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#this show has been taking over my brain...
cordeliawhohung · 1 day
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Core, what about a bit of competition with ps! Gaz? Some new girl who think's she's already the darling of the studio takes a liking to Gaz, but finds out about his ties with reader.
The one time she gets to film with Gaz, she overplays her role and absolutely covers his neck, collar, shoulder, everything with hickeys, hoping it will deter the reader.
So imagine her shock when the next day, she pops into his dressing room and finds the reader in there as well, applying foundation over the marks and littered with dozens from Gaz himself. ❤️
(I realize how dumb this sounds as an ask but it's been rotting my brain for days and I desperately need it gone so I can focus on my college classes 😭)
thanks this has also been rotting my brain because i just love putting people in their place (: more ps!gaz here <3
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The crux of your ass sits in perfect place on Kyle's thighs while your legs straddle the expanse of his hips. Warm hands rest on your waist as you manhandle his jaw, tilting his head side to side to get better access to his neck. Thick, round hickeys litter the delicate skin around his throat and down to his shoulders in angry, red pinpoint marks that break the beautiful and even tone of his skin with something revolting. They look like proper bruises rather than the after effects of a... wild video shoot. As if someone had tried to strangle him rather than make love to him.
You remember the video well, along with that new model with her fake blonde hair and even faker tan that they had paired Kyle with to shoot the other day. You had only seen her in person one time, and you vividly recall the way her blue eyes rolled over your body, assessing every inch of you before ultimately deciding you were worth very little time. Confidence was a must when you worked in the porn industry, but her attitude borders on an arrogance you haven't seen since your teenage years in public school.
As you apply yellow color corrector onto the dark marks on his skin, you nearly shiver as the images of her stained lips suckling on Kyle's neck flood your mind. There was little room to feel jealousy about her ravaging your favorite co-star when you were too busy cringing. So childish. Over zealous. You nearly cried tears of laughter when you noticed Kyle's expression, grimacing at the wet tongue and annoying teeth that nipped at him, yet still having to pretend to enjoy it. Even the comments on the video joked about it.
Put him back with the other model.
"If I didn't know any better, I would have thought someone tried to strangle you," you tease.
"She might as well have," Kyle sighs. He adjusts his shoulders against the back of the chair, bare pecs flexing with the movement, bringing your attention to the uncovered marks that line his collarbone. "Haven't been able to go out in public without a goddamn turtleneck 'cause of her."
You chuckle as you finish applying and buffing out the rest of the color corrector along his skin. It leaves him looking sickly and discolored, which oddly enough is an improvement to what it looked like before. Setting the corrector to the side, you grab foundation next, hips swaying as you attempt to get some movement in your aching knees. Holding that position for so long without moving had them burning with fatigue.
"Need a break, doll?" Kyle prompts, hands sliding from your waist to your thighs.
"Don't know if we have time for a break. Got a lot of ground to cover before we start," you humor.
Kyle sits forward, throwing you off balance, yet he doesn't let you sway very far before his arms wrap around you, hands supporting your back. Adoring eyes crease as a grin floods his face. Even without the aid of studio lights he glows like a god as he leans closer and places a kiss on your neck.
"Show can't start without us," he says, teeth grazing your skin as he wanders down to your collarbone. "Could always give you a few hickeys to match, if you want."
He doesn't wait for you to answer before his tongue glides across your clavicles just for his teeth to follow right after. A chuckle rumbles in his chest at the tightening of your legs around his hips, and his hands only pull you closer. It doesn't take much for you to give in. Head rolling back, muscles melting as his lips conquer everything you're willing to give him. It's a delicate softness mixed with a brutal bite, something that leaves you gasping as he pulls the very air from your lungs and feeds on the sounds.
Kyle is more starved for you than usual. Sick of the fake, over dramatic screeching he got last week with that other model, he's hungry for the real thing. Hungry for you.
The unopened foundation falls free from your loose fingers and rolls along the floor into some forgotten corner when his hands wander underneath your shirt. It's a dance he has memorized; unclasping your bra without a second thought and tearing both it and your shirt off in a single, swift motion. He gives you little time to recover before his mouth is on your tits, kissing a sparse trail until he's rolling a perky nipple between his lips.
His bare skin feels like heaven underneath the palm of your hands as you grip his shoulders for stability. He'd take you on the cold, dressing room floors, you knew he would. A part of you wanted him to. Fuck the shoot, they should've learned well enough to put cameras in the dressing rooms by that point with how handsy Kyle Garrick always was with you.
"Can't wait until we get on set to try and undo me?" you ask breathlessly.
"Doll, I'll undo you right here and then again on set if you asked me to," he mumbles into your skin.
A quiet squeak interrupts your moment and the ambiance of the room shifts when the door to Kyle's dressing room opens. His hands grow stiff against your spine as you look over your shoulder at the figure in the doorway. You smell her perfume before you recognize her. Something drowning and floral, like a mall department store. It burns your nose, yet you're too distracted by the slack-mouth surprise etched onto the features of the new blood's face.
It's cute; her confusion. How her eyes flicker over your bare back and Kyle's hands pressed against your skin like he's cradling the only thing he cares for in the world. The dots just can't quite connect in her mind as to why he hasn't completely fallen for her yet, as if the only way she knows how to lure men is by butchering their neck with discolored marks. She can't comprehend why he'd rather have you in his lap than her.
Kyle draws a shocked groan from you when his teeth nip at your shoulder, and your eyes have no choice but to fall away from the woman in the doorway as he pulls you closer to him. His chin gently rests on your shoulder as he stares at the model, hands moving to rest on your hips.
"Need somethin?" he asks, bored.
There is very little you wouldn't have given to see the look on her face, but the small huff followed by the door slamming shut is good enough. Small giggles rattle your body as you lean back to get a better look at Kyle, as if your body would throw a fit if he wasn't within your sight. There's an inexplicable relief that floods his face as he looks up at you, and he mirrors your smile.
"What?" he defends. "Only asked her if she needed somethin."
"I think you broke her heart," you patronize.
"She'll live," he mumbles, lips falling against the crook of your neck again. "Your heart is the only one I care about, anyway."
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ponderingmoonlight · 2 days
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Hi! I just love your levi fics so much!
For a request I was hoping for something like this -
Levi & reader had grown up together along with Isabel and farlan, when the group gets sent off onto their fateful mission levi thinks reader died alongside with Isabel and farlan. (Angst)
Only to discover years later that reader was alive and actually doing very well for themselves, well known and a strong fighter. Just a very cute reunion fic maybe? Maybe romance 👀 thanks! <3
🦅- Anon
this was an emotional rollercoaster I'm still crying babe but here you go, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do <3
Levi thinking he lost his sun forever only to find you again after years
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Pairing: Levi x fem! reader
Word Count: 3,3k
Synopsis: It's been 1869 days since you were killed by the abnormal titan Isabel and Farlan lost their lives to as well, 1869 days of missing you and regretting that Levi didn't tell you about his true feelings when you were still alive. Little does he know you aren't so easy to get rid of and that you are still out there...
Warnings: death, blood, war scene, depression, full on hurt to comfort, super duper fluff in the end, as usual not proofread because I need to go to bed now hehe
Notes: Finally my first Levi fic after literally MONTHS! I know a lot of you were patiently waiting for more attack on titan content and I'm beyond sorry it took me so long babes. Please let me know how you feel about Attack on Titan content so that I might do more and especially regular fics in the future <3
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He can’t take his eyes off you. To be exact, the sunlight suits your facial features so well that it seems impossible to ever let go of your sight.
You have been friends since he met you on that day exactly 6 years ago, when you tried to steal a load of food for a heavy pregnant woman. Since then, he was captivated by your beauty, your brain, your skills. But somehow, this makes the stinging fact that you sit beside him even worse.
“You shouldn’t be here, (y/n)”, he speaks out before he’s able to stop himself.
Immediately, your gaze drifts away from the dreamy scenery to him, eyes widen in surprise.
“What are you talking about, Levi?”
Don’t say his name while looking at him like that, not with that gentle tone in your angelic voice. He told himself over and over that you are nothing but a close friend, maybe considered family like Isabel and Farlan.
He huffs to himself. What a filthy little lie.
“This mission is dangerous. I don’t want you to get-“
“Hurt? Killed? You told me about all those things more than once and I’m happy to repeat myself again for you: I will not leave you, Farlan’s and Isabel’s side. After all, we are friends, right? And friends don’t leave each other behind.”
You gift him with your usual breath-taking smile while his heart skips a beat.
A friend.
He has to remind himself over and over again, force his orbs away from you. You are nothing but friends. And he will never risk to lose you over the potential of something more.
-the evening before the mission-
“I thought I’d find you here”, your teasing voice shouts from behind.
