#this song was already used in the show but it can be heartbreaking in multiple instances ... right

[ilooklikeaburntchickenugget]

All Too Well

A/N: I’ve had the begging of this story in my drafts for a while, and now I finally took time to finish it. Yay! I hope y’all enjoy, and if you couldn’t already tell, it’s based on All Too Well, the now very iconic Taylor Swift song Pairing: Gerard x Singer!F!Reader Word count: 6,155 words Warnings: Lots of angst, emotions in general, good old swearing. Also loosely proof-read, so keep that in mind.

Men sucked.

It was one of the many lessons you had gathered over your years of being on Earth, and you at this point were on the verge of giving up. Men were just intolerable sometimes, and nasty, and just... ugh. Bad.

Especially... well you hated to say it, but Gerard Way. He was supposed to be the super nice, sweet, nerdy guy, right? Wrong. He was a complete dick.

You guys dated for a year and a half and you swore nearly on your life that he was your soulmate. You loved him with every bone in your being, every breath you took was his. And then he fucking dumped you. Like it was nothing,

You weren’t even sure why, there was absolutely no lead up. You guys hadn’t fought anytime near the breakup, in fact just the week before you had gone out on a date with him at a super nice little romantic restaurant and the entire night was filled with nothing but laughter, smiles, and love.

And then he said he needed to talk to you, so you went over to his place, and well, he ended things. Right then and there. With no explanation whatsoever.

You were so confused that you didn’t filly react until you got back to your place and noticed one of his leather jackets he had left the other night, still hanging on the coat rack. And just like that you broke down sobbing in tears of anguish, agony, and the worst of all: heartbreak.

It wasn’t like inviting your friends over and binging sad romance movies over some ice cream and then burning his shit or covering it in glitter and delivering it back to him would work this time. No, this was a full blown code red. As code red as code red can get.

You were a depressed mess for three weeks not able to function as a human being. You breathed and that was the only thing keeping you alive. You just felt so used and ashamed and confused and unsure. Your entire life and existence for the last year and a half was suddenly meaningless and that was terrifying.

After a good depression slump, you turned to what every world famous singer-songwriter turned to: writing an album.

Which also happened to include a 10 minute song.

A 10 minute song that made it to #1 on the Billboard charts.

And caused your ex to go trough weeks of absolute slander and humiliation on the internet.

Every time you went on Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, any social media the exact same thing popped up time and time again: a meme of Gerard with your lyrics along side it, or overall people just criticizing him for specific instances you mentioned in the song. Some of which were exaggerated, if you were being honest.

Everyone knew who he was, not only because of his band, but because he broke your heart. And despite trying to be the better person, you definitely felt a ping of victory in your chest.

Long story short, the album cycle had gone really well. Your tour sold out, the album was doing incredibly well with multiple number one hits, and awards were coming your way left and right. Yet the last thing you expected to see at any awards show was him.

My Chem didn’t do award shows, they just didn’t. So why the actual fuck was he here at an after party? You immediately saw him, and despite the dimly lit nature of the room, you knew it was him. He looked... good, actually.

His hair was a bit more grown out and black, he had lost notable weight, his jaw was suddenly incredibly sharp and noticeable, he was unfairly hot and you hated it at the moment.

“Oh shit.” Your bestfriend, Clara approached you. “It’s him, isn’t hit?”

“Mhm.” You nodded and sighed, “Why is he so hot? Why?”

“We are not going back down that rabbit hole, nu-uh.” She stated, grabbing your arm and pulling you away, “I don’t care how good the dick is, I am not going through another three weeks of you hiding under your covers like a fucking bear in hibernation.”

“It was good.” You mumbled as she pulled your up to the bar, ordering you a rum and Coke.

“C’mon girl, you just won like five awards for an album about how shitty he was! Don’t go back to him.” She sighed, “He was a douche.”

“I know.” You frowned, wanting to add on, ‘but only that once!’ knowing it wouldn’t go over well.

“Besides, I think you got an A+ list fucking hunk of an actor staring right at you.” She smiled, biting her lip and looking over your shoulder. You looked over your own to see him smiling right at you.

“Fuck! That’s the dude in the new super hero movie or whatever I forget which one- but he’s ripped, right?” Clara nodded enthusiastically and you smiled.

“If you wanna get Gerard even more on his nerves,” She began, “Maybe you’ll talk to him. But do the whole flirty thing where ya know, you place your hand on his chest and overly laugh at his jokes.” You nodded with a smirk as you shot down your drink for confidence and walked over to begin talking to the guy.

He was nice, for sure. Definitely nice, but like, no personality whatsoever. His jokes were bad, but you laughed, especially after you got a quick text from Clara notify you that Gerard was in fact staring right at you with a face full of envy. Exactly where you wanted him. Salt in the wound.

After a while, you excused yourself to go to the restroom which really was just an excuse to not talk to him anymore. You quickly glanced at Gerard who was still staring at you and quite aggressively took a sip of his water, which you turned away and smiled to. Hey, he was a dick, you could smile about making him mad.

You wondered to the restroom solely to get away from the unnecessary and annoying conversation. You weren’t really sure where to go next, it was stuffy and hot in there, music growing louder to the point where a scream sounded more like a mumble. So you did what any logical person in your situation would do, went through some back stairs and up to some random rooftop balcony.

You opened the large metal door and took a deep breath as you inhaled the fresh, crisp air of an LA night. You slowly opened your eyes again, after enjoying your mere moment of tranquility, to be met with anything but peace. In fact, you swore you felt your chest actually begin to light into flames and your heart ceasing to beat.

It was him.

He was standing there, leaning on the slim metal railing, a cigarette in his mouth as he slowly inhaled and exhaled again, clearly staring off into the dot pattern of lights a large city like this one had. You hated when he smoked, it was an awful habit and while you knew it was far better than most of his other previous bad habits and addictions, you still didn’t like it in the least.

The door then shut with a subtle ‘bang’, and naturally he turned around. And there you were, your confidence now stripped of you and blown off in the wind of the night. You were a statue, just staring at him. Out of... you weren’t even sure anymore. There was no word for this emotion. At least not one yet.

He did the same. Didn’t really move at all, just stared at you. At least he looked like he was breathing, you definitely weren’t. Your eyes remained wide as his grew heavy and he took another drag of his cigarette, letting the smoke out of his mouth as it cascaded over his face. “Fancy seeing you here.” He said, only a small smile dancing on the edges of his lips.

You took that as a potential sign of peace, and began walking towards him. It would just be awkward if it was just the two of you up here and you weren’t at least minimally interacting. “I didn’t think you came to these things.” You commented, standing right behind the railing. He hummed, taking the almost nonexistent cigarette out of his mouth, throwing it on the gravel ground, and digging it in with his boot.

“No, not usually.” He sighed, “Label pushed us to, though. We were nominated and all.”

“I thought you guys never listened to your label,” You snorted under your breath, “It’s part of your whole image.”

“Yeah, well, ya know.” He began, “Shit happens.”

The two of you stood there in complete silence just staring into the skyline for probably a minute or two before he spoke up again. “Congrats on the awards.” He stated.

“Thanks.” You replied. Couldn’t have done it without your shitty ass breakup. “Congrats on all your nominations.” He scoffed.

“Nominations are not winning,” He explained, “It’s barely an acknowledgment.”

“Eh, I’ve been nominated for lots of things and not won.” You replied, “Besides, I think you guys should have won at least rock song of the year.”

“Thanks.” He replied, grabbing his pack again out of his pocket.

“I hate when you smoke those.” You commented under your breath.

“I know.” He coyly smiled, placing one in his mouth. “I’m not doing it out of spite, I’m doing it because that’s how addiction works.”

“I think I know how addiction works.” You fired back, eyeing him a bit. Again, it went silent with the tension.

“I saw you with, uh, what’s his face in there?” He began and you scoffed.

“Oh please, what’re you keeping track of every guy I talk to now?”

“No,” He replied, “Just observing.”

“I always hated how snarky you got.” You commented

“I always hated how snarky you got.” He chuckled.

“Oh don’t play the fucking victim.” You warned, “You were the one who broke up with me, remember?”

“Yeah, biggest fucking mistake of my life.” He stated matter of factly. You were processing what out of pocket thing to say next but his words caught up to you faster.

“Huh?” You suddenly asked, your eyes growing wide in shock.

“Yeah, I should’ve never been a complete and utter dick and just dumped you. You were probably one of the best things that ever happened to me, and I just treated you like shit one day and called things off over shit that wasn’t even your fault.” He sighed, “And yes, I definitely deserved a 10 minute break up song about me.”

“It was 25 initially.” You mumbled and he looked over more with a look of concern. “Can I ask you something?” You requested after a few moments of silence.

“Shoot.”

“Why did you break up with me?” You asked and looked over at him. He froze for a moment before taking his cigarette out to elaborate on a large sigh.

“Because I wasn’t myself, and I wasn’t thinking with my head.”

“Huh?” You asked.

“I had gotten back on, ya know, shit, just before the whole thing. And of course I knew you were gonna get on my ass and tell me that I shouldn’t do that shit, so I made the dumb mistake and chose all the fucked shit over you.” He explained, “It was so, so fucking dumb.” You waited a few moments to speak. Maybe out of shock, or just trying to process it.

“Gee,” You replied, waiting a few moments, “I don’t know what to say.”

“Then don’t say anything. You’re not obligated to. I mean, I can barely if at all justify what I did with that.”

“You were a complete dick.” You stated, looking over at him as he lightly smiled. “But I loved you.”

“You loved me?”

“Yeah, I told you like every day.”

“Did you ever stop loving me?” You took a brief pause, the answering coming way too fast for your comfort. There was a still silence present between the two of you.

“I don’t know.” You whispered, your breath getting lost in the wind. He nodded, placing his head down to stare at the ground.

“I never expected you to come back, a part of me doesn’t want you to. Not because I don’t love you, I still do, but because all the anguish and just torture and hell I put you through. This two year punishment without you has been completely awful, but I know I deserve more of it.”

And you were actually speechless.

You hated the idea that you wanted to give him a second chance. You dreaded the feeling that he was a good guy at heart. You absolutely despised that you loved him, still, after all the shit he drug you through.

So you did what anyone would do: you ran.

You ran as fast as this tight dress and the heels could take you, as fast as your breath would allow, as fast as your heart could beat.

“Where are you going?” He asked, you heard his footsteps behind you as he grabbed onto your arm. It wasn’t a mean grab, more worry and desperation.

You turned your face to look up into those hazels eyes that reflect your own, lighten up by the barely illuminated box light above the door.

“To think.” You replied, your eyes welling in tears as your breath broke. You shook him free of you quickly and ran through the door and down the stairs.

You wanted him to run after you, but you wanted him to just leave you alone. You wanted him to confess his words and trials of love for you, but you wanted him to rot in hell. You wanted to feel his lips against yours again as you had all those times, but you also wanted to never see him ever again.

Your head was spinning as you finally reached the main ballroom again, looking around frantically for anyone you knew. After a minute your eyes just scanned the room and became blurry, unsure of what the image in front of you was, but you were sure it was chaotic and-

“Y/N?” A familiar voice rang through your ears. “Y/N, are you alright?” It became more clear. You turned to your side to see where it came from, a face you hadn’t seen in years.

“Mikey,” You sighed, letting your held breath go, “I um, I-”

“Are you having a panic attack?” He asked frantically, holding both of your arms, “Shit, let’s get you out of here.” He said, beginning to escort you to the back entrance. As soon as you got outside again your brain began collecting itself. “Are you alright?” He asked and you nodded, realizing you fists were curled into the lace of your dress and letting go. “What happened.”

“I- I don’t know, a lot I guess.” You swallowed harshly.

“Do you need to get home? Do you have a driver? Uber?”

“Yeah, I have a driver. I’ll just text him.” You sighed, taking another deep breath and closing your eyes.

“It’s Gerard, isn’t it?” He asked.

“Huh?” Your eyes went wide, wondering how he figured that out so fast.

“What the hell did he say to you? You know I’ll kick his ass-”

“No, Mikes, no.” You sighed, “I’m just confused.”

“About?”

“Him.”

“Oh.” You nodded.

“I think I need time to figure out how I feel.” He nodded back.

“I understand.” He smiled, as your carb began pulling up. “Well, you know if you need anything, I’m a phone call aways.”

“Thanks.” You tightly smiled, leaning in to give him a hug which he happily returned.

He helped you into your car, shutting the door and waving goodbye, making your promise that as soon as you got back to your place you would text him to let him know you were safe. “I swore she would’ve been my sister-in-law by now.” He sighed as the car pulled away. “But he just had to fuck it up.”

There your phone was in front of you for the third day in a row, his contact still blaring at you through the screen. You had been tempted oh so many times to call, text, anything just to see him.

You were kicking yourself for admitting it, but you missed him.

And deep down you knew better than to get back with a man who had thrown you to the curb like some casual trash every trash day, but 99% of your relationship was different, and you believed him when he explained why he suddenly changed. But you couldn’t just erase away the image of him just casually breaking up with you like it was nothing.

“I just don’t think this is gonna work out.” He nonchalantly stated as he leaned against the kitchen counter.

“What do you mean this ‘isn’t gonna work out’?” You asked him with confusion and despair mixed in your voice. “Two weeks ago we were talking about having kids, Gerard.”

“Yeah, well, life happens.” He stated with a sigh, “Listen I’m not sure if I love you the same way I did.”

“Huh?” You asked in utter shock, “What the fuck has happened to you? You’ve been a completely different person the last week. This isn’t fucking you and I want to know what’s going on.”

“Nothing!” He yelled back, his teeth gritting together and eyes glowing in rage. “Ya know what? This was never gonna work out. We’re two different people. You’re too obsessed with your image and who you are on the outside that people can never see who you actually are. And I’m sure that helps with your insecurity.” That was too far.

“Ya know what, fuck you Gerard Way. And fuck your stupid inflamed ego, and fuck your half ass songwriting that, by the way, wouldn’t be nearly as praised if it wasn’t for me proofreading all of it like a fucking English teacher! And fuck your entire fucking career and who you are as a person because you’re a fucking asshole and a dick.” He scoffed.

“What are you gonna do about that, huh?” He fired back, “Write a song about me.” And that was the final line.

“Get the fuck out of my house.” You demanded, pointing to the door. He gave you a ridiculous look, “I don’t know who you are, but you are not the Gerard Way I fell in love with. So I need you to get the fuck out of my house before I call security.” He rolled his eyes and huffed, grabbing his coat from the rack and opening the door to leave.

“Well, good luck finding any inspiration besides me.”

“That’s the fun of it, isn’t it.” You sarcastically smiled, “I will drag your name through the mud and back, throw it in a dumpster, and light it on fire. Mark my fucking words.”

You knew he had. Judging by the conversation of just a few days prior he had paid the wrath of hell you had cursed upon him, and he knew he deserved it. You wondered if that was enough punishment, or if pretending like you two were never even together was what he really needed.

You shut off your phone, this time aimlessly throwing it across the room as you heard a distant ‘thud’, and groaned, leaning back into your bed. You hated this feeling, these conflicting battles happening in your mind. You had never stopped loving him, and he had never stopped loving you, but he had broke you like no other. Does that deserve another chance.

“See, this is why I didn’t want you two to ever get back together.” Clara came into your room with some takeout bags and you groaned again. “Because he gets you into this weird funk and I don’t like it.”

“It wasn’t always like this.”

“No, but people change, Y/N. And you need to accept that the Gerard who broke your heart was not the same man who you fell in love with. He’s gone now.”

“I don’t think so.” You sat up, squinting your eyes to adjust to the light. “I think he came back.”

“Uh huh, how do you know that?” She sarcastically asked.

“He had the same sparkle in his eyes he did years ago, the same spunk but not in a mean way. When his hand touched my arm I could feel the warmth I felt years ago when we used to hold hands or cuddle.” She sighed, sitting next to you on the bed.

“Yeah, but is he worth going through all that pain again?” She looked down at you as you stared at the ceiling.

“Yeah,” You sighed, “I think so.”

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

Those were the only words muttered as the two of you stood on opposite sides of the door. He was still in the exposed air through the back door of your Tribeca townhouse, standing there with the cool breeze flushing through his hair. You were on the other side inside, and slightly moved over as a signal for him to walk in which he followed.

He slipped off his shoes and jackets as he looked around the first floor living section. He hadn’t been here before, of course he hadn’t. You had sold your old apartment as soon as he broke up with you. You couldn’t stand all the memories there and you wanted to run away as fast as possible.

“Wow,” He commented with a smile, “This is really nice.”

“Thanks.” You lightly smiled, leading him to the living room.

“Coffee?” You asked and he nodded. He never drank anything but that, and you knew nothing had changed. You handed him the mug with just black coffee in it, a similarity the two of you always shared.

The following moments were filled with a level of awkward silence you hadn’t felt in a while. It seemed like each of you were trying to strategically see what the other was plotting; a potential apology, a love confession, makeup sex… who knew. The only solid feeling in the air was one of tension that seemed like a wad of rubber bands wrapped around each other and ready to explode with aggressive pressure.

“So-“ Gerard had started and you looked up at him with a light smile. His eyes met yours, and he suddenly remembered how much he loved to look at them. The natural lighting in your place truly did even more wonders to the eyes he used to beg to stare at for hours because he loved to examine the color and complexion of them. They were a subtle reminder of what home felt like, even if he was on another continent. “I, um, how’ve you been?”



“Good,” You replied with a light chuckled, running your hand over the back of your neck as if you were trying to find some sort of switch that would magically erase the insane tension between the both of you. “Things have been- overwhelming, but good. And you?”



“Better,” He admitted, “I mean, life could be going better, but it’s not awful at least.” You nodded your head a bit, knowing what he meant and feeling the radius of misery that seemed to drag around him. Maybe that’s where their dark and very twisted new record had come from, the scent and general aroma of misery and despair that seemed like a necessary accessory he wore.

“That’s- that’s good.” You replied and he lightly laughed.

“Don’t feel that sorry,” He leaned back on the couch and rolled his eyes, “I think this is karma coming for me after all the shit I’ve done to other people.” You snorted a bit at his revelation, him replying merely with a confused look and twist of his head.

“No- it’s just, you’re never gonna believe this, but I kinda recently wrote a song called karma. Not necessarily about you- but about, ya know-”

“Yeah, I know,” He lightly laughed, throwing his head back. “I mean, he deserves it.” You nodded with a soft smile.

More moments of the same tension from before followed, and floated between the two of you as small talk was clearly a lost cause now. “Listen,” You finally spoke up after a few moments, “I wanted to talk to you just about restoring something.”



“Like what?” He asked, his eyes growing a bit wide in optimism it seemed. Something you recalled him doing a lot when together. Like when you mentioned making his favorite meal, or announcing the shows you would be able to go to on his tour.

“Well, just- something. Friendship or something more, I don’t know. But I think we’ve both been pretty immature about the whole thing that happened, and I don’t know, I feel like it’s time for me to be a bit more adult-ish about everything and at least accept that the past is the past, and try to move on.” It took him a good few seconds to even begin to process your words, and judging by the frozen features on his face, it seemed he didn’t know how to respond for a bit.

“Well, um,” He awkwardly replied, “I’m not against it at all, I’m really glad you wanna try something because I do too, but I’m not sure how I could even begin to start repairing any of the damage I’ve done- I mean, I said and did some awful things to you and just tried to make you feel worthless because that’s how I was feeling.”

You nodded in response, “And I get that. That’s why I’m willing to forgive you, now.” You replied, softly placing your hand over his that sat in the middle of the couch.

He looked down briefly at the contact, his pale face suddenly glowing a bit more red as a blush slowly painted his cheeks.

“I- I appreciate it, but I haven’t really done much to deserve it-“



“Gee, you’re here today. In my apartment, the girl who you crushed, willingly admitting to your wrongdoing.” You promptly replied, “Also, you did admit the 10 minute song was good.”



“I mean, yeah, it was almost an epic of a song.” He replied quickly as if it was obvious.

“Thanks,” You softly smiled, “So, at least friends. And if something else comes up, maybe we’ll try more than friends again.”



“I would like that,” He quickly nodded, “A lot, actually.”

This was so uncharacteristic of you.

In fact, staring at his bedroom ceiling, now, the fan running, and a slight dink from a loose screw on it echoing through the room, you had begun to question every breath you had taken in the last 24 hours. Every step you took was now being analyzed in your mind as to how your feet took you here, and your heart interrupting it with it’s beats of love.

His slight morning snore, as you fondly recalled it, didn’t help either, or his arms wrapped around your waist tightly. You were trapped between a choice of freedom and non confrontation to your left, or the sleeping man who you hated for years on your right.

But his death grip was making this impossible, you couldn’t escape if you wanted to, but you were also freaking out… a lot at this point. So much is that you began to feel your lines constricting centimeter by centimeter, and your breath growing heavy and urgent. Your mind began fogging as eyes became dizzy, and were only broken from your trace by a slight shake.

“Y/N/N,” He asked, sitting above you a bit with a concerned look. His face was twisted to your side as if coming out of the right part of your vision from where you laid, grabbing the covers on top of you, “You alright?” He asked. You quickly cleared your throat and nodded a bit.

“Yup, fine.” You admitted, sitting up on your forearms as he gave you more room.

“You sure? Your breathing became heavy all of a sudden and-“

“Yup! Perfectly fine.” You tried to admit as optimistic as possible which came out more as passive aggressive. You quickly got up, wrapping some sheets around you at the edge of the bed, quickly rearranging your clothes on yourself from the night before.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” He asked more starkly, noticing your jittery movements. He got up, and began redressing himself as well, “Baby, I need you to talk to me.”



“Don’t-“ You almost fired back, taking a moment to stop yourself and lower your tone, “Don’t call me that.” You said, finally pulling your shirt over your head.

“Oh- okay.” He replied, confused as he put his shirt on too.

“I just- I need to get out of here.” You frantically said, grabbing your bag and phone.

“What?” He asked again, squinting his eyes at you, confusion clearly taking over every thought in hid mind, “I- Y/N, seriously, what the fuck is wrong?”


“Everything, Gerard!” You yelled back, his face now in shock at your roar. He remembered having your first serious sit down conversation with one another. The one where you each pour out all of your problems on the table, sort through them in conversation like a deck of cards, and finish with passionate sex now that you each knew everything about each other? That one.

You had brought up your anger issues, and despite your juvenile level of anger had long been cooler down to where you stood now, he had been fairly warned about your potential out breaks. It was when you were overly anxious and unsure of how to react to something, so you resorted to overwhelming anger of what was causing you to feel that way. This, was clearly, one of those times.

“Can you just- please shut up for a second.” You heavily sighed, him still staring at you wide eyed.

You took a moment to breath, retreating back to your cleaning up after, and finally after a good minute or two, spoke again. “I- we can’t do this.” You stated, matter of factly, looking at him, “This is against everything I’ve held myself to ever, this goes against all my morals, and most of all makes me feels like some sort of whore, so I need to go.”



Gerard sat still and silent at your self-realization, and only moved with a flinch when he heard the front door slam shut. He then sat, again still, specifically at his wall, and wondered what he had done wrong. You and he had possibly the best night you had with each other just the prior night, and he couldn’t count on his fingers each of you whispered “I love you” to the other. He knew he meant every note of the phrase that came out of his mouth, but now he was wondering the same for you.

“I need a cigarette.” Was all he murmured, getting up and finding his pack and lighters on his bedside table. You knew you loved (despite the fact you always said it was nasty) when he smoked in bed after sex with you under his arm, and last night was no different. A blush always grew on your face and you would always nuzzle closer to him every time he did it, your eyes always glued to his mouth and the smoke that came out of it.

He headed out onto his apartment fire escape/turned balcony and briefly looked down below to the city streets on this cold, rainy, Sunday morning. No better time than for everything to go to shit again. He took a deep inhale after lighting the thin paper, and finally exhaled, looking away from the smoke like he did when a bit annoyed.

In the days that followed, he had set his expectations to be filled with nasty texts and calls from your friends berating him for letting you sleep with him again and get attached. Granted, as cliche as it sounded, the whole “it takes two to tango” scenario was oddly fitting for what was currently going on. He had to set half the blame on you, cut even and sliced to perfection, considering that neither of you would be in this confusing scenario had you just stayed away… but damn was that a hard and daunting task.

He had known from the first few weeks of dating you all those years ago that you were the one for him, and no one would truly compare to the way you made him feel. He was optimistic and happy for the first time in his life, you set off a sort of fire in him that made him feel more human. You were his person, but the whole bullshit of “right person, wrong time” seemed to be the motto of the entire relationship.

He heard his phone ping, laying on the couch and still smoking, a habit that had been indulged into these last couple of days, and reached for the device. He picked it up, flashing his screen and groaned. Of course she had to text him right now out of all times.

He wasn’t even sure if he owed her a response to her petty plea to get him to come over and the numerous risqué pictures she had sent to top it all off made him scoff. It had been months since they had done anything with each other, but the universe clearly had other plans to take the knife already plunged in his chest and turn it.

He simply replied with a “No.” and put his phone back down. If she texted more with pathetic drags at trying to get him to respond, he would simply block her. But he wouldn’t be a dick and make that his first move, at least he would be respectful, slightly, about it at first.

He took another long drag, letting the smoke settle in his lungs before releasing, and heard a faint knock at his door. He sat up a bit, confused and not expecting any visitors, getting up and walking over figuring maybe it was just Mikey. But much to his surprise, when he opened the door, it was you.

You both stared at each other for a good few seconds, before you finally spoke up, “Hi.” You said, simply. He noticed your wet jackets and boots, moving out of the way, and opening the door to let you in.

Nothing was spoken between the time when you slipped off your coat and boots, him graciously hanging your coat on the rack, and  sitting down on the couch across from each other. The same whole scenario you went through when decisively saying, “Let’s just be friends” turned into passionate sex.

