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lizzienaut · 2 years

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leaving the community

oh man, hardly thought i’d see the day when this would happen. i’m not really sure where to start this post to be honest, so apologies in advance for having to read my poorly thought out ramblings.

for those that don't wanna read, the tl;dr = i'm furthering myself from the sfw community, this blog is going on a permanent hiatus, you can find me @buntopiia or @kinkynaut if youre 18+, im just generally unhappy and tired here but im so grateful for all of the support and all the super cool friends i made here <33 its not goodbye forever!!

it’s been a good run, hasn’t it? but then again, it’s not like im going away completely — i'm still gonna be active on tumblr, just not in the sfw side of the tickle community. i'll also be active on my new main, which is @buntopiia, so if you aren't 18+ or just arent comfy with nsfw content, you can still find me there if you ever wish to talk.

so here comes the nitty gritty of it all; i just don't enjoy being here anymore. im sure its super apparent to everyone that the sfw community is always on the brink of tearing itself apart, barely being held together by its seams - and to be honest, i'm just completely over it. it seems that we can't go a day here without someone getting death threats or being told to kill themselves over the way they perceive their interest in tickling, which is such a stupid fuckin sentence to type out, but here we are.

the rampant hatred everyone seems to have for each other is draining. and this isn't about the anons that i've gotten specifically- i found those funny more than anything (i'm still a slut well denizen at heart), but a whole slew of other things as well. the constant drama feels reminiscent of high school, and come to think of it, it's probably because the sfw community is filled mainly with minors. mostly ones who don't know how to cultivate their own online experience and blame the adults for it, but i digress. every callout post is just a reminder of how toxic and shitty the sfw side of the community can be. lots of people hide behind the "sfw" title to seem innocent and approachable. lots of people demonize the nsfw community for everything that happens here. but in all honesty, when's the last time you've seen any big drama from the nsfw community?

lots of people stay in their own little bubble there, curating their own content and reblogging from each other solely. i find that (most) adults are very good at following their dni criteria and keeping minors away, even if they don't listen. and the fact that the kinksters are so harshly spoken about by the sfw community is another major factor as to why i'm leaving.

i have a tickle fetish. i see tickling as something both nonsexual in platonic scenarios and sexual in romantic ones (in my own life, of course). hearing people constantly saying having a fetish is gross or vile or whatever is genuinely upsetting, which is why i was in denial about it for the longest time. i felt disgusting for it. i was so ashamed and terrified of people finding out, because i thought it would make me some kind of "pervert" or something, which also sounds incredibly stupid when i type it out.

like seriously, this is a post about tickling. the fact that we have drama and community politics over here is the dumbest shit i've ever heard lmfao

but yeah. i feel safer in the nsfw community than i do here now. i'll post the occasional fluffy tickle art on my main, but other than that, all of my content will be posted onto my kink account. and you're more than welcome to interact with my main!! you dont even need to be on anon or a main yourself, im more than okay with tickle blogs interacting with me. it isnt something im ashamed of anymore, and being in the nsfw community has helped me overcome that fear. being unabashedly kinky is extremely freeing, tbh.

its been fun and ive seriously enjoyed my time here with you guys <33 again, i'm not gone completely! i'm just distancing myself from the "sfw" brand and moving on to other things. thank you for everything <3

#important #liz peeps™#tickling

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sasukimimochi · 1 year

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Making a post cuz i'm bothered by this and i see this kind of cringe-control type behavior around a lot. i don't think people are doing it maliciously half the time but when you don't know something you don't know and i think people should understand how it's actually quite controlling/hurtful.

Putting it under read more cuz i'm going to talk about pg-13 and above topics.

(there isn't anything explicit, just words are mentioned, thus why the keep reading line.)

This hasn't happened to me like, i haven't been told these words are cringe to my face but i see many posts about it.

but... i do use "cringe" typical words.

people will say don't call +18/explicit content "lewd/spicy/lemon"

people will say don't use "length/member/shaft" etc and these are just two categories i'm referencing here cuz i can't think of more off the top of my head. the abundance of examples here though isn't important.

now as you probably know i already use at least two of the words mentioned. i'm not saying my reasons are the same for others, but i hate seeing the posts saying that it's because you're too ashamed of what you're talking/reading etc about and then ranting about how cringe it is.

i can talk in explicit detail about +18 topics, but i personally cringe at the words sex/cock/balls/hot/sexy/dick etc like...my reasoning isn't that i'm ashamed of what i'm talking about, its that the words make me uncomfortable and i think they're words that aren't for me due to the vulgar vibe i get from them. you can like those words all you want though, just like how i can like my words all i want!

judging people for using specific words is the dumbest thing i've seen lately in my opinion (other than obvious important things going on in the world, let's not get that specific). i can understand if it's like, genuinely offensive or something. But this is different, these words are just straight up harmless- when did spicy even get put in the cringe category? you allergic to someone saying a picture/piece of writing is spicy?

tbh i have two reasons for using the subtler words like spicy, which i tend to actually use most often along with the word "length/erection" instead of "cock/dick". one of the reasons is a very simple one: tumblr does some weird shit if you put the abbreviation for not safe for work in your post (i did once and it scared me cuz something popped up saying something about changing my content and i was like asdfs??? but anyway i'm not trying it again), and second, i have some type of aversion to certain words. it has nothing to do with the conversation i'm having and all to do with the word.

I use the word "explicit" most often to replace n*fw, because of tumblrs issues with the content, but i have and will still call such content all three: you won't catch me calling it sex/porn etc because i find it personally a lot to mentally handle. I imagine a lot of these other words being used aren't only because of someone wanting to come up with other ways to write the terms, but for reasons like mine, where the words are disconcerting.

i get a similar feeling whenever someone says a character/person is "hot/sexy", i hate it, idk how to feel about it, it feels uncomfortable, but i absolutely agree that the person/character looks good! but you won't catch me ever calling anyone/anything by those.

like, there's a long list of terms i hate but are completely normal for the average person. You will not see me using them, but i don't judge you for it. i know its normal and i'm not out here to control your lives.

however i see so many people getting annoyed at these "cringier" word choices and i gotta say, live a little. embrace some cringe. it's not gonna kill you to see them just as it doesn't kill me to see descriptions in writing going on about cock and balls like its some elegant poetry.

let people live. enjoy your own life. i'll stick to saying slit, you stick to saying vagina. i'll stick to saying length, you say cock.

but stop making fun of people for it.

stop telling people they're doing it for no good reason.

obviously, you will never know if someone else identifies with what i've said.

so you shouldn't judge strangers and say they're ashamed and/or what they're saying is cringe- i fucking love explicit content. i get happy/excited about it too. i just do it differently in the way that makes me comfortable.

