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#this was actually a really big deal for me when it happened
orangeocelotmartyn · 2 days
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It was Martyn’s birthday over the charity weekend, and they decided to do a lovely surprise for him! Skizz especially was very sweet to check in on him
Martyn: --was, uh, was my actual birthday, um, and after we finished the stream for the day, I was like, really—my voice was blown out, and I was really crashing, and just exhausted from the day, and, uh, I went upstairs, got a drink, and as I came back down the elevator, the doors opened—and I was there on my phone, and I just sort of like, looked up, and all of the sudden everyone was stood there. Everyone. Like, people from the charity, like, all the Hermits, Timmy, everyone like that, and they were stood there with a birthday cake, um, and then they sang “Happy Birthday” to me and stuff, um, which was sweet. Cause I said prior to the trip, like, ‘please don’t make a big deal out of it.’ Um, I said like, y’know, I don’t want the day to be centered around me, I was like I’m just happy that I’m gonna be there with all those people for my birthday, I was like, I don’t want you tryna organize like, a meal around it and—doing anything towards my preference.
Martyn: “I would’ve started crying,” so, I did, but it was after the birthday song. So it was literally—they, they sang happy birthday to me or whatever—I think all of this was filmed, by the way, I think by the charity, I don’t know if we’ll ever get that footage, but, I must’ve looked completely like, just, like, completely caught off guard. Um, but yeah, they sang happy birthday to me, and then I had—(getting progressively more choked up) I’m getting teary now thinking about it—but I got a, um, just a massive wave of, like, homesickness, um, and I was keeping it together, like, I wasn’t breaking the surface, and then Skizz comes over, and in really his sweet, lovely way he just came over and was like, “man, so like, how old are you today?” and I was like, ‘oh, y’know, thirty-four,’ and he was like, “man. That’s such a great age,” he was like, “the kids are a couple years old,” and stuff like that, and he was saying ever—everything he was saying was super lovely, and like, super true, and it was everything that I was thinking in that moment?
Martyn: And it just (sucks in a breath, indistinct) fucking hell, and it just sent me over the edge? It just, it just immediately broke me, and I just sort of had to turn away for a second and wipe my eyes, and when I turned back Skizz had just like, vanished? Um, and I was worried that I upset him, or that I’d offended him, so I literally sent him a Discord DM that evening, um, saying like, ‘hey man, I hope you don’t think I was offended earlier on, like, I was just barely holding it together, and you being so lovely just like, sent me over the edge.’ And he didn’t see that for like, three days, like, cause he just didn’t pull up Discord on his phone or whatever. Um, but then he replied saying like, ‘oh man, don’t worry about it at all,’ um, he was like, ‘I can gauge, y’know, that, that something was about to happen, so I sort of just pulled myself away,’ and I was like, okay, cool, yeah, like, like Skizz is—like people are saying in chat, like, Skizz is got really good empathy, so I think he immediately clocked that I—I think he almost saw it behind my eyes before I went, and I think he then disengaged at that point? But it was really sweet, it was a really lovely moment, but—
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roach-works · 1 day
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ok im waffling on about fallout instead of having breakfast but i saw a criticism of how the prisoners were treated that's stuck with me.
spoilers!
so i think the criticism wasn't incorrect, per se: it condemned the way the show portrayed the vault dweller's naive intention to rehabilitate their murderous captives. it found fault with a common, and horrible, message that tv shows like to say, which is that carcerial violence and even the death penalty is the only effective way to deal with criminals, who are a fundamentally Bad category of human. im sick of that message too! but i think that wasn't what was going on here, actually.
so like, the vault dwellers had only ever experienced violent loss the once, and didn't really know how to cope other than denial and repression of the ordeal. but they were all hopeful and enthusiastic that their prisoners, the invaders that came to kill them all and take their stuff, could be eventually welcomed into the community as their comrades. the champions of this cause were nebbishy dorks and painfully out of touch academics. this is pretty normal for how prison reformers are portrayed, if extremely fucking annoying for those of us who ARE in favor of prison reform.
but so of course when the son of the former overseer, Norm, speaks up and suggests killing the prisoners, because why should they share resources with invaders who explicitly wanted to keep hurting them? why should they show mercy to their attackers? everyone is appalled by this suggestion. because they had to reinvent the whole concept of vengeance right then and there, because grudges and cycles of violence are anathema to a bottle society like theirs. they have been raised all their lives to forgive and forget and now, put to the test, they're recommitting to this ethos: get along, let the past go, look towards the future, believe the best of everyone.
but the prisoners die, anyway. the prisoners are killed with rat poison. and the thing is that Norm who suggested it didn't do it himself. and the prison guard who's blamed for it, even though she privately agreed with Norm that the prisoners are dangerous and unforgiveable, she didn't do it either. it's not a moment of triumphant, cathartic vengeance and it doesn't prove that there's no way to negotiate with terrorists and invaders but kill them like vermin because that's not what the message is meant to be.
the message is that norm stands there in the middle of these inconvenient prisoners, these corpses dressed in his own people's uniforms, and he looks at the new overseer. and he knows that she killed them, and she knows that he knows. she wanted him to know. this is her message and he's reading her loud and clear. and he doesn't look like a guy who's just been backed up by authority, who's just been validated in his desire for the ultimate control over those who have wronged him.
he's scared and pale and the music is ominous as fuck. and he's inside the cell, he's directly in the middle of it.
because what just happened is that he realized his entire society is being held prisoner, and the overseer is the one with the rat poison. and that he doesn't know, anymore, what freedom and safety and justice actually mean, just that he doesn't have them and he doesn't know where to find them.
that's what that scene meant. not that rehabilitative justice is a pathetic delusion of people who have no idea how to make hard choices.
but that before you advocate for killing prisoners, you might want to see how big that prison is, first.
and which side of the bars you're standing on.
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clarks-letterman · 1 day
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URGGGGGEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! | zed necrodopolis x male!reader
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a/n — putting this as male reader because it's implied. not explicitly stated but I don't want to misadvertise the fic lol, gender neutral pronouns and body parts used. I don't really like the smut in this but the idea was funny to me… this fic will definitely be non-canon by the time Z4 releases!!
summary — Zed goes to Mountain College and gets a sex toy, his roommate comes to their shared dorm at a bad time.
words — 3k
warnings — smut! 18+ | implications of sex and actual sex occur, uses of the word "gooning", zed zombies out and they fuck so... feral!Zed, slight dubcon!! - first zombies fic so it may be ooc or just poorly written
~~~
Fall was in full swing at Mountain College. Soon the tops of roofs would be snowcapped and walkways would be sprinkled with salt, but for now, everyone tried to enjoy the weather while it was still warm. Sloping sides brought the occasional gusts of wind that all of the early morning go-getters had to deal with. They had to learn the hard way to bundle up if they wanted to make it to class without becoming the next monster to roam the Earth—probably as a snow yeti or something similar. The lecture halls were grand to handle the kind of metamorphosis a lot of human and inhuman students would be going through over the course of their early adult years. The only place where people were forced to grow together were the dorm rooms—as a push for inclusivity at Mountain College left everyone in close quarters to someone—or something—they had no clue existed before college. It was another thing to learn about, to understand that the small circle of your hometown isn’t the only circle to exist. People have groups that come in all shapes and sizes, and not all of them are going to fit together nicely, but that doesn’t mean there can’t be an effort. But there was one unspoken rule that everyone had to learn, regardless of their major: don’t enter a room with a tie, sock, or anything hanging off the door handle. Not at parties, not in classrooms—if there was such a thing to happen, and especially not at your dorm.
When Zed arrived at Mountain College, he never expected anyone to be as pro-zombie as they were. His roommate was insanely warm and kind to him. No one really hid who they were here. They were at that stage where they left the conformities of high school and living with their parents to being so overwhelmed with freedom that they had no way to grasp everything they had. The freedom; the new flaws determined by society were still unclear. Zed was one of those people, being free from the shackles of Seabrook and Zombietown’s driving force in unity to being another student in a sea full of them. It wasn’t to the same extent that he had gone through, but the established scene of breaking free from your past to start something new is what really pushed him to start trying things. He wanted to be a part of the community and to do that, you have to understand the area first. 