“So,” He started, looking at you curiously, “Why’re you here?”

“Um,” You began awkwardly, sighing while mentally contemplating what to say next, something you, shockingly enough, had not planned much on your way here. “I came to apologize for running the other night- or morning, really. I just- I got scared and I didn’t know how to handle my emotions and so I ran. And I’m sorry for that, you didn’t deserve to be left like that with no explanation.”

While he wanted to hold a bit of a grudge against your excuse for just leaving him for days, he also knew he was indirectly the cause that put you here. Of course you ran from him, you were scared if you didn’t leave first, he would leave. He took a sigh, himself, composing how to explain his own thoughts without coming off as completely dismissive.

“It’s okay, really.” He finally said, “I- you wouldn’t have to deal with those emotions had I not put you there. But I did, and that’s unfair to you as well. So- just, don’t worry about it.”

“Yeah- but,” You began, trying to find some way to genuinely get your apology across as you still seemed to believe he was just saying that.

“No, Y/N, I completely understand why you did it, and it’s okay, really. You needed time to think and breathe.”

“I just feel really immature about it all,” You continued, “I really shouldn’t have done that.”

“And I forgive you.” He stated, placing his hand on your knee which finally got a small smile out of you.

“Can we, maybe, restart this for like, the second or third time?” You lightly laughed as he smiled and nodded.

“I would love that,” He replied, “But this time I’ll take you out to dinner first, forgot that the first time, well second time around, technically.”

#gerard way #mcr gerard #gerard way fanfiction #my chemical gerard #gee way #my chemical gee #my chemical romance #My Chem #my chemical romance x reader #gerard way x reader #gerard way x you #gerard way x y/n

[aceofspades-sml]

How does it feel to have lived my dream of seeing Lindsay as Katherine-

Can I ask for details abt her performance? What was her Katherine like, how was she different from Bronte or Bobbie? :0

Hi ! Sorry this took me so long to answer, I just had two big days and needed to organize my notes about the show

And so, Lindsay Katherine. I wasn't expecting to enjoy her as much as I did but she was truly incredible. She was also very different from both other Katherines (I am mostly familiar with Bronté's Kath so will mostly talk about how Lindsay's is different from her but from what I know about Bobbie I can just tell you they are not the same at all)

Even physically speaking she is established as different from the others, her dress isn't cut the same way and is a very dark blue with white stripes and she has lighter curly hair (I used to have doubts about curly haired Kath but oh my god she was perfect). In my opinion she looks a bit older as well, both physically and in her behaviour.

One of the differences that struck me the most, because I remember it already struck me with Bronté, was that while Bonté's cast is openly extremely sarcastic, always mocking and mimicking other people, especially in act 1, Lindsay Kath was very sarcastic as well but in a really deadpan way, both in her voice and her facial expressions. Her delivery of lines such as "Cheeky boy gets nothing for is trouble" and especially "What was the last strike you organized ?" really showed that, she just looked Jack dead in the eyes and delivered. In the same way, I think she made way less large and expressive gestures than Bronté's Kath, which was mostly obvious in Watch what happens- she moves less and everything is in her voice (said voice is absolutely amazing btw)

Maybe that's due to this but she also seemed extremely serious, though not in a strict way- my friend and I tried for hours to put words on that and failed so bear with me here, she was extremely invested in her job as a reporter while also genuinely caring about the newsies and their strike

All in one this Katherine seemed to express her emotions way less than Bronté's... until act 2. In Pulitzer's office she seemed to be desperately trying to justify herself, and despite not talking her face was clearly begging for Jack to believe her, to know that she never intended for things to go this way or to cause the newsies any harm and she just looked so sad-

And the scene on the rooftop before Something to believe in was absolutely heartbreaking as well because I had gotten used to that serious and deadpan Kath and here she just broke down, she was incredibly emotional and her voice broke at multiple moments when she was talking to Jack. Which was also the case with any other Katherine but it was particularly strking with Lindsay. The song itself was then really sweet and soft because she had let her walls down and her relationship with Michael's Jack was played really well in my opinion, once again really different from that of Bronté or Bobbie but absolutely perfect and very cute regarding her personality ! (I would love to see her with the other Jacks tho because I am really curious what her relationship with them would look like since both George and Matt are very different from Michael never gonna happen now haha *cries*)

To sum it up Lindsay was very different from every Katherine I have seen until now, she decided to show a whole other part of her personality and I honestly really liked it ! Not to mention that Lindsay herself was an absolute angel and was clearly incredibly happy she got to play this part. Good for her honestly because she slayed

#I hope this answers your question at least a little bit because I am really bad with words right now so sorry about that #all I know is I consider myself incredibly lucky to have seen her bc she was really the one I thought I couldn't catch and I loved her #if you have any other questions I would gladly try and answer them I love talking about uksies Katherine ! #... also if you want a glimpse of her kath I totally do not have an audio of her last show which I am totally not willing to share #if you are interested #newsies #newsies uk #uksies #katherine plumber #lindsay atherton #leo's newsies analysis

[jordifaedia]

you will have to pry this song from my cold dead hands as i chant "stainteqcoded" multiple times in your ears

[spoilers for dossoles holiday, and main story (a bit) below]

stainless's devotion already shines through these first few lines, the metaphor of 'cat into a dog' meaning that he wants to turn from just a independent friend to completely devoted as a boyfriend to tequila. (up to you whether thats unhealthy or not, i could be overexaggerating it).. it's no lie that stainless in the main story is devoted to several things, including rockrock, granny, self-salvation squad, as well as bill.. or well, it's at least implied enough that the viewer can at least tell. he isn't afraid of displaying his affection towards tequila, whether he reciprocates it or not. after all, stainless def does believe that everyone does deserved to be loved, even if they were apart of some crazy ass plan to blow up a town !

"i want you to take me on a walk", "okay, baby, here's the leash" these lyrics are so fucking odd i'm not even going to play with you but these are def metaphors for love in some way. love languages, remember those? him wanting to go on a walk with tequila could be an act of service, a relief after long days of working on the battlefield or just the weight of existing. or even just quality time !

who doesn't want to go on a walk with their friend and talk about random shit? the leash part, i can't even figure out a meaning for that. but uh, my stainteq brain thinks of it as teasing, it's teasing. throughout the other lyrics, he's referred to (pretending that this is in stainless's pov) as a dog, and what do dogs need? walkies and a leash. obviously this could be inteperated as a joke in some way, that tequila could leash him and he'd be perfectly fine with it (insert very flustered angry tequila doodle here)

heartbreaking news: the brunette feline who has a heart ironically not made of metal despite working with metal for majority of his life is yearning in the worst way possible. i personally see this as stainless offering hsi unconditional love to tequila but tequila is like "haha dude its fine i swear".. like tequila doesn't want to accept stainless's love for him, whether through gestures of words that the feline is trying to get it through.. like stainless keeps giving him all these apples (metaphorically) but tequila is like "save your apples for someone better"

"i don't wanna be just friends / it's no coincidence, it's a kitty-incidence" stainless genuienly wants to pursue a relationship with tequila, but is unable to because of how much tequila keeps pushing him away. it's not a coincidence that stainless inevitably falls for tequila, considering that the two both spend enough time with each other for the possibility to for (kitty incidence is cute, i mean cmon. stainless is a catboy.)

"they be testing out your patience, but i'm here for it" stainless OBVIOUSly wants tequila to be himself and not some dossoles persona with that cheesy customer service smile that screams "boring" to it.. he knows that he's probably making tequila frustrated with how determined he is to share his love with him, but he's 'here for it'. basically meaning that he doesn't care if tequila shows his true emotions, negative or positive. at the end of the day stainless just wants tequila to be his authentic self, even if tequila could lose friends over it (high chance he won't) ..

which also leads onto the last two lines, which could be stainless's reassuring words

"so get used to it, ain't no stopping" he's not going to stop giving affection to tequila, again, tequila deserves love. why wouldn't he give him endless amounts of love? whether its platonic or romantic love, he'll keep being by tequila's side

i think you could interperate this as an 'angel/devil' metaphor in the way that while stainless can be his regular goody pants self (not as goody two shoes as a certain fish medic) he can also be. u know. gay demon. like u cnanot tell me this man knows at least how to get under tequilas skin somehow (spoiler: its flirting) .. idk what to say! the yaoi is yaoiing!

i don't know how to explain this, but stainless isn't naive. neither is tequila, like they're both grown ass men. when he was younger, he probably was naive for sure, or at least a little less intelligent when it came to his feelings. i'm not saying he's the master of emotions right now, but he knows right from wrong !!

"i was far from cute before / now i'm an angel" going to be honest, this entire verse seems like stainless teasing tequila. like cmon. idk what to say this is just so yaoipilled im going to gag and throw up

"i hope you don't let go" stainless doesn't want tequila to succumb to his mask and push him away !! he wnats tequila to open up and be himself (how many times have i said that) ! he wants to see the real tequila! to let go, whether that means to stop being friends with stainless, or to just cut himself off the world, he doesn't want him to let go. tequila is way too mentally unstable to be left alone, also stainless wants to be more to tequila. a friend, a boyfriend.

"cause i've been such a good boy / i hope you don't say no" stainless genuinely doesn't want tequila to reject him, whether that be because the feline confesses to him about his true feelings or the fact he doesn't want tequila to keep pushing away others, he does in fact have his own struggles w his crush on the man .. he wants to help out tequila, and he wants to push him out of this box that the perro's forced himself into because he's not a caterpillar anymore, he's an actual butterfly!!

"oh my god, what is this new emotion?" the word 'you' in brackets appearing is obviously referring to tequila. he's referring to how he's never felt a crush this severe ever since tequila, this emotion is much more than just puppy love, and it's most certainly not platonic for sure. it's new despite the possibility of stainless having a crush in the past because crushes aren't the same, there's all different types of crushes. celebrity, unattainable, actually attainable, mistaken as a crush when it could be a squish or something else, all sorts of crushes! tequila just happens to invoke a new feeling in stainless, the type of feeling that he wants to protect (devotion, duh.)

"i'm such a puppy when you hold me" when dogs are little, and younger, they're obviously very cuddlable ! i'd imagine stainless's love language to be pda, or at least just acts of service in general. even without the love language bullshit, you have to admit, being hugged by someone you really really like will make you melt completely. in this case, when tequila does try to show some love back to stainless, whether it is a hug or even just a gentle touch, stainless will combust and explode!! because being touched by your crush?!??! and he usually tries to push away your love??! but oh!! he's showing you some affection?? holy shit! ring the love alarm because a love bomb is going off!

"feed me love, it's perfect and you know it" i think if you have some knowledge on tequila, or you at least have read his voicelines, you're probably aware that he's not as 'fluffy sunshine' as he comes off. like he's fully aware of his intentions, which can be seen in this voiceline right here:

cmon. is this not the like. most suspicious, or at least eyebrow raising result line you've heard? i mean, theres definitely probably ones that are more concerning but thats not the point. he knows what he's doing or what aura he's trying to put out!!! and canonically, knows how to cheat in poker and card games too. so when he's giving stainless even the tiniest amount of affection, it may not seem like a lot to him, but he's fully aware that the feline will eat it up completely. a little amount, or a lot is just the perfect amount to stainless because it's perfect.

"follow you in circles and no, that is not a joke babe" stainless and tequila in my little delusional bubble are friends, or if you want to try and apply some canon onto this rarepair where they don't have a single canon interaction, think about squads and how you can have your favorite characters on the field at the same time. tequila and stainless, on the same squad, usually you would place tequila behind someone who can protect to him due to his 0 block when he's not slicing up someone. who's the perfect candidate? stainless of course! as well as his little sentries! non-canon wise, i'd imagine that stainless and tequila just keep hanging out. they're friends, why wouldn't they? whether it's work related or non-work related, they're most certainly hanging around each other. (that is not a joke, babe)

"i'm the one you can't keep your, keep your paws off" okay first of all, obvious dog imagery for the dogboy (cough, tequila, cough). i think we also are aware of the fact that these two men can be great friends, as well as have some brooding tension in between them. tequila, who has a persona to keep up, does not want anyone to know what his true feelings are. he's a people pleaser in a way, especially with that bland smile of his, it just screams "hi! welcome to rhodes island, how can i help you!" you know?

see that last line? "he is very unsafe" canonically, tequila was a child soldier, and does have great tactical planning (remember the bombs he made in dossoles holiday? the ones that blew up? that requires some knowledge related to bomb making, how to make sure the bomb goes off in the right time, as well as precise timing. that takes lots of skill.) he does have the potential of being dangerous, and i feel as if stainless does the wrong thing, he'll be blown u- KIDDING. obviously. there's just going to be an arguement, for sure, and maybe even a crack to the mask that tequila puts on..? even so, tequila still is friends with stainless despite it all. no matter how many times he tries to push him away, stainless will come back.

"go fetch when you say that i'm a dog walk" if you don't know, the phrase 'dog walk' basically means simple. its easy! like walking, that's a dog walk (unless you can't walk)! i feel like this is supposed to be a metaphor for chasing after someone you love, fetching basically is when you toss a ball and the dog goes after it. duh. they're chasing after the ball! tequila doesn't think stainless is simple, but he probably believes that stainless doesn't know about what's underneath his persona. hence, why tequila believes he's a dogwalk. he's got every other operator fooled, why would stainless not be fooled? but in reality, stainless is chasing after tequila. like how a dog chases after the ball, what is he looking for though? the truth? a confession?

"fight for you in the biggest pack of wolves / they be racing, but i'm comin' in first impala" stainless genuinely does care about other operators, obviously, i mean i probably sound like a broken record at this point.

the idea of leaving someone behind on an operation is completely wrong to stainless, he can't do. that simply goes against his morals and what he's learnt, as well as what he's taught himself. when we apply the first line, "fight for you in the biggest pack of wolves", he's willing to fight for his friends just for them to be able to go home safely, because 'not one fewer when we come back' basically means, and i already said this probably, that he's not leaving a single person behind no matter how drastic the situation is. which, is a pretty good moral to keep up!

an impala is an antelope apparently, why the hell are they talking about antelopes in a song about puppy love? don't ask me. ask bighit. anyways, these animals are able to be swift and jump pretty high.. i still have no fucking clue who was cooking in the txt lab and thought, yeah, let's make a reference to an antelope! but, working with what we have here.. [shuffling through notes]

they're both capable of dealing quick attacks - tequila with his arts damage (liberator things), as well as stainless who can deal heavy shots with his robots (s3, but he can regenerate sp pretty quickly w s2 if i recall) and we know they're quick thinkers. remember the zipline? remember how tequila can quickly just lie his way out of a situation? they're both quick mentally, and physically too.

when the line "they be racing, but i'm comin' in first impala" comes up, i think of specalists. stainless is a supporter, but he's a low dp cost that's similar to specalists such as kirin, texas, and phantom. they all have low dp costs, but they're all different classes (kirin sweeps the enemies away with s3, killing three in a row, texalt summons swords, phantom summons a clone and can stun enemies with his s3). stainless is able to provide free damage early enough as long as you place down a sniper. the specalists might be placed down later on, if there's a hoard of enemies, but stainless is probably placed first (or usually you want to place him first. i guess. i don't know, i'm kind of balling.) but what does this have to do with stainteq?

stainless is the first to defend tequila from an enemy due to his 0 block, which means he can still get targeted. without a healer and dp source, stainless is able to protect him. i'd imagine tequila and stainless have this princess and knight dynamic, except it's not just "boy who needs help x boy who helps", after all they're much more than that. stainless truly does want to help tequila out to the fullest, he wants to be useful the same way tequila wants to be seen as useful to all of the members of rhodes island.

while stainless might be seen as a stretch, i do truly believe that tequila does want to prove to not only just rhodes island, but his father that he can be useful. tequila does want to show to others that he can be there for them. oh! do you need some papers to be brought somewhere? he can do it! need him to take over a lane? he can do it! need him to take a shift at the bar or trading post! no worries, he's got the hang out of it! tequila is a people pleaser, and is willing to sacrifice his feelings for the sake of the satisfaction of others.

ok. this is getting a bit depressing. what i'm trying to say is that stainless wants to protect tequila, the same way tequila wants to protect his friends. its out of care, and genuine compassion.

"yeah, I like it when we cuddle / when you get yourself in trouble" could be taken as tequila opening up, and how stainless does like tequila for himself (I NEED TO FIND A BETTER WORD FOR 'BEING HIMSELF') it's as clean as you're going to get it from the lyrics, stainless likes affection and the pda he gets. he likes when tequila is being authentic.

"i'm everything / from the soft side to the tough stuff" see: angel/devil metaphor (scroll up) in a quick summary, stainless has the ability to be assertive, like hissing or growling. he can also be soft, like a cat's fur. he's got duality.

"'til we cross the rainbow bridge / i'll be the one you always dream of" the rainbow bridge is a metaphor for when dogs die, they are believes to go over a rainbow to heaven where they will meet their owners once they die. another dog metaphor for the dogboy tequila once again, this is basically just saying that until tequila dies; stainless will always be on his mind, or at least a memory. stainless is trying to say that he's going to be on tequila's side no matter what, again, not one less. he's not leaving anyone behind.

"bet nobody else speaks / the lil' language between you and me" all friends have their own language of the sorts, whether it's an actual language or just being able to understand your friends gibberish, it's still a language (but like. not an official one like spanish, or something. for the gibberish part) stainless is able to understand tequila without the need of speaking a common language, like bolivarian or whatever language they speak in victoria. they're able to communicate with each other without the need of speaking the same language, whether it's through gestures or just the look of knowing yeah. your friend is feeling xyz. that's how close they are.

"i just hope you understand" stainless wants tequila to know that he's there for him, that they can be friends, boyfriends, or even just best friends. he doesn't care as long as tequila knows he's loved, and safe. he wants to give so much love to tequila it's so overwhelming for the poor perro, and it's obvious that stainless is doing this out of the good nature of his heart. he has always cared for others, and will continue doing so because he is a good person.

in conclusion, i have way too much time on my hands and i looked way too in depth over a song about puppy love and being smitten by some kpop boygroup i really like. and i somehow associated it with stainteq! so you're all subjected to my thoughts!

#tw death mention #arknights #delusongposting #arknightsposting #stainteq #stainless arknights #tequila arknights #sorry to everyone who has to see this. #(not really)

[mirahuyooo]

Paubaya | bts

[BTS as the song PAUBAYA by Moira Dela Torre]

— Which part of my love wasn’t enough?

In which, you have to let go of the man you love when he’s in love with someone else

Word Count: 3,331 Content/s: be warned y’all; ANGST, falling out of love, falling in love with someone else, cheating, unrequited love, one-sided pining, fluff if you squint really really good and have blurred vision, saD, SAD HOURS

[masterlist] | more [reactions & headcannons]

A/N: Here comes the first song fic / headcannon thinggg!~ This song is back in my faves so I thought to write this little blurb bc i love angst 🤪💅

Paubaya in Filipino means “to entrust” or “to leave it to someone” which, in the concept of love, means that a person giving up the person they love to someone else 

I recommend y’all to listen to the song!! IT’S SO ANGSTY AAAAAA and the music video is juST as heartbreaking (and there are eng translations provided too! Don't worry)

Also, I also tweaked some things I deem to be a more accurate translation. The Filipino language has gender neutral pronouns which is why I tweaked with the english translation from the mv itself instead of the he/him pronouns used \(￣︶￣*\)) 

ANYWAYS, I hope y’all enjoyed this /(ㄒoㄒ)/~~

 KIM SEOKJIN

At kung masaya ka sa piling niya So if you’re already happy with them,

Hindi ko na 'pipilit pa I won’t force it anymore

“I want you to be happy, (Y/N).”

Such words were soft and well-meaning—as wholesome as the very man that said them—and yet they stab you in the heart all the same. How could it not?

An hour ago, your childhood best friend had invited you for lunch in one of the restaurants the two of you frequented in college. You had been excited at the thought of spending time with him, but this was definitely not the turn of events you had expected to happen.

“I think it’s time for you to really move on,” he smiles at you encouragingly.

Kim Seokjin’s rejecting you for the last time.

He made this clear when he showed you the ring he intended to propose with to his partner of three years. It was simple yet pretty, just what you imagine he’d get, and yet to know it wasn’t meant for you, it hurts like bitch. 

While you were the reason they met in the first place, the selfish part of you has always held on to the possibility that fate might finally turn things in your favor. Those chances became slim when they got together, and while you had respected their relationship, that little devil in you still hoped they wouldn’t last. 

Alas, your struggle with the unrequited pining never really ended. 

You often wondered what your friend did differently, that, out of the two of you, it was your signals and confessions that got turned down. It was you who got their hair ruffled, feelings not taken seriously, and teased for having a "fleeting crush" that has been gnawing at you for a decade. It was you who had to swear multiple times that you're going to move on, except you don't because god damn it you love Kim Seokjin with your entire being and heart. 

Just as you had gotten used to their relationship, the thought of them getting engaged now opens up a wound in your heart, bigger and deeper than the last. “Can you really not love me, Jinnie?” you ask, quiet as you stare at the ring. “Is there really no chance?”

Seokjin smiles apologetically. “I do love you, (N/N),” he tells you in that brotherly tone he’s always used. “Just not the way you want me to.”

Here he is, wishing you happiness after he finally realized that your feelings he brushed off as a crush ran deeper than he thought, and a part of you resents him for that. Still, the better part of you—the one that’s so helplessly in love with him—wants his happiness, too.

You find yourself nodding slowly, chuckling breathlessly in defeat. “I want you to be happy, too,” you tell him, tears flowing down your cheeks as he lets you pull him into a hug. ”I wish you the best—all the best in the world.”

Maybe this time, you will finally move on.

  MIN YOONGI

Ang tanging hiling ko lang sa kanya My only wish to them is that 

Huwag kang paluhain at alagaan ka niya They never make you cry and they take care of you

Deep down, you knew. 

You knew your time with Yoongi was up.

The gummy smiles, lingering touches, and warmth beside you in bed were once the things that made you feel fuzzy with love, but now they twist and turn your insides. The eyes that once look at you with adoration were fading, and while you knew well he did nothing behind your back, you could tell him staying with you was becoming nothing but a repetitive seesaw game. It's only a matter of time before he asks you both to get off of it. 

But before that…

“Do you love him?”

HYBE’s recent rising producer avoids your eyes, practically squirming in guilt. They’ve been working on the new album together, and all it took was one visit to know that his love wasn’t meant for you anymore. 

For a couple of months, you tried reigniting the spark you and Yoongi lost, huddling over that could-have-beens and waiting for that warmth to return to you, but it never did. You love him, but you’ve grown tired. You think he has, too.

It’s time to put an end to this.

“Be honest with me, please,” you softly beg, “I need to know.”

Finally, you receive a nod in response, tears brimming around eyes that can’t really stare at you for too long. “I’m so sorry,” they tell you, and a gut feeling tells you they truly do love him. You’ve been in those shoes before, falling helplessly for a man like Min Yoongi. 

“Don’t be,” you say, “He loves you, too, you know. I can tell.”

In the distance, you see a familiar figure standing at the entrance of the coffee shop. Your heart clenches as you meet his heavy gaze filled to the brim with concern and sorrow. “Please take care of him,” you turn your attention back to the person before you. “He always forgets to eat and sleep on busy days, and he always manages to fall asleep in the most uncomfortable of places.”

Wide eyes follow you walking towards the man that held both of your hearts in his hands. A glassy-eyed Yoongi waits for you to stop before him, unsure of what to say or do. 

It was you who made things easier for him, hands shaking as you take off the ring on your finger. With one last smile, you place it in his hand and give it a squeeze of assurance. 

“Life happily, Min Yoongi.”

  JUNG HOSEOK

Ba't 'di ko naisip na mayro'ng hanggan? Why didn’t I think that our story would have an end?

Ako 'yong nauna, pero siya ang wakas I was your first, but they will be your last

For your first love, you were given a real gentleman in the form of Jung Hoseok. 

The memories you built together in the secret in-betweens of his life as Jung Hoseok and J-Hope of BTS were a core part of you as a person. There was a struggle, of course—with him and his budding career as an idol, and you finishing your studies—but in the moments you were together, the world just felt right. He just felt right. It all felt like it would never end.  

Except when it did. 

When the distance and everything else became too much, he had asked to break things off. A part of you loved him still—you don't think it's possible to ever stop loving someone like him—but you, too, knew the both of you couldn't hold out any longer with how things were. 

You thought, then and there, that it would be impossible for you to stop loving Jung Hoseok even if it would be the last you'd hear from him, but if this is what that was, then you wouldn't mind loving him from afar. 

Until, years later, that unspoken promise of yours manifests itself in a more painful form. 

You bump into him at a family reunion and meet him as the man your third cousin has been spoken for. The fancy, shiny rock on their finger had all the aunties and grannies squealing. 

"It's been a while," Hoseok softly greets, hesitantly holding out a hand for you to shake, and for the sake of civility, you obliged.

Butterflies spring across your belly, and it's a familiar yet dreadful feeling—like the undead coming to take you. "I know, right?" you attempt to muse, retreating your hand. "Life's been good I hope?"

"Good as can be," he politely nods, sending a smile your cousin’s way in a way that makes your heart clench. 

The tension must’ve been clear enough on your face, since your cousin picks up on it so easily. "You know each other?" they ask, head tilting in confusion. 

You couldn't blame them, or anyone outside the boys and the management, for not knowing. The world didn't know a (Y/N) (L/N) existed—that once upon a time she loved a man named Jung Hoseok and he loved her. 

Still, you know it isn’t right or fair for you to chase him when they’re happy and content in their own little bubble. You'll always love Jung Hoseok, even if from afar. 

"Yeah," you smile, bittersweet, "but it was a long time ago. Don't worry."

Whoever said first love never dies must've clearly meant something else. 

  KIM NAMJOON

Ba't 'di ko nakita na ayaw mo na? How could I have missed that you no longer wanted this?