If you're uncomfortable with me using words that make me comfortable, then that's a you problem, i'd say.

#sasu speaks #just my two cents #talking about words and cringe related to them #i think i reread this enough to spot all my errors but if i missed something well i give. i'll fix it later #i still don't have a good way to explain my reaction to those words #it could have something to do with my childhood not being great or even just the fact i'm demisexual so i hate the over-familiar feeling #Could be anything. but it shouldn't be anyone's business as long as no one gets hurt!

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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 2 years

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Which do u think has been ur most iconic anon ask akakqjqk

my most iconic anon ask...? Damn, I dunno sksks

Y'know how many anon asks I've answered since starting this blog? with all the themed nights I had? When you go to my blog and go to the #asks tag, there's over 200 pages soooo I honestly don't know if I can give you *the* definitive iconic anon ask.

Also, what do you mean when you say iconic? Are we talkin' the most memorable? and is it in a positive or negative light? because not gonna lie, anon, the anons that I remember the most are negative. Isn't that how it always goes? You could get 10 asks, 9 positive experiences and 1 negative and it's that one negative that's gonna stick with ya. Awesome, right?

I do think I have an experience with a certain set of anons from the same person that I suppose you could say is "iconic" or memorable in a shitty way? In fact, they're a set of anons that I never even publicly answered.

I believe I shared some of the story once before when I was promoting The Writer's Guild? But not the whole story, just the part that explained why people had to directly message me if they wanted to join.

I dunno, maybe it'll be good to fully share this, get it off my chest and all that. It's probably the most bizarre thing to happen to me in this fandom, and not a good bizarre.

Y'know how I used to do T5F on this blog? They were a lot of fun, I loved making them! But, the very first one I ever did about the top 5 dumbest things about TFS not only got me yelled at by an anon, but they kinda sorta spied on me in an old discord chat. It's a wild story, most of the chat was present for it and it was an overall uncomfortable and unbelievable night.

I wish I had taken screenshots but it didn't occur to me at the time, and I'm not apart of that chat anymore for this reason, but you can even ask @pi-creates or anyone else who was present.

So, the reason this anon was upset with me and this T5F I posted was a joke I made about Violet.... because of course this all happened because of Violet sksksk. I don't exactly have a happy history when it comes to interacting with hardcore Violet stans, they don't really care for my takes on her character or her relationships.

The 4th entry on that post was about Abel's shotgun and how it doesn't make sense that Louis was the only one hit by it. I said the following:

"Soooo…. I guess the buckshot swerves around and above Violet to ONLY hit Louis? Like, I know she ducks a bit but I still feel like something should’ve nicked her as well?? At least?? Like, are lesbians immune to shotguns and that’s why nothing hit Violet?? Am I only learning this now??"

I made this joke as a way to show how absurd the whole thing with Abel's gun was, I was being hyperbolic, didn't think twice about it, right? I post the T5F, it's well received, I'm already planning for the next week's T5F.... but then I got the first anon. It was mostly in all caps yelling at me for being lesbophic, hating Violet, telling me to shut the fuck up and get out, etc.

Here's the deal, if this person was genuinely upset with my bad throwaway joke about Violet, then that's fair. If they had sent me an ask that was like "Hey, that joke you made about Violet made me uncomfortable, you shouldn't make jokes about lesbians like that, especially if you're not a lesbian." then I would've responded with an apology and a promise to do better. Because yeah, I am truly sorry if that did rub some the wrong way, and I've tried to watch myself, make sure I'm not making jokes like that after this whole thing happened, getting second opinions, doing what I can to not make anyone else feel uncomfortable.

That person didn't do that, they were aggressive and I've learned that aggressive anons are not worth responding to, so I didn't. But back in that old discord server, I used to share those anons with the group and we would talk about them. This person sent me another ask that was super passive aggressive, I remember it going something like, "hey bestie when are you going to respond to my ask calling you out for being lesbophic?" which I shared with the group to get their take on the joke and this anon.

As we discussed this, more anons kept coming in from the same person, all about the same thing, written the same way, all aggressive.

It stopped being all fun and games when the asks started responding to the things I was saying in the chat. We figured out that either this person was in our chat, or someone in chat was sending them everything I was saying.

What's funny is we all had a clear guess on who it was- someone joined the server under the most generic name of like "Anna Smith," they had clouis fanart as their picture, and they were never online... until that night. That night was the first time they have ever shown up as online, they were online the entire time we were talking about this, and when Pi messaged them, they responded but then went offline and the asks stopped coming in.

Like... cut and dry, right? They got caught. It was clearly this random person who was never online, who never interacted with us, who randomly joined and was in the server for I dunno... weeks?

Maybe it was them. I don't actually know and I never will, and it made me so paranoid to be in the group that I eventually left.

But the part that gets me the most? This anon made me feel like I had to explain myself to the chat about my sexuality, something I never shared here on tumblr or with the group for personal reasons.

The ask that kickstarted the realization that this anon was spying on our chat simply asked "are you wlw?"

which again, I didn't publicly answer, but brought to chat because I was pretty sure this person was expecting/hoping for me to say I'm straight so they could have their "GOTCHA" moment, y'know? or they got ahead of themselves and had an "oh shit, what if she's not straight?" moment after calling me lesbophobic, a bitch, whatever other insults they called me that I can't remember.

After I shared that, I felt like I had to justify my sexuality? in a way? I don't know how to describe it, it felt a little bit like I was in a corner with ample room to get out but I had to decide which direction to go but once I went, there was no going back. I was worried that my friends would end up thinking that I was just some straight person making jokes about lesbians, that I didn't respect queer women because I wasn't giving the anon what they wanted... So I told the truth that yeah, I am wlw, I'm bisexual.

