#this particular kind of person i havent been around for a long time and im too upset to do anything now. im so upset for no reason um. like

[dateamonster]

webcomics*! webcomics baby!!! i grew up reading these bad boys like they were the sunday funnies. im serious i would get up early in so i could check my daily roster of webcomic updates before leaving for school.

webcomics sort of feel to me like my generations version of zines. not that both those things arent still around, i just mean that, in the same way that there was this big boom of super creative zine self-publishing in the 70s through the 90s thanks to the increasing access to copy machines, and later home printing, the early 00s-10s was sort of the moment people seemed to collectively realize they could kind of just upload whatever they wanted to the internet and people would actually see it, leading naturally to another boom in indie art and storytelling.

a lot of the comics that popped up around this time were sort of... rough. raw. weird. there were no rules about what a webcomic had to be other than 1) a comic and 2) on the web, so there was some freedom to be as messy or as precise as the author wanted. this led to some real bangers, and some absolute flops. but regardless of how it turned out i think theres something to be admired about the sheer amount of creativity going into these projects that, for the most part, were purely passion-driven without any guarantee of greater recognition or success.

obviously webcomics are still around, but the culture surrounding them has shifted quite a bit. most people who are willing to put in the work of a longform serialized comic In This Economy are also doing so with the hope of being able to profit or at least sustain themselves financially on their work. theres no shame in that! but it has made the webcomic scene more competitive, more polished, less experimental. capitalism at work, you know.

people arent really as incentivized to try new things and dare i say get a little weird with it when innovation doesnt pay the pills. however that doesnt mean that there arent still artists out there who are challenging that.

i got the idea a while ago that i wanted to put together a list of webcomics that have been really influential to me and my own creative efforts, but i realized that list would be a mile long and wouldnt really give me the breathing room to talk about why those works resonate with me. so i decided instead to make a list specifically of my (currently) most beloved, most influential webcomics that i feel like are doing something unique that sort of pushes the boundaries of what is considered a "normal" comic.

presented in no particular order, with all attempts made to be spoiler-free, below:

nasty red dogs and feast for a king by kosmicdream (18+)

delicious, dark, meaty comics. ffak in particular is like this massive sprawling scifi stream of consciousness thick with blood and viscera and. a lot of highly transsexual erotic cannibalism tbqh.

personally i find nasty red dogs a lot more like easy to get into story-wise, but both are just chockablock full of this beautiful grotesque unapologetic and downright indulgent physicality. its pages dripping with every fluid you can think of and some you cant, and its also compelling surprisingly empathetic characters set against a backdrop of otherworldly rituals, cosmic pre-apocolypses, and worlds inside of worlds inside of worlds. body horror heaven lives here.

mr boop and crimehot by alec robbins (very 18+)

if youre at all into weird webcomics youre probably already well familiar with mr boop, and if you arent theres really nothing i can say other than Please give it a shot, but if you havent been keeping up with alecs work since then you might not be as familiar with his current project crimehot. and thats a damn shame because it is all the comedy, unabashed horniness, and surprisingly understated storytelling of mr boop taken to its absolute max.

crimehot is set in a future where nearly every aspect of human life and culture is controlled by an all-powerful all-seeing computer algorithm. but who cares about all that when theres a ragtag team of ultra sexy ultra horny master thieves going on wacky little misadventures together!

alecs style is blunt and simplistic in a way that comes off as juvenile at first glance, and then uses that presumption to completely blindside you with its actual content, reminding me weirdly enough of memeable classic tails gets trolled. in spite of their potential as works of ironic comedy however alecs comics really give me this impression of total earnestness. crimehot in particular is so blatantly un-erotic, with its complete lack of any subtlety, comically exaggerated (and surprisingly diagetic) anatomy, and impossible physical positions, that it circles back around into becoming, indeed, kind of hot. i think silliness can be hot so sue me!

blind alley by adam de souza

departing completely from my last couple recs, blind alley is a cozy, peanuts-inspired comic strip about the day to day lives of the children of blind alley. its also occasionally a deeply unsettling horror-mystery that has just barely begun to show its hand more than two years in. its distinguishing factor to me comes from the fact that the cozy exterior doesnt seem to be there to conceal or divert your attention away from the growing sense of unease that infiltrates its panels on an increasingly frequent basis as the story progresses. it feels more like the two elements live side by side, horror and mundanity, otherworldly creatures and secret conspiracies living peacefully alongside lazy summer afternoons and goofing off with your friends. it perfectly captures the anxiety of knowing that theres something the grown-ups arent telling you, the powerlessness of being a kid.

blind alley feels to me sort of like if those "what if Nostalgic Cartoon was secretly DARK" media theories were actually real, and actually scary. i might be getting ahead of myself as the series likes to take its time and is really only just starting to peel back the layers, but what ive read so far feels makes me feel like this could be something very special.

boy island by leo fox

beautiful beautiful beautiful first of all. the dreamy, surreal visuals? the colors?? oujhjh.. boy island is set in a world split violently in two, divided into boy island and girl island, and surrounded on all sides by a sea of monsters mutants and ghosts, those sorry souls who committed the trespass of trying to cross from one land to the other, or even live outside of either! a boy named lucille must strike out on his own to make it to boy island, but in doing so begins to discover things about the world and in fact himself that reveal an even greater mission.

im making this all sound very dramatic. its a trans story. its about trans people, being trans. its also about surviving the ripples of a world laid out for you by your parents, managing grief for the ones that didnt, and a funny little blue guy named jounce. also did i mention its gorgeous? hot fuckin diggity it is gooorgeous.

vivians ghost by hal schrieve (18+)

speaking of trans comics!! (plot twist: theyre all trans comics suckerrrr) look, all of hals comics are fucking baller and im sure the book zes got coming out will be too, but ive like Imprinted on this one. its attached itself my brain. much like the main protagonist collin has been attached to by his suicide victim best friend and ex highschool bf viv!

the sketchy art style threw me off at first but it quickly becomes part of the charm and meshes very well with the chaotic pace and gutpunch emotional moments. theres a strong element of magical realism that i honestly think comics as a medium were made for. viv is a ghost, and viv is grief, and guilt, and fantasy, and shame, and glorious trans revenge taken form, and hes not even the only apparition in this story, taking the stage alongside cameos by jesus christ, a detransitioners fursona, almanda palmer, and (checks notes) gonzo for a second there i think.

as a disclaimer (or incentive, depending) no one in this story i think is someone you could really call a good person. some of them are in fact plainly terrible. they are all so undeniably fucking fascinating though. and viv himself gleefully inhabits that moral gray area, deliberately and loudly disturbing any image of himself as a pure perfect victim, blurring lines and thrusting both the characters and audience out of their comfort zone. its a challenging read thats not going to be everyone for sure, but i definitely think its worth the read.

(and if this sounds interesting to you but youre not sure you can handle it, hal has other equally good comics that are still heavy on the trans gay relationship drama but much lighter on the childhood trauma.)

what happens next by maximumgraves

if youre reading this on tumblr i hope that youve at least heard of what happens next by now. thee seminal tumblrina art of our time i swear. it starts with a true crime podcast exploring the strange story of griffin and his accomplice milo, trans teen murderers, the latter of which has since been released from the psych hospital while the former continues to serve his sentence. but thats in the past, and in the present milo still has to figure out how to live the rest of his life.

the story moves rapidly, though not necessarily chronologically, in and out of the real world and the online lives its characters frequently inhabit like its guiding you through a twisted dream. its a comic on the internet about the internet from someone clearly well aware of its more poisonous aspects, as well as the addictive quality it can have for someone who has become otherwise isolated from the world.

at the end of the day though the major appeal i think is the characters, how messy and horrible and tragic they can be, which is all you can really hope for from a largely character-driven narrative. to say much more i think would ruin the experience, but ill say what happens next absolutely delivers on its ominous title, and im waiting on the edge of my seat for the next chapter.

preeny has to repeat 6th grade by momodriller

on a Much lighter note, preeny has to repeat 6th grade is a super cute adventure series about a magical little kitty named preeny who on her first day of sixth grade is called upon to go on a great mission. its a sparklefur comic!! ive been really starting to dive into furry art lately, and if youre the kind of person who raises an eyebrow at that statement, fine, whatever, but im talking to the cool people right now so keep it to yourself.

art from within the furry subculture is such insanely creative and passionate stuff, and the focus on this subset in particular, calling back to the early 2000s deviantart xD rAWR s0 rand0m era of online culture, feels so intensely nostalgic it makes my chest ache, despite never being heavily involved in the sparklefur scene myself.

the author states in the comics description that the story takes inspiration from her experiences as an autistic child, and even before reading that man i felt it. what really makes this comic unique to me though is that the majority of characters that appear are based on adoptables the author purchased off of, as she puts it, the children of deviantart. i LOVE that. not only is that probably amazing for the kids, it makes every character feel truly unique and adds perfectly to the overall flavor of the world shes created. there is just not another comic i can think of that feels alive like this one.

broccoli soup by secretpie

ok so i know how we might feel about webtoon comics but hear me out. broccoli soup is probably the first comic ive seen to really exploit the otherwise sort of bland and restrictive format of webtoons, utilizing the excess of white space to enhance the feeling of emptiness that characterizes the protagonist broccoli's time in the blank void they call home as well as to make the sparse use of color really pop in contrast.

broccoli soup is a mysterious series thats a little hard to pin down in terms of genre. a strange little being named broccoli spends their days in a vast blankness drinking tea with their loving yet highly suspicious Best Friend and benefactor, doris. doris has the ability to move between worlds, coming and going as she pleases, while broccoli is only allowed to leave when they are on a mission on her behalf. these missions vary, but the goal is always the same: make everything Polite and Good.

as the story progresses, little by little more friends and more color come into broccolis still new existence. the art style also changes from world to world, which imo is a very nice touch. and! theres music! its an interesting project that dances back and forth between fantastical whimsy and some surprisingly dark moments. and thats the shit i like to see.

thats all for now! though if im lucky there will be many more fun stories and projects to talk about in the future. keep in mind as well that this is like barely half of all the webcomics im currently reading, just the ones that most stick out to me as really doing something special.

until next time yall!!

oh wait sike honorable mentions time

awful hospital by bogleech

the only reason this isnt up there with the rest is bc im woefully behind at the moment. ill get back to it eventually! awful hospital is an interactive multimedia horror-comedy webcomic about a hospital that is. well this hospital is simply sub-par to say the least.

hedgehog's dilemma by mellodilla

this ones still a little new to say much on but so far it looks like a cute series. what most appeals to me is that the art style looks like something that fit in seamlessly with an early 90s newspaper comic strip. in particular it has a strong calvin and hobbes vibe to me. just, you know, about wacky lil lesbian animals living their lives.

ok now im done for real

*for clarity's sake, im using webcomic here to mean "a series of comics that was first published and predominantly exists online" so even if a print version exists, i still consider it to be first and foremost a webcomic. this also includes comics that contain a multimedia or interactive element. if its a combination of pictures and words to tell a story, its a comic.

also my list is probably going to end up massively favoring serialized fiction because thats just what i like to read, but i dont necessarily think thats a required element.

#ungodly screeching #recommendations #kinda off topic but also kinda not lol #this got way out of hand #oh also if i got anyones pronouns wrong pls let me know! i tried to track everyones down

[valentinesparda]

eep omg so super duper cool to see another ai.tsf self shipper!! i love u date fans u warm my heart. please use this as an excuse to dump info about your insert lore or your feelings on the game(s) themselves especially with info you havent shared before!! donut be shy. have a great new year too!!!!!!!! :)

AAAAGH HI HELLO BOUNCING AROUND YOU LIKE A PUPPY!!!! i only know three other people who like ai !! date fans are almost always the coolest and funniest people you've ever met and know what they want in a man (wet and pathetic forever) and i respect the date fans. I'm not tooting my own horn btw I'm saying this for the people that will be reading this ask lol date fans are so silly. this is date btw for anyone who doesn't know what the fuck im rambling about

gushing about the game is basically impossible without spoiling everything because the mystery is REALLY SILLY but also really well written and laid out over time. the characters in the game are very lovable and I guess pretty realistically written, not from a realism standpoint but in how they react to any given thing in the storyline. they're varied and fun and have a lot of personality to each of them, and I would literally fucking kill for any of the main cast given the chance.

and the sequel!! the sequel is a little weak and a bit slippery and not as well put together in comparison to the first one, but it's still just as charming and you don't necessarily have to play the first game to understand what's going on - there are vague references to the lore in the first game, but it doesn't detract from the fact that this IS a new cast of characters, and i really appreciate the fact!! there's a lot going for it in terms of charm and personality, and the new characters seem to be a bit less whimsical and more grounded than in the first game (fucking looking at you tokiko shigure. holy shit)

i feel like I never do anything justice gushing about it because I will always forget something and then be like "fuck I forgor" and rush to add details so I'm just gonna leave my gushing about it at that lol

