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#this screencaps are bad but whatever
beastlymessofmine · 8 months
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they’re canonically matchy-matchy btw just a reminder
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thankstothe · 5 months
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everybody wants that hussy
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lallyloo · 1 year
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[x]
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nerice · 5 months
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GOOD MORNING KYOTO I HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE /PIECE OF SHIT
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niuxita21 · 1 year
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(✿ ♥‿♥) Drunk!Mariana Edition
Bonus: The adorable way she looks at Ana while trying to comfort her as best she can in her sleepy drunk state
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everquestskeleton · 8 months
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oh to elaborate on why I think that- that monologue Naomi gives at the end is genuinely rewiring my brain as we speak
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theatricalnebula · 5 months
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more utena text posts :)
[ID: Revolutionary Girl Utena screencaps overlaid with text posts.
Akio + "my students are the most diverse group of psychologically tormented people youve ever seen"
Mikage + @/gyuto: "in my evil fucking lab doing whatever the fuck"
Touga in the passenger seat beside Akio + @/fantasialuna: "being pretty in the passenger seat is just one of my many fortes"
Anthy smiling falsely + @/chaoticneutralcunt: "girl who is sitting in a chair quietly with a neutral expression actually screaming very loudly in her head"
Anthy smiling falsely while hiding a saw behind her back + @/storm-of-feathers: "oh teehee I'm in a silly goofy mood (I am hanging on by a fucking thread)"
Utena and Anthy reaching out across their semicircular beds which face each other + "if you ever feel embarrassed just remember that in middle school I tried to convince myself that I wasn't gay by making a compromise to myself to "only be gay at night""
Anthy with her glasses completely opaque while on the phone with Akio + @/melangedmess: "babygirl I can feel guilty in ways you can't even imagine"
Akio looking imposing + @/evilmario666: "I'm a reliable narrator. You can trust me"
Anthy stabbing Utena + ThatWolfdog @/thatwolfdog: "Gays be having bad breakups without even dating."
Anthy smiling after leaving Ohtori + "i could escape the narrative actually. rip to the rest of you but i'm going to get out of here."
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probablyhuntersmom · 1 year
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Hunter's Experiences After Belos's Death
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Oops, this got long. Aw well, it was really fun to write.
Special thanks to @ashanimus!
This is speculative at the end of the day, but since:
1. This is my fave animated show of all time
2. I grew up with Complex PTSD (CPTSD) like Hunter
3. I work as a therapist,
I thought to list down some things I can visualize happening in the duration of the finale's timeskip, before that beautiful epilogue we saw. And I want to dive in using whatever clues, leads and parallels I can find in canon: to analyze and see how he went from the Bad But Sad Boy to that peaceful-looking palisman carver in the epilogue.
A small reference I had for this meta is Cinema Therapy's episode on the Hunger Games movies (link), since the protagonist, Katniss Everdeen, from the book and also movie trilogy would have the same diagnosis as Hunter. Those books and movies explored how Katniss coped with the frightening and dramatically different landscape that was the calmness of her world post-victory.
Part 1: His Possible Experiences Leading Up to Seeking a Therapist
His disposition could possibly become like Luz's from early Season 3: a state of emotionally shutting down and numbing out. He appeared to nearly head in this direction right after he was revived by Flapjack, as he began to cry. There was that small window where he could have expressed more tears than he did, and have his body shut down under the weight of bereavement.
But the immediate physical threat, Belos, was still on the run. He got up, sprang into action and didn't catch a break from the time he followed Belos through the portal until he stood in The Collector's palace after Belos died (had he even received the news of his 'Uncle' dying yet??!).
Now that Belos isn't around anymore, the Isles will have a completely different feel and rebuilding the land would've taken grueling work after the dismantling of a damaging Coven System.
I was looking at Luz's behavior and gestures in Thanks to Them, which were indicative of her sinking into depression after 1. the horrible revelation in Hollow Mind that she unintentionally helped Philip. 2. witnessing Flapjack's death. I'm putting screenshots of her below in parallel with Hunter's own emotions in For the Future:
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They have different mental health conditions if you talk symptoms, e.g. Luz doesn't show signs of CPTSD hypervigilance, while Hunter doesn't have that slowing down in his physical and mental activity which points to depression. But both have suffered from moral injury thanks to Belos's violence and manipulation.
However, a major comparison is that Hunter has had much more repressed emotion over a long period compared to Luz. The column with Hunter screencaps above, is what he may feel with a much higher intensity in the weeks and months after he first hears that his abuser has passed on.
Shown below, the few seconds of Hunter's big smile drooping when it was all over, was a big hint for me:
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A hint that there is a deep undercurrent of emotions he'd much rather not feel, that he'd probably rather hide from himself. Even while smiling, we know how his heart-wrenching story has played out and the light in his eyes here doesn't match the brightness we see in his expressions in the epilogue, post-timeskip.
That is the face of a kid who has not cried out massive amounts of tears yet. He doesn't look like he's carrying a light load yet, compared to what we see in his future self. And it's certainly a heavier smile than the jollier one he makes here right after King's Tide when Flapjack was still around:
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I can't imagine the amount of grief that his body has yet to dredge up and release, once he finally doesn't have to worry about his 'uncle' threatening his life anymore. Too many times to count, I've been in the situation where I cry intensely after being retraumatized and think "Huh? More tears? Where did it come from?? I thought I had cried it all out from my whole being the last time!". It kind of convinced me that anyone with CPTSD has so much grief stored up in their body that the number of times needed to have a good cry feels like a really endless expanse.
However: because I had 7 years of being in and out of therapy, what matters is that the durations between these episodes of mine, the durations of the episodes themselves, plus their intensity have reduced a lot. It was around a 4-year timeskip in the finale, so for Hunter to get as far as he did to heal, his own therapy sessions would've probably been rigorous and very consistent.
Anyway, he might now cycle through his own version of what Luz cycled through when she gradually shuts down from failing to build a new portal door in Thanks to Them, continually believes she's as bad as Belos, and when she alludes to her suicidal ideation in the classroom:
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whereby there is a likely parallel between Luz wrestling with guilt from her own moral injury, and Hunter's own guilt from what he wished he could've done to prevent being possessed, to prevent Flapjack from dying. Both their situations are that of moral injuries.
The adrenaline rush would be over for everyone on the Isles.
I'm quite sure the therapists on the Isles will operate pretty soon after the news about Belos's death was out. They would conduct whatever version of mental health triage they have, that involves risk assessments and crisis counselling. Both of these based on what I've learnt are shorter in duration (30 minutes) and are one-off sessions, compared to regular talk therapy which is an hour minimum.
The therapists would be redirecting people to necessary resources e.g. where to find food or loved ones, and managing distress only related to people's immediate needs instead of forming a longer term plan for several weekly sessions.
I believe things are simpler when you are running away from an external threat, like the two Hunter scenarios below. In Hollow Mind there is no emotion on his face because in peak C-PTSD mode he has shut down his emotions to pour that energy into escaping Belos. In Thanks to Them, he appears quite obviously scared with widened eyes because he got comfortable with safety for months and Belos's return was a surprise attack (thanks ashanimus for pointing out to me how his expressions are animated!):
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But what is there to run from now? Not an external threat for sure. The war zone is now the one in his mind, heart and soul and it would become front and center. I believe both these screenshots are two notches on a dial, and the missing third image - which would show him finding it difficult to stuff down the grief any longer, might look like a more exasperated version of when he told Willow "Please don't call yourself [a Half-a-Witch] ever again" in For the Future, and eventually a more depressed version of his vanishing smile in The Collector's Palace.
When can he really run from himself? Only while asleep, if he's spared nightmares on any given night, or while distracting himself with the main mission of rebuilding the Isles or continuing to bond with his friends and other people.
His anger in For the Future was a telling sign for me that he made sure his focus was still on an external threat: he still had the opportunity to do so back then, because Belos was still alive. But when we see him in The Collector's palace sending Willow off to her dads, there has realistically been a shift in what will threaten the more fragile shreds of inner peace he's still clinging on to. There are those scary trauma-related emotions to worry about, which wouldn't have just evaporated into thin air. They would be looking for a new outlet, and they'll find their way into flashbacks, nightmares, tension still stored in the body, an exaggerated startle response, etc.
We have seen a range of reactions he has to danger, triggers and emotional pain: some involve moving his body more, and fewer involve a short of shutting down:
Flinching during Belos's tantrums, being able to fight Kikimora calmly, freezing up in the throne room (Hunting Palismen)
Suicidal ideation and even a sort of suicide plan (Eclipse Lake)
Freezing up and expecting punishment from Darius (Any Sport in a Storm)
Being able to stay almost entirely calm as he learnt more and more of the truth about Belos, though his hand was shaking briefly, then a panic attack later on (Hollow Mind)
Lots of avoidance symptoms like numbing, combined with hypervigilance e.g. shivering and another panic attack (Labyrinth Runners)
Feeling fear with underlying shame and subconsciously expecting punishment, when he failed to save Luz (Clouds on the Horizon)
Freezing and recoiling, though he fought against this by asserting a boundary with Belos (King's Tide)
Panic attack when looking into the mirror and having an emotional flashback, hypervigilance e.g. stamping his foot and shivering (Thanks to Them)
Anger and rage to cope with bereavement, later being tearful (For the Future)
Most likely a sense of bereavement, deep exhaustion and possibly loneliness, during that briefly shown moment in The Collector's Palace (Watching and Dreaming)
The serious work he has to put in to heal from his trauma would begin once his whole body gives in to the exhaustion, catching up with the bereavement-related emotions that have also begun to settle in. It could be a massive emotional and physical collapse that he can't fight off, where his physical energy levels become tanked seemingly out of nowhere. And I think it would look like a worse version of him lying in his makeshift grave, where he is barely able to move around the house or anywhere for some time.
