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#this semester might be pass/fail tho

annie-creates · 1 year

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Soft dean of evil

Pairing: Lady Lesso x anxiety reader (platonic)

Genre: fluff (kinda)

Words: 1500

Note: This is based on the idea @missvifdor posted. I took it as a personal challenge as I haven't written anxiety stuff before and I hope I didn't disappoint. Also y'all seem to like angst way more than fluff. XD

The exams week was coming up. You had a small test here and there until now, but the determining exams were scheduled for the end of the semester. After two years at the school for evil, this year the classes were much harder and more advanced than what you were used to. You were confident in your knowledge before, but you didn’t know if it’s gonna be enough this year. You always wanted to perform well, being a perfectionist who didn’t wanna fail anything.

You started studying few weeks in advance, just in case. You wanted to make sure you don’t underestimate anything, not wanting to risk a fail in your third year of studies. You’d read your books before you went to sleep or in between classes, preferring them over hanging out with your friends and making mischief. They could wreak havoc without you while you’re going to go over your materials.

When it was only a week until the first exam, you devoted yourself to studying even more, sitting at your desk in the dorm for hours or seeking quiet places in the library, sometimes completely forgetting to come to dinner. You already had one fail from last year professor Manley gave you, you definitely weren’t risking another. You felt like your studying was going great, or at least fine. You knew most of your material, felt pretty confident in your memory and thought you were passing all your classes just fine.

You still wanted to learn more though to make sure you’re gonna give a great performance in the exams. Three days prior to the first one, you started having trouble sleeping. You could lay in bed for hours, restlessly rolling over with your thoughts going miles per hour. What if you’re not going to do well? So you opted to use those sleepless hours to study even more in the dim light of your bedside candle. It’s gonna be just a week, and then it’s over. You can manage to not sleep for a week if needed, right?

The first exam came before you even knew it, and you felt like you did kind of fine in Special talents, professor Sheeks didn’t seem particularly dazzled but she didn’t look like she’s gonna fail you either. Your second exam the next day tho was a test from Curses and death traps with Lady Lesso. That woman absolutely terrified you. Not only was she popular for being extra harsh and unforgiving on her students, she treated you all as if you were the mere plaque walking on Earth. But your overachieving ass was determined to prove her wrong. Nothing short of perfection was acceptable if you didn’t wanna end up in her doom room, and believe me you definitely didn’t.

Needless to say, you had no sleep the night before, rather burying yourself in the textbook. You felt like you didn’t know anything, even though you were going over the material for days, even weeks now. As the morning of the exam came you didn’t feel any better. In fact you felt much worse. Your thoughts couldn’t stay in one place and you felt a bit dizzy like throwing up. Your muscles started hurting but you convinced yourself it’s just from the long hours of sitting.

As you sat at your desk anxiously waiting for the questions, you silently thanked yourself for skipping breakfast cause it might as well end up on the floor now. You really tried to calm yourself and focus once you got the test, but no matter how hard you tried to keep steady your leg kept bouncing under the table successfully taking your concentration away. You scribbled a few answers, suddenly not being sure of anything, so you kept scratching and rewriting them. When you felt like you didn’t know you bit the end of your pen in thought, but you really couldn’t focus your mind on anything.

What felt like just five minutes to you turned out to be the whole hour when Lady Lesso asked for the tests back. You looked at your test freaked out that it was only halfway done, and that finished half probably wasn’t even right. It felt like tears were already stinging in your eyes as you set the paper on the stack on Lady Lesso’s desk and went back to get your things. All you wanted to do was crawl into bed and let the floor swallow you whole. You’re definitely gonna fail the test. And Lady Lesso will punish you and torture you in the school dungeons.

“Y/N?” startled you turned around in the door when the teacher called out to you.

“Um, yes?” you answered perplexedly, did she already know you’ll fail the class?

“Are you alright? You seam a little green.” Lesso wasn’t one to sugarcoat anything but when she saw how stressed one of her best students looked today, she couldn’t help but feel a bit of worry about you.

“Ugh, yeah, yeah, sure…” Not knowing what to say you just shrugged your shoulders.

“I noticed you weren’t quite concentrated on the test…” her words weren’t unusually cold but you felt like she must already know how bad you did on the test.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, please don’t hurt me…” was all you were able to get out before your sobs overtook your body and you started shaking.

“Hey, it’s alright, come here.” Surprised she didn’t necessarily know what to do with your collapsed form but she took you by the shoulders and sat you on her desk so that you don’t pass out. “What’s going on?”

“It’s… I did so bad… and I don’t know anything… everyone is gonna fail me and you’re gonna torture me and turn me into some scary monster and I’ll never really live again and I’ll be miserable…” your rant went on and on, once you started voicing your insecurities out you couldn’t stop.

“Hey, shh shh, stop.” Lesso squeezed your shoulders to ground you and furrowed her brows seeing the awful bags under your eyes. “You’re not gonna fail, you’re my best student. It’s just anxiety talking…”

You put your hand on her forearm trying to steady yourself. “But I didn’t even finish the test…” you were confused why would she not let you fail.

“It’s alright, I’m confident in you. Or you can take a make up test, but look at you, when was the last time you slept?” you couldn’t really answer that so you just put your head down in shame. “Look at me when I’m talking to you. You’ll answer me when I ask something.” With a strong grip on your jaw she forced your head up to look into her eyes.

“A week…” you mumbled shamefully.

