for a reason no one had yet to find out. You were kind and gentle, soft and sweet. You saved their youngest prince when you didn't have to. You betrayed your own kinds for a dragon that felt more human to you than anyone else you've met back in that village. Yet even after all that sacrifice, you still had to face discrimination and loneliness that you didn't deserve of.

"Come here," was what Hoseok said in response. You looked over at him with some confusion while he gestured for you to scoot in closer to him, patting at his lap. "Rest, Y/N."

You hesitated. "You're a prince."

"That's only a title," he insisted. "Now come."

You shifted towards him and slowly laid your head against his lap. Before long, you felt soft, long fingers running along your hair and the soothing touches were beginning to make your eyes droopy. Hoseok did that often to the younger ones when they felt uneasy and just needed time to stop everything and rest. He was used to it, to taking care of others when they needed it most and always being able to tell.

The two of you remained there in silence but you didn't mind it. There was no need for exchange of words, his actions alone told you that he wanted to make it better for you, to make things easier and that you could always rely on him if you needed.

Hoseok knew he should have already gotten ready for the morning patrol but right there in that moment with you, he also understood that it was far more important to keep you company. Maybe the others will be alarmed when they figured their patrol leader wasn't going to show up, or find you missing from the medicine nest. But for the time being, all he cared about was letting you have your rest.

"Is Y/N with you?" Taehyung asked the moment Jungkook flew in and transformed himself back into a human.

The maknae's brows furrowed with alarm. "Why would she be with me? Where is she?"

"I-I don't know," the older man quickly began to panic. "I thought that if she wasn't here, the first option would be that she'd be with you."

"Have you checked with the others?"

"No."

"Hoseok's missing too. He hasn't shown up to the morning patrol," Jungkook quickly informed before returning to his dragon form and flying out.

Taehyung spat out a curse as he followed his younger mate from just behind, both heading towards the castle to see if the others had seen the two of you. Yet when they both realized that the others had also not seen you nor Hoseok around, it only worried them further.

"Maybe they're out together," Jimin tried to suggest.

"That early?"

He shrugged when Jungkook doubted.

"He's supposed to be out for the morning patrol."

"Maybe it was an emergency and Y/N needed some fresh air, let's not panic alright?" Namjoon said, stepping up to try and calm things down.

"Hoseok won't leave the mountain right before a patrol even for something like that," Yoongi pointed out as he thought about it. He knew Hoseok a little more than the rest because they grew up together, as close as soulmates could be. Kind of similar to the relationship between Jimin and Taehyung.

So he also shared something with Hoseok, a place they often went to when they needed to take a break — or in this case, for you to take a break.

Perhaps Hoseok had brought you there.

"You look like you know where they might be," Seokjin interpreted and with a light nod and a glance Jimin's way, he sped off in his dragon form.

"I thought you might be here," Yoongi noted the second he flew down and returned to his human form, finding you lying against Hoseok's lap. He kept his voice low (though it wasn't with much effort because Yoongi was usually quiet), and looked at the two of you. "Is she alright?" He asked and Hoseok shrugged lightly.

"She's tired," he stated. "Tired of many things."

"I would be too," Yoongi nodded. "It's surprising she's held on for this long."

"She's used to it, I guess." Hoseok's eyes fell down to your form, watching you with a soft gaze as you breathed in with a slow pace, clearly deep in the sleep that you needed. "It's sad, isn't it? Knowing that we were one of the reasons to cause her distress?"

"We can change, Hoseok," Yoongi told him, "it isn't too late."

It wasn't too late.

Nothing was ever too late, for Yoongi knew that it was better to be late than never so when Hoseok looked up and their eyes met, a mutual gaze of understanding tied them together like soulmates and Hoseok smiled.

"You set off a panic, by the way."

He raised a brow. "Did I now?"

Yoongi chuckled and Hoseok joined in just imagining the maknae line worrying over nothing too serious. "You can apologize later, just head to your morning patrol. I'll take Y/N back," Yoongi offered and when Hoseok nodded, the older man kneeled down next to you, joining Hoseok in waking you up.

"Hey, little one," the younger one cooed as he lightly brushed his finger against the tip of your nose. Your face scrunched up cutely and they chuckled at your little whines of protest. "Time to wake up."

