#this made me mentally ill ❤️ i hope you like it anon | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

inlovewithpandora · 8 months

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- Let Me In -

Pairing: Hobie x fem!Spider!reader

Request: [ 🎸 anon ] Hello! I have a request for a Hobie x reader:) | If you are okay with it (it's ok if not!) can you do a comfort fic where reader is struggling with suicidal thoughts + self harm and they haven't really been taking care of themselves properly and is just always thinking they shouldn't be alive ect. Then one day Hobie comes to their house through their bedroom window (who needs doors?) but he finds them in their bathroom abt to self harm and comforts them.

Synopsis: Being Spiderwoman hasn't been an easy task for you. The sacrifice, dedication, and having to turn your life upside down to accommodate your powers was making living day to day difficult for you so you begin to wonder if you should take matters into your own hands and end your suffering.

Content: Angst, hurt/comfort, suicidal thoughts, act of self-harm (and lightly descriptive) mention of blood, mention of scars and wounds, crying, reader struggling with depression/illness, Hobie comforting reader and being there for her

If any of the content above makes you uncomfortable please DNI!!!

Author’s Note: Thank you for sending this req in! I hope you enjoy and that it meets your expectations! This was a really good request and I enjoyed writing it even though my heart was breaking for reader. Let me know what you think by sending an anonymous ask or comment if you feel comfortable!

Word Count: 1.1k

Extra: Requests are open! Please read rules before requesting! || Likes, comments, and reblogs are highly appreciated❤️! Links: Navigation || Atsv Masterlist || Main Masterlist || Taglist

As you sit on the rim of your bathtub, you couldn’t help but look at your reflection in the mirror. Your hair was scattered across your head, your eyes were sunken and puffy, and your body was covered with old battle wounds from fighting different evils of the universe, but the most fresh scars were the ones that adorned your arms.

Being Spiderwoman hasn't been an easy task for you. The sacrifice, dedication, and having to turn your life upside down to accommodate your powers were making living day to day difficult for you. Coming home with fresh wounds every night began to take a physical and mental toll on your health. The stress and pressure of protecting the city of Brooklyn was starting to become too much. You wanted to talk to Hobie, but you didn’t want to worry him with your problems, so you decided to keep your feelings bottled up which made you resort to self-harm, hoping to release some of your tension and finally feel a sense of relief.

The more you began to cut, the more you distanced yourself from the world. You haven’t been to HQ, spending time with your friends, and most importantly you haven’t talked to Hobie in almost a week. Your new way of spending your time was cooped up in your apartment, drowning in your sorrows.

It has gotten to the point where your pain became so insufferable that you began to think if living was worthwhile anymore. You couldn’t go on like this, dealing with the weight of being Spiderwoman on your shoulders. Thinking about putting yourself in the face of danger and praying that you didn’t get severely injured or even worse: ending up plummeting to your death.

You felt like if you were going to do that, you might as well leave the world on your own terms, the way you thought would be appropriate. Were you currently thinking clearly? No. This was the illness talking. The older, happier version of yourself would never even let thoughts like this cross her mind, but now… now it was too late. This was the only way to make that dark cloud that hung over your head move away.

Hobie has been worried about you. The only time he talks to you now is through text and when he finds a way to get a hold of you, the conversations were dry, so he can’t even get a true feeling to see how you’re doing.

When he finishes his patrol duties, he decides to swing by your apartment, just to make sure you’re okay. Once he’s outside your window, he opens it slowly and climbs inside. When his feet hit the floor, he turns around and closes the window behind him, then tries to figure out where you are.

As his eyes scan the room, he locates the sound of sobs from the bathroom which alerted him, thinking you got hurt from slipping in the shower or something of that sort. When he reaches the bathroom door, he peeps his head inside, which reveals you with tears pouring down your cheeks while you run a razor across your skin. As Hobie watches the blood trickle down your arm and drip onto your marble floor, his stomach churns and his heart breaks at the scene unraveling in from him.

As you raise the sharp object again, almost pressing it deep into your arm, Hobie barges in, not being able to watch you hurt yourself any longer. When the door widens and you see him looking at you with a concerned and worried expression, you drop the razor, pull your jacket sleeves down, and rush over to the other side of the bathroom.

“Leave, Hobie.” You turn your back towards him, not wanting him to see how you’ve completely let yourself go. This isn’t how you wanted your reunion with him to go, you cutting and him bearing witness, having to see you in such a distraught state, but there’s nothing you can do about it now.

Hobie walks up to you, attempting to wrap his arms around, but you swat them away as more tears fill your eyes. “Hobie, I said leave! I don’t want you here! I-I don’t want you to see me!” As you attempt to raise your voice, it begins to crack due to the sob trying to make an appearance.

“Love, please,” Hobie's heart gets so heavy with each moment. He didn’t know you were doing this, he never knew that you had a burden so heavy that you had to resort to this method to find a sense of peace. At this moment, all he wants to do is be here for you and help as much as he can provide.

He gently places his arm on your shoulder, hoping you would turn around and face him. “Let me in, allow me to help you. I promise I won’t judge. I-I just want to help you, please.” The sincerity in his voice soothes you enough to turn around and face him. Without wasting another second, you run into his arms and begin to cry into his chest. Hobie immediately embraces you, wrapping his arms around you to make you feel secure and comfortable, to let you know that he is here specifically to comfort you.

“It’s okay love, let it all out. I’m here for you now. I’m gonna help you through this.” He kisses your head softly as he rubs your back, continuing to comfort you with sweet and reassuring words, letting you know that he’ll never leave your side no matter what.

Once your cries begin to lessen and you begin to calm down, you and Hobie sit down together. “I know you probably don’t wanna talk right now and that’s fine. I don’t want to push you into anything you’re not comfortable with, but I want to let you know that you don’t have to go through this alone. I will forever stand by your side through thick and thin, good and bad. No matter what, I will always love you and that’ll never change.” At this moment, you are so thankful for Hobie. He didn’t freak out on you, shame you, or force you to do anything which you appreciated. Knowing that Hobie saw you at your lowest and still accepted you meant the world to you.

“Thank you, Hobie.” You speak softly as you look up at him with glistening eyes, new tears ready to be shed, but this time they are tears of joy that you had someone like Hobie to lean on.

“Of course, now let’s clean up these cuts and then for the rest of the day, it’s just me and you.��

I hope you enjoyed❤️!

Previous Fic

Editor - @justmemyselfandthemoon

Taglist: @inspace1 @phoenixx69 @savagemickey03 @soilmayo @liyahsocorro @baizzhu @solanawrld @onlyloaksgf @popeheywardssecretgf @number1gal @taylormarieee @toneystank-3000 @h3art-l3ss @spidersthetic @mellagzz @em-x0

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anxious-witch · 2 months

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This post specifically goes for my mutuals/followers who have been struggling lately. I see you and I don't always have something encouraging to reply, but if you have been feeling down recently, I hope this will help.

TW for mental health talk, mentions of suicide (this is an encouraging post, but please don't read further if anything of the sort might trigger you. Keeping your mental health intact is more important ❤️)

It's so very easy to get in the spiral of "I am not doing enough, all these people that I love would be better off without me". And convincing yourself those same people would forget you and move on quickly.

