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chelscait · 11 months

Text

lack of love. | Alessia Russo

category: angst.

summary: where you won’t let yourself give in to the feeling of love and being loved.

word count: 6.7k.

You didn't like this feeling. This was something you had been so afraid of your entire life, afraid that it was going to end, afraid you were going to find yourself nowhere and left alone.

Since childhood you had always been closed off, terrified to reveal any feelings and become vulnerable. Your father told you not to be weak, don't cry, it was pathetic. You don't need help, your overthinking. Don't be stupid.

Those lies stayed with you your whole life, even though your father is not around anymore to emphasise those feelings, your mind thought anything else to be too abstract. You don't need to care for anyone else, just yourself.

Don't let people see your scarred side, your fragile side. Be tough.

Football had always been an escape, a way to prove to your father that you were his perfect model. You were taking his advice too literal, his verbal abuse led to physical abuse which influenced your playing style. You were rough and hard, you took a hefty tackle and got up straight away, returning it with more force.

You were not sure how many red cards and enemies you were given and made, but your career worked out and you were one of the best. That's one thing you can thank your father for.

When he died, you were numb. You didn't know what to feel. Relief or grief?

Your mother wasn't around much, she'd check in from time to time but you knew she didn't care. She had a new family, you knew that. That's all she posted on her social media, like it was only for you to see, which made it feel personal.

You didn't waste much time restarting your life, you wanted something new and fresh and decided to move on, away from your previous life.

You had decided to move to England after the red side of Manchester contacted your agent, they used the argument that they needed strength and body in their team. They needed protection and succession, and they thought you may be the key.

You thought your life wasn't going to change that much, you were still going to be the same Y/N with the same past and future ahead of you. Until you laid your eyes on her.

Alessia was the complete opposite to you, she was bubbly and clumsy and radiated a loving aura. You would never think to take such a liking to such character but you did. Not to say you were obsessed, but you were intrigued.

The team had known about you and your upcoming arrival to the club, which meant they knew your antics and your image. So, when you turned up to your first training session, let's say, you didn't get that much attention, thankfully.

Although there was one that couldn't wait to meet you, Alessia, which you just thought was a part of her welcoming exterior.

"Hi. I'm Alessia, welcome to Manchester. It's so lovely to finally meet you!" She held her hand out kindly and you just stared at her with an unfamiliar face, you noticed her start to shift uncomfortably under your stare and you instantly reached your hand out to hers. You didn't like that look.

The difference between your hands radiated the contrast between you both, hers looked smooth and tanned while yours were rough and scarred, your gaze was focused a little too long to recognise that your grip had gotten a little tight and she tugged her hand out of your hold but she kept her smile.

You immediately felt safe in her presence and wanted to do everything in your control to protect her, and you will protect her.

"Thank you." You whispered to her back shyly, her expression shifted but quickly returned. She didn't expect you to speak the way you do, the lack of confidence from yourself surprised her. Her arms were fidgeting at her side and she allowed herself to reach up and give a quick squeeze to your shoulder before walking away.

You had never felt this way about a person before, you were scared. Was this a good idea?

You remained discreet around your teammates, as usual as any team, they were loud and you weren't quite there yet. You felt tranquil around them though, even if you just watched them. You didn't feel like this in your last team.

However, outside on the pitch with a ball at your feet allowed you to join in in some sense, making it known that you didn't feel left out. You liked it here.

You and Alessia didn't speak much, but to you she was the closest you were to anyone. She'd share warm smiles when you walked into the changing room and quick hellos when you passed each other in the hallways, which made her the one you wanted most.

It was the Manchester derby that revealed your so called feelings for her. You were expecting the game to be rough but you didn't think it would be the game where you revealed your true colours.

Both sides weren't giving up in the grand Etihad stadium, Man City wanted to win for their supporters and had the home advantage, making them try every single move possible.

Man United, however, were not going to give them the title of Manchester and were not going to give up that easily. Not when you were in defence.

The first half was simply red, Leah having scored in the 27th minute from an assist from Ella. You watched from your half as the team celebrated, giving a little fist bump from your position.

You kept your eye on Alessia as she returned to her position to restart, you had noticed a fair few defenders target her as she got closer to goal. You didn't like that, every single time you saw her fall to the floor, it added a build up of anger inside you. You were afraid you just might snap.

It was the start of the second half when you saw your teams colour, red. You had dribbled with the ball yourself into city's half and planned to give a ball in, which you did. You hadn't planned it to reach the blonde, but it did and she planted it perfectly at her feet ready to shoot.