“What was that?” Lesso raised an eyebrow challenging you to try and not follow her orders.

“It’s about a week.” You exhaled while giving up the fight with your depressed feeling.

“Oh poor thing. Here’s what we’re going to do alright? We’re gonna get you something to eat from the dining hall and then tuck you neatly in bed. And you’re not gonna set a finger out from under the duvets until tomorrow. Understood?” her strong look was giving you no room for discussion.

“Okay.” Your sigh was enough for her to get you up and going, directing you into the dining hall.

After Lady Lesso made sure you had enough sweets and fruit to eat, she took you personally into your dorm making sure you follow what she told you. She wasn’t a stranger to anxiety herself, being just a naïve unaware reader when she first got into the school herself. But she learnt how to cope and she’s gonna help her students too. There was no way she was risking the future of evil failing the school because of neglected mental health.

“In you go.” She cooed you into bed, making sure you’re comfortable draping your duvet over you. After you were tucked in bed, she turned around to leave.

“Lady Lesso?” you asked in a small unsure voice.

“Yes?” Lesso turned back around to answer any request you might have.

“You really aren’t going to torture me?” maybe it was stupid to ask but you wanted to be sure.

“Did you break the school rules?” she encountered shaking her head with a small smile. “Of course I’m not going to torture you.”

“And Lady Lesso?” you called to her again when she was nearly at the door.

“Hm?” she was getting a little impatient with you, when did she go so soft to take such good care about her students anyway?

“Thank you… for taking care.” You smiled at her and finally sinked into your pillow.

“You’re welcome.” With that she left and closed the door behind her.

Maybe she went a bit soft in her days as the dean of evil, but as she overlooked your petite form, she couldn’t find it as such a bad thing.

#lady lesso x reader #lady lesso #leonora lesso x reader #leonora lesso #lady leonora lesso x reader #lady leonora lesso #lady lesso fluff #the school for good and evil #fanfiction #school for good and evil #tsfgae #sge

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iamthat-iam · 7 months

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hey Bry, i hope you’re doing good, i wanted to ask for help because im tired of this, like i dont know who else to ask ( 😔 ) could you please tell me what i'm doing wrong? (long text ahead)

i’ve been into Non Dualism for a while, not that much tho, i was into the Law of Assumption community and i was having that point of view and the i discovered ND. I felt like i was being blessed because the main idea of Non Dualism is so freeing. I consumed all types of ND contents you can imagine, i was in every corney of the internet looking for info and different perspectives, and i was doing…. meh. I was learning but i had my up and downs but i was slowly “detaching from ego”. Then something happened i had a few problems with a class of mine and i felt like a fell from the progress that i had. I was trying to read more and more content to try to make me understand that “hey its ok”, ofc that never worked because my teacher accused me of plagiarism and the owrse part is that is true but is not bcs of bad reasons i just used AI and wanted to make my assignments easier and my mental health was awful for me to complete them. Then i found out that my grades were low and i dont know if im going to fail, or repeat my semester, and the worse, i dont want mynparents to find out and pay for those classes. I feel awful because they’re really expensive and i just want to solve this. Believe me, im so tired of reading content and not knowing what to do. I’ve tried every “tecnique” to slowly detach from ego, but i just can’t stop thinking about these problems, they’re haunting me like crazy. I know this is just ego but, ive had so many anxiety attacks because of this like i don’t get it. I'm sorry if im sounding too demanding, im literally asking in the best way possible, what else could i do?

A lot of bloggers say “you don´t need to understand this, is your ego worrying” and others say “slowly question yourself what ego says or sees and go back to your origin” that gets me so confused and i'm exhausted. im so lost and i just want to delete everything and feel better. i know ND, is not about this, it shouldn’t make me feel like this, is just very simple. i just have too many problems like Bry i am really concerned, my mothers finances haven’t been the best and i don’t want her to pay a lor of money. I'm terrified to let go of this desire to change my grade circumstances, because I'm scared that if I do, nothing will change and everything around me will only worsen, and it feels like I've got such little time to change things. I know it might b the best to “let go” and do nothing but like, what if it stays the same. I dont even understand when people say “let it be” or i saw a girl saying “if you have a problem, dont do thing to it. ignore it and it will solve” like how??? i feel defeated and i just want to be free. im so scared to be in this position when the week ends, or by the month ends. im so lost. i feel like i only know this intellectual, but when the day passes and i say to myself “I AM” i just can’t feel it, i feel like a limited body. i give up on trying to achieve something,Ego seems so exhausting and scary and terrifying. i want to leave everything behind and be gentle with myself. what can i do? what should i do?

thank you bry if you read this fully, i really try to follow your blog and i like your kindness towards ppl. i hope u have a nice day

Im doing good ty for asking!

You have to take a leap of faith. I know it's scary to let go of control and trying to change things but if you don't, you will continue to feel like this and the problems will continue to exist. Trying to change a problem is you acknowledging that there's even a problem in the first place. Worrying about these problems are just keeping them there, because you keep acknowledging that they exist.

Your true self doesn't have problems! So when you know yourself as you really are, and are not identified with the person dealing with such and such issues, they have to go away. There's no possibility of things staying the same because everything appears and disappears based on what you are aware of.

Surrender. Just know that everything will work out in the end (because everything is already perfect).

