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stray-tori · 3 years

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Making peace with TPN S02E04 (anime-only)

Post summary: my problems with the episode, possible explanations for why and how to minimize the problems. also some speculation.

The thoughts are mostly based on the anime in a bubble, aside from the segments where I mention otherwise.

#0 - My mixed feelings about staying anime-only

This is strange, because... I’m not really hype for next week? I want more, but not in the same excited way I did before. Because I simply don’t know what to expect anymore.

I want to stick as an anime-only so I can deliver stand-alone thoughts as this... clunky and stumbling adaptation makes its way towards the finish line (obviously it won’t be done this season but, yeah ---- i mean, hopefully not, who knows what they’ll do at this point).

But another part of me is just... more excited to read the manga to see what it is like and what the differences are, after the anime is done (which was always my plan, but I was never really actively excited about it pff-). And I feel like your anime approach has failed when I’m moreso looking forward to reading the source material eventually. I do hope that with ep5 they’ll get back on track and this feeling will fade. That they have a meaningful plan and reason for why ep4 felt so messy and disjointed - a reason why it had to go this way, because I feel like they just wanted them out of the bunker, but this is not the way imo (more on that in the next segment)

#1 - Leaving the bunker - mix of feeling “rushed” and “waste of time”

I feel like where the anime is going, they kind of wrote themselves into a corner in Episode 4. The story setup was leading them to this place (i.e. the bunker), but they obviously didn’t want them to stay there long.

What is the problem? / The way it was setup, we got about an episode of them being there (too few to have emotional attachment to the place) and then being chased out when things went well. In a way it is both too soon, but since nothing really worth the ~1 episode “fluff” happened there in the end, it feels pointless or as if we just wasted time, just for them to leave in the end.

Imo, the bunker is needed for two things, 1) being the first goal for them to go to, so the story isn’t aimless right away and 2) info dumps. Most of the children’s content can be repurposed during their forest time or doesn’t seem relevant right now.

For the record, I personally think that they got found out makes sense in-universe,

WM said he was found out, it’s not unlikely the farm knows that bunkers exist and might even have a vague idea of where they are

that there are multiple could be assumed by the army guy saying, “That’s how shelters usually are” -- If the world has been like this for 1000 years, what other purpose than human survival in a demon would could shelter even have?

I don’t think the pursuers communicated it back (got lucky, Ray) because if they did, they wouldn’t show up a whole month later.

they could have just observed them, they’ve been on the surface quite a bit.

(though I also agree it should be confirmed how the farm found out)

I’m just questioning the impact it had on me as a viewer (which is little) - the world is rigged against them, they can’t catch a break in a system this powerful chasing them and I think part of the confusion and “wait we’re back at square 1??” (literally) is intentional, to evoke the feeling of something being lost. If possible, I would keep the spirit of this idea (see “it’s a trap” in the next segment)

So what can we do to fix it?

Skipping the bunker / I don’t think we can remove the bunker outright. I suppose they could have had them just go straight for the new location by having the last keyword be another puzzle instead of the phone recording giving it away directly. But that might have too few things happening. That way they also would have gotten more time on their own to be wandering OR Mujika and Sonju might have been with them longer (which would honestly make sense from a meta point, too. I feel like they were a little short-lived.)

Less time in the bunker / if it feels pointless anyway, get it over with quickly

More time in the bunker / stay longer and have them do something else. Maybe they prepped to already go back to GF, time has passed and then they get raided. Problem: why did it take the farm force so long?

To be honest, I’m not sure that would have been much better so I’m personally more inclined to fix it with a very tightly connected problem, which will be the next segment:

#3 - the HELP wall scare was pointless

What’s the problem? / the scare was used in between two segments of “the happy life in the bunker”(TM). The segments are the exact same feeling to me personally, just fluff. The scare changed NOTHING. Nothing that was revealed justifies it existing.

Pre wall scare: WM is an ally, the bunker is for escapees

Post wall scare: WM is an ally, he got discovered, the bunker is for escapees, there were escapees there before (?)

The wall doesn’t even have anything to do with WM. And we didn’t get enough details on the HELP wall, even on its own. Was the book and the “HELP”s from the same person? Why were they going crazy there? What did their siblings die from? It can’t be food, so it must have happened outside. Where they picked up by the Task Force(TM)?

The “don’t give up” is nice, but our crew didn’t need that pep talk I think - i guess with Minerva gone, they lost a hope for allies, but at the same time he gave them coordinates where to get support. If they didn’t get that and now were on their own, I’d get the whole uplifting book more, personally. I guess the tragedy here is that WM is dead? Maybe I’m not emphasizing with the characters enough on this.

. So what can we do to fix it?

Give more details to the wall / i.e. answering the questions posed above. Maybe show more of the diary. Maybe two were left and one killed themselves (they scribbled HELPs and were crazier) and left the other alone, and they decided they’re leaving for the human world. It doesn’t change that the scare doesn’t mean much, but it would at least be a little more personal.

Change the wall / remove the helps, leave the names and the counting. It would be a tragic reveal (instead of a over-dramatic scare) to see that people had died (around) here, making them scared for their own lives (I guess that’s kind of implied to be happening but since it doesn’t linger, I didn’t really notice.)

It’s a trap/they definitely know of the bunker / it’s not “help” but “run” which was a warning someone put there because they figured out the farms knew of the bunker (or they got attacked and one couldn’t leave). It being a trap would make sense because even as it’s now, I’m just assuming they vaguely know of the bunkers’ existence anyway. Then it wouldn’t be “yay bunker life! - scare - yay bunker life! - BOOM” but instead “yay bunker life! - it’s a trap... what do we do?” - you can still have the info dumps & the phone call and then they either realize it’s a trap and just leave (removing the problem of the....... interesting raid scenes), and BOOM (haha) you’re where the anime is now, since the troup got nom’ed anyway and aren’t a threat anymore. The mission would still fail since they’re gone, so Isabella’s plot is in tact too. I think this would also partly solve the bunker problem, because now something actually changed about the setup we know. It’s NOT the safe bunker anymore. It changes a lot about the world too - the farm knows of them so how much more of the WM support net is affected? It makes you think more about the larger scale implications (and ligns up nicely with the “I was discovered” talk from James, therefore making the wall shown at the same time relevant), + the bunker has another reason to be there, to reveal that. Personally, it would change our perception and understanding of the situation, which imo would make up for the lacking investment in the bunker itself. It would also prompt them to leave faster (likely), thus eliminating the “we spent so much time here for nothing” thing. If you really want to you can even have them stay anyway, since it’s the only thing they have and they opt to just leave on the first sign of someone actually being on their back. This requires a better night watch than Don though :D

#4 - The little things

Missed drama - the episode was pretty casual about a lot of things; testing potentially dangerous food (fair because it was a nice segment), their new home being gone (fair because no attachment) and them seeing humans being eaten right in front of them (WHY WASN’T THIS MILKED). It makes it all seem like it’s not a big deal - which I guess in a survival story, it kind of isn’t. But I still feel like there wasn’t really any impactful moment this episode it just kinda went “brrr” and now we’re back to episode 1.

for real, please milk the wild demon eating people / he just kinda goes "nom" and the children are there and run. It feels like the anime itself barely takes it seriously - it's the first time (I think), they see a human get eaten by a demon and I feel like that could have used like a close up shot, and some more disgusted reactions by the children. I get that it's a world where that just happens but I feel like the anime just didn't take or see the change to do something more personal with it. I like it as an element at its core because it makes sense; they shot around, attracting the demon and I also like the irony of being saved by a wild creature. Even if that now chases you.

incompetent soldiers - why do they have guns? they can’t HARM / KILL the quality food, so WHY GUNS? -- People with guns are usually incompetent in anything because they just can’t hit anything, but that at least makes sense here. Still, what was the plan? Sheer intimidation? They’re the farms’ force right? Why don’t they know how to deal with wild demons? Possible answer: to prevent humans with guns knowing how to eliminate their higher ups :D doesn’t change that it makes them look stupid. Bro really got defeated by getting a cup thrown in his face. To be fair this specific one didn’t seem to be the brightest bulb, why the “huh?” when he found Don??? Is this relevant I’M SO CONFUSED.

where’s the character moments? - when they got to the bunker, everyone else kind of got the focus, and the main cast just didn't have any of those character moments anymore that made the previous episodes, especially episode 2, so touching and emotional for me. Don't get me wrong, I love the kind of fluff content with the children a lot but I kind of missed some.... it feels like it's more event driven (#BOOM) than character driven now, and idk how to really attach to that? Especially since with ep4 we didn't even really learn anything new (aside from a name and that he was indeed good and is now dead I guess).

#5 - Why?

Warning: this goes a bit into comparisons (nothing concrete though), and I obviously don’t know more than I picked up from fandom reactions.

My guess is that

“So... I cannot at this point say that we are going to animate the entire story to the very end. We are not at a point where we can say that. Sorry. (Laughs)”

from the MAL interview might be a factor. It seems they wanted to tell their own spin regardless (which I personally respect) but maybe they thought that unless they had a two-cour, it would be hard to keep up the investment the first season set up with what was originally in the manga (I had heard that it would be a weird pacing to do 11 episodes and maybe they wanted to make sure viewer engagement was high).

> “We know that there are viewers who, after they watch the anime, want to continue on and read the manga, and there are viewers who have read the manga first and are now watching the anime.”

(I’m not sure if “after the anime” means after a season or after the the whole adaptation)

Their goal is definitely an “unique” experience. And they seem to at least be aware that some people watch the anime first, so it has to make sense in a bubble.

I can’t say if I would have preferred a slower start into whatever the manga has that caps off at 11 episodes (idk how much rewarding stuff could have fit in there), since they probably fear of not being able to do a complete adaptation too. And I feel like as I’m getting it, they are trying to quickly reintroduce what people cared about in s1 --- in Isabella’s case, maybe a bit too early. there was barely any time to really miss her imo.

But I’m also not sure if whatever they’re aiming for will be rewarding. I hope so, because I don’t want their efforts to go to waste. And I don’t want to come to dislike it.

I can admit faults, ep4 is definitely a lowpoint even without knowing the alternatives. Just that for me, it is annoying little things and not the shocking deviations from the manga.

#6 - Hope

I have hope though because Isabella’s stuff was good, and now that they’re over the no-return divergence point, they might be able to... (meta spoiler) not repurpose manga scenes without any buildup (is what I’m getting) anymore :”D, because they really only set themselves up for disappointed with that. It might seem like a homage but it’s moreso out of place, the people who read it aren’t happy because you didn’t earn it (and of course they’ll compare) and the anime suffers from it because it can create unnecessary confusion forced in just to make a reference.

Ironically I think they’re too stuck in the manga too and could have benefited from a blind perspective.

I don’t really mind anything overall I think (world is against them, that’s fair, being out on the run again is fine, the demon “rescue” is fine), the execution / some details of episode 4 were just... strange. idk where they are going with it and maybe that really was the best way to transition but until I know where it goes, I can’t really judge that. Highly doubt it though.

I really hope they completely just do their own things now with some base elements from the manga.

A lot of what I talked about in this post ended up making me appreciate the crumbs of intention. The realization that previous escapees didn’t make it (not all of them, anyway) and WM being dead, and then having that uplifting message. The message of “you don’t get to rest, you’re on your own again”. The irony of the wild demon being their (temporary) rescue. The past escapees.

Ironically, I wanted to dunk on the anime but really, all I feel is more content now. Would I have preferred some fixes? Yes, but I see some semblance of meaning in it even with the errors.

Thanks for reading this goddamn essay.

#tpn #tpn s2 #tpn anime #tpn s2e04 #the promised neverland season 2 #tori talks #tori has opinions #long post

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morningfears · 4 years

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New Year

Rating: PG (I think there’s a few bad words? But that’s it)

Summary: Ashton gets some big news at a New Year’s Eve party that changes every new year from then on out.

Word Count: 2k

The spacious townhouse that belonged to a friend of a friend was packed with people. Acquaintances you hadn’t seen in months, some you hadn’t seen in years, mill about the open space and shout their greetings to be heard over the music as you navigated your way through the crowd. Ashton didn’t stray very far from you, one hand on your waist, as the two of you attempted to cross the room in search of the boys.

You could feel Ashton dancing to the music that flooded the space, his shoulder bumping yours occasionally as he lost himself in the beat, and you had to bite your lip to keep from laughing every time he leaned in to share an apology. He hadn’t had anything to drink, he was just happy to be at home and have some time off, but it made you giggle every time you caught a glimpse of him in the floor to ceiling window.

Black, gold, and silver decorations adorned the space, as did balloons that read ‘2020’ and the atmosphere was festive and light as partygoers patiently waited for the stroke of midnight. Everyone was pleasantly tipsy, the food was good, and the music was exactly what you might expect from the amount of musicians scattered around the place. Altogether, it fueled your excitement for the year to come.

So many things changed in 2019, both for you and Ashton, that it was hard to keep track. Many of the things were good, a new job for you and a new album for Ashton, but some were harder than you ever imagined they’d be. The year took a lot out of you both and it was hard to believe that it was almost over. However, you were confident that the new year would be kind to you both.

You were confident that 2020 would be the best year yet and the small piece of plastic hidden in your nightstand was just one of the reasons why.

Ashton had never made it a secret that he wanted children and neither had you. The two of you had spoken about it at length, talked about the best time to start trying and how you planned to raise them, and you’d both let your baby fever consume you. Whenever you went shopping, you always managed to take a detour through the baby session, each of you cooing over small shoes and onesies. You had a few little items, things you couldn’t resist and decided you could always repurpose as gifts if children weren’t in the cards, tucked away in your closet. You even moved into a new, child-friendly home near the middle of the year in preparation for the future. With the album recording and endless touring, you had decided to delay trying and had been patiently waiting for the right time.

However, the right time seemed to have come far sooner than either of you imagined.

Ashton was gone more and more often for press and tours, working to promote the album and prepare for the next. He hadn’t fully returned until November, ready to settle in for the holidays and take advantage of the short break he was given until he had to get back out there for the new album, and you’d both made the most of his return. Your sex life was anything but boring before he spent so much time on the road or when you were able to join him, however, it became that much better when you only got to see one another for a very short period of time every once in a while. Following his return, you’d spent the better part of a weekend in bed, only leaving your room when absolutely necessary.

You weren’t sure when it happened. You thought you’d been careful the entire weekend, taking every precaution necessary, but somewhere during your time between the sheets, the baby you’d both wanted for so long became a reality. You didn’t notice at first, too busy with the holidays and getting settled into your new job to even notice that your period was late, but by the time December rolled around and the morning sickness hit you like a ton of bricks, you began to realize that something was amiss.

You brushed it off at first, attributing the nausea and general discomfort to a stomach bug passed on by a friend’s child. You were confined to your home anyway, finishing a massive amount of paperwork, so you did your best to ignore it. You sipped at tea and choked down some of the anti-nausea medication you kept in the medicine cabinet and soldiered on. It was only when the two of you went to visit Ashton’s family for Christmas that the realization hit you.

When a smell wafting through the house from the kitchen made you sick, it prompted a chorus of, “Oh my god, are you pregnant?” Both you and Ashton waved them off, each of you protesting that you couldn’t be, but as you brushed your teeth that night, you began to consider the possibility.

You weren’t able to get away without anyone noticing during the few days you spent with his family so it wasn’t until the day after Christmas, and your return to Los Angeles, that you were able to take a test. When the little pink plus sign popped up, you called your doctor to set up and appointment for confirmation and spent the morning sitting in a doctor’s waiting room while Ashton spent the day with the boys.

You’d wanted to tell Ashton immediately, the moment you found out, but you wanted to be sure before you shared the news with him. You wanted confirmation from a doctor and, when you got that, it killed you having to wait any longer. However, you’d wanted it to be something you shared privately first, just between the two of you - even if only for a moment as you knew he wouldn’t be able to wait to share the news. You wanted to tell him and him alone before he told the world.

So, instead of continuing your search for the boys, you tugged Ashton out onto the quiet balcony to await the countdown.

“You look so pretty tonight,” he complimented as he placed his glass on the table and wrapped his arms around your waist. “You’re… glowing,” he continued, his smile wide and sincere.

His cheeks were tinted pink from the heat in the house and you grinned as you cupped them and leaned in to press a chaste kiss to his lips. “You look really pretty tonight, too,” you returned as you brushed your thumbs across his cheekbones and smiled at him. “Are you ready for the new year?” you asked as you stepped a little closer to him and moved your arms to wrap them around his neck.

Ashton leaned into your touch as you carded your fingers through his curls. He hummed happily, content and warm in the moment, and breathed an affirmative. “It’s going to be a good year,” he claimed, his voice strong and sure. “Any year with you is a good year.”

“You know, Irwin, you never cease to amaze me with how cheesy you are,” you huffed playfully with an exaggerated roll of your eyes.

Ashton grinned, his teeth on full display as he began to saw you to music that only he could hear. “You haven’t even seen cheesy yet,” hummed, his eyes bright and happy as he swayed you. “Just wait until we have kids. My dad jokes are going to be the only thing anyone who meets us will be able to talk about.”

“I mean, you’re already on the right path,” you teased with a slight shrug before you leaned into his embrace and allowed him to lead the dance. “Your dad jokes are already legendary.”

“But imagine when we actually have kids,” he laughed, a wistful smile on his face as he brushed his hands over the fabric of your dress, “cute little ones to embarrass with terrible jokes. I can’t wait.”

As you heard the countdown begin in the background, you decided that this was the perfect moment to deliver the news. “Who says you have to?” you asked, your voice quiet as you glanced at him from beneath your lashes.

