#this movie might have been a little bit of a messsss

[dontasktheradiodemon]

Crimmis chat log #1, 12/24

Alastor and @hiss-and-vinegar​ have a conversation following up on their phone call a few days ago. It turns into an argument but then it de-arguments and it’s sweet. Gifts are exchanged. Nog is had.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 ARE YOU ABLE TO RECEIVE THESE AGAIN?

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 Yes, hello hello! I'm back in business!

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 THAT WAS QUITE A BIT YOU DID THERE TO PURSUADE VAGGIE! I COULDN'T HELP BUT GRIN BEHIND MY HAND AS I READ THROUGH IT.

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 I can only hope it was more entertaining for you than it was embarrassing for me! Hah! But it's over and done with now.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 WELL I'M GLAD FOR IT ANYWAY. CALLING SEEMED TO NOT WORK OUT BETWEEN US, DID IT?

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 Didn't it? I suppose only being able to reach me while I'm at the hotel is a restriction—but it's still a problem now, I'm just on the hotel computer instead of the hotel phone. But I'll be wireless again soon!

🎶 And in the meantime, yelling into the nearest radio still works!

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 I DON'T REALLY WANT TO YELL INTO A RADIO.. IS THAT PRIVATE???

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 Unless there's another Radio Demon running around who hasn't admitted they're copying my skill set! Most radios, you see, aren't designed to transmit! They work as ears for me and me alone.

🎶 On an unrelated note, what does G2G mean?

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 THERE ARE SO MANY OF YOU RUNNING AROUND, I'D HATE TO CATCH THE WRONG ONE... BUT SINCE THE TELLY PHONE DIDN'T WORK OUT AND MY LETTERS ARE TOO STUFFY, THEN PERHAPS IT'S ALL I CAN DO.

🐍 GO TO GOD? GET TO GOING?

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 What was wrong with the telly phone, did the hotel have a bad connection? I'll give you my number when I get a replacement.

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 Hm! Maybe "get to going"! I don't know. You should ask whichever one of your eggs just sent me a few unauthorized messages, I'm sure it would know.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 WHAT

🐍 I'LL DEAL WITH IT LATER........

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 OwwO

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 AS FOR THE CONVERSATION, I GET THE FEELING THAT YOU DID NOT WANT TO TALK TO ME AFTER ALL. IT FELT VERY STIFF, TENSE. I MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING WRONG BUT I COULDN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT IT WAS.

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 What? No! No no no, I was—pleased. To hear from you.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 WERE YOU?

🐍 IT WAS FUN JOKING WITH YOU, I ENJOYED IT, BUT. IT FELT LIKE YOU DIDN'T WANT TO TELL ME ANYTHING.

🐍 USUALLY YOU TALK SO MUCH!!

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 Oh. No, I just... I suppose I didn’t think of enough to say in time. And you got off the line so soon.

🎶 I would have stayed on another hour if you had.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 I ASKED IF THERE WAS ANYTHING ELSE!

🐍 IF YOU WANTED TO SPEAK LONGER, THEN SSSPEAK UP!!

🐍 VAGGIE MENTIONED YOU LOOKING AWFUL AFTER THE CALL, AND DURING IT, IT FELT LIKE YOU COULDN'T WAIT FOR ME TO HANG UP

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 You said you were getting off unless I had something else. That’s not a “do you want to keep talking,” that’s an “I need to go, last call for any important business you need to share first.” And I didn’t have anything important to share. You wanted to go, I wasn’t going to ask you to stay just for the sake of staying.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 WELL EXCUSE ME FOR NOT KNOWING THE INS AND OUTS OF PERFECT CONVERSATION, ALASTOR. I CALLED YOU! WHY WOULDN'T I WANT TO TALK?!

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 Vaggie talks too much. And I—don’t know why it felt like that. It shouldn’t have.

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 I don’t know, when you got off so soon I thought you’d called to ask about my singing and then make small talk just long enough to be polite. I figured you had other things to do.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 I THINK YOU SPEND TOO LONG DECIDING WHAT I'M DOING AND NOT ENOUGH TIME ACTUALLY GETTING MY SIDE OF THINGS!!

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 WHY BOTHER CHATTING WITH ME AT ALL? YOU ALREADY HAVE THE WHOLE THING SCRIPTED OUT I GUESS!

🐍 NO NEED FOR MY SIDE OF THINGS!!!

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 You decided I couldn’t wait for you to hang up without getting my side of things.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 WELL FUCK ME I GUESS.