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gmmtv-bl-tournament-but-evil · 2 months

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hiiiiiiii I'm here after sooo many days (so many days passed that my next exam is near💀) I'm that exam anon who used to annoy you to lend your evil powers. so my 1st sem results are out I passed all the subjects didn't fail in any(might fail in this semester tho💀) and my sgpa is 6.16 🥺🥺 are you proud of me??? pls say yes im trying:(

YOU DID GREAT!!!!!! So proud of you, my friend!!! Try not to get yourself down about exams that haven't come yet, I'm sure you can get through them too!

I love hearing from you, please let me know how this session goes too 💖💖💖

#asks #anonymous

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galaxywarp · 2 years

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hey, i hope it's okay to ask a question- i'm pretty sure you went to collage(and if you didn't then feel free to just delete this haha), so as someone currently in high-school i was wondering: is it worth like. learning? i cheat a lot because school just isn't for me but i was thinking about giving college a shot since i feel like being able to choose things i'm interested in would help a lot, and wondered if i should be putting in an effort to really learn too. i'm not worried about grades and getting accepted into college. but i'm worried about being behind and being stuck because i don't understand things. i'm mostly worried about math? but again i can totally try and actually learn, i just don't know if it's worth it at this point. basically: is high-school knowledge actually important for college?

Oof……ok, so, DISCLAIMER: I’m not sure if this is the Good, Responsible answer I should be giving you, so please take what I say with a grain of salt. I’m just one guy and quite frankly an AWFUL student, because school really wasn’t an environment I thrived in cuz of my mental health struggles/disability, but I still managed to get my bachelors degree sooo…..I’ll just tell you what my experience was

Again, THIS IS JUST MY EXPERIENCE AND PLEASE READ THIS WITH THAT IN MIND AND UNDERSTAND THAT MY EXPERIENCE ISNT UNIVERSAL OR NECESSARILY APPLICABLE FOR YOUR SITUATION!! Okay? Okay! cool!

So….I cheated in school. Quite a bit. Whenever I could look up an answer with google, that’s what I did. I learned from a young age that “learning” and “passing the class” were two very different skills.

I actually did NOT learn much of anything from my time in school. Like I said, I hated the environment. It made me super depressed and stifled my desire to actually learn and use my mind. I would do shit like put off all of my assignments until the last week of the semester and then do them all at once, or I’d finish a final project in a single night (I do not recommend doing this tho jndhdbsbdvsb it caused me a lot of stress)

So, Pretty much, i prioritized passing classes over actually learning anything from them. It wasn’t until I graduated and got real-life experience outside of a school setting that I regained my passion for my field and began genuinely learning again

But that’s focusing a lot on my years in college. You’re asking about high school. I will say this: a lot of my entry level college classes were actually easier than the harder high school classes. Math is a bit of an exception (especially because I’m naturally weak at it) in that it does follow a more linear “path” as you advance from algebra to calculus and their various levels, and it’s harder to fake your way through something like calculus 2 (I wasn’t able to. I failed the shit out of it)

But depending on what you’re going into, you may not need many math credits? I only worried about math when I thought I wanted to go into engineering. When I switched to information technology/software development, I only needed a basic Algebra credit. And I cried in relief because I no longer needed to torture myself into learning calculus lmao

I feel like im rambling now. Is any of this helpful? I carried practically no knowledge from high school to college, and even once I was in college I still barely learned anything. But I did graduate!

Sorry, it’s late and I’m a bit tired. I hope me sharing my experience helps you a little!! Feel free to ask me any other questions you might have, okay?

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ajaxs-study-room · 4 months

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the spring semester starts tomorrow and i'm a bit nervous since i've failed one of the classes i'm taking twice. tho that was 5 years ago and at a different college but still. the best i'm able to tell myself right now is that i don't need to ace the class i just need to pass. it might hurt my gpa a little but my gpa is 4.26 right now so one lower grade shouldn't effect it too much.

i've already been doing some of the readings and assignments for the first week since the classes opened a few days ago so i'm hoping the headstart gives me a bit of a confidence boost.

#college #studyblr #study #studygram #studyinspo #studyspiration #studyspo #study blog #study hard #studywithme #studying #study motivation

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nar-nia · 1 year

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hi Nina,

im sorry to hear that January so far wasn’t the best :(( hearing it makes my heart ache, even though we don't really know each other, i'm always rooting for u and for ur well being!!

whatever it is im hoping it will go away soon, sweetheart, meanwhile take care!! and dont go be hard on urself!! ily, i hope u find comfort in things that make u happy and remember that it gets better!! im sending u so much hugs, and cutie HEE - please link here for the adorable baby- maybe this will make u smile <3

the schedule of ur updates and reblogging fics sounds lovely!!! i dont know if i have any idea of request tho :(( the only thing on my mind for it is, like, honeymoon with hee - cuz that seems like a heaven <3 and,,,,hmm im shy writing this cuz i dont know how u feel about asking such questions but,, always in the back of my mind i wondered, how are heaven from babysitter au? its absolutely my fav fic ( i think i have mentioned it A LOT) and their story always lingers in the back of my head - im not saying i need a whole drabble about or something but have u thought what they might be up to now? if this is like weird or something please ignore this part of my essay </3

i wish i could say my January was better, but it rly wasnt. i had to retake one the for my class and i passed the second time - but i felt so disappointed in myself and now im so much more scared of failure. the end of the semester is coming so quickly and i will be (starting wednesday) writing some test to pass classes and im have so exams soon - my first ever uni exams, im nervous, cuz studying never was my specialty? thats sounds silly but, i was always getting by cuz i was kinda smart but now? there is so much :(( and i'm not even gonna be writing them in my native language - the english spelling will kill me ://

also!! the hee angst drabble u recently posted, i loved it, u always wanted to make hee a safe haven, the biggest comfort in the dark times, i rly cherish that <3

i hope the rest of January will be better if not more than maybe just a bit <33 icant seem to write u a short ask for the life of me, sorry for that

p.s always thinking about u , ily, i will probably come back in the middle of february <3 please wait for me <33