Ashton laughed at this, his brain not quite putting two and two together at first, before his eyebrows scrunched and his mouth fell open. He blinked, not wanting to get ahead of himself, and took a moment before he asked, “Are you… are we going to have a baby?”

As the countdown drew closer to midnight, you nodded. “Yeah, Ash,” you laughed, a smile on your face as you shifted in his grasp and brought his hand to your stomach. “We’re going to have a baby.”

The moment the words left your lips, shouts of ‘Happy new year!’ echoed through the night air. However, neither you nor Ashton paid them any attention. He was stunned silent for a moment before he leaned in and captured your lips in a passionate kiss. One hand remained in place on your stomach, fingers splayed across the fabric of your dress, as the other gripped your hip and pulled you closer to him. You could feel every ounce of love pouring through the kiss, every bit of his excitement, and it only made your excitement grow as you pulled away from him.

His eyes glistened with unshed tears and the smile on his face was so wide that it had to hurt his cheeks but Ashton didn’t care. The only thing that mattered in that moment was that your family was officially beginning. The baby you’d both longed for, the one you’d spent so many nights talking about and planning for, was finally on its way and he was overjoyed.

“This year is going to be the best year ever,” Ashton breathed as he leaned in to press another kiss to your lips. “And every year after that will only get better.”

“I love you, Ash,” you sighed as you returned your fingers to his hair and smiled at the few tears you’d both managed to shed. “I can’t wait to have a family with you.”

“I love you, too,” he returned, his voice more sincere than you’d ever heard him, “both of you. More than anything.”

And though the year had only just begun, you were both certain that it was going to be the best year you’d ever had.

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Author’s Note: Honestly the fact that it’s March is absolutely insane. Also, everywhere in town is sold out of hand sanitizer. Also, also, I want to write more soft Ash because there’s no such thing as too much soft Ash.

Tag List (like this post or message me if you want to be added!): @toolazymyguy , @irwinkitten , @jamieebabiee , @glittersluke , @spicycal , @lusbaby , @everyscarisahealingplace, @brokenvirtualheartcollector , @if-it-rains-it-pours, @blisshemmings , @calumscalm , @lovemenowseemenever , @ijutreallylovezebras , @rhiannonmichelle , @p0laroidpictures , @tomscuddles , @loverofmineluke , @harrytreatspeoplewithkindnesss , @blueviiolence , @loveroflrh , @empathycth , @luckyduckydoo , @tobefalling , @bandsandbooksaremykink , @watch-how-she-burns , @megz1985 , @wokeupinaustralia , @lucidlrh , @canterburyfiction , @cal-is-not-on-branding , @old-zeppelin-shirt

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lambourngb · 3 years

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Fic Writer Interview

Tagged by: @irolltwenties ❤️ thank you so much my dear!

Name(s): L , lambourn on AO3, lambourngb here.

Fandom(s): Roswell New Mexico, a very long time ago, Smallville, and lost to the ages, baseball.

Where you post: AO3 is where just about everything lives. The only things that are tumblr specific at the moment are sneak peaks at future works and my Michael Week AU - the “This Hard” series that will be under one title - “This Hard Love” - once I finish it. 🤞

Most Popular One Shot (by kudos) This year : Leave the Fire Burning , my post-season 2 sex pollen getting back together fic. This was also one of my first stories to be in Michael’s POV.

Overall: it’s still my first finished work here, truth (to the people we love) - that I posted in Nov 2019. Probably the most ideal way to enter a fandom, lots of great people warmly welcomed me in and I still get emotional thinking about it.

 Most Popular Multi-Chapter (by kudos) Overall: last year’s wishes are this year’s apologies - if I’m known by one story, it’s this one and you know what, I’m okay with it. This story changed my fandom life and honestly, my confidence level. I’m extremely harsh on myself, and often hate something once it’s done, so when I reread the epilogue just the other day, I thought “this is still good, well done L” that’s unique for me. This year:   See above.

Favorite story you’ve written so far:  Oh I would say “Leave the Fire Burning” because I wrote it very quickly almost in a trance. 2020 has been a challenging year for writing for the most part, long battles with days of only a 100 words here or there, but that story was basically 20 K in 10 days. A runner up is you give me a good reason to be heartsick again (let me down easy) - my salty post season 2 co-write with Christi @michaels-blackhat where we made fun of the narrative surrounding Forrest and Forlex for almost 6,000 words. I haven’t done a co-write in years, and Christi was game for it and so gracious about my bossy participation ❤️...

Fic you were nervous to post: All of them, but I would say my upcoming Big Bang is giving me butterflies since it references a lot of what happened in season 2, and generally the fandom response to season 2 is pretty polarizing?

How do you choose your titles?: Song titles generally, or sometimes it’s a song lyric that I misremember? Like “Leave the Fire Burning” is related to a Noah Gunderson song “Fire Don’t Die”. I also liked to repurpose lines of dialog from the show into titles, like “truth (to the people we love)” was cannibalized from Michael’s speech to Isobel, “maybe it’s time to tell the truth to the people we love”. And “If You Regret (What You Know) was from Michael’s conversation with Alex in 1x10. Yes, I’m going to continue to abuse punctuation in my titles.

Do you outline?: Yes, absolutely. The outline is allowed to change, with inserted scenes or scenes that get blended together but every project that I’ve made some progress on has an outline that I write within. I like to use brackets, and write just above it, so I can see my goals as a go and to keep my focus.

Complete: 6 works, soon to be 7 when the Big Bang goes live.

In-Progress: *laughs uncontrollably* A LOT. I’ve somehow acquired a circle of friends who are constantly dropping soft and sad head canons on me and then it turns into a fic idea. Right now, I’m working on “This Hard Love” to finish by the end of the year. Next up after that, I want to finish my epilogue to “Last Year’s Wishes”, write the Michael POV scenes that others have requested previously, and then dive into my LYW prequel/Lost Decade epic “prettier and younger, but not any better off”. Also smaller projects in the works, some AUs - like Michael is a guitar maker and Alex is a Nashville star called “Summon Out of These Hollow Places” - @haloud , @adiwriting and @christchex are firmly to blame for that project, along with “Dress Blues (hold me lover, this ain’t an arms race) - Michael becomes Alex’s military spouse and follows him around. I also started a really dark, torture Michael story for @ninswhimsy called “Piece by Piece” where Mr. Jones basically trades Michael to be experimented on and Alex & Maria go undercover to save him. And finally, I’ve got “Why Can’t I Change” - Michael dating during season 3 with background Forlex, and my really sad epic “Grave Dancer’s Union” where Sanders is dying and Michael is his caretaker.

Coming soon/not yet started: All of the above have some words, outlines, etc. Not yet started- stuff like a coma AU, where Jesse puts Alex into a longterm care facility when he’s a teenager and Michael “meets” him because he’s visiting Isobel after the drifter’s attack. “Pressing on a bruse (we can heal)” is my sequel to “Truth” that has taken me forever but still planned, Duty of Care needs some reworking to turn it into a canon-divergent AU, same with “Gather Your Skeletons” my attempt at a soul-bond fic for Malex.

Prompts?: I’ve still got a few in my ask box that are old enough to vote, and as you all can see, I’ve got a lot of google docs in progress. So sure, you can submit, but I don’t know if I’ll get there. I’m better at answering questions about WIPs in progress- like I’ve definitely written more on some of those WIPs just from that last meme that went around. So sending me a nudge about something in progress might get you a sneak peek faster than sending me a whole prompt. With RNM there’s always a chance something will happen and turn you off of the fandom before I can fill the prompt submitted.

Upcoming work you’re most excited about: I would say my prequel to LYW. It’s looking quite long, especially the sections where Michael transitions from sneaker and jeans to jeans and cowboy boots with a big belt buckle. I’ve got a lot of horse knowledge I can’t wait to bore everyone with !

No-pressure Tags: @jule1122 , @adiwriting , @litwitlady , @aewriting , @tasyfa , @andrea-lyn @prouvaireafterdark, @el-gilliath

#meme #stuff about me #so many wips #wip whine #malex #my hamster still only runs on roswell new mexico #self-promotion #my imposter syndrome is a noisy bitch #am I writer? and meagyn has always assured me YES #thanks for the tag

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graphicabyss · 4 years

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?人 NEWS

I wrote an enormous post, or rather an essay, concerning NEWS, Tegoshi, and everything that went through my mind in the past month. Honestly, it’s mostly my way of coping, getting it out of my system and sorting out my thoughts and feelings. But I decided to also post it here for those who might want to read.

It was a long time coming. The rumours were lurking around for years and a month ago they bloomed. And yet, the full realization is yet to dawn on me. When something devastating happens, our mind tends to shake off the pain by either exonerating the beloved person who hurt us, or blaming them and distancing away from them. It's really hard to stay objective. But I'll try.

Coming into this fandom, I prepared myself for disappointment. Once I was a TVXQ fan. You know, the 5-nin TVXQ that was going to be "together forever" and all that. So I wowed never to get that invested in a pop band. When NEWS came along, I tried not to get too attached. I knew it would hurt me, sooner of later. And for awhile, it worked. But, as years went by, I knew I lost the battle. We humans need to cling to something. Thus, nearly 7 years have passed.

To me, Tegoshi has always been a key component. He was the one that led me to NEWS. Or rather, how pretty he looked in a dress. Tegoshi always kept me interested. Sometimes he excited, sometimes he annoyed, but he was never ever boring. He was made of contradictions, both in words and in actions. Nothing ever adds up with him. He made me want to understand him but I could never quite grasp it. Thinking about it now, perhaps it was because he doesn't really understand himself either.

In these years, I had several crisis points where I considered leaving the fandom, all caused by something shitty Tegoshi said or did. But every time I bounced back. Of course, I didn't do it for him. I did it for myself. However, his selfishness has always been offset by his kindness. The last time was him crying at the end of Neverland tour and how sorry he looked. Till the end, I wanted to believe that his common sense and loyalty won't let him do something reckless and stupid. Yet, here we are. The interview he gave to Bunshun led me to believe that he would do the right thing. He said he would show his gratitude to JE and would definitely make his fans happy but now it's the furthest thing from the truth. The fandom is disappointed, confused, angry.

Some people say to get over it, that Tegoshi was meant to leave or some shit. But I think those people fundamentally misunderstand the heart of the problem. It's not that he left that infuriated the fandom. It's how and when he left. Most fans would support his decision to leave if the transition was done properly. He owed us that much. A proper apology. A proper gratitude. A proper farewell. The announcement had me in disbelief. I expected him to at least finish the contract, do the Story Tour, no matter how long it takes, and show the members, staff and the fans the respect they deserve. To cut it short feels like a violation. At the very least, we need a closure. The last goodbye. The last concert. The last something. He just left JE after 17 years like it was nothing.

More than anything, what he did seems so stupid. He had it so fucking good. He was always in the spotlight, both on stage and in TV shows. The other members did most of the offscreen work allowing him to shine. He was supported by endlessly patient members and staff. He had the freedom to choose and all the work he wanted for each of his passions - ItteQ, Soccer Earth, OpenRec. And he had fans that always supported him, no matter how many scandals he had.

What was so important that he had to give up on all the amazing benefits he had? To betray all this trust? And on top of it, at a time like this? When all world is going through so much shit? When the fans need moral support more than ever? What were the "dreams" that he talked about?

The ability to rant on Twitter? Making duckface selfies? Fucking around? Assembling a shitty rock band? Performing with strippers? Some kind of unique business opportunity? He talked for years about wanting to perform overseas or hosting fan events but right now these things are offlimit anyway. Why couldn't he at the very least explain his decision properly? Just that alone will definitely hurt his further career in the long run. The press-conference lasted 2 hours but it answered none of the questions that really mattered and there was no remorse. Though at this point, I can't trust anything he says anyway. He created his Twitter account the the evening it all went down and didn't bother explaining himself. He just jumped off the ship and let other people deal with the damage.

Even now, it all seems like some kind of bad dream. Then again, all of the 2020 does.

When I first saw "手越退社" trending on Twitter back in May I felt like I was spinning into a downward spiral, like all air was sucked out of me. And it wasn't the "oh, no! what will the band do?" I never went to a NEWS concert and never brought any merch. To me, it wasn't really the feelings of a fan whose band faces a crisis but rather that of an entrepreneur who invested too much money into one asset and watched it plummet.

Fandom stuff is a currency that can devalue in a blink of an eye. Its valuable as long as its core message is intact. This is why I can't stand people being petty over scans or videos. I share when I can knowing it will make someone happy because I know that tomorrow that someone might move on. When I stumble upon old closed journals with password-protected downloads they feel like ancient abandoned temples. The treasures in them turned to dust.

4nin NEWS were based on unity, the combination of 4 unique characters. Four components, each of them essential. Now that concept failed. It's like standing in front of a collapsed building. I try to assess the damage. How much of it can I salvage? Repurpose? How much is lost and needs to be cleaned up? Should I even bother?

What do I do with hundreds of live performances and TV shows, in HD, lovingly downloaded and stored?

What to make of thousands of scans, magazines, pamphlets, almost each image edited and sorted? Thousands more stored neatly in folders, waiting to be posted. Countless screens and gifs.

What of the member ai fanvideos that gained over 100k on Youtube bringing joy to so many people? I already got the first heartbroken comment saying "we won't ever see them like that again, will we?"

What to make of my unfinished stories? Honestly, it's one of the things I'm most proud in my entire life. Now their future is uncertain.

Do I take down the poster on my wall? The CDs on my shelf? Soon I will have to looks at my enormous stash and decide for each item. Things that once brought joy now cause pain.

NEWS weren't selling music, they were selling ideas and dreams. The cute band photos now cause hurt and anger. The uplifting songs about unity won't be convincing. All the concerts lost their charm.

Am I being too dramatic? Probably. Perhaps the issue itself may seem trivial to an outsider but our grief is real.

Tegoshi keeps saying he loves NEWS and adores the members. But to me, loving is doing everything you can to avoid hurting the ones you love. Perhaps he means it, but that love will never compare to the love he has for himself. Despite what he says, I doubt we'll even see them together again and I'm not even sure I want to. I knew apart from Koyashige, the members aren't really that close personally. Tegoshi is shallow and seeks popularity more than anything. I'm sure than now he'll hang out with even shadier characters than before. The members used to provide him with the much needed tough love. Now, with nothing and noone holding him back, he'll give in to his overblown ego.

I'm not sure how I feel about NEWS continuing as 3. I mean, I support their decision and that's probably what most fans want but to me, I don't know if it'll work out that well. They were already a band with a lot of luggage and now, just like in 2011, they are a band that induces pity. They would have to rearrange so much to try and fill this huge gaping hole. Not to mention they will struggle vocally. No songs, no choreography can be unaltered. It might be better to go on within the agency doing their own things. But then that would just mean Tegoshi was indispensable and all the work they put in will be wasted. The Story must be competed.

In the past week I went through various stages of grief. The anger was strong and so was disbelief. Now it's finally subsiding, giving way to acceptance. It won't come soon but I'll let all the emotions run their course. The fact is Tegoshi remains very entertaining and the temptation to keep following him and rant about him is strong. I probably wouldn't even fight it if he were to leave with at least a shred of dignity. But with the way things are, I refuse to support him in any way. And I will at least try to phase him out as much as I can as I realize that even my anger is playing into his hands as he wants nothing more than attention, good or bad. Instead, I'll try to focus on those who do deserve support.

I'm not yet sure how to proceed with the blog and everything else but I'll take my time and figure it out. The truth is Tegoshi was one of the two major things that have kept me here for so long. And no, the second reason is not Shige. It's the people. Out of all the fandoms I've been in over the years this one really felt like home. I met so many amazing people here, even though many of them have since moved on. I felt accepted and appreciated.

This week has been an emotional roller-coaster. But today I feel fine. I have a dozen reasons to be depressed. But I'm not miserable right now because of the fandom. I've had about 10 people write to me within several days. Some of them I haven't talked to in months, some I've never talked to before, and some from other fandoms. They reached out to share their thoughts and feelings, and I appreciate it so much. I felt less alone. I felt a sense of solidarity, a sisterhood. Many agreed with me and it was touching but even more touching were the people who didn't necessarily agree with me and still wanted to hear what I had to say.

Perhaps it's patronizing but I feel like right now the best I can do is stay connected and go through this together. If I can help others, through informing, making someone smile, or supporting emotionally, it's all worth it.

#musings

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thesunnyshow · 3 years

Text

Name: Juliet

Writing Blog URL(s): @wonderlustlucas

Nationality: American

Languages: English, beginner level French, teeny tiny bit of Korean

Star Sign: Virgo

MBTI: ISFJ-T

Favorite color: Pastel yellow

Favorite food: My mom’s Sunday gravy

Favorite movie: Howl’s Moving Castle (The Lion King is a close second though)

Favorite ice cream flavor: Specifically Turkey Hill’s Double Dunker (get it— it’s so good)

Favorite animal: Humpback whale

Go-to karaoke song: She’s Kinda Hot by 5 Seconds of Summer

Dream job (whether you have a job or not): Neurosurgeon! Or a Twitch streamer HAHA

Coffee or tea? What are you ordering? Ahhh probably coffee, I love tea but I need my coffee </3

If you could have one superpower, what would you choose? Shapeshifting! Clearly the superior superpower I don’t take constructive criticism.

If you could visit a historical era, which would you choose? This is weirdly specific, but I would love to be in Scotland during the 1700’s. Alternatively, the 1980’s.

If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you? 100%. I know everything happens for a reason but getting a redo and being able to fix all the big mistakes I made would be pretty nice.

Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken? One horse-sized chicken! 100 tiny horses would be crazy tiring.