This happened to Katniss in the Hunger Games trilogy, and while the portrayal was done differently in the books and movies, both were good explorations of what it's like to shift from the default high alert (and long-term) mode of CPTSD to coping with the scary unknown world of newfound safety. Katniss spent her childhood in poverty and being constantly on edge that she might be chosen for the Hunger Games, being parentified, to provide for her family.
While participating in the games, she had to utilize battle skills and kill others to survive and sustained many injuries, still constantly on high alert whereby any respite would last for incredibly short durations. Towards the end of the story, after she loses the one she loved most (her sister Prim, who I think can be a parallel of Flapjack in this meta), Katniss shifts from peak physical activity into mostly sleeping and being actively suicidal for months, hardly moving and not leaving the house, until the shock of traumatic grief began to wear off. She absolutely crashed and went from one extreme to the other. In the movie Mockingjay Part 2, they added a non-book scene where her grief comes out in an outburst when she sees their pet cat hanging around on the kitchen counter. She flings an object in the cat's direction, then screams "[Prim] is gone!!" repeatedly before collapsing into heavy sobs, picking up the cat and holding it to her chest to soothe herself.
This kind of major collapse might happen very soon to Hunter after he leaves The Collector's Palace or only after some weeks. The timing of this, I can't predict. The reason why he didn't appear to have this issue in the early months being in the human realm is because there was still something external to concentrate on: help his friends get back to the Human Realm, help Luz reunite with Eda and King, while him and Flapjack hoped to go home too.
You could argue that even now, he still has something external to focus on i.e. helping the others rebuild the Isles. However I keep imagining that the people who love him are going to be quite adamant in getting him, Luz and the other kids to please rest. Since we saw Steve recommend his therapist to Lilith in O Titan Where Art Thou, I can picture the adults in particular monitoring how Hunter is doing without Flapjack.
But if this collapse I'm speculating about doesn't happen so soon, he would be pouring himself into helping others, referencing his character-centric line all the way back in Hunting Palismen about wanting to offer help, which he utters twice in that episode. There is an overlap between this expectation he has of himself and the old habit he's at risk of falling back into periodically: overworking.
Once his desire to help others is clearly comes across as an avoidance tactic on the outside - a maladaptive coping mechanism to run from the very difficult emotions that he should be processing - people around him are definitely going to set boundaries and say "No" to any attempts he makes to assist them. Someone is probably going to tell him that whatever desperation he is showing in wanting to help other people, needs to be redirected at himself. Making time and space for himself, taking time off to rest.
Him suffering from a major emotional and physical collapse is pretty likely because things are more complicated (though, physically much much safer) for him now than at the beginning of Thanks to Them when he had just fled from Belos to the human realm, and had Flapjack as his closest company. Fast forward to the victory won in Watching and Dreaming: both Flapjack and Belos are gone now.
It's telling that different thoughts are occupying Hunter's mind now, from how his expressions are drawn during his first days in the human realm vs. when peace is restored in the Isles.
1. See the sense of calmer urgency in his expression, putting the mission of building the portal door first, while experiencing a strong sense of togetherness with his friends, and learning to trust Camila who is treating him well:
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compared to
2. the sheer exhaustion and feeling of "What now...?" (see his upper eyelids below?) that set in, once he helped Willow find her parents and there was no more task at hand that didn't involve himself. His bright smile from a split-second ago has drooped and disappeared:
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I know that right after the above frame, Darius and Eberwolf reunited with him, but his emotions are going to cycle up and down in the hours, weeks and months ahead. The elation from seeing Darius and Eber - people who were there to greet him when he expected nobody to turn up - is not going to last, though it will certainly come and go, because high-running positive emotions like that don't last as long, especially in the context of the life he's had as a child soldier. It's totally possible that on the same night, hours after this reunion with their loved ones, their emotions will shift drastically.
The tired look in his eyes above and the sad face he then makes, is in between two moments of him having something external to focus on (Willow and then Darius). I'm inclined to think that the above depressed look reflects a lot of the complexity that is going on underneath the surface. What is his state of mind when alone with his thoughts, when he has zero tasks to perform? How is he handling those thoughts?
There will be a deep, sometimes mind-numbing sense of bereavement over two significant figures in his life. First Flapjack, now this:
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He used to love Belos. But I'm really not sure he can just uproot that love from deep within and discard it. Hunter carries memories like the following ones around which will be confusing to navigate on tougher days, despite being able to tell Luz "That's what Belos does, he tricks people". Because these were his formative years:
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and something tells me that Philip was cunning enough to strike a delicate balance between being 'nice' to Hunter like above, versus unleashing his violent temper to terrify and harm him. Making sure that balance was so close to 50/50 that it would leave a child very confused. So confused he would rather believe he's never good enough rather than the more frightening prospect that his so-called family does not actually love him at all.
Hunter will have a moment now and then of still missing the 'niceness' that his 'uncle' showed towards him (felt in his heart and subconscious), while still knowing (in his head, rationally) that Philip was not genuine when treating him that way.
To note though, he did not witness Belos's death which reduces the severity of intrusive images that the poor kid would see in his mind.
What I'm worried about is how he'll handle the news about the grimwalker graveyard, since I'm sure that location is going to be scoured and Darius would want to give his mentor a proper sending off. They'd want to give all the Golden Guards and Caleb a sending off and pay their respects. This might add to what I suspect will be the messed up depression he'll fall into.
It will be very confusing and emotionally disorienting, literally not needing to worry about anyone killing him anymore. He has had no point of reference for this in his life at all. It might possibly the furthest he ever goes from that primal survival instinct he had while living in the Castle for so long, which took up the majority of his life so far:
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There will also be the added layer of how he feels about those first emotions. This is literally a concept called Feelings About Feelings and it's a key part of my work since I use the Satir Model in my style of counselling. We don't just feel emotions, we also tack on our own judgments and evaluations about them. E.g. shame about feeling anger, guilt about feeling sad because of burdening others, or even a combination like fear about feeling joy which can show up in healing from bereavement.
Depending on how we feel about whichever emotions got there first, it makes a difference because we could be adding or subtracting unnecessary suffering from the first emotion, especially if the first emotion is an already unpleasant one.
I have a feeling that we'd see Hunter look very very tired, till he makes breakthroughs in therapy. A tiredness that sleep, a healthy diet and exercise alone simply cannot fix. Because there's an entire upbringing in the Emperor's Coven to sort through in his head, this time not combined with the avoidance of having fled to the human realm and living under one roof with his friends.
The Hexsquad are not living under the same roof anymore, they are reunited with their own families with much to emotionally talk out, and the group no longer has a very urgent single collective mission. Sure, Hunter has an active role to play in rebuilding the Isles, but what about rebuilding his very self? He has the steepest climb, because we have seen the symptoms he exhibits.
Most of all, referencing a section of my Retraumatization and Self-Soothing (Part 1) meta (link), a memory as horrible as this:
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will likely be the most intrusive image is going to be replaying again and again over the months to come, and it may flood his thoughts during moments of being triggered or even out of nowhere during quiet moments for no apparent reason. It will be just like a broken record, where the same small excerpt of a song loops endlessly until the needle of the gramophone is repositioned.
It was remarkably poignant that his final words to Belos were "And most of all, I'm going to make sure you never hurt anyone again", and I'm happy with the story keeping it this way and understand why the writers likely made this decision - not just because the season was shortened. Hunter did not need to directly see or hear more from Belos in close quarters, not after his abuser minimized his needs for years, gaslit him, possessed him and got him to murder his best friend with his own hands.
It's more straightforward to make sure someone else isn't hurting anyone. It's easier to think of what plans to implement, when it comes to him protecting others: which he has had plenty of practice with. Because those are practical methods that we can see in action on the outside.
But here's the kicker: what about applying that last grand statement from his TTT speech to himself, emotionally: making sure he isn't psychologically hurting himself with harmful unhelpful thoughts and beliefs, after Belos's death? "I'll make sure I don't hurt myself (and by extension, my loved ones) again".
This will be very new to him, and it is a theme that I handle in pretty much every client case in my therapy work. The client's self-dialogue, the self-compassion or lack thereof. Which, in real life, is often not a concept that our own families and schools introduce to us to be familiar with.
For Hunter, this may translate into him making the decision to get help and truly accepting the gift of life that Flapjack gave him.
Basically this on a much bigger scale:
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whereby in Flapjack's absence, he can truly believe in this new and positive fundamental belief about himself. The evidence that he managed to make it to that heartbreaking but incredibly beautiful place is pretty strong:
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But before his happy ending, the pressure on himself to be useful to others via helping and working is likely going to come back and be used as his way of coping, and there's a chance it will cross the line into becoming a form of self-harm that he's relying on to avoid the frightening, deeper emotional pain. People around him know him well enough that they'll be able to spot his behavioral changes and then sense he is not going in a helpful direction. They'll see that it's hurting him even though it's the most familiar territory for his mind to be in, and someone is going to tell him to change that.
He's going to be seeing his friends with their palismen. How will it be like being among them, even if they are pretty good at supporting him? How would he attempt to make sense of the void that is the absence of the incredible love he experienced from that first friend, the absence of that mental link between witch and palisman?
What emotions could be lurking beneath the surface? Believe it or not, there are some signs from Luz's nightmare even though yes, Hunter was being controlled by The Collector. I wouldn't quickly dismiss this dark Flapjack-related scene as 100% being about The Collector's goal to scare Luz in the nightmare.
