Robespierre: Look, Danton, we already tried things your way-
Danton: No we didn’t?
Robespierre: We did it in my head.
It didn’t work.
that feel where you cannot tell for the life of you whether you’re grey aro or just traumatised by a romantic relationship. cause like. I was in love with my best friend for a couple years but also completely happy to just be her friend and like I cared so so so so so deeply about her and it sometimes made me jealous of her boyfriend but mostly I was just so happy for her and loved seeing her happy with him, and also dating her wasn’t ever a thing that could happen and I was sometimes comforted by that, like I could just vibe and be really happy to be around her and I always felt squiggly in that romantic kinda way around her and I was really into that guy that traumatised me but I never really understood so much of what he told me about love and maybe that was just his abuse but what if that is what romance means???? and it’s just so so so not for me?? like in theory it sounds fun and cute and I get squiggly feelings for characters and sometimes people in real life but when I think about it happening To Me I suddenly get really uncomfy and I don’t really know the difference between romantic and platonic feelings and I absolutely love my boyfriend so so so so so so so so so much they make me so happy and they’re so good and I wanna cuddle with them but platonic relationships can look like that can’t they??? but if there’s such a big overlap why am I feeling uncomfy when i think of it in romantic terms and why did I want that so much when it wasn’t an option??? what IS this??? why do I get crushes on characters but very rarely human people and I haven’t self-shipped since I was a younger kid because now I instead imagine being their friend and if they’re in a canon relationship I imagine being happy for them??? is that just because I’m a minor and now more aware of how fucked up dating a 20-30 year old would be than I was when I was 10?? but also I project onto characters and will then ship that character with someone else?? so I can only imagine romance being comfortable for me if it’s not actually me it’s just me watching through someone else’s eyes??? or if it’s completely unattainable??? why was I so in love with my ex in such a violently romantic way if I’m grey-aro??? but then if I’m not why did it feel like I was getting possessed by those feelings and they made me a completely different (and very unhappy) person????? what is the line between friendship and romance and what if I want to cross it but don’t want it to be romantic??? what if my feelings are incompatible?? what if I want to live with someone and do their makeup and kiss them and cuddle and watch movies together and get eachother gifts and celebrate anniversaries together but also?????? not want that to be Romantic??? and is that possible??? why do I want that and what does that even mean!! what does it mean to say I want to do romance things but not have them be labelled romantic!! why am I so hung up on labelling a relationship!!! why do I get so uncomfortable when romance is explicitly romantic and happening to me!!! why!! what does that mean!! because I want it in theory but I don’t want it to be romantic but that doesn’t make any sense I want romance but no romance what the fuck does this mean!!! am I just traumatised??? is this just trauma???? what does it all mean!!!
honest question but y’all know you can make your own posts right