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#this message hits me hard
lollytea · 3 months
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I was looking at reddit comments about Carol & The End Of the World and I got so frustrated with people completely misinterpretating what the show was about and hating on Carol because they found her unrelatable. Or "her monotone voice is annoying". The show itself wasn't perfect and I was a little unsatisfied with the ending but I loved it so much for the premise and the choice to focus on a character like Carol. It's a really unique angle.
The world will end in six months and everyone on earth has gone carpe diem mode and are living out their wildest dreams. They're partying, they're rioting, they're traveling the world, they're eloping, they're having orgies, they're picking up new daring hobbies, they're doing all these crazy hedonistic things that life has never given them the opportunity to do until now.
And Carol, poor Carol. Carol's parents are worried about her because she has not felt inclined to do anything like that. It's just not how she wants to live. Carol is quiet, she's awkward, she gets overwhelmed at parties. So intense doomsday chaos is not her scene at all. She finds peace in normalcy and routine. Simple things like a boring desk job and grocery shopping and doing laundry and eating at her favourite restaurant are what make Carol happy.
But when society has collapsed, all sense of structure has gone with it. So she has to hunt to find meaning in a way that suits her own personality.
And is she not entitled to finding joy during the end times on her own terms?
Carol has also felt unfulfilled in her life. But not because she's disliked the rigid routine she has built for herself, but because her socially awkward demeanour has prevented her from really connecting with other people. She's lonely. She's 42 years old and she doesn't really have anyone that she feels she can open up to.
The show is about Carol's tiny victories and her own spin on seizing the day on a much smaller scale than the rest of the world. She doesn't need to travel. She doesn't need to find the love of her life. She doesn't need to jump out of a plane. Maybe all she needs in order to feel whole is a few close friends that she can bake banana bread for. All she wants is the calmness of routine and the warmth and reliability of friends. She doesn't want to feel alone anymore. Carol's desires are simple and mundane, and she might be judged for not choosing to live a little louder when the clock is ticking down. But it's what will make her happy. Is that not beautiful? I think it's very beautiful.
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bizarrelittlemew · 18 days
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i was hoping to make a post like this under happier circumstances, but here goes.
as some of you know, everything with the cancellation and renewal campaign has happened right on top of the worst part of my mom's cancer treatment (plus the show was cancelled on my actual birthday 💀). i won't go into details, but it's been tough. lots of ups and downs, mostly downs, luckily ending (for now) on as much of an up as circumstances allow. the whole thing has been weirdly tied to the cancellation for me, kind of amplifying every feeling. the grief got mixed up, and there was so much of it - mourning the loss of the kind of future i thought i'd have with my mother and the time we might not get, mourning the end of a show that means so much to me and is such a big part of my life. different types of grief, sure, and of different magnitudes, but in one big ugly swirl. i sort of had a breakdown right at the start of february, and it was because of news about my mom, but it morphed into my brain telling me everything i'd ever written was shit and wanting to delete it all. stuff like that, spilling over.
anyway. i was holding off on writing this post to see if the show got picked up by someone else. but i still want to say it. because what also spilled over was the support and community from this fandom, and being in this space (despite the rough times and high emotions) helped me through it, because of all of you here. whether we talk regularly, or you left a comforting reply or simply a like on one of my posts about having a hard time (i tried to keep them few), or wrote a nice comment on a fic, or said something funny or nice or insightful in the tags of a gifset, or was active here (or on twt) in any way, talking/sharing/creating stuff about the show - THANK YOU.
you all helped me through all the ups and downs, and i am so grateful. thank you for being here, listening, distracting, helping me feel some joy despite the horrors. i love you and i love this incredible show and all it has brought and will continue to bring and inspire, and although it should go without saying, i'm not going anywhere. just do me a favor and give yourself a big ol' hug from me, and know that you made a difference for some random guy on the internet (but in reality for many more, and for this fandom as a whole, just by being here and being you) 💕
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lwh-writing · 10 months
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I've been rewatching the Hunger Games movies with some friends, and I have many, many thoughts. I seriously need to reread these books because it's been years and Suzanne Collins is a literary genius, but I digress.