I think there was a smaller subplot going on as well.
The Collector needed material to work with in the first place, to perform the puppet acts: the material was whatever fears and whatever pain was already there in their targets.
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The Collector didn't create Hunter's emotions from scratch for the puppet act; instead he manipulated and redirected what existed at the base level. All this wouldn't work as analogies of mental illness vs. mental health if The Collector could just engineer emotions on their own and simply replace whatever his puppet targets were already feeling. Emotions never vanish and always take up space somewhere, they are redirected, transformed or channeled into outlets even if it means they become repressed or locked away. But they never stop existing.
I have a feeling that despite the nightmare being Luz's, despite Hunter being used as an instrument for The Collector to achieve their goals...the pre-existing emotions that Hunter himself felt in his body, not puppet!Hunter's verbal responses towards Luz, were true. He is a haunted boi.
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This face he makes above might be a hint at the worst of his pain. It might be the furthest he has felt from when he said "I like who I am right now" to Flapjack. In the place of that confidence from before, there might now be his own version of Luz's "I'm as bad as Belos". I cannot be entirely certain, but the negative belief that may have taken root in him could be "I am not deserving of the life Flapjack gave me".
Interestingly, if this is the case, it could easily parallel his line from all the way back in Any Sport in A Storm: "I'm unfit to wear the sigil of the Golden Guard." It's definitely a possibility, since Hunter is now faced with having a lot of time and space now, and less urgency than he's ever had in his life, to think back on all those times he helped to further Belos's cause. Especially when it came to sending many palismen to their deaths.
With his own palisman now dead, the engraving we would eventually see on Flapjack's grave: "Thank you for finding me", would be the destination. But the journey needed to reach that destination of amazing gratitude in the first place...must have been a harrowing one. In the early months of the acute grief, it would've been more like "Why did you have to find me?! You shouldn't have. Then none of this would've happened". Not forgetting the number of times Hunter has replayed in his head what he could've done differently, trying so desperately to rewind the clock and make that better alternate timeline a reality.
If you remove The Collector and even Luz from the equation in the Luz nightmare scene, Hunter may well be having such responses - the ones that puppet!Hunter directed at Luz to blame Luz - as a dialogue with himself. He might direct those negative emotions towards himself since he's so careful about hurting others and has taken on unfair punishment for so much of his life.
Even when he was temporarily himself, smiling, expressing a positive emotion to encourage Luz with "What's the first thing you do when you wake up from a bad dream?", that was him conversing with another person, someone external. Not his own self. I am willing to bet he wasn't at a point in his arc where he would smile at himself like that and easily encourage himself in the same way.
While we can be certain he had already reached his breakthroughs by the time we saw him post-timeskip, he has not experienced them yet in the frame above. He has not felt (yet) what Luz felt onscreen when she had breakthroughs in relation to her moral injury:
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Taking a leap of faith to accept the Titan's gift, to trust that he chose her because she has a good heart and will never be Belos.
Then later, being able to stand firm, believing she truly is good ("I am the Good Witch Luz!"), and not uttering a word to Belos as he died - which was post-traumatic growth beyond how she broke down under his threats and manipulation towards the end of Hollow Mind and later in King's Tide.
Recap time. In the (quite likely) long period that passes by before we meet his new palismen, he's likely going to want to jump into action and attend meetings with Darius, Eberwolf and co, help to physically rebuild things and organize people with his own Coven Head experience. Leaning back on the ingrained and familiar lifestyle of pouring himself into work and gearing towards burnout is certainly a risk to watch out for.
The Hexsquad, CATTs and the Clawthorne sisters are going to notice his behavior and likely urge him to get appropriate rest and seek help.
However, there is the other extreme: Belos isn't around anymore to torment him, and Hunter would know this in the rational sense (head knowledge). Which leads to the possibility that he may swing towards shutting down as opposed to overworking tendencies. He would feel allowed to do whatever he wants, in this new Boiling Isles, and he had months of opportunities to do that in the early part of Thanks to Them before Belos's return.
What I'm getting at is, if he didn't sleep enough before, he might swing towards sleeping too much after finally collapsing from the familiarity of survival mode into unknown but genuinely safe territory. If he cared too much about helping others before, he might swing towards a depressive state of apathy (the closest canon reference point would be him digging his grave: he was very disarmed in that scene to even think much about helping anyone including Belos). This is why the screenshot I used of his smile drooping in The Collector's Palace, feels like a big clue to me. This would be where Darius, Camila and other adults have to seriously keep watch over him.
In the Cinema Therapy episode I had as a small reference for this post, the licensed therapist who hosts the series mentions that "It takes a lot longer to put oneself back together than it took to fall apart." In Hunter's case, the "falling apart" period here refers to that collapsing I mentioned. It would be the time between:
1. the grief hitting him in full force: when he subconsciously understands and acknowledges that Flapjack isn't coming back (which...will involve hell of a lot of wailing and sobbing. Him having a full version cry of those first few tears he shed at the end of TTT),
and
2. the time when the painful shock from feeling the full force of the grief has decreased enough that it plateaus.
This falling apart stage may need to pass before he seeks therapy. If he tries going for sessions while still going through that shock and pain, it might be too much for him.
As terrible and sad as it sounds, a deep dark spiral like this might be necessary. It would be his body and mind wanting to compensate for several years' worth of unnatural hypervigilance which wasn't serving him in a advantageous way (i.e. surviving) any longer. His body and mind begging for rest at last, to try and make sense of everything that happened. This big collapse into depression would empty out the old and free up much room in him for new stories, beliefs and perspectives to take root. Depression is, after all, the body's attempt to (maladaptively) try and protect us by numbing us, or else we would be overwhelmed.
As someone whom we know keeps himself very busy, this could be the period where he is the furthest he has ever been from that old simpler life. Because his CPTSD-ridden body would be demanding more than ever that he compensates for a childhood and teen years' lack of general rest, he may not even have the strength to cope the way he did before. The only way he might possibly cope in this period is to go with the flow of that raging current and do exactly what his body is asking of him: getting real rest.
Like what happened with Katniss in the Hunger Games trilogy, this early grieving stage would emotionally be difficult and terrifying, like walking along a tightrope, finding balance between left and right to angle yourself as straightly as possible and walk forward. (the tightrope metaphor is what I use with some of my clients to explain swinging between extremes of coping mechanisms).
The missing pieces of the puzzle in his arc, in the 4-year duration before the timeskip, might be his own version of these points in Luz's arc:
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where she sank lower before she realized her deepest wish and emotionally experienced her worst fear in her Watching and Dreaming nightmare.
For Hunter, these could look like the following:
Like Luz saying it'd be better for everyone that she permanently stays in the human realm, Hunter might say he wants to remove himself from his loved ones in some way, for good. Whether a literal suicide attempt (like Katniss from The Hunger Games) or not, I can't say for sure.
A parental figure trying to reach out to him, saying he is deserving of Flapjack's gift. But he still struggles to believe that. What matters though is this parental figure is present and he's not pushing them away.
Him hearing some confirmation of his deepest negative belief about himself, in his own nightmares. Like Luz hearing the most terrifying things she could ever hear - Amity's "You've been the real villain this whole time" and "But for the sake of everyone you hurt, I challenge you to a witch's [duel]".
Him being able to reach an emotional space where he can begin to question that unhelpful belief: "Am I really deserving of Flapjack's gift?", or something similar.
The big moment when he finally tells someone how he really feels about the possession, Belos's death, Flapjack's absence in this new supposed peace and quiet....this would be the important invitation for the other person to connect and meet his emotional needs, and is a lot like how support groups for addiction work: a client needs to acknowledge that they are struggling with a problem, not avoiding it with distractions any longer, and then seek help and express their need for said help.
I suppose the question is how soon Hunter might decide to accept professional help and give it a go: or whether he'd have the genuine need for space first and say "I need some time". Because one's rational mind can be ready to go for therapy, but their subconscious and body would find it too unpleasant if it's too soon. Every part of him would have to be ready to begin putting himself back together after the falling apart stage occurs.
The messed up experience of CPTSD is that you stay shockingly calm during real danger, but on the flip side have big, disproportionate freakouts during actually safe times. Compare how calm Hunter was when he smiled at Luz in her nightmare while he was tied up with puppet strings vs. his fear and shame when he couldn't save Luz in Clouds on the Horizon. 
In a CPTSD memoir I read, the author describes that it was horribly frightening to hear her partner be in a bad mood and wash the dishes more loudly than usual, while during the pandemic, she felt completely calm seeing empty shelves in a supermarket when she struggled to get supplies.
From my own experience, I have experienced being pretty damn calm when bleeding out and needing hospitalization. But in a different year before that, I recall one afternoon alone in my house right before a vacation where a strong gust of wind very loudly slammed an open door shut next to where I happened to be standing, and I broke down sobbing from a retraumatization via an emotional flashback. Because it felt extremely real as if my abusive parent was lashing out to physically hurt me. 
After a 5-year period of mostly being in talk therapy, and then a 2-year period of regularly scheduled EMDR therapy, my response if I have a door loudly slam shut near me now would maybe be a smaller-scale flinch and a flash of anger that would last about maybe a minute. Which is miles better than sobbing for half an hour and being dissociated and frozen in a memory for hours before I thaw out of that flashback.
Since the show's writing is just that good, I could look at Luz's depressive symptoms manifesting in Thanks to Them and see a likely parallel in Hunter's story moving forward, since we know how much this show also digs neat and tidy parallels. These are characters written for TV after all, so they'd have to fit a formula to an extent, to have compelling arcs and reach high and low points along said arcs.