Ako ang kasama, pero hanap mo siya You’re with me, but you were looking for someone else

 Kim Namjoon is the best boyfriend you can ever ask for. 

When he holds you in his arms, it's one of the best places in the world—so soft like clouds, and so warm like a hearth, that you'll almost always be seen dozing off. 

When he gets to decide on the date, he takes you to these places that really heal your soul, and when you pick, he simply goes with the flow. 

When he speaks, it's always the most thoughtful, sincerest pieces of his thoughts—one that always brings you comfort, makes you feel seen and heard, and your heart swells with delight. 

Which is why you had to say it before you regret not doing so. 

"I love you, you know."

The silence of the night sits between you both, the chatter of the party inside nothing but a faded noise. Namjoon stands next to you, gentle giant that he is, making you look up at him with a soft smile on your face. 

A blink or two, and he breaks his pause with a stammer. "I…" he hesitates, wetting his lips as he rubs his nape. "I'm sorry…"

Oh. So it's like that after all. 

You stand there in silence, heart open for the taking and he's sweating in guilt. "I know we've been together for quite some time now," he seeks to explain himself, "and in the beginning, I really thought this could lead to something real, but there's been a recent epiphany that has changed things for me."

He takes a deep breath. "I'm—"

"in love with someone else?"

The smile on your lips return, and this time, he recognizes the bittersweet hints of it. "I know, Joon," you tell him, "I'm not that blind."

The very person in his heart was inside, having fun with the rest of the members—the same one you've caught receiving the end of his lingering gaze in the past month, the same one that he is so ready to help or hangout with, and the same one he unconsciously looks for every time you're together. 

Had he held you, gone to your dates, and spoken to you thinking about them instead?

You don't want to know. 

In truth, this was what you've been preparing for to happen—the pain to come from ripping the bandaid you've covered your delusions with. "I…" you breathlessly chuckle, not expecting your heart to be hurting this much. "I really did hope for the probability that you would choose me, but I can see very clearly that this isn't what you want."

Still, if his wisdom had ever taught you anything, it was to cherish what you've had. "I'm glad I tried though," you smile amidst blurring tears. "That I got to know what it's like to have someone as sweet as you be my boyfriend."

"(Y/N)..."

Those warmth he would give, the embodiment of comfort and safety you never quite found anywhere else, and the little things that made you fall in love with him—such things showed you what a good kind of love can feel like. 

Deep down, you had wanted to play into your fantasy just a little more before you both had to put an end to it. 

You take one hand and squeeze it, indulging in the feel of his hand in yours. "I really do love you though," you tell him, other hand reaching to cup his cheek as you did, "and I want you to be happy. I hope you know that."

A breathy exhale left him as his glassy eyes took you in. "I'm really sorry, (Y/N)..."

"There's no use pretending otherwise," you hush. "The heart wants what it wants."

And it doesn't want me. 

Mustering your strength, you tiptoe and give his cheek a kiss. "Thank you for everything."

Kim Namjoon is still the best boyfriend you could've ever asked for, even if he didn't love you in the end. 

  PARK JIMIN

Ba't 'di mo sinabi no'ng una pa lang? Why didn’t you tell me from the start?

Ako ang kailangan, pero 'di ang mahal That I was who you needed, but not who you loved

 “What?”

The rain pours harshly against the windows as the words you hear from your boyfriend rips your heart out from within. You feel the world come to a stop, and you pray—pray—for it all to have been some sick nightmare your brain conjured up from movies and stories.

Park Jimin sits before you, head hung low and fingers fiddling with each other.  “I…” he sighs with a shaky breath that takes yours as you wait for him to repeat his confession. “I don’t love you anymore…”

The past year flashed before your eyes—back to when he went from being your best friend to someone who made the butterflies in your belly go wild with excitement. If this had been in the early stages, maybe then you wouldn’t be so hurt—maybe then, you could accept this as a mere fling that’d pass. 

Why did he have to make you fall in love with him? 

“Is this about who I think it is?”

Jimin flinches and in that instant, you know how much you’ve been a fool all along. 

Back when you were young—just teens still joking around and figuring out life—he had fallen for someone he shouldn’t have fallen for, someone who didn’t really love him back the way he had hoped. You’ve seen him cry over her, go through countless stages of grief, and move on to become the man he is today. You’ve held him through that rough patch in his life, and needless to say, you feel utterly betrayed right now.

Last month, their paths crossed again and you thought nothing of it, until now that you’re looking at the disaster that’s come to tear you to shreds. “Was I…” you breath hitched as you try to hold back a sob, “was I just a placeholder all along?”

Jimin’s eyes go wide as he profusely shakes his heart. “(Y/N), no. I just…” he scrambles to sort his words. “I didn’t expect for my feelings for her to come back like this, a-and—”

“What?” you scoff, “they love you now?”

A part of you—a tiny fraction of it—feels some semblance of relief to hear he did love you in some way, but that could only mean you were never enough to compete with that person. You knew it—from the way he was so lovestruck before and from the way he’s shaking with guilt now.

“I’m so sorry,” he cries, as you gather your bearings.

You don’t know how things will end up for them, but you know better than to keep a heart that’ll never be yours. If happiness for him is with them, then you’ll give him that and you won’t be in his life any longer.

“Don’t get your heart broken again, Park Jimin,” you say, soft with your sincerest worry for the man you loved, yet cold from the betrayal you’ve been slapped with. “I’d hate for you to feel like this.”

 KIM TAEHYUNG

Ba't 'di mo inamin na mayro'ng iba? Why didn’t you tell me that there was someone else?

Ako ang kayakap, pero isip mo siya I was in your arms, but someone else was on your mind

 "It's just not the same anymore…"

In hindsight, you suppose you should've seen this coming. 

The moment your clingy boyfriend became distant, his bright, boxy smile becoming strained, you should've seen this coming. 

The moment he started making excuses and not coming home to you, you should've seen this coming. 

The moment the once comfortable silence became stifling, your mind panicking to fill the void in, you should've seen this coming. 

Except you didn't. 

Here you are at the dead of night, clutching the covers tightly and pretending to be asleep while Taehyung's sitting at the edge of the bed on a call. You listen to the love of your life confess to his best friend how he's falling out of love with you, and how he's terrified that he's finding that spark in someone else instead. 

You don't hear Jimin's end, but something he says makes Taehyung sigh shakily. "I don't know what to do," he says, voice heavy with guilt and heartache. "I can't look at her anymore without feeling shitty. I tried but…"

He's crying.  

By some miracle—perhaps that of the gaping hole in your heart—you find yourself too hurt, too shocked, and too much to be in tears. Kim Taehyung, who had always talked of your future together, was now torn between his heart and the promises he's made with you. 

"I don't know what to do…"

Stuck between the urge to hug and hit him, you end up doing nothing—until the call ended, until he collected himself enough to cool off in the shower, and until he finally laid down beside you. 

For the first time in months, Kim Taehyung holds you close in his arms, and while it sears your heart even more, you let him—snuggle closer to savor what you know may be the last of your moments with him. Later, while he sleeps, you find yourself brushing away the faint crease between his brows, a sad smile on your lips. 

You don't know who had started to occupy his heart, but, while you're boiling in a mix of emotions having to face the end of this, you hope deep down that they'll do well to love him back. 

"I love you, you idiot," you want to tell the sleeping boy, "but I wouldn't want you stuck with me like this."

You should've seen this coming. 

Taehyung had always been the romantic that'd be stubborn about something like this until he's all bottled up, drained, and ready to explode. Just because the two of you had started like a fairytale did not mean you would end up like one. 

  JEON JUNGKOOK

At kita naman sa 'yong mga mata And I see it in your eyes

Kung bakit pinili mo siya Why you chose them

"Look at this, (Y/N)!"

As he shows you something on his phone, Jeon Jungkook stands beside you with a brilliant smile so full of love and adoration it hurts. Perhaps, it was because you knew very well that it would never be for you. 

The screen of his phone played him and the love of his life sky-diving in their recent trip, the two of them making competitive turns to see who gets the most flips while descending the drop. Their laughter echoes and rings through your ears.

It's not fair. 

Somewhere, something inside you cries out—the ugly beast called envy you've been coexisting with for the past three years making itself known. Indeed, it wasn't fair. 

They don't know him as well as you do. 

Unlike you, who grew up with Jungkook and spent weekends playing together at each other's house. 

Unlike you, who encouraged his antics and got into trouble with him because of his shenanigans. 

Unlike you, who knew a lot of his deepest secrets and seen him in nearly every breakdown. 

Yet, unlike you, they’re the one who managed to win his heart. 

Every now and then, you find yourself picking her apart, mind swirling in the many ways that made you different from one another, and wondering what part of your love for him wasn't enough to make him yours. It hurts to say it, but you can only acknowledge your defeat. They’re beautiful inside and out, does no harm but takes no shit, and easily commands the attention of everyone in the room. Someone perfect for Jeon Jungkook himself.

With presence alone, his eyes twinkle like the night sky in an absence of light pollution. He giggles—giggles—at any notion of hers he finds utterly adorable, and you hear that giggle more often than you could ever want to hear.

You'd probably fall in love with them too if you weren't so in love with their boyfriend. 

Yet, to love someone is to make them happy, and happiness with them was never the same with you. What kind of lover are you if you don't want this shining version of Jeon Jungkook in this world?

You find it in you to smile—for him and the happiness radiating in his life—and feign awe at the adventures they had together. “That looks awesome! How’d you guys manage that?” you say, prompting him to tell you more of the fun he had and watch him light up for the umpteenth time.

𝓽𝓪𝓰𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽 : @mwitsmejk​ @dreamamubarak​

#bts au #bts writing #bts scenarios #bts song fic #bts headcannons #bts reactions #bts angst #kim namjoon x reader #kim seokjin x reader #min yoongi x reader #jung hoseok x reader #park jimin x reader #kim taehyung x reader #jeon jungkook x reader #kim namjoon angst #kim seokjin angst #min yoongi angst #jung hoseok angst #park jimin angst #kim taehyung angst #jeon jungkook angst

[camiladnne]

I have so much opinions on the show. SPOILERS

1. I personally do not like Daisy. I didn’t like her in the book or the show, in the beginning I sympathized with her and did but as it continued I started to dislike her even more and more. See even though Billy is the one married to Camila, it’s something about Daisy betraying Camila that is worse to me. Billy ain’t ish, of course and I don’t like him either, but he’s already apart of their family u know? DAISY just got there, and CAMILA is the one who had daisy’s back. She sincerely welcomes Daisy and encourages her to come back to the party because she wants her there. She pushes Billy to let Daisy to join the band. Daisy herself says “he’s lucky to have you” and after all that…she still throws herself at Billy. And THEN gets mad that Billy brought Camila to the cover shoot as if that’s not his wife? AND THEN has the gall to walk up to Camila & Julia, smiling in their face, as if she wasn’t kissing and making eyes w her husband the day before. I mean, thats got to be one of the most appalling things I’ve watched in a while. Like daisy has no girl code whatsoever, and I can’t seem to understand how u can like her after doing that to Camila? Like Camila is literally mother, she looks after everyone and has everyone best interest at heart yet is getting betrayed over and over and over again.

2. I hate the fact that no one says anything to Camila about what Billy does behind her back. As if she doesn’t look out for everyone. As if they didn’t know her since Pittsburg. As if she wasn’t Karen & Graham #1 rooter. As if she wasn’t helping the band of the ground. Like wtf ? So much for being a family that looks out for each other.

3. Billy & Daisy have no romance whatsoever. They didn’t have it in the book and they don’t have it in the show. All they have is chemistry and passion, and I’ll forever stand on that. Also, when Daisy betrays Billy’s trust and tells the reporter about his past, something in told her in confidence, that was disgusting. Like that’s not love, you don’t do that to someone you love and she had no right. What’s crazy is that Camila is the one who suffered at the hands of Billy’s past, AND she never said that. So Daisy really had no right. And all because of what? Cause the reporter told her that Billy said it was an act? That she didn’t want to believe whatever was goin on between her and Billy was all in her head? Get over yourself, you have no claims to him as he has a whole family that she could’ve hurt.

4. I support Camila cheating w Eddie. Billy cheated on Camila multiple times and then again w Daisy. He neglects their marriage and lies to her and write stuff like the song “please”. Camila has to READ that herself that’s so heartbreaking. In the middle of the night, he’s up talking to Daisy. Billy literally isn’t appreciating what he has and acting as if he’s the only one who has needs. Like u don’t think Cami has needs too? Eddie in that moment and probably more, made Camila feel confident and loved again. Billy has been treating her like some old used cardigan and Eddie came and put her on like she was new again and I honestly loved that because she doesn’t deserve feeling like that.

5. I like both Graham and Karen and understand both characters. However, in the books and show Camila & Daisy both have that convo of Graham being more into her than Karen is in him. Karen know that and continues her relationship with her. I feel like Karen should’ve been more clear or cut that relationship off right then and there. Graham should’ve understood and considered Karen’s feelings about the pregnancy and not shame her and act as if he’s not the only one in pain.

I have way more to say but ima leave it at that.

You're so right in everything you said my dear anon. As I said in the other ask I got, you can always dm and I'll happily discuss everything about this show. I didn't mind daisy much in the book, sometimes i liked her, other times i didn't. in the show she's just boring. some of her actions annoyed me, but they also did in the book so that was on character.

idk what the writers were thinking when they made camila bring daisy to her house and make her feel part of the family. the whole 'she brought into her home the woman that was gonna steal everything from her' thing? HORRIBLE!! the moments in the book when camila welcomed daisy and was kind to her were beautiful, here, they only make daisy look like backstabber. and her whining about billy and camila was ridiculous in book and it's pathetic in the show.

no one in this show deserves camila's love. they're all bad friends. i hated the whole 'yeah maybe they were cheating, but they made good songs so it was ok'. FUCK THAT!! i understood when they didn't told her the first time. but this time someone should've at least called billy out, because it's not like they barely know camila and she's just billy significant other, they're her family. they are at her house ALL THE TIME!

my interpretation of book!d*aisybilly was that yeah, he liked her, but he was more enchanted with her and everything that she represented, because when billy reached his peak as an famous singer he was already sober so he could never live things like the others did. and also they understood each other in very deep ways because they were a lot alike. in the show it feels more like lust and necessity of adventure, idk, their scenes in the don't do anything for me.

but yeah, daisy exposing not only him, but camila and their daugther like that, in both book and the show, was a shitty move.

i have the same feelings about karen and graham, they always wanted different things, but closed their eyes to that, until things exploded on their faces.

edit because i forgot eddiecamila hdjhdjsh I LOVE THEM!! they're the best thing about this adaptation even if they only have 4 scenes together. it broke my heart how camila was holding back tears when eddie said he would always choose her. that woman was feeling unloved for so long :( the only thing i'm mad about is that we didn't got a kiss. #releasetheeddiecamilacut

#bruna talks #djats spoilers #i don't even want to know how many typos i made here

[andydreamzzzz]

Damn, I loved odetodisfunction :( do you think haters got them? The last posts they were talking about it.

mmm... I don't think so. Ode had been in this fandom forever, and was dismissed as a hateblog for YEARS by very popular blogs. I think it's safe to say that they were probably already used to the kind of reactive emotional outbursts people had towards them.

But maybe they did get tired of the hate that intensified and just didn't feel like being that person people could dump on for no reason anymore. I have noticed since the tour started that naturally more teenagers and very young twenty-somethings are entering this space with stars in their eyes about Gerard and the rest of the guys. Without a whole lot of real life experience of what it is to actually live with very mentally ill people, it is much easier to build a mythology and to romanticize what the band has built. Which is not a total criticism, I think we all crave a certain simplicity when it comes to our heroes. We want them to go through hard things but win out in the end against very clearly defined darkness. Especially as a young person, you need that to be the truth.

Reality of course is not like that, there are nuanced conversations to be had. As much as a person can heal and move three steps forward, the next month they might take two steps back.

The last thing people were really upset with Ode about had to do with this 'will there be a new album'? topic, which Ode didn't think so. And I actually kind of agree. Gerard is flippant, and he lies and he feels ready one day but maybe not the next. Frank in opposition is relentless, proven by his insane output of music, and that same passion probably drives him to be easily annoyed and easily hurt when other musicians can't meet him where he is. I think the guys need Frank and Gerard to align for the rest of the band to work. And given the proof that Frank was insanely busy during the pandemic with multiple other projects, I just don't know how they could have made it happen. Meanwhile Doug was sick, and I don't think Gerard has had an easy time at all.

Two key things that have been recently mentioned by Gerard: Foundations was the last song recorded by Doug. And for the first time during the show last night he admitted hesitation about being back next year for another tour.

I think some people got really mad at even the mention of the band maybe not being super stable and the strong possibility that there isn't another fully recorded album ready for release waiting on deck.

I have a more optimistic take which is: I don't think there is an album, but even if the band ends now, it was such a beautiful good bye. All of the band members have really gotten to enjoy this tour for many different reasons, and we as fans have really loved every moment!

I hope that they continue to be together, and I hope they have more music in the future. But it will be ok if they don't, as heartbreaking as it is.

#this turned into a rant #everything will be ok #fuck the haters #people can only meet you as deeply as they've met themselves #mcr #mcr return #frank iero #gerard way

[writersfearofrecognition]

Ignorance is bliss

Summary: Jacob and his childhood best friend slowly realise their feelings while trying to survive the quarry.

Pairing: Jacob Custos x nameless/female!OC

Warnings: jealousy, cringe dialogue, miscommunication trope, pure ignorance

TW: none i think (i hope, please tell me if there are i will gladly tag them)

Chapter 5:

After we sing some midday songs, one half of the counsellors takes the kids to Abi’s work station, the others are instructed to start cleaning up the places that weren’t needed today and tomorrow.

Jacob tries to get in my team but Kaitlyn drags him with her before he can object and i walk down to my hiking station alone, gathering random forgotten bits while trying not to think about what Kait said.

I’m done way too quickly so i lay down in the grass and look at the clouds. thinking about my future.

we three would move in together, the house was already chosen by Jacob’s parents and rented by mine…maybe also an overprotective rich schtick by his.

Kaitlyn’s parents were glad we were all together, taking care of their little ‚kitty‘.

i snort, Kaiti would kill me if she knew i thought about that nickname.

and my parents….didn’t really care. they promised to help with the move but who knows what could come in-between…Jacob was the most reliable person i know.

that realisation made me sit up.

Well. Kaitlyn too. but more in the practical sense. she was more ruthless…

Jake was the one that was always there to consult me…for every heartbreak, for every bad grade, for every cancelled family time…he, his stupid yellow van and infuriating…cute…grin had always been right outside my window.

he would drive us to Kaitlyn’s house and then imagine some scenario that made Kaitlyn come right out the door.

and then we would drive around, sit at the weirdest parking lots or lay on the littlest patch of grass we could find.

i couldn’t risk all of that for a stupid feeling i got once.

well…with one eye closed only once.

„Fuck.“ i whisper and stand up.

„okay. under no circumstances we will talk about that feeling. even if we now know that it’s there.“ i coach myself while slowly walking back to the lodge with everything i found.

at the lodge the others aren’t back yet so i clean up slowly, now truly focused on my game plan.

god me, Kaitlyn and Jacob were such cliché athletes weren’t we?

i giggle quietly about that realisation when the doors slam open and kids flood the room again.

„OH! are you already back?“

the kids swarm me and show me each and every band they made for me or anyone else.

i talk to them attentively and don’t even notice that the other counsellors came with them.

„Hey-.“ Jacob starts but is called back by Mr. H. for the fire pit and he sighs before walking off, i didn’t even meet his eyes.

„Kaitlyn made you something (Y/N)!!!“ one of the kids yell and Kaitlyn scoffs embarrassed.

„oh really? did the mean, mean Kaitlyn make me a friendship bracelet?“ i asked with a teasing tone.

she rolls her eyes and shoves it into my hands.

it was our colours. yellow, black and green. and our initials woven into it.

i actually start tearing up a little when i see and she notices.

„hey, it’s no biggy. Jake made them. he wanted me to give you it tho…“ she gives me a meaningful stare and i sigh.

„okay i need help putting it on, can one of you please help me?“ i ask into the small round of kids gathered around me and the bracelet is promptly secured on my wrist.

Kaitlyn pats my shoulder and we walk towards the fire pit together.

back at the fire pit, the kids thankfully all want to sit around me so i had a natural barrier against Hurricane Jake…god i love that nickname. platonically of course. yeah. yeah. anyways.

Jacob and Nick appear with the fire wood right after all our kids had settled down and i act like i’m busy with the kids.

he sits down right opposite to me and tries multiple times to signal me to leave with him but i stay strong.

after some time, Mr H. notices and gives him more duties to keep him contained.

Jacob walks off sulking and Mr H. gives me a concerned look which i shake my head at.

nothing was wrong. haha. hm.

i sing more songs and dance until Jacob comes back with a big boxes after some time and sits down opposite me again.

Mr H. opens the box and takes out the letters the kids wrote at the start of the camp…and the letters we wrote at the start of our journey to the quarry.

„oh god.“ i mutter and Abigail giggles as she was the only counsellor that heard me.

„Kids. you know what these are right?“

„yesss!“ the kids yell and he smiles.

„those were the letters you wrote to yourself, 2 months ago. i’ll give them back to you now and you can read them and if you want to you can read them out loud of everyone, but we won’t force you. those words are very, very private.“

he picks up the first envelope and shouts out the name.

when he’s done he still has 8 letters in his hand.

„and those are the letters our hardworking counsellors wrote to themselves before they drove here. those are also very private. but you can also read them to us if you want to.“

he gives the letters out alphabetically and i give him a smile when he pushes my letter into my hands.

i read slowly.

i was excited for this camp, the new experiences as a counsellor…excited to spend time with my best friends. find new friends.

once i’m done i look up and watch the others read their letters.

Ryan is deeply in thought, Emma is smiling and Jacob is furrowing his brow before raising his hand. „Mr H.“ „yeah?“ „i would like to read my letter, if it’s okay.“ „sure Jacob.“ Mr H. sits back down and gives him the go to start reading.

„uh okay- it’s going to be a bit weird…but yeah. those are my feelings.“

i gulp at the word feelings.

„hey Jakey, it’s me, from 2 months ago. i’m writing this right before picking up Kaitlyn and then (Y/N) to drive to the train stations to pick up the other guys. Somehow Mr H. got me to be the driver this year, i dunno how he did that. uh yeah. he said we should write about our feelings, and yeah. that’s weird.“

the kids giggle around him as he scoffs smiling at himself.

„i’m really f- flipping excited to get out of our town. i mean it’s ours and i love it but yeah. maybe it will different for us. like without tech and stuff. just sports and nature. i know (Y/N) gonna love hiking around all day. and Kaitlyn’s gonna love it too. in her own way. and i’m gonna love being with them. doing the sh- stuff i love. for 2 flipping months. like dude. that’s like all summer. all by ourselves. out of this town. with new people. like a test thing before we move to college…together.“ he stops for a second and my eyes snap from the fire to him automatically.

he’s looking right at me.

„we three are going to be together forever. whatever happens.“ he says without looking at the paper.

i stare into his eyes.

mind blank.

he swallows and looks back down.

„uh yeah- whatever happens…and dude am i excited for the other dudes.“

the guys start cheering.

„and the kids….f- fling i forgot my baseball bat.“ he stops reading and looks up again, „i packed that before writing on.“

„i’m going to miss my cat tho. i hope mom actually cares for her, but yeah. after this summer she’s going to come with us.“

i smile. i miss his cat as well.

„Mr H. said we should write a goal we have for this summer,“ he explains, „i didn’t really write about it, i just made a check list.“

„typical jock.“ Ryan mutters and Jacob huffs but continues, „first, stay strong. like muscles. because of my scholarship.“

„well you definitely achieved that,“ Nick laughs.

„second, don’t make (Y/N) or Kaitlyn hate you…“ he looks up at the two of us and we both frown.

i from shock, her from unwanted affection. „well yeah, i- don’t think we’re mad at you.“ Kaitlyn says, awkwardly and i nod fast.

„third, make it a good time for everyone.“

Mr H. pats his back, „You did that son.“

he nods and looks back at the paper.

„yeah. that’s it.“

„okay. thank you Jacob for reading. anyone else?“ Mr H. looked around the fire and a few kids raised their hands but no other counsellors.

„well then, Olivia, how about you read next.“

i don’t really listen anymore.

too tired and too…thoughtful.

Kaitlyn drags me up with her when the night finally comes to an end.

i sing the camp song one last time and Mr H. splits the group again, one for cleaning up, one for bringing the kids to the cabins.

I’m team cabin and walk to the front of the group before any wardrobe man could sneak into my point of view.

since Mr H. patrolled the cabins there was no way for us to sneak out for one last party without kids and i fall asleep before Emma could ponder over any other idea.

it's the next morning, some kids ask me for the favour of Jacob but i tell them that they have to ask him themselves.

i throw my bag inside his van first thing in the morning, while he is getting bombarded with questions, so he can't even look at me.

thank god.

I'm too embarrassed for any contact with him.

the drive home would be prison.

at 6 pm all the kids wander inside the big bus, the bags were carried by Jacob, due to the favour and i wave from the banister with Dylan and Nick.

after that i follow them inside like a dog while Kaitlyn watches me leave from downstairs.

our first conversation would be once we three were alone on the highway to home and it would entail nothing about feelings, or love, or Emma, or Nick, or anyone else. only good old friends. platonically friends.

i try to get myself into a good mood inside the toilet by smiling fake but Dylan’s hard knock gets me out of my feelings.

„Come on (Y/N), other people need to shit too.“ „sorry!“ i come out and give him a small smile, „sorry.“

he only hums and locks the door in my face.

i hear Jacob’s boots approach the main hall, so i scramble to the next door and land in a small living room, made writing room. i hear Jacob talking to Nick and Dylan, then a sigh and how two bags are picked up.