You opened an eye, frowning with an adorable pout. "You can sleep some more when we return to the nest," Yoongi informed and you look between him and Hoseok in confusion. "Hoseok has a morning patrol," he answered your unspoken question.

"I'll be back, don't worry."

Why did everything feel so soft all of a sudden?

Just minutes before when Hoseok had first approached you you weren't feeling all that great, thoughts running all over the place while your heart weighed heavily against your chest. Everything felt overwhelming but now? With both Yoongi and Hoseok there, something about their presence made it better.

You couldn't pinpoint why but you liked it. A lot.

"Come on," Yoongi encouraged and picked you up in his arms. Still sort of half asleep, you took advantage of your hazy thoughts to snuggle in close to him.

It felt wrong yet so right at the same time and Yoongi only held you closer. You couldn't remember ever seeing Yoongi acting gentle towards you before but it was fine. More than fine. And you liked it.

Liked it a lot.

And when he brought you back, the only thing you could remember — besides his gentle hold — was the bright moon that held his dragon eyes.

"They're going to love you so much!"

When you asked Taehyung to meet the whelps, he had been so excited to let you visit the nursery nest where all the baby dragons resided, yet there was one thing he was certainly not prepared for.

The overwhelming cuteness overload due to the combination of you and the babies.

All you did was say hi to a little baby dragon just four years of age and the next thing you knew, the remaining whelps were quick to surround you at all sides and Taehyung watched from the sideline, watched your soft smile that grew so bright and brilliant as the babies all asked for you to pick them up because they've never seen someone as pretty as you before.

He stood there by himself leaning against the entryway, not minding the peace he was finally given because the babies did adored him too, and now that they had someone else to play with, his presence was nothing more than invisible because of you.

But he was happy to just stand there and watch.

You looked so happy and soft, being so gentle and sweet towards the babies that he couldn't help but feel butterflies fluttering in his tummy just watching you surrounded by them. He never knew he'd love it that much but he did.

It was only when a little one tried to climb on you and accidentally touched the shoulder that was still in the process of healing did Taehyung finally step in to make his presence known. You were too kind to push the little one away but he heard you wince.

"Careful with her," he warned in a gentle chiding voice and everyone looked up with exciting eyes at the familiar caregiver of the whelps. But Taehyung paid no mind to them just yet as he walked over to carry the little baby that was hoping to grab your attention by climbing on top of you. He met your eyes with a soft concerning gaze. "You okay?"

Before you could give him an answer, the whelps were already bombarding the two of you with questions filled with concerns, worrying for you.

"Is noona alright?"

"What happened?"

"Did someone hurt her?"

You gave out a soft chuckle as you shook your head lightly. "I'm alright, I'm alright," you assured them all.

"But you little ones have to be careful around her, okay?" Taehyung chided softly again with pointed fingers going around at each of them. "She heroically saved Namjoon and hurt herself so she needs time to heal. Her shoulder is injured."

Their mouths gaped, eyes widened, and their wings and tails flipped around with excitement just from hearing what Taehyung had just said.

"You saved our leader?"

"You saved prince Namjoon?"

"Wow, noona is so cool!"

"How-?"

"When?"

"I didn't..-" you cleared your throat as you sent Taehyung a pout to his exaggeration, embarrassed for yourself now. But he only giggled. "I didn't save him," you emphasized to the little ones.

"She's being too humble."

"What? No, I-"

"So no matter what she says, just know that Y/N is pretty and kind and if someone ever bullies her, you have to be the big and mighty dragons you are to protect her okay?" He instructed them all and when you try to protest again, a little dragoness, the one who Taehyung had picked up to rest against his hold, spoke up before you can.

"But I'm not big and mighty," she said to the prince with cute pouting eyes as if disappointed she wouldn't be able to protect you when the time ever came. "I wanna protect unnie."

How cute they were to already have such a bond with you even though it hadn't even been a day. But Taehyung was fond of it and wanted to take advantage of it, so he gave her a sweet smile before poking at her little nose. "You are strong and courageous and if the prince says you are mighty enough to protect someone else then you believe his words without a doubt," he told her then turned to the rest to echo the same thing to the doubtful ones and you watched him with a gentle gaze.