You are probably the last thing he wants to see this evening. Not because he doesn’t enjoy your company, but because he wasn’t able to convince you to stay in safety. Erwin Smith made it very clear that this mission is dangerous, that multiple survey corps member already died behind those walls. And even though you, Farlan and Isabel showed your skills countless times before, he can’t stop his train of thought. You, getting grabbed by a titan. You, getting ripped apart, your blood scattering onto the ground. He won’t have the chance to stay by your side during all times. One wrong movement, one thoughtless decision and you’d be gone.
“I don’t even have to ask in order to know what you’re thinking about right now, Levi.”
The second your hand brushes over his shoulder, he is too lost in the feeling of your bare hand against his shirt to worry any further.
“You don’t have to worry about Farlan, Isabel and me. After all, you’re the one who taught us everything we know.”
“Tsk. You were already doing fine when I met you.”
“But you were the one who showed me there is still hope, something worth fighting for. If it wasn’t for you, I would have died down there without ever seeing the sun once in my life”, you reply.
All of the sudden you place your hand on top of his and squeeze in gently. That look on your face, is it…Affection? He shakes his head firmly, doesn’t allow himself to get lost in that oh so sweet idea. A woman like you will never fall for a cold-hearted man like him, not when the whole squad fell head over heels for you the second they got to know you better. You are a true sweetheart, everyone’s favorite, a ray of sunshine. He, on the other hand, is none of that.
“Stop praising me or else I’ll puke and make a mess onto the freshly cleaned floor.”
No, he doesn’t deserve your kind word, doesn’t even deserve that spark in your eyes. You are better off without him, even as a friend.
“You’ll gonna clean it up anyway”, you bite back with a wide grin.
“Actually, there is something else I want to talk with you about, Levi.”
The sudden change in your voice paired with the warmth of your hand leaving his lets his gaze wander to yours again – only to catch you already staring.
“What is it?”, he questions instantly.
“If you have to decide between Isabel, Farlan and me…Just promise that you’ll safe them before even thinking about my ass. Please look after them and don’t worry about me.”
His eyes widen just the tiniest bit, reveal his surprise and…his resist. Not thinking about you, leaving you behind? The urge to shake you becomes almost unbearable when he grabs your arms passionately, gaze locking with yours.
“There is no way in hell I will ever leave you behind, dumbass. Don’t you dare to die on me, got it?”
“Promise”, you urge.
“Promise you’ll look out for them first.”
“(y/n)…”
He has to close his eyes in order to stop staring at your perfect lips. This might be the last time he ever sees you alive so unbothered by his side, the last time he witnesses the way the dim moonlight lights up your hair.
This…might be your last night alive.
“Please, I can’t live with the thought of being without them. They are still so young.”
“What about you, though? What if I don’t want to live a life without you? What if I die myself?”
You smile at him sadly, your hand caressing his cheek oh so gently.
“We all know you won’t die out there, Levi. It’s us who might not be here with you tomorrow. After all, that’s why you wanted to stop us from coming with you, right?”
He swallows hard. Every single one of you is a skilled fighter. Hell, you even survived the underground with countless enemies chasing after you. But this? This is something completely different. For the first time since getting to know all of you, Levi isn’t so sure about your abilities anymore.
“I promise”, he replies with low voice.
“Thank you”, you breathe out.
“Now, let’s get some sleep, shall we? We have a big fight ahead of us.”
Oh, there is no doubt in the fact that Levi won’t close his eyes this whole cursed night, pondering about a way to safe all of you. But even though you are very aware of that, you turn on your heel and smile at him one last time.
The brightest smile of them all, making your face gleam in nothing but affection.
“Oh, and Levi?”
“What is it, dumbass?”
“When I was talking about the sun earlier…That sun was you.”
And then you’re gone in the dark, leaving him with his heart almost beating out of his chest and feelings clustered all over the place.
Him, your sun?
-the battle-
Your eyes widen in sheer horror, the violent scream escaping your lips not reaching your ringing ears. Those powerful orbs…There is no doubt in the fact that this is her, that this is Isabel. Tears stream down your face uncontrollably, mix with the bitter coat of rain that sticks to your face uncomfortably.
Your friend is dead. And you were not able to protect her.
“You.”
The monster standing in front of you doesn’t look like the other titans you’ve seen before. Eyes red like crimson, lips curved into an evil grin. This thing is absolutely aware of the agony it causes you and enjoys every tear you cry.
You grab your blades even tighter, narrow eyes fixating its nape.
“I will make you suffer”, you press out through gritted teeth.
“I will make you regret that you even touched her!”
You dash forward only to get greeted by thin air. Fuck, this thing is so fast you didn’t even realize it was gone until your blade crashed into the muddy ground. Why do your hands suddenly start shaking, your knees felling weak? It’s just you and that thing. The other corps members around you? Scuttered onto the floor in bloody pieces.
Levi?
You escape its clutches by a hair’s breadth, the monster’s stinging smell of death and rotten flesh making your guts turn. You need to focus, need to control your fear and anger. Otherwise, you’ll die just like all the others did.
Levi…Is he dead as well? There is no one around, no one showed a single reaction to your multiple cries for help, your signs. Maybe you’re the only one who’s left. Which means that Farlan and Levi are gone.
Levi, gone? Fuck, you should have told him about your true feelings yesterday, you should have pressed your lips against his like you always dreamed about. This was the last opportunity to tell him how much you love him before both of you die.
And now it will be forever too late.
Just when you’re about to dash forward, the arm of the titan yanks towards you with breath-taking speed. Your eyes widen in sheer horror as all you can do is stare in sheer disbelief.
Is this how you will die? Through the hand of an abnormal titan, eating you alive?
You always dreamed of a life on the surface with Levi by your side. Maybe a small cottage on the edge of a busy city close to a river. Having a little farm with a few animals here and there, Levi working for a local business while you stay home and care for your home. For a brief moment, you allow your eyes to rest, to get lost in the life you will never have.
If only you had told him sooner. Maybe then it would have been different. Maybe then you wouldn’t feel your bones crack against the sheer force of the titan’s flat palm, throwing you into the air like a ball.
As soon as your body hits the ground, everything goes black.
-5 years later-
He opens his eyes against the way too harsh sunlight. Another night he hasn’t slept more than 2 hours. Day 1869 of missing you.
“Good morning, Captain Levi!”
He doesn’t even care to reply, feet carrying him down the hallway monotone. His days have always been the same since the day he lost Isabel, Farlan and you: Getting haunted in his sleep, waking up alone, surviving another day in this living hell. It’s almost ironic, how he already hated the world when you were in it. Little did he know how much worse it would get when you’re gone.
There is no day since back then that doesn’t revolve around you. You, with your hair down in the sun. You, beating up some tuff guys and showing them their place. You, that fucking cursed night before you had to leave.
Until this day, he hates himself for not being there. By the time he arrived, everyone was dead, brutally murdered by an abnormal titan. And even after searching for your corpse for hours in the pouring rain, he didn’t even manage to find a single limb left of you. This should be a good sign. After all, it might mean that you somehow managed to survive.
“The chances of (y/n) surviving and managing to flee on her own are 1 against 500.000”, Erwin said back then.
Maybe it would have actually felt better, knowing that you’re dead. Maybe this would spare him from getting haunted by your giggling and fucking gorgeous face each and every night.
But…If getting haunted by your presence is all he has left, he shouldn’t complain about it.
“We are heading out today. It is said that there are countless abnormal titans roaming around a city nearby”, Erwin explains briefly.
“How the fuck did these things even manage to get in there?”, Levi grumbles in response while taking a sip of his way too hot tea.
“That’s not what I care about. What I’m more interested in is the fact that a group of villagers managed to trap one of them.”
Levi can’t help but put his cup of tea down while Hange bursts out in sheer excitement next to him. A group of villagers, trapping an abnormal titan?
“Former corps members?”, he questions.
“Apparently not. Maybe they are interested in a new job”, Erwin replies, getting up from his seat and straightening his uniform.
“We are leaving right now.”
“Right now? Over some brats who were lucky to not get eaten by that titan?”
“You can’t deny that these ‘brats’ have to be skilled in order to trap an abnormal titan, Levi.  Also, I heard the head of them is a woman.”
Levi huffs to himself. Skilled, huh? Lucky is definitely the better fit.
You sink your blade straight into the eye of the disgusting creature lying in front of you, watch in sheer satisfaction how it squeals underneath.
“Hope you enjoy that as much as I do”, you mumble, twisting and turning your sword painfully slow.
“(y/n), d-don’t you think that’s enough? What if it escapes?”, the man next to you cries out, holding safe distance between himself and the abnormal.
“So what? Listen, you little shit. If you even try to escape, I will kill you without even blinking, got it?”