„air’s clean.“ Nick yells and laughs at my expression when i come out hesitantly. „you can’t hide forever alright?“ he asks in his Australian accent.

„i- that is a problem for future me.“ i mutter and look at the front door, scared he will come back.

Dylan hums and wants to say something but is interrupted by Mr H. „Kids, come get the phones.“

„ah. finally.“ Dylan sighs and Nick and I snicker.

I intentionally don’t take Jacob’s phone, only the phones of the girls. but Nick is fast than me when it come to Abigail’s.

I give him a knowing look and he smiles.

„well then. bring them the phones, i’ll be right with you…“ Mr H. mutters and we all hum, too busy with the implications.

i give the boys the right of way and lowkey hide behind Dylan as Nick throws Jacob his phone. when they walk down the stairs i act busy with my phone, even though there is no signal and no notifications and stay between Dylan and Nick.

18:21

after Emma and Abigail arrive without their bags, Mr H. and Ryan come back with the van keys and Dylan mopes about his phone battery, Jacob tries to start the van.

„What’s wrong?“ Mr. H. asks, weirdly stressed. „Ugh…Dude. i don’t know. i- i think there’s something wrong with the engine, Mr H.“

i sigh and cross my arms, while the situation gets even more heated.

finally Mr H. tries to start the van himself and Jacob wanders beside me.

i shrink into myself and try to keep calm. his stupid green shirt looks too good.

„I thought i told you kids to check everything!“ Mr H. yells and i jump.

Jacob puts his hands inside his pockets and hums.

Kaitlyn tries to defend herself, but Mr H. doesn’t take it and she and Jacob share a look. He steps out again with a swear.

„well, uh- Look it’s not that big of a deal, we’ll just spend one more night here.“ Jacob says slightly concerned why Mr H. is so aggressive now.

„No- NO. Just stop. let me think.“ i jump again as he now yells exactly at us and Jacob take a step forward to give me protection.

Ryan follows Mr H. with his eyes, now really confused.

He catches the keys Mr H. throws him and follow him while he is muttering around like a mad man.

after a short private conversation where Ryan just frowns in confusion, Mr H. drives backwards, almost hitting me, if Jacob and i didn’t jump out of the way and he is off.

„What’s with our bags?“ Emma yells after him but he is long gone.

„so…what was that about?“ Dylan asks into the round.

„he uh…said to stay inside. that we’re not leaving until the morning.“

„are you kidding me?“ Emma yells and my mouth falls open.

another night. with this shit hanging over my best friend and me. i can’t help but look at him but he is grinning from ear to ear.

„Oh (Y/N)…“ he’s swaying from side to side as i cradle my head in my hands, ignoring the feeling spreading in my stomach because he said my name.

„fuck. my. life…“ i mutter as Jacob dances around.

„what are we supposed to do?!“ Emma yells again.

„we should go inside. like he said…“ Ryan’s deep voice beside me said.

But Dylan had a different idea.

„We could go inside. until morning…or…or we could do something else.“

i raise my head. Dylan always had genius ideas. maybe he knew a way home.

Ryan asked what he was talking about and Dylan explained, „P. A. R. T…why the fuck not!?“

i groan, but Dylan talked on, „It seems like that stars have aligned for us. no?“

i didn’t really have another choice. either staying the night alone, with the possible threat of talking about FEELINGS when Jacob corners me with no distractions. or with others and no possible way to talk about feelings.

i sigh quietly while Jacob jumps around.

„oh, dude. fuck yes! I’m in. Nick, you’re in.“ Jacob said excitedly besides me, while pointing at Nick who nods relaxed.

„Dylan’s in. Obviously. my man.“

interesting he knew his name now huh.

„i’m with Dylan.“ i say before Jacob can address me, staring on the floor. „yeah dude!“ Dylan high-fives me with more enthusiasm than i could ever have.

Kaitlyn agreed, Emma as well.

Abigail didn’t really want to, but also not really had another choice and finally Ryan reluctantly agreed, but said it was a bad idea, which made me snicker. 

Jacob takes the planning lead, obviously.

Abigail and Nick for firewood, obviously.

„(Y/N) and i will go to the stores for some supplies…“ he teases and i gulp but Emma comes to my rescue.

„I’ll go. (Y/N)’s probably still exhausted from the hike right?“ „Right.“ i say quickly and don’t meet Jacob’s eyes. he would catch me lying. he always did.

„(Y/N) comes with me to the fire pit. we need to talk anyways.“ Kaitlyn's bee earrings are the last thing i see before i get dragged off into the sunset.

A/N: following the canon for now :)

#idk how to tag stuff #jacob custos #jacob custos fanfic #jacob custos imagines #jacob the quarry

[oneawkwardcookie]

This is a place where I don't feel alone This is a place where I feel at home

#911 fox #eddie diaz #evan buckley #television #911 season 4 #911 season 4b #4x13 #4x13 edit #my fanvid #the cinematic orchestra #to build a home #tw blood #tw gsw #buddie #tumblr only #911edit #daily911 #911verse #this song was already used in the show but it can be heartbreaking in multiple instances ... right?? #op

[starfellwish]

ML Theory: Episode 22, Finale, Ladynoir, and Everything Else

This will have rocketear and finale synopsis spoilers - be warned.

I genuinely do think that the two part finale of season 4, "The Last Attack of Shadowmoth" (which is,,, a title to say the least; more on that in a bit) is gonna be so tense for a variety of reasons.

Rocketear Analysis

We have a couple of gamechanger episodes coming up. Rocketear definitely was a gamechanger as Adrien was able to realize that Alya and Nino are aware of each other's identities with Ladybug giving them permission. And he's angry about it. He knows that Ladybug lied to him about the rules, and he also knows that her being the guardian is definitely something that has led to their relationship being affected (flashbacks to a previous s4 ep when he's like it's cool if she's the guardian, as long as their partnership isn't affected - well that was some foreshadowing, wasn't it?). Honestly, seeing that as Marinette makes all the rules now as guardian, her decisions should be able to include her knowing Chat's identity. But. Chat Blanc exists, and I think that her not telling him about it and hiding it from him is a parallel to how she wanted Alya to hide the truth from Nino (obviously this failed too - Alya went behind her back to tell Nino the truth). She knows that he'd understand if she told him and its better to tell him that he may destroy everything if they knew each other's identities than left him feeling isolated and alone and at risk for literally getting akumatized. By isolating him, she's quite literally putting the world at risk for Chat Blanc 2.0, rather than her telling him something heartbreaking and being there for him so he doesn't get hurt by Shadow Moth's intentions. I think that she'll come to realize this in the finale and learn from her mistakes.

I think that in this screenshot, we got a snippet of foreshadowing of what's to come:

I saw some people theorize that this is foreshadowing that Adrien's real identity is between Ladynoir, and while this could be general foreshadowing for the entirety of the show (Marinette is in love with Adrien, and that's why she can't love Chat Noir), I do think that interpretation could be misplaced here due to the tone of the episode. Instead, I believe that this is foreshadowing that Chat may reveal himself to Ladybug. After all, she literally knows the identity of literally every other person who has a miraculous, and is the guardian.

*Side note: It also reminds me a lot of Felix. Could be a reference to that? Not sure what my thoughts on that being, but it's just somehting that struck me.

Episode 22

In my mind, it would make most sense for Adrien to reveal himself in episode 22. We've been told by the people who make the show that since episode 22 is the 100th episode of the show overall, it will be incredibly serious. This episode may run the highest risk of Adrien being akumatized into Chat Blanc again, as tensions are definitely running high. However, another akumatization event could happen, and Chat could be left out again, making him angry. I think that him getting akumatized is more likely, however. This is because of his appearance in Sentibubbler - I think that's foreshadowing. After everything is taken care of, Chat Noir and Ladybug will get into an argument. Chat will tell Ladybug that he knows about Alya and Nino, and that he thinks she's a hypocrite. He was loyal to her, and now he's having his doubts about their partnership, because he doesn't even think its a partnership anymore. Ladybug is the guardian and has more secrets that she is keeping from him. She talks about Chat Blanc and tells him that him finding out her identity leads to basically the end of the world. Adrien is surprised that he was akumatized before. He then gets mad at her for literally hiding this from him when they could've taken precautions beforehand, and then could possibly assert that he doesn't know what else she's hiding from him. He also, at the same time, doesn't feel like he should be Chat Noir anymore if he poses that much of a risk to the world. He detransforms in front of her and gives her the miraculous. He tells her he won't be a problem again, and leaves.

Finale

Ladybug, of course, realizes her mistake and tries to get him back. However, over the course of 23 and 24, she is caught up with Alya and Nino's problems with them not hiding their secrets. Adrien is already scheduled to leave Paris for a couple of weeks with Lila, and Ladybug trying to persuade him to stay is basically one of the main conflicts of the final episode. Pair this with "ShadowMoth's Last Attack" and you've got a season finale. I think the name of the season finale, is, as always, a misdirect. There's no way Gabriel is getting all his miraculous taken away until season 5, as that's when the full reveal happens, so it seems like he'll return to just regular old Hawkie. I don't think it would make sense for him to be disarmed now and for next season's finale to have the full reveal. Here's the synopsis below so we can dissect it.

Shadowmoth's Last Attack

Having understood that if Ladybug always triumphs, it's thanks to her prudence, Papillombre (Shadow Moth) conceives a diabolical plan around a super villain endowed with the power to push his victims to take all risks. When Marinette learns that Adrien must leave Paris for several weeks with Lila, new muse of the Agreste brand, she is ready to do she is ready to do anything to stop him. How far will she go? Even to the fatal risk of betraying her secret identity for love? And will Adrien take the risk to finally stand up to his father?

Okay, so let's dissect this. What I said before adds up to Adrien leaving with Lila. It would also explain why Marinette would potentially reveal herself to Adrien, if only to get him to stay. Because she knows that he's Chat, and maybe her being Marinette will somehow influence his decision. Or, it may show him that she's finally willing to trust him with everything.

It could also allude back to the song in the movie. Since the Miraculous movie was originally intended to act as a finale to Season 5, we can take things from early development and see if they end up fitting in the narrative. In this situation I'm going to quote "Ce mur qui nous separe" (English translation: The Wall Between Us), the French song that was made for the movie when it was intended to be the Season 5 finale.

It’s strong when I see him I want to scream on the rooftops our love that reaches out to us But I know that I can’t It’s not the right moment We have to be patient be patient

Here's the French translation in case the translation Genius gave me was wrong:

C’est fort quand je le vois Je veux crier sur tous les toits Notre amour qui nous tend les bras Mais je sais que je ne dois pas Ce n’est pas le moment Il faut être patients Être patients

This part of the song is from Marinette's perspective, and the fact that she's saying that she has to wait for the right moment to actually be in love with him probably means that she knows Adrien's identity. Because why would she "know" that she can't love him? Why is it not the right moment? Why do they have to be patient? Her being Ladybug and being unable to be in a relationship may explain why it's not the right moment, but the fact that she says "our" love points me in another direction. She knows she loves Adrien, and she knows that Chat, and therefore, Adrien, loves her. But she can't tell him her identity yet. However, her knowing his identity would make sense. I remember that before season 4 started airing, a lot of the fandom wondered if Chat was going to have to reveal his identity to her because she's the guardian. After all, that would make sense. Them making it a problem over the course of the season would mean that it would have to be handled in some way. I think that her finding out Chat's identity is probably the most logical course of action, as she can't be a good guardian until she has all the information at her disposal.

There are two specific lines which I find interesting in the finale synopsis. The part where it says, "Papillombre (Shadow Moth) conceives a diabolical plan around a super villain endowed with the power to push his victims to take all risks," is particularly interesting. This could mean a couple of things. Shadow Moth could be akumatizing Felix - after all, he stopped at nothing to try and replace Adrien in order to ruin his relationship with his friends. He kissed Ladybug when she told him no. He was snooping in Adrien's things. Clearly, there was nothing he wasn't willing to do in order to get the ring back. (This whole thing is never explained either after Felix - why is the ring so important?) Maybe that will make a comeback? Or, the "his" in the synopsis where it specifies that the villain has no limits, may be referring to Shadowmoth. In that situation, it could be Lila who is again akumatized. She has clearly no limits, as she's working for Shadow Moth willingly, and likely knows his identity. This is one likely scenario. Or Shadowmoth will akumatize Adrien. He may feel detached, and Gabriel will interpret it as being sad that he's being taken away from all of his friends. Adrien is known for being quite stubborn, and having Ladybug fight Adrien's akumatized state would be season finale material. However, if he is akumatized in the finale as something else, then the Chat Blanc akumatization in episode 22 is unlikely (they wouldn't do something like that twice in a row). Of course, his akumatized state would be different than Chat Blanc because people can be akumatized into multiple different villains and Hawkie doesn't know that Adrien=Chat Noir.

The second line that I find particularly interesting is this one:

And will Adrien take the risk to finally stand up to his father?

Now, why would Adrien stand up to his father? Maybe with literally everyone betraying him, he'll find no reason to stay. He needs a constant in his life, and telling his father that he needs him to be here for him may be a step that he makes. After all, Ladybug and him are having their biggest fight, his best friend Nino told him that he finds his hero persona absolutely abhorrent, and he doesn't feel like he has a place on the superhero team. He needs someone, and he's hoping that Gabriel can be that person.

That could be one scenario, or Adrien may find out about Hawkie's basement. Now, this, could raise a lot of questions for him. While I believe that Adrien would have the normal tendency to be like "father, what the hell." He may honestly believe that this is all he has left, and therefore, will assist his father. This takes me back to the season 2 opening card.

Where is Chat Noir? With the villains.

Maybe Adrien will have his well deserved Dark!Chat Noir arc. Or maybe, he'll be a spy for the Quantic team. Ladybug and him will make up, and he'll tell her that he can spy on Hawkie for the team, and that's how they move into season 5 - with Adrien as a double agent. He will help his father in everything that he does, and therefore, get access to more information that he can share with the team. He can help establish a meeting for Hawk Moth to get caught, with evidence, by planting cameras, calling police, etc.

Honestly, I'm hoping for the latter subplot, as I don't want Chat Noir to go evil for everyone's sakes. I do think that the latter would also give him a cementable role that would logistically make sense and help establish him as an strong character, and more importantly, a valuable member of the team and Ladybug's true partner.

Or, they could go down the more simpler route, and choose Adrien to find out, be shocked, and then yell at his father for being who he is. Gabriel just assumes because Adrien is only just Adrien, he doesn't have to worry about him. He will threaten Adrien, and Adrien will stay silent in front of him, but tell the team on the side. Of course, this doesn't really mean double agent Adrien, but it still implies spy Adrien. It also still manages to make his character more relevant.

Regardless, there's a lot of different ways that line could go, and I'm excited to see where it moves on from there.

Implications on the Love Square

The love square seems entirely messed up this season. There is almost nothing going on in relation to it, especially in regards to Ladynoir, Ladrien, and Marichat. Adrienette has honestly the most action right now, especially with the reverse umbrella scene, them helping out Juleka together, etc. This leads me to think that while we'll get a lot of Ladynoir in the finale as they repair their relationship, Adrienette may be the strongest ship of the four when moving into season 5. Let me explain why.

Over the course of this entire season, Adrien has been getting closer to Marinette, and is honestly more warm with her than he has been with Ladybug. This can explain what everyone has been thinking - a reverse love square. Even if Ladybug and him make up, Chat may honestly want to go and see other people. This includes Mari. What Nino said about Ladybug finding him annoying may actually really affect him and his feelings and make him realize that he can find love elsewhere. It's also the fact that it was enunciated twice during Rocketear that Alya couldn't fall in love with someone that she didn't really know. That could lead Adrien to wonder if he really knows Ladybug, which will definitely complicate his feelings. The Kagami thing was never going to work out, so he just needs to find someone else who cares for him. He knows Marinette; he has called her similar to Ladybug - he may rebound from Ladybug to Marinette. Ladybug may realize that she messed up, and she has already shown that she is becoming more indifferent to dating Adrien, due to what happened with Luka. When she and Chat Noir fix their relationship, she may see him as the only person she doesn't have to lie to, and therefore thinks about pursuing a relationship with him. Therefore, a reverse love square would make the most sense in this situation.

If a ship were to start actually dating in season 5 - it may honestly depend on how the finale is. The two most likely ships imo are either Ladynoir or Adrienette. If Ladynoir makes up during the finale, then the barriers to them dating aren't really present, unless the Alya thing actually makes it complicated for them. Adrienette may get together, but Marinette is wary of dating because she's Ladybug. However, we all know she's weak in the knees for Adrien and will definitely say yes if he asked her out.

Therefore, I feel like this season is leaning more towards plot and character development, and while it may set some things up for season 5, it is important to pay attention at the little shifts in the square, because they are happening right in front of us.

Alya and Marinette

I wanted to be able to talk about this at some point in this theory, but since everything else is more Adrien centric, I added it here at the end. Okay, so we know that Alya is lying to Marinette about telling Nino things. We also know that Alya has bended the rules for Nino multiple times, both before and during Rocketear. This could go one of two ways: Alya telling Nino teaches Marinette that she needs to be able to trust Chat, and therefore helps her realize that she doesn't need to be so secretive and lie all the time. It could also lead to a plot where Alya basically messed up largely by telling Nino, and everything goes downhill from there. Ladybug shows Chat that they can't know each other's identities because of what happened with them. We also Nino is a bit of a blabbermouth - love his character, but he is. He told Adrien not only his identity, but also Alya's. He also told him that they know the other's identity. This is bad, and Adrien knowing definitely affects the plot later on. If Adrien ends up revealing himself to Ladybug, it is likely that she'll find out about Nino saying that, and having to revoke their kwamis. This could lead to a strained relationship with Alya. In fact, it is likely that at this point, Marinette will already have a strained relationship with Alya, as it could be revealed that Alya told Nino about Rena Furtive. This could lead to Ladybug being defensive and worried that she made mistakes, and literally just closing the Miraculous box because of it. Maybe Alya will go rogue? After all, it was mentioned in Rocketear (and I appreciate that they talked about this) how Alya was a reporter and that by extension means that her personality is one of a truthteller. Alya getting angry at Mari could definitely lead to a situation where she threatens to tell he everyone. I don't think Alya would or could do that, but anger leads to akumatization, and an akumatized Alya would not be good for anyone as her judgement would be impaired. Regardless, Rena Furtive may be a short time hero, and Mari and Alya may end the season in a fight. I don't see that being resolved in the finale, as no fight like that is mentioned in those episodes. There is also simply too much going on in the finale for it to make sense. It may be resolved later on, just like how other problems in season 3 started being solved in the beginning of season 4. Or, it could be fought out and resolved in episodes 23 and 24.

Therefore, I think that the Nino carelessly revealing his identity and Alya carelessly disregarding Ladybug's orders may lead to a plotpoint at some point where Alya and Ladybug fight. While I do think that it would be nice if Alya proved Ladybug wrong and showed that they were stronger for working together, I do not think it's likely. The show was deliberate in showing that Alya had a weakness for Nino, and has shown before that it has led to many situations where there were risks for everyone involved. Even Hawkmoth said that love and secrets don't go well together (is he talking from experience?), and I feel like that was so deliberate, but it could also be alluding to Chat and Ladybug. (Side note: it was so weird for Hawk Moth to say that, as he had no idea of the situation; regardless I do think this it's heavy foreshadowing.) Therefore, I do not think the situation that Alya has placed herself in is a situation which will have a peaceful ending.

Final Notes:

I personally cannot wait for the "Gabriel Agreste" episode. I think that the fact that we did not get it yet means that it has serious story implications. Personally, I believe it's going to explain allllll the backstory we need for the whole Bourgeois/Tsurugi/Agreste history and tell us why Emilie is the way she is right now. Of course, maybe it won't do everything, but the fact that it is named after Gabriel makes me wonder if it'll be his origins episode of sorts.

EDIT AFTER MEGA LEECH: IF GABRIEL AGRESTE REVEALS ADRIEN TO BE A SENTIMONSTER I WILL BE SO SO EXCITED BC ANGST BUT ALSO LIKE??? WHAT ABOUT THE PLOT? WHAT ABOUT THE NINE YEAR OLDS?

Chat snapping is honestly something that I cannot wait for. All of his anger has been building up over the entire season thus far, and the implications of his feelings are definitely serious for the show's plot.

I wonder if Mayura will be making a comeback at some point. While this is less relevant, Nathalie's health seems to be making her bedridden for a long time. Maybe she'll return to a similar state to Emilie? I saw theories that stated that if Hawkie gets his wish, Nathalie's life may be sacrificed for Emilie's, and idk, I think it's not likely that it'll happen, but it would be cool if it did. The ultimate payback for his actions being the loss of Nathalie.

Look at the end card of Rocketear:

He's looking at the moon, which was shown in New York to be something he does when he's sad. Also possible reference to him destroying the moon in Chat Blanc.

Kitty do be on a roof all alone without his lady :(

#nino lahiffe #adrien agreste #ladynoir #miraculous ladybug #the reveal #chat noir #marinette dupain cheng #alya cesaire #rena rouge #rena furtive #carapace #rocketear #gabriel agreste #hawkmoth #ml spoilers #alynino #alynette #shadowmoth #adrinino #sentibubbler #nathalie sanco #mayura #ml season 4 #mlm #miraculous ladybug theory #ml theory #chat blanc #miraculous reveal #poor adrien :( #he really do be getting the short end of the stick here

[ediths]

fic recs january 2021

hi guys!! okay so i got to thinking and i’ve seen a lot of these posts around so i made my own!! i think that fic rec masterposts are such a great way to support writers and get more people to have the chance of seeing fics!!! plus i’m leaving a bit of feedback too :))

if you know of any fics that you’d like to share a little love on / you’d like me to read so that i can reblog and give it a little love, send me an ask with the title and the author’s url!!! 

so here it is, all the fics that i read in january 2021 (and the very end of december but i’m including them anyway)

total number of fics listed: 92 (series counted as a single piece)

@moonchildstyles

aster / tattoo artist harry aster | daffodil | sweet pea | gardenia | poppy

i read this entire series at like 8 am after not sleeping the night before and oh my god i was literally so soft!! like this is so fucking cute i literally felt like i was going to throw up the entire time (in the best way yk) like omg the butterflies i got from this series? unmatched. also, i feel that it’s necessary to add the part of this that made my heart absolutely explode: Harry’s thumb stroked her jawline, a smile molding his features. “Y’not a baby love, unless you want to be my baby. And I like you a lot, too. And stuff. like okay kill me <3

citrine / witch harry citrine | opal | lepidolite | sodalite | carnelian | angelite

alright so h is literally so sweet in this one!! he’s so gentle and lovely and i truly fell in love with him in the very first few paragraphs. and he’s so out of tune with everything but he’s trying his best to understand and just... sigh. “I’d look forever for you, if I had to.” love love love this line so much it’s literally the perfect way to tie everything together

chiaroscuro / vampire harry chiaroscuro | sfumato | craquelore | non finito | fresco | renaissance 

this is very creepy during the first chapter but in such a good way!!! i literally found myself gasping and i barely ever vocally react to a fic unless i am squealing at the fluff or crying but i vocally react to lindsee’s fics literally they are so good pleaseee. and omg the growth throughout this fic truly is impeccable i swear.

@gucciwins

adore you

okay this is so cute!!! loved every single word of it!!! there was a bit of angst at the very beginning that had my heart hurting but it was all mended by the end!!! the dad!harry content was absolutely immaculate omg i literally loved reading about atticus!!!!! i absolutely love long pieces and i think that this piece was the perfect length!! there were so many things that were packed in there but it didn’t seem rushed or jumbled or anything like that!!!!

@soysauceharry

watashi no sakura

okay first things first, i love japanrry in any form so i knew just by looking at the description that i was going to love this regardless of what was in it. to be honest i didn’t expect him to have a penny board that he used to get everywhere but there’s something so cute about that to me. throughout this entire fic, i was so amazed at the way that their relationship moved along so naturally and at such a good pace. i feel like there’s an art to making things move along at the right pace, and you definitely have that down!! i truly loved this fic so much and will probably be coming back at times to reread!

@havethetimeofyourstyles

143

i am very in love with this!!! boxer!h is so freaking yummy plus it’s so well written that i can feel everything, which is so amazing. i love that i’m able to feel all the emotions and picture everything while reading!! my heart broke a bit for harry while he was sad and just looking for love in any way he could find it. like mega sigh. also, i love the way that the characters are introduced. like, y/n doesn’t come at the very beginning but it’s so natural when she’s finally introduced. and omg the interactions that they had??? the reassurances??? *chef’s kiss*

baby, it’s cold outside

before i even started reading this, i knew i would love it!!! teacher!h has a special place in my heart for some reason i truly love him so much!! oh my god the yearning in this piece is so heartbreaking!!!! i literally read through the entire thing thinking that i was going to cry because of how much i could feel y/n and harry yearning for each other. sigh this is so cute i will definitely be rereading (most likely multiple times)

bright & blooming

ahhh this is literally so cute i live for the long distance friendships + only seeing each other over the summer!!! that is literally so amazing to me that you love someone that much to wait all year to only see them for a month!!! and this was such a good representation of the love and yearning that come with that!!! and i absolutely adore the way that you described each of them and their nicknames for each other!!!! love love love!!!

where the world takes you

this is my study abroad dream!!!!! the loveliness of them meeting and drunk!harry is just so sweet i love it so much!!! and the way that the flashback is in the middle and explains everything is so genius!!! and the full circle of it all makes me so happy!!! also the way that i cried at the end of the four months!! like that was heartbreaking but everything was pieced back together as it went along!!!

extra credit

this is prof!h so you know it’s great!!! i am such a sucker for this au i swear. this was so cute!! the way that everything progressed and the confession and the tension!!!! and then the “Yours.” at that one part had me screaming!!! and the way that he literally had a plan oh my god that’s so cute!!!! i love their dynamic so much!!!

deep sleep

this is so :) :( :) :( if that makes sense!! like i love love love dad!harry but there are just a few things that make me want to sob <3 i absolutely adore it though!!!!! it’s very sweet how mr. styles comes out here comforting as he should!!!!

beautiful inside & out

this is so sweet oh my god it’s beautifully written and i really felt everything that was going on!! personally, i’m not a person of color, but i think that this piece truly was written so wonderfully and it’s very lovely!!!! the insecurities made me literally want to cry, but the way that h was there to comfort was very nice, it made me so soft!!

admiring

this is so sweet!! the background snippet in there is so well done i love getting to know exactly how they met!!! and the way that harry’s being admired is just!!! so good!!!! like i love the descriptions and the feelings connected to that!!!! the entire thing is just so cute!!

for your eyes only

i shed tears reading this!! like it is so sad but also so happy!! i know that makes no sense but there was just a sense of my heart breaking and then it being put back together again and i love that!!! definitely a fantastic use of ‘if i could fly’ which is one of my fav one direction songs so that’s just a plus honestly!!!