🐍 FINE.

🐍 I'M JUST MAKING THIS WORSE!

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 Don’t—don’t. I’m not trying to accuse you, here, I’m just—

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 I’m sure you didn’t think you were deciding for me, did you? You thought you were picking up the signals I was sending! Why would you ask me to say “hey there, my friend, I don’t actually want to talk to you!” out loud if, from where you were sitting, I’d already said it plenty of other ways? Of course you didn’t ask me.

🎶 Of course I didn’t ask you.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 I'M NOT GIVING OUT ANY SIGNALS!

🐍 I'M TELLING YOU, THIS IS ME TELLING YOU, THAT I LIKE TALKING TO YOU AND I WANT TO TALK TO YOU

🐍 THOUGH AT THE MOMENT I AM RATHER WORKED UP AND AM GOING TO TAKE A BREATHER

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 All right.

🎶 I’ll be here.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 CAN'T WE JUST MEET?

🐍 IN PERSON.

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 Of course. Name the place.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 MY ROOM AT THE HOTEL, UNLESS YOU'RE BUSY.

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 I’ll be right there.

Alastor

Sir Pentious said meet in his hotel room, Alastor is in his hotel room. Immediately. Just teleports straight in.

He’s the only one here.

And the room’s dark.

Oh. Okay. He... sits on the bed to wait.

Sir Pentious

The hotel doors open with Sir Pentious slithering in, past the concierge and going up several floors until he came upon his room.

Unlocking it, he enters in to see Alastor's glowing face, and his hood FLOOPS out in surprise.

"FOR GODSSAKESSSS MAN, YOU SSSSTARTLED ME." Grab the lights...

Alastor

He stands the moment the door opens. “Oh, good, you’re—sorry about that—I forgot to ask how long you’d be! I was starting to worry I’d come up to soon and missed some follow-up message.” Weak laugh. Yeah he just, kind of, sat in the dark the whole time, full of dread.

Sir Pentious

A little bit of a look away, he's slithering his entire body into the room before he's even able to close the door.

Once that is done, he comes on over into Alastor's personal space, and offers both of his hands, palms up.

Alastor

Alastor stands there stiffly, hands clasped behind his back, as Sir Pentious comes into the room.

Until Sir Pentious offers his hands. Alastor freezes for a split second, then immediately bolts forward to hug Sir Pentious.

And just as quickly jerks back. “Wait! No, wrong, that wasn’t what you—!” He takes Sir Pentious’s hands. “This! I’m sorry, that was—“ HUFF. “Sorry.”

Sir Pentious

His hood floops again, startled once more by the JERKING sudden movements...

A journey of the face is had as Penny attempts to understand what must be going through Alastor's mind. Well, he wanted a hug, right? Then that's what they'd do!

Squeezing those hands and then pulling him into a *tight* hug.

Alastor

Oh! Okay. ... Okay.

He hugs back, then tightens his hug. Then *melts.*

Sir Pentious

Penny holds fast, but he's not that tense... Well a little tense. He figures he ought to speak before assumptions are made.

"ARE WE OKAY?"

Alastor

"Of course! Of course we are." The suggestion that they might *not* be is enough to get him to hold tighter. "We both misinterpreted a few innocent comments, that's all. It's nothing we can't talk out."

Sir Pentious

A slow nod.... He can't shake the feeling...

"HAVE YOU REALLY SSSTOPPED SSSINGING AS MUCH? I KNOW WE TALKED ABOUT IT BUT...." Frown... Worry...

Alastor

"I honestly never thought about it until you asked." He sighs. "If I'm trying to recall—yes, I think I might have? But it's not... I wouldn't have even noticed myself if you hadn't brought it up."

Sir Pentious

Sir Pentious sighs as well, putting his head on Alastor's. Flomp.

"VAGGIE ISS CLEARLY TRYING TO MENACE ME INTO WORRYING ABOUT YOU, I'M SURE OF IT."

Alastor

"Vaggie enjoys making unflattering posts about me." He sounds VERY disapproving.

Oh, comfy. He closes his eyes and presses his face against Sir Pentious. "... Her perspective's probably skewed." He's half mumbling. "I know I'd been playing more than usual these last few weeks. She pointed that out, too."

Sir Pentious

"I'LL.... I'M SORRY FOR NOT BELIEVING YOU. I GET SSSO USED TO THINKING PEOPLE ARE LYING TO ME, THAT I GO WITH MY GUT." Another sigh, "AND MADE ANOTHER MESSSSS OF THINGSSSSS."