Anyway, there's a quote in Catching Fire where President Snow says "If head game maker Seneca Crane had any brains at all, he would've blown you to bits then and there." This is in reference to Katniss and Peeta almost eating the poison berries and getting out of the arena as co-Victors rather than them turning on each other, thus giving the rebels hope that they can stick it to the Capitol. It is Snow's belief that killing one and/or both of them would have solved the problem before it BECAME a problem.
But the thing is.... it really wouldn't have. If anything, it would have made the rebel problem worse.
Let's say Crane killed both Peeta and Katniss. For the first time in decades, the Hunger Games would have had no Victor. There would be no victory tour, no new kid to pimp out to the Capitol's highest bidders, and no new distraction until the next games roll around. And on top of that, it would have shown the entire world how little the Capitol actually cares about them. The game makers changed the rules halfway through to allow for two Victors, and then they took that away at the last second because two Victors emerging from the arena would have destroyed the very foundation of the Hunger Games. If Crane had truly shot down Katniss and Peeta, the fallout of the 74th Hunger Games would have been a wake-up call to both the Districts and the Capitol that Haymitch was 100% correct in saying that there are no winners of the Hunger Games, only survivors. The bright-eyed Capitols would have been forced to face the reality that the games were fundamentally unfair, and the Districts would have been shown that if even the Victors, the people guaranteed wealth and luxury weren't safe, that if their small beacons of hope could still be killed off without those in power batting an eye... then why even bother playing to the Capitol's tune in the first place? And the Rebels? They've got two new martyrs for their cause, and a newly discontent populous ready to fight for them.
Now, alternatively, let's say Crane did nothing. Let's say he let Katniss and Peeta eat the berries and they both die in the arena by suicide. Well, that won't be as drastic as Crane shooting them down, but the results are still mostly the same. The 74th Hunger Games still has no Victor. There's no one left to play distraction and convince the people of Panem not to look behind the curtain and catch a whiff of its political rot. And it's still the two-Victor rule change and the immediate retraction of such that doomed their favorite star-crossed lovers. It's still a wake-up call to the Capitols and the Districts that the Hunger Games are unfair, and that those in charge are willing to change the rules at their discretion no matter how it affects the general public. The people are still pissed, and the rebels still have their two martyrs.
Well, okay, what if Crane only killed ONE of them. Let's say Crane sees what's happening and decides to shoot only Peeta or only Katniss, it doesn't matter which. The 74th Hunger Games has a clear Victor, but that doesn't help a thing. Once again, it's still the rule change and retraction that got one half of Panem's OTP killed. It's still a clear signal to the people that those pulling the strings don't care. There's still discontent in the Capitol and the Districts because the Capitols lament their failed romance, and the Districts just saw an almost-should-have-been Victor get shot down on live TV. Not to mention it shows that the games are rigged beyond belief when the game makers, quite literally, chose the Victor. The Rebellion still gets a martyr. And on top of that, they get a mouthpiece stirring up shit.
You cannot look me in the eye and tell me that if Peeta or Katniss walked out of that arena without the other, the one that survived would have taken that lying down, consequences be damned. You cannot tell me that Peeta "If it wasn't for the baby" Mellark wouldn't have been playing the press and the political scene like a fiddle and knocking down Snow's regime like a line of dominos. You cannot tell me that Katniss "Girl on Fire" Everdeen wouldn't have been itching to take a quiver of arrows and massacre all occupants of the Presidential Palace. A Peeta without Katniss or a Katniss without Peeta would have Snow's worst political nightmare, and if he killed them after the fact, then the riots in the streets would have only gotten worse.