ANYWAYS!! UM. talking about my self insert under the cut :3

so. juniper is my self insert, they're from america and they moved to japan for reasons I haven't decided upon yet but they get a job at a local flower shop run by a very brash old lady whose family never come visit her and it turns out it's because she's in the middle of a yakuza turf war. the kumakura family bought out the basement space of her shop and had her under their thumb. juniper was just stupid enough to get involved in hopes to help the woman who keeps them fed, but there's no way to do that. juniper unfortunately has no choice but to cross paths with these men, but one in particular is more kind than the others, and has bought flowers from them on occasion - a specific type of iris :3c

the old woman dies shortly before the events of the first game and they've taken charge of the flower shop, and they've been meeting date upon happenstance every so often. because of the eventual discovery of the kumakura gang being affiliated with several suspects in the cyclops killings, juniper has become entangled in the case, and date actually has his reasons to suspect that jun has something to do with the case, which leads him to having to psynch with them at some point!! but they have a few other ties to the lore that could be considered heavy spoilers :)

juniper is besties with pewter!! he is their only friend for very specific reasons, and they spend time out drinking when he isn't on the job. they talk very vaguely about their crush on date and it takes pewter a whole long while to figure out that they're both talking about the other when he has to be subjected to it. he initially thinks "wow this is just like my doujins" when jun is first talking about meeting a very beautiful man at the flower shop who keeps coming around and they meet at strange times, and then it devolves into pewter going from that and happy for them to "oh you're fucking joking, THAT GUY??" when he learns it's been date the whole time

anyways. coughs. juniper has a big dumb crush on date but they go against most of his Types; i mean on top of not being a Busty Older Woman, they are a tiny nonbinary thembo and they're a bit of a punk; they've had some of their mentor's brash personality rub off on them, but they generally are fairly kind to people that come around, they just have to keep up that hard exterior to be seen as a big enough threat to the kumakura gang (moma has a bit of a crush on them but that would never come to fruition in the same way that the iris thing never did - mostly because jun is too stupid to notice that he likes them)

date likes them because of their pretty face and kind heart hidden behind their hard exterior - they're very tired of having to hold up a strong personality all the time for their safety, and simply want to make people happy with their flowers. they're sweet and a little clumsy and are kind of similar to iris and hitomi in several ways, but they're a little more um. rough around the edges and awkward i guess? not to mention their japanese still isn't completely perfect despite having lived in japan for as long as they have (over 6 years). so he finds it all endearing in a weird way but it does take a bit before he has the "ogh fuck" moment, because he's a bit superficial underneath it all

jun is suuuuper supportive of iris and is also a big fan of a-set !! they want to meet her in person at some point - and they do!! mizuki is like their adoptive daughter and eventually they do take on a parental role for her, specifically in the 6 years that date goes missing between games. ota is okay, jun and ota do not get along very well and most of that has to do with them competing for otaku of the group

umm that's about all I can wrack my brain for right now but umm thank you for sending me this ask and happy new year to you!! 💙💜💙💜

#asks #self: ai #si: juniper #sorry this is so long i got excited 😭😭 im also trying to distract myself from the massive amounts of fireworks going off

[magnoliamyrrh]

@osmanthusleaf djdks im so sorry for replying in post i didnt wanna cut this up into a million bits, uve not even got to read all this cuz its long ive just got a lot going through my mind and im bad at shutting up once my brain starts going sorry 😭

for sure & well said. i fully agree, and understand having more care and knowledge for your own peoples issues, its natural; like u know example apart from ur own ex., i do know and have looked into the sex trafficking situation in the rest of the world and it horrifies me just as much and it is all connected, but end of the day, i understand most and focus most on the issues in my area and thats what i can give my two cents on more than anything. or, yea, i know abt plenty of things going on around the world, but theres also Tons that i have no clue on and overall i end up knowing more and spending more time on mostly things that i have some sort of personal connection to, like even this thing which i spend time on cuz of my own trauma; were all bound to be more immediately concerned if our own house is burning down w us in it than if the house a mile away also is, and were bound to be more interesting in why our own house burned down and who burned it down than the one a mile away, especially if the two arent connected directly. its past a point impossible for the psyche to b up to date w so much info, especially so much info on bad shit, to keep track of all of it and to feel something about all of it all the time.... if anything, i think the constant info on bad stuff everywhere happening which,,, for the most part we can do little on, is part of whats made our generations more doomful, hopeless, and lost - end of the day its good to care, but weve just got to pick some things in particular to rly care abt and if we can, try to understand them and do something about them, and hope if enough ppl do that for enough things they care about while working together, things may get better...... but also, if u say u care abt some issue, i reckon its important to care too abt other ppl caught up in it, even if its not a main focus and not dismiss it bc its not ur own shit directly 🤷‍♀️

i guess yea, the lack of knowledge isnt what bothers me at all bc god knows we all lack knowledge of plenty of things and frankly we kinda have to for our sanity. its the attitude that does and we all do it too often. like some while ago i was telling my mom u know, we (in broad ethnic&national terms) have some sort of responsability to the ppl that have been opressed in our lands and still deal w the consequences and weve got to care abt that history and struggle, not even in a sins of the ancestors way but in a we all have to try to be better way, and her first reply before we talked more was, well, whose going to help us and pay us back for communism, or serfdom, or imperialism, or slavery, or poverty? and havent we got enough of our own issues? and its like yea 😭 the world isnt fair and theres endless cycles of ppl fucking each other over and its a lot, which is why we have to try to just be kind and decent and help each other and rise each other up and come together as hard as it may be and as endlessly annoying this species may be 😭 and weve got to spend more time on how were similar and can understand each other, rather than always predominantly looking at differences, or pointing fingers, or giving in fully to our good old tribalistic mentality. theres gotta b a balance and id like to think and hope, if we tried, we'd indeed find out in many regards we are more similar than we are different, and all more connected than apart ..... if anything, i think thats something that the loss of spirituality in the "modern" world hasnt helped, bc it was one of those things which bound us to universality and connection

and yea, part of it definetely is social media and also current academia and the general cultural mindsets floating around, theres a whole lot of boiling down of super complex shit into short tidbits or black and white things, bc its easier to digest and faster (also, that overboard american centrism that goes beyond being concerned w ur own stuff, while the rest of the world has to know abt the us). i think too, were all bound to have reactionary and defensive attitudes to things especially when dealing w years of shit from ppl, and when we hold a lot of pain and anger, and it leads too to ppl taking things in bad faith which is something ive dealt w too and had to learn to hold myself back on, bc ive definetely got a tendency for it for sure... and its frankly a whole lot easier to point fingers endlessly or to play the opression olympics than look at the god awful messy complexity of it all and how were all caught up w it,, and frankly, i reckon that it feels better to an extent too... it feels/safer/ and simpler i think, than to say, oh god, has truly this whole species been capable of so much hororr? is there nowhere that was or is good, and pure, and untained, and truly a lot better?.. and its i reckon nicer too, to think of things in terms of purely victim and victimizer, than to think abt how plenty of us, most ppl throughout histoy actually if looking at it systemically, have been as u said, a messy contradiction of both....and uhh what's that bible quote, why are u pointing out the spec in your neighbors eye, but not the log in your own? take the log out of your own, and then you may help your neighbor w the spec. and yet, we just dont like doing that much as humans cuz its harder and uncomfortable, its something we have to force ourselves to do and train ourselves for. and unfortunately its not something that is taught very much either

,,,, and yea on top of that too youre definetely right, ethnicity and race and even culture especially in regards to opression and historical and current day dynamics (especially on an international scale) are so incredibly messy, changing, and mostly a whole bunch of stuff weve made up and keep making up and changing all the time and choosing to define ourselves by or to oppose or imposing on other ppl, that it is hard shit to keep track of and detangle. ur example is a good one and in some ways the same sure can be said for the balkans, the question of if were white or not and to who and where and why and when could go on forever, and our history sure has been when taken as a whole, as both opressed and opressor. america too in particular focuses a lot on race (where u could say other parts of the world might focus more on ethnicity, tribe, religion, or class, even nationalism etc, and as far as ill say, i think we need to focus more on class here), and its had a particular kind of rigid understanding of it, and i know from talking to ppl born here in academia and outside and online and whatnot, that a lot of ppl are surprised to find out how ethnicity and race and racism xenophobia and all that shit are different in even south america for a closer exmaple, but in the whole world in general 🤷‍♀️ which aint an issue at all cuz again theres shit we all dont know, but ive also seen plenty of ppl b past surprised or confused, trying to impose us understandings of shit elsewhere... and also, yea, we get focused on things here to the point where its forgotten in a lot of things what it means that were also living in the imperial core at the same time, especially in america

,, , , , i guess w my complaining abt this sort of stuff broadly speaking, it mostly bothers me tbh when i see it come from ppl who do position themselves as like,,,, social thinkers, social activists, or ppl who look into all this and care and speak about it, as self proclaimed educators for others especially, or as some form of academic. not neccessarly like random ppl who occasionally talk on things or vent frustrations or whatnot (cuz also, we all talk abt things casually we havent spend idk how much time on thinking abt or knowing extensively abt)....,,, bc when u say ur that or hold urself up to that, or say u know youre talking or doing whatever to teach ppl or try to help society be better then... welp,,,,, theres a certain responsability (?) and need to try to hold urself up to that ... and i guess yea, its also my personal thing bc after idk a lifetime of always being fascinated w messy complexities and years of cultural anthropology, my brains very focused and fascinated by complexity and contradiction and endless webs of connections 🤷‍♀️ and it does bother me when ppl want to throw around their degrees or education (which dont even matter all that much, plenty of ppl with degrees who dont think too well, and plenty of ppl without them who could run circles around me when im having a good day) or even their own self taught info, and they want to say theyre ppl who generally care abt opression or theyre caring ppl or theyre better than others or whatnot, as a way to say ppl should listen to them and they know better dont uhhh,,,,, , , take the time to really,, think too much abt what theyre saying and educating on and if its actually helpful

#im sorry i hope this doesnt come across as some preachy shit or something im just. i ended up in a whole train of thought

[coyotevallie]

I HEARD YOU LIKE RAREPAIRS. CONSIDER SYDNEY AND JUNIPER

I HAVE CONSIDERED SYDNEY AND JUNIPER AT FUCKING LENGTH I LOVE THEM SO MUCH I GENUINELY LIKE SHOT UP IN MY SEAT AT THIS ASK

i think theyve both been KINDA flirting with each other for a little bit like they have a weird little back and forth thing going on but theyre both kinda awkward about it and havent totally been certain that its Mutual enough to go too far with it. "SYDNEY [Giggling] You’re so welcome." gave me that vibe in particular its very teasy in a very specific way idk why . yes ive got TEXTUAL EVIDENCE for why u all should think theyre gay married

i think after sydney and juniper spend lots of time together sydney starts picking up on junipers various britishisms this is a hc ive held for a while . sydney starts going blimey!!!!! when things surprise him and ppl think hes being jokey yk . like having a little goof about . but then he starts calling people good man sometimes and theyr like wait .... no its autism mirroring . juniper starts calling the campers her little tardigrades and shit like that it is a TWO WAY STREET

i think sydney originally starts getting closer to juniper because juniper reminds him of jedidiah a little. theyre both sopping wet and silly . plus they have some of the same issues so that kinda reinforces the association so when jedidiahs being all distant its kind of comforting to be close to someone who reminds syd of him . BUT!!!! eventually he starts just finding juniper really charming as her own person and just likes hanging out with her for juniper not bc shes similar 2 jedidiah (:

they snuggle together LOTS . i thikn they like to wrap up where like . sydney snuggles up between junipers legs and leans back against her with his head tucked under her chin and juniper wraps her arms around him and tells him BIG LONG RAMBLING STORIES about whatever the fuck shes on about that day (: sydney gives her jaw little kissies while she talks

and of course!!!!!! sydney/juniper coexists with sydney/jedidiah and rowan/juniper and you KNOW juniper/jedidiah and sydney/rowan are both queerplatonic . its a nice little square . okay when you throw in my thousands of other multiships in there its more like a massive scribble but you get what im TRYING to say here

i love them sooo much i am RESTRAINING myself by sticking to five hcs

#sydney o sargent #juniper sloan #camp here and there #rougecanons #I LOVE THEM SO MUCH U DONT EVEN KNOW

[oatbugs]

in no way do i want to come across as aggressive or nitpicky (your blog is so lovely and vibrant and showcases such a kind personality!) but it feels strange to describe a photoset of modern iran as “ancient things”….. market stalls are a beautiful part of the culture today. pls give some thought to orientalist aesthetics that portray the east as so “ancient and beautiful” bc they in turn uphold the idea of the west as “modern and civilized”

hi !! first i need to clarify that the particular tag you're referring to is not to do with market stalls specifically but anything to do w iran at all ! if you go through my blog you'll see i use that tag not as a descriptor of images but as a way to categorise posts to do w iran !

i get where ur coming from but...it's my own culture and i do associate it w being an ancient one and i think that's a beautiful thing irrespective of any western perception of it ! by no means do i think it's outdated; i'm acknowledge its age and richness and depth !! i know i and many other iranian ppl pride our culture for having such a rich history, and that is not us succumbing to any western perception of the country, but rather seeing its endurance and depth in spite of it .

the term 'middle east' itself is highly orientalist but we need to be frank that westerners really do not view everything (west asian countries are very often demonised) orientalist as ancient and beautiful, especially iran. you don't see iran described by westerners in any way other than (very often) Vehemently Negative And 99% Inaccurate . to iranian people, the age of the culture IS a point of pride, me included. this was long before i stepped into the west and judging by literature from the past few hundred years, it has been the case for a very long time .

i don't mean this in a bad way, i found it genuinely interesting that you ascribe "the ancient and beautiful" descriptor as one that is relative to west, and that somehow it constrasts with "modern and civilised" when they do go hand-in-hand . in ascribing the acknowledgement and pride we have in our history to some sort of orientalist comparison you are placing the west as the pivot around which everyone else rotates . my culture or what i think of my culture does not exist relative to the west . i am not in turn upholding the west's inflated ego by acknowledging my own country's history. i feel that, ironically, these commantaries always have a tinge of orientalism to them because they are unable to understand that eastern cultures as viewed by their native people pivot around their own axis . the west is not the focal point of everything - the commentary creates the comparison in the first place.

i will always acknowledge that behind each love, each glance, each pomegrante eaten in a humid beautiful busy street market, every beautiful thing in iran is thousands and thoudands of years of history . if you are iranian, you will know why this is important . the government's constant attempt to strip the people of an accurate historical account, of the language itself, and of their own culture makes it so that iranian people must hold a tight grip onto the age and depth of their culture in fear of it being lost . history is important . old is good and ancient is wonderful . this acknowledgment is an iran-centric commentary .

i hope this made sense !! also i appreciate u looking out for iranians a lot, i hope this didn't come out aggressive in any way at all ! if u are iranian then ur cool + lmk if this made sense etc and have a wonderful day :) i havent slept at alll last night, abt to go to sleep now but im barely awake so i hope this is cohesive !