Then I got an ask that was something like "and being bi isn't the same as being lesbian, you can't talk about lesbians" so on, they said something about how no one jokes about Clementine's bisexuality [which isn't true, people joke about Clementine being bi all the time and if I had made the same exact joke about Clem instead of Violet, then I bet that anon wouldn't have said anything to me] so don't make them about Violet, same stuff they've said before... which set off alarm bells because it was almost like they saw exactly what I typed in chat.

It's just not something I put on display, y'know? My bisexuality is mine, it's personal, and that was definitely not the way I wanted to tell my friends in chat but it's how it went, it's how people found out, and now here we are.

I'm pretty sure all of us were weirded out, uncomfortable, it was.... an experience, lemme tell you.

....so does this count as iconic? sksksks

I know this probably wasn't the answer you were looking for but hey, if I have to give my most memorable anon[s], then that one takes it.

#asks #y'know what I'm not even gonna tag violet #usually i tag every character i mention in my posts but not for this story sksksks #it still baffles me like i have so many questions and i will never get answers to *why* this was even a thing #but i was right it did feel good to get it off my chest #i was thinking about this the other day and i dunno i guess good job to that anon? you became *iconic*#i dunno what your plan was but if that was it then a gold star on your forehead sksksks

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antipolin · 3 months

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But don’t you think Nicola is only not posting photos with Luke Newton because she’s probably been told not to? Like I’m sure Netflix or shondaland have warned her not to post too much or possibly at all with him before promos “officially” start. That lady from vogue even said on Twitter that Nicola and LN have photos and even movies together that they’re just waiting to release.

Which to your point doesn’t really explain why she hasn’t posted anything herself or Claudia or LT (aside from half his face in that snl photo), but those two are very much hermits and it’s possible LN had to legit drag and force those two to even be in a single photo or go to a game, and maybe LN has that relationship with them that he can be that pushy with them but Nicola doesn’t and she doesn’t want to push boundaries.

No offense but that's the DUMBEST excuse I've ever heard.

We already know they're the S3 leads. It's not a spoiler to assume they'd be doing promos together, but she's only posting photos of herself. This isn't Polin's or even Colin's (the ACTUAL Bridgerton) season. It's Penelope's and Nicola's.

Be serious anon. She's a narcissist and needs to be the center of attention as much as possible.

Saying shit like: "LT is a hermit and doesn't want to be in photos" is an insane thing to say when he was in a million photos and videos from events, parties, stage doors with fans, etc when he was in A Little Life.

Excusing her actions because you think she's some innocent flower is annoying as hell. She's not.

#anon #asks

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the-firebird69 · 11 months

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Watch "The dark side of David Crosby: the Drug Years - Wooden Ships, 1983" on YouTube

youtube

You think you're under the influence of the matrix this that and the other thing and no that's not what it is. You want to hurt our son and a triangle sorts of things anything it gets you stuff and that's ridiculous one person that's also stupid. Well you are isn't that and dangerously stupid and we need to get rid of you warlock this is the dumbest thing we've heard you do and you've been prepping for months to try and get the shield down and instead you want to try and do what you feel that the whole time you don't even get close well we'll have to wake him up haven't posted you all died and he's going to laugh at you tomorrow cuz you have to do all this work for nothing and you either spoiled little losers that you say you are I'm going to kill you all because you went after the clan to see told you you were stupid and you f***** it up again Ken tells you all the time and protecting him too and the two big fellows and we're fighting with Max to get rid of you I'm putting on an order now to go after every single one of you so we don't have to hear anything tonight

Thor Freya

I have to see you dead BGA you need to leave you are so damn stupid I don't believe that I've ever seen anything this horrible in my life you don't even want to try fighting you need to commit suicide here you need to leave I'm going to come in there and get you and all the other idiots you're not leaders you're pukes in your AI freaking spazzes and that's what you're spazzing out about the future he took all your AI all of it and it took days and others and you don't have that and yours is a little baby program by comparison so looking at him and saying your hours you can't even touch him they just sit here dying because it's not how it works he has an army that has to do contrary intelligence and kind of signal and you don't know how it works you get jammed on the radio it's the same thing but it's really computer stuff I don't know if you know about it so you send that to them on stage and I'll send that getting very sour and mean so yeah it's full of you it's fooling you it doesn't matter we're stuck in the situation where you're such a f****** idiots and him fool you in trouble and he's getting us in trouble cuz you're so God damn stupid he said that too and I believe it the reaction was who cares about him then so just keep killing you cuz you're moron it's not right what you're saying you don't know what's going on they're going to put you out put you away probably worse and you're feeling this f****** piece of s*** and put him in the housing no you're wrong I tried developing some plans they messed them up completely no no they know better they know better better than who this is the prettiest shield though I have this wicked plan and PGA decides to f*** it all up is this this terrible I'm trying to get you out and fight everybody and these assholes are useless as hell I'm saying that too it's not the red code stuff we think it's foreigners it says it probably is they turned it around now the red coat thing is reverse and that's how it goes but why would they do that it would be fighting three people of our own instead of two I certainly see something there's something wrong with you f******

Mac

#Youtube

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ghcstvalleychief · 2 years

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i..don’t know if this is slightly controversial or not. while i think a lot of people are having fun on twitter MA wise..i do get a bit concerned with some of the things i see. especially with some of the things people reply or @ to MA. (A deleted an older tweet today in relation to Mile and I am mostly sure it was because people were uh, flooding his notifications/mentions (being extreme) following the whole bro / lost in translation context.) + (people constantly getting rlly weird towards Mile and accusing him of qbaiting…having a girlfriend…etc etc)

like they both enjoy interacting with fans and such but i do think people need to be careful with how they interact with MA as well. and just u know..remember boundaries too??

while we all know MA are close and have a wonderful relationship in whatever way..i do kind of worry future wise in terms of how fans may react if dating does happen with someone else / if they go without interacting for x amount of time. (like..people already get upset and i mean rlly upset when they are spotted with someone else or not attached at the hip??? people insisting that mile has a gf when he said he is single and it’s like..if you can’t trust in those words,,,if you can’t trust in that more than once, MA have shown to everyone [not that they have to anyways] that they enjoy each other, that they have a close bond, that they keep things to themselves bc they are private and etc, they have routines with their whole phone calls, etc etc etc) (also just bc they may go without interacting sometimes or aren’t spotted together..does not mean they aren’t close. social media is not everything. it’s a mere fraction of what we see. hell, some of the content we have gotten is bc a fan saw them walking together or doing something together. they just don’t share it which is their right + valid as well as the fact they don’t need to broadcast that they are texting!! hanging!!! whatever!! for their bond to be valid tbh) and that literally goes for any friendship / relationship / etc too. i genuinely don’t think fans will fare very well. they don’t right now…but i do think it’s possible it could get worse.