Part 2: Therapy Itself
Part 1 was the setup to give a good amount of context: now for the technicalities of the therapy sessions themselves:
Like Adrian Graye said in Labyrinth Runners, Illusion Magic can sort through memories. We have seen from Gus's own powerful Illusion abilities that he could do so with Belos. It makes sense that a therapist does this in sessions to have a magnified version of how in our world, therapists exercise empathy by imagining what it is like to be their clients:
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I would monitor whether his mood (what he is feeling within) and affect (how the emotions appear on the outside e.g. tone of voice, face expressions) are congruent. Congruence usually means a client is in less distress. Incongruence might mean they are in so much pain that they can't connect directly with the main emotion: the perfect example of this being Hunter laughing when digging his grave.
We therapists take note of aspects such as affect, mood, the client's motor activity, any indicators of psychosis, even down to things like how untidy their hair looks in case we get clues about the severity of their issues (this is called a Mental Status Exam, and we write what we see in our case notes per session).
Because CPTSD is so relationship-centric, I'd discuss how he's getting along with new parental figures (the Belos replacements who will heal him so much and change his life forever!) and friends.
If the Boiling Isles therapists use their own equivalent of EMDR therapy, which is theorized to be like a waking version of how REM sleep and REM-related dreams help our brains to sort through memories, it sounds like a great fit for his case. This intervention involves subconscious work and could help him reshape how he experiences memories of Flapjack and Belos. EMDR clients are expected to see vivid images popping up without control in their mind during the sessions, and they are quite symbolic e.g. seeing a grey sky often indicates grief, seeing lighter colors indicates more calm. This technique helps a client's subconscious rewrite their story the way they'd like it to be, and install new positive beliefs and emotions over time.
My own example of EMDR experiences from the second half of 2019 as a client, is it majorly changed how I related to my own abuser, got me to finally feel allowed to emotionally break away from her, even though she is still alive and even lives in the same building.
In the early sessions, I saw an image of my 5-year-old self being forced to wear an ugly grey apron that my abuser used for baking. The apron is a real object, not fictional, and the emotions I felt showing up were matching with the image: feeling very uncomfortable seeing a visual representation of my abuser's hold over me.
But in a later session after a few months, guided by my therapist, I saw a vivid image of my abuser receiving a sea burial. She was lying peacefully on the water surface and sank down until she was gone. That was me subconsciously burying any expectation that she could ever provide what I needed. This was so powerful that I could go home after that session and permanently (so far) be significantly calmer around my abuser.
Therefore if Hunter goes through something like this, he'd potentially be able to put Belos to rest and have it feel very real and true: and have significantly reduced distress about Belos-related memories. There is the potential for powerful breakthroughs for him here, especially also related to Flapjack's death and how challenging it might be to carve palismen in the beginning. Especially since in the worst case scenario, even touching palistrom wood might be enough to badly trigger him. I cover this particular point a bit more in my other meta, Retraumatization and Self-Soothing (Part 1).
We would also be discussing what he's implementing into his routine and what may benefit him. I would be seeing if he is able to laugh about things, be motivated enough to be outdoors and among people, experience pleasure when creating new things, and form closer bonds with parental figures (what I just listed is to do with neurotransmitters in the brain that increase mental health: serotonin, endorphins, dopamine and oxytocin).
If I were his therapist I might suggest that whatever volunteering tasks he does, he carries those out with his friends, and time should be allocated to managing and taking care of a specific demographic: children. Because I think it'd be a safe, low stakes form of unfamiliarity for him to have enough emotional distance from his traumatic memories. Early months of acute grief usually require such emotional distance.
Having a good dose of an environment like that alongside the other tasks where he's working alongside Darius etc, could help him because kids' emotions are less complex, and their infectious laughter and fun-loving nature may play a role in helping him be more open with his own inner child. His therapist would be seeking to draw out that inner child in their sessions, and that little child would need to feel safe enough to emerge.
Importantly, his future palisman: it would've been interesting if he did what Luz did with Stringbean and allowed the palisman to be whoever they wanted to be...that would've been a nicely organic process. But even if he had a good idea to incorporate a Flapjack-like design but change details like the color, I'm sure he thought it through very well. I'm certain that this was a major topic of discussion at some stage of his therapy. Discussing the guilt he'd feel about replacing Flapjack vs. still taking Flapjack with him in a new way.
Coming from a strengths-based angle: paying attention to which of his individual strengths he is shows and recounts in the session. If he needs reminding, I could give him a simple worksheet listing various positive qualities and ask him to circle/colour in which ones he feels he has, which then prompts further discussion and questions. Lastly, a powerful tool called reframing e.g. if he says he's worried about being a nuisance to his friends, I'll point out how much he cares about their comfort and affirm that place of kindness.
Work on inviting self-compassion into how he sees himself. Is he able to view himself the way he views his friends? If he remembers the encouragement he gave to Luz about "turning on the light", I would ask him what that would look like in his own life, symbolically.
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Hunter's own life has been a really really bad dream for a very long time. He himself has to reach for that light switch and choose to heal by embracing Flapjack's ultimate gift to him.
And we can rest assured that Hunter did that.
Because this post-traumatic growth right here?
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This looks like multiple breakthroughs have taken place while he's been receiving consistent care from an excellent community. And there's no way it was an easily won victory. It has been very much hard-won, after how dark the story became in Hollow Mind and Thanks to Them, and it looks like whatever breakthroughs he had left him pleasantly surprised.
It doesn't seem like his heart and soul can contain this much joy and hope, without a very painful dismantling to have taken place first, to make room for the most unexpected treasures to fill his life back up.
The joy becomes even greater if you never would've expected it in your wildest dreams.
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ex-tenebris · 5 months
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I've seen several conversations lately about MK1 Shang Tsung vs MK11 (not just here, elsewhere and in my own personal friend groups) and I'd like to have a sit-down and go over some key elements I think we're all overlooking.
1. Why are we pitting two bad bitches against each other, you can enjoy all versions of him I promise (ask me how I know! I've been playing these games for over 20 years)
2. Of course they're going to be vastly different from each other, they have different origins and different lived experiences. Previous Era Shang Tsung has an origin story that's about as clear as mud and New Era Shang Tsung was purposefully nerfed by Liu Kang. This also plays into my next point, but even with the nightmare non-canon vs canon vs semi-canon state of MK lore, it still matters.
3. New Era Shang Tsung seems to visibly be younger, but not by a wide margin. We have to remember that MK11 Shang Tsung is mind-boggling levels of old. New Era Shang Tsung started with nothing and likely never expected to see that change. He's very suddenly offered the world on a silver platter, power beyond his imagination, and a way out of his suffering. Of course he takes it. If we assume that ALL timeline Shang Tsungs have that same ambitious root, good or bad or in between, it only makes sense that he would jump head-first into such an opportunity. The key here is that he's never done anything like this before. He's not so young that he's completely naive. He has light wrinkles, he's not baby-faced (see below). Maybe he has a few stray greys if I'm looking at these screencaps right, or it could just be the lighting. My point being that it's still so early in his development as a person that he thinks he can't be outsmarted, that nobody could possibly be three steps ahead of him, and his focus is still narrow. He knows how to survive, and has done so for long enough to see that this may be his only chance, but he's missing the signs that say it's a scam because he's never seen them before. He's essentially been put behind the wheel of a high-end sports car but he's never learned how to drive, and never needed to know until this exact moment.
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Whether or not he's feigning his confidence is another subject altogether, because I do think he peacocks for several reasons, but anyway. This Shang Tsung is learning to run on his new sorcerer legs, and they're shaky at best. Imagine having nothing your entire life and suddenly having everything at your fingertips, having to craft a persona and a gimmick from the ground up and maintain it flawlessly lest you fall right back to the bottom, or worse.
He's going to cower, he's going to lie and flatter and whatever else keeps him from losing his footing. It's easier for him to slip up or be caught unawares because of that narrow focus. He lacks the broad perspective of the previous Shang Tsung, which brings me to my next point.
4. Previous Shang Tsung had roughly a thousand years to develop and become who he was (or still is). He has a wealth of knowledge, he's absorbed an untold amount of souls and retained their information on top of what he already knows. He has a confident swagger about him that New Era Shang Tsung simply has not grown into yet. He's made a point to be several steps ahead of anyone, and both time and experience have made him nigh impossible to outsmart. He's the "you cannot kill me in a way that matters" post that floats around here from time to time, because really, you can't.
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He still has that sort of fruity smarmy charm about him, but his smugness doesn't feel as petty because he knows and is fully confident that he's got everything under control. Everything will go his way, and if it doesn't, he's got about 700 backup plans to make sure that it does. New Era Shang Tsung believes he's ahead of the game, but he hasn't quite figured out the nuances of covering his ass when things go wrong.
I think it will be interesting to see where New Era Shang Tsung leads. There's potential for him to be a bit more violently cutthroat in the literal sense, someone who isn't as secure in their choices as OG Shang Tsung.
Not that either of them are predictable, but our beloved MK11 Shang Tsung takes measured, confident steps. He has time to be lavish and bask in his riches (he paints his nails, braids his hair, this man has all the time in the world to do what he wants and still look pretty doing it), there's no need for him to make a show of hasty choices or taking chances that could hinder him later. New Era has been betrayed and purposefully placed at a disadvantage right out of the gate, and maybe there's a hint of desperation there. Desperation to be seen as something greater than he was, to exact his revenge on those who purposefully placed him in a life of suffering, and to keep his grasp on his new powers. There are unresolved emotions that will take time to work through, and I imagine he might make rash decisions out of anger or spite on the way.