You had admired her ball control for a second before she was tackled harshly to the ground, you heart plummeted and your mind went static.

You had saw the tackle first hand and you knew it deserved a punishment, the added con of Alessia rolling on the floor holding her ankle made you rush in the direction of the defender.

She saw you come over but she didn't back away, everyone seemed to know about your football history, most likely the altercations you had gotten into before but it didn't look like she did.

She had looked arrogant the moment you saw her in the tunnel, you mean you think that about anyone but you didn't like her look. You now didn't like her at all.

"Hey!" You shouted at her and she turned her gaze to you, not able to reply before being pushed to the ground. That's when her face changed, for good.

She tried to crawl back but you followed her, rolling up the sleeves of your under layer as far as you could and pulling her back up by her collar.

You could here a lot of noise around you but you blocked it out, wanting to witness every single detail you were emitting from the girl under your hands.

"You ever and i mean ever! Hurt her again like that, i will break your own legs and make sure you never play again. Is that clear?"

The defender wriggled under your hold, desperately wanting to escape after your threatening.

"I didn't mean to! I swear it was an accident.."

"I said is that clear?!" You tugged her shirt back closer to you and got closer into her face.

"It's clear, okay. I'm sorry, please..." She had moved her head to the side after that and you released her when you felt your shoulders being tugged back, pushing her back down to the floor. Making sure it hurt.

"Get off me." You chucked whoever was on your back off and walked away, not before being whistled at by the ref who remorselessly lifted the bright red card in your direction.

"I need you to get off the pitch now, it will be decided how many games you'll have to miss but looking at the state of you it will be a fair few."

Your face remained blank as you stared at her hard face as she wrote your name and number on the back of the card.

"Off. The. Pitch." She looked up as she saw you make no move, placing her hand on your back and pushing you towards the sidelines.

Sauntering back, you could see the unimpressed look on Marc Skinner's face as he crossed his arms and decided to look back onto the pitch to see if Alessia was okay.

You could see she was up, which was a good sign but you could see her distressed expression. She looked stoic, and you were the cause of that.

That made your impression cease, a small frown making itself at home on your face. Now you were stuck.

You couldn't bear to watch the rest of the match, to be honest you couldn't care.

You knew your team was disappointed, disappointed they lost a key player over something she could have stopped herself over, but that's you. They knew what they were signing up for.

You had decided to busy yourself in the changing room, indulging in a long, lonely shower and staying away from all social media. You also knew that you probably were going to get a lot of hate tonight, like usual.

You were in front of the bathroom mirrors when you saw her. You froze in place while you were putting your hair up, staring at her anxiously in the mirror.

She froze too, only for a second after catching your eye and trailed to the stall furthest from you.

You sighed at the distance, you've messed up but you were conflicted. You did it for her, did she not appreciate that? You were protecting her, the first thing you promised yourself you'd do when you met her, but it completely backfired.

Your thoughts were cut off when you heard the stall door open again, looking to your left. She sighed once she noticed you were still there and hesitantly placed herself next to you at the sink.

"Ales-"

"Why did you do that?" She scolded you as she was scrubbing at her hands, you looked down to see her rubbing harshly.

"I'm sorry."

"I didn't ask for an apology, Y/N. I asked why did you do it?"

You could hear her voice tremble as she slammed the tap shut, finally looking at you. The innocence in her eyes made you feel guilty, you hadn't wanted her to become exposed to you. Not like this.

"I don't know.”

"Bullshit. Just tell me."

"Alessia, it's just something i do. I can't get rid of the feelings and the anger inside me, okay?"

"But i know you wouldn't do that in protection of your teammates, usually you only do it to protect yourself."

You furrowed your eyebrows at the precise knowledge that she somehow knew, her eyes widen as she revealed herself to you.

She did know you. Better than you knew her and somehow you thought you had one side feelings.

"I don't know Alessia, seems you already know the answer."

Her face softens as she stares at the side of your face, she makes out the beauty behind your facade. She wanted to touch you, she's always felt this way but too afraid of the limitless reaction you'd give.

"Y/N..."

"Why do you think i did it?" Your face returned blank and emotionless as you looked at Alessia the same way you'd look at anyone.

Alessia always felt special whenever you looked at her the way you did, she felt safe. Now, she's terrified that she's now ruined that.

"Erm.."

"I did it because this team is nothing like what i am used to, i like it here and i'd do anything to protect anyone." You told her a massive lie, protecting anyone isn't on your agenda. Just her.