He had the sun in his eyes as a dragon, like Jungkook and Hoseok, but as a human, they all shared the night sky and you couldn't help but wonder why it was so fascinating to you.

But you had to shake the thoughts away as the children brought your attention back on them, their eager selves declaring to protect you just as Taehyung had told them to.

It was wonderful, and Taehyung was right when he said that no one was born with hate. At first you had been afraid of visiting the little ones that would soon make fine warriors for the clan some day. You were afraid that they wouldn't accept you just as the older dragons.

But being there and finding yourself surrounded with love and laughter, your heart began to warm up and glow a beautiful sunlight's ray.

It felt nice for once, to not have to worry about judgement and needing to prove yourself to be accepted. Children always brought out the best in others because they were all born with love and only had love to share. They were too innocent to understand the evil part of the world, where hate and beliefs in society separated others and you were so happy for that.

Perhaps it wasn't all so bad, being there in the clan.

The prince's have all seemed to warm up to you, being much kinder than they were previously, and now you had admirers who wished to see you again the next day and other days to come.

"I'm telling you, the goblin is kind and sweet and handsome."

"Goblins can't-"

"You've never seen a goblin so you can't tell me what they should look like," you were quick to cut Jungkook off when he tried to tell you otherwise, a scolding expression on your face while he remained stubborn.

The four of you sat around in a circle where you resided, the three maknae dragon princes awaiting to hear one of your many stories, yet it was cut off too soon by Jungkook.

"You've never seen a goblin so you can't just say that they're nice and good looking," he countered. "No stories have ever said that they were nice and good looking."

"But this is my story, you can't base your facts off myths and fairytales," you pointed out a little more agressively as the argument began to rise and Jimin and Taehyung looked at one another, laughing silently. "What if myths and fairytales went on about dragons being ugly creatures and that they are nothing but mean and vicious?"

Jungkook frowned as he rolled his eyes. "There are already stories that base the facts off those ones."

"Exactly!" You argued. "You see how that's wrong? You can't just discriminate another creature just because you've been hearing the same rude things about them over and over again in stories and folktales. Their feelings could get hurt, you know."

The dragons laughed at how cute you were being. "So that's why your goblin is nice and handsome?" Jimin asked.

"Mmn!" You nodded without hesitation. "So stop interrupting me, Jungkook, because I really like this story. Father told me about it."

He settled down upon hearing the last sentence with a soft gaze. "Your father?"

Your smile grew just thinking back on it. "It was mother's favorite story. But he made the goblin ugly and I didn't like that so I changed that part of the story."

"Alright then," Taehyung leaned back to settle himself with a soft smile, "proceed."

"Right. As I was saying," you cleared your throat to begin the story again, hoping there will be no interrupting this time. "This story is about a handsome goblin, the goblin's bride, and a handsome grim reaper."

"Grim reapers-"

"Jungkook!"

The man could only laugh when you, Jimin, and Taehyung all shouted at him for interrupting you.

He loved it though, that moment right there, upon the lighthearted night that became a supposed sleepover with you returning to your beautiful glow. But he knew that right then and there was a much better time than when you were back in your village.

Your smile was genuine, everything felt genuine, even when you pouted and scolded at him for trying to interrupt. The memories of the cold nights in that dungeon made him shiver a little but he was glad for it, glad to have wondered off and gotten caught. After all, everything happened for a reason.

He met you. You became his light admist the night and set him free.

And even though not everything had been great when you came to his clan and you had to suffer for so long, being there in that moment while he stared at you telling your story with an intense passion, Jungkook wanted to believe that everything previous had all been worth it.

Because Jimin and Taehyung had joined him, wanting to hear your stories as well. And the other hyungs have gotten closer to you as well, smiling rather than giving you the glares like before. The clan had even began to warm up and the whelps loved you.

And you were smiling.

Genuinely.

He wanted to say that it was all worth it. That it was enough to convince you to stay.

He wanted you to stay.

"Tired?"

Seokjin didn't have to ask to understand that you were tired because just watching you from where you sat helping him with his herbal remedies made sense with the way your head kept dropping and eyes kept drooping.

"We ought to keep an eye out for you little ones when you have your game times," he chuckled.

"We weren't playing games," you told him with a big yawn. "They were just listening to me while I told them my stories and we lost track of time because they were that good."