#asks #anon #♡

[glitchdollmemoria]

relationship pda ramble thing

im coming up on the five month anniversary of dating my partner (not to mention the couple months we knew each other before dating), and im getting all excited about them possibly hopefully being able to visit this summer after they finish up with finals, and as im thinking about this im also realizing that i have so much more trust in them than ive had in anyone else. for about half our relationship, they havent been able to talk often because theyve been putting a lot of energy into studying. at first this made me anxious, but over time ive seen them repeatedly come check in with me when they can. especially when i think back to their behavior before they got caught up in studying for finals, the way they were able to show their trustworthiness esp compared to past partners, the affection theyve shown me, the fact that our life/relationship goals line up so well, and the fact that they keep messaging me when theyre able... theres a part of me that gets anxious and paranoid, but that part of me keeps shrinking.

the more i think about these things, the more i realize that im worrying less and less about the possibility of him being dishonest. which - its not that i have reason to think hes untrustworthy, i just have mega bpd. but things make sense in my brain for once. hes told me before that he struggles with school environments, so of course he needs to spend months focusing on studying. hes proud of the career hes pursuing, so of course hes going to work hard for it. he was the one to bring up the idea of me being a house spouse instead of working, so now that he knows i agree with that plan, i wonder if - and even kind of hope - pursuing that future together is part of his motivation.

plus, as far as ive gotten to know her, shes a very confident person who doesnt seem to keep people around out of pity. once, she made a joke about breaking up and i thought for a second she was serious, and she told me she loves me too much to break up with me, and that if she were to break things off it would be over a call. so, it makes more sense that she really is just busy rather than ignoring me, especially when like i said she does still reach out when she can and she wouldnt need to do that if she was trying to ghost me or something.

this is all just word soup. i have a lot of thoughts right now and not much brainpower to articulate them cleanly. mostly, im just excited that i have such a sense of security in this relationship, because i really do want to believe this will be a lifelong partnership and i dont have any real reason to suspect it wont be, as long as we both keep putting in the work. every time my girlfriend apologizes for being away so much, i want to just gently grab it by the shoulders and tell it how much i really truly adore its work ethic and that im willing to wait as long as it takes if it means we can someday reach the life weve talked about wanting to build together.

sometimes i think about the dream i had a while back, being escorted by angels to a beautiful towering library, and how thats sort of incorporated itself into my religious views even if im not sure what it all means. and the fact that once, during a call, she told me that even though she doesnt believe in any particular religion, her ideal afterlife would be a library full of truth. i think, if anything, its all at least a sign that this is whats right for us both right now. she doesnt know about that dream i had. its all coincidence. but it seems too coincidental to not mean anything. maybe we just have similar ideals. maybe its a sign that were meant to be together, at least for the time being. i dont know for sure. but everything feels right. and im so happy that i can look back on the way past partners have treated me, and i can look at the way my current partner treats me, and i can see such a difference in that treatment, and i can feel so much more secure than i have in the past. it makes me grateful in a way for the suffering ive experienced. if nothing else, it serves to make the difference in treatment obvious. im just glad about all of this, grateful to feel secure finally.

#my brain is utterly scrambled today but im full of gay thoughts #slaps my own ass. this bad boy can fit so much t4t joy in it #also didnt even touch on how fucking incredible it is to be in a relationship with another aspec person for fucking ONCE #i dont feel like theres any obligation to have specific feelings or label my feelings in a particular way #we call our feelings love and thats as specific as we really need to get in that department

[deeeelightfuldee]

Who was the last person that invited you to go somewhere? Did you accept?

Hmmm. i was asked out for a lunch date with a guy. I did not accept yet. I don’t know that he’s my type.

 What was the last food item that you toasted, other than bread?

Waffles. 

 Have you ever named any of your pets after a cartoon character?

No… or if they share names with a cartoon character of some sort, it certainly was not intentionally.

 At what age did you get your first CD player, if you can remember?

Like 8ish

 Do you remember the first CD you ever owned? What was it?

Im pretty certain it was shania twain

 Have you ever owned any music on cassette tape?

A looooooot. I used to take some of the ones my dad didnt use for deejaying.

 What was the last thing that someone else recommended, or suggested you try?

Cuddling. -.-

 At what age did you begin using the Internet, social media etc.?

I didnt use social media until adulthood. I did use internet for xanga and even earlier for like AIM and such… probably 9?

 Do you remember what you were doing last night at 9PM?

I was in the shower

 When was the last time you wore a hat? What kind?

I tried on a hat at the store. Surprisingly, i can pull hats off pretty well. Unfortunately, i have a over-heating problem and hats trap heat.

 What was the last thing you wore that belonged to someone else?

A tank top that used to be moms.

 The last time you saw your sibling(s), what were they wearing?

Ooof. ok i saw my oldest brother driving down a road in my town and we were driving in the opposite direction.. I believe he was wearing a gray tshirt and i assume jeans.  My other brother i havent seen in a while. I think he was wearing dark clothing but i could be wrong. My sister its been since my last flight and i think she was wearing jean shorts and a pink tshirt but again, dont quote me.

 When was the last time you ate a bowl of ice-cream? What flavour?

I had ice cream yesterday and it was chocolate peanut butter thankfully.

 If you menstruate, has your cycle ever synced with anyone close to you?

No, never. Im pretty certain my cycle is extremely jacked from being chronically ill. I only have a cycle like 4x a year. Maybe if that.

 Tell me about something within the last week that made you chuckle/giggle.

I read a book that was written in SUCH a witty, sarcastic tone.. I was legitimately laughing out loud repeatedly.

 What does your first name mean? Do you think it suits your personality?

Goddess divine. Beauty. Fertile. Perfect. looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool.

 Tell me something positive about the town or city that you live in.

Omg everything. Its small town oriented and very charming.

Have you ever met anyone named Isobel? Tell me a little about this person.

Not the same spelling. She had a really snotty dog, her mom was a hippie, her dad was basically a child. 

 How far away from your house is the nearest library?

Approximately 2 minute drive

 When was the last time you were at a bookstore? Did you buy anything?

Two days. I didn’t at that particular bookstore but i went to a different store and bought books. Go figure.

 What colour are the shoes you wear most often? How long have you had them?

Black. Like two years.

 Look around the room and name any item that’s green.

Blanket, books, plant, wreath, candle

 Do you have any alcoholic beverages in your fridge right now? Which ones?

Yes, which is ironic cus we never drink lol. Ciders, michelobs, i think a couple others but tbh i seldom drink.

 Finally, what is something you do every day that brings you joy? :)

Check the weather. Snuggle benny. Light a candle. Do my makeup.

 Do you remember much from high school?

A good amount. Some stuff is totally gone, but im grateful for that. Highschool was a very emotionally abusive (and often phyiscally abusive) time for me

 Where would you go for the ultimate honeymoon?

Id love to go to like switzerland. But tbh, maybe not for a honeymoon now that i think of it. Hmmmm i would really need to think about that.

 Can you access the roof of the building you live in?

No. i mean if i had a ladder sure, but i dont. So no.

 Do you know anyone who has a strong accent that is hard to understand?

Yes many people. 

 If you had to get a tattoo tomorrow, what would you get?

Either a very small symbol, or initials. 

 What was the last podcast you listened to? Do you listen to it regularly?

I dont really like podcasts. They dont do much of anything for me.

 Are you more of an optimist or a pessimist, and why do you think this is?

Im a VERY strong optimist. I struggle being surrounded by constant pessimism. I think i was for so, so long and that just made me realize 100% that will never be me.

When was the last time you moved house?

I moved in 2018-2019 to be by my sister for a year

 Have you ever held a gun? Did you fire it?

Yes and yes

 Do you like simple questions or deep questions that make you think?

A mixture of the both

 How long have you been using Bzoink?

I really dont use it. Ive been on there a handful of times

 When was the last time you threw up? Why were you sick?

Couple weeks ago. Im not sure, but it happens.

 Are you on a first-name basis with your boss? (or last boss if unemployed)

Lol i was

 What brand is your laptop or computer?

asus

 Would you ever wear a bright orange shirt?

I have several. I prefer pink tho.

 What was the last thing you wrote in a word document?

This survey. My computer restarts every couple minutes so i put the survey into a word doc to write it and then copy it into tumblr. Otherwise it gets deleted which just happened

 Who do you miss and what do you miss about them?

K. a lot. We used to just enjoy one another so much. Like we both would actively take one another along through our day. It used to feel like your very best friend in the whole wide world was right with you throughout every day. But over the last year and a half it just changed so drastically. I started feeling like very pathetic because i would practically be begging for his time or attention. When he would message me he was often complaining about work, how he was feeling, other people, etc. he lost interest in me. And honestly, i became the worst version of myself because i was so hell-bent on trying to convince him to come back to who he was. I like lived for the hours between 5-9 because he was out of work and home. But it honestly was so awful. We were awful to each other. I dont want to keep doing that to him. And at the same time, i dont want to feel this way anymore. I think its truly run its course. Hes lost me and its okay. It will be okay.

 What were the best and worst costumes you’ve ever worn?

Worst: a sheet. Best: i was a really cute bumble bee once.

 Do you know anybody who is gay and married?

Yes i do

 What did you last take painkillers for?

Its been a hot minute. I dont know. Probably a headache.

 Have you ever shared a home with a friend?

Alix lived here as a kid

 What’s the craziest or weirdest place you’ve ever slept?

Hmmm i dont really sleep anywhere crazy. The floor i guess

 What did you have for lunch today and who made it?

I heated up some gf pasta stuff. It was ok.

 Do you believe in anything supernatural like ghosts or ghouls?

no

 How many hours of sleep did you get last night?

Ive been taking 2-3x the recommended dosage of sleeping pills and it basically knocks me out cold for an obscene amount of time. Im pretty sure its somewhat dangerous to do so, but oh well. 

Are you allergic to anything? How did you find out?

Gluten. Everytime i eat something containing gluten my stomach cramps SO bad and ill either have to puke or ill have to go to the bathroom like every 20 mins. 

 What’s your favourite Thai dish?

Pad thai is okay but there is this one dish i had before but i have no idea what the name of it was. But it was like a crunchy pb chicken thing.

 Do you have any alarms set? What time and what for?

Not currently, no

What are you going to do when this survey is over?

Probably a couple more. Just kinda in the mood

 Have you ever been on a date with someone you met online? How was it?

Yep. many times. Some are really fun, some are mediocre, some are awful. Welcome to dating.

 What colour is the rug in your living area?

Its blue and cream

 Do you call it a couch, sofa, lounge or something else entirely?

Couch usually

 Who is your favourite character on Friends?

Uhhhhhhhh any i suppose

 When was the last time you used a pair of headphones and what for?

I wear headphones at the gym and i go 5-6x a week

 Describe the temperature of the area you’re in right now.

It feels a little warm. Im in my living room. Its probably like 73 or so. I meant to turn on the fan but i sat down before i remembered and my foot is asleep.

 Who was the last very physically attractive person you saw?

Someone online. I was like WOW. wowowowowowowowoowowowow. Wow. wow. 

 Have you ever had teppanyaki?

No. i havent

 How long does it take you to get ready before you go somewhere?