Zed started by doing most of his workouts around campus, then transitioning over to the city that was built around Mountain College. The short drive down to the city below could be completed in a timely manner during a daring jog down the road leading to the developed area. He never wore more than a tank top and shorts for his morning runs. The college was north of the city, so he only ever rarely went into the downtown area during his morning runs. He decided to go farther on his run today since he had an upcoming game and needed to burn off the endless brain-fest for dinner from the night before. So many calories, so little scores during his big game was how he viewed it.
Most of the shops still weren’t open, but there was one on this block that was still open. It turns out that the shop was not opening early in the morning, but in fact, closing after a very late night. The neon signs had yet to be turned off, and one reading ‘OPEN’ in big illuminated letters drew his attention. Next to it was a red triple-X sign.
The fleshlight was cobbled together with scraps and carefully welded parts to resemble the repurposed items of Zombietown. It reminded him of home, and the clerk told him that the toy was advanced, deceiving the average person by appearing to only be made of scraps and to have the basic, archaic function of just fucking it. Inside it was a hidden set of magnetic coils that both provided the correct amount of electromagnetic pulses through the zombie’s dick to prevent them from turning into the much more unpleasant version of themselves and it heightened the feeling of jerking off while the machine made contact with the skin from the inside.
He listened to what the clerk had to say about remembering to take off his Z-Band so it wouldn’t overstimulate him to the point of numbness, and that the side effects of it were mainly just slowed brain activity from “too much gooning.” As Zed would be quick to learn, it was called going cockdumb. There was the opposite, too, where his zombie side would forfeit all rational thought and quickly take whatever the closest thing to fuck is around to poundtown.
He learned quickly, though, and did as he said when he got back to his dorm. The order of instructions was simple: get yourself ready—get your dick hard, is how he interpreted it, take off the Z-Band, and use the fleshlight to calm all of his zombie urges. Before he started any of that, though, he placed one of his ties around the door handle facing the hallway. Then he got undressed, stripping down until the full-body mirror over his closet’s sliding door reflected his pale figure and vibrant green hair. He stood in the frame, checking out his recent gains for a second—still eternally lanky, but he was starting to fill out in the places that mattered.
His hands roamed over his body until he got down to his nether regions. Zed rubbed his dick until he was hard enough to stick his dick in the fleshlight, then watched in the mirror as he took off his Z-Band. The area around his eyes started to darken and dark veins started coursing all over his body. He took a few deep breaths before reaching for the fleshlight, each breath drawn in becoming more raspy as his insides changed in a way he couldn’t see. Carefully, holding on to it with an intentionally lighter grip so as to not overuse his own strength, he guided it over his cock and watched his tip disappear into the slit. He moaned, it was tight. He moaned again, it was vibrating. And then he looked back up at his reflection, the monstrous features were gone. 
Zed never told you about his little reveries into sex and pleasure as the weeks went on. After that faithful day, he found that he came harder and started to crave the feeling of release more and more. The feeling was simply addictive to him: a mix of tingles from the electro-pulses and genuine pleasure from the stimulation. But with how frequently he did it, there was bound to be a day where mistiming or miscommunication would expose him in the act. Today was that day.
It was around two in the afternoon, the ground was covered in a thin layer of snow and Zed had stopped his morning runs in favor of a quick indoor exercise and then moved to jerking off while the sun rose—you were returning to your shared dorm with the zombie from a lecture, notably earlier than usual. It was a Gen-Ed for biology, something that Zed had learned when you approached him one night in the hopes of having him help you. If he remembered correctly, it was about zombies—a newly implemented unit in the curriculum, now finding its way into its own circle of life. New studies emerged about the carbon emission of their dead cells that Zed couldn’t help with, but he explained how he felt that he functioned and the way he and plants interacted. That was at the beginning of the semester and it was how he found out that your class ran until around two-thirty. Usually.
Zed was enjoying his time inside for a change. Having finished his classes for the day and feeling the testosterone of his morning workout preserved through it all, he decided the best thing to do during his alone time was to use his broken-in toy. Zed was confident enough to not hide his sex life—well, he was confident enough to act like he was having sex with someone else, not his sex toy or the fact that he edged himself until he literally couldn’t hold it in anymore. That part was thankfully undisclosed by everyone since they knew not to enter his dorm, but you entered without thinking. He was laid back on his bed, staring at the ceiling like the white ceiling was painted over with the limitless stream of thoughts flowing out of his head. His eyes were shut, soft moans slipped out and he barely shifted the fleshlight on his dick out of the fear of blowing his load too early.
His load threatening to come out dissipated quickly, though, when he heard the door handle click. Then the hydraulic mechanisms that would normally push the door shut started to whir as it opened. He reached for the blanket he slept under, letting the fleshlight hang off his dick so he could find something to cover himself up. He was mad at himself for slipping into the habit of playing with himself while naked, but it was so much easier to bunch his comforter up against the wall and lay in bed with easy access to all of his holes. In the seconds—which felt even shorter for him—he covered his lower half and just accepted that you would see his bare torso. With enough smooth talking, he could convince you that he had just woken up from a nap. 
“Don’t be mad.” You said, coming in, hoping that he wasn’t with a naked girl or anything. You tried keeping your view of the inside of the room as limited as possible by turning your head just in case. “But I got out early ‘cause of the weather and I saw the sock…”
The only issue was that his fleshlight was forming a bump in his sheets, meaning that he couldn’t be laid down without it looking like he had a huge dick—or what would be the more reasonable explanation: he had a sex toy. Either way, it looked unnatural. So while you were still acclimating to the sight of him, purposefully looking away to give him time to cover up. You were still under the impression that someone else was in there, but you heard the clatter of something hit the floor, followed by a hasty curse under his breath.
You decided that you had given him long enough and finally looked into your shared dorm room. On the floor was a machine made out of old zombie parts that seemed to have broken into pieces, scattered around a pair of bare feet that padded around the carpet in panic. Your eyes trailed up to see Zed, naked and with a raging hard dick. Still freshly coated from the lube he pumped into his fleshlight, still wet enough to glisten in the sunlight pouring in the window behind him. And to say he was naked didn’t mean much, because he was truly naked—no Z-Band in sight on his body. His dick was red for only a second before the veins on it darkened along with the rest of his body. 
Somehow, his dick looked to be bigger, more intimidating. The dark shade it turned caused it to look like anything but slimming. His chest started heaving and that drew you to his arms, bulging with thick black veins that trailed up his arms and increasingly curved arms. They started finding their way to his midsection until his hands reached his dick. Neither one touched his pulsing cock, but motioned around it as if he knew that the fleshlight was unusable. He started fucking the air like he knew the presence of it from his more conscious and tame state.
Incoherently, through a gust of grunts and growls, he started speaking. It sounded like the friendly words he used during your past exchanges but were blatantly needy and desperate. You couldn’t quite hear what he said, so you moved closer under the assumption that he still had some control. Some sense of sanity without his Z-Band on. But as soon as you were within his reach…
Zed grabbed you, pulling you closer to his naked form. You looked at the dark circles around his eyes before meeting his actual eyes. A few words slipped through—as if he could still recall the language he had used for years somewhere deep in his brain—slurring out a loose connection of words that sounded like: “You break it… I break you…”
Zed’s mind was everywhere yet nowhere at once. His feral side was feeling and processing all of the emotions from his “human” side. So many things in his head were whirring for the first time in a while, and nothing was shutting down to compensate for the rising new emotions of rapacity—the urge to have it all and take it all. His head was already running at one-hundred and ten percent so now he needed to claim things in the room. To make things his. His room; the little voice in the back of his head that he suppressed about being annoyed by the fact that he had to share a room with you was finally being heard. You’d walk out of this—or better yet, be carried—with a new perspective on ownership.