"Really?" He grinned and you hummed with pride. "Then I think the whelps would love that, wouldn't they?"

"Would they?" You asked with interest, head perked up at just the suggestion alone.

"Everyone enjoys stories, Y/N," Seokjin said, "especially the little dragons. You should go to the roosts and surprise them with your presence, Taehyung told us they really love you."

A light hint of blush formed around your cheeks upon hearing Taehyung telling them about you and the little ones. "But..what about you?" You asked.

Seokjin turned around, tilting his head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I like helping you out in the medicine nests but if I were to head to the roosts, won't that make you lonely?" You pointed out. "Taehyung has the whelps to keep him company, who will you have if I'm not here?"

It was so cute the way you were thoughtful for even just that and the eldest of the prince found himself smiling softly at your consideration. "No worries," he brushed it off lightly, "it is a much harder task trying to keep young dragons in line. Training them to one day become an apprentice of a warrior is not a task for just anyone and I think you have the gift of taking care of the little ones. We need that in our clan, you know."

He hoped it wasn't too straightforward but just enough to try and subtly tell you that he wanted you to stay with them in the clan. If you ever wanted to leave on your own accord then he hoped it would be because you just didn't feel it was your rightful home rather than because you just didn't feel needed.

And it wasn't just because his little maknae wanted you to stay and he wanted to make him happy, but it was also because Seokjin genuinely wanted you to remain in the clan.

He'd have a talk with Namjoon about it later on.

"You think I'm perfect for the job?" You asked him and he nodded.

"I know it."

"But being a healer isn't just for anyone either, you know," you told him. "Not everyone can listen well and do the tasks you tell them to do. Can't I do both?"

Seokjin chuckled. You were just too kind for your own good. "Maybe we can squeeze both in your schedule."

You sent him a bright smile that almost blinded him. "We sure can! I'll make sure of it. I'll help both you and Taehyung with no problems you won't have to worry about a thing."

Seokjin was ruined.

So, so ruined.

"Should we build bridges?" You looked up at Yoongi with a confused gaze but he went on. "Should I ask Namjoon if we should set up bridges to connect the nests together?"

"Bridges?" You asked.

"You know," he said, "so that it'd be easier for you to walk around rather than taking the long way around, traveling back and forth between the medicine nest and the roosts."

You eyed him carefully for a moment. You hadn't even started the jobs side by side and yet he already knew. "How often do you guys discuss about me?"

More often than we should, Yoongi wanted to say but he knew that wasn't appropriate just yet. Him and the guys have found themselves always talking about you whenever there was an opportunity, whenever discussions about the clans were over and the topic would almost immediately turn to you.

"I'm just saying," he shrugged off the thought, "it'd be a lot faster and efficient."

Yet you shook your head. "Don't bother. Building bridges would mean taking a few warriors out of their tasks and besides, I..."

You trailed off and Yoongi watched you.

"What?" He queried before stating bluntly, "still thinking about leaving?"

You could only shrug at his question before changing the subject. "Anyways, prince Seokjin asked me to collect some herbs for him and since I don't have wings like you guys, I came to you."

"To me?" He raised a brow, slight amusement falling upon his face.

"The patrols have already gone so I couldn't ask them to pick up some herbs or ask for a ride, prince Jimin has to keep watch of the dungeons, prince Taehyung has to watch the little ones, and prince Namjoon and prince Seojin are busy on their own."

"So you just assumed I wasn't busy myself?"

"No, I-" you stuttered to defend yourself, "I didn't mean that. I just didn't know who else to turn to. I'm not really used to the other dragons but if you're busy then-"

"I'm kidding, Y/N," he cut you off with a light chuckle, amused by your presence alone. "I'm free for an hour, no worries," he said as he stood up from where he was lying, stretching his limbs with a big yawn before jumping off to transform into the dragon he was. "Climb on," he beckoned and you smiled, jumping onto his back without hesitation unlike the first few times you've climbed onto a dragon's back, and the two of you rode the wind.

The sky felt safer that time around with no worries about another clan trying to invade your space because they had already been dealt with.