-ur beloved anonie! ^^

hellooo <33

I love you 🥺 thank you so much for your words (and the hee pic of course), they made me smile <33

and i love your requests!! i will write down both of them and i hope i'll do them justice. but a catch-up on the babysitters club sounds like so much fun, i'd love to write one!

i know it's easier said than done but please don't be so disappointed in yourself. I had to take so many tests twice because it was just too much at once and i failed, and that sucks but we gladly have second tries for that. you're still doing amazing, no matter if you take more tries or not. I'm so proud of you <33

i'm wishing you the best of luck for your exams, i'm always here to celebrate or to provide hugs, no matter how your exams will go.

and i love your long asks!! they sometimes take me a bit longer to answer (i'm sorry about that) because i really want to take my time in giving you the answer you deserve, but they always make me really happy.

i love you too and i will patiently wait 💖

#beloved anon 💖#my loves ❤️#talk that talk 📣

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min2hoesk · 2 years

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thursday; may 12, 2022

this is my first entry. i made this blog because keeping a diary is too hard for me. i hate writing stuff down. probably because of college LOL. taking notes by hand is better for retention, but bad on my hands. i finished 25 21 today and it really made me want to start again. i guess it was easier in the 90s when they didn’t have all the technology we had today. it was such a good kdrama, but the ending was very sad imo. i get why they broke up, they had to...still a very bittersweet ending.

anyways, my life isn’t as interesting as Hee-do’s. she was an olympic fencer and i am just an ordinary college student. but it still seems like a good idea to have some sort of record that i existed. i don’t expect people to read this, it’s for my own personal use at this point. but maybe something i write will help someone, who knows.

i say i’m a college student, but two weeks from now i’ll be a college graduate actually. i didn’t know i’d get this far 5 years ago but here we are! i actually didn’t think i’d graduate a few days ago...i kind of messed up. i forgot a very important paper and didn’t turn it in. which means i’ll probably fail the class two weeks before graduation. it’s embarrassing. they’ll still let me graduate tho, but i have to make the class up over the summer. that would suck for someone who wasn’t planning on going back to school, but i’m already enrolled during the summer for my graduate degree so it won’t be too bad.

i think it happened because i took on too many responsibilities this semester. i accepted a job as a limited time employee at my school and then started working 40 hours a week. it was incredibly stressful and i felt like i was drowning a month ago. this paper must have slipped my mind during then. there’s nothing i can do now except hope i will do better next time. i hope if you’re reading this and maybe stressed about school, it shows you that school isn’t so bad and stressing yourself out can be lessened if you think about the cause of your mistake and use that as a lesson.

when you go out into the real world, they aren’t going to care if you got a C+ in this class or a D in that class or even what your GPA is. as long as you are passing, you will get the thing they want to see. that very VERY expensive piece of paper. and yes, sometimes college might be a scam, but it is going to help me achieve my goal of moving somewhere beautiful and being able to do what i love: teach.

maybe i’ll write about what it took me to get here some day, but i don’t think that’s necessary now. if you think hearing about that will help you get through college or even just life, let me know. sometimes hearing about how someone else persevered through their own hardships helps you get through yours and see that light at the end of the very dark tunnel.

i’m not sure if i’ll write every day, nothing can be that interesting. but until then ~

- R

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seduceme-lovestruck-thearcana · 3 years

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You had another Spanish test? That sounds overwhelming but I'm glad you did good! Anything I can help you with?

Honestly idk either sis bc,,,there are short audio prompts like 5 seconds and then there was 30 second audio prompts of 2 people speaking about how much a sofa costs and I’m hearing multiple numbers but can’t understand bc I hear “quin” and then “noventa” out of nowhere and,,,I believe quinnoventa is not a number hobjeewds. And I mean ik that noventa means 90 it does right- but Quin isn’t a number on its own so,,these people need to go just a tad slower for me,,,

But honestly idk how I got one right bc the answer was “mirror” in Spanish and I kept hearing “colors” and picked the answer choice with the image of a squirrel in the snow looking at heart-shaped sunglasses and the reflection of the squirrel which was meant to represent mirror...I love my teacher efdbed. And I don’t think of anything I need help with right now. I just need to learn about Argentina, Chile, and Spain, and some place else again bc I’m learning about places there as in homes ya know what I mean? It’s hard to explain. This unit is “My Home and Me”,,,so I got a good grade bc I knew most of the rooms :)))

And it wasn’t an important test necessarily because it was just a pretest and god this World History Honors is gonna kill me now nogjkfdc.

#my ask box #ask box #Spanish was actually a little easier this time. I got Pongo wrong tho bc it was supposed to be Taigo I think?? I can't #remember exactly lol. But yeh I just ran with it and hahAE I'll take an 83 since my other pretests sometimes be 60 which is the passing #grade...so hHEHBDIK. And thank you sisss. I might go to you when I'#am completely failing which might be soon who knows lol.#But kinda sadly the semester is almost over and I'm not gonna lie I'm gonna miss my Spanish teacher :(.#and I got some wrong bc its like pongo or hongo or taigo and like idk-#bUT THANK YOU SORRY FOR RAMBLING QJEWIDABS

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wonwoonlight · 2 years

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shiny star | chwe hansol

➝ Hansol x Reader

➝ takes place in the same universe as shiny star (wonwoo)

➝ word count: 4.5k words.