Seneca Crane's fatal mistake wasn't letting Katniss and Peeta live; it was allowing the two Victor rule change to happen. The SECOND that happened, the foundation of the games-- the image of the sole Victor shining above the rest --was shattered. Nothing could have fixed that, not even the hasty second rule change later on. There was absolutely no situation where Snow and company walked away the winners. Absolutely none. And Crane choosing to let Katniss and Peeta live was honestly the best choice in a string of horrible choices that could have been made. And the fact that Snow doesn't see that highlights exactly how out of touch he is with the human element that drives people to do the things they do.
Note: edited to fix "Capital" into "Capitol"
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pastafossa · 3 months
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Update.
Mom made another little bit of improvement today. She's still on the ventilator, but now if I understood it right, she's basically breathing on her own again and they've lowered her sedation to practically nothing, allowing her to slowly come up. If - and the doctor was very firm that this is an if - if she continues to come up and stays stable, she might be off the ventilator tomorrow! He said they want her fairly alert before taking her off, but if all goes well, when I see my mom again tomorrow, she'll be off the ventilator. She also reacted a lot to me and sis today when we saw her, so that's something.
I feel like I've been floating in a haze since they put her under on Monday. Time is... weird, passing too fast or weirdly slow. I feel like I blink in the afternoon and suddenly it's time for bed, or a 30 min wait for an update takes hours. And I've wound up spending a lot of time between hospital visits just feeling... stuck. Unsure of what to do, of what's ok, of what I should be doing. Thanks to some encouragement from friends here - comments, messages, late night chats even when I'm out of it or drop out halfway through to cry or fall asleep - I at least felt a little less guilty about not having much I could do, and I've gotten regular reminders to eat and drink. We've also started putting up the tree so it'll there when mom comes home, which has helped. But god, if mom woke up tomorrow, if I knew she would be ok, I could handle things.
One more night for mama on the ventilator. Just one more. Then I can give her a hug, and cry some happy tears. Fingers crossed.
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 9 months
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you absolutely already know this, but i adore your work. i think it's hard to avoid the pressure of being surrounded by people we might consider "true artists," but the fact is that, frankly, everyone who makes art is an artist.
before this year, i hadn't drawn a complete piece in nearly three years. the line work i did produce felt abysmal and i was tempted to give up. then, i saw your comic and i thought, "wow, that's really cute, and it looks like a fun style to emulate."
i drew you, pondering me, eating grass. and it WAS fun. i forgot how fun it could be. i can draw lesbian horses, or pony!WWX throwing a chicken, or me eating grass. i can even make shitty memes! and all of it, no matter how good or how bad, is fun again.
you bring a lot of fun to people here. that's something equally as important as people who cultivate fancy line work or expert level digital painting. i'm sure that's something you know, but i hope it never hurts to hear it.
happy first season, friend! i can't wait to see the rest.
As a chronic perfectionist, it's been a long journey for me to accept that 'done is better than nothing' and that the worst critical voice is my own. Sure there's people who've gone to professional art schools, and those with a more than a decade of experience on me, but honestly? Would I tell a child their sonic drawing isn't art? Just because they have no 'experience' or 'technique'? Absolutely not. So I'm no longer saying my efforts should not count as art.
At the end of the day, art is what we choose to make it. We have the power to create whatever we want. And we are going to use it to have fun! We never lost the love and fun for creation we all had as children, we just told ourselves it wasn't enough. But it really is B*)
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wroophruh · 3 months
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I JUST READ MTMTE UP TO ISSUE 23 AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
REWIND MY LITTLE BOI COME BACK PLEASE CHROMEDOME NEEDS YOU, WE NEED YOU, 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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einaudis · 12 days
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Oh, boy... "All of Us Strangers" broke me. It really broke my soul.
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flammerouge · 1 month
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watching stage 17 of the tdf 2023 because i guess i like to make myself feel a little sad for no reason sometimes
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lab-gr0wn-lambs · 4 months
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Ok I've had some time to chill, lemme say a bunch of things I DID like about The Star Beast:
The right vibes are back. THIS feels like Doctor Who and I have a lot of faith in what's to come once they have time to pace things out
The characters are great. A+
Made me laugh
Silly practical effects!