Sex with Zed was fast. The urges brought on by his true zombie nature allowed him to rip off the clothes you wore to attend class. They were in shreds, adding to scattered bits of his broken toy, some landing on the sharper parts of it so that you didn’t have to worry about stepping on something painful as he guided you to his bed. It was the closest one to him and the easiest to throw you down on since the sheets were all undone, unmade. He would make you a mess in the next few moments so it didn’t really matter to him.
But for the first time, Zed was faced with a challenge in his zombie brain. He had put you on his bed—the faint smells of sex and sweat emanating into your nose from how much he jerked off in his bed, typically covered by his comforter—but now he looked at you, laid on your back, head on his pillow, and he was faced with one of two choices: did he want to cum in your mouth or your ass? He wanted to do both, and he hit his head in frustration, grunting. The simple thoughts his undead brain was meant to handle couldn’t stomach this as easily as brains.
A feeling deep within him told him that your ass would bring him the greater amount of pleasure, so he hopped on the bed with you, kneeling. His increased strength allowed him to lift your legs easily and with an unmatched haste. Your hole was in clear sight, and he wasted no time in burying himself down into it and lapping away. It was another sensation he had, thanks to consuming a million videos of porn in his spare time. That, and he was still a zombie. Flesh was something that he wanted to taste during his feral frenzy. It was the only thing his tongue tasted: the saltiness of skin. He felt so good, and you wanted to bury your fingers in his vibrant green hair to push him deeper into you, but that seemed a little too risky in his current state. Besides, he didn’t stay down there long. His head reared up a few moments after going down on you, his clear intention to fuck you until he comes, not the other way around.
Thanks to already fucking his fleshlight, his dick was still coated in lube; still sheening with its slick surface reflecting the light. When he put his dick in, he didn’t feel any friction, and he wouldn’t have cared if he did. The friction didn’t bother him and if it didn’t bother him, then it shouldn’t bother you. It never became a problem, though.
Zed decided that the perfect position to keep you in was with your legs over each of his thin shoulders. He started thrusting, taking little to no time to go as fast as he could. He was desperate, uncaring if you needed time to adjust. But, like everything else about his zombie-heightened feelings, what it took to make him cum went up too—much higher than his regular edging point. 
Zed was a quick learner. He found which spots made you feel the best—well, which ones made your face twist and your head turn into his pillow as he fucked you. That seemed to make him climb to the peak faster than anything else. Your ass was tight and soft, sure, but it was your reaction to how he dominated you with his big dick that really made him get going. He unleashed a flurry of moans that were deeper than the voice you got used to hearing.
Wet sounds and slapping filled the room until he came for the first time. You could feel your ass burning from the rough slapping and the way he kept up the skin-to-skin contact—breeding you until he was out of breath. Just like when he first transformed into the beastly version of himself. 
Zed pulled his dick out and you could hear the wet gushing, as well as the feeling of your hole leaking with his cum. He must have been really pent-up because it was already ruining his sheets and still seeping out of the tip of his dick. You looked around for his Z-band, still gathering your surroundings and acclimating yourself to the point-of-view of his bed. It looked to be on his dresser and within arm’s reach, so you went to grab it. But Zed stopped you, guiding your hand to his dick that was still hard. This was going to be a long night…
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cafecourage · 2 days
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That lack of requests is criminal. Don't mind me while I churn out a couple more. (this is actually helping with my brain-deadness so I'm gonna alternate between studying and dropping stuff in your inbox lol)
Hyrule with an s/o who is also good at magic (but can't heal worth a damn) and is able to give themselves fairy wings while maintaining full height. Like they can just become a hylian-sized fairy.
And maybe he finds out because he fell off a cliff and they saved him?
- Glitter ✨
Is is gonna be similar to another ask I got. But first some random Hc’s that I don’t think go together with the story I wrote but still is fun to think about.
- Hylians could gain the abilities to have magic through other means. Hyrule, himself, being an example of that. While I am all up for half fae Hyrule, but Changeling Hyrule, and Battle Mage Hyrule is also up there. Either way how ever you look at it, Reader and Hyrule are 100% covering each other’s backs.
- If Reader is bad with healing, I am going to assume they can do more specialized magic like defense up, shielding, etc. Not actually healing but it’s still something. I imagine that Reader and Hyrule are like a sword and shield combo, though who is who is ether or as you can shield the both of you and he can heal.
- Imagine if Hyrule was the one that taught you the fairy spell? You are just more adventurous with messing with it to change your height so it can stay the same. You guys just teach each other since you’re the only two that know how to even do magic in the first place. These are just some idea’s though. If Reader was half-fae they would probably already be able to do it and can teach him too.
When your mother, Great Fairy Mija, offered your help to the Champion on his latest adventure. You didn’t expect much to come from it, nor for Link to say yes in the first place but that was beside the point. Honestly it didn’t phase you to much that there was more Link’s in the group. If anything you had heard it before from other Great Fairies that a bunch of heroes have gotten together before. And you can assume it wont be the last time this was going to happen.
What you didn’t expect was how fast they clicked and adopted each other. Though living in a Fairy Fountain you were kinda used to quick adoptions, so it wasn’t a big deal just surprising.
You were a lot slower to integrate into the group as you weren’t a hero for courage so less predictable compared to all the Link’s. Which was fine as you knew the champion, now known as Wild, had the same issue with trusting people too.
So having eight more insane semi impulsive guys to befriend wasn’t too difficult. Especially when you did openly used magic to help them in battle though you made sure to get consent before hand. You heard the stories you heard what happened to some of them it is only fair. The Hero of Twilight and Legends you were especially careful around. Rather be safe than yelled at.
You quickly noticed that the traveler who was given the title of Hero of Hyrule, was similar to Wild. It felt easier to befriend him than anyone else. Which was fun. You, him and Wild typically tended to stay together as giving your home Era’s wandering was commonplace. Hyrule did tell you about his magic when healing was needed, “You’re half fae though.” The Vet pointed out as Hyrule took over bandaging the Captain. “Wouldn’t that be natural?”
The answer was actually longer than it needed to be but that wasn’t a story for now, “well. Yes, but no.” It was also convoluted to explain and honestly with the fight everyone just went through, again it was a story for another day. “The short of the answer is that I don’t have the ability to do it safely to others… or myself.” That only earned them a quizzical look but before the conversation could be continued it was side tracked. Which was good for you.
You would of explained once everyone was better and relatively settled as it was a weird and long explanation of Magic not really being something Hylians could do in the first place with out items. Of course there were acceptions, Princesses, Gifts from the Goddess, etc. You at least wanted to tell Hyrule what you knew as he seemed to get his magical abilities in an unnatural manner. There wasn’t a doubt in your mind that it was on purpose for him to find these things but, the guy literally held on to the triforce for years before secretly giving back to the princesses to hide it away.
Monsters are still after him for his blood after all.
The horror you felt when you heard him whisper that can be still felt to this day. “Why?” You asked.
“Because, thats where it was.” He whispers softly as you two walked through the path around the canyon heading into hebra mountain. The idea was to find Zelda who was near the stables waiting. Honestly there was a voice in the back of your mind that was telling you to go see your Aunt who was by Rito Village but that was probably a week trek out on foot.
“Still that magic isn’t really information that would typically be spread.” You commented offhandedly as thats not how blood magic worked. You think. It’s not like you tried. Forbidden magic is forbidden for a reason. “But Monsters are Monsters I guess.” You shrugged looking to the side into the snow. The path to hebra wasn’t the safest as it was the hardest reason.
“Well it just did…” You looked back at Hyrule there is slight movement in the snow. Unfortunately you couldn't get out the words "Lizalfos!" Before everything was in disarray.