@greenorangevioletgrass

to feel good

miss ava!!!! coming out strong with your first harry fic!!!! it’s so lovely, so pure, so sweet!!!! the memories that are included make everything that much better!!! the flashback really fills out everything nicely!!! the interaction that the two of them had at the end was so comforting to read like... that’s literally one of the most wonderful endings i’ve ever experienced on a fic like this!!!

@adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy

demon!harry  angel!y/n -  a total of 51 blurbs, drabbles, and one-shots demon!y/n - a total of 8 blurbs, drabbles, and one-shots

yeah okay so there are...... a lot of things here so i’ll do a demon!harry + angel!y/n feedback thingy and a different one for demon!harry + demon!y/n demon!harry + angel!y/n: he’s such an asshole but he’s... already kinda turning soft like... he’s already got the little simp showing through!!  “ When it comes to love, if it doesn’t hurt, it isn’t fun.” i’ll cry right here right now what the fuck is this?? sigh. “Tell me…” He gulps thickly, licking his burning lips in anticipation, “tell me you want me. Tell me this— whatever this is— tell me it’s real.” yeah that made me almost scream literally shut up andrea. also not me reading this and literally sobbing at some of the pieces like... no <3 “I promise on my soul— as damned as it may be— that I will not let anything bad happen to you. I swear.” i literally want to set myself on fire what the hell the things your brain comes up with literally what the fuck. i literally read all 51 pieces in a day and cried a million times but they were just because i’m soft for simprry. demon!harry + demon!y/n: okay so i am writing this after i’ve read the first two pieces and.... that escalated quite quickly i would say!!! if you like smut, you’ll like this!!!!!! if you like smut just go to andrea she’s got you!!!!! and we see some more simprry but not full swing because he doesn’t want to admit that he’s wrapped around her finger!!! and the way they’re not exclusive but they’re each other’s? *chef’s kiss* 

@jawllines

harry is the bad boy cliché of y/n’s dreams, she just doesn’t know it yet

this is so very sweet, so very soft!! all the pet names have me crying omg it’s literally one of the cutest things!!!! the way harry is so soft for her and he’s just so sweet and so obvious about his feelings even though she doesn’t completely see it is so sweet!!!!

harry’s a porn star and y/n is new

i love their dynamic here!! they automatically click and everything between them is so genuine and lovely!!! the way that they care about each other so immensely even though they haven’t known each other that long is so beautiful!!

harry is y/n’s dominant 

okay obviously this is like... smut but it’s so much more than that!!! their relationship is so sweet and lowkey domestic even from the very beginning and i love the trust that they have in each other!!! very cute!! and the ending was so so perfect!!!

y/n works in a roller rink and harry goes there to read

literally so sweet!!! the shy, kinda introverted h is to ide for!!!! and the way that they’re so cute together ahhh!!!!!! and i absolutely love the way that they support each other and are falling for each other before they even admit that they are!!!!

harry’s a vampire and y/n never dresses for the weather 

i love how when they met it wasn’t on great terms and he couldn’t get her off his mind so he was like “no, stay away!” but he was already so whipped for her and then!!!! when he asked how to be warm for her??? that made me so soft i literally thought i was going to cry.

harry and y/n are best friends and y/n isn’t his “type” (or so she’s heard)

this is so absolutely soft!!! they’re so whipped for each other and don’t even know it!!! and miss y/n hearing things made my heart break but all was well at the end!!! love love love!!! the entire dynamic that they have is so fun plus there were peeks of jealous h so that’s always a win!!!

y/n and harry don’t really mesh well, until they do

we love a bit of an enemies to lovers moment!! and the whole “y/n’s being a good friend to jeff, that’s it” and the tension and the drunk cuteness and literally all of it, it’s so wonderful!! harry being a softie is one of my weaknesses and although he’s a bit mean at first, he redeems himself!!

harry’s on the football team and y/n steals a dog

this is absolutely so cute!!! y/n has such a beautiful little personality and harry feeling things with her even though his “reputation” is different than hanging out with people like her is so great!! and the way that he takes up for her and the way that she comforts him is so lovely!!

harry is y/n’s grumpy neighbor and he has a secret part 2

this is actually the second time that i’ve read this fic tbh!! it’s just so good!! the dynamic of him trying to stay away from her because it’s dangerous for her to be too close to him and then him trying even harder to stay away from her and hide his feelings only for her to make a move is golden.

y/n pretends to be harry’s girlfriend

okay this one hurt a bit at first. i wanted to flick h in the forehead at first for trying to make someone else jealous with y/n but he redeemed himself as he does so i shall let him off the hook this time haha. i think that the way that they progress is so sweet plus!!! everyone loves a good fake dating au!!!

werewolves exist... pt. 2

this is the first werewolf au i’ve read in a while and it’s actually really good!! i love how everything progressed and the way that harry was like.... this isn’t supposed to happen like this!!!! it’s all very cute and it’s very enemies to lovers-esque even though they aren’t enemies lmao

y/n delivers sweets and harry lives on the side of a mountain

this made me so sad tbh like... the fact that they treated harry so bad just because they judged him before they know him makes me so sad and i really wanted to punch some people but it’s a fictional universe so i can’t actually do that lol. but the way that y/n was with him made me so soft i really love this piece

y/n is on harry’s tour crew and harry just think’s she’s lovely

y/n is so sweet in this piece!!! it makes my heart hurt when harry gets overwhelmed and snaps but thankfully everything is well in the end and he gets his act together so that he can realize what is truly important!!!

harry is y/n’s criminology instructor part 2

this dynamic is an automatic yes and that’s on my love for this au. anyway, the way that he was like “it’s just a kiss” made me absolutely want to scream but i didn’t and thankfully i didn’t write him off as a prick because he’s actually so sweet and he takes care of her and loves her and just... he’s everything.

harry used y/n as a model for his art final

i wanted to smack harry upside the head so hard when he kept talking about his crush when y/n just wanted a good partner. thankfully he finally saw the light and realized that the only thing he wants is y/n by his side because y/n is there for him and cares about him and loves him

#fic recs #harry styles #harry styles writing #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles smut #i was reading SO MUCH at the beginning of january but i've kinda dropped off :( #i'm hoping to read more this upcoming month though!! #i have three fics that i want to read before i go to bed but they'll be on the next list :)

[piecksz]

forget me too. | (m)

pairing: modern punk!bakugo x fem!reader 

warnings: nsfw, angst, cheating, oral sex, penetrative sex, angry sex, choking, fingering, exes with benefits, mentions of breeding, hair pulling, explicit language, toxic relationship, manipulation, reader just being a lovesick puppy but wouldn’t we all be if it came to bakugo

summary: it’s been a year since you broke up with bakugo after you found him cheating on you, and you swore you’d moved on from him, but when you run into him again at a record shop, you fall back into a dangerous cycle of love and hate

words: 9,800+

a/n: so i gave in and watched downfalls high, and i’m not gonna lie, it wasn’t the best piece of media i’ve ever consumed, but mgk’s feature track with halsey kind of ate (AND IT LITERALLY INSPIRED SO MANY ANGSTY IDEAS I WAS ITCHINGGG). therefore, this is said angsty idea. you can listen to the song forget me too by machine gun kelly (feat. halsey) while reading, that’s if you’re really daring. good luck lol 

If there was one thing in the world you couldn’t fully understand, it was the type of girls who hated their ex-boyfriends, twirling their hair flirtatiously and giggling at all their pitiful punchlines one week, and the next, hatching bogus rumors to discourage other girls from seeking them out romantically, letting them know that their charm came at a price.

Until it was Bakugo.

You genuinely didn’t see it coming. You weren’t even able to recognize the severity of the situation until you were convulsing with the gravity of your sobs, shrieking at him in front of his apartment. Bakugo had called you earlier that evening to reschedule your previously-arranged dinner date since his friend Kirishima was in town, and he wanted to dedicate the rest of the night to catching up with his old schoolmate. You happily forfeited your own plans and instead opted to rendezvous with your boyfriend and his familiar later in the week, but as the night hauled on your favorite TV show no longer satiated your boredom.

Shuffling into the kitchen and scouring your cabinet for ingredients, you drew up the idea to bake some sweets for Bakugo and Kirishima because you figured it would be a nice surprise, however once you arrived at Bakugo’s place you deduced quickly that his friend wasn’t over. It should have been notably clear that something was unusual by the way he was hesitant to let you in.

He poked his head out from behind the privacy of his front door, definitely surprised to see you, but not in the way you had hoped.

“Y/N,” he greeted you with a tight-lipped expression, eyes dropping to the tub of sugar cookies in your hands. “What are you doing here? Why didn’t you call me to let me know you were coming over?”

You hummed after detecting a subtle edge in his voice. “I wanted to surprise you.” You rose to your toes to look past his head. “I thought you said your friend was coming over.”

Bakugo nodded, and once he extended his hand to accept your treats you could see that his torso was bare. “Idiot had to cancel at the last minute. School shit. He said he’ll be here tomorrow.”

Your grip tightened on the container. 

If his friend couldn’t make it then why didn’t he let you know? The two of you still could have made it to your dinner reservations.

And in that moment, you swore your internal monologue was loud enough to hear, because you immediately received your answer when you heard a soft, feminine voice come from inside his apartment.

“Who the fuck is that?” you barked, trying to outbalance Bakugo’s weight on the door. “Bakugo you little fucking shit--let me in.” It was a moment-long game between the two of you until Bakugo gave in, accepting the reality that he’d already been caught. You stumbled into the door as it swung open, revealing his company.

She was petite with short blonde hair, wearing a panicked expression that matched Bakugo’s oversized flannel on her naked body almost impeccably. You stared at each other until you broke the tense silence with a quiet holy shit.

“Holy shit,” you repeated louder, blinking as fast as you could to hold back the salty tears that were beginning to cloud your vision. “You fucking dick!” You didn’t notice how forceful your voice had gotten until you were shouting at him, the immense pressure building in your chest making your voice crack. You hurled every vulgar name in the book at Bakugo who couldn’t even look you in the eye while you cried in front of him.

This couldn’t have been the same man you once saw your future playing out with. The hell unfolding in front of you was exactly what your friends, Momo and Ochako, had predicted once you disclosed your interest in Bakugo. They warned you that he had a record on campus, with multiple girls, and yet somehow when he wooed you with sweet words and thoughtful gifts, just like they said he would, you still thought you were different. The worst part of it all was that he wasn’t a terrible guy by any means. He was a little rough around the edges with a temper, but he was hilarious and passionate, all while being profound and smart.

In your fantasies the two of you were married, and then came babies with tufts of your tresses and the mischief of his ruby eyes. He would have been a winner, if he wasn’t so emotionally incompetent. Perhaps you were naive to assume what you and Bakugo had was love just because he said so.

Your quivering fingers worked unsteadily against the lid of the tupperware. You tossed it aside before dumping the container’s contents on the floor of his apartment and hurled the empty food saver at him.

“Come fucking on Y/N,” he said wearily. The fucking nerve he had to act tired.

“Enjoy your cookies,” you responded venomously, leaving quickly before another set of tears came surging.

The next several months were excruciating, and the pain you experienced was nothing compared to its onset. If you weren’t spending days cocooned in bed to sleep off the fatigue of your endless crying, then you were on your couch, staring unamused while Blair Waldorf waltzed across your TV screen. 

At least she got her happy fucking ending. Good for her. 

You couldn’t even find the energy to eat, and ice cream was not the cure-all for heartbreaks like everyone lied and said it was.

Every so often Momo and Ochako would pay you a visit. For the first few weeks they let you mourn, consoling you and cleaning up the litter of crumpled tissues around your apartment. After the first month, they suggested that maybe meeting someone new would be the best way to help you forget about your break up, but you didn’t want to meet someone new. You just wanted to know if Bakugo missed you too.

Once your grades started slipping, you used that as an excuse to turn to isolation and lose yourself in your schoolwork. The distraction left you with no leisure time to scroll through old photos of you and Bakugo in your phone, and within a couple months, you swore that you’d finally moved on from him.

But it seemed all of that was forgotten the moment you recognized his head of spiky blonde hair from the next aisle over in the record shop, and you silently cursed the universe’s cruel way of working, that all-knowing bitch.

You kept your head down, pretending to be overtly interested in the Kendrick Lamar vinyl you held in your hands, but you couldn’t stop peeking over the shelf to see if Bakugo had moved from his spot.

You could hear him shuffling, and every time you looked up, he was a step closer to the end of the aisle, meaning that your game plan was to move in the opposite direction, so you could slip past him without being detected.

You continued to move one step to the left every time Bakugo moved another step to the right, surely securing your elusive escape, but when you glanced up again, he had disappeared from your line of surveillance. Shit.

“Y/N?”

Shit!

Slowly, you pivoted in the direction of your name only to gawk, horrified, as your ex-boyfriend strolled up to you casually, like he had never ripped your heart out and trampled all over it.

Once he got closer, you realized how generous the year between your break up and now had been to him. His yellow flannel was useless tied around his waist when it should have been on his shoulders instead, covering the way his black Led Zeppelin shirt clung to the impressive build of his upper body.  

“Holy fuck, it is you,” Bakugo said, incredulously. You swore he had grown taller now that he was standing in front of you because you couldn’t remember if he had always towered over you.

“Small world,” you said, distastefully.

“Not really,” Bakugo shrugged. “This is just where I come to slave away for minimum wage.”

You simply blinked at him with a placid expression, unable to decide which of your emotions was best considering the circumstances.

“I almost didn’t recognize you,” he chuckled. “Did you cut your hair?”

You raised an eyebrow plainly. “No.” If anything your hair had grown a few inches longer.

“Highlights?”

“No.”

“Shit seriously?” Bakugo cast his eyes downwards and then back up, sizing up your figure. “Well you look good.”

You could only offer up a dry laugh in response while shaking your head at the peculiarity of the situation.  

“What is wrong with you?” you jeered.  

You couldn’t believe the ease with which he approached you after not seeing you for twelve whole months, especially when six and a half of those months were spent bawling your eyes out over him and trying to repair the heart he broke carelessly.

Bakugo’s blithe expression withered. The look left behind was one of bashful remorse, as if he was embarrassed by the person he was a year ago.

You weren’t even sure if he had really changed since you’d gone out of your way to avoid hearing or seeing anything about him after you claimed to have gotten over him. The real reason was that you felt you couldn’t trust yourself. You feared that if you came across anything having to do with him, you’d descend into another self-destructive, heartache-driven spiral.

“I tried calling to apologize, but you blocked my number. And then blocked me on everything else,” Bakugo explained.

You shifted uncomfortably.

“I never saw you around campus, and when I showed up to your apartment you weren’t home. I felt like horse shit, seriously, but after a while I just gave up, I guess.”

You pursed your lips together at the mention of his attempts to remedy your breakup, specifically because this whole time you could have sworn he didn’t care to fix things with you.

Bakugo leaned in, and you surprised yourself by making no effort to create more distance between the both of you.

“I’m really fucking sorry, Y/N,” he said softly, for once without the gruffness of his usual tone.

If he made the effort to apologize even after a year, that must have meant that he still had some feelings left over for you, right? Did that mean he still loved you? The suspicion made your heart squeeze with expectation.

“Are you sorry that you hurt me, or are you sorry that you got caught?” You questioned.

“Both,” Bakugo snickered tactlessly.

You swore you could have punched his lights out then and there, but he must have noticed the way you tensed up because he looped his arm around you, pulling you in until you nestled into his larger frame.

“I fucking missed you, dumbass.”

Your stomach dropped at the very mention of the words you were longing to hear after your split, and you knew that you weren’t over him. Not even close. Even when you had caught another girl with her hands on him.

Your first mistake was unblocking Bakugo’s number that night, and your second was sending him a text. You stood in the bathroom, dumbfounded by your own actions while you clutched your phone nervously. Thank god he didn’t have his read receipts on. The last thing you needed to know was if he decided to leave you on read after you had just stroked his monumental ego.

You sat your phone aside and proceeded brushing your teeth until you were interrupted by a shrill ding from beside you. You grabbed your phone much too quickly and slid the screen up to be met with a reply from Bakugo.

9:32 PM

bakugo: so i’m still in your phone huh?

9:32 PM:

bakugo: lmao

9:33 PM:

bakugo: thinking about me even after bitching about how much you hate me?

9:34 PM:

bakugo: especially at night that’s hot

You scowled at the messages before putting your phone back down. Using the time it took you to finish brushing your teeth and washing your face, you recited your responses over and over again because as much as you wanted to, you knew it wouldn’t be smart to jump back into your relationship that fast. You still held negative sentiments about what he had done to you, but the pleasure of having him back was slowly beginning to outweigh your earlier feelings.

While shuffling into your bedroom, you kept your eyes glued to your phone screen, typing, deleting, and retyping messages, worried that they would sound too needy.

9:50 PM:

you: so i see you still have a head so big that it could block out the sun

9:53 PM:

bakugo: fuck off you little shit

9:53 PM:

bakugo: no classes tmrw and i’m off work at 12

9:54 PM:

you: ok? do i look like your fucking secretary?

10:00 PM:

bakugo: no im just letting you know in case you’re planning on stalking me again :^(

10:01 PM

bakugo: obviously i wanna see you tomorrow dipshit

Warmth spread across your cheeks until it deepened into a dangerous heat, and the happy memories of you and Bakugo a year ago resurfaced as deja vu. Everything was scarily reminiscent of the way he asked you out the first time, back when your opinions about him were much more straightforward.

You rolled over to the other side of your bed and squealed, flustered by how to-the-point he was about his desire to reconcile things with you.

“Get it together, honestly,” you reprimanded yourself, jabbing a finger against your temple in an effort to drill the mantra into your head.

You responded back to accept Bakugo’s invitation, being mindful not to sound too excited, but you couldn’t deny that you slept better than usual that night.

The next day when you met up with Bakugo after his shift at the record shop ended, the two of you settled on getting coffee from one of the restaurants on campus. Well, you got a coffee, but Bakugo went for an iced tea instead because he insisted that coffee tasted like “dog shit”.

Regardless of your staggering difference of opinion in beverages, you guys hit it off again, laughing and joking around like there had never been a rift between you two in the first place. You were taken aback by how comfortable you still felt around him and how much he still seemed to adore you.

Two weeks after your reunion, you and Bakugo were already falling back into the routine of going on dates like you’d done before, snickering in the back of crowded movie theaters and demolishing each other in multiple rounds of mini golf. You even kept the photo booth picture that was printed for you at the aquarium in your wallet, just so you could peek at it every now and then.

Three weeks after your reunion, you concluded that you were pretty much together. Bakugo had never made it official, and neither had you, but you trusted the way you felt, and it seemed clear that he felt the same way.

Your friends however, weren’t as happy to hear the news of you and Bakugo seeing each other again.

Momo’s eyes widened as she leaned over the table and thrusted her mechanical pencil in your direction.

“Y/N, please tell me you’re joking.” She turned to Ochako who looked at you with a troubled expression. “Uraraka, please tell me she’s joking.”

Ochako pressed her lips into a thin line, shaking her head in utter disbelief. She said nothing. Rather she looked to you for an answer, wanting you to explain the situation before she scolded you for being so forgiving toward someone who didn’t deserve it.  

“He apologized okay? And it really seemed like he meant it, I’m not just saying that. You guys know I can’t hold grudges. I’m soft.”

Momo huffed.

“We started talking, and he told me that he tried to apologize but he never got the chance.”

Your friends were still quiet, waiting for the punchline, but once they realized that there was no hidden gag to the story, they leaned back in exhaustion, disappointed that you’d gotten yourself into another wearisome situation because of your thoughtlessness.

“And he said he missed me. After an entire year, he still misses me.”

“This wouldn’t have happened if we had found you someone else, you know. Someone nice. Better than Bakugo, so you don’t feel like you have to settle,” Momo countered.

“I didn’t need to date someone else,” you chided her. “I’m not one of those people that need to be in a relationship to feel fulfilled, plus I’ve been swamped with assignments.” You knew you were just trying to save face. You knew the real reason why you turned down all your prospective blind dates, and your friends knew it too. You couldn’t see yourself with anyone other than Bakugo, and you meant it when you said you didn’t need love to feel like you had purpose, but when it came to the blonde, it appeared that none of those principles applied.

“You’re lying,” Ochako sighed, tucking her hair behind her ear before clicking her pen and returning to her research paper.

“I’m not settling!” you declared, earning a few scattered glances from the other students in the library. You smiled at them ruefully, mouthing an apology, and ducked your head back into your college textbook.

You decided to drop the conversation, concluding that your friends just wouldn’t understand. They didn’t know your relationship with Bakugo like you did so how could they have understood?

Later that night however, you couldn’t help but chew over your friends’ reactions. There was clearly a reason why they felt the way they did, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to see their concern. You didn’t need to be chastised every time you did something they didn’t agree with, because you reminded yourself you were a grown ass woman. You treasured Momo and Ochako, but you were absolutely capable of looking out of yourself.

“Why do girls watch this shit?” Bakugo muttered from beside you, uninterested in the movie playing on the Macbook propped up in your lap. “It’s just dresses and sideburns, where the fuck are the fist fights?”

“It’s Pride and Prejudice, stupid. Not Deadpool,” you retorted, giggling slightly once Bakugo decided the skin of your neck was more interesting than Kiera Knightley. He released a throaty chuckle while attaching his lips to the base of your jaw and continued kissing until he stopped where your neck met your shoulders.

“Stop, I’m trying to watch the movie,” you complained tenderly with absolutely no intent to make Bakugo stop.

Bakugo sat up, grabbing your laptop off the sheets and closing it briskly. “Fuck the movie, I have a better idea,” he suggested. Your eyebrows furrowed, watching as he tossed the device onto the chair beside your closet.

“Hey, what are you doing, you dick?” you protested.

Within seconds Bakugo was on top of you with arms on either side of your head, effectively caging you in beneath him.

“Yeah?” he whispered provocatively, like he was making sure he had your permission first. He spoke under his breath, just loud enough for you to hear.

You didn’t know what sensation you registered first: the warmth now spreading quickly across your cheeks, down to your chest, or the pronounced throbbing between your thighs.

You nodded, softly responding with a “yeah” in return, and Bakugo didn’t waste a second before pressing his mouth to yours enthusiastically. You were surprised how quickly you re-familiarized yourself with the curve of his lips and the way they moved steadily against yours. Acting with fervor, he used his hand to grip your chin, forcing your mouth to open wider so he could slip his tongue past your teeth.

Bakugo used his free hand to grab your breast under your sweatshirt, and you relished in the feeling of his warm palm against your skin while he ran his fingertips against the silky fabric of your lace bra.

“Lace? You dirty bitch,” he teased, breaking contact. “There’s no way you could have known we were gonna fuck.”

You laughed, appreciating how seductive Bakugo looked. His sandy hair was tousled from your impatient hands in his locks, skin feverishly tinged with a dusty pink hue, and lips swollen from the force of his kiss.

“I didn’t know, but I was hoping we would,” you answered honestly. “I guess I got lucky.”

Bakugo snickered, clearly pleased with the response he received. His scarlet eyes flickered lustfully, and he hastily returned to working on your body. He pulled your sweatshirt up and off, tossing it over his shoulder before working swiftly against the clasp of your bra, which he skillfully managed to break with just one hand.

Must have had a lot of practice with that.

But your cynical thoughts were soon forgotten the moment Bakugo’s tongue curled around your nipple, enjoying the way his saliva made your skin glisten under the dim lamp light. He hummed loudly every time you jolted and whimpered, your back arching in tandem. He closed his lips around the delicate nub, sucking harshly while making no attempts to hide his sly smile. He was enjoying himself far too much.

He made sure he put his other hand to work, rolling your other nipple between his fingers, pinching roughly while tugging on it absentmindedly. Once he grew bored of your innocent mewls, he thirsted for something filthier.

Bakugo tantalizingly slid his hand down your stomach until his fingers curled around the waistband of your volleyball shorts. He stretched the Spandex material until when he released it, it snapped painfully against your skin, his cock throbbing at the exposure of your earthy groan.

He slipped off your shorts, and the sight before him was enough to elicit a long, drawn-out “Jesus fucking Christ”.

You didn’t realize you were so aroused that your underwear was soaking wet, your pussy now visible through the thin sheer fabric. Bakugo swallowed hard, palming himself to relieve some of the unbearable pressure he was feeling. He could feel his cock straining against his underwear, and he wanted to stick his dick inside you and fuck you until your eyes rolled back into your head, but the only thing he wanted more than that was to taste you.

“These are mine,” Bakugo insisted. He pulled your panties off, chuckling dryly at the wet stain on the fabric before tucking them into his pocket.

You tilted your head at him.

“What? I’m keeping them as a souvenir,” he replied.