If it's not posted to social media, then it didn't happen, right? That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard in my life, but a lot of people buy into that narrative for some reason. Some people believe that posting things to social media validates certain friendships and relationships and it really doesn't. It has nothing to do with that, and I'm glad that MA are old enough to understand that they don't have to post every single thing they do together on social media. Frankly, it's none of our business. I know social media has made people believe that everyone has a right to your life in every way possible but they don't. No one has a right to your life.

But I did see that one tweet Apo deleted. I was slightly shocked that he ended up deleting it, but it's interesting to note that he realized what was happening at all. Which means he's definitely on Twitter more than people think. But I've been saying this since forever - they see everything. There's not a thing they probably don't see, and that's what people need to understand when they're @ing them and quote retweeting their tweets.

This is why I continuously bring up boundaries when I talk about MA, because the reason this shit keeps happening is due to people not respecting their boundaries here. Even if they were involved (I'm not saying one way or another), there's no way they're going to put that on social media because some fans have already proven they don't respect the line between them and MA. I worry about their potential future significant others too, because the fans are weird about things like that and they can't wrap their minds around the fact that they don't know them. We know Kinn and Porsche, but we don't know Mile and Apo. We only know what they allow us to see, which isn't much to begin with.

On the other hand, these fans should probably tread lightly with what they do. Mainly because there have been real life male pairings/duos that altogether stopped interacting with each other in public and on social media because the fans made things awkward for them. So if the former argument won't stop these people, then maybe they should look at it from that angle. Certain sub groups of rabid fans started real life shipping certain pairings and those pairings eventually stopped talking to each other altogether. It's the Lo*is/H*rry or D*nPh*l of it all. The act of shipping them wasn't the thing that ruined these relationships; it was the way the fans reacted and treated them due to the shipping that caused issues.

#anonymous #answered asks

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tealseer · 3 years

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feeling Especially crazy having a tantrum over nothing and checking to see your period is due soon 🤪 hashtag just little hysteria things!

#been irritable and set off by my dad buying a months worth of packs of yogurt smoothies #like its so stupid but he fucking always does this says put whatever you want on the list then complains abt having to find it #too lazy to just buy it every now and then so he will fucking stock up and then Inevitably i get sick of whatever it is #bc it gets to the point im trying to fucking keep up so the third goddamn box doesnt go bad but i get sick of whatever it is #and its wasted anyway!!!! fuck im more upset at how upset i am feeling particularly fucked up #but oh its probly just hormones and i feel double extra crazy bc i cant trust my own brain and emotions its so scary #probly jsut and honest mistake oh whopps didnt know there was alrdy a box in there and its not like theyll go bad that quickly but man #i feel dumb i shouldn't even post this but i went from having fun playing video games to 8( turbo bad time mood swing #i still miss my kitties id pet them in times like these which leads me down the thought spiral of how i didnt cherish the time w them enoug #i need to move out but my father has done such a shitty lazy half assed job of raising me to be an adult #either that or he's done an excellent job making a person just as emotionally stunted and unmotivated and pathetic as him #this probably isn't even the dumbest thing I've ever posted #moving on

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ally-writes-many-things · 4 years

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Secret Voight (Jay Halstead) S2 Part 1

Summary: The team finally knows that Y/N is Voight's daughter. One secret is out but theres still one secret that's not out. Y/N and Jay's relationship. Will that stay a secret or not? I mean Voight always finds out about things, right? Season two of Secret Voight starts now.

Words: 3179

Requested: yes

Prompts:

Warning or A/N: I'm so sorry it took so long! Been busy with work. But I'm working on part 2 as I'm posting this!

I stood there with my arms crossed looking at my half brother, unimpressed. The only thing that has changed about him from the last time I saw him was his height. "Y/N! Come on!"

You looked away from him, trying to figure out what to say before you looked back at him. "Come on, nothing. I'm not feeding into your habit,"

Justin looked at you as if you had slapped him. "Fine, whatever. You had never helped me and didn't care about me. You only cared about impressing dad and that why you got applied to be on Intelligence,"

You just sat there looking at him like he was the dumbest person on the planet. "Justin, you can try to guilt me all you want but I'm not gonna change my mind,"

He huffs and walked away but stop midway to whoever's car was parked behind him. "You know, you're just like dad,"

Your dad may do some shady things but he is loyal. You rolled your eyes and walked to your car and got into it and screamed out in frustration. When you met Justin, he was alread to lost and you were never clicked with him as you were 'too much' like your father. Him and Voight didn't have a great relationship. You tried to help him over and over, gave him hundreds of dollars but he would blow them on stupid things and you had enough of it. You didn't know what he wanted this time but the way he looked and acted it wasnt anything good. You sighed and drove to 21st.

You walked into Intelligence and you saw Jay start to walk up to you, which you walked past him and to your father's office. His door was open, so you just walked into his office but shut the door. "You need to do something with Justin before he gets killed,"

Your father swirls around looked at you. "Not even a good morning?"

You rolled your eyes. "Good morning. You need to do something with Justin befoe he gets killed,"

Voight puts his hands together and just looked at you. You rolled your eyes. "He called me last night after. Did you know he got out early?"

Voight shook his head. "No. What did he want and when did he get out?"