Alastor

"She's probably right. It just... hasn't been on my mind." Weak shrug. "It's fine now, isn't it?" They've been hugging for SEVERAL minutes straight. Alastor's hard pressed to think of anything more fine than that.

Sir Pentious

A slow nod... Penny's not interested in letting go. Letting go means they go back to talking, and talking means he's gonna give off signals and Alastor is going to give off signals.

But that's just panic, isn't it? He sits in his coil, and straightens Al's bowtie.

"YESS, I BELIEVE SSSO."

Alastor

“Good.” Then he’s going to just, stay here. As long as he’s allowed to.

Sir Pentious

After a few more moments... He reaches into his jacket to pull out something wrapped up. Distinctively bottle shaped.

"HERE, ALASSSTOR. FOR THAT OBSSSSCURE GIFT GIVING HOLIDAY."

Alastor

Startled flinch! “Oh—damn, I haven’t wrapped yours yet!” He opens a portal, tugs out a bookstore bag, fishes out a book—“That one’s mine.”—and offers the bag to Sir Pentious. “Here! Pretend it’s wrapped.”

Sir Pentious

OH-- Pentious is also startled. All of his eyes are 👀!! Hmmm... book? No, not for him. Tongue flick as he takes the bag into his hands and peeks inside...

Alastor

Inside are two DVDs—a musical and an old black-and-white movie—a CD, a historical fiction novel, and... a volume of manga.

“Remember a couple months ago when you asked if any musicals or films were made about you, and I offered to find some from my universe. Well, I finally made a trip to the mortal realm! Obviously they’re not about *you* you, but, you know, it’s all fictionalized anyway! Look!” He points at the manga. “Absolutely no historical accuracy by *any* universe’s standards in this one, it has you raised from the dead to attempt to take over Japan in the 2050s! Heaven only knows *why,* but I thought it was funny! And they give you a person-shaped robot to stomp around in!”

Sir Pentious

..... OH.....

*OH...!* His eyes are ENORMOUS as he regards the presents... Stuff... stuff for him about him. Not *him* him but it was clearly... Sir Pentious, Supervillain Original! HE LOOKS AT ALASTOR WITH THE MOST WRIGGLY OF SMILES AND THE HUGEST, GHIBLIEST TEARS.

Alastor

Alastor’s smile turns a little self-conscious. “I take it you like them?”

Sir Pentious

Guess who's getting ANOTHER tight hug? Alastor. Also, with added. COILING. *SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE.*

Alastor

If he gets out of this with all his bones in one piece, it’ll be a miracle. He hugs back tightly, beaming. “... Let me read the comic book sometime, I’m honestly curious about where they go with it.”

Sir Pentious

Big cobra purrs. He pulls out a handkerchief to wipe his tears AND blow his nose into it. PHOOOOOOOOOOOFFFF. A nod.... "YESS, YESS OF COURSSSSSE. OH, I  WASS OVERCOME WITH INTENSSSSE EMOTION!! YOU CAN'T POSSSSIBLY UNDERSSSSSTAND HOW MUCH IT *HURTSSSS* TO NOT BE REMEMBERED OR, OR TO BE UNRECOGNIZED..."

Alastor

Oh—that’s a sentiment that hurts. “I’ve got a little bit of an idea.” Sympathetic back pat. “It’s not quite the same thing, but—over here, nobody’s forgotten you. I can promise you that.”

Sir Pentious

Sniff. "THAT'SSS GOOD TO KNOW... I THINK EVERYONE IN HELL ISSSS JUSSSST TIRED OF ME AT THISSS POINT." He rubs his eyes, "TIRED OF HEARING MY GRANDIOSSSSE SSTORIESSSS. JUSST DISSSMISSED AS SSSSENILE *GRANDPA*." More eye rubbing, "BUT YOU BROUGHT ME SSSOMETHING VERY NICE. THANK YOU."

Alastor

*Oh.* That hurts in a different way. “You know *I’m* not tired of you, right? I could never get tired of you.”

Sir Pentious

Penny nods and hugs tight. "I KNOW YOU ARE NOT! YOU'RE ABOUT THE ONLY ALASSSSTOR THAT LIKESSS ME!" A deep inhale, and his head rests on Al's again. "YOU'RE THE ONLY ALASSSTOR I LIKE, TOO. I LIKE TALKING TO YOU AND I DON'T EVER GET THE FEELING THAT YOU ARE JUSSSST HUMORING ME."