Your father wouldn't like what he's seeing right now, not just the fact that your interested in a girl, but the way your allowing your feelings to take over.

You watched Alessia's face fall and recover, nodding slightly as she swallowed. She kind of hoped for you to tell her you liked her, that she was the one. She knew it was too soon and fast but there was something intriguing about you. She wanted more.

You weren't one to think that Alessia was troubled too, she was just too good at hiding it.

Marc had signed you detention with the team therapist for your 'anger management' issues. To say they weren't helping was a lie, but you'd never admit to it.

The therapist had accidentally let slip that she saw Alessia often, which wasn't too good on her behalf due to confidentiality but you swore secrecy.

Besides, you had mentioned the blonde a few times in your sessions.

The slip up made you look at Alessia again in a new light, now noticing every slim chance of discomfort that racks through her expression. Now, you felt even more protective.

You and Alessia stayed mostly away from each other throughout the rest of the season but there was no hostility, interacting in small conversations when others were around and stealing glances across the pitches and changing rooms.

You finally came out of your shell a bit and started to join in a lot more with conversations, the team welcoming and encouraging you with open arms.

The last game of the season all came down to the title, Chelsea having lost their last game and Alessia winning Man united's with a last minute goal allowed the reds their first WSL trophy.

You didn't exactly know what to feel as this was your first season, but Alessia had been waiting and wanting this for ages.

You were the first one she came over to after the game, scooping you up so tightly in her arms. You froze as she did so, arms still at your sides until she buried her face deeper into your neck to where you could feel the wetness of her cheeks.

You allowed yourself to let go that one time, wrapping your arms around her waist and burying your face in her hair.

It felt comfortable and it felt right. You couldn't help yourself but to squeeze tighter and smile in her hair.

She let go of you slowly, her face scarily close to yours and her eyes wandered to your lips for a hot second. You cut off the gaze by turning your head to the side and losing all physical contact, you didn't want her to get mixed up in your mess, too scared to hurt her even more than what she supposedly has already.

"Congratulations, Alessia. You deserve it." You turned mute after that, stepping off to the side towards the physio to ask for some treatment.

She didn't get the chance to congratulate you too, you were the one to give her the assist after all. The same as every single goal she scored this season.

After the trophy lifting, the team found themselves dancing away in the changing room with loud music blaring. You didn't join in though, preferring to sit and watch.

"Are you coming out with us tonight, Y/N?" Ella Toone, Alessia's best friend, excitably asked you as she plonked down next to you.

"Here, have one of these." She bent over towards the box of beers, clambering one out of its shell and offering it in your direction.

"I don't like beer." You urged her to put the drink back, shaking your head in disgust.

"Oh, come on! We just won the league, surely you can try just one!"

The look of the bottle made you feel sick, the malty alcohol isn't an enjoyable thing for you, as you had to open them one by one for your father when you were barely a teenager.

It didn't help to the fact that Ella was pushing it in your face, the troubled look you were clearly showing wasn't telling her no and you panicked, snatching it off her and chucking it to the ground.

The smashing sound made the whole room jump and turn silent, you looked around to see worry etched on their faces and Ella curled up into the cubby next to you with her eyes wide and mouth slightly open.

You didn't notice that you'd aimed it right in front of her, noticing the glass very close to where her only socked covered feet were.

This exact moment you felt vulnerable and you had no way to hide it except to run, which is what you did. Succumbing to the wall in an empty hallway, with only yourself and your thoughts.

"Ella? What did you do?" Alessia had made her way over to the shocked Mancunian, bending down to pick up some of the pieces of glass.

"All i did was offer her a drink and she smashed it out my hand, i literally didn't say anything!" Alessia sighed as she stood up with a hand full of glass, making her way to the bin and back.

"Ella, you have to stop being so oblivious to people's feelings. It was obvious she didn't want the drink, you have to respect people's choices. You never know."

Ella looked confused to the fact that her best friend was 'telling her off', raising an eyebrow as she watched her then hurry off to find you.

"Hey, are you okay?" Alessia had found you hunched up against a blank wall, staring at the ground.

You didn't bother looking up, nodding slightly to answer her question and pursing your lips.

"I'm sorry about Ella, she doesn't know when to stop."

You felt her presence get closer to you and she slid down the wall to sit next to you, busying herself by playing with her socks.

"You know, if you ever want to talk about anything.. I'm always he-"

"Alessia, i don't need your pity. I am fine." You grumbled as you leant your chin on your bruised knee, not making any move to look at her.