"Like a month ago, he asked to meet up. The when we did asked me for money and dad, he doesn't look good,"

Voight just nodded and sighed. "Theres nothing anyone can do. I've tried. You've tried. Everyone has tried. Jail obviously didn't do anything,"

You were about to say something but Voight stopped you. "Dont worry about him. We got a case,"

You sighed in defeat, he walked to the door and opened it for you. You just looked at him for a minute before walking out and over to your desk. Voight walked to the middle of the room. "All right, there are two unrelated wire investigations. Surveillance followed three of area central's top-ranking gang targets to this house on Carpenter. Narcotics hasn't gotten anywhere with it, so command staff wants Intelligence on it. Roll out in five,"

Voight took a look around the room before coming downstairs. You grabbed your gun and badge from your desk and started to walk downstairs when Jay walked next to you. "Everything go okay with Justin?"

You didn't answer him and kept walking. Jay whistled. "I take that as a no,"

"You have that right,"

You got into Jay's passenger seat as he climbed into the driver's seat. You looked around to see if anyone was near the truck and no one was there. You leaned over to Jay and turned his head to face you and kissed him. He smiled within the kiss and placed his hand on your cheek. You pulled away after a fee seconds and looked at him. "Sorry, just wedded that,"

Jay shook his head and chuckled. "No need to apologize babe. It's always welcomed,"

You smiled as Jay turned on his truck.

----

You put the walkie up to your mouth and called the team. "We got the main eye,"

Voight came through next. "We're set up to the north. We got the south and a partial of the alley. If anyone goes mobile from the house, we're in position for a take-away. Oh and Ruzek, move closer. See if there's any movement in the house,"

At the same time I saw a someone walk up, Jay did too and he called it in. "Hold up. We got company,"

The guy started to pull something out and you noticed it was a gun before you could call it in, Atwater called it in. "Gun!"

We quickly got of the car and as soon as he did we were under attack. I don't know how lmany there were or how long it took, all I know was it was silent as it the gunfire crease. We walked into the house and started to clear the house. "Clear!"

You and Jay walked into the last room. "Police! Clear!"

You saw someone dead on the floor and other one that was alive. You took notice of the rest of the team coming in minus Ruzek and Atwater. "Hoodie's dead. This one's alive,"

You looked at Jay as you put the walkie to your lips once again. "Charlie 50-21, emergency,"

Voight looked at you like you were crazy. "What? He's gonna bleed out. We gotta put pressure on the wound,"

You pressed your finger back down on the walkie. "Shots fired by the police. Offender down,"

You heard Atwater call you guys into a room and when you got in there, you see specialize specialized ammunition "Cop killers,"

Ruzek stood up and was looking at something. "Hey, look at this,"

You walked over to him. "What do you got?"

"Insulin,"

"Somebody was a diabetic?"

"Or not. Is there a black market for this stuff?"

Jay walked up to us and grabbed the Insulin. "None that I've heard of. But you know what? It's a good place to hide a bullet, though. Nice work,"

-----

You walked up to the board and tapped two pictures on it and then turned to face the team. "This is Edward Jelko, the deceased street-level dealer. This is Peter Thomas Banfill, the offender, currently baking in a coma over at County. Jelko probably thought like we did that Banfill was sitting on something big, went over there to rip him off,"

Antonio walked up to the board and pinned more pictures on the board. "These are M995s, teflon-tipped, kevlar-penetrating rounds. Ballistics has them linked to several recent homicides. And we found 100 of these at the scene. It's for type R insulin, which is a Canadian designation and with any luck, our little surprise visit got the gun runners scrambling, which means they're gonna make mistakes, okay?"

Voight nodded and looked at all us. "Eyes open,"

---

You were typing on your computer, corssrefercing things when Antonio comes back in after going out and talking to his C.I. "Hey! I found the source of the Insulin. A company near Toronto named Markham Medical Supply their sales rep makes a run here every other Thursday. He left at 5:00 this morning,"

You stood up from your chair and walked over to Antonio. "I'm guessing they have tracking numbers on all their products?"

Antonio looked at you. "Yep,"

Voight walked over to you two and nodded. "All right, get those tracking numbers, locate him on GP, and- you already did that,"

Antonio smiled. "Yep, Atwater and Burgess are en route tracking the signal,"

You held out your fist for Antonio to fist bump it and he does. "Nice,"

You were walking to the car to where Burgess and Atwater said they found a body. "This is definitely our sales rep. George Wilenko, 41. He's been with Markham Medical for 17 years. No record, fully bonded, has border clearance. This guy's not your typical smuggler,"

Al pointed at a cup. "You notice the cup?"

You looked over at the cup and saw a lipstick stain. "Lipstick on the lid,"

Jay and you had picked up the wife and had her in the break room after telling her, her husband was found dead. "My mother always called it Murder City but the first time we visited, I fell in love with Chicago. The lake, the river walk. George and I went to the top of the Willis tower. God, I just I can't believe it. Why would someone kill my husband?"

Jay sighed and looked at her. "We think that he was smuggling guns into the country,"

The wife looked at us like we were beyond mental. "George?"

You nodded. "He wasn't killed over Insulin. And on his last trip here, we think his vehicle was filled with these,"

You pointed over at Jay and Jay sat a bullet down on the sink. The wife looked like she was gonna faint. "I'm hallucinating. This isn't happening,"

"Five people have already been killed by them,"

The wife wasnt believing anything we said. "Look, you don't get it. George would never do that ever,"

"How often did you make the trip down with him?"

"Every couple of months. We always stay at the Sofitel. I shop. That's why he dropped me off. They don't have Bloomingdale's in Canada,"

You and Jay share a knowing look.

You and Jay were at Jay's desk, checking out the story that the wife told us wien Antonio comes back into Intellegnce. We got somethin'. These are our bullets. Can you believe the velocity of these things? Forensics traced one round that went through the TV, through the wall, ended up halfway through the engine block of an ice cream truck parked across the street,"

Voight nodded. "Seven homicides and counting,"

While you were listening to them, Jay was still digging. Our widow's lying. Her cell phone provider said she was never at Bloomingdale's. She spent the afternoon up in Edgewater,"

You and Jay walked back into the break room where she was sitting with the door closed. "We're gonna get real honest real quick. Do you recognize these men?"