It's not true. I understand the sentiment, I really, really do. I used to fully believe that myself. But that's a lie. Mental illness reshapes the way we think and perceive things. And our brain and wired to remember bad things more than good ones. But when you'd write down everything that happened every day, I'd honestly be surprised if all of it was bad. Of course there are bad days, but even then, depression tend to focus on things you did wrong instead of those you did right.

But I am here to talk about the fact that I'd miss you if you were gone, too. Which seems ridiculous. "Rio, you follow 1000 blogs, you wouldn't notice". *loud incorrect buzzer* wrong! I would notice. As long as we ever interacted, as long as you liked and/or reblogged my posts, I'd notice.

When someone gets busy and I don't see them in my notes for over a week, I hope they are okay and just doing something more fun irl. I am not always great at remembering usernames, but as soon as they like one of my posts again I'm like yes!! They are back! I am glad you are okay!

"But I don't even contribute to the fandom!" No? Do you think creating content is the only way to contribute? Even just lurking and liking stuff counts. And I know some of you send really lovely anon messages that have made my day more than once. It DOES matter. Notes help other people as encouragement to keep posting. That absolutely counts.

"We barely post about the same fandom anymore" ah! But I still see you! I have a mutual that I have been following since 2016-2017, I believe. I have no idea what the hell he posts about these days. I can't rven accurately tell you why I originally followed him in the first place, it was either LOTR or Twilight, but fuck if I remember, because neither of hs posts about it!

And I still care. Because his journey ended up helping me. Seeing people's posts about their little achievements always makes my day. And even if you don't feel like you achieved anything in awhile, that doesn't mean you won't in the future. My point is, you are loved more than you know.

And this is only about online stuff. People notice when you walk down the street. Maybe someone likes your hair, or some detail of your outfit. Maybe someone saw you feed a stray and thought how nice you are. Maybe someone takes the same public transport as you every day and takes comfort in the fact you share the same path, if only for a few minutes.

This tumblr post perfectly described it, actually:

So please, if not for your own sake, for the sake of all the people who love you silently, keep going. It will get better. You might be just a bit further away from getting better. But you won't know unless you keep going.

So let's find out together, shall we?

#rio rambles #mental health #tw suicide mention #I think I might be getting way to ahead of myself #but I have seen posts and heard second hand about a lot of ppl struggling rn #so if this makes even one person feel a bit better it's worth posting

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fatuismooches · 8 months

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SMOOOCHES!!! Hii cutie!!໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა

So we all agree fragile!reader was in a coma for centuries, right? And obviously time waits for nobody. And that included Zandik. So when you do wake up, you realize he’s changed, both physically and mentally. Sure there’s still some remnant of the same grumpy Zandik you knew back in the Akademiya. But it’s almost like you don’t recognize your own lover…there’s just so much angst potential with this idea 😭 because you missed out on so much precious time with him and now he’s more mature. While you’re just stuck being the same old you. I’m sure fragile!reader definitely cries at night blaming themselves for their illness (I know you already wrote a fanfic like this where the clones catch fragile!reader crying !!) and for missing so much precious time with their only loved one. :( but I hope you’re well!! I love u sm I’m sorry if I’m a little inactive brainrots are being slow ;; but I love you so much!!

-from your dear boo boo bear 🎐 anon ౨ৎ

HI 🎐 ANON!! MY LOVE 🥰🥰 I am doing well, just a bit stressed with school but I've expected that 😅 And don't worry about it, just take care of yourself, I'll happily wait however long for your brainrots or whenever you want to pop in ❤️ Love u more!!

AND GOD THIS JUST MADE ME WAY MORE SAD 😭 I didn’t even intend for that brainrot to be angsty but OMG… I LOVE THIS. Fragile reader would be so confused for a bit as to why their Zandik wasn't all annoyed and scowling like he used to be. He doesn't seem to be bothered much by your hassling anymore... simply letting out a low laugh. He doesn't get all irritated at physical touch anymore, which is nice of course, but among other things... he's so different. He's so confident as if nothing could ever go wrong with his plans. Nothing fazes him. What did he go through without you, you wonder.

You didn’t expect to be hit with so many insecurities this quickly. You should be grateful to be awake now! And you have such a wonderful lover and his clones! But you can’t help but feel the opposite sometimes… When you look in the mirror, you don’t see the person deserving of Zandik anymore. You see someone weaker, tired, not as good… but Zandik’s smarter, stronger, to the point of Gods all without you… he’s so handsome, mature… he’s made all these achievements while you’ve done nothing for the past hundreds of years. What could you ever have to offer, to someone like him? How could he even love you? You're like a burden... you're not even the same person from the Akademiya, you've gotten worse.

The angst has been hitting me so good lately. Me is thinking about Dottore noticing you becoming more and more distant from him as the days go by. You don’t come to bother him in his office anymore… he didn’t realize how much he became used to you sitting in his lap. You've stopped fighting about wanting to leave the lab to explore the outside world. You don’t even leave your room much anymore, and you keep it locked unlike before. The other clones and Zandy especially miss you… sometimes it’s hard for you to muster up a smile even for the child. You even start to shy away from physical affection, something you’ve always begged for. He doesn’t like that. In fact, he hates it. Despises it. More than failed experiments or inaccurate results and data.

But what could the Doctor do? He doesn't think he can "comfort" you, he's not sure if he has the capacity for that. He knows you have in the past, multiple times, although he got annoyed in the beginning, as he mistook it for pity and didn't believe you were trying to "care" for him... but that was just in your nature. His nature, however, is far different. Though, he's going to have to try something if he doesn't want to lose you.

#smooches talks #🎐 anon #fragile reader <3 #dottore love notes <3 #why does school put me in an angsty mood... bye #smooches loves her hurt/comfort fics #regardless... 🎐 anon i hope you're doing good ❤️ make sure to rest and stay hydrated ❤️

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allylikethecat · 8 months

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i think it would be a crime not to request this on for the cuddle prompts, i live for matty being a small tiny baby

^ like i mean they're all curled up and look small, covered up so much that all they can see are big eyes peeking out and innocently blinking at them from the blanket. how do you want them to keep a straight face.

I agree! Not filling this prompt would have also been a crime! Thank you so much for sending it in!

I told myself when I started this whole prompt thing that I was going to complete them in the order that they were sent, then you, you lovely Anon sent this one in and I couldn't get the mental image of Fictional!Matty hiding in the blankets out of my head, SO I ended up finishing it next. I hope that was okay! Thank you for sending it, and I hope you like it! Please let me know what you think! (Even if you weren't the one that sent it you are also welcome to let me know what you think lol I thrive on constructive feedback!)

(If anyone else wants to send in Cuddle Prompts they can be found here)

Thanks again!

❤️Ally

melting because they just look so cute all bundled up in blankets

George frowned as he walked through the living room into the kitchen and found it absent of Matty. He had been feeling under the weather that morning when George had left for the studio, yet he hadn’t expected him to still be sleeping at nearly two in the afternoon. His frown deepened when he stuck his head into the bedroom and realized Matty wasn’t in their messy bed either.

