#this one conversation has sooo many variables attached | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

michael-radi-the-glamorous-life · 4 years

Text

Words Words Words

Words matter. Word choice matters. And context is everything.

I have often heard the saying that “words are magic,” and it’s difficult to disagree.

We can utilize language to create so many things:

We can create visuals to be imagined.

We can conjure emotions.

We can make peace.

We can force conflict.

We can make art.

We can tell stories.

We can build entire worlds.

Words are extraordinarily powerful, and it’s good to occasionally take stock and think about the way words affect our lives and the world around us.

Plus, it just might help your art as well. 😉

Choice

The English language is a fantastic and strange little mixture, made up of Germanic Anglo-Saxon roots with heavy borrowings of Old Norse, Norman French, Parisienne French, Latin, and oh-so-many more languages throughout time.

Basically, it’s language stew.

But that means that - unlike so many other languages around the globe - English has a built-in flexibility to adopt words, which expand its vocabulary and allow for nuances in its synonyms.

We can say essentially the same thing in multiple ways, but with each way meaning something only slightly different.

In other words (ehn? see?) - Word Choice Matters.

Let’s look at an example.

The following three phrases say, at their core, the same thing:

Killer Kitties

Fatal Felines

Deadly Cats

All three of these phrases are expressing something that means “some form of feline creature with the ability to kill.” However, due to the slight changes in the word choice, they each give off a slightly different intention in their meaning.

To me, “Killer Kitties” sounds either like a YouTube compilation video of extremely not-so-ferocious kittens trying sooo adorably hard to be predators, or like an anime series of a cute, crime-fighting cat squad.

“Fatal Felines” sounds like the title to a bad film noir starring actual cats, or some Natural History Museum exhibit on the world’s various cat predators.

And “Deadly Cats” sounds more factual and almost boring in comparison to the other two, like a half-hour filler program on NatGeo airing at 11am on a weekday.

Three phrases that all contain the same information, yet they create such different results. Words matter.

Context

Context is Queen. She rules all.

As great as word choice can be in conveying a thought the way that you specifically intend, the context in which it is said can alter every intention you had.

And to clarify, by context I mean: Who is saying it, To Whom it is being said, Where it is being said, When it is being said, Why it is being said, and How it is being said.

There are a lot of variables, which is exactly why context can be so tricky and important.

Let’s take a simple, often-said phrase as our example:

I love you.

“Aw, what a lovely choice of words for an example, Michael!”

Or is it? Dun dun dun.

The utterance of this phrase from one human being to another in various contexts has been the driving force behind a mass of storytelling and media throughout humanity’s recorded history. It’s a powerful phrase that can change drastically dependent upon its context.

Who Is Saying It

Let’s begin with Who is saying it:

A small child?

A parent?

A friend?

A significant other?

A lover?

A friend who wants to be more than a friend?

A stranger?

You may have noticed that you felt fine with the options at the beginning of the list, but felt less so by the end. And you see how expanding on the idea of “a friend” into “a friend who wants to be more than a friend” changes the context?

Well, what about if we do the same thing to “a stranger”? I’m assuming you didn’t feel great about that one upon reading it, but let’s expand our word choices to be either:

“A stranger you’ve been on five dates with, been flirting with for a month, and has now completely opened up to you and said ‘I love you for the first time.’”

“A stranger you’ve never seen before in your life trying to follow you home from the bar.”

The meaning of “stranger” is suddenly different based on its own context and who is saying the word. Context is powerful.

To Whom Is It Being Said

This one is fairly intuitive.

We may often say “I love you” to people in our lives, but we mean it differently depending on who we are speaking to.

And this is mostly because the love we feel for various people in our lives is different. Love is a large conglomeration of complex emotions and there are many nuances.

Think about how the meaning of that phrase would change if you were to say “I love you” to:

A colleague

A friend

A parent

A friend’s parent

A grandparent

A teacher

An acquaintance

A date

A boyfriend/girlfriend

A spouse

An ex

A boss

It can just keep going

How deep is the love you’re expressing? Are you just expressing, or do you want something in return? How would you define that specific love?

All of these can change depending on the person you are speaking to.

Where Is It Being Said

Many a sit-com episode and rom-com film have had climactic scenes based on this idea, particularly when “I love you” is being said romantically between two people for the very first time.

And this is again fairly intuitive.

It’s quite different to tell someone for the first time in the middle of a candle-lit dinner date than it is to say it for the first time in the middle of a break-up.

But even with dramatic situations aside, where we say it can still alter the strength and meaning behind what we say.

For instance, let’s assume you are with a friend you love deeply. How does saying “I love you” change in depth and meaning when either:

They’ve just made you laugh raucously with a joke that only the two of you would get.

You’re comforting them at a funeral for their older sibling.

Oof. Context matters.