At their core, they are very, very similar. Ambitious men with silver tongues and minds like steel traps. Serpents disguised as peacocks, but their flattery and reasoning behind their lies come from very different angles and experiences. One is surviving, the other spits in the face of death and time and laughs about it.
If you read all this, I am very sorry. I just have so many thoughts about this character and I don't understand how New Era Shang Tsung is catching so much ire. He hasn't had a chance to bloom into full bastard yet; let him settle, let him oxidize and shake the New Car smell off his clothes.
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kiraleighart · 1 year
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me explaining how online works so y'all can be gay do crimes fuck corporate:
Business wants to flatten human-online engagement for business aims. This is the algorithm's prime function—not delivering you the content you want, when you want it.
So, the solution is to up the ante. Send backwash chaotic metrics. Do big loud gay throttle. You can literally choose to go against the online grain anytime you want.
Example: You love tea. OK. Identify indie tea brand that's super ethics. Put them on blast as hard possible online and in search. Get 5 friends (who get 5 friends) to do this. This helps them.
But also, bidnid ppl do competitive analysis. big shitty tea brand says "huh, why is trending?" big tea brand go "how can i do that. wait."
and if you picked the right indie tea brand, only logical answer for bigboi is "consumer like ethical tea. i...oops." and when big brand tries to only LOOK like tiny tea brand, you call bullshit no buy
you do not give social media signals to big bad mean tea brand. you screencap if you gotta and use asterisk or whatever. all the while, applying pressure to uplift cool indie tea brand and cool little guys like them.
this is legit how online commerce and digital analytics works.
1 person uplifting cool indie ethical brand becomes 2. then 10. then 100. then 1000. then 100,000 until big bidnid fucks have to go "and i oop." if they want market share, they will have to evolve or you will ignore them like an annoying bug.
pls prove to me that normies are able to grasp what im saying: you have all the power. you're just not using it.
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telomeke · 3 months
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10 (or So) BL Boys I Want Carnally (Plus a Couple of Girls Too)
I was tagged by @neuroticbookworm at this post here and @waitmyturtles at this post here. Thank you dearies! 🥰
Now here's the thing before I get on with the post: after a certain time I think sexual attraction is a phenomenon more intellectual than physical.
So the beautiful people I'm listing below are ones whom I think fit the list in my head as examples of those genetically blessed with sexual desirability. But it's not as though I'm really feeling a carnal stirring in the loins for them. No fantasied jumping of bones (or boners) here; I would probably run a mile in the opposite direction if any of them actually presented themselves naked and available to me, you get my drift?
Still, since the malls are open I do like to look (even if it's only window shopping through binoculars 🤣). So, in no particular order, with tongue firmly in cheek and more admiration in my head (for the obvious hard work at the gym) than lust in my heart (or anywhere else) – here goes: 😍
1. Nonkul Chanon
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I know Nong Non looked like a little ball of Koreanesque sunshine in I Feel You Linger in the Air (really channeling 2PM's Wooyoung for me), but Mistah Santinatornkul used to be beefier and apparently lost weight to look all sweet and wispy for the role of Jom in IFYLITA.
Dunno bout you, but I miss the beef. (And if you do too, I urge you to click on the YouTube link above. 😁) Also, Nonkul had four lead roles in 2023; I think his star is on the ascendant, so keep an eye out for this one (he seems to have an international presence that most other Thai stars don't, though it beams eastwards). 🤩
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2. Ohm Pawat
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I prefer him hunkier and chunkier like he was during his Bad Buddy Pat Napat days (he's too shredded and gangly beanstalk now for me) but I've actually met Ohm in real life and (I've said this before) his smile is supernova dazzling. Like everything else in the room simply fades to a blank whiteness. (Or maybe it was just me feeling faint. 🤣) Supremely photogenic (I don't think he has any bad angles), this boy definitely has the X factor and after Bad Buddy I will always be a diehard fan.
3. MaxTul
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The original kings of BL who never shied away and just went for it when it counted. I rue the loss of Tul to business or real estate or whatever it is he's focusing on now, but this coupling will always be legendary so I'm putting them together as one on my list.
4. Gap Jakarin
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You may be noticing a trend here, but I do like a bit of meat with my two veg. 😜🍆🥩🥬🍴🤣 Anyway I'm all goo-goo eyed at lovable himbo Yai in The Sign, especially when we see how smitten he is with his beautiful girlfriend Sand (who's canon transgender in the show, as Yoshi Rinrada is in real life too 💖). And that's carried over to my appreciation of Gap Jakarin in all his meaty meathead glory offscreen as well.
Plus when he was in the bulking phase (or maybe it was for a role?) Gap was also carrying a fair bit of baby fat in the following photo on his Instagram, and somehow that just makes him even more teddybeardorable in my eyes: 🧸😍
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5. Neo Trai
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Always the boy you remember in roles you'd rather forget. I've liked his look (neck up) for a long time now; in his current gym bunny phase the rest of Neo is looking more buff by the day and I approve, aesthetically speaking. More to love. 😘
6. Force Jiratchapong
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Nice to look at. Only just about makes up for his roles and acting though. I'm not hurrying to watch anything he's in, unless it's for a photoshoot like the one in the YouTube video above. 😮
7. Pavel Naret
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It appears he's had a little surgical tweaking recently, but the doctors did a fine job and Pavel is always looking like he's some sort of walking sex buffet, dishing out sass and overflowing sex appeal at every turn. Still not enough to make me wanna watch Pit Babe though. 🤣
8. KaowOat Supasin
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Apologies for the fuzziness of this screencap but I can almost feel non-existent ovaries swelling within me when I look at KaowOat's pensive buttcrack and delicately-placed fingers here. Almost makes me want to watch Playboyy The Series. Almost.
9. Net Siraphop
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I'm also on board with everybody's carnal favorite Net, even though I've not watched a single thing he's been in (Uea's kitty ears in Bed Friend did a good job warding me off, like garlic and crucifixes to a vampire so well done James Van Helsing). Nonetheless all the screenshots and GIFs were more than enough to leave me a little breathless at Net's honey-toned beauty. Those eyes telling of mysterious depths! That handsome jawline! That teasing glimpse of buttcheek with no tanline! When upon a time will we finally get Love Upon a Time? I'll be watching, if James can keep his furry ears out of frame.‌
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10. Kao Noppakao
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Oh he of the excellent cheekbones and Cupid's Bow lips! Always looking so icy and unavailable, yet Kao utterly charmed his way into my heart in Lovely Writer (and then shattered it within the first few minutes of Until We Meet Again). Like Ohm he literally cannot take a bad photo; it's all Blue Steel and high fashion with this one.
BONUS 1 (because I am no respecter of limits):
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Great Sapol is on here because he filled out his tight policeman's uniform so well in Manner of Death (and has me vibrating with pins and needles waiting for Wandee Goodday). And Taylor Zakhar Perez just because he was such a menace in Red, White & Royal Blue (that full frontal above is from Minx though). 😜 Plus TZP's name always gives me the giggles because zakar in a number of countries quite literally means what that eggplant is hiding. 🤣
BONUS 2 (because these girls have made me feel something):
Zorzo Nathanan (formerly Zorzo Natharuetai)
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Ever since she roared up and flicked those lovely long locks (and legs) on her motorcycle in Lovely Writer, I've been going weak at the knees for the ravishing confection that is Zorzo. Supposedly queer in real life too; just adds to the appeal. 🤩
Namtan Tipnaree
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Absolutely radiant and glowing in Last Twilight even though makeup and wardrobe have Namtan totally frumped out for the character of Porjai. If you can look this good with perpetual bedhead and a shapeless gray t-shirt, there's some kind of sexual sorcery going on and there's a part of me that wants whatever it is she's got. 💖
I always tag too many people so I'm going to buck my brand and tag just one: @non-binarypal7. But consider yourself tagged if you've read this far and would like to play too – I just love reading other people's takes in tag games! 😍
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thankstothe · 6 months
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best liar on the show
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theharrowing · 4 months
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White Lies 🤍 1: Do not, under any circumstances, become emotionally attached to either of these men
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Yoongi is everything you could ask for. He is attractive, confident, and smart. And his partner Taehyung is as possessive as he is beautiful. Too bad a relationship would be a major conflict of interest.
You need to have them, at all costs.
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🤍 Yoongi x Female Reader x Taehyung
🤍 word count: 2.9k + screencaps of conversations
🤍 college au, cop au, partial social media au with a lot of written story, strangers to lovers & established relationship, yandere, hurt/comfort, smut, fluff, angst, slash, poly, minor character injury & death, graphic violence, nsfw, 21+.
🤍 warnings: no real warnings. we get some pretty forward flirting out of the gate. it might seem like things are already moving very fast, but...we'll see.
🤍 note: ughhhhhhhhhhhh i was going to hold off on actually starting this fic, but the brainrot was real yesterday, and i spent hours on my couch nursing a hangover and making screencaps. i forgot how tedious this is, but i also had a lot of fun. the character Josie is a real person who i adore very much! everyone say hi to Josie!!! this chapter is exposition heavy but i hope you find it fun!
🤍 this is a sequel to Boy Blue! i highly recommend that you start at the beginning
🤍 written parts beta read by @neoneunnajimin
🤍 posted nov. 2023 | read on ao3
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Reading through the file that Detective Kim left on your desk, two interesting things pop out at you, the first being that some of the photos of the man called Vante look different than the others. You didn't notice it at first, but upon closer inspection, you realize that photos of him that seem older – ones where he has natural dark brown hair and ones where he has bright red hair – seem personal. 