If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been? I would probably be the gay side character that gives good emotional advice but is hella lonely LMAO

Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures? Yes, both!

What are some small things that make your day better? Driving with the windows down and music blasting, picking up coffee, playing video games, & talking to my internet friends on Discord.

Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know? I discovered my love for writing through Warrior Cats roleplay😭

What fandom(s) do you write for? Right now, only Kpop, but I wouldn’t mind writing for 5SOS or some of my other fandoms!

When did you post your first piece? On WattPad, December 2015. On Tumblr, April 2018 :)

Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why? I write everything! Fluff/smut/crack is my favorite and slight angst (usually just slow burn though cus I’m soft).

Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc? Again, I write anything and everything! Currently, second or third person reader inserts are my main style, but I also do ships and would love to write more OCs.

Why did you decide to write for Tumblr? Before Tumblr, I was on WattPad for different fandoms but eventually fell off. Then, when I got into Kpop in 2017, I found that urge to write again and decided to move to Tumblr since WattPad was becoming… weird. Plus Tumblr was a better fit for me!

What inspires you to write? To be completely honest, it’s the little things throughout the day that inspire me. For example, “Honey” was inspired by me not being able to open my locker in high school. “I Hemoglobin You” was based off my friend giving me a head rub while I was donating blood. Kpop idols just so happen to be my muses that I like to put into random moments of inspiration!

What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most? High school or college AUs are my favorite, along with some good ol’ friends to lovers slow burn. Angst isn’t my forte so I usually just stick to fluff, smut, and some crack. I haven’t written any but fantasy AUs are some of my favorites too! (RIP to my League of Legends AU that I started and haven’t touched in months.)

What do you hope your readers take away from your work? Just like other fanfiction authors inspire me, I hope some of my work inspires others. Considering fanfiction is free, there is so much out there to read and when I find a good story that inspires ME to write better, I’d love for my writing to do the same.

What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively? 3 options: 1) Skip that scene and jump ahead to one I’m excited to write; 2) Erase what part I’m on and completely redo it; or 3) Drop it. The majority of my works usually take a few months to write as I will completely stop working on it until I find the right inspiration again.

What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful? “Four” is definitely my favorite work. It’s one of my longer pieces and there was a lot of raw emotion in there on my end. I love the relationship between Hyunjin and the reader and especially love the ending. “Greatest Gift” for Chanyeol is my most successful, and one of my other favorites!

Who is your favorite person to write about? Easily Hwang Hyunjin. It’s so easy to place him in any of my works, and sometimes it’s a struggle to NOT write him. It sounds stupid but sometimes I really feel like I “know” him so being able to describe him physically and mentally is easy for me.

Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose? Yes and no. Yes, because most of the time, fanfiction is totally original as well and requires just as much thought as a 400,000 word novel. No, because fanfiction uses a specific person as a muse.

What do you think makes a good story? Detail and realistic dialogue! Of course, everyone has their own style of writing, but detail is especially important to me. Sure, you can have a great plot, but having concise, detailed writing to get immersed into makes a story so much better. I also find realistic dialogue to be a big deal— I hate when teenage characters are speaking in deep analogies because, if we’re being honest, my daily language is 95% just “Bruh.” If you’re like me, I’d actually prefer realistic dialogue over anything else.

What is your writing process like? Process… yikes. Sometimes… I have a random thought and then I’m like… hell yeah let’s write that. I actually have no process. I don’t outline, I just start writing and keep writing until I’m finished. Then I’ll read it all over to make edits, then I’ll use the Read Aloud feature to catch any mistakes I missed, then I’ll run it through Grammarly before posting!

Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story? Hm, maybe? In the future, possibly, but as of right now I wouldn’t use any of my fics to do so.

What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand? Oh, gosh, tropes. Gotta love them. Friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, stuck together (AKA forced to share a bed), and fake relationships are my favorites. They may be corny, but I also love truth or dare or 7 minutes in heaven games in fics cus… they’re just classics. Also love fics with a popular x shy pairing. I can’t say I dislike many tropes, but I definitely have a love/hate relationship with vampire and werewolf tropes because of how romanticized they are.

How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you? Hm, to be completely honest, only a little bit? I mainly write for myself, it’s like a guilty pleasure to just get all my thoughts and desires out, and then I just so happen to make it public on Tumblr. Nevertheless, receiving comments and asks actually make my day, and sometimes I still struggle to wrap my mind around people enjoying my writing! So, thank you to everyone who has ever left me a kind message, I truly appreciate it ♥

What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)? Getting involved! I think one of the best ways to grow is to join networks, which not only gives you the opportunity to share your work on a greater scale, but also allows you to make connections. Like real life, making connections and making friendships with other writers can play a huge role in growing as a writer and growing your account.

Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged? Yes :( As someone who’s involved with other fandoms, I’ve heard the way some people think of fanfiction and it’s really sad. People do not know how much goes into writing and just see it as cringey and disgusting when it’s just… not.

Do you think art can be a medium for change? Yes! In all its forms, art is something a creator can use to influence their audience (in a good way, hopefully).

Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself? Like I said in #40, I mainly write for myself. Even when I’m writing a request, chances are if I like the request enough I’m going to create a story out of it that fits my personal desires the most.

Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times? No! However, I’d still consider myself a small account and do not have TOO many works posted. But so far, I don’t think I’ve faced this problem :)

Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr? Only a few! My best friend Maggie is on Tumblr with me and only 2 of my other pals know I write fanfiction.

What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers? How much I love each and every one of them for supporting me and sticking around even when I won’t post for months🥺❤️

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there? Don’t psych yourself out! In the time I’ve spent on Tumblr, I’ve never received any substantial hate. My main advice is don’t write fanfiction to get popular on the app, write fanfiction because you love to write and love your muses!

Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr? No, as much as Tumblr can be annoying at times, I love the people I’ve met and the content I’ve found and wouldn’t have wanted to use any other platform.

Do you have any mutuals who have been particularly formative/supportive in your Tumblr journey? @pinktea99 — Mo, you’ve been around since the beginning honestly, and without you I wouldn’t have been able to come out of my shell! Thank you for all your love & support & for being my SF9 buddy❤️

Pick a quote to end your interview with:

“Like mate, stop procrastinating.” — 3RACHA

BONUS ROUND: K-POP CONFIDENTIAL

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nadziejastar · 4 years

Note

Thoughts on Project Xehanort?

Well, I have mixed feelings about this new game, but I will say that I am interested in it. Most likely, I’ll play it. I’m very interested in Xehanort’s character.

First reservation is about the platform. I actually think that smaller KH games can be better in many ways. Days had so much character development because it didn’t have to follow the console KH formula. It could do something different and offer a “slice of life” feel that wouldn’t be possible in a regular KH game. The characters benefited tremendously from this. Especially Axel. It’s why he’s my favorite.

In many ways, KH3 was a victim of its enormous budget and its need to appeal to everyone, even the most casual of KH fans who don’t care about the intricacies of the story and characters. So, a smaller release like Project Xehanort may have more creative freedom. It might be just the game Xehanort needs to flesh out his character. But like with Union X, tying so much essential backstory to a mobile game can be a problem in the future. And then there’s the focus on micro transactions, which sets mobile games apart from PSP or DS games.

Presently there are 4 main untold stories to consider: “the period of the King’s absence”, “the period of Riku’s absence”, “Roxas’s time in Organization XIII” and “Xehanort’s past”. In this case, the story of “the period of the King’s absence” is set in the realm of darkness. I am examining a way to tell these 4 stories so I might be able to find a way to tell them soon.

At the same time, I have to look at this game for what it is. Xehanort’s past was one of the blank periods Nomura wanted to cover. No doubt, this was going to be covered in BBSV2.

—In KH BbS, Master Xehanort’s goal behind opening Kingdom Hearts was to “create a new world.” But in this game, he says it is to “reset the world.” Why the difference?

What was revealed in this game was another piece of the truth: his goal was “this world is no longer any good, and we have to recreate it from scratch.”

—We are interested in why Xehanort would come to such a conclusion.

At first, I did want to use a next game to dig down into how Xehanort went from that simple boy playing the chess-like game to an admirer of the darkness. But, if I do that, then the Dark Seeker Chronicle wouldn’t have ended with KH3 after all (laughs.) Some ideas had solidified to a degree, but it’s shelved for now.

After that was canceled, Nomura didn’t think he’d get the chance to cover Xehanort’s past at all, because the Dark Seeker Saga was supposed to be over. IMO, we’re lucky to even get this game. And it shows just how badly Nomura wanted to show Xehanort’s past.

So, I am interested in this game and unless it’s just absolutely terrible, I will play it. But at the same time, since it’s coming out in 2020 instead of 2011, I don’t think it’s going to be the same backstory we were originally supposed to get for Xehnaort. Like KH3 itself, ten years ago, this game would have been a lot different.

I mean, Look at Lea and Isa. I am 99.9% sure that their original backstory was that they were test subjects in the experiments on the darkness of the heart. They were so obviously set up for that role. Around 2010/2011 BBSV2 gets cancelled. The leftover plot threads get repurposed to fit a new story arc. Suddenly Lea and Isa are no longer former test subjects. Oh, no. They were just friends with a girl who was a human test subject. In other words, their backstory was repurposed to fit the change in direction. If KH3 came out in 2014/2015, there’s not a doubt in my mind that Lea and Isa would have still been test subjects (I wish they were getting the Xehanort Project treatment, too).

And that is no doubt going to be the same situation with Xehanort’s backstory. I’m sure there will be many elements that are going to be the same, and that is the main reason I’m excited for this game. It’s a rare opportunity to get some cancelled scraps from the ill-fated Xehanort Saga and KH0.5. I’m very excited to see Xehanort and Eraqus’s past together, if that gets shown in detail. But is it going to be the exact same backstory as it was originally conceived before the story got butchered? No. It’s too late for that, unfortunately.

This game is going most likely to be half-Xehanort Saga and half-New Arc. IMO, we should have already learned more about those black things from Scala ad Caelum before the end of KH3. These are the Dark Seekers. These dudes are the true nature of “Replicas,” including Xion. The Xehanort Saga was obviously NOT READY TO BE FINISHED when KH3 released, since we never even leaned what the fuck those guys were.

“Pitiful Heartless, mindlessly collecting hearts. And yet they know not the true power of what they hold. The rage of the Keyblade releases those hearts. They gather in darkness, masterless and free…until they weave together to form Kingdom Hearts. And when that time comes at last, we can truly exist.”

He almost sounded as though he were reciting an incantation.

From what I can gather of the original story, Xehanort—or the entity possessing him, No Heart–needed 13 empty vessels so that each one of those black replica clone guys could have a body as a host. Those beings wanted to truly, finally exist, and that’s why they wanted KH to be completed so badly. Xehanort himself was just a pawn to them and was not entirely human by the time the story began. Saix was also NOT HUMAN. He was Isa’s empty vessel inhabited with one of those horned replica guys. That’s why he was so fucking creepy and it sounded like he was reciting an incantation when he said the above quote. They were going somewhere with all of this.

Portals from the corridors rippled and opened atop the chairs of the Round Room, like candles lighting in negative, and a few members of the Organization appeared in their black cloaks. Numbers 1 through 7 took their seats—Xemnas, Xigbar, Xaldin, Vexen, Lexaeus, Zexion, and Saïx.

“Why are we allowing a novice to attend?” Vexen complained.

The aforementioned “novice”—Saïx, the lowest ranked of those present—didn’t even glance up from the dais.

The whole goal of Organization XIII was to bring those black horned dudes into the Realm of Light. That’s why the organization felt like a satanic cult with the black robes and “candles”. They all gathered around the Nobody symbol in a circle. The Demon Tide was a harbinger of something bad happening. Honestly, I just want that story to be finished. KH morphed into something unrecognizable over the long wait for KH3. It’ll never really be the same as it used to.

#kh project xehanort

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rukakikuchi · 4 years

Text

My speculation/theories on LOONA’s next comeback.

Oh boy, oh boy… As we’ve been waiting for LOONA’s next comeback, we’ve had plenty of time to speculate on what the concept for what said comeback will be like. And it seems like the girls are just as excited as us, as they seem to be dropping hints as to what it’s going to be.

We’re going to look at some possibilities based on the hints we’ve been given so far, as well as some speculation as to what else we could see coming from LOONA in the near future.

Flowers and nature

As soon as promotions for “So What” ended, LOONA wasted no time dropping subtle references to flowers and nature, leading many fans to believe their next concept could be flowers or nature related.

References made to flowers:

Chuu participating in King of Masked Singer as “Spring Girl”

Using flowers and nature related emojis (i.e. rainbow) in social media posts

Yves and Chuu Frequency of the Moon topic was “spring”

Heejin being called “a goddess among the flowers” in the post promoting her appearance in Ben’s “Bad” MV (Source)

ViVi, Jinsoul, and Chuu Frequency of the Moon topic was “flower”

Gowon, Yves, and Jinsoul took a photo with a tulip in behind the scenes photos of a magazine shoot (Sources: 1, 2, 3)

Yves posting a photo of her with roses (Source)

Mentioning “blooming” and other flower/nature related phrases

In a post celebrating Choerry and Olivia’s coming of age: “Things will get better with that rose” (Source)

Yves mentioning flowers blooming in different seasons in her fancafe letter on her birthday and saying she’ll bloom more vibrantly each year (Source)

Kim Lip saying “keep walking flower paths only with us” in her Orbit 2.0 anniversary fancafe letter (Source)

Gowon saying “photosynthesis time” (Source)

We’ve already had it all but officially confirmed that LOONA’s upcoming comeback is happening in August (Yves told Nature they were planning on an August comeback during filming on Fact in Star back in June.) (Source)

With it being the summer season, I could see them either doing a bright, fun concept with an energetic sound, or they could go for a dreamy concept with beautiful visuals and emotional vocals.

Royalty and elegance

Another concept the group has been dropping hints about is a royal concept.

Firstly, we’ve been seeing several recent instances of the girls wearing these fancy black dresses.

These outfits were first seen during promotion for the group’s premier greeting “Meet & Up” event. Since then, we’ve seen them on the official Japanese fan club website, the post commemorating one million subscribers on Youtube (Source), the celebration of Orbits’ 2nd anniversary (Source), and even during LOONA the TAM Season 2.

There’s also their official light stick, which is designed like a crown.

Not only that, but they come with a golden cape that you can wear. We also got a photo of the girls in these capes and white dresses in what appear to be a palace.

There’s also their cover performance of “Love Battery” on Immortal Songs 2, which took a very jazzy and theatrical spin on the song, adding their own LOONA flair to it. The members have stated in the past (Yves specifically I believe) that their covers were hints to their next comeback, since their boy group dance covers prior to the release of [#] hinted at the style “So What” would be like.

This could just be a general group concept rather than just a comeback concept, but if they do go for a royal or elegant concept, there’s honestly a bunch of possibilities for what it could sound like. It could range from an elegant, ethereal vibe, a fun yet powerful dance number, a big band jazzy style song, or even a pop-ballad.

And speaking of ballad…

Return of LOONA the Ballad?

It has been over half a year since it was announced that LOONA the Ballad, or La Maison LOONA, a ballad album that had been teased since 2018 was cancelled. I only very recently became an Orbit, but was nonetheless disappointed when I heard an entire album they had planned to release had been scrapped for release.

...Or was it? Because recently, the girls have been hinting that maybe LOONA the Ballad isn’t completely gone.

Now I’m not sure whether this is true or not, but supposedly during a fansign event, a fan asked Chuu if there was a possibility that the album could still be released, and she just smiled and said “Soon!”

But then we had the moment during Yves’ birthday VLive where we heard what sounded like a snippet of “Stay with me babe (aka “Hyper Ballad”)” playing. (Source)

If BBC didn’t have backup files for the original planned album, there’s probably a chance they had to re-record the album altogether. It might even be possible they’re going to repurpose the songs they planned to release on LOONA the Ballad for something entirely new.

Japanese debut?

LOONA’s Japanese debut was another delayed project I learned about after becoming a fan. And since we recently got the launch of their official Japanese fan club, I think they have had plans on releasing their Japanese debut soon.

Now, these plans might have changed with what’s going on in the world right now, but I think it’s possible that we will get more news regarding this some time this year.

The only question is, what would they do? Would the royalty concept be utilized here while the Korean comeback focuses on the floral/nature concept? Could it be possible that the tracks that were meant to be for LOONA the Ballad were repurposed to become a Japanese release? Will the Japanese debut be a new song or just a translated version of a song they already released like “Hi High” or “Butterfly”?

Again, there’s several possibilities and until we hear more from the staff or the girls themselves, we’ll just have to wait and see.

“Day and Night” official release?

This is something I’ve been curious about for a while. We’ve gotten hints that we’re going to get something related to “Day and Night”, the hidden track released on the CD only version of [#].

Digipedi posted a video on their Instagram of them listening to “Day and Night” in the car. Now, this can simply be that they really like the song and nothing more. But what if it means there’s a music video for “Day and Night”?

Also, in a LOONA Kick where Olivia was filming herself with a moon face filter, we hear the girls singing “Day and Night” in the background. (Source)

Personally, I thought this meant they would be performing “Day and Night” at KCON:TACT 2020, but that ended up not being the case. Still, I can’t help but wonder if we’ll actually get to see a performance of it in the future, or at least a dance practice video.

I also wonder if they would do an official release of the song, either as a digital single or have it included as an official track if they decide to do a repackage of [#] for the next comeback. Whatever the case, it feels like the girls are planning something related to it.

What will the album be called?