It all depends. What sort of getting ready is required. Is this a gala? Is this the pumpkin patch? The grocery store? Etc. have i already showered? Is my hair dry? If i have to shower and need to do full hair, makeup, and decent outfit… i prefer to have like an hour to an hour and a half. It is SO not necessary. If i need to be quick i can do all that and be ready in like 25 mins.

 Do you find it difficult to get rid of material possessions?

Sometimes. It depends the sentimental value

 What sort of games do you like to play?

board/card games. I wish i had a friend nearby who would come over and play games regularly.

 What was the last candy you ate?

Hmmmm i think a twix.

 Have you ever been hit in the face? What’s the story?

Yes. and no thanks.

 Do you know anyone who is deaf?

I do. Many people actually

 Name one thing on your bucket list.

See all 50 states.

[pepprs]

i was gonna make a completely different post but in the middle of it i got a phone call that i shouldn’t have answered and it was so.. distressing so now im making a post about that. what the fuck. long vent in the tags sorry

#not to like talk bad abt ppl on here but... i don’t even know where to start im sweating and shaking so bad. it was this kid who’s in my #cohort at school who i like never talk to and i shouldn’t have answered i should’ve just let it go to voice mail. im so upset. we like never #talked and the ppl in my cohort were kinda shitty to me so i already don’t have a good impression of him and h called me the other week and #i never returned it Bc i thought it was a mistake and he just called again so i answered to set the record straight and i shouldn’t. its #this particular kind of person i havent been around for a long time and im too upset to do anything now. im so upset for no reason um. like #the kind of person who... idk just says shit but is insincere. says things supposed to be sincere but there’s this undercurrent of like #malice and joking and whatever and he said smth shitty abt my degree actually as a joke but it wasn’t a funny. and i felt vulnerable and #pathetic talking to him and i shouldn’t have answered. he was saying all these volatile things lkke. how he’s trapped in a major he hates an #and his gpa is higher than it’s ever been bc he’s cheating and how he does smth shitty to waiters at restaurants.. idk idk. but idk why he s #said any of JT like i just am fragile and delicate and it’s this particular LJKE kind of person that can be very dangerous for me and i get #very weak. and he was asking Abt like my poetry but almost sneeringly and what building had the most democratic architecture and what the f #fuck. like it’s nothing it was just a phone call but i feel very used or something. like he said he was going thru his list of contacts and #just calli bg random ppl he hadn’t talked to in a while and i pretended i didn’t even know who he was and that his number wasn’t in my phone #when it is and i knew which is shitty of me but i did it as like self defense i guess and . god i am so upset rn. it’s not a big deal but i #havent interacted w insincere ppl like that who don’t take me seriously in SO long and i really.. feel sick rn lol #purrs #it was so fucking out of body. god. he was like is mundanity a word Ur an english major u should know and i was like haha not anymore and he #was like yeah now ur a major that nobody knows abt and no one can ask u for ur expertise on anything bc ur doing smth no one understands. ok #delete later

[soup-du-silence]

If you are comfortable with it, I'd love to hear your critiques of the finale, ESPECIALLY with how they handled Webby and Lena's final interactions with each other. I'm seeing you talk about it a bit on twitter, and I'm vigorously nodding my head to much of what you and others are criticizing the finale for. Obviously, if you'd rather just ignore this whole fiasco, I completely understand, and I look forward to the stories you continue to make about Webby and Lena!

god. okay.

ducktales spoilers below

SPECIFICALLY the weird webby and lena moments -- Lena calling team magic sisters and Webby snapping at Lena for her strong reaction to getting her string on the board cut -- mean absolutely nothing to me. i simply reject them. i dont know where they came from. Lena and Webby havent called each other sisters since their first episode together. It feels...unlike Webby to snub a Lena apology like that.  

And then they didnt really....interact again much, after that, right? unless im forgetting. there was a lot to be mad about.

and I guess, like. Here’s the thing. aside from some really powerful moments in season 2, the romantic subtext surrounding webby and lena was EXTREMELY dialed back. we had Lena’s hyper-powered jealous freak out in friendship hates magic and...what Ive always counted as an indirect kiss in nightmare on killmotor hill, but there were no more leslie-knopisms. Far less of Webby waxing poetic about lena’s virtues. Adding Violet meant less shared capital-L Looks or hugs or hand holds. So By the time season 2 wrapped up and a lot of that stuff wasnt as apparent, and they never bothered mentioning Lena ONCE before she came back, it became kind of clear that this was not a thing that was happening any more.

Then we got Penny’s “outing” which was not at all an outing. And seeing that penny not wanting to date earth men was a “compromise” that needed to be “fought for” really nailed that coffin shut for me. If we couldn’t get an openly wlw totally original tertiary character, we weren’t going to get it from Webby.

I dont know if they got unhappy executive notes about season 1 or if there was someone around championing the relationship early in production who left to work on other things, or if they just decided it wasnt important, but any hope held out for it after late season 2 was just me being delusional. I wanted to believe, I really did.

maybe I was delusional all along. Had my shipping goggles on. I dont know. I mean, it happens. it wouldnt be the first time and it wont be the last. 

I just really, REALLY wanted it, you know?

we couldnt have gotten like...one last ...something? Something just for them, to harken back to the energy they had in season 1?

sigh.

i havent written in a long time because i dont really have any stories left to tell, but I do brainstorm many projects with PCS. while I, and especially he, have often taken canon reveals in stride (when he first started writing Longest Shadows, we did not yet know about Violet. He was able to add her in fairly seamlessly, i think) I dont think we’ll be paying attention to any of this, ESPECIALLY some shit about Webby being Scrooge’s clone. (dumb dumb stupid dumb) I mean, you can ask him about it, but I know we’ve already shared some choice words, lol. Even if I operate under the assumption that the clone thing is and has been true all along, I’ll simply be working in a universe where it never came to light.

i can’t believe we would take this story about found family and make it about genetics in the 11th hour. what the holy fucking fuck is this nonsense. ugh.

I dont want to say I cant believe i wasted the last 5 years of my life on ducktales, because I didnt. It meant a lot to me. I had a lot of fun, i met some really awesome people, and in particular one person I can count among my very best friends in the whole world. so it wasnt a waste. And im not going to go on one of these weird tirades against frank where I try to hold him accountable for my emotional damages or whatever because Im an adult and not delusional. Thats the story he wanted to tell, for some reason I will never understand. We’re going to keep writing and daydreaming our own. And maybe, if Im lucky, I’ll live long enough to see the next reboot headed by some queer kid who grew up seeing themself in little baby gay webby vanderquack and makes it canon. N...not that we need another reboot. But i would watch that one. Just saying.

#ducktales #ducktales spoilers #weblena #Anonymous

[unsaid-stardust]

Blessings

After a long weekend, which included Carlos eating too much sugar and running around with a ghost bassist, and catching his daughter with her ghost boyfriend, Ray Molina rubbed his tired eyes as he made his way to his desk. He loves his kids more than anything in the world, but he definitely wasn't prepared for them to be close friends with 3, not 1, but 3 ghost rockstars. It was a lot of work to say the least plus he had no clue where the boundaries laid with this sort of thing. Should he be ok with it? Should he let his kids be so attached to entities that don’t exist in reality? 

He wasn’t sure. But, if there was one thing Ray was sure about, it was that this is the happiest he had seen his kids since his wife passed away. Especially Julie. And that was probably all the doings of one particular ghost: Luke Patterson. 

He had known that Luke and Julie shared chemistry; He saw it on stage almost every weekend. But, he didn’t know that they had acted on that said chemistry. He thought it was just some harmless flirting and songwriting. But, boy, was he wrong about that. Because just the other night, he caught his daughter and the ghost guitarist on top of the grand piano in the studio engaging in some not-so-rated-PG-13 activities. 

Ray had been prepared to deal with that one day. After all, his daughter is 16; that in itself calls for hormones and drama. But, what he wasn’t expecting, was it to happen with someone who isn’t human. 

Ray sighed as he sat down at his desk with his cup of coffee. Besides the challenges that occurred this weekend, he has a lot to catch up on work-wise this morning. So much so, that he didn’t even notice the piece of paper that laid out in front of him. 

Ray raised his eyebrow as he picked it up in his hands. It wasn't his handwriting that’s for sure, he could actually read his handwriting, and he definitely didn’t remember putting it there. 

Dear mr. molina, 

First of all, thank you for being chill about this. I know you werent exactly expecting youre daughter to fall in love with a ghost; neither was i to be honest with you. 

Oh, so that’s what this is. A letter from Julie’s ghost boyfriend. Add that to the list of things Ray Molina wasn't prepared to handle. As much as he was caught off guard, Ray found himself chuckling at the last sentence (that and the incorrect use of the word “you’re”). At least they were on the same page on one thing.

And just a warning before i begin: i havent written an essay in 25 years so you know what youre in for. But i juet want to say, i love youre daughter. She-she’s my brightest burning star-literally. She’s like my sun, without her i wouldnt be here. I wouldnt be playing music or exist the way i do. And she makes me feel alive agaon. I know this might be a bit too personal but i felt a heartbeat when i kissed her the other day. That hadnt happened before. Mr molina, i just want ro love your daughter the way she loves me, but even more. I just want to show her how much power and talent she has and how beautiful she is. She doesnt believe me  most of the time but im going to make damn sure that she does one day. I’ll keep that promise to yiu. So yeah, i love your daughter. And i hope you’ll let me love her back. 

From,

Luke Patterson.

p.s sorry for the incorrect grammar that was never my strong suit

Ray chuckled again, except this time, there were tears that went along with it. He knew his daughter had this incredible amount of love in her heart for everyone around her, but he would never have guessed that she had the capacity to pass it on to a ghost and for a ghost to reciprocate it. 

Noticing the tears that had dropped on the letter in front of him, Ray wiped them away from his cheek with the palm of his hand. Before today, before this letter, Ray Molina had a lot of uncertainties about this relationship. What kind of person (ghost?) Luke was, what his intentions were, and how he could allow this behavior when he didn’t exist in the real world. 

That wasn’t the case anymore. If this letter wasn’t enough to show that, then the tears that were now blurring the messy black ink, would say it all. Ray stood up from his desk then, tears still brimming at his eyes. Luke had asked for his blessing, now he's on a mission to grant it wholeheartedly. 

But, what Ray Molina didn’t know as he walked out of his office, was that the ghost he was looking for had been behind in front of his desk the whole time, crying just as much as he was.

tagging: @willexx @blush-and-books @lydias--stiles @littledancersun

#julie and the phantoms #julie molina #luke patterson #ray molina #juke #julie molina x luke patterson #blame the Chloes for this #this was all their idea #I just executed it #Bree writes jatp

[pridewhatpride]

ok so I read your view on GX rivalshipping and how things would get messy when johan shows up because I was curious about another GX rivalshippers opinion, and holy you and I have the EXACT same thoughts.

Ive went on and on about how manjoume as a rival (and as someone who could have had the ability to support judai) was tossed aside as soon as johan shows up + turned into the comedic relief chara and nobody ever really knows what the hell im talking about LOL. a big thing for me is just how DIFFERENT that would be for manjoume as well? in the seasons before johan shows up judai is so clingy towards him, always busting into his room and being in his personal space...

then mr. buff arms big smile shows up with his frilly lilac blouse and homo dragon and suddenly judai is like. smitten. which like youve pointed- out who could blame judai? johan is hard to hate and hes kind of perfect in every way. I always imagine what that would do to manjoumes self esteem in particular, because as we all know it IS a bit fragile at times, especially when it comes to being the best he can be.

I think having johan around would make him feel absolutely insignificant not only as someone who LIKES judai, but even just as judais friend. is he really so horrible at being a support that judai needs a stranger to lean on? even though he never asked for judais help much, is he really such a burden when he needs to be saved? why is judai acting like hes never been able to connect with manjoume, who can also see duel spirits, before? whoever said opposites attract obviously havent seen judai and johan! thoughts like that.

I could go on and on but I dont want you to have to read my 2746373 word long ask about them. id love to hear any thought or analysis you have on GX rivalshipping because its my favourite and the shippers are so rare, so I encourage you to post them whenever you feel like it!

Dear anon.

You can't ever know just how happy receiving this in my inbox made me. I can't fully express how grateful I am at the simple fact that you read my long rambles and reached out to me. I respect your anonimity if you want to keep it, but honestly, DM me whenever, if you want to. I think I'd like to talk to you if you're comfortable with it? I really do want to read your "2746373 word" essay on them. For the rest of my life.

I might get a little personal in terms of my view on this, so just... be aware.

The thing is that the way Manjoume is cast aside is just... a big fear of mine. "Sure, we might be friends now, but I'm not all that good and you know it. You won't mean any harm by it, but you'll find someone you like better and I'll be alone again." That kind of line of thought is probably something that goes through Manjoume's mind? He doesn't really... have friends outside of Judai. Maybe Fubuki. And Daichi? Except he disappears into nothingness very quickly. But that's it. And he certainly had none before that: just lackeys who pretended to like him because he was rich and perceived as promising. He lost that and suddenly found himself isolated.

