#this took me like a whole year to make

[cacturnia]

Two of them!!

#I offer you my sillies🤲🤲 #Never thought id be making fankids out of anything at all ever but here we are #chili bean who took me a whole month of doodling to figure out their lore and design #and cherry who got her whole design figured out at the second doodle i did on my phone hsdjgsk #so like yeah #chili bean was abandoned in an eggman™ metal box in front of tails' workshop three years before cherri spawned somehow as a blazamy kid🫶 #(matching bows courtesy of Amy!) #sth #sonic #sonic the hedgehog #sonadow #sonadow fankid #sonadow fanchild #blazamy #blazamy fankid #fanart #chili bean the hedgehog-hedgehog #cherry rose the cat-hog #cacturniart

[dashing-through-ecto]

The difference one and a half years can make

My first comic

My latest comic

It's been absolutely staggering to see the differences even though these panels have the same vibes.

#I've been reminiscing about my older comics #thinking if I should redraw the first one I've ever made because #holy shit that looks like hot garbage #but like #it's still one of my best posts #the whole thing that kickstarted me doing more comics #enjoying bringen stories to life #it's like a piece of my history #its just cool to see how fare I've come as an artist #also like... the first pic was drawn in about 30-40 min at max and the second pic took at least 2 hours if not more #the effort i put into my art has changed so much #i feel so much joy when people laugh at the dum jokes that i make in my art #even back then #all the comments and love and taggs people have left on my posts is what keep me going #y'all having fun with my art is what fuels me and motivates me to make more stuff #bigger projects #it's just been wonderful this last year

[anipgarden]

Supporting Your Plants for Cheap

This is my fifth post in a series I'll be making on how to increase biodiversity on a budget! I’m not an expert--just an enthusiast--but I hope something you find here helps! 

Once you start gardening, you’ll find a lot of things go into it, and it can be a bit daunting to think about--especially if you’re trying to keep things low-cost. Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be as hard--or as expensive--as it initially appears.

Composting

There’s several different ways to compost, any of which are helpful indirecting food waste and nutrients out of landfills and into your soil--which in and of itself can help increase biodiversity by making the space more livable for microorganisms and insects, which then cycles around to the rest of the habitat.

The classic one you see is hot composting. Most of the time, when I see hot composting set ups online, or hear people talking about them, it’s like listening to a wizard cast an intricate spell and prattle on about ratios and temperatures and special ingredients while standing over a detailed self-built setup made of the finest wood money can buy. Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be complicated. First off, there’s lots of ways to make compost bins--some can be more expensive than others, but there’s definitely options asides from buying pre-made tumblers or getting an engineering degree. I’ve seen people use metal trash cans dug into the ground, make compost pile setups out of old pallets, or just pile stuff up and leave it. While using different ratios of certain items can help them decompose faster, it’s ultimately not something you need to worry about a lot. If it can break down, it’ll break down--it just might take awhile. Composting this way can also help provide habitat--some insects like bumblebees have been known to make nests in compost heaps. In addition, it provides a robust ecosystem for decomposers like worms and other organisms, and bats and birds will be attracted to open-top piles to eat flying bugs that live off the compost. Amphibians enjoy them for humidity, warmth, and feasting on insects. Do note that sometimes snakes may also rest in and lay eggs in compost heaps, so be careful when turning them.

Do note, though, that if your compost pile looks like that you're getting roaches and rats and raccoons out of your goddamn mind. Bury the food scraps.

Personally, when I compost, I use a worm bin--they’re a fantastic option for limited space and limiting smells. I keep mine outside in a big rubbermaid tote with holes drilled into the bottom, sides, and lid. I put a layer or two of weed block on the inside, so it’s still able to drain but keeps the worms from trying to escape during rainy days. There is an initial cost of buying the worms, getting enough bedding materials, and getting a new bin if you don’t have an old one suitable for use. But with occasional feeding, it should sustain itself and provide valuable worm castings that can be used in the garden. Please do note, however, that earthworms are considered invasive in some places.

Look at that worm bin-y goodness. This is a pic of my bin, from earlier this month!