It always felt nice riding the back of a dragon that made you feel safe, as if you owned all of the lands and skies. You would have never imagined yourself feeling so free at that moment right there. Things were beginning to look up, the happiness and freedom blooming in your chest, warming your heart.

Yoongi had once been so cruel and coldhearted. They all were. But eventually they found themselves on the wrong side and decided to change their ways.

There was no need for apologies. Words were only empty thoughts unless actions were done about it. And they showed you through their acceptance and smiles that they were sorry for what they've said and done and that was all you needed.

But a part of you was still unsure about where you belonged.

Did you belonged with the dragons? Or was your fate to roam around the Earth, traveling on your own and seeking new discoveries and wonders?

You didn't know yet but sitting there on the back on Yoongi, you know you wouldn't mind it if your fate belonged with the dragons. After all, it wasn't just the princes that had begun to accept you, but the clan itself was beginning to warm up to you.

Seeing you with their young ones, the whelps who were all fond of you and took great pride in their vow of protecting you, or the way you'd go out of your way helping Seokjin out with his medicinal remedies as the prince had once been left alone to deal with the task, you thought of it as them beginning to see your true heart.

And you hoped you weren't wrong.

"Go on, I'll wait for you here."

With a basket in hand, you took off on your own while the dragon prince settled himself on the grounds of the forest, resting in his dragon form and closing his eyes.

You chuckled at Yoongi's typical drowsy self before going on to search for the herbs Seokjin had asked you to.

It took about a good twenty minutes to fill up your basket halfway yet just as you were about to search for some more feverfew, the voices of humans was what caused you to freeze up. It wasn't the fact that they were human, why would you be afraid of that when you were a human yourself? And you knew Yoongi could take care of himself if they were to ever catch him.

No.

It was so much more than that.

Because those voices? Especially the one that was loud and clear and held a sickening humor that brought chills down your spine, memories of the night you saved Jungkook and tried to run away with him came spiraling back almost instantly.

The angry voices of the villagers echoed in your ears, the arrow that had pierced against your chest, the scar still there and would never go away.

It was as if fate was playing with you, the same once fading memories returning to your side clear as a crystal just as you had taken a step forward into the world. Only for it to force you back to where you had once came from.

He took a step forward and you trembled in fear as you took two steps back, realizing who it was.

Jinyoung.

It was Jinyoung.

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myhauntedsalem · 3 years

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13 True Horror Stories from the Psychiatric Ward that Will Give You the Creeps

Death, illness and tragedy have long been part of the history of insane asylums, and for as long as they have existed, so too have the scary stories associated with them. From haunted hospitals to sadistic doctors and nurses, psychiatric wards have been the inspiration for many of our favorite horror movies and books. Yet, the true stories told by the psych ward workers below far surpass any horrors that we might have seen at the cinema or read in a book.

Without further ado, here are thirteen of some of the creepiest psych ward stories on the internet that have been shared by health care professionals.

1. Holding her own Eyes

My mom told me this story from her time at a neuropsychiatric ward while she was in grad school. She was making her routine room checks and happened upon the most horrific scene I’ve ever heard.

This was during the night shift, and generally, all the patients’ bedroom doors should be closed. So my mom turned a corner and noticed an open door. She saw a staff member’s legs on the floor, halfway out the doorway.

When she looked into the room, she saw the patient, a woman with a severe postpartum psychiatric disorder, who had just gouged both of her own eyes out with her bare hands. She was sitting cross-legged on the floor, holding her eyes in her hands.

The first staff member to witness the scene, who was now lying face down on the floor, had a heart attack when he first witnessed the woman while he was making his rounds.

My mom screamed for help and frantically tried to perform CPR on the staff member. All the while, the woman just sat rather calmly, holding her own eyes.

2. The Saw

I work as a psychotherapist in a hospital system. My definition of creepy is probably quite a bit different from other medical professionals.

The one that got to me the most was a patient who came to us after attempting suicide by sawing both his arms off at the forearm with a table saw. His arms were reattached, fairly successfully too, with only limited impairments in mobility. All I could think was how bad it would have to be to live in his head that sawing his arms off seemed better than that.

He has since completed suicide.

3. Jane?

We had a young lady in our custody with quite a few issues. We’ll call her Jane. Jane’s first night at our facility staff doing a bed check found Jane in a puddle of blood. Turns out Jane had been slicing the skin around her shin with her finger nails and was pulling her skin up her leg, essentially de-gloving her calf.