It's nice to think that he bonded with the other members of the gang, but... he didn't. Shou certainly never really stops disliking/making fun of him. You could say it's meant as like... friendly teasing. But it doesn't read that way because there is nothing to indicate actual affection. Kenzan, Aster and the transfer students just... barely interact with him? Like have they actually ever spoken to eachother? I doubt it. Ryo is just the admirable upperclassman. Again, barely any interaction. Asuka is... a mess I don't want to get into, but again, she would probably file a restraining order if she could.

So yeah. Manjoume has one friend and the taller and cooler guy just kind of takes that away. Of course Johan is not aware of this! He wouldn't have been able to do much to change it, either way. It was Judai's own choice and that's what hurts the most, to me.

If shifting the focus and making minor changes to canon is something you like to do, here's a thing I think about a lot. "Teardrop", the Season 3 opening, except it's what Manjoume feels when seeing Judai's suffering and desperation. You know.

As you hang your head and smile, a single tear lands on your cheeks

You pretend to be strong, but underneath You’re hiding sighs; your smile is cloudy It sticks into me Like shattered glass

It’s OK to talk about the pain in your heart

Your smile Has always saved me You can cry now I’ll stay here with you

I can't bring myself to blame Judai or Johan for it, but I think Manjoume- if he'd been written like an actual character past a certain point- would have been quite devastated by this.

As you said, it's not just being abandoned, it's also being indirectly told that he was never truly someone worthwhile, that he is little more than extra weight. What of his supposed status of equal rival and all that? Nothing. Judai is just... on a different level than him. So Manjoume is simply left to stagger behind in a desperate attempt to chase after greatness. He wasn't good enough for his brothers and Judai stood up for him. But in the end he wasn't good enough for Judai either.

I like to think that Manjoume made an effort to get along with the others. He just didn't quite know how and couldn't just... switch off his more prideful persona. And he ended up paying quite the steep price.

I know I'm extra melodramatic when it comes to my favourites, but it's something that bugs me. I understand why the manga decided to approach Manjoume's character in a completely different way and it's the reason why I like to read Manjoume's personality as a mix of manga and anime canon. I really have to mention this- how can one even pretend that the writers gave a shit about Manjoume when they joked about how stinky he was in a scene that could have been... emotional in some way. Judai frees Manjoume from the influence of the Society of Light by reminding him who he really is (I don't want to talk about Kenzan being too strong to be manipulated because that is fucking stupid and besically the equivalent of saying "ahah, the light got you because you're not strong willed enough @ Asuka @ Manjoume. Get rekt"). And like... great! They are actually showing off how much they care for eachother as friends despite the rivalry! But no. Judai ends up basically saying: "You smell and your coat has stains on it!" and Manjoume's just: "Oh yeah, I'm goth I hate wearing white, nvm."

... I swear someone on the writing team looked at Manjoume and went: "Let's bully him!" Ugh ;; Can you tell I'm hyper biased towards Manjoume yet?

This was hilarious to read, by the way: "mr. buff arms big smile shows up with his frilly lilac blouse and homo dragon"

But yes, this mess is now officially over. I will be spouting gx rivalshipping nonsense left and right because we were robbed of their dynamic and I'll never get over that. Also I really want to draw them, so that helps.

Ending this post by saying that this ask made me feel like I didn't waste time writing all that, that someone can get something out of it. I'm really glad.

#ygo #yugioh #ygo gx #yugioh gx #manjoume jun #jun manjoume #chazz princeton #judai yuki #yuki judai #jaden yuki #gx rivalshipping #marry me platonically anon #i will kill for your happiness

[magnoliamyrrh]

this is a stupid question but i've been wanting to get one of those traditional croatian tattoos on one of my arms for years even if i'm not croatian nor a christian. on my other arm i want a traditional romanian embroidery pattern (bc i'm actually romanian). what's holding me back is that i don't wanna offend anyone since i'm not from one of the east euro countries that practiced that tradition (afaik we've never had that here). anyways do you think it'd be a bad idea or not lmao

good question bc ive been contemplating the same thing for years fjdjdj. so

tattooing is something we had in the region; the dacians used to tattoo, including their faces, and so did the thracians, who the dacians may or may not come from. so its not a foreign practice to us by any means - i think you can definitely get tatoos of romanian motifs without it being any sort of problem, its something ive wanted to do too for a long time. as far as those croatian tattoos go, from what ive been able to find online, they werent practiced exclusively among catholic and croatian women, rather they were more widespread around the people of croatia/bosnia/yugoslavia etc. its unclear from what i can find if the origin is celtic or slavic, but either way, both of those cultures have certainly had an impact on ours as well historically.

among christian balkan, in this case particularly croatian, women these tattoos, and their survival in practice, was directly related to trying to keep the ottomans from kidnapping women and girls and forcibly converting them to islam - something which was a struggle in romania as well; this is why some of the tattoos have christian symbols, to remind the girls and women of their faith. and i do think its important to read up on this history and part of it, even though this wasnt their only and sole use and presence, and to take it into consideration. from what i gather, for many croatian women there tattoos are a point of pride, but also come from a painful history.

now. ive said before lol that i dont think cultural appropriation exists in the balkans and i think its kind of stupid for it to. in this particular context too, there is no power dynamic, as far as i know from history romania and croatia havent had a history of conflicts, in fact we have a history of pacts.;;; in the balkans we have all throughout history migrated, mixed, intermarriage, adopted each others cultures, traditions, religions, practices, etc. weve been doing this for thousands of years. personally, i think this is one of the beautiful things about the balkans; and im a pan-balkanist so im all about trying to get everyone in the balkans together and getting rid of the idea that were all separate neat little distinct ppl; we have a lot more in common than we have in difference. the idea of pure cultures or clear cut cultures around here is just unrealistic, its not based in history, and also, talking abt cultural appropriation in the balkans just sounds like woke nationalism

im not croatian neither catholic so, u know, my opinion only goes so far but. i reckon if it comes from a place of respect and understanding its not that big of an issue - hell you can probably go to croatia and get them done. if you live in romania i severly doubt anyone will give a shit, if you live in the west i severly doubt anyone will give a shit bc the westerners tend to know next to nothing about our cultures and they rarely can tell us apart anyway. i dont think its a particularly bad idea 🤷‍♀️

[all-hail-the-witcher]

jaskier’s breakup album

alright full disclosure i probably went into way more detail than i needed to. but jaskiers a dramatic little shit and therefore so am i. but this album slowly became my baby and I've been listening to it for the last 2 weeks while I've been doing homework and its a good sad bop. these are just my opinions, but i think it would be cool to see what other people think (esp because im fairly new to this fandom). also this post is really long. sorry about that. 

so. we all know jaskier is a bard. he traipses around writing songs about whatever fling he's having or about his witcher. netflix canon makes it pretty clear that geralt is one of jaskiers muses (and probably one of his more reliable ones given what we know about jaskiers dating history). jaskier is also very, very dramatic (as I'm sure everyone knows cause he's the damn comic relief that show desperately needs). in particular though the scene at the beginning of 1x05 where geralt is djinn hunting and jaskier stumbles upon him, drunk, singing off key, and rambles about how "the countess de stael, my muse and beauty of this world, has left me. again. rather coldly and unexpectedly, i might add. i fear i shall die a broken hearted man” and jaskier is clearly half muttering some sad attempt at a breakup song he's trying to write at the beginning of the episode so the question is, wouldn't he do the same thing post mountain scream down with geralt?

the answer is of course, yes he would because jaskier is nothing if not a dramatic little shit. and i am proposing that he writes not only one but an entire album (or set if this is canon era, but if this is canon i think he would keep a great many of these songs to himself, only playing a few select ones with the hopes that someday geralt will hear one and realize how badly he fucked up) of break songs and lamentations about geralt, because say all you want about what their relationship is, but one does not simply go traipsing around the entire continent with someone for 20 years and not grow close to them in some way shape or form (and the show makes it clear that geralt is at least one of jaskiers close friends so). now what is on this breakup album? well I'm glad you asked.

i peg jaskiers music (modern or canon honestly) for this album as being a combination of taylor swift’s folklore/evermore albums and james arthur and ill explain why. 

taylor swifts folklore/evermore albums have this almost ethereal, floaty, reminiscent, indie vibes. there are many metaphors, recurring themes and its overall kinda dramatic at points which i feel is exactly what jaskier would be doing right now (it also just kinda gives me canon era vibes, idk). but james arthurs music is much more emotionally intense which i think is definitely in character for jaskier at this point because he strikes me as someone who copes with things through his music. both artists do the sings through story telling in an almost monologue manner which goes along with that kinda bardic music and all that. i also think that jaskier would want geralt to know that these songs are about him because hes dramatic like that (kinda like how taylor swift writes her stuff). anyway here's what i think would be on his breakup album: 

heres a link to the playlist

1. the lakes - taylor swift 2. from me to you i hate everybody - james arthur 3. maybe - james arthur 4. sad eyes - james arthur 5. hoax - taylor swift 6. naked - james arthur 7. right where you left me - taylor swift 8. all too well - taylor swift 9. impossible - james arthur 10. exile - taylor swift 11. illicit affairs -taylor swift 12. safe inside - james arthur 13. quite miss home -james arthur 14. my tears ricochet  -taylor swift 15. phoenix - james arthur 16. this is me trying - taylor swift  17. happiness - taylor swift 18. death by a thousand cuts - taylor swift 19. empty space - james arthur 20. coney island - taylor swift 21. new years day - taylor swift 22. the 1 -taylow swift

so theres 22 songs which im sure jaskier would do on purpose cause hes a dramatic little shit ( “one song for every year i wasted on you” or something of that sort). jaskier being a dramatic little shit is going to be a recurring theme. some of them work better for modern era than canon era but as a whole this can be interpreted as either romantic or platonic. anyway lets unpack. 

1. the lakes by taylor swift (more canon era interpretation)

this song is the bonus and final track off of folklore. the song is actually about how she wants to go live in seclusion with her boyfriend out of the public eye but that is not what it means in this interpretation. i think that this song is about how jaskier feels as though his career as a bard is tainted now because he spent so many years singing geralts praises and there is no way he will be able to escape that part of his life because undoubtedly hes going to get requests for toss a coin and others he wrote about geralt and people will probably know him as “the witchers bard”. so this song is him talking about how he wants to run away and live out his life in seclusion because geralt took from him one of the only happinesses in his life. 

Take me to the lakes, where all the poets went to die I don't belong, and my beloved, neither do you Those Windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry I'm settin' off, but not without my muse 

the line “i dont belong and my beloved neither do you” references the fact that jaskier feels like an outcast now that he’s spent years traveling around with a witcher, notoriously outcasts from society, so he feels that he doesnt belong anymore either.

I want auroras and sad prose I want to watch wisteria grow Right over my bare feet 'Cause I haven't moved in years And I want you right here

the second stanza references his idealization of living out his life in solitude, with nature, where no one can judge him (and geralt cant yell at him). 

jasper would have started this album with that song because it states his intentions: he feels as though he’s done with singing. it could also refer to him leaving the public eye (in modern era) to write this album.

2. from me to you i hate everybody by james arthur (more canon era interpretation) 

songs 2-4 on jaskiers album are ones that he wrote at various points while he and geralt were still together/best friends/etc. these three songs establish what the relationship was like before everything went downhill, but they are kind of melancholy, like looking back on a past love (which is what jaskier is doing). this one jaskier wrote about when they met. geralt would have heard him play it before and he would have known that this song was about him (he probably also secretly liked it and jaskier putting it on his album would have been like a slap in the face because it wasn't one that he had shared with other people, thinking it to be too personal). if this album had been released in modern era, jaskier would have released this song as a single to get geralts attention. he would have definitely wanted geralt to know that this album was about him. 

I used to come here on my own and drink So I didn't have to think or hear the whispering I stand with people telling lies again In suits and ties again and I just need a friend

they meet in the tavern and its clear that jaskier is Not having a good time and really just needs a friend, hence why he decides to go talk to geralt.

You walked into the room and cut the atmosphere like a knife, alright Sobering mind 'cause up to now, I've just been wasting my time, ooh yeah

the “wasting my time” part is of particular interest because it clearly articulates that jaskier feels as though adventuring around with geralt was the best part of his life and before that he'd just been a bard with debatable songs. the song as a whole makes it sound like geralt was jaskiers lifeline.

3. maybe by james arthur (modern or canon era works)

this song, while geralt would know immediately it was about him, was not one jaskier ever shared with geralt. it would have been written a few years after he and geralt had met initially. the reason that jaskier never shared it was because it talks about destiny and geralt made it Very Clear that he does not want to fuck with destiny.

I don't know what's going on Where you came from and why you took so long All I know is that I feel it Like it's the realest thing, I mean it Something changed when I saw you Oh, my eyes can't lie You said, "They're so damn blue And I love how you're so forward Is it too soon to say I'm falling?"

this would have been what young jaskier felt over the course of a few years after traveling around (or befriending if this is modern). There was probably a slip up somewhere, or jaskier just thought that he got really good at interpreting geralts grunts and the line about the eyes is what he hoped/imagined/thought geralt was saying to him in return. 