You rip your blade out. In, out, in, out until everything around you is covered in crimson.
Just like back then.
You stumble back when a wave of nausea hits you. The sight of Isabel’s lifeless head, her limbs scattered across the muddy floor. Back then, you weren’t able to save her, weren’t even able to save yourself. If it wasn’t for your crew, you’d be dead by now. Just like her…
“Hey.”
“How about you take a break for a sec? You’re drifting off again.”
Her gently voice pulls you out of your nightmare just like her tender touch. Petra has been the greatest support since that fateful day. In fact, the only reason you are still alive is her. When she found you, you were already on the brink of death. Only due to her passionate and long-term care, you learned how to walk again, learned how to fight again.
“Sorry”, you mumble, allowing yourself to rest for a moment against her strong shoulder.
“(y/n), I’m sorry to interrupt you like this but…We spotted members of the survey corps?”
“The survey corps?”, you repeat in sheer disbelief.
Rage starts flooding your veins in an instant, forcing you to pick up your blade again. If there’s one thing you will never forgive the survey corps for, it’s the fact that they left you standing in the rain. The countless people who died with the wings of faith embroidered onto their jackets, eaten alive by a titan while your desperate cries for help remained unanswered until this day. For Erwin Smith, you were nothing but canon fodder, nothing but a bait. And you will forever hate him over the fact that he is partly responsible for the death of Isabel, Farlan and Levi.
You storm in the direction your scout sighted them, jumping from tree to tree in order to catch them by surprise. You will definitely not tolerate survey corps members around your area, especially when you just caught an abnormal titan to study and torture.
“There they are.”
Their disgusting green cloaks fill you with thick anger, almost force you onto the ground to knock every single one of them out. But you know all too well this isn’t the way to go. No, you will wait here until the right time comes to throw yourself at their captain.
There are five of them, walking towards the direction of your village. Just wait a few more seconds until the one who walks ahead is underneath you, one second and you…
You lunge yourself at the person with full speed, forcing them to the ground. Him, to be exact. That firm chest exposes all too urgently that you just attacked a man.
“Are you out of your goddamn mind, brat?”, he barks at you, rough hands grabbing your wrists so tightly that your bones threaten to shatter.
You aren’t able to defend yourself, though.
That voice, the way he called you brat.
Is it really possible that…
You allow your eyes to look up at him and for a moment, time seems to stand still.
“Levi.”
You breathe his name out like a prayer, as if your dream might become reality. These grey and unbothered eyes look just like you remember his, the dark hair framing his face oh so perfectly.
“Levi, is that you?”
He can’t comprehend his feelings. Just a second ago, he was under attack of a stranger. But your eyes aren’t foreign. They hold the spark he dreams of each and every night, the memory he cares about so deeply. Is it really possible, that…
“(y/n).”
Everyone was so sure that you died on the battlefield, that the titan must have eaten you alive without leaving any remains. But maybe there was nothing to remain. Maybe you actually did manage to survive. Is it possible? Is this really you?
“I thought you died.”
Your voice is nothing but a fade away whisper, tears streaming down your usual so composed face like rivers when your memories begin to crash down on you like a house of cards. All those years, you were convinced Levi lost his life on this battlefield as well, that you were the only one remaining. But now you’re sitting on top of him, taking in his clean scent while he glares at you the way he used to.
“Everyone tried to convince me that that fucking abnormal ate you back then, that there is no chance you survived. Now look at you, dumbass”, he breathes out, very own eyes now coated in a thin layer of glimmering tears.
There is no time to waste. With a swift motion, you lunge yourself at him again, wrap your arms around his strong torso as if your life depends on it while resting your head against his chest and crying your heart out.
Words will always fail to express how much you missed him, that you thought about him each and every night since the day he was taken away from you so roughly. But now, you will never let him go again. Now you won’t waste another opportunity to tell him how you really feel.
“I love you, Levi. I loved you since our days in the underground city, I loved you through all these horrible years of grief. I love you. I love you”, you finally blurt out.
“I love you too, (y/n). I always did.”
Gently, he rests his hand against your nape while lifting your chin up with the other.
The second your lips meet, your world feels complete for the first time. All the pain, the grief, the things you had to endure. The countless nights of imagining him right by your side, the thought of never seeing him again. And now he’s here, right in your arms while kissing you so passionately that you fail to breathe.
“I love you”, he repeats so softly that your heart melts away like butter.
“I love you…”
“I finally found my sun again”, you smile against his lips.
You snuggle yourself onto him even tighter, your grip around his torso firm. Oh, you will definitely never let this man go again. Not after it took both of you so many years to meet again, not when he’s all you ever wanted.
Levi Ackerman, the love of your life.  
“Who’s that woman throwing herself at you from a tree and then getting a smooch from you?”
“Shut up, shitty four-eyes”, Levi barks at the person standing behind him.
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Tags:
@hellkaiserinphoenix  @chilichopsticks @ynackerman9499 @keepghostly @beatrexworld
@froufrousnowman @hidazinie @tomiokathedepresso  @chaoticwinnercupcake @lees-chaotic-brain (hope you noticed I actually named reader's bestie after you babe) @polarbvnny @kentocalls @kayleegomez
First divider by wonderful @cafekitsune - check out the banner I used here!
Second one as usual from the best @saradika-graphics - I worship the ground you walk on honey
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maychorian · 1 day
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Dungeon Meshi has fully consumed me, especially a certain tiny union man, and I want to ramble about Chilchuck's traumatic backstory for a bit. Mild manga spoilers under the cut.
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The first time I read the manga I missed this bit, since I was reading an online version that didn't have all the extras included. Since I've come across this litte omake, though, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. It just explains so much about why Chilchuck is the way he is.
First, at a surface level, it's interesting that this backstory only comes out in the framework of talking about a monster. Chilchuck is offering basically an anecdote about succubi, adding to the conversation he and his party are having about a monster species. It's all very casual and offhand. No one even remarks on what that experience would have meant to Chilchuck on a personal level, and he doesn't dwell on it, either. You have to wonder if Chilchuck would have ever mentioned it at all if they weren't specifically talking about succubi.
But holy heck, just think about this for a moment. On one of Chilchuck's first outings as an adventurer, possibly the first time he joined a party, his fellow adventurers were planning to feed him to a monster. He's only alive now because he had the instinct that something was wrong and had the speed, wisdom, and stealth to run away. He could have died. He could have been murdered. And it's implied that this happens to half-foots frequently in this world.
How traumatizing would that have been for a young adventurer? The people he should have been able to trust to have his back were literally planning his death, all for monetary gain. He was treated as disposable, a resource to be exploited, not a person. Not only is there the trauma of narrowly escaping death here, there's also the trauma of being mistreated and abused by other thinking, intelligent beings.
No freaking wonder he has trust issues. He's been working with Laios and his party for three years at this point and he's never shared a single solitary personal detail about his life, not even his age. He can't bear to allow any vulnerability to show, because he can't allow himself to be taken advantage of again. No wonder he's so prickly and wary. No wonder he's so sensitive to being viewed as anything other than a capable, skilled, fully realized and autonomous adult. No wonder he shies away from affection and any hint of closeness, especially in the early chapters of the manga.
I'm amazed that Chilchuck had the strength and fortitude to stay in the business at all. He considered his options and took steps to keep himself safe, including only accepting pay in advance and starting a union to protect himself and other half-foots. (Another tidbit you don't get at first in the story--Chilchuck is not just a member of a union or the leader, he started the whole dang thing to begin with.)
But what's so lovely, and wonderful, what makes this story take over my brain so completely and utterly, is that Chilchuck doesn't stay this way. Over the course of the manga, he opens up more and more. He allows himself to be emotionally vulnerable; he shares more and more details of his life. He treats Marcille and Izutsumi like daughters, Laios and Senshi like brothers. He loves them and allows himself to be loved in return.
And that's one of many reasons that Dungeon Meshi is one of the best found-family stories I've come across in a long, long time.
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syo0x · 2 days
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• Chuuya, Fyodor, Nikolai with a s/o who have brain tics!
Requested by: @paniatheweirdone
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Chuuya
Chuuya has been really protective over you. He doesn't like seeing you uncomfortable, he would always shows you with affection and telling things that make you feel more comfortable and confident about yourself. He wants you to be more comfortable around him. What's only on his mind is what's good and comfortable for you. And he definitely understands when you were having a hard time with physical contact, yet you have to always make sure to assure him cause sometimes he gets insecure and lonely since he always wanted to be feel held and loved.
Scenario
You and Chuuya were relaxing while he looked at you. A random question came to your mind on what chuuya thinks of you having tics? You were bothered by this as you asked him.
"Chuu.. you know i have tics right..?"
“I know, Doll.” He chuckles softly, and looking at you with gentleness. “You also know I ain’t mind ‘em none.” He said smiling.