Alastor

“Because I’m not! You are, bar none, the most fascinating man I know.” They’re getting cozy again. Nice. “And I’m damn lucky you let me stick around.”

Sir Pentious

Tongue flick.... cobra breathing.... He constricts Alastor a little tighter. Enrichment. Sir Pentious bumps his head clumsily with Alastor's, though it's affectionate regardless. "WELL, I APPRECIATE IT. I'VE GOTTEN TERRIBLY USED TO YOU, I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT IF YOU DIDN'T SSSSTICK AROUND."

Alastor

Head bump! “Then I’ll just have to keep pestering you, won’t I?”

Sir Pentious

Prrrp.

"ARE YOU GOING TO OPEN THE GIFT I GOT YOU......"

Alastor

“OH! Yes! Right!” He pulls back and looks around for the wrapped bottle-something, where did that go?

Sir Pentious

Buwop. Penny is just watching him like. Cmon. He's gonna check around, too, but without moving...... and also not constricting Alastor as hard.

Alastor

There! He picks it up and eagerly unwraps it.

Sir Pentious

It's a bottle of Habushu! The same drink they shared on their second get together. The dead snake inside has kept very well. Sir Pentious is smiling brightly, hands behind his back as he watches. *Please don't give it back to me,*

Alastor

Well! Doesn’t that look familiar! And a much more welcome sight than the last time he saw it. His smile’s so bright it’s practically glowing. “I hope you know I’m never going to drink this! This one’s for *keeping.*”

Sir Pentious

"WHAT?? YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DRINK IT???" Blink blink!!

Alastor

“I can drink another. This here is a beautifully preserved snake arranged prettily in a bottle—and a Christmas gift, to boot!” He taps a claw on the glass, “This one’s getting displayed!”

Sir Pentious

HMMM..... He taps his cheek in thought. It *did* look pretty for that, and the snake wasn't going to decompose.... A nod.

"ALRIGHT, I SSSSUPPOSE IT ISSSS RATHER, AS THE KIDSSSS SAY, DOPE. THEN! WHAT OUGHT WE TO DRINK FOR OUR VISITATION?"

Alastor

A pause to think. “Eggnog would be fitting!”

Sir Pentious

Oh! Look at that SMILE! Why, he's practically BEAMING! "EGG MILK PUNCH? OR WITHOUT THE PUNCH? NYA HA!"

Alastor

"It'll have to be light on the punch—I've got to spend most of the night cooking, I can't be out of commission!"

Sir Pentious

"AH, YESSS, I SHOULDN'T GET BLASTED EITHER... VALERA WOULD NOT BE IMPRESSED." Sheepish. He's gonna move to sit on the couch. "EGG MILK IT ISSS!"

Alastor

He teleports in some premade eggnog and a bottle of rum—all the better to mix it to their specifications—and plops down on the couch. “Here!” Sir Pentious is given the containers so Alastor’s hands are free to summon up a couple of glasses.

Sir Pentious

He is holding these now, one in each hand. HMMM. Tongue flick.... Smelling both. Blelele.

"YOU KNOW, I HAVEN'T HAD EGG MILK PUNCH IN *DECADESSSS*! PROBABLY SSSINCE I SSSTOPPED CELEBRATING CHRISSSTMAS. I TEND TO PUT UP A TREE FOR THE EGGSSSS, BUT, DRINKING ALONE ON THAT DAY ISSS RATHER PATHETIC."

Alastor

“I’ve always liked it! I don’t mix it up *every* year, but most years! I didn’t last year, but I did...” He trails off. He stops. He thinks. “Hm. It’s been longer than I thought.” Shrug!

They’re out of hands, aren’t they? He sticks one glass between his knees so he can take back the eggnog, untwists the lid with his teeth, and pour it into the cups. “It’s better made from scratch, but unfortunately I’ve only got so much time to prepare so many foods, and a cocktail is lower on my list than, say, an extra side dish! Here,” he holds out a glass, “add however much rum you want.”

Sir Pentious

Bigger blelele. Sir Pentious takes the glass, and then briefly sweats. He doesn't have knees, he can't put it there.... Time to wait for his tail tip to get here so he can wrap it around the rum.

"OH, YESSS, I KNOW SSSO. I WOULD MAKE IT FROM SSSCRATCH MYSELF!"