Though I’ve never done it, I’ve heard of people having good results with bokashi composting--a method that’s done in a bucket, and is relatively easy to do indoors.

Once you start a composting system, keeping it stockpiled with organic material can become pretty easy for cheap. In general, if it comes from a plant, it’s safe to use. It’s also a good idea to avoid putting already-cooked things in a pile, as salts and sauces can kill beneficial bacteria in the compost while also attracting animals. Adding meat is also generally avoided to not attract animals. But below are some things that I’ve put in my worm bin quick, easy, and cheaply; or things I’ve seen friends put in their compost piles.

Cooking scraps/snack leftovers--things like cut up bell peppers, the ends of tomatoes, strawberry tops, apple cores, watermelon rinds, coffee grounds, and orange peels are amassed somewhat quickly in my house--my dad likes to cook. Around holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas? Corn husks, potato peels, sweet potato fibers, leftover greens and other trimmings are a feast for compost piles and worm bins.

Vegetables and Stuff that went bad in the fridge/pantry--we’re constantly victims of the ‘forgot it was there’ conundrum. Fridge cleanouts are great times to decide what can be tossed to the compost--moldy bell peppers, spotty celery, questionable carrots, onion halves, old eggs, bagged salads, and stale/moldy bread have all been tossed into the pile before! 

Grass clippings--though my worms don’t like grass clippings, they’re still great material for a classic hot compost set-up!

Fallen leaves--another classic addition to a hot compost pile. Some friends keep them stocked up and stored for later use.

Plant trimmings--what is plant clean up if not compost material? I’ve put cleaned-out sunflower heads and stalks in my worm bin, and they decomposed after about two months. If you get  blossom end rot on your tomatoes or peppers, they’re still fair game for the bin as well!

Shredded mail--just make sure to not put in the thin plastic that covers the address section on some envelopes. Otherwise? As long as  the paper isn’t glossy, it should be great for a bin or pile! Shredded paper or cardboard also makes great bedding for worm bins. Put those Amazon boxes to good use!

Pumpkins! Snag your neighbor’s halloween pumpkins in November and toss them in my compost! Last year my dad went around the cul-de-sac and nabbed all of the post-halloween pumpkins, the worms loved it.

Christmas tree needles--can’t confirm I’ve tried this, but it seems like it would work.

Mulch

Mulch is an excellent way to keep your soil moist, while also beginning and continuing to improve soil conditions as it breaks down into organic matter. You’ll have to water less, and it’ll prevent/slow down the growth of unwanted weeds (which is always the final straw to gardening for me, I get so overwhelmed I just stop going outside). Win-win situation, right? Except stepping into a Home Depot and finding mulch being sold for five dollars per square foot and knowing you have to cover a whole garden with it all can add up… pretty quickly, to say the least.

Fortunately, there are a few solutions to this, and likely from your own backyard!

Grass clippings are the first that come to mind. If you’re mowing your lawn, or have neighbors who are, collecting the clippings and spreading them over your soil is a cheap and easy option for some quick mulch. It’ll be very nitrogen-heavy, so keep that in mind, but it’ll still prevent weeds, retain moisture, and break down into organic material over the course of a few months. Do try to not use grass clippings you know are treated with pesticides, since the aim is to use this mulch to help increase your biodiversity, and having insects around plays a big role in that.

Fallen leaves are the next that comes to mind. If you’ve got a tree in your yard, or in your neighborhood, then you or someone around you knows the neverending avalanche of leaves or pine needles that drop come fall. As mentioned before, they can be used to make brush piles for creatures, or added into compost, but they have a fantastic third use as mulch. Add them on top of your beds!

Want free wood mulch? A program called Chip Drop might be the best solution for you! They team up with arborists to find cheap drop sites for shredded wood, logs, etc. that are produced as they maintain trees! If any local arborists tied to the program are operating in your area, instead  of paying to dump the resulting mulch at a landfill or some other dumpside, they’ll simply dump it at your place! Now, you won’t be able to control when the mulch gets dropped--I’ve heard of people coming home from work one day to find a chip drop in their driveway. But… free mulch!