But that’s not what you were concerned with. You were more humiliated than anything that this was your first time having sex with him in a year, and you’d been horny for him since you opened the door. You might as well have just written Bakugo’s Whore on your head in thick permanent marker, but you kept your suggestion to yourself knowing that Bakugo would have liked the idea way too much.

Bakugo reached down to pull his shirt over his head and threw it aside, unveiling his impressive physique. After you guys had broken up, he began finding himself in the gym more frequently, placating his regret and anger through physical exertion, and although he used weightlifting to cope, it left him with an incredible build.

Sweet lord, you thought, please fucking break me.

Bakugo wrapped his arms around your thighs, pulling you forcibly toward him. You propped yourself up on your elbows to get a good look as his face disappeared between your legs. You couldn’t see much past his hair, but you felt a long wet lick up your folds, and your arms immediately gave out, causing you to fall back onto the bed while your hips bucked upward.

You let out an obscene cry, but that only encouraged Bakugo more. He parted your lips with his tongue, licking another stripe up to your clit before sucking it into his mouth, all while peering up at you to see the way you writhed under his touch. You gripped the sheets, and your breathing grew increasingly labored as Bakugo swirled the tip of his tongue against the tender bud, slowly in one direction, and then the opposite. You continued to grind yourself against his mouth while your desire became insatiable. You felt like your hunger was completely justified, because you hadn’t been spoiled in a long fucking time.

You completely unraveled once you glanced down just in time to see Bakugo spit on your parted folds before using his fingers to coat your pussy in his saliva. His slick fingers rubbed your clit, taunting you for just a while longer, and then he dipped his fingers inside of you. He started with two fingers, slipping them in and out with ease until his spit mixed with your arousal created a vile lubricant.

With the way Bakugo’s lips were slightly parted and his eyebrows were knitted in the center, you could tell he was concentrating dangerously, observing how desperately you swallowed his fingers every time he pushed them in.

Your vision erupted into white heat when he bent down to take your clit back into his mouth while pumping in and out of you with an added finger. The symphony that filled the space of your room was absolutely foul. Your intense cries bounced off the walls, while Bakugo panted heavily at the messy sound of his fingers thrusting in and out of you. And neither of you cared if your neighbors could hear.

“Bakugo--,” you started, but your broken plea wasn’t nearly enough to get his attention.

“Bakugo,” you cried louder, your body beginning to shake with the onset of your orgasm.

“Are you gonna cum?” He asked, his voice slightly higher than you were used to, almost like he was whining.

You could only give a weak nod in response.

“Be a good little bitch and cum for me,” Bakugo coaxed, as you yielded to the intensity of your orgasm. He quickened his pace just to see you convulse as you reached your high, but then slowed down until he was ready to pull his fingers out of you.

The sight was enough to make Bakugo cum untouched. You were finger-fucked out, eyes shut as your chest heaved up and down while you tried to catch your breath. Your arousal was smeared on the inside of your thighs and your bedsheet was damp where you released.

Bakugo wanted to ask you if you were alright, but the aching pain in his pants took priority. He reached into his underwear, freeing his swollen cock from the confines of his boxers. He bit down on his bottom lip so hard he almost drew blood as he pumped himself gingerly, hissing at the feeling. His tip was raw and flushed, leaking precum in shameless amounts.

He hoisted your legs on either shoulder and positioned himself at your entrance, looking at you for confirmation, and you nodded feebly. He sunk his entire length into you, and you covered your mouth with your hand to stifle a shrill scream. Your walls were already sore, and the sting of Bakugo’s large cock inside of you was a painful bliss. Tears came quickly, and they rolled down your cheeks while Bakugo rocked his hips into you slowly. He was waiting for his aching to subside before speeding up his rhythm, and once it did he was taken over by an unappeasable greed.

“You’re so fucking tight,” he groaned, thrusting himself in and out of you. “If you keep squeezing me like that I’m gonna cum inside you and get you fucking pregnant.” Bakugo had one hand on your headboard, his grip so firm that his knuckles had turned white.

You sobbed underneath him, withstanding your own pain until it subdued into pleasure. You shifted your legs until they wrapped around Bakugo’s strong torso, unable to get enough of him.

Bakugo rammed into you, and your headboard hitting your wall furiously set the tempo until he fell into a staggered cadence.

“I’m gonna cum,” he choked out. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck--.” Your name was the last thing Bakugo could get out before he broke free of your hold, pulling himself out of you so he could release. He cummed on your stomach, generously shooting out hot spurts of white until he was soft and you were covered in his seed.

Bakugo leaned over and collapsed beside you, short of breath. He was drenched in sweat and his blonde hair stuck to his forehead with perspiration. He chuckled after a few silent minutes.

“What the fuck was that? Were you trying to get me to nut in you?” Bakugo asked, turning to face you.

You didn’t know what he was talking about until you remembered the way you wrapped him up in your legs while he was inside you.

You snorted, erupting into a fit of sheepish laughter. “Yeah.”

Bakugo raised an eyebrow, bewildered. “Crazy bitch.”

He pulled his sweatpants up and rolled out of your bed. “I’m not ready to be a dad yet,” he voiced, before shuffling lazily out of the room to find something he could clean you up with and smoke a cigarette on the fire escape.

The next morning you found yourself alone, Bakugo nowhere to be found despite you falling asleep with his arms around your waist. You raised a sleepy eyebrow at the empty space next to you that was still sunken from his weight. Okay good, so you didn’t hallucinate last night. You figured Bakugo had early duties to attend to, so you simply grumbled before turning over to get more sleep.

Following that day, every time Bakugo came over to your place, or you found yourself at his, the routine was simple: have breathtaking sex and then pass out.

You grew used to expecting it from him whenever the two of you spent any time alone, and the night before always consumed your thoughts the morning after. You’d squeeze your thighs together during your lecture hall while your professor yammered on about early psychology. The memory of Bakugo’s hand around your throat as he fucked you from behind prompted a surge of heat to your core.

Even when the two of you couldn’t see each other because neither of your schedules coincided, you found a way to make things work, whether it was over the phone, through text, or over Facetime.

Occasionally, you’d ring up Bakugo while he was closing up the shop to taunt him, touching yourself on the other line while he’d grow painfully hard and couldn’t relieve himself until he got home.

“You little fucking shit.” You loved the way his low growls sounded over the phone. “Let’s see how bold you are when I come over and turn your thighs into earmuffs.”

And occasionally, he’d send you videos of himself in bed while you were at the library late cramming for your exams the next morning, touching his cock with haste before cumming on his hands as he groaned your name loudly.

Not an ounce of passion was lost between you two, and if anything you’d only grown closer together from the time spent apart. You had your love back, and everything in your life was ideal.

Of course, that was all before the party.

The party at Sero’s house that you’d caught wind of once you joined Momo, Ochako, and your other friend Mina for lunch.

“You know I don’t like going to parties thrown by frats,” Ochako muttered, ripping off small bites of her chicken wrap.

“Why not? There’ll be plenty of guys there for you to talk to, your phone has been a little dry lately,” Mina responded, laughing silently.

Ochako squinted at her jest before playfully rolling her eyes herself. “That’s exactly why. You know what happened last time I went to a frat party. The hangover isn’t worth it.”

Mina exhaled heavily and turned to you with a hopeful look.

“Y/N, you’ll go with us right? Me and Momo?”

You squeezed your water bottle wearily. “I don’t know. I’m not a fan of frat parties either.” You didn’t know what answer to give her, she looked extremely optimistic, and you hated to rain on Mina’s Friday night plans, but you didn’t want to spend the rest of the evening crammed in a frat house with a crowd of strangers.

Mina stuck out her bottom lip and reached to grab your hand from across the table. “Please? Please? There’s no guarantee Momo won’t ditch me at the party for Todoroki.”

Momo murmured inaudibly beside her.

You sighed, however you relented, giving into the arrangements Mina had made for you, but you regretted your decision far too late.

You showed up to the gathering with Mina and Momo dressed modestly. Unlike your friends and many of the other girls there, you already had someone that you were seeing, and you wanted to look as reserved as you could so there was no confusion around whether or not you were off the market.

Bakugo was possessive, and he preferred to keep his possessions close. There was no telling what he would do or how he’d react if he learned of another man trying to make a move on you.

You took small sips out of your cup while you followed quietly behind Momo and Mina as they moved from person to person, greeting friends you were unfamiliar with. You feigned a cheery smile when you were introduced to them, but overall you were bored with the party scene. You weren’t really a frat party girl.

You yelled over to Momo that you needed another drink and shook your head when she asked you if you needed her to come with you. She looked far too engrossed in her conversation with Todoroki, and you didn’t want to just whisk her away while they were talking. In fact, you were the chairman of the Anti-Cockblock Committee.

You sauntered into the kitchen, sliding in next to the counter once the guests who were there first left. You started grabbing bottles to inspect the labels because to be honest, you weren’t sure what half of these brands were. As a broke college student, you bought your own drinks, which were mainly $20 cases of hard lemonade and cheap raspberry Smirnoff vodka from the liquor store. Clearly Sero had selective taste in high quality shit.

You poured yourself a small sip of Patron, tasting the clear liquid, and tried not to gag at the oaky taste as it burned your throat going down.

You felt someone ease in beside you. “Hey, bartender.”

You glanced at the guest next to you, their familiar visage coming into view. You recognized his distinctive green head of hair and innocent freckles peppered across his cheeks, it was the same face you saw every day in your sociology class.

What was his name? Ku--something. Zu…?

You remembered your professor referred to him by his nickname, Deku, and once you said his name as convincingly as you could, you gathered by his boyish grin that you were right.

“I’m surprised you remembered,” he laughed, and adjusted his circle-rimmed glasses while his emerald eyes swelled into crescents.

“I didn’t really take you for a partier,” you observed. Deku was incredibly smart from what you’d seen in class. He knew the answers before your professor could even finish their questions, and when you’d ask him if he could repeat what the teacher said for your notes, he explained the material even better than the person who was an expert in the subject for a living.

“I’m not,” he replied. “But you know, the college experience and all that.”

You scoffed and nodded, knowingly. “Melt your brain studying for 25 hours a day, 8 days a week, and then get shitfaced whenever you can. Yeah, that’s definitely the college experience,” you joked, pouring yourself a couple shots of vodka and mixed it with orange soda.

“I was meaning to ask you,” Deku started. “I mean--Yeah--I was meaning to ask you for your number in class earlier this week.”

You stirred your drink with a finger before stealing a taste. “Of course,” you agreed happily.

Deku’s face deepened into a rosy bloom once he took out his phone, typing in your contact while you recited the numbers.

“I’m not asking for a weird reason or anything like that. Just so we can help each other out with homework and stuff.”

You nodded, already acknowledging that Deku was a sweet kid, at least as far as you knew. You didn’t expect him to have any promiscuous intentions.

“Yeah, but I don’t think I’ll be as much help to you as you’ll be to me,” you teased, and Deku chuckled nervously still trying to shake the blush off his cheeks. “I’m free on Monday, I can meet up with you after class if you want.”

Deku buried his face into his cup, his shallow breathing causing his glasses to fog up. “Yeah, that sounds great,” he mumbled bashfully.

“Text me the deets,” you grinned, before wandering off back to your friends.

On the way back to the stairwell where Momo and Mina were still standing, your attention was drawn by a large crowd around the living room that erupted into jovial squeals and cheers every few seconds. You gravitated toward the mass of guests, standing on your toes to get a better look, but when that didn’t work you gently made your way through the throng of people, issuing soft “sorry, excuse me’s” and “thank you’s” to the people that didn’t mind letting you slip past them.

You had no knowledge that he was going to be here. He never told you what his plans for the night were, but this was the last place you were expecting Bakugo to be.

Here.

Playing a game of “Kiss and Blow” on a crowded couch with someone who wasn’t you. When it reached his turn, you could see his shallow inhale and how he put in no effort to keep the card against his mouth. It fell between the cushions, and the crowd erupted into another rally.

Bakugo grinned artfully and hooked his arm around the eager brunette before smothering her giggles with a deep tongue-filled kiss.

At first, the cogs in your brain couldn’t turn fast enough to register what was happening, and your thought process stuttered for a moment while your eyes took in more than you expected. Your body remained immobile, giving your thoughts a few seconds to catch up. Maybe for those few seconds, your anguish was suspended, and your shock was simply a cushion until you fell apart.

You couldn’t make your way out of the party fast enough, and you didn’t even think to let Momo and Mina know that you were leaving. Everything around you sounded warbled, like you were underwater, as your leaden legs carried you out, past the front lawn, and across the street until you were far away that you could no longer hear the music of the party. It was then that you pulled out your phone to text Mina claiming that you didn’t feel well and called an Uber to take you home.

The following morning you ignored all of Bakugo’s texts. He sent one at 10 AM, asking you if you were down to get breakfast, and then another at noon suggesting lunch since you didn’t respond to his text about breakfast. He texted you again, and again, and again, and you continued to disregard him.

You didn’t cry this time around. No. You were filled with a foreign anger. It was strange and new, and it burned nothing like the rage you’d felt in all your years of living. You didn’t know whether you were angry at him for putting you through this again or if you were angry at yourself for really believing that he’d changed. You really wanted to confront Bakugo in person, but you were afraid of your unpredictability. You didn’t know what you would do if you saw him--roundhouse kick him in the throat most likely.

Bakugo’s relentless attempts to get in contact with you didn’t let up, even late into the night. He sent another text threatening to show up at your apartment if you didn’t answer him, and then he called yet again.

Angrily, you reached out to answer your phone, but once you held it to your ear all the fury you’d been bearing throughout the day emerged.

“Can you fuck off?” You hissed.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Bakugo responded, taken off guard by your greeting. “What the fuck?”

“If you were so hellbent on seeing me today, you should have thought about that before you decided to be a hypocritical little bastard! Again!” You shook with anger, unable to effectively piece together all the profane names you wanted to call him.

Bakugo was still while you put him on blast.

“Do you not have anything to say to me, you fuckwit?”

“No, because I don’t even know why you’re going full bitch right now!” Bakugo defended himself. You sat back at his reply, confused at why he was guarded. You knew that when Bakugo was aware he was in the wrong he always remained quiet and pensive.

“Last night?” you clarified. “Does last night not ring a bell to you?”

He let out a small grunt of recollection. “I was at a party last night, what are you talking about?”

“No shit, Bakugo! I saw you swallowing another girl whole!”

The other line erupted into laughter, and a large knot settled in your throat.

“Am I not allowed to kiss other girls now?” he asked.

Had he been hit by a semi-truck? Did he need a swift lobotomy?

“Why would you kiss another girl if you have a girlfriend?”

Bakugo muttered a quiet “what”, and then the lightbulb clicked.

“Holy shit, Y/N, did you think we were back together?”

Huh?

“When did we ever say that we were together?” he questioned lightly, finding your misunderstanding comical.

But--

“I thought we were just fucking around, you know? I never mentioned getting back together, and you didn’t either, so I just assumed we were just fucking.”

You didn’t say a word. As angry as you wanted to be and as angry as you already were, he was right. You had only assumed that you two were back together, but neither of you agreed on it explicitly.

“Our dates...” you countered listlessly.

“Two people hanging out together isn’t always a date.” Bakugo shifted on the other end and then grunted again to occupy the tense silence. “Shitting me, I didn’t know that’s what you were thinking.”

Realization of how foolish you made yourself look set in, and you hoped the awkwardness that hung in the air was fleeting. You swallow heavily, unable to digest defeat.

“Okay,” you murmured, before hanging up and flinging your phone aside.

You and Bakugo didn’t speak for the rest of the night into next morning, and by midday Monday when your study session with Deku rolled around, you were more than reluctant to go. You knew the frustration of someone cancelling last minute, but you were unsure whether you could bring a positive spirit to your meetup, and the last thing you wanted to do was put kind-hearted Deku through your bad mood.

As the time drew closer, you were considering texting him to rain check, letting him know you were feeling under the weather, when he sent you a picture at the coffee shop. Deku had ordered you lunch, mentioning that you must’ve been hungry after classes all day. He explained that he didn’t know what you liked so he just bought for you what he usually got for himself.

After that, you couldn’t have possibly turned him down, so you showed up anyway. Before you knew it, the clock already approached 9 PM, and the coffee shop was about to close for the night. Time had flown by while you were getting lost in upbeat conversation with Deku, and the two of you laughed and joked around more than you’d done your assignment, but you didn’t mind since it gave you another excuse to meet up with him. You didn’t expect him to be as naturally humorous as he was, nor did you guess you’d have as much in common with him as you did, but you’d forgotten about your own heartache during the time you spent in his company. Not to mention, he was very easy on the eyes, but that was just an additional plus.

However, when you finally returned home to your empty apartment that night, all your feelings came flooding back.

“Right,” you muttered to yourself, setting your backpack down by the door, and throwing your keys onto the kitchen counter. “Back to square one.”

Normally, you’d invite Bakugo over, but you had no desire to be anywhere within a three mile radius of him at the moment, so you quickly got ready for bed, figuring that the more time you spent asleep meant less time that you’d have to dwell over the all-too-familiar pain in your chest.

You continued to spend more and more time with Deku even though most of your plans were organized around schoolwork, even if it was studying for a test or just practicing terminology flashcards. Eventually, you’d gotten close enough that you didn’t mind inviting him over since your apartment was much quieter than the dorm he shared with his roommate, Kaminari.

You were both sat on your couch, and you took turns quizzing each other on general knowledge sociology questions. You flipped through the flashcards, Deku answering every question with impressive ease, until you had grown tired.

“Deku, this isn’t fun. You know every term,” you sighed, shuffling through the stack.

“Studying isn’t supposed to be fun, that’s why it’s called studying and not having fun,” he joked lamely, extending his hands to take his flashcards back.

You giggled silently at his flat humor and leaned back against the armrest to put your knees up. “Okay, well what do you like to do when you’re not studying?”

Deku slipped his flashcards into the pocket of his backpack. “Between classes, studying, and wrestling, I don’t really have much time for anything else.”

You gaped. “You wrestle? No fucking way.”

Deku raised an eyebrow at you, amused and unsure of the reason for your stupefaction. “Why do you think I’m a loser or something?”

“I don’t think you’re a loser,” you explained. “I just wouldn’t have guessed.” You took note of his lean stature. He did look like he worked out, but you never considered his pastime was something as brutish as wrestling. You figured his interests would explain the scars that decorated both of his hands.

“Okay then,” you began, hopping up and throwing the blanket you were wrapped in on the couch. “Teach me something.”

Deku stared at you, uncertain whether you were serious. “I don’t wanna hurt you,” he said, timidly.

“Oh man up, you baby,” you joked while wrapping your hands around his wrists, urging him to stand up. “Who’s to say I won’t hurt you?”

Deku chuckled nervously before following you over to the open space between your living room and kitchen. He stood for a second, thinking of the easiest moves to show you, and then he nodded, like he had fully decided.

“Okay, come here.”

You did as you were told, letting Deku guide you into the correct position. You cleared your throat, unnerved by the way his chest pressed up against your back, and his strong hands looped around your arms to lock them behind your head.

“This is a full nelson,” he instructed. “It’s a submission hold. It’s not allowed in our matches, but feel free to use it if you ever find some creep following you home.” You could feel his chest rumble with laughter between your shoulder blades.  

You nodded, feeling flustered. “Mhm.”

The next demonstration had the two of you on the floor with your arm twisted at an uncomfortable angle while Deku’s arm was situated over your rib cage. You could feel his staggered breathing across the shell of your ear, and you looked over your shoulder expectantly, waiting for him to explain the move.

Deku must have realized how close your faces were to each other because he absolutely lost his cool. He began stammering, unable to get his words out. “And this one is called the--um...sorry it’s called the--,” he breathed. “I’m sorry, I’m--I just wanna kiss you so bad right now.” His body tensed with his confession, but you were the one who made the first move.

Once Deku’s hold loosened, you leaned into him, allowing your lips to collide with his. Your mouths moved against each other fervently, and the two of you rolled over until you were on top of him with your legs on either side of his waist. Ever since a few nights before you’d blown up on Bakugo, you hadn’t been touched. Not even by yourself. You tried, but your fingers came nothing close to competing with his. You were so incredibly needy that you had to forcefully stop yourself from gyrating your hips on Deku’s crotch. He was already red in the face, and you were afraid he might collapse if you worked your ass against the growing bulge in his jeans.

You broke your kiss to take Deku’s hands, and you rested them on your chest. With Bakugo, he would have immediately taken control, driving you into ecstasy, but with Deku it was different. It was as if he had never touched a pair of breasts before. His breathing grew even more shallow as his body became rigid.

You tilted your head, slightly irritated from the lack of action, but you were more concerned about Deku’s wellbeing.

“Are you okay?” you asked, tongue in cheek.

Deku nodded anxiously. “Yup, yup, yup, I’m great. I’m good.”

But something was off, and you knew you weren’t enjoying yourself like you typically would even with days of pent up libido. You closed your eyes tiredly and released an exasperated sigh, slowly pulling yourself off of him. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this right now--we shouldn’t--.”

Deku opened his mouth to contest, but you cut him off.

“It’s getting late, you should go. I’ll see you around.” You buried your face in your hands, embarrassed at your desperation. “I’m so sorry,” you apologized again.

Deku adjusted his glasses and murmured a small “It’s fine, Y/N.” He helped you up after he pulled himself off of the floor and gathered his belongings before heading out quickly, eager to flee the tension.

Fuck, you thought. How did things get so complicated? Deku was a sweet kid, genuinely pure at heart, and you knew he wanted you from the way his emerald eyes were glued to your frame, even while you were fully-clothed. Yet he wasn’t Bakugo. He didn’t know how to work you like Bakugo did, and you felt shamefaced for thinking about your ex-boyfriend again. You mulled it over and began to question why you were stopping yourself from having your cake and eating it too.

Bakugo didn’t intend on getting back together with you, but he enjoyed the phenomenal sex, and so did you. You held so much contempt for him now, but there was no reason why you couldn’t just agree to the terms of his compact.

Exes with benefits, only now with a few additions of your own.

No dates, no flirty chatter outside of your arrangements, nothing that could potentially steer you the wrong way towards forgiving him yet again, because like you told your friends: you were a pushover, and Bakugo was a sweet talker. That was a combination destined for hell.

Your revelation was exactly how you ended up sleeping with Bakugo again. Your sex life was practically a Dr. Seuss book. The two of you would have sex in his car, in the bathroom at a bar, and you’d have sex here, there, and pretty much anywhere.

When you first called him up, he answered almost immediately, somewhat excited to see your contact after going without speaking to each other for nearly a week. After you acceded, he snorted, wondering if you were conspiring.

“Are you fucking scheming something? Cooking up some devious shit to get me alone so you can kill me? Suffocate me while I’m sleeping? You’re goddamn insane.”

You rolled your eyes aggravated. “No. Are you down, or do you wanna pussy out now?”

Bakugo agreed, and both of you managed to keep things fairly cordial. Well, as cordial as they could possibly be, given your shared history. You couldn’t care less about the differences and arguments you had when you guys were in bed. If anything, you preferred it when Bakugo was angry at you, pissed at something you had said or just releasing pent up stress that built up over the week. That only made the sex filthier.

Although Bakugo wasn’t yours, and you weren’t his, that didn’t mean he didn’t hold some affection for you, and perhaps still even vice versa. He was possessive over you regardless, even if it meant coming dangerously close to breaching the contract. Especially when he caught you one night with Deku at an on-campus movie screening in the park.

After the fiasco at your apartment with you and Deku, you apologized sincerely to him a couple of days later in class. Deku took no hard feelings to your blunder, and he nodded at the mild rejection when you clarified that things would be best if the two of you stayed friends. He reassured you that he was fine, and he was far too occupied for a relationship of any sort anyway.

But Bakugo wasn’t aware that you two had already tested the waters and decided it was sink rather than swim.

When he spotted you alone sitting on a blanket, he strolled over, wearing a sardonic grin. He struck up a superficial conversation that quickly dissipated once Deku returned with the snacks you two planned on sharing.

Your grin when Deku arrived didn’t compare to the indifferent smile you gave Bakugo when he approached you, and he noticed. His eyes narrowed at your green-haired friend as burning rage coursed through his veins.

“Deku, this is Bakugo,” you said, uninterested in Bakugo’s presence while you took the bag of sour candy Deku offered to you.

Deku smiled at Bakugo, extending his hand to exchange a handshake, but Bakugo simply slapped his hand away dismissively.

“Whatever,” Bakugo jeered, his jaw rooted, before he diverted his attention back to you. “See you later, dumbass.”

He left without a fight, but you knew he wouldn’t put the memory past him, and the following night, all of Bakugo’s anger came bubbling out. The way his brain operated was fascinating, especially since he knew that you two had no romantic commitments to each other, that’s what you agreed on, but finally seeing you over him with someone who he assumed was your new interest turned him crazed.

Bakugo held a painful fistful of your hair, pushing your face into the mattress while he wrecked you. He forced himself into you from behind, muffling your screams with the pillow while he rammed into you relentlessly. Every thrust was vicious, exhibiting the full height of his temper.

“You’re mine, do you understand that? You’re mine to touch, mine to ruin. If anyone else puts their hands on you, I swear I’ll beat them within an inch of their life.”

Bakugo hated to admit it, especially since he knew admitting it turned him into the hypocritical dick of the year, but he enjoyed having you chase after him like a lovelorn puppy. You clung to his side, and you were there at his beck and call. He’d always hated being emotionally tied down, hence his apprehension toward serious relationships, but the way you took advantage of the freedom to see other men made him livid.

“Maybe if I really did put a baby in you other people wouldn’t be such a fucking pain. What do you think?”

Bakugo’s pace didn’t let up as his grip on your hair tightened, and he pulled you upright until your head rested back on his shoulder.

“Answer me,” he demanded, dangerously.

All you could muster were broken sobs. You had never seen Bakugo like this, and you were willing to avow that after discounting your fear and pain, it was hot, and you were slightly intrigued.