Vante is smiling directly into the camera in these old photos, with an expression that you would describe as being soft – almost loving. His posture is relaxed in each photo, whether sitting at a table at a café or leaning against the side of a car. You wonder if Seokjin took these photos, and if not, how he managed to get his hands on them, because the photos of Vante with blue and blond hair are all surveillance images or those taken from social media profiles that have since been deleted. 
The second detail you notice is that in two of the shots where Vante has blue hair, there is a woman with him who shares striking similarities with you. Although you are unable to clearly see her face in the photos, her hair, build, and height all seem to resemble you, and your side profiles are similar to the extent that you wonder if you could convince someone that you are the one pictured with him. 
In one of the images containing your doppelgänger, Vante's arm is slung over her shoulder and he is speaking with Min. The three of them are in a crowded bar with what looks like colorful makeup all over their faces, and although you can only see Vante's expression clearly, it seems he is flirting with Min, or at least openly showing an attraction to him. 
This detail, paired with Seokjin's not-so-subtle suggestion that you may consider becoming closer than just friends with Min makes you wonder if the two men are an open couple. Especially considering your resemblance to the woman in the photos, you wonder if you were chosen for this mission based on credentials alone, or if your resemblance to someone from their past was partly to blame for your sudden promotion into the Special Investigations Division. 
Perhaps it should bother you that you may have advanced partly based on your looks, but this mission is so intriguing that it fills you with excitement to learn more. You wonder if the two of them got married out of love or convenience – a ploy to allow Min to get a work visa and any other benefits that could allow them to more easily escape from whatever they seem to be running from. 
Both men are absolutely stunning, and you wonder if that woman pictured ever got to enjoy both of them – together or separately. You wonder what it must have been like for her and where she might be right now. Despite Seokjin's warning not to get close to these two, the urge to know more grows.
How could these two men be so dangerous? What have they done to cause Seokjin to form a super secret, super tight task force to hunt them down? And why is he unwilling to just tail Min and confront Vante, himself?
Quickly, you fire off an email to Min, asking about his tutoring services, posing as a student named Sandra. Then you return to rereading their files and memorizing their faces. Min with his somewhat sleepy, somewhat grumpy expressions that brighten into something soft and inviting when he smiles. Vante with his rectangular smile and piercing eyes that either hide all emotion or express so much that he appears positively captivating. 
You read and reread the bullet point list describing these men in an attempt to piece together what kind of people they must present themselves as. You wonder who assisted with creating their profiles, and whether it may have been old friends or even the woman who resembles you. 
Both men are dishonest and extremely disloyal; both exhibit an unshakable poker face that even those close to them cannot read.
[Redacted][Code name Min] is soft-spoken and an interesting mix of contemplative and impulsive; does not take no for an answer. [Redacted][Code name Vante] exhibits similar traits but is much more forward and promiscuous, willing to use sex as a weapon.
Both men get what they want with little to no concern for the outcome, even if it means the death or displacement of others.
Both men only seem loyal to one another, but that may also be a façade. [Redacted][Code name Vante] may be the more volatile of the two, should one turn on the other, but it is likely that [Redacted][Code name Min] has a mean streak that few have witnessed firsthand.
[Redacted][Code name Vante] is cold and calculating; always ten steps ahead.
[Redacted][Code name Vante]'s family is well-connected and seem willing to cover up anything he does.
Is it likely that [Redacted][Code name Vante] is the mastermind of all of their schemes and that [Redacted][Code name Min] tags along for one reason or another.
It is possible that [Redacted][Code name Min] has insecurities that [Redacted][Code name Vante] easily controls and manipulates.
Your phone lights up with a notification, pulling you from the paperwork and surprising you with how quickly Min has gotten back to you about tutoring services. And as you open the notification, you realize your seemingly easy mission might just be a little more complicated than you hoped. 
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Undeterred, you begin to improvise. If Vante uses sex as a weapon, perhaps you can create several Tinder and Hinge accounts and attempt to find him online. One benefit to going undercover is having access to a seemingly endless supply of burner phones. 
You have absolutely no doubt that someone like Vante is using hookup apps if his profile depicts him accurately. If he and Min are married for love over convenience, there is a strong chance that he is still willing to be unfaithful. Or, perhaps the two of them are not monogamous, and finding one of them on a hookup app will likely be due to one or both of them looking for a good time. 
The prospect of getting to know them this way is risky since they are both gorgeous and apparently too cunning to resist, but it may be faster than waiting a month or more for Min's private lessons to open.
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Swiping on dating apps is tedious work, and you almost feel guilty for spending your precious hours this way. Despite it being the weekend, you are paid for your time, and right now your time is spent scouring dating profiles looking for one man. 
You swipe with one hand and brush your teeth with the other, eyes barely open and still heavy with sleep. You swipe as soon as you step on line for your favorite macchiato at your favorite little café two blocks from your Chelsea apartment, and you swipe as you sit in your favorite window seat, sipping on the perfectly bittersweet warm drink while the morning sun warms your cheeks. 
As you reread the file on Min and Vante over lunch, you take breaks to swipe, and you even find yourself genuinely reading through some Tinder profiles before snapping out of it and ridding yourself of distraction. Sure, you may be single and somewhat curious to mingle, but something tells you that you are going to have your hands absolutely full once you manage to get ahold of one of these men, so adding another person to the equation feels too messy.
Later on, when your best friend Josie convinces you to leave the house because it is Saturday and you need to, as she says, "Unwind and find some cuties to dick you down," you swipe in the cab ride over and resist the urge to swipe while waiting on line for drinks at the bar.
Part of you wonders whether you could run into Min at a place like this. Bright neon lights filling the space with college students scantily clad and alcohol buzzing through them, turning them into horny little monsters. If he is professional – or upholding a façade of professionalism for the sake of his current persona – then it is likely he would not be caught dead in a place like this. You are somewhat certain that Vante likely scours these types of clubs, but alas, he is in Milan.
Some of the photos of Min from their file show him on stage with a band, playing keyboard with a guitar slung over his shoulder, with a face full of glitter and makeup. The vibe of that bar differs from this one, but the rambunctious energy is more similar to what you observe in recent surveillance footage photos. You wonder if any part of that man bleeds through now, or if he only indulges in classically accepted forms of music as a tutor. 
Min must be good with his hands – a thought that spirals the more your mind is allowed to wander back to the photos of him playing two very different instruments at once. You need to stop thinking about the beautiful, dangerous men – monsters, as Seokjin put it – and focus on being out with your best friend. 
Josie is a bubbly ray of sunlight with a matching warm smile. Purple braids cascade over her shoulders and down her back, she wears a cute little black dress that barely contains her curves, and she stomps and dances excitedly in knee-high black leather boots. Her round cheeks and button nose make Josie the cutest person in all of Manhattan, and pretty shimmery pink and purple makeup stands out against her tan skin, making her dark brown eyes shine.
You are outfitted similarly with a tight black tee tucked into a black denim skirt, cleavage on full display. You wear black combat boots with warm, fuzzy black socks, and enough makeup to make your eyes pop, including a light dusting of pink and purple courtesy of Josie. 
"I'm getting fucked!" Josie shouts over the reggaetón track, bouncing her hips to the beat while the two of you lean against the wooden bar top. Her voice is rich and somewhat nasally as she shouts, with a quick lilt to her accent. 
"Fucked up?" you shout back, unsure whether you misheard your friend, delighted when her smile widens and she says, "Yeah, that too!" 
Being that this is a college bar that happens to throw somewhat over the top ladies night events, you flash your student ID as well as the fake ID that identifies you as a woman named Sandra as soon as the bartender comes by. 
You need not do so, however, because the bartender, whose name is Daniel in some circles and Changkyun in others, recognizes you, giving you a slow, hungry once-over with his eyes that makes your heart pound. Then he flashes a pointed smile and leans against the bar top so that he can easily be heard when his soft, deep voice asks, "Ladies, to what do I owe the pleasure?"
Before you can open your mouth, Josie leans over the bar and shouts, "Two Long Islands!"
As soon as Daniel nods and turns away to get started on your drinks, Josie hip-checks you, causing you to stumble and turn to her with a wide, curious expression. You know what she is going to say before she even says it – "You need to hook up with him!" – and you are already shaking your head before the words come out. 
"He's just doing his job," you argue, because this is not the first time Josie has pointed out the way he looks at you, or how he seems more attentive to you than to literally any other patron. Yes, you are in denial, but now is not the time to get tangled up with the sexy bartender.
"You're full of shit!" Josie manages to shout before Daniel is back.
He sets your drinks down, nodding politely to Josie before fixing you with an intent gaze and giving a shy little smile. "This round is on the house," he says so softly that you don't really hear it, only knowing the words because you have memorized the shape of his lips when he says them.
Daniel has a bit of a baby face, with wide, dark almond eyes and pretty, soft lips. His nose and cheekbones are all hard angles, however, and his short dark hair, which is parted down the middle, falls around his eyes and down to the apples of his cheeks, only accentuating his features more. Much like your targets, he has dual citizenship between the US and Korea, hence having two names that he goes by – something some but not all dual citizens might do.
"Thanks, Danny," you say with a wink, making Daniel's eyes widen before he stands up straight. 
"My pleasure, ladies," he responds, looking to Josie and then back at you. The moment he is out of earshot, Josie groans. 
"Why don't you make a move on him?" you ask before she has a chance to hound you more. You lift your drink and take the thin black straw between your teeth, chewing lightly on it as you walk away from the bar, through the growing crowd, toward the dancefloor. 
"Don't be stupid!" Josie finally responds when you find a place on the outer edge of the dancing mass of bodies. "He looks at you like he wants to eat you. Just let him!"