It was quick to lose yourself in battle, but you tried to keep your calm as you fight back. Making sure that those who need it get their buff. Typically stronger people get defensive buffs, those who work better with speed gets a tad boost for that. You look to your left where Hyrule was.
Only to see him get pushed back loosing his footing. That alone made you dash forward as you feared the worse. The worse being what happened.
Hyrule fell into the Tanagar Canyon.
Just to spite that monster you sent a lighting spell his way before diving off the Canyon after the Hero. You reached out to grab him as you focused on your own magic again. Transforming your form slightly to a more natural state for you. Wing's sprouting behind you as you slowly pull him in your arms. You didn't know if you were strong enough to fly the both of you up. However you aimed for a better landing as you turn up and a slow descent.
It wasn't a soft landing but nether of you were hurt. "Are you ok?" you asked setting Hyrule down as you had to hold him a bit strangely.
"Yeah... Just surprised." He said calming his heart, he looks up at you "thank you." His gaze shifts up to the Canyon wall. "How do you think we can get up?"
"Uhhh..... Magic?" You suggest as you look at him. "You have that fae spell right?"
Hyrule made a face like he really didnt want the other to know about it "yeah... I guess."
"I can carry you in that form! Don't worry."
"That's... some how worse."
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capn-twitchery · 1 day
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I love your ocs but I fear I am a bit out of touch with some of their lore. how much does Grace know about the red honey fuckery?
thank you sm!! :D♥︎ don't worry--i'm not sure i've actually spoken about this a whole lot!! (plus my lore is scattered around random posts like a ransom note. imagine being organised, couldn't be me)
for context: the two of them are a ridiculously slow slowburn bc neither of them know how to talk about feelings, they go in different directions a lot, twitch's response to Having Feelings (or anything) is to disappear to zee. everything takes forever. there's a summary of their timeline here if you want it !!
ANYWAY to answer:
tl;dr summary: most of the time, nothing! eventually, more than anybody else.
so, for most of the time, grace knows absolutely nothing. nobody does, really--twitch doesn't tell anybody, they don't want to talk about it, nobody sees their face at all.
as far as anyone knows, including grace, twitch's bad memory, lying & inconsistent stories are just a personality quirk. and they get sick sometimes, they just need bedrest & won't be available for a few hours, a day, a couple of days. nobody is allowed to see them.
grace remains mostly unaware for a long time--he has inklings that something is up. once he gets to know twitch better, he can tell they're not themself sometimes. but prying would push twitch away, so he just offers help, if they want company, for their headaches the surgeon mentioned. he'll leave the cabin door unlocked, just in case.
he has no idea how bad the "headaches" are until it's happening right in front of him, once they're close enough for twitch to trust him to that degree. he has no idea why it's happening, but he knows twitch doesn't want to tell him, either. and when they're sobbing in his lap, pleading for something he doesn't understand to stop, begging him to help them tie a blindfold because they don't want him to see their face, it's not exactly the time to pry.
it happens a few times. it never gets easier, and it never gets any clearer. it's not til after grace leaves for the new sequence and comes back that he finally sees their face uncovered. he doesn't connect any dots-whether that's because he genuinely just doesn't make the connection, or because twitch doesn't want him to make a big deal about it, who knows!
while he was gone, twitch starts connecting some dots: something's weird with their memories. they don't know how to process it. they bring it up subtly, ask grace if he knows anything about red honey, and maybe he can figure it out himself. he tells them he does, he learned about it during nemesis, in the palace cage gardens. it still haunts him, sometimes, the prisoners with their crying, the suffering the hollow looking eyes-
the eyes.
everything clicks all at once-twitch's eyes, their headaches, the memory issues, the inconsistencies, the lies. it only gets worse when twitch tells him they're starting to wonder if the memories are all theirs.
oh, god. how could anybody do that to them? who did that to them? but twitch doesn't want him on any kind of revenge mission, they don't even think they remember where the cage garden was, and they don't want to try either. he settles for comforting them the best he can-but what can anyone do to help, really?
at the very least, trusting someone enough to talk about it is a huge weight off twitch's shoulders. grace can help them try to figure out what's going on with their memories, it makes them better at talking to each other. it's not easy, but it helps twitch to move forward-slowly, but surely
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The Madness We Realized Working for Playtime Is
The Pipeworks 1: Karl’s First Assignment- Oh god why this?
Read on AO3:
HERE.
Karl Kingsworth is a simple man. Someone who doesn't have much ranking in Playtime's "Pipeworks" sector of the company, but still somewhat good at his job. He gets in, fixes the "leak", gets out.
But when he's assigned to a Leak that the BOSS would cover... well he's not doing okay.
Especially for what the damn "leak" actually is.
HOW DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN?!!?!?!?!
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Soundtrack: Ryūnosuke Naruhodō ~ Overture of the Adventure - The Great Ace Attorney
Karl, a junior staff member at Playtime Co's Public Relations office, often referred to by the staff as "Pipeworks" due to it's unenviable reputation as "We fix the leaks when Playtime fucks up... every damn week", is standing in front of the door leading into a room where a very important “talk” will take place.
His first big assignment- and it has to be about this of all things. There is a almost zero chance that if he messes up here he won't end up as a test himself. 
Yeah that's right, he knows what Playtime really does. Everyone in the Pipeworks does. Playtime thought they couldn't let that happen for a while- Then escape attempts started happening and how else were they going to know what to say? That didn't stop Playtime from trying to wipe out the Pipeworks staff and bring in fresh faces- but the Boss put a stop to that quickly. Who knew that telling someone about the shit under your carpet would backfire, especially when it's their job to have contacts and manage the people managing Playtime's image.
That doesn't mean anyone in Pipeworks is off the hook if they mess up. They have a lot of leeway other workers simply don't, but completely failing is still lethal. And this right here? This is something Karl has been dreading once he was assigned to it. Him, low rank new face bitchboy got assigned something the Boss would have taken if he could- How is that fair? 
Of course the Boss and the top 3 were hard at work patching an even bigger leak involving a certain news company getting their hands of files that should have never left Playtime's doors. The dedicated teams weren't around either- Wrench was hunting down and trying to silence a potential whistle blower- the second this month- Hammer was dealing with the fact that the sane toy companies were suing playtime co for their next toy line push- because of course Playtime would try to make off brand Hotwheels and not ask Pipeworks if it was a good idea- and Driver... fuck Driver team was just GONE. No one knew where the hell they were sent. At least the Boss reassured the staff that they didn't get "terminated", just doing something hush hush.
And that left only the newbies and clerks to choose from for this assignment. 
Of course it had to be Karl. Wrong place wrong time- he swears to god Pierre was drunk when he selected him for the task- and by himself no less!
This is it... all Karl can think is that he's gonna get killed-
The door to the room opens up and he comes face to face with a young girl, probably an intern with how young she looks, looking at him with surprise.
"Oh you're finally here! Mister James was worried we would have to reschedule."
"Y-yeah... Just traffic got in the way. Are we getting started soon?"
"Mister James actually sent me to go get stuff for lunch since it's about that time- you haven't eaten already have you?"
Oh thank the lord above!
"Oh no! And I'd love to join you all! What are we having?"
She waves her hand back and forth in the air, "Nothing too fancy, just some deli sandwiches that got catered to the office today. Any kind you like?"
"I can go for Ham and Cheese if you have some?"
"Ham and Cheese... think so! Just head on in, I'll be back in a bit!" With that the young intern makes her way towards where Karl can only assume to be the cafeteria for the building.
At least he has some extra time... maybe he does still have a chance! Just gotta see if he can figure out how to make that chance in the first place.
Entering inside, the room is rather furnaced- well it's probably normal to expect a place to want someone to feel welcomed when talking... Playtimes own interview/guest/meeting rooms, despite the Boss and the Big 3 pushing it, still lack any real comfort. "You all don't need that, just make em shut up and go away!" is apparently what Pierre said to Boss's face last time he tried.