Jay laid down the photos of the victim of the cop killer bullets. "Oh, my,"

You were getting fed up with her. "Yeah, neither can we. His face was shot off by the bullets you and your husband brought into Chicago. You lied to us. You weren't browsing Bloomingdale's. You were in Edgewater. You and your husband had a nice run, right? You start off with something simple like x or kush, and you got greedy, and you upgraded to gun-running. You got George killed, which makes you an accessory to his murder,"

Jay took a step in front of you at this point. "Y/N,"

You just looked at him but moved so he wasn't in the way anymore. "So we're gonna try this again, only this time the truth,"

She sat down andsighed. "I was visiting a friend. - An ex-boyfriend,"

You rolled your eyes. "If you're gonna lie, put some effort into it for me,"

The wife gave me the I'm not lying look. "Call him. He'll tell you,"

Jay placed a pen and a piece of paper on the table and pointed at it. "Name, number. I want you to take me through your entire day, every stop you made, every person you talked to, everything you did,"

"I already told you,"

You out your hands on the table. "Tell me again,"

She nodded. "We were on the road by 4:30. Didn't stop till we crossed the border just past Ann Arbor. Got some coffee, some gas. Used the washroom. George got a phone call from our nephew-"

You stopped her there. "Who's the nephew?"

"He lives here. He likes to meet up with George Oh, God, Mikey doesn't know,"

You look at her. "Does Mikey have a last name?"

She nodded.

Jay walked up to the board and tapped a picture up as you pointed at it. "Michael Ganz, lives in East Garfield Park, has a record: robbery, possession. Runs with a small crew,"

Jay nodded. "Claire's ex-boyfriend checks out right down to the five hundred bucks,"

The tech analysts came in and stands in the middle of the room. "Got a ping on Ganz's phone, pulled all the numbers he's called in the last 24 hours. All the calls were to the same numbers, a cell phone registered to a Lucky M Pawn and Loan - in Gage Park,"

Al pointed at the tech person. "Lucky M. I know that ding-dong,"

Antonio nodded. "We'll go talk to him. Come on,"

----

Jay left to do something in which he didn't tell you what so you left to go and grab a cup of good coffee. You were coming out of the shop when you saw Justin across the street trading money for something. You placed your coffe cup on your car and walk over to where Justin was. Justin didn't see you til the moment you reached over and grabbed what was in his hand. It was drugs. You gave me a dirty looked before crushing them into dust and throwing them into the dumpster next to you. "Y/N! What the hell?"

You didnt even acknowledged him and started to walk away but he grabbed your arm. You instantly reached over with your free hand and punched him in the face. "Don't ever grab me like that,"

Justin recovers fast as he walked up to you. "Dont throw away something that isn't yours,"

You resisted the urge to strike him again. "Is that why you wanted to borrow money? To buy drugs?"

Justin didn't answer you. You pursed your lips together. "Thought so. You just got out of jail, Justin. Do you want to go back?"

Justin looked at you quickly. "Are you gonna arrest me?"

You shook your head. "With what evidence? I just destroy it. So no, I'm not but the next thing I see you buying or using any type of illegal substances, I will. Now get out of here,"

Justin takes one last look at you before walking away. You sighed as your phone started to ring. You reached into your pocket and answered it. "Voight,"

----

You, Burgess, Atwatter, Voight, the IT person were sitting in the surveillance van after Al got into a car with the suspect. He was calling out directions when his phone got tossed out the window. It was a few minutes after his phone got tossed when they finally stopped. Now we are just waiting for the takedown word. "It's just like Christmas morning,"

That was it, you all jump out of the car and move into the bulding. "Police!"

You and Jay walked around the bulding as you see two people hiding southwest, you called it out to Burgess and Atwater.

---

You sighed as you finished up the paperwork from the case and placed it in a file on your desk. Jay had already left and so did the rest of the team besides Voight. You get up from your desk and grabbed your jacket. You walked over to Voight's office and knocked. Voight turned and looked at you. "I'm headed home,"

Voight nodded. "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. I love you,"

You nodded and said I love you too.

---

You walked up to the door and knocked. It was a few seconds befor you heard feet shuffle to the door, you smiled as your grandmother opened the door. "Its late. Everything okay?"

You nodded. "Yeah, I just wanted to come over and I know it's late but I missed you,"

Your grandmother pulled you into the house and then into a hug. She led you into her kitchen where you sat in a chair at the table. She walked over to the coffee pot and turned it on. "How's your father?"

You shrugged. "Same as ever. Jobs going good as well,"

You two didnt say anything else until the coffee was done. She grabbed the pot and a cup. She poured some of the coffee into the cup and sat down. "Are you gonna tell me what's bothering you or am I gonna have to guess?"

You sighed and took a sip of your coffee. "Justin is out of jail,"

She gives you a look, you give her the same one back. "Yeah, I know. Early release. Today, I caught him buying drugs and instead of arresting him. I destroyed the drug and gave him a choice. I know what I was wrong but he's my half brother. I cant let him drown,"

She sits her coffee down on the table and looked at me. "You have a big heart but sometime you gotta let people fall,"

"Its hard grandma,"

"I know but in the long run itll be better for everyone,"

---

You wake up to your phone going off, you groaned and rolled over and you saw that it was a text from Justin.

From: Justin

Thanks for not ratting me out. Dad set up a dinner, you're coming.

You sighed and texted him back.

To: Justin

What if I have plans?"

From: Justin

Cancel them.

You looked at Justin and then at Voight at the table and sighed. You didnt want to be here, you rather be laying in bed wrapped up in Jay's arms. "So this guy comes across the yard. He's all skeezed out on crystal or something and he says, he says, chicken pot pie. Like I'm supposed to know what that is, right? So my boy looks at him, points back at the block and he says, that way. Did not matter what this cat was on. He just doubles back to where he came from lickety-split, you know what I'm saying?"

You pursed your lips together as Voight looked at his son. "Hey, J, listen, I got some news. Um I had to pull some strings, but I got you in at the CTA,"

"That's where that's where city workers send their loser relatives,"

Justin looked at you for help but you shrugged. "It's a job. And it'll help you get back on your feet,"

He gives you a look which you ignored. "You know you sound more and more like him every day, right?"