"Hmmm really?" You said.
“Aye, really.” He smiled, as he loose strand of your hair softly and carefully. “Tics don’t take away from how beautiful you really are, Doll.” He said smiling.
“Besides…it’s just some small things about ya. Nothing that ain’t gonna change how much I love you, anyways.”
You were touched by his words.. and of course, you know how much he loves you, as he always makes sure you feel it and always assures you that he loves the way you are. You then hugged him tightly and smiled, looking like you've fallen to him even more.
You wanted to give something to him... and of course, you wanted to make him feel what he always makes you feel too. As you leaned closer to hugged him, he was surprised and melt into your embrace as he carefully hugged you back and kissed your forehead.
"I love you, doll.. So don't even think of letting yourself down, " He said while both of you shared your warm embrace. He wanted to stay like this forever.. as you do too.
Fyodor
When Fyodor's finds out about that, he's rather become more possesive after all you're his and he don't seem have a problem about that yet he finds adorable and the way you were showing your weakness and imperfection makes him feel superior as he was in charge of you. Therefore, he doesn't like the way you were sometimes hesitant about physical contact, and therefore, he understood as long as you were aware that you've given yourself to him. He wanted you to be his and only his... and he always makes you clear about that.
Scenario
You peeked over to his what was he doing.. you know he hates to bothered but your curiosity is eating you slowly. You were quite and not so sure of what's he's going to say, but he never showed any negative about your condition.
You went to face him as you hust hoped he's not busy.
"Hmm.. Something wrong Myshka..?" He said and looking at you carefully as it was reading you.
"Nothing really.. just...." You were hesitant to say it as he spoke.
"Is it about your condition?" He said, as expected... he knows you and able to read you very well.
His smile grows into a sly grin as he moves around you in a slow circle, his purple eyes appraising every inch of your body. "You know my answer to that, dear. Tics only serve to make you an even more desirable creature. Your flaws and imperfections are all the reasons why i wanted you, you know."
He slowly get closer to you as runs his hands across your shoulders, chuckling softly. "I believe I made myself clear when we met, my love. Your oddities are all the things that make you so unique, so captivating." Suddenly, his hand moves to your cheek, and he pulls your chin up so he can look down at you from a higher perspective. "You're lucky I'm rather fond of these peculiarities otherwise… He lets his words hang in the air, his gaze sharp and his voice laced with teasing.
You were not surprised but you were kind relieved you say... He's still a scary man as you think about it.. but that does not stop from you loving eachother.
He brings his hand to your hair, running his fingers through it softly. "However, I do believe I am growing increasingly annoyed with the fact that you continue to ask me this same question over and over again, just to seek praise."
You were surprised by that.. however he was not wrong about that...
"Hhm.. sorry.. i was just curious.." You said sounded apologetic and shy.
He remains silent as he runs his thumb along your right temple. Curious and persistent, hmm? An almost cruel smile curves his lips as he moves his thumb away and starts to run his hand through your hair again. "Maybe it's about time I start punishing your naughty behaviour."
That scary smile of him makes you really nervous... but as you just think it was half worth it to ask him that.
Nikolai
Nikolai would adore you.. and he doesn't really care of you having it, but he gets annoyed that you don't give him much physical contact since he's a very touchy person and always wants to be held. Nikolai is playful as sometimes trying to sneak up to you to hug you.. and he knows when is the right time to do that. He doesn't want you to make you uncomfortable that much. Therefore, he's obsessive when it comes to you.. he would never let go of someone so rare, adorable condition like you.
Scenario
After your condition has strike earlier.. Nikolai staring at you softly as it makes you embarrassed as you spoke.
"Hmm.. sorry you have to see that" You said.
Nikolai pauses for a moment, he looks at you for a bit before letting out a chuckle.
“You’re cute when they happen, even if they do get a bit annoying sometimes.” He teases you.
"Annoying..?" You said with curiosity.
He then looked at you, frowning playfully.
"I won't get to hold you or hugged you... or kissed you.." He added.. as he smiled “But you're the ticciest and cutest person I know. I really never noticed, just makes it more adorable... like a cute dove struggling to fly.. makes you even want you more.."
He said sounded serious in that part.. which makes you nervous a litte. He looked at you and his expression has no longer filled with playful look.
“Yes..." He chuckled "It’s adorable. Everything you do is adorable... so that's why you're mine dove.." he said as he whispered to words on your ear and kissed your cheek, as he quickly changed into his playful expression again and changing the topic.
“So? Guess what I did today!”
You were completely baffled on what just happened... it's really hard to predict what was Nikolai was thinking as you let out a sigh as you just smiled.. you were glad he didn't think of anything bad on your condition... but you were still worried of what he just said earlier tho...
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andradrawsstuff · 3 days
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An in-depth character analysis of Skipper: pt 1
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This version of Skipper is probably the simplest since he was comic relief at first, but a bit of a hot take, might actually be my favourite (I prefer the show version of the other three tho). Going back to the movies after years of watching the show, I realised that this version of Skipper is surprisingly… chill? I guess I’ve been so used to his tv personality that my brain just decided to override his movie personality with tv Skipper.
Buckle your seatbelts, this is going to be a long one ☝️🤓
Movie Skipper is quite a nonchalant, carefree and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but calm character. He’s kinda just minding his own business doing his missions. He’s pretty serious when he’s leading his team and planning his missions, eg. the boat hijacking scene, but generally you’ll see him with a smile on his face. He’s always been a suave and charming little guy with a lot of sarcasm and sass, which he wouldn’t be Skipper without.
Generally he takes no bs, is straight to the point, and is pretty blunt, usually to Alex and his bunch. But this is also where his sass and sarcasm starts to show more. It’s funny. I think that Madagascar 2 really shows his charm and sass more out of the three main movies bc of all the chaos.
It’s pretty safe to say that the penguins are chaotic neutrals (apart from Private maybe) but they do it in such a way that makes it really funny. Not only do they trick the tourists and steal their car (ya know, grand theft auto) but also run over the grandma after seeing she’s still alive (ya know, attempted vehicular homicide). I could name every single crime they commit istg and it’s a long list 💀 But anyway, Skipper does all this with such a chill and carefree attitude and simply doesn’t give a shit. It’s what makes him so funny. It’s a big reason why I love this version of him, bc he doesn’t take everything too seriously and just goes about his day like nothing ever happened.
Obviously, he’s not evil and does still care about others, for example when they rescue Alex and his bunch in Madagascar 2 and 3, as well as stopping Dave in their spinoff. But I do think that he has something against humans (which is understandable) bc he seems to have a general disregard for them which is kinda funny.
In Madagascar 3, you start to see a bit of a shift in his personality and he becomes a little more aggressive. I’m guessing it’s because Tom was used to voicing Skipper more aggressively for the tv series and they also probably adopted a bit of tv Skipper into movie Skipper. But he is still generally pretty nonchalant nonetheless. He isn’t as suave as the other two movies either, but he does activate Kowalski’s nuclear reactor just for the funnies so I’ll give him that. The best thing about them here is their interactions with Dubois, the sheer trail of carnage they leave behind wherever they go, and the funny little quips here and there. Can’t forget bababooey.
The penguins spinoff movie brings back a little of Skipper’s charm and swagger, mostly with the “I do things my own way” attitude and him just being an asshole to Classified bc he doesn’t like him. This movie also makes Skipper more tame than the other movies which I don’t mind that much, but I wish he was a little more chaotic neutral rather than so hellbent on being heroic.
But the thing that really solidified Skipper as a complex character was his character development. This is the first time you get to see his vulnerable side and even from the start of the movie you see that he’s actually pretty sweet underneath all that chaos. When they “lose” Private is when you really start seeing Skipper’s full character, going from carefreeness to pure desperation trying to get his little brother back after he gets kidnapped, which I think was a great way to go because it shows how much he loves his family.
Later on he kinda “gives up” and follows the North Wind’s plan, which is one of the only moments you see him completely vulnerable and unmasked - no clever quip, no opposition, just acceptance. A perfect contrast to his usual “never give up, never back down” attitude. I think it adds a lot more realism to his character and shows that the one thing that can break him is losing one of his brothers. This is something that you don’t really see in the show (other than for a short period of time eg. Skorka) which I think would have been a great way to develop his character more.
When they get Private back at the end of the movie, you get to see Skipper’s sweet side again and his character development comes full circle - he learns to stop undermining Private. He realises he was wrong and tries to make it right. In a way, I guess he takes accountability. Which you don’t see all that often in the show, only episodes like Needle Point coming to mind when thinking about it.