So maybe Maybe we were always meant to meet Like this was somehow destiny Like you already know Your heart will never be broken by me So is it crazy For you to tell your friends to go on home? So we can be here all alone Fall in love tonight And spend the rest of our lives as one

jaskier probably thinks that destiny is some wildly romantic thing hence why he compares them meeting to destiny. the line about heart break would have also hit especially hard after the mountain scene. also i think its pretty clear that jaskier wants to spend as much of his life traipsing around with geralt in the show (modern era wouldn't have been any different), hence wanting to spend the rest of his life with geralt. 

Oh, is it too crazy For you to tell your brothers about me? They told me they'll protect you But I'll look them in the eye Tell them you and I will be as one

this is the part that sells it for me. i think that geralt lambert and eskel would all be very close (admittedly i havent read the books but i kinda get that vibe from the fandom so). this part about geralt telling his bothers about jaskier and then jaskier probably meeting them would have been an Important Moment. 

4. sad eyes by james arthur (modern or canon works) 

aright so im not sure if geralt has heard this one before. i can see it going both ways. its a possibility that jaskier wrote it at some point and then would kinda sing it softly when hes patching geralt up after a particularly rough hunt so its one of those where like geralts not quite sure what the song is but then he hears it on this album (cause say this was modern era and jaskier actually did release this album geralt would totally buy it after a few weeks and then realize how badly he'd actually fucked up) and is like shit thats what he was singing all along?? but anyway this one is essentially about how jaskier thinks geralt puts too much pressure on himself and all that stuff

You wear the burden World on your shoulders, babe So let me hold the weight I know you're hurting Deep as the coldest pain But this is the order sayin'

essentially jaskier can see through geralts bs and hes calling him out on it and wants him to just take care of himself for once (see: the scene in 1x05 when geralt says he cant sleep) 

5. hoax by taylor swift (canon or modern works)

so this song begins the plethora of break up songs that jaskier wrote about geralt. this one would have been written some time after the incident, after jaskier has some time to reflect on the whole thing. i know that taylor wrote this  song about enduring a toxic relationship, which kind of works if you think about the way that geralts treated jaskier and how jaskier interpreted it (but im not implying that their relationship was toxic or abusive or anything) 

My best laid plan Your sleight of hand My barren land I am ash from your fire

jaskiers plan was to reinvent geralts image and geralt did not think that it was worth it. jaskier is just sorta his side kick (who gets him into trouble, as geralt points out) and geralt kicks him aside like he doesnt mean anything to him (like ash from a fire

Stood on the cliffside Screaming "Give me a reason" Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in Don't want no other shade of blue But you No other sadness in the world would do

this is a little more literal with the screaming on the cliffside. jaskier wanted a reason to stay and geralt didnt want him to. jaskier knows that witchers dont feel emotions (or at least not like humans do) so hes been tricking himself into believing that geralt actually liked having him around, knowing that it was probably going to blow up in his face at some point. but he doesnt quite regret it, and doesnt want to be sad over anyone else.

6. naked by james arthur (modern or canon works)

this kind of goes along with hoax, jaskier probably wrote them around the same time. he’s admitting in this song that he would be willing to try to work it out with geralt, but geralt needs to change first (needs to actually communicate and let him in and all that stuff). 

'Cause here I am, I'm givin' all I can But all you ever do is mess it up Yeah, I'm right here, I'm tryin' to make it clear That getting half of you just ain't enough

hes quoting geralts words back at him here ( “all you ever do is mess it up” is pretty similar to the line about shoveling shit), saying that all hes ever tried to do is be good and kind to geralt, but geralt hasn't really done the same in return and while jaskier may have dragged him into some things, geralt also needs to take responsibility for what hes done as well. 

7. right where you left me (modern or canon works)

this starts the Real Sad Boy Hours songs. this would refer to how he felt pretty much right after, not knowing what to do because geralt had been so much a part of his life for so long: 

Help, I'm still at the restaurant Still sitting in a corner I haunt Cross-legged in the dim light They say, "What a sad sight" I, I swear you could hear a hair pin drop Right when I felt the moment stop Glass shattered on the white cloth Everybody moved on, I, I stayed there Dust collected on my pinned-up hair They expected me to find somewhere Some perspective, but I sat and stared

this is kind of the processing of the event. and also the moment on the album where the audience would realize that this relationship that he's been telling about until now definitely ended. this song isn't super super emotional, its more a jumble of thoughts cause he didnt know what to feel after the breakup happened. although he didnt write it right after the break up, it was written much after as a looking back.

8. all too well by taylor swift (modern or canon era works)

(the link to this one is from a live performance because i like the emotion in this one better) so this song is not off of folklore (its off of red) but its such a powerful, painful breakup song that i had to include it in the lineup because it seems like something that jaskier would have written very very soon after the incident. the memories especially that she touches on in the song (driving upstate, dancing in the fridge light, looking at the photo album, etc) are all very powerful and real and i can see jaskier doing the same thing. again, if this were modern era i think that he might release this one as a single. theres so much to unpack in this song, this ones gonna be a little longer oops.

Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well

this clearly references the mountain scene. they were a pretty good duo until geralt blamed him for all his problems. and jaskier was effectively stuck on the top of a very dangerous mountain that he would have had to navigate down by himself. 

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone

jaskier spent half of his life following geralt around, its likely that he doesnt know what to do with himself or his life now that he doesnt have geralt to follow around on adventures. he doesnt know what to do anymore (see the first song).

But you keep my old scarf from that very first week 'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me You can't get rid of it, 'cause you remember it all too well, yeah

this is more of a hope that jaskier has. he hopes that geralts held onto something of his that he left behind. maybe he left a shirt in one of roaches saddle bags (canon) or a notebook in their apartment (modern) that geralt just cant seem to get rid of. he would like to think that he had an impact on geralts life and that it wasn't just all for nothing. in the beginning, he wants geralt to be just as hurt as he is.

'Cause there we are again, when I loved you so Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

this is a dig at geralt. he'd never had someone to follow him around on adventures before, much less a human. as far as we know it seems like jaskiers the first human that has even given him the time of day. this is jaskiers way of throwing it back in geralts face

9. impossible by james arthur (canon or modern works) 

this would have also been written very soon after the incident. it is more jaskier being mad at himself for not seeing the signs than him being mad at geralt. it is almost like his admittance of the event and like hes finally accepting what happened.

I remember years ago Someone told me I should take Caution when it comes to love, I did And you were strong and I was not My illusion, my mistake I was careless, I forgot, I did

jaskier is someone who clearly falls in love (or at least screws around with people) easily so its likely that someone would have given him some advice along these lines once. but when he met geralt its likely that this caution went to the wind. 

When all is done, there is nothing to say And if you're done with embarrassing me On your own you can go ahead, tell them

Tell them all I know now Shout it from the rooftops Write it on the skyline All we had is gone now Tell them I was happy And my heart is broken All my scars are open Tell them what I hoped would be impossible

this hints at the first song on the album. jaskier has no stomach for singing for audiences asking to hear about the adventures of geralt of rivia. this is his way of telling geralt that, almost as his punishment, he should have to deal with the people who ask why hes not traveling with his bard anymore, because jaskier has no intention of doing so. this is pretty brutal because (as we know) geralt doesnt really enjoy talking about feelings, or talking at all in general.

10. exile by taylor swift (modern or canon era works)

this is a fictitious conversation that jaskier wrote as occurring between him and geralt. it can be looked at either way but i think it makes more sense if bon iver is jaskier and taylor is geralt. 

I think I've seen this film before And I didn't like the ending You're not my homeland anymore So what am I defendin' now? You were my town Now I'm in exile seein' you out I think I've seen this film before

this first chorus is from jaskiers perspective. note the use of “homeland,” as home becomes a theme on jaskiers album. in geralts version of the chorus the line instead is “youre not my problem anymore” which is probably what jaskier took the whole mountain thing to mean. 

All this time We always walked a very thin line You didn't even hear me out (you didn't even hear me out) You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs) All this time I never learned to read your mind (never learned to read my mind) I couldn't turn things around (you never turned things around) 'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)

(the () in this are geralt) this is jaskiers lamentations about how he didnt notice geralts abject discomfort in their relationship and also his regrets in not being able to remedy the situation. 

11. illicit affairs by taylor swift (modern or canon works) 

so this song is clearly and obviously about an affair. however, i have seen interpretations of the song where people view it as being in a relationship that is  so intense and well hidden that in a sense it is almost like an affair, like in the aftermath you’re not even sure if it was real or you deemed it because there isnt really a trace of this other person anymore, and that is the way i think jaskier would have written this song. 

And you wanna scream Don't call me kid Don't call me baby Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else

the dont call me kid, dont call me baby part would reference jaskiers humanity, he has a normal human lifespan at least in canon (very much unlike geralt) so geralt might brush him off as being young and stupid. jaskier would have made this album to show geralt that hes not being young and stupid, that this did screw him up, and hes suffering cause of it. kind of like a reality check or a slap in the face.

Don't call me kid Don't call me baby Look at this idiotic fool that you made me You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else And you know damn well For you I would ruin myself A million little times

the secret language would of course refer to geralt himself. hes a hard man to understand (especially cause half his vocabulary is grunts) and hes also a witcher. so jasper had to learn to understand him and now he has no use for that anymore. and the ending line about ruining myself. that would be jaskiers admittance that he would do it again, he'd do it all again, which comes back up in later songs.

12. safe inside by james arthur (canon era interpretation)

this is one that jaskier would have written maybe a week or so after the incident. the song itself deals with distance and coping with not being in someones life anymore, and i think that that is something that jaskier would struggle to cope with because hes not sure he wants geralt to be alone. this song is more for jaskier than for geralt. 

Everyone has to find their own way And I'm sure things will work out okay I wish that was the truth All we know is the sun will rise Thank your lucky stars that you're alive It's a beautiful life

obviously geralt can take care of himself, but its kinda clear that he doesnt much like his life as a witcher (the part where he talks about them getting slow and killed). so this is kind of jaskiers way of almost reminding geralt that his life on the path is still beautiful and important now that he back by himself. 

Oh, will you call me to tell me you're alright? 'Cause I worry about you the whole night Don't repeat my mistakes, I won't sleep 'til you're safe inside If you're home I just hope that you're sober Is it time to let go now you're older? Don't leave me this way, I won't sleep 'til you're safe inside

this is more jaskier worrying about geralt being by himself. he hopes that hes okay in the aftermath of this this and that hes taking care of himself still. because of course jaskier would write a whole breakup album but still write one song about how he hopes the person is doing well.

13. quite miss home by james arthur (modern era interpretation)

this song. oh my god. its so amazing. if you dont listen to any of these, at least listen to this one (actually im pretty sure no ones read to this point so if you have thanks). this song is kind of more along the same vein as the previous one, how jaskier misses geralt but its more for him than geralt. he would have probably written it at like 3am in a fit of tears and weakness, and debated long and hard about whether or not to put it on the album, but done it anyway because what does he have to lose? theres a lot to unpack here tho so this is going to be a longer one. (sorry)

I'm in the kitchen while you smoke outside You're careful not to let the smoke inside I always tell you it's poison But I know it helps you take the edge off the day We get a drink before it's closing time The one on high street with the blinking sign All these memories feel poignant I won't be there to see the snow melt away

this is a very very clear picture of an event that seems to have happened a great many times, so much so that it seems like second nature. its like a little glimpse into what their life was before this incident. its intimate, but it still is melancholy.

Whoa I'm in another city I got nobody with me And it just really hit me

this is where jaskier is now, it provides some opposition. its like a culture shock almost, like hes so used to this intimate lifestyle with another person that its jarring to be by himself.

That I quite miss home And I miss you telling me To leave my shoes at the door 'Cause you just swept the floor And the dirt drives you crazy Yeah, I quite miss home 'Cause it feels like poetry When the rain falls down on the window While you're in my arms And we're watching the TV Yeah, I quite miss home

the key here is what jaskier is referring to as “home.” it's not the place, its geralt himself. all these memories center around him, not an establishment. (calling geralt “home” comes back in later songs.) again, this mosh of memories is like theres so many of them that its almost overwhelming but its stemming from jaskiers need to feel something other than lonely and hes craving this reality that hes lost.

14. my tears ricochet by taylor swift (modern or canon era works)

this is a song that really emphasizes jaskiers dramatic little shit tendencies. this is something that he wrote, trying to predict what geralts reaction would be if he found out that jaskier died. this is really just jaskier fantasizing that geralt didnt actually mean any of what he said and does still care about him. theres many lines in here that are jabs at geralt (if I'm dead to you why are you at the wake? and Even on my worst day Did I deserve, babe All the hell you gave me?), but i think this is the most important one:

And I can go anywhere I want Anywhere I want Just not home And you can aim for my heart, go for blood But you would still miss me in your bones And I still talk to you When I'm screaming at the sky And when you can't sleep at night You hear my stolen lullabies

this is again, jaskier referring to geralt as home. as seen in the last song, he clearly wants to go there, but he cant. this could also refer to where he grew up, which he cant go to either because his parents still view him as a disappointment (as seen in finally). jaskier saying he still talks to geralt is completely in character, he probably still curses him and the whole thing. but the part about geralt not being able to sleep at night and hearing his stolen lullabies is really hard hitting. jaskier likes to think that geralt wouldn't be able to sleep without his banter or his lute playing or something of that nature. over all its a very powerful song.