When Is It Being Said

Let’s use the example I mentioned above of saying it for the first time during a break-up.

Even in the midst of a single conversation, when that phrase is uttered can make all of the difference. For this example, let’s assume the person in the couple saying it for the first time is the person being broken up with.

Here are three thoughts:

If “I love you” is the first thing said in the break up conversation, perhaps it was said with joy and expectation, but it instead becomes the impetus for the conversation and the break-up itself.

If said in the middle of the break-up conversation, perhaps it becomes part of the person’s argument as to why this break-up feels sudden and has taken them off-guard.

If said at the end of the conversation - even as the last word - perhaps it becomes a desperate, last-ditch effort to get the other person to stay.

Small changes to the When can alter the emotional state both people are in, and therefore change the intention behind the words.

Look for this the next time you watch a romantic comedy - it’s kind of fun to analyze!

Why Is It Being Said

Ultimately, the Why is attached to the combination of Who-To Whom-Where-When. Not that it isn’t important to note, but it is often generated by the surrounding circumstances.

We rarely say things just to say them - there’s usually a specific intention behind it.

To continue with this idea of love, we don’t stop loving people just because we aren’t saying it every second of every day. Which means that there must be an environmental reason that we choose to say “I love you” when we do.

Here are a few examples:

A parent tucking their child in for bed after a particularly difficult day for the two of them.

A just-married couple sitting on the bed, taking off their shoes, and exhaling, being alone for the first time since the reception ended five minutes ago.

A friend to their best friend who just delivered the goofiest and most public prom-posal in the middle of the school cafeteria.

With the remaining context, the why becomes apparent. What motivates us is fodder for good stories.

How Is It Being Said

More than anything, the way we say something is a window into our current emotional state.

People often believe that the way they speak tends to be a reflection of their current environment.

How many times have you heard a teenager say that they’re only being defensive with their parents because “they’re just so annoying” or “they keep asking so many questions”?

But the way we say something isn’t based upon the outer environment, it’s a reflection of how we feel internally.

Perhaps that teenager is being defensive when asked about how much homework they have because they’re feeling entirely overwhelmed by the amount of work they have to do, and it’s difficult or them to speak about. Or perhaps it’s because they plan to never do it, and parents can’t know that if they never knew how much there was in the first place.

The other side of How has to do with inflection and intent.

Context matters to determine the meaning behind word choice, but words have different meanings and connotations to each of us individually and culturally. An extreme example of this is how the “c-word” for female genitalia is a highly-charged and taboo word in the US, but a commonly used utterance in the UK.

And this is also where the internet and social media becomes a tremendous issue.

Ever gotten reprimanded on Facebook or into an online argument with someone who cannot understand the context behind your words?

Or have you ever gotten angry at someone because you saw something they wrote and you put your own tone on their words, making it become inflammatory?

The internet is great for communication in so many ways, but it makes context difficult and intended inflection almost impossible.

The more contextual information we have, the better off we are.

So perhaps the “kids” really do have it right by communicating mostly through Facetime, Instagram, and Tik Tok. Who knows?

And So

I love words. They bring me joy and they are the basis of both my art and my career.

But remembering their power and their importance is necessary to good communication and also to building a better world.

Take that extra time to think through your word choice and the context - and not just the context for you, but for the other parties involved as well.

You may just find a better balance in the world you create.

#glamorous life blog #glamorous life #words #language #word choice #context #who #to whom #where #when #why #how #intent #intention #inflection #magic

1 note · View note

somedaypast-thesunset · 7 years

Text

i just ... dont feel right inside of myself. like something is slowly leaking into my brain. yesterday i slept for a good portion of the day at his house, then went to sleep around 10pm. when i woke up yesterday it was to an alarm at 5:40. i told him the alarm had given me anxiety straight away - i had to search for the phone in my bag and couldnt find it right away.

he said it was okay and reminded me that its just because the day is starting and if today is not good i have to remember there is a tomorrow and tomorrow might be better. he told me that i have to remember not to give up and to keep doing what im doing because im doing good.

i dont feel like im doing good. i dont feel like im progressing like i should be but like.. i put some weight on medication solving many issues and it did but it did not solve the underlying issue which i think my doctor recognized right away.

and i really appreciate my doctor. i really appreciate that there is someone of professional studied calibre to say - hey, you know what. you went through a lot of shit. youre not fucked for not being able to cope. the majority of people dont go through what youve gone through. and they probably wont.

and thats it you know - like i want a level of sympathy but not pity. i want the understandng of how important it is to my life that i do not have parents or a family. that is a huge defining factor of so many things. and its not because i needed them to take care of me. thats not it at all. i am perfectly capable of caring for myself - in fact; ive done so for most of my life. i cared FOR THEM so its not laziness. its not me going out in the world and crying about how i have to be an adult. ive been an adult since i was 10. like since i hit puberty, ive been an adult. ive taken on adult responsibilities an handled adult situations since i was 10. and thats 17 years. my doctor brought this up himself - he recognized that ive had 17 years of dealing with trauma that most people dont deal with or deal with at amuch much older age when theyre able to cope. i grew up in trauma. i was built by trauma.