Bakugo secured his hand around your neck, allowing his fingers to dig into the side of your throat, and you could feel his cock throbbing inside you which let you know he was close, but he wasn’t making any efforts to slow down any time soon.

“The thought of you with him makes me want to fucking vomit. You know he’ll never be able to make you feel like I do,” he snarled against your ear. “No one will.”

You choked out a meager “I know” while your vision grew blurrier from the lack of oxygen to your head.

You came first and then Bakugo came shortly after, claiming you by pumping you full with his hot seed until you collapsed on the bed from overexhaustion.

You realized then, through the cloudiness of your thoughts came a single conviction: that your relationship with Bakugo was an endless cycle. You’d taken every romantic risk for Bakugo while he risked nothing. That’s how you remained foolish for so long, so naive. You refused to learn over and over again, and you sacrificed yourself in the process. 

Once Bakugo threw you modest praise and disappeared into the bathroom, you gave way to the enormity of your despair. Your tears were silent and persistent until your breathing turned ragged while humiliation and resentment burned just beneath your skin.

You were smitten with someone who was bad at romance. Your love was a fairytale, but not everyone believed in fairytales, meaning that was both the birth and death of your chronicle. Fairytales were only real if you believed they were.

Bakugo continued to give you reasons to leave and seek out the love you deserved, but you took momentary bliss as your excuse for staying, like a lovesick fool or like an addict dying from overdose. You wish he would at least give you something to hold onto, like false hope or a pretty lie, but you knew that’s all you’d ever be able to do: wish that things were different so you two could have grown into something beautiful.

#bakugo #bakugo katsuki #bakugo x reader #bakugo katuski x reader #my hero academia #my hero academia angst #my hero academia smut #mha angst #mha smut #boku no hero academia #bnha angst #bnha smut #bnha au #bnha #bnha x reader #anime fic #anime fanfic #bakugo smut #bakugo imagine #bakugo angst #mha #mha fanfic #mha fanfiction #bnha fic #bnha fanfiction #tissues are complimentary

[jaylixjun]

last kiss

taylor swift song fic

fred x reader,george x platonic!reader sad),:

y/n looked at fred as they were talking in their bed laying down before they fell asleep. the room was dark but she still made out his face in the darkness. whispering their inside jokes and laughing about it. she looked at the muggle clock beside her. 1:58am it read.

“freddie, it’s almost two !” she whispered yelled

“so ?”

“you have work tomorrow !!”

“it’s whatever” he said going back into conversation with her .

she remembered that clear as day .

he had told her multiple times he loved her , so why did he leave her ?

she remembers the fresh smell of the rain as she got off the plane.

she couldn’t bear the heartbreak and would constantly see her self walking by the joke shop where her now ex love worked at .

she didn’t really know why he broke up with her, she thought they were fine .

july 9th, the day she moved in to her new home in a new place away from fred and far from the shop and everything .

as she was unpacking, she saw she accidentally brought one of freds jumper with her, or thats what she told herself. she hugged it tightly, still feeling his arms around her. she walked down the stairs her eyes never leaving the jumper. she wanted to toss it out, her arm stretching over the trash bin to throw it away but just couldn’t get herself to do it. instead she put it on. slowly backing back until she hit the wall and sat down on the floor, wearing his sweater.

did he miss her ? did he regret breaking up with her ? why did he do it ? all that ran through her mind

she let out a sob and placed her hand grazing her lips where fred once kissed her

she never thought they would share one last kiss

“fred…” she whimpered crying on the floor oh her kitchen

never did she think they would end , specially not like this .

..

she remember back to their time at hogwarts and everybody was excited about the yule ball.

fred and y/n always had something going on, despite her being ron’s age.

she didn’t expect him to ask her.

“i’m telling you now fred , i am NOT dancing, okay ??” she said emphasizing “not”

“we’ll see about that darlin’ “ he said kissing her cheek leaving her red faced there .

.

the yule ball was finally here. y/n had her beautiful dress that fit her perfectly, she felt utterly beautiful .

she walked down the stairs were fred was waiting for her. as she walked down, fred saw her, his eyes widened and his mouth opened. he always thought she was beautiful but he felt as he fell in love with her all over again .

“w-wow y/n you look- i mean you’re beautiful”

“why thank you” she said smugly as seeing him nervous for the first time, she took a bold move and kissed his cheek”you don’t look bad yourself”

fred didn’t say anything, just looked at her blushing, feeling his eyes about to pop out of his skull

“cat got your tongue ?” she said giggling

“shut up” he said letting out a chuckle before he returned to his normal self.

..

everybody was enjoying themselves at the ball, everybody dancing and jumping around, but y/n just sat on the chair eating a cupcake, she told fred she didn’t feel well to dance so she told him to go enjoy himself and not to worry about her. fred felt bad leaving her but george pulled him away.

y/n looked at fred showing off his dance moves to his friends making her chuckle, he was always the life of the party so it was no surprise to her. fred felt a gaze on him and spotted y/n looking at him, she quickly looked away feeling embarrassed but fred smirked , walking over to her.

“milady” fred said holding out his hand out for her

“no”

“pleaseee” he whined, still keeping his hand out for her

“fred, i don’t dance”

“just one, i swear”

y/n looked at him , his long hair as some strands fell into place like dominos(😉) , she couldn’t say no.

she rolled her eyes at him but a smile played on her face .

“fine” she replied and he immediately pulled her in .

it was not just one dance, they danced for the rest of the ball .

…

a few days later after the ball, the two began dating, they were always seen together.

which brings them one year later, fred was meeting y/n’s dad , he had already met her mom due to her being more understanding. fred was worried, he didn’t know what her dad would say about him and him dropping out of school .

“fredrick weasley?” he heard behind him starling him and quickly standing up

“that’s me” he said shaking his hand

“nice to met you mr.y/l, and you can call me fred if you’ll like”

“nice to met you too fred”

…

y/n thought back to how he always walks with his hands or his thumb inside his pockets and him not even noticing he would do it, she payed attention to him and everything her would do .

..

fred and y/n had recently gotten a flat together after the battle of hogwarts, y/n moved in right away with him after his near death experience and couldn’t leave him, not now, so she dropped out her last year and moved in with him .

she remembered how he would always kiss her when she was in the middle of a conversation .

he would always look at her like she was everything to him and would always look at her lips when she would talk , occasionally looking up to meet her eyes.

“we have to go pick up gin-“fred interrupted her by kissing her and held her face delicately with his right hand and leaving her stunned for a few seconds before she shook it off .

“fred ! were you listening !” she playfully raised her voice

“yes i was i swear !”

“as i was saying , we have to go pick up ginny tomorrow at te-“ he interrupted her again by kissing her

“fred !” she said as her cheeks turned red

“what ?” he played dumb

“did you hear me ?”

“yes, we have to go pick up ginny tomorrow at ten in the morning, i don’t get it , why can’t she just use the fire place or something”

“because we promis-“ he kissed her once again making her smile grow wide

“you’re impossible” she smiled at him and leaned in to kiss him

that was not the only time fred would do that to y/n, he started doing it right after they started dating .

oh how she missed those “rude” interruptions everyday

..

by this point, y/n face was flushed and eyes puffy and burning from crying, sitting on the kitchen clothes still wearing his “F” jumper on .

she got up but couldn’t take the jumper up, she slowly headed upstairs and turned on her shower, quickly undressing and taking a pain killer for her head as she looked at herself in the mirror judging herself, she didn’t even care that the water was too cold for her,she stilled hopped on and showered.

when she got out, she put on a comfy pair of pajama bottoms and put back fred’s jumper quickly getting on her bed and grabbing her blanket and hugging it tightly before she started crying again, eventually falling asleep, forgetting to start unpacking.

..

a month later into settling into her new house, y/n’s mind always wandered around and ended up thinking about fred. she kept herself updated about him and his shop. seeing pictures of him hurt, but somehow still wanted to see him. she recently had seen one of fred and george outside their shop, seeing him smile wide hurt, her eyes brimmed with tears as seeing him well , she felt selfish wanting to see him miss her like he missed him. she was so used to always seeing him right in front of her, now she watched him in pictures instead of her just being to turn her head and watch him sleep. the more she kept looking at his smiling face, she knew he forgot about her, she felt it, just how she would always feel him breathe..

…

a week later, y/n received an owl. she was surprised since she didn’t tell anyone where she was going in fear of fred finding out her location, not that she thinks he would care but still.

she opened it and saw she had more than one.

one from george, one from ginny and another one from harry .

they were all telling her how she missed her and want her to come back, she knew she couldn’t, she wouldn’t. she was still confused on how they found her location, guess she can’t stay away from wizards.

she eventually wrote back after a while.

she kept up with them after sending her first later after a while, knowing it wasn’t fair for them to be ignored by her by something out of their control.they eventually decided to meet up , and they did, a few times, they would apparate to her flat and have a cup of tea or go out for breakfast.

y/n saw george more often than the rest. her heart stinging when she saw him due to the fact of him being almost identical to fred, in her mind they still looked kind of different though.

“hellooo y/l/n !!!” a voice broke through her ears suddenly making her gasp and turn around with her wand up to the intruder.

“GEORGE !” she let out a sigh of relief seeing it was him, putting her wand down”you scared me you bastard !”

“ i know” he said while laughing pulling her into a hug

“don’t do that again !” she playfully smacked him making him dramatically pretend he was hit with a spell, causing y/n smile to fall a little as it reminded her of fred, but quickly returned back to her smile

“you ready ?” george asked .

“yess let me just get my wallet”

“nah it’s fine, don’t worry, lunch is on me y/n/n”

“what ? no way , let me go get it , it’s right upstairs i won’t take long”

“nonsense, cmon y/n it’s nothing”

“fine ! next time it’s on me though !”

“yeah yeah okay , on our way we go” he said as he opened the door for her and pushed her out .

…

after eating their lunch, george insisted for them to go get ice cream, and after a while of convincing her because she didn’t have her wallet, they went.

they were sitting down in a cute ice cream parlor having a conversation when she thought of bringing up fred, like she always did with any other of her friends when they spoke .

“s-so , george”

“yes ?” he said while grabbing a spoonful of y/n’s (favorite flavor)ice cream

“hey !” she said while stealing some of george’s ice cream too letting out a laugh .

“what were you gonna ask?” george said, sorta knowing what she was going to, he didn’t mind at all thought, y/n and fred been dating for years before they broke up and it hadn’t been long since they did, george didn’t tell y/n he was pissed at fred for doing so and didn’t even talk to him for a week unless it was necessary,y/n had always been george’s best friend and even cried when he found out she had moved away and didn’t know where she had gone, he strongly blamed fred for it but understood y/n needed her space.

“um yes, how’s you know who ?”

“voldemort? last time i checked he was dead, harry really did a number on that guy” he said trying to make her smile and smiled back once he saw it worked.

“you know who i’m talking about!”she laughed”fred..” but right as quickly, her smile disappeared.

“hey it’s okay” he said as he saw her eyes start to well up.

“i’m sorry” she apologized wiping her eyes.

“hey don’t apologize, it’s okay”

she nodded, waiting for an answer for her question .

george took a breath and blew out some air before answering

“fred, he’s well fred”he chuckled”he still gets in trouble when we’re with mum, he’s alright but you know, he still has his days,won’t want to come out his room or be grumpy all day, still finds joy in pranking ron . a few weeks ago, fred put spiders in his bed as bed bugs and ron freaked out! mum made him do chores as punishments and he knew he couldn’t get out of that one! ron tried to get him back but you know that never goes well , he wasn’t even fazed!”

“that sounds like them alright” y/n said, her mind going around the fact that he said fred would mop around his room, she though it was just normal because of his stress with work, george saw her thinking face and knew she was thinking about that part in particular but didn’t mention anything, unless she questioned it.

..

after an hour or so , george had to go back and took her back to her house, he saw how lost in thought she was and knew it was about what he said.

“thank you so much for coming georgie, i appreciate it”

“you’re so very welcomed y/n/n” he said giving her a hug”we all miss you, tons”

“i do too, tell them all i miss them too, well you know who and who to tell”

“i will, i’ll see if i can come back next week? of course only if you’re okay with that”

“yes yes of course! maybe even invite the others too, i haven’t seen them in a while”

“great! i’ll let them and you know then” he said kissing her forehead

“goodbye y/n! see you next week!”

“bye georgie and again thank you so much”

he saluted before apparating away.

y/n felt drained, she felt like she had to keep up her mood for george, it’s not everyday she sees him anymore and didn’t want him to feel bad. she hopes fred is doing all good, that it’s nice were he is,mentally and physically.

she hopes one day when he wakes up in a beautiful day, something reminds him of her and wished he had stayed with her instead of breaking up with her for an unknown reason to her, she hopes he plans on going back to her, still she never planned on him changing his mind about her and his future, their future.

y/n goes upstairs to her room and changes into comfortable clothes and takes off her make up, she didn’t plan on going out again that day.

she sees fred’s jumper calling her name and puts it on with no hesitation, she grabs his and her scrapbook and sits on the floor in his jumper.

she never thought they would kiss one last time, or that it would end like this, she always thought about that, she would always touch her lips and feel them let out his name in a shaky banter.

“fred….”

—

hello ! hope you all liked it !! i really want to write a part two about fred’s p.o.v !! i most likely will !!should i make them get back together ??! or should y/n move on !!! anyways, stay safe !!!

part two and three are up !

#fred weasley #fred weasley fanfiction #fred weasley fic #fred weasley imagines #fred weasley one shot #fred weasley oneshot #fred weasley x y/n #harry potter #weasley twins #taylor swift #last kiss #sad songs #yule ball #heartbreak #fred weasley soundtrack #draco lucius malfoy #draco fuckingmalfoy #draco malfoy #harry potter imagine #harry james potter #fredrick weasley #fred gideon weasley #Spotify

[sappy-seresin]

left behind (j.m)

A/N: This imagine is based off of the song “All My Friends,” by AJ Mitchell. It doesn’t entirely relate to the song, and didn’t turn out exactly how I thought it would, but I hope that you enjoy it nonetheless. This is my first “Outer Banks,” related imagine, I’m sure it doesn’t do the show justice, but I thought I’d try because I can’t stop thinking about the show.

The sections in bold are song lyrics and flashbacks are in italics; just to clear any potential confusion.

Requests are open, as always, feel free to request anything Outer Banks related...or any of the other that fandoms I write for! 

-----------------

“I’m done, I can’t do this anymore,” JJ broke down rushing around his room to aimlessly throw his belongings into his bag.

“JJ, please calm down,” I beg, reaching out to touch him until John B’s arms wrapped around my waist, halting my movements. I look up at him in frustration, trying to force myself out of his arms. 

“Stop, he needs to do this,” he commands softly, holding me against his chest. Kie, Pope, and Sarah watch the scene in silence, the tension in the room growing thicker as we watch JJ pack his bags. 

“JJ-”

“Don’t Kie, nothing you say is going to keep me from leaving,” he barks, glaring at her. His whole body trembling with anger due to argument that he had with his dad moments earlier. “I’m done.” 

My heart drops at the sight of him; knowing full well that even I won’t be able to convince him to stay. 

An hour later we stand on the dock watching hundreds of people board the ferry. Everyone stands in silence anticipating having to say goodbye, but seemingly afraid of the moment that we’d be forced to do so. 

JJ’s hand slides into mine tightly gripping onto my fingers. I close my eyes, trying to stay calm and support his decision of leaving the island, even though I want to beg him to stay. 

“It’s time,” Pope sighs, breaking the silence as we all share sad glances.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” I whisper to JJ, pulling him into my arms. “I’ll talk to my parents, you know that they’ll let you stay with us. Please, just don’t leave me here.”

“I can’t move in with you,” he states, his words slightly muffled by my hair. “I have to go, and I need you to support this decision.”

“Then let me come with you,” I insist, frowning when he pulls himself from my grasp so that he can look at me. “We promised that we’d never leave each other-”

“We were four years old,” he sighs, shaking his head. “I love you but this is something I need to do on my own, okay?” I simply nod in response; not trusting my voice. He pulls me back into his arms one last time, whispering a “thank you” before he moved to say his goodbyes to everyone else. I stand to the side, looking anywhere but at my friends as each of them had their moment with him. 

Kie and Sarah joined me, giving me sympathetic looks before pulling me into side hugs so that we could stand together. I lay my head on Sarah’s shoulder, watching John B pull JJ into his arms one last time.

“Take care of yourself, JJ,” he stated as they pulled away from each other.

“You know I will,” he winked, clearly trying to lighten the mood and take our attention away from the tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He takes a moment to salute at us, his eyes meeting mine one last time before he spun around to board the ferry without looking back.

-----------------

“Why can’t I just hide in my room,” I huff exasperatedly flopping on my bed backwards tired of hearing my mom ramble about needing to get back to a normal routine.

“Listen to me, it’s been nearly a month. I know how deeply you care for him, but this has got to stop,” she states walking out of my closet empty handed. “You’ve never liked this house, and now it seems that all you want to do is spend your time here. As much as I love having you around, I’m worried.”

“Mom,” I groan, shifting to face her. “You don’t have to worry. I’m perfectly fine.” 

“I’m your mother. As much as you think you can lie to me, you can’t. So don’t start,” she warns, raising her eyebrows as she sat on the bed next to me. I sigh, shoulders slumping in defeat, as the front I attempted to put on slowly vanished. “Love is strong, especially when you’re young. Sadly, when you sign up for love you also sign up for potential heartbreak. The fact that you’re hurting so deeply just shows that it was real.” I listen intently, tears springing into my eyes at her words. 

“But I didn’t sign up for it, mom. He’s my best friend, not my boyfriend,” I huff, as if trying to deny what I already know is true.

“You and I know full well that you don’t have to be dating someone to be in love,” she replies, sending me a gentle smile. “Your relationship with JJ is a prime example of that. You’ve been in love with that boy for years and, from what I’ve seen, he is just as in love with you.”

“I know that you’re mourning what you lost, but you can’t stop living because of this,” she continues, tucking hair behind my ear, caressing my cheek. Her thumb wiping away the single tear escaping my eye. “You have friends that love you; who want to be able to walk through this with you and quite frankly, I’m running out of excuses as to why they can’t come see you.” A quiet laugh falls from my lips between quiet sniffles, still unable to muster up any words. 

“I know you feel alone, because you love him, but your friends are working through letting go of JJ too. You weren’t the only one the boy left behind when he left the island. He was their best friend too,” her fingers tenderly brush through my tangled hair, knowing how that it’s always helped me relax. “With that being said, I think you would start feeling a lot better if you stopped pushing them away, don’t you?” 

“I guess,” I sniffle, not enjoying the fact that she’s right. 

“Great, because I told them to pick you up on the dock in an hour,” she smiles brightly, scrunching up her face as she awaits my response.

“Mom,” I exclaim, shooting up from my bed. “Why would you do that? I haven’t showered in a week! There’s so much that needs to be done!” 

 She laughs from her spot on the bed, watching me haphazardly pull clothes out of my closet. I hurry towards the bathroom with a heap of clothes in my arms, pausing to drop everything on the bed to wrap her in a hug. “Thank you.”

------

Crowded but a lonely place

Sittin’ at a table full of double dates

And everywhere I go, I wanna see your face

I take a sip from the solo cup in my cold hands, shuddering due to the breeze that passed by. My attention on John B and Sarah seated across from me, laughing at something Pope had said. The boneyard buzzing with multiple groups of people due to the kegger currently taking place on the beach.

 I zone out from the conversation to study my surroundings. A familiar emptiness settling in as I mindlessly scan the crowd in search of JJ even though I know he isn’t here. Scanning my surroundings in search of him has become a part of my routine; seemingly a side affect of missing him. 

My eyes trail over my friends, each looking exceptionally light, carelessly engrossed in their conversation. Two months ago, I would have been happy at the sight but something is missing. Someone is missing and I’ve caught myself feeling completely alone in moments like this one. JJ’s arm should be carelessly draped over my shoulders but instead there’s an empty spot next to me, and a deep longing that never seems to go away. Our group has been perfectly paired up ever since Sarah and John B got together, Pope and Kiara following soon after, but now I’m always left feeling like a fifth wheel on a double date. 

“Hey,” Kie’s voice cals, pulling my attention back to my friends. The small fire in front of us casts shadows on each of them as I’m met with Kie’s concerned face. “You good?” Her question catches me off guard and forces me to shift uncomfortably in lawn chair under everyone’s gaze. 

“Um, yeah, I’m fine. I guess that it’s kind of hard to enjoy parties anymore,” I shrug, trying to muster up a reassuring smile. “They’re not the same without JJ.” Her concerned expression drops into one of sympathy and I immediately regret saying anything. John B whispers something to Sarah, pressing a soft kiss against her temple, before he moves to take the empty seat next to me. He wordlessly slings his arm over my shoulders and pulls me into him, resting his chin on my head.

“I miss him too,” he whispers looking down at me.

“I should’ve gone with him,” I state, John’s eyes softening at the tears filling my eyes. “When we were young, we promised each other that we wouldn’t leave unless we were together.” A tearful laugh falls from my lips at the memory. “Yet, when it actually came down to it, he didn’t seem to give leaving me behind a second thought. I should have tried harder to-”

“Stop,” John interrupts gently tilting my chin so I would look at him. “I know it hurts, but I love you too much to watch you do this to yourself.” 

His thumbs catch tears that I didn’t even realize were falling. “JJ is stubborn and hard to get through to, you know that. I know there was a part of him that wanted to take you with him but he needed to do himself. We’ve been cleaning up after him for as long as I can remember. I think he realized that he needed to be able to make his own decision without having anyone else to worry about.”

“I want to hate him,” I admit with a heavy sigh. “I feel like I want to be angry with him but I can’t.” John nods in agreement, seeming to understand what I meant. “I just feel so broken, JB. He’s my best friend.” 

“I know,” he sighs, pulling me against his chest again. “We’ll get through it together.”  ---------------- Pictures, I’m reminded 

Of good times, how we tried it

Don’t know how to get you out of my mind

I don’t have it in me to deny it

Sitting cross-legged on the floor of the guest bedroom at the chateau, I shuffle through the old photo album I’d found. My lips curve into a smile when I come across a couple of more recent photos that were haphazardly stuffed into the back of the tethered book. They were taken on a cheap disposable camera that JJ bought me after he overheard me talking to Kiara about how much I’d been wanting to buy one.

It was a beautiful day so we’d packed the HMS Pogue up with fishing supplies and snacks having opted to spend the day on the water. 

The sun had just started going down, each of us sun kissed and slightly tipsy as we waited for the sunset. I was curled up on the front of the boat with JJ, clad in his t-shirt with a blanket strewn across our laps. My back rested against his front, his chest vibrating with soft laughter as John B clambered back into the boat, soaking wet, after he’d lost his balance while wrestling with Pope. John B let out a string of threats as we all laughed at him, mostly due to the look on his face when he realized he was going down. 

I smiled at the way that JJ hugged me closer to him when our laughter died down. He adjusted me in his lap, his arms still wrapped tightly around my torso as I focused on the sunset ahead of us. I was so focused on the view that I didn’t notice Kie approaching us with my camera in her hands. We’d all taken turns taking photos on it because I was antsy to get them developed to see how they would turn out. 

JJ, also oblivious to Kie’s presence, pressed a gentle kiss to the crown of my head right as the flash of the camera went off causing both of us to jump slightly.

“My eyes,” JJ exclaims, a laugh falling my lips when his hands suddenly moved in front of my eyes as if he was going to protect them from another flash. I heard the camera click again causing JJ to protest. “Kie, I’m going blind here.”

JJ’s hands fell from my eyes; returning to their original spot on my waist. Kie stood in front of us lifting my camera again to taunt him. My head fell back against JJ’s chest, loud loud laughs falling from my lips, as JJ shouted threats at Kie. Pope and John B had since joined in on the fun, egging Kie on. JJ halted his movements, an endearing smile on his face as he looked down at me, watching me laugh.

“Now would be a good time to take a picture, Kie,” John whispered, prompting her to catch the sweet moment.

I shake my head; fingers delicately brushing over the pictures.

“I thought you’d be hiding in here,” John’s voice rang, pulling me out of my trance. I look up at him from my position on the floor. His arms cross against his chest, a lazy smile on his lips, as he leaned against the door frame.

“Yeah, sorry,” I blush, watching him stalk over to where I’m seated.

“I remember that day,” he smiles, taking one of the pictures from my hands. “Times we much simpler then.” I nod in agreement; wordlessly pushing a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

“I thought he was going to kiss me,” I admit with a small laugh.

“Me too. I’m convinced that he would have if Kie hadn’t ruined the mood,” John replies, moving to flip through the photo album on the floor.

“Actually, the mood wouldn’t have been ruined if you hadn’t encouraged her to take the picture. So I think you’re the one to blame,” I joke, shoving his shoulder.

“That may be true, but at least we captured the moment and you can keep it forever.” He throws his hands up in surrender and gestures to the picture before returning his attention to the photo album.

“He loves you a lot. You know that right?” John asks, breaking the comfortable silence. “God, he always looked at you like that.” John’s voice broke with a lighthearted laugh.

“He did, didn’t he?” I whisper, relishing in the memories of how JJ always looked at me as if I was all that mattered. “I can’t stop thinking about him, John B. I mean, he’s been gone for weeks and hasn’t even bothered to call. Doesn’t he realize that we’re worried about him? I can’t walk into a room without looking for him or go to sleep without having nightmares about him being alone.”

“Hey, it’s JJ we’re talking about. He’ll come around eventually. I miss him like hell, but I know that he needed to go.”John assured pulling the pictures out of my hands so that I would look at him. His hand came up to caress my cheek, just like JJ had done since we were young. “I also know that he’d hate it if he knew how much this is hurting you.” 

“I just wish he’d call. I hate missing him.” 