Aside from the concept and sound of the comeback, one of the big things fans have speculated on is what the name of the album is going to be. The album names for the OT12 releases have had significant meanings; [+ +] is about how the girls and units combine into the full group (addition), [X X] is about that power being amplified (multiplication), and [#] is about realizing their strengths and what they can accomplish when they are together.

The most common guesses I’ve seen for the album title are [*] and [O]. Before I give my thoughts on which one it could be, let’s look at what each of the symbols could mean if used.

First, we have the asterisk symbol (*). This symbol is used to call attention to a footnote, indicate an omission, point to disclaimers, and dress up company logos. Basically, it’s meant to draw attention to an otherwise minor detail.

This seems to match up with LOONA as a group, as the girls always work their hardest to perfect even the slightest details of their dancing or singing in order to put out a quality performance for their fans. And in the context of the LOONAverse, it could mean that even the smallest detail can become significant.

The symbol has also been pointed out to resemble a star or flower. If they really are going with a flower concept, it would be a clever choice if they went with this.

Now for the “O”. This isn’t really a symbol; it’s a letter. But there are quite a few reasons why it can become a meaningful symbol should they name the album [O].

Firstly, most frankly, the letter “O” resembles a full moon, and we know LOONA is all about the moon.

Secondly, in “So What” there’s a line that references the “O or X” in tic-tac-toe. One way fans have interpreted that line is that it’s them talking about how most girl groups in K-pop fall into either a cute concept or a girl crush concept, and the song as a whole is about not being restricted by anyone or anything.

We’ve already had the “X” in [X X], so it would make sense if they did “O” next.

Also, if you replace the “#” in “B#RN” with an “O”, it becomes “BORN”, which plays into the idea that the next concept could be about rebirth. Again, this would fit into the flower concept as flowers always bloom again as the seasons come and go.

I already theorized that [#] and “So What” would be about the destruction and rebirth of LOONA and the LOONAverse, so maybe the next comeback will continue from that.

“So What” was specifically about the “destruction” part of this; the girls are breaking out from their old image and everything that held them back. Olivia quite literally sets the moon on fire to symbolize this action. And at the end, we see the bird feathers being revived after being burnt.

So this next comeback could possibly focus on the “rebirth” part, showing just how much stronger LOONA have become as a whole.

As for which one I think the title of the album would be, I’m leaning more towards the asterisk symbol, since it lines itself up with the potential flower/nature concept and the meaning and usage of the symbol can become significant to LOONA when put in the right context.

My thoughts

As of right now, it feels like a flower/nature concept focused on rebirth is most likely what we’re going to get. Sound-wise, if their cover of “Love Battery” really is a hint for what the song will be like, I could totally see it working with LOONA.

However, if they are in fact repurposing the LOONA the Ballad tracks for a new comeback, I could see them actually using both the flower and royal concepts. In my mind, “Daydream” would be the flower/nature concept with an ethereal dreamlike look and feel, while “Stay with me babe” would be the royal/elegant concept and be more mature. Not straight up sexy, but more like an alluring feel.

I also think it’s possible that they would use the royal concept for their Japanese debut, with a new style that’s not something we’ve seen in their previous releases but also feels familiar to LOONA’s overall concept and style.

Also, while I don’t think they plan on doing this for their next comeback, I think it would be nice to see the group do solos and units again. Not just for pre-existing units, but new units as well. The members have talked about the possibility of them doing new units in the past, and fans have speculated on things such as the “day and night” units (which are basically the tall line and short line lol), but we don’t know if those plans were also postponed or cancelled.

With everything that’s going on in the world, we may not know just yet, so for now it’s all a matter of if and when. Regardless, I’m so excited for what this next concept will be like.

Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this discussion! Feel free to share your own thoughts on what you think the comeback will be like!

Until then... Stan LOONA! 🌙💖

#LOONA #KPop #Music #Theory

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battlecrazed-axe-mage · 5 years

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Sometimes you just gotta write a story about a really particularly satisfying D&D session

“Guys. Something stinks about this place,” the half-drow muttered to his travelling companions, cutting his eyes left and right around the sparsely-populated tavern. “Have you noticed it’s all humans around here? Ever since we got into town, nothing but humans.”

The members of the ragtag party that had managed to make it down from their rooms, a nobly-dressed tiefling and an armored dwarf, nodded. “I’m starting to feel a tad...noticed,” the tiefling lady admitted. It was true, the barkeep was looking at them somewhat askance as she washed a glass past the point where it really needed it.

“All except the street kids. Even the kids in the orphanage were all human,” Errikas the dwarf pointed out.

“And no sign of Lorsan in either,” frowned Meteora the tiefling. They’d come across the little elf girl while traveling and convinced her to come with them, but on the way to Vercon she’d either run away or been taken--and neither option appealed to Meteora, whose smallest foster sisters reminded her very much of Lorsan. Their attempts to find her so far had been fruitless, but had turned up some interesting ripples in the world of the thieves’ guild and given them a name to look into.

“Well. Maybe the innkeeper can help us out,” Mattias the drow said, putting up his hood, squaring his shoulders, and taking a seat at the bar. Being half-human, when his ears were hidden, he could nearly pass for full. To the woman whose glass was now cleaner than it’d ever been in its life, he said, “I was wondering if you might answer a few questions for us?”

The human visibly startled, but she recovered well and responded, “If I can, sure, what do you want to know?”

The dwarf took his seat next to the drow, with the tiefling claiming a stool a safe distance away, past a stuffy-looking human man who was nursing a light amber glass of something.

“Have you heard of a man called Veren Zehra?”

The innkeeper blinked thoughtfully. “The family name is familiar, I’ve definitely known someone by that name, but I don’t know much.”

“Do you know if he’s a trustworthy sort?” the drow pressed.

“Can’t say that I do.” Her voice began to get a bit frosty, and she fixed him with a suspicious eye. “You aren’t from around here, are you? You don’t look...local.”

A few seats down, Meteora tensed, silently pulling her hood over her horns. Nothing could hide her dull reddish skin, though, and she felt dreadfully vulnerable in this place.

“No, we’re just passing through,” sidestepped Mattias airily. “Lots of humans around here, aren’t there? Do you know why that is, or where the non-humans go?”

“I’m--I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about,” the woman stammered, face flushing a bit. “I think maybe you should g--”

“BARKEEP!” roared Errikas in a thick dwarven accent he didn’t normally sport, slapping his hand on the wooden bar. “A PINT OF YOUR FINEST DWARVEN ALE, IF YOU PLEASE!”

The innkeeper jumped back a step, concentration broken, but nodded professionally and drew a pint of something from a barrel nearby. She slid it to the dwarf, who took a healthy draught, then frowned into his tankard. “This isn’t dwarven ale.”

“I do apologize, we don’t have anything like that here--only local cider. It’s a specialty, though!”

The dwarf harrumphed, but drained his pint in one mighty gulp and asked for another, beard a tad soggy. The human next to him sniffed disdainfully.

“Whatsa matter, lad, got a cold?” Errikas asked, starting on his next pint.

“How disgusting and uncivilized,” the man sneered at him.

Errikas threw his head back and laughed heartily and long. “Aye, lad, certainly! You’re lucky I’m wearing pants, what with my lack of civilization! Barkeep, a pint of--what was it, cider? A cider for my friend here!”

He was still laughing as the man made a squawk of dismay and fled the bar. The party finished their drinks and made to leave, only to be met at the door by the flustered human man, with two city guards following.

“There he is, sirs! The ruffian who threatened to take his pants off and flash me!” he accused.

“I wh--I did no such thing!” Errikas protested indignantly. “In fact, I offered this man a drink, we’re friends now!”

The guards looked not a bit convinced. Sensing trouble, Meteora swept in between them all velvet and lace and serenity, and murmured in her best picture of a refined noble, “Now now good sirs, no need for such unpleasantness. You see, this man has had a bit to drink and gotten a tad excited, we’ll get him up to his room where he can compose himself.”

Still sputtering, the man insisted, “No! Arrest them!”

The guards looked from one party to the other uncertainly. One suggested to his friend, “We should have the captain straighten this one out.”

The other nodded. “That’s probably for the best.”

Casting a glance at her companions, Meteora inclined her head gracefully and put her hand out as if expecting to be escorted down a grand staircase. The closer guard gulped and offered his arm with an almost reluctant air--but offer he did, and down they went to the guard station.

It wasn’t a far walk, and soon Meteora’s escort was calling, “Captain, we have a dispute that needs settling!”

The captain of the guard was a tall, broad-shouldered fellow in armor, with long hair and good features that furrowed wearily as he saw their accuser. “Not you again,” he groaned. “What is it this time?”

Meteora again took point, smoothly explaining as she had before, “I do apologize, my companion meant no harm--he’s merely had a pint or two and got...overexcited, and I believe he’s managed to offend this gentleman.”

The walk over had, if possible, only worked said gentleman more into a frenzy. “This--creature slammed his fist on the bar and frightened that poor woman! And then threatened to flash me! And that one was harassing her with all kinds of impertinent questions--”

The captain cut him off with a gesture. “I see no reason to arrest anyone here, honestly. Please leave, I’ll speak to these three and make sure it doesn’t happen again.” He nodded to a subordinate, who took the still-raving man firmly by the arm and led him to the door.

To the tiefling, drow, and dwarf, he said, “Come with me, back here,” and led them to a back room.

As they fell into step, Mattias muttered to the other two, “Think we can trust this guy?”

Meteora immediately nodded her confirmation--the man had treated them with none of the ill-disguised contempt or stifled fear of nearly everyone else in town--while Errikas scrutinized his back intently, then shrugged. “Don’t see that we have much choice.”

The captain closed the door behind them, then let out a long sigh. “Right then, we can speak freely. What are the three of you doing here? Clearly you’re not from Vercon.”

Meteora smiled enchantingly, the fully opaque picture of innocence. “We escorted a pair of merchants here and thought we might stay for the festival. We’ve been told it’s something we simply must see.”

The captain raised an eyebrow skeptically. “I see. Well, it is that. But why are you really here?”

Mattias appraised the other man, deciding to tactically lay some of their cards on the table. “Something isn’t...right here, is it? We’ve hardly seen anyone but humans in this town, except for the street kids. What’s happened to their families? Where is everyone?”

He nodded, considering the three carefully and apparently finding them acceptable. “We have had some...disappearances, lately. A lot, in fact. I know the Thieves’ Guild is trying their best to take care of the children, and they’ve turned to petty theft.” He rubbed his brow. “A large part has to do with the lord’s recent crackdown on crime.”

“Oh?”

“The order he’s given is that any crime, no matter how small or petty or even imagined, must be cause for...re-education. He’s repurposed a temple nearby for the process, and I haven’t seen a lot of people return from it. Those who do are...changed, skittish and afraid of their own shadows.”

“Are most of the arrested non-human?” Mattias asked, already knowing the answer.

“Nearly all.” The captain turned away from them and spoke to the wall. “I myself am in a...precarious situation. I’m, well...I’m confined to these barracks until such a time that I...” His voice went bitterly sarcastic. “Until I choose to comply with our lord’s directives.”

“That’s some bullshit,” the drow said bluntly.

The captain snorted a laugh and moved back to face them, not noticing Meteora’s gaze suddenly piercing him. She studied his features but wasn’t entirely sure she was seeing what she was seeing. She caught Mattias’s eye and cut hers at the captain--casually placing a hand to her ear, tilting her head inquisitively.

Comprehending her signs after a moment, Mattias slowly and deliberately lowered his hood, tucking his hair behind slightly pointed ears. Meteora, with only the slightest hesitation, followed suit, revealing delicate horns peeking out of her blonde curls.

The captain froze a moment, then relaxed--and ruffled his long hair and smoothed it, confirming their suspicions with elf-pointed ears. He cleared his throat and asked, “Now that you know the score--how long do you intend to stay in the city?” The unspoken implication hung heavy in the air: how long did a party of nonhumans mean to gamble their safety and sanity in a city clearly hostile to them?

There was only one possible answer.

Meteora took a breath, resolutely met the captain’s gaze, and spoke, knowing she spoke for all of them. “As long as it takes,” was all she said, her words a vow unbreakable.

He let out a long, slow sigh. “As long as it takes,” he repeated almost wonderingly as understanding dawned. “Okay.” He scrutinized each of them in turn and nodded approvingly. “So then. Tell me what you need from me.”

#d&d prose #d&d storytime #this is super dumb i know #it was just a really good session and i wanted to remember it #so this is the content you get #my writing muscles are so rusty; it's been years since i wrote anything #so it's probably really mediocre but!!! i did a write!!!

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centaurianthropology · 5 years

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The Magnus Archives ‘The Architecture of Fear’ (S04E18) Analysis

ROBERT SMIRKE EPISODE! ROBERT SMIRKE STATEMENT! My excitement knew no bounds heading into this episode about the side character I find the most intriguing of all the side characters, and the result was even better than I’d hoped. Come on in to hear what I have to say about ‘The Architecture of Fear’.

Holy shit, we kicked it off hard with that conversation between Elias and Martin. Elias confirmed that everything Peter was saying about the Extinction was ‘true’ (though I want to know the value of that truth, because the way he said it definitely seemed to imply a degree of equivocation), that Peter is trying to stop the end of the world, and that for some reason Elias can’t directly help. Instead he gave Peter the Institute and Martin to use to stop it, which is … a lot. Giving up the seat of his own Power’s influence to the Lonely in order to stop the Extinction’s emergence either means that Elias really does take the threat seriously and is helping as much as he can, or he wants to make the emergence take place in the tunnels for some reason. My money is on the latter, as Elias plays too many games, and I can’t imagine his assistance to Peter wouldn’t come without a great big catch.

He also confirmed that Peter does want Martin for the Lonely, and that Martin is the only one who can make that decision. In fact, it’s such an important decision that Elias won’t even try to manipulate him (and I was very intrigued by his dig that Martin also loves manipulating people, either indicating that they’re more alike than Martin likes to admit, or that Martin still has some affiliation with the Web as well). The weight of this one decision is clearly enormous, and I think there’s a third option that no one has mentioned, but might be the single most important option of them all. I’ll get back to that, however, after I talk about the statement itself.

In the meantime, Elias and Martin’s conversation also seemed to imply that either Martin really did go into helping Peter fairly blind and came to Elias for help extricating himself (possible but disappointing), or it means that Martin does have alternative plans, and is trying to manipulate Elias as well. Elias certainly implied as much, and honestly I would love Martin to be using Elias as a means of indirect communication with Jon, all while knowing that Elias would tell Peter, and further solidify Martin’s cover that he’s following Peter without any direction of his own. But, unless Martin really is orchestrating a masterful manipulation, it seems very possible that he really is simply in over his head while trying to protect the others. He hasn’t told Jon about the Extinction because he knows Jon’s penchant for suicide runs. So he may well be making one of his own. Again, I’m hoping it’s not so simple as that.

And Elias, in spite of his inability to try to influence Martin on his choice regarding allegiance, was otherwise happy to try to manipulate right back. I do believe Elias peppered useful information throughout the conversation, but couldn’t resist doing so in such a way that Martin would miss a great deal of it. I do like that they’re far more on the same page about that these days, and that Martin has grown enough spine to tell him to fuck off, but Elias still needs that upper hand. He needs to hoard his information, and dole it out in drips and drabs. It makes me worried about what manipulations he’s running on Basira, who is working most closely with him at this point.

As much as I could go on about their conversation, the real meat of this episode was the statement itself. Because there are statement givers who know nothing about what happened to them, statement givers who know a little, and then there’s Robert Smirke: perhaps the best authority on the powers in the last two centuries. A man with such a breadth of knowledge and influence, he might have invented the rituals, or given them shape enough to let the powers try them.

And apparently he wasn’t the only one with that sort of power. He spent his life trying to get others to follow him on the path of neutrality, and I was very surprised to find out that the person who may have lasted the longest before he, too, fell to a power was none other than Jonah Magnus.

That’s a hell of a revelation! Jonah Magnus has always been the original adherent of the Eye in London. We know that Von Closen was the original Archivist of this era, but I had assumed that Magnus filled Elias’ role from the moment he acquired Von Closen’s books. But apparently Magnus resisted that call for decades. Despite founding the Institute in 1818, he was still an independent entity as of 1867, or at least very recently fallen to the Eye due to his own fear of death. Both he and Smirke were courted for years by the Beholding, but both apparently resisted, even after whatever falling out they had (and I want to know a lot more about that).

And that makes the Institute even more interesting. It houses the Avatar of the Eye, the Archivist, but it’s possible that the Institute itself was established to be an independent force. Whether that’s still true is debatable. I think that, given both Elias’ words and actions, he is very much a high priest of the Beholding. He definitely seems like he wants the Watcher’s Crown to succeed. He wants the Archivist to fulfill his role. His actions are far more trustworthy than his words, and he has always been very Beholding. Is it possible that’s a lie, and he’s more independent than he wants to let on? Absolutely, but I think it’s telling that he murdered Leitner almost as soon as he found him, even though Leitner was the only other person who actively succeeded in staying neutral.

So the Institute was founded to be neutral ground, but it was taken over by the Beholding at some point, whether during Magnus’ life or after. That’s why it was built on or near Millbank. It was an extension of that neutrality. Is that why Peter thinks he can use the Millbank tunnels to stop the emergence of the Extinction? Jon thinks he mapped those tunnels fairly thoroughly, but I get the feeling those tunnels shift, and that they can hide themselves as needed. Jon saw what he needed to see, and they might be totally different now.

And speaking of Jon, isn’t it interesting that Smirke experienced all the powers in his dreams? While it’s possible that power is granted by something outside the Eye, I have to wonder if Smirke wasn’t a fledgling Archivist. But instead of embracing that role, Smirke turned his visions and dreams to neutrality. He used his head for architecture to try to balance all the powers against one another, and it seems like he may well have succeeded for quite some time.