Want wood chips but not a whole truck load? If an arborist is working in your area, and you can muster the courage, its worth a shot to ask! One time someone in my neighborhood was getting a tree removed, so my Dad and I parked near their car with a tarp in the trunk, some shovels, and an old storage bin. We approached nicely and asked if we could have some chips, and they were totally cool with it! At that point, how much you get depends on how big your trunk space is, and how many times you’re willing to ferry mulch back and forth out of your car so you can go back for more. But it is an option! Alternatively, you can ask them to dump the whole load in front of  your house, but at least you’ll know when and where it’s happening!

Trellises

Many plants need, or will appreciate, some kind of climbing structure. But trellises aren’t often cheap to find. To that, I say--we’ll create our own!

One popular option is to grow taller plants, and then plant climbing species are few weeks/years later so they’ll climb the taller plants! I’ve planted passion vine near a tree in my garden for it to climb, and I’ve seen people do similar concepts with sunflowers, corn, and other such plants! Sunflower stalks can provide support even after they’ve been cut back.

A combination of wood, some stakes, some nails, and some string can create a great frame trellis that can be used for beans, tomatoes, vines, etc--so I’m sure if could be put to good use for native climbers, especially since my dad’s used this structure for passion vines before. You may have to replace the string every year, but most of the time, the string is compostable anyways!

This may take a bit more setup and have a more upfront cost, but creating a trellis out of cattle panels makes a durable structure that can support all kinds of vining plants! 

Of course, there’s always the easy alternative of simply letting plants climb along your fence! This is especially easy if you have a chain link fence, but wooden fences are plenty suitable for some species as well! I’ve seen passion vines do great growing along chain link fences as supports, and one of my favorite sights as a kid was always seeing bushels of trumpet vines growing up and over fences on the drive home.

Why are we worrying about trellises? Creatures are attracted  to diverse landscapes with a variety of plants within them, so having a few climbers can be a great way to attract more wildlife! I know some plants in my area that pollinators are attracted to, or even rely on as host plants, are climbers that can get upwards of 15 feet tall, and will climb any surface you give them. A trellis provides you a great place to put extremely beneficial plants.

That's the end of this post! My next post is gonna be about how different 'kinds' of plants can all be beneficial in a biodiversity standpoint. Until then, I hope this advice was helpful! Feel free to reply with any questions, your success stories, or anything you think I may have forgotten to add in!

#biodiversity #solarpunk #gardening #outdoor gardening #composting #mulch #trellis #budget gardening #cheap gardening #ani rambles #out of queue #the biodiversity saga #i remember junior year of college me and my friends considered doing a cattle panel trellis #but then we couldn't figure out where to buy cattle panel #apparently the answer is 'tractor/farmer supply companies' #also so anyone reading these tags knows what took me 5+ years to learn #CATTLE PANEL DOESNT COME IN ROLLS IT COMES IN LENGTHS #all this time I was like 'man i wanna make a cattle panel trellis but it comes in like 40 foot lengths and i dont need that much' #and all my gardening homies were confused because theyve been getting it in lengths THIS WHOLE TIME #I WAS LOOKING AT FUCKIN ROLLED FENCING #i actually dont think any of the big box stores by me even fuckin sell cattle panel but thats beside the point #you can get it delivered though #(Delivered to the store for pickup i think) #someday i want a cattle panel trellis with like moonflowers or trumpet vine just a BURST of color and life

[mudpuddless]

Lunch in the Kenobi-Skywalker-Tano-and-secretly-also-Fett quarters

(not pictured: one knight Skywalker, a togruta padawan, and a good dozen clone troopers in a variety of jedi clothes playing space-mariokart at increasingly high volumes)