Karl can only wish that bastard hell for that. There is a reason why Pipeworks always sends staff out instead of inviting people in. Technically two- but everyone knows letting outsiders into the main building or even on the campus itself risks someone seeing something they shouldn't. The impressions a low quality room with a folding fucking table does not make good first impressions!
And by god does Karl need that here. 
“Ah, hello there. You must be Mr. Kingsworth. Such a fancy last name you have there my good sir.”
Sitting on a nice leather couch on one side of the room is a rather well dressed man. Brown hair curled up into a stylish cut, the suit he’s wearing being rather expensive looking as he gestures for Karl to take a seat. 
“Please, make yourself at home. It isn’t everyday I have a toy company, especially one as prodigious as Playtime wanting to work with my humble craft.”
Humble is a fucking UNDERSTAMENT. This person Karl is talking to is Alexander James- who happens to own a somewhat high class clothes line. You know, with a clientele that could most likely pay for an average American home in a single payment. 
Alexander James, who’s clothes make regular appearances on runways and fashion magazines. Alexander James, who should have NO investment in Playtime at all. Alexander James, who Playtime cannot make disappear or actually pay off.
As Karl takes a seat on the couches on the other side of the room, with a beautiful table he maybe would have actually paid attention too if he wasn’t dying from anxiety born from this entire situation, he only hopes he can actually cover this neatly.
“No need to address me as such Mr. James, I’m merely a representative for Playtime. Thank you for allowing this conversation under such short notice.”
“If we are to drop the honorifics, please, just address me as Alexander, Karl. Now, while I’m sure you’re as eager to start this conversation as I am- I believe we should first have some lunch no? May I suggest some tea while we wait? I recently had it imported from Japan. Supposed to help cleanse anxiety from the body, but it’s quite delicious as well.” 
Alexander gestures toward the tea set in the center of the finely crafted table that separates the two men. As much as Karl thinks he really shouldn’t impose so soon- especially when he hopes he can cancel this entire “deal” before it gets off the ground, the smell of the tea, which is that of a very sweet scent of cherry blossoms, one that Karl almost mistakes for vanilla, entices him to partake.
Time flies by after just a cup of some rather well made tea. Soon enough the intern returns with the promised lunch, the smell of the sandwiches adding to the comforting feeling Karl’s hosts provide. He only wishes he could feel that comfort when it would stick.
Lunch is eaten rather quickly, Alexander keeping tidy as he swiftly eats the well made sandwiches. The ham in Karl’s sandwich gives a wondrous crunch as the melted cheese mixes with the taste. It’s only the bread, softly sweet but not extremely so, that makes it a fine meal.
Once again, Karl wishes he didn’t have such a heavy burden on him to properly enjoy this.
The food is soon gone and messes cleaned up. Tea refilled as Alexander is handed over a folder from his intern assistant.
“I’m glad you have been enjoying yourself Karl, but I believe we should begin our talks sooner than later, don’t you agree?”
And now the bliss is gone, and Karl realizes he still lacks any plan… he really shouldn’t have indulged. With the poker face trained into him by his higher ups, he keeps a front of joy over his growing dread, a smile shining with false bravado, “Of course Alexander. Thank you for the meal and tea, it was quite a treat… so about the partnership.”
“Yes yes, so, I will be honest with you Karl, when your company reached out with this idea, it was quite a shock. But… It has sparked my mind to begin working on some designs already.”
Alexander opens the folder and begins to lay out several papers, all Karl briefly ignores in favor for the final items to part for the insides of the folder- the damn thing that started all of this.
A set of enlarged photographs… of the BBI Roxie and Catnap… posing in several company branded cosmetics… Not in the factory. Outside of the fucking factory. Seen by someone not connected to the company.
The humor at the situation is not lost on Karl. Honestly, if it was someone else from the Pipeworks, he would be laughing his ass off at it. But it’s happening to him. He cannot find humor in this. His very life could end if he messes up here.
Somehow, an employee was able to sneak in fashion magazines for the Critter sector of the BBI. Said employee was approached by Roxie who requested them to send these damn photographs to Alexander James’ designer office so they could “Become a model with my brother!” after seeing the ad for runway models for Alexander’s work.
Someone, they got the photos out, got it set up to where it was not some random person but the COMPANY sending the damn things- and kept it undercover for another 2 MONTHS.
How?
HOW?!!
HOW DOES THIS EVEN HAPPEN?!?!?!
Karl simply swears if he even encounters the racoon he’ll deck them in the face for this fucking shit show! If he can’t cover this up- It’ll be the last damn thing he does!
He would lash out at the apparent mastermind behind this instead, but they are currently locked in a cell as the company finalizes the “Farewell” procedures. God Karl can only hope no one else needs to be said “farewell” too. That’ll be even more work for Pipeworks if so- 
But all he has to do is make sure Alexander doesn’t… what?
Wait what hold on no that’s not how this was supposed to go-
Karl’s mind rebooted as he finally processed the last line from Alexander James… NO.
Eyes upon the paper placed down first- OH FOR FUCKS SAKE.
Karl was very close to breaking his false smile at this point… because Alexander made designs. MADE CLOTHES DESIGNS FOR THE FUCKING CRITTERS.
WHAT THE-
“Oh that’s wonderful Alexander. I’m glad you found the proposal that engaging… your thoughts on our models?”
“Well Karl, you and Playtime have outdone yourself. Those mannequins look almost life-like! How could I say no to such an opportunity to have some fun.”
OH THANK GOD- he thinks they're fake! Good good Karl can work with this and-
“I do hope when I get my hands on them I’ll be able to find which designs work best. Photos never do capture what I need to make my work shine.”
OH GO NO- Fuck Fuck Fuck- SAY SOMETHING- YOU CANNOT-
“O-of course sir!- we would just have to figure out how to get them ready on our part!”
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH- IDIOT. You can’t just-!
“Splendid! I look forward to cooperating with you all… I am worried about the bad press that using your… Catnap would bring. Can Playtime ensure that it wouldn't risk any bad press for the Magazine?”
Okay… There is still a chance! End the deal right here!
“I’m sorry sir but… they unfortunately come in a pair. We’re attempting to fix the bad PR done by the incident with the Catnap plushies but… I cannot ensure it. Maybe we can postpone this until it’s far safer to do the photoshoot?”
Alexander gives some time to ponder while Karl internally sighs. He almost messed things up real bad but he’s almost there. Just gotta make sure Alexander says no and he’s free-
“Well… Let’s give it a try. It won’t be my first controversial piece after all. It would be a waste for your kind folks to throw away the work you did with the large toys anyways.”
Oh no, “Are you sure Mr. Ja- Alexander? We at Playtime care deeply about our partner’s wellbeing. We can push this back if it would-”
With a wave of his hand, Alexander gives a chuckled laugh, “Thank you for your worry Karl, but I promise, there will be no hard in at least giving it a try. I’m excited to start soon all the same! It’s not everyday you get to make clothes for mascots after all!”
With a silent breath, Karl weighed his options. He knows for a fact that if those photos got to someone who knew just a bit more, this could end up being a leak the Pipeworks couldn’t patch up. The problem comes with Alexander himself. If Karl pushed for the deal to stop here and now… he might realize something is wrong here. The man already pointed out how life like they are, so he’s noted that. Karl can only hope he truly is that ignorant or disbelieving of the idea that those “mannequins” are really alive.
A half lie. Just say to the man that the toys are damaged and can’t be used.
“I’m sorry Alexander but… Playtime was hoping to drop the deal entirely.”
Karl suppressed a flinch when Alexander’s eyes snapped to his face like a spotlight, “Oh? For what reason Karl? Both we here and Playtime have put quite the bit of work into this already, no?”
“And you would be correct, however a… accident occurred recently and our, hehe, ‘models’ ended up getting damaged. The employe who caused such a thing has been reprimanded and demoted but-”
“Mr. Kingsworth.”