When he found Matty, George was going to have to have a talk with him about the fact that even if he wasn’t going to make their bed in the morning, he could at least refrain from shoving all of the blankets and pillows into a large pile in the center. It didn’t help anything in the slightest and just made it more difficult for George when he inevitably had to put their bed back together himself in the evening, so they could get in it and go to sleep. He turned off the bedroom light, not wanting to waste electricity and shut the door- lest Mayhem decide to test his boundaries and climb up onto the bed.

George resumed his search, brow furrowing as he realized Matty wasn’t in the office, the music room, the back yard or the guest room either. George’s concern grew as he went room to room with no sign of Matty. His car was still in the garage so he couldn’t have gone far, and George really couldn’t imagine him going for a walk, without Mayhem, when he was feeling poorly- especially in the London rain that Matty resented on a good day.

“Where is your Dad?” George asked, sitting down on the couch next to Mayhem and reaching over to scratch behind his ears. He pulled out his phone and quickly selected Matty’s name from his recent calls list. He bit his lip, a weird sense of dread settling in his stomach as it rang and rang before going to voicemail. George ended the call and hit Matty’s name again, relief flooding his chest when this time Matty answered on the fourth ring.

“‘Ello?” he slurred, his voice rough and nasally, thick with sleep, causing George’s confusion to grow, even as it became tinged with irritation.

“Where are you?” he asked, jumping straight to the point.

“What do you mean?” Matty asked before cutting off abruptly, George could picture it clearly, Matty turning away from the phone to cough into his elbow.

“I mean where are you right now?” George asked, not sure how he could be any clearer.

“Em, in bed?” he said, his words coming out like a question.

“Where?” George asked, growing frustrated.

“What do you mean where? Our house? Where else would I be?” Matty asked, breaking off to cough again. “Can you stop and get me some Lemsip on your way home? I think I’m proper ill, I haven’t gotten up to check but I’m pretty sure I have a fever.”

“I’m already home and you’re not here, also there’s some in the pantry with all that tea your mum keeps bringing that you don’t drink.” George said.

“Why is it in the pantry and not the medicine cabinet that’s fucking stupid, also what do you mean I’m not here I am, literally in our bed.” Matty said, his voice taking on a weak crackling quality after his coughing fit. George winced, he sounded awful.

“I just checked and you weren’t there,” said George stubbornly, if Matty was that unwell George didn’t understand why he had left and why he was lying about it.

“Babe,” Matty rasped, “I am literally in bed right now come see for yourself.”

George sighed and stood up, giving Mayhem one last pat as he did so, his phone on speaker as he made his way back into the bedroom. He turned the light on and glanced around, still not seeing Matty.

“Are you trying to gaslight me or something? I know that’s something you’ve been working on with your therapist- oh my god.” George started, breaking off when the pile of blankets in the center of the bed started to move and suddenly Matty’s big dark eyes were peeking out of the mound, the rest of his face hidden by the blanket pulled over his head. He blinked sleepily, reminding George of the soot sprites in Spirited Away, he couldn’t see the rest of Matty’s face among the blankets giving him the appearance of just a large pair of eyes.

“I’m hanging up now,” Matty said, ending the call as George started laughing, wheezing as Matty continued to stare at him from the pile.

“I had no idea you were in there,” he giggled, “god you really are fucking tiny,” he said, stepping into the room as Matty shifted, sitting up so that more of his face was visible. He had never in a million years thought the blanket pile was big enough to hide Matty.

“I resent that,” he said, “I was just really fucking cold.”

“You probably have a fever, baby,” said George, coming to press the back of his hand to Matty’s forehead as if he knew what he was feeling for. Matty let his eyes fall shut, humming softly as he leaned into George’s touch like a cat. His forehead felt hot, though George wasn’t sure if it was from the fever or the fact that Matty had been trying to suffocate himself by hiding under every piece of bedding they owned.

“Probably,” Matty agreed, snuggling back into his blankets, he cracked open his left eye again. “Also stop laughing at me, I’m ill.”

“Could you even breathe under all those blankets?!” George asked, and Matty wrinkled his nose in indignation, not bothering to respond. God, thought George, at thirty four years old Matty shouldn’t still manage to look so adorable, especially ill and unshowered, his curls greasy and askew, two day old stubble shading his jaw.

“You’re so fucking cute,” George said verbalizing his thoughts, as he kicked off his shoes and undid his belt so that he could step out of his jeans.

Matty preened as George grabbed onto the edge of one of the blankets, lifting it up so that he could climb in next to Matty. He specifically decided against commenting that Matty had settled in the bed backwards, so that his head was where their feet usually were. Matty let himself be maneuvered into George’s arms, now orientated correctly in bed as George leaned against the headboard.

Matty sighed contently, burying his face in George’s tee shirt covered chest, George’s fingers carding through his hair.

“So,” said Matty after a moment, “I should have said this before we got comfortable, but about that Lemsip you said we have...”

#allylikethecat #ask ally #anon ask #prompt fill #cuddle prompt #cuddle prompt fill #Gatty #the 1975 fanfic #matty healy rpf #the 1975 rpf #matty healy fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction

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wolfnesta · 10 months

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Hello! Can I pick your brain for a moment? I’ve finished all of ACOTAR, and I really do enjoy nesta. She’s real and raw. But I guess where I’m kind of stuck is why she was always spending feyres coppers that she worked for, was it retaliation? Or was it because she was angry at their dad? I hope it’s okay to ask, maybe I just need to reread ACOSF?

I’m honored anon! Since you mentioned acosf I’m thinking you mean when Nesta is drinking and getting rent money for free right? If you mean at the beginning of acotar I believe SJM didn’t have anything in mind for Elain and Nesta other than to make the reader pity Feyre and then later SJM tried to give that behavior meaning by saying Nesta did it out of hatred to make her father get up and do something 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m kind of meh about that whole thing.

If you mean in acosf, Nesta’s depression seems to make her feel outcasted ‘…had only been able to stand and watch them all, their joy and closeness, as if she were looking in through a window’ and also resentful— with Elain ‘Elain could make her own choices. And had chosen to thoroughly shut the door on Nesta. Even as she fully embraced Feyre and her world.’ and Feyre ‘How could she explain the tangle between her and her sister? The self-loathing that threatened to consume her every time she looked at her sister’s face?’ and also suffers from what seems like ptsd ‘Some days, the sheer dread and panic locked Nesta's body up so thoroughly that nothing could get her to breathe. Nothing could stop the awful power from beginning to rise, rise, rise in her. Nothing beyond the music at those taverns, the card games with strangers, the endless bottles of wine, and the sex that made her feel nothing but offered a moment of release amid the roaring inside her.’ All of which leads to alot of self hatred ‘every damning thing Rhysand thought of her was true— and she’d known it long before he had shadowed her doorstep. … Better to spend her time the way she wished’ (also the many times Nesta insists she ‘failed’). Plus the whole idea that Nesta has never had a choice in her life even pre poverty years ‘So your mother took Nesta creative joys and twisted them into a social climbing arsenal?’ I want to say those are the over all reasons Nesta turns to this harmful behavior. It interesting to me that SJM made sure to include that last part of Nesta’s life in her story because, though I feel like all the unresolved hate for her father is important, I would’ve thought we would also see Nesta heal from her mother and grandmothers mistreatment. But alas.