"I care about you." She whispered, letting her heart break her minds control, before quickly recovering. "I care about all of you, i want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine." You stood up and moved away from her, but stayed still in your spot like you were waiting for her.

She eagerly stood up to face you, but your eyes didn't connect with hers and without realising she took your cheek in her hand to make you notice her.

The warm hand on your cold cheek made you flinch, herself returning her hand up to her chest and rubbing her neck.

"Why are you so nice to me? I mean, have you seen the things i've done? I'm not a good person."

"Well, to me you are. You've been nothing but nice."

Your face scrunched up at her comment, shaking your head vigorously.

"Y/N.." She reached out for your hand as you began to tremble, you weren't used to this and you didn't deserve it.

"Don't. Just don't." You pushed yourself away from her and scrambled back to the changing room.

The look Alessia gave you was haunting your mind, you didn't need to transfer your problems to her. You didn't need to be added to her plate.

You had decided to still go out that night, wanting to rekindle any kind of mishap that you'd caused earlier on. You had apologised to Ella when you first saw her, herself brushing it off with a small embrace, too tipsy to even remember what you were talking about.

The girls had ordered a whole tray of shots to the table, you differed whether or not to give in to the small amounts of clear liquid, but when you saw there was one left you didn't think twice at everyone's gaze on you.

The neat shot you took in one gulp, without flinching, made the whole team go crazy, making you let out an unknown giggle as you placed the tiny glass back down.

"Another? Shall we get more?" You heard Millie Turner shout towards you from her place opposite you, the big smile on her face encouraging you to say yes.

Guess it was too late now.

"Okay."

You let her swing her arm around your shoulders and guide you towards the bar, knocking her hand out the way when she went to pay, placing your card on top of the machine first. Your doing made her shove your shoulder, knocking into someone next to you.

"Sorry."

You turned to see Alessia with her newly made drink, removing one of her hands to rub your arm.

"It's okay."

She gave you a suggestive look before turning back round to Mary, the slight glint in her eyes absorbed your mind, bringing a hint of blush to your cheeks.

Your scene was cut short when you heard Millie cough to get your attention, passing you a shot glass before swigging back hers. You followed along, slamming it back down on the table once you were done.

You let yourself flow free through the night, not thinking once about anything but the enjoyment encasing your body.

You let Millie drag you, along with a few of the other girls, to the dance floor where they showed no shame, making you feel comfortable to let loose.

You don't think you have laughed that much in one night, too much to the point that there were tears poking at the corner of your eyes.

The alcohol kept flowing and jokes were kept made but you suddenly had all your focus on the blonde.

You made it obvious that you were staring, she looked absolutely breathtaking. Per usual.

Her hair looked gorgeously silky, like she hadn't been dancing around for the past hour, and her lips looked inviting.

Your daydreaming made you bite your lip and pull your gaze away from her, knowing it was wrong to be thinking like this.

She had caught you, pretty much, eye fucking her and decided to make her move. Wanting this just as much.

She got up, adjusting her skirt obviously to catch your eye and started her path towards her destination, looking behind her straight to your view.

You knew the look meant 'follow me' and you eagerly rounded the table to follow her, catching up to her but stayed behind.

She reached behind her to allocate your hand, yourself gingerly slotting your own into her hold. Her grip tightened as she felt your skin on hers and pulled you round in front of her when she got to a quiet corner, slamming her lips onto yours.

The forced act made you elicit an unexpected moan into her mouth, laying your hand on her cheek gently to relax her craze.

She let you take control, pressing yourself more into her body resting her against the wall. The kiss was feverish, both too tipsy to realise what was happening in your own ways.

She let out noises you've always wanted to hear when you roamed your hands around her body, you could feel her shift underneath you as you trailed your way down her jaw towards her neck.

"Y/N..."

Her flawlessly manicured hands buried themselves in your hair, tugging when your tongue found her most sensitive spot.

She tugged again, harder as she tried to conceal her moans. You disconnected from her body and licked you lips as your eyes flickered from hers to her lips.

"Shall we.. go back to yours?" You asked tentatively, your fingers placed around both sides of her neck, fiddling with the ends of her hair.

Alessia, shocked, nodded and grabbed your hand again, tugging you towards the exit of the club.

Safe to say, that was one of the best nights you've ever let yourself have.

You woke up the next morning in the unfamiliar room, the brief morning light blinding you through the gaps of the curtains. You rubbed your eyes when you were regaining your conscience, the slight blur fading out to find a slacked arm draped over your stomach.