Obviously Marvelous MARVELOUS to have Donna back with us, even if it's just for a little while
New intro is bangin
New Tardis is Nice. I honestly didn't like the crystal one.
The trans rep comes from a sincere place, I can tell. I think a lot of the gender talk was awkward and confused and kinda. stupid. in places. but. I appreciate it anyway
Really nice that they didn't kill off Wilf despite Bernard Cribbin's passing
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imagine if like since mc has only pacts with the future brothers yet is able to use them on the past brothers that the command also still works on the future brothers
like an example is commanding for past Mammon to meow/bark and future Mammon while out in public ends up also following the command despite not hearing it and now everyone around him is just staring at him while he curses mc under his breath before running off from sheer embarrassment
👨‍💻 anon
That'd actually be a really good confirmation that Mc is alive. Yeah, in the present day everyone is stuck in one place bc of the sit command... But that's okay...? Kinda??
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hi yes I'm doing great and fine at college why do you ask :) (<< person who barely contained crying all the way back to her dorm and then broke down once she was in her room bc her government professor told everyone at the end of the first class that they're going to see horrible things in life and it's ok to be bothered by them, you don't have to constantly 'other people have it worse' about everything and so never let yourself feel the hurt over something and then went on to give everyone in the class a Tim Keller book to help cultivate personal devotions bc freshman year is hard)
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Have you made other collages/animations for asoiaf? Got curious bc of the Jeyne P one bc I thought you didn't make those for fandoms
Asides from the recent Je¥ne one, I've only made one for ASOIAF, these have been exceptions, one born out of boredom the other out of despair, and I’m not content with the end result because I made it in 2016 when I was starting and it looks tacky as hell. Fun enough I had to resize it because the original was too large for Tumblr so now it looks even worse.
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miutonium · 5 months
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Yesterday during Pre-FYP pitch:
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#asuka speaks#im sorry guys but i just want to tell you guys the critique went well i just need to fix just a tiny little thing in my slides#anyway my lect is happy because it seems that I know very well about my topic and relieved that she doesnt need to worry about me#also im just really happy i get to tell her about some of the cool ads related to smoking like omg im cryingjrkrnem 😭😭😭#like you guys dont get it this is the first time Im able to nerd out about it and tell her about the ads I stumbled on and have a really-#meaningful discussion about it wagsjshqkial 😭😭😭#when i said I love psa and ads in general i actually mean I actively seeking out these things on a weekly to daily basis#and sometimes i put it on when i do work lol#yes there's actually compilation of it on youtube lol they even categorised it based on topics#i personally like the british/europeans one i just feel the message were so hard hitting sometimes#but i also love the old anti drug ads from the 80s-90s because of nostalgia lol#i know this seems probably weird but like lmao if anyone ever give me a chance to ask me which top 3 i like#i would give like 10 instead hsksksksk#anyway the fyp topic i picked were about smoking since my trip to the hospital and also my personal observation made me realised-#the initiative the moh are doing for anti smoking awareness is just so outdated lol#i dont despise smoking lol dont worry i just find that whatever the moh is doing isnt working for this era anymore#so i thought it would be neat to incorporate both art and psa because psas aren't suppose to be boring#and that's what consensus thought it is#sorry jdjidjslaoqlql im just nerding out here aldjdkalalql i just want to tell you guys what happened yesterday
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chipped-chimera · 6 months
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Ugh ... I am low-key so worried about how the BG3 ending is gonna play out for Karlach that I'm considering stopping playing and just coming back to it when I can handle it. Some of this shit is just hitting too close to home and I'm not sure I'm cut out for it.
More personal context under the cut if you want.
I relate to Karlach's pain so much. Too much. To the point it makes me teary thinking about it. Both of our lives have been cruel.
It has been hard for me, despite a stable family upbringing that most would envy, in a lower-middle class family that for the large part has been financially stable. I'm also white. I know I'm lucky in that capacity - god I fucking know (and the thought that what I've gone through could be considered a 'lucky' position? What does that mean for others? It keeps me up at night).