But there was, apparently, a side effect. By detailing the powers, creating his taxonomy, and explaining them in a way that apparently no one had before, Smirke might have given form to the rituals in a way that made them performable as they never had been before. His extrapolations, based on the words of Maxwell Rayner, created the architecture by which the powers could become ascendant. His balance was a double-edged sword. Even as his building could contain the powers, they could also concentrate them. The Avatars of those powers were either repurposed, or new avatars emerged specifically made to enact the rituals. The Dancer, I would think, didn’t exist before the Unknowing existed. And even now the Dancer is crafted when the Unknowing draws near, using the life of another avatar as the fuel for its emergence.

This is probably why there’s been such an acceleration since the 1800s of attempts at rituals. I had wondered how, throughout all the history of humanity, no one had managed a successful ritual. It seems as though it’s because they either didn’t exist or hadn’t been given form before Robert Smirke.

Robert Smirke tried to save the world with balance, and instead gave every power the means of destroying balance forever. There’s a real tragedy in that, which is probably why I love his character so much, despite barely ever seeing him.

And as for Jonah Magnus, it turns out he was terrified of dying. Which, again, bolsters the notion that he might have, in the end, abandoned the road that he and Smirke walked together in order to save his own life, after a fashion. If he did give himself to the Eye, creating an immortal being that assumed the identities of others … well, I really don’t think it’s coincidence that Elias was in this episode. And I think that the ‘Elias is Jonah Magnus’ theory just got a great big boost. And if he was Magnus, and Magnus fell to the Eye at the end of his life, it makes sense that he would also fall to the temptation to use the Eye to prolong his own existence. And the longer he lived, the more and more tempted he would be to finally don the Watcher’s Crown. I had thought for a time that Jon would have to be the one to wear it, but now I’m almost certain it will be Elias.

But unfortunately, Jon doesn’t have this information, Martin does. And Martin is in a unique position. He’s apparently being used to try to stop the emergence of the Extinction, and is collating his information on it to pass on to Jon as a backup in case he can’t prevent the emergence of the Extinction (or if he himself is supposed to be the sacrifice) alone. He also has a better grasp on the nature of emergences, and on neutrality, even if he dismissed it at this time.

And that finally leads me to that third option I mentioned earlier. The Beholding and the Lonely and Web are all pulling at him, but can’t coerce him. For some reason, Martin’s choice needs to be totally his own, and I have to wonder if that isn’t because there is an unspoken and even more powerful option available to him: reject them all. Follow not Magnus or Lukas or the Web, but follow Smirke and Leitner. He’s one of the only characters we know to be actively courted by multiple powers. Despite being at the Institute for over a decade, he’s never fallen to the Eye. Despite being isolated by Peter, he’s, if anything, even more resistant to the Lonely. He’s had the Web hovering in his periphery for years, and has never given in.

Could this statement, given to him by Peter to show him that the emergence of the Extinction was possible, actually have a double, perhaps unintended meaning? Robert Smirke had power. Ridiculous amounts of it, really. He potentially CREATED the rituals. He used human architecture to harness the powers and establish a balance of them in London during his lifetime. It may have been fleeting, but that’s insane power. And all done because he refused the siren call of any individual power, relying instead on his own ingenuity.

Could Martin do that? He’s not Smirke, with his architect’s brain, or Leitner with his collection. The only thing Martin has in that abundance is compassion and—though he wouldn’t quite say it at the end of the episode—love. He’s driven by the need to protect those around him, and driven by his awkward, unspoken love for the Archivist.

Is that enough for balance? Is balance even a possibility? Martin seems skeptical at this point, but both Smirke and Leitner have shown that it can be done. Both of them seem to have died in the balance, even if they were killed by agents of a power. And isn’t it interesting that in both cases, it was the Eye that killed them, even though they were both allied strongly with agents of the Eye? Makes me worried that Elias is pushing Martin toward neutrality because neutrality is a necessary component of the Watcher’s Crown. Certainly it seems like Smirke’s death was a component of Magnus’ attempt at it (if indeed he did attempt it, and wasn’t simply using Smirke as a means of prolonging his own life, as Smirke also implied.

Conclusions

We were given a lot to mull over this week. A lot of confirmations about what Robert Smirke did and who he was, as well as implications about Jonah Magnus, the Watcher’s Crown, Elias, and the nature of neutrality. Martin is both maneuvering and being maneuvered, and seems to be avoiding Jon to protect him from himself. Which is both stupid and exactly what Jon did throughout season 3. The role reversal is aggravating, because you’d think that Martin of all people would have figured out that communication, or a lack thereof, was what caused so many catastrophes for them before.

I still don’t trust Peter, or his plan. I don’t trust Elias, either, and though I trust Elias to tell more truths than Peter, I also trust him to phrase them in such a way that people constantly get the wrong impression. Especially if he’s really Jonah Magnus having succeeded, at least in some way, at making himself immortal, then he’s been running a very long game. His complicated relationship with the apocalypse is likely because he needs some component of the Extinction’s emergence to power the Watcher’s Crown. He needs aspects of all the powers to subsume them. And he’s been waiting centuries for all of these things to line up just right.

And, perhaps, he needs another neutral party. Maybe Leitner was too dangerous, but Martin might just fit the bill. Elias could not tell Martin what to do, wouldn’t even try to manipulate him on that front. And I think that speaks to the nature of free will and choice in this universe, which has become a more and more prominent part of the story. Martin really does have to make the choice to fall to a power or retain his neutrality on his own for it to mean anything. He has to be willing. Whatever Peter and Elias and every other power under the sun have planned for Martin, they can only nudge. Peter has isolated him, but cannot simply claim him the way he’s claimed others. Elias will spin his stories and manipulate Martin on every other count, but on the choice, he has to remain silent. Even the Web, though it clearly appeals to Martin’s more manipulative side, has made no overt overtures to him. I’d be very interested to see what a conversation between himself and Annabel Caine would look like, because I think she would both understand him very well, and also need to remain silent on his alignment.

A true-neutral Martin is something I’ve thought about before, and this episode simply confirms how much I want to see it. I want to see him reject all the powers, and gain both independence (a huge thing his character needs for his arc) and strength through it. But, of course, his own neutrality may secretly play into Elias’ own plans regarding the Watcher’s Crown, positioning them both for season 5.

I haven’t been this excited about an episode in quite some time, and I’m very glad to have the old passion for this show back. The writing was top-notch, the two performances were fabulous (I really also like how Martin’s gone from terrified defiance to almost equal footing with Elias, and neither of them indicate that they notice the shift in their relationship). We’re only two episodes away from the mid-season finale, and I have absolutely no idea what it’s going to be about.

I suppose we’ll see in the next two weeks.

#The Magnus Archives #analysis

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welllpthisishappening · 6 years

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Caught in Your Light (1/4)

Forever. It's been forever. Or, possibly, longer.

It might honestly be longer.

Killian can't remember a moment when he wasn't hopelessly, head over heels in love with Emma. And it's kind of becoming a problem. Because it's been forever and they've always been friends, but now things are changing and traditions are ending and there's just one more weekend.

This is it. So it's time to do something about it. In Boston. With all their friends watching. It'll be fine.

Rating: Mature. Swearing. Kissing. Rinse and repeat. Word Count: Way too many, but just under 9K this chapter. AN: Hi, hello, hey there! It’s me again with more words. This is my @csficformal story for @idristardis. It has been an absolute delight getting to know you over the last few weeks and I hope you enjoy all the words and the pining an (eventual) bed sharing. A major thank you to @distant-rose & @awkwardnessandbaseball for organizing this event and just being generally fabulous. And I’m not saying that my friends and I also called the last weekend of spring semester Final Jam, but I’m not, not saying that, y’know? Also on Ao3 if that’s your jam (of the final variety or otherwise) with future updates on Tuesday and Friday.

He can’t stop moving.

If he stops moving, he’ll probably start thinking and the last thing Killian wants to be doing in the middle of Logan Airport is think. So he keeps bobbing on his feet instead, bouncing up and down like an over-excited kid and it’s a pretty apt description because, much like the kid standing next to him, he too is also holding a hand-made sign.

And waiting.

Her flight is late.

He refuses to believe that is a sign. He’s got already one, anyway, and it’s, technically, a sheet of computer paper with a drawing that one of the art teachers promised looked great the day before, but it’s still a sign and Killian will not think about how the FAA is, apparently trying to ruin his weekend.

The kid next to him keeps sending Killian furtive glances, confusion obvious in the pinch between his eyebrows and that’s fair – Killian probably looks like a crazy person, but he can’t stop moving and it’s getting increasingly more difficult to breathe and Emma’s flight is late.

“Are you ok?” the kid asks and Killian freezes in his tracks, the forty-second time he’s traced out that particular semicircle on the floor of the JetBlue arrivals gate. His eyes widen slightly, brows jumping up his forehead and he bites back the immediate retort of you shouldn’t be talking to strangers sitting on his tongue.

He nods instead, slow and a little awkward and his arm is starting to ache from holding this sign up for so long.

The kid does not look convinced.

That’s fair too. The entire Boston area probably knows that Killian is not fine. He’s nervous and anxious and excited and nervous – an adjective that deserves mentioning twice because it’s the weekend in some kind of bolded and underlined and supremely italicized way.

Only that’s not what they’re calling it.

They’re calling The FINAL Final Jam and it’s not a very creative title, but they’re not a very creative group and this would have been easier if Emma’s flight was on goddamn time.

He’s started thinking.

Damnit.

“Ok,” the kid mutters, averting his eyes because Killian might actually be glaring at him, but he’s kind of lost control of his face and, like, his entire life.

He takes a deep breath, or, at least, tries, pulling in oxygen through his nose and it’s all repurposed air anyway because he’s been standing in the airport for the last forty-five minutes and he’s going to have to pay so much money to get out of that parking garage.

“I’m really fine,” Killian promises and it doesn’t even sound like his own voice.

It is, he reasons, because of Final Jam.

He hates that name.

That’s a lie too.

It’s a vaguely hysterical name that they all came up with, exactly, a decade ago – slightly overworked and vaguely exhausted freshman with finals ahead of them and a first year of college, almost, behind them and Mary Margaret had been going through some strange Disney Channel Original Movie phase at the time.

“It’s a perfect name,” she’d promised and she sounded so sincere and so enthusiastic that none of them objected. Ever again.

And Final Jam was born – the last weekend of the year before finals or, as they got older, the first weekend in May and they all made a list and came up with one incredibly tourist-type activity they each wanted to do and there was always a considerable amount of alcohol and far too much laughing and Jonas Brothers references and it might have been Killian’s favorite weekend of the year.

It was definitely Killian’s favorite weekend of the year.

Only now, it’s ten years later and it’s the final Final Jam because they’re all adults and Mary Margaret and David are going to have a kid and things have to end some time.

This is exactly what he didn’t want to be thinking about.

The kid is still staring apprehensively at him, mouth twisted and Killian wonders where his parent or guardian is, but that only lasts as long as the relative silence and then there’s a PA announcement and a flash on one of the boards and--

“Killian!” His head snaps around at the sound and the voice, any worry about the end of everything forgotten, and he nearly drops the goddamn sign.

She’s smiling as soon as he moves, a bag slung over her shoulder and it hits him in the thigh when she all but leaps towards him, arms flung around his neck and laughter ringing in his ears and he doesn’t exactly breathe her in because that would weird, but he doesn’t not do it either and his arms fit around Emma Swan’s waist perfectly.

“Am I not on the ground anymore?” she asks, but the words get jumbled a bit where she’s pressed into his shoulder and the sign is a lost cause at this point.

Emma leans back slightly, feet absolutely not on the ground and that’s not doing Killian’s forearms any favors, but he can’t consider a possibility where he moves, which is only slightly ironic considering everything else that’s happened in the last hour or so.

“Are you not impressed with my feats of strength, Swan?” he asks and he’s smiling too, but that might be because he’s fairly convinced he can feel every single inch of her.

“Oh no, no, totally impressed. But what are you doing here? Don’t you have to impart wisdom to several dozen teenagers?” “I get days off.” “You work at the same school as Mary Margaret and I know for a fact that you did not have today off.” “Well I get to request days off.” He’s momentarily concerned about the state of her back when she arches away even more, but he’s also a bit preoccupied by whatever her fingers are doing to the hair at the nape of his neck and the way her shoulders kind of sag when she exhales.

Like it’s the single most surprising thing in the world.

“You took today off?” Emma asks softly.

“How else were you going to get into the city?” “On public transportation like everyone else.” “Ah, but you’re not everyone else, are you, Swan?”

The words are out of his mouth before he’s had half a second to consider them and Killian’s vaguely certain even the kid behind him gasps, but it might be the most honest thing he’s said...ever.

That’s only kind of alarming.

He really does try to impart historical knowledge to severals dozen teenagers regularly and it feels like breaking some kind of teaching code to suggest that he’s lying to them.

Even so.

It is the truest truth Killian Jones has ever said and that sentence structure would make Mary Margaret groan.

He met Mary Margaret first. Well, technically he met David first – forced together on a group project in a freshman science class that neither one of them were particularly good at – but it only takes a few days to meet Mary Margaret after that. They’re a picture-perfect couple that is only kind of nauseating, but also kind of adorable if you’re into that whole true love is great thing and Killian is sitting in David’s dorm when Mary Margaret shows up with a slightly disgruntled human being trailing along behind her that she introduces as her roommate.

Emma Swan does not appear to be particularly impressed by much of anything at the time, but Killian notices the way she smiles when she glances at David and Mary Margaret and something in the back corner of his brain seems to short-circuit as soon as she meets his gaze.

They’re not really friends, at least not at first, more like Mary Margaret and David’s orphans that they adopt, but Killian keeps noticing things about Emma.

She mixes hot chocolate in her coffee, but only in the afternoon, like she’s afraid she’ll dilute the caffeine if she does it in the morning. She keeps her student ID in her phone when she flips it closed. She hates the top bunk she sleeps on, but agreed to let Mary Margaret take the bottom because Mary Margaret has some kind of deep and lingering fear of heights.

They spend time together. They make vaguely snarky comments around each other. They actually acknowledge that they might be friends.

And the group keeps growing.

Mary Margaret meets Ruby at the gym – a sentence that makes Emma laugh uproariously, falling into Killian’s side and he probably doesn’t think about that for several weeks – and Killian meets Mulan while they’re both working a shift at the Student Union together, swiping ID cards that at least half of the students forget.

Mulan brings in Merida in the spring semester of freshman year, both of them running on the same student government ballot and while they don’t win that year, they do win eventually, and Emma is actually pretty good at making signs for their campaign.

That might be why Killian brought a sign to Logan several years later.

They become some kind of seven-headed monster of friendship and feeling and generic support and Killian resolutely ignores whatever his brain does whenever Emma moves into his line of vision for the first three years, nine months and six days of his undergraduate career.

But then Final Jam happens.

And things happen.

And they both, resolutely, ignore them.

Completely and totally and, maybe, a little immaturely, but he absolutely refuses to risk anything more than what he already has and Emma’s smile is far too close to tremulous when they flip their tassels at graduation.

“You really took today off?” Emma asks, jerking Killian out of memories and a string of thoughts that don’t belong in some kind of epic, slightly touristy weekend. She’s still moving her fingers, feet dangling above the floor and he’s not sure he’s ever seen that look on her face.

It’s something that feels a bit like hope and looks a bit like want and he’s smiling before he realizes his brain has decided that’s something he wants to do.

That’s mostly his default setting whenever he’s around Emma, though, so it doesn’t really matter.

“Swan, we just went over this,” Killian grins. “It would have taken forever to get to my apartment anyway. I’m just streamlining the schedule.”

“That would impress Mary Margaret a lot.” “Well if you want to brag to Mary Margaret about my schedule-making abilities later, then feel free to. Make sure you use lots of adjectives and remind David that I’m better at driving than he is.” “It’s weird that you guys are still so questionably competitive about that.” He can’t really shrug when he’s still supporting most of her body weight, but he makes a valiant effort – and an even more valiant effort not to groan loudly when Emma’s hips cant into his. Killian is, apparently, very fond of torturing himself.

“And,” she adds, scrunching her nose when his breath catches as soon as her fingers card through his hair. “I really don’t have to stay with you. That was...it’s nice of you to offer, I mean.”

Killian resists the urge to tell her she can stay forever if she wants, fairly certain that would just send Emma running towards the next departing flight out of Logan to anywhere, but that’s another truth and he has to lick his lips before he responds.

He doesn’t notice the way Emma’s eyes widen slightly at that.

“Cheaper than a hotel,” Killian says. “And you can’t back out of accepting the offer now. You’re already here.” “Ok, that’s just fundamentally untrue. I know how to book a hotel.” “And I am telling you that you don’t have to. Or didn’t have to. Both tenses.”

“There are more than two tenses in the English language, how do you not know that? You’re molding the minds of the youth.” “Swan, you can’t keep using my job as an insult.”

She rolls her eyes, sticking her tongue out and that is step three in the Emma Swan and Killian Jones banter schedule. It’s not as intense as the schedule for Final Jam, which Killian is almost certain Mary Margaret laminated during her free period earlier this week, but that’s a point he wants to bring up in front of the entire group for maximum joke-landing potential.

“But it’s so easy,” she whines, twisting and turning and none of this is going according to plan. He should have come up with a better plan.

They really should have talked about that Final Jam from senior year.