You roll your eyes and shake your head, chuckling. Around you, college students dance and shout, clearly far too drunk already for how early it is. As you take your first sip of your drink, it rocks through you; even the smallest taste of the Long Island iced tea is strong as hell, making you wince despite its sweetness. 
"I don't miss being that young and irresponsible," Josie says, leaning over a tall round table that you have found to perch your elbows against, gazing out at the mass of students.
Josie works in the Forensic Investigation Division. Whenever a crime scene is processed and evidence is gathered, she is the one testing it to match it to information in the various systems in search for DNA, blood type, fingerprints, fibers, and so on. Her work is used in court to solve and defend cases. "It is absolutely bonkers being back in college," you respond, withholding the detail that you are not really a student because Josie is aware of the very basics of your assignment. "Their problems seem so silly compared to the shit we see at work."
Josie nods listlessly as she scans the throng of dancing bodies, more or less distracted from the conversation. And as you follow her gaze, you see who she has zeroed in on. 
There is a man on the dancefloor surrounded by a group of friends, and he looks a lot like your superior Seokjin. He is not your superior, of course, but the resemblance is certainly enough to catch your friend's attention, as her crush on your boss is nothing short of sickening. 
"Shit," you shout over the raucous music, leaning toward Josie. "I forgot to feed the anaconda before I left."
Josie nods her head in slow, lackadaisical movements, and you shake your head; even complete nonsense won't get her attention when she is this focused, but you continue for fun, anyway.
"There goes all the neighborhood pets! His appetite is insatiable."
A pause follows before Josie, who turns her face toward you but keeps her eyes on the Seokjin lookalike, mutters, "Totally," drawing the word out nice and slow.
Ordinarily, you would lay into your friend a little harder, making your story a little more fantastical, but you take the opportunity to pull out your phone and continue on your mission. Vante is not going to swipe on himself, and now that you have paid for Tinder gold and can see everyone who has swiped right on you, you are certain that your search is only going to get easier.  
* * *
It takes around thirty-two hours of frequent swiping with three burner phones all showcasing similar profiles with a similar name to find a man who looks like Vante. And, as Seokjin predicted, he goes by the name V.
It takes four more hours for him to message you. The entire time your hand itches toward your phone, eager to make the first move, but you want to see the way he operates, and you want him to think he has full control.
Just as Seokjin predicted, he is 4,000 miles away – which tracks because he is in Milan until the end of the week – and he is using photos that only show part of his face. Luckily, his mouth is distinguishable.
For your part, on one of the profiles you created, you chose photos that you think resemble the girl in the photos in Vante and Min's case file, also only showing parts of your face. And you are not at all surprised when that particular profile is the one he seems drawn to. It makes you wonder if he saw any of the other profiles that you created or not. 
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You stare at the screen uncertain whether your flirting is all just part of the plan or if you really would like to find out just how well Vante lives up to his promises of not squandering an opportunity for pleasure. He is extremely forward and, to your surprise, it gives you butterflies. 
Ordinarily, men speaking this way moments after you first meet would be a red flag, but for some reason, the assignment of getting close to Vante adds to the intrigue – daresay it excites you a little. 
All of this feels dangerous. But you have never been one to turn down the chance to play with fire.
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i fake my life like i've lived too much i take whatever you're giving - not enough overground, watch this space i'm open to falling from grace
🎵 visit the playlist!
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note: i added this to the master list, but in case it has been missed i just want to add the disclaimer that all detective work and cop jargon in this fic is either made up on the spot or comes from years of watching/listening to true crime media. i have no credentials in this field and i do not claim to know what i am talking about!!! alsoooo lol if your name is Sandra, no it's not. (jkjk hello Sandra! i hope you're having a lovely day!!!)
also!!! some folks seemed confused by Seokjin, so just to clear his involvement up: yes, he was thought to be dead in Boy Blue.
i am thinking about doing little "drabble" chapters where you get to see conversations only between taegi that mc will not be aware of. we'll see how i end up doing it. (is this something you're into or would you prefer 100% of mc's pov like in Boy Blue?)
💙 me sprinkling in the Boy Blue callbacks:
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White Lies is copyright 2023 theharrowing, all rights reserved. No translations or reposts allowed!
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astarien · 9 months
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omg your tags on that last rb? i want to know your Exact thoughts on That dialogue in the scene right after astarion and tav get together because it is so interesting to me 👀
***WRITTEN DURING EA
Okay hi yes, I do indeed have some thoughts. Fair disclaimer that this is just my interpretation! I've only been playing the game for a few days technically, so this is all my first impulse in terms of characterization and influenced by my own path, so! Other interpretations will also be super interesting to read about. Also, obviously, we don't have the full cut, whatever comes out in 2 weeks will come out in 2 weeks. Anyways! Overanalyzing this little bastard's dialogue below.
Okay, this affectionate ribbing was referencing this dialogue here where you can comment on Astarion not being totally "present" post-party sex. Sorry this took me a second to respond to, I wanted to grab the screens for this:
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(screencaps of subtitles that read:
Astarion: That's what you want, isn't it? To lose yourself in me?
(new scene) Astarion: You sleep light. I thought you'd be exhausted after last night
Tav: Did you enjoy it? It felt like you weren't fully there.
Astarion: I was holding back a little, it's true. I didn't want to lose control.
To preface this, Astarion's arc is clearly dealing with the push/pull of power and control, one's personal agency (and how it can be taken away), and what happens when an individual reclaims power after for a very long time being without that power. He's endured god-knows-what for 200 years, giving glimpses of his former life, the torture under Cazador, the things he had to do for Cazador (which, included at least finding Cazador's meals through likely charm and seduction, without his own say in the matter.) Now he's out, he's free, he's experiencing the world for the first time basically (as he remarks on in ambient dialogue a lot: everything looks different. Click on a globe and he'll say something along the lines of having never seen the world, but there's time now.) Stating all of that is necessary to me because I think whatever's going on in his terrible brain is several factors all kind of thrown into one; some factors good, some bad, some neutral, some questionable; again, just my interpretation of him, but.
OKAY. Now that that's out of the way. The first interpretation of this scene (and the sex scene in general in its limited capacity: since we don't have eyes on the cinematic.) we can have is the obvious one: you two had a great night, Astarion is being upfront, he simply didn't want to lose control, nothing else here to look at. It's fantasy sex and it's simply good fun.
(The rest is under a cut. Sorry, this kind of turned into a meta Astarion and Sex and all of that? Anyways. CW for a bit of discussion about sexuality + trauma + implications of lack of consent.)
But Do I Believe It's That Simple? Not Really.
On one side, I do think Astarion is genuine in his pursuing of Tav, of sex, of good times and pleasure: he's been locked away for 200 years and now he's traipsing around in mud (a novelty), which might not be ideal, but he can still enjoy the thrill of that too, looks for what's in it for him, what feels good, etc. in all of the circumstances he finds himself in. There's a kind of subdued wonder from him about the world at large; remarks on craving the sun while you're in the Underdark, of experiencing the world, and I think he really is rushing around relishing the freedom as much as he can. And since of course he can reject you, he's not doing anything he doesn't want to do. In short: "simple pleasures," have eluded him under Cazador's thumb, and good sex with someone that you're into is likely just one more of those things he hasn't really gotten to do in ... [checks notes] 200 years.
But I don't think that's the only thing going on in this scene. The fact that the dialogue specifically notes a kind of distance from him feels relevant (since, if they wanted us to think it was all seamless good fun, they could've left it as is.) And the thing is, Astarion. is a big fucking liar.
When he wants to brush aside his dream to Tav, he'll simply say he had some naughty dream and brush it off--which we later find out was a lie ("that's what we call a lie, darling.") and his dreams have actually been about Cazador. Again, only relevant because the first thing Astarion reaches for when he wants to obfuscate the truth is lying through charm, or lying through witty barbs, and when pushed, turns into outright snappy aggression. Saying that the only thing on his mind was the hunger is an easy solution to reach for; maybe it's not even quite wrong, that likely was also an aspect of it! But.
His general .. quick sleazy flirting doesn't come out of nowhere. He uses it liberally, and with everyone, in his Evil Twink Fashion. Can flirt with half the camp at one point or another in environmental dialogue (specifically gets shut down by Shadowheart and Gale, humiliatingly.. the secondhand embarrassment there oh boy.) How much of that he learned while under Cazador's thumb, having to manipulate and charm for Cazador, sexualizing situations where he did not actually have full say and consent in the circumstances, is unknown to us, but can be inferred as not negligible. It's his default state. Charm and persuasion and trickery spell safety, as does disguising any kind of weakness. Disguising his weakness poorly, mind, because he obviously has several moments of raw vulnerability you can get even without his romance being initiated.
I think his current mental state here is a combination of that; of lying to disguise whatever raw state is beneath, unearthed by having simply... some good fun with someone, not out of servitude to Cazador, not to flirt or cajole to protect his own skin, but yet one more thing that's been denied to him (and, possibly, albeit we can only guess at this, not claiming it as canon, forced on him unwantedly) over the last 200 years. But he and Tav here aren't close, close yet, and when Tav tries to push (via talking about the scars on his back), Astarion clams up quite quickly, moving on from the discussion as soon as possible. So whatever is under the minor half-truth of "losing control," isn't open to us yet; we've really just met in the grand scheme of things.
We don't know yet what sex means to Astarion; he hasn't really elaborated beyond the obvious. But, I think, given his behavior, his casual flirtiness, his "You want to lose yourself in me," (another line I can squawk about endlessly in terms of character analysis), sexuality (actual sex or simply sexualization) can be as much a means of securing safety, control, coercion, power, and pinpointing weakness. It's also something he can clearly also desire wholeheartedly and with no ulterior motives involved; and I think this moment shows that, and he's grappling with it uncomfortably, what this means for him, one more thing that he can reclaim for himself. He craves something real, I think, and he's only just now beginning to form a real identity outside of what Cazador did to him, and how Cazador haunts him.