15. phoenix by james arthur (modern or canon works) 

this is a fictitious apology that jaskier wrote from geralts pov, kind of what he wished that geralt would say, but knows that he won't. 

Let me, let me begin Let me begin, with an I.O.U Who I owe everything to Lately, lately my friend Lately, you think I'm ignoring you But I've been trying to pull through All of the pain, I know you're looking down, down on me I could have been someone I hurt everyone Pushed away everyone who got near

in this “geralt” outlines what he did wrong, and that he didnt mea what he said at all. again, this is more for jaskiers benefit because he knows that even if geralt were to apologize to him, it wouldn't be to this extent.

16. this is me trying by taylor swift (modern or canon works)

this is jaskier trying to articulate the fact that hes trying to pick himself back up after everything, his way of showing his “healing process” and that he can do it, he doesnt need geralt (as the song shows, its not going very well)

And it's hard to be at a party When I feel like an open wound It's hard to be anywhere these days When all I want is you You're a flashback in a film reel On the one screen in my town And I just wanted you to know That this is me trying (maybe I don't quite know what to say) I just wanted you to know That this is me trying

its showing that jaskier is having trouble enjoying things that he once did (like parties) because hes still so distraught over what happened with geralt, but at the same time he also wants to show geralt that he doesnt need him. it has a very i dont care kind of attitude, but jaskier at the same time is having a hard time showing geralt that hes doing okay, hence the “maybe i dont quite know what to say” which is out of character for the very talkative bard

17. happiness by taylor swift (modern or canon works)

this is more him convincing himself that things will be okay. he's clearly trying at this point to move on, but its proving difficult because geralt was his happiness for so long:

There'll be happiness after you But there was happiness because of you Both of these things can be true There is happiness

he also repeats the line “havent me the new me yet” a few times, which i think is again him trying to convince himself that its going to get better and he will move on from it. but this line is the one that i think hurts the most:

No one teaches you what to do When a good man hurts you And you know you hurt him too

this implies that 1. he still thinks geralts a good man (not a monster) and 2. that he knows he hurt him to and doesn't know how to fix either of them. this is also kind of him giving up on how to fix it, but him recognizing they were both at fault is important for the arc of the story.

18. death by a thousand cuts by taylor swift (modern or canon works)

this is another song that is not off of folklore (its from lover), but i wanted to include it because it think it has a little bit of anger to it (especially in this live acoustic version that i linked) which i think that jaskier would feel a few weeks post incident in a fit of rage, like why am i still feeling this way? why did you think that this was okay?? and its right after happiness, which shows that his healing really isn't linear. there's many lines in this song that pertain to geralt and jaskier and i could talk about the whole thing but im not going to

But if the story's over, why am I still writing pages?

this i think is very jaskier. its so raw and like, i know this is over, why am i still writing about it? why am i making an album about this? why should this still matter to me? its very angry and again, like many of the songs, like a slap.

My heart, my hips, my body, my love Tryna find a part of me that you didn't touch Gave up on me like I was a bad drug Now I'm searching for signs in a haunted club Our songs, our films, united, we stand Our country, guess it was a lawless land Quiet my fears with the touch of your hand Paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans My time, my wine, my spirit, my trust Tryna find a part of me you didn't take up Gave you so much, but it wasn't enough But I'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts

this part, especially if you listen to her sing it, (which i would HIGHLY RECOMMEND BTW) is very passive aggressive and the the last line is like quite sarcastic and downplays it, like, yes you put me through all of this, but i guess its *just* a thousand cuts. this really shows that in many ways geralt was a part of jaskiers life, and his sudden removal from it would have stung in many ways, and thats not something that you can get over quickly. 

19. empty space by james arthur (modern or canon era works)

this song starts the beginning of jaskier getting over geralt. these last 4 songs would have been written much after the incident, after hes had time to think, but there's still this nagging in the back of his head thats like, well what if im being stupid and he is the one and im supposed to go back?

I don't see you You're not in every window I look through And I don't miss you You're not in every single thing I do I don't think we're meant to be And you are not the missing piece I won't hear it Whenever anybody says your name And I won't feel it Even when I'm burstin' into flames I don't regret the day I left I don't believe that I was blessed I'm probably lyin' to myself again

this is more what jaskier wants to be, not what he actually is. he thinks that hes over geralt, but hes not (the chorus gets into it more but im not going to talk about it here, but it essentially says “only you can fill this empty space”) clearly jaskier is further along in his healing process, but hes still having second thoughts. he wants to be over him, but he knows hes lying to himself, very deep down. 

20. coney island by taylor swift (more modern era interpretation)

this is the true moving on song. it’s still laced with memories and speculation, but it puts clear distance between the two of them, much more so than empty space does because it lacks the longing. it just shows things for what they are. 

And I'm sitting on a bench in Coney Island Wondering where did my baby go? The fast times, the bright lights, the merry go Sorry for not making you my centerfold

its apologetic, but nothing more than that. it dwells more on what could have been rather than what he wants it to still be. 

The question pounds my head What's a lifetime of achievement If I pushed you to the edge? But you were too polite to leave me And do you miss the rogue Who coaxed you into paradise and left you there? Will you forgive my soul When you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?

this is interesting because it addresses their immortality and how they've been together for years and also the way in which they left things (paradise). but it also implies that things were on the downfall. and the last two lines about forgiveness is interesting because it then calls geralt “too wise to trust me and too old to care” meaning its more a wish of jaskiers rather than something he knows geralt will do.

Were you waiting at our old spot In the tree line By the gold clock Did I leave you hanging every single day? Were you standing in the hallway With a big cake, happy birthday Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest grey? A universe away And when I got into the accident The sight that flashed before me was your face But when I walked up to the podium, I think that I forgot to say your name

these are all very specific, very intimate moments that would clearly mean something to geralt. and it further implies that jaskier is uncertain if he actually made geralt feel appreciated when they were together. but again, its more what could have been rather than what jaskier wanted it to be, which is a nice segway into the last two songs. 

21. new years day by taylor swift (modern era interpretation)

this is another one not from folklore, this song is the closing track on reputation, but i like the nostalgia of it so i decided to include it (and it also has good parallels to the last song). initially jaskier intended for this to be the last song on the album, but decided to add another one last minute (and we will get into why). this song is more jaskiers muted longing to still be with geralt, albeit in the far future. 

There's glitter on the floor after the party Girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby Candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor You and me from the night before but Don't read the last page But I stay when you're lost and I'm scared and you're turning away I want your midnights But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

this interpretation is very much like the actual songs interpretation: the desire to stay with someone through the unexciting parts of life, like cleaning up after a party on new years day. additionally, wanting to start something new with someone (being there with them past the midnight kiss and actually starting the first day of the year with them). additionally though, there is the line of “dont read the last page” which refers to the last song on the album, which we will get to. 

Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you And I will hold on to you Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere

this is more jaskiers reality. hes torn between holding onto these memories and hopes and actually facing reality. he wants to hold on to geralt, but he also kinda wants to move on. and the last line about the laugh, thats more jaskiers own hope, he hopes that he will come across geralt again and things will work themselves out.

22. the 1 by taylor swift (modern era interpretation)

the decision to make this song the last one on the album was a very last minute decision, and it was written significantly after the rest of the songs. the reason for this was without this last song, the album ends on a note of hope “Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere” but this last song is more of a reality check and acknowledgment that what's done is done and that it will never be again. 

I'm doing good, I'm on some new shit Been saying "Yes" instead of "No" I thought I saw you at the bus stop, I didn't though

this refers to the fact that its been some time since the whole thing and jaskiers kind of changed a little bit. he claims hes doing good, and maybe is going to try out a new career (since the first song references wanting to put music down for awhile). seeing geralt at the bus stop is a reference to cardigan where he says “chasing shadows in the grocery line” where hes not actively looking for geralt anymore and it doesnt upset him that he didnt see him.

I guess you never know, never know And if you wanted me, you really should've showed And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow And it's alright now

this is jaskier saying that hes almost glad that it happened because it gave him a new perspective and it was a learning experience. he also says that its alright, which is the second time that hes said hes okay, which probably means he isnt completely, but hes much closer than he was on the rest of the album because hes not still looking for geralt at every turn

I have this dream you're doing cool shit Having adventures on your own You meet some woman on the Internet and take her home We never painted by the numbers, baby But we were making it count You know the greatest loves of all time are over now I guess you never know, never know And it's another day, waking up alone

this is jaskier acknowledging the fact that geralt has probably long since moved on with his life, either with other romantic people or with his life entirely (the first time he does this on the album). he says that while their love or friendship was unconventional it still was definitely something (implying that it may have been one of the greatest loves of his life). and the waking up alone part references quite miss home and being by himself, but it isnt sad, its just a fact at this point.

But we were something, don't you think so? Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool And if my wishes came true It would've been you In my defense, I have none For never leaving well enough alone But it would've been fun If you would've been the one

this is the part where we see that jaskier has grown. hes recognized that his wanting to be with geralt was never anything more than a fleeting wish or a moment that couldn't last. but he knows that it had potential and it could have worked but it didnt and thats okay. in the last chorus the pennies line is “rosé flowing with your chosen family” which implies that he and geralt were close enough to know each others family (chosen or real), meaning that it meant something. and he wouldn't have minded a long term relationship with geralt, but its not what happened.

in new years day jaskier says “dont read the last page” this song is that last page. part of him still doesnt want geralt to know that hes put aside the hope of it working because he wants to still keep himself open for geralt, but knows that  its not healthy and ultimately he needs to move on. hes essentially giving geralt the choice: remember jaskier as wanting to get back with him (since the last line of the album would have been “please dont ever become a stranger who's laugh i could recognize anywhere” or let him have the knowledge that jaskier is done with him (since the official last line of the album is “but it would have been fun if you would've been the one”)

anyway thats jaskiers breakup album. i put way too much effort into this. and if you actually read through the whole thing, thank you and please let me know what you think!! if you use this for fics or have your own interpretations please please tag me, id love to see!!

#the witcher #geralt of rivia #geralt #jaskier #julian alfred pankratz #geraskier #wow this took so long #literally so long #id recommend listening to the songs tho theyre all kinda vibey #there's like a million songs i could have used but i liked these ones cause i think they have a very nostalgic vibe #also dont get me wrong jaskier would also eventually release some sones like uhh #truth hurts by lizzo #like very fuck you breakup songs #but this is him being sad first #anyway im literally only posting this cause witcher anon said they wanted to read it #i hope you like it my dude

[clumsyclifford]

you know what lets do some throwbacks. 3, 10, and 15 for neon weekend. 5 for hello hello. 2 and 9 for spidy fic -hazel

damn, some clumsyclifford classics huh. spoilers for aforementioned fics ahead, obviously

more than just a neon weekend

3: What’s your favorite line of narration? im getting deja vu i feel like ive answered some of these questions for this fic before. but let me go look at it. i havent reread this one in a hot sec. OH i know what it is. this:

Calum breathes out, exhaling the smoke into the air, and Luke wonders how he became the kind of person who romanticized smoking, even though he knows the answer is standing just before him, slumped against the brick.

now im REALLY having deja vu because im sure ive talked about this before, but i love this line because it acknowledges that luke knows (and yes, okay, i, the author, know) that smoking is bad and not something to romanticize And Yet He Can't Help It because he can't help it when it comes to calum. in the same way you find someone attractive and suddenly all of their habits don't seem so bad. even the bad ones. i think it's a good line, i dunno.

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story? that's a very good question that i don't have an answer to! in fact, when i first had the idea to write this fic based on that lyric from wuij, i thought it was gonna be a muke fic. and then i started writing and instead of michael i found myself writing calum. i honestly do not know why. but i will say (and i KNOW i've said this before) that reading that fic like we always will shortly prior to writing neon weekend had serious influence over my understanding of cake as a pairing, so maybe i was wanting to explore cake in a more mature, angsty setting, rather than the happy fluffy cute shit i had been imagining them in before.

15: What did you learn from writing this fic? well i learned that i am able to write M-rated fic content, which was interesting for me, since i had never done that before, really. i learned that cake has a lot more depth than i gave them credit for. those are some things

hello, hello

5: What part was hardest to write? you know what? i'm not really sure. it's been a long time since i wrote it. but if i were to guess, i would say probably the scene(s) right after luke and ashton almost kiss. chapter 7 and part of 8, because all of that involves a little narrative device called ~miscommunication~ and it is my least favorite thing. i'm bad at writing miscommunication because it's not believable to me, because i, as a person, would like to believe i would always just Talk To Them, but supposedly it's not a realistic story when characters always talk to each other. and i agree that it gave the story a little more drama because they weren't communicating well but it ANNOYED me to have to write them that way. ya know

a hero, a liar (aka spidey fic)

2: What scene did you first put down? the fic was written in order, as far as i remember! from the first scene to the last. the first scene in the fic is the first one i wrote, and so on.