[image ID: a digital drawing centred on Jango Fett, a Maori man in his late thirties, in matching mauve sweatpants and cropped shirt adding chilly powder to a big pan filled with a mushy red rice dish. His hair is greying at the temples and he is smiling slightly. On the left behind him is Obi-wan Kenobi, a pale ginger in his late thirties, wearing a blue cropped shirt and beige wrapped pants, who is walking past Jango while smiling at him, a hand on his arm. At the bottom right of the frame there is Boba Fett, a child looking like Jango at about twelve years old, in a matching blue pullover to Obi-wan's, holding up a flashing datapad, taking a photo. He is scoffing softly at his father. In the background, which is slightly blurry, there is a glass teapot and cups, a hanging multi-tier fruit basket and cabinets. Sunlight is flooding the room. end ID]

based on this fic

#Star Wars #fanart #jangobi #jedi culture #obi wan kenobi #described #AU where jango was frozen in carbonite during the ten years It took to make the clones and immediately adopts them given half a chance #half a chance bc he is still very much wanted by the republic #so he stays at the temple in obi-wans quarters and hides in the bedroom when people come over #but like. Quinlan is living next door and thinks jango Is obi-wans one night stand #its a whole thing #the clones steal anakins clothing bc theyre basically ten year olds with the brain chemistry of teen agers who are also soldiers #so there is a lot of very competent toddler-frat boy kind of disasters #yes I made fan art to fight the writers block its been six months fight me #the hidden king fanfic

[staneii]

Yolay jumpscare

#dogman #dog man #yolay caprese #traditional drawing #traditional art #art #i should start drawing vocaloid and dogman again💦 #im flopping #I SWEAR MY ART DOSENT EVEN GET ANY ATTENTION ANYMORE #my art <3 #my art #dog man fanart #fandom #fanart #i wanna make a milly paper doll for no reason but its gonna take me like 6 trillion years and overnight story to make that💔 #what are these tags #yolay #caprese #idk what a caprese tastes like #BRO TOOK UP ALL THE SPACE FOR A WHOLE PAGE #doodle #fan art #moe art #moe #moecore #2000s anime #animecore

[kazbiter]

kavinsky's death is actually the closing arc in a great tragedy to me bc his actions throughout the story are mostly just him practically begging for someone to be on his side, to care about him, to even just look at him. his father tried to kill him, his mother is completely uninterested. he can dream himself as many people as he wants, but they will only ever think of him because he made them to do so. the dream pack are just physical manifestations of his desire to not be alone in the world, to have someone, anyone, connected to him. he so desperately tries to draw some sort of emotion out of ronan, good bad or ugly, because the intense similarities they share mean that he's the only person who might be willing to look long enough to see him. and when it doesn't work, when he realizes it can't, that this world is not for him and he is not going to be a part of it in a way that involves anyone else, he decides that everyone is going to look at least this once. they will all see the finale if nothing else. genuinely doomed from the start. and how truly devastating that is in comparison to the core group the story focuses on, characters that even at their lowest and darkest and meanest and absolute worst have others there with them. characters that always have someone looking for them. dying is a boring side of a life that has nothing inside of it.

#4th of July got me this year girls (gender neutral) #also I'm contractually obligated to mention that he was so so funny #a few of his strengths: #1. hilarious #2. leader of ronsey nation #3. thrower of parties that involve fun for the whole family (minus the dream battle and suicide that one time) #but actually tho why do I feel like they mentioned like. families going to those parties. #anyways I'm getting SOOOOOO off track #did someone say trc famous adjective lonesome #and when u think abt the fact one of his worst acts was taking Matthew.... someone he KNEW ronan cared about above all #ohhhhh OWWWWW #like yeah obviously that was terrible and evil of him I'm not saying he's innocent or even nessecarily good #I'm just saying that he's fucking tragic #like so desperate for someone to look that he doesn't even care what he has to do to make it happen #this took me like 1.5 hrs to write btw I had so many things I wanted to say but it's almost midnight and I want to post it on His Day #the raven cycle #joseph kavinsky #the dream theives #kavinsky #trc kavinsky

[ivoryratdoggerythethird]

reading dazai, chuuya, age fifteen for the finally and now i'm just mad i didn't read it earlier like

first of all why does this have the best first chapter of all time ever like this french waiter lookin ass nameless grunt looks like he smakes cigars and shotguns with hiroutsu tell me i'm wrong you can't

and chuuya chuuya chuuya chuuya chUUYA OH MY BELOVED i am suddenly personally connected with dazai on a spiritual level because i too would become obsessed with this dude if he stomped on my face. i'm already obsessed without him stomping on my face.