Pursuing something like this is one more step in that direction. Unlearning these gut impulses to lie and deceive and charm his way with Tav is probably what we're going toward, given his glimpse of a reaction to a hug. Whatever else Astarion has to work through in regards to intimacy is up in the air, but there's clearly a lot more going on beneath his fairly shallow veneer of charm and flirtatiousness.
(Which. Can we just have the option to hug him as a casual dialogue option? Please?)
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alicecoopersbush · 3 months
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couple of screencaps from bloodrayne or whatever it was called i already forgot. don't watch this movie its bad (unless you wanna see zack ward as a pretty vampire)
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franki-lew-yo · 1 month
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An 'A-ha!' fandom moment, ft. The Owl House
These comments I screencapped from a user I watch elsewhere really hit like a brick in the face to me. I'm blotting out OP's name, mostly cuz this was just a shower thought they had rather than any meaningful open discussion with people, but it ended up making me realize something (also NO they're not some contrarian AntiSJW type or even hate TOH; they're a very gay+trans writer themselves. Sorry if youknowwhoyouare sees this and recognizes ur posts but you don't allow reblogs or comments and I wanted to present it on my own):
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The Owl House was always hampered by being killed halfway through, writing wise and that will always be it's greatest 'sin'. However, OP's comment made me realize how much the show kind of tells you it's characters are flawed rather than actually give them arcs to suggest it, especially in season 1. When I say flawed I don't mean lacking quirks that are relatable but human: Eda is a recluse criminal; King thought he could kill people and acted like it; Luz is a genki girl; Amity starts off as a bully; Hunter...is unfortunately Hunter, ect. Those ARE flaws, character wise, but in the presence of the complete story (as complete as the show will ever be) they really aren't actually flawed, bad people in anyway.
Before I go further, two things: 1, IN ALL FAIRNESS, this is why myself and others particularly LOVE the characters and why TOH was a comfort show for me rather than a 'high-tension narrative'. The characters are a lot of what you want and hope to be like and I think that's really sweet and enjoyable, especially for horror and especially for kids.
2, NO! I DON'T think any particular bad faith cartoon reviewer opinions about coddling certain characters and punishing others IS WHAT DANA and co did at all here! Steven Universe and certain crap-reviewer's takes ON Steven Universe and how it's characters were flawed but overly forgiven by the fandom the show itself are NOT the b-all end-all of this discussion, nor are they the reason The Owl House is the way it is!
The context op was talking about was how in the upcoming hate crime The Last Airbender live-action show the showrunners are going to tone down Sokka's sexism because they think it's 'unlikable'. Even though, we all knew as children that this was an arc for him and it was WRONG, so axing it because we the audience lack nuance to recognize characters we love doing problamtic-sisms is BEYOND annoying.
Op's point is how The Owl House in particular doesn't actually expect much or want much out of it's characters. Or audience. For any infighting early on about how much Amity should 'die' because of reasons, that's really just fandom infighting when you get right down to it. There's nothing on par with the disagreement people have over, say, the Diamonds from Steven Universe and how Steven 'totally forgave them or 'should have murdered them in cold blood' about The Owl House. And like...from a fandom point of view that's good, but otherwise the show is pretty concrete the way you're supposed to see certain characters vs other shows which allow you to make up your own mind.
Avatar, Star vs the Forces of Evil (pre finale), Centaurworld and Amphibia all showcase your protagonists being genuinely, intensely flawed. Sure, maybe some neckbreather crap-pseudocritic complains that they 'made the unlikable' or whatever (i.e. me with Friendship is Magic) but overall the actual point is HOW the characters actually have grown and have ended up with the ending and morality they need. The villains, no not Zukos or 'redeemed' villains who joined the protagonist squad, VILLAIN-villains, will always be at least one serious step behind the protagonists and that's what give the protagonists the cautionary wherewithal to end them like they should and not 'be like them'. It's such a fufilling narrative, there's a reason people like it so much because it's really good when it's delivered well.
Removed from my fandom gaze; the Owl House feels like it's saying it has that ultimate messaging and character arc when it actually doesn't. Your protagonists have the endearing aspirational-part totally covered, but as far as the actual 'edge' and nuance? Well...
Eda is, at most, naughty. She really isn't any kind of morally sidetracked character. She's an outlaw because literally her society is awful to her and she's in the right to be against it. She's cursed but she's not addicted to her potions or hiding it or not really taking care of herself or her loved ones because of it. Her actual biggest flaw is that she's been 'running away' from problems rather than dealing with them, but I'd be lying if that wasn't suggested more than it's actually portrayed; or at least, dealt with fast enough in "Eda's Requiem". A bigger issue I see, even if it's what's also endearing about her, is that she REALLY isn't a flawed caregiver at all. It's portrayed as her most redeeming feature that she's otherwise a good mom and mentor, but Eda having virtually no problems in raising Luz and King just, again, makes her feel ONLY aspirational. All of the angst about 'failing' to parent and making up for it is moved all onto Camilla and sadly all of that angst for her is mostly within an already bloated episode. Eda, while an absolute mood, lacks any real kind of edge. Does she need it or not? I don't know. Discuss, kids.
Luz, like OP says, is treated like this high-energy super-optimist. She's like Star Butterfly in that her fangirlism and impulsivness are supposed to get her in trouble. But, she absolutely just isn't one when you break it down. Besides episode 2, Luz really is never that inconsiderate or lost in her fantasies ever again throughout the show. She never has anything like what Steven goes through where he hops into Larz' body and makes things worse for people by trying to fix things- which is not only good filler but it calls forward to the ultimate ending of Steven's arc for the series - Luz is just sort of adorable. Luz has blindsided by hype moments of weakness, like when she accidentally hurts Owlbert or messes with Amity's secret room, but still always level headed and down-to-earth. Her impulses are always kind of treated like...excusable? Because, again, they usually are. This is a large part about what makes her self-hatred at the end of the show about accidentally helping Belos' feel 'forced'. Even MOREso than what Hunter and Daddy Titan explain about Belos using her, we the audience never see Luz's choice to go back in time and try and get answers from Philip as being anything other than just, you know, logical. Because it is. The show acts like what Luz did was reckless and bad and that she was SOOO overtaken by her fangirlism about Philip and now just how much she has to live with the guilt and regret of helping being duped by him...it just doesn't come off that way at all. She was only so much excited about meeting him and her interest was getting home to her mother. In terms of comparing her to Philip, that's all fine and good, but again it's not 'flawed'. Not really, anyway.
Lilith absolutely has it the worst...but I kinda think people know that. She arguably does have the most morally-gray turning point in the show given what she did to her own sister. But neither the characters nor her nor the show really hold her accountable in any lasting way for cursing Eda. Lilith is the closest we get to that 'Diamond'-dilemma. She does 'make things right way too quickly and it's obvious to even her biggest fans that her character is really rushed in this area. They lampshade what Lilith did and that she was their villain in season 2 and 2B, but lampshading isn't the same thing as progress. As a result, as a Lilith fan you kind of never really forgive her for what she did. None of that's her fault, cause' you know...she doesn't exist, but it makes it frustrating that you the fan watching the show is doing the heavy-lifting in your mind in this area.What you come away from is this feeling of loving the characters for being able to work everything out. They're engaging and nuanced in theory, but you also feel robbed, w or w/o the Disney interference, of them being fully rounded or WHOLE. It kinda feels like 'and suddenly, he wasn't racist, anymore' all the time with every character ever with except Amity's mom, the Titan Trappers and Belos.
The reason everyone dunks on Star vs the Forces of Evil's finale, (besides being salty over ship wars and declaring THAT'S the reason for the drop in quality) is that 'Cleaved' could have not only worked but REALLY worked. It just needed to be better written and processed as an ending. Instead people reviled Star, the protagonist we're supposed to be rooting for, for what feels like impulsive apathy and cruelty towards everyone else by destroying magic, as opposed to it being an actually selfless sacrifice that makes her different than Toffee. Ultimatley, I do prefer The Owl House, unfinished as it is, to any of that. But yeah... I can now never unsee the characters as being what they are: fun but indulgent when they're supposedly complex. Indulgent is never bad u guys, but the problem is when you only have that to go on while insisting you have fully developed characters, there's a lot of the show telling you how to feel and how to come away from it rather than letting you, the audience, make of that yourself. As annoying as fan-wars can be over this stuff and when people are either WAAAY to forgiving of their villain blorbo or form hate-campaigns over Glub Shitto for ruining their life, it is ultimately a good thing that shows give you that chance to really see the characters that way at all.
The Owl House is, as OP calls it, "tumblr feels" not for being gay and magical and fun and wholesome and indulgent like that stuff is GREAT. It feels 'tumblr oriented' in that it all kind of feels too easy even when it's not for your protagonists. It's never actually "challenging". I guess, in as far as 'good' indulgence is concerned, it's as warm and fuzzy and a happy AU fanfic you found but not so much the Pacifist Ending of Undertale where you really do feel bad if you rectify the good ending in anyway. It's fun and it's comfort food, but not entirely lasting as you want it to be???
Amphibia, I think, was also way better than Owl House in this respect. It wasn't perfect cause nothing is but you really got a feeling for HOW flawed Marcy, Sasha, the townsfolk and even Hop Pop throughout their arcs-- which made it so SO rewarding to see them get their happy endings and come together to defeat the core and be the better people they needed to become.
The Owl House is my favorite where I think Amphibia is the better of the two.
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