I think that this is another big reason why I prefer movie Skipper over tv Skipper - yeah, he’s a bit flawed and a little simpler than tv Skip, but he makes an effort to change in the end which tv Skipper doesn’t do as much. Movie Skipper is nonchalant, sassy, suave and by the end, pretty sweet. I guess you could say he’s pretty well written and honestly I wish we got to see more of his softer side and less paranoid attitude at the end of the show.
That’s not to say I hate tv Skipper tho, when i was a kid I LOVED him a lot more than movie Skip and I still find him rlly funny, I mean Skipper is Skipper haha. I guess my opinion just changed bc I grew up and I started seeing characters differently and started valuing character development a lot more, but who knows, maybe in a year it’ll change again lmao.
I am so sorry this got so out of hand and turned into a mf essay 💀 I promise the other analysis will be shorter 🙏
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breakfastteatime · 2 days
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The ceiling that greets Cal when he opens his eyes in not the Mantis. Rocky. Slightly drippy. Sandy beneath him. Sea salt in the air. Is he at the beach? All things considered, Cal has definitely been in worse situations. Like way worse. Like, like... like the actual worst. Right? He's been in worse situations, hasn't he?
BD beeps a dubious affirmative. Then he asks which Cal prefers - being trapped under the ocean on Nur, or being stuck in this cave?
"Secret answer 3: both suck." Cal giggles.
BD scuttles away, telling someone else Cal is awake and -
"My words are not slurring!"
"Yes, Cal, they are. You have a head injury."
"Do not!"
"Do too."
He'll show her. "Hey. Hey, Merrin?"
Merrin takes a deep breath from somewhere nearby. "Yes?"
"Could a head injury guy ask you this? Would you rather fight a hundred BD-sized rancors, or a rancor sized BD?"
Merrin whispers something in a language Cal doesn't speak. It doesn't sound like an answer.
"It's a good question!"
"It is a question that suggests you have damaged your brain permanently."
Cal snorts. And pauses. "Is that why I can taste blood?"
"Do you remember being knocked out?"
Cal gives this a good ponder. "No," he eventually decides.
Merrin sighs. "What do you remember?"
"Uuuuum..." Beach trip. Missing kids. Going into the cave. Finding missing kids? "Are there supposed to be kids here?"
"No, we got them out. And then the cave fell on your head. BD and I are keeping you company while Cere and Greez dig us out."
"Sounds great." Cal decides to sit up...
...bad idea. Oh, such a bad idea. Merrin wrinkles her nose as he throws up.
It's about that time that a large boulder blocking the tunnel moves and figures appear in the blinding sunlight.
"Cal! Merrin! BD!" Cere's voice echoes.
"BD and I are fine. Cal is asking about rancors."
"Cere, I gotta ask you something - "
"Perhaps you should send a medic in," Merrin says over him.
"Oh, oh, hey, medic person! What would you rather fight..."
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What is your take on Riddle's possession of Ginny? I read a fic where she was held accountable for not immediately reporting the diary after she blacked out and started to suspect that something nefarious was going on. Stating that she 'wilfully' time and again put saving her own skin over the lives of her fellow students and teachers.
Thoughts??
Like, Tom definitely did possess her. Do I think Ginny took the best course of action in the situation? No. But I don't put as much fault on her for this as some things she does later in the books.
In CoS, Ginny is 11 years old, lonely & friendless, Tom is her only friend, she shares her secrets with him and then he turns and uses her secrets to blackmail her. Both what he forced her to do and what she told him.
Imagine how angry I was when the next time my diary was opened, it was Ginny who was writing to me, not you. She saw you with the diary, you see, and panicked. What if you found out how to work it, and I repeated all her secrets to you? What if, even worse, I told you who’d been strangling roosters?
(CoS, )
To an 11-year-old Ginny, this threat is terrifying. Terrifying enough to not tell anyone because she's scared of the consequences.
And she did try to get rid of the diary by flushing it down the toilet. So she tried to remove the source of the problem without notifying anyone. It just ended up not working out.
Ginny in CoS is mostly motivated by loneliness at first, and then fear. This threat Tom mentions in the above quote, I'm sure is one he made to Ginny. He probably explained exactly why she shouldn't tell anyone or throw the diary away. He probably told her she'd be expelled from Hogwarts if anyone found out.
While I'm not a Ginny fan, I don't judge 11-year-old Ginny too harshly. This is a terrible situation to be in. Because she feels like she doesn't have anyone to confide in besides the diary that causes all her problems. She is in a new school, her first time away from home, and new people all around, it can be terrifying, and I think it was for her.
And then you add Tom into the mix who's clever and knows how to manipulate a scared 11-year-old girl. Ginny didn't have much of a chance there. It's not like Harry told any adult about the strange talking diary (that being said Harry just doesn't trust adults).
Molly and Arthur Weasley aren't the perfect examples of supportive parents either, I don't think Ginny would've risked her parents' ire over her own problems. She probably thought (hoped) she could figure it out herself and not have to bother them. Because bothering them would've come with a punishment. I talked about how Arthur and Molly Weasley aren't great parents, and Ginny was probably scared of their punishment and her mother screaming at her like she does at Fred and George more than she feared what would happen to the other students.
“Ginny!” said Mr. Weasley, flabbergasted. “Haven’t I taught you anything? What have I always told you? Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can’t see where it keeps its brain. Why didn’t you show the diary to me, or your mother? A suspicious object like that, it was clearly full of Dark Magic —”
(CoS, 304)
Like, Arthur says this, but he and Molly don't behave in a way that encourages their kids to confide in them. So, Ginny has a reason for her fears, it's not that they're unfounded.
And she won't tell her older brothers, because she doesn't want them to see her as a scared helpless little girl. She's scared of their opinion of her just as much. And I think she truly thought it wouldn't get too bad, that she could figure it out on her own. She was wrong.
Yes, her decision is selfish, it's dumb, it endangered so many students and people in general, and it doesn't paint her in a great light. But since she was 11 at the time, I'm more willing to give her the benefit of the doubt about it. Like, I'd be more lenient when punishing 11-year-old Ginny over the CoS ordeal. I think a stern talking-to was the bare minimum, so at least it won't happen again. She probably should have received some consequences, but I don't think I'd expel or even suspend her over it.
Like, I'd probably want to make sure she understood what her actions could have resulted in so she'd be more fearful of that potential scenario in the future rather than her own skin. And I think she did understand she herself was in just as much danger by the end of the book. Like, I think this situation wasn't one she should've been punished harshly for, but instead used as an opportunity for her to learn from the situation.
A punishment should've still been given though, and I don't recall it was. Because she did hurt students (through her neglect) and was incredibly lucky no one got really harmed. So, some punishment more than she got in the books was required, but not something too harsh is what I'm thinking.
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squib-2006 · 1 day
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like a month and a half ago I wrote about Ninjago for a school essay and it has been itching at my brain cuz my teacher gave me an 80 on both the draft and final despite me adding three new paragraphs to it like he suggested and also having three people proofread it and say it was good. he didn't even tell me what I did wrong and it's driving me insane. so I thought I might share it here because I put a lot of effort into it.
(will include spoilers for Dragons Rising season one but not season 2 cuz this was written before it came out)
Ninjago Dragons Rising and How to do a Soft Reboot
When a show goes on for a while, it can become pretty stagnant. The way showrunners and creators try to fix this problem is with a soft reboot. They introduce new characters and locations to spice things up, or in the most extreme cases, they reset the entire story, but still try to acknowledge that everything that happened before still happened. This can have a polarizing effect on fans of the show, and it may, or may not, drive some fans away. In the case of Lego Ninjago, a show that has been going on for fifteen seasons as of 2022, the writers have a challenge in trying to do a soft reboot, while not sacrificing the history and appeal of the show. This is the first time I have seen a soft reboot that has managed to keep the heart and soul of a show while making things fresh and new.
One of the first things that they improved was the characterization. A lot of the time, if a show goes on for a while, the characters can suffer from Flanderization. “The act of taking a single (often minor) action or trait of a character within a work and exaggerating it more and more over time until it completely consumes the character. Most always, the trait/action becomes completely outlandish, and it becomes their defining characteristic, turning them into a caricature of their former selves” (“Flanderization”). This is often quite common in media that has gone on for a while. For example, one of the characters Kai started out as a hot-headed brave person, but as the show went on, he became more stupid and reckless.
The show fixed this by giving the characters a new purpose. Kai became a mentor to Wyldfyre, a new character in the show, and he became more levelheaded and enjoyable as a character. He isn’t the only character to benefit from new characters being added. All of the new characters serve a purpose to the show. Arin is one of the new main characters, he acts as an audience surrogate, specifically for the returning fans of the series. To put it in simple terms, Arin is a super fan of the main cast. This background allows him to make references to the older seasons, without it sounding forced or out of place. On the other hand, his counterpart Sora has the exact opposite role. She is the audience surrogate for newcomers. She isn’t from the original world where some of the main cast came from. Thus, she is able to ask questions that will fill in newcomers to the show on old lore from previous seasons.