Alastor

He. He thought. He thought that Sir Pentious was going to open the rum and pour it in and *then* take the glass... Neither of these men need alcohol, their combined ability to plan is already rubbish. Alastor reaches over to try to unscrew the lid for Sir Pentious.

“Did you! I wonder how our recipes differed. We could do a compare and contrast sometime!”

Sir Pentious

~~Listen I may have misread.~~ Penny allows Alastor to do his best and unscrew the lid. Oh look, his tail is here. He's very careful, and pours a dab of rum in. There! Punched!

"I DOUBT IT'SSSS AS GOOD AS YOURSS. I JUST FOLLOWED MY MOTHER'SSSS RECIPE."

Alastor

“I follow my uncle’s. No offense to my uncle, but I’d trust a mother’s recipe any day.” He takes the rum and adds just enough to ensure he’ll be able to taste it.

Sir Pentious

Alright, caps screwed back on, and placed safely out of the way, he takes his glass from his tail and cheers it to Alastor's glass.

"HAPPY *HISSSSS*MAS, ALASSSTOR."

Alastor

Alastor laughs. “Happy Hissssmass!” His attempt to copy the hiss end up sounding half like white noise and half like surf washing on a beach.

Sir Pentious

Oh, what a sound! He does like that sound. Time for sips.... Glad that things no longer seem awkward!

Alastor

Sips!

And things are not-awkward enough, for the moment, that he even leans over against Sir Pentious. He sorta unconsciously feels like he did a good enough job to earn that much.

Sir Pentious

SNORT. Oh yeah, that happened here. Penny taps his chin, "I DON'T PLAN TO DO ANYTHING. MY PLAN ISS TO DO NOTHING, THAT ISS! I WOULD LIKE TO SSSSTAY IN WITH MY WIFE, RELAX AND BASSSSK. AND YOUR PLANSSSS? MAKING TROUBLE I ASSUME?"

Alastor

“Hah! If by ‘trouble’ you mean ‘far too much food’! I’m making lunch for the hotel and for as many of the duplicates I’m currently in correspondence with as care to accept my invitation!” A thoughtful pause. “Which might segue *into* ‘making trouble,’ we’ll have to see.”

Sir Pentious

"YOUR DUPLICATESSSS? ABSSSOLUTELY, THERE ISSSS GOING TO BE TROUBLE! NO *DOUBT.* PENTIOUSSSESSS ARE CONTENT TO REMAIN IN DOORSSS FOR THE HOLIDAYSSS, BUT I VERY MUCH DOUBT IT WILL MEAN THE SSSAME FOR YOUR LOT!" Prrrrr. He's grinning wider, "YOU'RE ALL ON THE SSSAME *FREQUENCY!!!* NYAAAA HA HAAAAAAA!"

Alastor

He laughs ruefully. “Oh, I don’t go out much on Christmas. Unless I’m invited somewhere! But otherwise, usually I’m content to remain indoors, too. Some years this is a holiday I’ll just... sleep straight through.” Shrug. “But you know what happens when set a bunch of microphones and speakers too close to each other, the feedback just starts building—so maybe we’ll feed off of each other, hah!”

Sir Pentious

"ONE CAN ONLY IMAGINE." He says that like he's hoping for some chaos. He leans over to plant one (1) sniss (snake kiss) to the top of Alastor's head.

"YOU'LL HAVE FUN THISS YEAR, I'M SSSCERTAIN OF IT."

Alastor

Please hold, a stray firework explosion scattered Alastor’s brain halfway across the multiverse and he’s got to collect it again before he can reply. “... Yes!”

Smooth.

Sir Pentious

SNORT.

Alastor

Have mercy. He clears his throat and takes a gulp of eggnog. Which, as it turns out, isn’t the kind of beverage that’s very helpful at clearing one’s throat. “Well, it’s already off to a better start than most years!”

Sir Pentious

"IT *ISSSSS* ISN'T IT!" BIG Cobra purrs. Sir Pentious takes another big gulp, and rests his head against Al's again.

"HERE'S TO MORE LESS THAN AWFUL YEARSSS, I HOPE."

Alastor

“Cheers to *that.* Fingers crossed. Knock on wood.” He takes another sip.

And then, tentatively, leans his head on Sir Pentious’s shoulder? Is this okay? Is it alright for him to do that? Please tell him it’s alright to do that.

Sir Pentious

It is very alright for him to do that. Penny doesn't stop him or tense up.

Alastor

Good. Then he does that. And he’s gonna stay right there as long as he can.

#hissandvinegar #chat log