ALSO WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT THIS WHY IS THE ENTIRE FANDOM SLEEPING ON THESE PANELS

"what's wrong? i'm just on my tippy toes" chuuya sweetie i am going to go fucking FERAL

ballerina chuuya agenda real

also

everyone else go home like i'm sorry i really am. kunikida babe i love you with a gun dazai you look good with one too tachihara you're my baby but like none of you ever use bullets again please your fully grown asses are embarrassing once i've met fifteen year old chuuya catching bullets in his mouth and blowing back a literal kiss of death back at you like look at his hand at the end there, i'm losing my mind

#also the artstyle if fucking GORGEOUS im going to riot #i am so full of emotions rn idk where to unleash them #HE IS EVERYTHING TO ME YOUR HONOR #look how pretty he is #look how BABY he is #smol chuuya hijacking planes and doing pirouettes so true #also the skk implications here as well like wdym this guy took down a whole plane and literally bit bullets before even finishing puberty #is now doing rich girl impressions in falsetto to make your traitor ass laugh after four years of no contact #bsd makes me feel unwell iidek if i can finish this manga without throwing myself into traffic #bsd #nakahara chuuya #dazai chuuya age fifteen #bsd manga #the sigma show #my post #reading bsd 15

[lunarharp]

tsukigumi..

#takarazuka #just getting out something meek while the feelings are still pure... idk how to go about drawing real people any more lol #why was the show called that. well whatever #the like..Magic theme bamboozled me. i was fully crying with laughter at the school skit thing what in the goddamn. i just........... #everything reiko says and does is everything to me. i haven't thought about zuka for months but she still has me. #MUSUMEYAKU LIFT??? LIFT OF GIRL BY GIRLY GIRL?? #uh..what else..everything reiko says and does is everything to me. <- repeat of what i just said #her laughter like “ku ku ku” at one point. SHE IS SO FUNNY. I LOVE HER. I LOVE HER. #the way she loosened her tie and umi took off her glove in the duedan......i truly treasure the gentle unspoken sensuality in takarazuka... #umi was shimmering with joy and splendour.......AND MY MAN POCKY. MY MAN POCKY #never forget i am the world's number 1 pocky and pockyheart fan no matter how much time has passed #my whole personality has been witch hat atelier and takarazuka for several years. it makes sense i can only be obsessed with one at a time #from 2014 to 2022 it was entirely zuka. i've earnt my unhingedly emotional witch hat era

[cywscross]

You just don't think antis are a problem because they're not in your fandoms. Once they start making posts with thousands of likes accusing you of being a pedophile and threatening to find out where you live and work so they can report your pedophilic tendencies because you ship teenagers (shounen characters), you'll start caring very quickly. Not in favour of that happening to you? Cool, you're a proshipper.

The fuck

#just woke up to get a glass of water #checked my phone and saw this #took me a whole minute to figure out what was going on lmao #it’s way too early to argue and also I don’t care enough at five in the morning #I just want to ask since when the fuck does teen wolf not have antis #holy shit the amount of antis in this fandom even years after the dumb show is over #but anyway I think you’re missing the point #there shouldn’t be proshippers or antis cuz it’s so pointless #pretty sure that’s what op meant #and nobody should care so much about it that they’re attacking ppl over it like you said #cuz don’t like don’t read is like basic decency and common sense #and most ppl have a lot more real life problems to deal with #than caring about what someone else thinks about character A going down on character B or whatever the problem is #but literally nobody is saying antis aren't a problem #we're actually saying antis are ridiculous for making such a big deal about sth that really doesn't matter in the greater scheme of things #that’s my 5am contribution I’m going back to bed

[girl-bateman]

How does one get assigned as sam coded / dean coded ? Do I need a doctors note ? A psych evaluation perhaps ?