I want to add a personal note that it was heavily disappointing for me how SJM definitely knew how to portray these difficult aspects of mental illness but then she did what she did to Nesta and I’m like, okay wait no this is awful. This can’t be the same author that is able to show Nesta pushing family members away, not coping well, turning to alcohol and still make it seem that the very people that are supposedly ‘helping’ her can forcibly isolate her, slut shame her, physically threaten her, take her on a suicidal hike, show little to no care for her well being, take all of that and make it seem justifiable. Just. How do two wrongs make it right? Like it can’t be the one and the same author taking this good thing and then adding that to it .Nesta’s self loathing, anger, and her lashing out is an honest nod to how mental illness can manifest itself and I’d give SJM kudos for that except I realize this part of the story that you’re asking about anon was added purely to degrade Nesta instead of for realistic reasons and it’s visible in the way she has her mains react to Nesta. SJM was able to bring all this rawness to the table then butchered it. I know this ask isn’t about the topic here but anon I think you would benefit alot from reading the post because my dear @ae-neon is so much better at articulating a lot of the issues going on in those initial moments of acosf.

Anyhow, I hope that helps ❤️

#anti sjm #anti acosf #pro nesta archeron #nesta deserves better

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isabellehemlock · 9 months

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I’m celebrating my three year fandom anniversary on August 6th (I was a lurker before then, but posted my first fic that day, so I love to celebrate it every year). I’ll be sharing a reflections post of the last year on that day, but before then, I wanted to look at a fun one I did two years ago. It was a prompt based celebration, and looking back, I ended up picking and piecing together an expanded version to cover several fandoms, as well as include art possibilities 🤩

This is my way of saying thank you to the readers, commenters, and friends I’ve made along the way and I’m excited to do another round of it 🥹👉🏻👈🏻❤️

So, how does it work?

For the next week, I’m opening my anon ask box (so yay for any shy mutuals/lurkers), and you can request either a lineart art prompt, and/or 1k or less one shot - if you’d like something longer, fair warning, it would likely not happen till November! - either way, scroll below the cut for fandoms, pairings, ratings, scenarios, and prompts to send my way. Let me know if you’re looking for art or fic, and then my hope is to upload everything on the 6th 🎉

Fandoms

IWTV • OFMD • Stranger Things • Good Omens • The Witcher TOG

Pairings

Honestly, pretty much any and all are welcome, so even if not listed, send it anyway - I might just not have thought of it before and would still be open to it - but off the top of my head:

IWTV: Loustat, Loumand, Devil’s Minion

OFMD: Gentlebeard, Steddyhands

Stranger Things: Steddie

Good Omens: Ineffable Husbands

The Witcher: GeraltxJaskier, GeraltxJaskierxYennefer

TOG: Immortal Husbands, Immortal Wives, Book of Nile

You're also welcome to request just one character focused piece, too 🥳

Ratings

Really any, but please do specify in your ask 😘

Tropes/Themes

Religious Themes • Affirming theology • Rom/Com • Friends to Lovers • Found Family • Hurt/Comfort • Mental Illness/Trauma/Healing • First Time • Baby/Kidfic • AU • Crack

Scenarios

A/B/O • Actor • Ghost • Lawyer • Marriage • Mermaid • Neighbor • Parent • Penpal • Social Media

Dialogue Prompts

“Can I kiss you?”

“Are you cold?”

“Do you trust me?”

“I don’t think we can keep this up forever.”

“Why are you naked?”

“You’re choosing now to flirt with me?”

“Why are you bleeding?”

“I’m in love with you.”

“I missed you so much.”

“I can’t stay away from you.”

“Please don’t cry.”

“Please wake up.”

“Please just kiss me already.”

“I’m here for you.”

“Are we on a date right now?”

“If I die, I’m haunting you first.”

“But I’ve never told you that before.”

“I’ve learned to love you.”

“What do you remember?”

“I don’t know if I want to yell at you, or kiss you.”

“Another nightmare?”

“Are you afraid of me?”

“Come home.”

“I did it again, didn’t I?”

“I’m not going to fight you.”

“Have you ever kissed anyone before?”

“I can’t do this without you.”

“Go big or go home.”

“Please stay.”

There’s a lot of combo possibilities, so feel free to pile several things together, and I look forward to seeing what y’all might send my way ❤️

#fandom anniversary celebration

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moonit3 · 5 months

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When I read the comments of people who describe Axel's murder so vividly, I began to worry about their mental health. I read many scripts about the yandere character. From murder and rape to sawing off limbs. And no one criticized that character or the author there. Everyone just thanked for the work. Let's look at this seriously. Those who wrote these comments, I appeal to you, would you do this in real life? Would you kill a person for refusing you? Would you break a *character's* head? If so, congratulations you are fucking mentally ill. This is just the author's story about the character. I have nothing to add, because I am shocked by such people.

PS (I appeal to the author. Do not pay attention to such homo sapiens. Even in spite of the fact that I am a supporter of "Every opinion has its right, if it is proven", this crosses all borders. I wish you success, good health and happiness (and money)

TRANSLATION THROUGH A TRANSLATOR, SORRY FOR ALL ERRORS

Sincerely,

your works fan ❤️🦇

(a later answer since i was busy with my exams)

firstly, thank for the kind words anon. now, let’s talk about something more serious about the yandere writing as whole (or just me blubbering about the yandere fandom).

honestly, i did expect some people to hate axel as i wrote him to be like selfish, manipulative and self centered with the objective to make him an “evil yandere” who would late gain the reader approval slowly (a slow burn like many would say). and i knew that some would wish him death and I don’t really mind, people can hate a character and that isn’t my business.

however, it did got a little more complicated as people send some ask with words contains extreme violence after a random anon said about a pet play stuff. those asks made me worried about the people who read my works, i know they consume yandere content just like me and enjoy it, yet their words scared me a little.

i do write dark content to yandere (such as noncon and violence) and i enjoy it, but i make sure to put warnings to prevent readers to get uncomfortable (knowing that some of my reader don’t enjoy it) and make sure that I don’t feel uncomfortable by writing it.

either ways, i will put trigger warnings next time when someone send anything related to heavier themes like those ones to avoid the other part of my followers to get uncomfortable.

I hope this was good.

#moonit3 rambles #anon #anon reply #anon talks #my oc axel

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lookismaddict · 18 days

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Hey cat how have you been ? I just read what you wrote earlier today and it broke my heart... I'm so sorry on behalf of the anon. I do know that it might have been a year but it's for your own good you took your time for healing please forgive me because I also have asked you once or twice about the chapter thing and i feel a really big hole in my heart right now.... I always hated cyber bullying but today I kind of became a part of it by unknowingly hurting you and for that I'm so sorry I hope you can forgive me and all of us.. I don't know what else shitty things that anon said but I'm sorry you had to go through this just know that there might be some bad people to judge and hurt you but we are here with you please share with us what you feel cause we are here for you and I hope you can forgive all of us especially me for even hurting you a slightest bit and I wish you nothing but good and happiness in life and again ilysm cat and can you please answer my ask because I wanna know if you forgave me or not 💔❤️‍🩹🙏

Hi rukuk!! I'm sorry if I seem straightforward in the recent Q&A that I did and it's ok, I forgive you and everyone else. 😭💙

Regarding how I feel right now, I don't feel any ill intentions towards anyone or anything like that. I've always wanted to address something like that ever since I kept getting those types of messages the more people keep reading it. And I've always wanted to put everyone's needs first. That was my mentality back then. However, I realized that I don't mind people commenting about the story, but demanding for a chapter made me feel a bit over pressured. Even for me, since I try to balance school and I try to find a free slot to post and talk to you guys again, along with other IRL things that's been going on in my life. It was also a time for me to clear my head again because I also had a writer's block too. I couldn't think straight since I wanted to escape, in a way.