Another thing that they did, that I haven’t seen in other shows, is expand the world. In the world of the show, there exists sixteen realms. The whole plot of the soft reboot is that all of these realms merge together, which makes one massive new world. This opens up a lot of possibilities, and the world that the show existed in before the soft reboot was already thoroughly explored. Adding the new area definitely adds a new layer of excitement to the show.
The show also had a problem with stale villains. They have recycled villains multiple times, and most villains are pretty bland. With the new show, they added the kingdom of Imperium, which has its own villain empress Beatrix. Her lackeys, Ras and Rapton, are both unique in their own ways. Rapton is a dragon hunter, who is obsessed with capturing dragons for fun. While Ras is a mysterious outsider from another realm, he has an allegiance to another unknown person, and this adds mystery to his character.
I have watched this show since I was in third grade. It has been an important part of my life for years. Every time there was a new trailer, I would spend hours looking over every little detail and theorizing what would happen next. Up until season 10, all the episodes would air on Cartoon Network, which was unfortunate since my family used streaming services instead. I was so excited to go to my grandparents and watch the episodes since they had cable. Eventually with season 11, they moved the show to Netflix, and I got to watch them as they came out instead of binging them all at once when I went to my grandparents’ house.
Unfortunately for me season 11 was extremely disappointing. The season had a good concept, but a poor execution. It also used a lot of tropes for the characters and failed to resolve the conflict in a satisfying way. This season is known amongst fans as one of the worst seasons to ever come out of the show. It was so disappointing to me, that when I saw the trailer for season 12, I just lost interest. The plot seemed boring, and I didn’t care for the character they were focusing on. So, I dropped the show and ignored it for about two years, until I saw a clip from an episode I had never watched. To my surprise, I liked it, and it was actually funny for once. I ended up looking up more clips and episodes, eventually watched the seasons I missed, and regretted giving up the show. Season 11 was just a rough patch, and due to me dropping the show, I had missed two of the best seasons the show had ever had, seasons 13 and 14. Season 15 was an ok season all together. Looking back a year and a half later, it was definitely made to tie up any loose ends that the show had before the soft reboot happened.
All this change and improvement is great for the series. When the creators first announced that Ninjago was getting a new TV show, and that it would be a soft reboot of the show, I was concerned. Soft reboots have a history of not really benefiting a show at all. It often ends up falling back on old ideas or introduces new ideas that don’t fit well with the show. As more trailers and clips started releasing, I was once again reminded why I love the show so much. The world and characters are amazing, and the story never fails to reel me in. This new TV series is a promising new step in a good direction. I personally can’t wait until the next season.
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verysmolnerd · 2 days
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Doc ock visiting a doctor
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He hasn’t been to one in years. For good reason too. Last time he was there, a team of doctors that joked about his dismay attempted to cut off his metal appendages.
It took some convincing on everyone’s part: Norman, Harry, and even Peter. He needed to go, not for just a checkup, but an analysis on his spine and skin.
They offered to come with him, they had done their dues and gone to one on their own times. They’re distrusting of regular doctors too, some of them are unsure or too confident. They’re either afraid of the process or too confident to use it at all.
However, his newfound family has reassured him that there’s now a doctor that specialized into scientific accidents. How such a thing came to be, he’s not so sure. But the world is ever changing, he supposed.
According to Norman, the doctor assigned to him is also his own. A trusted professional that spent years of study, even being the Osborn’s personal doctor before the messes started to happen.
So, now he sits in a waiting room. He wasn’t one to be nervous, but his foot is tapping and the actuators are worming around the small room. Granted, this office is tucked away, it’s a smaller floor in Oscorp’s one of many buildings.
There wasn’t anyone else in the room, but he can’t help but feeling that the empty space in the room is judging him. Mocking his every move, warning him that he could be trapped just like he was before.
The door separating the lobby from the office opens. “Otto Octavius?” His head goes up to the name, like a deer in headlights he looks at he doctor.
You’re calm, patient with him. So he’s a bit nervous when walking over to you, however, the only way to know is how his actuators are acting.
You do the general checkup on him: height, weight, etc. without really saying a word, it was obvious that the former doctor was nervous, you’d rather not spook him. So you moved slowly.
The X-Ray was also calm. He fully expected to see your expression worsen when you saw how warped his spine is. It was a little funny, his nasal laugh brought you out of your panic.
That’s when he started to talk to you, “I know my weight isn’t flattering, but I swear to you, it’s all adamatium.” You shake your head, the traces of a smile show on your face, “Well, you’d be perfectly healthy for your age. Save for your metalic friends over here.”
Otto nodded, it’s to be expected, Rosie really cleaned him up after college. He started to develop healthy habits for the longest time and still do them in her absence.
However, you know you frightened him when you said, “I can get those off you. If you’d like.” He went stiff, which was what you expected.. but the why is the matter to you.
You had to wrack your brain for a moment, but you made sure to wait for his answer while you tried to find then source of the issue.
You vaguely remember seeing a hospital being designed by a patient, along with the public announcement of a bunch of doctors found dead. You can only assume that they took this situation unprofessionally… it’s disappointing seeing how many doctors on their high horses.
“Do you have a process?” Otto asked, his expression unreadable. The actuators fully trained on you. “I’m glad you asked,” you clasp your hands, “Vibrainium magnetized saw. It’s quick and painless I can either remove each tentacle at their bases, so the waistband remains.”
You take a deep breath before introducing the alternative “Or I can remove the needles in your back with open surgery on your back, which is a little more complicated, so you would be sedated for a few hours.”
Otto was speechless, blinking rapidly. Which made you reassure him, “We’re going at your own pace here, don’t worry about making a decision. Just know that you are in good hands.”
“No,” he glances at his failed project, “I want to.” You smile, “What way would you like them removed?”
..
When Otto returned to the lobby, Norman was there, sitting cross-legged on a sofa. “How was it?”
“Hopeful.” He says, his thumb resting on the card detailing his next visit.
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frecklystars · 2 days
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Hi, I need some help if anyone has advice or something. Or even just a “that’s rough buddy”
Last night I had one of the worst breakdowns I’ve had in a long time bc I saw a commission of my abuser with stsc. She commissions artists just about every single day of herself with TF characters, so I always avoid the tumblr search tags. Even non-TF artists I feel wary of bc it doesn’t matter, if you’re an artist and your comms are open, she will buy from you and it’s always her self insert/OC. I never look up self shipping or transformers or anything like that in the tumblr search. I never interact with anything she’s a part of. But this time I was simply searching up something entirely unrelated in a browser, and she just - she showed up. She fucking showed up! All of this time I take to be so careful, to limit my tumblr experience drastically just to protect myself, and yet I still see her. I cannot believe how easy it is to find my abuser floating around online because she commissions people every single day. I wasn’t even on tumblr and I still managed to see her. It was just… Google images. No keywords that could have possibly led to me seeing that, but she showed up as one of the first results in the images and I just. had the worst reaction ever. Understandably
It was her pink OC, and very long story I won’t bother you with, my abuser’s pink OC is the reason why the color pink became a cptsd trigger for me in 2022, and I was really struggling with that shit when it was fresh. Obviously I got better with it because uh, I’m a Barbie blog now, but I still have my bad days with it and I’ve never been fully okay with pink. I never feel fully “safe” around it. Which sucks. But I was at the point where I could tolerate it. Well, until now 😭 ugh
Seeing my abuser was already a big shock, obviously horrible. Seeing my abuser be lovey and soft with stsc was also really horrible. But seeing the pink and immediately my brain saying “oh look it’s pink, that’s dangerous, but maybe it’s Barbie pi— ohhh nooo, that’s your abuser, she’s right there!!! That’s her!!! In the pink!!! I told you pink was a trigger!!! You’re in danger now you’re gonna die!!!” makes me feel like I’ve gone backwards in my healing process and I’m afraid that’s irreversible. I know healing isn’t linear and I know setbacks are normal, but this feels different. It was Barbie pink, like the hot magenta color you see on the album cover? I feel sick typing this jfc. My abuser is now associated with Barbie pink in my brain. I don’t know how to fix this. It used to be more of a milky pink that would bother me bc THAT is what her OC color used to be, but now apparently she’s? Barbie pink???? And a paranoid part of me believes she might have changed it on purpose just to fuck with me because she knows I see her commissions everywhere I go, because one of our last conversations we ever had was her saying she was fully aware how much her own s/i was a trigger for me. This is so much worse bc now every time I see Barbie Pink I’m not gonna think of Barbie! I’m thinking of the person who nearly fucking killed me multiple times!