#i keep going back and forth on it #bc i used to identify with dean for the longest time bc i was so repressed and emotionally closed off (+older sister) #and at that point id spent my youth very purposefully protecting my younger sibling from our dad #and i guess in my brain i paralleled that with dean staying behind with john while sam took off for stanford #and dean protecting sam from knowing too much abt the supernatural #BUT having grown up ive now become the one resentful and angry at our father while my sister protects him #and our fights remind me a lot of scenes from the show where im obviously identifying a lot stronger with sam #plus the whole thing abt being the families designated academic or whatever #while also feeling cursed from the minute i was born and crushing at the guilt of everything wrong with me #and trying to be a good person and saving others to make for the fact that i feel an intrinsic evilness about myself #so like... yeah sam is very very relatable too in that sense #bc he also has that hope in him- the belief in god. in angels. in goodness. and i have that too ! #im just also a miserable cynic at the same time :) #so ???? #i havent been in the fandom for long enough to know the full requirements of being a sam or dean girl #(and by that i mean i havent been in the fandom for long AFTER i rejoined from my 10 year hiatus) #i literally would love to read someones page long explanation of what sam coded vs dean coded entails #someone with a spn hyperfixation or special interest needs to provide me with the goods fr 😭 #spn

[essential-randomness]

TFW you realize there's a typo in the title of the post of your very important content hours after posting it

In my defense, it took me 2 and a half hours to write the copy and post it across 4 different socials (and this is in addition to the time that took me to write the blog post) so by the time I got to Tumblr I was literally dying. You have no idea how grueling every single piece of this work is going to be.

I don't really know why I'm saying this, but I guess if the spirit of 2024 is (also) to help people understand the reality of what we're fighting against, then I should let people know that every single piece of content I'm going to put out is hours and hours of work I wish I was spending on actually making the incredibly important progress that is right in front of me.

#i have it all mapped out and i just wish people trusted it enough without making me play this whole circus #though tbf people who have view into it overwhelmingly do #i dont know how to explain to people i just wish i was shitposting and talking about blorbos #i havent read a fic in 3 fucking years and im so close but like #every single moment i spend being a content creator is a moment im not spending continuing the momentum we keep to trying to build #but i cannot keep surviving on $200/month so its time for the mortifying ordeal of being known #sorry i took making a typo hard clearly in (again) my defense i really really wish things could be different

[quixoticanarchy]

if you can eat bread without Problems i hope you are grateful also if you're ever thinking of giving up that ability or something uh hit me up. i don't have anything good to trade for it but i think it's my turn with the functional digestive system. pls. anyone?

#not to do a callout but [redacted] coffee shop is 100% lying abt their scones being gluten free #both times ive gone there it has ended so badly #also im rly unhappy abt like.. i was almost asymptomatic celiac for like 14-15 yrs and only in the last few yrs ive started getting sick #like when i was 11 my mother accidentally fed me wheat cereal and it took a few *months* of that to make me rly sick #i know most ppl w celiac have been in this boat the whole time but i rly did get to kind of brush it off for so many years. and now.. 🙃🙃 #celiac #skravler

[fairytalefabel]

#Wally Darling #welcome home #my art #my welcome home art #he would love enchanted diamond apples #I started working on a welcome home map today #I made a whole undertale map before but haven’t really released it online or something #it was like a fun hobby thing (took me 5 years to make) #started on deltarune but I lost that map so now welcome home!! fun!

[8rujaa]

my therapist really saved me….