“Who are you going to ask about major moments in American history?” Killian asks. “Because you keep making jokes and throwing insults and I’m going to refuse to answer anymore of your questions about the accuracy of Hamilton.” “The internet exists. Also they literally wrote a book about that. David got it for me for Christmas two years ago. Also also--” “--How do you have more points to this?” “I would if you let me finish,” Emma hisses, but it lacks any real sense of frustration or animosity and maybe step four of the schedule is just thinly veiled flirting. Killian widens his eyes, an unspoken go on that earns him a quiet growl and the smirk is, like, step four and a half and only started working recently.

“Also also,” Emma repeats. “Hamilton is a dated reference now. You need to keep up with the times. Don’t the kids know better things you can reference?” “Strangely enough, Swan, the students I’m teaching aren’t spending a lot of time keeping me up to date on the memes.”

It’s difficult to hold onto her when her laugh drifts closer to a cackle, hair, somehow, hitting him in the face when she shakes her head in disbelief of what he’s just said. And, well, that’s understandable – but he was mostly doing it to get her to laugh and that’s, like, at least ninety-two percent of the reason he does anything when it comes to Emma. That might be the most sentimental thing he’s ever thought.

It’s probably from hanging out with Mary Margaret so much.

“I can’t believe you just used the word meme in normal conversation,” Emma says, laughter still clinging to her voice and Killian wonders if she realizes her fingers are still moving.

He hopes not.

He’s a disaster.

“If you mention that I said that in front of Lucas, I’m going to kick you out of my apartment,” Killian warns. Emma laughs even more. “I’m almost entirely serious, Swan.”

“I know you are, but that was honestly the funniest thing that has happened to me in the last few months. And Ruby would never let you live that down.”

“This is exactly why I’m making pointed threats upon your person.” “You’d actually kick me out? Like physically?” “Not physically,” he says and he can’t shake his head either. Emma’s fingers are still in his hair. “I’d probably show off my incredible upper-body strength again and lift you out of the apartment. You’d be very impressed.” “You’re awfully confident,” she points out.

“Cautiously optimistic.” “Ah, well, that’s more acceptable.”

Emma takes a deep breath, like she’s trying to preserve the moment, but that may just be more slightly cautious optimism on Killian’s part. She hisses when he tries to reposition her weight, thighs bumping together and he knew she caught that skip a few days before, but she’d failed to mention anything about a bruise that would cause an audible outcry of pain in the middle of a very crowded airport.

“Swan,” he says sharply and suddenly she’s very interested in the ceiling. “What was that?”

She doesn’t respond, just keeps staring several feet above them and maybe step whatever of the schedule is them absolutely refusing to admit to things that mean several different worlds to them. Or, at least, Killian.

He hopes it’s not just hm.

He’s cautiously optimistic it’s not just him.

He needs to stop hanging out with Mary Margaret.

“How did you even know what time my flight was?” Emma asks instead, redirecting the conversation and Killian arches an eyebrow. “I really did think we agreed that I was going to take a cab and then meet you at Mary Margaret and David’s for opening ceremonies and then I’d go back with you when everyone was incredibly drunk.” “Except Mary Margaret.” “Yes, except Mary Margaret,” Emma agrees, but it sounds a little patronizing and this is the single best arm workout he’s ever had. “That’s also not an answer to the question.” “Ah, well, you know how much I enjoy bantering with you, Swan.” She narrows her eyes, huffing slightly and trying to work her way back onto the floor, but Killian’s got a pretty good grip on the back of her jacket and he’s fairly positive his arms have frozen anyway. “The question, Jones,” Emma mutters, tugging on the front of his shirt like that’ll get him to answer and not just add fuel to several different day-dream fires.

“You told me nearly two weeks ago. It pains me that you don’t remember that.” “Well that’s probably because you won’t let me stand up on my own.” “Hysterical.” “That was funny,” Emma argues, voice rising slightly. They’re starting to draw a crowd. The kid with the other, presumably less-ruined sign, is gone.

“My aforementioned promise of hysterical was only slightly sarcastic.” She rolls her eyes, letting her bag fall to the floor and it only just barely misses his right foot. “You really remembered me mentioning a flight time two weeks ago?”

The question is barely that, a mumbled string of letters and words and hope that seems to ricochet in between the minimal amount of space between them and Killian’s nodding before Emma even closes her mouth.

“Of course I do,” Killian says, another truth that’s a bit more important than anything else.

It had been late – it always seemed to be late when his phone rang and Emma called him an overprotective weirdo, but he liked to know when she got home and there wasn’t really anyone else in Chicago to make sure that she did. Neither one of them ever mentioned that.

She’d gotten the skip and a few days off and he could practically see her trudging through her apartment, toeing out of her boots and the mattress creaked when she landed on top of it.

“Don’t say anything about the mattress,” Emma had mumbled, words slurred and she cursed him to several different hells when he chuckled into the phone. “I’m going to sleep for days.” “I think you can do that, love.” It was another ancient nickname – even before Swan – and it had started as a slightly sarcastic jab before evolving into something potentially life-altering and neither one of them ever talked about that either. They were perpetually and incredibly bad at that.

They talked about everything else instead and he kept asking if she had any bruises or lacerations, because she always had bruises or lacerations after she caught another criminal, and Emma mumbled several increasingly creative insults about his blood pressure under her breath.

She mentioned Final Jam at some indeterminate point in the conversation, muttering about tickets and prices and it would be easier if I could just teleport there. It was enough to wake him up, blinking quickly and nearly falling off his couch and he invited her as soon as the thought landed in the front lobe of his brain.

Or wherever thoughts originated from.

“Yeah, ok,” Emma muttered and they’d both fallen asleep before they hung up the phone.

“Swan, did you honestly think I forgot that I told you to come stay with me?” Killian asks, wincing when he hears the sheet of paper in between them rip. “Ah, damnit. This whole thing is less impressive now.”

She’s biting her lip – teeth digging down like she does when she gets nervous and that’s ridiculous because they’re them and it’s Final Jam, but it’s been six years since that Final Jam and they need to come up with another word for final because it’s really just starting to sound fake and slightly abrasive.

Emma blinks, opening her mouth only to close it again and surprise isn’t an emotion that usually makes his stomach twist, but she looks genuinely stunned and that’s not really what Killian was going for.

“What was that?” she asks. “Did I just rip your coat because, agreed, that makes all of this less impressive and kind of depressing.”

“I’m incredibly confused by this line of questioning, love,” Killian admits, meeting Emma’s wide-eyed gaze with one of his own. “You’ve got answer one of mine before I answer one of yours. Those are the rules.” “Whose rules?” “Swan!” She flashes him a smile, some of the nerves forgotten in the name of, possibly, witty banter and Killian’s eyes threaten to fall out of his own goddamn face when Emma works her way back onto the ground. “I can’t believe you showed up here,” she mumbles, but there’s a note of absolute belief in it. “That’s nice. You know that’s stupid nice?” “Stupid nice is absolutely what was I was going for.” “Yeah, well, mission accomplished. I really didn’t rip your jacket?”

“You really didn’t rip my jacket,” Killian promises, bending down to grab the slightly worse-for-wear sign off the ground. “This, however, is a totally different story.”

Emma doesn’t gasp, but it sounds awfully close and her hand moves impossibly slow when she reaches out, fingers brushing over the side of the paper like it’s made of gold.

“You brought a sign too?” she whispers. “That is… God, that’s stupid.” “Stupid?” “Yes, stupid. And nice. Incredibly nice and I can’t believe you took the day off because you remembered when my flight was going to be.”

“I really only did it so you can brag about how great my driving skills are to David.”

She laughs – loud and easy and it does something absurd to Killian’s ability to keep breathing and not thinking about very specific things. “Yeah, I figured,” Emma smiles and, just like that, it’s normal and simple and them in the kind of way that it’s always been. “Does it count when your driving skills are only better because you’re breaking, like, seventy-two different laws?”

“It is nowhere near seventy-two.” “It’s way too close to seventy-two for comfort. And David drives like he’s eighty-six because he feels like he has to set an example for the city.”

“And because Mary Margaret’s pregnant and he drives even slower now.” “How is that possible?”

“Trust me, Swan,” Killian says, grabbing her bag and he didn’t notice she tugged her sign out of his hand. “It’s definitely possible. Even Mary Margaret was getting frustrated the other day.”

“You are lying straight to my face right now!” “Ask her later.” “She’ll lie in front of David.” “Ah, but you’ll be able to tell won’t you?” Emma blinks, tongue darting in between her lips and that’s only slightly distracting. They need to get away from the JetBlue arrivals gate. It’s clearly messing with Killian’s head. “Yeah, probably,” she admits. “Why were you in David and Mary Margaret’s car?” “If I say the words Final Jam prep out loud are you going to laugh uproariously?” “Yes.” “Then think of other words that also mean those words and that’s why.” Emma’s laugh seems to shake through her, smile wide and eyes bright and maybe it’s just everything about that weekend, but Killian should really stop lying to himself. He stumbles slightly when he feels arms around his middle, Emma’s head back on his shoulder – more like crashing into his collarbone, but he’s not going to be specific about the details.

She’s folded up the sign, he can see the bit of paper sticking out of the back pocket of her jeans and the whole thing does something absurd to his entire state of being and several different plans for his future and maybe this Final Jam will be the perfect Final Jam.

Or something that doesn’t sound nearly as absurd as that.

“I’m really glad I’m here,” Emma mutters and it sounds a bit like an admission of guilt or several different misdemeanors.

“That makes two of us, Swan.”

“And it really will be easier to stay at your apartment. Cheaper than a hotel.” “You can’t throw my own reasoning back at me. That’s cheating.” “Ah, I wasn’t aware of the rules of the conversation.” She rolls her eyes again, but there’s a hint of a smile on her face and people are starting to glance questioningly at them because they’ve been standing there for far too long.

He’s going to have to offer tutoring services to pay for parking.

“Plus,” Emma continues. “You’ve got super fancy coffee in your apartment. Way better than anything I could get a hotel. Because you’re a snob.” “Just because I refuse to dump half a packet of hot chocolate mix into my coffee every other hour does not make a snob.” “There are several things wrong with that sentence, but I am starving and this airport air is starting to give me a headache, so I will wait to explain all the reasons you are wrong until we get home.”

They both freeze as soon as that word sinks into their bloodstream – which is not the right way to phrase it, but Killian’s trying not to pass out or kiss Emma again, so, really, he’s not all that worried about the appropriate syntax.

He blinks instead, swallowing back the not-so-small sea of emotional and slightly romantic thoughts he’s been trying to avoid, smiling when he brushes his thumb over the curve of her cheek. “There’s plenty of coffee at home, love,” he says, hitching her bag up his shoulder and wrapping his free arm around her until he can practically feel the tension melt off her.

“Coffee snob,” she mumbles and it’s another truth and another thing and Final Jam has never felt more important.

Mary Margaret and David’s apartment is confusing. And not just because they’re definitely breaking some kind of fire code with all seven of them packed in the living room.

It’s like some kind of time capsule in there – for the past and the future. There are frames dotting every wall and a few shelves because Mary Margaret and David are the kind of people who decorate their bookcase shelves, moments captured in time and imitation wood.

Killian remembers most of them – and those he doesn’t entirely remember might be the most fun of all of them, but they’re adults now – and every single Final Jam memory is in one extra-large frame on the far wall.

He tries not to stare at it, but that works as well as ignoring Emma’s weight against his side, a head on his shoulder and she can’t complain about jet lag when she was only one time zone behind, but she’s done it six times already and they might have fallen asleep for twenty minutes on his couch that afternoon.

He’s like ninety-six percent positive David wants to ask about that. And only, like, forty-seven percent positive that he won’t.

There’s more than just frames, though – Mary Margaret’s got a Boston College blanket wrapped around her shoulders, announcing pregnancy does weird things to your body temperature when Ruby asked about it and there’s a sign touting a baseball game that Merida definitely stole when they were sophomores hanging on the wall. It’s a strange counterbalance to the, frankly, ridiculous amount of baby stuff everywhere, packages of diapers and containers full of bottles and whatever the proper name for the top of a bottle is and Emma sounded like she nearly choked when she walked into the kitchen to find a sonogram hanging on the refrigerator door.

“We were going to tell you,” Mary Margaret says, not for the first time and her voice is starting to shake a little bit.

She’s having a difficult time holding onto her blanket.

Emma nods – or tries, at least, – but it just serves to brush her cheek over Killian’s shoulder and he’s not sure he entirely appreciates whatever look Ruby and David share.

Mulan keeps tapping on her knee, like she’s getting more restless by the moment and, possibly, looking for escape options.

Killian understands the feeling.

He wasn’t entirely prepared for the sonogram and all that that entails either. And he’s not entirely pleased to realize that his dominant reaction is one very specific and less-than-supportive emotion – jealousy.

It sits in the back of his mind and the pit of his stomach, making every inch of him ache, but, again, that may just be most of Emma’s weight leaning against his right side and his arm is kind of twisted awkwardly underneath her.

Killian shifts, both of them moving in the process, and Ruby’s attempt to control whatever noise she makes as soon as his lips brush over Emma’s hair fails woefully short. He glares at her.

“Do not look at me like that, Jones,” Ruby seethes, sitting up a bit straighter and they’ve always been very good at vaguely antagonistic banter.

Mulan sighs.

“I literally glanced your direction because you were making a questionable amount of noise, Lucas,” Killian argues. “Your throat doing alright after whatever it was that just happened?”

Her eyes, somehow, get more narrow, lips pursed and one very particular finger rising quickly – she hides her hand behind her back when Mary Margaret gasps. Killian grins.

“I think you’re about to get grounded,” he says, drawing a quiet laugh out of Emma and he doesn’t object when she swings her legs over his.

As if he’d ever.

“That was actually kind of funny,” Merida mutters. She glances up from the phone that hasn’t stopped making noise since she knocked on the front door a few hours before and they’re incredibly behind schedule.

That may be half the reason for the look on Mary Margaret’s face.

“It happens occasionally,” Killian reasons. “You know, sometimes.”

Ruby doesn’t try to mask her laughter that time. “Yeah, you’re really selling it there. So, uh, what time did you land, Em? You look a little exhausted.” “Rude,” Emma mumbles at the same time Mary Margaret clicks her tongue in reproach and maybe the grounded joke wasn’t really a joke at all. “And I have this thing called a job--” “--I have a job!” “Eh.”

“Oh my God, look who’s being rude now. Mary Margaret, tell Emma I have a job.” “Do not call Mary Margaret to your defense,” Emma says, but her words still sound a little exhausted and Killian is still only slightly concerned about the bruise on her thigh. “And you have a job with vaguely normal hours that does not require manual labor.” “You don’t have to punch every skip you catch, Em,” Ruby grins.

Emma sighs, but Ruby’s got a point and the entire apartment knows it. The baby in that sonogram picture probably knows it. “Yeah, that’s fair, I guess,” Emma grumbles. “But I am only agreeing with you because I know we’re behind schedule and Mary Margaret looks like she’s close to tears because I freaked out about the baby.”

“I am not close to tears,” Mary Margaret argues, which is an oxymoron because Mary Margaret is incapable of arguing, particularly when her hands are resting on the slight swell of her stomach and Killian can’t think of a moment in the last five months when she hasn’t been absolutely beaming.

He’s so jealous he’s positive he reeks with it.

“Eh,” Emma repeats, Ruby snickering slightly and Merida takes a picture on her phone.

“It’s for Mac,” she explains. “Because you guys are weird about the Magnificent Seven rules.” “We’ve never once called ourselves that.” “Really? Why not? We definitely should be.”

“It’s not even clever,” Killian says, groaning when Emma uses her left elbow to push herself back up. Ruby glances at David again. “And the Magnificent Seven is historically inaccurate.”

The whole room groans collectively, Emma’s eyes bright when she turns to roll them at him and he has to blink to remind himself of all the reasons making out on Mary Margaret and David’s couch is fundamentally and completely wrong.

There’s like...two reasons.

“You are the most annoying person in all of history,” Emma says, like she’s reciting it from a script and the familiarity of it all is as easy and comfortable as it was to fall asleep on his couch.

They need to find somewhere else to sit than couches, apparently.

“Nailed it,” Mulan and Ruby call in tandem, Emma’s smile widening when she flicks her finger against Killian’s shoulder. He catches her around the wrist before she can do it fifty-four more times and Merida’s phone camera clicks again.

“What?” she challenges. “I’m going to call us the Magnificent Seven from now on. I don’t care about the history of it.” “Oh now you’ve done it,” Merida warns, but the phone makes another noise before Killian can even begin to describe all the reasons she is absolutely wrong.

“And,” Ruby adds pointedly. “It’s not like you aren’t going to see a shit ton of Mac from now on. That’s how living together works.” Killian blinks. “Wait, what?”

Merida blanches, mouth twisting into something that looks like a grimace and they’re never going to get to the location and event reveal portion of the night. “Oh, shit,” Ruby mumbles. “Did we not...I thought that was just general knowledge!”

“Not until this very moment,” Merida says and she is, thankfully, laughing, shaking her head in disbelief as Mulan mutters quiet apologies on behalf of Ruby. “And why exactly do you know? I’m fairly certain I only told Mulan about it because I was asking for suggestions about up and coming neighborhoods in the city.” Mulan clicks her tongue, another apology and Merida’s whole body shifts when she laughs again. “Well, whatever, we signed a lease on Monday,” she says. “It’s not big so none of you are ever invited over, but there are plenty of Airbnb options in New York anyway. This is my official announcement and reason number one through thirty-seven why Mac should have been allowed to come to Final Jam.”

“Why didn’t you tell us you were looking for a place together?” Mary Margaret asks.