Jane also had a ritual she performed every night before bed. While in her room she would run between walls in her room touching them in a crucifix pattern. After doing this for a few hours she would sit on her bed and go to sleep. This particular night Jane was frantic in her pace, practically running between walls. Our night staff observed the entire interaction and reported Jane screaming late into the night. When the staff went to check on Jane she reported Jane standing in the doorway smiling. The staff asked what was wrong and Jane replied, “what makes you think you are speaking to Jane?”

4. The Vampire

My mom worked in mental institutions in her younger years (and actually worked at a large, well-known asylum before it was shut down.)

There was one woman there that thought she was a vampire of sorts. She was only allowed out one hour a day, and they had to use safety precautions. She had already attacked and killed at least one hospital worker before these were enacted.

When my Mom asked about her, it was revealed that she had killed at least two of her children, wounded another as well as her husband because she had some sort of physical condition called Porphyria, which apparently made her crave blood.

By the time that they discovered there was something physically wrong with her, she already had lost her mind from guilt and grief.

5. The Spitter

I’m not a psychologist but my friend is. She told me about a patient of hers who was HIV positive and a paranoid schizophrenic. He thought that the nurses who worked at the hospital he was in were trying to kill him, so he would frequently bite his tongue, and spit HIV positive blood into their faces/mouths. When they had to come into contact with him, they were required to wear full masks and gloves.

6. The Only One

I once knew a woman who had spent part of her residency at a psychiatric hospital for people with severe mental conditions. Apparently, the grounds had a lovely, enclosed greenhouse. One day, one of their schizophrenic patients was sitting on a bench, smoking a cigarette, as a heron frantically flew around. It had found its way in and, not being able to escape, it was smashing into the large panes of glass. The man just sat there watching.

Finally, my counselor asked him if the bird was bothering him and he kind of sighed and said, “Thank god, I thought I was the only one seeing that.”

7. Family Photographs

My sister is the director of a psychiatric hospital. There was recently a lady there who would cut her arms, legs and torso open and place photographs of her family under her skin.

8. Under the Bed

Once, a fellow female patient told me she found writings under her bed. They were just old, small wooden bed frames with hard mattresses that would make all kinds of noises when you rolled over, but I still wondered what exactly she was doing lying under her bed to find these writings.

When she first told me, I thought it was a joke. But sure enough, one day during group we managed to sneak away, and she showed me. Indeed, there were stories written under her bed. After that, we had everyone check under their own beds, and there was more writing under every single bed.

They were stories of patients who had stayed here before, or ways they were planning on killing themselves, or who the good and bad nurses were. It creeped me out.

9. Time of Death

Well, my mother was a nurse that specialized in geriatrics, and she worked for several hospice hospitals for many years. She often described situations at her work with several of the patients. She would say that each person tends to have a very similar “checklist” that they follow right before death. This checklist often ended in a very similar way.

They would get caught talking to someone that wasn’t there. When asked who they (otherwise lucid people) were talking to, they would describe an individual who was already dead. When asked what they were talking about, they would say that their relative wanted to know if they were ready to move on. A pretty common response would be, “Yeah, he/she said that she will take me tomorrow at 3:00.” Well, it would often happen that they would die at the exact time their relatives quoted.

10. The Test Subject

I had an hour-long conversion with a delusional guy who was confined to a mental health facility, and who was probably smarter than I am. Lots of these folks believe that somebody – often the CIA – is either beaming thoughts into their heads, or has implanted a microchip in their brains for this purpose. This guy was offering a very thoughtful argument as to why such claims should not be so quickly dismissed.

“It’s precisely because such delusions are so common that mental patients make the best test subjects,” he said. There he was, confined and protected, constantly observed, his health and behavior documented, and there is zero chance that anyone would ever take his concerns seriously. How else would you test and improve such technology? Does the government not have a strong motivation and a plausible ability to create such a device?

“You can see I’m not irrational,” the man said. “I’m just straight-up telling you that they are doing this to me. I know just how unbelievable it sounds, and yet, here I am.”