I was doing soo much better with my pink trigger. I associated pink with how safe and loved Barbie and Ken make me feel. The hot magenta Barbie Pink made me feel the safest because that’s LITERALLY Barbie pink. I would still get tense seeing it but then I’d immediately say to myself “that’s Barbie pink. That’s Barbies color. Barbie would never let my abuser come near me, because she’s a girls girl, and she’s smart, she would not allow herself to be manipulated, she’d keep me safe” etc etc. and I would almost immediately be totally fine with looking at the color, my tense feeling would melt away most of the time. i was doing so much better but now it’s like this is ruining all of my progress. My abuser’s main color now is Barbie pink and I feel really sick.
I’m extremely shaken up over not just seeing my abuser again, in a commission no less (which she’d often use against me, so seeing TF commissions of any sort give me bad reactions, hence why I don’t even look at TF fanart whatsoever even if I wasn’t triggered by the actual franchise) but also seeing the very Thing that turned pink into a trigger in the first place. I feel very hopeless bc I miss stsc but seeing him be romantic in a commission with my abuser, on top of the trauma associated with him just in general because of said abuser, makes me feel so impossible to reach him. So not only do I feel hopeless and miss my starlight so fucking badly, as I do everyday, but now I feel worse with the color pink. I don’t want this to ruin Barbie for me. I don’t want to be scared of the very thing that was helping me heal this far.
I don’t know how to fix this. I’m hoping I will eventually bounce back from this major trigger of seeing my abuser AND tf together, like this was a triple hit on me, had three major triggers in one image — I’m just hoping I’ll… move on?? And then maybe pink will go back to being tolerable again? But I’m scared it won’t. I’m scared I really cannot heal no matter what I try to do
Anyway idk what kind of advice I’m even asking for, maybe reassurance that it’s gonna be ok. Or something 😔 literally anything helps I don’t care WHAT it is, if anyone can spare something nice in my inbox or the replies, I will super appreciate it
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noacfapologyst · 3 days
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telltale heart — matty healy. part 2
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´part 1´
summary: you and matty have a pending meeting at some awards where you promised to go as a couple. but something goes wrong.
wc: 2,5k
a/n: hey! i'm so sorry for the lateness. a lot has just happened these days but here is the second part. thanks for the love, x.
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The weeks between the awards and the proposal to take Matty as your date have been from the moment he left the studio, the only thing you've ever seen going on in your mind.
You haven't been able to sit down and compose peacefully, or be able to just have a conversation without mentioning him without you slipping through your cheeks. Or that he appears in stains on your writing, the references may be exhaustive at some point, but your brain is about to explode just to think that he'll be there for you, and just for you. You wish his hand would occasionally slip into the waist of the dress you will wear and you would use that touch to keep it forever in your memory.
Even in your best dreams you wouldn't have had the courage to ask him to accompany you to prizes like your date, you can actually stand near him without trembling about it by mere chance.
Two weeks before, you go back to the conversation that tortured you several days ago with your team.
"Matty Healy, are you really sure?" Your manager inquires again, you cross your legs again. It's a sequence you've been living since Friday. "It dissolves your image too much in front of his. I don't know if it fits."
"Really, I don't care." You shrug your shoulders with heaviness. Your image is ruined anyway, but you're not going to let them take this off your hands. "Whether i go with someone or not, there is a stir. I was cheated, remember." You point again and you look at your fingernails, you need to finish defining everything now. "I don't care if it ruins my reputation. Matty is my friend, end of discussion, Helen."
Maybe it's the tone of voice or maybe you've just fed everyone up with it but Helen, your manager for years, sighs and nods with discontent. A winning smile sits on your face. You understand the worry in that office really, but you have one more card to play. You don't really care what his image is from doors to the outside because with everyone around him he's never been more than a gentleman and that's the only thing you really stick with when you have to talk about him.
"Plus, we give the media what they want. The antithesis of Sam." Helen decides it's time to let the argument go and even though her face is a weak grin they decide to move on to the other agenda items.
"Have you decided the dress, at least?" Your innocent smile betrays you and you're nowhere near getting a blow to your head.
You run into a bubble of teenage foolishness, she should understand that. But you won't discuss that either because deep down you've let him look distracted.
"I'll see the dress later, I'll let you know which one I choose." You inform her at the end by taking a sip in the cup of coffee. Helen doesn't make any sound anymore, and you know you've officially won.
--
Stylists really only want to kill you now or throw some fabric over your head. But they are right in their anger, you shouldn't have waited until the last week to choose the dress or gather too many designers in one place without having a very clear idea of fabrics, cuts and necklines. All you know is it has to be red, it can't be any other color under any forecast.
But it's not that you didn't want to choose it, you just couldn't find the right one. Which is kind of a lie.
No one can deny that there is an attraction in you posturally just by seeing you from afar, there is some light in you that stands out without you trying. You know that you're actually beautiful and that you're lucky enough to fit in dresses and that anything would be fine to show off on you. Your face has small freckles and you have good proportions between your nose, your eyes moderately green and almond, and your round lips. Your hips and abdomen are fine although you've never paid too much attention to them, or at least lately. But you know that your figure is imposing and immutable when the line is drawn between your low back and your high back and everything stands out there.
But this is different, it's a dress for and by Matty. It has to be perfect, not close to it. It may be one of the few opportunities you have in your life to receive his look on your body and make you tremble even just by looking at your cheeks. And that's also why the red dress has to be camouflaged on your cheeks.
In the end you find it and you couldn't be happier with the result. Red satin, straps around the back and neckline. When you test it automatically your body functions like a teenager and you start spinning around it without even finishing tying your high heels properly. But as you see yourself spinning in the mirror a smile sits on your face from ear to ear.
"It honestly feels like it was designed for you." After everyone in the room approves it by nodding as they take the measurements for the final adjustments, your image advisor shows up at the door and his confirmation lets you see that you're going to be relevant at the awards and with several glances on it overshadowing several more artists. "You look like the fucking winner."
And that confirms that you've finally found it. And it's perfect.
---
"Hey." Matty's face appears on your computer screen when he calls you on FaceTime. They haven't seen each other in person since the night at the studio, but their contact has been maintained anyway. "How do you feel about the awards?"
"Why the question?" You better place the device on the table and rest the guitar on your legs. You take the opportunity to spend some time watching how the hair on his front move each time he accommodates the camera.
"I wanted to make sure you remembered that we will be the best couple at the awards." Your heart stops for a second. "Believe me when I tell you that Sam is going to vomit with resentment when he sees us." The archness in his voice, the change of tone, the punctuation of the latter. The silly smile and the wink he makes. Too much for three o'clock in the afternoon.
That's when you realize something else. Ever since Matty became your supposed date, you haven't spent a second thinking about your breakup or your ex or who she's going to take. Just now you're rethinking it.
"You still there?" Matty claps his palms and looks at you from the screen with a frown. He doesn't mean it in a blunt way, but he knows how your brain works and he knows you've frozen to yourself.
"Yes, I don't know, I had forgotten he was going to be there." In fact it's a confession would be because it's realistic. You've been in your pink bubble about Matty that you forgot your ex would be there. "I don't wanna see him. I would like he stop exists sometimes." You laugh silly and he gives it back to you with a supportive look.
"It won't bother you, darling. I'll protect you." You feel like you're gonna throw up rainbows for the next five minutes and you don't know exactly what the trigger is. But luckily you can hear George's voice in the background and you know Matty's going to say goodbye. "See you on Friday. I'll get a red bow for the suit."
"That would be fantastic." You wink at him revealing the color of your dress and he smiles waving his hand around the camera as if he were a small child. "Bye bye, Matty."
When you cut off the call you have your head burning up from the amount of information you're processing right now, and then you go back to the first point you noticed today, the initial cause you owe to being able to go with Matty to the awards has stopped crossing your mind the moment this whole plan happened. It's also when you realize how self-destructive it is to have portal notifications on your computer just to keep abreast of public opinion about you.
You shouldn't let it get to you so much, but it actually does. Sam and her, the girl the rumors of your infidelity fed on and then confirmed, holding hands in front of the last bar you and he went to as a couple, two days before the breakup. His hands on his waist, he looks happier than he ever was with you. Smile more, he has a genuine expression in it. She's cute and it hurts you because you thought you were her ideal type and she, ironically, is completely different from you.
Your breath is cut short and you force yourself not to blink so fast and control the splash in your eyes. Yeah, maybe it's been a few months, but you're back in front of that studio and you're back in front of the words that stuck like a dagger in you when he said he didn't really love you and you just bored him. That feeling makes you get carried away and after weeks of holding back you get carried away and you just cry liberating yourself. At some point you let go of a drowned cry when you think about how you imagined a life full of it or at least imagined it would last more than a few months.