However, I don't feel any negative emotions anymore and I'm ready to get back into writing, reblogging, and most importantly, talking to you guys. 💞 Those negative emotions that I felt were just temporary, so it's all good! No need to worry about it. 👍🏽 I'm really sorry if that made all of you feel taken aback from what I said. Of course, I love all of you guys and the Lookism community on here. Very much! 💝 I try not to be so demanding either, because I want everyone to be comfortable and to express themselves however they want because we all have the right to do so on here. It's a safe community, and we welcome anyone with open arms. 🙌🏽 Feel free to always message me whenever you guys want to. Whether that be to chat, or to ask for advice on something. I'll always wish you guys with nothing but the best, and with secure happiness. Stay safe out there too! ❤️❤️❤️

#lookismaddict #lookismaddictq&a #rukuk 💓

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imhereforscm · 10 months

Text

"Two different worlds" Part 5

Genre: fluff

Warnings: none

A/N: My fingers are slipping from the sweat, omggggggggg I'm surprised I can still type anything lol. Btw I'm sorry for the slow updates on the series, my loves. But at least it's here now! I hope you enjoy!🎀🎀🎀 (I have a feeling I had something else to say as well, but I can't remember for the life of me. Anyway!—Oh! Yeah! I remembered! The headcanon that Tauxy Tauxy is a very light sleeper is from an anon! So credit goes to them😚❤️❤️)

You sneezed. You sneezed again.

"Here." Tauxolouve said softly, offering you a napkin.

"Thank you." You said, just as another sneeze came forth. How did you come to this point? Gods weren't supposed to get sick. But at least now you knew that the rumours of gods getting exceptionally tired on Earth was true.

Tauxolouve sighed and patted your head softly, before walking to his own chair in his art studio. "You shouldn't have walked in the rain like this."

"It was so warm and sunny just a day before, how should I have known it'd suddenly start pouring?" You said, your memories taking you back to your dance, beneath the rich fabrics of the golden hour and the melody of the birds. The mental images made you smile, even though, your head felt foggy and was aching for the first time in your very long life.

"Well, I can't force you to pose for me like this." He said and you looked down at your dress in guilt.

"I'm sorry." You said and your shoulders jumped as he walked up to you and curled his fingers beneath your chin, tilting your head upwards.

He smiled sweetly at you as he spoke. "I don't want to see my muse sad. So smile for me?"

'His muse'. You... Didn't hate that. A soft smile spread across your lips the more you repeated that word in your head, your stomach feeling a ticklish sensation, one that made you feel like a teenager again. How come a human man could tell you exactly the things that made your heart beat this way and gods—with supposedly more experience in the field of compliments and women—never could.

"Now that's what I like." His hand fell away from your chin and he offered you another napkin. "But..." His eyebrows furrowed a little in skepticism, as he looked into your face, which had lost most of its colour, due to the cold. "Being sick in a hotel room... I can't imagine worse."

You smiled at him, gently waving your hand at his direction, with the intent to ease his worries. "I'll be alright. Thank you so much for caring, though." After all, you were still not human. Therefore, your limits and needs were not the same.

And yet, he still didn't feel content with the situation. "You can come over to my house."

"Excuse me?" You asked, your eyelashes standing up in surprise.

"Oh!" Tauxolouve's face cracked into one of shock for a moment as well. "I didn't mean it in a weird way!" He rushed to explain himself, raising his hands before his chest defensively. "I just thought I could take care of you for the time being. Since you don't have any friends or family in Paris that is. Spending an illness inside a hotel room? Sounds a bit lonely."

Your lips parted a little, your reaction to his thoughtfulness, wordless. Tauxolouve never meant you harm or any ill intent, you knew that much. He only proposed the idea with your best interest at heart. "No, I'd be too much of a burden." You gently shook your head, declining.

"I beg to differ." He said. "I proposed the idea, because I can handle it and... I think it's a good way to thank you for modeling for me all those days... But I won't push it further! The decision is up to you and what you feel comfortable with!" Tauxolouve got up from his chair and pushed the packet with the napkins closer to you, across the table—which was now much more organised than the first time you came here—and reached for the pitcher, pouring tea into his cup. "Would you like some as well?" He offered, with a smile.

You didn't reply for a few moments, flipping around the potential decisions in your head. You trusted him. And looking at it from another perspective as well, you had no clue of human colds. How were you supposed to care for yourself at this rate? "Can I... Accept your offer?"

The two of you made your way to his house. He unlocked the door and stepped aside to open the way for you. "Ladies first." He said, his slanted eyes narrowing and bringing out his mature charm, through the dark gems he had for irises.

You smiled to yourself as you made your way inside. Physically, you weren't feeling at your best, but mentally, you felt so beautiful by his gentle treatment.

The atmosphere in the tiny house was warm and a welcoming aura filled the thin hallway. It wasn't just a house... It was a home. A true home, unlike most big and luxurious houses in the Heavens. You were always intrigued by humans' simplicity and getting this close to them made you love their way of living even more. You had relaxed so much into this peaceful house, that for a split second, you swore you could give up godhood to experience this warmth forever.

"Let me show you inside." Tauxolouve's voice snapped you out of your trance and you followed him inside, your eyes never growing tired from taking in all the things the faces of your world would call classless, pitiful or cheap.

Tauxolouve opened a door to a bedroom, with a single bed and a table beside the window, which overlooked into a street full of people walking off to their different lives. "Make yourself at home." Tauxolouve said and placed the keys on the beside table. "I'll leave the keys to this room's door and the outside door here, so you can feel safer. Anything you'd like to eat? Or anything you'd like to drink?"

You thought his question through, as you slipped into bed. "Do you have something warm? Anything."

"Of course, should I leave it a surprise?"

You nodded chuckling softly at his idea of a little game, as you soaked into the softness of the blanket.

Tauxolouve left the bedroom and you listened to his footsteps walking away, as you laid back onto the big pillow, looking up at the ceiling.

It all started as a vacation merely for sightseeing. And you ended up meeting Tauxolouve. Your heart raced a little at the memories of his thoughtful actions. He never made you uncomfortable nor feel unwelcomed. He always had manners towards you and treated you with gentleness and respect.

And thinking further back into the past, you've never been treated this way by a man before. You knew these feelings were wrong. You shouldn't have gotten so close, but what could you do? You couldn't possibly shut your heart even if you tried.