But that didn't stop the pain crawling in. I wasn't diagnosed with Autism until 27. I wasn't diagnosed with co-morbid ADHD until I was 28. I wasn't medicated for ADHD until I was 30 (and that was AFTER being told by a psych who also invalidated my Autism diagnosis aka the context for fucking EVERYTHING in my life, I couldn't have ADHD because I could 'read a book').
Before that? I knew I was depressed at 13, but didn't want to burden my family so I did nothing - we may be lower middle class and stable but I knew that was only because my parents tried so fucking hard. We had camping chairs in place of furniture up until I was eight. I lived with the pain because I didn't want to burden them, and without the context of my neurodivergence I just blamed myself for the problem, not being good enough, not trying hard enough - not being ENOUGH. I held onto it until I cracked and couldn't take it anymore at 16. I was diagnosed with Depression and Generalised Anxiety Disorder. It's since been upgraded to chronic Major Depression and it's classed as treatment resistant.
Both of us have had moments of building ourselves up from nothing. Through therapy and medication I was able to feel a bit better, more positive as I left high school. Thinking maybe it was gonna be okay after all, out there in the world.
It felt like I'd slowly reached out into the light, tentatively, hopefully - there'd be something more, that I'd live out the dreams I'd had, the things I'd always wanted to do. I was still optimistic.
Instead it felt like that arm had been immediately lopped off.
The story is long and too complicated to tell without this being longer than it needs to be. But like Karlach, I feel I've lost years of my life. Like Karlach, it's been a decade - ten years. That I cannot get back, that I grieve keenly.
I have been isolated, and then betrayed by those I thought I trusted. First, by the systems that were supposed to help me when I was struggling - my own government's system as they hit me with a debt that I couldn't even pay, on a scheme which has in retrospect been found to be completely illegal, but has left me with lasting trauma and damage and no closure. Not even a sorry. Because I, with my undiagnosed Autism and ADHD and a growing fatigue issue where I was so exhausted from simply being alive I just couldn't fight it. So I let them take money out of my social security payment - which was and still is considered below the poverty line. I was punished for being poor, I was punished for arguably, being disabled.
And then, by the person I trusted most. The person I thought I loved, the person who made it felt like everything was okay - I may be struggling still but there was still a future! There was someone who cared about me, who would be beside me for the rest of my lifetime. He asked me to marry him. We were engaged for three. Years. We'd been dating for 10. I thought everything, despite all the shit happening to me, was going to be okay.
It wasn't.
I had landed some employment for the first time in 3 years. I was working more hours than advised by the psychologist who diagnosed me with Autism but I had no choice - I was literally on the minimum limit available to me, due to the barriers I still have to navigate to qualify for disability supports (again, from a government system that I no longer trusted and gave me the earnest impression that they preferred me dead than 'leeching off their system'). But I was not living. I couldn't handle even 15 hours a week, I was more exhausted than I'd ever been. I felt like a corpse. I spoke with my disability employment coordinator (no, despite what I said, being on disability EMPLOYMENT services does not qualify you getting onto disability support, just means the government will only hound me for a minimum of 15 hrs a week instead of 30 in order for social security, that's a whole other complicated thing) IN CONFIDENCE that I wasn't sure I could keep up with the current work format and hoped I could discuss some solutions. Next minute I find I'm locked out of the work facebook. I was fired, without warning and without protections because I was a casual. Because my employment coordinator told my boss before even discussing anything with me.
My relationship was suffering but I wasn't aware. I was too tired for intimacy, and probably two tired to see the signs. I'd gotten my Autism diagnosis at this point and maybe it was a bit difficult for my fiancée at the time to understand, but he came to terms with it. The ADHD assessment was booked. I had realized at this point pushing myself to be something I wasn't, thinking somehow landing work and earning money for myself would help the depression - it didn't. I was worse than I'd ever been. Then the moment came where I was handed a notice that the government would no longer give me any social security because my partner, on his meager chef's salary was earning too much. All because I'd tried to do the right thing by the government. I'd tried so hard to be good. I'd tried so hard to be ENOUGH.