"Oh shit." You whispered to yourself as your accusation was confirmed, finding a sprawled out head of blonde hair nestled beside you, along with no clothes on. No clothes on either of you.

You rubbed your hands across your face hoping this was all just a dream, stopping to think for a second on what was to come next.

Reaching over to grab your phone that was sat uncharged on her perfectly set bedside table, you picked it up to see a few mere messages and a beaming clock that read 6:43.

Surprisingly you were not that hungover, guessing the sex wore you out to the point of soberness. You laid in the crumpled and dirty covers for a bit longer to not disturb the blonde, before removing her arm carefully and getting up to find the bathroom.

You returned to the bedroom to find Alessia now conscious but still half asleep, grabbing your scattered clothes from off the floor.

"Morning, thought you did a runner."

You didn't reply to her, too focused on getting decent, before turning to her.

She laid her hand upon her forehead and her eyes tightly closed, you could tell she was suffering a bit more than you were, making you feel a tad guilty.

"Do you need some pills? Where are they?"

"Bathroom cupboard, thank you." She measly replied as she stayed as still as she could, yourself going to retrieve the packet, popping two of them out before handing them to her with the glass of water that was on her bedside table.

"I know this isn't a great time to talk about it but, last night... you have to know that it wasn't, i don't know... ideal."

She sat up to become more focused, lifting the duvet up with her to cover herself up as well as furrowing her eyebrows.

"We were both drunk and it wasn't meant to happen, okay? It was a mistake and i hope that we can look past it."

Alessia, was stuck staring. Her heart dropping at your harsh words, wishing this had gone the other way. She tried not to show her sadness and disappointment and nodded, agreeing to everything you said.

"Yes, of course. I agree."

"Okay, good. I am glad we're on the same page." You gave her a smile and she tried to return it, before saying your goodbye and leaving her room.

She couldn't hold it in much longer before letting the tears flow freely as she bit her lip to repress the sobs. Falling to the side of the bed you were once laying, sobbing into the pillow out of sheer embarrassment.

She thought that she'd found her way through to you, she thought that you'd actually stay. She wanted to be laying in your arms, pressing light kisses to every touch of skin she could find. She wanted you, but you didn't feel the same.

The next couple of days you tried so desperately to rid Alessia of your mind, finally exploring the city a bit and resting at home. Though at every single point, a simple detail of yours and Alessia's night crossed your mind.

You laid awake at night, processing the thoughts and feelings flowing through you. You knew you weren't enough, you didn't deserve her and you'd do everything in your power to keep her from you even if that means hurting yourself, she deserves better.

The week after that night, there was a special Man United honorary dinner to celebrate the team and it's first highly achieving season. You had to go, there was no escaping it, the email stating it was compulsory as there will be media.

You were, as to say, the last one there pretty much, which left you the last open seat with no option. The blonde occupying the one next to it, hesitantly turned her head around to find you. She gave you a small smile and looked down again as you gripped the back of the chair to pull it out, planting yourself right on the edge.

You couldn't not take notice of all your teammates hushed whispers once you sat down, but you knew they meant no harm. They all gave you discreet 'how are you's?' which made you feel secure in your position and you replied with a small curt nod to every one.

You could feel Alessia's presence as you started a small conversation with the girls to your other side, feeling an unfamiliar touch on the side of your chair.

Alessia had subtly placed her soft hand on top of yours after noticing you grip the seat, the hold made your breath hitch but you didn't move.

You allowed your hand to switch over in hers, sliding your fingers gently in between her own.

You didn't think in that moment, too obsessed with the feeling of her touch.

She gave you a small squeeze as she turned to the other english girls to talk about the upcoming world cup.

The ending of your own conversation made you snap back to reality, the silky contact of her skin on yours made you fidget, conflicted on whether to stay or let go.

You felt your hand get warm and sticky, and you wiped your other hand on your trousers to try and escape the feeling.

You couldn't help yourself no more and ripped your hand out of hers, her gaze snapping towards you at the harsh action.

"I'm sorry." You kept your eyes down as you stood up, Alessia getting the hint that the apology was for her. "Excuse me."

You felt her stare on your back as you made your way outside for some air. Alessia waiting a little bit before following after you with a face full of confusion.

To say your teammates haven't noticed is an understatement, all of them stealing glances to each other as they watched Alessia try again and again. Yet, none of them have verbally spoke about it.

"Tell me. Tell me what i am doing wrong." You heard Alessia call from behind you, slapping her arms at her side.

"Alessia, please." Your tone contrasted towards hers, trying to stay calm.