➝ fluff // non-idol!au // university!au // strangers to lovers ishh

➝ inspired by: Shiny Star (2020) - KyoungSeo

➝ Shiny Star masterlist

➝ A/N: hi! remember when i said i wanted to write hansol uni!au? I've decided to make shiny star a series for every member that takes place in the same universe🙈 tbh I've always had this in mind since I posted Wonwoo's Shiny Star, and here we are now. there's no telling when will the next one be updated tho hehe. Also, you don't have to read that one to read this, but there might be bits that would help you understand some part better ^^ anywayy, thank you for the prompt anon <3 enjoy!

참 많이 어색했었죠 널 처음 만난 날

the first time we met each other were so awkward, wasn't it?

멀리서 좋아하다가 들킨 사람처럼

it felt as though i was caught admiring you from afar

숨이 가득 차올라서 아무 말 하지 못했는데

i was so speechless that i couldn't say anything

You often think you’d make a pretty boring main character in a movie. You’re a pretty ordinary person with a pretty ordinary life; which is more blessing than one would think. You’re just glad you don’t have to deal with dramas and being ordinary is already more than you could’ve asked for.

Isn’t it better to have a boring life than one where you constantly go up and down like a rollercoaster? The most you have to deal with is the usual fight with friends or family members, maybe a very bad day once in a while, and perhaps the threat of failing a class because you’d hate to prolong your time in this university because you need to retake a class or two.

That said, you aren’t surprised that you don’t have a heart wrenching romance story--or any kind of romance, really. You’ve always liked the idea of it, but never bothered to actually look for one. You figure it’ll come in time and you’re in no rush to get into one either. Maybe you just don’t fall into the girlfriend material category, hence why no one ever really tries to flirt with you.

That doesn’t mean you’re not interested in anyone though.

The alarm in your head rings once you hear that familiar laughter, and you try to subtly glance to the side and find Chwe Hansol making his way to (presumably) his class with his usual group of friends: Seungkwan, Seokmin, Wonwoo, and his girlfriend.

Well, you don’t know if the girl is actually his girlfriend, but you’re pretty sure there’s something going on between the two of them even though there are also rumours about Wonwoo and Kim Jennie from Architecture.

Anyhow, you pretend to busy yourself with your locker as they walk closer and closer, enough for you to get a glimpse of their conversation.

“--didn’t you have a crush on that girl from one of your classes?” Seokmin teases cheerfully, though he doesn’t seem to have any control over his strength because Hansol actually stumbles from his nudge, almost crashing into you but the guy manages to catch his balance before it happens.

Hansol clicks his tongue at Seokmin’s sheepish smile before turning to you. “Sorry, are you okay?”

You stiffly nod at him as your heart beats faster, addressing Seokmin instead when you say you’re fine. Of course, Hansol has a crush on someone. What were you expecting, really?

Hansol holds your gaze for a second before he nods then turns away; you can see him scolding the older guy as Seungkwan and the other simply laugh at his antics.

You exhale a deep breath as you turn back to your locker, missing the way Hansol looks back at you and holds back a small smile to himself.

Another semester passes by just like that and you can feel the weather beginning to get colder. Autumn is about to pass, then. You’ve always been bad at handling winter, but at least the snow is always pleasing to the eyes as long as they’re not blocking roads.

You haven’t talked to Hansol again since that day; which isn’t that surprising, really. You have no actual plans of getting closer to him and you know that was just a one time thing. Did you expect him to start talking to you after that? No, you didn’t (yes, a little), because you know it’s unlikely—Chwe Hansol isn’t the type to broaden his circle just for the sake of it, anyway. You rarely see him with anyone other than his usual circle.

You slightly bow to the librarian as you step into the library, gaze rounding the room to look for an empty seat. Your eyes find Wonwoo, tidying up the books on the table before he scribbles something on a post-it, his presumed girlfriend asleep on the table with no care in the world. There’s a soft smile on his face when he softly pats her head and then walks past you to leave the library just like that.

You wonder if you’ll ever experience that.

You blink back the thought quickly. That’s not important now; what’s important is this unfinished paper on Music History that’s due in a few days. Why did you even take this class when it’s not even mandatory?

Huffing to yourself, you quickly drop down your laptop and your bag once you find an empty table by the window. After that, you don’t waste any time going through the shelves to find the books that your TA said would help. You could’ve asked the librarian to shorten your time, but there’s just something calming about going through the books yourself. Perhaps it’s the way it makes you feel like you’re putting actual effort into this.

You bite down your lip when you find Hansol on the next aisle, earphones on as he busily skims through the book in front of him, putting some books back while he’s at it. You quietly make your way to look on the opposite shelf, your back turned to him. For the love of everything that is good, you just can’t believe this stupid crush you’ve been harboring for him has lasted this long.

When you first realized you’ve been staring at him more than you would other people, you thought it would be a small, fleeting crush that would leave in two weeks at most. You had figured you’re just a little lonely because your friend recently found a new boyfriend and you wanted that giddy feeling too. Hansol does make a pretty good eye-candy in class anyway.