I wasn't enough.
My fiancée came to me, my fiancée who I'd been talking to about our upcoming wedding plans now the pandemic was over, my fiancée who I'd been cuddling with on the couch last night watching films - he came to me when I was battered, and raw and broken and crying in bed - just said 'I can't do this anymore.' And that was it. It was done. As I processed it, I realised the root of it was, it was because I'd taken the mask off. I decided I wasn't going to try to be something I wasn't anymore, because I knew and it was backed up in countless studies - what I was doing was actively killing me. And he didn't want to deal with that. I wasn't enough, and yet I was too much.
It has been two years since then. My ADHD is medicated. I live in a stable, safe environment with my parents where I don't have to worry about my security. I have set firm boundaries that I learned while I was independent, and they respect them. But the wounds are still deep and it'll take a long time to recover, to get that trust in the world back.
When I look at Karlach, I see some of myself. Someone who has been used, abused and betrayed by those they trusted. Someone who felt abandoned by everything, that there was no hope, no way out. And yet in spite of it all - kept going. Who, deep in their heart kept something soft and safe. Held onto and protected what little shred of optimism left. Because if we don't practice kindness, who will? We want to be the kindness we want to see in the world, because fuck, have we seen so little of it. It is so easy to give up, to fall into despair when you've been through so much shit. It requires so much vigilance and energy and momentum to keep going, when you're wading through a battlefield of carnage and gore in your life, whether metaphorical or literal. We hold on and we are kind because we hope, one day, that kindness will touch us back. That despite it all we try our fucking hardest to wear a smile, and see the good in everything we can.
And I think that's why it hurts so much. Karlach is finally free. And happy. She feels loved. She's finally feeling some of that kindness again kindness that I know, that she knows she fucking deserves. And it's on a fucking time limit.
And that's what's fucking breaking me. I know she's supposed to be some kind of allegory for terminal illness. And I know this isn't my story. I know it's a story that is important to tell, and it will touch others in a different way. But for me it feels like all the wounds I've barely scabbed over are being ripped open again. Because this is not an ending she deserves at all. It makes me sit and wonder, is that all there is for people like us? Just brief windows of happiness in the pain until we die? Don't we deserve saving? Don't we deserve a happy ending? A peaceful one? Don't we deserve to wear that smile, that happiness without us having to fight for every second it with tooth and nail to keep it there? To believe in it?
I don't know the endings in detail for her. But i have seen enough in the vaguest sense to feel it won't be good, and I don't know if I'm ready for that. I have played games with sad themes, like I know Cyberpunk isn't that great either - but I think the difference is who it is happening to. It's somehow easier when it's you, as the player. But when it's someone else? When you know that pain so fucking keenly you would rip yourself apart just to let them escape that hell, it's hard to stomach.
Then there's the disability angle that bothers me so much. Currently her options, as she puts it, are burning up and dying or going back to Avernus. I understand why she's choosing death, like, fuck man I do. Why is it always death though? Why is death better. Why can't she get a replacement heart? Make it shit! It can be a shitty heart that still works, but needs tune ups, and maybe she can't fight like she used to but she gets to fucking live a happy life! Because a shitty, happy life is better than nothing at all. Because as it goes, it feels to me I'm just being told it's easier to just die than submit to the suffering again whenever a piece of media picks an end like this. It's either the cure-all or death, there's never room for something in between. There's never room for making peace with what you have lost and still reclaiming some of your life, grieving what you have lost but still finding something worth having and holding onto. And when you're in that limbo state yourself, it's a hard pill to swallow. And it's hard to let anyone else fall into it.
We both deserve life. We both deserve happiness.
Fuck.
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madeleinefunn · 2 years
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okamirayne · 5 months
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Hi Rayne!
I’m a longtime fan (I read BtB when you were releasing OtC).