“I know,” he sighs, pulling me into a loose hug. We stayed like that for a long time, John holding me against his chest as he quietly shared stories about his dad. We only moved when my head began lulling to the side, fighting to keep my eyes open. John wordlessly stood up, sticking his hand out for me to grab. “I’ll tell your mom that you’re staying over again.”

“Thank you,” I yawn, giving him a quick hug before he exited the room. I turn around, pulling on one of the sweatshirts JJ always left out for me to wear. It doesn’t smell like him anymore, but still brings me the same sense of comfort that it always has. 

Spending the night at the chateau is the only way I seem to be able to get a decent nights sleep nowadays. Something about staying in the guest room, that JJ practically claimed as his own, seemed to cure my tendency to lie awake at night worrying about him. I curl under the covers feeling myself relax almost immediately as sleep welcomed me.  --------------------

Cause everybody, everybody knows something I don’t

Where are they? I think to myself, eyebrows furrowing together when I notice that the Twinkie isn’t parked in front of John B’s house. I stalk up the driveway and let myself into the house. 

“Hello,” I call, only to be met with silence. I pull my phone out of my pocket, quickly dialing Kie’s number in confusion.

“Hey you,” She answers, sounding slightly nervous.

“Where are you guys? I thought we were meeting at the chateau,” I respond, ignoring her tone. 

“Pope was supposed to call you,” she sighs, only making my confusion grow.

“What do you mean, why?”

“Well, we all kind of got called into work last minute. The boys are helping Heyward set up for midsummer’s and I have to cover for a waitress that didn’t come in,” she explains, and I hear hushed whispers on the other line. 

“Why do you sound so weird? What’s wrong?” I ask, noticing the weird strain in her voice. 

“Weird? I don’t sound weird. Everything’s fine,” she dismissed. The whispers on her end of the phone only growing louder. I can’t make out what’s being said but I’m certain that John B was among the people whispering. 

“Kie, what is going on? Are the boys th-”

“Hey, I’m sorry I have to go. Sorry for bailing on the plans last minute, but it’s urgent. I’ll meet you at Sarah’s to get ready for tonight,” she quickly rushes before hanging up the phone. 

I slide my phone into my pocket with a frown, deciding to walk to Sarah’s now seeing as everyone else seems to be busy. I kick at loose rocks on the ground; thinking back to my conversation with Kie. They’re definitely hiding something. I furrow my eyebrows, feeling annoyed due to being in the dark about what was going on. 

I can’t seem to settle down,

Cause I’m waiting on you to come around

Midsummers has been going on for nearly an hour, and I’ve been on edge the whole time. This year was the first year that all of the Pogues, excluding JJ, are attending the party. Pope being here to help Heyward prepare food while John B is Sarah’s plus one. 

I’ve been eyeing my friends closely all night, noticing multiple moments of hushed whispers whenever I came back around. I’ve only grown more and more frustrated at their lack of explanation as to why they are acting so suspicious. 

“Okay, I don’t know what the hell is going on, but I’m over it. If someone doesn’t give me answers right now, I’m leaving,” I huff, walking over to my friend group, huddled by the food tables away from everyone else. They turn around in surprise, my tone clearly catching them off guard. I cross my arms, patiently waiting for someone to speak while they share a glance. Everyone’s eyes landing on John B. Whose eyes were trained on something behind me, a slight smile adorning his face.

“Leaving so soon? But the party just got here,” a familiar voice states behind me causing goosebumps to rise on my skin; my breath catching in my throat. My heart pounds against my rib cage as I turn around in shock, a loud gasp leaving my lips at the sight of the blonde boy standing in front of me with his hands in his pockets. 

“JJ,” I choke out, hands shooting to my mouth in disbelief. His figure blurs with the tears filling my eyes. I wordlessly watch him step closer to me, seemingly frozen in place at the sight in front of me.

“It’s me,” he whispers. “I’m right here.” All of my emotions hit me the moment his hands tenderly cup my face, thumbs brushing away the shocked tears. I throw my arms around him, trying not to make too much of a scene as quiet sobs fall from my shaking frame. A wave of peace rolls over my body at the realization that JJ is okay and is safely tucked in my arms.

The rest of the Pogues come around us, wrapping us in the middle of an emotional group hug. When the hug breaks, I cling to JJ for a few more seconds, not entirely convinced that he’s actually in front of me. His lips press a gentle kiss on my forehead, quietly assuring me that he was there. 

“Don’t leave me again,” I demand, pulling myself away from his grip. “My heart can’t handle it.”

“I promise, I’m here for good,” he laughs, pulling me into one more hug before we return to reality. We spend the rest of the party catching up and enjoying each others company. For the first time in weeks, things feel okay. 

---------------------

And everybody lookin’ like a honeymoon

But all that I have been looking for is me and you

Glancing around John B’s living room, a content smile forms on my face. I take a mental snapshot of the moment; relishing in how good it feels to be together again. Our bodies clad in pajamas all squished together on the small pullout couch. We shared stories for hours, everyone falling asleep one by one until me and JJ were the only two left awake.

“Do you want to go to the guest room? As much as I love these guys, I don’t really want to wake up groping any of them,” he whispered, pausing when Pope stirred in his sleep. I smile, pressing my finger to my lips to signal him to be quiet as I slowly crawl out of bed, trying not to wake any of them up. JJ follows soon after, successfully making it off of the mattress without disturbing anyone. He nods toward the hallway, lacing his fingers with mine before pulling me towards the room. 

We wordlessly crawl under the covers and settle into a comfortable silence, noticing the sun beginning to peak through the blinds. JJ wraps his arms around me, pulling me into his chest with a content sigh. 

“I’ve missed this,” I murmur, breaking the peaceful silence. JJ hums in agreement, pressing a chaste kiss on my forehead mumbling a soft, “me too,” against my skin. My heart swells at the feeling, a sudden wave of confidence spreading through my body forcing me to sit up in the bed abruptly, pulling myself out of his grasp.

“What’s wrong,” he asks, mirroring my movements as he shifts to face me. I instinctively grab his hand; fingers tracing the lines on his palms to keep myself from looking at him.

“I need to tell you something,” I state after a few moments of silence, hesitantly tearing my gaze away from our hands. I’m met with a concerned expression, his hand moving to push my hair out of my face.

“What is it?” I sigh at his question, nerves beginning to settle in as I stare at him. You have to tell him, I think to myself, there’s really no going back at this point. 

“JJ I-” I pause, pressing my lips together in a thin line. The fear of telling him how I feel eating away at me, while he patiently waits for me to continue. 

“You can tell me,” he smiles, a slight glimmer in his eyes.

“The last three months have been absolute hell,” I admit, watching his supportive expression drop at my words. “I was forced to watch everyone else continue on with their lives while I was just stuck.”

He opens his mouth to say something but I shake my head, silently beginning him to let me continue. “You’ve been this constant thought on my mind. It’s kind of funny actually, it seems that you constantly demanded my attention even when you weren’t here,” I laugh lightheartedly, wiping away the tears that escaped my eyes. 

“Anyway, your being gone gave me a lot of time to think and I’ve realized that I can’t keep pretending that I don’t feel a certain way about you,” JJ’s eyes urge for me to continue as his hand gently squeezes my own. “JJ, I’m in love with you.” 

My words echo in my ears, heart beating rapidly in my chest, as I stare at my best friend. “I can’t keep pretending that I’m content with just being your best friend. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, but I have to be honest with you. All I could think about was-”

“Stop talking,” he interrupts, hands gripping my shoulders as a serious expression crosses over his face, making my heart drop. Our friendship is over. I just got him back and I’m going to lose him again. “You’re insane if you think I don’t feel the same way about you.” He moves his hands to cup my face, his eyes flickering down to my lips. “Leaving made me realize that the only time I feel safe is when I’m with you.” He hesitated for a moment before closing the gap between us with a kiss. His lips pressing against mine urgently as he pulled me into his lap. 

“God, you’re all I’ve ever wanted,” he sighs, after breaking the kiss. Our chests heaving slightly due to the previous lack of air. 

“Don’t leave me again,” I state, shoving him backwards onto the bed, watching him laugh in surprise. He flips us over, pinning me to the bed as his lips met mine again.

“I’m here for good,” he murmurs, pulling me into his arms after collapsing next to me. The beating of his heart lulled me into a peaceful sleep, resting on his promise to stay. 

#jj maybank #jj outer banks #jj #jj maybanks #jj maybank x you #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank concept #jj imagine #jj maybanks imagine #john booker routledge #john b imagine #john b #kiara carrera #kie #sarah cameron #pope heyward #outer banks #outer banks concept #outer banks imagine #outer banks blurb #outer banks tv show #obx #obx imagine #obx imagines #jj imagines #jj maybank imagines #sarah obx #kiara obx #pope obx

[philliamwrites]

killing me softly with his song | (Childe / Reader) [chpt.02]

Fandom: Genshin Impact

Pairing: Childe / Reader

Tags: #fem!reader, #from childhood friends to lovers, #reader is a fatui agent, #slow burn, #unresolved sexual tension, #mature language, #forbidden love

Words: 3.5k

Summary: "Lybuov zla, polyubish i kozla,“ sighs your sister as she wipes off the table, but that makes you feel even more miserable. Falling for a goat might save you from an actual heartbreak by Tartaglia’s hands.

Notes: Part 1

Masterlist

Chapter 2

At the barracks’ canteen reigns the unspoken rule that no one is allowed to cook borsch, and trying to do so is punished by cleaning all windows with cold water only in the middle of the night. Can’t see anything because the nights at the outskirts of Zapolyarny are blacker than out in the taiga? Tough luck. There are so many different recipes as there are families out there, and everyone has their very own way to make it. Fatui agents have brought each other to the hospital wing over fighting which recipe is the best, therefore a couple of years before Tartaglia and you enrolled, this rule was established.

Sitting out in the cold of Jaroslawk at four in the morning, you’d kill for a hot bowl of your mamochka’s borsch—the best in Morepesok even though Tartaglia begs to differ, but the only problem with his claim is that he is fucking wrong.

Through your binoculars you see everything is quiet and dark on the other side of the compound, which is a good sign. Unfortunately, good also means very boring. You’ve been lying in the exact same position for nearly three hours now: on your belly, elbows slightly propping your upper body to see the Baron’s estate that’s embraced by a forest like a mother cradling its child. Tales have it if you make even one little mistake inside those cold brick walls, Baron Igor would personally see to it that you don’t leave these woods alive and whatever his hellish guard dogs don’t finish eating up, his servants would send to your family as a small parting gift and warning to get as far and fast away as possible.

If only he were as thorough covering his tracks as he is scaring people, but Baron Igor has never really excelled at multiple things and now, months after the first little bird brought some interesting insight, you can’t wait for Baron Igor to finally slip and confirm the rumours about him selling information on one of Il Dottore’s gun research labs to a spy from Sumeru. Intel has it exchanges usually occur once every full moon and with the orb now hidden behind thick, black clouds, this is the last chance to get some evidence before the ship leaving to Sumeru carries whoever deserves a knife in their windpipe back to their God of Wisdom.

Baron Igor has messed up, got too arrogant, and now you and your team are here to make sure he eats up his mess. It wasn’t easy to infiltrate his mansion. Mitsuki only passed because you took out two of the other contesters for one of the Baron’s favourite restaurants down in Nowobirsk. That man bows to greed and when introduced to the place’s new maître d’hôtel—the best of his kind, the most exotic to own during their flimsy ceasefire with Inazuma—Baron Igor acted swiftly and hired him. Mitsuki had gagged at those words while lieutenant Scaramouche had shown the patience of a man barely holding himself back from violence. Two days later, Mitsuki took his position as spy and head waiter of the Baron’s personal restaurant taking up the whole second floor in the right wing of his stone mansion.

“Fuck me, I look like a penguin,” Mitsuki had said on the night before his work began at the estate, glaring at himself in the mirror dressed in a sharply tailored tuxedo.

“Then we know who to call if Baron Igor decides to open a zoo,” Mikhail had said, but he was in no hurry to turn away his appreciative gaze from how tight Mitsuki’s black pants tugged his slim legs and ass.

That’s the team, Mitsuki, you and Mikhail—Lock, Shock and Barrel, one of your fellow division’s comrade likes to call you for unknown reasons, simply laughing to himself and shaking his head as if trying to get rid of a good memory. Though for all that Scaramouche is concerned, to him you’re triple double and a clusterfuck he doesn’t want anywhere near him or so help him Her Majesty the Tsaritsa, he’ll stake your heads and scatter your remains to the seagulls terrorising the coast of Port Odessa.

“He loves us,” Mikhail likes to joke, even though you aren’t sure the words love and Scaramouche should be used in one sentence.

“One day, he’ll kill one of us with his bear hands and feel nothing,” Mitsuki commonly remarks, sounding like whatever you’d do to receive such a punishment is probably ghastly enough to justify being murdered.

“His hat is pretty neat,” is usually your only contribution and they both look at you as if you’re crazy.

“Any movement?” a voice asks from your right. Mikhail shakes still fresh snow from his head and shoulders as he dugs under the narrow doorway, looking like a puppy trying to shake itself dry. Now that a year has passed since a Geo Vision user crushed his right arm and healers had to amputate it to save his life, he’s adapted pretty well to only one arm and hand at his disposal. He’s balancing a cup in his palm while holding two paper bags with his fingers and somehow makes it look easy. He rejoins you at the window, carefully placing the steaming cup and one bag in front of you. You hand him your binoculars so he can see for himself, and inspect your breakfast. “Do I even want to know where you found,” you peak inside the bag, “pirozhky at a time like this?”

“Couple of blocks down there’s this place. Really nice lady, gave me one for free and added a little extra to our coffee.”

You take a sip, and instantly begin coughing and pounding your chest as it goes down burning. “Archons, that’s disgusting. Who in their right mind puts Fire-Water in their coffee?”

“I know, right?” Mikhail beams. “It’s genius.”

It’s ghastly. You take another sip. Horrible, really. But it keeps you warm and awake. So maybe it isn’t that bad at all.

While Mikhail observes the area, you dig into your beef and onion pirozhky. There’s nothing fun about pulling an all-nighter but sometimes sharing a cup of coffee and eating warm food helps to get through them. Also knowing someone suffers with you. Sharing pain is gain, after all.

“Well, they sure like taking their sweet time,” Mikhail mumbles, getting a little more comfortable on the cold stone ground. He puts the binoculars away and digs into his own food. “What are we gonna do if nothing happens today?”

“Then we’ll come back next month and do it all over again.” Hopefully you don’t have to. Fyrva’snezh was two weeks ago but this winter started off particularly brutal. Two out of three units are still missing from their outskirts training and you don’t want to be in the poor lasses’ and lads’ shoes who are still at the infirmary recovering from severe hypothermia. “What worries me more is that Mitsuki might lose his sanity if he stays there another whole month.”

“Well, what doesn’t kill him makes him stronger,” Mikhail says, wiping his greasy fingers off his pants. “I just want to wipe that smug smirk off the Baron’s pig face.”

He and probably every citizen populating Jaroslawk. “Once Mitsuki locates the communication point, we’ll go in and neutralise the target if we can’t catch him alive,” you say. “Baron Igor will try and weasel his way out of it but so far all evidence stands against him. The rest is up to Her Majesty.” And the Tsaritsa is known for many things, but mercy isn’t one of them. That will show anyone else trying to make business behind her back.

“Do you really think Mitsuki will endure another month in that stupidly tight uniform?” Mikhail sounds like he very much wished for another month out in the cold like this if it meant Mitsuki would bless him for a while longer wearing his uniform.

You stretch your leg and kick him in his shin. “Don’t jinx this, Nozhyalensky,” you say. “No matter how good his ass looks in those pants, it isn’t worth freezing your own ass off out in this cold. If we have to extend our mission, I’m going to steal your coat and own it for the whole time.”

“You don’t care if I freeze to death?”

“I really don’t.”

He puts his hand on his heart in mock despair. “That’s harsh.”

It would be his own fault, no hard feelings. You sit in silence, sharing your scalding hot coffee. In the mansion on the other side, a light flickers on in the east wing. Mikhail shifts and makes a disgusted grunt. “I did not want to know the Baron is banging the Duchess of Pavlovich.”

“Might be good leverage in the future.” You quickly dot it down in your notebook, squinting at the barely illuminated page. “Especially if the Duke refuses to pay his taxes again. I’m sure we can get to him through her.”

More minutes pass in silence. Mikhail continues his watch while you start to mindlessly doodle a little Foul Legacy Child in the corner of your page. You wonder what time it is in Liyue. Is Childe also out on a mission or tugged in and sleeping well in a land that knows nothing of harsh winds and freezing nights. Does he spare a thought of home? Is he missing you as much as you miss him or has he already filled the gnawing void with faceless, warm women that comfort him at night?

“Heard anything from our comrades in Liyue?” Mikhail asks nonchalantly, but he’s always been the poorest liar of you three and it’s pretty obvious where this conversation is going. Part of you hungers for that conflict.

“They still can’t find whoever killed the Geo Archon. But Lord Childe might have located the Gnosis and has begun his infiltration.”

Chances are good he might succeed in another month or so, though from the letters you’ve received so far, it sounds like he might succeed fucking the consultant of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor before that. Tartaglia has never started anything serious with guys before, safe from occasionally drunk making outs, but new cultures could change a lot in you and it’s Tartaglia’s first time staying for so long in Liyue and meeting a man like this so called Zhongli.

Mikhail clicks his tongue in disgust. “I can’t believe this guy is over there for three months already and is still nowhere near finishing the job.” He spits at the ground and twists his mouth in a very familiar manner of annoyance—only usually this expression is meant for initiate Fatui members who can’t tell a shotgun from a sniper rifle.

“How can you still be mad at him for handing you your ass three years ago,” you say. A man’s ego is such a frail thing, thank the Tsaritsa for being a strong, independent woman.

“This isn’t about that stupid fight,” Mikhail splutters, red blotches creeping up his neck. His inability to lie is abysmal. “I don’t get how you stand that guy. His arrogance needs its own giant room to fit inside. Someone needs to knock him down a peg or two and maybe beat out this need to whore around as well—”

You move in a flash. Mikhail doesn’t have any time to react before he finds himself on his back, pinned down by your weight with a knife to his throat. “Mikhail, I love you like my own kin and you know I’d take a bullet for you any time,” you growl. “But speak another filthy word about Childe and I will cut off your tongue and feed it to street dogs while watching you bleed out like a slaughtered pig. Are we clear?”

You feel Mikhail’s chest rising and falling under your spread hand, his body warm, proof of his life. How easy it would be to take it from him, to warm the cold, dirty ground with his blood.

Mikhail’s dark eyes don’t give away anything. He’s holding very still, like a cornered animal faced with its hunter; don’t move and maybe it thinks one is dead. Eventually, he says quietly, “If you could see what an unlikeable, unpleasant person he really is, maybe...” He doesn't finish. There is no need to. You know very well what point he’s trying to make.

“I don’t need your supervision,” you say. “Or your pity.”

Mikhail barks a loud, humourless laugh. “Lassie, if I had an ounce of pity left for anyone else than myself, I wouldn’t be very good at this job, would I?”

You shift your weight. Mikhail groans as you put pressure on a wound a Pyro Vision user inflicted on him a week ago that hasn’t fully healed yet—a favour for Mikhail to prevent him from following his train of thought. You don’t know what is worse: His unrequited love for Mitsuki or Tartaglia and you knowing what you both want but can’t have.

Mikhail quietly says your name and gently lowers your hand. The sharp knife has bit into his skin just enough to leave a fine, red line on his throat. “All I’m saying is, I am not the bad guy here.”

He is right, of course. But that makes it even worse, because without a bad guy, who could you put blame on? Who would be the target of your frustration and your scorn? Who would pay for countless sleepless nights wasted alone or in a stranger’s arms?

If there is no good, no bad side, no villains or heroes to put blame on, what does that leave for you? Just the law. It is hard, but it is the law.

There is no one but yourself who carries the burden. Even knowing Tartaglia goes through the same doesn’t soothe the pain steadily growing in your heart. You’re like two stars gravitating to each other, seeking the sweet collision to finally become one and create something bigger, the most exquisite light in the endless black galaxy, but whenever you manage to come close to each other, other forces pull you apart.

You shift your position from towering above him to slumping back on Mikhail’s lap, your anger deflated like a balloon.

“Arguing with you is no fun,” you mumble, sheathing the knife back in its place inside your boot.

Mikhail arches one dark brow. “Learnt from the best. You don’t want to get into an argument with my mama.”

“Are you two leaving me out from a team bonding session?” comes a static voice from your left.

“Darling, we would never leave you out from a potential threesome,” Mikhail says back, a wicked grin flirting with his mouth.

“Blergh,” you groan in disgust and roll off him, grabbing for the plastic piece from where Mitsuki’s voice has sounded; Il Dottore’s newest invention, a voice transmitter agents use for long distance communication.

“So, how’s it cooking, good looking?” Mikhail asks, ignoring your eyes rolling back. “Anything new at the front?”

Mitsuki is silent for a moment. Somewhere, a dog barks. “I think someone might have tipped the Baron off.”

Immediately, you feel Mikhail's body tense next to you. “Do you need us to come in?”

Oppressive silence fills the room. Mikhail jerks, but before he can jump to rash actions, you grab his arm hard enough to bruise. He freezes, and you both stare at the voice transmitter in Mikhail’s hand.

A moment later, static crackles, and Mitsuki says, “I received a note on the caviar shipment. Roads are all clear, it should come in around seven in the morning.”

Mikhail relaxes, but a sweat bead rolls from his temple and disappears behind his black turtle neck sweater. He sags against you, exhaling very loudly.

A couple of years ago, after you three had been working together and hadn’t tried to kill each other as often as other teams, you guys had decided to come up with your own secret language for times like these. Mikhail had first complained about the hours put into learning it the most—the semantics always changing depending on what line of work you’d infiltrate—but eventually even he had agreed it was a pretty neat trick. What Mitsuki has said simply means all is in order and the mission is proceeding smoothly.

“Little fucker,” Mikhail grumbles, ruffling his own hair just to keep his hand busy. You agree. It feels like you’ve aged five years in those last five minutes.

That relief is short lived. A small explosion from the right wing inside the mansion lights up the night like a firework show. Mikhail is out of the window in a flash. You grab your rifle, keeping an eye on him as he crosses the street in a flash and climbs over the iron gate.

Two shadows tumble through the hole in the second floor. You sway your scope, laying eyes on Mitsuki as he wrestles with a cloaked figure. Purple sparks fly, clashing with crimson flames that rise skyward and turn into black smoke. At least something is according to plan even though your Cryo Vision would be more effective.

You watch them fight for a moment, unable to get a clear shot as both are short distance fighters. Mitsuki moves quicker than a flash, whirling two hatches over his head, parrying a deathly bow from the Sumeru’s Claymore. Mitsuki is smaller than most of his comrades. People like to underestimate him, but that’s part of the fun, according to him. Proving people wrong. He dodges another swift strike, rolling out of the way and giving you a clear sight at your target. But over his shoulder, Mitsuki catches your eyes and gives the tiniest shake of his head. Not yet.

You wish he could see the stingy eye you’re giving him right now. You’ve waited long enough out in this cold and your whole body shakes with the need to move, the need to fight. A quick look to Mikhail shows he’s fending off two of the Baron’s guards himself. Luckily, they can’t really hold their stand against a fully trained Fatui agent. He quickly takes out his opponents, closing in on Mitsuki and the Sumeru agent. Mitsuki has driven him to the edge of the forest. So that’s his plan. You wait until the spy is right beneath a long, thick branch, then pull the trigger. The shot is muffled by the silencer, slicing through the air with infused Cryo power. It hits its target, cutting the branch off. The Sumeru spy is too slow. When the branch buries him under its weight, Mikhail finally catches up to Mitsuki, and through your scope you can see him patting Mitsuki down for injuries. Mitsuki pushes him away, not hard or in a mean way, just enough to signal this isn’t the time. The job isn’t done yet.

Mitsuki advances the spy and kneels, looking for signs of life. He looks up, his dark eyes searching your scope. He holds your gaze, picking up his voice transmitter.

“I have good and bad news,” he says. “The spy is still alive, so we’ll get our answers. But now I’m pretty sure the Baron knows what’s going on.”

“Then don’t just stand there, someone go after him, quick!” you yell in your transmitter.

Before Mikhail dashes off, you hear him curse. “Lord Scaramouche is going to kill us.”

He will, considered this was supposed to undergo without the Baron noticing anything.

* * *

Dear little tygress,

forgive my horrible handwriting. I am still shaking from all the laughter your last letter gave me. Zhongli-xiansheng was actually worried for my wellbeing because I had choked on air and almost died. I swear, you will kill me one day, little tygress.

Speaking of little and potential lethal beasts, I’m surprised Scaramouche didn’t use your head as a toilet plunger. I really do think he's fond of you, little tygress. Any other team would be six feet under by now. You have to tell me your secret once I’m back. Scaramouche still doesn’t know I broke his favourite, ugly cup with the bear on the front from Fontaine, and I want to be prepared once he knows.

Everything is the same in Liyue, and at the same time, everything is changing. Rex Lapis’ murder is still unsolved, and I do enjoy watching the little traveller boy run around looking for answers. Once I return with the Geo Archon’s gnosis, dinner will be on me.

How are things at home? I hope Tonia hasn’t finished all mooncakes by herself again and saved some for the rest of the bunch. I can’t bear to hear Anthon cry again about me only sending sweets to Tonia and Teucer. Has the old man gotten in touch with you? He still doesn’t reply to me, but mama says he’s reading the letters. Maybe a bottle of Liyue’s Baijiu will loose his tongue, or hand for that matter. It’s almost as good as Fire-Water, promise.

Till next time and don’t get too much on little ‘Mouche’s nerves, otherwise there will be no room left for me.

Yours, Red Fox

__________________________________________________

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