#tw abuse // tw sa #i can’t sleep bc i keep thinking about this. #like i probably would’ve not been here if it weren’t for her #i started seeing her january of 2023… my life has changed entirely since then and she was definitely the one who got the ball rolling #literally so much has changed since then and it’s all because of her #i was so dissociated during our first few sessions #thanks to her i was able to get diagnosed and medicated for adhd. i was able to realize i was in an abusive situation and plan a way out #i was able to focus on myself and my healing and she’s helped me reframe so much of my negative thinking #i was able to process a lot of emotions and become a better version of myself with each session #she’s truly incredible. #i remember the first comment she made about the relationship had been ‘’so it’s like there’s an imbalance of control in the relationship’’ #i had put my partners on such a high pedestal that i had no idea they could be doing anything wrong #and i asked her what she meant and she said ‘from what you’ve been describing it’s sounds like a strict parents and child type of dynamic’ #she told me they didn’t need to understand why i wanted to leave and they didn’t need to make that decision. if that’s what was going to be #best for me the only thing i could do is let them know my reasoning and simply leave. i didn’t need their permission.’’ #i remember being so confused at that realization bc like… i had been putting their emotions over mine the whole time i had forgotten simply #doing what’s best for me was an option… l #ever since then i’ve been putting myself first and it’s been a steady uphill from rock bottom… i’ve made an incredible amount of progress #when i first started with her getting out of bed and walking to the kitchen was incredibly difficult and took all my strength. #yesterday i conquered a mountain!!!!!!! i hiked all the way to the top!!!!! :D #me a year ago thought it was going to take me years and years to recover. as soon as i left i made leaps of progress #im incredibly proud of myself and grateful for her. and my reiki lady she’s also been a great great help. #the silver lining is i realized who really matters. and the relationships i cared about deepened. #my sweet virgo friend was the one who was always like ‘THATS A GROWN ASS MAN WHO CANT UNDERSTAND BASIC CONSENT???’ #LMFAO i would be like ‘but he has trauma and bla bla bla’ she looked me dead in the eyes and said #’jess you said with your last boyfriend that you would never make excuses for a man who was hurting you again. stop defending him.’ #she’s really a gem and i treasure her with my life. i hope she knows i love her. she’s family at this point #she’s also literally saved my life before (like deadass called 911 for help) #im glad i had the support system i had. that was a rough situation with so many layers and im glad i got through it #my 22nd year of life was by far the worst of my life and i don’t ever want to put myself in that situation again. im glad i learned.

[queerstudiesnatural]

seeing teenage gays out and about, holding hands and laughing and everything is SO healing. each new sighting puts a new bandaid on my inner queer child

#when i was in middle school gay was still a widely accepted slur and i didn't know a single out queer #when i was in high school i was in a privileged environment in the sense that it was a multicultural school that really put the emphasis #on tolerance #so i wasn't bullied for being queer but i was so terrified of it anyway that it took me ages to come out to myself #because my whole life i'd been taught (and by taught i mean no one talked about it but that was the underlying message) #that gay wasn't okay and that it was something that only happened to very few unlucky people #when i got my first crush on a girl (it took me months to even acknowledge that i liked her) i remember thinking #why me #i was already disabled and i was like why do i keep drawing the short straw #why do these things that only happen to some people here and there keep happening to me #now i know that being queer is a blessing but back then i felt cursed #and discussions of gender were non existent i wasn't even thinking about that #so anyway. it just warms my heart so much that only 10-15 years later kids in middle school and high school are able to express themselves #freely #and be joyful and carefree in their queerness #it makes me so emotional #rain.stuff

[musashi]

im fr going to burst into tears because i love my girlfriend so much. i didn't realize it was possible for a person to be so nice to me. none of my partners ever treated me this way before.

#wordy wendy #i self medicate with caffeine because i cant afford an adhd diagnosis #and so the only thing i buy from amazon dot com is a sub for 2 carts of rockstar to be sent to my house biweekly #my whole routine hinges on this rockstar shipment #its what makes my focus work #but amazon is a terrible website and will often just. say packages are delivered when theyre days away #so i will run out and not replenish cause i think i have rockstar at my house #and it happens so often i've just accepted it #but bailey! bailey! #bailey said no! i will buy you some! i will have it delivered to your house! #and she did! and that wasnt enough she got me sugar free pudding and hersheys #and she found SUGAR FREE SWEETBREAD #A COCONUT LOAF #I HAVENT HAD ANYTHING LIKE THAT IN OVER 5 YEARS I HAD NO IDEA IT EXISTED #BUT I TOOK ONE BITE AND I ALMOST STARTED CRYING #and the whole time i was just thinking about that fic i wrote at the beginning of the year #and franziska having her horrible fucking birthday. and how all it took was a girl bringing her sweetbreads to see her bursting into tears #and i felt serenity