I just wanted to pop by as I’m doing my regular reread of the series, which is a habit I reserve for my most favourite books, and say hi and check in on you.
How are you? And (no pressure at all) how are you getting on with your original works? I look forward to the day I can read more of your wonderful writing. I’ve seen your updates on burnout and I don’t think this will help much but I want you to know you have a loyal fan in me who would enjoy and applaud anything that you write. I hope you have a wonderful rest of the year and festive season if you celebrate!
Hello, my dear Anon!💜
I’m a longtime fan (I read BtB when you were releasing OtC).
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Oh wow! That's just so awesome. Thank you so much for the love you've shown the series. I'm so ridiculously touched that you return to enjoy the BtB madness and that it ranks among the stories you revisit. So, so happy and insanely chuffed to hear this. 💜💜💜
[..] say hi and check in on you.
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How are you? And (no pressure at all) how are you getting on with your original works?
...there is a picture somewhere (a meme) of what looks like a hedgehog losing it's shit...*searches for it*
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This, presently, is me. I am this spiky little ball of hot ballistic head injury waiting to happen.
Slightly more realistic representation:
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Not sure whether that answers your question, my luv. 😅
My idiocy aside, it's so very sweet of you to check in. Thank you 🙏🏼 💗💜 I'm sadly still muscling my way through the shitshow that is creative burnout and trying to put out a few personal dumpster fires. My recent return to the BtB series has been an attempt to reconnect myself to my creativity...
I've been eyeing HHU for a few weeks now...
I’m considering flexing the atrophied muscle of my writer's brain by working a little on this BtB instalment, just to see if it gets the vital life-giving creative blood flowing again...
My original works remain preserved in a freeze-frame -- not abandoned, just locked behind a bloody glass wall (hence 'holding the wall and screaming'). My poor OCs are a collective entity, sitting with their chins in hand, eyeing me from beneath heavy lids, eyebrows cocked, waiting for me to come alive again.
And messages like yours?
They're a life-giving shot. Hugely nourishing to that deeply sad and starved part of me.
Thank you. 💕💜💕
Seriously. My earlier humour aside, your message has found me grasping another life-line of hope, and another reminder why I will not give this up - Screaming Hedgehog will prevail.
I’ve seen your updates on burnout and I don’t think this will help much [...]
Oh my dear, sweet, humble, beautifully kind, Anon -- how profoundly wrong you are about that, my friend. 🥹 You could not be further from the truth.
[...] but I want you to know you have a loyal fan in me who would enjoy and applaud anything that you write.
*hears her own heart break -- in the best way* 💔💔❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹
Anon...This message from you impacts me in ways that, as usual, I fail to be able to communicate in words. I might be able to choreograph it in some dynamic form of hug/glomp/undying-embrace, from which you might not be able to extricate yourself without a tasergun (or tea, I'll take the carrot over the stick). But please, PLEASE, know that by reaching out to leave me this message, what you've done does WAY more than help. It heals. It hits. Hard. Right in the heart. And I clearly need that.
🤔 I recognise that doesn't make much sense, but it helps to remember why it hurts so damned badly not to be writing, otherwise I numb out, and that's devastingly worse than feeling the bottomless sadness. Your message lets me access that, which then lets me access the deep joy, gratitude, and encouragement which comes from hearing that my particular strain of storytelling madness is still wanted, still desired, even after so much time has passed since I last wrote...
I never assume this.
Christ, it's a fear that haunts me at every turn, so to have some of that demonically painful terror exorcised by your beautiful message goes waaaaay WAAAAY beyond helpful. Please don't ever doubt the power your words have had or how deep they reach. I'm talking deep deep roots here. My appreciation is boundless.
Thank you. 💕💜💕
I wish you a generously blessed rest of the year, Anon, however you do your wintering, festive or not, I hope it's fun and fulfilling🌟. Thank you also for your warm wishes! Yes, I usually celebrate, though this year will be a more subdued time due to a personal loss; that said, I will embrace all good tidings for the season of giving -- starting with this beautiful message from you. 💕
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