"Just tell me! Have you not got the hint, Y/N?" Her voice broke as she tried to pry an answer out of you, your heart cracking at the sight. The sight of the pain your adding to her.

"You're wasting your time, i'm trying to help you." You raised your voice slightly as you turned to look at her, raising your hands to calm her down.

"You're not! You're just making me fall more in lo-"

"Don't say it, please." You cut her off as your heart started to race at the verbal term you've never felt.

"I'm in love with you!" One lonely tear fell from her eye, as her figure began to cave in.

"No you're not, you think you are but you are not. I promise you."

"Don't try and change my feelings, stop putting words in my mouth. I love you, Y/N... and i know you love me too." That one tear increased, her perfectly done mascara falling down her cheeks.

"Stop! Just stop! You..."

Alessia pushed herself towards you, taking a tight hold on your cheeks and placing her forehead on yours.

"Please.." You could feel her shake as she brushed her lips against your frozen ones, wanting so desperately to press them together but couldn't with the lack of consent. She waited though, as long as she could before you swiftly turned your head away.

The dismissal made her release the sobs held up inside her, you wanted to pull her into you so badly but your state wasn't allowing you to.

The criminal look of her placing her beautiful hands on her perfectly destroyed face, made your hands shake.

"Come, let me take you home or something..."

"No! I'm fine, just leave me alone." She sloppily spoke as she kept her face covered, turning around and making her way back inside.

You stood still as you watched her leave, only when the door shut is when you started to panic, your hands crawling up the side of your face and into your hair.

"You are so stupid, Y/N. So stupid."

As you made your way back inside after a quick pep talk, you didn't fail to notice the dirty looks your teammates are now giving you and a lack of Alessia and Ella. You knew you had to sit back down as not just your table was looking at you and the drama you've just created.

The break until the world cup was lonely, but you were used to it. The added gut wrenching memory of making Alessia cry didn't help at all with your mental state.

You were called up by your national team to join them for the world cup, accepting the offer. You couldn't live like you had for a whole summer, wanting to keep football and only football on your mind. No distractions.

That aim didn't go to plan, not when you found out that England were who you were going to be playing in the round of 16.

You caught her eye when you all lined up in the tunnel, giving her a tight lipped smile but she just turned away, expressionless. You shouldn't have been so surprised by the hostility she inflicted, bowing your head and nodding to yourself.

This was going to be a long match.

You knew the logistics, you as a defender and her as a striker, you were going to be seeing each other a lot on the pitch. You were given the task to mark her as you knew her best. According to your head coach.

Both sides were equal in play, meaning you saw Alessia just as much as their defenders saw your strikers. You managed to stop her runs every time, hearing a huff fall from

her mouth as she ran back.

Her chances got more successful as the game went on, meaning you had to become more clever. It wasn't your fault.

When you stole the ball off her for the god knows time, you found no reaction as you passed the ball forwards. You had looked to the side to find her on the floor, grabbing what looked to be her knee.

You stood still as you saw her bury her face in the grass, only snapping back when some of her teammates surround her, pushing you out the way.

You may have just ruined the rest of her world cup and even season, the scene of her being lifted up and walking off with no weight on her leg made you feel sick.

"Come on, it's not your fault." Your teams goalie rubbed your arm as she came out of her box to take you back to your position.

You caught Ella's eye as you got to your spot and it made you feel even more guilty.

Your performance after that was terrible, tripping over your feet and conceding free kicks, you were bound to be substituted at one point, that being after England scored.

You sat on the bench anxiously, your leg bouncing up and down whilst biting your nails. You just wanted this to end already.

When the final whistle blew, you didn't know what to do. You had no idea where Alessia was and you had nobody to ask that would definitely give you the answer, you were stuck. Besides, maybe she didn't even want you there.

Mary had come up to you to shake your hand in remorse. "If it will make you feel better, Alessia's is in the medical room still."

Your eyes grew wide as you looked up from your hands to meet Mary's sweet face, thanking her before hurrying into the tunnel.

You were hesitant to enter the small room, pacing in front of it as you tried to come up with what you were going to say. Your pace was cut short when the door opened, meeting a surprised England physio.

"Erm... hi. Is Alessia still in there?" You asked while trying to get a look through the gap beside them.

"Yeah, she's still in there. She's not talking though." They stepped out holding the door open for you still, revealing yourself to Alessia's condition.

You thanked them as you took the door from them, closing it gently behind you as no one else but her was there.

"Hey." Your voice came out weak as you wrangled your hands together, staring at her back as she faced the other way propped up on the bed.