But you started noticing him more; his soft amused scoffs during class when Seungkwan whispers something to him, the way he never fails his presentations even though he looks like his mind isn’t in the class half of the time, the way he’d smirk to himself every time the lecturer tries to call him out for zoning out in class but manages to answer the questions thrown at him nevertheless.

And you know you’re deeper than you thought you were when you realize you even notice him outside classes: when he passes by the corridor, when he’s laughing with his circle in the cafetaria, or even when he’s just scribbling down something by himself the few times you see him in the library.

It’s nothing serious, obviously; you don’t know him personally, after all. You don’t even know if he actually knows you. But this… infatuation you have for him has lasted much longer than you thought it would ever be.

You still think about that time he almost crashes into you from time to time.

“Oh, sorry!” his voice startles you more than the way he bumps into you. You blink at the sudden weight against you, have you been zoning out?

“No, it’s okay,” you give him a tight smile, telling him it’s your fault for not being attentive to your surroundings. One that Hansol mistakes as a polite smile when you’re just trying your best not to be nervous around him.

“I’m always bumping into you, aren’t I?” he asks in amusement. “_____, right? We share some classes, don’t we?”

You nod and smile sheepishly at that, unsure what to say when you’re just frozen dumb in place because you didn’t expect him to be talking to you or even know you. You look down just so you won’t have to look him in the eyes, but, instead, you find the book you’re looking for in his hands.

Hansol seems to notice this, so he holds up the book and asks if you need it. “You can take it. I was just about to return it anyway.”

“Was it… not of help?” you ask, though you take the book from him anyway. “Or are you just finished with it?”

He chuckles at your question, one that you would’ve missed, because your heart is beating so loud in your ears, if not for the fact that your consciousness is paying full attention to him. “Not for me, no. What do you need it for?”

“Umm. Professor Han’s class.”.

“Oh, Music History?” he recalls the name of the Professor. “Then this should help. Seungkwan took that class too and I remember seeing him with this book when he was doing his paper.”

“Really?” you mindlessly exclaim. “I’m glad, then. Hanbin actually told me this would help and I just kinda believe his words.”

“Kim Hanbin is the TA?” he asks, and you’re kind of getting used to being in his proximity that your heart has settled back to its usual steady rhythm. Has it always been this easy to talk to him? “It should work well, then. He’s not the annoying type.”

You laugh at that, knowing the few TAs he’s referring to that’s opposite of Hanbin. But you don’t get to say anything because someone’s already calling for him from the end of the aisle (Yugyeom, you think. The tall guy from Composition class), asking him what’s taking so long.

“Oh, sorry!” he quickly says to his friend as he returns some of the books in his hands. He sends you an apologetic look, saying he has to go but hands you one more book that Seungkwan often used as a reference. “Good luck on your paper.”

You can only whisper a small thank you before he’s gone again just like that.

You’re not sure if you’re imagining things, but you feel like Hansol has been acknowledging you these days and you don’t know how to react to that. He’d catch your eyes when he walks by, sending you a quick smile that you don’t get to return because he’s already ahead of you once you register he is smiling at you. And then he’ll also wave at you when he finds you in a class before sitting down next to his friend as if what he does isn’t confusing you.

Maybe he’s being friendly, but your infatuation infused brain keeps on telling you that there must be something if he keeps on doing that to you.

Perhaps you’re delusional.

He has never tried to talk to you, anyway. That should mean more than the fact that he’s been silently acknowledging you since that day. You need to remind yourself that he’s just being friendly.

“You’re sighing a lot these days,” Somi says from beside you, her arm tightly circling yours even though she’s taller than you and it’d be more comfortable the other way around. “It’s annoying.”

You simply shrug, knowing that Somi does, in fact, know Hansol personally even though they’re not close or anything. But knowing her tendency to tease you like there’s no tomorrow, and her nonexistent hesitance to push you to him, you decide Somi should never find out about your crush for the guy even though you love her with all your heart.

“Come on, I thought we don’t hide anything from each other?” she pouts, shaking your arm.

You laugh at this, telling her it’s really nothing. “Look forward, won’t you? You’ll fall down again and I’ll just laugh instead of helping you this time.”

It has started to snow since a few days ago and, even though the snow isn’t that thick yet, Somi has made it her habit to stumble upon nothing everytime you walk across the field to make your way to the other building. Somi chooses to blame it on the cold like it makes sense.

From the corner of your eyes, you recognize Hansol, Seungkwan, and Seokmin making their way to your side. Your eyes lock with his, and you give him a small smile without giving him the chance to return it, pretending to nod at whatever Somi’s babbling about.

You look at Seungkwan beside him, teasing him about something until you recognize the shape of your name in his mouth. You blink owlishly at this, and you can see him playfully pushing Hansol to your direction in the subtlest way possible.

They’re getting close enough to be in your earshot now and your eyes accidentally meet Hansol’s again. Your brain registers the teasing words they’re spewing to him, and even though Hansol looks annoyed, you can tell that he’s about to actually greet you for once the moment his eyes meet yours.

So you do the first thing your brain tells you to do: turn to Somi and drag her with you so you’ll go past them quickly to deny him the chance to greet you.

Somi whines at the sudden force, asking you what’s your problem when she notices the three guys making their way to your direction. The fact that Hansol’s looking at you, the two guys childishly nudging him, and you avoiding his gaze is enough to get the gears in her mind working.