11. The Boy who Loved Knives

As a tech in psych years ago, there was a 7-year-old kid sent to the floor because the mom didn’t know what to do with him. Sadly, common thing to happen, even if the kids don’t have psych issues. Anyway, the mom was shaking and crying, and they had to take the kid into another room. She was genuinely afraid of her own son. She had suspected something was wrong when she kept finding mutilated animals in the backyard, but never heard or saw coyotes or anything around. The neighbors smaller pets started disappearing. The boy had an obsession with knives, hiding them around the house. Denying anything when the mom confronted him. Then when the two started getting into arguments, he would get really violent and hit her, push her down and kick her, threaten to kill her. On multiple occasions she woke up in the middle of the night with him standing beside her bed, staring her in the face. She put extra locks on her bedroom door to feel safe while she slept. The last straw was when she lifted up his mattress and found 50+ knives of all shapes and sizes under there. So she brought him to us.

I remember talking to him, treating him like he was just any other kid that came through. He seemed remarkably normal, until you spoke directly to him. He had this way of looking right through you, or maybe like he didn’t see you at all while you were speaking.

He would respond like a robot, like he was just saying words because that’s what we wanted to hear. And he would always put on this creepy, dead-looking smile. Like all mouth and no eye involvement in the smile. Especially when he would get away with something, like taking another kid’s markers and they couldn’t figure it out. Still gives me chills laying here thinking about him.

I believe I met a 7-year-old psychopath.

12. The New Mom

I was a pharmacy technician at a hospital with a psych ward for some time. We would have to go around with a cart and dispense the patients’ medications, and being a 5’2″ girl, a security guard or male nurse would accompany me, just as a precaution. I never had any real issues other than the occasional death grip onto my arm or manic outbursts, but there was one boy who was entirely different.

His chart said he was nine and he had pale skin, dark hair, and huge bright, green eyes. He always greeted me in the most polite way, asked how I was doing, and always found something different to compliment me on every time. He was extremely well-spoken and mature for his age, so I began looking forward to seeing him, as normal small talk is definitely cherished in that setting. If he saw me outside of his room in the halls, he made sure to say hello and always called me “Miss Jones” or “ma’am.”

One day, a couple of our female nurses saw me pause to chat with him in the hallway, and waved me over to ask if I was out of my mind. Apparently, when he was in kindergarten, he grew an intense attachment to his young female teacher.

This escalated to the point of him calling her “Mom” and leaving notes for her about how he wished he were her son. He had a normal home-life with both parents, and the teacher tried to explain to him that she couldn’t be his mom because that would hurt his real mother’s feelings, and that she already had that job covered.

So, he went home and, killed his own mother in her sleep by cutting her throat, so his teacher could be his mom. The female staff had a general rule of not interacting with him excessively to prevent any kind of attachment from forming.

13. Bugs

Nothing I can say can possibly describe the year I worked in Psychiatric Intensive Care. Creepy isn’t the thing that comes to mind when I think back on it…more heartbreaking and horrifying. But creepiness was a part of it. Especially evening and night shifts, naturally.

There is always something disturbing about watching someone while they hallucinate. You can tell it is 100% real to them, and something about that makes you believe it, on some level. A lot of stories end with, “and of course, I had to look over my shoulder to make sure”. You see the emotions it brings out.

There was a woman that came in and sat down across the table from me for her admission interview. She had bandages all over her arms and scotch tape over her mouth and ears. She looked very uncomfortable and wouldn’t really sit still. When the nurse would ask her a question, she would peel the corner of the tape back and answer, then stick the tape back on really fast.

We eventually found out that she saw and felt bugs crawling all over her, and they were trying to get inside her body. The tape was to keep the bugs out. The bandages were because some bugs got in and she had to dig them out. She couldn’t sit still because she felt the bugs all over her even while we sat and talked. The worst part was, she had some idea that it was her mind playing tricks on her. Can you imagine going through your life, feeling like someone is continuously dumping buckets of cockroaches on your head, feeling like they’re all over you and getting inside of you to the point that you’re digging chunks out of your flesh in a panic, all while knowing intellectually that none of it is real?

#13 True Horror Stories from the Psychiatric Ward that Will Give You the Creeps #shared stories #paranormal #ghost and spirits #ghost and hauntings #haunted salem #myhauntedsalem

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