"Less, i am so sorry. I didn't mean to..." You were embarrassed with how much your voice was trembling, inching your way closer to the bed.

She turned around to face you, spotting your eyes glossing up and reaching her hand out for you.

"Please, just take my hand."

You did so promptly, striding closer towards her until she rested your hands in her lap. Your lip began to tremble as you noticed her knee all bandaged up, Alessia tucking your baby hairs away from your face.

"I broke my promise." A few tears came rushing down your cheeks, you've never accepted anyone to see you so weak before. The unfamiliar look made you notice Alessia was tearing up too.

"What promise?" Alessia whispered as she rubbed your arm up and down, her head ducking towards your gaze.

"To protect you… and i hurt you.” You sobbed as you let it all go, every pent up emotion and feeling withdrawing from you.

“Y/N… you didn’t hurt me, it was a non-contact injury.” Alessia tried to confide with you as tears of her own were pouring down her face, hands moving to tightly grip your waist for a hug.

“Still, i caused it… like i’ve caused everything, everything wrong between us and i regret it, i regret it so much.” The sobs were uncontrollable now, your body trembling. You notice Alessia shuffle over to guide you to sit down, laying your head in her neck as she held you tight.

“I am so so sorry.” You repeated the same sentence over into her neck, body slumped into hers unable to hold yourself up properly.

“Love, it’s not your fault.” You felt her lips against your head, laying her head against yours.

“I love you. I really do.” You confessed finally, sitting up straight away and looking deep into her eyes. “I know i’ve done too much to hurt you and i know you may never want to be with me ever because of how shit a person i am, you may never forgive me for what i’ve done and i’m okay with that. I hurt you and you can hurt me, i’ll be okay. I want you to be happy less, please.” You rambled on fiddling with her shorts, unable to hold eye contact in fear of rejection coming your way.

“Shut up Y/N, do you know how much i’ve wanted to here that? I don’t care if your broken, what i do care about is that there’s still love inside you and i know there is. Even if you’ve not shown it, i’ve felt it.” Alessia brought your head up with her hands to meet her eyes, blue meeting brown. You both shared a look of love, broken and ready to be restored.

“We’ll take it as slow as possible if that’s what you want, i just want to love you. Let me love you, Y/N.”

#alessia russo #alessia russo imagine #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso imagines #alessia russo x reader #engwnt x reader #this took me ages #give it love xx #angst #kinda fluff #wlw #woso oneshot #ella toone #mary earps #manutdwomen

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changingplumbob · 1 month

Text

URL Song Tag Game

Thanks to being tagged by @seriallovertrait and @gamyrmaiden I get to bless you all with how eclectic my music taste really is. I'm going to tuck it all below the cut because my username is long.

Quick moment for all my beloved songs that start with s that won't be able to be mentioned 🕯️

Everyone who sees this is obviously tagged but I know not everyone is music mad. For some exact tags... @marcishaun, @sharona-sims, @daedriyth, @simslegacy5083, @aliengirl, @limeysims, @nigmos, @ethicaltreatmentofcowplants (feel free to shorten your username, or not, I'm not your boss), @eljeebee, @calicosimgirl, @mushbop. But EVERYONE is genuinely tagged because I'd put you all in if I could.

So, songs for the letters of my username below! Also including the lyrics I love because who am I if not someone who breaks the rules of tag games? Please don't feel like you have to do this level of detail, it's purely me making more work for myself.

EDIT: Omg and @matchalovertrait tagged me to but I missed it because I took so long doing this 🫠

C Curtains: Ed Sheeran

This one is my, I see the light at the end of my depression tunnel song. It came out just as my mental health was moving into a better place. Obviously I also love Ed Sheeran.

Can you pull the curtains, let me see the sunshine? I think I'm done with my hidin' place, and you found me anyway It's been forever, but I'm feelin' alright Tears dry and will leave no trace, and tomorrow's another day

H Heroes: David Bowie

I love David Bowie! This song is a classic and it always makes me happy.

I, I will be king And you, you will be queen Though nothing will drive them away We can be Heroes, just for one day

A All the King's Horses: Karmina

I am still obsessed with Reign. This song I actually heard and fell in love with before I saw it on the show though. It conveys such rich emotion. Seriously, if you only listen to one song from my post, make it this one. It makes me want to write every time I listen to it.

All the king's horses and all the king's men Couldn't put me back together again

There is a reason I'm still standing I never knew if I'd be landing And I will run fast, outlast Everyone that said no

N Never Enough: Loren Allred

I love musicals, though I'm not as obsessed as some. I really like the Greatest Showman and it has a bunch of great songs. This song always takes my breath away.