At the tone forming from Alexander’s lips, Karl’s protests died in his throat. Alexander was leaning forward now, hands interlocked with his chin over them- oh no.
“I would not survive in my line of work without being noticed when a clear lie is being told bluntly to my face. I’m no idiot Kingsworth. I had only hoped you’d be willing to keep things on track… but it seems I’ll have to force your hand.”
Sweat began to drip from Karl’s forehead as the worst case scenario seemed to come about, “Now Alexan-”
“Mr. James, Kingsworth.”
“Mr. James, please, why would I have any reason to lie about this?”
A laugh bellowed from Alexander James, once that put fear into Karl’s very core.
Alexander gestured towards the photos that laid in the center of the table “To the common person, Mr. Kingsworth, these individuals in these pictures could be assumed to be only manufactured… The eyes have a watery shine to them and I wouldn’t miss the tongue shown on this one here.” He pointed towards a photo of Roxie with one hand wrapped around their “brother” and another doing a peace sign over their head. Both are wearing Playtime branded water coats- and that fucker is with their tongue out as they practically winks at Karl through the photograph.
He can at least agree with Catnap’s face- Karl’s was fucking tired of this yesterday.
“Now… All of this could be described as you attempting your utmost best to prove to me quality hand made models… and I would have bought that if that was your sell. I really would…”
Alexander leans back, fishing out a piece of paper from his suit that he treats with utmost care. Slowly unfolding it as if to make a point of Karl’s helplessness.
“If I didn’t get a letter from this… Roxie as well.”
NO.
NO.
THAT RACOON BITCH.
HE’LL FUCKING KILL THEM YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO HIM- WHY THIS?!!
Alexander, uncaring for Karl’s internal damnation of a certain purple racoon, begins to read out the somewhat messy handwriting of one Roxie Reedcycle: 
“Hello there Mr. James! My name's Roxie! Marie said she would send this to you so I wanted to add a letter! Me and my brother would be perfect models! All of your clothes are so cool and I really want to give it a try! Catnap says he doesn’t want to but he got vetoed- I’m not sure how Clothes would work with our tails- I mean it was really uncomfy trying on all the clothes Marie found for us. It just wasn’t good, I hate my tail being cooped up like that ya know! Maybe you could also figure out how to make it not itch so much? The clothes kinda made my stitches feel tingly and it wasn’t really good. I was scratching at it and everything and Naps had to stop me- I don’t think my fur likes cotton. : ( So maybe something soft? OOOOOO maybe silk! I’ve never worn silk before! I think DD would look wonderful in silk! Would you be okay with the others joined in too?! I can ask Marie if she can send more photos of them like the ones we did before! Hmm- Maybe I should see about stitching up some old clothes into some stuff for everyone- I think Bobby would love a dress! Maybe-”
At the sight of Karl’s now visible horror, his body deflating into the couch he sits on as he stares at the guillotine axe being read aloud in Alexander’s hands, Alexander stops reading out the letter and smiles so damn smugly at Karl, even if Karl would never dare point that out, “Should I keep going Mr. Kingsworth? I must say, I did enjoy reading this letter from such a dear fan of mine. So much details as well- stuff a company such as Playtime would never put into a formal letter. Little Roxie even talked about how much they wanted to try cake again after they was… oh yes “I got super yelled at when I stole that piece of cake. It wasn’t even stealing! Someone just left it out! Even if I got no food for dinner it was worth it though!”
This is a set up , it has to be. THIS WAS FUCKING PLANED- It had to be! No way that bastard Marie didn’t think this through. The fact they even set it up to be sent under Playtimes own names only adds to that! There has to be still a chance, Karl can't just accept this lying down. His life is on the line!
“Haha- Mr. James that must be just a mistake, we at Playtime Co would never condone-”
A slam of Alexander’s free hand on the table, rocking the tea set, quickly told Karl he lost the moment he came through these doors, “Mr. Kingsworth, here is what's going to happen. You’re going to set up a photo shoot for this child and their brother and friends, I’m going to make the best damn clothes I can for them, and Maybe I’ll remain quiet about the rampant child abuse your company takes part in. This is for the good of all of us, isn’t it?”
Karl could only nod at that- what could he do but follow along with the demands of someone who could absolutely spread around these images and letter to god knows who.
“Splendid. I hope you have a good day now! I’ll be looking forward to when we begin.”
That smile of a predator sinking teeth into prey… it’ll haunt Karl for a long time after this.
Karl’s mind doesn’t process leaving, or getting into his car, or driving home, or when he found himself on his bed at his dingy apartment, small tears running down his face as he stares at the fan slowly cycling above him.
Karl no longer can think about any of this. 
He can longer process anything anymore.
Because his very mind is consumed with absolute dread at what Playtime is going to do with him when they learn he FAILED.
He can only hope he’s just made into a toy. God he hopes that’s all they do with him. 
He can still remember the screams for the most recent tests on the properties of the poppy gas.
He can only beg that he won't end up like that.
Well… Maybe there’s a way he can avoid that fate.
Sitting up from his bed, a plan comes together. A desperate, half formed plan that could just make everything worse… but the best he has.
If he can follow along with Alexander’s idea while keeping the risk of an unfixable leak in check… and use this connection to Alexander to create a social barrier from being said “farewell” too…
All he needs to do is force the company's hand to allow this to happen. And by god does Pipework have what he needs to do that.
Well- Guess it’s time for an honest to god fashion show.
Karl is so fucked.
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And that's it for Chapter 1! I hope you all enjoyed! This was a crack thing I cooked up when talking to @visinox about the @realizinau. (look, someone has to be in charge of keeping Playtime's brand okay when Playtime is... PLAYTIME.)
Of course, since this is part of the Realizing Extra's AU, I couldn't not include the other parts from it. So thank you @iidgm for letting me use Roxie!
I may continue this if it's wanted enough, or hey, better yet even collaborate with even more creators on this project! Feel free to reach out if you ever want to chat about it! I love talking to new people about being creative gremlins!
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eclipse15 · 1 day
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A big part of integration is realizing that life outside of imagination is safe.
When we were kids we had little to no safety. My mom was so depressed she emotionally neglected me. I was bullied and groomed at school. I was sex trafficked when outside of the house. There really was no safety…except for in the mind.
I have, in the past, identified with what many would call an “IRL”. I didn’t know that was the term so I thankfully never got into that community, but I pretty much was one. I was Sans, I was my OCs, I was Frisk. I still do that. It helped me escape the horrors reality brought.
But as much as it helped me survive it also hurt my life. I couldn’t make any decisions outside of cued ones for a long time because I was so out of it I would drift through life, just walking laps around school and sitting in the hallways. Or not going to school at all since I was so stuck in my head I wouldn’t be able to leave my house.
I would also never take my harm or abuse seriously because I genuinely believed it was a character’s backstory. I’m not being emotionally abused by this person but (character) is. It got to the point I would have imaginary family and friends with imaginary conflicts completely independent from my actual life.
It’s been hard for me to recognize this as a problem as I’ve gotten so comfortable not being fully lucid. However when it became known to me that I had a dissociative issue, I slowly started to realize this amount of dullness in my life wasn’t okay.
I’m now acknowledging my derealization and using it to recognize when I’m dealing with stress or trauma, whether it’s already happened or not. Confronting my problems as a real person has not been easy, but in doing so we’ve begun what we’ve wanted since realizing our dissociation is a disorder: integration.
I can’t tell you how distressing yet heavenly integration is at the same time, and that’s not what this post is about anyways. This post exists because I hope by sharing this somebody will realize that it’s not only possible to be dissociated in this way but also possible to fight it. Because you can. You can heal.
Sorry if this was a bit all over the place. Hope this helped.
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My Buddie Theory:
So, I think from this point on that Buck is gonna be with Tommy and figure more out about himself, how to actually be with a man etc, Eddie will start becoming jealous, but have no idea why, when he hangs out with BuckTommy and seeing them be all ‘close’ seeing Buck being happy and touching/kissing another man he’ll be jealous and confused.