"And behold..." Tauxolouve's voice emerged from down the hallway and he entered the room, holding something, hidden beneath a towel. He placed it on the beside table and pulled the towel off. "Voila!"

Your eyes widened and you smiled with great interest at the chocolate steaming in the mug.

"What a cute face." He commented, chuckling a little, affectionately.

"This looks delicious." You said in awe, taking notice of the marshmallows placed on the plate beneath the mug. You remember Aigonorus telling you about these, but you never actually had the chance to try some, since he always let you know he got himself some after he had eaten all of them. You laughed at the thought of him.

"What is it?"

You took a marshmallow between your fingers and looked up at Tauxolouve. "I have a friend who really likes these." You took the soft, tiny pillow into your mouth and its sugary taste coated your tongue, making your eyes practically light up at the delicious taste. "Where had these been all my life?" You said to yourself, looking down at the rest of the marshmallows.

"Wait, you've never had marshmallows before?" Tauxolouve said, a little surprised.

"No, it's thanks to you I'm trying some for the first time." You said with a big grin, as you ate another one.

"Thanks to me?" Tauxolouve's smile became mature and you found yourself swallowing thickly at the sight of it. "I'm flattered by the way you worded that."

Your cheeks warmed up and not knowing what else to do under Tauxolouve's sensual gaze, you pulled the blanket higher, covering your cheeks with it. "I didn't mean it like that."

He laughed and approached you, stroking your beautiful hair gently. "I know. I was only joking. Now now..." He said, clasping his hands in front of him. "I will give you some peace and alone time. Feel free to do as you please."

It didn't take long after you finished your hot chocolate for your eyes to close, your eyelashes resting on top of your cheeks. Sleepiness was an odd feeling, but you didn't mind it and allowed it to overtake you, cradling you in its cloudy arms.

The sleepy veil, Hypnos draped across your eyelids fell after a few hours and you shifted around the bed, until you could process your surroundings again.

You sat up and rubbed your eyelids, your eyebrows rising, still a little sleepily, at the man kneeling beside the bed and sleeping onto his folded arms, which held him up on the bed.

The room was dipped in silence, giving you enough peace to listen to Tauxolouve's slow beaths. His lips were parted slightly and his sleeping face seemed so calm, that you couldn't help finding it cute and precious.

A single strand of hair had fallen from its slicked back state and into his face, which seemed too porcelain in your eyes to belong to a human.

Quietly and gently, you reached out a hand towards him and tucked the dark strand behind his hair.

Tauxolouve's eyelids squinted and opened slowly, revealing his deep eyes, still unfocused from their slumber.

"Oh, Heav—my... My god!" You said, fixing your little slip, which wasn't too big, but you still wanted to be sure your identity was completely hidden. "I'm so sorry for waking you up. I was trying to be as gentle as I could."

"Don't fret. I'm just a very light sleeper." He smiled softly at you and rose to his full height, before taking a seat on the bed.

"Also... Why were you sleeping on the floor?" You asked, confused. Did humans enjoy floors so much? And why have you never heard of that before? What is Karno hiding from you?

"I came to check on you and I noticed you had a fever, so I stayed by your side, waiting for your temperature to cool down again, but... Uhm..." He looked down at his hands, a terribly faint hint of embarrassment showing on his face. "It seems to me that I fell asleep."

You laughed softly and looking into his beautiful face as he yawned, you identified something in your heart, that was both a gift and a curse in your case.

You were in love with the very person you weren't supposed to fall in love with...

#scm #star crossed myth #scm tauxolouve #fanfic scm #scm fanfic

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emiliosandozsequence · 30 days

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Okayyy since we’re on an appreciation trend for your blog I wanted to say this for a min but. For my own trauma I’ve had a fixation on incest for a few years. Some stuff I was extremely ashamed of and never even brought up in therapy. And finding your blog and the way it’s spoken about so freely has been more helpful than anything for this issue. I’ve worked through so much but like that was the ONE topic I could never push past because I felt too ashamed to ever talk about it! It turns out I don’t have a deep dark desire to fuck my family, but being able to see others discuss it in fiction made me realize it wasn’t incest I was into, but I was just fixating on it because it was something I knew was “the most evil thing ever”. By taking that power away and actually looking at it in fiction, I saw it was just some self flaguation, thought-crime bullshit I was on.

This whole experience just made me fall further into the anti-censorship stuff. Like I AM the theoretical “what if it’s so horrible to victims? what about those it triggers?” Straw man and by finding a place it was discussed casually I am better for it. Please continue posting about sibling fucking ❤️

I hope this doesn’t come off as trauma dumping, but as a real life example of why we should explore ‘taboo’ topics in fiction. I’ve approached a lot of fiction about stuff that used to trigger me from a completely neutral standpoint and it’s helped me work through that.

!!!!!!!!! oh anon i'm so happy i was able to help you with that even indirectly!!!! that's SUCH a hard thing to overcome, especially when you're already mentally ill and dealing with your own internal shame that comes as a result of trauma, so i'm so so happy that you've been able to work through some of that just by me posting about my favorite silly lil fandoms 💕💕

also you bring up a very important point: shaming people for enjoying incest is never going to harm the people that those doing the shaming think it will. it's only going to harm survivors that use that kind of media to cope with what they've been through.

anyway, you're very sweet anon and i don't mind you telling me all of this at all 🥰💕 i'm just so glad that i could help in some way 💕💕

#ask #anonymous #lacie don't look

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foli-vora · 6 months

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I hope it gets better for you soon! For what it’s worth you’ve made my bad days better just by blogging and writing and I really appreciate that! But I do have a mental illness so I understand that it’s not always so simple to feel better. I do wanna say tho, just because it helped me to have others share their journey, that it is possible to wake up one day and think ”well. at least it’s better”. And I think and I hope that it’s gonna keep going like that for us. I hope you wake up soon and feel like that too. And in the meantime I hope you have someone good to talk to, like a friend or a therapist. It’s truly the one thing that makes me feel sane again lol. Sending love!

🥹 this is very sweet, anon, thank you so much. To know that my little trash fire here helps improve your day, even just a little bit, means so much to me. It will absolutely happen for us! Some days are just harder to see through, to know that there's something good waiting for us after the storm, but we've gotta hold on and be strong. I'm speaking to my doctor about going back on my meds, but unfortunately therapy has a solid six month waiting list so I'll just have to deal for now, but I've got a little support system I love very dearly. Sending you buckets and buckets of love, angel. I appreciate you so much ❤️

#foli answers

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one-abuse-survivor · 2 years