As if that’s not enough, your reluctance to look at her once you get to the other side only confirms her suspicion further.

“Soooo,” she grins the moment you pull yourself away from her. “What’s with you and Hansol, huh?”

“Nothing,” you cut sharply. You don’t even need to look at Somi to know her grin only gets wider at your reply, and you don’t need to hear what she’s going to say that you already shut her down by saying you don’t wish to talk about it.

“He’s pretty cute, you know,” she says anyway, her sing-song tone more annoying than it should be. “I approve. Always thought he’s the kind of guy who’s not interested in a relationship.”

“And what makes you think he is now?” You look at her pointedly, then quickly pull back your words once you meet her playful eyes. “Wait, no, don’t answer that. I’m late for class and so are you. Bye.”

You shake your head as Somi unashamedly screams she won’t drop it just yet, not minding the glare some students send her way for screaming in the corridor.

You’re lucky you don’t have any class with Somi today. But you know she won’t shut up once you see her again and it’s going to be a long day.

You’re finally in your last class of the day and you can’t wait for the day to end already. Thursdays are always busy because your classes are packed and you need to move buildings twice. Which is why you can’t even spend your lunch break with Somi (much to your luck for this time around), she knows you usually pack your lunch on Thursdays because your class after lunch break is literally on the other side of the university and it’s on the fourth floor.

What a way to make you exercise.

So you’d usually just go to the building early and bring your lunch with you to eat on the bench outside the classroom. Being late has always been something that irks you, and you’d choose eating by yourself over the anxiety of getting late to class just to eat in the cafetaria.

You sit down on one of the empty benches, mindlessly scrolling through your phone as you nibble on your bread when someone takes the seat beside you. You look up in confusion, because why on earth would someone sit next to you when there are a lot of empty seats on the other benches?

“Oh,” you blink when you recognize the person beside you, your heartbeat picking up once again from his presence. “Hi Hansol.”

“Hi,” he awkwardly says, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his coat. “Not going to the cafetaria?”

“No. It’s too far,” you force out a chuckle. He’s so going to mention what happened earlier, isn’t he? Maybe you should make a run for it while you can. “You?”

Of course, the other side of you longs to actually talk to him so it’s not that surprising that your mouth opens before you can even think further.

“Doesn’t feel like it,” he shrugs and the conversation stops there.

The situation is eating you inside out, Hansol looks like he’s going to say more but it seems like he isn’t sure how to bring it up himself. For once, you wish you were like Somi who can just blurt out things without hesitation.

“Uh,” he finally starts, making you look at him. “I’m sorry about earlier. My friends can be something, I’m sure you know.”

You laugh at this, telling him it’s okay as if you didn’t embarrassingly run away earlier the moment he got closer. “I see Seungkwan enough to know, I think.”

“Yeah, uh. I hope you don’t… find it weird?” he asks one more time.

“No, no. Don’t worry,” you wave your hands. “It’s kind of funny, to be honest.”

“I’m glad, then,” he sniffles a little against the cold. “It’s just that… you kind of just went past and I’m not sure what to make of that.”

You cough hardly at that, and Hansol worriedly pats you on the back and hands you the water bottle he sees sitting on the edge of your seat. You mutter a quite sorry after the cough dies down, gripping into the bottle for support before you address his words earlier.

“Um, sorry. I think it just kinda triggered my fight or flight reflex,” you laugh awkwardly. “I’ve just… always been awkward with new people. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, really.” His smile is more genuine now, as if relieved after he’s heard your answer. “I can tell why they can be overwhelming. But… did their presence weird you out that much?”

Or did you hear what they were saying? Hansol wants to add, but figures it’ll be better to keep it to himself in case you run away again.

You bite your lip as you contemplate on your words. Damn it. You’re an awkward person to begin with, something that you have come to accept as you get older. But you never thought it would amplify to this extent in front of Chwe Hansol, the guy you’ve been crushing on for the last 3 semesters.

“I… Um, they look like they were laughing at me so I just kinda… yeah,” you manage to make up a reason on the spot. Though, really, you’re just flustered that his friends were pointing at you with teasing grins to Hansol and your mind just kinda spirals down the abyss like you’re stupid.

“Oh my God, I’m sorry. I promise they weren’t laughing at you,” he quickly reassures you, afraid that you were offended. “I’m so sorry if you felt that way.”

“I know,” you scrunch your nose in embarrassment. “I know they weren’t laughing at me. It’s just that… I don’t know, I just feel embarrassed for no reason?”

Hansol sighs at that. He knows his friends are bound to push him into his demise one of these days, but he never thought it would be because of that particular moment with you. He’s finally gained enough courage to talk to you and they’re ruining it for him? No way he’s going to let them do that.

“They’re harmless, I promise,” he tries to comfort you, though you don’t look convinced for some reason. “I…. I really don’t want to say it like this. But… ugh. They were teasing me, so it should be me that’s embarrassed, really.”

“Why… would they be teasing you?” you dare yourself to ask, heart beating wildly as you wait for his reply.

“They notice I’ve been greeting you these days,” he frowns as he realizes how dumb that sounds out loud. “And… well, they rarely see me with a girl friend so they immediately assume I’m into you.”

Ouch. Assume, he says.

“Why would they think that?” you try to play it cool even though your heart drops at the implication, chuckling like it doesn’t make any sense. “Why would you be into me?”