In the epitome of your catharsis you stretch between the guitar and the notebook and reveal that not letting yourself feel in its totality is what has not allowed you to put words in a line. And that is now broken from the moment your fingers prick the guitar in a melancholy and sad way, your thoughts fly and stay on the page when you denote the betrayal in your story, the lie and the reality of the facts. As your facet of strength and pretending smile and well-being collapse and leave you reduced to your tear-filled role, your knees on your head and the floor next to the gray armchair.
Maybe one of the best songs of your career. How you died waiting for a sign that never came even if they had sworn you everlasting love. Like you would actually have given up everything to keep it.
Suddenly you calm down just as quickly as you have acquired the previous state, when you manage to breathe properly thinking that Matty said he would be there and accompany you in front of Sam. That he has used the word protect gushes warmth within you, and you know that you can rejoice in the feeling of affection that he inevitably gives you. Therein lies the essence and effect Matty has on you and how important his friendship is to every aspect of your life. He's been there in every stage of your life and he's never stopped accompanying you even when he wasn't at his best.
Then you relax thinking about how lucky you are to be able to take him to those awards regardless of the terms agreed between the two and what the media put on. At the end of the day you'll be going to the awards that you and him have been talked about for thousands of nights being the best choice of both because understanding was never faked and that chemistry is always instantaneous.
When you realize you're tapping the guitar without a predetermined note, it's glimpsed between scratches of melancholy and a pink bubble. But now you're back to your usual thoughts and now you can't stop thinking about Matty dressed in a suit (and looking awesome, by the way) with him basically matching you in his tie.
--
Since you open your eyes on Friday, the day becomes chaos. Dress test, hair test and make-up test. The walk in heels, the review of the speech. Thinking about what to say about the breakup, that your figure remains dazzling no matter if the person able to disarm you is the one standing next to you. Both for your ex-partner and your date. Then they'll come and tell you about your nomination and how some song will be better than yours. The vicious circle of being an artist.
You wish it was a quick day, but it becomes extremely heavy. You hardly have time to stop for a drink of water and when you realize you are already changed for the event.
You look in the mirror with your stylist and then he starts to take shots while he changes between different angles to have the best pictures. Your hair is semi collected in a braid from behind and only a few waves break off on the wind but it gives the feeling that you have a princess collection and is not in danger of collapse.
Your dress gets all the attention, you look taken off the cover of a magazine. The red satin falls on you adjusting your curves and marking your figure in a rather attractive way to see, the cut on the leg does not take out the dainty of the dress. Your neckline falls on a beak held by a very thin thick straps that connect the dress with the neckline at the back, leaving your back open only with a few straps crossing to your low back.
You're perfect but you can't help but want to bite your nails because you feel there's something still missing even though you're being manic checking your makeup all the time. And if it wasn't because you don't have a second for your stylist to talk to you about important things, you'd have tried to touch up your makeup many more times.
When you get in the limo, you breathe until you calm down, and then you have a millisecond to talk to Matty.
see you, x
hey
we're coming for you soon
You turn off the phone and leave it on the seat when you feel your manager's gaze pointing at you.
"Where's Matty?" You ask after a while starting to listen to your senses that tells you something is wrong. They should have passed Matty's house a few miles ago, and your heart speeds up when you know you are entering the freeway.
Your phone vibrates and lets you see the Brit's messages making you form a thick grimace between your lips. Your brow automatically frowns and you feel your makeup heavy as you read each word carefully and feel like someone is playing a heavy joke on you.
only a thing
if you promise someone a date you have to keep it or at least warn that it's a fucking joke
Your vision becomes blurry for a few moments and you feel your world just stop in front of a polarized window and the body of the seat. You don't want to believe that what your head is thinking is actually what's going on, you can't just go overboard like that. The chances were very slim.
And then, come the words that confirm how you dug your own grave without it being your fault. You feel like someone's slapping you right where it hurts the most.
"Oh yes, about that. Matty isn't a good look for you, so we just got you someone else. You'll thank me later."
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actually i think it sucks but will be rewarded in the next part? anyway let me know what you think <333
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silveredcircuitry · 6 months
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Monologuing, Infodumping, same thing really
my newest terrible scientist, Dr. Peri Sidecke! its body is made entirely out of worms holding on to a plastic halloween skeleton for structure.
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designernishiki · 1 year
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tbh out of the games I’ve played all the way thru thus far (0, 1, 2, 3) I think y3 is by far the strongest in regards to kazumaji content/implications, at the very least when it comes to majima’s feelings and displays of affection and whatnot. like. it’s legitimately hard if not impossible to adequately explain some of majima’s actions in this game as anything other than being out of way-beyond-platonic love for kiryu and it makes me want to slam my head against a wall and scream
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quirinah · 5 months
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SLAY THE PRINCESS (chewing on drywall)
#oh my god the way this game has been festering in my brain since i watched rts playthrough of it ITS SO OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I LOVE COSMIC HORROR AND SELF AWARE TIMELOOPS AND THE ENDLESS FUTALITY OF THE NARRATIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I LOVE BIRD MEN AND GIANT MONSTER WOMEN AND NARRATORS WITH PERSONALITY!!!#sorry im normal.#quirinahscreams#no but i also love the voices of the main character and how the choices you make determine which one of them shows up (saying nonsense) BUT#ALSO HOW THEY EACH HAVE THEIR OWN SKILLS? IF THAT MAKES SENSE#like the stubborn and the hunted's affinity for combat/survival in the beast route or paranoids autonomic nervous system thing#she heart on my lungs till i liver nerves#I WISH IC OULD SAY MORE BUT SPOILERS BUT ALSO RAGHHH. they werent lying it really is a love story (gripping table so tightly it splinters)#THE WAY THE FIRST CABIN RUNTHRU IS LIKE UR DEFAULT SLATE AND THEN THE CHOICES YOU MAKE SLASH HOW YOU PERCEIVE THE PRINCESS IN THAT ROUTE#AFFECT WHAT SHE APPEARS AS TO YOU LATER#EVEN DOWN TO TAKING THE KNIFE#how shes docile and initially innocent if you dont take it but calculating and dangerous if you do#or depending on how you die she reappears as vengeful or simply cruel or resigned etc and then different voices show up to compliment that#i always feel so lame giving faceless characters visual appearances though its part of the mystique intrigue or whatever#but my boring hc for the mc is that hes like a harpy. a la howl movingcastle type beat but i also love birdman mc#its just that i wasnt paying attention earlier and imagined him as like a generic fairytale prince/knight and then realized oh he has TALON#I NEED TO SHUT UP OH MY GOD BUT ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WANT TO DRAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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hexados-on-a-string · 7 months
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spectragus dont get enough credit for being a sun and moon ship but like. destructive sun and moon ship. sun and moon ship but they're the forces of nature the sun and moon actually are. the sun is harsh and relentless and unpredictable in its evil but also it's kindness, the moon is sharp and cold and cruel, a harsh light that doesn't allow you peace, but can also guide you, a light in the darkness. even on nights with a new moon, with no light in the sky, the moon is always reflecting the sun, and it'll be that way until they come to their end.
#spectragus give me a dopamine high that any sort of drug couldn't even come close to giving me#its the loyalty. its the seeing each other at their worst and still staying.#its the being the only person still around who knows and understands what youve been through#its the being so important to each other's characters that u cant mention one without recognising the impact the other has on them#i dont rlly do shipping unless its funny but also im a huge gus fan so like. yea. plus my view on romance is a bit all over the place anyway#something something my skrunkles deserve complicated relationships that are more than romantic but something else#its the trust thats the most important thing to me. trust and loyalty and devotion and#im sorry but i would have exploded if i like. didn't write down these thoughts#anyways fucked up gay people who are a package deal and that is a threat thats them#ik the majority of my posts are hee hee funnie and i usually dont take things too seriously#but these two have taken up part of my brain permanently since i was 8. like. they just live there. rent free.#i am like rabid rn. i am feral and i am insane and i am crazy and there are so many things wrong with me#i cant even write down all my fuckin thoughts there's so many my brain is going to Explode pray for me#idk if u understand how important it is to me the times they show kindness even while at their worst#they're not good people but they have people they care about and they care abt each other and that matters SO much#i take 0 criticism on my posts i only take cash. however there is no possible criticism to be made bc i am RIGHT#also this all kinda sparked from me getting obsessed with a certain kh character who has a connection to the moon#who is also one of my favourite characters ever#and if u know who it is and u also like him ur very cool#im not tagging this w character tags. im like. very shy. but#i love gus i love spectra i love spectragus#anyways see u next time where i should hopefully have art maybe potentially#i found the brushes i used to use back when i did lineless art so i am rlly happy
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zibiscusloon · 1 year
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My brain dings around like a loading windows screen and occasionally spits out a half-assed coherent thought
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