my doctor actually repeats it a lot - you lost both of your parents. like its not the excuse - its the reason why i am struggling. i dont need anxiety about why im struggling or why i cant get better; there is a reason. he is giving me the answer that im looking for.

last night i was very upset. he asked if i wanted to go for a walk or refocus or stretch or talk about it. but i just felt very very upset. i told him that i had felt very isolated for the past few weeks. but not because i spend time alone. i have no problem spending time alone. i was an only child, i learned to cope with being alone and i found peace in it. being alone is very peaceful.

but you dont be alone forever. you cant just _be_ alone unless you literally isolate yourself and live off the land. like you have to revert back to cavemen times to be entirely alone. and i’m not interested in that; people realized by banding together you accomplish more and i’m not going to go against proof of a millenium of years. so people; all people - every single person is important. they might not be important to YOU but theyre important to SOMEONE so theyre important, you know? everyone is important; everyone i meet will affect my life in some way.

but this isolation is not in a lack of meeting people. ive been around people. ive had options and choices to be around even more people. but when im around people and i try to relate with them or have a conversation ... i dont care? like i care, i care about whats happening with them but like i have no sense of relation to them. like theyre hanging out with cousins or family or they have this wedding to go to and their cat dies and its the worst thing that happens or their grandma dies and people are sooo sympathetic and thats not my experience of life? like i have not had that experience of life. so i’m carrying a lot of resentment and bitterness towards life itself right now. and i feel like i have to reprogram myself to be okay that i didnt have the exprience a majority of people have and continue to have. so its kind of an ongoing battle to be like - hey, its okay you dont have a mother. its okay you dont have a father. its okay no one really cares if youre dead or alive. just keep doing you.

i guess in some ways im envious of people who have good mothers. i always wanted to have a good mother. and you know what? it would be amazing to have a good mother right now. even as an adult. that would be really nice. i feel like if i had a good mother i could sit down and chat with her and she would be invested in my life and give me weird advice i dont know if id take but maybe i would and she’d make cookies or maybe shed buy cookies and give them to me but either way im getting cookies. and then you know maybe at the end she slips me 20$ for bus money or something - you know moms and i go off to work or something.

i’m not really asking a lot of a mom, i guess. i have pretty low expectations. it’d be great if they didnt hurt me. i feel like ive been hurt a lot. even by my father - maybe unintentionally. like it hurt that he didnt care enough to be well. and he couldve. he really couldve. i feel like there was a lot of senseless death around me. i feel like no one cares. like people literally died because no one cares. thats how serious life is. i cant unshake that. its not like a belief i have. its my truth. its what ive lived.

but im not delusional, you know? i can obviously see people caring. like the bubble i grew up in - no one fucking cares. not a single ass person givesa fuck and i think we were all developed in our own ways to not give a fuck beyond ourselves because maybe this whole bubble was just survival.

but i can see it exists. i can see its not beyond a human being to care. i can see it with my own eyes so thats also a truth. but i feel resentful its not a truth for me; as much as i’ve tried to have it be and not just with my parents and not just within my bubble. but it cant be the whole truth because life has variables.

like i feel very attached to him right now because he is a variable. and i hate to create this like.. level of heavy importance on who he is and who he is to me because to me it feels like life or death. not that iw ould die. its very unlikely i would kill myself over him. like ... theres too many other reasons for it to land on him, honestly. but its life or death of my hope in the world as i know it. this is like the one last shot, one last chance of being proven that not every person i meet is going to be an asshole. that i have atleast the CHANCE for love, support, care & understanding.

but thats because of who he is. not because i came into it with the hope that hewould do this for me. i never had an expectation for him - ever. i was pretty fed up and just kind of went with whatever was going on in all of life. but he became a variable because as i got to know him, i realized how good of a person he is and how much he cares for me.

one of the biggest things that gives me so much... i dont even know. like something good that is undescribable. he is not like.. some next level person or anything. hes just a normal guy, but because hes capable of being ... i dont even know if its mature or adult because adult men older than him have been worse and have been worse to me. like, to me this is transcendent in a very deep scar that has been within me for a long time regarding men and sex.

i have been treated terribly in most of my relationships. if not all of them. and a good amount of that treatment has come in the form of sex. men have not given a single fuck about me in a relationship when it comes to sex. i am an obligation. they deserve sex because theyre in a relationship with me and thats what we do. thats just how it is. even in terrible times, you know? even in the worst of times, they’d still be trying to fuck. and its fine - really, maybe thats a nature of a man. but if it is - and you overcome that nature to display a level of fucking respect, thank you.