You don’t see it, as you’re too busy staring at the floor instead of looking at him, but Hansol’s frown deepens at your words, not liking it at all. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Your head quickly snaps back to him, wide eyes meeting his. No words seem to leave your mouth, though, so Hansol takes it to himself to fill the silence for once.

“I’ve been… wanting to talk to you for some time now,” he confesses, cringing at the way he sounds. “And I guess they kind of want to push me into it.”

“You… want to talk to me?” you blink repeatedly, pretty sure you’ve heard him wrong. “About what?”

Hansol chuckles softly before he shrugs to himself. “Anything, really.”

You frown at this, still not getting him, too confused that you don’t realize he’s slightly shifted closer to you, his thigh touching yours. “Anything? Why?”

“Have you always been this slow?” he asks with a laugh, his lighthearted tone assuring you that there’s no ill intent behind his words. Seungkwan would’ve laughed at his face if he knows Hansolis calling someone slow. “Do I need a reason to talk to you?”

“Well, no? I guess?” You answer, feeling your cheeks getting warm at his intense gaze. Have his eyes always been this pretty? You’d never imagined you’ll know, you’ve never had the chance to be this close to him, after all. “I’ve just always thought you’re more on the quiet side, really.”

“Been paying attention to me, huh?” he jokingly asks, eyes twinkling with mischief.

But you’re not exactly in the right mind to register his teasing tone nor your next words. “Is it that obvious?”

Hansol actually laughs at this, finding the whole interaction adorable by the seconds. He reassures you that he was just kidding though, and when you seem like you’re just going to get more embarrassed than you already are, Hansol quickly tells you it is himwho’s been paying attention to you.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” he smiles comfortingly. “I’d be honored, if anything. I told you I’ve been wanting to talk to you.”

“This is so embarrassing,” you desperately try to hide your face with your palms.

“If it helps, I’ve been meaning to talk to you since the beginning of the year, really,” he scratches his head in embarrassment, never knowing he’d ever tell you all this in this kind of scenario. “I just… don’t know how to approach you and not sure what to say either.”

This seems to help somehow, because you actually look up to him and stare at the guy in confusion. “You’ve known me since the beginning of the year?”

“We do share a lot of classes,” he simply explains. “Also, kinda hard not to notice you when you’re friends with Somi who makes her presence known everytime she steps into a class.”

Sometimes you wonder how you can be so close with Somi; because everything about her is the opposite of you. But perhaps it’s the difference that makes you both appreciate the other more, as you’ll always try your best to understand each other because you’re both aware you’re too different to jump into conclusions.

You’ve also wondered if her loudness would one day bring you troubles—never this though. You had never imagined Chwe Hansol would know about your existence because of her big mouth.

“Still…” you try to deny. Why, you’re not really sure.

“No ‘still’,” he clicks his tongue in mock annoyance, the gentle look in his eyes reminding you he’s not the least bit annoyed. “I’m actually glad I finally got to talk to you that time in the library. But I haven’t got the chance to actually talk to you again after that, which is why Seungkwan and Seokmin were trying to push me into you.”

You bite the inside of your cheek at the revelation. Hansol… is interested in you? It feels too much like a dream even though this is barely even the beginning of it. This isn’t a matter of insecurity, it’s just… unexpected. And totally something that is out of the ordinary scenario you’ve painted your life to be. This just seems to be something out of romance fiction, not your boring life that you’ve been quite content with.

“I… heard what they were saying, actually,” you truthfully confess. “That’s why I ran away. I wasn’t sure how to face you after hearing them tease you about your… uh, crush.”

Hansol bites back another sigh, he really should do something about those friends of his one of these days. But at least they’ve given him the chance to approach you and talk to you even if it’s initially to apologize. But he’s found much more than he’s expected and it’s not something he’s going to let go now that he’s here.

“Would it be too much if I ask you to forget about it?” he proposes softly.

You can’t even count the amount of time you’ve stared at him in confusion in the last 5 minutes, but Hansol never lets whatever doubt linger within you as he explains what he means almost immediately.

“It’s just… I’d prefer it if you hear about it from me,” he says, pretending like his heart isn’t about to burst out of his chest. Gosh, is this how it’s like for Wonwoo and his girlfriend too? He’s pretty sure he didn’t sign up for having his heartbeat constantly running like there’s no tomorrow everytime he’s about to say something to you.

“So you’re planning on saying it yourself?” you ask, surprised.

Hansol shrugs, playing it cool even though there’s a grin threatening to flash across his face at how adorable the whole thing is in his eyes. “If you’d let me.”

“I think I’d like that very much,” you scrunch your nose to hide your smile, still refusing to look at him.

“Promise you won’t run away once it happens?” he teases, the weight in his shoulder lifting once he sees you narrowing your eyes at him.

“Maybe if you don’t take too long that your friends need to push you to do it this time?” you bite back. Perhaps it helps that you’ve always had a crush on him, but, despite the fact that you’re still very nervous, there’s something giddy bubbling inside you that you can’t help but let out.

Hansol snorts, amused at how easy it is to talk to you once he gets you to open up. He notices the way your cheeks lift up despite your insistence in biting down a smile and he’s pretty sure he looks more or less the same as you are, as his face has started to hurt from holding back the grin.

“So we agree you’ll forget about it?” he makes sure, looking at you.

You look back at him innocently, feigning ignorance. “About what?”

Hansol laughs as he shakes his head, glad that you seem to be getting comfortable already. Maybe he should thank Seokmin and Seungkwan, after all.

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