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic? nope, it was written in a sleep- and tumblr-deprived haze at around midnight, as all my best works apparently are, and i finished it in one sitting. i'm pretty sure i went through it and did my usual edit to cut or rephrase lines i found awkward but there were no alternate versions because i didn't think about it that long

fic asks

#bro woah neon weekend is really good #but also. WHERE was my mind when i wrote that #was i okay #what was i thinking #i can't believe i wrote that #not even the mature content. but all the other stuff #the miscommunication mainly. and all the angst. what the fuck literally wtf #i mustve been REALLY inspired by that wuij lyric lmfao #ask #anonymous #hazel #allsassnoclass #thank you my love #always fun talking about these bad boys

[el-im]

im putting all the things ive been meaning to write posts about into one single item because i am feeling Very Observed lately and i figure with it being as early as it is that hopefully this wont show up on some peoples dashes by the time they get around to pulling up tumblr today. 

first of all heres a photo dump and some captions

from when i texted charlie my images of the sisko card, which i was really hoping he’d like

a smiley face on my coffee 

i was gonna make a gender joke here bc the longer i looked at these before n after pinning back my hair pictures the more i was like ‘oh we just flipped gender presentation like a lightswitch huh’ but that was not funny and i am not funny and I wish i were but im not and its kind of a >:( fact thats been bugging me lately. 

from mom, yesterday, who dropped off one for me, one for nick, one for mia, and one for abe. i was expecting this to be the only thing i got/heads up/message on valentines day but i woke up this morning to find that aub had sent me a playlist that i looked at but havent listened to yet (because im trying to order my responses to things in increasing complexity and time--i responded to the tik toks elanor sent me first, them had a look at the star trek document that joe sent me and commented on the questions he asked without giving away spoilers, and am now making this post, which ive been meaning to make, and will then maybe try to listen to the playlist and then respond to michelle’s email) 

these are joes thoughts from some ds9 episodes. initially, i’d sent him a list of ‘best’  episodes (my favorites AND the eps i thought were most emblematic of ds9′s issues--bajor’s relationship with cardassia, trill relationships, etc) hoping that he’d be able to see the merit of the show, but he insisted on re-watching the first episode before he started working on the list because he’d only seen it once a long time ago, and then, after watching ep 1 and captive pursuit (with tosk) decided that he’d try to watch the full first season, especially after i expressed my dismay at realizing he wouldn’t get the chronological introduction to garak bc ep 3 wasnt on my list of best episodes. anyway. he showed me this list of written reactions after watching ep 1 and captive pursuit and it made me so happy he decided he’d keep doing it, which i insisted wasn’t necessary because it seems to me like a lot of work (and which i still feel guilty about) but he was like told me that he’d only seldom seen me as happy as i was upon reading that and it was something little he could do to foster that joy which.. makes my heart crack in two). 

anyway. the real reason i started this post was because ive been up in arms for the past few days about mia and covid. 

speaking of which. 

baby ‘passed’ first covid test. that arrow on the side is the minimized player where im watching nemesis. hah. 

anyway. 

to make a longer story short, my (pregnant!!!) sister decided, stupidly, to go with her boyfriend abe, a sound engineer, to a broadcast stage he was setting up in california, because she has a liver condition that appeared during her pregnancy which makes giving birth difficult (which is emotionally challenging for her because she had always wanted to do an at-home birth without drugs) and in fact, is a condition which typically leads to the birth having to be induced early, which means, at this point in development, that she could potentially need to have the child at any time. she went with him because she didn’t want to be without him if the baby needed to come. she was there for a week, with the both of them feeling sick all the while, and then came home early without abe because she felt bad and wasnt having fun, eventually getting a ride from my mother (who lives with my grandmother and great aunt, 93 and 86 respectively) back home from the airport (she took a PLANE!?). anyway. at our insistence, she was tested the same day she got home. she was reluctant to do it because she ‘didn’t think she had it’ and figured that it was ‘just the flu, honestly’ as if she had any way of knowing that???? in the day she was waiting for her test results, she came out of her room multiple times without a mask on, walking around the kitchen or playing with the dogs, even though we told her to stay in her room (and had brought her food/hot tea/whatever else she needed). she had no reason to come out when she was 1. sick and 2. not quite sure if she had covid or not

anyway. her test came back positive so she was trying to ‘stay in her room’, which lasted for.. not even a day. nick and i, who hadn’t seen either of them in a week, but had been around each other, got tests. we (as pictured) both got negative results, so mia must have gotten it in california rather than from someone we’d all seen (like nick and mia’s dad or stepmother earlier in the month) 

abe came home soon after and had taken two rapid tests when he landed, but then, when coming home, immediately was sitting in the same room as my sister, without a mask on. he slept outside in our ‘arizona room’--a screened in patio with a futon in it for the first night. when his results came back (as negative), he decided that he was fine to be in the house, so wouldn’t wear a mask in the kitchen or in the living room, (something nick and i both did) AND would also be in the same room as my sister for long periods of time. i’d like to think he was wearing a mask in there, but i can’t be sure. he was playing video games in their shared room where mia was watching tv, as long as he (AND I QUOTE) ‘stayed in his corner’. it’s a ten by ten room at most. there’s no way that staying in there, even with a mask on, for as long as he did was a smart option. so... to reiterate. abe was in a room with my sister, who has covid, for a long period of time, and then wouldn’t wear a mask when in the common areas that everyone uses. which is... great right

and the thing thats been annoying me for these last couple of days in particular, ASIDE from all the dumb shit they’ve done up to this point, is that mia says abe needs to bring her food (valid) and YET mia is always in the kitchen (which doesn’t make sense). i was in the kitchen preparing a meal the other day and she came out to refill her water. which, if abe was functioning SOLELY to bring her things, as she was insisting, would not have warranted her coming out of her room. it was the middle of the day. she could have said she needed water and left her cup by the door and i could have refilled it and brought it back.... but she didn’t. i was wearing two masks (a cloth one over a medial grade one) but was still wary about her being there--because I was making food. i told her to get out of the kitchen because she’d finished getting her water, but she said ‘just a minute!!’ and continued, not three feet away from me, trying to pick up one of the dogs and playing with her. i kept telling her to go back to her room but she was acting as though i was being rude and being completely unreasonable??? she takes every request we make for her to stay away from us as a personal attack, like we don’t want to see her or be around her, instead of us trying to protect ourselves from covid?? 

THEN the fun part is after all this, abe sets up an inflatable mattress in the office (which is :) right :) next :) to my room) because he decides he doesn’t want to sleep in the same room as mia (reasonable) despite having been occupying the same room as mia for hours (STUPID). so now abe is using the hall bathroom, which nick and i use/shower in/brush our teeth in. before, abe had been using mia’s bathroom off the bedroom, and, again, had been sleeping in there. so now, if abe DID catch it from mia, which is likely, at this point, he’d going to give it to nick and i.

nick and i were upset about this, and told mia last night that she needed to stay in her room. that was how people quarantined. that is how you quarantine. you do not leave your room for ANY reason, especially if you have 1. MULTIPLE PEOPLE CAPABLE AND WILLING TO BRING YOU FOOD AT ANY TIME OF DAY and 2. A BATHROOM THAT CONNECTS TO YOUR ROOM. she came out and started yelling at us about abe, though neither of us wanted to fight with her (and there was no reason to fight about something we were CLEARLY right about). she said ‘YOU CANT HAVE IT BOTH WAYS’ which meant that abe can’t not use the livingroom and the hall bathroom (which we were saying he shouldnt do) and that he can’t be in quarantine with mia (stay with her in her room) but the thing is.... BECAUSE he has spent so much time with her, and because they weren't wearing masks when they were outside and BECAUSE he spent hours playing video games in the room that my sister has been quarantined in for a whopping two days--he now shouldnt ALSO be using our bathroom, because now we can get sick. (and probably fucking will!!!!) she is having him now stay in the office and use our bathroom (GREAT) instead of just biting the bullet and staying with her because he ALREADY HAD BEEN staying with her 

and now they are both in the kitchen :)! i can hear them from my room. great. 

anyway here r some sketches that i never uploaded before cause theyre hideous but im putting here because i hope to fuck no one actually reads this/scrolls down this far

#captain's log #it does not compute to me #that you can just be this fucking stupid #i hate her #i am SO fucking mad at her about this i dont want to live here :)

[aerospace-agenda]

Ok, so, just... since the “ao3 is bad for asking for donations” bs is going around again, theres a bit of new stuff mixed in, but it seems to largely be the same “why dont they pay the authors” type stuff, with the usual insinuations of the people running the site just pocketing the money and doing nothing.

they made a bit over $700k in donations last year, but let’s bump that up to $750k for estimation purposes.

As of several years ago, they were running with about 750 volunteers, on ao3 alone.

there’s also 18 committees that they run, which are headed by a total of about 30 people, and let’s say there are 3 or 4 other people on each committee on average.

on top of that, they’re one of the most visited and active sites in the world, with almost 6 million fics stored there, and they regularly hit in the region of 250,000,000 distinct visitors a month. these numbers are very significant, because to operate smoothly servers need to be able to quickly access the data for a page, and then pass that data to you. 

lets say there are... hm. about 60kb of data that they need to pass to you in order to generate a page. at 250 million visitors, if each person loads a single page and does nothing else, that’s 15TB a month, easily, since i’m taking that estimate from directly loading a single short chapter, no searching or browsing or visiting different author pages or looking through bookmarks. which most people will probably do to some degree each time they visit, each of which is another system that needs to be queried, and is reliable and fast about it.

for reference, i can’t get an estimate on how much this must cost, because i havent been able to find any hosts to compare against that even have hosting schemes that allow numbers as high as ao3 delivers reliably and efficiently.

i work with databases for my job, and i frankly have no idea how the fuck ao3 manages to be what it is on the budget that it gets, im half-convinced there are fucking wizards back there or something.

purchasing the kinds of servers that they need to be using must be costing them well into the tens of thousands on the up-front price, server maintanence costs can run well into the thousands per month, and their reliability must mean they have sufficient redudancy to take them out of commission on the regular.

anyway. let’s say that the hosting, maintanence, and replacement costs for all this only cost them $150k a year. based on everything i know, this is an absolutely absurd underestimate to the extent that it’s frankly laughable.

anyway, that then leaves $600k. 

no matter where you assume that goes into the pockets of people behind the scenes, this would require complete complicity of everyone behind the scenes to keep under cover, as well as passing their false financial statements through audits and such. by and large, conspiracies like this don’t work very well!

so, that $600k should go to the people who “actually” bring value to ao3, the writers, then?

does everyone just get an even share of it? in that case, as there are about 2.6 million accounts- everybody gets about 23 cents a year. sound worth it? 

no? ok then, what about for each fic someone writes, they get an even share of it? after all, there were “only” about a million fics published in 2019. that’s about 60, maybe 70 cents per fic, doesn’t that sound good to you?

im guessing you think that’s still a bit low. in that case, should it be based on "quality” of fics? how should that quality be determined? kudos, hits, reader interaction? should that be an ongoing thing, or assessed at a particular time since publication? what about very long-running fics, how should that be assessed? should people just get paid a flat amount per chapter?

if the metrics to determine how much a fic is “worth” are transparent, then they’ll be abused- how should that be be determined? poor language quality? short chapter length? if they’re not transparent, how do you justify to authors why they aren’t paid more?

what about disputes regarding fanfics being “stolen”? right now, i dont think many people care much about if someone else writes a very similar fic to theirs. but would they feel the same way if someone else writes something inspired by, or with the same premise, or generally similar, to one of yours? what about if someone writes a story and incorporates someone elses OC? should the person who created that OC get a cut? 

if you want to increase funds to pay authors, how should you approach that? ask for donations? if payment metrics are transparent, then that means that anybody who performs well on them are likely to actively drive away donors. make it a subscription site? would you pay a monthly subscription fee just to access the site?

and so on, and so on. and that’s before any issues with backlog and such should be resolved. tbh, there are so many precedents that’d need to be set and potential issues that this would raise that even if ao3 responded with “fuck you” to every person who currently aren’t happy with the system, it would still probably be less unpopular than literally any change to allow them to pay authors.

honestly, at the end of the day, most people who are actually interested in financial support and who write fanfic? generally have a blog with a donation button. or a patreon. or something similar, along those lines. and there’s nothing stopping you from just going and doing that directly if you’re actually interested in supporting them.

it’s worth noting that there’s also a legal aspect to this, which im not particularly familiar with, but, for starters- a commercial aspect to works can make a big difference in whether or not something is considered “fair use”. whether or not something is, indeed, fair use, can also be pretty subjective. do you want to toss that litigational coin? and do you have the money and lawyers to press the issue? 

#oc? on this blog? its more likely than you think! #long post #mostly me rambling about how the outcry against ao3 asking for donations is kinda silly. #How long IS this queue...?