i think he understood before i said it last night, but i described it outloud - i have bigger problems than your passive need for an orgasm. life is a lot bigger and harder than this. it’s a lot more real. he had made a sarcastic and joking comment when i was scrolling on my phone (in view of him, on instagram) to stop talking to all my boyfriends. my gut reaction was a very stern, rolling of the eyes kind of “sure”. i understood he was joking but to me it was so stupid - so stupid - that even as a joke i wouldnt entertain the idea of it when i do in fact feel anxiety on a constant basis to a point that even thinking about other men or other people in such a way is a waste of my time and something i’m really not interested in. having “more” boyfriends or additional relationships honestly progresses nothing in my life. the relationship and friendship i have with him is acknowledgable as incredibly important.

i think weve had sex once in three weeks. not because no one is interested in being physical, and not because we’ve become distant in any way, but because its not the most important thing to do right now. its not really really necessary. i believe he almost understands it as just a physical need that is natural like a sneeze or take a shit. which sounds terrible, sex should be more than that - and it is, but when you’re overcome with the need or the urge for such a thing, you may be lonely or you may just have an urge - like an urge for eating mcdonalds or chocolate. you dont need to satisfy that urge by creating multiple parterships and fucking all sorts of people. it can be as simple as jacking off and moving on in your day.

though, truthfully, i enjoy having sex with him. he’s created a trust level that has allowed me to sincerely enjoy it and when we have sex, even when it’s a quick thing, it feels like he really appreciates that i’m offering my body to him. whether or not i was still fairly asexual, whether or not i had an inherent desire, i was still offering my body to him for him to use. it’s hard not to feel like you’re in a passive/submissive position when you’re the one being prodded; even if you take enjoyment from it. but maybe its just me. i dont know. regardless i feel lik the position is respected.

sometimes, i feel like a true ‘queen’. he treats me so well and has given me such legitimate deep care. when i speak about even the few things he does for me, on his own accord, i feel like there are some who are envious / jealous and try to express somethig their boyfriend does for them; like it’s an one-up contest. instead of appreciating that there’s someone - anyone - in my 27 years of life who gives a fuck enough to show me such treatment, they try to extole the virtues of their own partners.

but there are some i feel appreciate it. why shouldnt i be treated like that? why shouldnt he braid my hair, feed me fruit, make me cakes, dance with me to flashdance when im sad? why? i didnt ask for any of these things (i asked for cake) - why dont i deserve someone who wants to do these things? not only does he do this - he frequently, if not on a daily basis, looks at me in clear honesty and tells me i look pretty or that my clothes look good, or my hair looks nice. if i manage to put on makeup, he always acknowledges it. if i dont, i’m still told i’m beautiful.

one time he told me it and i told him he always tells me it when i kind of look terrible - like i havent showered in a few days or i forgot to brush my teeth or wash my face or brush my hair. i’m a mess, most of the time. he told me he could see “underneath all of that”, as a joke.

he was - and told me - he’d talk to that girl last night. i fell asleep and he was awake for maybe a half an hour or so but i dont know if he did or not. i truly dont care. i feel like the only reason he cares is a perceived notion tht i have something aganst her personally; which i dont. her existence only matters because of his past connection to her, otherwise i wouldn’t know of her at all. and his past connections are so far in the past and so meaningless to the present that i legitimately dont care. thats not his life or my life or our life anymore.

and i guess thats kind of a way i grew as a person. and he might not even realize that, which is okay. but like - i’d definitely, in the past, hold a lot of resentment and bitterness and distrust in a person who has done some of the things he has done. but he’s never lied. and that’s like.... that’s real. he has never once even attempted to hide or lie anything. ever. and knowing things makes life better. knowing whats happening around you and why and who the person youre dealing with is and why they do things and what theyve done before - it’s a choice. you can choose to be involved when its all laid out or you can leave. your choice. are you hurt or do you move on?

i really appreciate that level of honesty for once in my life. for all the liars and theives ad fucked up people ive been around, i need that. and i am a mostly honest person with him. which is bad. like to use mostly is already bad. and if i was entirely honest, it’d probably be okay, but i have shame in what i did. and again - no interest in being with others, so i’ve not been with anyone since weve been together. i havent even spoken to other people.

this morning he asked how i felt. i said about the same. but he let me wake up in a more natural way instead of rushing me or waking me up himself and it helped a bit. as he was driving me home he said something like, “baby girl, even though you’re upset you still have to find me funny”. i told him i wasnt upset. he said “well sad or unwell or whatever, you still have to find me funny”. as i got out of the car, he repeated that he loved me a few times and to have a good day. i told him to text me later, he told me he’d call and see how i was doing.

his concern makes me feel like at least taking a shower is worth doing in my day.

0 notes