All the shine of a thousand spotlights All the stars we steal from the night sky Will never be enough Never be enough Towers of gold are still too little These hands could hold the world but it'll Never be enough Never be enough

G Gold Forever: The Wanted

My boyband phase was The Wanted rather than One Direction. I love Gold Forever, and hearing it gives me all the nostalgic high school feelings. I still can't believe Tom is dead.

Promise me, you'll stay the way you are Keep the fire alive and stay young at heart When the storm feels like it could blow you out Remember, you got me and I got you

'Cause we are butterflies, butterflies, we were meant to fly You and I, you and I, colors in the sky When the innocence is dead and gone These will be the times we look back on

I It Won't Be Long Now: In the Heights Original Motion Picture Cast

I love so many songs from this film, some days I will just listen to the album on loop for hours. This one is a favourite, along with Blackout and Champagne.

The neighborhood salon doesn't pay me what I wanna be making but I don't mind As I sweep the curb I can hear those turbo engines blazing a trail through the sky I look up and think about the years gone by But one day I'm walking to JFK and I'm gonna fly!

N Nothing Left to Lose: Jeremy Jordan and Eden Espinosa

Yes this song is from the Tangled animated TV series. I see no problems. These two are great singers and honestly I could just copy/paste all the song lyrics because it's great.

So I chose To lose my doubts and lose my chains Lose each weakness that remains Now that I have nothing left to lose Nothing left to lose

G Give Me Your Hand: The Ready Set

This is one that gets stuck in my head easily but I actually fell in love with it because the lyric video for it is singing the song in sign language! We love inclusion and accessibility here!

She said 'I love this song I've heard it before and it stole my heart I know every word' She's gonna dance all night night, Till it hurts Singing the best song ever, best song ever!

P Playground: High Dive Heart

I like a bunch of songs by High Dive Heart and was stoked this one could fit on the list! I love it because I'm a senimental sap at heart and the whole song is a nostalgic dream of what made our childhood before we grew up and had to tackle the real world.

That's why they call e'm the good ole days Taking on the world cause we weren't afraid Jumping off rooftops in our skates Cause we didn't know we could break If I knew then, what I know right now I would've stayed on the playground I left my heart in the lost and found I should've stayed on the playground

L Life On Mars: David Bowie

Another Bowie song? YES! When I play his legacy album and get to this one I often have to put it on single song repeat for a while.

Sailors fighting in the dance hall Oh man, look at those cavemen go It's the freakiest show Take a look at the lawman Beating up the wrong guy Oh man, wonder if he'll ever know He's in the best selling show Is there life on Mars?

U Unapologize: Carrie Underwood

I am a romantic so of course I'm going to love this song.

I unapologize I meant every word Won't take back the way I feel about you Can't unsay what you heard

'Cause you heard me right, and I won't try To fight 'em back or hide my feelings for you I unapologize

M Monster Under My Bed: Bebe Rexha

You know that song The Monster sung by Eminem and Rihanna? Well Bebe Rexha wrote it! I love her solo version, not to rain on the rap version obviously, but I love her early music.

In a world so black and white Out of place and out of my mind Woke up and I realized Imperfection is divine

B Babe: Taylor Swift

So I heard the Sugarland version featuring Taylor Swift, loved it, adored the music video! Then Red (Taylor's Version) came out and I learned she actually wrote it? I love it.

I'm here on the kitchen floor You call, but I won't hear it You said no one else We ain't getting through this one, babe I break down every time you call We're a wreck, you're the wrecking ball You said no one else This is the last time I'll never call you, babe

O On Melancholy Hill: Gorillaz

I heard this one first when playing Life is Strange 2 and I love it. The rhythm is soothing to my brain.

Where you can't get what you want But you can get me So let's set out to sea, love 'Cause you are my medicine When you're close to me

B Brave, Honest, Beautiful: Fifth Harmony ft Meghan Trainor

I was never obsessed with Fifth Harmony but during university I did have a rough time and there was a bunch of their singles I'd listen to on loop to lift my spirits. This was one.

You can dance like Beyoncé You can shake like Shakira 'Cause you're brave, yeah You're fearless and you're beautiful, you're beautiful

So whine like Rihanna Go and pose like Madonna 'Cause you're brave, yeah You're honest and you're beautiful, you're beautiful, girl

#dag dag or tag tag #This took me ages #Only because I'm a perfectionist #And I like colours

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