Eddie will continue down his catholic guilt route, we’ll see his relationship with Marisol fail and he’ll struggle to understand why he can’t hold a relationship or do what he thinks is right whilst being jealous of Tommy. I think that he knows he loves Buck just not that he is gay.
I think Tommy knows deep down there is something between Eddie and Buck and at some point will tell Buck that he doesn’t think they’ll work out for said reason and remain friends.
I think Eddie will have a realisation of “omg, I’m jealous of my best friends boyfriend” or will realise what he’s always wanted he has with Buck but he’ll realise and not say anything (especially if Buck seems really happy) like I said because I think he knew he loves him anyway but not the full extent of it. Buck will struggle when he realises and badly, he’ll think it’s unrequired because to him Eddie is straight and he doesn’t wanna lose two of the most important people in his life, his abandonment issues, I feel Buck will be the one to fight for it because I think Eddie will deal with the realisation slightly better than Buck will. Oliver said that the person Buck ends up with he’ll have to fight the hardest for and I think it’ll come down to Buck realising that he’s a bisexual man who knows his worth, can be loved and overcome his abandonment issues because…it’s Eddie and he would never abandon him no matter what, and Eddie will realise he needs to stop making other people happy and do what he wants with his life and not what others want and that’s the family he’s build with Chris and Buck. But they both end up realising what they have and always have had and how special it is whilst acknowledging that no matter what happens to them they love eachother so much that they’ll still be Best Friends first and foremost.
That would to me be the greatest gay love story ever told on a modern TV show. Well developed characters/relationship with years of history, seperate sexuality arcs, 2 fathers and a child family, bestfriends to lovers arc and if they keep hold of EVERYTHING, past references throughout the show and making connections with them no matter how big or small then WOW I will applaude them!
Oh great theory anon. I love it.
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auseyre · 3 days
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“We don’t need another hero
We don’t need to know the way home”
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In KP, Porsche is on his own somewhat twisted version of the hero’s journey. But he isn’t a hero that gets corrupted. That’s not the story arc. The show isn’t about Porsche losing his morality, it’s about him losing his naivety (Chay follows a similar arc in a more minor way). Despite his circumstances, Porsche is still pretty naïve when the show starts. In a way, having to take care of Chay his whole life and trusting Thee has kept him in a bubble. All he has time for is work, and Chay. He half-assed attends school, but not even enough to really be a part of the University life. 
He never figures out what Thee is up to until it’s spelled out for him. He’s never even suspicious. He gives Kinn Jom’s name, even though he knows there’s something shady about Kinn, assuming that if they look for him, they won’t find a Jom working at Hum bar and they’ll what? Realize it’s not Porsche and just go away? He doesn’t take the bodyguard job seriously because even though he’s in the heart of the Mafia, he still doesn’t actually believe they’d kill him for nothing. That’s why Pete has to explain to him what would have happened if Kinn hadn’t choked him out in front of the Minor family. 
Porsche *lucks* into the perfect spot. As Tankhun’s bodyguard, he can fulfill his obligation to Korn and rarely, if ever have to actively engage in Mafia business. Instead, he’s bored and insulted that he’s taken out of the game. (Compare him Fan Jhe Ruei from Kiseki: Dear to Me, who joins a gang voluntarily and then refuses to do any of the dirty work.)
 Pol specifically tells Porsche that Kinn is collecting a debt and that if they don’t pay, it’s going to be a big deal. Porsche chooses to go there anyway, uninstructed. It’s not till he’s there, watching Mes get beaten and having flashbacks that he realizes this is a dumb-ass choice. He, naively, tells this guy who just pulled a gun on Kinn that he’s going to be fine, because Pete told him they weren’t going to kill him, not realizing the rules have changed. 
His problem is never really with killing Mes. It’s with leaving the guy’s kid an orphan. We see him kill with no problem and no protest later. He was perfectly willing to go kill the man he thought had killed his parents in a car accident. (Sure, it’s scummy to use your influence to escape any consequences, but it was still, as far as he knew, a legitimate accident, not murder.) He only decides not to because the guy has a grandkid. 
Porsche’s issues with the Mafia life aren’t about morality, they’re only about a specific circumstantial empathy. (I’m sure that the people on the end of the Minor family collections business are gonna get a lot more leeway with Porsche in charge if they stay in that business at all. After all, drugs, gambling, money laundering, etc... are much more of a sure thing with much less trouble).
His naivety continues as he trusts Vegas, and believes that Vegas really isn’t a bad guy because, despite Thee, he still believes in family first and thinks that everybody else must feel that way too. It’s only as the “truth” slowly emerges about what happened to his parents that his naivety finally dissolves. 
The thing is, it’s only when his naivety is stripped away that he gets to make his own choices. They may not be the best choices, but they’re still his. (Hey, I didn't say he was smart. I said it's his right.) When he sees the truth about Thee, he gets to make a choice instead of being carried along by Thee’s choices and lies. When he sees all the parts of Kinn, not just the Mafia boss, he can choose to give up a chance for escape, to come back and save him in the woods, and commit to being with him. 
 When he knows exactly who Vegas is, he chooses to deal with him anyway, without any lies or manipulation, to find out what he needs to know. After he remembers what happened in that house and understands the lies Korn has told, he makes the choice to go back and stand by Kinn’s side, not wide-eyed, but clear-eyed. He takes the ring, knowing that Korn is full of shit but realizing that it’s what’s necessary to stand beside the people he loves.
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aroaessidhe · 8 months
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2023 reads // twitter thread
To Shape A Dragon’s Breath
YA fantasy
a young Indigenous girl finds & bonds with a dragon hatchling - the first time in many generations for her people - and is required to go to the coloniser’s dragon academy in their mainland city, to learn how to raise her dragon and the science of its magic
historical inspired setting on the cusp of industrial revolution with steampunk vibes
bi polyamorous MC, Black lesbian SC, nonverbal autistic SC
#To Shape A Dragon’s Breath#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#this is really really good i loved it!#the chapter titles are all like snippets of a story. or like sentence fragments that match up. which is cool#it is definitely more about being indigenous in a coloniser institution than Dragon School - not Super dragon heavy if you want that#I suspect the subsequent books will get into that when she gets big enough to ride and stuff#t’s also def YA! i’ve seen a few ppl assume it’s adult and be like its very young :( but like. I mean its perfectly reasonable for a 15yo m#definitely a Lot of racism and colonialism which is not fun to read! though it's still through a YA lens. there was def a part of me that#was imagining consequences of the narrative as if it were an adult novel#on that line of thought - at the end a lot of it is kind of solved by them going to the king and he's is like. oh no racism is happening?#that's bad i'll deal with those people! which felt like. a little simplistic. but maybe the easiest way to end the narrative for book 1 -#I don't think the author ACTUALLY is going to portray the king as a Good Guy throughout the series - it just felt conveniently like -#a simple YA solution to some very big and complex elements? if that makes sense? (but again - it is YA so it's allowed I suppose!)#some of the worldbuilding (like all the science learning) is probably setup for next books - we don’t really see any practical application#the romances are also subtle and not Overbearing In Book One which i like - leave some space for the series!#also her getting fanmail from a 10yo mixed race girl who looks up to her 🥺#anyway. i really loved it!#oh also it reminded me a little of leviathan. i guess just the steampunk/time period/european culture....#To Shape A Dragon's Breath
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hiragihouse · 3 months
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gege needs to retire his character death note and hand it off to asagiri i swear 😭
#my sister (misinformed) told me yuta died in the latest jjk ch and i was so nervous looking at leaks#bc its smthn gege /would/ do and i really like yuta#thankfully he’s fine he just made an appearance in the latest ch thats all#tell me why my first thought after was ‘man that was a thrill i wish new bsd chapters made me feel like this’ 😭#my biggest gripe w. bsd will forever be how all the characters always come out of battles completely unscathed#nevermind the 500 injuries th​ey sustained#nobody ever dies or gets new battle scars or life changing wounds etc etc it kinda makes the stakes boring when you know the character will#be fine when alls said and done#and honestly this wouldn’t be problem for me if ! asagiri didnt deathbait so damn much !#he’s allergic to actually killing off a character and thats how i Know fyodor prob isnt dead#and neither is sigma bc fyodors ability is still a big mystery and we need them to reveal it for us#bc asagiri never killed anyone major off in the main manga before its hard to believe that he killed these two off 🤷‍♀️#and ig fukuchi but all those theories of him being the masked man at the s5 cliffhanger has me squinting suspiciously#tbh idc if its my fav character who dies if it’ll make the plot more interesting then send them to the gallows !!#(okay maybe not lucy but she barely gets any panel time shhh)#like i like fukuzawa but i also think itd be interesting to see what would’ve happened if he died in the battle vs fukuchi#bc the aftermath would be a change in status quo and it would’ve been interesting to see the change in dynamics in the ada and#how they deal w. his loss !!#on the other hand gege killing off his characters too frequently . . . doesnt rlly need an explanation#(jjk spoilers?) now w. yuta going up against sukuna . . . please keep him safe gege i beg 🥲#anyways. enough rambling now to go back to shoving bsd to the back of my mind lol#ayra croaks
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toastingpencils37 · 9 months
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Remember how on May 31st, the Dragons Rising Part 1 episodes released in Chinese? And how a ton of people where throwing shitfits, crying about how "they were leaked"?