“Not that we would have let Mac come because we’re super cliquey,” Ruby mutters, a flash of a smile that boasts an almost wolf-like quality and Killian’s going to do something drastic if she doesn’t stop staring at David.

“Secret-keeping is apparently catching this Final Jam,” Emma says. She’s twisted so she’s, presumably, a bit more comfortable, but it’s also ended with her arm somehow around Killian’s shoulders and her fingers moving absently in his hair and if he dies right there on Mary Margaret and David’s couch he won’t be able to find a single thing to complain about.

Except maybe the lack of making out.

But that seems kind of selfish.

“We just wanted to do it all in person,” David continues and he sounds like a dad, a fact Killian mumbles under his breath in some misplaced effort to get Emma to laugh again.

She does.

It feels like a victory.

“More official that way,” Mary Margaret says softly. There are tears in her eyes. Emma looks slightly scandalized. “Because, uh…” Emma sits up straighter. “You’ve got to finish the sentence, M’s. And if you guys give us bad news during the opening ceremonies of the last Final Jam ever, I’m never going to forgive you or your inevitably adorable kid.” “Got your priorities straight, for sure,” Ruby mutters. Emma flips her off. They’re all a picture of mature and complete adulthood.

“Oh my God,” David sighs, but he stands up and it really does feel a little bit more official. Emma’s fingers might have a mind of their own. Or their own power source. They don’t stop moving, tracing over patterns that don’t really exist, but then they’re brushing over Killian’s actually neck and the collar of his shirt and he’s having trouble breathing.

David is still talking.

“It’s a girl,” he says, loudly and proudly and several other adverbs that Mary Margaret could probably recite in her sleep.

She’s clearly too busy trying not to cry though and, well, Killian understands. He exhales loudly, a burst of oxygen he’s sure his lungs would have appreciated holding onto a little while longer and Emma’s fingers still, everything about her going tense as soon as the words process.

Ruby gasps and Mulan mutters a genuine-sounding congratulations under her breath. Merida keeps taking pictures.

And David’s eyes haven’t left his couch – or away from Emma and Killian.

Emma moves first – of course she does, she’s a far better person than Killian and that’s only a slightly melodramatic thought, but it seems like that kind of day and he hopes it’s not a sign for the entire weekend. She stands slowly, like her muscles are having a difficult time obeying what her brain wants them to do, and he’s slightly surprised when her hand reaches back behind her.

She’s waiting for him.

Or, more to the point, she wants him to move with her.

And they’ve all been friends forever – even without the classic Hollywood nickname – but Emma’s the only one he has scheduled FaceTimes with and he’s seriously worried about her leg and she reads his lesson plans while she’s on stakeouts to make sure they’re not as boring as he’s constantly worried they are.

Playing Hamilton in his classroom two years ago had totally been Emma’s idea.

It’s different with them, always has been, because Mary Margaret and David were picture perfect before there were photos to put in picture frames and that one corner of Killian’s brain that seems to be reserved solely for thoughts about Emma Swan is working overdrive in the few seconds he spends staring at her outstretched hand.

He squeezes her fingers as soon he moves, thumb tapping lightly on the back of her wrist and Mary Margaret is practically sobbing.

“These are hormones,” she mumbles, dragging the back her hand on her cheeks.

Emma hums in understanding. “Of course they are. You keep using that excuse all weekend though and we’re going to make fun of you mercilessly for it. Just, you know, FYI.” “Shut up.”

“Of course, M’s, of course.”

There are more tears – Ruby and Merida both sniffling and resolutely denying it as soon as Killian’s eyebrows shift slightly – and Emma spends a few moments longer in David’s embrace, her forehead buried in his chest with his hand cupping the back of her head. And they all stare at the sonogram for nearly twenty minutes, passing around the piece of photo paper with careful hands and fingers that try not to leave smudges, coming up with name suggestions that grow increasingly more and more ridiculous the more alcohol they all consume.

Mary Margaret keeps refilling everyone’s glasses.

“Ok we are not naming her Eowyn,” she says, putting the now-empty Sangria bottle down on the coffee table next to the other three. That particular tradition started senior year – and might have been at least an eighth of the reason the rest of those moments during that Final Jam happened – all of them far too poor to buy anything except jugs of off-brand wine from the liquor store up the block from Emma and Mary Margaret’s apartment.

“That’s unreasonable, M’s,” Ruby says. “It’s pretty kick ass, not totally normal and everyone would fear your kid. Especially if there were any Witchkings of Angmar wandering around.”

“Oh my God.” “It’s better than Galadriel,” Merida laughs. “Or....what was the other one you were talking about, Jones?”

“Luthien,” he answers. “Of the epic poem Beren and Luthien.” “Yeah, no one knows who that is.” “She’s mentioned in the histories,” Emma mumbles and his widen enough that Killian hopes he hasn’t done permanent damage to his retinas. David chokes on his Sangria. “What?” she asks pointedly, but there’s a smile on her face and, possibly, a glint in her eye and Killian’s not sure if he’s drunk or just having some kind of life-changing moment.

It might be both.

“I listen,” Emma shouts and she’s moved at some point, half sitting on his thigh and half on the couch, fingers no longer in his hair. They’re tugging on the front of his BC alumni shirt instead.

“They don’t go into much detail on the histories in the movies, love,” Killian says. He ignores whatever his pulse his doing. And Ruby’s expression, like she’s taking inventory of every little hitch in his body whenever Emma moves. That’s not helping his pulse.

“That’s not true at all! Aragorn sings about them.” “What?”

“In the extended edition of the Fellowship,” David says, something that might be actual wonder his voice. “She’s right. On the way to Rivendell. Aragorn tells Frodo.” “I’m sitting right here,” Emma hisses. “Also I read. Sometimes.”

Killian’s having some kind of medical episode. He's certain. And, in the grand scheme of things, Emma knowing about a scene in the extended edition of Fellowship of the Ring should not be this surprising – but she’s also admitted to, maybe, reading the Silmarillion and maybe he isn't upset about the lack of making out if he just dies right now.

This is such a strange night.

“We’re not naming her Luthien either,” Mary Margaret says, seemingly picking up on whatever mental breakdown Killian is staging a few feet away from her. Ruby actually writes something down. “But! This is almost a good segue.”

“Into?” Ruby asks.

“Is this not the opening ceremonies?” “I honestly have no idea what’s happening right now if we’re being perfectly honest.”

“So this is me changing that,” Mary Margaret announces, swatting at David’s hand when he tries to help her out of her chair. She pulls a binder off the top of one of the questionable number of bookcases in the living room – papers perfectly piled and Killian’s not surprised to see there are dividers sticking out of the edge. Emma’s laughing against him. “Happy Final Final Jam,” Mary Margaret says, brandishing the binder like anyone has any idea what the hell she’s talking about.

“Are we supposed to know what’s in there?” Mulan asks.

“Oh my God, isn’t it obvious?” Five of them shake their head. David looks amused. That’s probably because he had to buy the dividers. “This is our official binder of plans and ideas and, aw c’mon, you guys all answered the e-mail!” “I thought that was just a joke,” Emma mutters and Killian doesn’t understand why she sounds slightly terrified. “You sent that to all of us?” “Of course I did. We decided this was probably going to be the Final Final Jam for, you know..” “The rest of our waking days?” “Don’t be dramatic,” Mary Margaret sighs, Ruby mumbling yes mom and Emma’s smile doesn’t quite shake, but it doesn’t look quite confident either. “For at least a little while. We’re pausing it and because of that, plus the ten-year anniversary of the original Final Jam, we are going to do as many fun things as we possibly can.” “Within reason,” David adds.

“At least I wasn’t that overprotective,” Killian mutters in Emma’s ear and he sees her smile widen out of the corner of his eye. It isn’t until about five minutes later that he realizes what he’s said or implied and he wonders if it’s possible for a heart to explode.

“Killian are you listening?” Mulan asks, Mary Margaret not able to reprimand him properly while she’s still monologuing.

“No,” he answers honestly. “Is there more Sangria?” David pushes another bottle towards him. “Don’t insult my ability to follow my wife’s schedule like that. And don’t drive to Fenway tomorrow. You’re never going to find anywhere park.” “You’re the one who doesn’t know how to parallel park.” “I do, too!” “Please, David, rehash for the class who got the ticket and caused the accident that one winter when we were juniors and you wanted to go to the North End for cannoli.”

“That was your fault! You said I had plenty of room.” “You were the one driving though.” “And listening to you. Plus there was a shit ton of snow everywhere. That shouldn’t count.” “Ok, ok,” Killian says, waving the one arm that isn’t wrapped around Emma through the air. “What about two years ago when we were trying to get to Beacon Hill because you wanted to go to that fancy restaurant with a Michelin star?” “Oh yeah, that’s true,” Mary Margaret agrees. “That was totally your fault, babe.” Killian laughs loudly, appreciating the slightly stunned look on David’s face. “Game, set, match.” “You do not get to shout antiquated clichés at me, Jones,” David yells, grabbing the Sangria back and taking a particularly long swig. “That is rude. And that guy way overreacted. I barely even nicked his car.” “God, remind me never to get in a vehicle with you, Detective,” Ruby says. “Do they know about your record at the precinct?”

“They’re required by law to know,” Emma laughs. “I do have a follow-up though. Why are all these incidents revolving around food?”

They spend a little more time walking down several different memory lanes, reading through Mary Margaret’s rather impressive and incredibly laminated schedule before her eyelids start to flutter and Merida’s curled up in the corner of the couch with a pillow under her head, Ruby taking photos of it on her own phone to send to Mac.

Emma’s eyes are looking a little heavy by the time Killian tugs her up, keeping an arm around her waist and muttering c’mon, love, let’s go home. He refuses to look at David before closing the door behind him.

And it’s not really that far back to his own apartment, but he didn’t drive and Killian is acutely aware of how close Emma is the entire time they’re on the T, head back on his shoulder and shoulders moving with the steady rise and fall of her breathing.

It’s easy. It’s comfortable. It is so goddamn normal it feels like he’s going to snap in half with the way his whole being wants it to be like this forever.

Or longer.

He’s not going to be picky.

It’s several different kinds of miracles that he’s able to get his key in the door while he’s supporting most of Emma’s weight at the same time, both of them stumbling into the apartment and nearly tripping over the bag she never actually moved into his room.

“You don’t have nearly as much stuff,” Emma mutters, catching him by surprise. He was half convinced she’d fallen asleep standing up.

“Were those the words you were looking for in that order, Swan?”

She levels him with a very particular type of stare – usually the final step in the Emma Swan and Killian Jones banter schedule and it’s taken them some time to get to that point, but it’s nice to finally reach some kind of destination – resting her hands on his shoulders and shaking her hair onto her back and maybe her eyes are getting greener.

He clearly should have taught biology. He’d probably know if that was possible then.

“Don’t try and tease me because you know I'm tired, it’s not nearly as cute as you think it is,” she says. Killian blinks. “I meant M’s and David. Your apartment’s looking a little sparse by comparison.” “Well I’m not preparing for the arrival of my first child, so…” “Why not?” “Excuse me?” Emma shrugs, like it’s not an impossibly large question or one they’ve ever actually had. There have been boyfriends and girlfriends on both sides, people they’d both complained about and talked about and some who they were certain were it in some kind of everything type of way, only to be wrong.

His ended with Emma flying to Boston and sleeping on his couch while he watched all three extended editions of Lord of the Rings in succession. She ordered him food from the Chinese place that had known their order by heart during undergrad.

And then they went to the swan boats and stared at the water and she promised it’d be alright.

Hers ended with Killian buying her a ticket and telling her to get to O’Hare and he picked her up at Logan then too, letting her fall asleep with her head on his thigh and several horrible 80s movies in the background. They ordered from a different Chinese place. It was better. They lamented all the time wasted.

And then they went to the swan boats and stared at the water and he promised it’d be alright.

They’ve never once talked about the hazy thing that is the future and Killian’s mind is quick to point out it’s because he’s been waiting, maybe a little desperately, for her to bring it up.

“I mean it’s a fair question, right?” Emma asks, but that feels like an even bigger question and Killian can’t remember any word in the entire English language. “I mean...you’re you and Mary Margaret’s probably tried to be Mary Margaret at some point, right?” He nods dumbly, only vaguely aware of what she’s suggesting. And he’s certainly tired of the set-up attempts because Mary Margaret’s intentions are good, but they’re also a little heavy-handed and Killian is definitely the third wheel on a cart that will soon also house a baby.

Or however that sentence goes.

“It’s not exactly something you rush into, Swan,” he says, another miracle that might be more impressive than unlocking the door was.

“No, no, I know that. I’m not saying go out and start having twenty-seven kids.” “Twenty-seven?” “Oh my God.”

Killian grins, some of the oxygen returning to his lungs and his brain and Emma rolls her eyes. He taps his thumb on the side of her jaw. “They’re going to get stuck that way, love,” he mutters, the endearment falling out of him without his explicit permission.

“You’re making that up,” Emma challenges, but she doesn’t question anything else in the sentence and Killian feels himself hoping against his will.

Cautiously optimistic.

“That is pure and complete scientific fact,” Killian says, pressing another kiss to her forehead and maybe that’s what Ruby was keeping track of. It’s definitely what he’s keeping track of. “And I’m perfectly fine as is, Swan. All that clutter would drive me nuts anyway.” “Can I please tell Mary Margaret that you called all her stuff clutter tomorrow?” “Why are you trying to antagonize me?” “I’m not, honestly,” she promises, moving to rest her palms flat on his chest. This is like some great, big giant test, he’s positive. With a Scantron. And he’s only got a mechanical pencil. It’s a very complicated metaphor.

“Please do not tell Mary Margaret that I called her stuff clutter while we’re trying to watch a Red Sox game tomorrow.” “I can’t believe David picked that.” “Can you not?”

Emma sags, a disgruntled sigh that might actually be the single most endearing noise he’s ever heard falling out of her. “Well, yeah, I can,” she says. “But he’s going to yell ridiculous things and everyone around us is going to hate him.” “Ah, but it’ll be a common bond between all of us. That’s fandom unity. And I bet we can come up with some pretty scathing insults about the Sox in the next few hours. As long as you promise not to fall asleep on me.”

“You don’t have to worry about my sleeping habits, you know.”

“If I don’t, who will?” At some point, it would be great if his brain would stop providing his mouth with sentiment and words he doesn’t want to give voice to yet – or, maybe, ever, he hasn’t entirely decided – but that does not appear possible and Emma’s eyes widen before she can school her features entirely. She licks her lips, a muscle in her jaw jumping when she clenches it and Killian tries not to scream apologies in her face, barely hearing her when she starts talking again.

“Probably anyone in that apartment before,” she whispers. “But you’re kind of at the top of the list. Leader of the pack or whatever.” “Are you quoting pop songs from the 50s to me?” “You’re the history genius, you tell me. You’ve got the leather jacket thing down. It felt like an appropriate reference.”

Killian hums, something that feels like warmth seeping down his spine, but that same, slightly problematic corner of his brain knows it’s something entirely different and, at some point, his hand has landed on Emma’s hips.

They’re far closer than he remembers being a few minutes before.

And it would be easy – that word losing some of its meaning because things weren’t always always easy with them, but they’ve grown up and evolved and he wants, so much he practically shakes with it. He could duck his head and kiss her or she could press up on her toes and kiss him and they could just keep doing that on some kind indefinite basis forever and ever for the rest of eternity.

So naturally both of them take a step back, shaky smiles and slightly obvious nerves and Emma’s shoulders shift when she takes a deep breath.

“I’d really like to come up with some scathing insults about the entire game of baseball,” she says, moving back towards his couch and Killian nods despite the voice in the back of his brain demanding he do the opposite.

“Sure, love.”

They fall asleep on the couch together, a notebook tossed on the table with two dozen increasingly absurd insults and the cast commentary of the Two Towers playing in the background.

#cs fic #cs ff #captain swan #cs #captain swan ff #caught in your light #everyone sasses everyone while pining #and being aware of the pining #it's cool #they're get their stuff together eventually

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sylvasthesnowfox · 6 years

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8. hopeless

Rei's enthusiasm faded rapidly as she approached the far towers. She hated coming to this place, if she was being honest; she would spend all her time practicing magic and studying if she could, but Yomi seemed to want to pace their lessons, to give time for Rei to internalize them before continuing. She supposed it made sense, but...

But it meant a lot of time walking through a silent, dying world with nothing but her thoughts to keep her company.

That wasn't really fair. Naomi tried her best to be good company, but she just wasn't always around, and even when she was... it was hard to keep Rei's mind from wandering. Magic was so fascinating. Her task, her destiny, was fascinating. She liked to think about those things, to imagine what would come next, and try to plot a course from here to there, try to anticipate the secret that Yomi kept hinting was coming, the answer to the holy question how do we save this world.

Some days, though, it was so quiet and hollow, the world felt so empty and small... and it was hard not to think about the lack of an answer.

Rei had lived her life with the knowledge that the end was coming, that she was going to witness it, and that she was going to reverse it. It was her purpose. It was the first thing she could remember. Yomi had taught her to think of the world from the perspective of a designer, to understand all the parts of existence and life and the way that they interacted with one another; Rei, in her enthusiam, had taken that a step further to ask herself how things could be. Why is there wind? Air? Space? Gravity? All of these things held some purpose, right? There was a reason for each of them. Why is there love? Hate? Greed? Mercy? Why is there disparity? Why is there difference? Her life had led her on a journey of skepticism against every natural law, wondering whether perhaps there was another way, wondering if perhaps she could do something better. To be here now, at the apparent end of the world, was incredibly exciting. It was her chance to put her research and philosophy into practice.