You rolled your eyes. "You start Monday,"

"Okay, pop, sure,"

Voight's phone started to ring and he gets up to take it. "Excuse me, I gotta take this,"

You and Justin didn't talk while he was gone. He comes back and placed money on the table for the check and looked at you. "We gotta roll,"

#jay halstead x you #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead x reader #jay halstead #chicago pd #kevin atwater #antonio dawson #kelly Burgess #adam ruzek #hank voight #secret voight

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thereal-dj215 · 4 years

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I gave social media a break cuz it was really starting to look like a place where mostly everyone came to complain, cry, speculate, assume, showoff, and pretend to be something that we weren't, and I was guilty of it to. So if my 14 year old daughter doesn't even have a Facebook account by choice then I think I can give it a break for a lil. And it's not because she's not allowed to have social media that she doesn't participate. It's because she realized right away what it was, and even worse where it's going. And that's what made me take a real hard, honest look at myself, and what I been doing as far as the negative energy I been putting out into the world. And let me first be clear, I'm not accusing everyone of using social media that way, but let's be honest. I'm just guessing, probably 80% of what we post and see on social media sites is bullshit, lies, propaganda, fiction, and I can go on, but you get what I'm trying to say. That's what we're wasting our time on, instead of using that time to better ourselves, and the world around us. That's what we're filling our heads with, and even worse its what our children are filling their heads with, and we're allowing it, basically telling them that it's okay to believe everything you see on social media. It's okay to treat people the way a lot of people are treated these days on social media sites. I've heard parents try to explain to me their logic behind them thinking "social media isnt that bad for the children", And I'm overreacting, "it's really not that deep" they say to me. I'm just gonna give one example but I've heard worse then this but I heard a parent say "it's doesn't mean anything, or it's ok for lil Johnny to treat someone with evil intent, bully, or make fun of other people on social media because it's only a computer".............. If your jaw isn't already stuck wide open in shock I'll wait a little longer for that comment to sink in..........

Ok, isn't that just the dumbest, most naive thing you ever heard? What's even crazier then that is that a lot of people actually think like this. Their is another human being on another computer, phone, laptop, what ever smart device that is reading that. Someone else's daughter, or son. Please try and think about that. And definitely think about that with even more concer before whatever it is your about to post, share, or comment on because you really can't say how many people possibly are going to see it and we have to be more mindful of that. I'm gonna stop here cuz I can go on for ever on this topic, and all different directions with this. I definitely will continue to post more of my thoughts like this in the days to come. But I'm asking you to do just a couple easy things during these crazy times we ARE ALL going through.. Turn off the news, stop watching/listening to all the Coronavirus hoopla for at least a half hour. I would recommend more time but really this can help even if you do this for a half hour each day.

1st. Go on social media, and scroll down your wall and really try and pay attention to all the different posts, examine everything, the messages, the messengers, the reactions/comments, the language used, the ages of the people of some of the comments that catch your eye. Really pay attention, and do this all with an open mind and being true to yourself.

2nd. Now, ask yourself. And again really try to be honest, because your only fooling yourself in the end.. Is this something that is good for humanity? Should children be allowed to navigate on these social media sites freely and without any kind of proper training (that's a whole topic I'll get into another time), ask yourself is this really something that is helping humanity in a positive way, or is it hurting us?? Seriously, their is no right or wrong answers. This is all a matter of opinion, and who knows, (my ultimate goal) We can learn something from all this if we are true to ourselves, and respectful, and open to others opinions. Another question I almost always find myself asking when I login to my social media, Am I going to finally not see a negative, disrespectful comment or post today, because theirs never been a time when I logged on to social media sites at least for 10 mins and could say, Finally, a day where everyone was nice and respectful today. No one's feelings got hurt, and Everyone told the truth.(another goal I want to achieve).

Now this has always been on my mind. I have a lot of mixed emotions about social media, and let me say this, not everything on social media is negative. It has its moments, but let's be real. Their few and far between. Since this Virus,(I refuse to say the whole word ever again) has lead us to social distance ourselves physically from each other, and the government pretty much stopped and we were forced to stay inside. Here's another one of my wild guesses, I'm It's prolly just easier to say we have increased our social media use a lot more . So I've had a lot more time to really get to know myself, and others as well, and I'm including human beings as a whole in that. I'm guilty of this to. But we really need to take a look at how were acting, what were saying to each other, what were teaching our kids and that means what were letting them think it's okay for them to just log onto a site that you really don't know who's on the other end of one of them mean, disrespectful, or even positive comments aimed to lure them in for all the wrong reasons.

Ok ok I'm rambling.. . I think I heard this on Jerry Springer show ages ago..Lol

My Final Thought: "Be mindful of what we say on the internet, and how we say it. Pay more attention to what our kids are looking at on the net as a whole not just social sites. Let them know not everything, and everyone is truthful on there. But this most of all and why I originally started this post, WE NEED TO BE HONEST AT ALL TIMES TO OTHERS, OUR CHILDREN, but most of all, OURSELVES....

This was started mostly as a form of meditation for myself because writing is one of the few things that relaxes me. Another reason was Im always in protection mode for my daughter. And to take my mind off all the Coronavirus BS, and all while doing that I always hope I'm helping others in some way. Thank You,

D.J.

Feel free, I encourage you to comment, leave your thoughts, and share this with others please. If you wanna help others like I do then please share this, cuz that will help me to continue to write, and better myself and hopefully reach others that don't know certain things and get something from this...

#keepingit100 #meditation #howifeelisreal #realone #uownyourbrain #savehumanity #makeyourmark #scaredishealthy #pain=life

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psicomma-s-very-secret-lab · 5 years

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#ask.1 : Shaun and Tony

(For some reason the askbox on this blog doesn't work so I guess if you've got asks about the characters you can just DM me your question and I'll do a screenshot and answer in a regular post)

@ramblingpolkadots sent me that and I gotta say it's a very interesting topic to me since the relationship between Tony and Shaun is very decisive during Blindsight.

First of all, that friendship is the most incongruous thing given the circumstances where Tony and Shaun met.