I'm sorry. But they weren't leaked. It was June 1st in China, meaning that they were officially released, meaning that people shouldn't have been complaining like they were.
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stonedopossums · 4 months
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starting to panic abt the move. im under so much stress.
#.txt#its been coming for years. weve been planning it for years. but now its 4 months away and its reslly starting to set in#being in wa feels right. when we went in oct it was the most 'right' ive felt in years.#seeing the mountain felt right. being in the rainforest felt right. i felt like i was exactly where i was supposed to be for the first time#since i was a kid. i know this will be good for me. i just dont know how im going to handle such a big task.#i was 12 when we moved to mn so i didnt have to deal with any of the moving process besides packing my room#so this is really big for me and its super overwhelming and i just want to shut down#but i CANT#its such a huge mental task and i know its going to be super stressful but i dont have the capacity to fully actualize everything until its#really happening. i need to talk to a therapist i need someone else to make sense of all the shit going on right now#i need someone to just take the fucking wheel for ONCE and tell me everything is going to be okay but so far every single adult in my life#who ive talked to is telling me its a stupid idea and we wont make it and its going to fail#i need someone on my side for ONE MINUTE#for the love of god can i please just have an actual support system for five minutes#can someone please just actually fucking support me for once instead of talking bad about every fucking decision ive made in my adult life#can someone please just fucking be my parent for once. i want my mom. i want my mom to tell me everything is going to be okay.#vent#vent in tags#i am so close to a breakdown but i cant fucking afford one. this cant happen rigjt now i need to hold it together for a little bit longer.#just a little bit longer
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lesbiansanemi · 5 months
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Me: maybe 8 days off will fix me, maybe going back to work won’t be so bad. It’s fine. It’s fine. It’s alright
Also me: *is at work for less than two hours and already Wants to Die* Ah. Great.
#this morning already frustrated me#because so much shit was done wrong or wasn’t done at all while I was gone#because I basically manage the department even though that’s NOT MY JOB#so ofc I come back and everything is on fire and everyone is one omg you HAVE to fix this we just couldn’t do it/figure it out 🥺#when it’s something that’s so simple they just didn’t wanna do it well or right#but also#the stupid fucking gm was like ‘hey I need to talk to you. it’s about your disability accommodation’#and I. a fool. got really excited like omg!! are they finally going to approve it!!!#no. no. he basically told me to get fucked and it wasn’t going to happen#he said I could WEAR A FAN????? AROUND MY NECK???? and use that for white noise but that was it????#what???? the FUCK?????#number one I cannot express how much worse a fucking FAN going in my ears all day long would just make my sensory overload 10 times worse#but also how is that not MORE of a distraction and ‘unprofessional’ than just letting me wear my fucking headphones#I feel like crying. I just want to not leave work with a developing migraine every day because of sensory reasons#and a part of me is like suck it up you’ve been dealing with this for a year it’s not actually a big deal#at least you CAN work and it’s not so bad that you can’t that’s a privilege#and like… yeah…. but I literally feel so drained and miserable every single day#and this stupid job makes me want to kms#but I can’t quit cuz the pay is too good#and it’s just so frustrating because they’re like ‘we’re such a good and diverse company we treat our employees so well’#and the general public thinks it’s a GREAT company#so I just constantly here about how great and awesome and inclusive they are#but they won’t even let me have the accommodation of wearing fucking headphones#something every other job has let me do….#and it makes me so mad on behalf of every other person who probably got told no over disability accommodations for even more important and I#intensive things#and I just. yeah. I kinda wanna cry#but as always I cannot cry because I’m so emotionally stunted that all I can ACTUALLY feel are pissed off and frustrated#anyways. I need to break something#kaz rambles
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pocketlad · 10 months
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I missed an important anniversary of mine!
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aeide-thea · 11 months
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me, full of ongoing scrupulosity abt microplastics and also a vague sense that it would be good for me to take another crack at incorporating running into my life for 'holy shit i desperately need endorphins' reasons, scouring the shorts market for anything natural-fiber but also functionally/aesthetically fit for purpose and coming up almost* entirely blank: what if i bought another one of the merino-tencel tanks whose fabric i'm in love with (or‚ you know‚ sourced similar fabric somewhere that wasn't already a different garment‚ but like‚ that would involve learning things about 'where to get specialty fabric' in addition to the 'how to sew it' part) and turned it into running shorts? surely it couldn't be that hard??
⸻ * in fairness, icebreaker does make some that tbh are probably ideal except for cost but like. do i want to go running in basketball shorts? not really. and the tiny (women's) version only comes in black which is so dreary. i keep hoping they'll come out with some other colors but so far no dice! also an extremely crunchy-granola company makes some weird little gym shorts in a hemp knit which. i'm sorry, i grew up in manhattan and i'm dubious! they might be great but! 🧐
#yes it absolutely could#i mean there IS a sewing machine kicking around downstairs somewhere and i think according to Baby Sister it even works#so in theory i could re-teach myself how to use it#and also in theory a tiny pair of drawstring shorts shouldn't be *that* hard‚ i feel like??#(they say‚ totally naively)#i definitely don't really understand how you deal with curves. like i know sometimes you cut little notches into them but. when. why.#anyway i think actually normal running shorts are woven fabric and the tanks i'm obsessed with are knit so.#WOULD probs have to source different fabric.#this is too many humps to get over so realistically it's not going to happen#and frankly given that i already own nylon shorts it's like. what's the plan for those#like even if i did make tencel/merino ones to replace them… the other ones still exist#i guess if they just sat in a box under my bed forever they at least wouldn't be producing microplastics???? (is that even true really?)#like with most stuff that's environmentally bad it's still better to keep using it than to replace it before time#but like. if it's washing that creates the microplastics and otherwise they're just a relatively inert pile of plastic in my closet…#maybe it IS actually better to like. file them away until society works out Plastic Disposal decades from now??#idk. also this is all SO sad to me bc brightly-colored gorpcore would otherwise be my EXACT aesthetic#i was a patagonia baggies kid and i would happily be a patagonia baggies adult but. sigh!!#honestly this entire problem is too big for me#i have just enough brain to be making myself crazy abt it but not enough brain to know how to tackle it#and honestly the solution probs isn't really individual anyway#it'll be like. scientists working out microplastics filtration and safe degradation#and textile people developing better textiles going forward#anyway. sometimes you stay up too late and yr brain starts spinning in ways that feel exciting and productive but. aren't.
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