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i really need to vent im so sorry. my sister is driving me to literal insanity. i dont know if im a manipulator or shes truly being a horrible person to me. i talk to my bf a lot. facetime pretty much all day every day, and she can hear me talking through the wall, mostly mumbles no words, but still noise, and she doesnt say anything. she games at the WORST times, honestly, at least we stop talking at 8/9pm, but thats when she starts gaming with her friends, screaming (yes. literal ear piercing screams from horror games) shouting and overall joyous loudness from her room. i put my headphones on and try to block it out, knowing shes just having fun and i need to put up with it. its been like this the whole year practically. the past week shes been getting closer to dad again. dad. the guy who hates me with a passion and mentally abused me for 2 years straight and never got a consequence for it. every. single. time. she hangs out with him, or games with him, she turns into this horribly mean snarky person who is so so rude. and ik im sounding dramatic but shes literally the opposite otherwise. but other than dad shes also got a new friend whos very judgemental and snarky so ig shes impressionable. but anyway the past week shes been very rude and mean to both me and my mum. mums a huge pushover so being mean to her is like kicking a dog, and i truly hate it when shes mean to her. cos mum loves her more than she loves me (its evident and shes told me multiple times i promise im not inferring it) so shes much more of a pushover with my sister 'everything has to be perfect for her'. i hate it. ik ik its jealousy but im dealing with it or at least trying to. so tonight she was singing horribly and ive not had a good day, im stressed, tired, and trying to sleep and here she is humming away purposefully sounding awful. i ask her to be quiet, continues, tell her to shut up, she continues, so i bang on the wall and i kid you not she slowly gets wuieter and quieter til its barely a mumble i can hear from her room and it makes me so unfathomably angry and i truly have no idea why. its like she knows every single button of mine and pushes them at will. so i texted her saying, why are you being such a dick lately its so annoying, to which she was like "i put up iwith you blah blah you cant put up with me blah' i told her to stop playing victim so she told me i need to learn to shut up and put up. a phrase straight from dads book. she knows it is and it throws me into a spiral ehenever i hear it and she knows!! so here i am angry af trying to calm down and not do something ill regret tomorrow, whilst shes happily downstairs making light conversation with dad. i hate it so so much. i did respond back, are you being sarcastic rn?? if not i dont want to speak to you ever again. and she said ok. ik ik its dramatic af but i just cant with her anymore she makes me feel how dad made me feel and i then react like a child, to a child. ik my responses are in the wrong, i really am sorry if i sound really childish or just plain stupid and im truly in the wrong, pls pls tell me if i am. i just cannot handle her at all lately shes literally been a demon lmao (jkjk) thank you for letting me vent to you, the safe space youve created really means a lot <3

hi im the anon whos mad at my sister, uhm - im very close to starting my period and have come to the conclusion that its the reason for the anger lol. Ik i do have some issues but i think it was mostly irrational anger when i wrote the vent, and not an acc issue, or at least thats what im really hoping is the answer lol. im super sorry about it, and i hope youre having an awesome day 💕

Hey, nonnie. I'm glad you could let out some of your frustration and anger here ❤️ I didn’t see your second ask until after writing the reply below, but I think all of it applies anyway, becuase we’re allowed to have days where we’re more irritable. I’m having a good day today, I hope you are too!

I don't think you sound childish or stupid, nonnie. It sounds to me like you might have had a trauma reaction toward her because of the abuse your dad put you through. Trauma reactions (ie. having flashbacks, going into fight/flight, becoming hypervigilant...) don't just appear when we're interacting with the people who abused us; they often also appear when other people do or say something that reminds us of the abuse. Your sister knowingly used a line your dad has used to hurt you before, so I think it is completely understandable that you had an emotional reaction that seems "dramatic" in retrospect. I can only talk from personal experience, but I've also done the same over text in the past, and it was always after something/someone sent me into a fight response.

And, nonnie, even if trauma responses don't justify our actions (they only explain them), I think it's fair to say that this situation with your sister escalated from both sides, not just yours. It wasn't you exploding at her out of nowhere. As you said, she was pushing your buttons, and she knew she was upsetting you, because you'd asked her to be quiet several times.

So yeah, if she makes you feel like your dad made you feel, I think it's understandable that you're having these big emotional reactions toward her when she oversteps your boundaries and purposefully pushes your buttons. You said you react "like a child" toward her, and I think it might be helpful to think about why your reactions feel like those of a child. Children—especially abused children—feel small and defenceless, and sometimes they lash out to protect themselves when this fear and defencelessness become overwhelming. So "reacting like a child" doesn't have to necessarily mean "oh I'm being so immature and stupid". It can mean "I feel threatened and helpless, so my body is having an instinctive reaction to protect me".

What I'm trying to get that is I think you ought to be a little bit kinder to yourself, nonnie. You're allowed to be affected by her attitude toward you. You're allowed to acknowledge that these reactions you're having aren't a flaw on your part, but a sign you're going through a lot of distress and your body is protecting you in any way it can.

I also think you need to be kinder to yourself about feeling jealous that your mum loves your sister more than you. Your jealousy isn't the thing that needs to be fixed in this situation. Your jealousy is a very appropriate reaction to a very unfair situation to you. You deserve to be loved and cared for and protected from harm as much as your sister. You never deserved to hear that your mum loves her more than you. You're not being selfish or childish by feeling jealous; you're just acknowledging your unmet emotional needs and acknowledging that you deserve better than this. And you really do. You deserve so, so much better than this.

Your emotions are allowed, nonnie. Your anger and your jealousy and your defensiveness when she's mean to you and your mum are all allowed. Please don't forget that.

Sending a virtual hug ❤️

#Ask #Vent #Abuse #Abuse tw #Abusive father tw #Toxic sister #Trauma tw

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death-stranded · 1 year

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Confession. My polycule and I are planning on going to Edinburgh in April, and I've had the thought of hitting you up for a boys night about it and hang, see where it goes.

Oh that’s sweet! ☺️ Are you going for anything in particular or just a random visit?

I actually have some mixed feelings about this haha 😅 Obviously it sounds awesome and I would love to ❤️ My BF and I are monogamous and I’m not sure what boundaries you guys have in your relationship, so I’d be cautious about me crossing any lines 😅 I have a condition that can make things like that quite tricky to navigate hah.

The main concern is that I kind of need a ton of supervision right now 👀 I’ve been really struggling with my mental illness and I’m going back into therapy again, and I’ve so far managed to stay sober for about 4 months, so I’m on very thin ice and don’t get out the house much anymore 🤣🤣 My BF does an amazing job of looking out for me, but I’m a lot of responsibility to put on anyone, so fun adventures off to Edinburgh might be a disaster waiting to happen 💀

I absolutely love that you thought of me and a boys night sounds like a really fun time that I’d be honoured to be invited to 🥰 It may not be the best idea for any of us though until I can develop some healthier social skills 😅😅

This has totally made my day though, and I hope I’ve made sense here cause I really appreciate you messaging me this!! If I haven’t put you off with my incredibly awkward response then please feel free to message me off anon sometime! ❤️

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gggoldfinch · 6 months

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Seriously tho, Cemetary gates got me through a lot of things. You're depiction of Copia is a different thing entirely and honestly my favorite.

I feel incompetent a lot of times. A failure. I feel less human sometimes. And when it was specially a bad day I'd reread a chapter or two and thinking someone looking at ME like that, with longing, not down at me or pitingly and think wow this person is amazing, that made me feel a lot better.like yeah maybe in someones eyes i am beautiful and intelligent and not a total fuck up

I feel like the weight of my words aren't translating well in english but im not gonna delve into my mental illnesses here that'd be a bummer lol just know that cemetary gates kept me from losing it and give up so thank you a lot for sharing it

Anon, oh my god 🥺 First of all, thank you for your ask and definitely don't worry about being a bummer.