Tony is the son of Gene Nocenti, one of Chester's enemies. Blindsight begins shortly after Shaun and Ani get attacked by some guys affiliated to the Nocenti clan during a night out. Both of them manage to get out alive; Shaun got beaten, and Ani got shot in the leg, but all their opponents winded up dead or severely injured. It was the case of Silver Nocenti, Gene's youngest son and Tony's dear baby brother. He wasn't supposed to be here that night- Silver was stabbed in the face by Ani and died after a few days at the hospital.

Of course, the vendetta was de rigueur for the Nocentis, but Tony is the one to be truly upset about Silver's passing. His death ravaged him; Silver was the only good soul in that family of rascals and he most definitely did not deserve to go first. That's why avenging him becomes a personal business for Tony.

While the rest of the clan was busy pressuring Chester aka. Pluto to get him to deliver the whore that committed the offense, Tony investigated on his own and ended up finding Ani's phone, that she had lost during the infamous night of the attack.

He manages to track them down and finds the apartment where Shaun and Ani were hiding and attacks them at the moment when they least expect it. While Tony was clever enough to find Shaun and Ani on his own, he didn't have the presence of mind to tell anyone what he was up to and going solo was definitely not a good idea since the attack failed and he ends up being captured and held hostage by Shaun.

At that point, things get weird, and uncomfortable as fuck. Ani can't look at Tony in the eye because the guilt is killing her; she never meant to kill a man, she never thought she could do such a thing, it was an accident. And of course Tony can't look at Ani either because even though the sorrow and the rage are eating him from inside, he knows the moment he lays his eyes on her that yes, she's telling the truth, she didn't mean to do that, and yes, it was an accident. That girl is harmless. Worse than that; she's actually a good person, offering to take care of his wounds, bringing him food and everything. It would've been so much easier if she had been crazy, unstable, violent... But he couldn't put the blame on her. Ani's kindness even reminded Tony of Silver and he knew that killing her to avenge him would not only make him feel worse but also would be the dumbest thing to do ever.

Shaun believes that the capture of Tony will make the Nocentis change their mind and that they'd finally be willing to give up on Ani. What Shaun didn't expect is that Tony is the black sheep of the clan; as an illegitimate son of the big boss, he has a lot less value than his brothers. The negotiations go on for a few days and that's when Shaun and Tony get to know each other and realize they actually have a lot in common.

Shaun and Tony more or less have the same job. They both got blood on their hands, and they both follow the orders of a fatherly figure. They're not professionals; they're naturals- in the way that they grew up in violence, and both their families had been involved in criminal activities for generations before they were born, so they're that kind of guys who never really got the choice. They're both driven by rage, (Tony's rage is contingent though, unlike Shaun's rage which is pathological and chronic) and feel guilty for the unspeakable things they've done in the past. Also, neither of them condone violence against women.

Last thing they've got in common is boxing. Shaun started boxing when he was 13, and Tony started boxing and wrestling at 8 (the only thing that ever made his dad proud of him tbh) and believe it or not, even if he's one inch or two shorter than Shaun, and a few pounds lighter, Tony is a much better fighter than him, and by far. Which is kind of a big deal, cause Shaun is pretty much of a killing machine.

They started to bond when Tony was in the living room, handcuffed. Shaun was punching a bag in "the white room" (an empty bedroom in the apartment that Shaun more or less rearranged into an exercise room- also the place where he locks himself up when he feels the rage kicking in) the door was half open and Tony could see Shaun's reflection in the mirror so he observed him and his shadow for a while before saying something like "Your legs are slow" loud enough so that Shaun could hear. Shaun slammed the door as an answer and that was the end of the first exchange.

But yeah as time goes by and they end up having no choice but to spend time with each other (cause someone's got to keep an eye on Tony who is, after all, a hostage). Tony understands that Shaun is his brother's puppet and that he didn't even want to be involved in the conflict he had with the Nocentis in the first place. Shaun understands that Tony isn't like the rest of his family and didn't approve of the way they retaliate in general.

At some point, Tony, worn out by the captivity, begs Shaun for a cigarette. He agrees to give him a cig, Tony takes a drag, nervously.

"So what is she to you exactly, huh?"

"What?"

"Ani. She's not your girl. Or at least not really am I wrong?"

"Not your goddamn business."

"I've seen you two arguing, bantering, making out, and I've heard you fucking like cats in heat for the past four days. I'm so involved I feel violated. I think we've crossed the “not-your-goddamn-business” line honestly."

"Why do you wanna know that anyway?"

"I don't know. You do nasty things for your brother, I do nasty things for my dad. Guys like us generally aren't allowed to care that much about someone."

"You cared enough about your brother to risk your life by coming here."

"It's not the same."

"It's exactly the same."

*There's a silence, Tony finishes his cigarette*

"Silver always thought of me as a role model. I always wanted him to have a good life, cause, well, he was good. Guess I fucked up. You wanted to keep Ani away from all your shit and you fucked up too. We're both shitty at protecting people we love."

Shaun left after a minute without saying anything. He went back an hour later throwing a blanket at Tony's face and going back to the bedroom.

I've got some more ideas for them during Blindsight: like I'm pretty sure at some point, Shaun will cut Tony loose for a sparring session and Tony's gonna beat his ass and Shaun will be like 'wtf?? I'm 20 pounds heavier than you!' - also Tony learns about Shaun being bisexual and he goes like 'oh. okay. good for you, man' and it's actually the first time Shaun saw a straight guy reacting like that after learning about his bisexuality. And it's thanks to that incongruous friendship Ani doesn't end up savagely murdered at the end of Blindsight. (I'm not elaborating on that cuz I don't wanna spoil! I still hope I'll be able to finish this story one day and that it will be available for you to read! ;__;)

Tony and Shaun are probably gonna meet again after Blindsight cause, well, I like these two together. And I like to imagine Ani being falsely jealous of Tony like "Huuuh you're going to see your boyfriend! :D"

#ask #blindsight #ocs #tony #shaun #an unexpected bromance #probably my fave crack pairing lol #the scene where they fight is so clear in my head #and the tony/ani relationship is cute too #anything involving tony is cute tbh #i mean i just think he's adorable that's all

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