But no one else felt like that. It had been strange at first to watch it happen, but it made sense, too. No one else saw this like she did. Even the people that knew she intended to save the world, even some of them that knew she could do magic... what reason did they have to believe in her?

For a while, Rei had made it a point to explain herself to everyone that asked her, to assure and soothe the worries of the survivors, because they were here on her account - it only seemed fair. But people asked her the same things. People lost their faith. Ignored her. What can you say to someone that's determined not to listen to hope? Increasingly often Rei found that she dreaded being near other people. She wanted to practice and theorize and plan in peace, away from their expectations and their hopelessness.

That was why she liked being around Naomi and her friends so much. They believed in her! Especially Naomi, ever her greatest ally. Rei thought it was very sweet how, upon learning that Rei intended to recreate their world, Naomi had announced her intent to serve as Rei's bodyguard on the spot. And good thing, too! Yes, the Outsider this morning had been considerably more abstract - and less immediately threatening - than usual, and thus outside of Naomi's expertise to deal with... but Naomi's guardianship had been very deeply appreciated on more than one occasion.

From the skyroad, Rei entered the towers at the fifty-fifth floor; she approached the elevators, tapped the ‘down’ button, and stood back with bated breath and closed eyes - imagining that the door was going to open and her destination would simply be on the other side. She heard the chime sound and gestured with a flourish for no one to see, then opened her eyes - but alas, it was just an empty elevator car. (Phobos, unseen and unheard, huffs with disappointment, and continues to silently cheer for her new friend.) So unfortunately, Rei was forced to ride the elevator the ordinary mundane way.

Her destination was the thirtieth floor atrium. Atriums had been a growing fashion trend of high-rise buildings like this one in the decade or so before the apocalypse; you'd dedicate a multi-floor-height space to excessive, extravagant plant life and broad tiled walkways, each often spilling out into the mid-level streets adjacent. Essentially, they were to be used as environmentally controlled indoor parks. Before the end, they were bustling spaces full of life and activity.

Eliza had repurposed this one, however, tearing out the plants to make room for potatoes and corn, things that were easy to grow and could be used in a variety of ways. It was a clever use of the space. Eliza was good at coming up with clever solutions to these sorts of problems. She was also good at convincing people to follow her instructions and contribute to building a plan, because she was good at planning out how to meet everyone's needs. There had been a lot of fighting and disagreement when the end had first happened, and it was only recently that it had started dying down - but Eliza's voice had reigned loudest and clearest the entire time, and that's why everyone now still looked up to her as the leader. Just as well; it meant Rei was more likely to be left alone and given space to study and practice.

She had thought, or hoped, that Eliza might be here inspecting the still-young plants, and there were a few people awake now tending to them, ensuring they were healthy, but Eliza was not one of them. Rei delicately approached one. "Emily?" she asked, her voice soft, as felt appropriate anytime she was here without Naomi or Eliza around.

"Oh," Emily gasped, looking up. "Oh, Rei." She had been one of the students that Rei and Eliza had befriended before the end; her pink hair was fading back to brown at its roots and her tan was all but gone now, though pretty much everyone was paler than they'd started by now. "Looking for Eliza?" Rei nodded. "She's still doing the rounds. We thought we would get a head start."

"Do you know which block?" Rei asked hopefully.

"Probably forties," Emily said. Rei nodded with gratitude; Emily hesitated, so Rei hesitated too, before realizing that Emily had probably thought she was going to say something else, and now they were awkwardly still trapped in conversation. "So," Emily said nervously, "um, how's... how's it coming?"

Emily had been one of the initial nay-sayers. She assumed Rei had lost her mind and refused to talk to her, instead supporting Eliza's efforts to take charge of the survivors and organize them into something that could maybe survive a limited space for a long period of time. But after Rei started demonstrating actual magic, Emily - like many - had gone through a change of heart, and come out one of Rei's most adamant supporters. One of.

But that was months ago, and now, Emily seemed so... tired. Too tired for faith. They hadn't talked in weeks, and Rei avoided the subject of her work in general when it wasn't her closest friends, the only people she still thought of as believing in her. So this question honestly caught her off-guard.

"Slower than I'd like," Rei said honestly. "But! I'm going to do it." Emily smiled weakly; Rei knew that smile very well, and shook her head fiercely. "I mean it," she said fiercely. "I'm going to do it. I'm learning a lot, it's just hard to show it compared to what I've already figured out how to do, but I know for sure I'm getting closer!"

"I hope I'll get to see it when it happens," Emily said softly, still smiling. Rei nodded, pressing her lips together.

"I..." Rei swallowed. "I'll make sure," she promised. "You and Eliza take care of everybody else until then, okay?"

"I'll do my best," Emily agreed. Rei thought a bit of life came back to her eyes, but that was probably just wishful thinking.

She found Eliza on the forty-third floor. The fortieth floor block - floors 40 through 44 - were one of the major residential blocks that was still stable enough for electrical power and plumbing to work reliably, so that was where most of the survivors lived. On the forty-third floor, down the west hallway, there was a door left open that shouldn't be; hesitantly Rei poked her head through it and called Eliza's name, and Eliza leaned out of a side door and into the main hallway.

"Rei," Eliza sighed. She looked far too weary for so early in the day. "Come here. You should see this."

Rei didn't know this resident's name. He was older than her, somewhere around the age Yomi looked - which is to say, mid thirties, ish? - but frail and white-faced. His room was in disarray, clothes littering the floor in piles, and he himself was curled sideways on his bed, but as Rei entered Eliza rounded the bed with fast steps and grabbed him by his collar, hefting him up as though to threaten him. He didn't react; his expression didn't change, eyes didn't focus, nothing. Eliza reared back and slapped him across the face, so loud and sharp that Rei's ears rang for a moment, and she recoiled as though Eliza had struck her instead. She was going to cry out in alarm, but... the man still didn't move. His head lolled back into its previous position, gazing roughly down at Eliza, eyes still unfocused, expression still utterly empty.

"There has got to be a better way to prove someone is in a coma," Rei said faintly, as Eliza laid him back down again and folded her arms.

"He's been listless for a few days," Eliza sighed, ignoring her, "but so have most people. This is new."

"Do you think an Outsider is involved?" Rei whispered, in horror. (Phobos shudders at the thought. What kind of outsider would do this...?!)

"I don't know," Eliza admitted, "but it wouldn't surprise me if not." She turned to Rei with a critical expression. "I don't suppose Yomi has taught you any mind-reading or healing magic or anything useful like that, has she?"

Rei winced. "You don't need to be mean," she muttered. Eliza scowled, closing her eyes. "I did learn something new today that we might be able to work with..."

"Sounds like theory," Eliza murmured.

"Yes," Rei said carefully. "But - "

"I don't need theory," Eliza growled, opening her eyes again, "I need results. Do you understand what's happening here, Rei? If he remains catatonic, I get to decide whether someone has to force feed him, or if I'm just going to let him die. Isn't that just a lovely choice?"

Rei sighed heavily, pinching her nose, her hand rising slowly to cover her eyes. "Eliza," she muttered, "I'm working as fast as you can. My role is to recreate the universe - that's been my focus all along. I don't know what you want from me."

"What I would like," Eliza said levelly, "is for you to learn how to actually help these people. Keeping them alive apparently isn't good enough anymore, since they'll just..." She gestured angrily to the man on the bed, who hadn't so much as twitched since Eliza laid him down again.

"I'm sorry," Rei sighed, shrugging and letting her arms fall limp at her sides. "I'm trying my best."

Eliza pressed her lips together for a moment, still watching the stricken man in his bed. "Yeah," she muttered angrily, shaking her head and walking past Rei, her gaze cast to the floor. "I'm sure you are."

"Where are you going?" Rei called, springing after her. "Did you want me to teach you what I figured out or not?"

"I have shit to do," Eliza barked back, without looking, setting off down the hallway again. "Sorry."

Phobos watches the unmoving man for some time after the girls leave.

Is he dead? she asks Yomi, without thinking whether or not Yomi knows or sees. She realizes she has forgotten that she's in real space now, and that she has to obey its rules, including the rules of distance and line of effect. Yomi is not here, and can't hear her. It's an unsettling thought.

She guesses that Rei has gone back to the elevator, and moves as silently as she can through one of her little rifts to the elevator car. But Rei is not the one she finds there; it's in fact Eliza. She decides this is okay. Maybe she will learn something new this way.

The elevator is going down. It's going down very far, in fact. Phobos wonders where the ground is.

#wishes from oblivion

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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Deathloop Proves Incredibly Flawed Games Can Still Be Masterpieces

https://ift.tt/3EmwtJd

Deathloop‘s initial reviews have everyone buzzing about this timed PS5 exclusive from developer Arkane Studios (the team behind modern classics such as Dishonored 2 and Prey), but I’m a little worried that the positive buzz surrounding this game is going to give people the wrong impression about what kind of experience it actually is.

When a game starts getting perfect scores, it’s tempting to start telling yourself it must be perfect. Well, no game is perfect, and Deathloop is one of the most imperfect major games I’ve played in quite some time. It’s loaded with obvious shortcomings that will surely chase people away from its inherently divisive core gameplay.

Yet, I too am convinced that Deathloop is a masterpiece not just in spite of its flaws but, in some strange ways, because of them. Because a score can give you the wrong impression about why Deathloop is great, let’s take a slightly deeper look at this game’s problems, greatest qualities, and the strange relationship between the two that shows you just how rare a game like this really is.

Deathloop’s A.I. Is Shockingly Bad

The core of any immersive sim’s gameplay is the thrill you get from finding different solutions to complex problems. Do you go in guns blazing to show off your arsenal and abilities, or do you use stealth, hacking, and subversion to find a more subtle solution? That thrill of finding the perfect path forward (or even just your preferred one) is what makes games like Deus Ex, System Shock 2, and BioShock the classics they are.

Sadly, Deathloop’s terrible A.I. limits the moment-to-moment appeal of its immersive sim gameplay. Enemies will regularly walk straight into their death, ignore bodies dropped inches behind them from great heights, and generally refuse to use even basic combat techniques to try to slow your progress.

Deathloop’s woeful A.I. rarely inspires you to find those creative solutions that should define these types of games. You can still approach a situation however you’d like, but you’re rarely left with the feeling you’ve just found and executed the perfect plan since you’re pretty sure just about any plan would have been good enough to topple this game’s hapless goons.

Deathloop Tries Too Hard to Hold Your Hand

Deathloop is a pretty complicated game built around a fairly unique premise. As such, I can certainly sympathize with developer Arkane’s decision to frontload the game with quite a few tutorial screens designed to explain the basics.

Still, it feels like there was a better way to explain this game’s core concepts without relying on a series of screens filled with tiny text. For a game that does such a great job of subtly relaying nearly every other bit of information while letting you figure things out on your own (more on that later), it’s odd that Arkane chose to rely on such a conventual, straightforward, and often frustrating method of delivery.

In fact, the somewhat sudden way this game pivots from guided gameplay to encouraging you to find organic solutions to complex problems might be too much for some and ultimately negate the good intentions of the title’s opening hours.

Deathloop Doesn’t Feel Like a Next-Gen Game

Most people knew that the Covid-19 pandemic and global supply shortages were going to slow down an already slow next-gen transition process. We probably won’t start seeing a steady stream of “true” next-gen games until later in 2022, and I understand why that’s the case.

That being said, I’m not sure Deathloop is entirely “worthy” of its current PS5 console exclusivity (the game is also available for PC). Aside from a few Dualsense features and quicker loading times, Deathloop feels like a game that probably could have been ported to the PS4 without sacrificing its best qualities.

Considering how hard it is to find a next-gen console, I feel like this game probably should have been developed for PS4 and PS5. Microsoft may eventually offer some kind of backward compatibility once Deathloop comes to Xbox, but this title’s few obvious next-gen features aren’t a good enough reason to limit its initial reach.

Deathloop’s Time Loop Is One of the Best In Video Game History

You probably know that Deathloop is a time loop game, and, thanks to a surprising number of new entries into that formerly niche genre, you probably know that means Deathloop is designed to make you repeat the same time period over and over again until you break the loop.

However, you’ve got to play Deathloop to appreciate just how great its time loop really is. In fact, the way that Deathloop uses the time loop concept to slowly unravel its initially bewildering plot and enhance your understanding of what is possible in this game may just make it the best example of time loop design in video game history.

I’ve already heard some say that having to repeat Deathloop’s basic structure over and over again starts to feel “grindy,” but in my experience, but there was honestly never a time when I felt too disappointed to start the loop over as doing so usually opened up exciting new opportunities or at least allowed me to learn from whatever mistake I just made that triggered the most recent reset.

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Deathloop’s Assassinations Are Some of the Most Satisfying Logic Puzzles Since Portal

While Deathloop’s poor A.I. makes battles against its basic enemies feel…basic, the battles against the game’s Visionaries (your “boss” targets) combine the best elements of Portal and recent Hitman games to form the most satisfying logic puzzles you’ll ever experience.

Identifying your target and finding not just the perfect way to kill them but the perfect way to kill them that then allows you to seamlessly move on to the next target with enough time to spare is quite simply one of the greatest experiences I’ve had in a video game in the last 15 years. The number of possible ways to kill an individual target is bested only by the number of possible ways to kill every target in one perfect run.

It’s an approach that leads to a nearly infinite series of “aha” moments that never fail to provide the motivation you need to work your way through one more loop.

Deathloop Brilliantly Repurposes the Best Qualities of the Roguelike Genre

At first, I was a little worried about Deathloop’s item rarity, skill finding, and progression/regression mechanics. During those early stages when the game is trying to explain so much to you in a short amount of time, the combination of all those roguelike systems started to feel like a bit much.

However, you eventually discover that the reason those mechanics work so well together is that Deathloop brilliantly limits how many skills, weapons, and items you’re able to readily access during each loop. The result is a kind of roguelike experience where you (eventually) get to have some say in what your reset looks like and how close to “zero” you really have to start from.

I love a traditional roguelike experience, but between games like this, Returnal, and Hades that challenge the idea of “starting over,” it’s been fascinating to watch developers play with the boundaries of the roguelike genre and blend that genre with other concepts.

Deathloop’s Multiplayer is a Brilliant Idea You May Choose to Ignore

In case you haven’t heard, Deathloop features a fascinating multiplayer component that allows other players to “invade” your game by controlling Julianna: a rival who will stop at nothing to kill the player and preserve the time loop. Julianna’s unique set of abilities allows invading players to easily disguise themselves and generally make your life hell.

That’s the great and annoying thing about this feature. See, if you choose to disable player-controlled Julianna invasions, the character will still “invade” your game but will instead be controlled by the A.I. Considering this game’s A.I. problems (see above), you don’t really get to experience how brilliant this concept is until you enabled the multiplayer component.

At the same time, the “griefing” nature of this invasion system means that many people are going to find it to be quite annoying and even detrimental to the overall experience. I feel like this problem could have been solved by a stronger A.I. version of Julianna who comes closer to representing the challenge offered by human players without being quite as frustrating.

Deathloop’s Incredible Environmental Storytelling Enhances a Sometimes Weak Narrative

Most of Deathloop’s storytelling is done through audio files, environmental clues, computer exchanges, and…well just about everything other than cutscenes and character-to-player dialog exchanges. Anyone who is familiar with Arkane’s previous works (most notably Prey) will be familiar with this basic approach.

Arkane’s familiarity with this complicated form of storytelling generally results in some of the cleverest and most unexpected bits of narrative design I’ve ever seen, even by this studio’s lofty standards. It’s amazing that Arkane left it up to the player to discover so many vital plot points and character development moments, but that approach ultimately enhances the thrill of finding that one bit of information that puts every other piece of the puzzle in place.

However, the game’s brilliant approach to storytelling doesn’t entirely disguise the weakness of the overall narrative. I won’t get into spoilers here, but once you realize that Deathloop’s plot is more about the little moments and the journey rather the destination, you start to get the feeling that there was a more interesting overall story here that the developers just didn’t quite deliver.

Deathloop Isn’t For Everyone, and That’s What’s Great About It

Developer Arkane Studios has been criticized in the past for making a specific kind of game that rarely meets sales expectations. Some have wondered whether or not Arkane would be better off making at least a few concessions to the preferences of wider audiences just so they could help ensure that they’re able to continue making at least some kind of version of the games they make so well.

Between Deathloop’s PS5 console exclusivity, Arkane-style design, and the fact it’s hard to even offer a basic description of the experience without getting into spoilers, I highly doubt that this is going to end up being a long-term best-seller or even just the studio’s best-selling game to date.

However, that’s kind of what makes Deathloop so great. Nearly all of the problems in Deathloop can be attributed to Arkane’s desire to focus on the things they do so well and not worry so much about whether or not someone who doesn’t really enjoy what this title is fundamentally going for is going to take a chance on it.

I can’t speak to what would have happened if Arkane tried to make a few more changes for wider audiences or even just worked harder to break free of their bad habits, but what I do know is that they came up with a brilliant idea for a game and made that brilliant idea work despite the fact that it could have so easily fallen apart at any time.

In a world where nothing is perfect, it’s hard to withhold the masterpiece label for something that somehow manages to get everything right. Like many of the most innovative and greatest games before it, Deathloop was made by a team of people committed to getting their biggest and best ideas right above all else.

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It’s easy enough to see how Deathloop could have been a better game, but I’d rather be left with a series of nitpicks acquired in the pursuit of something original than another perfectly fine Triple-A game that ultimately justifies its existence through sales figures alone.

The post Deathloop Proves Incredibly Flawed Games Can Still Be Masterpieces appeared first on Den of Geek.

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