Messages like these always get to me— it means so much that you're able to share this vulnerability with me, however anonymously. The fact that my writing has been able to help even one single person besides myself will never not amaze me and bring me so much warmth and compassion for all my readers. You guys and writing makes everything better for me, and being able to share a little of that wellness is so special to me. It's messages like these that make me so thankful that I did decide to share my work, and make me feel proud to be a fanfic writer.

No matter what Anon, you are absolutely not worthless or a failure. You are incredible, and unique, and loved, as well as deserving of love. If you ever feel like no one is there for you just know there's a random fic writer somewhere in the world that cares about you and hopes you're doing well even if I don't know who you are.

Thank you so much for taking the time to tell me this, you don't know how much it swells my heart with love and passion for my readers and my craft. As always, feel free to stop by my inbox if you ever need to vent or just talk into the void, I'm always here. Thank you for reading ❤️

#anon you got me choked up #I feel like I didn't get my point across properly either haha #thank you sm ❤️ it means so much that you can tell me this #anon ask

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saphilous · 10 months

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oh i have bpd too! i was diagnosed in october 2020 at 18 years old. however i have been struggling with mental illness ever since i started puberty at around 10 years old.

you said you are handling your bpd well, and i’m happy for you! i know it must’ve been hard so congrats! :)

but i was wondering if you could share any tips on how to control bpd? i’m struggling a lot. the littlest things make me suicidal, i can’t be left alone bc i’ll hurt myself, i have zero friends because i’m so scared of abandonment, etc

i want to get better but i don’t know how. everyone just says therapy or yoga, but therapy is too expensive and i have trauma related to yoga so….

i am on medication though and it helps, but not enough.

if you don’t feel comfy sharing your tips or answering this i totally understand! i won’t be mad if you just delete this :)

anyway i hope you have a great day or night!

Hey bud!

So I was diagnosed at 16-17 but has been struggling with it throughout my life. It sucks like a lot.. I got to a point where I was in a fully toxic relationship where the other person was actively encouraging me to SH at a point. Getting out of that relationship pushed me into a 6 month long crippling depression period where I did not leave my house at all, literally not even once.

It did take a while to get back to a relatively "normal" state. I got lucky and found some pretty good friends through a game and that was one of the things I could hold on to. But I do go BPD on them all the time, although internally. Worrying that they're gonna abandon me or worse hate me but not tell me that

I just try to distract myself from those thoughts as quickly as possible by closing chat and scrolling through Tumblr or doing something else that I'm actively obsessed with like a VG or cooking.

And I get your situation as well. Therapy is way too expensive than its supposed to be. I'm glad you're taking meds tho. They do help in the longterm even if the effects are not that noticeable immediately :)

The best advice I can give (even tho I don't think I'm qualified to lol) is to acknowledge the BPD. I know it's not easy at all. Takes a lot of energy to keep yourself sane every second of everyday. BPD is an active issue. It's gonna take a lot to bear all of that and not let it effect our lives too much. Ik everyone says it'll get better while the world is actively getting worse every single day, it is important to remind ourselves what matters to us. For me, it's pets, my writing, my plants, etc. BPD makes me feel like anything can leave me at any moment. That puts me in a constant alert mode. So I write random stories when I feel like I'm spiraling. I go and take care of my plants, cut dried out leaves, water them, etc., I cook or look at pics of my friends' pets or cats of tumblr. Mostly because these can't abandon me ig? Like anyone can take anyything away from me but not my ability to write. Makes me feel like I'm being myself. And it acts like an outlet cus most of my OCs have BPD too lol.

I try not to get too attached to my friends but it happens lol. They don't know I have BPD but they're pretty nice. Having a friend group helps a lottt! It might take a while to find them. I found it last year after struggling to maintain any sort of friends for so long. I hope you can find people like that too ❤️

But hey, until then It's important to find or create something that we can call our own.

I don't think I can ever recover from BPD. Don't even know if I can ever be "normal" But I'm gonna continue to be weird af and live life on my terms because fuck life. And it tends to fuck me a lot too lol

I have no idea if that made any sense but hey! You're always welcome to text me or send me an anon ask if you're feeling down!

If I can have a wish, it'll be to just eliminate BPD and the trauma that led to it for everyone :)

#Saph answers #actually bpd

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ajokeformur-ray · 2 years

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Do you think if your FO's (specifically Arthur) were real people, you would still romantically love them? Or do you think part of why you love them is because they're not actually real? Ignoring any possible moral issues with them having killed people ofc

(Sorry if this question is to personal, pls feel free to ignore if you don't feel comfy answering ❤️)

Hi nonnie!

This question isn’t too personal, it’s valid, and tbh it’s one I do think about quite often.

When I talk STRICTLY real life, there are people I’ve thought I’ve loved romantically but then as soon as I’ve entered a relationship with them or found that my interest was returned, I’ve shut down and gone ice cold, felt trapped and “holy fuck nope this isn’t it, I don’t want this” and I’ve hurt people in the process. The me prior to being eighteen years old didn’t even know asexuality OR aromanticism were legitimate and so I made many mistakes and hurt people - I’m not proud of it but I’m also not gonna hold it over my head because I was very young and I didn’t understand, so why would I hold it against a me I no longer am in many ways?

So I don’t know how I would be in a relationship now, because I’m not eighteen anymore. I’m almost 25, and I haven’t been involved with anyone romantically since I was a late teenager/baby-adult. I may have changed, I may not. All I know is, when people talk about how important romantic love specifically is or how they can’t live without their partner (which is lovely and valid and I’m very happy for them, but I’m talking about my experiences and no one else’s), my immediate thought is only about how, actually, you need things like oxygen to live. My mind doesn’t equate someone else’s existence with being able to live, and that’s just as valid as someone saying they can’t live without their partner.

Please understand, I don’t mean the above in a mean-spirited way; I”m truly 100% happy for people who are in relationships. I just mean that I cannot relate to such sentiments and I’ve never been able to.

But Arthur…. He is the only fictional character who I would actually date if he was real. I would jump into that relationship so fast it’d ruin my life😂when I sit and seriously consider dating Arthur, as I am right now so I can give you a truthful answer, my head is heating up from the inside; it’s a little panic-y, a little twitchy, but also a bit “yes please”. Would I be scared to date Arthur, given everything we know about him, his past, who he is, who he becomes once his mental illness is beyond his control and he simply gives up? Oh, yeah. But I’d want him to get help, I’d want him to get better, to heal, and I like to think I’d do everything possible to make that happen for him. If he wanted it - we all know we can’t help someone who doesn’t WANT to be helped. But above all else, I’d want to love Arthur, just as he is, each and every day.

In terms of Arthur and real life, I think it’s also important to consider that I’m doing my current degree BECAUSE I want to help the real world Arthurs. So… I think that says everything; I took a huge REAL LIFE commitment/career change BECAUSE of Arthur. Who’s to say I wouldn’t also date Arthur if he was actually real?

I think I would. Actually, no… I’m SURE I would.

I hope this answers your question, anon!!!! It’s difficult to explain my feelings about all of this. But thank you for the curiosity; I hope you’re safe and well!💗

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